I'm having a delayed quarter-life crisis

Yeah. I said it. 

I'm almost 32 and I realized that my quarter-life crisis has been at a slow and steady pace since I was around 28.

All this bitching, all this griping...it all makes sense now! Before I was merely an annoying chick who was never satisfied and felt the need to let the whole world know her complaints. BUT NOW...it has been solved! I've just been going through a crisis, but at such a slow pace that I didn't realize it.

At least men in their 40s and 50s wake up and buy cars. Sadly, I can't do that. And I actually like my car. In fact, I love Eleanor. She has been good to me. Eleanor, baby, I'm sorry I haven't washed you in like 2 months. I know baby. A car is a reflection of its owner, and right now I look pretty hygienically unsound.

So what's a girl to do when she realizes that she's gone though the stupid fun years of her life and doesn't know what to do as a grownup?

Oh sure...there's all the grownup things. Job. 401k. House. No...house PAYMENTS. Sending out way too many holiday cards in December on behalf of "us". Laundry. Proper nutrition. 

But there's a shift in mentality that needs to take place. I feel like each chapter of our lives is represented by an entrance. Well, I haven't crossed the doorway. I've just been chillin' on the front porch so that I can keep my eye on the door from my Oh Look Sweet Freedom I'm On My Own Now! This Is Going To Rock Years. It's like turning my head and charging through that doorway indicates that I should bet that person. The kind that in every year earlier in your life, you never wanted to become. The one who talks mortgages (already do), bills(already do), weather (already do), and politics (already do although I aim to be as ignorant as possible with the exception of socialized healthcare which i feel damn passionately about...wtf in the States we pay more per capita for healthcare yet the #1 reason for bankruptcy is healthcare costs. Ahhh my tangent...I'll bring it back in now).

Listen, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not cool. I've never been cool. I just want ONE opportunity to be cool and then I promise I'll turn my head from peering into that party house that represents youth. So what constitutes "cool"? We don't want to be the 32yo equivalent of the douchebag old guy who gets a new corvette, or even worse, a new miata.

Options include:

Tattoos

Everyone's got one now. So I think at this rate if I got one I become a crazy conformist. And it's just so...permanent. I have NOTHING on me that's permanent other than scars, and I desperately slather Mederma and prescription scar cream in hopes of one day miraculously waking up to flawless skin. Why am I paying to have that occur? Although...the cheesy "made in Canada" logo that people in Canada get would seem pretty nifty and different when you live in the States.  But still...getting a tattoo would make me feel like it's the body part equivalent of getting a miata (not for others...but for me, since it's so out of character). The whole point of why it was cool once upon a time was the pain factor combined with the stigma of doing something so ooohhhh "wrong" to your body in a permanent fashion. I'm sure there's plenty of nerds to tattoo "Hello World" or "void foo(int a)" so really...I'll pass.

Splurge on an expensive grownup purse

There comes a time in every woman's life when she splurges and gets that one designer bag she's dying for. Guys, don't even TRY to understand this. And lord knows, I've provided many a slobbery goo over the pretty things I've seen here in Orange County. But my paranoia exceeds my desire, and my fear of being robbed prevents me from ever starting a "nice expensive prettttyyy purse fund so that I can stop justifying why I have 25 non-designer bags that although they're cute and functional, it's just not the same". I don't think I would get robbed for the purse. I think I would just get robbed, period. Regardless if my purse were Hermes or Target, I can still get robbed. The last thing I want is to be negotiating with a robber "For real, take the CONTENTS of the purse. Take my wallet, take my cell. Just leave me my purse and my lipgloss. Please."

Get a whole new hair-do

Been there, done that. Spent forever feeling like Eva Longoria's ugly sister. While my hair still looks better, all it does is make me feel that I should have been visiting Henry the Stylist years ago.

Pursue a Master's degree

This falls under the "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". Well the other parts of life that involve bills make this not so much an option (well, everything's an option. But the risks/consequences/stress aren't worth the potential outcome of it providing me with what I'd want). Plus I once looked up the whole thing of having my Canadian degree scoped out to see if it fits whatever requirements, and that just seemed like one big pain in the ass. It was 4 years of hell at horrific Ottawa U, I'd like to not revisit that past in order to attempt a future degree.

