This is quite possibly the best love story ever:
Boy Photoshops Girl: A Flickr Love Story
In a nutshell: a chick in England and a dude from the states meet on Flickr when they notice their pics are similar...then they start a collaboration project where she photographs herself, emails it to him, and he tweeks it to make it look like they're in the pic together. Like crazy stuff where he's holding her, etc.
And then they finally met. True love yo!
They actually have their own company even though they don't live in the same country (she has to finish up school), Aaraon and Rosie Fotography ARF. This would make me question the tax ramifications, but i guess in a global economy you figure it out. And that's not the point, but leave it to me to read a love story and think "how does that work for taxes and claiming your income?"
I guess there's alot of cynics out there, but here's why I think this is quite possibly one of the most brilliant love stories I've ever head of:
1. It was a fluke they ever met.
Do you know how many people are on Flickr? What are the odds of two people connecting on that level? I could write say 100 guys on Flickr, and I guarantee NONE of them would ever be my type, be interested in what i'm interested in, or want to do any project with me (where I wouldn't end up being murdered, robbed, or pimped out).
2. They live an ocean apart
Nothing speaks love like distance. Okay well maybe not, but if you can still grow some sort of bond while having little or no physical contact, that speaks incredible volumes. Now realistically, I'm sure they were off dating other people and what not...but clearly something was growing between them. She probably got all giggly when posing for pictures, he got all giddy in anticipation of her reaction once he posted the final result, hoping for her approval.
3. They're goodlooking
You wanna argue with me that that's not part of this love story? Suck my balls. That's part of the fantasy part of it...they are photo-friendly, which is a necessary part of their appeal since their love is THROUGH photos. If they were ugly mofos, people wouldn't have been interested, they wouldn't have continued their collaboration, they wouldn't have gotten the funds to continue their business, so on and so forth.
4. They're real...and they're nerdy
This is a love story for modern times. This isn't chivalry, some dude fighting for the love of his woman, a story of strife...it's real. Just two people who pursued their hobby, their inner geeks, and as a result built a bond. It makes anyone think "Wow...that could be me!"
(Granted...this is the exception, not the rule. For more info, see My blog entry on HJNTIY
5. They're not trying to make a buck
At least, according to the article. They're hocking their business of photo-editing, but you can't buy their prints straight off the site (from my search anyway). It just seems like they truly are passionate for what they do, which is what brought them together. Nothing shady.
6. It makes you believe
Okay, maybe I'm a sucker. yeah, I admit it. i'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for all things Disney. i'm a sucker when I watch Love Actually and the music roars at the end as Collin Firth goes to propose to Aurelia with the town following him, or Mark telling on paper to Keira Knightley that she's perfect and he's wasted heart will love her till she gets all wrinkly/nasty...i'm a SUCKER. I want to BELIEVE. I really do. This story...makes you believe.
And that's as sappy as you're going to get from me.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
In defense of Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day...my opinion (and really...the only opinion that matters!)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Inspirational. No really.
I wish I could buy this and hang it in my entryway. If i had an entryway. it's more like a small little area to take your shoes off. Anyway:
Sunday, February 08, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
If you're a female and you have a pulse, then you read He's Just Not That Into You when it first came out.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Things worth hating
Things I hate...loathe...heavily dislike...annoy me (in no particular order):
1. Rihanna. I'll tolerate "Umbrella" 'cause it's semi-fun to sing when driving, and the video for "Disturbia" is interesting, but her voice sounds like a dying goat. I love T.I., but I'd rather shove a pen in my ear than listen to their "Live Your Life" song. Adult contemporary drives me berserk.
2. To add, I also hate Jason Mraz, Eagle Eye Cherry, Coldplay, Incubus, John Mayer, Akon, L'il Wayne, Lady GaGa, and that stupid STUPID "paper planes" song.
