Little miss black widow

Today's song of the day....
Well since I'm dying for Madonna's new album (esp. after seeing the album PR ad/cover, which is retarded because she looks mega airbrushed but whatever), I think the next while will have Madonna songs of the day.
Today's song is Thief of Hearts by Madonna from the Erotica album...
Bitch!
You're a thief of hearts and now you'll have to pay
How many licks does it take?
You're a thief of hearts and now you'll have to pay
Which leg do you want me to break?
You'll be sorry



Let's recap last night's TV lineup...

My Fair Brady: okay well I didn't really watch it, but I just wanted to say that if smoking will get me a body like Adrian's, light me up baby!

Surreal Life: I love Janice Dickinson. And Bronson is still a pervert. And i love Pink's fiance. And this show is so vacant, it's crazy.

Breaking Bonaduce: wow wow wowwww....I find watching someone tumble into deep destruction so fascinating...although if some redheaded drunk guy hopped in my car in the middle of the night, I'd have a serious flip out.

Desperate Housewives: maybe it's the married part of me, i don't know...but when Gabrielle was apologizing to Carlos on their anniversary... a weird shudder went through me.

See here's the thing...

Maybe it's the First Wives Club thing or something, I don't know.

I just know that when my fantastic makeup artist was doing her trial-run with me and my bridesmaids, I asked her what the difference was between marriage and just living together. I was on this tirade at the time to find out, because I knew so many people that lived together, and Kraig and I were on/off living together our entire relationship...I just needed to know what the difference was, other than legal stuff.

As in, did it feel any different? Did she suddenly walk through the front door after being married and it felt DIFFERENT? (She got married a few months before she did my makeup).

And what she told me was...getting married was like being part of a secret club, you're now part of the wives' club,and you just "know". She couldn't describe it...but you just....KNOW.

I had no idea what she was saying and I dismissed it at the time.

Then...when I got married...suddenly...I got it.

I KNEW.

For example, it was like when Kraig had to do something at work and he said "I have to check with my wife"....now this was something that would have impacted us if we were just dating, but you can't go and tell your HR "oh gee I have to check with my girlfriend"...like "I can't do ANYTHING without my GIRRRRRLFRIEND"...it's weird, because you could be dating for 10 years but it still sounds a bit off...but when he said "I have to check with my wife", suddenly it sounded like "I have to check with my business associate, both of us need to come to an agreement, her opinion also matters when it comes to this decision"....like suddenly you're "up" in the eyes of everyone, you've been promoted in everyone's eyes.

I don't know. I don't know how to put it. I just know that after I got married, I knew what my makeup artist was talking about.

So when they had that scene in Desperate Housewives where Gabby apologizes for cheating on Carlos...I thought "yesss...a chick wrote that part of the script...because she's not apologizing just for hurting him, or going against their marriage vows to foresake all others...she's crying because she knows she betrayed the bigger picture, and the wives' club, and everything that was built together as a team"....

If any of that makes sense. Probably not, because i'm effing tired...speaking of marriage, Kraig got sick yesterday which means I got no sleep.

So I spent all night thinking about how I was going to write a blog about effing SNORING.

Yeah you heard me bitches. Snoring. Boring topic? Suck it.

See I can handle a bit of snoring...I'm a pretty heavy sleeper and I associate snoring with some level of manliness in a bizarre kind of way.

But...Kraig isn't consistent with his snoring, sometimes he doesn't at all sometimes it's ALL night, which to me means it's somewhat controllable, which pisses me off even more.

And he doesn't snore in rhythm...he snores in some haphazard way, mixed with LOUD yawning, grinding of teeth, mouth smacking, air chewing, random talking... Yeah the first few months I toughed it out and sometimes just kicked him gently in his sleep in order to rouse him a bit awake, long enough for him to stop and hopefully let me sleep.

Then it got to the phase where I started to get ANGRY, i mean seriously violently angry that he was keeping ME awake while he was in such deep sleep, he could chew and munch on the air and snore like a jackhammer...I feel like he's doing it on purpose, to upset me...so by morning I'm so rude to him, and he's like "wtf did I do?"....

People have asked me why I haven't gotten him those snoring nose strip thingies.... I refuse. Because I've asked him a billion times to go to the doctor (and what guy goes to the doctor? Apparently none of them), and I feel like it's HIS responsibility to get the damn nose strips. I feel like this is an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond or King Of Queens....seriously, it's not MY nose and he should go research this crap and let me get a decent night of sleep.

I think i'm perpetually cranky as a result...mixed with the cats, and I swear I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. That's why I think napping is the most wonderful thing in the whole wide world....

If i ever get to heaven, I'm going to ask God to let me sleep for another 400 million years.