Not my waterpark

This NEVER gets old. I'm thinking of making this my ringtone, to replace the "Sorry Billy, Happy Pony's on...and I'm NOT missing Happy Pony" ringtone.

Kermit

This disturbs me on so many levels.



(hmmm since everyone reads this blog now through facebook i don't know if the vid will embed or not)

Glee - Defying Gravity

I'm so effing lazy these days, I'm even too lazy to gripe about how lazy I am.

Anyway, it's worth posting here how incredible Glee was last night. Everything from Finn sticking up to himself against Quinn, Puck being a stud and wanting to pay for his can't-admit-it's-mine baby, and the Diva Off between Rachel and Kurt.

Love love the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, here's the version played in the show, where Kurt throws the high F note on purpose.

Found online though, their own respective versions and Kurt's doesn't have voice falter in this one:

Original from the show (direct link)



Rachel-only version (direct link)



Kurt-only version (direct link)


If Rachel wasn't such an obnoxious character I'd begrudgingly admit that hers was still better.

Hi, I have a PR person and they can spell.

Hmmm...really Kanye? If you're going to make something sound like you, then please add a touch of asshole to it. All caps, some "...............", a ton of exclamation marks.

And one gives a sh*t if you feel like a character in a fictional movie.

Now you owe Ben Stiller an apology.

Not to give Kanye more props...

((Update: dammit, the apology got taken down off Photobucket. It was an all-caps drunken asshole apology from Kanye))

((Update again: i just realized I say "news flash" a lot. Suck it.))

(for people reading from FB, i just linked a screenshot of Kanye's so-called apology to Taylor Swift, unclickable link here: http://i382.photobucket.com/albums/oo268/Antpantsss/jzaxf.jpg)

Let's go through what makes Kanye the KING of douches:
1. ALL CAPS. Come ON. I know he doesn't have a desk job and doesn't need to think about usability, but on what planet do you think an entire paragraph in all caps is necessary? Oh because you think your words are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than everyone else's words.
Do not abuse Caps Lock.

2. He first says she's talented, then makes a dig at her lyrics. She's fucking 19 years old. When you're 19, that stuff is huge to you. I was unaware that
Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
was pulitzer prize-winning penmanship. Her music isn't really my type, but take it for what it's worth: fun country/pop songs that are meant for teenage girls with crushes and are fun for us 30 year olds to drive to. That's it.
I highly doubt the above lyrics are any more deep than "she wears high heels, i wear tshirts, she's cheer captain and i'm on the bleachers".
(and let's not forget: her subway singing at the VMAs was a trillion times more amazing and displays her talent way more than anything I've ever seen Kanye do)

3. Adding to the ALL CAPS...the need for excessive exclamation marks. I'm reading your words. I get that you're yelling. I get that because I saw you yelling on stage even though you had a mic. You wanna be effective? One or two exclamation marks. Max.

4. The excessive "...". I use that a lot, i know, but damn if it's gonna take up half a sentence then just take a second to stop, think, THEN write. No one needs to know when you're pausing because you're ranting.

5. Saying you'll apologize to Taylor tomorrow means jack when she can read, you moron. "Hey, I'll just post a sarcastic all-caps message to my fans that really 'get me' and then placate everyone by saying I'll apologize to her tomorrow, she'll NEVER know that I don't mean it! Hee hee..." If you have what i'm assuming is 20 minutes to type a paragraph (i'm assuming that took him 20 minutes because he can't type worth crap, it's all caps, and i sure hope he was on a blackberry otherwise there's no excuse for the shorthand numbering scheme...someone that challenged isn't a fast typist), then take 20 minutes to post a heartfelt apology to HER, not a message to your fans or whoever the hell you think reads your crap.

6. "I'm still happy for Taylor". News flash: you being happy or not is irrelevant. No one cares if you were mad or happy or felt like slitting your wrist. You weren't nominated. It wasn't your award. You were six degrees away only because:
Kanye + Jay Z = video
Jay z + Beyonce = marriage
Beyonce + VMAs = nominated
VMAs + Taylor Swift = Kevin Bacon

So just becuase you are happy for someone doesn't mean you can ruin their moment. If that's the case, I'd like to know if at someone's wedding i can run up, splash wine on the bride, then later say "But i'm still happy for the lucky couple!". No one cares dude.

