Update to the bus guy

Props to Tim for finding this:
Greyhound Guy's Facebook Page

He looks like a total skid...people like that always get their heads lopped off on buses! He had it coming!

And why can't I stop laughing at this whole story?! Makes me miss Canada even more.

That's some f*cked up ishh right there

Wow. Wow wow. And this happened in the same city/province where i was born.
Sleeping man beheaded on Greyhound bus

WINNIPEG, Manitoba - A passenger sleeping on a Greyhound bus was killed and decapitated by his seatmate on Wednesday night as the vehicle rolled across the Canadian prairies, witnesses said.

What's more effed up: that some dude lost his head on a bus, or that I laughed my ass off reading this?

Can't wait movie omg omg

Seth Green. Amish. What more do you need in life. Very rarely does a preview make me giggle as much as this one did:

Absolutely stunning

My life is incomplete without this skirt in my closet:


It's a promo pic for Macy's anniversary. If i get hit by a bus tomorrow, please sell my entire closet, shoes, purses, accessories, car and buy that skirt to bury me in it.

Comic Con recap coming soon

Until then, this cracked me up (found on the Oh No They Didn't celeb gossip site):

Simpsons Rock

After a billion years, The Simpsons still got it...
I can't stop laughing:

So, so stoked!

For 10 years, I've been wanting this hat from a guy I went to University with. I knew it was from surf shop, and I always thought he got it from San Diego.

Every time I go to Comic Con or wherever, I always try to go into surf shops to see if I can find the hat. I didn't know the name or anything, I just knew I'd recognize the logo when I saw it.

Seriously, it was an awesome effing hat.

Anyway, I finally thought to just ASK Eric where he got it from, and he's like "the Ron Jon hat?"...YES YES! And best of all, there's a Ron Jon Surf Shop right in Orange! Swwwwwwwwwwwweeeeet!

This is the hat I want (in cream, not navy):


Hmm maybe I'll just get Kraig to get it for me for my birthday and be done with it.

Let me backtrack a bit here...baseball hats are REALLY hard for me to find. The best one I have is my highschool one, which I adore but you know, it's been years since highschool and I rarely wear it because I don't want to wear it out. It's got a snap button strap on the back, which is perfect: I can put a ponytail through it, but it's already perfectly adjusted for my head.

I can't find anything like it anymore. Either you get hats that are fully covered in the back (not ideal for chicks with ponytails), or they velcro straps or something retarded like that...i don't want to keep adjusting. And they never fit right. Or they're those plastic snap doodads, which also are kinda weird.

The Ron Jon one i think is the plastic snap doodad kind, but considering how effing awesome that had is...I'll make an exception. Maybe I should just order it online, considering the $7 shipping is probably the same cost of gas for me anyway.

Today is a good day.

No, i am NOT a nerd

Unlike some people (who aren't nameless, just ask me and i'll tell you her name), I don't "brag" about being a nerd. I have the right to be called a nerd (did you program your Vic20 when you were 6 years old? Do you know the 3 Laws of Robotics? Did you spend your Saturday nights watching the old skool Dr. Who? Do you think the TI-85 is the best calculator ever? Exactly.), I just don't think that's a noble thing to call yourself. I'm almost 31, but I'd still like to avoid being beat up.

That being said...sigh...I'm willing to admit that on Saturday morning I will be up EARLY to get in line for this:
12:45-1:45 Exclusive Q&A with the writers of The Office— Meet the writers of the EmmyAward–winning comedy The Office and hear them talk about their favorite episodes, characters, and fun behind-the-scenes stories. Moderated by cast member Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute), panelists include executive producer/showrunner Greg Daniels (The Simpsons) and writers Jennifer Celotta (Andy Richter Controls the Universe), Michael Schur (Saturday Night Live), B.J. Novak, Lester Lewis (The Larry Sanders Show), Gene Stupnitsky (Year One), Lee Eisenberg (Year One), Mindy Kaling (Matt and Ben), Justin Spitzer (Scrubs), Ryan Koh (various commercials), and Anthony Ferrell (The Audacity)

That's not overly nerdy...it's just at the ultimate uber nerd-fest ever. Don't blame me for the location.

