In case no one got the memo, we're in a recession.
My attitude about all of this, other than freaking out about how much my home has dropped from what I owe (and it's an adjustable-rate loan that has yet to reset...yeah yeah I’m one THOSE people), has been to just chug forth. What else can you do? Don't spend loads of cash (but at the same time, I'm aware that some level of spending is what's necessary...oh you catch-22!), keep your resume up to date, blah blah.
I only half-listen to the news about the economic situation, stuff about Madoff and AIG...in the grand scheme, it doesn't impact me directly. I feel like we're all running a marathon. I'm trying to not let the distractions around me stop me from plowing through. I look around to make sure that nothing is barreling straight at me, but otherwise I'll let the other runners deal with it. And Obama counts as a runner.
But today, I'm officially freaked out. Like, curl-up-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-corner-crying freaked out. I guess I thought how I'm a GenXer, we survived a massive recession a short while ago...we can all do it again. Yeah, except now it's really bad. Like, I could very easily see myself getting a job at the Gap and then busting my ass in hopes that I can become a stupid 3rd Key manager. No wait, I can very easily see myself APPLYING at the Gap, and competing with retarded-ass Orange County kids. Does a store sales award from 1994 give me an edge in an interview?!
I'm even thinking that for once, maybe people SHOULD litter in case it DOES create a job for someone.
I listen to KFI 640am in the mornings...there was a debate over how much it effs everyone over when money is put towards job programs.on one hand, at least people are getting fed, but on the other hand you're expecting everyone else to subsidize failing businesses. Like a company like GM will never go obsolete. If you let it fall completely, then someone's going to take over the assets...and THOSE people will build it back up (instead of the old skool people who are still operating under unions and pensions) and protect the workers ensuring they have work.
Have you ever thought during a really bad rainstorm that’s lasted for days “Okay Mother Nature, I get it. You can stop the rain now. You’ve made your point!” I am officially telling the Economic Zeus Gods “Okay! We got it! Too much credit! Blowing cash we don’t have! Now bring us back to normal!”
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Letter to the editor
Not everyone is willing to have sex for money. Even "octomom" is apparently above that, having turned down staring in a porn film for cash. And she certainly does need the cash.
There's two key points here:
1. Obviously this doesn't apply to people who are mentally unstable, and Octomom is clearly a loon. Someone in a straightjacket in a mental ward has no concept of money either. I'm not going to preface all my blogs with "this applies to people of sound mind".
That being said...
2. Ahhh, because that's not her price. YOU think she needs the cash. SHE doesn't. She's turned down a ton of things that the average person would take in a heartbeat. However, if all her children had some illness that only some doctor in Zimbabwe could cure for $2mil, and oh coincidence another dude will bone her for $2mil, I would bet...well not $2Mil....five bucks that she'd do it. Just because we think her lifestyle is pure crap doesn't mean she does, and thus she doesn't think it's worth it.
3. PORN is not the same as getting paid for a night of sex (unfilmed and private). My price for doing Playboy is MUCH higher than a night of sex. In my case, porn would mean i would lose a large number of my friends, any future career, and my family would be humiliated, along with the stalker/unsafe factor that would result. A night of sex doesn't carry the same baggage or consequences (it does carry its own consequences, but not on the same publicity/audience scale). So you're comparing apples and oranges.
There's two key points here:
1. Obviously this doesn't apply to people who are mentally unstable, and Octomom is clearly a loon. Someone in a straightjacket in a mental ward has no concept of money either. I'm not going to preface all my blogs with "this applies to people of sound mind".
That being said...
2. Ahhh, because that's not her price. YOU think she needs the cash. SHE doesn't. She's turned down a ton of things that the average person would take in a heartbeat. However, if all her children had some illness that only some doctor in Zimbabwe could cure for $2mil, and oh coincidence another dude will bone her for $2mil, I would bet...well not $2Mil....five bucks that she'd do it. Just because we think her lifestyle is pure crap doesn't mean she does, and thus she doesn't think it's worth it.