7. You apologize to your friends at MTV...i'm gonna guess you've burned that bridge and you don't even realize it.

8. "No disrespect but we watching the show from the crib right now because, well, you know". Umm kanye, news flash: if you were watching it at home that means it's a rerun. You were there live. It was aired live. So who you think you're disrespecting by going home and watching it, we don't know. Oh did you think you were disrespecting someone by not going to their after-party? News flash: you probably would have been ripped a new one and left anyway. it's certainly not your choice that you're not attending those events, so don't say you don't mean to disrespect anyone. (Hey maybe think about not disrespecting someone when you rip a microphone from a teenage girl's hands when she wins her first VMA ever).

9. Please learn to spell "Booyah" correctly.

10. So you gave your award to Outkast when you felt you should've handed it over. Whoop-de-frickin-do. So you're a martyr. That was when YOU felt you should hand it over. TAYLOR didn't feel she should hand it over. And to be honest, Beyonce's video is cool but it's just her and 2 other chicks dancing. "Beautiful Nightmare"'s video is wayyy better and that wasn't even nominated. Hell, I personally felt Pink should have won because that video is wicked entertaining and she pokes fun of herself. But I digress. Just because YOU felt Beyonce should win doesnt' mean everyone else agrees, so your "everyone should be as humble as me" is hypocritical at best.

I'm sure OUtkast was like "uhh...yeah...we'll just FedEx this baby back to you tomorrow..."

11. You say you're not crazy, you're just real. Dude...stick with crazy. Really. Otherwise you're just a real asshole.

12. I don't understand what being booed has to do with being a fan of "real" pop culture. No one has taught Kanye what pop culture means. The VMAs themselves, part of pop culture. Taylor winning an award and not Beyonce? Not pop culture. Oh but let's be real...5 years from now when VH1 has the World Series of Pop Culture, YOU get to be the pop culture question:
"Who won the VMA in 2009 when Kanye Douchebag West rushed the stage and wailed that Beyonce should have won?"

13. You really feel bad for Taylor and you're sincerely sorry, right after you wrote how she should have given up her award and how her lyrics don't show talent. Kanye, little bit of a news flash: when you read the last line of a paragraph, that usually also means they read all the letters before it as well.

Basically Kanye needs to have his own award show where he hates white people and gives awards to himself.

Damn...gets me EVERY time...

Listening to streaming XM (woo hoo thanks Syl), Breathe "Hands to Heaven" gets me every single frickin' time I hear it.

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving

Chorus:
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

Repeat Chorus

Morning has come,
I must pack my bags and say goodbye,
Goodbye

It's official. I'm a cougar. Argh.

So the easy way to define a cougar is to take your age, divide it by 2, add 7. That's PUSHING IT big time. And yes, that math only works over the age of 14.

At my age, that makes anyone under 22.5 to be WAY too young for me. Now I'm married, so fortunately it's not like I need to go looking online for cougar bars in the OC.

However I have become OBSESSED with Jesse McCartney's song "Leavin'", which only ingrains the notion that I have all the musical tastes of a 15 year old girl. Well suck it, the words are fun and the beat's upbeat and good too.

Note: i have a thing for songs that are well..."lyrically" well written. Not even that they rhyme, but that they just flow in perfect sync.

Then i saw the video, and realized dude totally grew up and became HOT. Like, really, really hot. And this video is what I would call "innocently sexy and hot". Makes me want to roll around on a mattress...without a bedsheet. And more importantly, Jesse M is adorable. Like, I-want-to-violate-him-adorable. Even though he's only 21. Argh. He has the most incredible hair (why do older guys think that us women don't notice hair? MEN get your hair cut, wtf don't let it get scruffy. And yes, we notice when you're balding. Get some rogaine or Propecia on that ish. Hell, I used rogaine when i thought MY hair was thinning,which really turned out to be stress, but point is that if us women can suck it up and take care of our aging flaws, so can you. And the point is that his hair is AWESOME and every guy should aspire to have his hair. Note to my husband: yes, you still have PLENTY of hair despite the other hair conversation we had today when i told you that i wanted you to rip all of my arm hair off and we discussed something that went along with that....).

