IM with my mom

Damn I really need to get around to posting more wtf!

So this is the 4th IM with my mom today. I sort of ordered her to get me some stuff from Canada (I would get my friends to do it, but then I'd have to pay them back. Moms don't require payback, which is good when your husband is laid off). It's apparently a big frickin' deal to get me some of the whole list:


Thursday, August 20, 2009
My_Mom (3:12 PM): hi bean
My_Mom (3:12 PM): got u the stuff, 2 each cookies, muffing mix, 1 large jar of peanutbutter, 2 dollar off, lucky me
My_Mom (3:13 PM): and those choco bars, bought them in a package of 4, cheaper
My_Mom (3:13 PM): lucky we had just the right size of box at home
My_Mom (3:14 PM): send email and let me know whether u want me to send it to your home addy or to your work addy

My_Mom (3:14 PM): since u arent at home during the day
Me(3:17 PM): kraig is home during thd ay
Me(3:17 PM): the day
My_Mom (3:18 PM): just talking to him

Me(3:18 PM): is the peanut butter the one that says 25% les sfat or whatever
My_Mom (3:18 PM): yes, was the last jar since it was on sale
My_Mom (3:18 PM): at no frills
Me(3:18 PM): thank you

My_Mom (3:19 PM): dont like that store, but i guess they do have good sales, otherwise its not any cheaper
My_Mom (3:19 PM): so where do u want me to send it
My_Mom (3:20 PM): ?

Me(3:20 PM): home
Me(3:21 PM): thank you
My_Mom (3:21 PM): ok, well u would have to pick it up from the post office, since u aint at home when they deliver
My_Mom (3:21 PM): want fit in the mailbox
Me(3:22 PM): They leave packages at the front door.
Me(3:22 PM): Unless you do something like FedEx that requires a signature.
My_Mom (3:23 PM): dont ask me to do that to often, sent a carebear years ago to ((my niece's))'s bday and that costed a fortune, also it wasnt heavy, but they also measure the size of the box... so i took the box home again and stuffed the poor thing into a smaller box, which flattened the poor care bear

My_Mom (3:23 PM): at the front door, isnt that dangerous, someone will steal it, also when its hot, all that chocolate
My_Mom (3:24 PM): it will melt
Me(3:24 PM): As i said, kraig is home.
Me(3:24 PM): And there's shade on my patio.
My_Mom (3:24 PM): oh yeah forgot, lol

Me(3:24 PM): And chocolate bars are made to withstand some level of heat.
My_Mom (3:24 PM): well they dont throw the box over the fence into your yard
My_Mom (3:25 PM): well not to much if its whole day sitting there

Me(3:25 PM): It will be fine.
My_Mom (3:25 PM): but kraig is home, so he better be around, or wont be away to long if he has to go out
My_Mom (3:25 PM): k
My_Mom (3:25 PM): anyway, c u hugs
Me(3:26 PM): bye

Of poppies and 2 minute silence

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

For non-Canadian folks: this is what Canadian kids recite in school on Rememberence Day.

Pics from Canada!

At last...finally uploaded all the pics on Shutterfly from the Ottawa trip. Oh the glitz and the glamour! And how I miss it :(
Oh Canada...our home and native land...

Note that this was the bank that USED to be National Trust, the bank I worked at (eep...over ten years ago!)


And yes, I've got pics of the infamous BCBG red dress (worn last week on Dancing With The Stars...without Samantha Harris' stupid belt) that I tried on in Ottawa, later bought in OC, and destroyed in New York (can't show all of it because Syl's wedding dress is in the background):


I also got stuck going to the Mer Bleue Bog...i f*cking HATE the bog. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. Plus it was freezing, so I was stuck wearing my dad's sweatshirt. Want to know how much I hated it? Check it:


I found this makeshift button that was taken when Erin, Stace and I volunteered for some Ronald McDonald House fashion show...in 8th grade?


I love that Nat drove all the way from Montreal just to have breakfast with me for ONE hour (yeah, she looks high here)...and that through a fluke I ran into Jay and then saw him a ton during my stay :)


Sigh...can I go back now?

And this is why I seriously need therapy

So I'm finally getting around to posting pics and blogging about Ottawa and NY...

