I know, I know, a lifetime since I've written. What can I say.
So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.
I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...
And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.
Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!
Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...
Umm...riiigghtt...
First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.
So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.
Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...
MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER
And she waxed most of that mofo section off.
Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.
Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...
Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.
In the end was it worth it?
OH
HELL
NO
Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.
it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!
4 comments:
Well thank you very much for those mental pictures Sabina, thank you very much! :P I would guess that your husband would appreciate it no????
You know I don't undertand women most of the time and I try my best to learn all about them and their habits and you know, waxing is one I now realize I didn't need to know about. :) I was quite happy with my bikini/brazilian wax ignorance bliss. Knowing the theoretical was fine by me. :)
I suppose if you did it often enough you'd get de-sensitized to it all. I also suppose if you went to a more reputable spa to get it done it might not hurt as much or the girl might use a less painful technique (there's got to be technique right??), some better quality wax or something, to make it go a little smoother, (pardon the pun).
GIRL....
I can't believe you posted this. Your so crazy. I can't believe you went and had a brazilian. I can't even imagine the pain.
Well at least your ready for bikini weather. Is it nice there in the OC?
Dude, thats pretty hot.
I don't know very many chix that wax. Most... err... all of the chix that I've talked to about this subject all shave. Maybe it's a South American thing... dunno.
Plus me do appreciate the time and effort you put into it... props to you.
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