Weekend randomness and Oprah's Sensual Years

Scenes from a mall...

Seen on Sunday: Sean Hayes (Jack from Will & Grace and Victor Garber (the dude from Titanic who was also in Legally Blond). Sort of an odd couple:



Shopping together at American Eagle. Or J Crew. Crap I don't remember which one. I know for sure I wasn't in Abercrombie. I think they were debating on a top for Sean Hayes to buy. Or they were having a passionate discussion while leaning over folded polo shirts. Either way, I've never seen any dude(s) so passionate while trying on a shirt. Maybe they were discussing politics. Or they were discussing whether Sean should get the yellow one. It was just bizarre. Plus Victor Garber is surprisingly much smaller than I would have thought, i think neither of them could have had more than 20lbs on me.

Other random thoughts:

- I'm very pro-plastic surgery (if you can afford it), but the thought of a dude getting triceps implants freaks me out. Gives me the same skin crawling feeling that i get when I think of spiders.
a girl can never make too many wardrobe changes. Men however should just stick with one thing a day. Especially if i'm the one who's doing the laundry.

- I am a horrible driver when i'm nervous. Some people can focus. I however, can not. You know who makes me nervous? The Garmin GPS lady. She reminds me of a mean schoolteacher. Repeating over and over that in “point two miles, exit ramp”. Yes ma'am!

- it's amazing how one weekend of not sleeping in your own bed can make your body feel like someone took a baseball bat to it....I woke up today seriously feeling like I'd been mauled all weekend. Maybe I need to pull a Carrie and bring my pillow around with me, that Guess pillow was $16, I bought it at Sears when i was in college, and it's the best pillow EVER.

- what is the appropriate ratio for a chick's arms? In particular, a sportscaster on ESPN? More importantly, if the camera adds X pounds, can it add it onto just one area?

Yesterday I caught a bit of Oprah, and it was all about sex. Or specifically, Sex In Your Sensual Years. Which I think is just Oprah's way of saying, sex when you're old. They yammered onto about how sex when you're older is better than sex in your 20s.

This would have be a hard sell for me, because when I was 20 I was fully AWARE that not only was I twenty, I also fully remember thinking that my metabolism was going to start going downhill so enjoy poutine and calzones as much as possible. Now i should hope that I'm not in my “sensual years” (otherwise i'll be forced to stab myself), but i'm definitely more self conscious about my body than I was in my early 20s, even though I'm the same weight as I was back then. If I continue on this path, I'll be wearing mumus by the time i'm 40. (Oh geezus, are my 40s my “sensual years”? Note to self: shoot self upon 40th birthday. Alternatively, bitch-slap self on 40th birthday). Gone are the years of the uber short skirts and tummy-bearing tops. Oh granted tummy-bearing tops haven't been in style for ages (Are you listening Mariah Carey?!), but you get the point, I would never even CONSIDER wearing that now even if it was in style.

Did everyone get the “oh you'll have better self esteem and self image as you get older” gene except me? Before my goal was to just get a tummy tuck after having kids...now my laundry list of things that I want done in the next 15 years will require taking out a 3rd mortgage. Hmmm, I guess I justify it that the available procedures back when I had my original 1-item wish list was much smaller than all the crazy things you can do now. Watch out Cat-Lady, i'll be giving you a run for your money. Meow.


Ewwwww, I suddenly thought of Oprah thinking about her “sensual years” and getting it on with Stedman. AND Gayle. At the same time. With lots of lube.

Oh the humanity.