Manny (little kid): "I've tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having milk sent over in the cafeteria, nothing's works".
Jay (stepdad): "Here's the deal, girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success....and since you don't have either one of those things, you're going to be the funny guy".
Every little boy should learn this before he is 13.
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Attention smokers...
If the above pic isn't enough to make you quit smoking, then I don't think anything will. No one should be in the same category as this douchebag. I'm half inclined to dye my hair blond just to make sure I have one less thing in common with him.
On another note, when you have EIGHT kids who look up to you (maybe one day they're learn not to) and may emulate you shudder then maybe that should be inspiration enough to quit smoking. Oh that and the press already rips on you, do you really want to give them fodder? The only thing that could make this picture worse would be an Ed Hardy tshirt.
In fact, instead of a warning label on a pack of smokes, just put the above pic. Let's be real, even *I* would be more afraid of being like Jon Gosselin than lung cancer, bad skin, nasty-smelling clothes, and smoker's cough combined.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I don't understand
I understand why over the course of 100 years women decided to cut their hair and wear jeans.
At what point did guys want to wear lipstick and eyeliner? I get the desire to want to be incognito by the clown makeup, i'm sure it was super cheap at Walmart on November 1st. Most guys seem wary to even apply chapstick.
Is there any point in a dude's life where the thought of wearing makeup seems appealing?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Movie Review: Jennifer's Body
I'm too lazy to fix the sizing of the embedded video. Suck it. Facebook readers, the original post with images and vids can be found here:http://randomthoughtsandgripes.blogspot.com/2009/09/movie-review-jennifers-body.html )
I figured it would be good to get off my lazy non-blogging ass to write a movie review...
Let's backtrack a little. A few years ago I first saw a pic of Megan Fox and immediately knew she would de-throne Angelina for the sexiest chick alive (don't try to argue with me on anyone else. Other women may be more beautiful, but we're talking "oozing sex appeal" here. Like, "my eyebrows are arched so perfectly it's almost like a cartoon but it makes me a vixen" sex appeal.) So I relished the opportunity for my self esteem to plummet another trillion notches.
I anticipated this to be a badly-made horror movie. Especially since the previews seemed to have shown the scariest (i use that term loosely) parts. Sarah, Maria and I went crazy late on Tuesday night, the theater was dead, so ooooohhh spooky right?
Within the first 20 mins of the movie I actually burst out laughing so loud that if other people were in the theater, I would have had a beatdown.
This is a comedy folks, with hints of gore.
Jennifer's Body is about two best friends, one's uber hot (Jennifer) and one's an uber nerd (nicknamed Needy) but has the cutesy boyfriend who's sexuality extends to 4 minutes of bad pumping and aptly named "Chip". Hot chick Jennifer get possessed by a demon, eats up boys. Needy wants to stop her. Chaos ensues.
You can guess how this ends of course, with Needy being the prototype for the latest female protagonist: nerd girl who roughs up the bad guy to save her man. I kinda dig this trend, it's a lot easier to maintain than the Linda Hamilton T2-type heroine.
That really is the movie in a nutshell.
The best part of the movie however was the quick wit; Diablo Cody (Juno)'s 'ish is effing hilarious. This may very well be the best dialog in history:
Needy: Those guys are creeps. I told them you were a virgin.
Jennifer: Virgin...I'm not even a back-door virgin, thanks to (points to dude at other end of the bar). I had to sit on a bag of frozen peas for a week.
A few other great ones:
Chip (when his mother tries to get him to carry pepper spray): I can take care of myself. I've been using the Bowflex.
*******************
Jennifer (upon the sight of Needy's jacked up hands from cleaning monster vomit): You need a mani bad. You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation.
I would buy the DVD purely for the closed captioning to get all the wonderfully inappropriate one-liners.
The movie wouldn't be complete without some chick-on-chick action, which if you were a 12 year old boy you would have nutted right then and there. I'll save you the $10 for a movie ticket and show you the entire sequence here. Not gonna lie, they did a pretty good job, even though both actresses said it was purely gratuitous.
For Facebook readers, link to movie scene is here: http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid41190866001?bctid=41728524001
Oh alright...for you boys that need some extra oomph to create that baby batter, here's an outtake from a shot where we're supposed to believe she's naked:
If you want to read a half-decent movie review that actually tells you about the movie and not so much about ways for 12 year old boys to whack off, see Sarah's website: http://www.fatally-yours.com/horror-reviews/jennifers-body-2009/
I figured it would be good to get off my lazy non-blogging ass to write a movie review...
Let's backtrack a little. A few years ago I first saw a pic of Megan Fox and immediately knew she would de-throne Angelina for the sexiest chick alive (don't try to argue with me on anyone else. Other women may be more beautiful, but we're talking "oozing sex appeal" here. Like, "my eyebrows are arched so perfectly it's almost like a cartoon but it makes me a vixen" sex appeal.) So I relished the opportunity for my self esteem to plummet another trillion notches.
I anticipated this to be a badly-made horror movie. Especially since the previews seemed to have shown the scariest (i use that term loosely) parts. Sarah, Maria and I went crazy late on Tuesday night, the theater was dead, so ooooohhh spooky right?
Within the first 20 mins of the movie I actually burst out laughing so loud that if other people were in the theater, I would have had a beatdown.
This is a comedy folks, with hints of gore.
Jennifer's Body is about two best friends, one's uber hot (Jennifer) and one's an uber nerd (nicknamed Needy) but has the cutesy boyfriend who's sexuality extends to 4 minutes of bad pumping and aptly named "Chip". Hot chick Jennifer get possessed by a demon, eats up boys. Needy wants to stop her. Chaos ensues.
You can guess how this ends of course, with Needy being the prototype for the latest female protagonist: nerd girl who roughs up the bad guy to save her man. I kinda dig this trend, it's a lot easier to maintain than the Linda Hamilton T2-type heroine.
That really is the movie in a nutshell.
The best part of the movie however was the quick wit; Diablo Cody (Juno)'s 'ish is effing hilarious. This may very well be the best dialog in history:
Needy: Those guys are creeps. I told them you were a virgin.
Jennifer: Virgin...I'm not even a back-door virgin, thanks to (points to dude at other end of the bar). I had to sit on a bag of frozen peas for a week.
A few other great ones:
Chip (when his mother tries to get him to carry pepper spray): I can take care of myself. I've been using the Bowflex.
*******************
Jennifer (upon the sight of Needy's jacked up hands from cleaning monster vomit): You need a mani bad. You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation.
I would buy the DVD purely for the closed captioning to get all the wonderfully inappropriate one-liners.
The movie wouldn't be complete without some chick-on-chick action, which if you were a 12 year old boy you would have nutted right then and there. I'll save you the $10 for a movie ticket and show you the entire sequence here. Not gonna lie, they did a pretty good job, even though both actresses said it was purely gratuitous.