Plastic Surgery

Well I haven't had plastic surgery, but I did get a "cosmetic procedure" a few times. And it was AWESOME. Like...for real...I can't speak enough on the merits of injecting food poisoning into your face. God bless the team that used this for medical purposes only to discover their patients were lookin' mighty fine. Sadly it's a little hard to justify the cost vs. the frequency it needs to be done. Sigh. I've got syringes from my cat's insulin and plenty of meat I can let sit on the counter...can't I just scoop up some of the moldy goo, inject it into my forehead, and see what fun ensues?

So what's a girl with a delayed quarter-life crisis to do? 

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Ha you thought I had an answer? Hardly.  Probably just a good ol' fashioned bitch slapping session with someone finally PUSHING me through that entryway into grownup world.

Facebook users, original link can be found here in case you care.

Handwriting analysis

So I got a handwriting analysis done by a an ex coworker who is trying his hand at it (ha ha...that was a great pun)...here's what he came up with from the mess of a handwriting job i provided. His notes are regular font, Kraig's opinion is in italics, mine are in red.

· You are direct and energetic.
- true
Hmmm, this is a mix...I'm actually not THAT direct, however my approach to things is direct because I"m very impatient. So if i want something, I'm not going to hesitate to go up to someone and get it...but when I go up to that person, I play the little dance to figure out the best way to get it. It's the ex-salesgirl in me I guess.
As for energetic, I dunno...I'm pretty lazy. But that may be because I use up my energy when i'm out with people, 'cause when I get home all I wanna do is nap nap nap. In fact, if I seem like i'm bubbly around you, just know that deep down, I'm fantasizing about my next nap.



· In many ways a person’s handwriting is like a seismograph, a readout of unseen activity below the surface. Your writing reveals that there is a lot of activity below the surface. You are characteristically sympathetic, cheerful, emotional and optimistic.
Emotional yes… sometimes cheerful. You are Cynical and you have no sympathy unless its for animals :p
Kraig nailed it. I really do have little sympathy for the most part for people, but if its for animals than I'm ready to be their little animal therapist. Cheerful...hmmm...depends around who. I'm cranky most of the time I think. Optimistic, definitely NOT. My mantra is: expect the worst, and the worst won't happen, if it does then at least you're prepared

· Everybody enjoys solitude at some point and companionship at other times.Your writing says that you tend to enjoy your quiet moments more, and that it may take some time to open yourself up to others. People may see you as a ‘chatterbox’ sometimes but there is a very private dimension to you that few people get the chance to enjoy.
Very true

Yes to the bone. That chatterbox line is crazy true, and sums me up on so many levels. I wish i could kiss the guy who wrote this, becasue seriously it really is EXACTLY how I am. And most people think I'm some social butterfly, but really I love just curling up with a blanket, my cats, and a magazine on a Friday night.



· The letters in your words indicate that you are outgoing and sometimes outspoken. But you are mature enough to exercise reserve and caution when it’s called for.
true
LOL well some people say that I don't exercise reserve, but yeah I'm pretty outspoken. I'm a loudmouth for the most part. I've gots no shame in my game, if I've come up with something fabulously witty yer gonna hear it.

· You are tolerant, sensitive and impressionable.
Sensitive and impressionable… yah I guess this is all true.
Impressionable, BIG TIME...on so many levels. I start to mimic the mannerisms and expressions of those around me. I STILL use expressions from my buddy slash ex cubemate Tony ("He should be shot") and we worked together 8 years ago. I swear, put me in a room with people from Compton and you'll be thinking i'm from the ghetto in no time. As for tolerant, that I don't know. I guess I am, people wonder why I put up with some crap for so long, and I think that's because I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt above and beyond everyone else's typical patience level.

·You have undiscovered or underdeveloped gifts of creativity.
Very true
Well if I have undiscovered talents then I don't know about them, so how could I dispute this? But creativity overall....I'm relatively creative, however I feel like creativity and logic are opposites, and I'm much more logical than creative. I want concrete numbers to work with over abstract thoughts like "make it blue"...what shade of blue? Give me a Pantone number. How opaque?



·Not everyone knows how to treat themselves as good as you treat yourself. You might lack inhibition and you tend to indulge your various cravings. You are quite ‘at home’ enjoying yourself with things that make you happy.
You don’t treat yourself well – so this is partially true
HA hardly....this is the only thing int his last that's truly wrong, i'm not comfortable at ALL treating myself with crap! My big splurge is to buy some more Lip Smackers chapstick at Target.


