Best movie sex scenes...allegedly.

So Moviephone created a list of the top 25 sex scenes in movies of all time. Movies I've seen are in red...

25. A history of violence
Early in the film, when Edie (Maria Bello) dons a cheerleader outfit and engages her husband Tom (Viggo Mortensen) in a 69ing session (the first in a non-porn American film), the act is sweet and tender. The same can't be said for a second, much more violent session on the stairs -- complete with slapping and screaming -- that occurs after Edie has learned Tom was once a mobster and eloquently depicts just how much their relationship has changed.

24. Desperado
Few Americans knew Mexican soap star Salma Hayek before Robert Rodriguez cast her as a bookstore owner who helps a mariachi (Antonio Banderas) avenge the death of his wife. But no one could deny Hayek's ample talents (or bosoms) after the sexy, candlelit romp she shares with Banderas. Incidentally, we don't blame Antonio for forgoing blood-soaked vengeance in favor of some between-the-sheets time with salsa-hot Salma.
Okay seriously...wtf. This should be number one. In fact, there's not even a need for porn thanks to this movie, it's THAT good. WTF is wrong with people...number one all the way. Heck, the only reason I originally saw this movie was 'cause in the commercial, there's the scene where Antonio Banderas is hiding and trying to reload his gun and as he pushes the cartridge in and it clicks, he does this smooth "oooh" thing...i was salivating the entire movie waiting just for that scene.

The big easy
New Orleans detective Remy McSwain (Dennis Quaid) and prudish DA Anne Osborne (Ellen Barkin) are polar opposites, making them, of course, perfect for each other. But it's not their super-charged chemistry that makes this scene so hot; it's the uncertain awkwardness of their coupling that makes this one of the most realistic -- and steamiest -- sex scenes ever filmed. "I never did have much luck with sex anyway," admits Anne. We'll bet she does now.

Young Frankenstein
Madeline Kahn, as Dr. Frankenstein's frosty fiancée Elizabeth, comes undone upon seeing the monster's (Peter Boyle) "enormous schwanstucker." She melts with his advances, breaking into operatic song at the climactic moment (or final-final moment of the seven or eight that the pair enjoy). Those white streaks in the bride of Frankenstein's hair? According to this comedy, they're caused by the ferocity of Frank's sexytime. It's alive, indeed.

Brokeback Mountain
While Ang Lee's groundbreaking drama would prove to be the most high-profile gay love story of our time, it was the buzzed-about sex scene between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger that really piqued the curiosity of more open-minded moviegoers. Sure, the Wyoming mountains are frigid, but their rugged embrace inside that tent isn't the least bit about body heat. Of course, the unforgettable scene also gives a whole new meaning to the term "Ride 'em, cowboy."
Okay has anyone SEEN this movie? Let's put it this way...and i'll have to quote Carrie..."They better get to the gay sex soon..." ...that movie was primarily about SHEEP for the first one hour. And there's only ONE sex scene between Jake and Heath. It's an interesting story, but best sex scenes in a movie? Hardly.

Blow Up
The most iconic scene from Michaelangelo Antonioni's film about a hot-shot photographer (David Hemmings) has the actor, in an orgiastic photo shoot, straddling supermodel Veruschka and ravaging her with his ... camera. Frankly, it's even wilder than his threesome with two teen groupies (yes, really). Antonioni's film was so scandalous, it was released without a rating -- but the arthouse flick was nominated for two Oscars anyway. Take that, MPAA.

Boys Don't Cry
Hilary Swank won a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Brandon Teena, a she living as a he; Chloe Sevigny garnered a Best Supporting Actress nom as Brandon's girlfriend Lana. In one of the best scenes, their lovemaking is both tender and passionate, and Lana's "big O" is not so much big as it is pivotal. She knows at this point that everything is not as it seems with Brandon, but she also knows that no man has ever satisfied her in quite this way.
Okay i didn't watch this from beginning to end and i only catch it when it's on TV...i've never seen the sex scenes 'cause the whole movie sort of creeped me out...not because of the concept of a chick living a dude...but because Hilary Swank is a little too believable and because the violent scenes freaked me out.

