My Mom (8:16 AM): how is marma?
Me (8:17 AM): she's fine
My Mom (8:17 AM): is she on a special diet?
My Mom (8:18 AM): did u manage to ask the vet what to feed an old cat?
My Mom (8:18 AM): like our granpapie smokey?
Me (8:18 AM): yes she is on a diabetic diet, and no i didn't ask what to feed an old cat. but i can if you want.
My Mom (8:19 AM): well because u saw the vet i thought u asked
My Mom (8:19 AM): i can call mine too and get advise
Me (8:19 AM): i had other things to ask when i was at the vet
My Mom (8:20 AM): ok np
Me (8:21 AM): how are you doing these days
My Mom (8:22 AM): who me?
Me (8:22 AM): obviously
My Mom (8:23 AM): i'm ok, as usual, may is allergy season for me, but with windows closed i'm ok. it helped to cut low that tree in the back, when it flowers it creates terrible probs
My Mom (8:24 AM): saturday late evening i went to walmart, coming back i took with dad a bag of basmati rise, 80 lbs, that was in the back of the car and straight away i noticed i had red eyes
My Mom (8:24 AM): so may is bad for me
My Mom is Available (8:26 AM)
My Mom (8:25 AM): how is your french?
Me (8:26 AM): i've lost a lot of it.
My Mom (8:26 AM): :(
My Mom (8:26 AM): u could have gotten a good gvmnt job here
My Mom (8:26 AM): 30 years int he gvmt and u can retire
Me (8:27 AM): I did have a government job. They don't pay crap.note: I worked for 3 years in the Canadian government when I was a student...but it wasn't a "real" job. It was a "we're the government and every year we have to hire X many university students as part of some initiative to give them working experience...so if they have a pulse, hire them"
My Mom (8:27 AM): u had a student job at the gvmt
Me (8:27 AM): And you forget that I LIVED in ottawa when I graduated. There were no jobs that I was qualified for.
My Mom (8:27 AM): that dont pay well
Me (8:28 AM): They wanted full-on programmers, which I'm not.
Me (8:28 AM): And i didn't have a business degree.
Me (8:28 AM): So that pretty much left nothing.
My Mom (8:28 AM): a while back they looked for technical writers
Me (8:28 AM): Yes probably with experience. When i graduated, I had none.
Me (8:28 AM): And i would have had to take a french test for that
My Mom (8:28 AM): now u would be ok
Me (8:28 AM): i can't do technical writing in french
My Mom (8:29 AM): ok
Me (8:29 AM): No, i wouldn't be okay now, because i don't have the technical vocab in french
Me (8:29 AM): Maybe one day i'll work for the canadian government, but not now.
My Mom (8:29 AM): ok
My Mom (8:29 AM): just saying
My Mom (8:30 AM): to late now, u decided to live in the usa
Me (8:36 AM): yup
Me (8:36 AM): my life is ruined
My Mom (8:37 AM): lol it cant be that bad
Me (8:37 AM): well it's too late for me to get a government job and all
My Mom (8:37 AM): not really
My Mom (8:38 AM): and u r smart, u can knock them dead
Me (8:38 AM): you're the one who wrote "too late now, you decided to live in the usa"
Me (8:38 AM): but thank you for the compliment
My Mom (8:38 AM): one thing u and ((my brother)) are, is tough
My Mom (8:38 AM): u know how to kick in the door if u have to
My Mom (8:39 AM): hehe
Me (8:40 AM): yep
My Mom (8:41 AM): lol
My Mom (8:41 AM): i guess in todays job market u have to
My Mom (8:42 AM): anyway, got errands to run, c u
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'm having a delayed quarter-life crisis
Yeah. I said it.
I'm almost 32 and I realized that my quarter-life crisis has been at a slow and steady pace since I was around 28.
All this bitching, all this griping...it all makes sense now! Before I was merely an annoying chick who was never satisfied and felt the need to let the whole world know her complaints. BUT NOW...it has been solved! I've just been going through a crisis, but at such a slow pace that I didn't realize it.
At least men in their 40s and 50s wake up and buy cars. Sadly, I can't do that. And I actually like my car. In fact, I love Eleanor. She has been good to me. Eleanor, baby, I'm sorry I haven't washed you in like 2 months. I know baby. A car is a reflection of its owner, and right now I look pretty hygienically unsound.
So what's a girl to do when she realizes that she's gone though the stupid fun years of her life and doesn't know what to do as a grownup?
Oh sure...there's all the grownup things. Job. 401k. House. No...house PAYMENTS. Sending out way too many holiday cards in December on behalf of "us". Laundry. Proper nutrition.
But there's a shift in mentality that needs to take place. I feel like each chapter of our lives is represented by an entrance. Well, I haven't crossed the doorway. I've just been chillin' on the front porch so that I can keep my eye on the door from my Oh Look Sweet Freedom I'm On My Own Now! This Is Going To Rock Years. It's like turning my head and charging through that doorway indicates that I should bet that person. The kind that in every year earlier in your life, you never wanted to become. The one who talks mortgages (already do), bills(already do), weather (already do), and politics (already do although I aim to be as ignorant as possible with the exception of socialized healthcare which i feel damn passionately about...wtf in the States we pay more per capita for healthcare yet the #1 reason for bankruptcy is healthcare costs. Ahhh my tangent...I'll bring it back in now).
Listen, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not cool. I've never been cool. I just want ONE opportunity to be cool and then I promise I'll turn my head from peering into that party house that represents youth. So what constitutes "cool"? We don't want to be the 32yo equivalent of the douchebag old guy who gets a new corvette, or even worse, a new miata.
Options include:
Tattoos
Everyone's got one now. So I think at this rate if I got one I become a crazy conformist. And it's just so...permanent. I have NOTHING on me that's permanent other than scars, and I desperately slather Mederma and prescription scar cream in hopes of one day miraculously waking up to flawless skin. Why am I paying to have that occur? Although...the cheesy "made in Canada" logo that people in Canada get would seem pretty nifty and different when you live in the States. But still...getting a tattoo would make me feel like it's the body part equivalent of getting a miata (not for others...but for me, since it's so out of character). The whole point of why it was cool once upon a time was the pain factor combined with the stigma of doing something so ooohhhh "wrong" to your body in a permanent fashion. I'm sure there's plenty of nerds to tattoo "Hello World" or "void foo(int a)" so really...I'll pass.
Splurge on an expensive grownup purse
There comes a time in every woman's life when she splurges and gets that one designer bag she's dying for. Guys, don't even TRY to understand this. And lord knows, I've provided many a slobbery goo over the pretty things I've seen here in Orange County. But my paranoia exceeds my desire, and my fear of being robbed prevents me from ever starting a "nice expensive prettttyyy purse fund so that I can stop justifying why I have 25 non-designer bags that although they're cute and functional, it's just not the same". I don't think I would get robbed for the purse. I think I would just get robbed, period. Regardless if my purse were Hermes or Target, I can still get robbed. The last thing I want is to be negotiating with a robber "For real, take the CONTENTS of the purse. Take my wallet, take my cell. Just leave me my purse and my lipgloss. Please."
Get a whole new hair-do
Been there, done that. Spent forever feeling like Eva Longoria's ugly sister. While my hair still looks better, all it does is make me feel that I should have been visiting Henry the Stylist years ago.
Pursue a Master's degree
This falls under the "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". Well the other parts of life that involve bills make this not so much an option (well, everything's an option. But the risks/consequences/stress aren't worth the potential outcome of it providing me with what I'd want). Plus I once looked up the whole thing of having my Canadian degree scoped out to see if it fits whatever requirements, and that just seemed like one big pain in the ass. It was 4 years of hell at horrific Ottawa U, I'd like to not revisit that past in order to attempt a future degree.
Plastic Surgery
Well I haven't had plastic surgery, but I did get a "cosmetic procedure" a few times. And it was AWESOME. Like...for real...I can't speak enough on the merits of injecting food poisoning into your face. God bless the team that used this for medical purposes only to discover their patients were lookin' mighty fine. Sadly it's a little hard to justify the cost vs. the frequency it needs to be done. Sigh. I've got syringes from my cat's insulin and plenty of meat I can let sit on the counter...can't I just scoop up some of the moldy goo, inject it into my forehead, and see what fun ensues?
So what's a girl with a delayed quarter-life crisis to do?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ha you thought I had an answer? Hardly. Probably just a good ol' fashioned bitch slapping session with someone finally PUSHING me through that entryway into grownup world.
Facebook users, original link can be found here in case you care.
Damn...gets me EVERY time...
Listening to streaming XM (woo hoo thanks Syl), Breathe "Hands to Heaven" gets me every single frickin' time I hear it.
As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving
Chorus:
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely
Repeat Chorus
Morning has come,
I must pack my bags and say goodbye,
Goodbye
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
God bless Craigslist
When you need a laugh, the Best-of-CL always does the trick.
LOVE this:
Well, since I seem to have a very specific type, I'll just lay it out there.
I'm apparently really into the shiftless layabouts. If you are unemployed, unmotivated and possibly still live with your parents... you could be next in my long line of failed relationships! Just think of it... an educated woman to show you how things work (hey, I'm even handy around the house - you won't have to raise a finger!). A woman with drive, ambition and goals to contrast your utter lack of motivation. A girl with a thick skin who can roll with the punches and both dish out AND take jokes... I'll be happy to be the one who doesn't sugar-coat things so that you can blame ME for all of your hurt feelings and failures. It's probably even ALREADY my fault and you haven't even emailed me!
I am completely co-depedant, so you don't have to worry about me booting you to the curb over petty things (like finances, commitment or general civility). In fact, you could probably take my cash, sleep with another girl and then come over and break some things in my house and I'd just clean it up and continue along our path of destruction.
So if you're looking for a lady to use and abuse, I'm your girl! I have a house, a car, a life, friends, pets and my shit together. Please, I need some sort of zeitgeist in my life to screw all of this up! It's been way too long since I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be undervalued.
I'm over on minutes this month, otherwise I'd put my phone number up for you to call right away (either from your parents' landline or collect, from jail). So just email me and maybe we can work something out. Pick you up? Well, yeah, if you need me to! Baltimore? No problem. It's only about an hour's drive. I don't mind one bit, I've got nothing but time!
Source
LOVE this:
Well, since I seem to have a very specific type, I'll just lay it out there.
I'm apparently really into the shiftless layabouts. If you are unemployed, unmotivated and possibly still live with your parents... you could be next in my long line of failed relationships! Just think of it... an educated woman to show you how things work (hey, I'm even handy around the house - you won't have to raise a finger!). A woman with drive, ambition and goals to contrast your utter lack of motivation. A girl with a thick skin who can roll with the punches and both dish out AND take jokes... I'll be happy to be the one who doesn't sugar-coat things so that you can blame ME for all of your hurt feelings and failures. It's probably even ALREADY my fault and you haven't even emailed me!