Now I had mentioned previously that my mother is obsessed with stocking up on paper goods. Didn't believe me? Here's what I found when I was home...and this doesn't include her stashes that i DIDN'T find!

This is from my old closet in the basement:


Here's the kleenex stash she's got in the basement cupboard:


This is the TP stash in one of the upstairs bedrooms:


This one cracks me up the most. This is the stash under the basement stairs. Not only is there TP, but those boxes to the right of the safe are all kleenex boxes, and seriously this stash goes up to my waist!


Here's the stash in my mom's closet:


I couldn't even TELL you which closet this is from:


Here's the ghetto TP holder my dad got at some garage sale (a new habit my parents have adopted since my brother and I moved out):


This is one side of the entryway hallway:


And here's the other side:


FINALLY....i went to stash some stuff in my old bathroom drawer, but instead I had no room because I found this:


I swear I'm not crazy...my parents made me this way!

Canada Trip: Days 3-7

Oh where oh where is Sabinas latest blog about the Emmys and the red carpet crazy outfits???
Nothin here for me to read about your opinions and thoughts!

She's in Canada...with no DVR and no time to watch tv (gasp)...I didn't even know the Emmys were on...

So I've totallys lacked on writing, mostly because Kraig was here and he spent more time on the laptop my dad's got in the basement than I did.

Friday was a day of shopping, picking up Kraig, more shopping (saw Syl's wedding dress, gorgeous, and tried on the most AMAZING red dress from BCBG. It's sad when Kraig is like "who cares that it's $340cdn. You HAVE to buy it. HAVE TO."), then did this all you can eat sushi thing. Then Kraig met my dad, which went exactly as I figured it would: my dad was friendly, cheery, all that good stuff. He even gave Kraig a HUG...my dad hasn't hugged me since I took the plane ride to move to California 8 years ago.

Day 4, Saturday, we got our Caveau de Schezwan on...it's a sit-down buffet. To die for. For real. Then we wandered around the market till 5:30, where my partayyyy night got on...hung out at Lonestar, drank like mad, and saw dozens of friends I haven't seen in ages. I was jonesin' for Poutine, and I had promised Bryan that my first time having poutine would be with him. Well Lonestar doesn't have poutine, so I went next door to Dunn's ordered gravy and cheese curds (also got a side of fries, only because they charged me for the whole damn poutine so I figured i might as well take the fries as well even though I had a plate of fries waiting for me back at Lonestar)...went back to Lonestar, and proceeded with my "do it yourself poutine"...so, so good...

After that, headed out to a lounge...went home, all good times...i had SO MUCH FUN (Thank you thank you thank you Bryan for organizing it!)

Sunday was The Bog day, which pretty uneventful....

Monday at 3:30am woke up to take Kraig to the airport, only to have the plane break and he then missed his connecting flight, sohe got back to LA pretty late. I spent the day with Christine and her boys (I am beyond impressed with her ability to maintain total calm in the face of chaos), got my poutine on with Bryan later :)

And finally, today, Day 7...got to see Erin at work, got to see Stacey's house and meet her adorable little girl Faith, got to chill for a bit with Sylvia and her mom, and got to enjoy my mother bitching me out for something so incredibly retarded. My dad agreed to drop me off at Syl's mom's house because he needed the car, and Syl offered to drive me home...this concept rocked my mother's foundations and she went into serious hysterics. I have no idea why. My dad and I were like "WHAT is your problem woman!?!"...

Tonight she wanted me to go through some of the crap I still have at home so I can pack stuff up to take home. Her logic is that my brother and i still have too much crap in our house (well, her house, whatever) and that she wants to clear stuff out. BUT...thing is, she's a PACK RAT. I've found over the course of the past few days things that i know 100% for sure that I threw out last time I was here (uhhh my Dangerous Minds soundtrack cassette? This ghetto VHS on makeup application?!)...so WHY am I throwing things out only to have her go back and insist that she may need it?!

