Dear John: a letter to Quizno's

Dear Quizno's,

Our love affair started wonderfully. There were only 2 locations in Ottawa ten years ago, and I remember driving an hour to get to the Kanata location. The only other sub options we had were subway, which tasted pretty crappy in comparison.

I moved to California, and I was so happy to find them everywhere. No longer did I have to drive forever to get my Mesquite Chicken (no bacon, no cheese).

Then we hit the peak of my adoration for you, which can only displayed with the commercial:




With that commercial, I settled into my state of loving bliss for years.
A tear is brought to my eye as I rewatch it now. Ahh the good ol' days.

Lately you have lost your focus. And I have to now confess that I am back to my original sub place of choice: Subway.

(Oh Togos...we had a brief affair but you couldn't hold my interest long enough)

It started with their $5 subs. FIVE DOLLARS for a footlong. That's mind blogging. That meant i could go back to my veggie-pizza sub I used to get in university. AND they have toasters now too.

However today I thought I'd try to rekindle our flame. Alas, it was a no-go. It cost me over $10 in order to get two Sammies and a Torpedo. And i'm STILL hungry.

Let's start with the Sammies. Your ad said "now larger". How small were they before? A HotPocket is bigger than that. I felt the way my mother did when she tried an authentic taco in San Clemente for the first time: gypped.

See this picture? Now photoshop out all the food that's popping out of the bread. And then you can get an idea of what I received.




Then the Torpedo...what's not to love about mozarella, turkey, and pesto? Let's see...while you normally OD on sauce, there was barely any pesto. One thin slice of turkey is not going to make me taste any meat when there's thick bread all around it. And your packaging! 1/3 of it was sticking out from the Torpedo wrapping bag doodad, and the cashier just plopped it into your white shopping bags...he looked at me like I was crazy because I asked him to wrap it like a sub. Yes, I must be crazy for not wanting tomatoes and lettuce to flop around in the plastic bag.


Hey call me crazy, but if I held my torpedo like that, gravity would take over the contents.


Don't try to kid yourself into thinking your "Any two for $5!" is a comparable deal. That's like throwing over Rosie O'Donnell when someone's expecting Megan Fox.

I'm not quite sure what your additional costs are compared to Subway. You don't have Jared's salary to cover. Your ads feature at most a smooth-talking oven. Perhaps you should put your oven on commission, 'cause his fiery (uhh..fire-y) ways aren't enough to make me want to pay more for nothing.

So alas, we must part ways. Sure, I'll still come to you when I have a hankering for Mesquite Chicken but since I'm a cheap bastard, don't hold your breath on that happening anytime soon.

Signed,

RandomThoughsAndGripes.com

I'm having a delayed quarter-life crisis

Yeah. I said it. 

I'm almost 32 and I realized that my quarter-life crisis has been at a slow and steady pace since I was around 28.

All this bitching, all this griping...it all makes sense now! Before I was merely an annoying chick who was never satisfied and felt the need to let the whole world know her complaints. BUT NOW...it has been solved! I've just been going through a crisis, but at such a slow pace that I didn't realize it.

At least men in their 40s and 50s wake up and buy cars. Sadly, I can't do that. And I actually like my car. In fact, I love Eleanor. She has been good to me. Eleanor, baby, I'm sorry I haven't washed you in like 2 months. I know baby. A car is a reflection of its owner, and right now I look pretty hygienically unsound.

So what's a girl to do when she realizes that she's gone though the stupid fun years of her life and doesn't know what to do as a grownup?

Oh sure...there's all the grownup things. Job. 401k. House. No...house PAYMENTS. Sending out way too many holiday cards in December on behalf of "us". Laundry. Proper nutrition. 

But there's a shift in mentality that needs to take place. I feel like each chapter of our lives is represented by an entrance. Well, I haven't crossed the doorway. I've just been chillin' on the front porch so that I can keep my eye on the door from my Oh Look Sweet Freedom I'm On My Own Now! This Is Going To Rock Years. It's like turning my head and charging through that doorway indicates that I should bet that person. The kind that in every year earlier in your life, you never wanted to become. The one who talks mortgages (already do), bills(already do), weather (already do), and politics (already do although I aim to be as ignorant as possible with the exception of socialized healthcare which i feel damn passionately about...wtf in the States we pay more per capita for healthcare yet the #1 reason for bankruptcy is healthcare costs. Ahhh my tangent...I'll bring it back in now).

Listen, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not cool. I've never been cool. I just want ONE opportunity to be cool and then I promise I'll turn my head from peering into that party house that represents youth. So what constitutes "cool"? We don't want to be the 32yo equivalent of the douchebag old guy who gets a new corvette, or even worse, a new miata.

Options include:

Tattoos

Everyone's got one now. So I think at this rate if I got one I become a crazy conformist. And it's just so...permanent. I have NOTHING on me that's permanent other than scars, and I desperately slather Mederma and prescription scar cream in hopes of one day miraculously waking up to flawless skin. Why am I paying to have that occur? Although...the cheesy "made in Canada" logo that people in Canada get would seem pretty nifty and different when you live in the States.  But still...getting a tattoo would make me feel like it's the body part equivalent of getting a miata (not for others...but for me, since it's so out of character). The whole point of why it was cool once upon a time was the pain factor combined with the stigma of doing something so ooohhhh "wrong" to your body in a permanent fashion. I'm sure there's plenty of nerds to tattoo "Hello World" or "void foo(int a)" so really...I'll pass.

Splurge on an expensive grownup purse

There comes a time in every woman's life when she splurges and gets that one designer bag she's dying for. Guys, don't even TRY to understand this. And lord knows, I've provided many a slobbery goo over the pretty things I've seen here in Orange County. But my paranoia exceeds my desire, and my fear of being robbed prevents me from ever starting a "nice expensive prettttyyy purse fund so that I can stop justifying why I have 25 non-designer bags that although they're cute and functional, it's just not the same". I don't think I would get robbed for the purse. I think I would just get robbed, period. Regardless if my purse were Hermes or Target, I can still get robbed. The last thing I want is to be negotiating with a robber "For real, take the CONTENTS of the purse. Take my wallet, take my cell. Just leave me my purse and my lipgloss. Please."

Get a whole new hair-do

Been there, done that. Spent forever feeling like Eva Longoria's ugly sister. While my hair still looks better, all it does is make me feel that I should have been visiting Henry the Stylist years ago.

Pursue a Master's degree

This falls under the "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". Well the other parts of life that involve bills make this not so much an option (well, everything's an option. But the risks/consequences/stress aren't worth the potential outcome of it providing me with what I'd want). Plus I once looked up the whole thing of having my Canadian degree scoped out to see if it fits whatever requirements, and that just seemed like one big pain in the ass. It was 4 years of hell at horrific Ottawa U, I'd like to not revisit that past in order to attempt a future degree.

