Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Another reason to maybe not get married: When i t pays to stay single

It pays to stay single when you're at a bar and a hot guy/girl comes up to you, that's when it pays...

A few laughs for you...

Not Quite Perfect McDonald's
This is awesome:
"We had a warehouse full of meat patties made in the shape of our golden arch logo. A quickly fired executive thought it would be a good idea to make an 'M'-shaped burger but it was expensive to produce, and depending where you took a bite, you had a very good chance of getting no beef."

My Anti Drug is Alcohol

Guy in Philosophy Class needs to shut the fuck up
(OMG so true...there is NOTHING that I hate more than people who go around spouting off their philosophical crappy ideas to people. You know what? Shut your mouth because your philosophical view on life isn't going to pay my bills, isn't going to get me through traffic, isn't going to make sure i keep my job. You know what will? Just getting my stuff done. It makes no difference what my ATTITUDE is...as long as the mortgage is paid, my lender doesnt' give a crap about that stuff. And neither do I. Okay well sometimes i prefer to have a better attitude, but that's from personal experience...not because someone gave me some dude's opinion on how to deal with life. No one knows better how to deal with MY life than ME...suck it)

New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious

Last Week's ALien Loves Predator comic strip

heh heh..."One renegade robot cop"....

Oh yeah, About thse Personal Ads? WTF?

Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
I swear, rules #1, 2, and 3 are all brilliant.

Craigslist Haiku
Nuff said.

I love Craigslist so much I thanked it in my wedding speech. Team Craigslist!

On to more randomness...

I've decided on May 9th I need to support my boy Nick Lachey by buying his album. Someone needs to help him pay his legal bills against Jessica. ANd his Gold's Gym membership. And his gas to all those interviews where he rants and cries about how he didn't know his marriage was over until he was told told it was over...gas in LA is probably even higher than it is in the OC...my poor poor Nick.

And FINALLY...

Nicole D came up with a fabulous new product idea that I don't think she even realized would be a big seller...I won't give it away but let's just say: vibrating, warmth, feet. Exactly.