For Facebook readers, link to movie scene is here: http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid41190866001?bctid=41728524001
Oh alright...for you boys that need some extra oomph to create that baby batter, here's an outtake from a shot where we're supposed to believe she's naked:
If you want to read a half-decent movie review that actually tells you about the movie and not so much about ways for 12 year old boys to whack off, see Sarah's website: http://www.fatally-yours.com/horror-reviews/jennifers-body-2009/
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
God bless Craigslist
When you need a laugh, the Best-of-CL always does the trick.
LOVE this:
Well, since I seem to have a very specific type, I'll just lay it out there.
I'm apparently really into the shiftless layabouts. If you are unemployed, unmotivated and possibly still live with your parents... you could be next in my long line of failed relationships! Just think of it... an educated woman to show you how things work (hey, I'm even handy around the house - you won't have to raise a finger!). A woman with drive, ambition and goals to contrast your utter lack of motivation. A girl with a thick skin who can roll with the punches and both dish out AND take jokes... I'll be happy to be the one who doesn't sugar-coat things so that you can blame ME for all of your hurt feelings and failures. It's probably even ALREADY my fault and you haven't even emailed me!
I am completely co-depedant, so you don't have to worry about me booting you to the curb over petty things (like finances, commitment or general civility). In fact, you could probably take my cash, sleep with another girl and then come over and break some things in my house and I'd just clean it up and continue along our path of destruction.
So if you're looking for a lady to use and abuse, I'm your girl! I have a house, a car, a life, friends, pets and my shit together. Please, I need some sort of zeitgeist in my life to screw all of this up! It's been way too long since I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be undervalued.
I'm over on minutes this month, otherwise I'd put my phone number up for you to call right away (either from your parents' landline or collect, from jail). So just email me and maybe we can work something out. Pick you up? Well, yeah, if you need me to! Baltimore? No problem. It's only about an hour's drive. I don't mind one bit, I've got nothing but time!
Source
LOVE this:
Well, since I seem to have a very specific type, I'll just lay it out there.
I'm apparently really into the shiftless layabouts. If you are unemployed, unmotivated and possibly still live with your parents... you could be next in my long line of failed relationships! Just think of it... an educated woman to show you how things work (hey, I'm even handy around the house - you won't have to raise a finger!). A woman with drive, ambition and goals to contrast your utter lack of motivation. A girl with a thick skin who can roll with the punches and both dish out AND take jokes... I'll be happy to be the one who doesn't sugar-coat things so that you can blame ME for all of your hurt feelings and failures. It's probably even ALREADY my fault and you haven't even emailed me!
I am completely co-depedant, so you don't have to worry about me booting you to the curb over petty things (like finances, commitment or general civility). In fact, you could probably take my cash, sleep with another girl and then come over and break some things in my house and I'd just clean it up and continue along our path of destruction.
So if you're looking for a lady to use and abuse, I'm your girl! I have a house, a car, a life, friends, pets and my shit together. Please, I need some sort of zeitgeist in my life to screw all of this up! It's been way too long since I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be undervalued.
I'm over on minutes this month, otherwise I'd put my phone number up for you to call right away (either from your parents' landline or collect, from jail). So just email me and maybe we can work something out. Pick you up? Well, yeah, if you need me to! Baltimore? No problem. It's only about an hour's drive. I don't mind one bit, I've got nothing but time!
Source
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Movie Review: BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
No spoilers here, unless you're hardcore and don't even watch previews.
Everyone's got a season of Star Trek they like (if you don't...well...what can I say. You probably have
a life.), mine's always been the old skool cheesy initial series. Captain Kirk being paunchy yet still a ladies/mutants/aliens' man has always been endearing.
Plus, The Trouble with Tribbles ( full episode here ) was absolutely brilliant.
That being said, I'm not a fan of the movies because it's just plain depressing. Big screen old guys playing characters from their former days of glory doesn't impress me.
Finding out JJ Abrams was doing a prequel of sorts gave me everything I wanted: old skool crew combined with youth. It's a win-win.
The movie's got exactly what you'd expect in terms of action and drama. The usual schpiel of bad guy coming after the crew, bad guy getting the upper hand, then when it seems all hope is lost Kirk saves the day with some bold gutsy move. Did that spoil it? It's not like you didn't know they'd live, since it's a prequel.
I gotta admit, the script is brilliant. I don't care how much CG you toss in a movie, if the script is balls then to me the whole movie just seems like moviemakers bank on general audience stupidity. The combo of drama vs. comedic timing is effing fantastic. Which is no easy feat for for actors who have to play other actors playing well-known characters.
The scene stealer is Karl Urban as Bones McCoy. Perfect swagger, perfect crankiness, perfect deadpan delivery ("My ex-wife got the planet in the divorce. I have nothing left except my bones."). In fact, he should have his own movie, Bones ER. Then Dr. G
reen and Dr. Carter can show up as sidekicks. Also gotta give props to Simon Pegg as Scotty, except...well...he's Simon Pegg. Of course he's going to be amazing. In fact...Simon Pegg should make a cameo on Bones ER as a headstrong patient who insists on taking matters in his own hands despite the Doc Bones' orders. Hilarity ensues.
There's a few things that irked me. Like, somewhere between his youth to the future, Spock gets braces. Starfleet must have fantastic healthcare insurance.
And initially I was all "ohhhhhh Chris Pine...dark hair...blue eyes...ohhh"...well by the end of the movie, not so hot. He's got horrific skin (chemical peel please!) and he's got this huge mole near his right ear which I spent most of the movie thinking it was just a remnant from all the fights he gets in. I'm just sayin'....Spock eventually gets braces, I sure hope Cap'n Kirk gets some outpatient skin work done.
I was hoping they'd glow like this...but I got scammed.
So overall...I actually give the movie an A for nostalgia and great writing...but a D for frame-by-frame photoshopping of Spock and Kirk.
For FB readers, original post here (not that it matters, everyone comments in FB anyway):
Friday, May 15, 2009
Grownup Rulez
Note to Facebook readers: original post is here in case images don't show up and you really give a crap. Which I don't blame you if you don't...i wouldn't.
It's been awhile since I've ranted about life as a grownup, so I figure the latest installment is due. A few more things I now know at 31-turning-32 that I probably didn't think too much about when I was 21-turning-22
1. Life doesn't always follow the rules.
Common sense right? But it's so ingrained in us...get good grades. Go to university. Get a job. Get a spouse. Get a kid or two. Get retirement. Go die.
When things go off-track from that, especially when you've tried so hard to follow the rules within your power, it really throws you for a loop. Is it a disservice to teach your kids the Rules of Life? Or is better to prepare them for anything...regardless of education, marriage, etc? I think of something Christine once wrote...she was writing about a series of crappy things that had happened, and ended it with "so is life".
Indeed. What life is isn't the list of grades/university/job/spouse/kids/retirement/death.