I am completely co-depedant, so you don't have to worry about me booting you to the curb over petty things (like finances, commitment or general civility). In fact, you could probably take my cash, sleep with another girl and then come over and break some things in my house and I'd just clean it up and continue along our path of destruction.
So if you're looking for a lady to use and abuse, I'm your girl! I have a house, a car, a life, friends, pets and my shit together. Please, I need some sort of zeitgeist in my life to screw all of this up! It's been way too long since I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be undervalued.
I'm over on minutes this month, otherwise I'd put my phone number up for you to call right away (either from your parents' landline or collect, from jail). So just email me and maybe we can work something out. Pick you up? Well, yeah, if you need me to! Baltimore? No problem. It's only about an hour's drive. I don't mind one bit, I've got nothing but time!
Source
IM with my mom - housing edition
Mom (1:21 PM): r u there?
ME (1:22 PM): yes
ME (1:22 PM): marmalade is fine
Mom (1:22 PM): ok
Mom (1:22 PM): how r things?
ME (1:23 PM): they're okay
Mom (1:23 PM): marmalade her former self again?
ME (1:23 PM): not fully, but getting there
Mom (1:23 PM): awww poor baby
ME (1:23 PM): yep
Mom (1:24 PM): how do u manage giving her that insulin by needle?
Mom (1:24 PM): isnt she kind of wiggly and slippery?
ME (1:24 PM): no, you just grab her fur and she doesn't really move
ME (1:24 PM): scruff her
Mom (1:25 PM): oh she got used to it maybe
ME (1:25 PM): yep
Mom (1:25 PM): she knows u mean well
Mom (1:25 PM): she trusts u
ME (1:25 PM): yep
ME (1:25 PM): how was your holiday weekend
Mom (1:25 PM): same as always, a bit cool
Mom (1:25 PM): nothing eventful
ME (1:26 PM): did ((Uncle X)) find a job?
Mom (1:27 PM): well he got a job as a mechanical engineer, not the job he would have liked, but its better than nothing, but not in water testing
Mom (1:27 PM): he is also a mechanical engineer studied at red river college in winnipeg
Mom (1:28 PM): went to see the new houses they are building on 10th line across innes road behind that mall. dont like how close they build houses next to each other these days
Mom (1:29 PM): right now i actually like my house again, not as squooshed together
Mom (1:29 PM): but all very nice and modern
Mom (1:30 PM): ((Uncle X)) and ((Aunt X)) want to buy a bigger house, she runs a daycare at home and always looses kids because they are not close to school... so they thought maybe to buy one closer to school
Mom (1:31 PM): so they asked me to have a look at those minto houses here
Mom (1:31 PM): but if we sell our house, we want a bungalow
ME (1:31 PM): do not sell your house
Mom (1:31 PM): those stairs are dangerous for older folks
Mom (1:32 PM): why not?
ME (1:32 PM): because you have no loan, and the housing market is crap everywhere anyway.
Mom (1:33 PM): well thats what i thought all the way home, no more loans is nice too.... but if we keep this house, we need to do some upgrading...
Mom (1:33 PM): like... windows, our stairs are damaged and creak a lot and our bathrooms
Mom (1:34 PM): needs new cabinets, they are crap and the upstairs needs a new mirror
Mom (1:35 PM): i wish i hate white basins, toilet and bathtub too
Mom (1:35 PM): to do the upstairs up like that completely would cost 10 000
Mom (1:35 PM): workers want a lot of money
ME (1:35 PM): your cabinets are new
Mom (1:36 PM): the actual material isnt even that bad
Mom (1:36 PM): no they are still old
Mom (1:36 PM): the kitchen is new
Mom (1:36 PM): just to put in the cabinets in both b-rooms will cost 4000
ME (1:37 PM): ok
Mom (1:38 PM): they are crap, minto used the cheapes material possible and one can see that
Mom (1:38 PM): and the stairs we got are to narrow to start with
ME (1:38 PM): ok
Mom (1:38 PM): everyone is replacing them, thats why ((my brother)) always slipped
Mom (1:39 PM): plus our stairs are cracked
Mom (1:39 PM): one of these days we are going to fall right through it
ME (1:39 PM): ok
Mom (1:39 PM): one thing i wish we didnt have is that dividing wall in the livingroom and dinning room
Mom (1:40 PM): so stupid to put that in, doesnt serve a purpose at all... cause without one can choose whether one wants a nice big livingroom, or a both
Mom (1:41 PM): then i would use the front area as dining area, the one with the bay window
ME (1:41 PM): ok
ME (1:41 PM): do as you must
Mom (1:41 PM): anyway, then again it is nice not to worry about a stupid mortgage anymore
ME (1:42 PM): yep
Mom (1:42 PM): mortgage and car payments are the two biggest killers
Mom (1:43 PM): so if we would move, we would buy a bungalow, but dreaming is free
Mom (1:43 PM): hehe
Mom (1:43 PM): dont think i want one where its so built up, even roads are narrower
Mom (1:43 PM): it would be a bit outside
Mom (1:43 PM): just dreaming, dont mind me
Mom (1:44 PM): dad just came home
Mom (1:44 PM): c u hugs
ME (1:44 PM): k
ME (1:22 PM): yes
ME (1:22 PM): marmalade is fine
Mom (1:22 PM): ok
Mom (1:22 PM): how r things?
ME (1:23 PM): they're okay
Mom (1:23 PM): marmalade her former self again?
ME (1:23 PM): not fully, but getting there
Mom (1:23 PM): awww poor baby
ME (1:23 PM): yep
Mom (1:24 PM): how do u manage giving her that insulin by needle?
Mom (1:24 PM): isnt she kind of wiggly and slippery?
ME (1:24 PM): no, you just grab her fur and she doesn't really move
ME (1:24 PM): scruff her
Mom (1:25 PM): oh she got used to it maybe
ME (1:25 PM): yep
Mom (1:25 PM): she knows u mean well
Mom (1:25 PM): she trusts u
ME (1:25 PM): yep
ME (1:25 PM): how was your holiday weekend
Mom (1:25 PM): same as always, a bit cool
Mom (1:25 PM): nothing eventful
ME (1:26 PM): did ((Uncle X)) find a job?
Mom (1:27 PM): well he got a job as a mechanical engineer, not the job he would have liked, but its better than nothing, but not in water testing
Mom (1:27 PM): he is also a mechanical engineer studied at red river college in winnipeg
Mom (1:28 PM): went to see the new houses they are building on 10th line across innes road behind that mall. dont like how close they build houses next to each other these days
Mom (1:29 PM): right now i actually like my house again, not as squooshed together
Mom (1:29 PM): but all very nice and modern
Mom (1:30 PM): ((Uncle X)) and ((Aunt X)) want to buy a bigger house, she runs a daycare at home and always looses kids because they are not close to school... so they thought maybe to buy one closer to school
Mom (1:31 PM): so they asked me to have a look at those minto houses here
Mom (1:31 PM): but if we sell our house, we want a bungalow
ME (1:31 PM): do not sell your house
Mom (1:31 PM): those stairs are dangerous for older folks
Mom (1:32 PM): why not?
ME (1:32 PM): because you have no loan, and the housing market is crap everywhere anyway.
Mom (1:33 PM): well thats what i thought all the way home, no more loans is nice too.... but if we keep this house, we need to do some upgrading...
Mom (1:33 PM): like... windows, our stairs are damaged and creak a lot and our bathrooms
Mom (1:34 PM): needs new cabinets, they are crap and the upstairs needs a new mirror
Mom (1:35 PM): i wish i hate white basins, toilet and bathtub too
Mom (1:35 PM): to do the upstairs up like that completely would cost 10 000
Mom (1:35 PM): workers want a lot of money
ME (1:35 PM): your cabinets are new
Mom (1:36 PM): the actual material isnt even that bad
Mom (1:36 PM): no they are still old
Mom (1:36 PM): the kitchen is new
Mom (1:36 PM): just to put in the cabinets in both b-rooms will cost 4000
ME (1:37 PM): ok
Mom (1:38 PM): they are crap, minto used the cheapes material possible and one can see that
Mom (1:38 PM): and the stairs we got are to narrow to start with
ME (1:38 PM): ok
Mom (1:38 PM): everyone is replacing them, thats why ((my brother)) always slipped
Mom (1:39 PM): plus our stairs are cracked
Mom (1:39 PM): one of these days we are going to fall right through it
ME (1:39 PM): ok
Mom (1:39 PM): one thing i wish we didnt have is that dividing wall in the livingroom and dinning room
Mom (1:40 PM): so stupid to put that in, doesnt serve a purpose at all... cause without one can choose whether one wants a nice big livingroom, or a both
Mom (1:41 PM): then i would use the front area as dining area, the one with the bay window
ME (1:41 PM): ok
ME (1:41 PM): do as you must
Mom (1:41 PM): anyway, then again it is nice not to worry about a stupid mortgage anymore
ME (1:42 PM): yep
Mom (1:42 PM): mortgage and car payments are the two biggest killers
Mom (1:43 PM): so if we would move, we would buy a bungalow, but dreaming is free
Mom (1:43 PM): hehe
Mom (1:43 PM): dont think i want one where its so built up, even roads are narrower
Mom (1:43 PM): it would be a bit outside
Mom (1:43 PM): just dreaming, dont mind me
Mom (1:44 PM): dad just came home
Mom (1:44 PM): c u hugs
ME (1:44 PM): k
Monday, May 18, 2009
Why television rocks...
GOD i love television.
Desperate Housewives:
"When we don't like someone, we don't punish them or say mean things...just find subtle ways to make them feel bad about their lives." -Gaby
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Movie Review: BEAM ME UP SCOTTY
No spoilers here, unless you're hardcore and don't even watch previews.
Everyone's got a season of Star Trek they like (if you don't...well...what can I say. You probably have
a life.), mine's always been the old skool cheesy initial series. Captain Kirk being paunchy yet still a ladies/mutants/aliens' man has always been endearing.
Plus, The Trouble with Tribbles ( full episode here ) was absolutely brilliant.
That being said, I'm not a fan of the movies because it's just plain depressing. Big screen old guys playing characters from their former days of glory doesn't impress me.
Finding out JJ Abrams was doing a prequel of sorts gave me everything I wanted: old skool crew combined with youth. It's a win-win.
The movie's got exactly what you'd expect in terms of action and drama. The usual schpiel of bad guy coming after the crew, bad guy getting the upper hand, then when it seems all hope is lost Kirk saves the day with some bold gutsy move. Did that spoil it? It's not like you didn't know they'd live, since it's a prequel.