Rumor has it that it's actually very easy, with Professional badges, to just go in through the back. Kraig doesn't think so, but maybe this is the year I actually hootch myself up and give it a whirl. Who am I kidding...you either gotta be a Playboy bunny (which there are plenty of at comic con) OR a relatively thin chick with a super expensive costume to pull off the hootch factor. Maybe I can get Kraig to just stand in line while I attempt to use my shmooze skillz to get in the back.

Rainn Wilson and BJ Novak are no Steve Carrell, but I'll lick their feet anyway. I LOVE THE OFFICE!!!

Letter to the editor

Re: that Gigi sex toy
Well the reason it is marketed to women is because it helps with the fact you can use it together if you want.

It takes care of the um BJ situation. If after you get married you don't want to do them as much....maybe
hehehhe.
You don't have to um swallow or have too much in your mouth....
ok now that I've said too much on Sabina's Blog.

I don't know what i laughed more at, this comment or the picture I posted from Creepshow 2 (seriously, seriously, that pic kicks ass).

All I can say regarding whether you enjoy giving BJs after marriage is...

Way back in highschool a friend who shall remain nameless told me that she just decided that she's no longer giving them. Oh wait, maybe that was hand jobs. It was some "job". Anyway, I remember her telling me and I was like, "wait, what? That's an option? We don't HAVE to do __ jobs? Why did no one tell me?! Was I taken off the memo?!".

Hmmm well somehow she stopped doing whatever that "job" was, but my attitude is well...how can I word this...finding a substitute isn't going to get me out of my job lol. Whether it's my employment or my bedroom!

TEE
EMMM
EYE

Movie review: Batman The Dark Knight (no spoilers)

Since this is a big ticket movie, I won't put any spoilers here.

Last night I went to the ghetto Kaleidoscope to see the latest Batman flick, which amazingly wasn't packed at all. I actually was first in line in that little lineup thing they make you stand in before entering the theater so I was stoked. Until I realized that there was only like 30 people in there, which deprived me of my power trip.

I was spoiled by Sex And The City, the previews were max 1 minute. They jumped straight to the movie. This damn movie had at least 9 minutes of previews, which really just irritated the crap out of me.

The movie was also incredibly long, and being of the MTV generation after awhile my enjoyment factor goes downhill. I can't stand anything for 3 hours. I have a jacked up knee and I was attempting to stretch my leg out without much luck. After 3 hours, I start to feel like the directors and moviemakers are just plain arrogant to think that their movie is so damn good they don't need to edit it down because I'm going to be so in love with their work, i WANT to suffer for another half hour.

Those editors have an easy job. They don't have to cut anything out.

Heath Ledger kicked ass, he really did a brilliant job. I had to remind myself this is the likable anti-hero of Ten Things I Hate About You. Kraig made a comment about what they should have done to his character at the end of the movie, but I pointed out that given that he's DEAD and all, they probably had to factor in what would be appropriate at the end (sad, but true).

I was trying to think of why they would cast Maggie Gyllenhaal to replace Katie Holmes. She's quirky but NOT attractive, and at one point The Joker calls her "beautiful". Umm no, no she's not. But then again, The Joker is crazy so maybe that's a diss. Then I remembered that Heath did Brokeback with Jake Gyllenhaal, and maybe that's how Maggie got her "in" to this movie. I suppose when you have to simulate gay sex with a dude, you either have to buy him dinner or cast his sister in your next movie.

(shrug) Without giving away any plotlines, I'll say it's a pretty good movie. I preferred the first one, but this one is entertaining in its own right. I'd give the special effects/CG guys props, as well as the makeup artists (seriously, the last 1/3rd of the movie...you'll understand what i mean re: makeup artists). Hell, let's give the gaffer some mad love too for his efforts in making things seem...um like nighttime.