Life is everything surrounding that...DUIs for one whole beer, weekend trips with friends, miscarriages, summer barbecue traditions, learning the political game at work, onset of adult allergies, the inability to be with the one you love for reasons beyond your control, figuring out that your paycheck doesn't pay the rent, medical issues that stop everything else in your life (pay your copays with a credit card or keep ALL receipts when made by cash, those f*ckers will come back saying you didn't pay your copay...uh how else did I get to walk through the door and see the doc?!), juggling family visits, calls to customer service for the billion things that always seem to go wrong (lesson learned: bang on "0" a bunch)....there should be a Checklist of Life that parents should teach their kids before they truly start their life as a grownup on their own. The checklist would be huge, but if you can crank out some of the obvious ones then you'll better equip your offspring so they're not curled in a fetal position crying with their Linus-style blanket.
2. Being an adult carries a tremendous amount of responsibility
Again, you'd think common sense right? Not so much...people think they know this, but they don't. Hell, I'm even guilty of this I know, I know, you thought I was flawless. Retarded behavior once acceptable in your youth doesn't cut it as an adult. I'm not talking about say, getting wasted the night before a final exam.
I'm talking sacrificing an immediate want for a future need. When you realize that you can't have that iPod because rent is due next week. When you're able to remember that you can't go travel with friends because you know your yearly car insurance bill is due to come in any day now and you'll have to live lean for awhile. It's anticipating the future need without it being blatantly in front of you in bill format.
When I had my Sentra, every year around January something major would happen that would cost me $1k-$2k. Still cheaper than buying a new car, but yeah it was a good chunk of money that I had to start anticipating as a result of driving a deathtrap. So as soon as I paid my credit card for that, I would put money away not in a "holy crap i lost my job" emergency fund, but in an "argh, this month x y z things came up and I don't have the cash!" fund.
It's also not a monetary responsibility. There's much more responsibility to those around you. Realizing that you can't be a brat to your mom anymore...she's simply just elderly and old-skool, which may have annoyed you as a kid but as an adult it's now your responsibility to manage the relationship and be the peacemaker. While I'm nowhere the same brat who slammed her bedroom door so often it broke off the hinges, I'm significantly better at dealing with my bizarro mother. It's that when you make a commitment to friends, you honor them. Everything from paying them back for $20 loaned or a ride to the airport yes, one time I accidentally drove to work and by the time I got there received a call from Carrie wondering when I was going to pick her up. STILL feel awful about that to this day. If you borrow something, you give it back as soon as possible in the same condition they gave it to you, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Being a person of character.
As an adult, you don't have to do the above...but you learn pretty quickly that life works generally much better when you do.
3. Life is unfair
This cliche is used so often, you'd think we'd truly understand this by the time we're 5. In your teens (assuming you haven't had to deal with some earth shattering "grownup" tragedy like death of your parents) it seems more like "But it's not FAIR that i have to work while SoAndSo doesn't have to!" or "Stupid bus! It came and left early! Now I'm going to miss my exam!". Or like the person who was behind you in line for a raffle ticket wins.
It's more along the lines of deciding whether to abort your baby when you receive a prognosis with horrible odds. Deciding if you should continue to be with someone you love even though in return you won't receive what you so desperately crave. Debating whether your beloved pet's condition is severe enough to warrant euthanasia and which decision is the less selfish of the two. What to do when faced with a compulsive gambling spouse who is jeopardizing everything but insists things are under control...do you stay and suffer, do you battle it through and beg for counseling, and even then do you stick around when it gets worse in hopes it'll get better, do you just pack up and bail?
Life is often unfair not because a single event will occur...rather, it's unfair because oftentimes you are faced to choose between two crappy options of the same weight but drastically different consequences.
Sophie's choice.
**side note: I spent forever reading that book, dying to know what her stupid choice was. I should have just rented the movie. I didn't care about the movie, the plot, anything. I just wanted to know the choice. However when I started reading I wasn't sure when the "choice" would be made evident so I didn't just flip to the last page to check, figuring that if the choice came in early in the book it might be worth reading through. Oh, how mistaken I was. By the end of it I was like "really? She just has to pick which of her two kids has to die? Well what the hell that wasn't worth reading this behemoth novel over. She could have just said "I made a crappy choice. I killed my son". Of which, I don't remember which kid she chose now anyway.
4. For the most part, you did create your life
When you're younger, you're stuck going with the flow of whatever your parents/the law/the man make you do. So eventually it's like your teacher shoving you on stage for a school play...rehearsing is fine and all, but uhhh...wow...there's alotta people out there. Looking at you. Everyone...looking...at...you. And it's all on you. No one's reading you your lines. Something on the set might break, you'll have to improvise. Deviate from the original plan. Someone might deliberately try to sabotage you. Someone might screw up. But the choices and decisions made, even if made unprepared on the fly, got you for the most part where you are today.
Find me a CEO of a large, successful organization who just stumbled upon that position.
Granted, the "life is unfair" part can guide a significant part. Having to declare bankruptcy because you got cancer and have thousands of bucks of medical bills...yeah, that's outta your hands. However, a lot of other things ARE within your control. Tree falls on your house? Out of your control. Responsible enough to have double-checked yearly that you have adequate insurance? Within your control. (Although i did see on the news a guy who had a tree fall on his house, insurance covered it, was dropped from his insurance, then another tree landed on it. That would suck donkey balls. So obviously there's a juggle between this item and the unfairness of life.) Losing your job? Might be out of your control. Foresight to save up and cut back on expenses? Within your control. Ties into #2...if you shopped like a mofo all year then don't expect pity when you lose your job and have nothing. You CHOSE that path. At some point when you're a full-on grownup you're capable of stepping back and seeing all the steps YOU took to get to where you are, bad or good.
5. Relationships are not the same as in your youth
Not talking romantic relationships. We're talking friendships here. In your teens and in college, you can be buddies with everyone...no matter their gender. It's all good, 'cause it's not like for the most part anyone's rushing to get married and almost no one IS married. You remain firm in your belief that a guy can "just be friends" with a girl. And then you grow up and realize it's not the same when you're in the next stage of life.
The stage of being a working professional, not a new grad. Of having friends that are married, divorced, co-habitating, on-again-off-again. Having kids, wanting kids, losing kids. Home buying. Not being able to afford to buy. Not buying because of a career decision. This a whole different stage in life, and relationships don't work the same way as in your teens/college years/early 20s.
The first time I realized this was when I got engaged. Suddenly, 90% of all guys I knew fell off the face of the earth. I was always the girl who hung out with the guys. I was the one who tagged along with the guys when they did retarded crap. I studied a program for 4 years with all guys minus ONE girl (thank the lord for Natalie). I went into a male-dominated industry where I'll be in a meeting with 25 guys...and me. Suddenly having a ton of guys mysteriously disappear was very odd for the girl who prided herself on being kind of a guy's girl.
It's not that I was some femme fatale...rather, the nature of the relationships with them was forced to change as a result of my status change. While maybe it was okay to hang out and watch a DVD on the couch with a buddy doing shots, it's not appropriate anymore when you have a significant other. It's okay to go to lunch with guys...but doing a late night dinner at 9? Not so much. Basically daylight sort of impacts what's acceptable when you're in a serious relationship/marriage (or they are).
