Picture Box Post

TV wrap up...

House of Carters
I seriously love this show. It is F*CKED UP. If you like Breaking Bonaduce, this is probably the most similar show in terms of how f*cked in the head these people are.

Plus this is awesome, Aaron (who has the worst skin EVER...wtf...get some tetracycline moron you've got cash) starts bitching how he wants sex:

I want to go back and have sex. Because it's been a year since I've fucking had any sex. And you guys are all having lots of sex. I am very sexually frusterated
Watch at around the 7:00 mark:




First off, don't say that stuff to your SISTER...wtf!

Secondly...maybe i'm ignorant, but doesn't jacking off do the same trick? I mean, if you jack off as often as you want sex, won't you no longer be sexually frustrated? (But i'm not a guy, so what do I know).

Thirdly...seriously...you don't SAY stuff like that to your sisters!!!


Girls Next Door

Hands down, Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet. I should just shoot myself for being too ugly to even be in the same time zone as her.
I'm starting to realize after watching this show that Hef really doesn't bang these girls. Or if he does, he bangs Holly like once a year (and i'm only guessing that because she wants his baby, which means,he does indeed uhhh spread his seed). But wtf, is he going to bang Bridget in her room? Full of animals and pink hello kitty stuff? But how does he kick out holly then of their bedroom? And Kendra talks about her vibrator, so you KNOW these girls are getting kisses and that's it.

Heroes

I didn't watch last night's episode yet, but I already know it was FANTASTIC.

Desperate Housewives

Maybe it's just me, but Sunday's episode was the best EVER. It had everything you need...mild humor, violence, and Gabby wearing a cute outfit (I want that skirt!) while smashing vases. It was great.

The whole point of the show was to see who would get killed off. Fortunately, they killed off Nora, the only other character just as annoying as Susan. Good thing susan wasn't in that grocery store, because Crazy Lady would have shot her too within a split second.

And, per ew.com: what was up with the British guy going away to work in Paris? Didn't he spend each and every day watching over his coma-induced wife for a few years?

Anyway, back to the show...i'm starting to really like Orson. So what if he beat up his wife. When Bree needed garlic peeled...he stepped up and did what it took to make her feel better.

I'm willing to admit, Austin is growing on me...i didn't think he was good looking at first but now he's starting to develop a look that's very worthy of a teenage heart throb...

One question still remains unanswered though: in the first season we heard Tom say "Lynette will never forgive me if she finds out what i've done"...and we still dont' know what that is.

ahhhh....so much tv, so little time.

Extra Extra! Read all about it!

Alright well since I lead a boring life, today is the day where we comment on the news....

New Head Lice Treatment
For some reason I found this article really funny...sucks to be the school nurse, that's all I gotta say.

target="_blank">Circumcision cuts STD risk
Not that that's rocket science, but this leads me to a topic that Kraig and I once argued about...he says that by default in the US, baby boys get circumcised unless otherwise told, and i'm like "uh no the parents gotta ASK for that stuff", which lead me to point out that I've seen more penises than him so don't argue with me as to what the odds are of a dude having foreskin or not (and he tried to argue that in Canada maybe more guys just don't get circumcised. Give me a break).

So i asked people who's given birth to boys, and yep i was right...you have to ask for your boy's skin to be sliced and you gotta sign a waiver...it's not the default option.

Toyota's quarterly profit surges 34%
Yeah effing right it did, what with them taking almost $30K of my dough...(okay well that's still the current quarter but that's minor details)...

Two Dollar Bill Gains Popularity
This article says that strippers love it 'cause it doubles their tip money...i'm all for the $2 bill, we used to have it in Canada but then it got changed to the $2 coin (toonie)...the $2 bill rocks! Vote YES on $2!

Verizon near content deal with YouTube
All i gotta say is...sucks that Google bought YouTube...now they're all into making sure legally-acceptable crap is on there...wtf.

Why are these toys being sold?
Mannnn...first off, anything with a string should be a no-no for parents (i won't leave my cat toys with long strings/cords lying around the cats unless i'm supervising their play...and they're cats!)...secondly, wtf, how hillbilly is this country when a bunch of other countries ban this toy but the US won't?