Plastic Surgery

Well I haven't had plastic surgery, but I did get a "cosmetic procedure" a few times. And it was AWESOME. Like...for real...I can't speak enough on the merits of injecting food poisoning into your face. God bless the team that used this for medical purposes only to discover their patients were lookin' mighty fine. Sadly it's a little hard to justify the cost vs. the frequency it needs to be done. Sigh. I've got syringes from my cat's insulin and plenty of meat I can let sit on the counter...can't I just scoop up some of the moldy goo, inject it into my forehead, and see what fun ensues?

So what's a girl with a delayed quarter-life crisis to do? 

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Ha you thought I had an answer? Hardly.  Probably just a good ol' fashioned bitch slapping session with someone finally PUSHING me through that entryway into grownup world.

Facebook users, original link can be found here in case you care.

Grownup Rulez

Note to Facebook readers: original post is here in case images don't show up and you really give a crap. Which I don't blame you if you don't...i wouldn't.

It's been awhile since I've ranted about life as a grownup, so I figure the latest installment is due. A few more things I now know at 31-turning-32 that I probably didn't think too much about when I was 21-turning-22

1. Life doesn't always follow the rules.
Common sense right? But it's so ingrained in us...get good grades. Go to university. Get a job. Get a spouse. Get a kid or two. Get retirement. Go die.

When things go off-track from that, especially when you've tried so hard to follow the rules within your power, it really throws you for a loop. Is it a disservice to teach your kids the Rules of Life? Or is better to prepare them for anything...regardless of education, marriage, etc? I think of something Christine once wrote...she was writing about a series of crappy things that had happened, and ended it with "so is life".

Indeed. What life is isn't the list of grades/university/job/spouse/kids/retirement/death.

Life is everything surrounding that...DUIs for one whole beer, weekend trips with friends, miscarriages, summer barbecue traditions, learning the political game at work, onset of adult allergies, the inability to be with the one you love for reasons beyond your control, figuring out that your paycheck doesn't pay the rent, medical issues that stop everything else in your life (pay your copays with a credit card or keep ALL receipts when made by cash, those f*ckers will come back saying you didn't pay your copay...uh how else did I get to walk through the door and see the doc?!), juggling family visits, calls to customer service for the billion things that always seem to go wrong (lesson learned: bang on "0" a bunch)....there should be a Checklist of Life that parents should teach their kids before they truly start their life as a grownup on their own. The checklist would be huge, but if you can crank out some of the obvious ones then you'll better equip your offspring so they're not curled in a fetal position crying with their Linus-style blanket.

2. Being an adult carries a tremendous amount of responsibility

Again, you'd think common sense right? Not so much...people think they know this, but they don't. Hell, I'm even guilty of this I know, I know, you thought I was flawless. Retarded behavior once acceptable in your youth doesn't cut it as an adult. I'm not talking about say, getting wasted the night before a final exam.

I'm talking sacrificing an immediate want for a future need. When you realize that you can't have that iPod because rent is due next week. When you're able to remember that you can't go travel with friends because you know your yearly car insurance bill is due to come in any day now and you'll have to live lean for awhile. It's anticipating the future need without it being blatantly in front of you in bill format.

When I had my Sentra, every year around January something major would happen that would cost me $1k-$2k. Still cheaper than buying a new car, but yeah it was a good chunk of money that I had to start anticipating as a result of driving a deathtrap. So as soon as I paid my credit card for that, I would put money away not in a "holy crap i lost my job" emergency fund, but in an "argh, this month x y z things came up and I don't have the cash!" fund.

It's also not a monetary responsibility. There's much more responsibility to those around you. Realizing that you can't be a brat to your mom anymore...she's simply just elderly and old-skool, which may have annoyed you as a kid but as an adult it's now your responsibility to manage the relationship and be the peacemaker. While I'm nowhere the same brat who slammed her bedroom door so often it broke off the hinges, I'm significantly better at dealing with my bizarro mother. It's that when you make a commitment to friends, you honor them. Everything from paying them back for $20 loaned or a ride to the airport yes, one time I accidentally drove to work and by the time I got there received a call from Carrie wondering when I was going to pick her up. STILL feel awful about that to this day. If you borrow something, you give it back as soon as possible in the same condition they gave it to you, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Being a person of character.

As an adult, you don't have to do the above...but you learn pretty quickly that life works generally much better when you do.

3. Life is unfair

This cliche is used so often, you'd think we'd truly understand this by the time we're 5. In your teens (assuming you haven't had to deal with some earth shattering "grownup" tragedy like death of your parents) it seems more like "But it's not FAIR that i have to work while SoAndSo doesn't have to!" or "Stupid bus! It came and left early! Now I'm going to miss my exam!". Or like the person who was behind you in line for a raffle ticket wins.

It's more along the lines of deciding whether to abort your baby when you receive a prognosis with horrible odds. Deciding if you should continue to be with someone you love even though in return you won't receive what you so desperately crave. Debating whether your beloved pet's condition is severe enough to warrant euthanasia and which decision is the less selfish of the two. What to do when faced with a compulsive gambling spouse who is jeopardizing everything but insists things are under control...do you stay and suffer, do you battle it through and beg for counseling, and even then do you stick around when it gets worse in hopes it'll get better, do you just pack up and bail?

Life is often unfair not because a single event will occur...rather, it's unfair because oftentimes you are faced to choose between two crappy options of the same weight but drastically different consequences.

Sophie's choice.
**side note: I spent forever reading that book, dying to know what her stupid choice was. I should have just rented the movie. I didn't care about the movie, the plot, anything. I just wanted to know the choice. However when I started reading I wasn't sure when the "choice" would be made evident so I didn't just flip to the last page to check, figuring that if the choice came in early in the book it might be worth reading through. Oh, how mistaken I was. By the end of it I was like "really? She just has to pick which of her two kids has to die? Well what the hell that wasn't worth reading this behemoth novel over. She could have just said "I made a crappy choice. I killed my son". Of which, I don't remember which kid she chose now anyway.

4. For the most part, you did create your life

When you're younger, you're stuck going with the flow of whatever your parents/the law/the man make you do. So eventually it's like your teacher shoving you on stage for a school play...rehearsing is fine and all, but uhhh...wow...there's alotta people out there. Looking at you. Everyone...looking...at...you. And it's all on you. No one's reading you your lines. Something on the set might break, you'll have to improvise. Deviate from the original plan. Someone might deliberately try to sabotage you. Someone might screw up. But the choices and decisions made, even if made unprepared on the fly, got you for the most part where you are today.

Find me a CEO of a large, successful organization who just stumbled upon that position.

