Sexiest women alive

This list is still a work in process...gimme your feedback and I'LL decide where they fall on the list!

So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.

The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.


Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:


Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)


Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.


Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.


Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.


Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.


Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.


Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.



Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.


Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.


Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.


Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.


Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?


Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.


Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.


Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?


NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.

And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.

Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.


Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.


Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.


Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.


Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".

2009 New Year's Goals

For anyone not in the know of this blog, I do NOT do just random new year's resolutions.

I do New Year's "goals"...things that are broken down to monthly goals so that they're easier to check off.

Needless to say, I really REALLY screwed up on 2008's goals. Ask me how many I accomplished. No really, ask. I dare you. And then I dare you to listen to hours of my excuses to why I was too much of a lazy ass to get any of them done.

So now it's time for a new goals...and dammit, i WILL stick to them. Please don't shoot me for recycling some stuff for last year's goals.

EVERY Month:
1. Okay, time to frickin' do monthly breast exams. I don't feel like i'm grown up enough to do them, and I don't think my 32As (Bs if i'm lucky) have enough tissue to actually GET cancer, but fine...I'll do it.
2. Vitamins. For real. I became an avid flosser after I got braces because I didn't want to get plaque marks, and I've been anal about it ever since. Now it's time to be equally obsessive about vitamins, supplements, whatever it takes to make my hair thick again and to compensate for my crappy-assed diet.

January
- complete my other website about cube life(it's already up if you're bored but it's nowhere near complete, email me for the link 'cause i'm not posting it here)

February
- Create the Team Bitches website

March
- got a few books that I need to hanker down and read...it'll be me, wine, and my books

April
- time to seriously just sell the last chunk of crap off ebay

May
At this point...honestly...to revisit my goals...'cause I can't even think that far in advance.

Ugh. 2009. Another year older.

I had to edit to add...

You know what? SUCK IT. When i grow up I want to be fabulous. I want to be Andrea Belladonna (Jennifer Esposito's character on Samantha Who?)...brilliance:

"Oh, I will be SO happy when you've finally experienced everything and that spark of wonder in your eyes finally goes dark again!"

"I hoped you were dead! I mean I heard you were dead. And then I hoped it was true."

"Honey, I'm an attorney. Web of deceit is where I get my mail."

So...2009 is going to be the year of fabulousness. It means not being apologetic for my shallow and age-fearing ways. Oh I'll give back to the world, don't you worry. But dammit...that's the overall plan.

Along with making sure I don't get breast cancer.

Trader Joe's RANT

I hate Trader Joe's.

I really do.

I hate that basic food staples there are like $5 (for milk? Come ON! WTF organic cows must be eating caviar). I hate that their stupid organic bread has no preservatives, and thus expire and get moldy after half a day. I hate that alot of their food doesn't taste as good as it should (their hummus is pretty bland).

What I mostly hate are the people who shop there. It's not really Trader Joe's fault. Their flyers are very well written and fun to read. But shoppers there are crazy hippies. Do you need to be a snob about your stupid tomato? And why do you need to take forever scoping out everything? They have 1/2 the selection and since everything is organic it lacks the aesthetic beauty of steroid-induced vegetables.

I've tasted some good 'ish from there, don't get me wrong. But nothing I've consumed there is worth the trek there, especially since Ralph's and Pavillion's have awesome selections of specialty foods, organic crap, and rare items.

My hatred came to a peak during the 2003 grocery store strike. That meant we all had to shop at Stater Brothers and Trader Joe's. Well apparently no one told the hippies this, because the lines wrapped outside the door didn't stop them from writing with checks.

Aside: if you ARE going to write a check, you can fill out EVERYTHING when you're in line. Get your ID out. Then when they give you the total, just write it out. And please don't use fancy cursive slow writing. Just scratch out some text, the cashier isn't your school marm. It's unacceptable that you start filling that stuff (in your one-letter-per-five-seconds writing) when you find out the balance. Then dont' act SHOCKED when you're asked for ID. I've never written a check in a store in my life but even I know that. This is a whole other rant, because no one visibly under the age of 50 should be writing checks. They take the cash out instantly, you might as well use a debit card. And for security reasons, you REALLY shouldn't be writing checks. Geezus.

Trader Joe's should have implemented no-check lanes during that time...it was horrific. I actually just gave up and crossed the picket lines, getting yelled at by irate cashiers and fearing for my car was SO much better than suffering through another line of hippies.

Today I had to go to Henry's as part of my hunt for Tazo Tea's Organic Apple Red flavor. That stuff is like crack, and obviously I'll go to even my most hated of places to find it. Yes, i'm willing to whore myself to the Hippie Man in order to get my tea. suck it.