· You can be compulsive and indecisive
– true
YES YES YES so true. I can't believe my handwriting showed this. I'm so indecisive, it's mind boggling. I treat reading a menu like it's effing Sophie's Choice. "Ohhh, the chicken or the pasta? No...wait...the panini...oh...OHHH the humanity!"...

· You don’t operate according to ‘convention’. You think and act independently with a directness that might be mistaken for disrespect sometimes. But you are actually quite modest and accommodating.
– very true
This is so unbelievably true it's unreal. Even down to the disrespect part. For example...I went to a movie (sorry Carrie, I know you hate this example) with some friend's and a friend's friend, some chick I'd never met.

After the movie we were chatting about how she managed to save us seats on opening night of the movie, she was saying how she finangled the door guy yadda yadda. Being the ultimate scammer that I am, i was so floored, I just kept bombarding her with questions so I could learn to do that in the future. She however had a little freak-out and started yelling "oh, i though i did a GOOD thing by getting us seats! i'm SOOOO sorry!" and got all pissed off.

Thankfully Carrie was like "no, you don't get it, Sabina thinks this is great, she wants to learn more"...i was so stunned that this psycho chick flipped on me when I was (what i thought) giving her praise for her wise tactics.

On a side note, Carrie later was like "I knew she opened a pandora's box!"...i've spent WEEKS dwelling on that psycho chick's response, freaking out that i've offended her friend (not the psycho girl, but carrie's friend), yadda yadda....it's just funny that she kept trying to convince me that the problem really was this girl, not with me, but that she knew she wouldn't be able to get me to think otherwise lol.

Don't hate the camera, hate the cameraman

I've officially decided that my camera has a Goob filter. If I didn't know me, and I saw pics of me, I'd want to punch me for being such an insubordinate Goob.

Pics from this weekend, too lazy to divide them up but at least I wrote captions. The first set are from Sat night, went to dinner in Laguna for Nicole V-now-B's birthday, the next set is for this charity fashion show thing I went to...

Shutt Yo Fly link

So i had the morning from hell, I had to take Stash to an eye specialist because he's got, for lack of a better word, a serioudly goopy eye. Which he's had for years and I didn't think much of it until the vet was all "oh, his eye could rupture". I freaked out, and drove him all the way to frickin' Tustin to see this specialist. Tustin is mutha effing FAR when you've got a cat hyperventilating and howling in your car.

Typically I can survive cats hollering at me, I'm very much of the "suck it up I'm paying serious coin so you can get better", but he was breathing so hard I was afraid he was going to pass out, so I'm hyperventilating...bad bad.

Anyway, the good news is that it's nothing crazy. He damaged a tear duct (some stuff from when he was a kitten at the shelter) and its scarred over, so his tears don't drain through his nasal passages, they just pour over his eye. They told me eventually it could lead to an ulcer, but in the grand scheme he's okay as long as I keep an eye on him. My poor baby. They kept sticking these little paper things right in his eyeball to see how fast tears would produce...it was nuts, his bad eye just soaked through the papers in a split second. ANd then he was left with blue and green ink all over his eyes for the rest of the day.

There goes $250. I swear, no one spends as much on their cats as I do. And when I got home, Stash just gave me the evil eye (HA bad pun).

Thoughts for the last day in June

A few random, random thoughts for this last day of June:

1. I just realized I missed my brother's birthday. Dammit.

2. I'm seriously the clumsiest person alive. I wish i had a nickel for every time I smacked my car door on my forehead. Today, leaving PetSmart, i did it yet again. My skull probably has bizarro grooves in it as a result being whacked so many times. I once did it close to my eye, mymother insisted I had a boyfriend who was beating me. No, no, I really am just THAT clumsy.

3. Okay, NOW i think the cost of gas is starting to bug me. I held up a good fight, and tried to think that it was worse in the 1970s. But now i'm much more aware of how many times I"m gassing up, and this Excessive California Driving situation is killing my wallet's mojo.

4. Pizza Dude's pizza tastes nowhere near as good at the Z Pizza in Ladera Ranch.

5. A ton of people I know got laid off today, and layoffs = anxiety for me. Bad bad memories of going through it myself. I seriously think we've been gypped that there's been two recessions this decade. Ugh, i think I'm going to have a hard time getting to sleep tonight as a result of the layoff news.