I want to be the dude in a position of power who gets to make retarded decisions like that.


In other news....

Nope, no photos of the car...although I'm discovering how much i finally enjoy driving, it's alot more FUN to drive when you've got a kick ass vehicle.

Parking is a bitch though...my last car was so teenie, it could fit anywhere.

Best quote for life

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.”



--Frieda Norris

And if I only could, make a deal with God, And get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill

I don't smoke

I've never been a smoker

But i imagine that the feeling I got after watching the season premiere of The OC was much like the feeling a smoker gets after they've gone 24 hours without a smoke.

You know this is the final season...it has "final" written all over it..but it was dark, gritty, mixed with the typical witty humor (You gotta love that little girl who cried after being lectured regarding whether there's a comic based on the XMen movie).

My only beef is...I get that Ryan feels all mopey and crap over Marissa's death. But...I never felt they had a connection because Mischa Barton, bless her lanky soul, is NOT a good actress. They never seemed in love, passionate, anything. They seemed to have better awkward moments than anything else.

So I fail to believe that he loved her.
I fail to believe that he loved her enough to seek vengence on that surfer dude (forgot his name...Valcheck?)

Maybe it's just that I'm a cynic...the day of men taking a stray bullet for their women is loooong over.

And it's not guys' faults. Much like how the women's movement ruined women's life for us women (what? dual income society? wtf?!), we also ruined men by turning them into SNAGs...

Sensitive
New
Age
Guys

Which leads into my next topic...the other day on the radio (KFI AM 640) they were saying how men have become "wussies" and how they discovered that in the past 20 years, mens' testosterone levels have dropped "significantly".

I want someone to measure how much testosterone levels in women have GONE UP during that time as well.

Think about it. We used to have Sylvestor Stallone, Arnold, Van Damme...who do we have now? The Rock? I love the man, but he played a football coach and a gay guy in his last few movies...we don't even have an uber tough, gritty, no holds barred kind of male hero out there anymore.

I'm not knocking this whole trend...it's got it's plusses...I'm just saying that I don't know about you ladies, but I like my hollywood men to be the kind that grab a chick and bang her up against the wall instead of the Orlando Bloom pretty boy types who look like they might break a nail in the process.

Eleanor

Hallowe'en is, hands down, the best holiday EVER. Granted, it's a pagan holiday (like my dad would say...which includes Thanksgiving, CHristmas, and Valentine's Day)...but I can handle being an infidel for one night in order to give out candy.

After we bought the house I vowed that I would give out lots of candy, and I'm talkin' about the good stuff (noneo f this "filler" crap). Hallowe'en was always very good to me, and it's time I give back to the people. The circle of life must complete!

In other news, I bought a new car. Toyota Rav4. And before you say it's ugly, it was redesigned in 2006 so suck it. I would have bought an '06 if it they hadn't made so few, so I had to get an '07, and it's like the Tickle Me Elmo of cars...there's so few made and tons of demand. WTF. Anyway, the V4 and V6 both topped Consumers Reports SUV ratings, and after test driving the CRV and the Murano, that was the way to go.

I'm kicking myself for not having Gap Insurance, but, whatever...

And now my anxiety is through the roof with another car payment so my sole purpose in life is to pay that sucker off, or at least, down to $10K.

Some of the key features that *I* think are kinda cool:
1. You know when you do the long drive to no man's land and you get the cow smell in your car when you pass by a field of cows? There's a button that filters out the odor in your car to remove that. That's effing AWESOME for trips to San Jose.

2. Bluetooth...you can press a button on the steering wheel and talk through that, so you don't have to pick up your phone while driving.

3. And additional "glove compartment" on the console to store more crap.

4. 6 CD changer (all in-dash, none of this "put yer CDs in the trunk" nonsense) that plays MP3s, and all the tuning/changing can be done from the steering wheel

5. All sorts of digital stuff that I don't fully understand...like it "senses" the driver's driving and changes the acceleration/drive style accordingly.