Granted, the "life is unfair" part can guide a significant part. Having to declare bankruptcy because you got cancer and have thousands of bucks of medical bills...yeah, that's outta your hands. However, a lot of other things ARE within your control. Tree falls on your house? Out of your control. Responsible enough to have double-checked yearly that you have adequate insurance? Within your control. (Although i did see on the news a guy who had a tree fall on his house, insurance covered it, was dropped from his insurance, then another tree landed on it. That would suck donkey balls. So obviously there's a juggle between this item and the unfairness of life.) Losing your job? Might be out of your control. Foresight to save up and cut back on expenses? Within your control. Ties into #2...if you shopped like a mofo all year then don't expect pity when you lose your job and have nothing. You CHOSE that path. At some point when you're a full-on grownup you're capable of stepping back and seeing all the steps YOU took to get to where you are, bad or good.

5. Relationships are not the same as in your youth

Not talking romantic relationships. We're talking friendships here. In your teens and in college, you can be buddies with everyone...no matter their gender. It's all good, 'cause it's not like for the most part anyone's rushing to get married and almost no one IS married. You remain firm in your belief that a guy can "just be friends" with a girl. And then you grow up and realize it's not the same when you're in the next stage of life.

The stage of being a working professional, not a new grad. Of having friends that are married, divorced, co-habitating, on-again-off-again. Having kids, wanting kids, losing kids. Home buying. Not being able to afford to buy. Not buying because of a career decision. This a whole different stage in life, and relationships don't work the same way as in your teens/college years/early 20s.

The first time I realized this was when I got engaged. Suddenly, 90% of all guys I knew fell off the face of the earth. I was always the girl who hung out with the guys. I was the one who tagged along with the guys when they did retarded crap. I studied a program for 4 years with all guys minus ONE girl (thank the lord for Natalie). I went into a male-dominated industry where I'll be in a meeting with 25 guys...and me. Suddenly having a ton of guys mysteriously disappear was very odd for the girl who prided herself on being kind of a guy's girl.

It's not that I was some femme fatale...rather, the nature of the relationships with them was forced to change as a result of my status change. While maybe it was okay to hang out and watch a DVD on the couch with a buddy doing shots, it's not appropriate anymore when you have a significant other. It's okay to go to lunch with guys...but doing a late night dinner at 9? Not so much. Basically daylight sort of impacts what's acceptable when you're in a serious relationship/marriage (or they are).

I guarantee someone's going to argue with me on this, but consider that I'm the smacktalking chick who's not exactly girly-girl in her views on things. I have some married guy friends. I can go to lunch with them...it's public, it's outside, it's daylight...there's a 1-2 hour time limit...basically any level of sexiness is removed. If i were to go to dinner with any of them, their wives would be like "wtf?! Why am i not invited?"...and if they're busy, then that's even weirder...maybe the odd time if there's a one-time reason for it (cant think of any, but obviously there's exceptions to everything), but overall it would just be bizarre to just have dinner with any of my married guy friends if their wives aren't there. We would reschedule for when said wife was available. If i were single, no matter how much their wives trust me, I'm sure there would be at the very least smidgen of worry if I were to just be having dinner while they're not there. It's not so far left thinking to think that things can happen after-hours. Even if you're positive it wouldn't happen...well...things can happen. Things DO happen. Why even risk it?


It's not that you lose your independence. It's that it's not appropriate.

Consider it another way. When you're in high school and you go out, if the boy paid, you definitely knew you were on a date. As an adult, you could go out and the dude could be like "hey it's cool I got it" and you'd still be like "wtf...so is this a date? is it not?". In high school, dating is explicit and clear. Everyone knows who's involved with who, who's off limits. When you're an adult, you learn that you can date multiple people at once, bone different people at once, there's no formal definition to relationships at times. At any given moment I know people who are completely clueless to the nature or seriousness of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Short of an explicit friends-with-benefits relationship, there's typically at least one person in a close guy/girl friendship who's wondering if maybe it's something more or wanting more.

Which, to bring it back, is that as you get older no matter how much of a guy's girl you used to be or how you're the sensitive guy who just relates better to chicks, you need to learn to form friendships with people of your own gender. As a dude, don't think for a second your relationship won't change the instant she gets a boyfriend. And for a chick, you think your best buddy's girlfriend...then wife...will be okay with you two constantly doing things one-on-one? Nope. Argue all you want. And then go out in the real world and open your eyes. Your role, your priority, changes.

Plus, it's always odd when you see someone who only has someone of the opposite sex as their friend. I know a chick who only has guy friends. It's pretty clear to everyone but all of them that subconsciously they're just waiting in the wings for their chance with her. (Ladder Theory stuff) Men can't see through the BS of another chick if they're close enough to be friends because that underlying even minute attraction to anything with a vagina creates a filter. Chicks, lacking in even the remote 0.1% chance of anything romantic happening that could occur with a guy friend, can see all. We see when a chick is fake, when they're acting, when they're being friendly in order to get attention from their guy friends, when they're incredibly annoying when they can't flirt their way through a friendship. You see what's wrong with them and why other chicks don't want to be around them...which is usually that girls that only have guy friends feel incredibly threatened by other women.

Meh, this point is pretty disjointed. I'm just saying...relationships that were okay when you were younger are just no longer appropriate when you grow up. Don't kid yourself into thinking the old adage of "guys and girls can just be friends!"...there's strings attached. And the significant other will always, at some point, raise a concern (or have a hissy fit, pick your method).

**Note to the exception: everyone's got an exception or two. I'm not saying to have ZERO friends of the opposite sex if they're single...I'm saying, overall. Like...Bryan...you're the shiz. I trust you 100000% with my life, and you're one of the most faithful friends I've ever had. I'd give you a kidney in a heartbeat. But if I had 4 other guys in my life even remotely like you and our friendship...then that'd be weird. Kraig would, and should, put the kibosh on that. Plus, you don't live here...if we lived nearby and hung out frequently till super late, it would be pretty inappropriate and I would have no desire to cockblock GirlfriendX at those hours or have her kick my ass.

6. When you're an adult, you get tired of yourself quickly

As an adult, any drama in your life just drains, tires, and bores you. You don't even find it interesting, let alone have the desire to tell other people about it. Far cry from when you could tell the same drama story over and over in your early 20s.

I also say this because I realize I've written A LOT, it's riddled with typos, I'm too lazy to edit and cut it down, and I'm tired, so...what I'm saying is right now, I don't even find myself interesting.

So is life!

Money doesn't grow on trees. Which is good, I can't grow crap.

In case no one got the memo, we're in a recession.

My attitude about all of this, other than freaking out about how much my home has dropped from what I owe (and it's an adjustable-rate loan that has yet to reset...yeah yeah I’m one THOSE people), has been to just chug forth. What else can you do? Don't spend loads of cash (but at the same time, I'm aware that some level of spending is what's necessary...oh you catch-22!), keep your resume up to date, blah blah.

I only half-listen to the news about the economic situation, stuff about Madoff and AIG...in the grand scheme, it doesn't impact me directly. I feel like we're all running a marathon. I'm trying to not let the distractions around me stop me from plowing through. I look around to make sure that nothing is barreling straight at me, but otherwise I'll let the other runners deal with it. And Obama counts as a runner.