This was a very cryptic movie review. Suck it.

Friday, pics, and how to not be classy

I was going to make a post about a girl I know who has zero class, which thus would have prompted the list of How to be UnClassy.

Thanks to you mofos there on Friday night, I was able to live the tale myself.

Class is very, very important. You can't buy class. You can be super poor and be much more classy than someone with ten times your wealth.

How NOT to be classy, as seen by cough cough me cough on Friday night:

1. Don't eat anything all day except 1/2 a doughnut and a leftover salad before going drinking.
2. Accept every shot of patron offered your way.
3. Make your poor friend drive your drunk ass home.
4. Hug everyone around you. Even if you don't know them. Hugs for all!
5. Start telling people about dreams you had about them that you vowed to NEVER reveal.
6. Argue over who's got a bigger gut by showing your gut to them.
7. When your husband tries to take care of you, yell at him to stop touching you but thatyou want your jeans taken off. (I woke up at 4am, got up to get something to eat 'cause i was starving, and iw as like, "where the f*ck are my pants?!")
8. When your husband gives you a bowl "just in case", and then later tries to take it away, yell at him "It's my bucket! MY BUCKET!" and don't let him have it.

Ugh, my apologies if I offended anyone, I haven't gotten that much of a horrible drunk since Stacey's wedding 5 years ago. I'm much too old to pull drunken antics!

Pics here. At least I hand washed and waxed my SUV myself the next day while hungover to suffer for my sins! But damn i had a fun time!

Product Review: Kiwi Smiling Feet

I swear, the last picture in my last posting makes me laugh. It's great when you can crack yourself up.

Tim, to add to my point from t he last posting: i'm not saying we'll have complete human-free sexual experiences, I'm simply saying that it's amazing that we've gotten to the point where you can have a virtual sexual experience, it's not like in 1920 anyone thought that would be possible.

SERIOUSLY that blob picture has me rolling on the floor...heh heh, Google images kicks ass.

Product Review: Kiwi Smiling Feet anti-slip shoe insert doodads
Kiwi Product list

Being a mutant with small mutant feet (i barely fit into a size 5 shoe), I experience some serious crazy shoe issues over the course of a day. Typically my shoes are slightly too big, because it's next to impossible to find anything in my shoe size. Plus, even when I do, they're usually cheap shoes (think Payless) which are cute and all, but they're not exactly known for quality or comfort.

I have a gorgeous pair of Nina shoes (which, shout out to their company, they actually make size 5s that fit) which were the last pair, and I had to get a size 6. These effing shoes make my legs look AWESOME, which offsets the pain that I feel with my feet sloshing around in heels that are too big.

To avoid killing myself in a tripping accident, I went and bought some Anti-Slip inserts. The package said Smiling Feet, and although my feet don't have mouths, I think they deserve to experience some happiness finally.

I was so stoked to try these suckers. I peeled off the little sticky adhesive thing and placed them in my uber cute heels. And then...the Smiling Feet inserts fell right off. I was like, 'wtf!'. I peeled off the backing of the other insert, and discovered it has all the adhesion of a Post-It note. Instead of just writing off this $4 situation, I actually got mad. REAL MAD. Who was the engineer that decided the adhesion level to these things? Was it a guy? Because clearly usability had no been factored in.

So I went to their website and wrote their customer support form thing a little nasty message saying how disappointed I was that they didn't even consider the adhesion to the shoe because otherwise the little inserts were crazy comfortable.

Damn you Kiwi employees. Damn you all to hell.

Letter to the editor

Carrie (re: Running Man book): heck yeah I read the book, it was awesome! Very different from the movie however, but the best part is when book-version-Arnold is crawling on the floor, his guts spilling out, then his intestines loop around some dead guy's head so he has to crawl back to unhook it and shove it back inside him....In addition to my Piers Anthony/Isaac Asimov reading phases, i was all into Stephen King (Richard Bachman), but I remember seeing Creepshow 2 and IT and those scared the crap out of me so I stopped reading his books.