3. PORN is not the same as getting paid for a night of sex (unfilmed and private). My price for doing Playboy is MUCH higher than a night of sex. In my case, porn would mean i would lose a large number of my friends, any future career, and my family would be humiliated, along with the stalker/unsafe factor that would result. A night of sex doesn't carry the same baggage or consequences (it does carry its own consequences, but not on the same publicity/audience scale). So you're comparing apples and oranges.
Monday, March 09, 2009
I take credit cards, paypal, money orders, and CASH
Thanks to a wisecrack (but oh-so-true) comment from a friend, I've been thinking about how my behavior and values can be changed for money.
I've got no shame in my game: I can be purchased. And anyone who says they can't be is full of sh*t.
If someone offered you a million dollars for sex, would you say no? What if you had tons of medical bills and a sick child who needed specialized treatment? Yeah an hour or two of nakedness would seem like a Godsend.
Plus, if you have a job, then you're a whore for money. Again, if you say no...see if you would do that exact same work even if you didn't get paid (but your bills still magically got paid). If I had no bills, I certainly wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
(fyi: for the record, I'm grateful I'm employed. i'm just sayin', if I won the lottery, I wouldn't sit 8 hours a day at a desk)
I recall the day that my friend Erin and I wanted a Snapple from the dude at a highschool sports game who was selling them. He was also selling popcorn from one of those popcorn cart things. There was popcorn EVERYWHERE. We had no money (which is so dumb...I had money. I just didn't have money for Snapple. See the diff?) and begged the guy to let us have the snapple. He was like "hell no".
We begged. We pleaded. Jackass told us "okay, if you eat popcorn off the floor".
We looked down, and saw some popcorn wasn't totally smushed and black from footprints.
Needless to say, we were sold and ate the non-marred popcorn off the floor.
Needless to say, Jackass' jaw dropped.
Needless to say, we were handed a Snapple without a peep.
Would I do that now? Of course not. Popcorn from a vendor has too many calories :P
I'm also certainly not above begging for money. Again, my friend Erin and I in highschool were all about getting a muffin from the cafeteria once a day. I remember exactly how much they cost: 75 cents. When you bought 10 muffins, you got the next one free. So it was also all about filling up this card. So after we ate our lunch, almost every day, we did the trek around the cafeteria and rotunda to try and get 75 cents. You'd think this would be easy, but when you do this daily you can't hit up the same people. And when you live in a bus-centric city, kids aren't so quick to give up their change. I came up with the best strategy: ask for a nickel, a dime, a penny, because no one's going to be THAT cheap and say "sorry, I can't spare anything" when all you want is a NICKEL. Especially if you say "can I BORROW a nickel?" In highschool, when I was a teen, people wanted you to pay up if you owed a dollar. But a nickel? Never. It worked.
I'm not below begging.
If I weren't so freaked out by bugs, I could easily have been a contestant on Fear Factor (I'd lose anything involving physical strength but dang pay me a few grand to just sit in a box and have beetles poured on me). In the grand scheme, I hope that I can be purchased out of any fears. That's because my biggest fear is homelessness, and getting paid to deal with my other fears thus takes care of the biggest fear of all.
Then we have the concept of time vs. money. I was once offered $50 to drink a whole carton of KFC gravy. I actually love KFC gravy, I'll chug that crap over a milkshake any day. My problem was when I did the math of how many calories were in there, and how long it would take on the elliptical to burn it off, it came down to like $15/hour. Which just wasn't worth it to me at that point. I could easily work at In N Out and make that (well...$12 anyway).
The other day I was listening to the radio and some chicks called up saying how they saw an ad on Craigslist for a dude who wanted a chick to show up and kick him in the balls as hard as possible. $250. They went, she kicked him, he handed her the money. Then he said he'd pay again if she'd do that again if he wore his boxers. She said yes. She kicked him. He paid her. Guess what he suggested next? Oh c'mon now, you'll never guess...okay I'll tell you. He then offered more dough if she'd kick him in the balls...bareback. She declined and ran out.