Fortunately, oh happy day, THEY HAD IT! And on sale. So...maybe the Hippie isn't so bad after all.

And then as soon as I got to one of only two lanes open...my cashier had to stop to help out the other cashier who had a problem with her customer's check. Ugh.

My brain hurts, but it's laughing

There's not point to this post other than to say, this image makes me laugh:

Sexiest men alive REVISITED

Okay people, re-read the last blog entry. I've updated it,explained why Daniel Craig didn't make the list, found an AWESOME picture of Milo, and added a non-celebrity to the list.

Now, everyone go take a cold shower and FOCUS!

Sexiest men alive

I swear, sometimes People Magazine has their head up their ass. Hugh Jackman is this year's sexiest man alive? Really? Ugh. Hot as Wolverine, not so hot elsewhere. So here's MY list of sexiest men alive...I started to put them in order but by the time I got to Nick Lachey it all became a blur, and I kept changing my mind...so just focus on #1 at the very least.

Ryan Reynolds

Ahhh, my love for him has spanned over a decade. Damn you Two Guys a Girl and a PIzza Place, damn you. I'll be his #1 fan Misery-style any day.

Dr. Drew

He's definitely the oldest guy on the list. But deeeeeep voice, combined with his crazy smart-ness (who doesn't love a doctor?!) and his biceps...dude is HOT. I bet he's hotter now than when he was in college.

Tom Welling

Tom Welling is a tough call. I've loved the guy since he started on Smallville, but then he went through a phase where he looked pudgy. Now that he's a full-on man past his teen years, he's bulked up quite nicely but his face still looks pudgy. Beefcase, beefcaaaaake!

Henry Cavill

Dude makes me wish for the days of candles, chamberpots, and scurvy.

Matt Damon

Matt Damon is such a great standby. He's got boy next door looks combined with an incredible physiqe (go Bourne!). He was fantastic on Will & Grace as a guy pretending to be gay. My dentist does his teeth, and she said he's the only dude who doesn't come without a posse.

Paul Rudd

Those eyes! That adorable nose! The fact he was in Clueless, my all-time favorite movie!

Nick Lachey

Team Lachey all the way. Jessica lost a good, good thing. You have to love a guy who is loaded but still rented his own damn U-Haul to move his crap. Frugal AND hot. My kind of guy.

Josh Holloway

Note that Josh is only hot as Sawyer. I don't want to see him clean cut in a suit. I want to see him unshaven, dirty, calling me "sugarlips" in a southern drawl.

Milo Ventimiglia

Thank you Heroes, for making Season 2 so awesome. Why? Because every episode ended up with Peter Petrelli taking his shirt off.

Paul Walker

Another great standby. Horrible actor. Once of those guys who just needs to stand there and flex. Shhhh...don't talk. Just look pretty.

Chase Crawford

Yay to Gossip Girl for giving Nate the most challenging storyline of all the characters, minus Chuck Bass of course. Chase looked a little less of a pretty boy and more of a tough guy, and when he DID cry...tears in those baby blues look so, so good.

Brandon Stoughton

Don't know who he is? He's the hot dude from Britney's "Womanizer" video. He might be illiterate, British, or club baby seals for all i know. What i DO know is that he's HOT. And he's got crazy veins in his Calvin Klein print ads...some people find that nasty, but i'm SUCH a sucker for that veins that guys get when they're working out alot.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Dude exudes sex like it's coming out of his pores. Every time I watch The Tudors, I just think "yadda yadda, get to the part where you're boning someone". He's got an intensity about him that makes you think he'll bone you good...or punch you. I dig it!

Jesse McCartney

Listen, he's legal! Get off my back! I love his hair, his skin, his HAIR, and he's just so damn adorable how can you NOT want to violate him?!

Dwayne Johnson

Another fantastic oldie-but-a-goodie standby. He's hilarious, he's buff, fantastic smile, and when he was in peak workout mode he dedicated one day a week to doughnuts.
DOUGHNUTS.
Next to poutine, doughnuts are my favorite food. It's a win-win for everyone.

Jason Lewis

What is up with him dating Vanessa from Gossip Girl now? Jessica-whats-her-face. Well props to her.

Seth Meyers

This is sort of my secret crush. I can't even EXPLAIN why he's sexy. He just is. Own it and rock it Seth!

Matthew McConaughey

I don't care that he plays bongos naked, named his kid Levi, or that he's got a bromance with Lance Armstrong. He plays the same character in every movie but it WORKS. And even if you go back to A Time To Kill, he was absolutely incredible. What can I say, I like them southern boys.

