"Ryan, please don't hit Summer"

Only understood by people who watch the OC...

Everything I wish I knew in highschool, I could have learned from the OC
aka What We Can All Learn From The OC

1. Walk around with coffee. In a cardboard cup, not a mug or a to-go mug. If your highschool doesn't sell coffee, then just go to starbucks each morning and then carry aruond the empty cup all day. That's the ticket to popularity.

2. If you're too much of a p*ssy to fight someone yourself, your buddy from the boondocks (e.g. Chino) will always step in and initiate the first punch for you.

3. Forcing people to hang out with you overnight is no way to make friends. But it'll land you a guy every time.

4. Eating a bagel with shmear every day will make you a bushy eyebrowed happy-go-lucky lawyer from Berkeley too.

5. Every high school should have the skinny, dorky nerd who wears argyle but makes up for it with his wit and sarcasm....and if your highschool has one, then snag him while he's still considered a loser.**

6. If you're a guy, make sure you're skinnier than your girlfriend. Hot rich chicks dig that.

7. Even the most gorgeous girl in school can be hated because she wears sweaters tied around her neck.

8. Want to win a guy who's already got a girlfriend? Get the girlfriend to cheat on her boyfriend. (this works for the opposite sex as well).

9. Even enemy surfers have "surf-offs". Okay well they never did that on the OC. But it was suggested, and I agree.

10. Want to bond with a girl? Lie and tell her that you beat the crap out of someone with a baseball bat, but SHHHH it's a secret and no one knows. She'll be putty in your hand. Especially if she shot someone and can relate.

11. Girls with big teeth are insecure about losing their boyfriends. And they should. Those teeth can do SERIOUS damage. Don't worry...be happy....and file those suckers down.

12. When Seven of Nine starts calling you "Kiki", you know you're in trouble.

13. Don't ever, ever go through a friend's wallet to use her credit card.
Use it to find cash instead.

14. Want to blow a guy's mind away? Dress up like a comic book heroine. Even if it's NOT hallowe'en.

15. Don't ever, ever make out with your adopted-grandfather's girlfriend.

16. Even if you become a lesbian, someone still's gotta take out the trash and pay the rent.

17. In case it was a mystery: sleeping with your daughter's ex boyfriend WILL eff her up in the head. Bad. Especially if she lost her virginity to him.

18. If the aforementioned school nerd is a virgin, cut him some slack for the first time around. Him and Captain Oats will get it right the next time around...and the next....(it helps to wear the comic book heroine costume).

19. If you want to rule your school you don't need to be the most popular kid, you just need to be the one sleeping with the Dean.

20. Water polo guys are evil. And they have CRAZY floppy hair.

21. Having an affair with your coworker (who later leaves to join the cast of 4400) will cause you to be an alcoholic. Especially if you two went to a winery together.

22. If you're going to find a rich sugar daddy who might die of old age, make sure he really IS rich.

23. Stay away from people who look like Seven of Nine. Unless her name is Carrie :P

24. If you ever lose your alcholic drugged up friend in Mexico, just look in an alley. The answer is always in an alley.

The song of the day is Man, I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain...nothing like when your coworkers, your MALE EFFING COWORKERS, put songs in your head....

PS: I STILL WANT THAT BRACELET. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

**So my high school had no hot nerds, but the biggest nerd was Patrick B. Every class I had with him I was CONSTANTLY asking him his grades,b ecause I wanted to beat him and he was the smartest kid in school. Probably the coolest smart nerd ever.
In grade 8, when i first met him, I heard he had had surgery on his penis. But no one would talk to him about it. So i remember on a cross-country ski trip I sat next to him on the bus and flat out asked him if he had surgery on his man-meat. He went into SUPER detail about how they sliced it along the length, did whatever operation, and then sewed it back up.
It was a horrible, horrible penile tale to tell, but I highly respected him for having the balls (ha ha bad pun) to be honest with me about it.

Later on, when we were all applying to universities, he had applied and gotten into Laurentian, which was the most ghetto of them all. I was like "guy" (previous to saying "dude" i used to call people "guy" and "woman") "you can get into McGill, Western, Waterloo...the smart people schools. Why did you pick Laurentian?"
And he said
"Because that's where all the smart people are going. If i go to the dumb people school, then I'll be the smartest one there"...which proved that in the end, he was smarter than any of us could ever imagine.
Last I heard, he became an insane pot smoker.
However his goal in life, as Einstein-level as he was, was to build a log cabin in the woods and live with the wolves. Seriously. It HAD to be with the wolves.

I think I just might hunt him down on the 'net....