geezus just re-read this hours later, holy typos batman
So the whole deal with life is that you make mistakes, you learn from them, you move on. Or hopefully the people around you will make the mistake and you can watch and learn from afar.
Here's my List of Things I've Learned In My 28 Years of Wisdom:
1. If you find yourself looking for work...and you get an offer (with more dough)...and then your current company begs you to stay by matching or offering a bit more cash than the other job...DON'T STAY. It's taken me a few times of this mistake, but if you were looking for another job (not for financial reasons) then throwing some more cash at the situation won't make you happier.
You're better off with the fear of the unknown potential unhappiness than the existing one, and don't let your ego get swayed by this ("ooohhh they like me enough to beg me to stay with more money!").
2. If you get some sort of sign-on or relocation bonus when you start a job, do NOT lock yourself into a long payback time. When i moved to California i got a good chunk of cash (which then got taxed 50%...d'oh!) but i had to stay for 1 year or pay it back.
Ohhh...that hurt.
Bad.
Because turns out, i hated that job, but I couldn't quit. At the 6-month mark, I bawled the entire way to work...I couldn't believe I was only at the halfway mark. Never, ever again. 3 months...sure....12 months...it better pay off a home mortgage to make it worth me suffering for another year.
3. When you're SO drunk that you're borderline ready to puke...DON'T drink water. Drink it WHILE you're getting drunk...drink it the morning after....but at the puking stage, water is bad bad bad.
4. Contrary to what we teenage girls think...a boy will adore you like mad UNTIL you give in and have sex with him. Having sex with him will NOT make him like you more. So while you think "oooohhh if i sleep with him, he'll like me!" it's more like "heck yeah I got this dog panting and I'm gonna keep him that way". Sure boyfriends stick around and all that...but the devotion and attention is SO much higher when you're NOT having sex with them.
(Does not apply once you hit your 20s).
5. A great pair of shoes IS worth the pain of breaking them in. Bonus points if they make your legs look fabulous.
6. Anyone who says money can't buy happiness is already rich and doesn't know wtf they're talking about.
Put it this way...
If i had money, then my basic needs are per Maslow are met (food, clothing, security)...so maybe i'm not HAPPY...but I'm not physically hurting from the elements or hunger.
If i didn't have money and i didn't have food, clothng, shelter...guaranteed i'm gonna be unhappy. Unless i'm sniffing empty chip bags that i found in the dumpster...that I call home.
7. You can be the hardest worker on the planet, but if no one knows it then you're useless in their eyes. Even more useless than the actual useless person who at least fakes it. Basically...regardless if you're a lazy slacker or keener-top-notch employee, all that matters is that you make sure people THINK you're valuable and hard working.
8. Don't trust a guy who says his car is in the shop (or whatever reason) and can't pick you up for your first date. Amazingly I've dated TONS of guys who didn't have cars and i had to pick them up. Most of them were in California. I think one of the reasons I fell for Kraig was because hea ctually showed up with his own effing car. It's fishy when a guy talks about his wheels but can't produce.
9. If you're dating/seeing a guy...and even though he hasn't done anything to break your trust and he's perfect in every other way...if you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach...where you get bad butterflies or nausea when you can't get a hold of him or he goes out for a night...ditch him. It's illogical, it's unfounded...but in my experience, 100% of the times I had those butterflies it turns out in the end I was right to be nervous.
10. The following things ARE worth paying extra for (most of the time):
- razors (mach3 baby!)
- a brand new hairstyle
- manicure/pedicure
- foundation
- sunblock
- jeans
- the perfect cocktail dress
- the perfect interview outfit
- hair straightener
- conditioner
- nylons
- laundry detergent (Woolite for Darks is a miracle)
- popcorn (my mom taught me that one, don't ask)
- home or renter's insurance (replacement policy, not cash value!)
- sunglasses (yeah argue with me. i don't care. my polarized ray bans are the only things i'm terrified about losing when i think of my car getting stolen)
- soda....Diet Pepsi is NOT the same as Shasta!!
and most importantly
- TAMPONS!!! Only ONCE in my life have I gone with the store-brand and I swear, it's amazing my gonads still function. How do you screw up a cardboard tube with fluffy white stuff? Heck, since that experience I've been pro-Tampax Pearl...i know it sounds like a sham but that one is SO much more comfy than the regular tampax, but either is better than generic. Your nooks and crannies deserve the best!
11. The following things you can totally get away by going cheap on:
- uber trendy shoes
- uber trendy anything
- quick hair trim
- lipgloss
- bottled water. I know, Aquafina isn't spring water...but eff it. Water is water. If you're thirsty and you've got a buck, don't feel bad 'cause you can't buy Evian...get the Deja Bleu. In 48 hours it won't make a diff anyway.
- anything for the beach. It's gonna get covered in sunblock, sand, dirt, weird green stuff.
- styling products. You can argue with me, but this is MY list...pomade is all the same in my books.
- liquid soap (okay but the stuff from Bath and Body works is pretyt nifty)
- gas....if your car is a regular joe shmoe car and the book SAYS you don't need the premium stuff...don't be an ass by filling your car with the expensive stuff.
- costume jewelry...the stuff i get complimented on the most comes from cheapie teenie stores like Forever21
- toothpaste. Avoid Aim if you can...but the uber expensive toothpastes always taste like ass. Go midgrade...anywhere from AquaFresh to Colgate Total.
12. Humans are capable of falling in love...numerous times. There's not a cap. Emotions don't have a limit to the number of times they can do something. This whole falling in love once for a lifetime thing was written by storybook authors...if you think you've lost the great love of your life...well...you'll be surprised when the next one comes along. Each love is different, that's all.
13. The great irony of obsessive compulsiveness is that it keeps those of us with bizarre routines somewhat sane. (okay i'm like a smidgen obsessive compulsive, but it's there!)
14. This one falls under the "geezus were you an idiot" category: don't keep sleeping with a guy who keeps talking about his ex-girlfriend the supermodel after sex. It's one thing to joke "yeah my last gf was a supermodel...but she was SO lazy...you were fantastic! no more models for me!"...it's another to ALWAYS talk about your super hot model ex gf for no apparent reason....
I don't care how horny you are...some creeps just aren't worth it.
15. Never ever EVER feel bad for buying yourself something that stereotypically a guy would buy. You probably have better taste than he would anyway.
A'ight, end babbling....
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