It had 85 whole miles on it when I got it.

The best part: my big negotiation tactic was that I made them give me 15 months worth of air freshners. I know. I drive a hard bargain. (Ha ha get the pun?)

You know what though? I felt super sad leaving my old car...it just looked so....lonely when I drove off....it served me well, and held up through ALOT of crap...I was tempted to keep it for nostalgia's sake, but well I needed the trade-in cash so that wasn't an option. I still kinda miss it...that was my first real purchase when I moved to the US 6 years ago.

This new car better last me effing 15 years at LEAST.

Oh, and I named it Eleanor.....

Camping, Bruno, and other tales of woe

So here is the saga that is Bruno...

A few weekends ago Carrie pursuaded me and Nicole D to go camping. ONE night. One measely night. Well Miss Thang here doesn't "do" nature. I can't stand nature. I dig rocks and stuff like that (like in Arizona), but trees...clean air...bugs...not my thing.

I figure, I have a job so that i can NOT sleep outdoors on the ground.

Well anyway, we managed to get the tent up and the 3 of us are sitting around in some chairs talking and Carrie hears this noise that sounds like squirrel...suddenly she JUMPS up and starts squealing "What is that?!!"...

From a distance, it looked like a tarantula. So i start freaking out, because i'm deathly arachnophobic. But then I got close and saw what it was:


This thing was HUGE. HUGE. And it's arms were different colors from the rest of it's body. It was the size of a small dog. It rustled the frickin' leaves when it walked on it! LOOK AT THIS THING!


So i'm seriously freaking out because it's looking like it's heading to our tent, and infiltration in our tent was unacceptable. Nicole, bless her soul, took a paper plate and tried to fling it super far. Unfortunately, she managed to only chuck it a few feet ahead of us.


So they're all calm and cool but knowing that it didn't go very far didn't rest easy with me.


I couldn't calm down knowing that IT was out there. And what was IT called? We named him Bruno. The memory of it's massively huge disgusting body was giving me an ulcer.


Seriously, SERIOUSLY, this thing was effing nasty. And it had HUGE eyes. This thing could easily consume us in the middle of the night. What if it had babies? And friends? I could feel the chunks risingi n my throat as I panicked.


For me, the unknown is much scarier than the known, and if I had to find that effing Bruno well...dammit...i would. Which wasn't too hard...I stood silent and heard more CRUNCHING noises and easily spotted him hanging around the base of our nearby tree. I had to investigate the enemy.


I give Nicole serious props for having my back..or maybe she figured that if she stood behind me, Bruno would eat me first and that would give her time to run. Bitch!. Why didn't I think of that...

So she handed me her cell phone and told me to photograph it so we could identify it through her bug-expert coworkers (Nicole deals with nature and crap for a living. It's actually pretty interesting, but since I don't like nature I would probably stab myself with a fork if I had to deal with nature on a daily basis).

Since cell phone cameras have no zoom and really cruddy focus, i had to get within a centimeter of Bruno to take the picture:


After the cell phone plan failed, I took Carrie's camera and took a bunch more pictures of Bruno. I couldn't STEP on him becuase he was so big, it would be like stepping on a dog...in fact, his strength would probably push my foot in the air, i'd fall backwards, and then he'd chew me to a bloody pulp. He was an evil, evil thing...this Bruno.

Laying on his back:


Back to crawling and ready to kill the enemy....meaning...us humans...(insert Bruno's evil laugh MOO HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA):


By now Carrie and Nicole were pretty fed up of my loud screaming, yelling, and general shrieks of terror, so I came up with a plan...I drew a line onthe ground and decided it was Our side vs. Their Side...(much like The Others on LOST)...I wouldn't fight Bruno as long as he stayed on his side of nature, and I vowed to stay on mine.


In case anyone cares, we later discovered it's a Jerusalem Cricket

So, the moral of the story is...i still don't "do" nature.

Still dumb...

I've searched EVERYWHERE...my car, my cube, other people's cubes, offices, the bathroom, the front desk, i'm going INSANE....

Dumbest person alive

I'm officially the dumbest person alive.

