Today I'm annoyed with all men, don't ask me why because i"m not sure. Maybe it's a PMS thing. I don't know. But I want to take a baseball bat to the head of every guy that I see.

Because men are effing retarded and have all the maturity of a cow in heat.

In other words, if one guy pisses me off (most likely my husband), than the rest of the world's men have to suffer.

So i found this flyer (I think it was stuck to Kraig's windshield, one side has a promo for a club), and I died laughing:
Laguna Institute for Aesthetic Vaginal Surgery
Feel 21 again...
Dr. yadda yadda is highly trained in this specialized cosmetic surgery designed to restore and enhance the appearance of the vaginal area. In ordinary terms, the procedure is essenticaly a "face lift" for the vulva and vagina, restoring their youthful appearance and function. Due to childbirth and even aging, the vagina and surrounding muscles can become stretched and lose their strength and tone. These surgical procedures result in thighter skin and muslces, offering a more pleasing appearance. These procedures are also known as labiaplasty, vaginoplasty and rejuvenation of the vagina. Dr. yadda yadda has developed and pioneered many innovative techniques in this newly evolving field of cosmetic vaginal surgery

Okay first off, I can't believe I even WROTE half those words (since i'm here at work and all). Secondly..."youthful appearance"...okay as far as I know, mine hasn't changed one bit EVER. Does it really get "old" looking? That frightens the crap out of me, since i'm already paranoid abuot the wrinkles on my face...i don't want to know what aging does "down there"!!! "Rejuvenation"...the sheer thought of this frightens the hell out of me.

In fact, this whole PROCESS scares me. And what scares me even more is that it's for a male plastic surgeon...oh hell no...I've never, EVER had a male doctor for those areas...and I have no desire to let a GUY decide what that area should look like.

Since I've got horrible self esteem, and today it's especially bad, today i'll bitch about Why I'm An Idiot (see...i'm an equal opportunity griper)...

1. I went to the gym at 10:30 last night, and somehow in the process I lost one of my magazines...i'm so retarded.

2. Came home, realized I still had candles lit, so I blew them out a little too forcefully and got wax EVERYWHERE...on the mirror, the counter, ME....do you know how stupid you have to be to do that?

3. I put gas in my car, at $3.01, and instead of just putting in like $10 worth i stopped paying attention to what i was doing and filled my entire tank.

4. I keep forgetting that I need to apply to remove the conditional sentence of my green card.

5. I keep forgetting that I need to re-do the inventory of the stuff for my house for my home insurance...and take new photos (I haven't done that since I was in my last apartmnet, and since I have a replacement-value policy...i'm inventorying EVERYTHING. Right down to my clothes. Geico's gonna be a new wardrobe dammit).

6. I keep forgetting to mail my friend Stacey her birthday gift...and her birthday is tomorrow...and it'll take 2 weeks for her to get.

7. I keep forgetting to email my brother to ask for my cousins' email addys because I promised i would stop being incognito. I LIKE being incognito...but that's not gonna fly anymore.

8. I agreed to hosting a game night, even though i thought it was shady that i got suckered into hosting it (and since the Hubby has been fabulous with my friends, i gotta suck it up for one night even though i REALLY don't like doing anything withp eople who constantly go in and out to smoke...who the f*ck does that under the age of 40?! And they keep leaving the door open...my cats will run out, and there's coyotes in my area)

9. I can't find the really awesome pencil that i ordered...i'm picky about my writing utensils at work.

10. I'm an idiot because i can't get this missy elliott song out of my head.

11. I"m an idiot because I keep forgetting to take a boatload of stuff to the dry cleaners.

Okay i'll stop bitching for now, because I'm having a serious "should have stayed in bed all day" moment...maybe on monday i'll call in sick...Have you ever had a day where you just want to hide from the world? Yep, today is that day...