This NEVER gets old. I'm thinking of making this my ringtone, to replace the "Sorry Billy, Happy Pony's on...and I'm NOT missing Happy Pony" ringtone.
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Kermit
This disturbs me on so many levels.
(hmmm since everyone reads this blog now through facebook i don't know if the vid will embed or not)
(hmmm since everyone reads this blog now through facebook i don't know if the vid will embed or not)
Friday, November 27, 2009
God bless Modern Family
Manny (little kid): "I've tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having milk sent over in the cafeteria, nothing's works".
Jay (stepdad): "Here's the deal, girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success....and since you don't have either one of those things, you're going to be the funny guy".
Every little boy should learn this before he is 13.
Jay (stepdad): "Here's the deal, girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success....and since you don't have either one of those things, you're going to be the funny guy".
Every little boy should learn this before he is 13.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Attention smokers...
If the above pic isn't enough to make you quit smoking, then I don't think anything will. No one should be in the same category as this douchebag. I'm half inclined to dye my hair blond just to make sure I have one less thing in common with him.
On another note, when you have EIGHT kids who look up to you (maybe one day they're learn not to) and may emulate you shudder then maybe that should be inspiration enough to quit smoking. Oh that and the press already rips on you, do you really want to give them fodder? The only thing that could make this picture worse would be an Ed Hardy tshirt.
In fact, instead of a warning label on a pack of smokes, just put the above pic. Let's be real, even *I* would be more afraid of being like Jon Gosselin than lung cancer, bad skin, nasty-smelling clothes, and smoker's cough combined.
Housewives of Orange County - tv recap
I was going to write this for a friend who moved to London but I figure i might as well share it for the world.
REcap of last night's Real Housewives Episode:
We're back to Lynn's Cuff Love jewelry showing which somehow only has 5 people despite it being at the St. Regis. And she says she stayed up till 4 in the morning to get ready. Really? 'Cause unless you were cleaning the hotel room too, there was nothing there that took all day to prepare.
Gretchen and Tamra are yelling at each other, Gretchen telling Tamra to shut her piehole to the press and Tamra telling Gretchen she's a whore.
Tamra and Vicki bail out, with Tamra wailing about how Gretchen was boning other dudes while Old Guy (why can i never remember his name?) was dying in the hospital. She yellsh ow Gretchen got $1.7mil after his death.
Gretchen on the other hand is like "uh i didn't get all this dough", so her and Slade have a garage sale (more to come on that, i skipped ahead).
Next day Gretchen says that she had to "unwind" after the St. Regis hotel incident so she called some friends over. Yeah, like you can spontaneously plan a tanning party with a whole spray-tan setup and food at the drop of a hat. Lynn goes over, and we're treated to her spray-tanning topless with Gretchen hold her hands over her boobs to shield her nipples or something. I'd say it was sexy, if Lynn's skin didn't look like the same leather used in her Cuff Love bracelets.
We also are treatedto Slade getting his spray tan on, wearing only a sock. He actually seems to treat her pretty well and I never watched the shwo when he dated the other 2 housewives. I will however say dude is a COMPLETE moron and a douche all in one.
Cut to Tamra and Vicki going to eat at Hannah's (in Rancho Santa Margarita if anyone cares..it's in the Entertainment Book...their food is so-so in my opinion) which was conveniently empty other than the 2 of them. Tamra's bitching about how they're upside down in their home, how they're probably going to have to sell it. You can hate Vicki all you want, but on her little side blurb she's like "Okay, you need money. So GET A JOB."
Oh Simon, Tamra's husband, is only selling tequila now...he's not doing the car sales thing anymore, which naturally Vicki had an opinion on. One that she didn't say to Tamra's face.
Jeana's last episode I thinkis next week, so we see her going budget shopping with her and her daughter at H&M at South Coast. The recession has hit all of these rich biotches really hard. (Although, i like Jeana and her daughter is the only one who's got half a brain). She's had to sell a few cars, watches, and artwork to afford her house. She tries selling this like 12mil house to some rich OC dude ($9mil if he wants it unfurnished). The best is Jeana's sales pitch: "You guys looked really good in that house". Apparently rich people buy homes that flatter their looks like a nice sweater.
Lynn goes to a plastic surgeon and is planning a facelift. Her "ugly" daughter is getting a nose job for her birthday. The "pretty" sister goes into a huge crying fit saying that she wishes everyone would stop changing, when you really realize she just wants someone to blow some dough on her. The "ugly" sister got a bmw the year before for her birthday. The best is the "pretty" sister's argument for why the "ugly" sister shouldn't get a nose job:
"last year mom and dad paid 10, 16, 20 thousand or whatever on that car of yours!"
If i were Lynn i'd say "uh honey, that was a $60k car...you know...if you're going to make an argument...."
