Dear John: a letter to Quizno's

Dear Quizno's,

Our love affair started wonderfully. There were only 2 locations in Ottawa ten years ago, and I remember driving an hour to get to the Kanata location. The only other sub options we had were subway, which tasted pretty crappy in comparison.

I moved to California, and I was so happy to find them everywhere. No longer did I have to drive forever to get my Mesquite Chicken (no bacon, no cheese).

Then we hit the peak of my adoration for you, which can only displayed with the commercial:




With that commercial, I settled into my state of loving bliss for years.
A tear is brought to my eye as I rewatch it now. Ahh the good ol' days.

Lately you have lost your focus. And I have to now confess that I am back to my original sub place of choice: Subway.

(Oh Togos...we had a brief affair but you couldn't hold my interest long enough)

It started with their $5 subs. FIVE DOLLARS for a footlong. That's mind blogging. That meant i could go back to my veggie-pizza sub I used to get in university. AND they have toasters now too.

However today I thought I'd try to rekindle our flame. Alas, it was a no-go. It cost me over $10 in order to get two Sammies and a Torpedo. And i'm STILL hungry.

Let's start with the Sammies. Your ad said "now larger". How small were they before? A HotPocket is bigger than that. I felt the way my mother did when she tried an authentic taco in San Clemente for the first time: gypped.

See this picture? Now photoshop out all the food that's popping out of the bread. And then you can get an idea of what I received.




Then the Torpedo...what's not to love about mozarella, turkey, and pesto? Let's see...while you normally OD on sauce, there was barely any pesto. One thin slice of turkey is not going to make me taste any meat when there's thick bread all around it. And your packaging! 1/3 of it was sticking out from the Torpedo wrapping bag doodad, and the cashier just plopped it into your white shopping bags...he looked at me like I was crazy because I asked him to wrap it like a sub. Yes, I must be crazy for not wanting tomatoes and lettuce to flop around in the plastic bag.


Hey call me crazy, but if I held my torpedo like that, gravity would take over the contents.


Don't try to kid yourself into thinking your "Any two for $5!" is a comparable deal. That's like throwing over Rosie O'Donnell when someone's expecting Megan Fox.

I'm not quite sure what your additional costs are compared to Subway. You don't have Jared's salary to cover. Your ads feature at most a smooth-talking oven. Perhaps you should put your oven on commission, 'cause his fiery (uhh..fire-y) ways aren't enough to make me want to pay more for nothing.

So alas, we must part ways. Sure, I'll still come to you when I have a hankering for Mesquite Chicken but since I'm a cheap bastard, don't hold your breath on that happening anytime soon.

Signed,

RandomThoughsAndGripes.com

IM with my mom: pizza parlor edition

My_mom (10:14 AM): hows it going
Me (10:16 AM): its going

My_mom (10:17 AM): hint if u ever want to make your own pizza.... go to a pizza parlour, buy fresh dough for pizza
My_mom (10:17 AM): bought 2 large uncooked pizza dough 3 weeks ago for just 6 $
My_mom (10:17 AM): not worth making your own
My_mom (10:17 AM): made my own pizza
My_mom (10:18 AM): i mean used my own toppings

Me (10:18 AM): i have never made my own pizza dough. You don't need to go to a pizza parlor to get dough, the grocery store sells it premade.

My_mom (10:18 AM): 2 large pizzas cost usually 34 $ or so
Me (10:18 AM): 2 large pizzas here costs like 15.


My_mom (10:18 AM): u mean the one already rolled out?
My_mom (10:18 AM): thats no good, tried it
Me (10:19 AM): ok
Me (10:19 AM): um no

Me (10:19 AM): you can buy dough
Me (10:19 AM): that you roll out yourself
My_mom (10:19 AM): which section?

Me (10:19 AM): frozen i'm guessing, since you can freeze pizza dough
Me (10:19 AM): they have it fresh at some stores like Trader Joes
My_mom (10:20 AM): i have to look, but that was pretty good too
Me (10:20 AM): ok

My_mom (10:20 AM): like making your own
My_mom (10:21 AM): 3 $ for the dough of one
My_mom (10:21 AM): anyway, c u later hugs

Me (10:22 AM): ok

I love the taste of cardboard in the morning

I decided this morning to dedicate a whole post to the two whole nasty packaged cheese danishes I consumed this morning (why did I eat two? I felt like giving Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant a second chance after the first one tasted so vile), which led me to do a search for an image of the thing.

Lo and behold, someone else just last week posted a whole review on it:
I am the Generalissimo's review of Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant

Dude nailed it. Although I hate frosting on anything minus pop tarts, so that part can be ommitted.

I'm not sure I understand why packaged food is THAT different from real food. I can't stand organic crap, and I fully support preservatives, but really...how much crap do you have to pump in a food item to the point where it alters the texture, taste, and appearance just so that it can last in my pantry a whole 3 days longer?

Perhaps the fine people at Bon Appetit should consider that if they pumped their food products with less artificial crap, I'd eat more, which would thus lead me to not keep them around till the expiration date, which would then reduce the need to make their croissants last till 2012.

Isn't there some sort of law that says you can't mislabel something? You can't package water and orange food coloring as "orange juice"...so whatever this is should NOT be allowed to be called a cheese croissant.

HA a quick visit to their website displays a Flash intro saying Fresh 'n sweet, ready to eat, Bon Appetit!

I have to give their product visualization/marketing crew major props, they make this bland piece of cardboard actually look delish:


You've been warned.