Celebrities and their causes....wtf

Emile Hirsch joins celeb climb of Kilimanjaro - Group aims to raise awareness about need for clean water worldwide

The "Milk" and "Into the Wild" star is joining Jessica Biel, Lupe Fiasco, Isabel Lucas and Elizabeth Gore for a weeklong trek up Mount Kilimanjaro. The Summit on the Summit expedition, which begins Thursday, aims to use star power to help raise awareness about the need for clean water worldwide.

Has no one told celebrities that climbing a mountain will not help educate me on the need for clean water?

You know what helps? Money. The money you'd use to buy all your hiking crap.

Or maybe you can go do legwork at various events where they have booths and stuff. Use your celebrity power face-to-face with the people you're hoping, in theory, will give cash.

And finally, you know what else helps? Having more famous celebrities. When Jessica Biel is your most famous celeb, you've got problems. If they're banking on the "star power" of the crew they already have, then poor people of the world better learn to start sucking water out of rocks 'cause they're effed.

Dear John: a letter to Quizno's

Dear Quizno's,

Our love affair started wonderfully. There were only 2 locations in Ottawa ten years ago, and I remember driving an hour to get to the Kanata location. The only other sub options we had were subway, which tasted pretty crappy in comparison.

I moved to California, and I was so happy to find them everywhere. No longer did I have to drive forever to get my Mesquite Chicken (no bacon, no cheese).

Then we hit the peak of my adoration for you, which can only displayed with the commercial:




With that commercial, I settled into my state of loving bliss for years.
A tear is brought to my eye as I rewatch it now. Ahh the good ol' days.

Lately you have lost your focus. And I have to now confess that I am back to my original sub place of choice: Subway.

(Oh Togos...we had a brief affair but you couldn't hold my interest long enough)

It started with their $5 subs. FIVE DOLLARS for a footlong. That's mind blogging. That meant i could go back to my veggie-pizza sub I used to get in university. AND they have toasters now too.

However today I thought I'd try to rekindle our flame. Alas, it was a no-go. It cost me over $10 in order to get two Sammies and a Torpedo. And i'm STILL hungry.

Let's start with the Sammies. Your ad said "now larger". How small were they before? A HotPocket is bigger than that. I felt the way my mother did when she tried an authentic taco in San Clemente for the first time: gypped.

See this picture? Now photoshop out all the food that's popping out of the bread. And then you can get an idea of what I received.




Then the Torpedo...what's not to love about mozarella, turkey, and pesto? Let's see...while you normally OD on sauce, there was barely any pesto. One thin slice of turkey is not going to make me taste any meat when there's thick bread all around it. And your packaging! 1/3 of it was sticking out from the Torpedo wrapping bag doodad, and the cashier just plopped it into your white shopping bags...he looked at me like I was crazy because I asked him to wrap it like a sub. Yes, I must be crazy for not wanting tomatoes and lettuce to flop around in the plastic bag.


Hey call me crazy, but if I held my torpedo like that, gravity would take over the contents.


Don't try to kid yourself into thinking your "Any two for $5!" is a comparable deal. That's like throwing over Rosie O'Donnell when someone's expecting Megan Fox.

I'm not quite sure what your additional costs are compared to Subway. You don't have Jared's salary to cover. Your ads feature at most a smooth-talking oven. Perhaps you should put your oven on commission, 'cause his fiery (uhh..fire-y) ways aren't enough to make me want to pay more for nothing.

So alas, we must part ways. Sure, I'll still come to you when I have a hankering for Mesquite Chicken but since I'm a cheap bastard, don't hold your breath on that happening anytime soon.

Signed,

RandomThoughsAndGripes.com

IM with my mom: customer service edition

Damn,I'm SO my mother's daughter. This reminds me of the White House/Black Market dress incident with the dry cleaners.

(Pierre is my parents' neighbor, my cat accidentally got locked in their garage, he tried to bitch that his car had claws until my dad pwned him by telling him that Smokey is declawed.)

My_mom (9:49 AM): whats up, how was the weekend
Me (9:51 AM): it was okay. and yours?
My_mom (9:52 AM): ok, just a bit upset because of pierre saying whether we ever thought of putting smokey down

My_mom (9:52 AM): he doesnt look in good shape and limps
My_mom (9:52 AM): do u think he is in excrutiating pain because of his arthritis in right hip and knee?
Me (9:53 AM): well how bad is he limping?
My_mom (9:53 AM): like u saw him last time, it hasnt gone worse
Me (9:53 AM): He seemed fine. i would ask the vet if he's in pain, not Pierre.
My_mom (9:54 AM): sometimes he limps less, sometimes it bothers him more
My_mom (9:54 AM): still pierre shouldnt make such a suggestion, dad thought it was rude
Me (9:55 AM): yes it was.

My_mom (9:56 AM): so smokey was shut into their garage whole night, and jumped on their car, they checked it but luckily no scratches
Me (9:56 AM): ok
My_mom (9:57 AM): but they knew because smokey left paw prints all over... so dad said "we pay if he wants to have it washed professionaly"... pierre said "it's ok, he will just hose it down"

My_mom (9:57 AM): but if his limping gets worse, i might resort to free him of that pain,... what do u think?
My_mom (9:58 AM): it's an awful feeling having to do that, it would really be the last resort

Me (9:58 AM): ask the vet for his opinion on the pain.
My_mom (9:58 AM): remember when smokey was left by his last owner at that vet, why was he brought in to that vet?
My_mom (9:59 AM): i think it must have been that injury that is now hounding him
Me (10:00 AM): ok
My_mom (10:00 AM): ok what

My_mom (10:00 AM): it was a leg injury right?
Me (10:02 AM): i don't know. I don't remember.
My_mom (10:02 AM): well i remember u saying something of that nature
Me (10:02 AM): i always thought it was for his ears.
My_mom (10:02 AM): also in humans, injuries we get earlier in life return as arthritis in old age

My_mom (10:03 AM): no u said his paws or something
My_mom (10:03 AM): poor baby
My_mom (10:03 AM): but he has been a good boy in general, i dont just want to get rid of him like he was garbage now that he is old
Me (10:04 AM): then ask the vet.