My only beef is that although his wardrobe is probably very pricey, his grey trousers annoy the bleep out of me.

But he's just so damn hot in this video, and I like his sweater, I'll make an exception. The part where he says "let it rain" and does that thing with his fingers...well let me just say that the 15 year old girl in me is screaming and crying like it's NKOTB all over again (I never saw NKOTB in concert, and I wouldn't cry, but you get the drift.)



Is it just me or does she have weird jaw bones?
And why the eff do I think this is the sexiest line ever? Cause you're the baddest little thing that I've ever seen
I need help!

The best revenge

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

If the best revenge is living well, Pink is over the moon right now...her VMA performance right now is not only blowing my mind, but she looks better (and in the best shape of her life) than she ever had.

Dayam girl. You make divorce look good.

This is the only video so far online i could find, the resolution blows:


Edited to add:
ARGHGHGHGH Christina Aguilera, one of the reasons I adore you is because you are talented, you don't need to lip sync...clearly I'm not the only one who immediately noticed the lip synching at the VMAs. Sigh. True though, the song is pretty rad.

Edited again:
PLEASE! I get the ONE token VMA to give to Britney, but THREE?! Three?! For Piece of Me?! She's got much better songs, for real!? At least LL Cool J is still an ageless incredible specimen.

edited a third time:
Xtina's video in case anyone cares...great song, great choreography, horrible lip syncing...

Christina - Keeps [jonnyalisblog.com]
by Alisvideo

My music video...yes, i'm a big star!

Okay so I'm not a star and it's not my music video, i'm in it for all of like, 3 seconds...but it cracks me up.

The story: its Saturday night, out celebrating Janet's birthday + her goodbye shindig at Chronic Cantina...Kraig got crazy drunk...Tim called and ask me if I could be the fill-in for their "ethnic" model chick who bailed on them...

So the next morning it was me and Tim and my retardedness filming around Costa Mesa...here's the thing...Somehow in order to capture a "mood", i kept TALKING. Ummm people don't TALK TO THEMSELVES when they're in music videos but oh no, if i was supposed to think I was the shiz, I would walk along talking out loud "oh look at me, I'm the shiz, i'm the bomb dot com**".

The bit at the end, where i'm driving...I believe (Tim correct me if i'm wrong) I didn't realize he was filming and I was just yakking away like I always do, pretty oblivious...

For your viewing pleasure:


**i didn't say "bomb dot com", i only just heard that expression recently and i LOVE IT, but that's the gist of what i was saying to myself.

Edited to add Tony's comment here because it's just too funny to not be on the main page:
I can't decide if I want to ask you to autograph my ass, or if I want to tell you I really thought you would be writhing around on the hood of a TransAm at some point during the video....

Randy Jackson, you kick ass

Two seasons now of American's Best Dance crew...mother effing amazing show. I don't do reality competition style shows, but these kids are so mind bogglingly talented I'm in awe.

Last year I loved BreakS8 and JabbaWockeeZ....JabbaWockeez kicked ASS:
(skip to 1:30)


LOVED this routine (plus i adore One Republic):

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

I love this routine from Breaksk8, only because the part where they lift their shirts is effing sexy as all hell:


And now...SuperCr3w...these guys can do some seriously crazy stunts. This performance still blows me away:
(argh mtv obviously took it from YouTube...all i could find was this crappy ass quality one):


if the part at 18 seconds doesn't blow your mind, well...you've got no pulse.

So stoked for season 3....

Prelim review: Carbonite

So I'm sure in my random bitching I've demonstrated the bad luck with computers Kraig and I have had the past few months. (NOt to be confused with the plumbing problems, which surprise surprise, the knob shower situation is jacked up again and we're showering in the cats bathroom once more..but that's another blog for another time)...

I had researched external CD/DVD burners (because part of the computer problems I've had is having internal burners not working...better off having an external one that won't be impacted by internal issues)...I definitely wasn't going to go with an external hard drive after the WD MyBook fiasco as well. Anyway, yadda yadda, I decided maybe Carbonite would be the ultimate way to go, just effing pay someone else to deal with my problem.