6. Carrie's going to kill me, but I haven't really been watering the flowers she's got in my backyard.

7. Why hasn't anyone invented any of the following:
a) teleportation
b) cure for cellulite (or really, MY cellulite)
c) kitty litter that requires me to never clean...EVER. The Littermaid doesn't count.
d) a better frickin' TSA system at the airport?
What are we, Amish?!

8. Humans have evolved a ton over the past few years, centuries, whatever...why does it still take 9 months to createa baby? Haven't we refined the process so its more efficient and the whole thing can be whittled down to say, 3 weeks?

9. I went to a charity even on Sunday, and I've noticed that charity dinner/brunches/meals always involve some sort of prayer. The intonation or whatever the f*ck its called. This makes my blood boil so much, it makes me NOT want to give to whatever charity i'm there for. If you think its not a big deal, imagine if you were at some charity event and Osama Bin Laden gave the little prayer. You'd be kind of freaked out and worried a lightening bolt would come down on you if you even acknowledged what he said. Sorta how i feel. Can't we separate Church and Charity?!

It's 11pm. Time to get my sleep on.

Countrywide gets boned by BoA!

Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
This news totally shocked me.

Most of my banking is done through Bank of America...and my home loan is through Countrywide. So you'd think I'd be cool with this, but I'm not...I like BoA because they're everywhere (to canadian folks: if you remember in our OAC economics class they taught us that anyone can open a bank in the US, it's not like in Canada where there's just like 5 banks and thats it other than credit unions...so you could have a bank with only like 2 locations) and because their online bill paying is absolutely fantastic.

That being said, i also can't stand BoA for the same reason I can't stand 24 Hour Fitness: they're the McDonald's of Banks. I would never want my home loan through them.

Well, I guess COuntrywide had to bend over and take one for the team. The article says:
Bank of America said it initially plans to operate Countrywide separately under the Countrywide brand, with integration occurring no sooner than 2009.

I just need them to not f*ck around with Countrywide too much till the end of 2009 when I have to refinance. That's all I ask. I love my loan dude (Gina's ex husband), I really like the communication, etc...please please PLEASE don't eff me over....

In other news: TGIF!

Ebay f*cker!

From an email I sent to someone:

Okay I"m SO p1ssed. I got this email from a bidder:

This item was paid for on 12/30/07. It's now 01/09/08 and I still haven't received it. What is going on? I called the post office and gave them the tracking number you supplied. They said they have no record of the item or the item number. With all due respect, I'm not in the habit of paying good money for nothing. I need you to contact me asap at 917.709.0457 with an explanation and the whereabouts of my dvd's. If not, I'll be forced to file a report to EBAY & Paypal claiming non-receipt and possible fraud. I'll be expecting your call by 5pm Eastern Standard Time (2pm Pacific time).


So not only did I send him an email saying if he actually looked at the tracking numbero nline, it shows it was processed, but also that it was shipped parcel post which takes up to 9 business days (which hasn't' been 9 yet).

Then i call him and the guy is a COMPLETE idiot, giving me until 5pm tomorrow to have the item to him. I'm like "well you can't escalate it to ebay, it shows the shipping label was printed and the item was indeed shipped but okay go for it", and he starts tellling me how the post office is MY responsibility. I"m like "uh you didn't get insurance, so no i'm not".

he also proceeds to tell me that he doesn't use the online tracking tool, he goes straight to the "horse's mouth". Uh the government employees at the podunk post office? WTF!

So then *I* called the 1-800 number and the lady was able to tell me that it was shipped on the 31st, left california on the 4th, and that she didn't have more info but the 9th day is technically Friday so worry about it on Friday.

I call the guy back and he FLIPS OUT on me...why? Because i didn't ship it priority mail because he spent all of $5.10 on shipping. I'm like "well that's what was listed on the auction, if you wanted it shipped another way you should have said that BEFORE it was shipped!"...so then he yells that he's going to escalate this to ebay and hangs up on me!

What kills me is that i'm going to get bad feedback from this moron even though it's 100% his stupidity (I even checked his ebay ratings, someone else gave him a bad score for the exact same thing)...

So now I'm praying he'll get the item today or tomorrow. OH to top it off, i said i would call him when i spoke to the post office (even though i'm not going to ask the local post office, wtf there's not much they can do when it's in transit) and he said "well this is my work number and it gets turned off at 5". then i said "well...it will be after 8pm your time before I will talk to them" and he insisted that I call him before 5pm...HIS TIME. I'm trying to be all nice and polite but i'm like "WTF i can't leave work before 5pm and there's a time difference, you f*cker" (i didn't say that but damn i wanted to).