(i'm taking an average here, since the bottom of the line BMWs start at $30-something K)
Apparently this whole episode is about how hard up everyone is except for Vicki. She, her mom, and her daughter go to Rome. Vicki needs 4 outfits a day: morning one, a pool one, a cocktail one, and a dinner one. Of which, her daughter was all "why can't your cocktail one be the same as the dinner one?". Their hotel is $540 a night, and it's not even as big as my bedroom. Vicki attempts to get the waiter as some restaurant to tell her what Italian wine she would like if she says which California wine she likes. Italians apparently don't give a sh*t about Californian wine (and they shouldn't).
Cut to Tamra in her palace...she no longer can afford $500 a month on a maid so now all the kids and her clean. There's one scene where two of the kids are fighting over who gets to clean the toilet (uh, do they want to come to my house? there's enough toilets so they ALL can clean one!). they get a real estate agent over, and they talk about how their "compromise" on some flooring was to get "shaker tile" which i've never even heard of. Sidebar of Tamra yakking about how her marriage isn't as good, how sad she is to give up the house where it was the first and only hosue they brought one of their babies home to after she gave birth, cue crying. (it was actually kind of touching, it was about the memories for her not the $$)
Gretchen and Slade have a garage sale, he lectures her about how to present and organize her "merchandise". No one shows up, i'm guessing because she lives in an area where the 6am mexican families aren't going to drive around (if so, they'd buy her stuff up like crazy, she had some good stuff! and they dont f*ck around when they bring their trucks...they're your #1 customer!) like gated Coto de Caza....or maybe she didn't put an ad up on Craigslist...or maybe it was like 3pm by the time she was done with it.
Finally...
We get the intro to The New Girl. I guess she'd be hot in real life, but I still say Gretchen is way hotter. This woman looks like she's 28-going-on-45. New Girl (NG), New Girls' Husband (NGH), Tamra, and Simon are out to dinner. It's a lot of mundane retarded chat that's supposed to make us believe Tamra and Simon have a sh*tty marriage whereas NG and NGH have some amazing loving one. NGH is beyond FUG so he must make bank.
next week there's one of those 'behind the scenes' or whatever they're called shows where that retarded guy who interviews the housewives at the end of the season gets them together for Jeana's going away interview. And we see that Vicki and NG don't get along, especially with Vicki telling the new girl "bring it!".
I lost a few brain cells to Bravo last night for sure.
REcap of last night's Real Housewives Episode:
We're back to Lynn's Cuff Love jewelry showing which somehow only has 5 people despite it being at the St. Regis. And she says she stayed up till 4 in the morning to get ready. Really? 'Cause unless you were cleaning the hotel room too, there was nothing there that took all day to prepare.
Gretchen and Tamra are yelling at each other, Gretchen telling Tamra to shut her piehole to the press and Tamra telling Gretchen she's a whore.
Tamra and Vicki bail out, with Tamra wailing about how Gretchen was boning other dudes while Old Guy (why can i never remember his name?) was dying in the hospital. She yellsh ow Gretchen got $1.7mil after his death.
Gretchen on the other hand is like "uh i didn't get all this dough", so her and Slade have a garage sale (more to come on that, i skipped ahead).
Next day Gretchen says that she had to "unwind" after the St. Regis hotel incident so she called some friends over. Yeah, like you can spontaneously plan a tanning party with a whole spray-tan setup and food at the drop of a hat. Lynn goes over, and we're treated to her spray-tanning topless with Gretchen hold her hands over her boobs to shield her nipples or something. I'd say it was sexy, if Lynn's skin didn't look like the same leather used in her Cuff Love bracelets.
We also are treatedto Slade getting his spray tan on, wearing only a sock. He actually seems to treat her pretty well and I never watched the shwo when he dated the other 2 housewives. I will however say dude is a COMPLETE moron and a douche all in one.
Cut to Tamra and Vicki going to eat at Hannah's (in Rancho Santa Margarita if anyone cares..it's in the Entertainment Book...their food is so-so in my opinion) which was conveniently empty other than the 2 of them. Tamra's bitching about how they're upside down in their home, how they're probably going to have to sell it. You can hate Vicki all you want, but on her little side blurb she's like "Okay, you need money. So GET A JOB."
Oh Simon, Tamra's husband, is only selling tequila now...he's not doing the car sales thing anymore, which naturally Vicki had an opinion on. One that she didn't say to Tamra's face.
Jeana's last episode I thinkis next week, so we see her going budget shopping with her and her daughter at H&M at South Coast. The recession has hit all of these rich biotches really hard. (Although, i like Jeana and her daughter is the only one who's got half a brain). She's had to sell a few cars, watches, and artwork to afford her house. She tries selling this like 12mil house to some rich OC dude ($9mil if he wants it unfurnished). The best is Jeana's sales pitch: "You guys looked really good in that house". Apparently rich people buy homes that flatter their looks like a nice sweater.