Clive Owen

Clive is such a tough call because his features alone aren't very attractive. He's got bad skin. He's got a jacked up nose. But together, he plays someone intimidatingly handsome. I could watch him paint a wall for hours and be enamored with his face.

Ryan Phillippe

Okay clearly in addition to southern boys, I like teen hearththrobs and pretty boys. But he looks even HOTTER when he's out being a good dad to his kids.

Jimmy Fallon

For my reasoning, refer to Seth Meyers.

James Todd Smith

Those LIPS. Plus he did that Sears (JC Penny? Whatever) commercial for his clothing line and he gave a LOOK to the camera for a split second...dude is just all around awesome. Plus those LIPS. PLUS the best best best sex song ever.

NOT on the list:
Orlando Bloom (ugh, he's too girly for me)
George Clooney (he's attractive, but not my type)
Johnny Depp (he looks fun, but i don't find him that good looking)
Hayden Christensen (he's gorgeous when he's turning evil/Darth Vader-ish...not good looking normally)
Hugh Jackman (he just looks hairy. ew)
Gerard Butler (he's mutha effing sexy as all hell in 300...but outside of CG and spartan clothing, he's just blegh)
Daniel Craig: HOT HOT HOT as James Bond...not hot elsewhere.

EDITED TO ADD:
How could I forget this sexy, sexy man?!!


Edited some more to add:
Good call from Jen! How could I forget this guy?
Joey McIntyre

Yep. He's got the right stuff. (hahah okay i couldn't resist. Even though that wasn't his song. But i did use to swoon at Please Don't Go Girl).

Edited to add from Jina's comment
I wouldn't put him top of the list, but yes VERY sexy...Jason Statham...he's the only balding celeb who's STILL hot regardless.


Edited to add after I watched Entourage last night:
What was I thinking?! I can't believe I forgot my boy Adrian Grenier! He's got such a cool nonchalance about him...i've adored him since he was in that stupid Drive Me Crazy movie.


And a note:
If Gregory Peck were still young...and alive...he'd be all over this list. He'd probably be tied with Ryan Reynolds. Atticus yeah!


FINAL EDITS:
Ohhhh Twinger, the only reason you're not on this list is 'cause you're not a celeb. Otherwise, you and your faux-hawk would be all over this :)

Bristol Park Medical office drones unite!

In this economy, how are there still office drones? I don't understand. I just don't. I get why DMV employees are retarded...they're government employees who's comparable-McDonald's-level job is protected. But in the private sector? Come on now. Really. Come on.

My conversation with the Office Drone at Bristol Park Medical in Mission Viejo went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'd like to make an apt with Dr. X.
Office Drone: ((gets my info))

Me: I need it anytime after Dec 1, the first appointment of the day please. Any day works.
Office Drone: I can do Dec 4th at 8:15.
Me: perfect. Don't you need to know what this is for?
Office Drone: What's this for?
Me: I need one of those "Well WOman" exam thingies.
Office Drone: You want what?
Me: uhh i can't really yell it. I'm at work. A yearly woman's exam.
Office Drone: OHHH. The "Well Woman" exam.
Me: yes (isn't that what i said?!)
Office Drone:When was your last one?
Me: December or January. It doesn't matter. I have new insurance.
Office Drone: Well i can look it up. Let me see....

Me: But i have NEW INSURANCE. It doesn't MATTER.
Office Drone: Oh that's right, new insurance, it doesn't matter. (laughs at herself). So you don't need a physical.

Me: I dont' know...i mean, i just want to get checked out. Annual exam.
Office Drone: Well that doesn't include a pap.
Me: okay well I want that too.

Office Drone: Well the Well Woman's exam doesn't include bloodwork.
Me: Well okay can't I have both then? I want everything checked out!
Office Drone: i can't schedule all of that on the 4th, there's not enough time.
Me: FINE then let's get a NEW date. ANY DAY WORKS.

Office Drone: Now when was your last exam...
Me: IT DOESN"T MATTER I HAVE NEW INSURANCE
Office Drone:You have new insurance?
Me: YES. It doesn't matter.
Office Drone: Okay so how about we schedule a physical exam, with a pap.
Me: GREAT!
Office Drone: How's December 16th at 8:15?
Me: Perfect. Done.

Office Drone: Are you on any medications?
Me: nope.
Office Drone: Okay.....(starts looking up something)
Me: (anticipating her "fast for 12 hours beforehand schpiel")
Office Drone: Fast for 12 hours beforehand, water is okay.
Me: (thinking)you can't tell me you had to LOOK THAT UP when you work in a doctor's office.
Office Drone:See you then!

Damn that woman better be glad she's employed in this tough economy.