Just fabulous, this is the stuff I've been using for the past few months:
ReNu with Moisture Lock for my contact lenses...
Bausch & Lomb Inc. said Monday it has permanently removed from markets worldwide a contact-lens solution linked by health authorities to an outbreak of rare fungal infections that can cause blindness.
Just effing fabulous....
Monday, May 15, 2006
I know Katelyn will appreciate this...
MANNNNNN I swear Fergie is FUG to the nth degree:
Beat with an ugly stick
Beat with an ugly stick
Friday, May 12, 2006
Worst blockbusters of all time
THE TEN WORST BLOCKBUSTERS OF ALL TIME
from Pajiba:
10: The Rock
Oh HELL NO. I love this movie. I should remember to buy it. Sean Connery is STILL studly, and Nick Cage is so cheesy, it's fabulous. Plus I've been to Alcatraz twice, so it's kinda cool that they filmed it there and knowing the history behind Alcatraz.
09: Van Helsing
I refused to even see this movie.
08: Pearl Harbor
TOTALLY AGREE. Holy crap this movie is one of the worst movies ever. In fact, it should be #1 on this list. To top it off, I thought it was full of such american propaganda, Kraig and I got into an argument after the movie ended 'cause he disagreed with me. Yeah. Right. The movie SHOULD have ended where America f*cked up and everyone died. But they dragged it out an extra half hour with Alec Baldwin and everyone in Japan, and ended saying "It was america's finest hour". Uhhh if that's the case, then what happened to the other 3 hours of my life that showed how badly you effed up?!?!?
07: Meet The Fockers
Listen, I'll be honest...the whole series bugs me. I didn't like the first one, I didn't even want to see this one. Ben Stiller is only funny when he's got a Wilson brother by his side.
06: Armageddon
So this was another movie I boycotted...but...since I had a blackbox in university and got a ton of PPV movies for free, I was forced to watch it a billion times...I love it. I really should buy it. I mean, come ON...the last part where Bruce Willis switches with Ben so that Ben can "take care of my little girl"...classic! Plus all that Aerosmith stuff, as well as Mr. Pink going psycho in space...great movie fun.
05: Patch Adams
Never saw, but this was a blockbuster?
04: Titanic
Don't make me punch you in the face. I LOVE this movie. Once again...totally cheesy...but I loved the storyline (girl forced to marry someone to save the family...classic!)...actually I just really am fascinated with the true-life Titanic and how everyone insisted it was unsinkable...
03: Star Wars I - The Phantom Menace
Ugh, Jar Jar anyone?
02: Big Momma's House
Uhhh...i never saw it...but i would totally rent it. Once again...a blockbuster? Hardly.
01: Batman & Robin
Yeah i'll give you that one.
from Pajiba:
10: The Rock
Oh HELL NO. I love this movie. I should remember to buy it. Sean Connery is STILL studly, and Nick Cage is so cheesy, it's fabulous. Plus I've been to Alcatraz twice, so it's kinda cool that they filmed it there and knowing the history behind Alcatraz.
09: Van Helsing
I refused to even see this movie.
08: Pearl Harbor
TOTALLY AGREE. Holy crap this movie is one of the worst movies ever. In fact, it should be #1 on this list. To top it off, I thought it was full of such american propaganda, Kraig and I got into an argument after the movie ended 'cause he disagreed with me. Yeah. Right. The movie SHOULD have ended where America f*cked up and everyone died. But they dragged it out an extra half hour with Alec Baldwin and everyone in Japan, and ended saying "It was america's finest hour". Uhhh if that's the case, then what happened to the other 3 hours of my life that showed how badly you effed up?!?!?
07: Meet The Fockers
Listen, I'll be honest...the whole series bugs me. I didn't like the first one, I didn't even want to see this one. Ben Stiller is only funny when he's got a Wilson brother by his side.
06: Armageddon
So this was another movie I boycotted...but...since I had a blackbox in university and got a ton of PPV movies for free, I was forced to watch it a billion times...I love it. I really should buy it. I mean, come ON...the last part where Bruce Willis switches with Ben so that Ben can "take care of my little girl"...classic! Plus all that Aerosmith stuff, as well as Mr. Pink going psycho in space...great movie fun.
05: Patch Adams
Never saw, but this was a blockbuster?
04: Titanic
Don't make me punch you in the face. I LOVE this movie. Once again...totally cheesy...but I loved the storyline (girl forced to marry someone to save the family...classic!)...actually I just really am fascinated with the true-life Titanic and how everyone insisted it was unsinkable...
03: Star Wars I - The Phantom Menace
Ugh, Jar Jar anyone?
02: Big Momma's House
Uhhh...i never saw it...but i would totally rent it. Once again...a blockbuster? Hardly.
01: Batman & Robin
Yeah i'll give you that one.
Glamour's Sex Issue
From Glamour's sex issue....
3.4" = average length of a penis...at rest.
5.9" = average length of an erect penis...which is fine, because 82% of women say they're satisfied with most 6".
8.7" = the size most men THINK they are when erect. Only 9% of women would even want them that big.
...i'm gonna chase after Kraig with a ruler one of these days.
One of the most popular sex gadgets women buy when they shop alone: the Hitachi Magic Wand, a no-frills vibrator. When they're browsing with men, many pick up the petal ring (in the pic it's like a baby teething ring with these petals sticking out). Bottom line: sex toys are subjective.
The % of poeple who's had sex...
...in a car: 50% (are you kidding me? Where else do people have sex when they're still living with their parents?!!)
..in a bathroom: 39% (I guess that means only 39% have ever done it in the shower?)
...in a parent's bedroom: 36% (this i findi nteresting. I could never, EVER, EVERRRR have sex in my parents' bedroom...let alone their HOUSE...but guys never seem to care and in fact, i think they rather want it!)
...in a park: 31%
...on an airplane: 2% (now this i give serious props to people for. I can't even figure out the logistics of this. I figure, you need an overnight flight with barely anyone on the plane...bathrooms are out because the flight attendants are right there! You go mile high people! I support you. I'd never DO it..but I support you.)
The two most common sex fantasy stars:
Most women are dreaming of either
1. a current lover
2. an ex
Why so tame? The most pleasurable fantasies tend to involve someone we've connected with emotionally. Which explains why celebs don't top the list. Unless you ARE a celebrity. With a celebrity ex.
The main reasons condoms break: incorrect usage (yeah no kidding). People either put them on wrong, they don't pinch the tip to get all the air out, or they use them with an oil-based lubricant.
The average number of friends a woman calls to talk about sleeping with someone for the first time: 3.
Average num for guys: 3.
So much for the notion that women are blabbers and men are mute.
3.4" = average length of a penis...at rest.
5.9" = average length of an erect penis...which is fine, because 82% of women say they're satisfied with most 6".
8.7" = the size most men THINK they are when erect. Only 9% of women would even want them that big.
...i'm gonna chase after Kraig with a ruler one of these days.
One of the most popular sex gadgets women buy when they shop alone: the Hitachi Magic Wand, a no-frills vibrator. When they're browsing with men, many pick up the petal ring (in the pic it's like a baby teething ring with these petals sticking out). Bottom line: sex toys are subjective.
The % of poeple who's had sex...
...in a car: 50% (are you kidding me? Where else do people have sex when they're still living with their parents?!!)
..in a bathroom: 39% (I guess that means only 39% have ever done it in the shower?)
...in a parent's bedroom: 36% (this i findi nteresting. I could never, EVER, EVERRRR have sex in my parents' bedroom...let alone their HOUSE...but guys never seem to care and in fact, i think they rather want it!)
...in a park: 31%
...on an airplane: 2% (now this i give serious props to people for. I can't even figure out the logistics of this. I figure, you need an overnight flight with barely anyone on the plane...bathrooms are out because the flight attendants are right there! You go mile high people! I support you. I'd never DO it..but I support you.)
The two most common sex fantasy stars:
Most women are dreaming of either
1. a current lover
2. an ex
Why so tame? The most pleasurable fantasies tend to involve someone we've connected with emotionally. Which explains why celebs don't top the list. Unless you ARE a celebrity. With a celebrity ex.
The main reasons condoms break: incorrect usage (yeah no kidding). People either put them on wrong, they don't pinch the tip to get all the air out, or they use them with an oil-based lubricant.
The average number of friends a woman calls to talk about sleeping with someone for the first time: 3.
Average num for guys: 3.
So much for the notion that women are blabbers and men are mute.
THE OFFICE
FUCK ME HARD HOLY CRAP HOW AMAZING WAS THE OFFICE LAST NIGHT?!!! BLOW YOUR MIND THAT SHOW IS FRICKIN' AMAZING
Update post
Yeah so I haven't written in awhile. Suck it.
Next week I finally get my permanent green card interview thingy. Yee haw. Don't get me started on the photo situation. After 2 hours of hell i somehow ended up with EIGHT greencard photos thanks to Kinkos and DigiPhoto and not a singleo ne is acceptable for the greencard. I'm so peeved, i gotta go raise hell at DigiPhoto sometime before Tuesday and get another one.
On another note, I'm so obsessed with Nick Lachey right now it's crazy. Although maybe it'll switch over to ex-American Idol contestant Chris...he's my boy! WTF:
Is this not heartbreaking? Poor nick:
"It breaks my heart that I couldn't make Jessica happy," he mumbles, his chin pressed into his chest. "I wanted to be everything to my wife. I wanted her to look at me with love in her eyes, the way she did at the beginning, and have her feel like I was the most wonderful, awe-inspiring man on the planet. And when that stopped, it was the worst feeling in the world."
And here's the thing...maybe she DIDNT cheat on him...but take a look at like Reese Witherspoon. You never hear about her with other dudes. Why? Because she acts like a f*cking WIFE that's why. I mean, don't get me wrong...I didn't do a 180 just because I signed a marriage vow...but if I"m going to have cameras in my face, I'm not going to do ANTYHING that's going to even hint that I'm not committed to my marriage.
There is no keener shame than being publicly dumped. Add allegations that your wife cheated on you with several other men -- prankster-actor Johnny Knoxville, Knoxville's wingman Bam Margera, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine -- and you have a recipe for postal levels of retaliation.
