So I don't have too much to say and I've got time to kill...so here's some random thoughts on all those things chicks are supposed to keep quiet about.
It's like Samantha on Sex and The City once said...a guy once dumped her because she missed a bikini wax. Women are NOT supposed to be human (episode where Carrie...uh...does something...in front of Big)...
Which I'm more than fine with. Kraig was getting upset the other day because I kept saying "are you done with the bathroom, are you done with the bathroom" 'cause i had to take care of the upper lip business...and there's 3 things i refuse to ever, EVER let a guy see...2 of them involve bodily functions and the other one involves the bleaching of one's upper lip...
He insisted that he HAS seen that, which I will argue to my grave. I don't care if we're stranded in some random remote area and I have to go in the bushes...he will NEVER see me. I don't care if I have a catheter...he better hire a friggin' nurse (go ahead, get a hot blond, i'll have other issues to worry about)....
We shave our legs
We shave other areas
I've had HOT WAX drip into my gonads
I bleach my teeth
I pluck the crap out of my eyebrows
I slather a boatload of moisturizer on my feet at night....
Chicks just aren't allowed to be gross. Ever.
So we all know guys are gross...but why can't they limit that sh*t amongst their own kind? I'm supposed to be a lady on my own...but around a guy, suddenly I'm at baboon-levels eating lice off his head (that was a metaphor....I've never actually dealt with a guy who had lice)...
And I know guys are neanderthal and think things that are gross are like trophies and prizes worth showing off. But are they RETARDED?! Show that crap (ha, literally) to your buddies, but i am NOT a buddy and I'm STILL a chick and i do NOT want to be involved in anything remotely nasty or gross whatsoever.
My friend/ex-cubemate Tony once drank an entire container of KFC gravy in order to get enough cash to visit his then-girlfriend...I am positive if the poor girl actually lived with him, she would have been subjected to him showing her all the nasty things that the human body does when it consumes family-sized quantities of leftover chicken drippings.
Kraig once drank a bottle of Tabasco. Fortunately, I didn't know him at the time. Unfortunately, I've heard enough about the side-effects that I might as well have been there at the time.
I dated another guy who's mother ALWAYS made her infamous Sour Cream Chocolate Cake (it was good, but not THAT good)...well he would never wrap it up, and he'd eat the whole thing in like a week by sitting in bed in his dorm with it...by then it would get dry and crumbly...i'm sure there was growth on it since he never covered it...it was basially the Sub that Homer kept eating even after Marge through it out....anyway his bed was a perpetual pit of these chocolate cake crumbs because he never once changed his bedsheets...it was just effing nasty. A chick once stopped me in a bar and pointed to him and said how he never changed his sheets when he lived in the dorm...i was like "yeah, and he's a guy...they're ALL effing disgusting"....
I actually spent $70 on cleaning products and walked, IN HEELS, IN THE SUMMER, for almost an hour to get back to his place in order to clean the frickin' bathroom, i couldn't handle it anymore.
THEN...after cleaning the bathroom, his roommate was like "get out, I need to use the toilet"...i'm like "go f*ck yourself, i just cleaned this"...clearly it then became war between me and his roommate...i had this air freshner thing that could open/close behind the toilet, and he KEPT CLOSING IT SHUT...that f*cker.
Boys
are
NASTY
Just effing nasty. I mean, why am I shaving my armpits when they've got hair longer than a Barbie doll's going on in there...
I've said it before, I'll say it again...if chicks had penises, I'd be a lesbian....guys are just effing gross and nasty.
I have to give credit to one guy i briefly dated...the place was a disaster, but he steered me straight for his room every time...it's like, he KNEW it was vile....the less time I gotta climb over dusty cardboard boxes, the better.
1 comment:
Ya guys are gross, we'll discuss the finer points of our farts, our dumps and anything remotely comical that might happen in a bathroom.
It's the 15 year old in us that never goes away but you have a point we should keep it amongst our guys and no woman should ever bear witness to or hear the stories but we aren't perfect and we will slip up from time to time so just roll your eyes. :)
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