She's also mad because she figures all I had to do was see my friends ONCE and that would be sufficient...ummm, no, i'm going to max out every second that i can with my friends since the next time I see them will be...who knows! (Okay it might be sooner than we think if Syl has a post-elopement reception in ottawa)

Going to Toronto for the next 2 days, and then Friday will be my last day...sniff...this has honestly been one of the most awesome trips EVER. I wish I could stop time...it's amazing how homesick I am. I went to the grocery store today and was like a moron touching all the products I had forgotten about...and i bought a big container of Kraft Peanut Butter...oh and these like baby cookie things that have chocolate on one side...how you can actually catch a Sens game on tv...seeing YTV...

My flight tomorrow is at 8am and my mom wants to leave at 6:15am. Her theory is that if something happens, that gives us enough time to call a cab. (Oh gee, I guess with my cell phone and the $20/min roaming fee since they're too neanderthal to get their own cell phones). It'll take us max 20 mins to get to the airport....

Canada Trip: Day 2 (part 2)

This is gonna be the placeholder for the blog about my mom's toilet paper stash. I would post it now, except I found two more spots: the front entry closet, plus her stash in the car, that need to be photographed. So...stay tuned. My mom is seriously obsessed.

Turns out though that a good pack of TP is $17 here in Canada...it's $11 in the US at Target for a good pack of Cottonelle...so maybe my mom has reasons!

Canada Trip: Day 2 (part 1)

Nothing, and i mean, NOTHING is more fabulous than sleeping in till noon on a work day. Especially when it's not because you're unemployed. I only woke up out of a sense of guilt that I was wasting my day, even though really...I don't feel guilty at all. I did however have a nightmare about some dude coming to kill me and my friends, and some random couple had Ryan's new baby Olivia...but the chick wasn't bonding with Olivia, so they handed her to me and was like "here, you take her", and I had a hard time sneaking her out because i was trying to avoid the killer.

Then in my dream i dreamt that i woke up from the nightmare, and told Nicole (Olivia's mom) about the nightmare, and she was laughing it off. So weird to pseudo-wake up from your dream only to have another dream where you're telling your dream to the next dream people.

Anyway.

After I got ready (blowdrying my hair with my mom's old blowdryer that all the power of a small child blowing on my head...whcih also reminds me, their vacuum is so old, the front popped off and now you can see the lightbulb on the front), I went upstairs because my mom was griping about something to my dad. All i heard was "Why do all these people get new things while I'm stuck with rubbish" my mom says rubbish as often as I say "douchebag", so I came up and was like "wassup yo with all this griping"...I guess my mom was complaining about how my dad goes to garage sales and buys alot of crap. Which is like calling the kettle black, but whatever.

Then the next convo went like this:
Me: You guys seriously need to get rid of your Powerpoint VHS tapes. They're outdated.
Dad: No, i don't know powerpoint that well, I might need to reference it.
Me: You're retiring, if you don't know it now you'll be okay. Trust me. Plus those tapes will be of NO use to you. It's changed so much now.
Mom: Yeah, i have those books you can use instead.

Me: No, those books are even WORSE. There's no such thing as "Microsoft Mail" anymore.

Dad: Well the idea is still the same.

Me: NO it's not. You can't even just go to "File, Print" anymore in Office 2007. You have to click the little logo int he corner. AND if you dont' know what you're doing, just do a search for "Powerpoint for beginners".

Dad: Oh good point. Can you install MS Office on that laptop in the basement? It's for the mosque.

Me: Sure, but you know Office isn't free right?

Dad: It's not?
Me: NO it's not, Microsoft doesn't give their moneymaker away for free!
Dad: well how did your brother get it on the upstairs computers?

Me: He had the CD...did he leave it?
Dad: no, he left nothing.

Me: Well i have one at home I can send you and tell you how to install it...
Mom: I don't understand, why don't you just copy it from the upstairs computers?
Me: It doesn't work that way. It's not like one file that i can drag to a CD.

Dad: So it's not free?

Me: I'll hook you up. Don't worry about it.

To quote cher: Old people can be so cute sometimes.

I also discovered why I couldn't call anyone...I was trying to call Christine, i KNEW i had her number right...it kept saying "your call cannot be completed as dialed". Then I was like "okay, I guess this is like one of those things where i need to dial 1-613 first, even though it's not like distance". Well then I got a "the number you have dialed is not long distance". So i'm like "well wtf!"...