3. So disappointed, Target was out of my favorite mascara (Unstoppable in Very Black) so I just grabbed Define-A-Lash Volume Waterproof Mascara (in...Very Black)...it effing SUCKS. And i didn't feel like raising a fuss to Target about returning bad $4 mascara, especially since I still really needed it. I'm just saying, the bristles are weird plasticky things and they just make my eyelashes clump Tammy Faye-style.
4. I loathe people showing me hundreds of pictures of the same damn thing. I don't care if it's nature, you standing in the same city, a baby, whatever. Pretend you have 24 exposures and that's ALL you get to show me.
5. Grey's Anatomy. I can't stand listening to people TALK about Grey's Anatomy. I even tried to watch Private Practice just to stick it to the Grey's Anatomy people. Really, I just can't stand the Grey chick. Since the show is named after her, she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She's so frickin' ANNOYING.
6. To all cashiers of the world: scan my credit card, THEN bag my stuff. If i'm at Old Navy buying a billion pairs of jeans it's heavily inefficient to fold and bag everything only to have us stand and wait for the card to be approved. LEARN TO DO THINGS IN PARALLEL PEOPLE.
7. I hate when people flick their cigarettes out the window...when I'm the car behind them. In fact, I'm going to channel what Erin and I used to say in highschool: driving and smoking is tacky. Throwing them out the window is tacky. It was true 15 years ago, and its still true now.
8. Speaking of smokers, I've had my arms burned a billion times from smokers not paying attention. Okay, I get it, you're drinking and got sloppy. But when someone yelps and a welt is forming, don't do a "oh...sorry"...dumbass you BURNED MY F*CKING ARM. I once had a scar for almost 2 years because of a biotch and her nasty cigarette and all I got was a one second apology (to those in the know: it was at Au Zone). Makes me want to rip their nastiness out of their hands and cram it in their eyes...yeahhh hurts now doesn't it you mofo...
9. I hate when guys act like they thing they're being cute when they're not. There was a dude this weekend who was all over one of my friends (who shall remain nameless), but he thought was so charming by doing all of the following:
- repeatedly lying about what he did for a living...ummm women don't "do" guessing games. Just tell us if you have a job and arent' living in a cardboard box
- kept dicking around with the camera when all of us girls got together for a pic...it's hard enough to get a group shot. Don't try to tilt the camera, do weird angles, whatever.
All of that is attention-seeking behavior in a bad way. It's childish. Women do NOT like men who exhibit any childlike "look at me, pay attention to me" behaviors.
10. Speaking of dude from #9, men need to stop assuming women don't know sh*t about computers. "Do you know what a server is?"...yeah mofo, and I bet I can set one up in a network faster than you can. Shut yer pie hole.
(yeah, i'm in a bad mood today)
11. I loathe buying tampons. If women ruled the world, you KNOW that crap would be a tax-write off. It's a medical condition! it's not my fault I'm bleeding without death once a month. If insurance covers Viagra, then it should cover tampons.
12. Organic anything. Laws are super lax about what constitutes "organic", so it's not like you're really going to notice a difference. Something about seeing a box of ORGANIC CHOCOLATE makes my blood boil. Chocolate is cocoa and sugar boiled together with some nuts tossed in. Organic won't make it any healthier or taste better. It's retarded.
13. Margaritas. Yeah. I said it. I can't stand margaritas. Tequila straight up = GOOD. Tequila mixed with stuff = nastiness. Maybe it also helps that that stupid Margaritaville place was just annoying (granted, the company was good...Kraig, Christine, and Noel). Oh woo hoo, we made a Slurpee machine full of tequila and green sugary crap and it overflows once every 20 minutes...SHOCKING!
virgin lime daiquiris however kick ass
14. A Slurpee trumps everything else. A Slurpee is NOT a Slushee. A Slurpee is NOT a Hush Puppy. In fact, those stupid Hush Puppy drinks are nothing more than what Shave Ice is: crushed ice with syrup poured over it. How is that not vile to people? A Slurpee starts off as a flavored beverage, THEN frozen.