I gotta admit, the script is brilliant. I don't care how much CG you toss in a movie, if the script is balls then to me the whole movie just seems like moviemakers bank on general audience stupidity. The combo of drama vs. comedic timing is effing fantastic. Which is no easy feat for for actors who have to play other actors playing well-known characters.
The scene stealer is Karl Urban as Bones McCoy. Perfect swagger, perfect crankiness, perfect deadpan delivery ("My ex-wife got the planet in the divorce. I have nothing left except my bones."). In fact, he should have his own movie, Bones ER. Then Dr. G
reen and Dr. Carter can show up as sidekicks. Also gotta give props to Simon Pegg as Scotty, except...well...he's Simon Pegg. Of course he's going to be amazing. In fact...Simon Pegg should make a cameo on Bones ER as a headstrong patient who insists on taking matters in his own hands despite the Doc Bones' orders. Hilarity ensues.
There's a few things that irked me. Like, somewhere between his youth to the future, Spock gets braces. Starfleet must have fantastic healthcare insurance.
And initially I was all "ohhhhhh Chris Pine...dark hair...blue eyes...ohhh"...well by the end of the movie, not so hot. He's got horrific skin (chemical peel please!) and he's got this huge mole near his right ear which I spent most of the movie thinking it was just a remnant from all the fights he gets in. I'm just sayin'....Spock eventually gets braces, I sure hope Cap'n Kirk gets some outpatient skin work done.
I was hoping they'd glow like this...but I got scammed.
So overall...I actually give the movie an A for nostalgia and great writing...but a D for frame-by-frame photoshopping of Spock and Kirk.
For FB readers, original post here (not that it matters, everyone comments in FB anyway):
Saturday, May 16, 2009
dang - comments
Dang, now that everyone reads my blog from Facebook and leaves comments there, it's like I'm a loser typing this here with no readers :P
(On another note, to add that Tony also is in the same "bucket" as Bryan in the last post, however Tony and I have a mutual hate for people...and since we're both people, the last thing we'd do is hang out alone at night watching a DVD. Maybe at best he'd watch one at home, i'd watch one at home, and then we'd send a text saying "that movie sucked donkey balls" at the end)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Grownup Rulez
Note to Facebook readers: original post is here in case images don't show up and you really give a crap. Which I don't blame you if you don't...i wouldn't.
It's been awhile since I've ranted about life as a grownup, so I figure the latest installment is due. A few more things I now know at 31-turning-32 that I probably didn't think too much about when I was 21-turning-22
1. Life doesn't always follow the rules.
Common sense right? But it's so ingrained in us...get good grades. Go to university. Get a job. Get a spouse. Get a kid or two. Get retirement. Go die.
When things go off-track from that, especially when you've tried so hard to follow the rules within your power, it really throws you for a loop. Is it a disservice to teach your kids the Rules of Life? Or is better to prepare them for anything...regardless of education, marriage, etc? I think of something Christine once wrote...she was writing about a series of crappy things that had happened, and ended it with "so is life".
Indeed. What life is isn't the list of grades/university/job/spouse/kids/retirement/death.
Life is everything surrounding that...DUIs for one whole beer, weekend trips with friends, miscarriages, summer barbecue traditions, learning the political game at work, onset of adult allergies, the inability to be with the one you love for reasons beyond your control, figuring out that your paycheck doesn't pay the rent, medical issues that stop everything else in your life (pay your copays with a credit card or keep ALL receipts when made by cash, those f*ckers will come back saying you didn't pay your copay...uh how else did I get to walk through the door and see the doc?!), juggling family visits, calls to customer service for the billion things that always seem to go wrong (lesson learned: bang on "0" a bunch)....there should be a Checklist of Life that parents should teach their kids before they truly start their life as a grownup on their own. The checklist would be huge, but if you can crank out some of the obvious ones then you'll better equip your offspring so they're not curled in a fetal position crying with their Linus-style blanket.
2. Being an adult carries a tremendous amount of responsibility
Again, you'd think common sense right? Not so much...people think they know this, but they don't. Hell, I'm even guilty of this I know, I know, you thought I was flawless. Retarded behavior once acceptable in your youth doesn't cut it as an adult. I'm not talking about say, getting wasted the night before a final exam.
I'm talking sacrificing an immediate want for a future need. When you realize that you can't have that iPod because rent is due next week. When you're able to remember that you can't go travel with friends because you know your yearly car insurance bill is due to come in any day now and you'll have to live lean for awhile. It's anticipating the future need without it being blatantly in front of you in bill format.
When I had my Sentra, every year around January something major would happen that would cost me $1k-$2k. Still cheaper than buying a new car, but yeah it was a good chunk of money that I had to start anticipating as a result of driving a deathtrap. So as soon as I paid my credit card for that, I would put money away not in a "holy crap i lost my job" emergency fund, but in an "argh, this month x y z things came up and I don't have the cash!" fund.
It's also not a monetary responsibility. There's much more responsibility to those around you. Realizing that you can't be a brat to your mom anymore...she's simply just elderly and old-skool, which may have annoyed you as a kid but as an adult it's now your responsibility to manage the relationship and be the peacemaker. While I'm nowhere the same brat who slammed her bedroom door so often it broke off the hinges, I'm significantly better at dealing with my bizarro mother. It's that when you make a commitment to friends, you honor them. Everything from paying them back for $20 loaned or a ride to the airport yes, one time I accidentally drove to work and by the time I got there received a call from Carrie wondering when I was going to pick her up. STILL feel awful about that to this day. If you borrow something, you give it back as soon as possible in the same condition they gave it to you, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Being a person of character.
As an adult, you don't have to do the above...but you learn pretty quickly that life works generally much better when you do.
3. Life is unfair
This cliche is used so often, you'd think we'd truly understand this by the time we're 5. In your teens (assuming you haven't had to deal with some earth shattering "grownup" tragedy like death of your parents) it seems more like "But it's not FAIR that i have to work while SoAndSo doesn't have to!" or "Stupid bus! It came and left early! Now I'm going to miss my exam!". Or like the person who was behind you in line for a raffle ticket wins.
It's more along the lines of deciding whether to abort your baby when you receive a prognosis with horrible odds. Deciding if you should continue to be with someone you love even though in return you won't receive what you so desperately crave. Debating whether your beloved pet's condition is severe enough to warrant euthanasia and which decision is the less selfish of the two. What to do when faced with a compulsive gambling spouse who is jeopardizing everything but insists things are under control...do you stay and suffer, do you battle it through and beg for counseling, and even then do you stick around when it gets worse in hopes it'll get better, do you just pack up and bail?
Life is often unfair not because a single event will occur...rather, it's unfair because oftentimes you are faced to choose between two crappy options of the same weight but drastically different consequences.
Sophie's choice.
**side note: I spent forever reading that book, dying to know what her stupid choice was. I should have just rented the movie. I didn't care about the movie, the plot, anything. I just wanted to know the choice. However when I started reading I wasn't sure when the "choice" would be made evident so I didn't just flip to the last page to check, figuring that if the choice came in early in the book it might be worth reading through. Oh, how mistaken I was. By the end of it I was like "really? She just has to pick which of her two kids has to die? Well what the hell that wasn't worth reading this behemoth novel over. She could have just said "I made a crappy choice. I killed my son". Of which, I don't remember which kid she chose now anyway.
4. For the most part, you did create your life
When you're younger, you're stuck going with the flow of whatever your parents/the law/the man make you do. So eventually it's like your teacher shoving you on stage for a school play...rehearsing is fine and all, but uhhh...wow...there's alotta people out there. Looking at you. Everyone...looking...at...you. And it's all on you. No one's reading you your lines. Something on the set might break, you'll have to improvise. Deviate from the original plan. Someone might deliberately try to sabotage you. Someone might screw up. But the choices and decisions made, even if made unprepared on the fly, got you for the most part where you are today.
Find me a CEO of a large, successful organization who just stumbled upon that position.
Granted, the "life is unfair" part can guide a significant part. Having to declare bankruptcy because you got cancer and have thousands of bucks of medical bills...yeah, that's outta your hands. However, a lot of other things ARE within your control. Tree falls on your house? Out of your control. Responsible enough to have double-checked yearly that you have adequate insurance? Within your control. (Although i did see on the news a guy who had a tree fall on his house, insurance covered it, was dropped from his insurance, then another tree landed on it. That would suck donkey balls. So obviously there's a juggle between this item and the unfairness of life.) Losing your job? Might be out of your control. Foresight to save up and cut back on expenses? Within your control. Ties into #2...if you shopped like a mofo all year then don't expect pity when you lose your job and have nothing. You CHOSE that path. At some point when you're a full-on grownup you're capable of stepping back and seeing all the steps YOU took to get to where you are, bad or good.
5. Relationships are not the same as in your youth
Not talking romantic relationships. We're talking friendships here. In your teens and in college, you can be buddies with everyone...no matter their gender. It's all good, 'cause it's not like for the most part anyone's rushing to get married and almost no one IS married. You remain firm in your belief that a guy can "just be friends" with a girl. And then you grow up and realize it's not the same when you're in the next stage of life.
The stage of being a working professional, not a new grad. Of having friends that are married, divorced, co-habitating, on-again-off-again. Having kids, wanting kids, losing kids. Home buying. Not being able to afford to buy. Not buying because of a career decision. This a whole different stage in life, and relationships don't work the same way as in your teens/college years/early 20s.
The first time I realized this was when I got engaged. Suddenly, 90% of all guys I knew fell off the face of the earth. I was always the girl who hung out with the guys. I was the one who tagged along with the guys when they did retarded crap. I studied a program for 4 years with all guys minus ONE girl (thank the lord for Natalie). I went into a male-dominated industry where I'll be in a meeting with 25 guys...and me. Suddenly having a ton of guys mysteriously disappear was very odd for the girl who prided herself on being kind of a guy's girl.
It's not that I was some femme fatale...rather, the nature of the relationships with them was forced to change as a result of my status change. While maybe it was okay to hang out and watch a DVD on the couch with a buddy doing shots, it's not appropriate anymore when you have a significant other. It's okay to go to lunch with guys...but doing a late night dinner at 9? Not so much. Basically daylight sort of impacts what's acceptable when you're in a serious relationship/marriage (or they are).
I guarantee someone's going to argue with me on this, but consider that I'm the smacktalking chick who's not exactly girly-girl in her views on things. I have some married guy friends. I can go to lunch with them...it's public, it's outside, it's daylight...there's a 1-2 hour time limit...basically any level of sexiness is removed. If i were to go to dinner with any of them, their wives would be like "wtf?! Why am i not invited?"...and if they're busy, then that's even weirder...maybe the odd time if there's a one-time reason for it (cant think of any, but obviously there's exceptions to everything), but overall it would just be bizarre to just have dinner with any of my married guy friends if their wives aren't there. We would reschedule for when said wife was available. If i were single, no matter how much their wives trust me, I'm sure there would be at the very least smidgen of worry if I were to just be having dinner while they're not there. It's not so far left thinking to think that things can happen after-hours. Even if you're positive it wouldn't happen...well...things can happen. Things DO happen. Why even risk it?