But today, I'm officially freaked out. Like, curl-up-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-corner-crying freaked out. I guess I thought how I'm a GenXer, we survived a massive recession a short while ago...we can all do it again. Yeah, except now it's really bad. Like, I could very easily see myself getting a job at the Gap and then busting my ass in hopes that I can become a stupid 3rd Key manager. No wait, I can very easily see myself APPLYING at the Gap, and competing with retarded-ass Orange County kids. Does a store sales award from 1994 give me an edge in an interview?!

I'm even thinking that for once, maybe people SHOULD litter in case it DOES create a job for someone.

I listen to KFI 640am in the mornings...there was a debate over how much it effs everyone over when money is put towards job programs.on one hand, at least people are getting fed, but on the other hand you're expecting everyone else to subsidize failing businesses. Like a company like GM will never go obsolete. If you let it fall completely, then someone's going to take over the assets...and THOSE people will build it back up (instead of the old skool people who are still operating under unions and pensions) and protect the workers ensuring they have work.

Have you ever thought during a really bad rainstorm that’s lasted for days “Okay Mother Nature, I get it. You can stop the rain now. You’ve made your point!” I am officially telling the Economic Zeus Gods “Okay! We got it! Too much credit! Blowing cash we don’t have! Now bring us back to normal!”

I take credit cards, paypal, money orders, and CASH

Thanks to a wisecrack (but oh-so-true) comment from a friend, I've been thinking about how my behavior and values can be changed for money.

I've got no shame in my game: I can be purchased. And anyone who says they can't be is full of sh*t.

If someone offered you a million dollars for sex, would you say no? What if you had tons of medical bills and a sick child who needed specialized treatment? Yeah an hour or two of nakedness would seem like a Godsend.

Plus, if you have a job, then you're a whore for money. Again, if you say no...see if you would do that exact same work even if you didn't get paid (but your bills still magically got paid). If I had no bills, I certainly wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.

(fyi: for the record, I'm grateful I'm employed. i'm just sayin', if I won the lottery, I wouldn't sit 8 hours a day at a desk)

I recall the day that my friend Erin and I wanted a Snapple from the dude at a highschool sports game who was selling them. He was also selling popcorn from one of those popcorn cart things. There was popcorn EVERYWHERE. We had no money (which is so dumb...I had money. I just didn't have money for Snapple. See the diff?) and begged the guy to let us have the snapple. He was like "hell no".
We begged. We pleaded. Jackass told us "okay, if you eat popcorn off the floor".
We looked down, and saw some popcorn wasn't totally smushed and black from footprints.
Needless to say, we were sold and ate the non-marred popcorn off the floor.
Needless to say, Jackass' jaw dropped.
Needless to say, we were handed a Snapple without a peep.

Would I do that now? Of course not. Popcorn from a vendor has too many calories :P

I'm also certainly not above begging for money. Again, my friend Erin and I in highschool were all about getting a muffin from the cafeteria once a day. I remember exactly how much they cost: 75 cents. When you bought 10 muffins, you got the next one free. So it was also all about filling up this card. So after we ate our lunch, almost every day, we did the trek around the cafeteria and rotunda to try and get 75 cents. You'd think this would be easy, but when you do this daily you can't hit up the same people. And when you live in a bus-centric city, kids aren't so quick to give up their change. I came up with the best strategy: ask for a nickel, a dime, a penny, because no one's going to be THAT cheap and say "sorry, I can't spare anything" when all you want is a NICKEL. Especially if you say "can I BORROW a nickel?" In highschool, when I was a teen, people wanted you to pay up if you owed a dollar. But a nickel? Never. It worked.

I'm not below begging.

If I weren't so freaked out by bugs, I could easily have been a contestant on Fear Factor (I'd lose anything involving physical strength but dang pay me a few grand to just sit in a box and have beetles poured on me). In the grand scheme, I hope that I can be purchased out of any fears. That's because my biggest fear is homelessness, and getting paid to deal with my other fears thus takes care of the biggest fear of all.

Then we have the concept of time vs. money. I was once offered $50 to drink a whole carton of KFC gravy. I actually love KFC gravy, I'll chug that crap over a milkshake any day. My problem was when I did the math of how many calories were in there, and how long it would take on the elliptical to burn it off, it came down to like $15/hour. Which just wasn't worth it to me at that point. I could easily work at In N Out and make that (well...$12 anyway).

The other day I was listening to the radio and some chicks called up saying how they saw an ad on Craigslist for a dude who wanted a chick to show up and kick him in the balls as hard as possible. $250. They went, she kicked him, he handed her the money. Then he said he'd pay again if she'd do that again if he wore his boxers. She said yes. She kicked him. He paid her. Guess what he suggested next? Oh c'mon now, you'll never guess...okay I'll tell you. He then offered more dough if she'd kick him in the balls...bareback. She declined and ran out.

If some creepy dude wanted to pay me FIVE bucks to kick him in the balls I'd do it in a snap. Moron should have just gotten fresh with a chick in a bar, he would have saved a few hundred bucks. Now would I have agreed to kick a dude in the balls if he were naked? No, but I also wouldn't have shown up by myself (she had her friend in the car waiting for her...eff that. I wouldn't go in alone!). But if I could convince a fearless/strong/fighter dude to show up with me for $100, then hellz yeah I would have kicked his wrinkly balls as hard as possible (and then I would slather hand sanitizer all over the tip of my boot) for $250.

Now while I would kick a naked creepy guy in the ballsack for $250, I would NOT eat bacon for $250. I may be a horrible Muslim, but I'm still Muslim enough to not eat pork, and $250 isn't worth it for me to risk the wrath in the Hereafter. yeah. I said it. Hereafter.
However for $20 thousand...yeah I can take my chances. I'm hoping God would understand a filthy dirty animal is worth the consumption if it pays off your car and can get you refinished kitchen cabinets.

Hmmm, I think I need to revisit this concept a bit more...maybe I can get a side gig by doing retarded things for the dough. The hamster in my head is spinning in his wheel....

Grey matter keeps on churnin'

As much as I hate to admit this, gasp, I'm still learning. I'm not all-knowing. I'm not the wise genius that you all probably think that I am. I know, I know...I probably should have warned you to sit down first. I know. So a few things that have seeped into my grey matter:

1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".

2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).

3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.

4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".

5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.

6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.

7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.

8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.

9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.

10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.

11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.

12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).

13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.

14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.

15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.

16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.

Purging whatever's in my brain

Some seriously random bitching and thoughts...leave your brain cells at the door as you read:

- has plastic surgery evolved so far that Dr. 90210 can fix my cankles?

- I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't stimulated. My bank account will barely feel a heartbeat. It will get sucked into the vortex of all things going OUT of my account.

- speaking of $$, bask in my glory of having paid down my home equity loan $15k in 7 months (see the bottom of this blog page). Do you know how effing hard that was?! That's $15k EXTRA that went towards that effing loan. In addition to the regular loan, bills, and my right arm.