I printed out the Citizenship stuff...asked Heather a legal question about whether getting a traffic ticket counted as being "cited by a law enforcement officer", went to the chiropractor and specifically thought "geez i hope no one breaks into my car and takes my paperwork", went home...

And i havent' seen the paperwork since. It was in a red folder. I've searched my car, I asked the chiropractor, i checked myd esk at work, i searched my house...how do you lose a red folder when you didnt DO anything with it?!

I wouldn't be so freaked out if stupid me hadn't put my SSN and Green Card number on the paperwork, along with my married name AND maiden name...why don't i just plaster a sign on me that says "Hi, i'd like to be robbed of my identity thanks!"....

With glowing hearts we see thee rise

So I'm finally getting off my ass to apply to be a US citizen.

Just finding the right frickin' form on the UCIS Web Site is a pain in the ass. But, in case anyone cares, it's N-400.

I forgot just how painful filling out immigration paperwork is. It's "beat me with yo mama's rolling pin" painful.

First off, here's my race options:
White
Asian
Black or African American
American Indian or Alaskan Native
Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander

Ummm, where's my "other" box?! WTF.

Now check this out...the Hair Color options:
Black
Brown
Blonde yes with the E at the end which isn't WRONG but not very common
Gray
White
Red
Sandy
Bald (No Hair)

WTF is "sandy" if it's not blond? Do they mean Salt/Pepper? And if you're bald, don't you KNOW that means no hair?!

Your eye options...this is seriously awesome:
Brown
Blue
Green
Hazel
Gray
Black
Pink
Maroon
Other

Oh wait...i can't be "other" for race but there's another COLOR OPTION for your effing eyes available?! Have you ever seen someone with MAROON or PINK eyes?! Other...uhhh...is orange an option?! WTF!

And then there's Section 7...Time Outside The United States:
a) How many total days did you spend outside of the United States during the past 5 years?

WTF! If you're not a naturalized citizen, odds are, that number's pretty high! I've gone to Canada a few times and the Bahamas, wtf like i know the exact number.

b)List below all the trips of 24 hours or more you have taken outside of the United States since becoming a Lawful Permanent Resident
Fortunately, since I got my green card, I've only traveled once (last summer), but i couldn't tell you to save my soul the EXACT dates I was gone for...i guess if I scope out my American Airlines account i could find it...but if i had to list out all the trips from the past 5 years, i'd be screwed.

There's a TON of questions about my previous spouse...just as many as my current spouse. You get to list out how the "previous marriage" ended, either by Divorce, Spouse Died, or Other (how many other ways are there? Annulling it? And...?)...

In Section 10, it asks Do you have any title of nobility in any foreign country?
as well as
Have you ever been declared legally incompetent or been confined to a mental institution within the last five years?
and
Have you EVER been a member of or in any way association (either directly or indirectly) with
c. A Terrorist Organization?

And at least that last question narrows out the idiots too dumb to get citizenship....


12. Between March 23, 1933 and May 8, 1945, did you work for or associate in any way (either directly or indirectly) with
a. The Nazi government of Germany
.
.
c. Any German, Nazi, or S.S. military unit, paramilitary unit, self-defense unit, vigilante unit, citizen unit, police unit, government agency or office, extermination camp, concentration camp, prisoner of war camp, prison, labor camp or transit camp?

Mannnn...if you gotta say yes to any of that stuff, just rip up your application. WTF is a "vigilante unit"? Makes me think of dirty guys in western movies.

Then we get to the Good Moral Character section of the form (I kid you not), which is mostly about criminal history crap. But it also says:
22. Have you EVER:
a) been a habitual drunkard
(i'm sorry, i can't stop laughing...you had to define "bald" but "habitual drunkard" is THAT self explanatory?!)

b)Been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution?
....
d) Been married to more than one person at the same time?


Good times, good times...