I don't think you're right at all about society moving towards the absence of sexual content.
Tim: You're putting words in my mouth. I don't think we're "moving" towards it, we already have. You can't possibly think we're where we were in the days of woodstock and houses where you could go specifically to bone someone else. Those things still go on, but nowhere NEAR the same levels what with the advent of AIDS and STDs...I'm not saying it'll be complete absence, at least not in our lifetimes (I mean, if in the next generation there's an STD you get just by LOOKING at gonads, then f*ck it...i'd have no problems wearing a chastity belt forever).

MARLENE YOU ROCK...yes the Gigi is what I was thinking of. Why are these things marketed towards chicks, I'll bet that Gigi thing feels way better than a frickin' blow up doll for a dude if he's a germaphobe of the future. Although what do I know, maybe these are marketed towards dudes too. Damn i can't find a pic online, there's alotta things called "gigi" on the net.

EDITED: Marcella you KICK ASS! Here's a pic:


Back to Creepshow 2...the only reason I was scared of that movie was the vignette (The Raft) of the black oil slick that would eat people on this little lake. For real, this concept scared the pulp out of me. In hindsight, not really so scary, but damn for years I just got freaked out that some big black oil slick blob was going to engulf me.

Sex, Robots, and Isaac Asimov

When i was still in elementary school I went through a massive nerd phase where I read books like crazy. Not that that's something new, but my parents actually threw out our TV (which I didn't tell anyone at the time, who's parents actually physically THROW OUT a tv? The only family tv? And then go years without one? My formative Saved by the Bell years were spent reading books instead of watching tv. Gee, wonder why I'm so addicted to television now? But i digress). So i went pretty fast from reading Babysitter's Club/Sweet Valley High to Piers Anthony and Isaac Asimov, I probably read more books during that non-tv time than I ever will for the rest of my life (and I'm in a book club even!).

Thanks mom and dad, for making me the socially retarded woman I am today.

I remember reading Robots of Dawn (in addition to many other books by Isaac Asimov, who's a mutha effin' sci fi badass...ummm as badass as you can be given the subject) and although i didn't get very much of the sexual references at the time, I do remember a key element in the book is that on whatever planet (Aurora?), humans don't actually interface with each other. They're total germophobes. You can see each other through holographic-type phone systems so it seems like you're there when you're not. And some chicks just bone their robots (Daneel i believe was one of them), since they're man-like anyway (nice! I approve). Funny that Isaac Asimov didn't think to reference Purell hand sanitizer anywhere in his books, i'm sure he thought of it before the stuff was actually invented.



I also recall the hero of the book actually getting to physically bone one of the chicks in the book, and the whole sex scene was written out like he was taking her on some sort of trip. Flying or something. I don't know, I didn't get it then, and I'm certainly not creative enough to figure it out now. If someone can make sex seem like I'm sitting on a beach in Hawaii drinking out of a coconut (without my husband losing his wedding ring in the ocean in Waikiki lol), let me know.

What I do remember is thinking how odd that any sexual contact was electronic, through holographic images or with robots. And now...that's what society is turning towards. Maybe because I still have that Vh1 “Sex the Revolution” series in my brain, but we are a society that has to fear herpes, AIDs, baby mama drama...and we also have immediate access to all things sex thanks to the web and Passion Parties (Marlene, wtf is the name of that jelly-ish thing with a hole in it that you guys got me for my bridal shower? For the life of me, i can't remember what it's called but it seems like now would be time for a good shout out to that doodad!).

Very much like in Isaac Asimov's worlds, you can have aseptic sex virtually with anyone in the world as long as you have a method of communication, some sort of camera device, and your own little robot (that runs on two AA batteries lol).

Much like how Stephen King was ahead of this time with The Running Man (link to that blog entry here, effing best movie ever! Second to Clueless), Isaac Asimov was also well ahead of his time and totally foresaw the future of sex.

