I was biased because I love the concept of "what if"s. What if the world got overrun by vampires? We know what happens when the world is overrun by zombies...somehow dumb, slow-moving morons can take over the world and leave a few mallgoers behind, but intelligent vampires get wiped after a few local kids and Buffy figure them out.
Let's be real. If vampires exist, we're Effed up the A. They reproduce like mad. There's no killing of any head vampire. I'll be the first to get mauled on my way out of Albertsons. Motherf*ckers would do it right when i've blown $200 on groceries that i won't be able to eat.
So the concept of what happens after we all become vampires? Then what?
Well...that's what this movie addresses. As it turns out, life is pretty good when we're all vampires. We look GREAT. You can buy teeth whitening stuff. As it turns out, suicide (by going out in the sun and letting your skin burn) is the #1 reason for forest fires in the year 2019.
So you adapt. Like Chevy comes out with cars that have daytime driving. It'll even provide a "Ewe Vee Warn-ing.....Ewe Vee Warn-ing" warning if you open your car door in daylight. You buy your blood like you buy coffee, except the government has to limit how much blood you can get 'cause human blood is hard to come by. You still go to work...just at night.
And if you start to get nutty by the whole "holy SH*T...i'm a vampire?!", then you either try eating other vampires or you start sucking your own blood. Which mutates you and turns you into a Creepy Vampire, which Normal Vampires are scared of.
So let's go through the hierarchy of fear:
Humans << style="font-style: italic;">what has he done since Gattica and divorcing Uma Thurman? Not getting orthodontic work apparently) end up with some humans who are trying to reproduce a cure that Willem Dafoe accidentally discovered. Of course, chilling with humans and not giving them up to the government is illegal. Hilarity ensues.
I wouldn't say this movie was amazing or anything, but it was pretty entertaining. And I liked how they covered all areas...like what DOES happen when a vampire attempts to just munch on another vampire? And yeah, you know teeth bleaching companies are going to target blood-stained teeth. And everyone smokes...why not? You're not gonna die anyway.
Willem Dafoe is fantastic with his little one-liners, the best of all being:
Being human in a world full of vampires is about as safe as barebacking a five dollar whore!”
I give it two thumbs up for creativity and Willem Dafoe. Netflix queue fo' sho.
Think you're disgruntled at work? Try being this guy.
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