My_mom (10:04 AM): i really want god to decide when its smokeys time
Me (10:05 AM): Okay then give him tons of pain medication and don't let him out at night anymore.
My_mom (10:06 AM): he doesnt go out at night, just a bit in the evening, then he is happy whole night at home

My_mom (10:06 AM): a bit in the morning and thats it
Me (10:07 AM): well it's enough to get him trapped somewhere.
My_mom (10:08 AM): he only stays around the house, doesnt go far anymore, those days are over
Me (10:09 AM): apparently not, since he just got locked into a garage.
My_mom (10:09 AM): well now we check making sure their garage door is closed, also they will now make doubly sure no cat is in there before closing
My_mom (10:10 AM): anyway, i talk to the vet again

My_mom (10:10 AM): if he starts limping harder, i think i might resort to the worst, but it will very hard to do and i will feel awful for a long time to come
My_mom (10:11 AM): had some problem with "weed man"
My_mom (10:11 AM): lawncare company
My_mom (10:11 AM): on thursday they had the aeration done on our lawn, even so i cancelled it a month earlier...
My_mom (10:12 AM): i made then one mistake i didnt write down the name of the woman on the phone...

My_mom (10:13 AM): but i know the day and timei told the service guy who came about it, he said there was no note of it on his papers. so i called the office after the aeration...
Me (10:13 AM): and...

My_mom (10:14 AM): asked to speak to the supervisor... some woman named cynthia came on (bet she even wasnt one)
My_mom (10:14 AM): i told her dad i had cancelled it and still someone came... told her day and time, but said i neglegted to write down the name of the girl i spoke to...
My_mom (10:15 AM): i have been with them vor 3 years now, always paid for any services and that woman cynthia was so rude when i said i wasnt going to pay for something i cancelled

Me (10:15 AM): So then don't pay.
My_mom (10:15 AM): she said flat out they will hand it over to the collection agency
My_mom (10:16 AM): i said........... u have just now lost a customer
Me (10:16 AM): You have to have agreed to something for that to happen. It's very easy. Heck, give me the number of them and I'll call. Did you sign something saying that they will come on that day and you'll pay it?

Me (10:17 AM): Just give me their info. I'll take care of it. They can't take it to a collection agency like that. It's very easy to fight.
Me (10:17 AM): Unless they actually did the service.

My_mom (10:17 AM): then i thought this woman couldnt have been a manager and i called back about an hour later and was told the highest person to talk was amanda blythe, left a message for her to call on friday and so far she hasnt called
My_mom (10:17 AM): well they did the service on thursday anyway, even so i cancelled
Me (10:18 AM): that could be a problem. But still, i would put it all in writing at this point. If it's all by phone, you can't prove that you disputed it.
Me (10:18 AM): And when you do it in writing, send it by certified mail.

My_mom (10:19 AM): on 21st sept. evenings someone called and asked whether we want the aeration done.. i said "ok".. the next day i called 22. sept. and said i want it cancelled... the girl there said ok and that was that. i thought all was ok
My_mom (10:19 AM): dad said... well they did perform a service, we want to have it done next year anyway, pay and never use them again

My_mom (10:20 AM): 79 $ isnt worth the hassle... point is "the way that cynthia person talked to me was unacceptable

My_mom (10:21 AM): i thought of writing a registered letter
My_mom (10:21 AM): to that amanda person, either doesnt care, or because the office staff knows about me and never left my message for her to call me on her desk
My_mom (10:21 AM): i strongly suspect that

My_mom (10:23 AM): because i called several times on friday, she is in a meeting, she is on the phone, she just stepped out for lunch... she doesnt call back without leaving a message
My_mom (10:23 AM): without someone leaving a message why she should call back
My_mom (10:23 AM): i said i want to talk to her myself
Me (10:26 AM): send a letter.

My_mom (10:27 AM): i write one and u have to correct it with your writing skills, ok?
My_mom (10:27 AM): do u agree with dad we should pay anyway?
My_mom (10:28 AM): even so i pay, i write to the better business bureau, chamber of commerce and the ottawa citizen
My_mom (10:28 AM): they have a corner in the newspaper for that
Me (10:29 AM): No, i wouldn't pay, but you should always get the name of who you canceled with. do you remember the date and approximate time of the call?

Me (10:29 AM): You need to reference that then at least.
My_mom (10:29 AM): i remember day and time
My_mom (10:29 AM): 22 september 2:30 p.m. approx.

My_mom (10:30 AM): after they put some top organic soil on our lawn
Me (10:30 AM): The date that you canceled, not the day they came out.
My_mom (10:30 AM): which again wanted to have done beginning november because of the falling leaves that need to be picked up

My_mom (10:31 AM): that is the day i cancelled... after the topsoil
My_mom (10:31 AM): 22. september
My_mom (10:32 AM): so they seem to do whatever they like, if it cant be done in november this guy who called to sell weed man services should have said so
My_mom (10:32 AM): we wanted the grass cleared from leaves first, then put that topsoil on

My_mom (10:33 AM): because with that topsoil dad can only to the raking now, using the leave blower-shredder is no good, it will suck in the topsoil too
Me (10:33 AM): if you have a date and time, then tell that to the manager and find out who was working the phones that day.
My_mom (10:33 AM): and i told her that and then i said i want to cancel the aireration

My_mom (10:34 AM): exactly
My_mom (10:34 AM): but they can all deny it

My_mom (10:34 AM): who knows maybe it was on file, but the girl didnt pass it on
My_mom (10:35 AM): and that cynthia could have easily erased it when i called so no proof is there and no one can be blamed
Me (10:35 AM): no, that's not hte point. Just make note of the name. Because they want to know if their employees are slacking off.
My_mom (10:35 AM): man i'm still so mad

My_mom (10:36 AM): what i will do is make a note of all this on paper while i still remember it all
Me (10:36 AM): ok
My_mom (10:36 AM): well i thought there was no need to, normally i do, big mistake to slacken off myself

My_mom (10:37 AM): that with the weed man, the vet with smokey and pierre thingie, made me so upset whole weekend
Me (10:39 AM): sorry
My_mom (10:40 AM): sigh
My_mom (10:40 AM): almost 2 and still no phone call

Me (10:42 AM): If you called Friday, on Monday most businesses are just to catch up from teh weekend and plan for the week. You won't get a call probably till Tues or Wed.
My_mom (10:42 AM): lets see, in the meantime i put everything in writing
My_mom (10:42 AM): so its all ready

My_mom (10:42 AM): c u later hugs
Me (10:43 AM): bye

Hi, I have a PR person and they can spell.