If some creepy dude wanted to pay me FIVE bucks to kick him in the balls I'd do it in a snap. Moron should have just gotten fresh with a chick in a bar, he would have saved a few hundred bucks. Now would I have agreed to kick a dude in the balls if he were naked? No, but I also wouldn't have shown up by myself (she had her friend in the car waiting for her...eff that. I wouldn't go in alone!). But if I could convince a fearless/strong/fighter dude to show up with me for $100, then hellz yeah I would have kicked his wrinkly balls as hard as possible (and then I would slather hand sanitizer all over the tip of my boot) for $250.
Now while I would kick a naked creepy guy in the ballsack for $250, I would NOT eat bacon for $250. I may be a horrible Muslim, but I'm still Muslim enough to not eat pork, and $250 isn't worth it for me to risk the wrath in the Hereafter. yeah. I said it. Hereafter.
However for $20 thousand...yeah I can take my chances. I'm hoping God would understand a filthy dirty animal is worth the consumption if it pays off your car and can get you refinished kitchen cabinets.
Hmmm, I think I need to revisit this concept a bit more...maybe I can get a side gig by doing retarded things for the dough. The hamster in my head is spinning in his wheel....
I've got no shame in my game: I can be purchased. And anyone who says they can't be is full of sh*t.
If someone offered you a million dollars for sex, would you say no? What if you had tons of medical bills and a sick child who needed specialized treatment? Yeah an hour or two of nakedness would seem like a Godsend.
Plus, if you have a job, then you're a whore for money. Again, if you say no...see if you would do that exact same work even if you didn't get paid (but your bills still magically got paid). If I had no bills, I certainly wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
(fyi: for the record, I'm grateful I'm employed. i'm just sayin', if I won the lottery, I wouldn't sit 8 hours a day at a desk)
I recall the day that my friend Erin and I wanted a Snapple from the dude at a highschool sports game who was selling them. He was also selling popcorn from one of those popcorn cart things. There was popcorn EVERYWHERE. We had no money (which is so dumb...I had money. I just didn't have money for Snapple. See the diff?) and begged the guy to let us have the snapple. He was like "hell no".
We begged. We pleaded. Jackass told us "okay, if you eat popcorn off the floor".
We looked down, and saw some popcorn wasn't totally smushed and black from footprints.
Needless to say, we were sold and ate the non-marred popcorn off the floor.
Needless to say, Jackass' jaw dropped.
Needless to say, we were handed a Snapple without a peep.
Would I do that now? Of course not. Popcorn from a vendor has too many calories :P
I'm also certainly not above begging for money. Again, my friend Erin and I in highschool were all about getting a muffin from the cafeteria once a day. I remember exactly how much they cost: 75 cents. When you bought 10 muffins, you got the next one free. So it was also all about filling up this card. So after we ate our lunch, almost every day, we did the trek around the cafeteria and rotunda to try and get 75 cents. You'd think this would be easy, but when you do this daily you can't hit up the same people. And when you live in a bus-centric city, kids aren't so quick to give up their change. I came up with the best strategy: ask for a nickel, a dime, a penny, because no one's going to be THAT cheap and say "sorry, I can't spare anything" when all you want is a NICKEL. Especially if you say "can I BORROW a nickel?" In highschool, when I was a teen, people wanted you to pay up if you owed a dollar. But a nickel? Never. It worked.
I'm not below begging.
If I weren't so freaked out by bugs, I could easily have been a contestant on Fear Factor (I'd lose anything involving physical strength but dang pay me a few grand to just sit in a box and have beetles poured on me). In the grand scheme, I hope that I can be purchased out of any fears. That's because my biggest fear is homelessness, and getting paid to deal with my other fears thus takes care of the biggest fear of all.
Then we have the concept of time vs. money. I was once offered $50 to drink a whole carton of KFC gravy. I actually love KFC gravy, I'll chug that crap over a milkshake any day. My problem was when I did the math of how many calories were in there, and how long it would take on the elliptical to burn it off, it came down to like $15/hour. Which just wasn't worth it to me at that point. I could easily work at In N Out and make that (well...$12 anyway).