Turns out I had to dial just the area code, no "1" before it. I swear I feel like i'm trying to call a third world country.

Canada: Day 1

I actually have an entry I wrote at the airport but...i disabled the radio on my laptop and argh, stupid me, i forgot what a f*cking pain in the ass it is to turn it back on (hitting Fn+F2 doesn't help).

Right now at this second, my mom is yelling at me from the other room about a necklace she gave me years ago. The conversation/yelling is going something like this:

Mom: Do you still have that necklace I gave you last time?
me: Which one? You've given me alot.l

MOm: The one i won from Zellers. (Note: zellers is like...Kmart...ghetttoooo)
Me: That one got all nasty and gross, it wasn't real gold. I threw it out.

Mom: (freaking out) Well of course it wasn't gold, why would you throw it out?

Me: Because it made my skin all green! This was like 20 years ago!

Mom: no, the one i gave you last time i was there.
Me: Oh, i don't know which one that is, but yes i still have it.
Mom: why are you throwing things out?
Me: it was 20 years old! It was just an old cheap necklace!
Mom: no, i just gave it to you! That wasn't cheap!
Me: i'm not TALKING about that one, I'm talking about the one from 20 years ago!
Mom: Well i'm talking about the one i just gave you!
Me: I don't know which one that is, you have to tell me more than just its origins.
Mom: it's the one from Zellers!
Me: I KNOW THAT...but you have to tell me WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

Mom: it's the one with those two things! Do you still wear it? Don't throw things out!

Me: WHAT TWO THINGS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?:!

Mom: you know, those things. It came from Zellers.


THis is pretty much the same conversation but with a different topic since i've arrived. Some things I've forgotten or re-learned about my parents:

1. No wonder I have a hoarder's mind. My mom has no less than ELEVEN frying pans. I keep bagging onher for it (until she yelled at me to stop, insisting she needed them, and i'm like "there's only 4 burners!"), she has a PILE of brand new cutting boards but still uses the same pink one from when we were kids, she has an entire boxed collection of crystal glasses (that she let me know were SO expensive when i went to scope them out, precariously balancing on the counter, as i also pointed out that she still has the little cup holders for soft boiled eggs that i guarantee have not been used since i was 4), and the ultimate:
There is not ONE SINGLE CUPBOARD in this house (and there's more cupboards than you can imagine, we have a finished basement) that doesn't contain some paper goods. THere's enough toilet paper and kleenex to last through World War III. Heck, even IV.

I told them I'm "shopping"...I've already claimed dibs on around 20 metal skewars for bbqing.

2. My parents have lost all touch in their sense of decorating. My house use to look decent, now...sigh, my parents are old. And they like going to garage sales. I can't begin to tell you the crap that has found it's way into this house. You'll have to see when I take pictures. It's just...wow. Right down to the wooden cat who's tail can hold a remarkable 7 rolls of toilet paper.

3. My parents will never listen to me. I tried to point out that there's some mold growing on the bathroom wall (I know, because when I rented in Santa Clara my lease required me to keep a spray bottle of bleach and spray down my bathroom whenever i saw the mold since there were no fans)...my mom just told me "it's behind the wall, stop worrying about it"...uhhh you can SEE IT all over the house. I'm sure I'm going to get cancer in a week.

4. How do parents' have more food than I'll ever buy? I opened the fridge and there was more food there than I've ever had in my fridge, even on days when we had bbqs. I mean, for real, it's incredible that i didn't gain a trillion pounds living at home.
Wait for the pics of the bagged milk. I know at least Tim and Shane have my back on the bagged milk! ALthough my mom likes to buy milk on sale in World War 3 War Time Saving mode...and puts them in the freezer. Who freezes milk? My parents, that's who.

5. You forget east coast architecture when you've been in california for so long.l The carpet is short (none of this berber stuff), the walls don't have that bizarro orange peel texture, and today it was raining...even weather "smells" different on the east coast. That could be all the worms on the ground (we don't get worms in california like here in Ottawa. We get effing snails. It's effing sick when you step on one by accident.)