Hmmm...really Kanye? If you're going to make something sound like you, then please add a touch of asshole to it. All caps, some "...............", a ton of exclamation marks.

And one gives a sh*t if you feel like a character in a fictional movie.

Now you owe Ben Stiller an apology.

Not to give Kanye more props...

((Update: dammit, the apology got taken down off Photobucket. It was an all-caps drunken asshole apology from Kanye))

((Update again: i just realized I say "news flash" a lot. Suck it.))

(for people reading from FB, i just linked a screenshot of Kanye's so-called apology to Taylor Swift, unclickable link here: http://i382.photobucket.com/albums/oo268/Antpantsss/jzaxf.jpg)

Let's go through what makes Kanye the KING of douches:
1. ALL CAPS. Come ON. I know he doesn't have a desk job and doesn't need to think about usability, but on what planet do you think an entire paragraph in all caps is necessary? Oh because you think your words are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than everyone else's words.
Do not abuse Caps Lock.

2. He first says she's talented, then makes a dig at her lyrics. She's fucking 19 years old. When you're 19, that stuff is huge to you. I was unaware that
Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby lets just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
was pulitzer prize-winning penmanship. Her music isn't really my type, but take it for what it's worth: fun country/pop songs that are meant for teenage girls with crushes and are fun for us 30 year olds to drive to. That's it.
I highly doubt the above lyrics are any more deep than "she wears high heels, i wear tshirts, she's cheer captain and i'm on the bleachers".
(and let's not forget: her subway singing at the VMAs was a trillion times more amazing and displays her talent way more than anything I've ever seen Kanye do)

3. Adding to the ALL CAPS...the need for excessive exclamation marks. I'm reading your words. I get that you're yelling. I get that because I saw you yelling on stage even though you had a mic. You wanna be effective? One or two exclamation marks. Max.

4. The excessive "...". I use that a lot, i know, but damn if it's gonna take up half a sentence then just take a second to stop, think, THEN write. No one needs to know when you're pausing because you're ranting.

5. Saying you'll apologize to Taylor tomorrow means jack when she can read, you moron. "Hey, I'll just post a sarcastic all-caps message to my fans that really 'get me' and then placate everyone by saying I'll apologize to her tomorrow, she'll NEVER know that I don't mean it! Hee hee..." If you have what i'm assuming is 20 minutes to type a paragraph (i'm assuming that took him 20 minutes because he can't type worth crap, it's all caps, and i sure hope he was on a blackberry otherwise there's no excuse for the shorthand numbering scheme...someone that challenged isn't a fast typist), then take 20 minutes to post a heartfelt apology to HER, not a message to your fans or whoever the hell you think reads your crap.

6. "I'm still happy for Taylor". News flash: you being happy or not is irrelevant. No one cares if you were mad or happy or felt like slitting your wrist. You weren't nominated. It wasn't your award. You were six degrees away only because:
Kanye + Jay Z = video
Jay z + Beyonce = marriage
Beyonce + VMAs = nominated
VMAs + Taylor Swift = Kevin Bacon

So just becuase you are happy for someone doesn't mean you can ruin their moment. If that's the case, I'd like to know if at someone's wedding i can run up, splash wine on the bride, then later say "But i'm still happy for the lucky couple!". No one cares dude.

7. You apologize to your friends at MTV...i'm gonna guess you've burned that bridge and you don't even realize it.

8. "No disrespect but we watching the show from the crib right now because, well, you know". Umm kanye, news flash: if you were watching it at home that means it's a rerun. You were there live. It was aired live. So who you think you're disrespecting by going home and watching it, we don't know. Oh did you think you were disrespecting someone by not going to their after-party? News flash: you probably would have been ripped a new one and left anyway. it's certainly not your choice that you're not attending those events, so don't say you don't mean to disrespect anyone. (Hey maybe think about not disrespecting someone when you rip a microphone from a teenage girl's hands when she wins her first VMA ever).

9. Please learn to spell "Booyah" correctly.

10. So you gave your award to Outkast when you felt you should've handed it over. Whoop-de-frickin-do. So you're a martyr. That was when YOU felt you should hand it over. TAYLOR didn't feel she should hand it over. And to be honest, Beyonce's video is cool but it's just her and 2 other chicks dancing. "Beautiful Nightmare"'s video is wayyy better and that wasn't even nominated. Hell, I personally felt Pink should have won because that video is wicked entertaining and she pokes fun of herself. But I digress. Just because YOU felt Beyonce should win doesnt' mean everyone else agrees, so your "everyone should be as humble as me" is hypocritical at best.

I'm sure OUtkast was like "uhh...yeah...we'll just FedEx this baby back to you tomorrow..."

11. You say you're not crazy, you're just real. Dude...stick with crazy. Really. Otherwise you're just a real asshole.

12. I don't understand what being booed has to do with being a fan of "real" pop culture. No one has taught Kanye what pop culture means. The VMAs themselves, part of pop culture. Taylor winning an award and not Beyonce? Not pop culture. Oh but let's be real...5 years from now when VH1 has the World Series of Pop Culture, YOU get to be the pop culture question:
"Who won the VMA in 2009 when Kanye Douchebag West rushed the stage and wailed that Beyonce should have won?"

13. You really feel bad for Taylor and you're sincerely sorry, right after you wrote how she should have given up her award and how her lyrics don't show talent. Kanye, little bit of a news flash: when you read the last line of a paragraph, that usually also means they read all the letters before it as well.

Basically Kanye needs to have his own award show where he hates white people and gives awards to himself.

I'm having a delayed quarter-life crisis

Yeah. I said it. 

I'm almost 32 and I realized that my quarter-life crisis has been at a slow and steady pace since I was around 28.

All this bitching, all this griping...it all makes sense now! Before I was merely an annoying chick who was never satisfied and felt the need to let the whole world know her complaints. BUT NOW...it has been solved! I've just been going through a crisis, but at such a slow pace that I didn't realize it.

At least men in their 40s and 50s wake up and buy cars. Sadly, I can't do that. And I actually like my car. In fact, I love Eleanor. She has been good to me. Eleanor, baby, I'm sorry I haven't washed you in like 2 months. I know baby. A car is a reflection of its owner, and right now I look pretty hygienically unsound.

So what's a girl to do when she realizes that she's gone though the stupid fun years of her life and doesn't know what to do as a grownup?

