Boys are just gross

So I don't have too much to say and I've got time to kill...so here's some random thoughts on all those things chicks are supposed to keep quiet about.

It's like Samantha on Sex and The City once said...a guy once dumped her because she missed a bikini wax. Women are NOT supposed to be human (episode where Carrie...uh...does something...in front of Big)...

Which I'm more than fine with. Kraig was getting upset the other day because I kept saying "are you done with the bathroom, are you done with the bathroom" 'cause i had to take care of the upper lip business...and there's 3 things i refuse to ever, EVER let a guy see...2 of them involve bodily functions and the other one involves the bleaching of one's upper lip...

He insisted that he HAS seen that, which I will argue to my grave. I don't care if we're stranded in some random remote area and I have to go in the bushes...he will NEVER see me. I don't care if I have a catheter...he better hire a friggin' nurse (go ahead, get a hot blond, i'll have other issues to worry about)....

We shave our legs
We shave other areas
I've had HOT WAX drip into my gonads
I bleach my teeth
I pluck the crap out of my eyebrows
I slather a boatload of moisturizer on my feet at night....

Chicks just aren't allowed to be gross. Ever.

So we all know guys are gross...but why can't they limit that sh*t amongst their own kind? I'm supposed to be a lady on my own...but around a guy, suddenly I'm at baboon-levels eating lice off his head (that was a metaphor....I've never actually dealt with a guy who had lice)...

And I know guys are neanderthal and think things that are gross are like trophies and prizes worth showing off. But are they RETARDED?! Show that crap (ha, literally) to your buddies, but i am NOT a buddy and I'm STILL a chick and i do NOT want to be involved in anything remotely nasty or gross whatsoever.

My friend/ex-cubemate Tony once drank an entire container of KFC gravy in order to get enough cash to visit his then-girlfriend...I am positive if the poor girl actually lived with him, she would have been subjected to him showing her all the nasty things that the human body does when it consumes family-sized quantities of leftover chicken drippings.

Kraig once drank a bottle of Tabasco. Fortunately, I didn't know him at the time. Unfortunately, I've heard enough about the side-effects that I might as well have been there at the time.

I dated another guy who's mother ALWAYS made her infamous Sour Cream Chocolate Cake (it was good, but not THAT good)...well he would never wrap it up, and he'd eat the whole thing in like a week by sitting in bed in his dorm with it...by then it would get dry and crumbly...i'm sure there was growth on it since he never covered it...it was basially the Sub that Homer kept eating even after Marge through it out....anyway his bed was a perpetual pit of these chocolate cake crumbs because he never once changed his bedsheets...it was just effing nasty. A chick once stopped me in a bar and pointed to him and said how he never changed his sheets when he lived in the dorm...i was like "yeah, and he's a guy...they're ALL effing disgusting"....

I actually spent $70 on cleaning products and walked, IN HEELS, IN THE SUMMER, for almost an hour to get back to his place in order to clean the frickin' bathroom, i couldn't handle it anymore.

THEN...after cleaning the bathroom, his roommate was like "get out, I need to use the toilet"...i'm like "go f*ck yourself, i just cleaned this"...clearly it then became war between me and his roommate...i had this air freshner thing that could open/close behind the toilet, and he KEPT CLOSING IT SHUT...that f*cker.

Boys
are
NASTY

Just effing nasty. I mean, why am I shaving my armpits when they've got hair longer than a Barbie doll's going on in there...

I've said it before, I'll say it again...if chicks had penises, I'd be a lesbian....guys are just effing gross and nasty.

I have to give credit to one guy i briefly dated...the place was a disaster, but he steered me straight for his room every time...it's like, he KNEW it was vile....the less time I gotta climb over dusty cardboard boxes, the better.

Peanut Butter is your friend!

This cracked me up, from Muppets 3D: A salute to all nations, but primarily America

So I came up with a few random things that I think are a testament to a guy's manliness:

• driving manual


• using jumper cables when the batteries die


• being able to carry a chick out of a burning building


• knowing how to start a fire and cook raw meat...i.e. BBQing


• EATING meat...this vegetarian thing for guys isn't cool


• instinctively move so that at no times the chick is walking closest to the road


• removing a tshirt should never start by pulling your arms out of the tshirt before taking it off (unless the guys plans on wearing it again for whatever reason without washing it)....only because it's hot when a dude takes his shirt off by starting with the back and ripping it off...

That's not all-inclusive...just some stuff that came to mind.

Here's the general list of things that a chick should be able to do:
1. Give good head, or at least, be willing to learn how

2. How to decline sex without making the guy feel rejected when really, it's because she's got a yeast infection, bladder infection, is on the rag, or hasn't shaved her legs and she's not at that point with the dude where he can be exposed to any of that
3. How to wash cashmere, even if you don't ever own a cashmere item
4. How to cry without getting your face all red (i mean, you can bawl your heart out if you're in pail...but if you gotta stifle it, there's an art to stifling so that you get some tears out without your face looking like you've got roseacea)
5. How to fix a broken nail in a pinch (hint: matchbook)
6. How to sew a button (tip: to avoid it altogether, put some clear nailpolish on the threads of a new shirt)

7. How to bake at least one mean dessert (muffins and bread count as dessert)
8. How to walk in heels at least 3" high (they don't have to be pumps...that's my rule...'cause I overpronate and I can't walk in pumps of any height, i need straps!)...work your way up to 4". And then rest your back for the rest of the rest of the night 'cause that sh*t ain't chiropractically-sound...

9. How to style your hair when it hasn't been washed so that it doesn't scream "I haven't washed my hair! It's Sunday! Suck it!"
10. HOw to do Kegels (not that any of us actually DO them...but you should know how...for...whatever reason)


So speaking of heels, I'm having serious shoe issues. I had the craziest amount of shoes but then I got rid of ALOT of them (back from my Le Chateau years), and the amount in my closet is killing me. Plus, the weather in Orange County is freakin' awesome....I sometimes forget that there was a time when, if you wanted to wear heels in February, you went through hell and a half to not damage your shoes while freezing your ass of and almost slipping and breaking your back. So I've been trying to replenish my shoe supply but it's insanely hard to find shoes my size (5...or 5 1/2), especially if they're on sale or aren't brand new arrivals (and no, i'm not blowing hundreds on a pair of shoes...boots, yes, but shoes...unless they were to DIE for, which i have yet to find..boots, however, i'll pay whatever necessary....)


Oh, someone needs to remind me to post what Jackass Who Told Me I Need To Learn THe Splits once did involving a porn about BJs....

Letters to the editor....

Marlene: ughghgh I gotta stop EATING relative to the exercise though lol...even though on a whim I went last night at midnight to the gym, but I go primarily to relieve stress...I find when I don't go, I'm 100% pure bitchy (as opposed to only 90%....)...I figure, I'm doing a public service when I go!

Bryan: a certain Rockland guy was the non-hockey player (I mean, couldn't skate, couldn't do JACK) even though he played every other sport. Plus he drove his mom's Tercel....and he WHINED....<>...
And you KNOW it was the university boyfriend who said the splits comment! Who else would be that much of an ass?

shhh...sneak in a quickie

Just a few quick thoughts...

0. On the subject of hockey still:
Yesterday a coworker asked me if I played hockey...I'm like "pfft maybe it's different now..but growing up...girls don't play hockey, we DATE hockey players"...(I mean, we may have WANTED to...but I've watched a hellofalotta more games than I've ever played)

In Canada I think i dated only one guy who wasn't a hockey player, and I gotta admit...his manly quotient wasn't all that high in my eyes. I think it's something in the water that makes you think like that.

1. THANK YOU NORMAN....we're going to California Adventure today! We owe you big time :)

2. So I have this other site (well I've got a ton) that I was using kind of just like an online diary (yes, i'm one of those chicks who's been writing her in her diary since she was like 10) but they underwent a massive drive failure and now all the data is lost...i've been using that site for like 4 years and it's just so weird to me that all that data is gone, it's like, there's no proof that I existed for the past 4 years almost (they kept saying there would be a download/backup feature, but it never got implemented). All my wedding planning, all that stuff, was in that diary. Very very weird to me, and it makes me super sad to say the least...

...yeah. just...sucks.

3. Sasha Cohen at the skating exhibition last night...holy SH*T that girl is crazy good. She didn't do any jumps but she can contort her body like no one's business.

WHICH leads me to...

4. I dated a jackass who insisted I should learn how to do the splits (yeah, c'mon guys...will it REALLY make a diff if your girl knows the splits? I mean, REALLY?), and I busted my ass for a year each morning stretching like a mofo. Well after seeing Sasha...i'm back on.

I call it, Contortion 2.0....aka....Do The Splits Before Age 30....

Which will clearly be my 3rd new year's resolution for this year.

(Do The Splits Before Age 30 Or Pull A Groin Muscle Trying more like it)....

5. When will someone invent an at-home lipo machine? Just a straw attached to a Dyson or something. If i can do an at-home glycolic peel, if I can do at-home microdermabrasion, I damn well should be able to suck the fat out of my thighs myself as well.