So here's my review so far...

You can a free one month trial, so thumbs-up for the cost factor so far (sort of hard to complain when worst case, you get what you pay for**). Initially you select the file or folder you want to back up, right click, then select Carbonite-->Back Up This File.

**side note: now logic would tell you that you don't pay anything for spyware or viruses, so that's not the worst case. However I would argue that someone else using your computer for malicious purposes is more like, THEY should be paying YOU...and since they're not, then that's NEGATIVE money which is even worse. So worst case with something like Carbonite is that it doesn't work...they didn't benefit from you, you didn't benefit from them.

After that Carbonite just runs in the background backing up the files, and alerts you with a little green icon when it's all done. They warn you that initially it'll take a boatload of time, and then after that as you modify files it just automatically backs up, no action needed.

Now I didn't truly take the time to assess their fine print. Online reviews warned me that you have to manually push video files (since I have zero video files on the computer in question, I didn't care). Same for executables (once again, not something I was worried about). The problem? I didn't note how you also had to manually push files over 4k in size.

I have a gazillion mp3s from my Napster days, and almost all are over 4k in size each. So here I was all happy thinking my files had finally been updated, a little ghetto green dot was placed on the mp3 folder indicating my files had been uploaded...and then I realized that it had only uploaded small playlist files.

So there was my dilemma...was I going to right-click and manually push each and every one of those mp3s? Well the moron that I am actually attempted to this, and realized that the RIAA was going to find me long before I actually finished up.


In my infinite wisdom, I decided the way to go would be to zip a given music folder, and the push the single zip file.

Riiggght. Did I mention that this was at like 2am on Saturday night? Did I mention that this is for the older computer that we used because the "good" PC's hard drive went dead, and now it's fixed but contains no personal files?

Zipping A music folder containing a zillion files over 4k each, let alone MANY folders, on a computer that moves at the speed of molasses combined with the stress of Carbonite running in the background made for a painful, PAINFUL process.

Well that's pretty much all I can review so far. The trial runs out in 2 weeks, so eventually I'll get off my fat ass to nag at my husband to carry the "good" PC upstairs so we can try the next phase: Operation Copy My Music Back To Me.

Dirty Nasty

Well since everyone is all depressed over Heath, i figure this should cheer people up.






I remember scoping out Simon Rex back when he was a model...i dig superhot people who can make fun of themselves.

And Nick Swardson may very well be one of the funniest people alive.

Get outta my head

I swear, sometimes I should be shot for my horrible taste in things.

I actually kinda dig this video (mostly because poor Ashley doesn't realize that most people don't know that this is based off a series of paintings from the Salvador Dali museum) and the song...it's awful actually, it really is,b ut it reminds me of some bad early 80s music and purely for nostalgic purposes...i kinda dig it.

Feel free to beat me with my own limbs next time you see me.

My guilty pleasure

Okay. I admit it. I ADMIT IT. I've been watching NBC's Clash of the Choirs.

To my defense, I only recorded it last night because I wanted to see Nick Lachey. Turns out, I LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT and i'm not afraid to say it!

Basically the gist is that you've got 5 famous singers who get to hand pick their own choir from their hometown, compete, and the winner gets to put a boatload of dough towards some local charity.

I was positive Nick's team was gonna lose after their first performance last night...Kelly Rowland's choir did frickin' phenomenal singing George Michael's Freedom. Fer real, it gave me chills. Even doing a search for the video online today, it was clear that Kelly Rowland's choir kicked ass.

And now...here I am in front of the tv...and who got the least votes and won't be singing tonight? Team Rowland! In favor of frickin' Michael Bolton's stupid choir! (okay, they did pretty good with Living on a Prayer but still).

i'm playing the race card and saying it's because Kelly Rowland is BLACK. Do you hear me people?! America you're a bunch of racist mutha effas....how dare you not support AFRICAN AMERICAN KELLY ROWLAND!

Ummm okay well Patti LaBelle is also on the show...so maybe there's not much validity in my ranting.

**Edited to add: listening to Michael Bolton's choir right now...they sound like a bunch of cheesy karaoke singers. Grumble.