Defensive Pessimism

In case it's not super obvious, I have mass amounts of anxiety and I worry like crazy. This used to bother me quite a bit...it's not normal to be in constant Chicken Little mode.

Eventually this year I finally realized that this kind of panicking and anxiety has served me VERY well over my life. Its lead me to be prepared for things that most other people aren't (emergency fund for layoffs, getting an advanced medical directive all set up so i'm not eating cream of mushroom soup if i'm in a coma, etc).

Yesterday I found this article about how bad that kind of attitude is, and that it's possible to still think ahead without the extreme anxiety.

There's a name for the kind of worry that contributes to a positive outcome: defensive pessimism.

DEFENSIVE
PESSIMISM

LOVE
IT!

It's not like it's easy to overcome this kind of thinking. All it takes is ONE incident to validate your feelings. I'm also mildly obsessive compulsive (i need need NEED need doors to be locked)...one time we stayed in a hotel in Florida, all of us with our passports in there, and i ran back down the hall to double-check the door...well turns out, the ghetto hotel's lock was busted and we ended up not only switching rooms, but switching hotels (they accused US of breaking the door...uh it's a key swipe system how do you break that?)...We all would have been effed (Christine and Noel in terms of traveling back to Canada, me with my TN visa in there) if something had happened as a result.

I say, EMBRACE your anxiety. Sure it'll eventually lead to heart disease and an ulcer, but you've already prepared for it so it's not that big of a deal.

When I planned for my wedding, I was one sack o' anxiety for 9 months straight. STRAIGHT. The day of however, even my makeup artist commented onhow i was the most relaxed bride she's ever seen. Both random and orderly panicking had served its purpose; it allowed me to feel like I had controlled everything that could be controlled and barring a tornado, nothing could throw me for a loop.

Part of being a good anxiety-driven patient is to find the most out there "what ifs" beyond what is right in front of your face. Even if I won the lottery and could afford laser eye surgery, the reason I don't is because knowing my luck, that's when there'll be a super bad earthquake. Power outages aren't a problem, but the earth shifting causing that laser to just go "eeeeeebzzzzz" off my eye onto my head is a serious concern.

(This is also a concern with permanent makeup, which I discussed with someone yesterday when I said why I wouldn't ever get tattooed eyeliner, no matter how affordable).

Plus there's also an extreme anal-retentive side to its success. The instant I have to call anyone for tech support, customer support, whatever, I immediately write down their name and the exact time of the call. Now you KNOW the odds are already stacked against you when you have to call customer support for something (especially if it's related to billing and/or fees), so it helps your cause to have the exact individual you can later blame.

Yes, 2008 will be the year where I think I shall EMBRACE my flaws...you say poe-taytoe, I say poh-tah-toem, you say flaw, I say defensive pessimism.