- I went to a baby shower on Saturday and there was a dude there who EXACTLY on the same pulse as me re: all the things that every single guy should be able to do. I was like, "hey so let's talk cars" and he replied "don't get me started, i have a friend who drives a purple jetta". That came after he said "well if me, my girlfriend and two of her friends went somewhere...then yeah of course i'm driving. Even if it means I have to drive my GF's car 'cause it's bigger". DUDE you're a shining star of what a single guy should be.

- According to 20/20, you can go an extra 40 miles on your reserve tank when the gas light goes on. For me, as soon as that light goes on, I freak out. Sweat starts to pour down my face and I act as if I've 30 seconds or else I'll start to sputter right in the middle of the road. I don't want to be the a-hole who's actually stalled in a middle lane on the HIGHWAY with her hazards on.

- When someone displays very bad etiquette to you, what's the proper reply? To call them out on their rudeness, or to still maintain your own level of etiquette, smile, and suck it up?

- It's 10:30pm at night and I'm craving strawberry shortcake. From Bigg's Deli and Bar in Ottawa. I want strawberry shortcake so effing bad right now. The last time I had it, I was at Cheesecake Factory. They served me two hockey pucks with artificial foam and a ghetto strawberry. Effing bastards.

I have more to write, but Kraig's doing the "how much longer are you going to be" schpiel so I gotta split. Stay tuned for part two of random rants on a Monday.

Purging whatever's in my brain – part 2 added the next day

Unless you're rocking the super long hair look (and really, I only one guy who can pull that off, Sebastian Bach from Skid Row), short hair on a guy is a MUST. That also includes when it grows all nasty on the back of the neck because you decided to wait a few more weeks before cutting. Ugh. Can't stand that. Short and preppy is the way to go (not to be confused with super SUPER almost shaved hair...unless you're playing sports all summer and need it that short for logistical reasons or you're in the military, please don't do that...chicks dig hair too)

after the age of 17, it is never ever cool to just make out at someone's house in front of people. Not the same as getting drunk in college, but no one's got a “house” in college (5 people renting one doesn't count as one person havint a house).

I'm wearing these super cute black shiny patent heels that are almost identical to ANOTHER pair of black shiny patent heels, except these ones have double straps. Which is how I justified getting them. They're crazy high and hurt like a biotch but DAMN they're adorable.

After a discussion with someone (who will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), I have to agree: really, REALLY, there's only one type of female that can pull of jean/denim skirts: super duper thin ones. Thus unless you're 12 years old...or you're 25 but weigh 90lbs, don't wear them. I've never owned one because I think they're actually ugly, but I also know that unless you're a twig, denim skirts ride up when you sit down and really, REALLY, i don't want to see anyone's underwear.

I think when people build buildings, they purposely eff up the A/C and heating systems so the employees have to suffer forever. I've never, ever worked anywhere where the heating/cooling situation was optimal. It's almost always set up so that one side of the building is forced to freeze while the other size drips in sweat.

Daphne's is so effing awesome. I want to bathe in their tzatziki sauce.

Diet Pepsi addiction is BACK. Bring on the jitters and the withdrawal headaches. And the teeth staining. Sigh. I'll go back to Fresca eventually.

I hate it when i see a guy who's calves are smaller than mine (I don't have small calves, but I expect every guy alive to have bigger ones than mine unless he's got cancer or something).

I love Trina Decker's hairstyle on Swing town:


I'm thinking if i cut my hair in the next short while, that's how I would do it.

Hohhhh-leeeee fffuuuudddgge

OH
OH
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vh1, I love you.

I LOVE YOU.

Vh1, I will do you ever which way you want.

Vee, I basque in your glory.

Damn. Damn damn.

I Love Money was fabulous. I mean, really, SO SO GOOD. Like, I want a cigarette now. And I don't smoke. I'm actually out of breath. I might need a shower.

You took the lowest common denominators of society and made them compete for the only thing that motivates them: money. Not integrity. Not love. Good old fashioned money.

In fact, I think a tear just came to my eye. THAT is how you do reality television folks. I can die a happy woman.

That's right bitches!

Yeahhhh...take a look at the bottom of the page to the HELOC paydown...three digits! The goal was to pay down $15k in 2007, and it's almost done.

Not that it makes a diff...this was the recommendation of Countrywide last year (to pay down $30k of my home equity loan before the rest of the loan is set to switch over at the end of 2009, i.e: pay down 15k per year for two years). Realistically, I think I'd need to pay down another $70k if I had to refinance tomorrow.

So seriously, please...just everyone foreclose already! Get it over with! Let's get the worst of it over with.

In other news, I switched jobs again. As usual, not going to post details here but if you want to know the scoop, email me. If you don't know my email, then GOOD...I don't want no stalkers anyway!

A few seriously random thoughts:

- hummus from Daphne's is like magic in my mouth. It's mouth porn.

- I can't WAIT for the next iteration of America's Best Dance Crew. The last round was absolutely incredible.

- Diet Pepsi trumps Diet Coke all the way

- I'm so annoyed that Barrack Obama hand bumping his wife is actually considered a news-worthy story

- I fantasize on so many levels how much things would be better if I just won a $100k lottery. That's it. That's all I need. I'd LIKE more, but beggers can't be choosers, and $100k after taxes would be wonderful.

- I think I found a grey hair today. I was FREAKING out. I'm going to play ignorant until this weekend, then I'm going to go on a rampage. Getting grey hair is a million times worse than a wrinkle...it's like finding out you're in menopause. But at least menopause isn't displayed all over your scalp for the whole world to see how old you are.

Going to take a nap now. I actually get home at a decent time now where I can nap! Justin can bring sexy back, but I'm bringing napping back!

Yo...help a sistah out...

My friend Janet needs to get another $400 for her marathon...donate some money and get some good karma (and a nice email from her) in return...


http://www.active.com/donate/tntors/JPudelko

Foiled again by this thing called life

Have you ever just wanted to catch a frickin' break!?!

So I got Kraig an in-car GPS thing, as an early anniversary gift as well as a "thank you for getting nose surgery for me so I can finally sleep"...i did a crapload of research, and it seemed like Garmin with MSN Direct for traffic was the way to go.

Ummm, yeah. NEVER have I had a problem relating to finding anything...i'm right in the middle of San Diego and Los Angeles, two of the most major cities in the US. As far as I'm concerned, the whole world revolves around California (in case anyone cares, OC to LA is like..San Jose to San Francisco...)...

Well go figure. MSN Direct works perfectly in LA. In San Diego. Apparenly in NORTHERN orange county.

Going south, it stops in Tustin.

WTF.

This is of zero help for Kraig, who needs to know like 10 exits before that if he should get on the 5 or the 405.

Returning that sucker will be a bitch (online purchase), but I tried to find another GPS device that had good reviews AND had definite coverage in South OC and I couldn't find anything online. Oh and apparently this OC thing is a big mishap on MSN's part.