6. It's weird when your parents dick around with the house, because then you think you know where stuff is...and then, it's not there. Or you look at something and you're like "did we always have that?". It's almost sad really, like someone erasing your memory so you're stuck with the bastardized version of it...that's how i feel about my house right now.

7. Back to the hoarding...my mom seriously buys so much stuff and then justifies it by saying it was on sale. They have THREE COIN SORTERS brand new, in box. Which i would consider taking one with me, except they're super big to accomodate loonies and toonies. Oh what else do my parents have? Like eighty random computer books from like 1970 that they got at a garage sale, two VHS tapes on how to use PowerPoint, promotional VHS tapes that are still sealed, and the best...this wooden coaster set that they've had since i was a kid and we would use when we played with our toys...i don't know if they keep it for memory's sake or if they really think one day, that wooden coaster holder with the black metal handle will come back in style.

Stay tuned for day 2. I told my mom I was going to take her to see a movie...she wanted to see Batman: The Dark Knight but i'd rather stab myself than see it again (i loved it but no desire to see it AGAIN) so I convinced her to see Be Kind: Rewind instead. But we have to go early because she doesn't "want to be running around all day"...no one gave her the memo that going to a movie is the laziest thing you can do.

Update to the bus guy

Props to Tim for finding this:
Greyhound Guy's Facebook Page

He looks like a total skid...people like that always get their heads lopped off on buses! He had it coming!

And why can't I stop laughing at this whole story?! Makes me miss Canada even more.

That's some f*cked up ishh right there

Wow. Wow wow. And this happened in the same city/province where i was born.
Sleeping man beheaded on Greyhound bus

WINNIPEG, Manitoba - A passenger sleeping on a Greyhound bus was killed and decapitated by his seatmate on Wednesday night as the vehicle rolled across the Canadian prairies, witnesses said.

What's more effed up: that some dude lost his head on a bus, or that I laughed my ass off reading this?

So, so stoked!

For 10 years, I've been wanting this hat from a guy I went to University with. I knew it was from surf shop, and I always thought he got it from San Diego.

Every time I go to Comic Con or wherever, I always try to go into surf shops to see if I can find the hat. I didn't know the name or anything, I just knew I'd recognize the logo when I saw it.

Seriously, it was an awesome effing hat.

Anyway, I finally thought to just ASK Eric where he got it from, and he's like "the Ron Jon hat?"...YES YES! And best of all, there's a Ron Jon Surf Shop right in Orange! Swwwwwwwwwwwweeeeet!

This is the hat I want (in cream, not navy):


Hmm maybe I'll just get Kraig to get it for me for my birthday and be done with it.

Let me backtrack a bit here...baseball hats are REALLY hard for me to find. The best one I have is my highschool one, which I adore but you know, it's been years since highschool and I rarely wear it because I don't want to wear it out. It's got a snap button strap on the back, which is perfect: I can put a ponytail through it, but it's already perfectly adjusted for my head.

I can't find anything like it anymore. Either you get hats that are fully covered in the back (not ideal for chicks with ponytails), or they velcro straps or something retarded like that...i don't want to keep adjusting. And they never fit right. Or they're those plastic snap doodads, which also are kinda weird.

The Ron Jon one i think is the plastic snap doodad kind, but considering how effing awesome that had is...I'll make an exception. Maybe I should just order it online, considering the $7 shipping is probably the same cost of gas for me anyway.

Today is a good day.

Our home and native land

I can't believe I forgot about Canada Day. I didn't even wear red or white or both yesterday.

I sort of feel like it's the equivalent of forgetting the date of your best friend's death. I should know it, acknowledge it, and do something in tribute that day each year.