WHY WHY WHY are the majority of people total morons?!

Going to post this on my blog. Even with his frickin' phone number.

Money, costco, jobs, and bling

So did some web surfing crap and came across this:
Job-related stress is extremely common. According to the Jobs Rated Almanac, the five most stressful jobs are:
1. President of the United States
2. Firefighter
3. Senior corporate executive
4. Race car driver
5. Taxi driver
The five least stressful jobs, according to the Jobs Rated Almanac, are:
1. Medical records technician
2. Janitor
3. Forklift operator
4. Musical instrument repairer
5. Florist

I think it bothers me a bit that a medical records technician's job isn't stressful...you SHOULD be stressed. Keeps you on your a-game. That being said, I once was item #5 (although being 14 years old nothing is stressful...oh wait, this is me we'er talking about. The only job that I felt wasn't stressful was Le Chateau, because I was there for so long and I was the quickest person on the cash register...so when the store got crazy busy, i was automatically put on the cash register which is easy monkey work).

Naturally being a florist isn't stressful...although I sucked at floral arrangements and the only thing I could do properly was a simple bouquet of a dozen roses (with or without baby's breath, although I preferred to make it without). Other than not being able to arrange anything in a vase, the only other thing that bugged me was that my hands were marred from the roses' thorns...it'd say I had a ratio of 60:40 skin to holes on my palms. Which even then wouldn't be so bad if part of the job didn't involve packaging our own floral preservative, which was like pouring battery acid on all those wounds.

In other news, my Costco membership is expiring and I really don't feel like doling out another $50 for a membership (seriously, I hate costco. Almost as much as I hate 24HF. You have to save $50 just to break even. And their prices are NOT that great...i've compared them elsewhere. I just go for the stuff that's costco-specific) until BBQ season. So last night I went on a huge grocery store spree and ended up talking to the cashier about how much people spend at costco.

She said that people easily blow $10-$15K, mostly because they're buying TVs and stuff. But then we started talking about the jewelry section...when i never really noticed because it's not like I'm going to buy anything and my goal with Costco is to get in and out asap (the longer you're there, the more you spend). She said that one time someone bought a $100K ring. It was 22 carats. They had to get the police to escort them out. Nuts!

And seems like bigwig executives buy jewelry there all the time. So I went again today at lunch and checked out the jewelry section...nothing was $100K, but there WAS a pair of diamond earrings...for $56K. FIFTY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS...at Costco. I think they were a little over 2 carats. Most of the diamond stuff they had averaged between $2K to $15K. I just can't get over that you can buy a bulk box of detergent...and a pair of earrings that cost more than my car (and heck, i bought my car brand new!).

On to money matters...

So in February I have a CD that's finally expiring. Effing Bank of America...the rate was so crummy. I believe I put in around $3000 and earned $483 in interest. Gasp. Such a huge amount (grumble. I think the crummy rate was 3%, which hardly keeps up with inflation). Anyway, so my debate when it expires has been:
1. Put the $3K towards the HELOC loan, put the rest in the botox fund (it's been awhile since i had it done).
2. Put the $3K towards the HELOC loan, get laser teeth whitening. I am obsessed with teeth, especially my own (naturally), and the past 2 years of drinking diet pepsi has stained them IMO.
3. Put a little under $3K towards teh HELOC loan, get a decent frickin' laptop.

Let's break this down. I went to the dentist today (my dentist kicks ASS. She works at another office and on Wednesday she's going to be working on Brad, Angelina, and all fifty of their kids) and she was like "you're nuts, you're teeth are white, you're fine. Just use the bleaching trays you already have" (another reason why i love my dentist: 'cause they don't sell me crap to make a buck). And the hygienist agreed. But...i personally LIKE teeth that are milk- or paper-white. I've invested alot into my teeth (as have my parents) and if they have to glow to get attention, so be it. There's very few things I like about myself...my teeth deserve center stage.

But...well if she thinks it's not worth it, then fine.

I was going to forego the botox, but this morning I looked in the mirror and I think i wrinkled my forehead IN MY SLEEP. And it's making my whole face look haggard. The only problem with botox is that you do have to maintain it...granted, the mroe you do it the less you have to get it done (i.e. down to 1x/year), but until then it's kinda pricey.

