So apparently I'm not the only chick that has some defined "rules" when it comes to guys. I realize I'm married, but I certainly do judge guys, my friends' boyfriends/dates/manfriends/etc, because I certainly have at least the same if not higher standards for my girlfriends.
General rules:
Real Men Eat Meat. Fish doesn't count as meat. And I'm anti-pork. But real men are NOT vegetarians, and they appreciate a good hunk of meat cooked up on the grill. Goes back to caveman stuff. I want my men chopping wood and slapping a dead cow on their fire. You can't have passion if you only eat Tofurkey at thanksgiving.
No pink. EVER. Well okay at Hallowe'en, maybe. Pink is a BIG no no. I don't care if you shirt has a teenie bit of pink in it...it better have skulls on it then. Pink is for baby girls, for delicate things....heck it's the color for Breast Cancer Awareness for God's sakes....now unless you have breasts, you shouldn't wear it.
FLowered shirts This doesn't apply to Hawaiian print shirts....Magnum PI was hot for an 80s dude with a mustache. And yes we all know a certain Chino boy who likes his flowery shirts. But I'm sorry. Really, I am. But...choosing to wear FLOWERS on your torso...that's...so....bizarre....that's like voluntarily choosing to wear ribbons on your shirt. Why would you do that? It makes no sense.
P*ssy cars. Excuse my language...I really don't swear. But certain cars are unacceptable for guys to drive, such as: the Jetta, Tercel, HOnda Del Sol, Mazda Miata...you get the drift. Chick cars. VW Bugs are big time unacceptable. Well, all of these are okay for gay guys. FLAMING gay guys. Now let it be known, i do NOT require guys drive expensive cars. I couldn't care a less if all you can afford is a 1980 honda civic with each door a different color. I'll take a $500 beater car over a $30,000 chick car any day. So this doesn't make me shallow or materialistic. It just means that REAL MEN feel strongly about their choice of vehicle...just like they do meat.
And on that note, I'm okay if the rule should be applied to chicks too. I realize some chicks drive uber tough trucks. If, as a guy, you want to discriminate against a chick because her car is too dyke-ish...go right ahead. A chick driving a manly truck knows full well that she's little miss tough thang and that can scare off guys. I'm an equal-opportunity-car-discriminatory-chick.
Drive standard...stick, manual, standard, whatever you want to call it. I don't care if your CAR is manual...I just require that the guy knows how to drive stick. I know, not every guy can....so this one I'll let slide if the guy is fantastic. But the first time you see that sucker cry (i don't care if his dog died or if he got one of his nuts cut off)...you just remember, that pansy cries AND he can't drive stick...might as well cut off the other nut too.
Pay on the first date Yeah yeah i know. All the men of the world unite and scream at me. But before you do, remember, i'm the chick who advocates everyone be Crazy Fun Girl when your guy starts to back off and CFG gives lots of head. So...yeah before you argue with me....
The way i figure it, it's just old fashioned romance. I know we work, we want women's lib (personally, i DON'T...i'm FINE not working and living on one income, trust me, and having dinner ready every night as a result)...i mean, somehow in the end I end up paying for both me and the guy for YEARS to come...so at the very least, i just want ONE NIGHT where I can pull out my wallet and the guy says "Don't be silly, put that thing away"...since I'm paying for your sorry ass for the next N dates, you might as well just humor me with just ONE night off.
Eat more than the chick. This is SIGNIFICANT. I do NOT order salads on dates...heck, on my first date with Kraig I ordered the biggest plate of pasta. And i did that with all my dates after I became newly single and dated in the US. I think Kraig was horrified. But the point is...as a man, you have to eat more than me. You do NOT order a f*cking salad. I don't care that your company took you for all you can eat buffet at lunch. I don't care if you're going to work out later. I don't give a crap. I'm a girl, i'm half your size, eat a f*cking meal. And if you already ate...well who the ((bleep)) eats before a dinner date? That happened to Kim once...I would have ordered 5 courses (since it's the first date and he's paying anyway) and made him watch me chow through it all.
And on that note, tom lykes will be the first to tell men...if you're just gonna get laid anyway, order a salad because no chick will eat more than a guy and then you don't ahve to pay for a big huge meal. So if a dude orders a salad...order the most expensive thingo n the menu then bail out early because *yawn* you have an early morning....
NO BRIEFS...okay I've fortunately never had to be exposed to a guy who wore briefs (just boxers, or boxer briefs)...but i figured i'd throw that in for good measure.
Okay that's my list for now. Feel free to hate me. And then drive off in your Del Sol while you snack on a rice cake.
Added to say: MOTHER EFFER....Ryan Reynolds and The Rock are gonna do a buddy movie together. Those are 2 guys from my 5 list. (well the ever changing 5..but they are always on it). They better get off their asses and start filming.
3 comments:
Hey drunk frat boys can wear hawaiian shirts :P
Ryan Reynolds???... he's on your list of 5 people?... I thought aboot it for a sec, n' then realized that he's Canadian. Now it all makes sense.
Hey i didn't know he was canadian until last week. I loved him ever since he was on 2 GUys, a girl, and a pizza place...and dammit that show was funny.
Gotta make a blog about the top five....
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