Yay to nerds.

Vasectomies, scissors, and snip snip

An interesting question was raised to me today: when you get a vasectomy, what exactly happens with the sperm? I mean, we know no sperm comes OUT, but where does it go?

So I immediately scoped out HowStuffWorks.com to get the inside info...

I guess since you're snipping the vas deferens, the little doodads that connect your nuts to your tool, you're now removing the "roads" that get the sperm to where they need to go.

But what happens to the sperm? I mean, the body still produces it, right? Aren't you just asking for permanent blue balls?

One effect of a vasectomy is that the body can actually cease to recognize its own sperm and can develop antibodies to it.

That's seriously effed up. Why are guys so messed up? Even their surgeries are gross.

And speaking of the male member, if a guy gets his man meat tattooed, does he have to do it when it's erect? Wouldn't the pain alone make it shrink back up? And if you did it when it's NOT erect, wouldn't there be gaps whenever it IS erect?




Edited to add:
Spitz wrote this on my Facebook page re: this post, it's too funny to not post here:

Far as the tattooing goes, I bet they stretch the skin of a flaccid wiener while they work. I'd guess maintaining a boner for 3 hours can challengiing -- especially with the needles buzzing away and the pain exploding in your brain and balls like a pinball machine.

And far as the antisperm antibodies go, the real issue isn't so much building immunological resistance to your own little guys, or even shooting blanks, but the actual procedure itself: The anesthesia is local, so you can actually HEAR when they snip the tubes, and SMELL when they cauterize them shut.

(Wincing? Well YOU brought this up...)

Purging whatever's in my brain

Some seriously random bitching and thoughts...leave your brain cells at the door as you read:

- has plastic surgery evolved so far that Dr. 90210 can fix my cankles?

- I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't stimulated. My bank account will barely feel a heartbeat. It will get sucked into the vortex of all things going OUT of my account.

- speaking of $$, bask in my glory of having paid down my home equity loan $15k in 7 months (see the bottom of this blog page). Do you know how effing hard that was?! That's $15k EXTRA that went towards that effing loan. In addition to the regular loan, bills, and my right arm.

- I went to a baby shower on Saturday and there was a dude there who EXACTLY on the same pulse as me re: all the things that every single guy should be able to do. I was like, "hey so let's talk cars" and he replied "don't get me started, i have a friend who drives a purple jetta". That came after he said "well if me, my girlfriend and two of her friends went somewhere...then yeah of course i'm driving. Even if it means I have to drive my GF's car 'cause it's bigger". DUDE you're a shining star of what a single guy should be.

- According to 20/20, you can go an extra 40 miles on your reserve tank when the gas light goes on. For me, as soon as that light goes on, I freak out. Sweat starts to pour down my face and I act as if I've 30 seconds or else I'll start to sputter right in the middle of the road. I don't want to be the a-hole who's actually stalled in a middle lane on the HIGHWAY with her hazards on.

- When someone displays very bad etiquette to you, what's the proper reply? To call them out on their rudeness, or to still maintain your own level of etiquette, smile, and suck it up?

- It's 10:30pm at night and I'm craving strawberry shortcake. From Bigg's Deli and Bar in Ottawa. I want strawberry shortcake so effing bad right now. The last time I had it, I was at Cheesecake Factory. They served me two hockey pucks with artificial foam and a ghetto strawberry. Effing bastards.

I have more to write, but Kraig's doing the "how much longer are you going to be" schpiel so I gotta split. Stay tuned for part two of random rants on a Monday.

Purging whatever's in my brain – part 2 added the next day

Unless you're rocking the super long hair look (and really, I only one guy who can pull that off, Sebastian Bach from Skid Row), short hair on a guy is a MUST. That also includes when it grows all nasty on the back of the neck because you decided to wait a few more weeks before cutting. Ugh. Can't stand that. Short and preppy is the way to go (not to be confused with super SUPER almost shaved hair...unless you're playing sports all summer and need it that short for logistical reasons or you're in the military, please don't do that...chicks dig hair too)

after the age of 17, it is never ever cool to just make out at someone's house in front of people. Not the same as getting drunk in college, but no one's got a “house” in college (5 people renting one doesn't count as one person havint a house).