I guarantee someone's going to argue with me on this, but consider that I'm the smacktalking chick who's not exactly girly-girl in her views on things. I have some married guy friends. I can go to lunch with them...it's public, it's outside, it's daylight...there's a 1-2 hour time limit...basically any level of sexiness is removed. If i were to go to dinner with any of them, their wives would be like "wtf?! Why am i not invited?"...and if they're busy, then that's even weirder...maybe the odd time if there's a one-time reason for it (cant think of any, but obviously there's exceptions to everything), but overall it would just be bizarre to just have dinner with any of my married guy friends if their wives aren't there. We would reschedule for when said wife was available. If i were single, no matter how much their wives trust me, I'm sure there would be at the very least smidgen of worry if I were to just be having dinner while they're not there. It's not so far left thinking to think that things can happen after-hours. Even if you're positive it wouldn't happen...well...things can happen. Things DO happen. Why even risk it?
It's not that you lose your independence. It's that it's not appropriate.
Consider it another way. When you're in high school and you go out, if the boy paid, you definitely knew you were on a date. As an adult, you could go out and the dude could be like "hey it's cool I got it" and you'd still be like "wtf...so is this a date? is it not?". In high school, dating is explicit and clear. Everyone knows who's involved with who, who's off limits. When you're an adult, you learn that you can date multiple people at once, bone different people at once, there's no formal definition to relationships at times. At any given moment I know people who are completely clueless to the nature or seriousness of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Short of an explicit friends-with-benefits relationship, there's typically at least one person in a close guy/girl friendship who's wondering if maybe it's something more or wanting more.
Which, to bring it back, is that as you get older no matter how much of a guy's girl you used to be or how you're the sensitive guy who just relates better to chicks, you need to learn to form friendships with people of your own gender. As a dude, don't think for a second your relationship won't change the instant she gets a boyfriend. And for a chick, you think your best buddy's girlfriend...then wife...will be okay with you two constantly doing things one-on-one? Nope. Argue all you want. And then go out in the real world and open your eyes. Your role, your priority, changes.
Plus, it's always odd when you see someone who only has someone of the opposite sex as their friend. I know a chick who only has guy friends. It's pretty clear to everyone but all of them that subconsciously they're just waiting in the wings for their chance with her. (Ladder Theory stuff) Men can't see through the BS of another chick if they're close enough to be friends because that underlying even minute attraction to anything with a vagina creates a filter. Chicks, lacking in even the remote 0.1% chance of anything romantic happening that could occur with a guy friend, can see all. We see when a chick is fake, when they're acting, when they're being friendly in order to get attention from their guy friends, when they're incredibly annoying when they can't flirt their way through a friendship. You see what's wrong with them and why other chicks don't want to be around them...which is usually that girls that only have guy friends feel incredibly threatened by other women.
Meh, this point is pretty disjointed. I'm just saying...relationships that were okay when you were younger are just no longer appropriate when you grow up. Don't kid yourself into thinking the old adage of "guys and girls can just be friends!"...there's strings attached. And the significant other will always, at some point, raise a concern (or have a hissy fit, pick your method).
**Note to the exception: everyone's got an exception or two. I'm not saying to have ZERO friends of the opposite sex if they're single...I'm saying, overall. Like...Bryan...you're the shiz. I trust you 100000% with my life, and you're one of the most faithful friends I've ever had. I'd give you a kidney in a heartbeat. But if I had 4 other guys in my life even remotely like you and our friendship...then that'd be weird. Kraig would, and should, put the kibosh on that. Plus, you don't live here...if we lived nearby and hung out frequently till super late, it would be pretty inappropriate and I would have no desire to cockblock GirlfriendX at those hours or have her kick my ass.
6. When you're an adult, you get tired of yourself quickly
As an adult, any drama in your life just drains, tires, and bores you. You don't even find it interesting, let alone have the desire to tell other people about it. Far cry from when you could tell the same drama story over and over in your early 20s.
I also say this because I realize I've written A LOT, it's riddled with typos, I'm too lazy to edit and cut it down, and I'm tired, so...what I'm saying is right now, I don't even find myself interesting.
So is life!
It's been awhile since I've ranted about life as a grownup, so I figure the latest installment is due. A few more things I now know at 31-turning-32 that I probably didn't think too much about when I was 21-turning-22
1. Life doesn't always follow the rules.
Common sense right? But it's so ingrained in us...get good grades. Go to university. Get a job. Get a spouse. Get a kid or two. Get retirement. Go die.
When things go off-track from that, especially when you've tried so hard to follow the rules within your power, it really throws you for a loop. Is it a disservice to teach your kids the Rules of Life? Or is better to prepare them for anything...regardless of education, marriage, etc? I think of something Christine once wrote...she was writing about a series of crappy things that had happened, and ended it with "so is life".
Indeed. What life is isn't the list of grades/university/job/spouse/kids/retirement/death.
Life is everything surrounding that...DUIs for one whole beer, weekend trips with friends, miscarriages, summer barbecue traditions, learning the political game at work, onset of adult allergies, the inability to be with the one you love for reasons beyond your control, figuring out that your paycheck doesn't pay the rent, medical issues that stop everything else in your life (pay your copays with a credit card or keep ALL receipts when made by cash, those f*ckers will come back saying you didn't pay your copay...uh how else did I get to walk through the door and see the doc?!), juggling family visits, calls to customer service for the billion things that always seem to go wrong (lesson learned: bang on "0" a bunch)....there should be a Checklist of Life that parents should teach their kids before they truly start their life as a grownup on their own. The checklist would be huge, but if you can crank out some of the obvious ones then you'll better equip your offspring so they're not curled in a fetal position crying with their Linus-style blanket.
2. Being an adult carries a tremendous amount of responsibility
Again, you'd think common sense right? Not so much...people think they know this, but they don't. Hell, I'm even guilty of this I know, I know, you thought I was flawless. Retarded behavior once acceptable in your youth doesn't cut it as an adult. I'm not talking about say, getting wasted the night before a final exam.
I'm talking sacrificing an immediate want for a future need. When you realize that you can't have that iPod because rent is due next week. When you're able to remember that you can't go travel with friends because you know your yearly car insurance bill is due to come in any day now and you'll have to live lean for awhile. It's anticipating the future need without it being blatantly in front of you in bill format.
When I had my Sentra, every year around January something major would happen that would cost me $1k-$2k. Still cheaper than buying a new car, but yeah it was a good chunk of money that I had to start anticipating as a result of driving a deathtrap. So as soon as I paid my credit card for that, I would put money away not in a "holy crap i lost my job" emergency fund, but in an "argh, this month x y z things came up and I don't have the cash!" fund.