So I admit it...i bought his album. I felt the need to support Team Lachey...to show Jessica was a frickin' moron she is. Seriously, my thoughts were that when they were married he should have written a husbandry book, called "How to despoil your wife in 5 years" (if you watched Newlyweds, you know what that means)...
"I read somewhere somebody was saying, 'Oh, he's capitalizing on his failed marriage to sell records,' " Lachey says. "That really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't rather be singing about how great love is? About my newborn son and shit like that? Give me a fucking break. I don't get to choose where my life goes. What do you want me to sing about?"
I SUPPORT YOU NICK! My plan is also to get him to marry one of my friends (and she knows who she is)...they have so much in common! And she actually wants to be a good wife! C'mon Nick, send me an email...i'll pimp her out.
A few random thoughts...
1. I hate HATE hate effing iTunes.
2. The couch cleaning guy is coming Sat morning so that my couches are officially socially acceptable again.
3. My blowdryer went on the fritz but then I got it working today, thank GOD. I've had it for 11 years and i LOVE it. Especially now that i have Henry hair.
4. Evan booked his trip to Cali! WOO HOO! NOw i gotta come up with inexpensive stuff for us to do while he's here (it'll be crazy, 4th of July and all)
5. I'm effing tired.
6. Go Team Lachey!
7. Whoever invents a cure for split ends will be a zillionaire.
In other news, Kraig saw Paris Hilton yesterday at E3
Paris Hilton at E3 news
Next week I finally get my permanent green card interview thingy. Yee haw. Don't get me started on the photo situation. After 2 hours of hell i somehow ended up with EIGHT greencard photos thanks to Kinkos and DigiPhoto and not a singleo ne is acceptable for the greencard. I'm so peeved, i gotta go raise hell at DigiPhoto sometime before Tuesday and get another one.
On another note, I'm so obsessed with Nick Lachey right now it's crazy. Although maybe it'll switch over to ex-American Idol contestant Chris...he's my boy! WTF:
Is this not heartbreaking? Poor nick:
"It breaks my heart that I couldn't make Jessica happy," he mumbles, his chin pressed into his chest. "I wanted to be everything to my wife. I wanted her to look at me with love in her eyes, the way she did at the beginning, and have her feel like I was the most wonderful, awe-inspiring man on the planet. And when that stopped, it was the worst feeling in the world."
And here's the thing...maybe she DIDNT cheat on him...but take a look at like Reese Witherspoon. You never hear about her with other dudes. Why? Because she acts like a f*cking WIFE that's why. I mean, don't get me wrong...I didn't do a 180 just because I signed a marriage vow...but if I"m going to have cameras in my face, I'm not going to do ANTYHING that's going to even hint that I'm not committed to my marriage.
There is no keener shame than being publicly dumped. Add allegations that your wife cheated on you with several other men -- prankster-actor Johnny Knoxville, Knoxville's wingman Bam Margera, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine -- and you have a recipe for postal levels of retaliation.
So I admit it...i bought his album. I felt the need to support Team Lachey...to show Jessica was a frickin' moron she is. Seriously, my thoughts were that when they were married he should have written a husbandry book, called "How to despoil your wife in 5 years" (if you watched Newlyweds, you know what that means)...
"I read somewhere somebody was saying, 'Oh, he's capitalizing on his failed marriage to sell records,' " Lachey says. "That really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't rather be singing about how great love is? About my newborn son and shit like that? Give me a fucking break. I don't get to choose where my life goes. What do you want me to sing about?"
I SUPPORT YOU NICK! My plan is also to get him to marry one of my friends (and she knows who she is)...they have so much in common! And she actually wants to be a good wife! C'mon Nick, send me an email...i'll pimp her out.
A few random thoughts...
1. I hate HATE hate effing iTunes.
2. The couch cleaning guy is coming Sat morning so that my couches are officially socially acceptable again.
3. My blowdryer went on the fritz but then I got it working today, thank GOD. I've had it for 11 years and i LOVE it. Especially now that i have Henry hair.
4. Evan booked his trip to Cali! WOO HOO! NOw i gotta come up with inexpensive stuff for us to do while he's here (it'll be crazy, 4th of July and all)
5. I'm effing tired.
6. Go Team Lachey!
7. Whoever invents a cure for split ends will be a zillionaire.
In other news, Kraig saw Paris Hilton yesterday at E3
Paris Hilton at E3 news
Friday, May 05, 2006
Narcissm....
So in case anyone cares, here's the stuff i got done from my TO DO list awhile back:
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport (well...going after work today)
- send mom mother's day card
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that) doing that after work today
- deposit that $340 check
And only 'cause I want to waste time...from Norm's myspace thingy (damn i hate myspace...i can't believe they actually have a myspace PHONE for eff's sakes):
1. Worst damage you ever took in a fight?
Black eye, massive bruising in various spots, and almost an effing coronary...
2. Most money you ever owed a utility company?
Probably not much...like $100+?
3. Last time you got kicked out of a bar?
I'm a girl. They don't kick us out of bars.
4. Longest time you slept in a car?
Oh geezus I've slept HOURS in a car...all the time. The average is like 3 hours. Probably the max...i dunno, 4-5 hours?
5. Most messed up nickname you've ever been given?
Libby. Don't ask.
6. Worst job you ever had?
Let's see, i've had like 27 jobs in 19 years...and the worst was for the first company I worked for in the Bay area. Yeah you heard me. Working for a tech company made me cry EVERY day and i've worked at McDonald's...I've done housekeeping and yardwork...but that one company was so awful and I couldn't quit for one whole year.
Second worst: Travelodge. Yeah the hotel. To top it off I was dating a coworker (I went through a phase where no matter what the job, i dated or slept with my coworker..wtf. Recommendation: don't sleep with a coworker if you require a uniform as part of yuor job...total libido killer) but since we had alternate shifts the only time we could see each other was after 11pm. You know what you do after 11pm when you both live with your parents? Not much. The kicker was when he took a vacation day on Canada Day and then *I* had to work his stupid shift as a result!
7. Shortest job you've ever had?
I've had a few jobs that were around 2-3 months.
8. Longest romantic relationship?
I've beeen with Kraig since March 2, 2001...but i guess pre-marriage it would be almost 4 years with someone else (I was only with kraig like 1.5 years before he proposed)....
9. Shortest romantic relationship?
Well geezus let's see...3 minutes making out with someone in a bar during a song? I mean, define "romantic"...okay where you actually know the person's name?...sorry Bryan...1 week in Grade 8...lol.
10. Food that you would eat til you puked?
POUTINE!!! But since I can't get that in the US...hmmm...pizza I guess...or Indian (because it's not authentic if you don't eat 10 servings of indian like the Aunties would make you do...)..
11. Food that even looking at makes you puke?
Anything with pesto and/or goat cheese. I got food poisoning off (ironically) some California Pizza somewhere in Ottawa and that's what came up...gughgh.
12. What music saved your life?
Alot of Madonna...i know, retarded, but she's been around my entire life and has had enough phases to cover EVERYTHING.
You know what else is good? Effing Britney Spears' STRONGER song. That came up around the time Adam and I broke up...to this day it can inspire me through ANY workout.
13. Person you miss the most in the world?
ALL my friends in Canada. Lately I've really really been missing Christine, but seriously pretty much all of them. It's like getting your roots cut off. Ha...ROOTS...get it...okay probably not.
14. Worst movie you've ever seen?
That effing train movie with Wesley Snipes. I walked out, went to watch Indecent Proposal for like half an hour, came back to tell my friends about it, and had almost the entire theater listening to my plot synopsis of the OTHER movie instead of watching the one we actually paid to see.
Otherwise...i think i either fell asleep or walked out of Fear and Loathing in Las VEgas...blegh. Got X-rated with aforementioned Travelodge Boyfriend during that crappy Alicia Silverstone one (Excess Baggage) (tips to guys: want to get play from your woman? Take her to see a horrible movie. A blowjob is STILL better than watching a bad, bad BAD movie in the theater). YELLED at another boyfriend for hours for taking me to see Eyes Wide Shut.
15. Best movie you've ever seen?
"Best" is different than one that I totally love. I adore Clueless but that's not the "best" movie...so ones that I think are very well done...Joy Luck Club...Desperado...Pride & Prejudice...actually V for Vendetta was very well done...
16. Craziest shit you've ever done sober?
Define crazy...i mean, crazy is based on where you are in life at the time. Sober...my friend and I had a system for stealing other people's assignments out of the bins int he computer science hall...now, not a big deal. Back then, EASILY expulsion from the university. Sober...having s*x in public places...which actually the only reason i wouldn't do that now is 'cause i don't want to lose my green card. Sober...speeding like a mofo because i'd rather risk DYING than get my ass kicked by my parents for being late.
17. Ever almost die?
Not that I can recall.
18. Ever fistfight a member of the opposite sex?
fistfight, no, punch, yes.
19. Best place you have ever lived?
Selkirk, Manitoba.
20. Worst place you have ever lived?
Define" worst"...i mean, the OC is wayyy overpriced and that effing sucks. But...hmmm i'd say...Tracy, California....
21. Bad habit you have had for the longest time?
Does being unrefined count as a bad habit? I dunno...staying up late, going to the gym late, and then having serious issues getting up in the morning.
22. Noise that makes you want to punch people?
Norm, i gotta agree with yo...i can't STAND hearing other people eating. AND...when you're in a theater and you hear that slurping of their drinks or the opening of bags...ARHHHGHG open your frickin' bag before the movie starts!!
23. Your favorite tattoo?
I don't have any, and I don't want any anymore. I'm not down with getting them at this point in life (I have no issues if other people do...but i feel like I'm trying to capture my youth or something...let's be real people, I wasn't cool then and getting a tattoo certainly won't make me any cooler now.
24. Least favorite tattoo?
duh.
25. At your poorest, were you a ramen noodle or mac and cheez?
At my poorest I subsisted on Circus Animal Cookies. And i'm not kidding. But if i had to choose...mac and cheese.
26. Most money you have ever spent on a single meal?
A little over $100 at this joint in San Diego awhile ago. There was also this amazingp lace in Ottawa that was a little steep (also over $100) but it closed down. Both times without alcohol.