I miss Diet Coke slurpees, sigh.
The best combo is Orange Crush mixed with Cream Soda (you know, the pink stuff)...sooo sooo good. Last time I saw it was at the Quickie next to my parents' house (Bryan, do a drive by of the one in Orleans and lemme know if they still have it)
15. Fake nails. Yeah, you know who you are with your faux nails and the french manicure. I understand if you have a special occasion and can't grow your nails out to look good in pics (i.e. a wedding day...that's the ONLY reason). The sound of fake nails against a keyboard is like a fork on a chalkboard. And they're OVERTLY fake...they're not like fake boobs, where even if they're overtly fake you can rock them and look good. No, big white-tipped fake nails serve no purpose other than to draw attention to the fact that you can't maintain a regular beauty regime.
I have the weakest nails on the planet from years of nail biting, but if I can grow them out and make them look good, then there's no excuse.
16. Flip flops. Something about a shoe that only stays on because of a single piece that goes between my toes is just weird. People in Pakistan wear them all the time (even as a kid, I refused to wear them there). Do you see what i'm saying? They're 3rd world country. Do you want malaria as well?!
17. Ghetto-ass people who raise their trucks. Your stupid tires don't fit in the tire nook thingy so you have a big half meter gap between the top of the tire to your car. It's RETARDED. Where are you offroading to when you live in Orange County? Oh wait, let me guess...Glamis?! It's tacky, tacky, tacky. It's the car equivalent of wear low-wise jeans with the sides of your thongs sticking out.
'Kay...nuff ranting.
1. Rihanna. I'll tolerate "Umbrella" 'cause it's semi-fun to sing when driving, and the video for "Disturbia" is interesting, but her voice sounds like a dying goat. I love T.I., but I'd rather shove a pen in my ear than listen to their "Live Your Life" song. Adult contemporary drives me berserk.
2. To add, I also hate Jason Mraz, Eagle Eye Cherry, Coldplay, Incubus, John Mayer, Akon, L'il Wayne, Lady GaGa, and that stupid STUPID "paper planes" song.
3. So disappointed, Target was out of my favorite mascara (Unstoppable in Very Black) so I just grabbed Define-A-Lash Volume Waterproof Mascara (in...Very Black)...it effing SUCKS. And i didn't feel like raising a fuss to Target about returning bad $4 mascara, especially since I still really needed it. I'm just saying, the bristles are weird plasticky things and they just make my eyelashes clump Tammy Faye-style.
4. I loathe people showing me hundreds of pictures of the same damn thing. I don't care if it's nature, you standing in the same city, a baby, whatever. Pretend you have 24 exposures and that's ALL you get to show me.
5. Grey's Anatomy. I can't stand listening to people TALK about Grey's Anatomy. I even tried to watch Private Practice just to stick it to the Grey's Anatomy people. Really, I just can't stand the Grey chick. Since the show is named after her, she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She's so frickin' ANNOYING.
6. To all cashiers of the world: scan my credit card, THEN bag my stuff. If i'm at Old Navy buying a billion pairs of jeans it's heavily inefficient to fold and bag everything only to have us stand and wait for the card to be approved. LEARN TO DO THINGS IN PARALLEL PEOPLE.
7. I hate when people flick their cigarettes out the window...when I'm the car behind them. In fact, I'm going to channel what Erin and I used to say in highschool: driving and smoking is tacky. Throwing them out the window is tacky. It was true 15 years ago, and its still true now.
8. Speaking of smokers, I've had my arms burned a billion times from smokers not paying attention. Okay, I get it, you're drinking and got sloppy. But when someone yelps and a welt is forming, don't do a "oh...sorry"...dumbass you BURNED MY F*CKING ARM. I once had a scar for almost 2 years because of a biotch and her nasty cigarette and all I got was a one second apology (to those in the know: it was at Au Zone). Makes me want to rip their nastiness out of their hands and cram it in their eyes...yeahhh hurts now doesn't it you mofo...