It's also not a monetary responsibility. There's much more responsibility to those around you. Realizing that you can't be a brat to your mom anymore...she's simply just elderly and old-skool, which may have annoyed you as a kid but as an adult it's now your responsibility to manage the relationship and be the peacemaker. While I'm nowhere the same brat who slammed her bedroom door so often it broke off the hinges, I'm significantly better at dealing with my bizarro mother. It's that when you make a commitment to friends, you honor them. Everything from paying them back for $20 loaned or a ride to the airport yes, one time I accidentally drove to work and by the time I got there received a call from Carrie wondering when I was going to pick her up. STILL feel awful about that to this day. If you borrow something, you give it back as soon as possible in the same condition they gave it to you, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Being a person of character.
As an adult, you don't have to do the above...but you learn pretty quickly that life works generally much better when you do.
3. Life is unfair
This cliche is used so often, you'd think we'd truly understand this by the time we're 5. In your teens (assuming you haven't had to deal with some earth shattering "grownup" tragedy like death of your parents) it seems more like "But it's not FAIR that i have to work while SoAndSo doesn't have to!" or "Stupid bus! It came and left early! Now I'm going to miss my exam!". Or like the person who was behind you in line for a raffle ticket wins.
It's more along the lines of deciding whether to abort your baby when you receive a prognosis with horrible odds. Deciding if you should continue to be with someone you love even though in return you won't receive what you so desperately crave. Debating whether your beloved pet's condition is severe enough to warrant euthanasia and which decision is the less selfish of the two. What to do when faced with a compulsive gambling spouse who is jeopardizing everything but insists things are under control...do you stay and suffer, do you battle it through and beg for counseling, and even then do you stick around when it gets worse in hopes it'll get better, do you just pack up and bail?
Life is often unfair not because a single event will occur...rather, it's unfair because oftentimes you are faced to choose between two crappy options of the same weight but drastically different consequences.
Sophie's choice.
**side note: I spent forever reading that book, dying to know what her stupid choice was. I should have just rented the movie. I didn't care about the movie, the plot, anything. I just wanted to know the choice. However when I started reading I wasn't sure when the "choice" would be made evident so I didn't just flip to the last page to check, figuring that if the choice came in early in the book it might be worth reading through. Oh, how mistaken I was. By the end of it I was like "really? She just has to pick which of her two kids has to die? Well what the hell that wasn't worth reading this behemoth novel over. She could have just said "I made a crappy choice. I killed my son". Of which, I don't remember which kid she chose now anyway.
4. For the most part, you did create your life
When you're younger, you're stuck going with the flow of whatever your parents/the law/the man make you do. So eventually it's like your teacher shoving you on stage for a school play...rehearsing is fine and all, but uhhh...wow...there's alotta people out there. Looking at you. Everyone...looking...at...you. And it's all on you. No one's reading you your lines. Something on the set might break, you'll have to improvise. Deviate from the original plan. Someone might deliberately try to sabotage you. Someone might screw up. But the choices and decisions made, even if made unprepared on the fly, got you for the most part where you are today.
Find me a CEO of a large, successful organization who just stumbled upon that position.
Granted, the "life is unfair" part can guide a significant part. Having to declare bankruptcy because you got cancer and have thousands of bucks of medical bills...yeah, that's outta your hands. However, a lot of other things ARE within your control. Tree falls on your house? Out of your control. Responsible enough to have double-checked yearly that you have adequate insurance? Within your control. (Although i did see on the news a guy who had a tree fall on his house, insurance covered it, was dropped from his insurance, then another tree landed on it. That would suck donkey balls. So obviously there's a juggle between this item and the unfairness of life.) Losing your job? Might be out of your control. Foresight to save up and cut back on expenses? Within your control. Ties into #2...if you shopped like a mofo all year then don't expect pity when you lose your job and have nothing. You CHOSE that path. At some point when you're a full-on grownup you're capable of stepping back and seeing all the steps YOU took to get to where you are, bad or good.
5. Relationships are not the same as in your youth
Not talking romantic relationships. We're talking friendships here. In your teens and in college, you can be buddies with everyone...no matter their gender. It's all good, 'cause it's not like for the most part anyone's rushing to get married and almost no one IS married. You remain firm in your belief that a guy can "just be friends" with a girl. And then you grow up and realize it's not the same when you're in the next stage of life.
The stage of being a working professional, not a new grad. Of having friends that are married, divorced, co-habitating, on-again-off-again. Having kids, wanting kids, losing kids. Home buying. Not being able to afford to buy. Not buying because of a career decision. This a whole different stage in life, and relationships don't work the same way as in your teens/college years/early 20s.
The first time I realized this was when I got engaged. Suddenly, 90% of all guys I knew fell off the face of the earth. I was always the girl who hung out with the guys. I was the one who tagged along with the guys when they did retarded crap. I studied a program for 4 years with all guys minus ONE girl (thank the lord for Natalie). I went into a male-dominated industry where I'll be in a meeting with 25 guys...and me. Suddenly having a ton of guys mysteriously disappear was very odd for the girl who prided herself on being kind of a guy's girl.
It's not that I was some femme fatale...rather, the nature of the relationships with them was forced to change as a result of my status change. While maybe it was okay to hang out and watch a DVD on the couch with a buddy doing shots, it's not appropriate anymore when you have a significant other. It's okay to go to lunch with guys...but doing a late night dinner at 9? Not so much. Basically daylight sort of impacts what's acceptable when you're in a serious relationship/marriage (or they are).
I guarantee someone's going to argue with me on this, but consider that I'm the smacktalking chick who's not exactly girly-girl in her views on things. I have some married guy friends. I can go to lunch with them...it's public, it's outside, it's daylight...there's a 1-2 hour time limit...basically any level of sexiness is removed. If i were to go to dinner with any of them, their wives would be like "wtf?! Why am i not invited?"...and if they're busy, then that's even weirder...maybe the odd time if there's a one-time reason for it (cant think of any, but obviously there's exceptions to everything), but overall it would just be bizarre to just have dinner with any of my married guy friends if their wives aren't there. We would reschedule for when said wife was available. If i were single, no matter how much their wives trust me, I'm sure there would be at the very least smidgen of worry if I were to just be having dinner while they're not there. It's not so far left thinking to think that things can happen after-hours. Even if you're positive it wouldn't happen...well...things can happen. Things DO happen. Why even risk it?
It's not that you lose your independence. It's that it's not appropriate.
Consider it another way. When you're in high school and you go out, if the boy paid, you definitely knew you were on a date. As an adult, you could go out and the dude could be like "hey it's cool I got it" and you'd still be like "wtf...so is this a date? is it not?". In high school, dating is explicit and clear. Everyone knows who's involved with who, who's off limits. When you're an adult, you learn that you can date multiple people at once, bone different people at once, there's no formal definition to relationships at times. At any given moment I know people who are completely clueless to the nature or seriousness of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Short of an explicit friends-with-benefits relationship, there's typically at least one person in a close guy/girl friendship who's wondering if maybe it's something more or wanting more.