Lynn goes to a plastic surgeon and is planning a facelift. Her "ugly" daughter is getting a nose job for her birthday. The "pretty" sister goes into a huge crying fit saying that she wishes everyone would stop changing, when you really realize she just wants someone to blow some dough on her. The "ugly" sister got a bmw the year before for her birthday. The best is the "pretty" sister's argument for why the "ugly" sister shouldn't get a nose job:
"last year mom and dad paid 10, 16, 20 thousand or whatever on that car of yours!"
If i were Lynn i'd say "uh honey, that was a $60k car...you know...if you're going to make an argument...."
(i'm taking an average here, since the bottom of the line BMWs start at $30-something K)
Apparently this whole episode is about how hard up everyone is except for Vicki. She, her mom, and her daughter go to Rome. Vicki needs 4 outfits a day: morning one, a pool one, a cocktail one, and a dinner one. Of which, her daughter was all "why can't your cocktail one be the same as the dinner one?". Their hotel is $540 a night, and it's not even as big as my bedroom. Vicki attempts to get the waiter as some restaurant to tell her what Italian wine she would like if she says which California wine she likes. Italians apparently don't give a sh*t about Californian wine (and they shouldn't).
Cut to Tamra in her palace...she no longer can afford $500 a month on a maid so now all the kids and her clean. There's one scene where two of the kids are fighting over who gets to clean the toilet (uh, do they want to come to my house? there's enough toilets so they ALL can clean one!). they get a real estate agent over, and they talk about how their "compromise" on some flooring was to get "shaker tile" which i've never even heard of. Sidebar of Tamra yakking about how her marriage isn't as good, how sad she is to give up the house where it was the first and only hosue they brought one of their babies home to after she gave birth, cue crying. (it was actually kind of touching, it was about the memories for her not the $$)
Gretchen and Slade have a garage sale, he lectures her about how to present and organize her "merchandise". No one shows up, i'm guessing because she lives in an area where the 6am mexican families aren't going to drive around (if so, they'd buy her stuff up like crazy, she had some good stuff! and they dont f*ck around when they bring their trucks...they're your #1 customer!) like gated Coto de Caza....or maybe she didn't put an ad up on Craigslist...or maybe it was like 3pm by the time she was done with it.
Finally...
We get the intro to The New Girl. I guess she'd be hot in real life, but I still say Gretchen is way hotter. This woman looks like she's 28-going-on-45. New Girl (NG), New Girls' Husband (NGH), Tamra, and Simon are out to dinner. It's a lot of mundane retarded chat that's supposed to make us believe Tamra and Simon have a sh*tty marriage whereas NG and NGH have some amazing loving one. NGH is beyond FUG so he must make bank.
next week there's one of those 'behind the scenes' or whatever they're called shows where that retarded guy who interviews the housewives at the end of the season gets them together for Jeana's going away interview. And we see that Vicki and NG don't get along, especially with Vicki telling the new girl "bring it!".
I lost a few brain cells to Bravo last night for sure.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Glee - Defying Gravity
I'm so effing lazy these days, I'm even too lazy to gripe about how lazy I am.
Anyway, it's worth posting here how incredible Glee was last night. Everything from Finn sticking up to himself against Quinn, Puck being a stud and wanting to pay for his can't-admit-it's-mine baby, and the Diva Off between Rachel and Kurt.
Love love the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, here's the version played in the show, where Kurt throws the high F note on purpose.
Found online though, their own respective versions and Kurt's doesn't have voice falter in this one:
Original from the show (direct link)
Rachel-only version (direct link)
Kurt-only version (direct link)
If Rachel wasn't such an obnoxious character I'd begrudgingly admit that hers was still better.
Anyway, it's worth posting here how incredible Glee was last night. Everything from Finn sticking up to himself against Quinn, Puck being a stud and wanting to pay for his can't-admit-it's-mine baby, and the Diva Off between Rachel and Kurt.
Love love the song "Defying Gravity" from Wicked, here's the version played in the show, where Kurt throws the high F note on purpose.
Found online though, their own respective versions and Kurt's doesn't have voice falter in this one:
Original from the show (direct link)
Rachel-only version (direct link)
Kurt-only version (direct link)
If Rachel wasn't such an obnoxious character I'd begrudgingly admit that hers was still better.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Hi, I have a PR person and they can spell.
Hmmm...really Kanye? If you're going to make something sound like you, then please add a touch of asshole to it. All caps, some "...............", a ton of exclamation marks.
And one gives a sh*t if you feel like a character in a fictional movie.
Now you owe Ben Stiller an apology.
Not to give Kanye more props...