So that leaves the laptop. Which is the smart choice, assuming that I verifythe bootlegged s/w I have (Office 2003, Dreamweaver, etc) works on Vista since that's all you can pretty much get (and i'll i'd want...i wouldn't want to get a laptop with XP only to later upgrade it to Vista since hardware with Vista pre-installed was designed specifically for it. I'm not f*king around with microsoft).

THEN...i was scoping out HP laptops (my favs are HP or Sony Vaio laptops...HP because that printer of mine was kickass and it sens a message ot me about the reliability, Vaio because i had one once for work and loved it), their mousepad track thingy is awful. So...we'll see.

When it rains, it pours!

You know how some people have one car problem after another? Well it seems we have computer problem after another.

A year ago we swapped out the old "main" family computer for Kraig's somewhat old Dell computer (it was better...it just wasn't being used because Kraig had a laptop from work he was using). STored the Old Main in the closet.

Computer Status at this time: the Dell, his work laptop, and this ghetto old laptop i've got.

Earlier this year kraig got a new job, so he got one of those Western Digital "MyBook" things (over $200) to put the stuff from his work computer, his work laptop on...well after the IT guy at his old company erased those systems, the MyBook crapped out.

Kraig called WD but basically they said they could give him a new one (it was brand new), but that wasnt the point...the information ON it is what's important.

I took it into my IT guy at work and he said that the disk inside won't spin, he popped off the case and tried to attach it to a regular computer...basically, it was dead. Kraig then looked into a storage recovery thing but those are CRAZY expensive 'cause they have to wear bunny suits and look all fancy to protect the disk when they try to recover the info.

Computer status at this time: The Dell, the ghetto laptop, and an unusable WD storage device.

Then the ghetto laptop got f*cked up REALLY badly. It kept crashing, then restarting, and the only way to get it to stop this cycle was for it to repeat it and let the battery die out. I had to re-install windows from scratch (have you ever tried doing that? It took HOURS. And wiped out everything I had). It still doesn't work great, I get a blue screen about once an hour, so it's good for random web surfing and that's it. Remember the blue screen of death days? It's even WORSE when you get it without having Windows 95.

THEN the Dell crapped out...it gets stuck at the main Windows bootup logo thing...so this morning Kraig and I had to put the Old Main one back in ('cause i've got stuff I need to do that requires a steady system, knock on wood).

Computer status at this time: a Dell that won't work, a ghetto laptop that barely works, an unusable WD storage device, and an Old Main computer that seriously it like working on my old skool Pentium 75.

THEN...THEN...just NOW...i was printing shipping labels for my ebay stuff when my printer crapped out. By "crapped out" i mean, it shorted out. I can unplug it and replug it in and get a flicker of light for a second and that's it.

I LOVE THAT PRINTER. It's an HP LaserJet 4, one of the best printers ever made. That thing is at least 15 years old and has held up SO well. If you go online it still gets the best reviews for printers, and that sucker is still used in businesses. LOVE LOVE LOVE this printer.

So what do I have now?
A super crazy old slow Old Main family computer and the use of my HP inkjet. The inkjet is fine but it's not ideal, for the cost of replacing ink in that sucker I might as well buy a brand new laser printer. Plus i'm a Printer Snob: inkjets, deskjets, whatever, they're unacceptable. It's laser or nothing.

Do i pay to fix the HP? Do I get a new laser? Either way, it'll cost $$...which is ironic since it shorted out while i was trying to print out shipping labels for stuff on ebay IN ORDER TO MAKE MONEY...argh. One step forward, eight steps back.

No...it can't be...over...

It's one hour till Sunday, which means there's only a few days in my Xmas vacay left...

Oh the humanity, no! My anxiety is already creeping up. Which maybe contributes to why I screamed at my husband like a madman (madwoman) this morning for using the stupid built-in cutting board instead of a regular dishwasher-friendly cutting board.

Anxiety = bad.

Watched a few DVDs over this holiday...

Movie Review: 28 Weeks Later
I really enjoyed 28 Days Later, mostly because it's concept of a "rage virus" was a fresh take on the usual zombie movies. It doesnt' make sense that dead people attack live people and can move like an athlete on steroids; it does make sense that there's a virus that makes you do crazy sheeot.

Let's just say the original movie is like an Academy Award winning movie compared to the sequel.