Oh sure...there's all the grownup things. Job. 401k. House. No...house PAYMENTS. Sending out way too many holiday cards in December on behalf of "us". Laundry. Proper nutrition. 

But there's a shift in mentality that needs to take place. I feel like each chapter of our lives is represented by an entrance. Well, I haven't crossed the doorway. I've just been chillin' on the front porch so that I can keep my eye on the door from my Oh Look Sweet Freedom I'm On My Own Now! This Is Going To Rock Years. It's like turning my head and charging through that doorway indicates that I should bet that person. The kind that in every year earlier in your life, you never wanted to become. The one who talks mortgages (already do), bills(already do), weather (already do), and politics (already do although I aim to be as ignorant as possible with the exception of socialized healthcare which i feel damn passionately about...wtf in the States we pay more per capita for healthcare yet the #1 reason for bankruptcy is healthcare costs. Ahhh my tangent...I'll bring it back in now).

Listen, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not cool. I've never been cool. I just want ONE opportunity to be cool and then I promise I'll turn my head from peering into that party house that represents youth. So what constitutes "cool"? We don't want to be the 32yo equivalent of the douchebag old guy who gets a new corvette, or even worse, a new miata.

Options include:

Tattoos

Everyone's got one now. So I think at this rate if I got one I become a crazy conformist. And it's just so...permanent. I have NOTHING on me that's permanent other than scars, and I desperately slather Mederma and prescription scar cream in hopes of one day miraculously waking up to flawless skin. Why am I paying to have that occur? Although...the cheesy "made in Canada" logo that people in Canada get would seem pretty nifty and different when you live in the States.  But still...getting a tattoo would make me feel like it's the body part equivalent of getting a miata (not for others...but for me, since it's so out of character). The whole point of why it was cool once upon a time was the pain factor combined with the stigma of doing something so ooohhhh "wrong" to your body in a permanent fashion. I'm sure there's plenty of nerds to tattoo "Hello World" or "void foo(int a)" so really...I'll pass.

Splurge on an expensive grownup purse

There comes a time in every woman's life when she splurges and gets that one designer bag she's dying for. Guys, don't even TRY to understand this. And lord knows, I've provided many a slobbery goo over the pretty things I've seen here in Orange County. But my paranoia exceeds my desire, and my fear of being robbed prevents me from ever starting a "nice expensive prettttyyy purse fund so that I can stop justifying why I have 25 non-designer bags that although they're cute and functional, it's just not the same". I don't think I would get robbed for the purse. I think I would just get robbed, period. Regardless if my purse were Hermes or Target, I can still get robbed. The last thing I want is to be negotiating with a robber "For real, take the CONTENTS of the purse. Take my wallet, take my cell. Just leave me my purse and my lipgloss. Please."

Get a whole new hair-do

Been there, done that. Spent forever feeling like Eva Longoria's ugly sister. While my hair still looks better, all it does is make me feel that I should have been visiting Henry the Stylist years ago.

Pursue a Master's degree

This falls under the "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". Well the other parts of life that involve bills make this not so much an option (well, everything's an option. But the risks/consequences/stress aren't worth the potential outcome of it providing me with what I'd want). Plus I once looked up the whole thing of having my Canadian degree scoped out to see if it fits whatever requirements, and that just seemed like one big pain in the ass. It was 4 years of hell at horrific Ottawa U, I'd like to not revisit that past in order to attempt a future degree.

Plastic Surgery

Well I haven't had plastic surgery, but I did get a "cosmetic procedure" a few times. And it was AWESOME. Like...for real...I can't speak enough on the merits of injecting food poisoning into your face. God bless the team that used this for medical purposes only to discover their patients were lookin' mighty fine. Sadly it's a little hard to justify the cost vs. the frequency it needs to be done. Sigh. I've got syringes from my cat's insulin and plenty of meat I can let sit on the counter...can't I just scoop up some of the moldy goo, inject it into my forehead, and see what fun ensues?

So what's a girl with a delayed quarter-life crisis to do? 

.

.

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.

.

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.

.

.

Ha you thought I had an answer? Hardly.  Probably just a good ol' fashioned bitch slapping session with someone finally PUSHING me through that entryway into grownup world.

Facebook users, original link can be found here in case you care.

I love the taste of cardboard in the morning

I decided this morning to dedicate a whole post to the two whole nasty packaged cheese danishes I consumed this morning (why did I eat two? I felt like giving Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant a second chance after the first one tasted so vile), which led me to do a search for an image of the thing.

Lo and behold, someone else just last week posted a whole review on it:
I am the Generalissimo's review of Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant

Dude nailed it. Although I hate frosting on anything minus pop tarts, so that part can be ommitted.

I'm not sure I understand why packaged food is THAT different from real food. I can't stand organic crap, and I fully support preservatives, but really...how much crap do you have to pump in a food item to the point where it alters the texture, taste, and appearance just so that it can last in my pantry a whole 3 days longer?

Perhaps the fine people at Bon Appetit should consider that if they pumped their food products with less artificial crap, I'd eat more, which would thus lead me to not keep them around till the expiration date, which would then reduce the need to make their croissants last till 2012.

Isn't there some sort of law that says you can't mislabel something? You can't package water and orange food coloring as "orange juice"...so whatever this is should NOT be allowed to be called a cheese croissant.

HA a quick visit to their website displays a Flash intro saying Fresh 'n sweet, ready to eat, Bon Appetit!

I have to give their product visualization/marketing crew major props, they make this bland piece of cardboard actually look delish:


You've been warned.

Most annoying commercial of March 2009

I swear to GOD my brain wants to explode when I see this commercial. Here's all the reasons why this commercial chafes my hide:

1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.

2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"

3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?

4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?

THANK THE LORD

No need to panic people...okay you probably weren't panicking...my frickin' gmail account was swiped...which is linked to blogger. I'm shaking. The last time I felt this violated was when my ebay account was hacked, but that's one of those things where it's paid, so there's a phone number associated with it...this is free, gmail is free, so you're SOL if it goes awry.

I didn't realize how much I love this blog. It reminds me of Gina...for those not in the know, she's a friend of mine who died of cancer awhile back. It was her suggestion that I create a blog...for some reason, even though we didn't talk much towards the end of her life, it still matters to me to keep this going.

Anyway, I figured out a workaround but I'm terrified of it ever happening again (who knew that 4 years of bitching would be sentimental to me), so I bought RandomThoughtsAndGripes.com ...and eventually I'll move it over.

