Company Health Fair

The nice thing about working for a big company is that they give a crap about your well-being. Not because they care about your well being, period, but they care about your well-being because it costs them less in the long run.

At today's health fair I got the hookup on a free flu shot (after all, I'm so cheap, if they gave the flu itself away for free I'd take it) and a "biometric screening".

I discovered that I'm 1.5" taller than I thought I was (I'm slightly over 5'4. Go figure).

My dinner every night this week

All of my measurements were within the "yay! good!" range. The nurse told me that I'm "blessed" and that if I'm exercising, then I'm definitely in the peak of health.

If you had met me 8 years ago, you would have met someone who was a gym rat obsessed with eating salad. Today I count lifting the gas pump to my car as lifting weights. With Halloween, I found myself eating a crap ton of Almond Joys for breakfast. I'm back to weaning myself off of Diet Pepsi. In an effort to clear out my freezer, I'm eating all of the cheese curds ever given to me from friends visiting from Wisconsin or Ottawa (yes, that includes 5-year old cheese curds. Those things never get old. Ever.) by eating Poutine almost every night this week (fries, cheese curds gravy).

The healthiest thing I've done all year is that this week, I've decided to actually open the bottle of vitamins that has been on my desk at work. And by "on my desk", I mean, RIGHT in front of my keyboard, between my 2 monitors. Until Monday, it made a great paperweight for imaginary papers.

In summary: kids...don't try this at home.

Halloween Mofos

Dear Halloween mofos who decorate their homes but then don't have anyone home or leave a bucket of candy out...

It's not effing Christmas. When you decorate your home, it means "I've got loads of sugary goods bought in bulk from Costco just ready to unload on you".

Decorating your home for Halloween but not giving out candy is like dressing up in a negligee but saying you just want a nap.

Today's Facebook lesson

Listen people. I get you want to be popular. I get it. Really. It's a carryover from high school. But seriously...put the lockdown on your profile. Just do it. Even if you feel you have nothing to hide.

Because you do.

Today I spent some time Facebook stalking some people who aren't on my Friends list. You know you do it too. Why a playa gotta hate? They're not on my Friends list for a reason. But getting inside access to their photos, wall posts, and their friends dumb comments allows me to get all Simon Cowell judge-y on them.

If the outside world could see my sh*t, it may not be a pleasant picture. I'm not always good about untagging myself from unflattering pictures. I post some dumb stuff that makes me look not too bright. People post stuff on my wall that's incredibly inappropriate for anyone to read, which in turn is a reflection upon me because I respond equally-inappropriately. I try to keep my stuff relatively kosher when it comes to photos now that I've got a kid and I'm (allegedly) a grownup, but sometimes...you just gotta let your balls hang loose.

So back to stalking.

I did plenty of eye-rolling and "oh my GAWD"ing at their FB pages. But most importantly, my judgement was cast upon them for not knowing how to change their privacy settings. Or choosing to ignore them. The last thing you want to be is judged because of your inability to modify a social networking site's security settings. Tsk tsk.

Random Thought: bathrooms

It has come to my attention that it's a well-known fact that the downstairs bathroom at any work is the "poop bathroom". The one where it's socially acceptable to go poop in.

This does however contradict what a male coworker once told me: guys don't use the stalls because then you know your coworker is pooping, and that's frowned upon.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Being the cheap a-hole that I am, I buy all my holiday decor the day after the said holiday. Which is actually kind of cool the following year, 'cause it's like "hey, so what did I buy anyway?". It turns out I had bought 2 pumpkin carving kits.

Lemme tell you...using a pumpkin scoop doodad to get the seeds and guts out was about 1/100th the time it takes with a stupid spoon.

And really, if you don't have a pumpkin scoop, I think the trick would be: start with a fork. Yes, a fork. Pumpkin scoops are really just serrated edges, they pick up the pumpkin stringy bits. So if you take a fork to loosen all that stringy stuff, it'll be easier to later take a big serving spoon and dump everything out. Not as perfect as the real pumpkin tool, but it'll work in a pinch.

The more you know.

The result of our handiwork:

It's time....

I think it's time to bring this blog back. I've got a TON of stuff to gripe about.

Not my waterpark

This NEVER gets old. I'm thinking of making this my ringtone, to replace the "Sorry Billy, Happy Pony's on...and I'm NOT missing Happy Pony" ringtone.

Kermit

This disturbs me on so many levels.



(hmmm since everyone reads this blog now through facebook i don't know if the vid will embed or not)