Which, to bring it back, is that as you get older no matter how much of a guy's girl you used to be or how you're the sensitive guy who just relates better to chicks, you need to learn to form friendships with people of your own gender. As a dude, don't think for a second your relationship won't change the instant she gets a boyfriend. And for a chick, you think your best buddy's girlfriend...then wife...will be okay with you two constantly doing things one-on-one? Nope. Argue all you want. And then go out in the real world and open your eyes. Your role, your priority, changes.
Plus, it's always odd when you see someone who only has someone of the opposite sex as their friend. I know a chick who only has guy friends. It's pretty clear to everyone but all of them that subconsciously they're just waiting in the wings for their chance with her. (Ladder Theory stuff) Men can't see through the BS of another chick if they're close enough to be friends because that underlying even minute attraction to anything with a vagina creates a filter. Chicks, lacking in even the remote 0.1% chance of anything romantic happening that could occur with a guy friend, can see all. We see when a chick is fake, when they're acting, when they're being friendly in order to get attention from their guy friends, when they're incredibly annoying when they can't flirt their way through a friendship. You see what's wrong with them and why other chicks don't want to be around them...which is usually that girls that only have guy friends feel incredibly threatened by other women.
Meh, this point is pretty disjointed. I'm just saying...relationships that were okay when you were younger are just no longer appropriate when you grow up. Don't kid yourself into thinking the old adage of "guys and girls can just be friends!"...there's strings attached. And the significant other will always, at some point, raise a concern (or have a hissy fit, pick your method).
**Note to the exception: everyone's got an exception or two. I'm not saying to have ZERO friends of the opposite sex if they're single...I'm saying, overall. Like...Bryan...you're the shiz. I trust you 100000% with my life, and you're one of the most faithful friends I've ever had. I'd give you a kidney in a heartbeat. But if I had 4 other guys in my life even remotely like you and our friendship...then that'd be weird. Kraig would, and should, put the kibosh on that. Plus, you don't live here...if we lived nearby and hung out frequently till super late, it would be pretty inappropriate and I would have no desire to cockblock GirlfriendX at those hours or have her kick my ass.
6. When you're an adult, you get tired of yourself quickly
As an adult, any drama in your life just drains, tires, and bores you. You don't even find it interesting, let alone have the desire to tell other people about it. Far cry from when you could tell the same drama story over and over in your early 20s.
I also say this because I realize I've written A LOT, it's riddled with typos, I'm too lazy to edit and cut it down, and I'm tired, so...what I'm saying is right now, I don't even find myself interesting.
So is life!
Friday, February 13, 2009
My favorite love story for modern times
This is quite possibly the best love story ever:
Boy Photoshops Girl: A Flickr Love Story
In a nutshell: a chick in England and a dude from the states meet on Flickr when they notice their pics are similar...then they start a collaboration project where she photographs herself, emails it to him, and he tweeks it to make it look like they're in the pic together. Like crazy stuff where he's holding her, etc.
And then they finally met. True love yo!
They actually have their own company even though they don't live in the same country (she has to finish up school), Aaraon and Rosie Fotography ARF. This would make me question the tax ramifications, but i guess in a global economy you figure it out. And that's not the point, but leave it to me to read a love story and think "how does that work for taxes and claiming your income?"
I guess there's alot of cynics out there, but here's why I think this is quite possibly one of the most brilliant love stories I've ever head of:
1. It was a fluke they ever met.
Do you know how many people are on Flickr? What are the odds of two people connecting on that level? I could write say 100 guys on Flickr, and I guarantee NONE of them would ever be my type, be interested in what i'm interested in, or want to do any project with me (where I wouldn't end up being murdered, robbed, or pimped out).
2. They live an ocean apart
Nothing speaks love like distance. Okay well maybe not, but if you can still grow some sort of bond while having little or no physical contact, that speaks incredible volumes. Now realistically, I'm sure they were off dating other people and what not...but clearly something was growing between them. She probably got all giggly when posing for pictures, he got all giddy in anticipation of her reaction once he posted the final result, hoping for her approval.
3. They're goodlooking
You wanna argue with me that that's not part of this love story? Suck my balls. That's part of the fantasy part of it...they are photo-friendly, which is a necessary part of their appeal since their love is THROUGH photos. If they were ugly mofos, people wouldn't have been interested, they wouldn't have continued their collaboration, they wouldn't have gotten the funds to continue their business, so on and so forth.
4. They're real...and they're nerdy
This is a love story for modern times. This isn't chivalry, some dude fighting for the love of his woman, a story of strife...it's real. Just two people who pursued their hobby, their inner geeks, and as a result built a bond. It makes anyone think "Wow...that could be me!"
(Granted...this is the exception, not the rule. For more info, see My blog entry on HJNTIY
5. They're not trying to make a buck
At least, according to the article. They're hocking their business of photo-editing, but you can't buy their prints straight off the site (from my search anyway). It just seems like they truly are passionate for what they do, which is what brought them together. Nothing shady.
6. It makes you believe
Okay, maybe I'm a sucker. yeah, I admit it. i'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for all things Disney. i'm a sucker when I watch Love Actually and the music roars at the end as Collin Firth goes to propose to Aurelia with the town following him, or Mark telling on paper to Keira Knightley that she's perfect and he's wasted heart will love her till she gets all wrinkly/nasty...i'm a SUCKER. I want to BELIEVE. I really do. This story...makes you believe.
And that's as sappy as you're going to get from me.
Boy Photoshops Girl: A Flickr Love Story
In a nutshell: a chick in England and a dude from the states meet on Flickr when they notice their pics are similar...then they start a collaboration project where she photographs herself, emails it to him, and he tweeks it to make it look like they're in the pic together. Like crazy stuff where he's holding her, etc.
And then they finally met. True love yo!
They actually have their own company even though they don't live in the same country (she has to finish up school), Aaraon and Rosie Fotography ARF. This would make me question the tax ramifications, but i guess in a global economy you figure it out. And that's not the point, but leave it to me to read a love story and think "how does that work for taxes and claiming your income?"
I guess there's alot of cynics out there, but here's why I think this is quite possibly one of the most brilliant love stories I've ever head of:
1. It was a fluke they ever met.
Do you know how many people are on Flickr? What are the odds of two people connecting on that level? I could write say 100 guys on Flickr, and I guarantee NONE of them would ever be my type, be interested in what i'm interested in, or want to do any project with me (where I wouldn't end up being murdered, robbed, or pimped out).
2. They live an ocean apart
Nothing speaks love like distance. Okay well maybe not, but if you can still grow some sort of bond while having little or no physical contact, that speaks incredible volumes. Now realistically, I'm sure they were off dating other people and what not...but clearly something was growing between them. She probably got all giggly when posing for pictures, he got all giddy in anticipation of her reaction once he posted the final result, hoping for her approval.