Like that other website i have but won't list here for incriminating purposes :P

Stay tuned for the more legit version of my bitching...speaking of, yes I know I need to do something with TeamBitches.com ....my laziness is at an all time high.

DAMN...what happened to the days when all you had to be afraid of was your neighbor going through your trash?!

Yet ANOTHER reason why 24 Hour Fitness sucks balls

Yes, I have a stupid 24HF membership, mostly because they're just convenient...no matter wher eyou are, there's probably a 24HF nearby.

They're TOTALLY the McDonald's of gyms...they suck, they're not even healthy, but they work in a pinch when you don't have much of an alternative. GOD i hate them. And yet, I give them my money (I prepaid so going forward, it's just $50/year for the rest of my life. How on $50 they can maintain their always-broken equipment is beyond me).

Anyway, I went to their website to check out a class time and saw this spelling error:
request copy of aggrement

Are you f*cking kidding me?! THEY MAKE ENOUGH MONEY OFF DOUCHEBAGS FALLING FOR THEIR STUPID PROMOS...you can't afford a copywriter who has better writing skills than a highschool dropout?!

GOD this crap annoys me. Stop paying celebrities to do your ads and maybe hire someone qualified to do your marketing materials. And to add to that, f*cking stop being a bunch of cheap bastards and turn down the temperature in your gyms, it's so hot in almost all locations you're lucky people don't pass out.

OH and to finally add: get on the consistency planet and add the little TV listening doodad to your cardio equipment. MP3 players, especially iPods, don't have FM tuners...I'll take your "tune into 97.3" sign and shove it up your ass next time I want to watch something on TV but can't hear it.

Hmmm I guess for all my ranting I should go back to the gym...I've dawdled for numerous reasons, some of it being that I hate the people who only go in Jan/Feb...they just make it more crowded for the rest of us.

Trader Joe's RANT

I hate Trader Joe's.

I really do.

I hate that basic food staples there are like $5 (for milk? Come ON! WTF organic cows must be eating caviar). I hate that their stupid organic bread has no preservatives, and thus expire and get moldy after half a day. I hate that alot of their food doesn't taste as good as it should (their hummus is pretty bland).

What I mostly hate are the people who shop there. It's not really Trader Joe's fault. Their flyers are very well written and fun to read. But shoppers there are crazy hippies. Do you need to be a snob about your stupid tomato? And why do you need to take forever scoping out everything? They have 1/2 the selection and since everything is organic it lacks the aesthetic beauty of steroid-induced vegetables.

I've tasted some good 'ish from there, don't get me wrong. But nothing I've consumed there is worth the trek there, especially since Ralph's and Pavillion's have awesome selections of specialty foods, organic crap, and rare items.

My hatred came to a peak during the 2003 grocery store strike. That meant we all had to shop at Stater Brothers and Trader Joe's. Well apparently no one told the hippies this, because the lines wrapped outside the door didn't stop them from writing with checks.

Aside: if you ARE going to write a check, you can fill out EVERYTHING when you're in line. Get your ID out. Then when they give you the total, just write it out. And please don't use fancy cursive slow writing. Just scratch out some text, the cashier isn't your school marm. It's unacceptable that you start filling that stuff (in your one-letter-per-five-seconds writing) when you find out the balance. Then dont' act SHOCKED when you're asked for ID. I've never written a check in a store in my life but even I know that. This is a whole other rant, because no one visibly under the age of 50 should be writing checks. They take the cash out instantly, you might as well use a debit card. And for security reasons, you REALLY shouldn't be writing checks. Geezus.

Trader Joe's should have implemented no-check lanes during that time...it was horrific. I actually just gave up and crossed the picket lines, getting yelled at by irate cashiers and fearing for my car was SO much better than suffering through another line of hippies.

Today I had to go to Henry's as part of my hunt for Tazo Tea's Organic Apple Red flavor. That stuff is like crack, and obviously I'll go to even my most hated of places to find it. Yes, i'm willing to whore myself to the Hippie Man in order to get my tea. suck it.

Fortunately, oh happy day, THEY HAD IT! And on sale. So...maybe the Hippie isn't so bad after all.

And then as soon as I got to one of only two lanes open...my cashier had to stop to help out the other cashier who had a problem with her customer's check. Ugh.

Bristol Park Medical office drones unite!

In this economy, how are there still office drones? I don't understand. I just don't. I get why DMV employees are retarded...they're government employees who's comparable-McDonald's-level job is protected. But in the private sector? Come on now. Really. Come on.

My conversation with the Office Drone at Bristol Park Medical in Mission Viejo went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'd like to make an apt with Dr. X.
Office Drone: ((gets my info))

Me: I need it anytime after Dec 1, the first appointment of the day please. Any day works.
Office Drone: I can do Dec 4th at 8:15.
Me: perfect. Don't you need to know what this is for?
Office Drone: What's this for?
Me: I need one of those "Well WOman" exam thingies.
Office Drone: You want what?
Me: uhh i can't really yell it. I'm at work. A yearly woman's exam.
Office Drone: OHHH. The "Well Woman" exam.
Me: yes (isn't that what i said?!)
Office Drone:When was your last one?
Me: December or January. It doesn't matter. I have new insurance.
Office Drone: Well i can look it up. Let me see....

Me: But i have NEW INSURANCE. It doesn't MATTER.
Office Drone: Oh that's right, new insurance, it doesn't matter. (laughs at herself). So you don't need a physical.

Me: I dont' know...i mean, i just want to get checked out. Annual exam.
Office Drone: Well that doesn't include a pap.
Me: okay well I want that too.

Office Drone: Well the Well Woman's exam doesn't include bloodwork.
Me: Well okay can't I have both then? I want everything checked out!
Office Drone: i can't schedule all of that on the 4th, there's not enough time.
Me: FINE then let's get a NEW date. ANY DAY WORKS.

Office Drone: Now when was your last exam...
Me: IT DOESN"T MATTER I HAVE NEW INSURANCE
Office Drone:You have new insurance?
Me: YES. It doesn't matter.
Office Drone: Okay so how about we schedule a physical exam, with a pap.
Me: GREAT!
Office Drone: How's December 16th at 8:15?
Me: Perfect. Done.