6. I was at the gym till midnight yesterday (well i mean...i only got there at like 10:45). Suck it. Which either means I'm dedicated like crazy or I clearly have no life.

7. Is it bad to want to rip your husband a new one when you come home from work, exhausted, and he took the day off to be sick (yeah thanks Marlene for that one), and the home is still a disaster when you get home?!!

8. On another note, I switched air fresheners (the plugin kind, i went from Glade to Airwick) and Kraig went on this huge rant that he doesn't know why it smells like perfume but he is NOT having an affair on me...so I'm like "uh I'm not really too worried about that" which then lead to this HUGE discussion about how he COULD get a chick if he wanted to (I'm not disputing that...but if he could choose a saturday night of D&D or a sat night mackin' some chick, we all know what he'd pick)...I think he was really upset that I knew it was the air freshener and not some lavender-scented chick perfume.

9. Looks like we're finally doing a trip to San Jose end of March...

10. Looks like my mom is gonna postpone her trip until Autumn...oh thank GOD (how that works with my dad's free ticket is beyond me, but there are certain things in life that I just don't question).

Booyah.

What the BLEEP

I swear to GOD....i might as well have bet on this, because only when I make a bet would I lose this bad:

TURIN, Italy (AFP) - Ice Hockey legend Wayne Gretzky accepted the blame for Canada's shock Olympic Games exit after his country's worst performance in the tournament for 26 years.

Sometimes, I should really just keep my mouth shut.

Nerd fest

You know you're a bit of a nerd when you get EXCITED for this:

Monday
5/15/2006
It May be GUI, but It Doesn't Have to Be Messy! What every technical communicator needs to know about the basics of good software GUI design rules.

I also finally updated this:
My Husband's So Called Ailments

Quote of the day....

Thanks to Evan for making me laugh...he overheard the following:

“Dolphins are intelligent and friendly”.
“Ya… intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise!”

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Egads: Pic from Elle awards

I miss the "Accused of causing Columbine" Marilyn Manson...not "I married a hot chick and now I go to Style Awards" Marilyn Manson....

Ooohhhhh...catty post

Scarlett's looking rough!

I love it!

Blogariffic

Clearly, I have issues:
Alien does JDate
What's more funny:
1. "Synagizzle"
2. A yarmulke that says "WWJD" heh heh
or
3. "Circum Size Me"

One day, I'm going to seriously hurt myself laughing.

So this weekend was pretty busy. A few things to note...

Avengers Game - Sat Night

So apparently Melissa Rivers (Joan Rivers' daughter) has season tix to the Avengers (indoor arena football). Now of course I've seen her a million times on TV, but it's always different when you see a celeb in real life.

First off, the girl is TINY. I mean, UBER tiny. But...when she stands next to celebs, she looks bigger than them. Which basically means that Reese Witherspoon et. al. are all microscopic in real life. The camera adds like FIFTY pounds.

That being said, she's NASTy in real life. I mean, her FACE...thep lastic surgery has her a few away from looking like that catwoman chick. If my mom were Joan Rivers, plastic surgery on my FACE is the last thing I'd do.

Dogwalking

Me.
Daisy.
This time, I actually picked up dog poop. ONCE. That's my limit.

Sunday Morning

Yee haw, got to see some dear ol' friends from San Jose who were in town for the weekend. Got our Mimi's Cafe groove on.

On that note...

Marlene (aka Slovebunny), meet Norm....his roommate is an arrogant bastard that I work with. He thinks he knows STUFF. Now you know.

On that note, i find it hilarious that Marlene calls up her sister reading this blog....you are all much, much dumber for having read it. You've been warned.

General poll

Listen, i have NO problems with guys who do figure skating. It's hard as hell. I know that. But i can also say that no straight guy would voluntarily do it (males SINGLES skating)....it's not a knock against gay guys or figure skaters. But i grew up in a place where guys learn to skate before they learn to walk, and trust me, they're not jumping to be figure skaters.

See, it's not ME who thinks that straight guys aren't figure skaters...ASK A STRAIGHT GUY. No self respecting straight guy would EVER want to be a figure skater. Speed skater, bobsledding, anything....ANYTHING...other than figure skating. I took an informal poll, and I was right.

note: this applies to north american dudes....maybe european ones think differently. I don't know.

Desperate Housewives
I'm so glad Nicole D swung by last night, DH is always more fun when you watch with friends :)

So a note to ABC...enough with Susan being an idiot! Okay last night she wasn't that bad, but lately we've all been hoping that her wandering spleen would kill her off.

I did dig the little story about Gabby and her mom....we don't see much insight onto Gabby's life, so that was a refreshing change. And amazingly Lynette's story wasn't much of anything other than to highlight Bree's drinking. Bree of course has the best storyline right now...

...and finally....

WTF I went to Target to quickly pick up a few small things and walked out having spent $70.00 even. wtf.

Product Reviews

Gillette Fusion Razor: for some reason I keep getting Gillette razors in the mail. Anyway I was excited to give this a whirl...5 mutha effing blades! And i'm a hairy beast! Sounds like a match made in heaven.

In reality, the blades are overkill. They're packed too close together, so it's a pain to rinse out the goo and hair. The handle is great, but the part where it connects to the razor itself is awful...it doesn't fit into your typical "razor holder" thingy in your shower. Plus the cost of the replacement blades is crazy....honestly, I did a test...and it pretty much did the same job as a Mach 3. So save your cash.

Maybelline Unstoppable Mascara: Now I'm pretty old-skool...when I like something, I don't stop using it. But it was one sale, and I figured i should give it a try. On the plus side, this stuff DOES last all day. The rest of Maybelline's mascaras tend to run out, but this stuff was still on even after a full day AND a trip to the gym. The downside...the consistency isn't like typical mascaras (think black icing type), it was more like...a liquidy sludge type of consistency. NOt a big deal, but you gotta take more time to apply it because it's so watery.

Pantene Root Booster: it was on sale at Target, what can I say. Plus my hair's been going pretty flat lately. Anyway I gotta admit, this stuff is GOOD. I blow dried my hair upside down as usual, and when I flipped my hair back up I lookedl ike Cindy Crawford circa 1992. VERY impressed.

So...2 out of 3 products get a Sabina Seal Of Approval. Heidi Ho.....

New Year's Resolution update

So i had two NY's resolutions. Here's the status update...

1. To be more refined and elegant: Ugh not going so good. I think I'm going to buy a Miss Manners book so I can be more proactive on that.

2. To be a better wife.: so part of that was to make dinner at least once a week for Kraig...I know some couples eat together every night but it's hard for us, we have seriously different schedules. Plus lots of times by the time I"m done grocery shopping after work, the last thing I want to do is actually COOK...I mean, I've realized that I'm productive for ONE task after work before I'm zonked. Whether that's pick up dry cleaning, pick up prescriptions, do grocery shopping...that's it. So really cooking is a 2-day task for me, one day to shop and one day to buy. Plus we end up having leftovers that we NEVER eat.

Anyway, I just cooked an early dinner now for him and he was all "Why are you being so nice? It's weirding me out" which clearly shows how much more work I have to do on this resolution!

$BLOG$

Oh the humanity.

So I called up Verizon, 'cause this texting situation isn't working. Really the only two people with Verizon that I text are Nicole B and Carrie...everyone else has some other package...and I spent $55 over my limit on texting.

So I upped my texting package from 50 non-Verizon to 500 non-Verizon, even though last month alone I went 650 msgs over....but the chick gave me $10 free (which is the cost of the package), so I figure I might as well use this now and then next month up it to 1000 messages for $15.

On another note, I did a financial snapshot of our situation, and just whipping out the general expenses per month, NOT including the timeshare, Kraig's car, and food/stuff (i.e. credit card stuff), it's around $4K. If you factor in the food/stuff (where stuff=toilet paper, gas, etc), then it's almost $5K. Mother effer.

We keep saying we should do a lottery pool...I'm SO down for that. Like say once a month, ALL of use girls get together...put $4 each in an envelope, pick the numbers, and then once a week one designated person buy X amount of numbers.

Ugh. Gonna take a nap.

I....hate...PEOPLE....

SOOO effing pissed.

I was driving home and some dude passed the car next to me and clipped mine. He scraped a chunk of paint off my side mirror.

Now anyone who's seen my car knows that there's probably more grey than white on it at this point, but it's one thing when it's MY fault...it's another when it's some jackass.

The dude totally sped off, and I honked like a mother effer, finally I was like "f*ck that. I'm gonna get the bastard".

So I sped like a mofo but at one point on the two lane road there were two SUVs driving at the speed of lard, and by the time I finally passed them I barely managed to see where Jackass was going, and I coudn't catch up before I lost him. So now i'm pissed at the Jackass who hit my car and the two f*ckers who decided to drive side by side on Felipe.