3. They're goodlooking
You wanna argue with me that that's not part of this love story? Suck my balls. That's part of the fantasy part of it...they are photo-friendly, which is a necessary part of their appeal since their love is THROUGH photos. If they were ugly mofos, people wouldn't have been interested, they wouldn't have continued their collaboration, they wouldn't have gotten the funds to continue their business, so on and so forth.
4. They're real...and they're nerdy
This is a love story for modern times. This isn't chivalry, some dude fighting for the love of his woman, a story of strife...it's real. Just two people who pursued their hobby, their inner geeks, and as a result built a bond. It makes anyone think "Wow...that could be me!"
(Granted...this is the exception, not the rule. For more info, see My blog entry on HJNTIY
5. They're not trying to make a buck
At least, according to the article. They're hocking their business of photo-editing, but you can't buy their prints straight off the site (from my search anyway). It just seems like they truly are passionate for what they do, which is what brought them together. Nothing shady.
6. It makes you believe
Okay, maybe I'm a sucker. yeah, I admit it. i'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for all things Disney. i'm a sucker when I watch Love Actually and the music roars at the end as Collin Firth goes to propose to Aurelia with the town following him, or Mark telling on paper to Keira Knightley that she's perfect and he's wasted heart will love her till she gets all wrinkly/nasty...i'm a SUCKER. I want to BELIEVE. I really do. This story...makes you believe.
And that's as sappy as you're going to get from me.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
In defense of Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day...my opinion (and really...the only opinion that matters!)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
Sunday, February 08, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
If you're a female and you have a pulse, then you read He's Just Not That Into You when it first came out.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sexiest women alive
This list is still a work in process...gimme your feedback and I'LL decide where they fall on the list!
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sexiest men alive REVISITED
Okay people, re-read the last blog entry. I've updated it,explained why Daniel Craig didn't make the list, found an AWESOME picture of Milo, and added a non-celebrity to the list.
Now, everyone go take a cold shower and FOCUS!
Now, everyone go take a cold shower and FOCUS!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sexiest men alive
I swear, sometimes People Magazine has their head up their ass. Hugh Jackman is this year's sexiest man alive? Really? Ugh. Hot as Wolverine, not so hot elsewhere. So here's MY list of sexiest men alive...I started to put them in order but by the time I got to Nick Lachey it all became a blur, and I kept changing my mind...so just focus on #1 at the very least.
Ryan Reynolds
Ahhh, my love for him has spanned over a decade. Damn you Two Guys a Girl and a PIzza Place, damn you. I'll be his #1 fan Misery-style any day.
Dr. Drew
He's definitely the oldest guy on the list. But deeeeeep voice, combined with his crazy smart-ness (who doesn't love a doctor?!) and his biceps...dude is HOT. I bet he's hotter now than when he was in college.
Tom Welling
Tom Welling is a tough call. I've loved the guy since he started on Smallville, but then he went through a phase where he looked pudgy. Now that he's a full-on man past his teen years, he's bulked up quite nicely but his face still looks pudgy. Beefcase, beefcaaaaake!
Henry Cavill
Dude makes me wish for the days of candles, chamberpots, and scurvy.
Matt Damon
Matt Damon is such a great standby. He's got boy next door looks combined with an incredible physiqe (go Bourne!). He was fantastic on Will & Grace as a guy pretending to be gay. My dentist does his teeth, and she said he's the only dude who doesn't come without a posse.
Paul Rudd
Those eyes! That adorable nose! The fact he was in Clueless, my all-time favorite movie!
Nick Lachey
Team Lachey all the way. Jessica lost a good, good thing. You have to love a guy who is loaded but still rented his own damn U-Haul to move his crap. Frugal AND hot. My kind of guy.
Josh Holloway
Note that Josh is only hot as Sawyer. I don't want to see him clean cut in a suit. I want to see him unshaven, dirty, calling me "sugarlips" in a southern drawl.
Milo Ventimiglia
Thank you Heroes, for making Season 2 so awesome. Why? Because every episode ended up with Peter Petrelli taking his shirt off.
Paul Walker
Another great standby. Horrible actor. Once of those guys who just needs to stand there and flex. Shhhh...don't talk. Just look pretty.
Chase Crawford
Yay to Gossip Girl for giving Nate the most challenging storyline of all the characters, minus Chuck Bass of course. Chase looked a little less of a pretty boy and more of a tough guy, and when he DID cry...tears in those baby blues look so, so good.
Brandon Stoughton
Don't know who he is? He's the hot dude from Britney's "Womanizer" video. He might be illiterate, British, or club baby seals for all i know. What i DO know is that he's HOT. And he's got crazy veins in his Calvin Klein print ads...some people find that nasty, but i'm SUCH a sucker for that veins that guys get when they're working out alot.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Dude exudes sex like it's coming out of his pores. Every time I watch The Tudors, I just think "yadda yadda, get to the part where you're boning someone". He's got an intensity about him that makes you think he'll bone you good...or punch you. I dig it!
Jesse McCartney
Listen, he's legal! Get off my back! I love his hair, his skin, his HAIR, and he's just so damn adorable how can you NOT want to violate him?!
Dwayne Johnson
Another fantastic oldie-but-a-goodie standby. He's hilarious, he's buff, fantastic smile, and when he was in peak workout mode he dedicated one day a week to doughnuts.
DOUGHNUTS.
Next to poutine, doughnuts are my favorite food. It's a win-win for everyone.
Jason Lewis
What is up with him dating Vanessa from Gossip Girl now? Jessica-whats-her-face. Well props to her.
Seth Meyers
This is sort of my secret crush. I can't even EXPLAIN why he's sexy. He just is. Own it and rock it Seth!
Matthew McConaughey
I don't care that he plays bongos naked, named his kid Levi, or that he's got a bromance with Lance Armstrong. He plays the same character in every movie but it WORKS. And even if you go back to A Time To Kill, he was absolutely incredible. What can I say, I like them southern boys.
Clive Owen
Clive is such a tough call because his features alone aren't very attractive. He's got bad skin. He's got a jacked up nose. But together, he plays someone intimidatingly handsome. I could watch him paint a wall for hours and be enamored with his face.
Ryan Phillippe
Okay clearly in addition to southern boys, I like teen hearththrobs and pretty boys. But he looks even HOTTER when he's out being a good dad to his kids.
Jimmy Fallon
For my reasoning, refer to Seth Meyers.
James Todd Smith
Those LIPS. Plus he did that Sears (JC Penny? Whatever) commercial for his clothing line and he gave a LOOK to the camera for a split second...dude is just all around awesome. Plus those LIPS. PLUS the best best best sex song ever.
NOT on the list:
Orlando Bloom (ugh, he's too girly for me)
George Clooney (he's attractive, but not my type)
Johnny Depp (he looks fun, but i don't find him that good looking)
Hayden Christensen (he's gorgeous when he's turning evil/Darth Vader-ish...not good looking normally)
Hugh Jackman (he just looks hairy. ew)
Gerard Butler (he's mutha effing sexy as all hell in 300...but outside of CG and spartan clothing, he's just blegh)
Daniel Craig: HOT HOT HOT as James Bond...not hot elsewhere.