Office Drone: Are you on any medications?
Me: nope.
Office Drone: Okay.....(starts looking up something)
Me: (anticipating her "fast for 12 hours beforehand schpiel")
Office Drone: Fast for 12 hours beforehand, water is okay.
Me: (thinking)you can't tell me you had to LOOK THAT UP when you work in a doctor's office.
Office Drone:See you then!

Damn that woman better be glad she's employed in this tough economy.

I'm going to be sick. Seriously.

I've decided to chart my aging through the years (in case later i might want a record of it...or my kids, if they want to know the exact years their body will fall apart)...my latest beefs are the spider veins in my calves. I RARELY, if ever (I mean, maybe 2x a year) cross my legs because I read as a teenager never to do that.

Well, my calves have them. And it's pissing me off. Yay for Age 31 Woes.

It takes ALOT to gross me out. Alot. I watch Dr. 90210, surgery shows, whatever. I love watching my blood being taken. I would love to SEE a surgery take place.

But when it comes to spider/varicose vein options, i get the heebie jeebies.
If i have to do this, I'm going to seriously vomit my intestinal track.


I just looked up the solution to spider veins and now i'm seriously squirming in my seat, tensing my muscles, and i'm ready to cry I'm so effing freaked out.

Sclerotherapy
This is the most common treatment for both spider veins and varicose veins. The doctor injects a solution into the vein that causes the vein walls to swell, stick together, and seal shut. This stops the flow of blood and the vein turns into scar tissue. In a few weeks, the vein should fade. The same vein may need to be treated more than once.

This treatment is very effective if done the right way. Most patients can expect a 50% to 90% improvement. Microsclerotherapy uses special solutions and injection techniques that increase the success rate for removal of spider veins. Sclerotherapy does not require anesthesia, and can be done in the doctor's office.

Possible side effects include:

Temporary stinging or painful cramps where the injection was made
Temporary red raised patches of skin where the injection was made
Temporary small skin sores where the injection was made
Temporary bruises where the injection was made
Spots around the treated vein that usually disappear
Brown lines around the treated vein that usually disappear
Groups of fine red blood vessels around the treated vein that usually disappear
The treated vein can also become inflamed or develop lumps of clotted blood. This is not dangerous. Applying heat and taking aspirin or antibiotics can relieve inflammation. Lumps of coagulated blood can be drained.


why does the human body f*cking suck?! Or more importantly, MINE?!

So far this is my list of ailments per age:
early 20s: cellulite (i mean, BAD cellulite)
28: forehead wrinkes, signs of age on hands
29: crow's feet, thinning eyelashes
30: thinning hair, undereye wrinkles that DONT shrink back after squinting (and i wear sunglasses diligently! WTF!)
31: spider veins

In order to pre-emptively avoid freaking out over more things, i've taken the following actions:
1. I will just keep dying my hair. I will go postal if i see a grey hair. Might as well just do it now.
2. I've started waxing my chin. Now i don't have anything there, thank GOD, but i once had a bunch of older women telling me that that's a massive thing that happens when you get old. Granted, they were in their late 50s, but who knows when that facial chin hair situation started. I'd rather not deal with one day finding it OR even worse, not even REALIZING i have it. So i'm just going to slather my face with wax regularly and if nothing comes off, great. If so, well, at least i nipped it in the bud before i'm 60.

Attempting to preserve your youth is ALOT of effing work, costs alot of effing money (yay for free samples from plastic surgeons' offices), and TIME which is the hardest of all things to comes by.

Oh, i've also started using the bottle of Phyto-Axil that I bought kraig like 7 years ago from when we started dating. Figured it's in a pressurized can so it can't go bad...

Apple: interesting article from newsweek

This article from Newsweek: "One Bad Apple,Apple is looking like what Microsoft was 10 years ago—a Bigfoot that squeezes smaller competitors." is pretty interesting. You can't blame Apple for its tactics, its finally gotten the popularity that its been jonesin' for years...

The "Made for iPod" markup fee is interesting, but once again...I can't fault Apple for it, iPods are crazy successful such that they gotta take advantage of other people trying to piggyback off their fame.

That being said, the one Macbook that i've had to use has phenomenal hardware (seriously, the h/w designers are brilliant), and the OS appearance is pretty nifty, however I've had nothing but problems with the s/w...everything from OpenOffice to MS Office freezes up, seriously every application freezes up on it. Not that it's all Apple's fault, i'm simply saying...I've had more problems in 3 months with a Macbook than i've ever, ever had with a Windows PC or laptop.

Marlene and Bryan, i KNOW you're going to give me your two cents, so go for it :P

For your viewing pleasure:


Love this:

F*CK IT

OKAY, FUCK IT:

1.FUCK IT, i'm going to say it, i'm so annoyed when I see people use the speaker feature on their cell phones when driving...but still hold the phone in their hands. And it's only WOMEN who are retarded enough to do this.
The law isn't “don't hold a phone near your head”, it's “hands free”...if the law was that you can't have a headset near your head, then bluetooth devices would be illegal. The key is to keep BOTH hands free when driving and talking.

I don't even care that these people are breaking the law...I care that these women are making my gender look even more stupid by truly not understanding the stupid law. “Oh, if I don't hold it to my head but i speak into the speakerphone, that's within the rules”. Damn i hate women.

Not to be confused with all the texting I do while driving...texting and driving is NOT against the law in California (yet). Driving while distracted, yes. Texting while driving...nope.

2.FUCK IT...i'm sick of the big flippin' 27” tv that's taking up all this room in my bedroom...that monster won't die. My mom got it from Walmart over 10 years on sale for $700 (it was floor model missing the remote)...um yeah I think I can retire it. So I started an automatic savings account to put $50 a month aside and in ONE YEAR i'm getting a fucking flatscreen for the bedroom.
So sick of things on the bedroom floor, that includes TV stands (or drawers that are used to hold tvs).

3.FUCK IT...I'm saying it. Mariah Carey, you look like ass with your Fly Girl circa 1992 short skirts and crop tops. You don't have abs. You got liposuction. It would look SO much better if you just wore tight tops and jeans or something. You don't have the body for the whore outfits. Rihanna has the body. Anyone under 30 has the body. You my dear, DO NOT. Your stomach looks just as bad as Tara Reid's.

4.Fuck it, i'm saying it, 90210 is going to be effing AWESOME. That chick from Nip/Tuck is so easy to hate...she'll do great on it. It might even give Gossip Girls a run for its money.