((Update: dammit, the apology got taken down off Photobucket. It was an all-caps drunken asshole apology from Kanye))
((Update again: i just realized I say "news flash" a lot. Suck it.))
(for people reading from FB, i just linked a screenshot of Kanye's so-called apology to Taylor Swift, unclickable link here: http://i382.photobucket.com/albums/oo268/Antpantsss/jzaxf.jpg)
Let's go through what makes Kanye the KING of douches:
1. ALL CAPS. Come ON. I know he doesn't have a desk job and doesn't need to think about usability, but on what planet do you think an entire paragraph in all caps is necessary? Oh because you think your words are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than everyone else's words.
Do not abuse Caps Lock.
2. He first says she's talented, then makes a dig at her lyrics. She's fucking 19 years old. When you're 19, that stuff is huge to you. I was unaware that
Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
was pulitzer prize-winning penmanship. Her music isn't really my type, but take it for what it's worth: fun country/pop songs that are meant for teenage girls with crushes and are fun for us 30 year olds to drive to. That's it.
I highly doubt the above lyrics are any more deep than "she wears high heels, i wear tshirts, she's cheer captain and i'm on the bleachers".
(and let's not forget: her subway singing at the VMAs was a trillion times more amazing and displays her talent way more than anything I've ever seen Kanye do)
3. Adding to the ALL CAPS...the need for excessive exclamation marks. I'm reading your words. I get that you're yelling. I get that because I saw you yelling on stage even though you had a mic. You wanna be effective? One or two exclamation marks. Max.
4. The excessive "...". I use that a lot, i know, but damn if it's gonna take up half a sentence then just take a second to stop, think, THEN write. No one needs to know when you're pausing because you're ranting.
5. Saying you'll apologize to Taylor tomorrow means jack when she can read, you moron. "Hey, I'll just post a sarcastic all-caps message to my fans that really 'get me' and then placate everyone by saying I'll apologize to her tomorrow, she'll NEVER know that I don't mean it! Hee hee..." If you have what i'm assuming is 20 minutes to type a paragraph (i'm assuming that took him 20 minutes because he can't type worth crap, it's all caps, and i sure hope he was on a blackberry otherwise there's no excuse for the shorthand numbering scheme...someone that challenged isn't a fast typist), then take 20 minutes to post a heartfelt apology to HER, not a message to your fans or whoever the hell you think reads your crap.
6. "I'm still happy for Taylor". News flash: you being happy or not is irrelevant. No one cares if you were mad or happy or felt like slitting your wrist. You weren't nominated. It wasn't your award. You were six degrees away only because:
Kanye + Jay Z = video
Jay z + Beyonce = marriage
Beyonce + VMAs = nominated
VMAs + Taylor Swift = Kevin Bacon
So just becuase you are happy for someone doesn't mean you can ruin their moment. If that's the case, I'd like to know if at someone's wedding i can run up, splash wine on the bride, then later say "But i'm still happy for the lucky couple!". No one cares dude.
7. You apologize to your friends at MTV...i'm gonna guess you've burned that bridge and you don't even realize it.
8. "No disrespect but we watching the show from the crib right now because, well, you know". Umm kanye, news flash: if you were watching it at home that means it's a rerun. You were there live. It was aired live. So who you think you're disrespecting by going home and watching it, we don't know. Oh did you think you were disrespecting someone by not going to their after-party? News flash: you probably would have been ripped a new one and left anyway. it's certainly not your choice that you're not attending those events, so don't say you don't mean to disrespect anyone. (Hey maybe think about not disrespecting someone when you rip a microphone from a teenage girl's hands when she wins her first VMA ever).
9. Please learn to spell "Booyah" correctly.
10. So you gave your award to Outkast when you felt you should've handed it over. Whoop-de-frickin-do. So you're a martyr. That was when YOU felt you should hand it over. TAYLOR didn't feel she should hand it over. And to be honest, Beyonce's video is cool but it's just her and 2 other chicks dancing. "Beautiful Nightmare"'s video is wayyy better and that wasn't even nominated. Hell, I personally felt Pink should have won because that video is wicked entertaining and she pokes fun of herself. But I digress. Just because YOU felt Beyonce should win doesnt' mean everyone else agrees, so your "everyone should be as humble as me" is hypocritical at best.
I'm sure OUtkast was like "uhh...yeah...we'll just FedEx this baby back to you tomorrow..."
11. You say you're not crazy, you're just real. Dude...stick with crazy. Really. Otherwise you're just a real asshole.
12. I don't understand what being booed has to do with being a fan of "real" pop culture. No one has taught Kanye what pop culture means. The VMAs themselves, part of pop culture. Taylor winning an award and not Beyonce? Not pop culture. Oh but let's be real...5 years from now when VH1 has the World Series of Pop Culture, YOU get to be the pop culture question:
"Who won the VMA in 2009 when Kanye Douchebag West rushed the stage and wailed that Beyonce should have won?"