27. Best gift you ever got?
That's an awful question!
28. Best pet you ever had?
Listen, i love all my pets. I miss Smokey badly. But we all know Marmalade rules my life.
29. Ever run from the cops?
Actually, I did...and this makes me sound SO white trash but I was smoking on a weekend outside of my old high school. I DONT SMOKE...my friend convinced me,and we found an open door to get inside the locked school....and then the cops showed up and we ran like mofos. We didn't get very far...they still took our names down.
30. Money or health?
If it's Cancer + Billionaire vs. Peak Health + Homeless, i'll take money. But if it's like Crappy Health + BIllionaire or Peak Health + Current Money...oh eff that, who are we kidding...money.
Have a great Cinco de Mayo everyone!
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport (well...going after work today)
- send mom mother's day card
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that) doing that after work today
- deposit that $340 check
And only 'cause I want to waste time...from Norm's myspace thingy (damn i hate myspace...i can't believe they actually have a myspace PHONE for eff's sakes):
1. Worst damage you ever took in a fight?
Black eye, massive bruising in various spots, and almost an effing coronary...
2. Most money you ever owed a utility company?
Probably not much...like $100+?
3. Last time you got kicked out of a bar?
I'm a girl. They don't kick us out of bars.
4. Longest time you slept in a car?
Oh geezus I've slept HOURS in a car...all the time. The average is like 3 hours. Probably the max...i dunno, 4-5 hours?
5. Most messed up nickname you've ever been given?
Libby. Don't ask.
6. Worst job you ever had?
Let's see, i've had like 27 jobs in 19 years...and the worst was for the first company I worked for in the Bay area. Yeah you heard me. Working for a tech company made me cry EVERY day and i've worked at McDonald's...I've done housekeeping and yardwork...but that one company was so awful and I couldn't quit for one whole year.
Second worst: Travelodge. Yeah the hotel. To top it off I was dating a coworker (I went through a phase where no matter what the job, i dated or slept with my coworker..wtf. Recommendation: don't sleep with a coworker if you require a uniform as part of yuor job...total libido killer) but since we had alternate shifts the only time we could see each other was after 11pm. You know what you do after 11pm when you both live with your parents? Not much. The kicker was when he took a vacation day on Canada Day and then *I* had to work his stupid shift as a result!
7. Shortest job you've ever had?
I've had a few jobs that were around 2-3 months.
8. Longest romantic relationship?
I've beeen with Kraig since March 2, 2001...but i guess pre-marriage it would be almost 4 years with someone else (I was only with kraig like 1.5 years before he proposed)....
9. Shortest romantic relationship?
Well geezus let's see...3 minutes making out with someone in a bar during a song? I mean, define "romantic"...okay where you actually know the person's name?...sorry Bryan...1 week in Grade 8...lol.
10. Food that you would eat til you puked?
POUTINE!!! But since I can't get that in the US...hmmm...pizza I guess...or Indian (because it's not authentic if you don't eat 10 servings of indian like the Aunties would make you do...)..
11. Food that even looking at makes you puke?
Anything with pesto and/or goat cheese. I got food poisoning off (ironically) some California Pizza somewhere in Ottawa and that's what came up...gughgh.
12. What music saved your life?
Alot of Madonna...i know, retarded, but she's been around my entire life and has had enough phases to cover EVERYTHING.
You know what else is good? Effing Britney Spears' STRONGER song. That came up around the time Adam and I broke up...to this day it can inspire me through ANY workout.
13. Person you miss the most in the world?
ALL my friends in Canada. Lately I've really really been missing Christine, but seriously pretty much all of them. It's like getting your roots cut off. Ha...ROOTS...get it...okay probably not.
14. Worst movie you've ever seen?
That effing train movie with Wesley Snipes. I walked out, went to watch Indecent Proposal for like half an hour, came back to tell my friends about it, and had almost the entire theater listening to my plot synopsis of the OTHER movie instead of watching the one we actually paid to see.
Otherwise...i think i either fell asleep or walked out of Fear and Loathing in Las VEgas...blegh. Got X-rated with aforementioned Travelodge Boyfriend during that crappy Alicia Silverstone one (Excess Baggage) (tips to guys: want to get play from your woman? Take her to see a horrible movie. A blowjob is STILL better than watching a bad, bad BAD movie in the theater). YELLED at another boyfriend for hours for taking me to see Eyes Wide Shut.
15. Best movie you've ever seen?
"Best" is different than one that I totally love. I adore Clueless but that's not the "best" movie...so ones that I think are very well done...Joy Luck Club...Desperado...Pride & Prejudice...actually V for Vendetta was very well done...
16. Craziest shit you've ever done sober?
Define crazy...i mean, crazy is based on where you are in life at the time. Sober...my friend and I had a system for stealing other people's assignments out of the bins int he computer science hall...now, not a big deal. Back then, EASILY expulsion from the university. Sober...having s*x in public places...which actually the only reason i wouldn't do that now is 'cause i don't want to lose my green card. Sober...speeding like a mofo because i'd rather risk DYING than get my ass kicked by my parents for being late.
17. Ever almost die?
Not that I can recall.
18. Ever fistfight a member of the opposite sex?
fistfight, no, punch, yes.
19. Best place you have ever lived?
Selkirk, Manitoba.
20. Worst place you have ever lived?
Define" worst"...i mean, the OC is wayyy overpriced and that effing sucks. But...hmmm i'd say...Tracy, California....
21. Bad habit you have had for the longest time?
Does being unrefined count as a bad habit? I dunno...staying up late, going to the gym late, and then having serious issues getting up in the morning.
22. Noise that makes you want to punch people?
Norm, i gotta agree with yo...i can't STAND hearing other people eating. AND...when you're in a theater and you hear that slurping of their drinks or the opening of bags...ARHHHGHG open your frickin' bag before the movie starts!!
23. Your favorite tattoo?
I don't have any, and I don't want any anymore. I'm not down with getting them at this point in life (I have no issues if other people do...but i feel like I'm trying to capture my youth or something...let's be real people, I wasn't cool then and getting a tattoo certainly won't make me any cooler now.
24. Least favorite tattoo?
duh.
25. At your poorest, were you a ramen noodle or mac and cheez?
At my poorest I subsisted on Circus Animal Cookies. And i'm not kidding. But if i had to choose...mac and cheese.
26. Most money you have ever spent on a single meal?
A little over $100 at this joint in San Diego awhile ago. There was also this amazingp lace in Ottawa that was a little steep (also over $100) but it closed down. Both times without alcohol.
27. Best gift you ever got?
That's an awful question!
28. Best pet you ever had?
Listen, i love all my pets. I miss Smokey badly. But we all know Marmalade rules my life.
29. Ever run from the cops?
Actually, I did...and this makes me sound SO white trash but I was smoking on a weekend outside of my old high school. I DONT SMOKE...my friend convinced me,and we found an open door to get inside the locked school....and then the cops showed up and we ran like mofos. We didn't get very far...they still took our names down.
30. Money or health?
If it's Cancer + Billionaire vs. Peak Health + Homeless, i'll take money. But if it's like Crappy Health + BIllionaire or Peak Health + Current Money...oh eff that, who are we kidding...money.
Have a great Cinco de Mayo everyone!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Mmm. Phloem. Phood.
To support the cause: Take Back Your Time
So today I made a list of places that I usually go to eat lunch at work and it's almost disturbing that this list is only like 25% of the places we normally go:
Thai: this thai place on Muirlands over by the Albertsons...(Thai Taste or something like that)
Exotic and different: there's this afghani/persian buffet on Lake Forest/Muirlands (Ariana Grill)...
Upscale Italian: Dolce Vita on Lake Forest
Ghetto Italian: Peppino's off lake forest and that street by the 5
Overprice exotic: Inka's peruvian by Peppino's
Sandwich/salad stuff: Jackson Barne over by the 24 Fitness by the spectrum
Mexican: Baja Fish Taco http://bajafishtacos.net/ (over by Best Buy in lake forest)
American + slightly longer lunch: BJs on El Toro
American and slightly quicker: Red Robin at the spectrum
When no one can decide and we're cheap: Food Court at the Spectrum
When most want Mexican but the rest of us don't and we're being cheap:
the food area on Irvine Center Drive towards San Canyon
Indian buffet: India Cook House on Culver and the 5 And lastly...
When in doubt: Daphne's over by Jeffrey and Alton (there's also a pizza place there)....
I realize that I set myself up for massive stalking but..well...like i said this is only 25% of the list and heck, i would invite said stalker to lunch if he/she actually finds me.
So today I made a list of places that I usually go to eat lunch at work and it's almost disturbing that this list is only like 25% of the places we normally go:
Thai: this thai place on Muirlands over by the Albertsons...(Thai Taste or something like that)
Exotic and different: there's this afghani/persian buffet on Lake Forest/Muirlands (Ariana Grill)...
Upscale Italian: Dolce Vita on Lake Forest
Ghetto Italian: Peppino's off lake forest and that street by the 5
Overprice exotic: Inka's peruvian by Peppino's
Sandwich/salad stuff: Jackson Barne over by the 24 Fitness by the spectrum
Mexican: Baja Fish Taco http://bajafishtacos.net/ (over by Best Buy in lake forest)
American + slightly longer lunch: BJs on El Toro
American and slightly quicker: Red Robin at the spectrum
When no one can decide and we're cheap: Food Court at the Spectrum
When most want Mexican but the rest of us don't and we're being cheap:
the food area on Irvine Center Drive towards San Canyon
Indian buffet: India Cook House on Culver and the 5 And lastly...
When in doubt: Daphne's over by Jeffrey and Alton (there's also a pizza place there)....
I realize that I set myself up for massive stalking but..well...like i said this is only 25% of the list and heck, i would invite said stalker to lunch if he/she actually finds me.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Brokeba--err...Camelback Mountain
This past weekend I went to Arizona with Carrie to visit her friend Julie (a little road trip if you will).
Mother Nature is a perverted old lady in AZ:
Carrie asked if I would be cool if we did this Camelback Mountain hike before we headed back to Orange County. I'm like "yeah, sure, no prob".