So...now do I return it, or do I have him keep in hopes that eventually they'll expand their coverage? In the meantime, it DOES provide real-time gas prices and movie listings...

Seriously MSN...you provide traffic updates for f*cking Riverside but you don't for OC?!

When will companies realize that they need to cater to me and my needs before those of others? Geezus.

Deux Semaines et autres histoires fabuleux

I don't like posting job stuff up on my blog but since this is pretty major I might as well alert the masses...I gave my 2 weeks notice on Monday. I won't list the new job details here, but it's in Irvine and i'm gonna be a project manager...for a totally different industry. I'm pretty freaked, tech writing I could go anywhere and figure the stuff out pretty quickly, but this is a brand new world for me. Eep.

Anyway, that was one of my "goals" for January/February, which thus also means that I've sort of put my other monthly goals on the side 'cause seriously, interviewing wipes you out. All that smiling and being peppy and acting like you're the most fabulous person on earth...it's like your own Miss America pageant. You dont' think of the TRUE answer to give, you think of the RIGHT answer to give, what they want to hear, all while looking flawless and flashing yer teeth.

Interviewing results in a very cranky Sabina. I feel like I need to get extra bitchyness out of my system to even things out.

In other news, check out the very bottom of the page...yes, the year's goal of 15K paid down on the home equity loan is almost down by half...and it's only February. The only reason I was able to pull that off was 'cause a CRAPPY CD i got a few years ago (seriously, the rate was only like 3%) expired, and i hauled ass yesterday to the bank to make sure they didn't roll it over into another crappy CD. Feelin' good.

To top it all off, I've been griping for years now about one dumbass sorta-error on my credit report...a stupid $22 water bill...recap: I paid my utilities with my rent...and they claim they didn't get the payment, i tried to get a hold of my old apartment complex to get them to have my back. Turns out, it got bought out and underwent a condo conversion, no one anywhere had any record I existed or lived there. So, even though i eventually paid it as soon as I found out about it (although i'm sure i already DID pay it, damn apartment people), it's been a huge ding on my credit score ever since. Other than that, my score is flawless...the only thing stopping it from being 850 is that I don't have a huge credit history in the US.

ANYWAY...i've tried disputing it and it's gotten me nowhere...well 2 months ago I did my usual "hmmm wonder what's up in my credit score report these days" and bought my reports again...and only one of the three bureaus still shows that damn alleged delinquent bill. I decided to attempt to put the smackdown again and filed a dispute. Those mother effers don't make it easy, they only give you like EIGHTY characters to state your claim. That gave me one whole sentence to pretty much say "The original bill was paid through my rent cant get a hold of them for proof" or something retarded like that.

Well, long story short: I won! Finally! Experian saw in my favor. Oh happy day! That's been a pain in my ass for years.

Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket.

Another letter to the editor

Refinance Your Loan with the damn bank or lender...or whoever the f it is.

I think you have the (excuse me) balls to do this. And it works.
But WTH you can't lose.
Banks right now, and lenders, DO NOT want any more property. They can't handle it.
You walk in, get past the desk people and say you need to talk to someone with authority. Cry and tell them you are about to let the bank have your f-n house if they don't sit down and do some dickerin with you.
Take a picture of your home, tell them your ready to leave it with them and start all over.
Tell them you want some relief from this f-n mistake, that your upside down 70k or whatever and have to have some interest relief. Tell them your husband is against it, but you will leave him too. (This is a lie)
Walk in with a foreclosure sign, leave the picture with your phone number on the desk of the person you are talking to, and tell them you did not come to debate, you came to share your desperation and get some relief one way or another.
I gurantee you he will call you on your cell phone before you get home and say..let's talk. We don''t want your house.
(The further under water you are, the better it is for your bargaining power.)

Ummm yeah the flaw in your logic is that to do something crazy drastic i'd have to miss at least a single home payment...which I will never do.

And it's not like Countrywide doesn't have my income statements...we CAN afford our payments.

I also dont' want to get stuck in another crappy loan situation, which is exactly what people with bad credit (i.e. missed home payments) and foreclosures are getting in order to keep their homes and loans.

I have good credit.
I can afford my home...now...
My adjustable rate expires beginning 2010.
If i didn't have an interest-only loan i'd still be stuck paying principal, so that's what i'm doing now.
I'm not going to see if they'll call my bluff if I start missing payments (which would be necessary in your scenario for them to believe i'm in dire straits), scream i'm going to foreclose, then force them to give me another bizarro loan created only because of this crazy market.
People just need to hurry up and foreclose, so that other people can buy crazy cheap, and then things will even out. It's this slow awful death that's ruining things.
I'm not upside down in anything yet...i'm not selling, i'm just hoping to make it easier to refinance.

I would sooner beg my aging parents for money AND my mother in law before I ever miss a home payment.

I posted this here instead of in the comments section 'cause I started to write so much I figured it deserved a blog entry :)

HELOC paydown status

Yee haw! Check out the very bottom of this blog...over 1/3rd of teh paydown goal completed! Plus I realized that I also need to start saving up well in advance for our property taxes (trying to scramble and pay off a $6000 property tax bill last minute is no easy task!) so there's 1/6th of that is put aside now as well.

Damn you crappy housing market...I will not go down without a fight.

Countrywide gets boned by BoA!

Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
This news totally shocked me.

Most of my banking is done through Bank of America...and my home loan is through Countrywide. So you'd think I'd be cool with this, but I'm not...I like BoA because they're everywhere (to canadian folks: if you remember in our OAC economics class they taught us that anyone can open a bank in the US, it's not like in Canada where there's just like 5 banks and thats it other than credit unions...so you could have a bank with only like 2 locations) and because their online bill paying is absolutely fantastic.

That being said, i also can't stand BoA for the same reason I can't stand 24 Hour Fitness: they're the McDonald's of Banks. I would never want my home loan through them.

Well, I guess COuntrywide had to bend over and take one for the team. The article says:
Bank of America said it initially plans to operate Countrywide separately under the Countrywide brand, with integration occurring no sooner than 2009.

I just need them to not f*ck around with Countrywide too much till the end of 2009 when I have to refinance. That's all I ask. I love my loan dude (Gina's ex husband), I really like the communication, etc...please please PLEASE don't eff me over....

In other news: TGIF!

Money, costco, jobs, and bling

So did some web surfing crap and came across this:
Job-related stress is extremely common. According to the Jobs Rated Almanac, the five most stressful jobs are:
1. President of the United States
2. Firefighter
3. Senior corporate executive
4. Race car driver
5. Taxi driver
The five least stressful jobs, according to the Jobs Rated Almanac, are:
1. Medical records technician
2. Janitor
3. Forklift operator
4. Musical instrument repairer
5. Florist

I think it bothers me a bit that a medical records technician's job isn't stressful...you SHOULD be stressed. Keeps you on your a-game. That being said, I once was item #5 (although being 14 years old nothing is stressful...oh wait, this is me we'er talking about. The only job that I felt wasn't stressful was Le Chateau, because I was there for so long and I was the quickest person on the cash register...so when the store got crazy busy, i was automatically put on the cash register which is easy monkey work).