13. You really feel bad for Taylor and you're sincerely sorry, right after you wrote how she should have given up her award and how her lyrics don't show talent. Kanye, little bit of a news flash: when you read the last line of a paragraph, that usually also means they read all the letters before it as well.
Basically Kanye needs to have his own award show where he hates white people and gives awards to himself.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Why television rocks...
GOD i love television.
Desperate Housewives:
"When we don't like someone, we don't punish them or say mean things...just find subtle ways to make them feel bad about their lives." -Gaby
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Movie Review: BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
No spoilers here, unless you're hardcore and don't even watch previews.
Everyone's got a season of Star Trek they like (if you don't...well...what can I say. You probably have
a life.), mine's always been the old skool cheesy initial series. Captain Kirk being paunchy yet still a ladies/mutants/aliens' man has always been endearing.
Plus, The Trouble with Tribbles ( full episode here ) was absolutely brilliant.
That being said, I'm not a fan of the movies because it's just plain depressing. Big screen old guys playing characters from their former days of glory doesn't impress me.
Finding out JJ Abrams was doing a prequel of sorts gave me everything I wanted: old skool crew combined with youth. It's a win-win.
The movie's got exactly what you'd expect in terms of action and drama. The usual schpiel of bad guy coming after the crew, bad guy getting the upper hand, then when it seems all hope is lost Kirk saves the day with some bold gutsy move. Did that spoil it? It's not like you didn't know they'd live, since it's a prequel.
I gotta admit, the script is brilliant. I don't care how much CG you toss in a movie, if the script is balls then to me the whole movie just seems like moviemakers bank on general audience stupidity. The combo of drama vs. comedic timing is effing fantastic. Which is no easy feat for for actors who have to play other actors playing well-known characters.
The scene stealer is Karl Urban as Bones McCoy. Perfect swagger, perfect crankiness, perfect deadpan delivery ("My ex-wife got the planet in the divorce. I have nothing left except my bones."). In fact, he should have his own movie, Bones ER. Then Dr. G
reen and Dr. Carter can show up as sidekicks. Also gotta give props to Simon Pegg as Scotty, except...well...he's Simon Pegg. Of course he's going to be amazing. In fact...Simon Pegg should make a cameo on Bones ER as a headstrong patient who insists on taking matters in his own hands despite the Doc Bones' orders. Hilarity ensues.
There's a few things that irked me. Like, somewhere between his youth to the future, Spock gets braces. Starfleet must have fantastic healthcare insurance.
And initially I was all "ohhhhhh Chris Pine...dark hair...blue eyes...ohhh"...well by the end of the movie, not so hot. He's got horrific skin (chemical peel please!) and he's got this huge mole near his right ear which I spent most of the movie thinking it was just a remnant from all the fights he gets in. I'm just sayin'....Spock eventually gets braces, I sure hope Cap'n Kirk gets some outpatient skin work done.
I was hoping they'd glow like this...but I got scammed.
So overall...I actually give the movie an A for nostalgia and great writing...but a D for frame-by-frame photoshopping of Spock and Kirk.
For FB readers, original post here (not that it matters, everyone comments in FB anyway):
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Updated goals for 2009
Okay, once and for all...gotta update those 2009 goals.
I hate New Year's resolutions, because they're usually not measurable ("i want to lose weight"...uh no, make it a NUMBER) nor is there a decent timeline that provides motivation (who can wait 12 months to do anything?)...
Well all of my 2008 goals were shot to hell, so let's revisit shall we?
May - finish working on a UG that I keep procrastinating on
June - Ebay like a mofo now that I've got the new camera, Canon 790SD get rid of ALL the crap once and for all. Plus badly needed to pay those vet bills.
July - Veg out, relax, and read at least 2 books that *I* want to read (i say 2 because I'm trying to be realistic with schedules and stuff)
August - build up at least 3 of the websites that I bought domain names for (latest one...TeenLifeCrisis.com ...i wanted TeenAngst.com but of course that was taken)
September - Read 2 of the French books I've got
Would it be so bad if my goals read as the following:
May - catch up on 4 months' of DVRed shows (those Desperate Housewives episodes aren't going to watch themselves)
June - see how long it takes of no laundry before I run out of underwear...my bet? 17 days.
July - See if it's possible to do nothing in an entire month other than sleep, eat, go to work. That's ALOTTA sleeping. But I'm up for the challenge.
August - Pour an entire bottle of Olay Regenerist each night on my face in hopes that turning 32 won't display on my epidermis.
September - Catch up on all the DVRed shows missed in July due to excessive sleeping. (Those I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here episodes aren't going to watch themselves).
I'd write more, but I'm finally caught up on 90210 and tonight's episode is the prom finale. Ahhh...prom...must save that discussion for TeenLifeCrisis.com.