The is that 28 weeks later the world decides that you can go back to England because the last of the infected have died of starvation. First off, no one in their right mind would think less than a year later is okay to go back. Secondly, you wouldn't bring back civilians....oh but then you wouldn' thave a movie if you didn't have some retarded civilians effing everything up...

Anyway, I won't even bother with the rest of the review except to say that it's the usual monster comes after the good guys, good guys keep running, monsters keep chasing them, repeat repeat.

Movie Review: Smoking Aces
I was really excited to see this movie, for two reasons:
1. A crapload of people told me it was incredible. I forgot that a crapload of people = masses, and masses of people are generally morons.
2. Ryan Reynolds is ridiculously hot.

The gist of the movie is that there's one dude that has a hit out on him, and the pricetag to whoever can kill him and get his heart is a million bucks. So we follow various groups of hitmen (plus two hit women) plus the FBI agents who are also out to find him before he runs.

Jeremy Piven, who's normally a total blowhard, is VERY good as an egotistical magician who's going nuts in his hotel room knowing that people are out to get him.

And the tales of all the quirky-yet-lovable-or-uber-cool hitmen were very entertaining.

My main beef was the very end...totally predictable AND boring...like they couldn't come up with something else. Except the DVD shows they DID have an alternate ending, which was equally bad.

So...if you don't care about the very end, then I guess it's pretty entertaining. Would have been nicer to have some great fight scenes, instead of just straight-up fight scenes. And you can't go wrong with Ryan Reynolds, beard or no beard. And the DVD outtakes were pretty good.

And because I can, a gratuitous picture of Ryan Reynolds:


I've got out on Netflix "Strangers with Candy" and "Au Revoir Les Enfants", so hopefully those will live up to the hype.

Defensive Pessimism

In case it's not super obvious, I have mass amounts of anxiety and I worry like crazy. This used to bother me quite a bit...it's not normal to be in constant Chicken Little mode.

Eventually this year I finally realized that this kind of panicking and anxiety has served me VERY well over my life. Its lead me to be prepared for things that most other people aren't (emergency fund for layoffs, getting an advanced medical directive all set up so i'm not eating cream of mushroom soup if i'm in a coma, etc).

Yesterday I found this article about how bad that kind of attitude is, and that it's possible to still think ahead without the extreme anxiety.

There's a name for the kind of worry that contributes to a positive outcome: defensive pessimism.

DEFENSIVE
PESSIMISM

LOVE
IT!

It's not like it's easy to overcome this kind of thinking. All it takes is ONE incident to validate your feelings. I'm also mildly obsessive compulsive (i need need NEED need doors to be locked)...one time we stayed in a hotel in Florida, all of us with our passports in there, and i ran back down the hall to double-check the door...well turns out, the ghetto hotel's lock was busted and we ended up not only switching rooms, but switching hotels (they accused US of breaking the door...uh it's a key swipe system how do you break that?)...We all would have been effed (Christine and Noel in terms of traveling back to Canada, me with my TN visa in there) if something had happened as a result.

I say, EMBRACE your anxiety. Sure it'll eventually lead to heart disease and an ulcer, but you've already prepared for it so it's not that big of a deal.

When I planned for my wedding, I was one sack o' anxiety for 9 months straight. STRAIGHT. The day of however, even my makeup artist commented onhow i was the most relaxed bride she's ever seen. Both random and orderly panicking had served its purpose; it allowed me to feel like I had controlled everything that could be controlled and barring a tornado, nothing could throw me for a loop.

Part of being a good anxiety-driven patient is to find the most out there "what ifs" beyond what is right in front of your face. Even if I won the lottery and could afford laser eye surgery, the reason I don't is because knowing my luck, that's when there'll be a super bad earthquake. Power outages aren't a problem, but the earth shifting causing that laser to just go "eeeeeebzzzzz" off my eye onto my head is a serious concern.

(This is also a concern with permanent makeup, which I discussed with someone yesterday when I said why I wouldn't ever get tattooed eyeliner, no matter how affordable).

Plus there's also an extreme anal-retentive side to its success. The instant I have to call anyone for tech support, customer support, whatever, I immediately write down their name and the exact time of the call. Now you KNOW the odds are already stacked against you when you have to call customer support for something (especially if it's related to billing and/or fees), so it helps your cause to have the exact individual you can later blame.

Yes, 2008 will be the year where I think I shall EMBRACE my flaws...you say poe-taytoe, I say poh-tah-toem, you say flaw, I say defensive pessimism.