Then that weekend I start to get nervous...anyone who knows Carrie knows she's like...Dances with Wolves when it comes to nature. She hikes like a mofo. I used to hike quite often, but hey, I also used to be a Calculus pro and you don't see me number crunching integrals anymore either. so I kept asking "are you sure I'll be able to keep up, I don't want to hold you back, yadda yadda".
And she keeps saying "oh, you do cardio, you'll be fine".
Yeah. Fine my ass. Clearly 3x a week of light cardio while reading Cosmo is contributing NOTHING to my muscle growth.
Then the night before I read all sorts of Yahoo Travel Reviews on this hike:
Due to the loose gravel this hike can be dangerous especially on your way down.
Use caution. The climb to the top is not for the weak of heart.
..the hiking trail is quite tough and at places it is challanging
Much of it after the first half-mile gets very steep and rocky. Don't try this if you're a beginner--getting down is much harder than going up.
...but Carrie still insisted that it was doable, that I didn't have to go if i didn't want to but seriously I could probably do it.
Clearly the part of me that thought this was a good idea was also the part of me that used to get a kick out of the things my guy friends built while drunk (like the soda can connected to a wire that we plugged in the wall and then electrocuted ourselves with for FUN...uh while drunk...) when I was in high school.
Anyway.
So at 6:45am on Sunday, we got up and headed out the door. Julie gets a big bottle of water, Carrie has two smaller ones she foolishly thinks she'll be able to carry in her hands the entire time, and i've got this cross-shoulder little backpack thingy.
Note that I spent a good chunk of time convincing Carrie to give me her health card in case something happened up Camelback
So...the hike itself.
How little did we know what we were up against:
It's supposed to be 1.2 miles. That's like nothing, right? I mean, that's a walk to the parking lot. OH HELL NO. Clearly on Camelback they use some bizarre unit of measurement because after like 1 hour we saw the 5/8 mile marker...those Arizonians are f*cked up people.
It starts off steep but there's stairs so we don't think much of it. And then it starts to get REALLY steep. And the gravel is psycho crazy...it was like walking on ice uphill.
THEN...we face this:
Which is a 90degree incline on a perfectly smooth rock. And don't let the bars fool you...you couldn't climb over by the area where the bars were. At this point I'm realizing that people around us have GLOVES on....
Midway up this bastard of a rock section I realize I'm f*cked up the ass. I can't go back down because there's nowhere my feet can go and i can't go up 'cause there's nothing for me to hold on to. Carrie's a bit ahead of me to the side with the same problem. I'm slipping, my heart is pounding, adrenaline is going to make my organs burst out of my body, I'm cursing Carrie (and not under my breath either)...I look down at Julie who's still at the bars with a look of Deer In Headlights which was even WORSE because looking down almost made me pee in my pants (well...in the funky red shorts I borrowed)....
I guess the Rock Climbing Gods must have heard our prayers 'cause this old dude with Spiderman webbing skills popped out of nowhere and pulled me, Carrie, and Julie up that part...if the adrenaline hadn't made me feel like a flimsy noodle I would have thanked him properly...I have no idea how we would have survived that if it wasnt' for him.
So...at that point most normal people would have just said "eff this Camelback crap, Carrie and Julie can shove it up their ass" right? Oh, not me. The abuse wasn't enough for us. For the next few eons we CLIMB (did i mention this was supposedt o be a hike? So why were my knees and hands bruised and bloodied?!) up this effing mountain, i'm swearing, we're covered in dirt, we're realizing that a visor is the best investment we didn't make, and that water bottles are best carried in between your boobs.
FINALLY...we're in the last home stretch. I'm talking 7 minutes.
This was the part:
And I was like "I'm crapping out." I know, you're thinking, 2 hours of hiking up and you crapped out in the last 7 minutes? Trust me, I didn't care. I didn't want to go up and have to go back down. I didn't CARE what the view looked like. All i cared about was that my thighs were pure mush and I wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for the helicopters to get me.
So i empty my backpack except for the digital camera, give it to julie and carrie, and chill out in the beautiful, glorious shade. SHADE mother effers is your best friend in Arizona.
Like the non-nature person I am, I immediately get on my cell phone and start calling/texting people...one guy offered to carry my up the mountain just so I could see the view (uh...no. At this point everyone looked as nasty and sweaty and filthy as I was). Finally this group of 20-something guys and girls come over and totally convince me to do the climb. I'm like "but i've got my stuff, my friend has my backpack" and one guy's all "you can put it in my bag"...
And i gave him a distrusting look to which he said "uh where am I going to run to?" which was a valid point so I gave him my stuff and we trekked up...thank GOD i rested 'cause it was still brutal...midway I see Carrie and Julie, so Carrie being a crazy lady goes and climbs BACK up with me...and finally, we get to teh top.
And the first thing I did was text everyone that I finally made it:
THEN i take in the view. Which was NOt worth it. Seriously. Who's the retarded jackass who climbed this the first time and thought this would be fun? Speaking of, at one point during my many breathing breaks we chatted with this old (and i mean...old...like decrepit old) guy who had been doing this climb/hike for 35 years...and i was like "WHY?!" and he's all "you find yourself addicted after awhile".
Me: "Oh, like crack or heroin? That seems alot easier than this hike"
Him: "well, by the weekend you really start to crave doing this climb"
Me: "Yeah, I would crave heroin by the weekend too. Still seems like ALOT less hassle than this hike".
He also proceeds to show us all his bruises from when he fell during a hike...and i'm all "crack and heroin seem ALOT safer"...
So now you think my story is over, right?
At the top:
OH HELL NO.
Now we had to get DOWN this torture they call fun....and by then it was seriously boiling hot, my muscles were like jello, and we were practically sliding down (I mean, my ass and my arms were totally gettinga workout ont he way down). I truly wanted to DIE. Plus we had long since ran out of water. This super nice guy saw us and offered water...he actually carries extra water to give to other hikers! That dude deserves massive karma points. Anyway by the time we got back to the last stretch with just stairs, i almost fell down....even stairs were too much work for my jello thighs. Someone needs to create a massive slide at the top of that mountain like an airplane emergency system 'cause going down I wanted to shoot myself just as much as going up.
The view back DOWN the mountain
When we got back, I realized that I had left Carrie's health card in the car. Good thing we didn't need a helicopter after all.
I can't remember the last time I feared for my life. i can't remember the last time I had such a serious case of Swamp Ass. I can't remember the last time I was completely miserable for 3 hours straight. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to let a friend down.
It's 2 days later, I can barely walk without looking like someone shoved a rod up my ass...but dang, part of me wonders if maybe...just maybe...i'm stupid enough to do that hike again.
If i ever suggest that out loud, feel free to bitch slap me.
The Summit Trail at Camelback Mountain is considered to be one of the most difficult, extreme trails located within an urban environment in the US. The trailhead elevation starts at 1400 feet and rises to 2750 over 1-1/6 miles. Trails vary from 1/8 mile of railroad tie steps rising several hundred feet, to rough rock faces with rails to assist the hiker at 60 degree inclines. Transition trails are typically loose gravel with small rocks imbedded with many places to stop along the way. There are two canyons along the trail with boulders ranging from 1' to 4', most firmly imbedded, but the loose rocks along the way can present challenges if you aren't careful.
Mother Nature is a perverted old lady in AZ:
Carrie asked if I would be cool if we did this Camelback Mountain hike before we headed back to Orange County. I'm like "yeah, sure, no prob".
Then that weekend I start to get nervous...anyone who knows Carrie knows she's like...Dances with Wolves when it comes to nature. She hikes like a mofo. I used to hike quite often, but hey, I also used to be a Calculus pro and you don't see me number crunching integrals anymore either. so I kept asking "are you sure I'll be able to keep up, I don't want to hold you back, yadda yadda".
And she keeps saying "oh, you do cardio, you'll be fine".
Yeah. Fine my ass. Clearly 3x a week of light cardio while reading Cosmo is contributing NOTHING to my muscle growth.
Then the night before I read all sorts of Yahoo Travel Reviews on this hike:
Due to the loose gravel this hike can be dangerous especially on your way down.
Use caution. The climb to the top is not for the weak of heart.
..the hiking trail is quite tough and at places it is challanging
Much of it after the first half-mile gets very steep and rocky. Don't try this if you're a beginner--getting down is much harder than going up.
...but Carrie still insisted that it was doable, that I didn't have to go if i didn't want to but seriously I could probably do it.
Clearly the part of me that thought this was a good idea was also the part of me that used to get a kick out of the things my guy friends built while drunk (like the soda can connected to a wire that we plugged in the wall and then electrocuted ourselves with for FUN...uh while drunk...) when I was in high school.
Anyway.
So at 6:45am on Sunday, we got up and headed out the door. Julie gets a big bottle of water, Carrie has two smaller ones she foolishly thinks she'll be able to carry in her hands the entire time, and i've got this cross-shoulder little backpack thingy.
Note that I spent a good chunk of time convincing Carrie to give me her health card in case something happened up Camelback
So...the hike itself.
How little did we know what we were up against:
It's supposed to be 1.2 miles. That's like nothing, right? I mean, that's a walk to the parking lot. OH HELL NO. Clearly on Camelback they use some bizarre unit of measurement because after like 1 hour we saw the 5/8 mile marker...those Arizonians are f*cked up people.
It starts off steep but there's stairs so we don't think much of it. And then it starts to get REALLY steep. And the gravel is psycho crazy...it was like walking on ice uphill.
THEN...we face this:
Which is a 90degree incline on a perfectly smooth rock. And don't let the bars fool you...you couldn't climb over by the area where the bars were. At this point I'm realizing that people around us have GLOVES on....
Midway up this bastard of a rock section I realize I'm f*cked up the ass. I can't go back down because there's nowhere my feet can go and i can't go up 'cause there's nothing for me to hold on to. Carrie's a bit ahead of me to the side with the same problem. I'm slipping, my heart is pounding, adrenaline is going to make my organs burst out of my body, I'm cursing Carrie (and not under my breath either)...I look down at Julie who's still at the bars with a look of Deer In Headlights which was even WORSE because looking down almost made me pee in my pants (well...in the funky red shorts I borrowed)....