BOogie Nights
Wait, this one's too easy, right? It's a film about porn, for crying out loud. But when Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) and Amber Waves (Julianne Moore) film what is, in fact, this movie's only porn scene, we see not smut (bam chicka bam) but tenderness, from Amber's mother-hen protectiveness to Dirk's eager desire to make it "sexy." Who cares that the camera guy doesn't get his "money shot"? When the scene's over, Dirk's become a big, bright, shining star. That's right!
I dunno...it seems wrong that a movie about the porn industry can count in this type of list. And truly, Julianne Moore just looked WAY too old for Marky Mark so there was nothing sexy about that. At best, the parts with Roller Girl kind of compensate. I guess.

Sex and Lucia
Paz Vega is a waitress who recalls the best moments of her ill-fated love affair with a writer, Lorenzo (Tristan Ulloa), in this Spanish flick. She was obsessed with him, and it shows -- she does a strip-tease for him, they fervently make love and she holds his, um, manhood ardently. Oh, this is why

American Pie
Apple pie, once the purview of moms and church picnics, gets a horrifying and hilarious makeover once Jim (Jason Biggs) decides to test the theory that getting to third base feels "like warm apple pie." (By the look on his face, we're guessing he likes it on third.) The unrated DVD version is even more explicit: He climbs up on top of the kitchen island to finish the deed. But we have to admit, the missionary position seems a little, well, tame for baked goods, doesn't it?
(shrug) more humorous than sexy really. But...yes, best sex scenes in a movie doesn't have to mean that it actually could turn anyone on. Unless you're a baked good.

Don't Look Now
Yes, it's a creepy psychological horror movie, but nested within is a frank three-minute sex scene that is at once moving and totally hot. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie are husband and wife vacationing in Venice; their daughter has recently drowned, so the two are not in a good place emotionally -- with themselves or each other. They reconnect in their hotel room and show that married sex can be sexy, too.

Wild Things
What's the only thing better than hot, nubile young things Denise Richards and Neve Campbell stripping naked and getting it on with Matt Dillon? That's simple: Richards and Campbell stripping naked and getting it on WITHOUT Matt Dillon ... in a swimming pool ... dripping wet ... after trying to drown each other ... in a film that also stars Kevin Bacon and Bill Murray. One word: genius.
So my big confession is that i've only seen this on tv, which means a good chunk of the nudity got cut out. But i've seen enough of it online to reaffirm why i've never actually rented this: Neve Campbell is crazy ugly, she's super irrating, she's a horrible actress, and nothing about Denise Richards compensates for any of that. Unless Neve is wearing a paper bag and no one told me.

Betty Blue
The titular (heh, we said "titular") Betty Blue (Beatrice Dalle) was crazy in love ... make that crazy and in love. The opening sex scene between her and boyfriend Zorg (Jean-Hugues Anglade) sets the tone for the movie, which features an enormous amount of nudity and explicit sex, even for a French film. Sadly, Betty's amour burns too bright; she descends into madness before movie's end.

Coming HOme
Uptight Army wife Sally Hyde (Jane Fonda) falls for paraplegic Vietnam vet Luke Martin (Jon Voight) in this anti-war drama that earned Oscars for both actors. He may not be able to walk, but in their classic sex scene he proves he can still please a woman, and how -- she has her first orgasm (ever!) with his, er, vocal encouragement. This is how most war veterans would like to be treated upon their return, we'd wager.

Monster's Ball
Leticia Musgrove (Halle Berry) and Hank Grotowski (Billy Bob Thornton) find a physical way to numb the pain in their lives (her husband was killed on death row, her son in a car accident; he's a death-row guard whose son kills himself). Their initial coupling is animalistic and raw, and it's clear that Leticia's idea of feeling "good" is a little different from most folks'. For her searing performance, Berry won a much-deserved Best Actress Oscar.
Best sex scene my ass. It was very realistic, and props for the Oscars and all that...but seriously, it was not a GOOD sex scene. It was a little too realistic, like iw as looking through someone's window. And if that's the window i peeked into, i'd vomit. This is Halle Barry looking like garbage, not Super Hot Halle Barry.

Team AMerica
Leave it to 'South Park' creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone to envision a marionette-on-marionette sex romp so vulgar that it had to be cut to avoid an NC-17 rating. Even so, these two dolls get it on in ways even the Kama Sutra never imagined, as well as the standard missionary, reverse cowgirl and 69 positions. But the best part by far: Neither puppet has genitalia.
I need to see this frickin' movie...