It's not that you lose your independence. It's that it's not appropriate.
Consider it another way. When you're in high school and you go out, if the boy paid, you definitely knew you were on a date. As an adult, you could go out and the dude could be like "hey it's cool I got it" and you'd still be like "wtf...so is this a date? is it not?". In high school, dating is explicit and clear. Everyone knows who's involved with who, who's off limits. When you're an adult, you learn that you can date multiple people at once, bone different people at once, there's no formal definition to relationships at times. At any given moment I know people who are completely clueless to the nature or seriousness of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Short of an explicit friends-with-benefits relationship, there's typically at least one person in a close guy/girl friendship who's wondering if maybe it's something more or wanting more.
Which, to bring it back, is that as you get older no matter how much of a guy's girl you used to be or how you're the sensitive guy who just relates better to chicks, you need to learn to form friendships with people of your own gender. As a dude, don't think for a second your relationship won't change the instant she gets a boyfriend. And for a chick, you think your best buddy's girlfriend...then wife...will be okay with you two constantly doing things one-on-one? Nope. Argue all you want. And then go out in the real world and open your eyes. Your role, your priority, changes.
Plus, it's always odd when you see someone who only has someone of the opposite sex as their friend. I know a chick who only has guy friends. It's pretty clear to everyone but all of them that subconsciously they're just waiting in the wings for their chance with her. (Ladder Theory stuff) Men can't see through the BS of another chick if they're close enough to be friends because that underlying even minute attraction to anything with a vagina creates a filter. Chicks, lacking in even the remote 0.1% chance of anything romantic happening that could occur with a guy friend, can see all. We see when a chick is fake, when they're acting, when they're being friendly in order to get attention from their guy friends, when they're incredibly annoying when they can't flirt their way through a friendship. You see what's wrong with them and why other chicks don't want to be around them...which is usually that girls that only have guy friends feel incredibly threatened by other women.
Meh, this point is pretty disjointed. I'm just saying...relationships that were okay when you were younger are just no longer appropriate when you grow up. Don't kid yourself into thinking the old adage of "guys and girls can just be friends!"...there's strings attached. And the significant other will always, at some point, raise a concern (or have a hissy fit, pick your method).
**Note to the exception: everyone's got an exception or two. I'm not saying to have ZERO friends of the opposite sex if they're single...I'm saying, overall. Like...Bryan...you're the shiz. I trust you 100000% with my life, and you're one of the most faithful friends I've ever had. I'd give you a kidney in a heartbeat. But if I had 4 other guys in my life even remotely like you and our friendship...then that'd be weird. Kraig would, and should, put the kibosh on that. Plus, you don't live here...if we lived nearby and hung out frequently till super late, it would be pretty inappropriate and I would have no desire to cockblock GirlfriendX at those hours or have her kick my ass.
6. When you're an adult, you get tired of yourself quickly
As an adult, any drama in your life just drains, tires, and bores you. You don't even find it interesting, let alone have the desire to tell other people about it. Far cry from when you could tell the same drama story over and over in your early 20s.
I also say this because I realize I've written A LOT, it's riddled with typos, I'm too lazy to edit and cut it down, and I'm tired, so...what I'm saying is right now, I don't even find myself interesting.
So is life!
It's been awhile since I've ranted about life as a grownup, so I figure the latest installment is due. A few more things I now know at 31-turning-32 that I probably didn't think too much about when I was 21-turning-22
1. Life doesn't always follow the rules.
Common sense right? But it's so ingrained in us...get good grades. Go to university. Get a job. Get a spouse. Get a kid or two. Get retirement. Go die.
When things go off-track from that, especially when you've tried so hard to follow the rules within your power, it really throws you for a loop. Is it a disservice to teach your kids the Rules of Life? Or is better to prepare them for anything...regardless of education, marriage, etc? I think of something Christine once wrote...she was writing about a series of crappy things that had happened, and ended it with "so is life".
Indeed. What life is isn't the list of grades/university/job/spouse/kids/retirement/death.
Life is everything surrounding that...DUIs for one whole beer, weekend trips with friends, miscarriages, summer barbecue traditions, learning the political game at work, onset of adult allergies, the inability to be with the one you love for reasons beyond your control, figuring out that your paycheck doesn't pay the rent, medical issues that stop everything else in your life (pay your copays with a credit card or keep ALL receipts when made by cash, those f*ckers will come back saying you didn't pay your copay...uh how else did I get to walk through the door and see the doc?!), juggling family visits, calls to customer service for the billion things that always seem to go wrong (lesson learned: bang on "0" a bunch)....there should be a Checklist of Life that parents should teach their kids before they truly start their life as a grownup on their own. The checklist would be huge, but if you can crank out some of the obvious ones then you'll better equip your offspring so they're not curled in a fetal position crying with their Linus-style blanket.
2. Being an adult carries a tremendous amount of responsibility
Again, you'd think common sense right? Not so much...people think they know this, but they don't. Hell, I'm even guilty of this I know, I know, you thought I was flawless. Retarded behavior once acceptable in your youth doesn't cut it as an adult. I'm not talking about say, getting wasted the night before a final exam.
I'm talking sacrificing an immediate want for a future need. When you realize that you can't have that iPod because rent is due next week. When you're able to remember that you can't go travel with friends because you know your yearly car insurance bill is due to come in any day now and you'll have to live lean for awhile. It's anticipating the future need without it being blatantly in front of you in bill format.
When I had my Sentra, every year around January something major would happen that would cost me $1k-$2k. Still cheaper than buying a new car, but yeah it was a good chunk of money that I had to start anticipating as a result of driving a deathtrap. So as soon as I paid my credit card for that, I would put money away not in a "holy crap i lost my job" emergency fund, but in an "argh, this month x y z things came up and I don't have the cash!" fund.
It's also not a monetary responsibility. There's much more responsibility to those around you. Realizing that you can't be a brat to your mom anymore...she's simply just elderly and old-skool, which may have annoyed you as a kid but as an adult it's now your responsibility to manage the relationship and be the peacemaker. While I'm nowhere the same brat who slammed her bedroom door so often it broke off the hinges, I'm significantly better at dealing with my bizarro mother. It's that when you make a commitment to friends, you honor them. Everything from paying them back for $20 loaned or a ride to the airport yes, one time I accidentally drove to work and by the time I got there received a call from Carrie wondering when I was going to pick her up. STILL feel awful about that to this day. If you borrow something, you give it back as soon as possible in the same condition they gave it to you, even if it means inconveniencing yourself. Being a person of character.
As an adult, you don't have to do the above...but you learn pretty quickly that life works generally much better when you do.
3. Life is unfair
This cliche is used so often, you'd think we'd truly understand this by the time we're 5. In your teens (assuming you haven't had to deal with some earth shattering "grownup" tragedy like death of your parents) it seems more like "But it's not FAIR that i have to work while SoAndSo doesn't have to!" or "Stupid bus! It came and left early! Now I'm going to miss my exam!". Or like the person who was behind you in line for a raffle ticket wins.
It's more along the lines of deciding whether to abort your baby when you receive a prognosis with horrible odds. Deciding if you should continue to be with someone you love even though in return you won't receive what you so desperately crave. Debating whether your beloved pet's condition is severe enough to warrant euthanasia and which decision is the less selfish of the two. What to do when faced with a compulsive gambling spouse who is jeopardizing everything but insists things are under control...do you stay and suffer, do you battle it through and beg for counseling, and even then do you stick around when it gets worse in hopes it'll get better, do you just pack up and bail?
Life is often unfair not because a single event will occur...rather, it's unfair because oftentimes you are faced to choose between two crappy options of the same weight but drastically different consequences.
Sophie's choice.
**side note: I spent forever reading that book, dying to know what her stupid choice was. I should have just rented the movie. I didn't care about the movie, the plot, anything. I just wanted to know the choice. However when I started reading I wasn't sure when the "choice" would be made evident so I didn't just flip to the last page to check, figuring that if the choice came in early in the book it might be worth reading through. Oh, how mistaken I was. By the end of it I was like "really? She just has to pick which of her two kids has to die? Well what the hell that wasn't worth reading this behemoth novel over. She could have just said "I made a crappy choice. I killed my son". Of which, I don't remember which kid she chose now anyway.
4. For the most part, you did create your life
When you're younger, you're stuck going with the flow of whatever your parents/the law/the man make you do. So eventually it's like your teacher shoving you on stage for a school play...rehearsing is fine and all, but uhhh...wow...there's alotta people out there. Looking at you. Everyone...looking...at...you. And it's all on you. No one's reading you your lines. Something on the set might break, you'll have to improvise. Deviate from the original plan. Someone might deliberately try to sabotage you. Someone might screw up. But the choices and decisions made, even if made unprepared on the fly, got you for the most part where you are today.
Find me a CEO of a large, successful organization who just stumbled upon that position.
Granted, the "life is unfair" part can guide a significant part. Having to declare bankruptcy because you got cancer and have thousands of bucks of medical bills...yeah, that's outta your hands. However, a lot of other things ARE within your control. Tree falls on your house? Out of your control. Responsible enough to have double-checked yearly that you have adequate insurance? Within your control. (Although i did see on the news a guy who had a tree fall on his house, insurance covered it, was dropped from his insurance, then another tree landed on it. That would suck donkey balls. So obviously there's a juggle between this item and the unfairness of life.) Losing your job? Might be out of your control. Foresight to save up and cut back on expenses? Within your control. Ties into #2...if you shopped like a mofo all year then don't expect pity when you lose your job and have nothing. You CHOSE that path. At some point when you're a full-on grownup you're capable of stepping back and seeing all the steps YOU took to get to where you are, bad or good.
5. Relationships are not the same as in your youth
Not talking romantic relationships. We're talking friendships here. In your teens and in college, you can be buddies with everyone...no matter their gender. It's all good, 'cause it's not like for the most part anyone's rushing to get married and almost no one IS married. You remain firm in your belief that a guy can "just be friends" with a girl. And then you grow up and realize it's not the same when you're in the next stage of life.
The stage of being a working professional, not a new grad. Of having friends that are married, divorced, co-habitating, on-again-off-again. Having kids, wanting kids, losing kids. Home buying. Not being able to afford to buy. Not buying because of a career decision. This a whole different stage in life, and relationships don't work the same way as in your teens/college years/early 20s.