I guess the Rock Climbing Gods must have heard our prayers 'cause this old dude with Spiderman webbing skills popped out of nowhere and pulled me, Carrie, and Julie up that part...if the adrenaline hadn't made me feel like a flimsy noodle I would have thanked him properly...I have no idea how we would have survived that if it wasnt' for him.
So...at that point most normal people would have just said "eff this Camelback crap, Carrie and Julie can shove it up their ass" right? Oh, not me. The abuse wasn't enough for us. For the next few eons we CLIMB (did i mention this was supposedt o be a hike? So why were my knees and hands bruised and bloodied?!) up this effing mountain, i'm swearing, we're covered in dirt, we're realizing that a visor is the best investment we didn't make, and that water bottles are best carried in between your boobs.
FINALLY...we're in the last home stretch. I'm talking 7 minutes.
This was the part:
And I was like "I'm crapping out." I know, you're thinking, 2 hours of hiking up and you crapped out in the last 7 minutes? Trust me, I didn't care. I didn't want to go up and have to go back down. I didn't CARE what the view looked like. All i cared about was that my thighs were pure mush and I wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for the helicopters to get me.
So i empty my backpack except for the digital camera, give it to julie and carrie, and chill out in the beautiful, glorious shade. SHADE mother effers is your best friend in Arizona.
Like the non-nature person I am, I immediately get on my cell phone and start calling/texting people...one guy offered to carry my up the mountain just so I could see the view (uh...no. At this point everyone looked as nasty and sweaty and filthy as I was). Finally this group of 20-something guys and girls come over and totally convince me to do the climb. I'm like "but i've got my stuff, my friend has my backpack" and one guy's all "you can put it in my bag"...
And i gave him a distrusting look to which he said "uh where am I going to run to?" which was a valid point so I gave him my stuff and we trekked up...thank GOD i rested 'cause it was still brutal...midway I see Carrie and Julie, so Carrie being a crazy lady goes and climbs BACK up with me...and finally, we get to teh top.
And the first thing I did was text everyone that I finally made it:
THEN i take in the view. Which was NOt worth it. Seriously. Who's the retarded jackass who climbed this the first time and thought this would be fun? Speaking of, at one point during my many breathing breaks we chatted with this old (and i mean...old...like decrepit old) guy who had been doing this climb/hike for 35 years...and i was like "WHY?!" and he's all "you find yourself addicted after awhile".
Me: "Oh, like crack or heroin? That seems alot easier than this hike"
Him: "well, by the weekend you really start to crave doing this climb"
Me: "Yeah, I would crave heroin by the weekend too. Still seems like ALOT less hassle than this hike".
He also proceeds to show us all his bruises from when he fell during a hike...and i'm all "crack and heroin seem ALOT safer"...
So now you think my story is over, right?
At the top:
OH HELL NO.
Now we had to get DOWN this torture they call fun....and by then it was seriously boiling hot, my muscles were like jello, and we were practically sliding down (I mean, my ass and my arms were totally gettinga workout ont he way down). I truly wanted to DIE. Plus we had long since ran out of water. This super nice guy saw us and offered water...he actually carries extra water to give to other hikers! That dude deserves massive karma points. Anyway by the time we got back to the last stretch with just stairs, i almost fell down....even stairs were too much work for my jello thighs. Someone needs to create a massive slide at the top of that mountain like an airplane emergency system 'cause going down I wanted to shoot myself just as much as going up.
The view back DOWN the mountain
When we got back, I realized that I had left Carrie's health card in the car. Good thing we didn't need a helicopter after all.
I can't remember the last time I feared for my life. i can't remember the last time I had such a serious case of Swamp Ass. I can't remember the last time I was completely miserable for 3 hours straight. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to let a friend down.
It's 2 days later, I can barely walk without looking like someone shoved a rod up my ass...but dang, part of me wonders if maybe...just maybe...i'm stupid enough to do that hike again.
If i ever suggest that out loud, feel free to bitch slap me.
The Summit Trail at Camelback Mountain is considered to be one of the most difficult, extreme trails located within an urban environment in the US. The trailhead elevation starts at 1400 feet and rises to 2750 over 1-1/6 miles. Trails vary from 1/8 mile of railroad tie steps rising several hundred feet, to rough rock faces with rails to assist the hiker at 60 degree inclines. Transition trails are typically loose gravel with small rocks imbedded with many places to stop along the way. There are two canyons along the trail with boulders ranging from 1' to 4', most firmly imbedded, but the loose rocks along the way can present challenges if you aren't careful.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
So I have to post about the crazy ass hike up Camelback mountain but I just have to get this out of the way...
My big To-Do list for this week (in no particular order):
So speaking of my green card...I'm officially permanent! Okay I guess pseudo-permanent...it's not officially done until I get that green card in the mail (which they said takes 6 months and I shouldn't leave the country during that time, yadda yadda the usual)...but they approved my permanent status and all I need is to go in and get a new card!
WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
I'm so sick of immigration it's crazy (and FYI: I get super annoyed when they say "the day without immigrants"...it's "the day without illegal immigrants", there's a difference!! I didn't break the effing law and i've dedicated a boatload of cash and time and heartache into all of this!)...but fortunately this is the last step before US citizenship.
LOL this also means that I can divorce Kraig now :P
In order to avoid the usual questions:
1. No, simply marrying a US citizen does not automatically entitle you to a green card. You still have to get "permission" and if they don't think you've dotted your "i's" well enough, they can reject your application and deport you back.
2. No, I'm not a US citizen. I can't vote, I can't get a US passport, I can't become president. BUT..unlike when I was on a visa...I can apply for medicaire, unemployment, stuff that my tax money was funding but I was never eligible for.
3. When you get your green card through marriage, it's a "conditional" green card...meaning you have to stay married and prove you're legit for 2 years after the initial application (this is key...i'm coming up on my 3rd year of marriage but that means nothing, it's all based on when they decided to file your paperwork).
After 2 years, you apply to remove the "conditional" sentencing by providing every document under the planet from utility bills to home purchase paperwork to tax filings....
4. I'll feel a whole lot better when I get my green card in the mail in 6 months.
5. No, the green card is not green.
Effing right I'm going to wear my Canadian Girls Kick Ass tank top when I go to the bureau in 2 weeks :)
My big To-Do list for this week (in no particular order):
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- burn Nat's wedding onto CD for Nat and Nik, mail to both of them
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport
- Get new green card photos taken
- send mom and mother in law Mother's Day cards
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that)
- Speaking of Ryan and Nicole...get a hold of their friend Candace for our surprise joke gift to them
- deposit that $340 check
So speaking of my green card...I'm officially permanent! Okay I guess pseudo-permanent...it's not officially done until I get that green card in the mail (which they said takes 6 months and I shouldn't leave the country during that time, yadda yadda the usual)...but they approved my permanent status and all I need is to go in and get a new card!
WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
I'm so sick of immigration it's crazy (and FYI: I get super annoyed when they say "the day without immigrants"...it's "the day without illegal immigrants", there's a difference!! I didn't break the effing law and i've dedicated a boatload of cash and time and heartache into all of this!)...but fortunately this is the last step before US citizenship.
LOL this also means that I can divorce Kraig now :P
In order to avoid the usual questions:
1. No, simply marrying a US citizen does not automatically entitle you to a green card. You still have to get "permission" and if they don't think you've dotted your "i's" well enough, they can reject your application and deport you back.
2. No, I'm not a US citizen. I can't vote, I can't get a US passport, I can't become president. BUT..unlike when I was on a visa...I can apply for medicaire, unemployment, stuff that my tax money was funding but I was never eligible for.
3. When you get your green card through marriage, it's a "conditional" green card...meaning you have to stay married and prove you're legit for 2 years after the initial application (this is key...i'm coming up on my 3rd year of marriage but that means nothing, it's all based on when they decided to file your paperwork).
After 2 years, you apply to remove the "conditional" sentencing by providing every document under the planet from utility bills to home purchase paperwork to tax filings....
4. I'll feel a whole lot better when I get my green card in the mail in 6 months.
5. No, the green card is not green.
Effing right I'm going to wear my Canadian Girls Kick Ass tank top when I go to the bureau in 2 weeks :)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Another reason to maybe not get married: When i t pays to stay single
It pays to stay single when you're at a bar and a hot guy/girl comes up to you, that's when it pays...
A few laughs for you...
Not Quite Perfect McDonald's
This is awesome:
"We had a warehouse full of meat patties made in the shape of our golden arch logo. A quickly fired executive thought it would be a good idea to make an 'M'-shaped burger but it was expensive to produce, and depending where you took a bite, you had a very good chance of getting no beef."
My Anti Drug is Alcohol
Guy in Philosophy Class needs to shut the fuck up
(OMG so true...there is NOTHING that I hate more than people who go around spouting off their philosophical crappy ideas to people. You know what? Shut your mouth because your philosophical view on life isn't going to pay my bills, isn't going to get me through traffic, isn't going to make sure i keep my job. You know what will? Just getting my stuff done. It makes no difference what my ATTITUDE is...as long as the mortgage is paid, my lender doesnt' give a crap about that stuff. And neither do I. Okay well sometimes i prefer to have a better attitude, but that's from personal experience...not because someone gave me some dude's opinion on how to deal with life. No one knows better how to deal with MY life than ME...suck it)
New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
Last Week's ALien Loves Predator comic strip
heh heh..."One renegade robot cop"....
Oh yeah, About thse Personal Ads? WTF?
Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
I swear, rules #1, 2, and 3 are all brilliant.
Craigslist Haiku
Nuff said.
I love Craigslist so much I thanked it in my wedding speech. Team Craigslist!
On to more randomness...
I've decided on May 9th I need to support my boy Nick Lachey by buying his album. Someone needs to help him pay his legal bills against Jessica. ANd his Gold's Gym membership. And his gas to all those interviews where he rants and cries about how he didn't know his marriage was over until he was told told it was over...gas in LA is probably even higher than it is in the OC...my poor poor Nick.
And FINALLY...