9. I hate when guys act like they thing they're being cute when they're not. There was a dude this weekend who was all over one of my friends (who shall remain nameless), but he thought was so charming by doing all of the following:
- repeatedly lying about what he did for a living...ummm women don't "do" guessing games. Just tell us if you have a job and arent' living in a cardboard box
- kept dicking around with the camera when all of us girls got together for a pic...it's hard enough to get a group shot. Don't try to tilt the camera, do weird angles, whatever.
All of that is attention-seeking behavior in a bad way. It's childish. Women do NOT like men who exhibit any childlike "look at me, pay attention to me" behaviors.
10. Speaking of dude from #9, men need to stop assuming women don't know sh*t about computers. "Do you know what a server is?"...yeah mofo, and I bet I can set one up in a network faster than you can. Shut yer pie hole.
(yeah, i'm in a bad mood today)
11. I loathe buying tampons. If women ruled the world, you KNOW that crap would be a tax-write off. It's a medical condition! it's not my fault I'm bleeding without death once a month. If insurance covers Viagra, then it should cover tampons.
12. Organic anything. Laws are super lax about what constitutes "organic", so it's not like you're really going to notice a difference. Something about seeing a box of ORGANIC CHOCOLATE makes my blood boil. Chocolate is cocoa and sugar boiled together with some nuts tossed in. Organic won't make it any healthier or taste better. It's retarded.
13. Margaritas. Yeah. I said it. I can't stand margaritas. Tequila straight up = GOOD. Tequila mixed with stuff = nastiness. Maybe it also helps that that stupid Margaritaville place was just annoying (granted, the company was good...Kraig, Christine, and Noel). Oh woo hoo, we made a Slurpee machine full of tequila and green sugary crap and it overflows once every 20 minutes...SHOCKING!
virgin lime daiquiris however kick ass
14. A Slurpee trumps everything else. A Slurpee is NOT a Slushee. A Slurpee is NOT a Hush Puppy. In fact, those stupid Hush Puppy drinks are nothing more than what Shave Ice is: crushed ice with syrup poured over it. How is that not vile to people? A Slurpee starts off as a flavored beverage, THEN frozen.
I miss Diet Coke slurpees, sigh.
The best combo is Orange Crush mixed with Cream Soda (you know, the pink stuff)...sooo sooo good. Last time I saw it was at the Quickie next to my parents' house (Bryan, do a drive by of the one in Orleans and lemme know if they still have it)
15. Fake nails. Yeah, you know who you are with your faux nails and the french manicure. I understand if you have a special occasion and can't grow your nails out to look good in pics (i.e. a wedding day...that's the ONLY reason). The sound of fake nails against a keyboard is like a fork on a chalkboard. And they're OVERTLY fake...they're not like fake boobs, where even if they're overtly fake you can rock them and look good. No, big white-tipped fake nails serve no purpose other than to draw attention to the fact that you can't maintain a regular beauty regime.
I have the weakest nails on the planet from years of nail biting, but if I can grow them out and make them look good, then there's no excuse.
16. Flip flops. Something about a shoe that only stays on because of a single piece that goes between my toes is just weird. People in Pakistan wear them all the time (even as a kid, I refused to wear them there). Do you see what i'm saying? They're 3rd world country. Do you want malaria as well?!
17. Ghetto-ass people who raise their trucks. Your stupid tires don't fit in the tire nook thingy so you have a big half meter gap between the top of the tire to your car. It's RETARDED. Where are you offroading to when you live in Orange County? Oh wait, let me guess...Glamis?! It's tacky, tacky, tacky. It's the car equivalent of wear low-wise jeans with the sides of your thongs sticking out.
'Kay...nuff ranting.
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