The first time I realized this was when I got engaged. Suddenly, 90% of all guys I knew fell off the face of the earth. I was always the girl who hung out with the guys. I was the one who tagged along with the guys when they did retarded crap. I studied a program for 4 years with all guys minus ONE girl (thank the lord for Natalie). I went into a male-dominated industry where I'll be in a meeting with 25 guys...and me. Suddenly having a ton of guys mysteriously disappear was very odd for the girl who prided herself on being kind of a guy's girl.
It's not that I was some femme fatale...rather, the nature of the relationships with them was forced to change as a result of my status change. While maybe it was okay to hang out and watch a DVD on the couch with a buddy doing shots, it's not appropriate anymore when you have a significant other. It's okay to go to lunch with guys...but doing a late night dinner at 9? Not so much. Basically daylight sort of impacts what's acceptable when you're in a serious relationship/marriage (or they are).
I guarantee someone's going to argue with me on this, but consider that I'm the smacktalking chick who's not exactly girly-girl in her views on things. I have some married guy friends. I can go to lunch with them...it's public, it's outside, it's daylight...there's a 1-2 hour time limit...basically any level of sexiness is removed. If i were to go to dinner with any of them, their wives would be like "wtf?! Why am i not invited?"...and if they're busy, then that's even weirder...maybe the odd time if there's a one-time reason for it (cant think of any, but obviously there's exceptions to everything), but overall it would just be bizarre to just have dinner with any of my married guy friends if their wives aren't there. We would reschedule for when said wife was available. If i were single, no matter how much their wives trust me, I'm sure there would be at the very least smidgen of worry if I were to just be having dinner while they're not there. It's not so far left thinking to think that things can happen after-hours. Even if you're positive it wouldn't happen...well...things can happen. Things DO happen. Why even risk it?
It's not that you lose your independence. It's that it's not appropriate.
Consider it another way. When you're in high school and you go out, if the boy paid, you definitely knew you were on a date. As an adult, you could go out and the dude could be like "hey it's cool I got it" and you'd still be like "wtf...so is this a date? is it not?". In high school, dating is explicit and clear. Everyone knows who's involved with who, who's off limits. When you're an adult, you learn that you can date multiple people at once, bone different people at once, there's no formal definition to relationships at times. At any given moment I know people who are completely clueless to the nature or seriousness of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Short of an explicit friends-with-benefits relationship, there's typically at least one person in a close guy/girl friendship who's wondering if maybe it's something more or wanting more.
Which, to bring it back, is that as you get older no matter how much of a guy's girl you used to be or how you're the sensitive guy who just relates better to chicks, you need to learn to form friendships with people of your own gender. As a dude, don't think for a second your relationship won't change the instant she gets a boyfriend. And for a chick, you think your best buddy's girlfriend...then wife...will be okay with you two constantly doing things one-on-one? Nope. Argue all you want. And then go out in the real world and open your eyes. Your role, your priority, changes.
Plus, it's always odd when you see someone who only has someone of the opposite sex as their friend. I know a chick who only has guy friends. It's pretty clear to everyone but all of them that subconsciously they're just waiting in the wings for their chance with her. (Ladder Theory stuff) Men can't see through the BS of another chick if they're close enough to be friends because that underlying even minute attraction to anything with a vagina creates a filter. Chicks, lacking in even the remote 0.1% chance of anything romantic happening that could occur with a guy friend, can see all. We see when a chick is fake, when they're acting, when they're being friendly in order to get attention from their guy friends, when they're incredibly annoying when they can't flirt their way through a friendship. You see what's wrong with them and why other chicks don't want to be around them...which is usually that girls that only have guy friends feel incredibly threatened by other women.
Meh, this point is pretty disjointed. I'm just saying...relationships that were okay when you were younger are just no longer appropriate when you grow up. Don't kid yourself into thinking the old adage of "guys and girls can just be friends!"...there's strings attached. And the significant other will always, at some point, raise a concern (or have a hissy fit, pick your method).
**Note to the exception: everyone's got an exception or two. I'm not saying to have ZERO friends of the opposite sex if they're single...I'm saying, overall. Like...Bryan...you're the shiz. I trust you 100000% with my life, and you're one of the most faithful friends I've ever had. I'd give you a kidney in a heartbeat. But if I had 4 other guys in my life even remotely like you and our friendship...then that'd be weird. Kraig would, and should, put the kibosh on that. Plus, you don't live here...if we lived nearby and hung out frequently till super late, it would be pretty inappropriate and I would have no desire to cockblock GirlfriendX at those hours or have her kick my ass.
6. When you're an adult, you get tired of yourself quickly
As an adult, any drama in your life just drains, tires, and bores you. You don't even find it interesting, let alone have the desire to tell other people about it. Far cry from when you could tell the same drama story over and over in your early 20s.
I also say this because I realize I've written A LOT, it's riddled with typos, I'm too lazy to edit and cut it down, and I'm tired, so...what I'm saying is right now, I don't even find myself interesting.
So is life!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Updated goals for 2009
Okay, once and for all...gotta update those 2009 goals.
I hate New Year's resolutions, because they're usually not measurable ("i want to lose weight"...uh no, make it a NUMBER) nor is there a decent timeline that provides motivation (who can wait 12 months to do anything?)...
Well all of my 2008 goals were shot to hell, so let's revisit shall we?
May - finish working on a UG that I keep procrastinating on
June - Ebay like a mofo now that I've got the new camera, Canon 790SD get rid of ALL the crap once and for all. Plus badly needed to pay those vet bills.
July - Veg out, relax, and read at least 2 books that *I* want to read (i say 2 because I'm trying to be realistic with schedules and stuff)
August - build up at least 3 of the websites that I bought domain names for (latest one...TeenLifeCrisis.com ...i wanted TeenAngst.com but of course that was taken)
September - Read 2 of the French books I've got
Would it be so bad if my goals read as the following:
May - catch up on 4 months' of DVRed shows (those Desperate Housewives episodes aren't going to watch themselves)
June - see how long it takes of no laundry before I run out of underwear...my bet? 17 days.
July - See if it's possible to do nothing in an entire month other than sleep, eat, go to work. That's ALOTTA sleeping. But I'm up for the challenge.
August - Pour an entire bottle of Olay Regenerist each night on my face in hopes that turning 32 won't display on my epidermis.
September - Catch up on all the DVRed shows missed in July due to excessive sleeping. (Those I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here episodes aren't going to watch themselves).
I'd write more, but I'm finally caught up on 90210 and tonight's episode is the prom finale. Ahhh...prom...must save that discussion for TeenLifeCrisis.com.
I hate New Year's resolutions, because they're usually not measurable ("i want to lose weight"...uh no, make it a NUMBER) nor is there a decent timeline that provides motivation (who can wait 12 months to do anything?)...
Well all of my 2008 goals were shot to hell, so let's revisit shall we?
May - finish working on a UG that I keep procrastinating on
June - Ebay like a mofo now that I've got the new camera, Canon 790SD get rid of ALL the crap once and for all. Plus badly needed to pay those vet bills.
July - Veg out, relax, and read at least 2 books that *I* want to read (i say 2 because I'm trying to be realistic with schedules and stuff)
August - build up at least 3 of the websites that I bought domain names for (latest one...TeenLifeCrisis.com ...i wanted TeenAngst.com but of course that was taken)
September - Read 2 of the French books I've got
Would it be so bad if my goals read as the following:
May - catch up on 4 months' of DVRed shows (those Desperate Housewives episodes aren't going to watch themselves)
June - see how long it takes of no laundry before I run out of underwear...my bet? 17 days.
July - See if it's possible to do nothing in an entire month other than sleep, eat, go to work. That's ALOTTA sleeping. But I'm up for the challenge.
August - Pour an entire bottle of Olay Regenerist each night on my face in hopes that turning 32 won't display on my epidermis.
September - Catch up on all the DVRed shows missed in July due to excessive sleeping. (Those I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here episodes aren't going to watch themselves).
I'd write more, but I'm finally caught up on 90210 and tonight's episode is the prom finale. Ahhh...prom...must save that discussion for TeenLifeCrisis.com.
Google gold, errrr, chrome....
I don't see what the big deal is with Google Chrome.
It's actually working a lot faster than Firefox, but maybe because I refuse to add all the extensions and what not. Or maybe I'm not as big of a geek as I thought I was.
It IS pretty cool that it'll keep tabs (haha bad pun) on your most frequently-visited pages and displays them on the home page, but mehhh...not that big of a deal.
On another note, I'm thinking that maybe every time I post something here I should include the link back to it, since most people read this blog now through Facebook.
It's actually working a lot faster than Firefox, but maybe because I refuse to add all the extensions and what not. Or maybe I'm not as big of a geek as I thought I was.
It IS pretty cool that it'll keep tabs (haha bad pun) on your most frequently-visited pages and displays them on the home page, but mehhh...not that big of a deal.
On another note, I'm thinking that maybe every time I post something here I should include the link back to it, since most people read this blog now through Facebook.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Movie Review: Wolverine
Yeah, there might be spoilers. Not anything that you can't guess. Like...obviously he doesn't kill Sabretooth since he's in the other movies (at least, from what i remember right?) and this is a prequel.
Let me backtrack and give you the Sabina X-Men History:
I was a teenager when I first heard of X-Men, the kids I used to babysit LOVED the cartoon. And then *I* loved the cartoon. It was the shiz. Note to self: get the DVDs.
Later in University I bought my boyfriend this huge collection of X-Men comics,issues 1-100, in sequence. They were reprints...at the time cost me around $100-$150, which is alotta coin when you're a student blowing $200 each weekend on liquor. Well not all on liquor...I'm pretty sure that after $30 worth of alcohol bartenders would just stiff me my change since it's not like i was going to count it drunk anyway.
Well f*cker boyfriend gave me a snotty reply when I gave him the comics that he had most of the ORIGINALS already. I was like "fine, suck it" and took them back. Read them myself. LOVED them of course.
Later I date/get engaged/marry Kraig, who's a massive comic book affectionado. In fact, if there's a Cigar Affectionado magazine, I wonder if there's a magazine for comic book readers...sorta like Soap Opera Digest. Superman's contract is renewed. All the drama on this week's Avengers! Find out who Lyja makes out with this week!. Enter the world of Comic Con and endless nagging to "...take those frickin' books off the coffee table and put them upstairs because they're just clutter and it's pissing me off".
So...while I'm not an ultra nerd, I can hold my own when it comes to the world of comic books.
Loved the first X-Men movie, minus stupid Halle Barry as Storm. WTF. Oh and Famke Janssen...I already can't stand Jean Grey's character ("oh whoa is me, my mutant powers give me a headache". Professor X needs to toss her some Advils and boot her ass out the door.). WTF is this crap:
The second one I loathed. WTF is that whole Asian invasion nonsense. Getting Kelly Hu to play Deathstrike...that's post-Crouching Tiger, when every movie had to star a hot Asian chick who could kick ass. See also: Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies. And the Charlie's Angels franchise. I really hate when Hollywood uses people as a trend. (See also: funny-lovable-overweight-sassy-teen-boy. I'm looking at you Jonah Hill).