So in honor of my special place, here's all the things I miss about Canada:

1.The fact I have to spell the above “honor” instead of “honour”, as well as “colour” and “labeling” only has one “L” here.
2.Poutine.
3.The national anthem. Not that i think it's a good national anthem, but at least I know the words. I'm willing to admit though, the US national anthem is damn catchy, it's like they got Timbaland to produce theirs whereas we got some old guy with a casio keyboard.
4.Poutine.
5.Tim Hortons.
6.More specifically, Timbits. Hell, I'll settle for a Dunkin' Doughnuts but they only have effing Krispy Kreme around here, which is the biggest bastardization of a doughnut alive.
7.Poutine.
8.Getting plum sauce to dip my fries in anywhere i go.
9.The cost of gas per liter, not per gallon.
10.Quaker muffin mix. Here the muffin mixes give you at best 6 ghetto muffins. But the paper bag situation in those Quaker brand muffin mixes, omg, you get 24 out of them and they're SO EFFING GOOD....damn i miss those.
11.I miss Shoppers Drug Mart.
12.I miss malls having a Shoppers, Pharma Plus, or whatever. They don't put those in malls here.
13.Poutine.
14.I miss being able to pick up a package and understand either side of the box (French or English). Now i'm like “no espanol por favor senior!”.
15.MuchMusic. I'm not dissing MTV...but they're not the same at ALL (even though I believe MuchMusic and Musique Plus are owned by MTV).
16.A good solid thunderstorm. Which isn't Canadian per se, but I just haven't seen one since I moved here 8 years ago. EIGHT YEARS since I've seen the crazy kind of thunderstorm that's fun to watch from a window, where it's loud, where you feel like everything inside of you is being washed away.
17.Poutine. With ketchup. From KFC.
18.Poutine. With ketchup. From Nickels.
19.Poutine. With ketchup. From Zak's.
20.Poutine. With or without ketchup. (I only acquired the ketchup taste because it was an effective method of ensuring other people would mooch and steal my poutine).
21.Speaking of KFC, i miss KFC fries. Not this stupid potato wedge nonsense they have here. FRIES. The kind meant to be slathered with cheese curds and gravy.
22.I miss going to Club Monaco and paying Canadian prices for their stuff.
23.President's Choice skim chocolate milk. It's the only place where you can get less than 2% milkfat in chocolate milk format. I remember I used to buy that stuff by the carton and chug it straight up in the parking lot. Soooo good.
24.McCain Deep N Delicious cakes.

(25 got jacked up)
26.DAMMIT i'm going to cry i want some poutine so effing bad.
27.Going to a Roots store and seeing Canadian stuff written on the apparel, not US stuff.
28.I miss Molson being truly Canadian, after I became and expat so did Molson. I miss their marketing. Do they even DO the “I AM CANADIAN” ads anymore?! They were so effective!

Which thus leads me to say, I miss the Cabin as well, naturally.

29.I miss Poutine from Minglewoods, which is right next to the Cabin.
30.I miss East Side Mario's. Just for their croutons and chicken tetrazzini.
31.I miss taking $20 cab rides. Not like the $120 cab rides to go down the street like here.
32.I do NOT miss New York Fries poutine. Their stuff sucked balls. But i miss debating with people over the merits of leaving the skin on potatoes when making fries (nasty, IMO).
33.I miss The Market.
34.I miss Le Caveau de Schezuan.
35.I miss spiders that crawl on webs and up high, unlike the spiders here that don't even make frickin' webs and crawl on ME instead....
36.Having a $2 bill/coin (yes, they have them here, but not like you're going to find 'em).
37.Poutine poutine poutine.

Damn I'm homesick for the great white north.

I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled....

I was surfing the web and was reminded of an old Molson's commercial:


Their marketing is sheer genius, I don't think they ever made a bad commercial. They made me want to drink beer and I don't even LIKE beer. You can't get a better tagline (for canadians) than "I AM CANADIAN"...and they've single-handedly managed to corner the beer market for Canada Day (the number on thing Americans do on July 4th is BBQ and watch fireworks. Canadians...drink and watch fireworks. No time to eat. No one said we were a civilized society.)

I really should have bought that lottery ticket yesterday. Around 1am I couldn't stand Kraig's snoring so I went down to the couch to sleep there, only to realize I was pretty awake because I had crashed at 6pm for a super long nap. Lo and behold, after watching some random stuff (and the rest of Cashmere Mafia which I should be shot in the head for enjoying), I discover that Ryan Reynolds is on Conan.

Sadly, he wasn't THAT funny like he usually is in stuff...but funny enough. And i was so tired i didn't care what he had to say.

Dammit really should have bought a lottery ticket.