All I wanted worst case was the Jackass' license plate. All i wanted BEST case was to catch the dude going into a parking lot so I could rip him a new one.

Anyway, I'm in a bad freakin' mood as a result.

To top it off:
In a game that was supposed to be a warm-up for tougher opponents, Switzerland shocked the Canadian men's hockey team 2-0 at the Torino Olympics Saturday morning.

WHAT THE BLEEP. This is turning out to be the worst day ever.

If they actually showed effing hockey games here instead of...the CURLING matches...I might be able to catch these:

They face Finland Sunday (CBC, 3 p.m., EST) and finish against the Czech Republic Tuesday (CBC, 10:30 a.m., EST).


AND...why is it that on my ONE day off of work it has to pour rain? WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I need a mini violin for my sad song.

My question to you Sabina is based on what you've seen of Canadian men and American men, who dresses better (Kraig doesn't count)?

Well...it's a tough call. Really we have to narrow it down between
Ottawa+surrounding areas
San Jose + Bay Area
Orange County

Orange County dudes definitely dress the best, but really there's not much choice. EVERYTHING here is soooo all about appearances, the haves and the have nots (okay...the "haves and have not"...since i'm the only "have not" here clearly).

Next is Ottawa, however that's brutal because you have to give some slack to people who have to deal with extreme elements (crazy snow and crazy rain)...I mean, after awhile you can't keep caring about how you look when it's effing freezing outside, you're a walking static machine, and salt has chewed away at your leather boots.

Last are the folks in northern cali...and you'd like to think that San Francisco being the uber gay community and all that MAYBE guys would dress better, but since I didn't live in SF, and San Jose and SF are SOOOOO worlds apart, I can't factor in the folks who live there. But the Bay Area...oh my GOD. Men can't dress worth ((bleep)). It's all about the free tshirt, it's all about what you can wash in one big load (what? Separate whites from darks? Dry cleaners? IRONING? )...

I don't think I would have noticed how bad it was if I hadn't moved directly from northern cali to southern california...but it's like an entirely different country here.

On an unrelated note, I kinda do miss the Bay Area....almost everyone's a transplant and most people your age are all that same point in life, not like here where you're loaded if you were smart enough to buy a house 3 years ago...I don't know. Sometimes I think nothing is more fabulous than living in Southern California, other times I'm already mentally preparing to move again (or the argument to Kraig to move to Canada....)...

This was a useless post, I realize that. I'm just in a bad frickin' mood over the car thing, plus using my "need to use up" vacation day on a day where it poured rain.

The Guide - American Style (Esquire some more)

More from Esquire....What Women Want Their Men To Wear as per their survery in Marie Claire, O, and Harper's Bazaar.

(not going to type the whole thing, just snippets)
1. I prefer a man's legs in:
b) Levi's (80%)
I dunno, Chinos was an option and sometimes a dude can look pretty sharp in a pair of chinos. But yeah when in doubt...jeans jeans jeans.

2. The most flattering color a man can wear is:
a) Blue (41.9%)
well geezus pink was 12.9%...wtf is wrong with women out there?!! At least 35.5% wrote "whatever matches his eyes", which I'll agree with.

3. The sexiest thing a man can wear is:
b) Rugged jeans and a plain white tshirt (67.7%)
Yeah that's good in theory...but like a tux got 22.6%, and for me personally i think tuxes look HOT as hell on guys, only because it is so, so very rare that you see them in it. THe only time I"ll ever see Kraig in one is if I look at our wedding pics, and I thought he looked FANTASTIC in a tux. I wouldn't want to see it every day...but...when it happens, it makes WAY more of an impact than jeans a tshirt. AND...don't be dissing the boxer-briefs (6.5%), some of us are suckers for those Calvins too.

4. I like it when he smells like
a) Nothing (58.1%)
Yeah...kinda...once again...it depends. We all know there's some scents...where if a stranger at the mall has it on, it reminds us of a certain boy from our past, and we drool....Aqua di Gio always makes my heart skip a beat, as does Chanel Egoiste, even though I don't think I really liked either on the boy in question.

5. If i could change one thing abuot my man's style, it would be:
d) I'd give away his double-pleasted pants and buy him flat fronts (35.5%)
Good LORD i wouldn't let those pants through the front door. No wait, Kraig might have a few old pairs in the back of the closet. Dammit. Gonna have to look into this tonight.

6. When I see a guy in sandals, I think:
a) A simple flip-flop will do 61.3%
ummm i'm with option b, which was "he's coming nowhere NEAR my uterus"....i mean, sports sandals are okay if necessary (like the beach or we're traveling somewhere HOT)...otherwise...um yeah no. Heck, i think flip flops are worse than sport sandals.

7. My favorite thing to borrow from my man is:
a) His worn-out button-down shirt.
Um yeah Kraig's got like all of 4 button down shirts, and they're all new. So that's not happening. None of the options listed would work for me...the only thing I like to borrow is the FCUK jacket we bought in san francisco a few years ago (but not something i would wear normally, it's huge on me).

8. The most common male fashion crime I witness on a regular basis is:
b) pants that are too short 32.3%
OMG are you kidding me? I work in TECH! We should have an in-house prison for the crimes of fashion here. What's not on the list: nasty freebie computer tshirts. In the Bay area someone once told me it was only tacky to wear your OWN company's shirt, and from a geek perspective I'll give that as the bare bones minimum. BUT...we all know you got those shirts for free...they're only good for cleaning the car or cleaning the toilet (and i don't mean WEARING them for those chores....)

9. A man who dresses better than me:
d) is generally not interested in dating my gender 51.6%
I agree 100%. Think CLUELESS (Cher)...."I suppose. He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?". A dude's gotta be a LITTLE sloppy sometimes, to keep up his testosterone levels.

10. My man looks best in:
a) Sneakers 35.5%
I dunno, Kraig's got these spiffy brown oxford Sketchers that I totally dig. Sneakers make me think of little boys.

11. I like it best when he comes to bed wearing:
b) Just boxers 67.7%
You know, i would PREFER it if he wore PJs ('cause then he'd be warmer, and i'd then be warmer)....but no self-respecting man would do that. I'll accept PJ bottoms for dudes who live in sub zero climate. Think twice about being with a dude who wears full-on PJs to bed.

12. I like his jeans to fit
b) LIke Brad Pitt's in thelma and louise 83.9%
Ummmm i'm a disgrace to my gender...but I never saw the whole movie. But either way, I like straight leg but kinda baggy-ish but not TOO baggy.

13. The acceptable dollar amount for a man to spend on a haircut is:
b) $50 41.9%
You know, this is a tough call. I dated a dude who had massively curly hair, and he used to go to this cheap barber across the street 'cause he was the only one who could cut it right. And guys' hair grows so fast, it makes no diff really. $50 seems kind of high if you're just going to say "#2 on top, #3 on the sides"...but $15 seems way to cheap....more like $25-$30 i would think? But that wasn't an option...

14. My favorite kind of suit on a man is a:
b) 3 button (51.6%)
I agree 100%!!!

15. My fav type of men's shirt is:
c) A plain white tshirt 42%
egads i can't believe some people voted "a taut, ribbed tank top that shows off his guns"...how white trash ARE Marie Claire readers?! Compared to the other options, yeah this is the best one...the other choices were a little...girly....

16. My favorite pattern for a men's tie is:
c) plain, with texture 71%
Yeah..but the "collegiate stripe" isn't THAT bad...not ideal, but you gotta make sure the plain color looks sharp...and with a single color, it CAN look off.

17. My favorite man in uniform is:
c) Fireman 51.6%
OH heck no...i'll take the Naval Officer or Policeman any day...and by policeman i mean the old skool type, not the CHP Chips style....no wait forget that, Naval Officer all the way.

18. If my man asked me to pick one style icon for him to emulate, I would pick:
b) George Clooney
Well Tom Wolfe as an option is a bit of a dandy....Johnny is too all over the map...and he's not hip enough to pull off Kanye West (all the layers)...yeah I'll take George, which pretty much are just suits...

19. An averge man becomes instantly bed-worthy when:
d) He jsut doesn't give a damn 32.3%
YES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YESYES YES YES YES YES EYS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES...

ALthough only 6.5% said "he displays finely manicured hands", and I am the BIGGEST sucker for nice hands (along with great shoulders and the back of a neck"...I'm telling you, a certain friend of mine (Bryan, think of yer boy who works at HD) acts like he doesn't give a f*ck, like he has the biggest man-meat in the room, and i don't think he even knows he does this...and yet, i swear, it's effing HOT as hell.

20. A man should dress for:
d) HImself 61.3%
yeah that's good in theory. what is WRONG with women who answer polls?! If you leave a guy to his own, if women made NO diference...they'd all be wearing their free computer tshirts and track pants. PLEASE..."Me" with 35.5% is the right option....think about it. If it were up to me, I'd wear my Lion King boxer shorts and a soft cheap tshirt every day....if the entire world were BLIND we wouldn't dress for looks half as much as we do now....A man should never ever be left to dress for himself! Oh the humanity.