5.FUCK IT, i'm saying it: I don't give a sh*t about the olympics. Yay for Michael Phelps and his records broken, the guy is a mutant, wtf did you expect?! I'm Canadian, we rule the winter olympics...talk to me in 2 years.

6.FUCK IT...I've got no shame: my Homeowner's Association can suck my balls. They sent me a letter saying I had to immediately rip up my palm trees due to the damage to MY fence. Okay, I get it, but damn people this “immediately” thing is BS. Yeah i'll get right onto the hundreds of dollars that'll cost me to MOVE SOME PALM TREES...i'm so annoyed, i inherited those fucking trees...Kraig rigged it so that they're not longer pressing against the fence, and now the battle of The Horigans vs. The HOA shall begin.

Purging whatever's in my brain

Some seriously random bitching and thoughts...leave your brain cells at the door as you read:

- has plastic surgery evolved so far that Dr. 90210 can fix my cankles?

- I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't stimulated. My bank account will barely feel a heartbeat. It will get sucked into the vortex of all things going OUT of my account.

- speaking of $$, bask in my glory of having paid down my home equity loan $15k in 7 months (see the bottom of this blog page). Do you know how effing hard that was?! That's $15k EXTRA that went towards that effing loan. In addition to the regular loan, bills, and my right arm.

- I went to a baby shower on Saturday and there was a dude there who EXACTLY on the same pulse as me re: all the things that every single guy should be able to do. I was like, "hey so let's talk cars" and he replied "don't get me started, i have a friend who drives a purple jetta". That came after he said "well if me, my girlfriend and two of her friends went somewhere...then yeah of course i'm driving. Even if it means I have to drive my GF's car 'cause it's bigger". DUDE you're a shining star of what a single guy should be.

- According to 20/20, you can go an extra 40 miles on your reserve tank when the gas light goes on. For me, as soon as that light goes on, I freak out. Sweat starts to pour down my face and I act as if I've 30 seconds or else I'll start to sputter right in the middle of the road. I don't want to be the a-hole who's actually stalled in a middle lane on the HIGHWAY with her hazards on.

- When someone displays very bad etiquette to you, what's the proper reply? To call them out on their rudeness, or to still maintain your own level of etiquette, smile, and suck it up?

- It's 10:30pm at night and I'm craving strawberry shortcake. From Bigg's Deli and Bar in Ottawa. I want strawberry shortcake so effing bad right now. The last time I had it, I was at Cheesecake Factory. They served me two hockey pucks with artificial foam and a ghetto strawberry. Effing bastards.

I have more to write, but Kraig's doing the "how much longer are you going to be" schpiel so I gotta split. Stay tuned for part two of random rants on a Monday.

Purging whatever's in my brain – part 2 added the next day

Unless you're rocking the super long hair look (and really, I only one guy who can pull that off, Sebastian Bach from Skid Row), short hair on a guy is a MUST. That also includes when it grows all nasty on the back of the neck because you decided to wait a few more weeks before cutting. Ugh. Can't stand that. Short and preppy is the way to go (not to be confused with super SUPER almost shaved hair...unless you're playing sports all summer and need it that short for logistical reasons or you're in the military, please don't do that...chicks dig hair too)

after the age of 17, it is never ever cool to just make out at someone's house in front of people. Not the same as getting drunk in college, but no one's got a “house” in college (5 people renting one doesn't count as one person havint a house).

I'm wearing these super cute black shiny patent heels that are almost identical to ANOTHER pair of black shiny patent heels, except these ones have double straps. Which is how I justified getting them. They're crazy high and hurt like a biotch but DAMN they're adorable.

After a discussion with someone (who will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), I have to agree: really, REALLY, there's only one type of female that can pull of jean/denim skirts: super duper thin ones. Thus unless you're 12 years old...or you're 25 but weigh 90lbs, don't wear them. I've never owned one because I think they're actually ugly, but I also know that unless you're a twig, denim skirts ride up when you sit down and really, REALLY, i don't want to see anyone's underwear.

I think when people build buildings, they purposely eff up the A/C and heating systems so the employees have to suffer forever. I've never, ever worked anywhere where the heating/cooling situation was optimal. It's almost always set up so that one side of the building is forced to freeze while the other size drips in sweat.

Daphne's is so effing awesome. I want to bathe in their tzatziki sauce.

Diet Pepsi addiction is BACK. Bring on the jitters and the withdrawal headaches. And the teeth staining. Sigh. I'll go back to Fresca eventually.

I hate it when i see a guy who's calves are smaller than mine (I don't have small calves, but I expect every guy alive to have bigger ones than mine unless he's got cancer or something).

I love Trina Decker's hairstyle on Swing town:


I'm thinking if i cut my hair in the next short while, that's how I would do it.

Thoughts for the last day in June

A few random, random thoughts for this last day of June:

1. I just realized I missed my brother's birthday. Dammit.

2. I'm seriously the clumsiest person alive. I wish i had a nickel for every time I smacked my car door on my forehead. Today, leaving PetSmart, i did it yet again. My skull probably has bizarro grooves in it as a result being whacked so many times. I once did it close to my eye, mymother insisted I had a boyfriend who was beating me. No, no, I really am just THAT clumsy.

3. Okay, NOW i think the cost of gas is starting to bug me. I held up a good fight, and tried to think that it was worse in the 1970s. But now i'm much more aware of how many times I"m gassing up, and this Excessive California Driving situation is killing my wallet's mojo.

4. Pizza Dude's pizza tastes nowhere near as good at the Z Pizza in Ladera Ranch.

5. A ton of people I know got laid off today, and layoffs = anxiety for me. Bad bad memories of going through it myself. I seriously think we've been gypped that there's been two recessions this decade. Ugh, i think I'm going to have a hard time getting to sleep tonight as a result of the layoff news.

6. Carrie's going to kill me, but I haven't really been watering the flowers she's got in my backyard.

7. Why hasn't anyone invented any of the following:
a) teleportation
b) cure for cellulite (or really, MY cellulite)
c) kitty litter that requires me to never clean...EVER. The Littermaid doesn't count.
d) a better frickin' TSA system at the airport?
What are we, Amish?!

8. Humans have evolved a ton over the past few years, centuries, whatever...why does it still take 9 months to createa baby? Haven't we refined the process so its more efficient and the whole thing can be whittled down to say, 3 weeks?

