Patience Iago, patience

From The Phoenix
My comments are in bold, the rest are from the article.

100.
Brad Pitt:
He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true,then he's probably not worth it.
I miss Brad circa his Se7en years

99.
Kevin Federline:
Mooching hicks aren't so hot these days.

98.
Emeril Lagasse
Awww, poor Emeril!

97.
Dom DeLuise

96.
Horatio Sanz:
Laughing at your own jokes is not sexy
I disagree! Right now he's one of the funniest guys on SNL now that Jimmy Fallon is gone.

95.
Dennis Kucinich:
Something about those progressives.

94.
Ralph Nader

93.
Ric Flair:
To be the man – WOO! – you got to . . . do something about those man boobs!

92.
Bill Parcells:
Especially when you see the photos of him in shorts at training camp

91.
Jose Canseco:
"Every time I have tried to help a woman, I've been incarcerated," he famouslysaid on The Surreal Life. You old charmer, you.
Yeah he's got a great body..but...kind of a male butterface.

91.
Hideki Matsui

90.
Lemmy Kilmister:
Sadly, the ravages of time have not been kind to him.

89.
Don Vito:
I suppose we were never really supposed to know what Bam Margera's uncle looks like, but since we do, he has to be included.

88.
John Clayton:
How is this ESPN's top football guy?

87.
Jimmy Johnson:
It's the hair
I swear I don't know who half these guys are on this list

86.
Jeff Van Gundy

85.
Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg

84.
Dick Vitale
– Call it a hunch, but we have a feeling that sex with Dickie V. would be anything but "awesome, baby."

83.
Barry Bonds
– If what his mistress told the authors of Game of Shadows is true, then no, you don't want any part of that

82.
Howie Mandel
Awww...well it's kinda true. I miss him doing his standup days in the early 90's.

81.
Brian Posehn

80.
Art Garfunkel

79.
Tom from Myspace:
What, you gotta be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all.
I have no opinion on his looks, but it's annoying that he's your friend.

78.
Joe Walsh

77.
Meat Loaf Aday

76.
Garry Shandling

75.
Joey Buttafuoco

74.
DJ Qualls:
What's he weigh, like, 70 pounds? How much of that is grease?

73.
Harvey Pekar

72.
Grady Little:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.

71.
George Steinbrenner:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.

70.
Kevin James:
His TV marriage to Leah Remini on King of Queens is less believable than anything on Lost.
Kevin James is NOT that bad. Not a great body, but he's got that "my friend's boyfriend is kinda cute in a weird way" kind of thing going on. I mean, he's not hot...but i think he's better looking than the other 99 dudes on this list. Well minus Brad.

69.
Joe Gannascolli

68.
John Ashcroft

67.
Robert Patrick:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about the T-1000

66.
Robert Englund:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about Freddy Krueger

65.
John Madden:
Those massive hands seem more frightening than anything. Boom!

64.
Dennis Miller

63.
John Popper

62.
Bill Maher:
. . . Especially ones with poodle hair.

61.
Jim Gaffigan:
Pasty, goofy-looking comedians abound on this list.

60.
Joe Lieberman

59.
Clay Aiken:
This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone's bratty little brother.
Awww sorry Katelyn :P

58.
Bill O'Reilly

57.
Ed O'Neil:
We love ya, Ed, but sorry.
There was a reason you never waited on any really hot girls at that shoe store

56.
Rob Schneider

55.
Newt Gingrich

54.
Drew Carey
UGH i can't STAND this guy!

53.
Peter Jackson

52.
Danny DeVito
Why is Danny not #1?!!??!?

51.
Bill Wyman

50.
Ric Ocasek:
Yes, we know who his wife is. And no, we don't care.

49.
Lyle Lovett

48.
Scott Stapp

47.
Andy Dick:
It's a trap!

46.
Leif Garrett

45.
Nick Nolte:
Busey's oddball partner in crime, but at least he had a career once.

44.
Garey Busey:
Those teeth would give anyone nightmares.

43.
David Gest

42.
Rush Limbaugh:
No doubt he will claim his placement on this list as a result of a media bias and not the fact that he's just butt-ugly

41.
Paris Latsis:
Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.

40.
Al Franken:
Too arrogant

39.
Michael Moore

38.
Larry David

37.
Scottie Pippen

36.
Pat Cummings

35.
Willie McGee

34.
Christopher Lloyd

33.
Julian Tavarez

32.
Otis Nixon

31.
Chris Kattan
Awwww Chris doesn't deserve to be #31...maybe 99...but not 31. Mango turns everyone on!

30.
Tony Kornheiser:
Yes, calling sportswriters unattractive is like shooting fish in a barrel. But
come on, he looks like your uncle.

29.
Don Zimmer:
The gerbil's got a massive, ivory-white noggin' that never did much thinking to
begin with. Ask any Red Sox fan over 35.

28.
Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance):
Luckiest dude since Ringo. Or at the very least, since D12.

27.
Edward James Olmos:
Remember season one of South Park? When Kenny was a zombie, everyone assumed it
was an Edward James Olmos costume. Wonder why.

26.
Tim Burton:
He's got the Robert Smith hair coupled with a mighty hunch. Yet he's dating
Helena Bonham Carter.

25.
Axl Rose:
I mean . . . did you see the 2003 VMAs?

24.
Paul Shaffer:
The bic'd look does not work for everyone, plus he makes all those crazy faces
while he plays.

23.
Bill Gates:
To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil – 'You can
have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'"

22.
Clint Howard:
Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than
Ron Howard.

21.
Ron Howard:
He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain
weird-looking. Especially with a beard.

20.
Raffi:
Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of
any situation in which they would bed down with him.

19.
Chevy Chase:
He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.

18.
Malcolm Gladwell:
The Tipping Point.

17.
Jerry Seinfeld:
This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home
another model on Seinfeld.

16.
Carrot Top:
Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.

15.
Jon Lovitz:
Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know,
he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.

14.
Richard Simmons:
Words don't do it justice.
Shudder....

13.
Mike D. of the Beastie Boys:
We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it
like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get
within three feet of him naked.

12.
Wallace Shawn:
Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that
nasally lisp?

11.
Michael Jackson:
What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown
identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
This list just gets more and more horrifying...

10.
Don Imus:
"It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way,"
was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.

9.
Jay Leno:
"It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one
of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.

8.
Osama Bin Laden:
Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5",
no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

7.
Mike Mills:
You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless
you're trying to get to Pete Buck.

6.
Chad Kroeger:
It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact
that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.

5.
Alan Colmes:
Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each
night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for
radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!

4.
Dr. Phil:
Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.

3.
Roger Ebert:
Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him.

2.
Randy Johnson:
If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife
beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights
when he pitched to Otis Nixon?

Are you ready?.....

1.
Gilbert Gottfried:
Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to
what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced,
pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.
Gilbert may be nasty, but that Aflac duck is one mighty mighty fine piece of poultry.