And it gets better...Oath Requirements:
Answer questions 34 through 39. If you answer NO to any of these questions, attach 1) your written explanation why the answer was NO and 2) any additional information or documentation that helps explain your answer.
34. Do you support the Constitution and form of government in the United States?
35. Do you understand the Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
36. Are you willing to take the full Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
37. If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the UNited States?
38. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform noncombatant services in the US Armed FOrces?
39. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform work of national importance under civilian direction?

Now I'm all for being a US Citizen...but geezus, i really would like to have a chat with the people who create these forms....

Link to more pics

Link to Marlene and Steve's anniversary pahh tayyy...

Like someone's about to pay ya

Hallowe'en pics

Pics from Justin's fantabulous Hallowe'en party:
Shake yer money maker

Marlene and Steve's Anniversary

Okay finally catching up to the pics I've had to upload and crap.

So a few weekends ago I did the shortest trip to san jose ever (well, second shortest...the shortest was on Xmas of last year, where we drove up on the 25th and i left at 6am on the 26th) to show up to Marlene and Steve's 10th Wedding Anniversary party...it was an absolute blast.

First off, i got to see my girls Jen and Marcella which are two people where time flies by when I'm hanging out with them:


They were such dolls for letting me stay with them...

Spent Friday shopping with Wendy (who is officially my HERO...the girl got some great knockoff designer stuff in NY...i was like "holy sh*t Wendy, how much do you make where you're buying two Balenciaga purses?!")...Friday night was the anniversary party, which we made a little more ghetto when Jen snuck in tequila in a water bottle...


No, we weren't lushes...we just wanted to make sure we were prepared in case the beverage situation wasn't ideal at the hall...Ahhh Wendy was my date for the evening but she got too drunk to put out, sad for me :P LOL.

Anyway, it was a fantastic time, it was great seeing everyone, and most of all congrats to Steve and Marlene for surviving 10 years of marriage!


Will post the link to the pics when my computer stops being so ghetto.

Hallowe'en wrap up

You are correct it is not sexy... it's slutty.

I say go with the slutty nurse costume.

Dang, it was a close tie between the nurse vs. the maid outfit...most chicks said nurse though...go figure.

Anyway, so yesterday was a bit chaotic...

I was at Nicole D's house by 5:30ish am, for our garage sale...needless to say, I was pretty exhausted by the time I left in the early afternoon. I grabbed Kraig and we went costume shopping...

Oh let me back up a bit...on Friday I had to swing to Target to get some masking tape for the garage sale, and I saw this super cute Wonder WOman costume so I bought it...riighhtt...was wayyy too big.

So by Saturday, after the garage sale, I just wanted ANYTHING that would fit and be done with it. In a quickie shopping spree Kraig and I bought somewhat matching prisoner costumes, although mine barely fit and I'm pretty sure I bruised some ribs trying to squeeze into it...let alone the size 5 ghetto boots I wore with it and now i'm sure i'm going to need bunion surgery or something..

J.L. Byrd
(you can't see in this pic, but I also had black wings on my back)


Poor Kraig had to watch the crappy progession of me getting more and more drunk (normally martinis keep me pretty sane, but Justin pretty much makes it a ratio of 99% liquor/1% mix so I ended up getting so plastered, I couldn't even wash my face or brush my teeth, i attempted to take the dress off but it was too much work so i just passed out on my bed and slept till 3pm the next day)...


Cute to be a lush when you're 19, not so attractive when you're 29. I'm too old for that crap.

Anyway Justin bought this effing HILARIOUS alien puppets, and hands down Tim/Christy's rendition of Lord Of The Rings meets Napolean Dynomite was the funniest thing I think i've seen in ages:


Gonna add the link to the full set of pictures when my slow-as-molasses-ghetto-computer finishes uploading them to shutterfly.

Real World - Denver

the cast

Now, I realize I'm the oldest person who still watches this show but to my defense, growing up in Canada, I used to read about Real World ALL the time in magazines and wonder wtf was up with this show...so when I moved to California I got hooked, season after season.

But...even in just 6 years I've seen them go from somewhat "normal" people to typical Made-For-TV-Faces...i fully expect my hollywood actors to be gorgeous, but REAL WORLD...hello I'm not looking for models. I'm looking for the crack addict who sleeps with the uber conservative roommate's boyfriend.