9. I went to a charity even on Sunday, and I've noticed that charity dinner/brunches/meals always involve some sort of prayer. The intonation or whatever the f*ck its called. This makes my blood boil so much, it makes me NOT want to give to whatever charity i'm there for. If you think its not a big deal, imagine if you were at some charity event and Osama Bin Laden gave the little prayer. You'd be kind of freaked out and worried a lightening bolt would come down on you if you even acknowledged what he said. Sorta how i feel. Can't we separate Church and Charity?!

It's 11pm. Time to get my sleep on.

Oh hell no! Not you Cookie Monster!

It has come to my attention (thank you Mr. Colbert) that Cookie Monster has been stuck promoting fruits instead of carbs.

WHAT
THE
FUUUUUUUUUUUHhhhhhh....

I get that we have an obesity epidemic. I get that kids weigh more now than ever before. But you do NOT eff around with my homeboy CM and his cookie agenda.

There's just some traditions that should not be broken. I dig how he never actually "ate" the cookie, but rather it just crumbled in front of Cookie Monster. I don't know about you, but cookies make me pretty nutty too. I had 2 chocolate chip cookies this afternoon and I was so giddy, it prompted other people nearby to get cookies. Damn right that kind of propaganda wouldn't have worked if I were hopping around with a frickin' apple.

That's right bitches!

Yeahhhh...take a look at the bottom of the page to the HELOC paydown...three digits! The goal was to pay down $15k in 2007, and it's almost done.

Not that it makes a diff...this was the recommendation of Countrywide last year (to pay down $30k of my home equity loan before the rest of the loan is set to switch over at the end of 2009, i.e: pay down 15k per year for two years). Realistically, I think I'd need to pay down another $70k if I had to refinance tomorrow.

So seriously, please...just everyone foreclose already! Get it over with! Let's get the worst of it over with.

In other news, I switched jobs again. As usual, not going to post details here but if you want to know the scoop, email me. If you don't know my email, then GOOD...I don't want no stalkers anyway!

A few seriously random thoughts:

- hummus from Daphne's is like magic in my mouth. It's mouth porn.

- I can't WAIT for the next iteration of America's Best Dance Crew. The last round was absolutely incredible.

- Diet Pepsi trumps Diet Coke all the way

- I'm so annoyed that Barrack Obama hand bumping his wife is actually considered a news-worthy story

- I fantasize on so many levels how much things would be better if I just won a $100k lottery. That's it. That's all I need. I'd LIKE more, but beggers can't be choosers, and $100k after taxes would be wonderful.

- I think I found a grey hair today. I was FREAKING out. I'm going to play ignorant until this weekend, then I'm going to go on a rampage. Getting grey hair is a million times worse than a wrinkle...it's like finding out you're in menopause. But at least menopause isn't displayed all over your scalp for the whole world to see how old you are.

Going to take a nap now. I actually get home at a decent time now where I can nap! Justin can bring sexy back, but I'm bringing napping back!

Letter to Us Weekly

Dear writers, editors, and other staff at US Weekly:

Let me begin to say that I highly enjoy your literary piece of fluff. I prefer it over People, which to me has too many stories about "real" people (if I wanted to read about a cancer kid who raised money and helped others, I'd read Newsweek. I read gossip mags to read about all that is evil and vapid about the world). For awhile it was the highlight of my week, getting your issue in the mail and waiting to read it at the gym, going page-by-ad-laden-page.

I'm okay when you guys go directly to the source instead of running off the gossip mill. I was okay when you had numerous articles about Jessica and Nick (how the tales of marriages woes were untrue. Hey, we all knew they were denying like mad).

What I do take issue with (ha ha bad pun) is when you cover stories about reality shows like The Hills. Unless you're discussing LC's fashion line, her alleged sex tape, or when the new season will start, I don't want to read it.

Let's make something very clear: the audience, whether 12 or 112, knows its scripted. So your cover stories about "The Plot To Destroy Lauren" are as much of an insult to your readers as a cover saying "Lynette battles cancer while Bree makes muffins" or "Kate's love triange: Sawyer speaks out". There is no plot to destroy Lauren. Heidi does not have heartache. Heidi speaks out "Why I called off my wedding" is very clear: the show told me to.

Let's go over last week's issue: Heidi Asks For a Ring: I'm Ready to Say I Do! Are you effing kidding me?! In case you didn't notice, throughout this season outside of the realm of MTV we have seen Spencer and Heidi pose shamelessly for the paparazzi, canoodling like mad. Were we really supposed to believe they broke up? And funny how nowhere in the show while there's all this alleged drama, MTV never showed them film via handycam Heidi's ghetto video. Nay, it's pretty safe to say that nothing on The Hills is a reflection of their true life, unless you want to factor in bathing and drinking.

So in case I haven't made it clear to you US Weekly, let me spell it out: IT'S NOT REAL. It's not even ALLEGEDLY real (hey, that's why we buy your mags. For the possibility of it being real). If I want a make-believe plotline, I'll read Soap Opera Digest.

Do you need more help? Let's go through this:
Heidi and LC were friends (allegedly true)
LC and Speidi get in a fight (sure, good enough for me, it's still season 1)
Speidi is no longer a part of LC's life, so Speidi must come up with a reason to be entertaining to be a part of The Hills (now we start entering "make believe" land)
Spencer proposes to Heidi (scripted)
Heidi says yes (scripted to match the fake ring)
Spencer and Heidi have drama (scripted)
repeat above line a few times
oh no, they have no interaction with LC, how to still be a part of the hills?
Spencer's sister (aka She-Pratt) attends LC's fashion class (scripted)
Spencer is SOOOO angry against She-Pratt. (scripted)
Heidi is soooo angry against She-Pratt (scripted)
Spencer gets back together with Heidi. (scripted)
Heidi is ready to get married (scripted)

Do you notice all the SCRIPTEDs above?! THe best part was when Spencer moved in with She-Pratt...it was like an episode of Three's Company, I was ready for the landlord with the flowery neckties to show up and think Spencer was gay. ("Come and knock on our door...")

So i plead with you...stop airing articles from a scripted show if it's about the plotline (marriage? no. new fashion line? yes.) and please, PLEASE stop showing pictures from their "romantic" vacation...they're so staged they might as well have a set designer and list of all poses required for each photoshoot.

Sincerely,

A devoted US Weekly reader that doesn't want to be insulted anymore with your unreal stories. I like my tales to have "alleged" in front of the headlines.