The other day I was listening to the radio and some chicks called up saying how they saw an ad on Craigslist for a dude who wanted a chick to show up and kick him in the balls as hard as possible. $250. They went, she kicked him, he handed her the money. Then he said he'd pay again if she'd do that again if he wore his boxers. She said yes. She kicked him. He paid her. Guess what he suggested next? Oh c'mon now, you'll never guess...okay I'll tell you. He then offered more dough if she'd kick him in the balls...bareback. She declined and ran out.
If some creepy dude wanted to pay me FIVE bucks to kick him in the balls I'd do it in a snap. Moron should have just gotten fresh with a chick in a bar, he would have saved a few hundred bucks. Now would I have agreed to kick a dude in the balls if he were naked? No, but I also wouldn't have shown up by myself (she had her friend in the car waiting for her...eff that. I wouldn't go in alone!). But if I could convince a fearless/strong/fighter dude to show up with me for $100, then hellz yeah I would have kicked his wrinkly balls as hard as possible (and then I would slather hand sanitizer all over the tip of my boot) for $250.
Now while I would kick a naked creepy guy in the ballsack for $250, I would NOT eat bacon for $250. I may be a horrible Muslim, but I'm still Muslim enough to not eat pork, and $250 isn't worth it for me to risk the wrath in the Hereafter. yeah. I said it. Hereafter.
However for $20 thousand...yeah I can take my chances. I'm hoping God would understand a filthy dirty animal is worth the consumption if it pays off your car and can get you refinished kitchen cabinets.
Hmmm, I think I need to revisit this concept a bit more...maybe I can get a side gig by doing retarded things for the dough. The hamster in my head is spinning in his wheel....
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Most annoying commercial of March 2009
I swear to GOD my brain wants to explode when I see this commercial. Here's all the reasons why this commercial chafes my hide:
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
Why does getting old suck balls?
Just as I've come to terms with the glaring grey hair that I see on the left side of my head when I hunt it down in the mirror, I've been experiencing another human body wonder: Blepharospasm.
Aka, uncontrollable eye twitching. Which leads me to wonder, why anyone would want to control eye twitching. The past 3 days my left eye (linked to the grey hair perhaps? That f*cker is causing me all sorts of problems) keeps twitching, and it's freaking me the eff out.
Apparently it's tied to stress, fatigue, and caffeine.
Well I've reduced my caffeine, so it can't be that. However the catch-22 is that that's of course going to lead to fatigue.
So i'm going to blame it on stress. I'm definitely much more stressed than usual, but not to the extent where my body should start experiencing UNCONTROLLABLE EYE TWITCHING WHAT THE EFF!
Should go away in a week. Allegedly. According to the internet. Why doesn't the internet come with a guarantee of credibility?! Gahhhhh!
Aka, uncontrollable eye twitching. Which leads me to wonder, why anyone would want to control eye twitching. The past 3 days my left eye (linked to the grey hair perhaps? That f*cker is causing me all sorts of problems) keeps twitching, and it's freaking me the eff out.
Apparently it's tied to stress, fatigue, and caffeine.
Well I've reduced my caffeine, so it can't be that. However the catch-22 is that that's of course going to lead to fatigue.
So i'm going to blame it on stress. I'm definitely much more stressed than usual, but not to the extent where my body should start experiencing UNCONTROLLABLE EYE TWITCHING WHAT THE EFF!
Should go away in a week. Allegedly. According to the internet. Why doesn't the internet come with a guarantee of credibility?! Gahhhhh!
Grey matter keeps on churnin'
As much as I hate to admit this, gasp, I'm still learning. I'm not all-knowing. I'm not the wise genius that you all probably think that I am. I know, I know...I probably should have warned you to sit down first. I know. So a few things that have seeped into my grey matter:
1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".
2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).
3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.
4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".
5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.
6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.
7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.
8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.
9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.
10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.
11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.
12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).
13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.
14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.
15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.
16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.
1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".
2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).
3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.
4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".
5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.
6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.
7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.
8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.
9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.
10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.
11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.
12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).
13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.
14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.
15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.
16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.
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