Will I watch it? Of course. Last season did surprise me with Paula Walnuts turning out to be a complete looney toon. I'm just saying, I miss the days of crazy Ruthie risking life and limb by drinking away her sorrows and how people seemed to have something beyond good looks.

Hallowe'en costume issues

I know, i still need to write about Marlene's anniversary as well as camping...i've been swamped lately. At least I finished that user guide for Kraig's company finally. I want my money bitch!

So as my friend Liz once said...Hallowe'en is the only time of year where normal girls can dress slutty and get away with it.

Saturday we're going to Justin's place and i have zero costume options, so I'm debating...Slutty Nurse or Slutty Maid...(ha ha Kraig keeps correcting me by saying "sexy nurse"...whatever you want to call it dear)...

Slutty Nurse would work 'cause then Kraig could wear a doctor's jacket, BUT that really only works well with blond hair...

Slutty Maid is alright 'cause the props are easy, but i really don't see what makes it so slutty...it's just an off-the-shoulder black dress...as Kraig pointed out, slutty/sexy nurse shows cleavage, but since i HAVE no cleavage that's kinda pointless.

We'll see...what I'm kicking myself over is having gotten rid of my sailor moon costume from like 10 years ago...Me (Sailor Mercury), Stacey (Sailor Jupitor), Erin (Sailor Moon), and Christine (Sailor Mars) dressed up like the Sailor Scouts and went clubbing (clubbing age in canada = 19)...it was a kick ass costume...i should find the pics, scan them (gasp no digital) and post them online...

I take Hallowe'en VERY seriously. I'm a cheap bastard 99% of the time, but Hallowe'en has ALWAYS been very good to me as a kid and I always vowed as an adult that I would return the favor...after I bought my house I decided it was time to give back to the people...I spent a boatload on candy, I give out handfuls, i give the GOOD STUFF not the cheap stuff, and sometimes kids come twice to our place (very few homes in our complex have a front door since it's a townhouse situation and so kids will go around back not realizing it's the same house) and i STILL give them extra candy...

If we didnt' have a stupid 10pm parking situation, i would initiate a yearly hallowe'en party that would be absolutely off the hook...

Anyway...the debate rages on.....sexy nurse...or sexy maid...

Floamy

So the discussion rages on...if you had to choose between NO balls or 3 balls, what would you rather have?

If i were a guy, i'd take 3 balls and then cut one off. Which i guess horrifies guys...but uhhh...sorry people, but you might as well cut them ALL off if you're going to keep 3 'cause no chick wants to be around that. That's like a 6th toe. It's just....WEIRD...and we don't want anything to do with it.

So last night after some discussion, FLOAMY was used to recreate how 3 balls would look....


Listen guys...if you ever get more than 2, cut oneo ff. If you ever end up with LESS than 2, get an implant. Some things are just NOT negotiable.

I have all the social poise of a cow in heat

You know those girls who seem so put together, flawless, like they know what they're doing?

Sadly, I'm not one of them.

I became acutely aware of this in highschool..our homeroom was on the 2nd floor, and one of my best friends/locker neighbor was Erin...crazy tall, but she used to be a ballerina...running up the stairs to get to homeroom on time, I always tripped. Not once did she ever trip. We're talking slippery, slushy, full-on-winter-liquid-slathered-on-the-floor going on here and she never tripped.

You know Ugly Betty? That's pretty much me on a daily basis. Clumsy and awkward.

I rarely ever talk about work in this blog (because so many people get busted for that stuff), but I'm pretty sure that what I"m going to write won't get me in trouble.

About a year ago my company repainted and spruced up the bathrooms...the cleaning people crammed a ton of paper towels in the paper towel holder, and in the process of trying to grab some out the whole thing smashed onto my FACE. I came out all bewildered, Caroline looked at me and was like "WTF happened to you?", and I was so flustered I half laughed half cried and my forehead became the size of a golfball...soon she started laughing, i'm laughing/crying still, and everyone in the department is like "how retarded do you have to be to injure yourself from a paper towel dispenser?!"...