Thus I skipped the 3rd Xmen, i was tired of the whole franchise, tired of seeing the dolls with the new black outfits, just tired of it all.
So what made me come out of hiding for X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Pfft, like you even need to ask:
Yeahhhh...Ryan Reynolds can get me out for a public caning. Those would be tears of joy pouring down my face.
(this is where I apologize to my husband for having to be...well...married to me.)
Now, onto the movie.
There's some chronological issues I have at the beginning, but okay the last thing we'd expect from filmmakers is for their movie to make sense. It seems like it's supposed to take place in the late 70s, which is interesting because no one had a hippie hairdo, long sideburns, or handlebar mustache. No monochromatic or flowered shirts. Apparently in Canada in the 70s, it looks just like 2009. My people are very progressive.
Hugh Jackman is actually pretty brilliant in it, but what do you expect from a guy who's entire career is based on his lucky shot as getting to play Wolverine? Dude needs this franchise to pay for those raw eggs he has to consume to get that body. He had to eat 5000 cals a day as part of the beefing-up plan (or so I hear from TMZ, and Harvey Levin would never steer me wrong).
The story is the usual spiel: boy meets girl, girl gets killed, boy turns renegade and turns his back on society by agreeing to get adamantium shellacked to his bones in order to get revenge, boy realizes he got boned up the ass by agreeing to the aforementioned surgery, boy now really really wants to get revenge. Violence mixed with comedic moments ensue.
If you're looking for entertainment, this movie gets an A+. If you're looking for Ryan Reynolds, this movie gets a C. Deadpool starts off as Van Wilder, ends up like Frankenstein. Sigh.
If you're a Taylor Kitsch fan, yeah you're screwed up the pooch too. Gambit's a minor character in this movie. And i really take exception to his appearance. THIS is how Gambit should look:
Short spiky hair with a strong jaw. WTF is this crap:
That's not Gambit. That's frickin' A Clockwork Orange.
Does this review have a point? Let's summarize:
Entertaining: yes
Ryan Reynolds: barely
Taylor Kitsch: barely
Hugh Jackman: fantastic
Storyline: nothing you didn't already know.
Oh if you do go see it, sit through the entire credits...there's another few mins, but what they show on the east coast is different than what they showed here. Now you know.
Let me backtrack and give you the Sabina X-Men History:
I was a teenager when I first heard of X-Men, the kids I used to babysit LOVED the cartoon. And then *I* loved the cartoon. It was the shiz. Note to self: get the DVDs.
Later in University I bought my boyfriend this huge collection of X-Men comics,issues 1-100, in sequence. They were reprints...at the time cost me around $100-$150, which is alotta coin when you're a student blowing $200 each weekend on liquor. Well not all on liquor...I'm pretty sure that after $30 worth of alcohol bartenders would just stiff me my change since it's not like i was going to count it drunk anyway.
Well f*cker boyfriend gave me a snotty reply when I gave him the comics that he had most of the ORIGINALS already. I was like "fine, suck it" and took them back. Read them myself. LOVED them of course.
Later I date/get engaged/marry Kraig, who's a massive comic book affectionado. In fact, if there's a Cigar Affectionado magazine, I wonder if there's a magazine for comic book readers...sorta like Soap Opera Digest. Superman's contract is renewed. All the drama on this week's Avengers! Find out who Lyja makes out with this week!. Enter the world of Comic Con and endless nagging to "...take those frickin' books off the coffee table and put them upstairs because they're just clutter and it's pissing me off".
So...while I'm not an ultra nerd, I can hold my own when it comes to the world of comic books.
Loved the first X-Men movie, minus stupid Halle Barry as Storm. WTF. Oh and Famke Janssen...I already can't stand Jean Grey's character ("oh whoa is me, my mutant powers give me a headache". Professor X needs to toss her some Advils and boot her ass out the door.). WTF is this crap:
The second one I loathed. WTF is that whole Asian invasion nonsense. Getting Kelly Hu to play Deathstrike...that's post-Crouching Tiger, when every movie had to star a hot Asian chick who could kick ass. See also: Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies. And the Charlie's Angels franchise. I really hate when Hollywood uses people as a trend. (See also: funny-lovable-overweight-sassy-teen-boy. I'm looking at you Jonah Hill).
Thus I skipped the 3rd Xmen, i was tired of the whole franchise, tired of seeing the dolls with the new black outfits, just tired of it all.
So what made me come out of hiding for X-Men Origins: Wolverine? Pfft, like you even need to ask:
Yeahhhh...Ryan Reynolds can get me out for a public caning. Those would be tears of joy pouring down my face.
(this is where I apologize to my husband for having to be...well...married to me.)
Now, onto the movie.
There's some chronological issues I have at the beginning, but okay the last thing we'd expect from filmmakers is for their movie to make sense. It seems like it's supposed to take place in the late 70s, which is interesting because no one had a hippie hairdo, long sideburns, or handlebar mustache. No monochromatic or flowered shirts. Apparently in Canada in the 70s, it looks just like 2009. My people are very progressive.
Hugh Jackman is actually pretty brilliant in it, but what do you expect from a guy who's entire career is based on his lucky shot as getting to play Wolverine? Dude needs this franchise to pay for those raw eggs he has to consume to get that body. He had to eat 5000 cals a day as part of the beefing-up plan (or so I hear from TMZ, and Harvey Levin would never steer me wrong).
The story is the usual spiel: boy meets girl, girl gets killed, boy turns renegade and turns his back on society by agreeing to get adamantium shellacked to his bones in order to get revenge, boy realizes he got boned up the ass by agreeing to the aforementioned surgery, boy now really really wants to get revenge. Violence mixed with comedic moments ensue.
If you're looking for entertainment, this movie gets an A+. If you're looking for Ryan Reynolds, this movie gets a C. Deadpool starts off as Van Wilder, ends up like Frankenstein. Sigh.
If you're a Taylor Kitsch fan, yeah you're screwed up the pooch too. Gambit's a minor character in this movie. And i really take exception to his appearance. THIS is how Gambit should look:
Short spiky hair with a strong jaw. WTF is this crap:
That's not Gambit. That's frickin' A Clockwork Orange.
Does this review have a point? Let's summarize:
Entertaining: yes
Ryan Reynolds: barely
Taylor Kitsch: barely
Hugh Jackman: fantastic
Storyline: nothing you didn't already know.
Oh if you do go see it, sit through the entire credits...there's another few mins, but what they show on the east coast is different than what they showed here. Now you know.
Friday, May 01, 2009
IM with my mom
Just a snippet of an IM with my mom today, for your viewing pleasure
Mom (1:32 PM): is it hot down there?
Mom (1:33 PM): do u still have those palm trees? hope so, they add shade on your patio
ME (1:33 PM): yes, we do
ME (1:33 PM): but it's cold
Mom (1:33 PM): lol cold where u r, stop complaining, u grew up in canada
ME (1:34 PM): yep
Mom (1:34 PM): do a lot of bbq actions?
ME (1:34 PM): no
Mom (1:34 PM): why?
Mom (1:35 PM): do u sometimes use that pool?
Mom (1:36 PM): are the rabbits still there?
ME (1:36 PM): too expensive, no, and yes
Mom (1:36 PM): poor babies have to hide from those nasty coyotes
ME (1:38 PM): yep
Mom (1:38 PM): sad something has to die so others can live
Mom (1:39 PM): poor smokey would be long ago turned into a juicy steak for them
Mom (1:40 PM): but here he has a good time, comes and goes as he pleases, poopoo and peepee outside, he prefers that, basking in the sun watching the world go by, stuffing food readily available and right now sleeping at my feet happily dreaming
Mom (1:41 PM): anyway, i live u alone again, c u, going to play trivia till dad comes home
Mom (1:41 PM): oh those trivia questions are general knowledge questions
Mom (1:41 PM): c u
Mom (1:32 PM): is it hot down there?
Mom (1:33 PM): do u still have those palm trees? hope so, they add shade on your patio
ME (1:33 PM): yes, we do
ME (1:33 PM): but it's cold
Mom (1:33 PM): lol cold where u r, stop complaining, u grew up in canada
ME (1:34 PM): yep
Mom (1:34 PM): do a lot of bbq actions?
ME (1:34 PM): no
Mom (1:34 PM): why?
Mom (1:35 PM): do u sometimes use that pool?
Mom (1:36 PM): are the rabbits still there?
ME (1:36 PM): too expensive, no, and yes
Mom (1:36 PM): poor babies have to hide from those nasty coyotes
ME (1:38 PM): yep
Mom (1:38 PM): sad something has to die so others can live
Mom (1:39 PM): poor smokey would be long ago turned into a juicy steak for them
Mom (1:40 PM): but here he has a good time, comes and goes as he pleases, poopoo and peepee outside, he prefers that, basking in the sun watching the world go by, stuffing food readily available and right now sleeping at my feet happily dreaming
Mom (1:41 PM): anyway, i live u alone again, c u, going to play trivia till dad comes home
Mom (1:41 PM): oh those trivia questions are general knowledge questions
Mom (1:41 PM): c u
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Media Mayhem
Anyone who watches Lost knows why this is absolutely brilliant:
Although I'm 2 weeks behind...tonight after kickball I'm desperate to catch up. Especially knowing that Hurley is working on the Empire Strikes Back script (although how he thinks he's going to contact George Lucas from a f*cked up island is beyond me).
I'm also behind by 1 episode on Gossip Girl, but I'd like to say the following about the next episode:
Dear Nate,
I adore you. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Boyish good looks. Money. Everything a 31 year old homeowner with plummeting equity could want. But just PRETEND you actually really, REALLY want Blair...i want to see passion...i want to see tears...i want to see Charlton Heston-esque fist waving in the air...But in the end, my boy Chuck will win. Why? Because...c'mon Nate, you know why...he's Chuck Bass.
Speaking of media that is inappropriate for my age group, I'm dying to see this movie almost as much as my desire for Star Trek and Wolverine:
It's silly, since they show the entire plot in the YouTube vid, but anyone who doesn't have a horseshoe** up their ass knows that life post-grad is pretty brutal.
(** I know two people with said horseshoe, one of them being an ex-boyfriend who just walked up to ONE booth at the Ottawa U job fair thing, got the job on the spot, and worked his way to financial greatness from there. That f*cker.)
I'd like to reflect back and think that I'm so much further along in life than when I graduated, but I still feel like I'm walking around with the same deer-in-headlights look that Alexis Bledel captures so well. I feel like at all times my expression is nothing more than "dear God please help me through this next minute, I don't know wtf I'm doing".