Nicole D came up with a fabulous new product idea that I don't think she even realized would be a big seller...I won't give it away but let's just say: vibrating, warmth, feet. Exactly.
It pays to stay single when you're at a bar and a hot guy/girl comes up to you, that's when it pays...
A few laughs for you...
Not Quite Perfect McDonald's
This is awesome:
"We had a warehouse full of meat patties made in the shape of our golden arch logo. A quickly fired executive thought it would be a good idea to make an 'M'-shaped burger but it was expensive to produce, and depending where you took a bite, you had a very good chance of getting no beef."
My Anti Drug is Alcohol
Guy in Philosophy Class needs to shut the fuck up
(OMG so true...there is NOTHING that I hate more than people who go around spouting off their philosophical crappy ideas to people. You know what? Shut your mouth because your philosophical view on life isn't going to pay my bills, isn't going to get me through traffic, isn't going to make sure i keep my job. You know what will? Just getting my stuff done. It makes no difference what my ATTITUDE is...as long as the mortgage is paid, my lender doesnt' give a crap about that stuff. And neither do I. Okay well sometimes i prefer to have a better attitude, but that's from personal experience...not because someone gave me some dude's opinion on how to deal with life. No one knows better how to deal with MY life than ME...suck it)
New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
Last Week's ALien Loves Predator comic strip
heh heh..."One renegade robot cop"....
Oh yeah, About thse Personal Ads? WTF?
Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
I swear, rules #1, 2, and 3 are all brilliant.
Craigslist Haiku
Nuff said.
I love Craigslist so much I thanked it in my wedding speech. Team Craigslist!
On to more randomness...
I've decided on May 9th I need to support my boy Nick Lachey by buying his album. Someone needs to help him pay his legal bills against Jessica. ANd his Gold's Gym membership. And his gas to all those interviews where he rants and cries about how he didn't know his marriage was over until he was told told it was over...gas in LA is probably even higher than it is in the OC...my poor poor Nick.
And FINALLY...
Nicole D came up with a fabulous new product idea that I don't think she even realized would be a big seller...I won't give it away but let's just say: vibrating, warmth, feet. Exactly.
Okay Yahoo, you're in my good books again...
Free PC-to-phone calls
for Yahoo! Mail Plus users
It’s our way of saying “thanks”
for using Yahoo!
It also gives you a chance to see (and hear) how great our new Yahoo! Phone Out service is. Now you can use your PC to call regular and mobile phones around the world for super-low rates. How low? Call anywhere in the U.S. (and in more than 30 other countries) for 2¢ or less per minute.
To get you started, we're giving you your first dollar free. With these ridiculously low rates, that can mean 100 free minutes. If you're calling somewhere in the U.S. and many other places, it's 50 free minutes.
It's only 1 cent per minute to call Canada...that's pretty effing amazing.
for Yahoo! Mail Plus users
It’s our way of saying “thanks”
for using Yahoo!
It also gives you a chance to see (and hear) how great our new Yahoo! Phone Out service is. Now you can use your PC to call regular and mobile phones around the world for super-low rates. How low? Call anywhere in the U.S. (and in more than 30 other countries) for 2¢ or less per minute.
To get you started, we're giving you your first dollar free. With these ridiculously low rates, that can mean 100 free minutes. If you're calling somewhere in the U.S. and many other places, it's 50 free minutes.
It's only 1 cent per minute to call Canada...that's pretty effing amazing.
For shame yahoo!
So I came up with a website idea, and since I'm clearly too lazy to actually make Kraig's website (even though I pay for the domain name each month) I figured I'd maybe look into my other idea...
So i go to Yahoo just to see what domain names are available...and when I typed in my idea, THIS is the alternative it suggested:
LazyWifeFucking
WHAT?! You'd think Yahoo Business would steer clear of actually OFFERING up names like that!
(FYI: i was just looking for something with the word "wife" in the title, but certainly NOT sex related!)
So i go to Yahoo just to see what domain names are available...and when I typed in my idea, THIS is the alternative it suggested:
LazyWifeFucking
WHAT?! You'd think Yahoo Business would steer clear of actually OFFERING up names like that!
(FYI: i was just looking for something with the word "wife" in the title, but certainly NOT sex related!)
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
The usual TV wrap up...
Real World: Key West
DAMN DAMN DAMN I love this show. I love that Paula is a LOON. I love that they have to deal with hurricanes. I love that the gay guy got into a fight with the meathead by spilling a drink on him...that is SUCH a chick way of fighting.
8th & Ocean
Now just a side note...I was in San Diego this past weekend and at one point I was chatting it up with this 13 year old girl from Nevada...and she said how she thought Teddy was good looking.
Teddy's good looking...but...he's so insanely arrogant it's disgusting. There's a certain amount of arrogance that's okay on a guy, but an excessive amount is just the biggest turnoff. Personally, I love LOVE love Adrian...he's got "devilish" features...like he's up to something. I love it!
What About Brian
Seriously, this really is a good show. People need to watch it. I don't want it to get off the air. It's somewhat realistic...one chick injecting herself with stuff to up her fertility...the stay at home mom getting it on in her SUV (note to self: get an SUV) with the hot stay-at-home-dad....I wanted to ask Kraig abuot whether the video game pitch was realistic (I mean, at least they mentioned E3)...
On a side note: DEAR TV MAKERS...when you have your actors playing video games, if they're supposed to be expert gamers (like the video game chick on W.A.B who was also on the OC), please tell them to not hold the controller way in front of them...it's not a remote control, most people hold the controls close to their body....it bugs me when people hold them out way in front of their heads practically.
in other news...
So I booked a flight to go to Las Vegas with some girlfriends from up north, and I found a cheaper price on Orbitz than on Expedia. Thing is, i wanted to add the shuttle service through Expedia (I didn't realize i could do that with Orbitz too, which i found out later anyway)...
So I called up Expedia and was like "hey, Orbitz has a cheaper price for the same flight numbers"...and after some research the guy was like "Ummm...i can't do anything. Just book it through Orbitz". I'm like "are you kidding me? You're lucky I even called, most people wouldn't have bothered". I can't believe they couldn't match Orbitz's price...it's all the same crap.
Anyway, point is...woo hoo, it's booked...along with our uber cheap hotel (Imperial Palace lol...hey, i'm cheap when i'm in vegas, if i'm not going to stay in teh room anyway what do i care)...and our Cirque tix. Yee haw. The only catch is that my flight back is pretty early (9am...whcih means be at the airport for 8ish...which means leave around 7:15ish...which means, wake up 6:45am-ish) so ideally if we can do an all-nighter, I won't have to torture myself by actually waking UP. My goal is to actually use the hotel pool...i never do that when i'm in vegas. But if i'm going to spend most of my days sleeping, might as well do it outside. Booyah.
I can't believe in less than a month I'll be on my 3rd wedding anniversary. I should write a book...how the first year of marriage is the year where things are brutal but you have to smile through it because everyone thinks you're a happy newlywed...the 2nd year is awesome because you finally "click" and get it...the 3rd year you're so over being in a married state and go back to how you were before you were married except, well, you're married :P (that's not a bad thing...it's almost like dating again which is always a good thing!)
For our 1st year anniversary, I didn't even see Kraig...i went to a baby workshop thingy with my coworker...
For our 2nd year anniversary I stood in line from 4pm till midnight to see Star Wars ep. 3 (and save a spot in line for my husband)...
This year, we'll still figuring out the plan....
A'ight, nuff babbling. I lead a boring, boring life.
Real World: Key West
DAMN DAMN DAMN I love this show. I love that Paula is a LOON. I love that they have to deal with hurricanes. I love that the gay guy got into a fight with the meathead by spilling a drink on him...that is SUCH a chick way of fighting.
8th & Ocean
Now just a side note...I was in San Diego this past weekend and at one point I was chatting it up with this 13 year old girl from Nevada...and she said how she thought Teddy was good looking.
Teddy's good looking...but...he's so insanely arrogant it's disgusting. There's a certain amount of arrogance that's okay on a guy, but an excessive amount is just the biggest turnoff. Personally, I love LOVE love Adrian...he's got "devilish" features...like he's up to something. I love it!
What About Brian
Seriously, this really is a good show. People need to watch it. I don't want it to get off the air. It's somewhat realistic...one chick injecting herself with stuff to up her fertility...the stay at home mom getting it on in her SUV (note to self: get an SUV) with the hot stay-at-home-dad....I wanted to ask Kraig abuot whether the video game pitch was realistic (I mean, at least they mentioned E3)...
On a side note: DEAR TV MAKERS...when you have your actors playing video games, if they're supposed to be expert gamers (like the video game chick on W.A.B who was also on the OC), please tell them to not hold the controller way in front of them...it's not a remote control, most people hold the controls close to their body....it bugs me when people hold them out way in front of their heads practically.
in other news...
So I booked a flight to go to Las Vegas with some girlfriends from up north, and I found a cheaper price on Orbitz than on Expedia. Thing is, i wanted to add the shuttle service through Expedia (I didn't realize i could do that with Orbitz too, which i found out later anyway)...
So I called up Expedia and was like "hey, Orbitz has a cheaper price for the same flight numbers"...and after some research the guy was like "Ummm...i can't do anything. Just book it through Orbitz". I'm like "are you kidding me? You're lucky I even called, most people wouldn't have bothered". I can't believe they couldn't match Orbitz's price...it's all the same crap.
Anyway, point is...woo hoo, it's booked...along with our uber cheap hotel (Imperial Palace lol...hey, i'm cheap when i'm in vegas, if i'm not going to stay in teh room anyway what do i care)...and our Cirque tix. Yee haw. The only catch is that my flight back is pretty early (9am...whcih means be at the airport for 8ish...which means leave around 7:15ish...which means, wake up 6:45am-ish) so ideally if we can do an all-nighter, I won't have to torture myself by actually waking UP. My goal is to actually use the hotel pool...i never do that when i'm in vegas. But if i'm going to spend most of my days sleeping, might as well do it outside. Booyah.