Even take last night. Some women are smart and get their hair fabulously dyed by their stylist. Um yeah not me. 2 weeks before my wedding in a freak moment of insomnia i attempted to give myself highlights with disastrous results (thank God i wore my hair up). You' dthink i would have learned. Last night was spent running between the bathroom and the TV (South Park) in Highlight My Own Hair, v2.0...it says in the instructions not to do it too close to the scalp because the heat intensifies the color there...did Sabina listen? Nope, i was like "wtf they dont' know what they're talking about"...

I woke up this morning and now i've got GOBS of random brassy red all over my head. Yeah, I'm bringing sexyback.Back to loserville maybe.

Then today...since the downstairs hot water thingy doesn't work and i'm too lazy to go upstairs to get hot water for my Tazo Tea, my Diet Pepsi consumption has grown exponentially. I keep a case at my desk 'cause most of the time I end up wiping the vending machine dry. So today I went to my car and brought back another 12 pack, and i smacked a pen into the cardboard case to help rip open the box....

Uhhh Einstein over here punctured a can of diet pepsi...I scream, pepsi flies everywhere...i open the fridgepack, find the can that i punctured, and start sucking soda straight from the hole. (Yes, Caroline was like "you are officially addicted now, you realize that:)...there was soda ALL around myd esk. Plus the soda was warm from being in the car.

To quote something my childhood friend Christine once said (not about me, but it works in this example): I have all the grace and poise of a cow in heat.

I realize this was the year I was going to be refined and elegant. I have failed, failed, failed miserably at this.

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor for teh first time ever (note: i'm slouching wayyy down as I type...suck it). My workstation is all screwed up and in turn, it's impacted my posture and my spine, which is duly noted to have very narrow shoulders and basically being built like a midget. So dude says that if we go crazy adjusting me for a short time, it'll be okay, as opposed to years and years and years of visits like most people seem to need.

Have you ever been adjusted? It was crazy. I mean, i had my neck done once by an ex bf's sister, but that was NOTHING. First they zapped electricity through my muscles which freaked the hell out of me, then he put me in random poses and he'd lean all close and smush me to make me crack. At one point when he was leaning over me to crack (uhhh adjust) my back, my brain was all "hey, buddy, maybe you should buy me dinner first"...I am NOT a touchy feely person with anyone, I have a hard enough time holding Kraig's hand (yes, lord help any man who's with me...you know the scene in Clueless where Cher walks up to the school and talks about how high school guys are like dogs and this dude jumps up to hug her and she SHOVES him off and screams "ewww, get OFF of me!"...that's me), so for a dude to lean over and get all close while making my bones crack is a little uncomfortable in terms of my personal space bubble being invaded.

Anyway, the moral of the story is...some girls have grace, poise, and walk into a women being perfectly ladylike and respectable...sadly, I have zero of these traits.

"Gay Dad" always trumps "Slutty Mom"

OH

SNAP!

Some of the best one-liners are gonna come from the OC this year (and probably final year).
4 Minutes Preview

It starts of slow but ohhhhhhh it gets GOOD....Julie Cooper Nichol is the best tv "villain" you absolutely love right now.

Best quote of the week...err...weekend?

From a friend, this is SO true:

"the people you attract to your life when you're in one state don't stay with you after you've moved out of that state unless they are changing as well or making a CONCERTED effort to accept your growth and your new terms"

When i get the pics, I'll post a bit about this weekend's camping (my first "real" camping ever) and how things went down with Bruno...it wasn't pretty.

Make love, not Warcraft

Disclaimer: yes I've heard of Blizzard because my husband makes video games,but I've never even seen World of Warcraft and I learned yesterday that the graphics look so crappy because it's intended for everyone to play, no matter how crummy the computer. Anyway, the point is that I thought this was EXTREMELY creative and well done, even if you don't know the game and how it works.

This was, by far, the FUNNIEST effing South Park episode ever. This clip is around 10mins long, but forward to 6:00mins in...

The BEST part is at 7:01, where Timmy gets to speak...