In my mind, you are truly an adult when you no longer feel like your life is a series of final exams that you haven't studied for.
And finally...thanks to my friend Jessica I got to pretend I'm someone important by getting to wear a pass around my neck to get into the Newport Beach Film Festival. Or at least, one film anyway. Finding Bliss. Starring the girl that no one can stand or finds attractive, Leelee Sobieowski (dayam! I spelled it correct on my own!), Jamie Kennedy, and Denise Richards in yet another role proving she can't act her way out of a paper bag.
The absolute best line of the movie is shown at the 1:39 mark. It was pretty entertaining for a crappy movie, and I actually liked Miss Sobieowski in it. I should give her props...she played a great nerdy girl in one of the few chick flicks I actually like, Never Been Kissed. And I didn't know that ATM meant "ass to mouth", so now I've been schooled.
Although I'm 2 weeks behind...tonight after kickball I'm desperate to catch up. Especially knowing that Hurley is working on the Empire Strikes Back script (although how he thinks he's going to contact George Lucas from a f*cked up island is beyond me).
I'm also behind by 1 episode on Gossip Girl, but I'd like to say the following about the next episode:
Dear Nate,
I adore you. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Boyish good looks. Money. Everything a 31 year old homeowner with plummeting equity could want. But just PRETEND you actually really, REALLY want Blair...i want to see passion...i want to see tears...i want to see Charlton Heston-esque fist waving in the air...But in the end, my boy Chuck will win. Why? Because...c'mon Nate, you know why...he's Chuck Bass.
Speaking of media that is inappropriate for my age group, I'm dying to see this movie almost as much as my desire for Star Trek and Wolverine:
It's silly, since they show the entire plot in the YouTube vid, but anyone who doesn't have a horseshoe** up their ass knows that life post-grad is pretty brutal.
(** I know two people with said horseshoe, one of them being an ex-boyfriend who just walked up to ONE booth at the Ottawa U job fair thing, got the job on the spot, and worked his way to financial greatness from there. That f*cker.)
I'd like to reflect back and think that I'm so much further along in life than when I graduated, but I still feel like I'm walking around with the same deer-in-headlights look that Alexis Bledel captures so well. I feel like at all times my expression is nothing more than "dear God please help me through this next minute, I don't know wtf I'm doing".
In my mind, you are truly an adult when you no longer feel like your life is a series of final exams that you haven't studied for.
And finally...thanks to my friend Jessica I got to pretend I'm someone important by getting to wear a pass around my neck to get into the Newport Beach Film Festival. Or at least, one film anyway. Finding Bliss. Starring the girl that no one can stand or finds attractive, Leelee Sobieowski (dayam! I spelled it correct on my own!), Jamie Kennedy, and Denise Richards in yet another role proving she can't act her way out of a paper bag.
The absolute best line of the movie is shown at the 1:39 mark. It was pretty entertaining for a crappy movie, and I actually liked Miss Sobieowski in it. I should give her props...she played a great nerdy girl in one of the few chick flicks I actually like, Never Been Kissed. And I didn't know that ATM meant "ass to mouth", so now I've been schooled.
I love the taste of cardboard in the morning
I decided this morning to dedicate a whole post to the two whole nasty packaged cheese danishes I consumed this morning (why did I eat two? I felt like giving Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant a second chance after the first one tasted so vile), which led me to do a search for an image of the thing.
Lo and behold, someone else just last week posted a whole review on it:
I am the Generalissimo's review of Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant
Dude nailed it. Although I hate frosting on anything minus pop tarts, so that part can be ommitted.
I'm not sure I understand why packaged food is THAT different from real food. I can't stand organic crap, and I fully support preservatives, but really...how much crap do you have to pump in a food item to the point where it alters the texture, taste, and appearance just so that it can last in my pantry a whole 3 days longer?
Perhaps the fine people at Bon Appetit should consider that if they pumped their food products with less artificial crap, I'd eat more, which would thus lead me to not keep them around till the expiration date, which would then reduce the need to make their croissants last till 2012.
Isn't there some sort of law that says you can't mislabel something? You can't package water and orange food coloring as "orange juice"...so whatever this is should NOT be allowed to be called a cheese croissant.
HA a quick visit to their website displays a Flash intro saying Fresh 'n sweet, ready to eat, Bon Appetit!
I have to give their product visualization/marketing crew major props, they make this bland piece of cardboard actually look delish:
You've been warned.
Lo and behold, someone else just last week posted a whole review on it:
I am the Generalissimo's review of Bon Appetit's Cheese Croissant
Dude nailed it. Although I hate frosting on anything minus pop tarts, so that part can be ommitted.
I'm not sure I understand why packaged food is THAT different from real food. I can't stand organic crap, and I fully support preservatives, but really...how much crap do you have to pump in a food item to the point where it alters the texture, taste, and appearance just so that it can last in my pantry a whole 3 days longer?
Perhaps the fine people at Bon Appetit should consider that if they pumped their food products with less artificial crap, I'd eat more, which would thus lead me to not keep them around till the expiration date, which would then reduce the need to make their croissants last till 2012.
Isn't there some sort of law that says you can't mislabel something? You can't package water and orange food coloring as "orange juice"...so whatever this is should NOT be allowed to be called a cheese croissant.
HA a quick visit to their website displays a Flash intro saying Fresh 'n sweet, ready to eat, Bon Appetit!
I have to give their product visualization/marketing crew major props, they make this bland piece of cardboard actually look delish:
You've been warned.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Money doesn't grow on trees. Which is good, I can't grow crap.
In case no one got the memo, we're in a recession.
My attitude about all of this, other than freaking out about how much my home has dropped from what I owe (and it's an adjustable-rate loan that has yet to reset...yeah yeah I’m one THOSE people), has been to just chug forth. What else can you do? Don't spend loads of cash (but at the same time, I'm aware that some level of spending is what's necessary...oh you catch-22!), keep your resume up to date, blah blah.
I only half-listen to the news about the economic situation, stuff about Madoff and AIG...in the grand scheme, it doesn't impact me directly. I feel like we're all running a marathon. I'm trying to not let the distractions around me stop me from plowing through. I look around to make sure that nothing is barreling straight at me, but otherwise I'll let the other runners deal with it. And Obama counts as a runner.
But today, I'm officially freaked out. Like, curl-up-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-corner-crying freaked out. I guess I thought how I'm a GenXer, we survived a massive recession a short while ago...we can all do it again. Yeah, except now it's really bad. Like, I could very easily see myself getting a job at the Gap and then busting my ass in hopes that I can become a stupid 3rd Key manager. No wait, I can very easily see myself APPLYING at the Gap, and competing with retarded-ass Orange County kids. Does a store sales award from 1994 give me an edge in an interview?!
I'm even thinking that for once, maybe people SHOULD litter in case it DOES create a job for someone.
I listen to KFI 640am in the mornings...there was a debate over how much it effs everyone over when money is put towards job programs.on one hand, at least people are getting fed, but on the other hand you're expecting everyone else to subsidize failing businesses. Like a company like GM will never go obsolete. If you let it fall completely, then someone's going to take over the assets...and THOSE people will build it back up (instead of the old skool people who are still operating under unions and pensions) and protect the workers ensuring they have work.
Have you ever thought during a really bad rainstorm that’s lasted for days “Okay Mother Nature, I get it. You can stop the rain now. You’ve made your point!” I am officially telling the Economic Zeus Gods “Okay! We got it! Too much credit! Blowing cash we don’t have! Now bring us back to normal!”
My attitude about all of this, other than freaking out about how much my home has dropped from what I owe (and it's an adjustable-rate loan that has yet to reset...yeah yeah I’m one THOSE people), has been to just chug forth. What else can you do? Don't spend loads of cash (but at the same time, I'm aware that some level of spending is what's necessary...oh you catch-22!), keep your resume up to date, blah blah.
I only half-listen to the news about the economic situation, stuff about Madoff and AIG...in the grand scheme, it doesn't impact me directly. I feel like we're all running a marathon. I'm trying to not let the distractions around me stop me from plowing through. I look around to make sure that nothing is barreling straight at me, but otherwise I'll let the other runners deal with it. And Obama counts as a runner.
But today, I'm officially freaked out. Like, curl-up-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-corner-crying freaked out. I guess I thought how I'm a GenXer, we survived a massive recession a short while ago...we can all do it again. Yeah, except now it's really bad. Like, I could very easily see myself getting a job at the Gap and then busting my ass in hopes that I can become a stupid 3rd Key manager. No wait, I can very easily see myself APPLYING at the Gap, and competing with retarded-ass Orange County kids. Does a store sales award from 1994 give me an edge in an interview?!
I'm even thinking that for once, maybe people SHOULD litter in case it DOES create a job for someone.
I listen to KFI 640am in the mornings...there was a debate over how much it effs everyone over when money is put towards job programs.on one hand, at least people are getting fed, but on the other hand you're expecting everyone else to subsidize failing businesses. Like a company like GM will never go obsolete. If you let it fall completely, then someone's going to take over the assets...and THOSE people will build it back up (instead of the old skool people who are still operating under unions and pensions) and protect the workers ensuring they have work.
Have you ever thought during a really bad rainstorm that’s lasted for days “Okay Mother Nature, I get it. You can stop the rain now. You’ve made your point!” I am officially telling the Economic Zeus Gods “Okay! We got it! Too much credit! Blowing cash we don’t have! Now bring us back to normal!”
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Letter to the editor
Not everyone is willing to have sex for money. Even "octomom" is apparently above that, having turned down staring in a porn film for cash. And she certainly does need the cash.
There's two key points here:
1. Obviously this doesn't apply to people who are mentally unstable, and Octomom is clearly a loon. Someone in a straightjacket in a mental ward has no concept of money either. I'm not going to preface all my blogs with "this applies to people of sound mind".
That being said...
2. Ahhh, because that's not her price. YOU think she needs the cash. SHE doesn't. She's turned down a ton of things that the average person would take in a heartbeat. However, if all her children had some illness that only some doctor in Zimbabwe could cure for $2mil, and oh coincidence another dude will bone her for $2mil, I would bet...well not $2Mil....five bucks that she'd do it. Just because we think her lifestyle is pure crap doesn't mean she does, and thus she doesn't think it's worth it.
3. PORN is not the same as getting paid for a night of sex (unfilmed and private). My price for doing Playboy is MUCH higher than a night of sex. In my case, porn would mean i would lose a large number of my friends, any future career, and my family would be humiliated, along with the stalker/unsafe factor that would result. A night of sex doesn't carry the same baggage or consequences (it does carry its own consequences, but not on the same publicity/audience scale). So you're comparing apples and oranges.