AND...before any guy says he's got great taste in style...please. If chicks didn't exist...y'all would be lucky if you ever did your laundry.

Quickie blog

OMG how fantastic is Badgley Mischka:
New Ads

Inspired by The Shining?

They did a wedding gown that I would have given Kraig's left nut for back when I was engaged...um yeah like I'd ever in my life be able to afford it. But it was GORGEOUS.

I'd die for Ashley's dress...

Working in a male-dominated field...you really wanna bust out and be girly girl sometimes, but when I do I feel like i'm playing dress up or like I'm some little girl in the sea of...ugly nerds.

The Laws of American Style by ESQUIRE

A few tidbits from Esquire...

The Laws of American Style
Of course...these rules apply to men...these are some of the ones I found interesting...

- Livestock are the only American staple that should show any visible branding.
SOOO true!

- The ideal age at which a well-informed sense of style finally agrees with the level of the American man's disposable income: 35. Pre-35, you have no money. Post-35, you hae kids. And no money.

- The short-sleeved shirt has no place at the office. Unless you wear a name tag, in which case you have choice in the matter.

- Things from your closet that do not go together: jeans and cufflinks, socks and sandals, matching tie and pocket square, boots and suit pants, dress jackets and shorts
I HATE the look of socks and sandals! Why do guys do this?!

- Things the American man should not wear after the age of 35: sports jerseys, tracksuits, double breasted suits, polo shirts with the colar up. Things he should not wear before 35: rimless eyeglasses, cardigans, double-breasted suits, plo shirts with the top button fastened.
Um when are cardigans on non-Fratboy types ever okay?!

- Navy is th most flexible suit color you can buy.

- Just as every american man worth his salt should know how to fix a flat, so too should he be adept at sewing a button, steaming a suit, and operating a washing machine. A man who can hand-wash his cashmere sweater? He's more man than we're willing to admit.
That's a tough call with the cashmere...you can't take it to the dry cleaners...but I don'tk now if I like the idea of a guy knowing the proper way to clean that. Unless a girl taught him how.

- Places where sunglasses should never make an appearance: church, the courtroom, the DMV, the top of your head.
I can't stand it with guys put sunglasses on the top of their head. It's a little too chick-ish.

- Furthermore you should take your shades off when speaking to someone who's not wearing any. It's a trust issue.
You know, this is SO true. And i'm sure I've been guilty of this, but i really do hate talking to people with sunglasses when I don't have any on...it's like, they're too cool to let me see their eyes when they can see mine.

- A man should replace his wallet every 365 days. All that cash and credit card stretch out the leather. Your wallet is leather, isn't it?

Now you know!

Why do i bother arguing with people in my own blog? This is MY blog and i can cry if i want to, cryyy if I want to...


So my original point that got deleted was...

Why the EFF is 90210 not out on DVD yet but frickin' Charles in Charge is?!! Who the HELL would buy that?

I own Sex and the City on DVD...
I'd like to own all of The Simpsons....
We have Family Guy for Kraig (I don't like it enough to BUY it)...

If I could have 90210, OMG, we'd need another DVD holder. Okay well we need one anyway, but for sure we'd have to buy one.

If the people disputing the ownership rights could get their heads out of their asses, that would be fabulous. Or at least, if Dish Network can make F/X part of their cheapie package so I can see the reruns on weekends. And so that I can finally watch Nip/Tuck again.

On another note...

Why wasn't Tom Leykis around when I was going through my single girl phase? Why don't they have him in Canada?! It drives Kraig crazy that I listen to him, but the stuff he says is so, so true.

Only ONCE have I ever really disputed something he said, and I tried like mad all week to call in and give him a piece of my mind. He insisted that women dye their hair because they have low self esteem.

I mean, I already have low self esteem, but trust me...dying my hair has NOTHING to do with it. To women, our hair is another accessory...I replace my shoes, I change my nailcolor, I've changed my eye color...my hair is just another accessory. I don't wear the same jewelry every day, why should I be stuck with the same hair color? And to top it off, that's like saying that anything you can do to enhance your looks is a result of low self esteem.

I like my natural hair color, but since moving to California it gets really light really fast, and I don't think it looks good against my skin tone...so I'm just bringing it back closer to the color I had when I was a kid. It's not a self esteem issue.

Other than that, I think the dude is pretty accurate with what he was saying. The other day he had on two guys who wrote some book about the myth of the stay at home mom...

Now I'm not a stay-at-home-mom....and the chicks these guys were describing were pretty well off, and anyone I know who IS a stay-at-home-mom certainly is not well off (and as such, they don't have nannies, pools, or expensive strollers/devices to make life easier). That being said, I would MUCH rather spend my days with my children than be at work if I could (I mean, at least I'm making a difference with my kids...the satisfaction level is a little different when it comes to work...this doesn't apply to all women/careers, i realize that...but I know that a huge portion of my girlfriends agree with me)....

I was SCREAMING at the radio, "I don't care whether it's a cushy job or not for these chicks to not work! I don't care if the kids are grown up and maintaining a house all day isn't hard! Don't let the cat out of the bag! Don't corrupt the minds of the few guys who can support a one income household! NO NO NO!!!"....

I'm telling you, my dream in life is to be a Mission Viejo Mom....now if only I could get that lotto ticket that'll help support that lifestyle...and the uber fancy stroller that converts to a laptop computer...

Sigh.

In other boring news (because I'm the most boring person I know), instead of drinking tons of Tazo Tea today I've drank like 7 Diet Pepsis and I feel like ass...you could pierce my stomach and cola syrup would spill out.

The song of the day is White Wedding by Billy Idol...'cause it's in my head wtf. I think it's 'cause Wedding Singer was on tv this week.
Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who's the only one
Hey little sister who's your superman
Hey little sister who's the one you want
Hey little sister shot gun

Oh the humanity

I had a frickin' blog posted but then my computer timed out and the whole thing got lost. Dammit.

A few quick comments:
For my money I would choose Marilyn Monroe over just about any woman out there.
Yeah I think everyone would agree on that, however I'm sure women back then thought Marilyn was a nasty whore for all we know...I think she was like the Pam Anderson of her time. Personally, i LOVE Pammy...but a good chunk of women think she's nasty as hell. Gasp, SKANKY even.

How you guys define skanky is different than what we do.

Now about your bashing of Nadine Velazquez and Jamie Pressly, and your praise of Lauren Bush was a bit tooo much. I’ve seen my fair share of pictures of all three women, and I know that you’re not gonna like what I have to say. Nadine and Jamie have an appealing look to them. I would not say stunning, but it is still quite exotic and they are rather shapely too. Lauren has plane vanilla look that just does not make her look attractive. She almost reminds me of the tomboy next door.

Let it be known, I like Jaime Pressly (gasp and I would have thought you would have spelled her name right), but without makeup...she can look skanky. And Nadine...okay shapely body, nasty face (i expect my television hotties to be...HOT...and she's not)...she's a step away from butterface in my mind. I mean, for a REAL girl she's hot. But keeping in mind the standards by which I hold actresses...um yeah no. Both chicks are blah.

I don't think Lauren Bush blows anyone away, I just keep using her because the girl looked so much like her...definitely very pretty (the model, not the girl I saw at lunch...neither of them were that great). I mean, every girl would have died for my pick's skin....it was FLAWLESS. Her hair was great too...not unwashed shoved back in some ratty ponytail.

Really, in a perfect world, us chicks would be lesbians...it really sucks that we need you guys for reproductive purposes. And to open jars for us.

The moral of the story: next time, I need a chick with me or I'll poll the girls as well...problem is, it's ALOT easier for me to go up to a random guy and get his opinion on a chick than to go up to a girl and do that...without possibly offending the chick in the process

Ohhhh sayyyyy can you SEEEEEEE...wait wrong country

Jarome Iginla scored two power-play goals to lead Canada to a 7-2 win over Italy as the team opened defence of its Olympic gold medal.

I actually wanted to wake up at 4am in order to watch this...uh yeah that wasn't gonna happen.

So a few months ago one of my coworker's wanted to buy something from Tiffany's for his fiance, thank GOD he asked my opinion because I'll be honest with you...I don't know too many chicks that would have liked his option (I mean, it was pretty...but you could tell bylooking at it that there's not too many necklines that would have allowed for that type of charm on the chain)...in the end, I suggested going with the old standby that most chicks have, the heart one, in the SMALLEST size available.

When it comes to Tiffany's, girls are okay getting what everyone else has. It's TIFFANYS.

Anyway so i guess back in November I told the story to Kraig and I guess I mentioned that I liked a particular one (I had suggested it to my coworker but he didn't like it...but I liked it better than any of them)....it seems that Kraig actually remembered the name of the one that I said i liked...heck, I don't even remember even saying the name or what it was called...

Well needless to say, I got my Eternal Circle necklace last night...I was pretty shocked to say the least...and in true Sabina style, I yelled a little 'cause of his job situation (fortunately since I knew the price, I knew it wasn't THAT bad so don't worry, I didn't yell for long!).