I'm wearing these super cute black shiny patent heels that are almost identical to ANOTHER pair of black shiny patent heels, except these ones have double straps. Which is how I justified getting them. They're crazy high and hurt like a biotch but DAMN they're adorable.

After a discussion with someone (who will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), I have to agree: really, REALLY, there's only one type of female that can pull of jean/denim skirts: super duper thin ones. Thus unless you're 12 years old...or you're 25 but weigh 90lbs, don't wear them. I've never owned one because I think they're actually ugly, but I also know that unless you're a twig, denim skirts ride up when you sit down and really, REALLY, i don't want to see anyone's underwear.

I think when people build buildings, they purposely eff up the A/C and heating systems so the employees have to suffer forever. I've never, ever worked anywhere where the heating/cooling situation was optimal. It's almost always set up so that one side of the building is forced to freeze while the other size drips in sweat.

Daphne's is so effing awesome. I want to bathe in their tzatziki sauce.

Diet Pepsi addiction is BACK. Bring on the jitters and the withdrawal headaches. And the teeth staining. Sigh. I'll go back to Fresca eventually.

I hate it when i see a guy who's calves are smaller than mine (I don't have small calves, but I expect every guy alive to have bigger ones than mine unless he's got cancer or something).

I love Trina Decker's hairstyle on Swing town:


I'm thinking if i cut my hair in the next short while, that's how I would do it.

More BBQ goodness

That all said if you guys ever visit me, I will gladly cook on the BBQ for you, all I ask is that you join me on the roof with a beer or glass of wine and keep me company. :)

Wait, you can BBQ on the roof at your place Bryan? I'm THERE! Well...once I accrue vacation time and flying to the east coast doesn't cost me an arm and a leg.

Tim, I read your comment to Kraig while he was falling asleep, he was appreciative of your support :P

Of meat, liquor, and random babies

Picture time...much thanks to Carrie who played photographer so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Too lazy to write captions for these pics. Figure it out yourself.

Good times, it was bizarre because there was alot of BBQ newbies who'd never been to one our bbqs, whereas alot of the usuals couldn't make it.

Letter to the Editor...sorta

Ha ha...I hate Facebook, but I had to import in these comments from my blog to here (you can view this blog in Facebook, and sometimes people post their comments there instead of here):


Shane wrote
at 6:09pm yesterday
Thanks. This was an enjoyable read. I'll drive my Jetta less and shave more.

Lol sorry dude! But you're married. So straight married dudes can drive anything. Take a look at Kraig...he removed all his balls ages ago in order to drive my Rav4.

Spitz wrote
at 11:59pm yesterday
What are you TALKING about? Tacky posters are manly as hell.

Leigh Anne wrote
at 12:38pm
Sabina, I think I love you. WORDS TO LIVE BY for all you guys out there! Loved it!

HA HAAAAAAAAAAA...you gotta love that 2 guys go whining, and Leigh Anne's like "damn right!"...

You all may think that it's just me, but it's NOT...all of us women think the same! And if they don't, then that chick is secretly what we call a "man".

Hohhhh-leeeee fffuuuudddgge

OH
OH
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vh1, I love you.

I LOVE YOU.

Vh1, I will do you ever which way you want.

Vee, I basque in your glory.

Damn. Damn damn.

I Love Money was fabulous. I mean, really, SO SO GOOD. Like, I want a cigarette now. And I don't smoke. I'm actually out of breath. I might need a shower.

You took the lowest common denominators of society and made them compete for the only thing that motivates them: money. Not integrity. Not love. Good old fashioned money.

In fact, I think a tear just came to my eye. THAT is how you do reality television folks. I can die a happy woman.