I can't believe in less than a month I'll be on my 3rd wedding anniversary. I should write a book...how the first year of marriage is the year where things are brutal but you have to smile through it because everyone thinks you're a happy newlywed...the 2nd year is awesome because you finally "click" and get it...the 3rd year you're so over being in a married state and go back to how you were before you were married except, well, you're married :P (that's not a bad thing...it's almost like dating again which is always a good thing!)
For our 1st year anniversary, I didn't even see Kraig...i went to a baby workshop thingy with my coworker...
For our 2nd year anniversary I stood in line from 4pm till midnight to see Star Wars ep. 3 (and save a spot in line for my husband)...
This year, we'll still figuring out the plan....
A'ight, nuff babbling. I lead a boring, boring life.
Yumminess indeed
Yummy and delicioso
It just doesn't get any better than that...well, okay maybe it can but I can't think of anything right now...I'll be the oldest person ever to buy Elle Girl since he's on the cover.
Mmm
mmm
good.
It just doesn't get any better than that...well, okay maybe it can but I can't think of anything right now...I'll be the oldest person ever to buy Elle Girl since he's on the cover.
Mmm
mmm
good.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Your mouth can't get pregnant
will check for broken links later...
Here in So. Cal. there are a lot of contests and places that give away boob jobs. Man I love this place, and I will probably never move away from So. Cal. How exactly do you up the boob intensity?
Secondly... Capt. Crunch is kick ass especially with the crunch berries.
Up the boob intensity by wearing more padded bras...forget the foam crap, we're talking gel inserts...and researching where I can win a boob job! I'm desperate!
I've said it before and I'll say it again...when I'm pregnant, i'm going to look like SUCH a whore 'cause I'm going to wear massively low cut tops and stuff.
As for Captain Crunch....I realized yesterday that Cap'n Crunch is different in the US than in Canada. Not a huge difference...tehyr'e slightly longer and "puffier" (like more holes and airy and stuff) in Canada...so overall the taste is the same but the consistency is a little different (and they don't get soggy half as fast as tehy do in Canada).
So far, these are the differences in products (made by the same company):
1. Kraft Macaroni and cheese....same stuff, but in the US the box looks like this
In Canada, we call it Kraft Dinner...or just "KD"...it looks like this:
KD Baby!
2. Vegetable Thins. I mean, in Canada this cracker is THE UBER CRACKER...i used to eat this cracker like it was a drug. In the US, it's just nasty and no one eats it...
In canada, it's the good stuff...
3. NesQuik (aka Nestle Quik)...it's actually not THAT different except there's way more sugar in the Canadian version.
4. Smarties. THAT took awhile to figure out. People couldn't figure out what i was talking about when I would say it...well Smarties in the US is what we call Rockets in Canada (Smarties pic
Whereas these are Smarties in Canada which are nothing more than the poor man's M&Ms (the chocolate kind)
5. Pepsi. Well okay the beverage is the same but it's more like if you're English-speaking and you live in Canada, you're not gonna ask for Pepsi. I don't care you think Coke tastes like ass. You just don't ask for Pepsi. I have to admit, it was bizarre being able to even SAY Pepsi in the US when I moved here without getting the "what are you, French?" wisecracks...and that being said, dang, turns out i LOVE Diet Pepsi.
A bit of history for y'all: the reason for this is 'cause usually in Quebec/French TV stations all they do is put French voiceovers on regular English/American commercials. Whereas Pepsi was pretty smart...they put French celebrities in Pepsi commercials and actually gasp filmed them in French, which of course French people love...so Pepsi is associated with French people. At best, all i can compare it to would be if a person here asked for Fanta or something at a restaurant
6. Okay so I know there's a TON of chocolates that are in Canada that they don't have here (and vice versa), but I have to admit...I can't begin to explain how much I miss my Mr. Big...I didn't even really eat it that much when I lived in ottawa but DAMN now I have to get my friends to go to Costco and mail me huge bulk boxes of the stuff. I FLIPPED on my mother when she came to visit and she ate my last 12 bars (you don't understand...i make one bar last like 6 months)...she thought you could buy them here.
Here in So. Cal. there are a lot of contests and places that give away boob jobs. Man I love this place, and I will probably never move away from So. Cal. How exactly do you up the boob intensity?
Secondly... Capt. Crunch is kick ass especially with the crunch berries.
Up the boob intensity by wearing more padded bras...forget the foam crap, we're talking gel inserts...and researching where I can win a boob job! I'm desperate!
I've said it before and I'll say it again...when I'm pregnant, i'm going to look like SUCH a whore 'cause I'm going to wear massively low cut tops and stuff.
As for Captain Crunch....I realized yesterday that Cap'n Crunch is different in the US than in Canada. Not a huge difference...tehyr'e slightly longer and "puffier" (like more holes and airy and stuff) in Canada...so overall the taste is the same but the consistency is a little different (and they don't get soggy half as fast as tehy do in Canada).
So far, these are the differences in products (made by the same company):
1. Kraft Macaroni and cheese....same stuff, but in the US the box looks like this
In Canada, we call it Kraft Dinner...or just "KD"...it looks like this:
KD Baby!
2. Vegetable Thins. I mean, in Canada this cracker is THE UBER CRACKER...i used to eat this cracker like it was a drug. In the US, it's just nasty and no one eats it...
In canada, it's the good stuff...
3. NesQuik (aka Nestle Quik)...it's actually not THAT different except there's way more sugar in the Canadian version.
4. Smarties. THAT took awhile to figure out. People couldn't figure out what i was talking about when I would say it...well Smarties in the US is what we call Rockets in Canada (Smarties pic
Whereas these are Smarties in Canada which are nothing more than the poor man's M&Ms (the chocolate kind)
5. Pepsi. Well okay the beverage is the same but it's more like if you're English-speaking and you live in Canada, you're not gonna ask for Pepsi. I don't care you think Coke tastes like ass. You just don't ask for Pepsi. I have to admit, it was bizarre being able to even SAY Pepsi in the US when I moved here without getting the "what are you, French?" wisecracks...and that being said, dang, turns out i LOVE Diet Pepsi.
A bit of history for y'all: the reason for this is 'cause usually in Quebec/French TV stations all they do is put French voiceovers on regular English/American commercials. Whereas Pepsi was pretty smart...they put French celebrities in Pepsi commercials and actually gasp filmed them in French, which of course French people love...so Pepsi is associated with French people. At best, all i can compare it to would be if a person here asked for Fanta or something at a restaurant
6. Okay so I know there's a TON of chocolates that are in Canada that they don't have here (and vice versa), but I have to admit...I can't begin to explain how much I miss my Mr. Big...I didn't even really eat it that much when I lived in ottawa but DAMN now I have to get my friends to go to Costco and mail me huge bulk boxes of the stuff. I FLIPPED on my mother when she came to visit and she ate my last 12 bars (you don't understand...i make one bar last like 6 months)...she thought you could buy them here.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
It's Animal Cruelty/Human Violence Awareness Week
Wow, I've seen it all now...Kiss is launching their own perfume line for men AND women.
Talk about missing your marketing opportunity by around 20 years....
So just some random thoughts for today.
Cruises
Lol Marlene...Kraig and I have done a cruise, I'm not a big fan of them...I actually had a massive freak out last time we went on one (to the Bahamas) because I realized that I wanted to get off the ship but I couldn't...all that nothingness around me...I just kept saying "I want to get off. I want off. I can't get off. But i wan't off."...i mean, it wasn't that big of a deal but it suddenly hit me that I couldn't just walk off and that really bugged me (kindo f pathetic considering my dad works for the Coast Guard and I should be used to large boats)...I find them to be great for old people who like nothing better to do than to sit around and eat all day (i think we were the youngest ones there!)...
Jeans
So I was at the post office the other day for what seemed like forever...and this dude at the counter was kind of cute, and i'm scoping him out ('cause what else do you have to do when you're stuck in an effing post office) until I looked at his jeans...
The back pockets were WAY too big and went way too low...they practically went to the back fo his knees. it looked bizarre. Plus they weren't all hip-hop style..these were normal Gap-looking-type jeans.
So after doing an extremely informal poll, I realized (what we obviously already knew but I still wanted to confirm): girls take HUGE importance on what back pockets look like on their jeans...and guys say "there's pockets back there?"...
Guys, FYI...girls take their back pockets VERY seriously. Too small and your ass looks huge. Too big and your butt looks weird. Place too low and your ass looks droopy. Too high up and your butt cheeks look funny. Pocket placement is just as important as fit when it comes to jeans. And all chicks know this.
Bra shopping
So I had to go to Williams Sonoma yesterday to finish up some wedding shopping for a certian coworker, and i had time to kill while they wrapped it so I went to Victoria's Secret to finally use the gift card that's been burning a hole in my wallet.
I officially have the worst boobs EVER. My body is SO deformed. WTF. Personally i'm not a big fan of VS bras anyway, but I needed a new strapless one and I didn't want that gift card to keep weighing down my wallet (if you've seen my wallet, you'd know what I mean).
Heck, I even had to get the girl to measure me. MEASURE ME. WTF. Well okay I didn't get her to measure the cup (because their effing cup sizes are inconsistent per bra)...but apparently i'm smaller than I thought I was which, for any guys reading this, is like finding out your man meat is really smaller than you thought it was. I wanted to DIE.
Okay maybe not die...but I certainly wanted to suck the fat out of my thighs and shove them in my boobs....grumble. I need to up the boob intensity!
Real World: KEy West
This year's token "meathead frat boy" is my BOY! I dig this guy. My heart melted when he picked up Paula from the floor and tucked her in bed...chicks are suckers for that kind of thing. Anything where you do the "carrying her in the arms" move is always brownie points...it helps if the house is on fire and you're carrying her out...
(I have this thing about being able to be carried out of a burning building. Don't ask. It's up there with dudes looking good when they chop wood. With their shirts off).
Confession
Yes I'll probably be oneo f the stupid chicks that goes to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie. Suck it.
Things you learn about your spouse....
I was craving Captain Crunch the other day so i had it in the pantry and Kraig was like "so what's with the captain crunch?"
Me: "I was craving it"
Him: "Since when do you eat Captain Crunch"?