Yeah, I've got a wonderful husband. What can I say. Suck it.

Marlene: YES YES YES breakfast on Sunday sounds fabulous!!!!

Will you be my Valenblog?

Happy Valentine's Day

I
LOVE
Valentine's Day.

Too much chocolate around work though, that's for sure. If i were to eat everything offered at my job, you'd have to harpoon me.

So cheers to all the wonderful things about love, and guys....becuase we know this holiday is created for us chicks...some credit has to go to guys for actually letting us HAVE this day without argument.

What we love about guys...

1. The way they look when they come out of the shower. With their hair all slicked back from the water.
2. How great kissing them feels when they actually shave.
3. How their arms feel wrapped around us....this is why I couldn't ever be a frickin' lesbian. I need STRONG arms wrapped around me.
4. How they have veins on their arms....okay i'm probably one of the few chicks that digs that.
5. How they look when they drive.
6. How they do little things to actually act somewhat like gentlemen in this day and age...whether it's moving us around so that they're walking on the side closest to the road, or opening doors....
7. HOw they have no problems opening up jars and bottles for us.
8. The way they look when they're using power tools. (Okay once again, maybe that's just me. It's a woodcutter thing).
9. Seven ate nine. Again. wtf. It must have been hungry.
10. The way they cave into valentine's day, even though we all know that they'd rather stab themselves in the eye than buy flowers and chocolate.

The uber song of the day is the ULTIMATE love song ever: Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis
Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can’t help falling in love with you
That is the BEST love song EVER.

In other news...tomorrow...4am Cali time...Canada vs. Italy in hockey....let's see if ESPN actually shows it here....

Yo Chino guy...

Norm: in this day and age of camera phones, ask yer buddy why he has an old skool phone that can't view pictures, let alone take them!

Girl2 was WAYYY prettier, had better clothes, wasn't borderline skanky. The other chick was...blah...

Blah with a Flat Stomach and Tight Jeans.

That's IT.
And her hair was all gross and shoved in a nasty ponytail.

Clearly guys think Skanky is attractive. I mean, put it this way...most women would agree that Grace Kelly was a classic beauty, very stunning. How many guys would agree to that...

Take for example the maid from My Name is Earl. She's been in Maxim, Stuff, etc...yet honestly, by Hollywood standards, I don't think she's remotely pretty. I mean, maybe in real life...but I have a higher standard for the chicks I see on TV (especially those that are "unknowns"...i don't think Jaime Pressly is super pretty or anything, but she plays the part so well and she's somewhat famous)...but I think she's got that "I have the potential to be skanky" look about her.

Heck one scene she did a mini-pole dance with a pool cue...um it was SO not attractive, and yet they had Earl drop his jaw....wtf. Is that all it takes? Be a pseudo-skanky chick who can move up and down a pool cue? Pfft any chick can do that. How's that hot?!!!!

Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded

A few things first...

Mother effer, Blogger.com is almost always down these days. Pain in my ass.

Desperate Housewives
Okay the plots these days are getting hokey, but I'm SOOO digging what's going on with Caleb...he's a nice little pervert-slash-deranged-psycho. I love it. Plus we all know Gabby's maid is going to somehow betray her trust. Fantastic.

Celebrity Fit Club
Blah. This season is so boring. And enough already with that Hanson kid. Okay he's not from Hanson. But whatever. He was upset about his hair being cut...yeah my ass the military would have accepted his Boot Camp haircut. Next week will be good, when that dude from Grease comes back and attempts to tell everyone that the Benadryl really WAS the cause for him to fall asleep while in a rowing competition.

Flavor of Love
Now this just can't get any better. What we've all been waiting for...Brigitte Nielson! Gita! It was fabulous. Hottie is a psycho, Smiley was a stripper...and in the end, Goldie is the one we're all rooting for.

So just a piece of advice to all guys out there...

1. Don't EVER try to pick up a girl by saying "What's your name?" as a pickup line. There's a THOUSAND things you can say, that is the most useless one out there. Do you want my housekeys too? Trust me...anything and everything cheesy is better than just flat out asking my name...because the minute you ask my name and I respond, I'm automatically sucked into a conversation with you and who knows if you're even remotely interesting to talk to.

Don't get me wrong, I'm married, I'm not looking to be picked up. But after a brief incident this weekend I was reminded of WHY that pickup line doesn't work. Chat it up for a bit and THEN let me say "My name's so and so" so that you can then give yours. If i don't think I have an "out", then I'm not going to bother going "in" in the first place.

2. If you hit on a chick and it turns out she's got a wedding ring on, do NOT automatically give the look of distaste. One jackass did that on Saturday, he started chatting it up (i.e. he asked my name, i replied "i'm looking for coat check") and then when he saw the ring he said "UGH! You've got a ring on!"...

THAT then suddenly piqued my interest, because it was like he found out I had a contagious disease. First off, he's in idiot..he shouldn't have insulted me. He could have been a gentleman, and I would have maybe introduced him to my friends. HELLO that's what us married chicks do...if we see a cute guy, we'll make sure our friends get him. Otherwise, you haven't even gotten past the bouncer.

Anyway so I was like "wtf i thought guys LIKED chicks with rings, because that means no committment" and he goes "well...assuming she's into that type of thing..." giving me a questioning look....

Uh, no. I told him I had to find coatcheck and walked off. Point is, don't be retarded. Sometimes us chicks are cockblockers...other times, we're like a VIP pass to our girlfriends. Don't piss us married chicks off. We're not there to compete for guys with our friends, we're not going to get all jealous if one of our girlfriends gets all the attention...we're there to live vicariously through our girlfriends, so if you're awesome to me then I'll certainly make sure you get in good with my friends.

On to other topics...

So on Saturday night we went out for dinner/dancing in Corona Del Mar, which really turned into Dinner (that Stefanie decided to treat us to...WAYYYY too kind of her, so sweet!) slash People Watching...

Unless you were a supermodel, you weren't getting into this place. Okay supermodel plus one crazy drunk old lady with big ears. But otherwise...I can't begin to explain how gorgeous these people were. It was like being on the set of a tv show or something. Then MEN were beautiful even. Everyone had a nickname..."Lost guy"..."Hollister"...and of course, my guy: "Baby Gweedo" (guido, whatever sp)....i just wanted to pinch his cheeks!

After Saturday night, my self esteem is definitely down to the floor. I lack blond hair, blue eyes, great legs, a great body, and a great wardrobe....today I'm wearing just a crappy black tshirt and old grey slacks 'cause i feel like a blob. CLEARLY i need to be drinking the water in Corona Del Mar, or at least, the neighboring cities. The best part though of Saturday was watching all the people who DIDN'T get in...hey, we got in...we had every right to be catty!

So since it's the day before Valentine's Day...the song of the day is Groovy Kind of Love...i think it's been a song of the day before, but it's a classic 80's ballad that deserves credit!
When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue
When I’m in your arms, nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter, I don’t care

Tomorrow's song is gonna be a good one, in honor of Vday and all.

Olympic Blog

Marlene I got your call...glad to have made you laugh via the blog today :)

Mother effer it's a pain to get any info from a non-US perspective on the olympics.

First off, I'm SO annoyed with the Roots apparel infiltration into the US. Because it's really just to say "Roots US" (heck, they even have stuff at Target) AND they sponsered the US team. WTF. That's like...Ford...sponsoring a German team. It's just WRONG. Roots is so uber Canadian, it's crazy.

You have your Apple Pie and Ford.
Let us have our Poutine and Roots.

On another note, here's the Canadian hockey schedule (more for my sake than anyone else's I'm sure...odds are remote I'll see this stuff on TV since I don't have the premium sports packages):
Men's Prelim. Round - Group A: ITA - CAN 07:00 15 Feb
Men's Prelim. Round - Group A: CAN - GER 14:00 16 Feb
Men's Prelim. Round - Group A: CAN - SUI 09:30 18 Feb
Men's Prelim. Round - Group A: FIN - CAN 15:00 19 Feb
Men's Prelim. Round - Group A: CAN - CZE 10:30 21 Feb

Although I would be interested in seeing the US against Russia:
Men's Prelim. Round - Group B: USA - RUS 14:30 21 Feb

And finally:
Men's Play-offs Quarterfinals 10:30 22 Feb
Men's Play-offs Quarterfinals 11:30 22 Feb
Men's Play-offs Quarterfinals 14:30 22 Feb
Men's Play-offs Quarterfinals 15:30 22 Feb
Men's Play-offs Semifinals 10:30 24 Feb
Men's Play-offs Semifinals 15:00 24 Feb
Men's Play-offs - Bronze Medal Game 14:30 25 Feb
Men's Play-offs - Gold Medal Game 08:00 26 Feb

In honor of countdown to Valentine's Day (speaking of...aww aren't I a good wife, I made Kraig dinner twice this week AND made him lunch, which i would have done more often had I actually been home at night), the song of the day is All My Life by K-CI & JoJo (yeah...i know...to those who are reading this who I've known for years...that's Stacey and that golfer's song...but whatever. It's really sweet)

I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you
I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you
....
You're all that I've ever known, your smile on your face, all I see is a glow,
You turned my life around, You picked me up when I was down,
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down & I hope that you feel the same way too,
Yes I pray that you do love me too


Nap time.