I hate New Year's resolutions, because they're usually not measurable ("i want to lose weight"...uh no, make it a NUMBER) nor is there a decent timeline that provides motivation (who can wait 12 months to do anything?)...
Well all of my 2008 goals were shot to hell, so let's revisit shall we?
May - finish working on a UG that I keep procrastinating on
June - Ebay like a mofo now that I've got the new camera, Canon 790SD get rid of ALL the crap once and for all. Plus badly needed to pay those vet bills.
July - Veg out, relax, and read at least 2 books that *I* want to read (i say 2 because I'm trying to be realistic with schedules and stuff)
August - build up at least 3 of the websites that I bought domain names for (latest one...TeenLifeCrisis.com ...i wanted TeenAngst.com but of course that was taken)
September - Read 2 of the French books I've got
Would it be so bad if my goals read as the following:
May - catch up on 4 months' of DVRed shows (those Desperate Housewives episodes aren't going to watch themselves)
June - see how long it takes of no laundry before I run out of underwear...my bet? 17 days.
July - See if it's possible to do nothing in an entire month other than sleep, eat, go to work. That's ALOTTA sleeping. But I'm up for the challenge.
August - Pour an entire bottle of Olay Regenerist each night on my face in hopes that turning 32 won't display on my epidermis.
September - Catch up on all the DVRed shows missed in July due to excessive sleeping. (Those I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here episodes aren't going to watch themselves).
I'd write more, but I'm finally caught up on 90210 and tonight's episode is the prom finale. Ahhh...prom...must save that discussion for TeenLifeCrisis.com.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Media Mayhem
Anyone who watches Lost knows why this is absolutely brilliant:
Although I'm 2 weeks behind...tonight after kickball I'm desperate to catch up. Especially knowing that Hurley is working on the Empire Strikes Back script (although how he thinks he's going to contact George Lucas from a f*cked up island is beyond me).
I'm also behind by 1 episode on Gossip Girl, but I'd like to say the following about the next episode:
Dear Nate,
I adore you. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Boyish good looks. Money. Everything a 31 year old homeowner with plummeting equity could want. But just PRETEND you actually really, REALLY want Blair...i want to see passion...i want to see tears...i want to see Charlton Heston-esque fist waving in the air...But in the end, my boy Chuck will win. Why? Because...c'mon Nate, you know why...he's Chuck Bass.
Speaking of media that is inappropriate for my age group, I'm dying to see this movie almost as much as my desire for Star Trek and Wolverine:
It's silly, since they show the entire plot in the YouTube vid, but anyone who doesn't have a horseshoe** up their ass knows that life post-grad is pretty brutal.
(** I know two people with said horseshoe, one of them being an ex-boyfriend who just walked up to ONE booth at the Ottawa U job fair thing, got the job on the spot, and worked his way to financial greatness from there. That f*cker.)
I'd like to reflect back and think that I'm so much further along in life than when I graduated, but I still feel like I'm walking around with the same deer-in-headlights look that Alexis Bledel captures so well. I feel like at all times my expression is nothing more than "dear God please help me through this next minute, I don't know wtf I'm doing".
In my mind, you are truly an adult when you no longer feel like your life is a series of final exams that you haven't studied for.
And finally...thanks to my friend Jessica I got to pretend I'm someone important by getting to wear a pass around my neck to get into the Newport Beach Film Festival. Or at least, one film anyway. Finding Bliss. Starring the girl that no one can stand or finds attractive, Leelee Sobieowski (dayam! I spelled it correct on my own!), Jamie Kennedy, and Denise Richards in yet another role proving she can't act her way out of a paper bag.
The absolute best line of the movie is shown at the 1:39 mark. It was pretty entertaining for a crappy movie, and I actually liked Miss Sobieowski in it. I should give her props...she played a great nerdy girl in one of the few chick flicks I actually like, Never Been Kissed. And I didn't know that ATM meant "ass to mouth", so now I've been schooled.
Although I'm 2 weeks behind...tonight after kickball I'm desperate to catch up. Especially knowing that Hurley is working on the Empire Strikes Back script (although how he thinks he's going to contact George Lucas from a f*cked up island is beyond me).
I'm also behind by 1 episode on Gossip Girl, but I'd like to say the following about the next episode:
Dear Nate,
I adore you. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Boyish good looks. Money. Everything a 31 year old homeowner with plummeting equity could want. But just PRETEND you actually really, REALLY want Blair...i want to see passion...i want to see tears...i want to see Charlton Heston-esque fist waving in the air...But in the end, my boy Chuck will win. Why? Because...c'mon Nate, you know why...he's Chuck Bass.
