Campfires make me hot

So I recently ran into a charming young gentleman firefighter guy....and of course, I had to bombard him with random questions about...well, fire.

I wonder if firefighters actually say this ishh...


Now it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessive compulsive about two things: locking doors and turning off things that can cause a fire. I seriously get beyond paranoid thinking about my stove not turning off (although I think it has a timer...but that's after it's been on for NINE HOURS), my house burning down, and my poor cats. Really, I just worry about my cats. I think i'm good with insurance and stuff (i've got pics that i keep in a safe deposit box).

Some random ishhhh that I learned:

- apparently they use wooden ladders. I don't know why this blows my mind. It's like, "oh we also find that pouring kerosene on our ladders is better than an aluminum or metal ladder". WOODEN LADDERS. My brain wants to explode just thinking about it.

- we had an earthquake a month or two ago here in SoCal which leads me to the big debate: doorways or the Triangle Theory. This whole Triangle thing just seems like uhh...kind of a big risk (just crouch NEXT to a big object...ummm...when they hunk of plywood whacks me in the head I'd feel like a douche explaining to the paramedics about how i got an email forward in my spam folder telling me not to duck)...but the doorway thing just bugs me becuase i'm thicker than a doorway, so how the eff is that supposed to protect me?! Well apparently the doorway wins...the dude who invented the triangle of life theory is what they call "Ricky Rescue"...I wonder why no fireguy hasn't just punched the inventor in the face.

- This one cracks me up...apparently when you're freaking out and hyperventilating, it's called Hispanic Panic...I did a search on it later, and wtf, it's apparently a common term! And also the username of a boatload of dudes on MySpace. It seems that umm...some ethnicities freak out more than others when there's an incident requiring firefighters or paramedics. And when you start hyperventilating to that extent, your extremities go numb. Like breathing crazy fast makes your toes and hands go numb. If your hands are numb, how are you supposed to breathe into a paperbag? And then I wonder...when i'm at the gym using the elliptical for an hour super fast, and my hands go numb and i'm barely breathing, is that the gym version of hispanic panic?!

And on the subject of fire...

My mom used to hide the matches in a mug in the way back of our cupboards. Which clearly defeated the purpose, since us kids knew where the hiding spot was. My brother would light a candle when he was stuck babysitting me and poor the crazy hot wax on my hand, telling me that I need to toughen up (he would do it too so uhh, i guess that's not sibling abuse!). I think it really was just us doing the ONE thing you're not supposed to do when your parents aren't home: start a fire. (Note: hot wax on your hands actually isn't hot at all, and my brother cried harder at Titanic than I did so who's the tougher one now bitch?!)