Baby you're a perfect ten...no diggity, no blog

FYI: Chino = Ryan = America.

Let's get the usual out of the way...

The OC
WTF no more episodes until March 9?! WTF! That's unacceptable! And THANK GOD they killed Johnny. I just wish they hadn't had Kaitlyn leave...i was digging that cute kid who was chasing after her. I'm a sucker for nice teeth and a great smile. And guys who look like they're 16 apparently.

Lunch...Yesterday...

So yesterday I go to lunch with the usual engineers (yes Norm, that includes yer boy) and in typical fashion, the Scope Out The Hot Chicks game goes on...

This chick and her friend walk over to the outdoor eating area from the parking lot, and I'm all "here we go, typical cute girly thang with her low jeans and flat stomach to make the guys drool".

Umm yeah there was some checking out going on by everyone involved (everyone meaning: anyone with a penis who sat in the food eating area thingy). Well the chick (Girl1) and her friend (Girl2) end up sitting one table away from ours in the outdoor eating area.

So I'm arguing with my friends/coworkers over who's better looking.

To ANY girl, Girl2 was better looking. A bit too much makeup, but a cute outfit, FANTASTIC skin...she was a dead ringer for Lauren Bush. However my coworkers insisted Girl1 was WAYYYY better looking. Great body (I don't think i twas that great...more like...she was thin and had no fat)...but omg what is WRONG with them?! Her face was horrible...her hair was just shoved in a crappy low ponytail...and her skin was just awful. I mean, seriously, a Proactiv commercial.

Upon serious argument, I go over to a table of around 6 guys having lunch in order to ask THEM the same question: "...who's hotter? Girl1 or Girl2? Wait! Don't turn around! Don't make it obvious! Okay now look..."...

And ALL of them said Girl1. Although one guy did say "...except she's got bad skin" (well at least ONE guy notices when a girl's got a great complexion).

I have no problems representing womankind in saying that the majority of us chicks would have said Chick2 was hotter. The other chick was borderline skanky looking, and not in an "easy lay" kind of way (which fine, is hot to a guy) but more like "skanky i don't take care of myself and i dress like a hootch on weekends and i'm nasty"...She was a butterface really. I mean, COME ON...the other chick looked like Lauren Bush! A model!

So what's my point?

My point is, I think I'll be fascinated till the day I die with the inner minds of guys. You think you know them...and then you're blown away by the sh*t you find out.

In other news...
Guys, just some tips for ya (if you don't feel like reading The Game):

1. Don't offer a chick a dark towel if she says she's on her rag and doesn't want s*x. WTF. Sometimes, being on the rag is the best excuse to take a breather from the leg shaving and body maintaining. You guys look like garbage 99% of the time. So let us have a few days.

2. A few well-selected compliments will go much further than a bunch of excessive generic compliments. Take a cue from Skipper on SATC when he saw Miranda at the convenience store..."You're luminous". That's all it took. Be the guy who tells us things we've never heard before and/or yearn to hear.

3. We love being complimented when we've clearly put in effort to get dolled up. (By dolled up I mean...we shaved our legs and/or our shoes look REALLY painful). But complimenting us when we're wearing regular clothes...now THAT's a way to our hearts, because we generally think we look like a$$ when we haven't slathered on tons of makeup or worn a pushup bra.

4. Please, please, PLEASE don't discuss your bathroom habits with us. I thought maybe it was just my husband but after futher analysis, it seems ALOT of guys do that with chicks. Are you guys retarded? That's the #2 way (ha bad pun) to not get laid, second only to confessing that you raped a goat.

5. DON'T immediately throw your clothes on after sex (well unless it was a quickie and you guys gotta be somewhere). Okay put your boxers on, i get it, your buddy isn't as great looking after the fact. BUT...give us a break. We know you don't like cuddling after...and we know not to ask you "whatcha thinking"...but throwing on all your clothes after pretty much is one step away from saying "so...how much do I owe you?" (yes, this applies even if it's your girlfriend). It's not too much to ask to just wait during some of that afterglow before killing the whole thing with clothes as if it never happened.

6. In honor of Valentine's Day...mother effer, get the girl a frickin' CARD. I know this is rough if you just started seeing a girl before Vday, but I don't care...if you wanna get laid again, get a f*cking card. I don't care if your situation is "complicated", GET A F*CKING CARD (yeah, bitter from one guy in my past...that f*cker...i dont' care if you're out of town...mail it to me!)...and there's cards for every complicated situation, Stefanie and I found a "To my daughter and her boyfriend" card at Target for God's sakes!!!!

7. Candles. Music. Yes, We love it. It's cheesy. It doesn't matter. It WORKS. I noticed (HA in my old age) a correlation between age and the candle/music factor...guys in high school will do that even if all you're going to do is make out...maybe they get the idea from movies, I don't know...I don't have any high school guys I can ask. But I guess the novelty wears off, or maybe guys feel gay buying candles later in life, I don't know. I'm just saying...I don't care if you're married or not, young or not...candles and music jackasses. On occasion.

Side note: Incense is NOT the same as candles. Incense is for when you're in college and people are smoking pot. When i smell incense now, even if it's passing by a stand in the mall, all I can think of is powdery nasty cheap coffee tables and figuring out how to copy somoene else's assignment

8. When in doubt...don't give chocolate. You all know why. I won't even bother explaining.

9. Seven ate nine. Ha ha.

10. Girls: offer to take your guy's car in for an oil change. Especially if you've asked him to pick up a box of tampons for you. (Okay I've never done that, but that's only because i'm VERY picky about my "tamponage" and if there's any chance of a screw up...i don't want to be the person who returns the wrong box of tampons. Even if you gave them an empty box, guys are still gonna pick up the wrong one IMO).

Heeeeeeeeeeiiidiii Hooooooooo!!!

OC and World Politics

From Yale Daily news:
If you haven't noticed, there's a whole lot going down on the international scene -- I'm talking Chloe Sevigny on Vincent Gallo in "The Brown Bunny" levels. (Or perhaps you prefer "Monica Lewinsky on Bill Clinton.")

Many of us don't understand the implications of a Hamas victory in Palestine, yet we understand the consequences of Marissa Cooper answering her sister's cell phone when Johnny the Surfer calls it on "The O.C."

But maybe if we pretend the characters in "The O.C" are actually countries, then we'll understand what's going on in the world.

Welcome to the I.R., bitch. This is how it's done in International Relations:

The part of Ryan Atwood would be America. The USA is new to the scene, really a touching rags-to-riches story. He's the main character, so the decisions he makes are central to the show. He quickly became a source of power, making him a polarizing figure with the other characters. He may be rich now, but he hasn't lost his street cred -- don't piss off America, because he'll fight you quicker than a drunk, hair-gelled Q-packer at Toad's to prove it. He has a history with France, Iraq and Israel, but we'll meet them later. First we have to meet his mentor, Sandy, a.k.a Great Britain.

Great Britain is wise, he has been around the block. Consequently, he decided to take USA under his wing, even though most of the other parents hate America. Sometimes USA drags him into trouble, but only because Britain is loyal like a dog. He's not like the other parents who think pontification solves everything; he leads by doing. Britain enjoys English ale, but sometimes he'll get a taste of an Irish car bomb.

Seth Cohen is Israel, the Jewish son of Great Britain. America is his best friend and bodyguard, which gets America into lots of trouble because Israel isn't very popular at school. Sometimes America thinks if he were to drop Israel as a friend, many of America's I.R. problems would be gone.

The object of America's affection, Iraq, is Marissa Cooper. For a while, Iraq was stable, at least on the surface. But once she was penetrated by America, everything exploded. Now Iraq is a complete whack job, making everyone and everything around her unstable. She feels that her mom, France, didn't do enough to protect her. The only person who has been by her side this whole time is America, although he is fed up with her antics.

To make matters worse for Iraq, her little sister, Kaitlin Cooper a.k.a. Iran, is just plain awful. There's no other way to put it. It wasn't always this way -- she was tight with America and had a nice sibling rivalry going with Iraq. Then puberty turned her into a raging bitch … no, a bastard. If there were ever a girl that could be called a bastard, it is Iran. Immediately after puberty, she went to war with Iraq and began hating Israel and America because she knows if they aren't around she will wield much more power. Iran is doing everything she can to mess with Iraq, America, Britain, and Israel right now -- because she is socially backwards. Iran should think twice before she continues down this path, though, because in due time she will provoke the wrath of America.