Speaking of media that is inappropriate for my age group, I'm dying to see this movie almost as much as my desire for Star Trek and Wolverine:
It's silly, since they show the entire plot in the YouTube vid, but anyone who doesn't have a horseshoe** up their ass knows that life post-grad is pretty brutal.
(** I know two people with said horseshoe, one of them being an ex-boyfriend who just walked up to ONE booth at the Ottawa U job fair thing, got the job on the spot, and worked his way to financial greatness from there. That f*cker.)
I'd like to reflect back and think that I'm so much further along in life than when I graduated, but I still feel like I'm walking around with the same deer-in-headlights look that Alexis Bledel captures so well. I feel like at all times my expression is nothing more than "dear God please help me through this next minute, I don't know wtf I'm doing".
In my mind, you are truly an adult when you no longer feel like your life is a series of final exams that you haven't studied for.
And finally...thanks to my friend Jessica I got to pretend I'm someone important by getting to wear a pass around my neck to get into the Newport Beach Film Festival. Or at least, one film anyway. Finding Bliss. Starring the girl that no one can stand or finds attractive, Leelee Sobieowski (dayam! I spelled it correct on my own!), Jamie Kennedy, and Denise Richards in yet another role proving she can't act her way out of a paper bag.
The absolute best line of the movie is shown at the 1:39 mark. It was pretty entertaining for a crappy movie, and I actually liked Miss Sobieowski in it. I should give her props...she played a great nerdy girl in one of the few chick flicks I actually like, Never Been Kissed. And I didn't know that ATM meant "ass to mouth", so now I've been schooled.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Most annoying commercial of March 2009
I swear to GOD my brain wants to explode when I see this commercial. Here's all the reasons why this commercial chafes my hide:
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
Grey matter keeps on churnin'
As much as I hate to admit this, gasp, I'm still learning. I'm not all-knowing. I'm not the wise genius that you all probably think that I am. I know, I know...I probably should have warned you to sit down first. I know. So a few things that have seeped into my grey matter:
1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".
2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).
3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.
4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".
5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.
6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.
7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.
8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.
9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.
10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.
11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.
12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).
13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.
14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.
15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.
16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.
1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".
2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).
3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.
4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".
5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.
6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.
7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.
8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.
9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.
10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.
11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.
12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).
13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.
14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.
15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.
16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Serious random thoughts
Must purge brain or else it'll explode. In no particular order, thoughts running through my teenie grey matter:
Kah-toe-mahh-tayyy
- Must buy Nars Orgasm blush. Sarah turned me onto it...it's gorgeous gorgeous. Worth every penny. Looks good on any skin color. Even men should buy it, it's THAT good.
- Getting over a caffeine addiction is HARD. I've done it before, but damn if caffeine isn't like crack. I've never had crack, but I can only assume that the crankiness and shakes associated with withdrawals are somewhat comparable. When I don't get me some diet pepsi (yes, go ahead, say it..."what are you, French?" Suck it...Diet P is way better than Diet C), I become an uncontrollable bitch. I've allowed myself 2 sodas if I go out for lunch (one drink, one refill...that's it), and mannnnn the waitress must think I'm psychotic because I literally bounce up and down in my seat in anticipation of my drug of choice. Thankfully, Tazo Tea is my rehab drug.
- Entourage better f*cking win at the SAG awards tonight.
- Do you ever find yourself getting emotional over really retarded things? Almost losing this blog to jackass hackers completely took my breath away. I almost lost my Jackball antenna topper when my car was washed yesterday...it's old, it's filthy, and I ended up throwing it out when they found it, but I was in hysterics freaking out at Toyota to find that damn Jackball.
- I'm too lazy to use HTML to make bullets, so the indentation is all off 'cause i'm using Blogger's template. What-eva.
- Thank the Lord for Burn Notice starting up again. I have no idea if real spies do the things in this show, but I like to feel like I'm getting some insider info on how they work. Like turning a can of spray air upside down creates dry ice. I could test that theory. But I trust what Michael Weston tells me. He does no wrong.
- In the category of all things aging, I thought my freakout over turning 30 was enough to last a decade. Oh, how naive I was. That freakout lasted all of 1.5 years. The thought of turning 32 is gripping me to no end. And don't give me this "age ain't nuthin' but a numba" garbage. 32 seals the deal that you really are in your 30s, and you can't even attempt to piggyback on your 20s anymore.
- I love that at 11:30pm, Janet texted me that she saw Gretchen from Real Housewives of OC. I love that I cared. I've got no shame in my game. I'm not celebrity obsessed because I think they're great...I just love picking them apart. I may give up diet pepsi, but I will never give up my Pop Culture vice. NEVER! I want my gravestone to read: Would have won World Series of Pop Culture. (Marcella: you would have had to be on my team of course!)
