I figured it would be good to get off my lazy non-blogging ass to write a movie review...
Let's backtrack a little. A few years ago I first saw a pic of Megan Fox and immediately knew she would de-throne Angelina for the sexiest chick alive (don't try to argue with me on anyone else. Other women may be more beautiful, but we're talking "oozing sex appeal" here. Like, "my eyebrows are arched so perfectly it's almost like a cartoon but it makes me a vixen" sex appeal.) So I relished the opportunity for my self esteem to plummet another trillion notches.
I anticipated this to be a badly-made horror movie. Especially since the previews seemed to have shown the scariest (i use that term loosely) parts. Sarah, Maria and I went crazy late on Tuesday night, the theater was dead, so ooooohhh spooky right?
Within the first 20 mins of the movie I actually burst out laughing so loud that if other people were in the theater, I would have had a beatdown.
This is a comedy folks, with hints of gore.
Jennifer's Body is about two best friends, one's uber hot (Jennifer) and one's an uber nerd (nicknamed Needy) but has the cutesy boyfriend who's sexuality extends to 4 minutes of bad pumping and aptly named "Chip". Hot chick Jennifer get possessed by a demon, eats up boys. Needy wants to stop her. Chaos ensues.
You can guess how this ends of course, with Needy being the prototype for the latest female protagonist: nerd girl who roughs up the bad guy to save her man. I kinda dig this trend, it's a lot easier to maintain than the Linda Hamilton T2-type heroine.
That really is the movie in a nutshell.
The best part of the movie however was the quick wit; Diablo Cody (Juno)'s 'ish is effing hilarious. This may very well be the best dialog in history:
Needy: Those guys are creeps. I told them you were a virgin.
Jennifer: Virgin...I'm not even a back-door virgin, thanks to (points to dude at other end of the bar). I had to sit on a bag of frozen peas for a week.
A few other great ones:
Chip (when his mother tries to get him to carry pepper spray): I can take care of myself. I've been using the Bowflex.
*******************
Jennifer (upon the sight of Needy's jacked up hands from cleaning monster vomit): You need a mani bad. You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation.
I would buy the DVD purely for the closed captioning to get all the wonderfully inappropriate one-liners.
The movie wouldn't be complete without some chick-on-chick action, which if you were a 12 year old boy you would have nutted right then and there. I'll save you the $10 for a movie ticket and show you the entire sequence here. Not gonna lie, they did a pretty good job, even though both actresses said it was purely gratuitous.
For Facebook readers, link to movie scene is here: http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid41190866001?bctid=41728524001
Oh alright...for you boys that need some extra oomph to create that baby batter, here's an outtake from a shot where we're supposed to believe she's naked:
If you want to read a half-decent movie review that actually tells you about the movie and not so much about ways for 12 year old boys to whack off, see Sarah's website: http://www.fatally-yours.com/horror-reviews/jennifers-body-2009/
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