Russia (Johnny the Surfer) felt he could give Iraq things that America couldn't. Unfortunately, he is a lame-ass. The guy brings nothing to the table, so in the battle for Iraq, he lost to America. In fact, he's basically America's bitch. He recently stirred things up by getting fresh with Iraq's sister, completely oblivious that Iran is just using him as a pawn in her devious scheme to rule The I.R.

Summer Roberts is Italy. Italy is the beauty who is always there to help out America and Iraq. On the surface, Italy is very different from Israel -- they have two completely different backgrounds and religions -- but they do have some similarities deep down, which is why they make a good couple.

Kiesten Cohen would be Spain. Spain was very close to Britain, America and Israel, but she went through a rough time -- after getting bombed, she withdrew and quit trying to help America's relationship with Iraq. Spain has been relatively quiet in recent episodes.

Julie Cooper (or France) used to have it all; the Queen of the Parents. Now she lives in a trailer, loathed by all. One thing she hasn't lost, though, is her arrogance. France hates America because he screwed up Iraq. She will do anything to regain her clout, which includes getting closer with people like Iran and Russia. She has also used Spain's recent vulnerability to get closer to her.

Taylor Townsend is Saudi Arabia. America and the gang are sort of forced to be friends with Saudi Arabia, but they haven't forgotten how she backstabbed them. She is probably bipolar -- she'll blow you or blow you away, depending on which Saudi Arabia decides to show up.

Last, but least, we have Canada, originally known as Chilly. Canada is one of the least important characters on the show. His main role is to be the dork everyone laughs at.

I hope this rundown of international relations will help to dispel the "ignorant American" stereotype. (I knew my poli sci major would come in handy some day.)

And if you're wondering where my vast "O.C." knowledge comes from, well, my girlfriend gave me a refresher course. Seriously, I don't Tivo every episode. I don't wish Sandy Cohen was my dad. I don't drink every time someone on the show says "Newport" or every time Seth makes a pop culture reference.

I swear.


uh NO but you have a drink every time the following occurs:
"Julie Cooper Nichol"
"Shmear"
Ryan punches someone
"Newpsies"

There must be an angel, with a smile on her face...when she thought up that I should be with you

I'm tired
So I'll post the crap from today tomorrow...I swear if I could have ANY job (okay other than professional TV watcher...or napper) it would be someone who studies the psychology b/w men and women...I'm beyond fascinated with the male and female minds and how they attempt to co-exist on this planet...

Just a note that this was a crazy week...super good times mixed with some sad news (the peak of it tonight when I got to my email)...heck, I saw a dead cat that I guess had just been hit driving home tonight...and yet, a split second before I saw it, I was smiling and singing Maroon 5 at the top of my lungs.

Anyway so I just wanted to post the song of the day, still in Countdown to Vday...
The song of the day is Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner...yeah I dig Footloose. Suck it.
You're so good, when we make love it's understood
It's more than a touch or a word can say
Only in dreams could it be this way
When you love someone, yeah, really love someone

Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly


It's so cheesy it's fabulous. Just effing fabulous.

**yawn**

The sleep situation is NOT good. The cats have officially taken over. First it was the little things...now it's like the doomsday scenes from Terminator...it's them vs. us at this point. And they're winning. Big time.

So I'm pretty much a zombie, and then I come home and nap like crazy, which usually gives me enough energy to survive the gym. But these new birth control pills, plus the cat situation...i've been eating and sleeping and that's IT. Bad bad.

Speaking of the gym....

Anyone who knows me knows that i do NOT go to the gym after work. It's an effing cattle drive...all of us bobbing up and down in unison...I hate that. Plus it's super hot and you're lucky if you can get any piece of equipment. I also don't like people on the machines on either side of me...I take my space bubble very seriously when it comes to working out.

So I tend to go after 10pm...it's alot more quiet (although there's still a ton of people there...I go to the 24HF in Ladera Ranch, it's brand new so it's still spiffy) and you get alot less of the "I'm going to talk on my cell phone or talk for hours with my friends while we stand around" types.

Now let me say...I have respect for ANYONE who goes to the gym. Especially people who clearly are not buff...because that's even harder than someone who's already fit and needs to maintain.

There's this one chick...who with clothes on, probably looks hot. But she always wears leggings and bra tops...which even then I wouldn't be catty about if she didn't pull that "I think I'm hot and I think my body is hot" thing. I can't STAND it when chicks with long hair leave their hair down. It's nasty. And in her case, she's got that dyed-hair that looks more orange than anything else with 3 inches of roots. And she's got great arms because her boyfriend makes her lift weights...but her stomach is flabby (so's mine, but you don't see me flaunting myself in itty bitty outfits!). She irks me.

There was one dude two nights ago who actually asked me if it was okay if he turned the tv channel. That was pretty nice...considering I won't even ask (hey, there's news on every channel at 10pm...i'm doing everyone a favor by putting one of the TVs to SATC or South Park).

Then there's the pull up bar....mmmgugngng. Where I do my elliptical, the big weight cable machine thingy is a few rows ahead but in full line of sight. And the pull up bar thing faces the mirror, which means that when guys are using it their backs are to me.

Usually when guys use that thing, they either have tshirts with the arms cut off or their sleeves get bunched up anyway. There is nothing
nothing
NOTHING
nothing
Hotter than when a dude is using that device. (Totally forgot the name...you know, where you reach above you with your arms outstretched, grab the bar, and hoist yourself up...i'll never in my life be able to do even ONE...my body weight vs. my arms...so not pretty). I'm SUCH a sucker for a guy's neck, shoulders, and arms...i swear sometimes watching the guys on that thing is the only thing that gets me through my workout.

I know.
I'm a perverted old lady.

My coworker seemed in such shock that Valentine's Day is a big countdown. I mean, for Christmas it's a big deal....people decorate a month in advance. For Hallowe'en you're already chowing down on candylong before the 31st of October. So it seems fit that people should be in an extra lovey-dovey sappy mood for 14 days of the year. Even if you're not in a relationship. Suck it.

The song of the day, still in countdown mode to Vday is Lady in Red by Chris de Burgh....that's big time old...
I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling
Of complete and utter love, as I do tonight

Blogback mountain

>This is effing hilarious...

They redid the trailor for Top Gun into Brokeback Mountain.

I love the Internet. I'm gonna marry the Internet!

Maybe he's just not that into Blog

I swear something inside of me is going to break if I laugh any harder: Fly Swatter and Meat!

In the car I usually listen to either KFI AM640 (talk radio) or 97.1 (the one howard stern used to be on)...on KFI they were talking about vag1nal surgery....you know, where they reconstruct it to look all pretty and all that.

Well living in Orange County, of course i get a TON of flyers and coupons for plastic surgery, including "gynecological restructuring" so to speak...the novelty has worn off, but it's still funny to hear people talk about it.

This one chick who was interviewed said There's no excuse for having a loose vag1na in 2006.

And then another chick said that she didn't care if she was ugly, just as long as it was attractive "down there". Uh lemme tell you something...if you're ugly, no guy's gonna wanna see what you have down there. Trust me. Put your plastic surgery money to good use.

Apparently what people do is bring in photos of porn stars and request to look like them, and plastic surgeons keep them taped up as reference when they perform the surgeries.

My thing is....
Either way...
It's not ATTRACTIVE down there.

I can tell you what attractive boobs, face, whatever look like. But down THERE....hopefully not so many people will be LOOKING down there for their opinions to even matter. HOw do you even compliment that? "My, what a pretty labia you have"...

shudder

That's SO bizarre to me. Don't get me wrong, it's one thing when you're damaged after childbirth. It's another when you just want to look like some porn chick or you think parts are too big (because "petite" is in apparently).

On another note, Breakfast at Tiffany's is out on DVD today (the special edition)....going to Best Buy at lunch today. Heidi Ho....

No song of the day 'cause all of the ones I had listed for Valentine's Day countdown don't seem to be good enough. We're 7 days away folks...

Quick blog in the back of a car

It' 10:15, gotta get my lazy ass to the gym, I just wanted to post in order to keep up with my Countdown to Valentine's Day song of the day...

The song of the day is I'll Make Love To You by Boys II Men
Girl relax, let's go slow
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it's gonna be a long night


Ohhhh yeahhhh that's what I'm talkin' about...

Jane you ignorant slut

So I've been pretty crabby this weekend...to say that I've been in a bad, BAD, bad mood would be putting it mildly.

To top it off, Kraig and I watched Swordfish yesterday on DVD...OMG i knew there was a reason I didn't want to watch it 5 years ago.

Seriously...will people STOP making movies where the numbers make little "ding dingly dingggg" noises when they come on the screen? To top it off, Hugh Jackman wears EARPHONES while programming...but he keeps the volume on so we can hear the computer making "digngngngngnglllyy" noises when it compiles?! WHO DOES THAT?! NO ONE! In fact, if you're not listening to music, odds are, you've got your sound turned off.