EDITED TO ADD:
How could I forget this sexy, sexy man?!!
Edited some more to add:
Good call from Jen! How could I forget this guy?
Joey McIntyre
Yep. He's got the right stuff. (hahah okay i couldn't resist. Even though that wasn't his song. But i did use to swoon at Please Don't Go Girl).
Edited to add from Jina's comment
I wouldn't put him top of the list, but yes VERY sexy...Jason Statham...he's the only balding celeb who's STILL hot regardless.
Edited to add after I watched Entourage last night:
What was I thinking?! I can't believe I forgot my boy Adrian Grenier! He's got such a cool nonchalance about him...i've adored him since he was in that stupid Drive Me Crazy movie.
And a note:
If Gregory Peck were still young...and alive...he'd be all over this list. He'd probably be tied with Ryan Reynolds. Atticus yeah!
FINAL EDITS:
Ohhhh Twinger, the only reason you're not on this list is 'cause you're not a celeb. Otherwise, you and your faux-hawk would be all over this :)
Ryan Reynolds
Ahhh, my love for him has spanned over a decade. Damn you Two Guys a Girl and a PIzza Place, damn you. I'll be his #1 fan Misery-style any day.
Dr. Drew
He's definitely the oldest guy on the list. But deeeeeep voice, combined with his crazy smart-ness (who doesn't love a doctor?!) and his biceps...dude is HOT. I bet he's hotter now than when he was in college.
Tom Welling
Tom Welling is a tough call. I've loved the guy since he started on Smallville, but then he went through a phase where he looked pudgy. Now that he's a full-on man past his teen years, he's bulked up quite nicely but his face still looks pudgy. Beefcase, beefcaaaaake!
Henry Cavill
Dude makes me wish for the days of candles, chamberpots, and scurvy.
Matt Damon
Matt Damon is such a great standby. He's got boy next door looks combined with an incredible physiqe (go Bourne!). He was fantastic on Will & Grace as a guy pretending to be gay. My dentist does his teeth, and she said he's the only dude who doesn't come without a posse.
Paul Rudd
Those eyes! That adorable nose! The fact he was in Clueless, my all-time favorite movie!
Nick Lachey
Team Lachey all the way. Jessica lost a good, good thing. You have to love a guy who is loaded but still rented his own damn U-Haul to move his crap. Frugal AND hot. My kind of guy.
Josh Holloway
Note that Josh is only hot as Sawyer. I don't want to see him clean cut in a suit. I want to see him unshaven, dirty, calling me "sugarlips" in a southern drawl.
Milo Ventimiglia
Thank you Heroes, for making Season 2 so awesome. Why? Because every episode ended up with Peter Petrelli taking his shirt off.
Paul Walker
Another great standby. Horrible actor. Once of those guys who just needs to stand there and flex. Shhhh...don't talk. Just look pretty.
Chase Crawford
Yay to Gossip Girl for giving Nate the most challenging storyline of all the characters, minus Chuck Bass of course. Chase looked a little less of a pretty boy and more of a tough guy, and when he DID cry...tears in those baby blues look so, so good.
Brandon Stoughton
Don't know who he is? He's the hot dude from Britney's "Womanizer" video. He might be illiterate, British, or club baby seals for all i know. What i DO know is that he's HOT. And he's got crazy veins in his Calvin Klein print ads...some people find that nasty, but i'm SUCH a sucker for that veins that guys get when they're working out alot.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Dude exudes sex like it's coming out of his pores. Every time I watch The Tudors, I just think "yadda yadda, get to the part where you're boning someone". He's got an intensity about him that makes you think he'll bone you good...or punch you. I dig it!
Jesse McCartney
Listen, he's legal! Get off my back! I love his hair, his skin, his HAIR, and he's just so damn adorable how can you NOT want to violate him?!
Dwayne Johnson
Another fantastic oldie-but-a-goodie standby. He's hilarious, he's buff, fantastic smile, and when he was in peak workout mode he dedicated one day a week to doughnuts.
DOUGHNUTS.
Next to poutine, doughnuts are my favorite food. It's a win-win for everyone.
Jason Lewis
What is up with him dating Vanessa from Gossip Girl now? Jessica-whats-her-face. Well props to her.
Seth Meyers
This is sort of my secret crush. I can't even EXPLAIN why he's sexy. He just is. Own it and rock it Seth!
Matthew McConaughey
I don't care that he plays bongos naked, named his kid Levi, or that he's got a bromance with Lance Armstrong. He plays the same character in every movie but it WORKS. And even if you go back to A Time To Kill, he was absolutely incredible. What can I say, I like them southern boys.
Clive Owen
Clive is such a tough call because his features alone aren't very attractive. He's got bad skin. He's got a jacked up nose. But together, he plays someone intimidatingly handsome. I could watch him paint a wall for hours and be enamored with his face.
Ryan Phillippe
Okay clearly in addition to southern boys, I like teen hearththrobs and pretty boys. But he looks even HOTTER when he's out being a good dad to his kids.
Jimmy Fallon
For my reasoning, refer to Seth Meyers.
James Todd Smith
Those LIPS. Plus he did that Sears (JC Penny? Whatever) commercial for his clothing line and he gave a LOOK to the camera for a split second...dude is just all around awesome. Plus those LIPS. PLUS the best best best sex song ever.
NOT on the list:
Orlando Bloom (ugh, he's too girly for me)
George Clooney (he's attractive, but not my type)
Johnny Depp (he looks fun, but i don't find him that good looking)
Hayden Christensen (he's gorgeous when he's turning evil/Darth Vader-ish...not good looking normally)
Hugh Jackman (he just looks hairy. ew)
Gerard Butler (he's mutha effing sexy as all hell in 300...but outside of CG and spartan clothing, he's just blegh)
Daniel Craig: HOT HOT HOT as James Bond...not hot elsewhere.
EDITED TO ADD:
How could I forget this sexy, sexy man?!!
Edited some more to add:
Good call from Jen! How could I forget this guy?
Joey McIntyre
Yep. He's got the right stuff. (hahah okay i couldn't resist. Even though that wasn't his song. But i did use to swoon at Please Don't Go Girl).
Edited to add from Jina's comment
I wouldn't put him top of the list, but yes VERY sexy...Jason Statham...he's the only balding celeb who's STILL hot regardless.
Edited to add after I watched Entourage last night:
What was I thinking?! I can't believe I forgot my boy Adrian Grenier! He's got such a cool nonchalance about him...i've adored him since he was in that stupid Drive Me Crazy movie.
And a note:
If Gregory Peck were still young...and alive...he'd be all over this list. He'd probably be tied with Ryan Reynolds. Atticus yeah!
FINAL EDITS:
Ohhhh Twinger, the only reason you're not on this list is 'cause you're not a celeb. Otherwise, you and your faux-hawk would be all over this :)
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