OH
MY
GOD
I went through at least 2 years of my life where you could have stabbed me and Captain Crunch would have oozed out of my gut. I LOVE CAPTAIN CRUNCH! It's always amazing when you learn (or edumacate) your spouse on something that is such common knowledge...
I need a manicure and pedicure
Okay no real thought on that. That's just a note to self that i gotta do that tonight.
The Adam Corolla Show
So this morning on the Adam Corolla show they were talking about how the hottest chicks are in commercials right now...forget girls like Eva Longoria or Sarah Michelle Gellar that always seem to be on Top 100 lists.
One dude and called in saying the Milky Way girl was hot (the one where the guy is in his car and his chocolate bar is talking to him)...but Adam said the hottest was the Overstock.com chick, which cracks me up because to me she seems so...blah.
ANYWAY the pointo f this story is that her name is Sabina and she's from Germany...I almost didn't get out of my car this morning because I was so blown away by hearing my name repeated over and over on the radio. Geezus, my mother in law sometimes still calls me "Sabrina" so to hear a RADIO SHOW say "Sabina is so hot"...i was in heaven! I'm amazed even Adam got the name right.
And that folks...
Is the end of today's random babble. I'm off to see Henry!
Talk about missing your marketing opportunity by around 20 years....
So just some random thoughts for today.
Cruises
Lol Marlene...Kraig and I have done a cruise, I'm not a big fan of them...I actually had a massive freak out last time we went on one (to the Bahamas) because I realized that I wanted to get off the ship but I couldn't...all that nothingness around me...I just kept saying "I want to get off. I want off. I can't get off. But i wan't off."...i mean, it wasn't that big of a deal but it suddenly hit me that I couldn't just walk off and that really bugged me (kindo f pathetic considering my dad works for the Coast Guard and I should be used to large boats)...I find them to be great for old people who like nothing better to do than to sit around and eat all day (i think we were the youngest ones there!)...
Jeans
So I was at the post office the other day for what seemed like forever...and this dude at the counter was kind of cute, and i'm scoping him out ('cause what else do you have to do when you're stuck in an effing post office) until I looked at his jeans...
The back pockets were WAY too big and went way too low...they practically went to the back fo his knees. it looked bizarre. Plus they weren't all hip-hop style..these were normal Gap-looking-type jeans.
So after doing an extremely informal poll, I realized (what we obviously already knew but I still wanted to confirm): girls take HUGE importance on what back pockets look like on their jeans...and guys say "there's pockets back there?"...
Guys, FYI...girls take their back pockets VERY seriously. Too small and your ass looks huge. Too big and your butt looks weird. Place too low and your ass looks droopy. Too high up and your butt cheeks look funny. Pocket placement is just as important as fit when it comes to jeans. And all chicks know this.
Bra shopping
So I had to go to Williams Sonoma yesterday to finish up some wedding shopping for a certian coworker, and i had time to kill while they wrapped it so I went to Victoria's Secret to finally use the gift card that's been burning a hole in my wallet.
I officially have the worst boobs EVER. My body is SO deformed. WTF. Personally i'm not a big fan of VS bras anyway, but I needed a new strapless one and I didn't want that gift card to keep weighing down my wallet (if you've seen my wallet, you'd know what I mean).
Heck, I even had to get the girl to measure me. MEASURE ME. WTF. Well okay I didn't get her to measure the cup (because their effing cup sizes are inconsistent per bra)...but apparently i'm smaller than I thought I was which, for any guys reading this, is like finding out your man meat is really smaller than you thought it was. I wanted to DIE.
Okay maybe not die...but I certainly wanted to suck the fat out of my thighs and shove them in my boobs....grumble. I need to up the boob intensity!
Real World: KEy West
This year's token "meathead frat boy" is my BOY! I dig this guy. My heart melted when he picked up Paula from the floor and tucked her in bed...chicks are suckers for that kind of thing. Anything where you do the "carrying her in the arms" move is always brownie points...it helps if the house is on fire and you're carrying her out...
(I have this thing about being able to be carried out of a burning building. Don't ask. It's up there with dudes looking good when they chop wood. With their shirts off).
Confession
Yes I'll probably be oneo f the stupid chicks that goes to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie. Suck it.
Things you learn about your spouse....
I was craving Captain Crunch the other day so i had it in the pantry and Kraig was like "so what's with the captain crunch?"
Me: "I was craving it"
Him: "Since when do you eat Captain Crunch"?
OH
MY
GOD
I went through at least 2 years of my life where you could have stabbed me and Captain Crunch would have oozed out of my gut. I LOVE CAPTAIN CRUNCH! It's always amazing when you learn (or edumacate) your spouse on something that is such common knowledge...
I need a manicure and pedicure
Okay no real thought on that. That's just a note to self that i gotta do that tonight.
The Adam Corolla Show
So this morning on the Adam Corolla show they were talking about how the hottest chicks are in commercials right now...forget girls like Eva Longoria or Sarah Michelle Gellar that always seem to be on Top 100 lists.
One dude and called in saying the Milky Way girl was hot (the one where the guy is in his car and his chocolate bar is talking to him)...but Adam said the hottest was the Overstock.com chick, which cracks me up because to me she seems so...blah.
ANYWAY the pointo f this story is that her name is Sabina and she's from Germany...I almost didn't get out of my car this morning because I was so blown away by hearing my name repeated over and over on the radio. Geezus, my mother in law sometimes still calls me "Sabrina" so to hear a RADIO SHOW say "Sabina is so hot"...i was in heaven! I'm amazed even Adam got the name right.
And that folks...
Is the end of today's random babble. I'm off to see Henry!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
Listen, maybe I didn't make my point clear enough.
Brazillian waxes are NOT cool. They are NOT hot. They are painful, evil, and just about as much fun as a colonoscopy. (Oh yes, a colonoscopy, great fodder for a blog i'm sure).
And no, i doesn't get easier with time. Regular bikini waxes don't. Would getting kicked in your balls get easier with time? no? exactly.
So I have a confession to make...
I watched the series premiere and the regular episode of What about Brian.
I absolutely dig stories where Person 1 falls for Person 2, but Person 2 is already spoken for...with Person 1st best friend. Plus, this is alot like "ThirtySomething" for the 20's generation. I love it.
AND it's got the dude from Legally Blond (the boyfriend who dumps Elle)...and I'm always supportive of actors who are in great movies but cant' seem to get a decent gig.
ANyway...that's my big confessin. Yes, I deserve a caning (who watches a TV show that has the 7th Heaven guy in it?!). it's going to be my guilty pleasure until it's taken off the air.
You know what show I miss? Popular on the WB. And that tv show that was a spoof of 90210 (also on the WB). MANNNN...the WB axed alot fo shows wtf.
So in other news...my friend Anj who lives in TO got engaged...wooo hoooo!
And...in more news...i won't name names but someone very dear to me is going through a relationship crisis of sorts...there are very few people I would kill for but he's one of them, and it breaks my heart to know that he's in pain right now...and that there's nothing i can do about it (especially living in another country!)
In more important news, I got my dress for Ryan's wedding...White House/Black Market...strapless...exactly what iw anted (uhhh for $100 more than i wanted to spend...time to put my old crap on ebay to pay it off)...it's perfect for future uses. Like...when I have to go to a funeral, i can add a big red wide-brimmed hat with big black sunglasses and I'll be appropriately scandalous. Everyone needs a multi-functional dress like that!
Going to see my boy Henry tomorrow...(insert gay snap of fingers) mmm--hmmm!
End of babbling for today, not much to say...as usual, I lead a boring, boring life. OH the big highlight: Carrie's putting her boot up my ass to pick out kitchen paint colors. Exxccceelllannntt......
Brazillian waxes are NOT cool. They are NOT hot. They are painful, evil, and just about as much fun as a colonoscopy. (Oh yes, a colonoscopy, great fodder for a blog i'm sure).
And no, i doesn't get easier with time. Regular bikini waxes don't. Would getting kicked in your balls get easier with time? no? exactly.
So I have a confession to make...
I watched the series premiere and the regular episode of What about Brian.
I absolutely dig stories where Person 1 falls for Person 2, but Person 2 is already spoken for...with Person 1st best friend. Plus, this is alot like "ThirtySomething" for the 20's generation. I love it.
AND it's got the dude from Legally Blond (the boyfriend who dumps Elle)...and I'm always supportive of actors who are in great movies but cant' seem to get a decent gig.
ANyway...that's my big confessin. Yes, I deserve a caning (who watches a TV show that has the 7th Heaven guy in it?!). it's going to be my guilty pleasure until it's taken off the air.
You know what show I miss? Popular on the WB. And that tv show that was a spoof of 90210 (also on the WB). MANNNN...the WB axed alot fo shows wtf.
So in other news...my friend Anj who lives in TO got engaged...wooo hoooo!
And...in more news...i won't name names but someone very dear to me is going through a relationship crisis of sorts...there are very few people I would kill for but he's one of them, and it breaks my heart to know that he's in pain right now...and that there's nothing i can do about it (especially living in another country!)
In more important news, I got my dress for Ryan's wedding...White House/Black Market...strapless...exactly what iw anted (uhhh for $100 more than i wanted to spend...time to put my old crap on ebay to pay it off)...it's perfect for future uses. Like...when I have to go to a funeral, i can add a big red wide-brimmed hat with big black sunglasses and I'll be appropriately scandalous. Everyone needs a multi-functional dress like that!
Going to see my boy Henry tomorrow...(insert gay snap of fingers) mmm--hmmm!
End of babbling for today, not much to say...as usual, I lead a boring, boring life. OH the big highlight: Carrie's putting her boot up my ass to pick out kitchen paint colors. Exxccceelllannntt......
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Going to Brazil
I know, I know, a lifetime since I've written. What can I say.
So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.
I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...
And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.
Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!
Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...
Umm...riiigghtt...
First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.
So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.
Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...
MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER
And she waxed most of that mofo section off.
Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.
Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...
Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.
In the end was it worth it?
OH
HELL
NO
Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.
it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!
So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.
I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...
And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.
Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!
Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...
Umm...riiigghtt...
First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.
So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.
Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...
MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER
And she waxed most of that mofo section off.
Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.
Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...
Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.
In the end was it worth it?
OH
HELL
NO
Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.
it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!
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