- Why is it that the more children Angelina Jolie pops out, the more matronly she looks? I mean, I understand things change when you have a child but dang woman, you are still gorgeous. Your fashion choices lately are nothing more than a designer gown version of a grey sweatsuit.
- Obsession has a new name, and its called: Turkey Sandwiches.
- I don't understand why we all love Bath & Body Works. I mean, it's just SOAP people. And yet, I could shop there every minute of every day. Their stuff is cheap and it's the BEST.
Kah-toe-mahh-tayyy
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Again...incomplete...must...have...
I saw this dress in a frickin' PROM magazine. How this is kosher for a prom is beyond me.
I adore it. I also adore the idea of having Giselle's body to go in it (grumble) but it reminds me of the poor man's version of this knockout:
A note to any designers out there: I'm pimping out my body for the sole purpose to wear free clothes. Hook me up. I'll tell everyone and anyone who sponsored me. "Yeahhh this sweet dress? Courtesy of BCBG"..."You like my boots? Thanks Steve Madden!"....
This dress just blows my mind. Maybe also 'cause it's 3:15am and I'm loopy. LOVE it.
For real. I could live in a cardboard box...as long as I have the above grecian dress.
In unrelated but yet somewhat related news, it's become my obsession to find the dress Gretchen wore in Part 1 & 2 "Naked Wars" of Real Housewives of Orange County. I can't even do a search for it by color..not quite magenta, not quite peach...odds of me ever BUYING it are remote, but if I can find out who makes it I can work to find a good knockoff. And then wallow over not being able to afford it (or that if i could afford it, where the EFF would I wear it? Time for my friends to start having parties where they hire celebrity caterers and demonstrate their mad table manner skillz).
I adore it. I also adore the idea of having Giselle's body to go in it (grumble) but it reminds me of the poor man's version of this knockout:
A note to any designers out there: I'm pimping out my body for the sole purpose to wear free clothes. Hook me up. I'll tell everyone and anyone who sponsored me. "Yeahhh this sweet dress? Courtesy of BCBG"..."You like my boots? Thanks Steve Madden!"....
This dress just blows my mind. Maybe also 'cause it's 3:15am and I'm loopy. LOVE it.
For real. I could live in a cardboard box...as long as I have the above grecian dress.
In unrelated but yet somewhat related news, it's become my obsession to find the dress Gretchen wore in Part 1 & 2 "Naked Wars" of Real Housewives of Orange County. I can't even do a search for it by color..not quite magenta, not quite peach...odds of me ever BUYING it are remote, but if I can find out who makes it I can work to find a good knockoff. And then wallow over not being able to afford it (or that if i could afford it, where the EFF would I wear it? Time for my friends to start having parties where they hire celebrity caterers and demonstrate their mad table manner skillz).
Monday, January 12, 2009
The glitz! The glamour! The....
...total snub by Angelina to Ryan Seacrest...
So I missed the Golden Globes. Only caught the beginning where Ricky Gervais went around taking pics of celebs with this iPhone.
I must say...my life will be incomplete without the following dresses:
So I missed the Golden Globes. Only caught the beginning where Ricky Gervais went around taking pics of celebs with this iPhone.
I must say...my life will be incomplete without the following dresses:
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sexiest women alive
This list is still a work in process...gimme your feedback and I'LL decide where they fall on the list!
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
Monday, November 17, 2008
Best. SNL. Ever.
Okay maybe this weekend wasn't the best EVER (I'm still a sucker for the old skool Ben Affleck ones, combined with him laughing during skits along with Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz)...but leave it to Paul Rudd to easily have the best episode of SNL this season (not so easy to do when you don't have Tina Fey to help out).
But the highlight was Justin TImberlake summarizing what WOULD have been next week's episode. I actually think he's a great actor, and all his SNL appearances have been fantabulous. Dude needs his own show.
Sorry for the crappiness, every other one I found had a 30 second commercial. I'm sure NBC is going to have this video removed, but theirs makes you watch a stupid toothpaste commercial before the skit.
Love that he did a small shout out to Jessica Biel.
But the highlight was Justin TImberlake summarizing what WOULD have been next week's episode. I actually think he's a great actor, and all his SNL appearances have been fantabulous. Dude needs his own show.
Sorry for the crappiness, every other one I found had a 30 second commercial. I'm sure NBC is going to have this video removed, but theirs makes you watch a stupid toothpaste commercial before the skit.
Love that he did a small shout out to Jessica Biel.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
No...really...i adore Paul Rudd
The only sad thing about living on the west coast is that SNL isn't live...I hate seeing that "previously recorded" crap.
Going to visit Rony (aka Tony and Rena) this weekend in LA, but I don't care WHAT time i get home...must...see...Paul...Rudd...
Going to visit Rony (aka Tony and Rena) this weekend in LA, but I don't care WHAT time i get home...must...see...Paul...Rudd...
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