The unbearable lightness of being
Tomas (Daniel Day Lewis) is a Czechoslovakian man of many hats: He's a doctor, a philosopher, a playa. But nothing turns him on like a woman IN a hat, and Lena Olin may be the finest creature ever to don one on screen (a bowler hat, for sure) in the most memorable of many kinky scenes in this 1988 drama. No wonder Prague's become such a hot destination for travelers.

Bound
How sexy is Gina Gershon's ex-con in this blood-soaked debut from 'The Matrix' masterminds Andy and Larry Wachowski? Her character's name is "Corky," and we don't mind in the slightest. Couple her with curvy sexpot Jennifer Tilly, who eventually screws over her sleazy mobster boyfriend (sleaze master Joe Pantoliano) after falling for Corky, and you have Exhibit A in the case of "Why So Many Men (and Plenty of Women) Love Lesbian Sex Scenes."

Unfaithful
It was a tossup with this one -- but after great debate, we chose the illicit bathroom tryst over the we-know-it's-over hallway encounter. Diane Lane as Connie Sumner and Olivier Martinez as Paul Martel steam up most of the flick; knowing that her ladies-who-lunch friends are waiting in the cafe while they're going at it in the bathroom stall is just too hot for words. Wait, there's one we can think of: Aahhh.
Ahhhh yes, I agree on that bathroom one. Good call.

Secretary
Self-mutilating wallflower Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and her controlling boss E. Edward Grey (James Spader) spend their office hours bonding, so to speak, in a sadomasochistic relationship that's as twisted as it is thrilling. But when Edward finally admits his love for Lee, bathing her in his tub and making love to her on a grass-covered bed, you see that their connection transcends spankings and dog collars. It's by far the sweetest moment in the history of S&M.

Mullholland Drive
Rita (Laura Elena Harring) and Betty (Naomi Watts) -- or is it Diane and Camilla? -- are enmeshed in David Lynch's dreamlike story of love, betrayal, death and grief. That's about all we can suss out on the plot of the movie, but we can recognize a hot sapphic love scene when we see one. And we do, with Betty topless in jean cutoffs and Rita topless on the couch. (Was it the "topless" that tipped us off?)

9 1/2 weeks
Sure, adventurous New Yorkers John (Mickey Rourke) and Elizabeth (Kim Basinger) have sex -- a whole LOT of sex -- but it's the foreplay that gets us all riled up. Strawberries, olives, pasta, Jell-O ... they're all just props in service to the couple's creative eroticism; the scene in which he blindfolds her and melts ice cubes on her naked body does the opposite of cooling us down. Ah, food: It's not just for dinner anymore.
I saw like 20 minutes of this movie, and i really should just watch it...but it's not like seeing anything with Michey Rourke (well, other than Sin City) is worth watching now that his face and body are all jacked up.

Out of Sight
From the moment convict Jack Foley (George Clooney) and U.S. Marshal Karen Sisco (Jennifer Lopez) first share a car trunk together, the sexual tension between them is sweltering. When the star-crossed lovers finally do seal the deal -- in a posh hotel suite overlooking a lit-up Detroit as snowflakes dot the nighttime sky -- it's like the world's sexiest snow globe's just come to life before our eyes. (Note to snow globe makers: we want a commission).
Had it playing once inthe background on tv...there was a sex scene?

Body Heat
'Double Indemnity' and 'The Postman Always Rings Twice' are undisputed classics, but let's face it, they're sorely lacking in strong sexual content. Enter Lawrence Kasdan's 1981 retooling of 'Indemnity,' fittingly dubbed an "erotic film noir" (greatest subgenre ever?), a film that's steamiest scene found William Hurt breaking and entering into a seductively red-skirted Kathleen Turner's quarters before romancing her stone as a humid Florida night gets even hotter.

Y Tu Mama Tambien
Good friends Zapata (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are young boys, just 17, when they take the road trip of their lives with alluring older woman Luisa (Maribel Verdu) -- she's 28! Along the way she has sex with each of them, but in a scene pivotal to the movie and all of their lives, she teases them into a frenzy in a cantina, leads them back to the hotel room and and proceeds to put the "aw" in sexual awakening.

WTF...they should at least count the Tom Cruise/Rebecca Demornay subway scene from Risky Business...it's on a loop but it's still pretty darn good (for a low budget 80s movie)...

Completely unrelated, but someone at work sent me this: >Look and feel Canadian breathspray