Dear Abby

Killing MORE time...

I present to you...Dating and Personals, Sabina's Opinion...all the questions come from MSN.COM, but you'll get MY opinion...

Dear Lynn,
I am a 22-year-old woman that has seen all of the sex that I want to see. I’ve seen the highs and lows and came to the conclusion that it is all pointless without your life partner, so I recently decided to become a "secondary virgin." My only problem is, how do I present this to the men that I date? I have tried to do so in the past, but they all think that it’s a joke. Any suggestions?
-Re-strapping On My Chastity Belt

If at 22 you've seen all the sex you want to see, you are either:
a) an idiot
b) a whore
c) all of the above
My suggestion is: go get yourself checked for STDs, call your pimp and give him the bad news, and close your frickin' legs.

Dear Lynn,

I've been dating this guy for nearly three years. It's mostly an Internet thing, but I've spent time with him twice and his family as well. They're really nice people that try their best to make me feel comfortable. My boyfriend says he's ready for the next step in our relationship: Me moving in with him. However, when we argue, he will ignore me for days at a time—and when he comes back around, he wants to act like things are fine, like nothing happened. How would he act if/when I do move in? Time and time again, I've apologized to him after he's hurt my feelings, just for the sake of keeping peace in the relationship. He knows I hate to argue and fight, but he throws out comments just to hurt me sometimes. I love this guy with all my heart. I want a future with him, and I keep hoping one day he'll wake up and change, but is this a futile hope?
-Tearful and Tired

So when he ignores you for days, does that mean you can go out with your friends...watch tv in silence...do the laundry...go out, get plastered, and come home without hearing him bitch about you probably went out to pick up? Sounds like a good deal to me. Otherwise...he's a guy...guys like simple...ask him "Are you giving me the silent treatment? That's what a girl would do. That's so gay. Are you gay? Holy sh*t you ARE gay..."...that'll get him to start speaking again and prove he's a man by letting you get your bitching out of your system, or at least, yelling which will get you the communication you clearly crave.

Hi Lynn,
During the past six years, I have been involved in an on-again, off-again relationship with my college sweetheart. Time after time, we've gotten together and then decided to call it quits because of different circumstances. The real issue now is that over the years, she has gained more than 40 pounds.

I love her and could see myself with her for the long haul; however, her weight gain has really been a major issue in my not wanting to make a commitment to her. I have spoken to her about this issue a few times within the past few years, and I’ve gone as far as to write her workout plans, offer nutritional advice and advocate her making a lifestyle change. She isn't offended by my complaints, but aside from an occasional modest weight loss, she has regained the weight. I’m not shallow or using the weight issue to get out of the relationship: I'm worried about both the potential long-term health risks and, quite honestly, have become less attracted to her physically. Do you have any advice?

Yeah i got advice you cheap bastard...if you truly love her, then spend the money on lipo. Then you both get what you want. So shut your pie hole and take her to Dr. Rey. Oh, this only applies if you've got the body of an Adonis.

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Dear Lynn,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year and we have a five-month-old child together. My problem is that he is still married. We live together, and he hasn't been with his wife for three years now. I love him very much and he says he loves me, too. He says that he wants the divorce, but still hasn't gotten it. Am I being a fool by staying in this situation? What would you advise?

First off, you should get off the crack you're snorting...because clearly you had to have been on that to have a kid with a guy who's got a wife. A WIFE YOU IDIOT. You know what that means? It means she still gets to make medical decisions if something happens to him. It means if she effs up her credit history, HIS credit history is effed up. It means you better hope that he changed his beneficiary to your kid on his bank statements, or else you're f*cked. What would I advise? Getting a good lawyer to make sure your kid is taken care of if something happens to him, 'cause if I were his wife I'd murder his lousy ass.