Naturally being a florist isn't stressful...although I sucked at floral arrangements and the only thing I could do properly was a simple bouquet of a dozen roses (with or without baby's breath, although I preferred to make it without). Other than not being able to arrange anything in a vase, the only other thing that bugged me was that my hands were marred from the roses' thorns...it'd say I had a ratio of 60:40 skin to holes on my palms. Which even then wouldn't be so bad if part of the job didn't involve packaging our own floral preservative, which was like pouring battery acid on all those wounds.

In other news, my Costco membership is expiring and I really don't feel like doling out another $50 for a membership (seriously, I hate costco. Almost as much as I hate 24HF. You have to save $50 just to break even. And their prices are NOT that great...i've compared them elsewhere. I just go for the stuff that's costco-specific) until BBQ season. So last night I went on a huge grocery store spree and ended up talking to the cashier about how much people spend at costco.

She said that people easily blow $10-$15K, mostly because they're buying TVs and stuff. But then we started talking about the jewelry section...when i never really noticed because it's not like I'm going to buy anything and my goal with Costco is to get in and out asap (the longer you're there, the more you spend). She said that one time someone bought a $100K ring. It was 22 carats. They had to get the police to escort them out. Nuts!

And seems like bigwig executives buy jewelry there all the time. So I went again today at lunch and checked out the jewelry section...nothing was $100K, but there WAS a pair of diamond earrings...for $56K. FIFTY SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS...at Costco. I think they were a little over 2 carats. Most of the diamond stuff they had averaged between $2K to $15K. I just can't get over that you can buy a bulk box of detergent...and a pair of earrings that cost more than my car (and heck, i bought my car brand new!).

On to money matters...

So in February I have a CD that's finally expiring. Effing Bank of America...the rate was so crummy. I believe I put in around $3000 and earned $483 in interest. Gasp. Such a huge amount (grumble. I think the crummy rate was 3%, which hardly keeps up with inflation). Anyway, so my debate when it expires has been:
1. Put the $3K towards the HELOC loan, put the rest in the botox fund (it's been awhile since i had it done).
2. Put the $3K towards the HELOC loan, get laser teeth whitening. I am obsessed with teeth, especially my own (naturally), and the past 2 years of drinking diet pepsi has stained them IMO.
3. Put a little under $3K towards teh HELOC loan, get a decent frickin' laptop.

Let's break this down. I went to the dentist today (my dentist kicks ASS. She works at another office and on Wednesday she's going to be working on Brad, Angelina, and all fifty of their kids) and she was like "you're nuts, you're teeth are white, you're fine. Just use the bleaching trays you already have" (another reason why i love my dentist: 'cause they don't sell me crap to make a buck). And the hygienist agreed. But...i personally LIKE teeth that are milk- or paper-white. I've invested alot into my teeth (as have my parents) and if they have to glow to get attention, so be it. There's very few things I like about myself...my teeth deserve center stage.

But...well if she thinks it's not worth it, then fine.

I was going to forego the botox, but this morning I looked in the mirror and I think i wrinkled my forehead IN MY SLEEP. And it's making my whole face look haggard. The only problem with botox is that you do have to maintain it...granted, the mroe you do it the less you have to get it done (i.e. down to 1x/year), but until then it's kinda pricey.

So that leaves the laptop. Which is the smart choice, assuming that I verifythe bootlegged s/w I have (Office 2003, Dreamweaver, etc) works on Vista since that's all you can pretty much get (and i'll i'd want...i wouldn't want to get a laptop with XP only to later upgrade it to Vista since hardware with Vista pre-installed was designed specifically for it. I'm not f*king around with microsoft).

THEN...i was scoping out HP laptops (my favs are HP or Sony Vaio laptops...HP because that printer of mine was kickass and it sens a message ot me about the reliability, Vaio because i had one once for work and loved it), their mousepad track thingy is awful. So...we'll see.

When it rains, it pours!

You know how some people have one car problem after another? Well it seems we have computer problem after another.

A year ago we swapped out the old "main" family computer for Kraig's somewhat old Dell computer (it was better...it just wasn't being used because Kraig had a laptop from work he was using). STored the Old Main in the closet.

Computer Status at this time: the Dell, his work laptop, and this ghetto old laptop i've got.

Earlier this year kraig got a new job, so he got one of those Western Digital "MyBook" things (over $200) to put the stuff from his work computer, his work laptop on...well after the IT guy at his old company erased those systems, the MyBook crapped out.

Kraig called WD but basically they said they could give him a new one (it was brand new), but that wasnt the point...the information ON it is what's important.

I took it into my IT guy at work and he said that the disk inside won't spin, he popped off the case and tried to attach it to a regular computer...basically, it was dead. Kraig then looked into a storage recovery thing but those are CRAZY expensive 'cause they have to wear bunny suits and look all fancy to protect the disk when they try to recover the info.

Computer status at this time: The Dell, the ghetto laptop, and an unusable WD storage device.

Then the ghetto laptop got f*cked up REALLY badly. It kept crashing, then restarting, and the only way to get it to stop this cycle was for it to repeat it and let the battery die out. I had to re-install windows from scratch (have you ever tried doing that? It took HOURS. And wiped out everything I had). It still doesn't work great, I get a blue screen about once an hour, so it's good for random web surfing and that's it. Remember the blue screen of death days? It's even WORSE when you get it without having Windows 95.

THEN the Dell crapped out...it gets stuck at the main Windows bootup logo thing...so this morning Kraig and I had to put the Old Main one back in ('cause i've got stuff I need to do that requires a steady system, knock on wood).

Computer status at this time: a Dell that won't work, a ghetto laptop that barely works, an unusable WD storage device, and an Old Main computer that seriously it like working on my old skool Pentium 75.

THEN...THEN...just NOW...i was printing shipping labels for my ebay stuff when my printer crapped out. By "crapped out" i mean, it shorted out. I can unplug it and replug it in and get a flicker of light for a second and that's it.

I LOVE THAT PRINTER. It's an HP LaserJet 4, one of the best printers ever made. That thing is at least 15 years old and has held up SO well. If you go online it still gets the best reviews for printers, and that sucker is still used in businesses. LOVE LOVE LOVE this printer.

So what do I have now?
A super crazy old slow Old Main family computer and the use of my HP inkjet. The inkjet is fine but it's not ideal, for the cost of replacing ink in that sucker I might as well buy a brand new laser printer. Plus i'm a Printer Snob: inkjets, deskjets, whatever, they're unacceptable. It's laser or nothing.