AND...to top it off...he was all impressed...by...flatscreen monitors that were positioned at non-ergonomic levels?! WTF is that about? And what programming language translates your code to little cubes when it's compiled correctly?! AND....okay granted I don't know anything about making a worm but my guess is that you're not going to have "Infection Status..." flashing on your screen.

FINALLY...can we please stop having in movies where people hack into government networks and when it doesn't work, BIG RED FLASHING TEXT appears on the screen saying "ACCESS DENIED"...and then when you hack in (apparently EVERYONE can get into the DND network) it says in big green letters ACCESS GRANTED. SOrry, big green letters with a "beep! Beep!" sound to match as it flashes. I mean, what do I know...maybe the American Government really does have their networks do that. But...for the sake of reality (i.e. 99% of us will never attempt to hack into that network)...can you just make it look like a normal logon screen?!

Anyway, that's besides the point.

All i CAN say is that this is the only thing that cheered me up today:

(stigmata...i'm cryyyyying laughing...although i realize that posting that will either end up as a broken link or at least, eff up my template format 'cause it's too wide and i don't want to shrink it down)



Going to watch some OC today...that should lift my spirits. In fact, I just need a blowup doll of Seth in my house...THAT would keep me cheered up.

The song of the day, with the countdown to Vday approaching, is LOVE IS by Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight
Love breaks your heart
Love takes no less than everything
Love makes it hard
And it fades away
So easily


Yeah, an oldie but a goodie with that one.

Blog love

So today I took over for Carrie as Dog Walker Extraordinaire.

I've never walked a dog before in my life. I mean, I've gone with friends who have walked their dogs...but today...it was Sabina vs. Dog.

Or more specifically,
Sabina vs. Daisy

I'd tell you the breed of dog...but all I can say is the breed was small, white, fluffy, with a brown nose. For an older dog, she's quite spry...she was running pretty fast. I don't know what's with this rich couple having such a ghetto dog leash...I had to keep the button pressed the entire time in order to keep the leash at a certain length.

Speaking of rich...OH MY GOD. These homes in Laguna Niguel are just amazing. Granted elsewhere people would look and say "Uh...they have no front yard"...which is true, rich people's homes in Orange County consist of a huge driveway, a huge walkway, and nothing more. I was in hysterics when this ugly over-tanned-burnt guy opened his garage door to expose his corvette and ferrari. You know what's even more sad? Those aren't even THAT high end of cars, but elsewhere they would be.

Anyway, back to Daisy. So we're walking along, and I'm thinking "yeah I can do this, dogs are cute. Maybe one day we'll get one".

Uh...no.

First off, their peeing situation isn't cool. She'd run up to someone's yard and start peeing. And you can't STOP a dog mid-pee. And the pooping? Nasty ass stuff. Worse too is that she would go do that where clearly other dogs like to do that too...and then she would step in other dogs' old poop...and the cord would wrap around her and the old poop...

Being extremely hungover, it's amazing I didn't projectile vomit.

Anyway, my point is that today was my first day EVER of walking a dog by myself. Go me. Maybe tomorrow I'll take on solid food.

The song of the day (still in honor of Valentine's Day coming up) is This I Swear by Nick Lachey...I know he's separated and all that from his wife, but it's a BEAUTIFUL song. My plan is to dance to it with kraig on our X year wedding vow renewal.
I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you

I may not say it half as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together

Dang...sometimes, love is just plain awesome.

He blogs me, he blogs me not

Twelve days till Valentine's Day!

Not much to say today, the only point of writing is to get my countdown to Valentine's Day song down for the record...

In celebrity news:
1. Madonna. Gorillaz. I can't WAIT for the Grammys.

2. "Nick Lachey releasing first single"
Nick Lachey is set to release the first song from his new album on Friday February 3 on AOL First Listen. The song's title is "What's Left of Me" and was written by Nick, Jess Crates, Lindy Robbins (both co-wrote Incomplete by the Backstreet Boys) and Emanuel Kiriakou (worked with the BSB, Nick and Jessica, Joe McIntyre and numerous other names, movies and so forth). Nick will then be in NYC on February 6th and will be debuting the song on Z100 with Chubby and will follow that up on February 7th with Ryan Seacrest in LA.
C'mon folks...we gotta SUPPORT the guy. He's hot. And nice. And actually likes to fix things himself. AND he got Jessica a new closet as a gift.
3. Heather Locklear. OH. MY. GAWD. I can't believe it.
I don't have time to write all the stuff I wanna say about the gym dudes, so that'll be this weekend.

Going with our theme of great love songs...the song of the day is You're The Inspiration by Chicago
You know
our love was meant to be
the kind of love that lasts forever.
And I want you here with me from tonight
until the end of time.

Male Compliments

Here's the List of Sabina's Interpretations On Male Compliments:

Pretty: this is a compliment, with a "but". As in...you're attractive....but...you're not drop dead gorgeous or anything else that's up there in the scale. It's a great compliment...but...doesn't really make a girl's heart flutter with glee.
Example: Mandy Moore.

Cute: I get this one alot. That's not a good thing. Cute translates to "you're aesthetically pleasing but not in an a I Want To Bone You kind of way, but rather, in a My Friend's Kid Sister kind of way". So you're a notch above neutral which is itself a notch above ugly. Cute is non-threatening, but...sometimes, you want to be attractive in a threatening-I-Can-Break-Your-Heart kind of way.
Example: Alyson Hannigan

Beautiful: this is an old-skool compliment. Guys are quick to use other compliments, but "beautiful" never seems to get used. This is the equivalent of Grace Kelly...very old fashioned and classic beauty who seems flawless. This is the compliment you can get from both your boyfriend AND your boyfriend's father (without it being creepy).
Example: Charlize Theron, Catherine Zeta Jones.

Gorgeous: this is like the modern version of Beautiful. It's not a classic beauty, and it's almost like she's NOT flawless...but her un-flawless features combine to make something ridiculously attractive. This is NOT a compliment you should get from your boyfriend's father...it's got an air of sexuality about it that's just a wee inappropriate for older men to comment on.
Example: Jessica Alba

Hot: This is pure sex appeal, mixed with a bit of Gorgeous. Not only are you not kicking this girl out of your bed, you're making sure she gets in there in the first place. The only problem with this compliment is that there seems to be a correlation between "hot" and "slightly nutty". Gorgeous girls don't vandalize their ex boyfriends cars. HOT ones do.
Example: Eva Longoria, Carmen Electra

F*cking hot: the motherload of compliments. Well okay any compliment with "f*cking" in front of it is generally good, when used in serious moderation (otherwise it's just...classless). This goes above thinking the woman is attractive, you want to have her in your bed, this also goes down to "here's my dog collar, 'cause i can't stop panting when i'm around you"...when you're F*cking Hot, you can get a guy to paint your walls and change your oil...while you're out of town. However the nuttiness factor is extremely high with girls of this caliber. She's also capable of eating you for breakfast after she's ripped your heart to shreds (after you've painted those walls of course).
Example: Krista Allen, Angelina Jolie

Countdown to Valentine's Day!!!

Seriously.
I dig Valentine's Day.

From an email from Evan:
I was kinda pi$$ed last night, I started watching this TV show called Love Monkey with Tom Cavanagh in it and it’s awesome but they had that stupid State of the Union address on instead. What’s that all about? Like the US is oblivious to Canada’s issues, we’re completely oblivious to your’s too. Well, I guess I can’t say completely, but pretty close :)

I’m writing this while on the phone on hold with Symantec and if I have to listen to one more version of that PM Dawn song “Faith In You” I’m going to snap and loose it!!!

(the second part was just funny)

Don't say "your" when it comes to the US, this is NOT my country. I like the US, don't get me wrong, but I was just as upset over the State of the Union thing too. It cut into my Entertainment Tonight time. AND...I really did try watching it. Really. But Bush was yakking on about "we're making sure the people are secure and blah blah" and I'm like "wow, I could BS this speech too. Basically you're talking alot but nothing is said. "

Why do people watch that? Can't I just a recap later? Can't i read it online and skip through the crap? (Okay, assuming there's things other than crap and BS). DO I REALLY NEED TO SEE IT LIVE?!! Can't I just have the option to download it later? So can you please give me back my Entertainment Tonight?

I rely on TV to make me dumber each night. I feel like watching Bush speak is like trying to make me smarter by giving me the teachings of an elementary school dropout. If i'm gonna get dumber, i'm gonna do it on blatantly stupid time. Which happens to start at 7pm each night.

Since Lost is a rerun tonight, here's a happy reminder:
''She's kind of cute, right? You know, in an I've-been-terrorized-by-the-Others-for-40-days kind of way.''

So countdown to valentine's day and 14 days of love songs...
The song of the day is You're Beautiful by James Blunt
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

I
LOVE
THAT
SONG
Even though it's kind of slow I played it over and over at the gym last night.

Coming up in upcoming blogs...in honor of Vday:
1. Compliments given to women and how we interpret them (okay...more importantly...how I interpret them)
2. The dudes at the gym. Someone's gotta give some credit to those guys. I'll take one for the team.