Do i pay to fix the HP? Do I get a new laser? Either way, it'll cost $$...which is ironic since it shorted out while i was trying to print out shipping labels for stuff on ebay IN ORDER TO MAKE MONEY...argh. One step forward, eight steps back.

The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches

It seems that there's a "community" if you will of compiled personal finance blogs (do a search for "pf blogs" and it'll come up. Anyway, I came across one websites review of The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches by Jeff Yeager.

Apparently the author has 6 rules for "ruling your gold":
1. Live within your means at thirty, and stay there.
Well I'm 30 and I think I'm living within my means. But I have massive debt (the house, the cars) but then again, other things get paid in full (credit card bill, property taxes, etc). The blog that I found this from mentioned living the way you did at 25...well at 25 my rent was $1710/month for a 700sq.ft. apartment...no wait that was when I was 23. At 25 my rent was $1400 for a two bedroom two bathroom apartment (hmmm but split with two people, that's only $700 each). If you split what Kraig and I pay, it's around $1400 each...but that's for interest-only which I guess is the same as renting...anyway, forget how you lived at 25. At 25 I didn't have life insurance, disability insurance, homeowner's insurance (renter's insurance is wayyy cheaper)...but true, there's no reason to exceed the lifestyle we have now.

2. Never underestimate the power of not spending.
Oh trust me, I don't underestimate that at all...there's times I'll be at target with a full basket of crap only to later walk out with just a bottle of conditioner. I can talk myself out of any purchase, and I actually get a sense of pride when I do that.

3. Discretion is the better part of shopping.
Once again, this isn't that hard to do. It's pretty easy to look at an item and assess if you NEED it vs. if you WANT it, and where you can find it cheaper. Heck, I have never bought Holiday cards full price, I buy all my holiday crap on December 26th. So doing good so far.

4. Do for yourself what you could have others do for you.
This is a huge deal for me, because I know so many people who hire people to do stuff. I can't justify hiring a maid as much as I'd love to...because we don't even have kids and we're not here during the day to mess up the house, I can't justify paying someone for a skill (cleaning) that I already own. Which is also why I tried my hand at plumbing, and why I still have outdoor motion-detector lights sitting in my office (I know Kraig and I could install them ourselves but since it's electrical, I figure it would help to read ALOT on it first). Every time I've caved and hired someone it's been a huge feeling of defeat, but then again it's also been a necessity (and every single time, at least we tried!)

5. Anyone can negotiate anything.
Now this is where I have problems. If it's something that I used to do (say, banking or retail), then negotiating is not a problem. Other than that however, I'm pretty useless. I tend to take a "oh well, I tried" attitude the minute I get shot down. I remember going garage-saling in the bay area and I had to get Marlene to negotiate a price for me, 'cause I was just too chicken to do it. WTF, too chicken to offend a garage sale woman over something for a buck?!! Definitely need to improve on this tactic.

6. Pinch the dollars, and the pennies will pinch themselves. This is the message that Elizabeth Warren preaches: limit your spending on the big things (like your mortgage), and you won’t have to worry so much about saving money on groceries.
Hmmm well this isn't so easy. The mortgage and cars have already been purchased, and there really was no way we could get around the house situation (we were being pushed out and naturally we didn't know we would single handedly stop the housing market). Plus with my car, I knew that I would have it for at least 15 years so certain factors were important (getting the limited edition so that we could get the dual temperatures...VERY important on long drives to the bay area!). I guess other than having to buy those items (2 cars, 1 house) we've done okay. Heck, I don't even visit my own family because of the cost of airfare. We recently stayed at a super ultra posh Hyatt Regency for only $60 because of Priceline (that would have cost us alot more if I had done something like hotels.com or even gone straight to Hyatt's website). So...I think in the grand scheme it's not too hard to watch yer dough with the big purchases, and if you make them odds are it's out of necessity.
Or maybe just 'cause I'm a chick...i can't imagine buying a house or a car on a whim.


There’s a lot more to The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches. Yeager covers topics like:

* Eating well for cheap. (Yeager tries to buy food that costs less than a dollar per pound.)
* Buying a sensible home and then repaying the mortgage as soon as possible.
* Commuting without a car.
* Cheap entertainment. Yeager encourages readers to make the most of their hobbies.

Ultimately, the message of this book is that stuff will not make you happy. Happiness comes from knowing when you have enough. In his final chapter, Yeager stresses the importance of amassing a quality of life over a quantity of stuff. “Many choices you must make [involve] the trade-off between money and time,” he writes. “By being cheap…you’re valuing time and the things you can do with it more than money and the things you can buy with it.”

Well I'd say I eat cheap, considering my lunch is usually just canned soup and I try to make Kraig a lunch as often as possible...and if we eat out it's courtesy of the Entertainment Book. As for buying a sensible home...yeah well this is southern california. Paying it off will never happen in anyone's lifetime. Commuting without a car is also impossible in southern california, unless I want to take the bus at 5am for a 12 mile commute and most likely get assaulted along the way. Cheap entertainment...lots of tv and Netflix, yeah!

New Year's Goals

Now that I'm on this hardcore thing to reduce the home equity loan, I've found some fantastic websites on cash, frugality, and other random stuff about the almighty dollar. One of these days i'll get around to posting them.

So here's the unofficial 2008 New Year's Goals. The key here is that a given month's goals may be swapped for another month's goals. And any of these goals may get shifted based on a pending trip to Ottawa/Toronto.

Jan
- fill out that Insurance Inventory kit thing I got (doesn't serve much point to have replacement insurance if you can't prove you have the stuff in the first place)
- continue ebaying mags (50% of the remaining amount)

Feb
- ebay the remaining magazine lot
- fill out the Life Doc info

March
- paint kitchen cabinets

April
- paint kitchen cabinets (2 month project...because i know i'm lazy)

May
- paint kitchen walls
- sand, fill in holes, paint front door

June
- complete my other website about cube life(it's already up if you're bored but it's nowhere near complete, email me for the link 'cause i'm not posting it here)

July
- paint upstairs hallway

Aug
- read all the French books i've got (figure this is a good summer goal with beach reading and all that)

Sept
- paint the door trim and handrail
- Liz's wedding (not really a goal so much as a reminder to not do anything crazy this month)

Oct
- complete Kraigart.com for my sweetie

November and December
Free, or to use to complete any of the other stuff that didn't get wrapped up.

And of course, pay down that damn home equity loan.

The ghetto avenue boys

So I updated my blog template to display a tracker for the 2008 home loan paydown (which is kind of cheating because it includes stuff paid down from this year...but whatever). Scroll all the way down to the end if you're curious to know the status.

If you don't buy clothes or purses that would sure save you at least an extra $200-$300 a month...right?

Good Lord Marlene! :P I think I spent that much a YEAR! But I'm glad I've got support, 'cause I'm gonna need it this upcoming year that's for sure...

Can't believe 2007 is almost over...i can't believe it'll be THIRTY ONE next year...

Bryan: you still owe me pics of your place...