There's two key points here:
1. Obviously this doesn't apply to people who are mentally unstable, and Octomom is clearly a loon. Someone in a straightjacket in a mental ward has no concept of money either. I'm not going to preface all my blogs with "this applies to people of sound mind".
That being said...
2. Ahhh, because that's not her price. YOU think she needs the cash. SHE doesn't. She's turned down a ton of things that the average person would take in a heartbeat. However, if all her children had some illness that only some doctor in Zimbabwe could cure for $2mil, and oh coincidence another dude will bone her for $2mil, I would bet...well not $2Mil....five bucks that she'd do it. Just because we think her lifestyle is pure crap doesn't mean she does, and thus she doesn't think it's worth it.
3. PORN is not the same as getting paid for a night of sex (unfilmed and private). My price for doing Playboy is MUCH higher than a night of sex. In my case, porn would mean i would lose a large number of my friends, any future career, and my family would be humiliated, along with the stalker/unsafe factor that would result. A night of sex doesn't carry the same baggage or consequences (it does carry its own consequences, but not on the same publicity/audience scale). So you're comparing apples and oranges.
Monday, March 09, 2009
I take credit cards, paypal, money orders, and CASH
Thanks to a wisecrack (but oh-so-true) comment from a friend, I've been thinking about how my behavior and values can be changed for money.
I've got no shame in my game: I can be purchased. And anyone who says they can't be is full of sh*t.
If someone offered you a million dollars for sex, would you say no? What if you had tons of medical bills and a sick child who needed specialized treatment? Yeah an hour or two of nakedness would seem like a Godsend.
Plus, if you have a job, then you're a whore for money. Again, if you say no...see if you would do that exact same work even if you didn't get paid (but your bills still magically got paid). If I had no bills, I certainly wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
(fyi: for the record, I'm grateful I'm employed. i'm just sayin', if I won the lottery, I wouldn't sit 8 hours a day at a desk)
I recall the day that my friend Erin and I wanted a Snapple from the dude at a highschool sports game who was selling them. He was also selling popcorn from one of those popcorn cart things. There was popcorn EVERYWHERE. We had no money (which is so dumb...I had money. I just didn't have money for Snapple. See the diff?) and begged the guy to let us have the snapple. He was like "hell no".
We begged. We pleaded. Jackass told us "okay, if you eat popcorn off the floor".
We looked down, and saw some popcorn wasn't totally smushed and black from footprints.
Needless to say, we were sold and ate the non-marred popcorn off the floor.
Needless to say, Jackass' jaw dropped.
Needless to say, we were handed a Snapple without a peep.
Would I do that now? Of course not. Popcorn from a vendor has too many calories :P
I'm also certainly not above begging for money. Again, my friend Erin and I in highschool were all about getting a muffin from the cafeteria once a day. I remember exactly how much they cost: 75 cents. When you bought 10 muffins, you got the next one free. So it was also all about filling up this card. So after we ate our lunch, almost every day, we did the trek around the cafeteria and rotunda to try and get 75 cents. You'd think this would be easy, but when you do this daily you can't hit up the same people. And when you live in a bus-centric city, kids aren't so quick to give up their change. I came up with the best strategy: ask for a nickel, a dime, a penny, because no one's going to be THAT cheap and say "sorry, I can't spare anything" when all you want is a NICKEL. Especially if you say "can I BORROW a nickel?" In highschool, when I was a teen, people wanted you to pay up if you owed a dollar. But a nickel? Never. It worked.
I'm not below begging.
If I weren't so freaked out by bugs, I could easily have been a contestant on Fear Factor (I'd lose anything involving physical strength but dang pay me a few grand to just sit in a box and have beetles poured on me). In the grand scheme, I hope that I can be purchased out of any fears. That's because my biggest fear is homelessness, and getting paid to deal with my other fears thus takes care of the biggest fear of all.
Then we have the concept of time vs. money. I was once offered $50 to drink a whole carton of KFC gravy. I actually love KFC gravy, I'll chug that crap over a milkshake any day. My problem was when I did the math of how many calories were in there, and how long it would take on the elliptical to burn it off, it came down to like $15/hour. Which just wasn't worth it to me at that point. I could easily work at In N Out and make that (well...$12 anyway).
The other day I was listening to the radio and some chicks called up saying how they saw an ad on Craigslist for a dude who wanted a chick to show up and kick him in the balls as hard as possible. $250. They went, she kicked him, he handed her the money. Then he said he'd pay again if she'd do that again if he wore his boxers. She said yes. She kicked him. He paid her. Guess what he suggested next? Oh c'mon now, you'll never guess...okay I'll tell you. He then offered more dough if she'd kick him in the balls...bareback. She declined and ran out.
If some creepy dude wanted to pay me FIVE bucks to kick him in the balls I'd do it in a snap. Moron should have just gotten fresh with a chick in a bar, he would have saved a few hundred bucks. Now would I have agreed to kick a dude in the balls if he were naked? No, but I also wouldn't have shown up by myself (she had her friend in the car waiting for her...eff that. I wouldn't go in alone!). But if I could convince a fearless/strong/fighter dude to show up with me for $100, then hellz yeah I would have kicked his wrinkly balls as hard as possible (and then I would slather hand sanitizer all over the tip of my boot) for $250.
Now while I would kick a naked creepy guy in the ballsack for $250, I would NOT eat bacon for $250. I may be a horrible Muslim, but I'm still Muslim enough to not eat pork, and $250 isn't worth it for me to risk the wrath in the Hereafter. yeah. I said it. Hereafter.
However for $20 thousand...yeah I can take my chances. I'm hoping God would understand a filthy dirty animal is worth the consumption if it pays off your car and can get you refinished kitchen cabinets.
Hmmm, I think I need to revisit this concept a bit more...maybe I can get a side gig by doing retarded things for the dough. The hamster in my head is spinning in his wheel....
I've got no shame in my game: I can be purchased. And anyone who says they can't be is full of sh*t.
If someone offered you a million dollars for sex, would you say no? What if you had tons of medical bills and a sick child who needed specialized treatment? Yeah an hour or two of nakedness would seem like a Godsend.
Plus, if you have a job, then you're a whore for money. Again, if you say no...see if you would do that exact same work even if you didn't get paid (but your bills still magically got paid). If I had no bills, I certainly wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
(fyi: for the record, I'm grateful I'm employed. i'm just sayin', if I won the lottery, I wouldn't sit 8 hours a day at a desk)
I recall the day that my friend Erin and I wanted a Snapple from the dude at a highschool sports game who was selling them. He was also selling popcorn from one of those popcorn cart things. There was popcorn EVERYWHERE. We had no money (which is so dumb...I had money. I just didn't have money for Snapple. See the diff?) and begged the guy to let us have the snapple. He was like "hell no".
We begged. We pleaded. Jackass told us "okay, if you eat popcorn off the floor".
We looked down, and saw some popcorn wasn't totally smushed and black from footprints.
Needless to say, we were sold and ate the non-marred popcorn off the floor.
Needless to say, Jackass' jaw dropped.
Needless to say, we were handed a Snapple without a peep.
Would I do that now? Of course not. Popcorn from a vendor has too many calories :P
I'm also certainly not above begging for money. Again, my friend Erin and I in highschool were all about getting a muffin from the cafeteria once a day. I remember exactly how much they cost: 75 cents. When you bought 10 muffins, you got the next one free. So it was also all about filling up this card. So after we ate our lunch, almost every day, we did the trek around the cafeteria and rotunda to try and get 75 cents. You'd think this would be easy, but when you do this daily you can't hit up the same people. And when you live in a bus-centric city, kids aren't so quick to give up their change. I came up with the best strategy: ask for a nickel, a dime, a penny, because no one's going to be THAT cheap and say "sorry, I can't spare anything" when all you want is a NICKEL. Especially if you say "can I BORROW a nickel?" In highschool, when I was a teen, people wanted you to pay up if you owed a dollar. But a nickel? Never. It worked.
I'm not below begging.
If I weren't so freaked out by bugs, I could easily have been a contestant on Fear Factor (I'd lose anything involving physical strength but dang pay me a few grand to just sit in a box and have beetles poured on me). In the grand scheme, I hope that I can be purchased out of any fears. That's because my biggest fear is homelessness, and getting paid to deal with my other fears thus takes care of the biggest fear of all.
Then we have the concept of time vs. money. I was once offered $50 to drink a whole carton of KFC gravy. I actually love KFC gravy, I'll chug that crap over a milkshake any day. My problem was when I did the math of how many calories were in there, and how long it would take on the elliptical to burn it off, it came down to like $15/hour. Which just wasn't worth it to me at that point. I could easily work at In N Out and make that (well...$12 anyway).
The other day I was listening to the radio and some chicks called up saying how they saw an ad on Craigslist for a dude who wanted a chick to show up and kick him in the balls as hard as possible. $250. They went, she kicked him, he handed her the money. Then he said he'd pay again if she'd do that again if he wore his boxers. She said yes. She kicked him. He paid her. Guess what he suggested next? Oh c'mon now, you'll never guess...okay I'll tell you. He then offered more dough if she'd kick him in the balls...bareback. She declined and ran out.
If some creepy dude wanted to pay me FIVE bucks to kick him in the balls I'd do it in a snap. Moron should have just gotten fresh with a chick in a bar, he would have saved a few hundred bucks. Now would I have agreed to kick a dude in the balls if he were naked? No, but I also wouldn't have shown up by myself (she had her friend in the car waiting for her...eff that. I wouldn't go in alone!). But if I could convince a fearless/strong/fighter dude to show up with me for $100, then hellz yeah I would have kicked his wrinkly balls as hard as possible (and then I would slather hand sanitizer all over the tip of my boot) for $250.
Now while I would kick a naked creepy guy in the ballsack for $250, I would NOT eat bacon for $250. I may be a horrible Muslim, but I'm still Muslim enough to not eat pork, and $250 isn't worth it for me to risk the wrath in the Hereafter. yeah. I said it. Hereafter.
However for $20 thousand...yeah I can take my chances. I'm hoping God would understand a filthy dirty animal is worth the consumption if it pays off your car and can get you refinished kitchen cabinets.
Hmmm, I think I need to revisit this concept a bit more...maybe I can get a side gig by doing retarded things for the dough. The hamster in my head is spinning in his wheel....
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Most annoying commercial of March 2009
I swear to GOD my brain wants to explode when I see this commercial. Here's all the reasons why this commercial chafes my hide:
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
1. The way the dude repeats "take your top off". It's so ANNOYING. The intonation, the pitch, his expression, everything about it makes my blood boil from 0 to 100 in no time flat.
2. Their faux-laughing moment. "Ohhh haha I get it, take your STEAM POT off, you silly goose you!"...you can tell the director yelled "ready, set, LAUGH!"
3. WHAT is with that horrible tie-dyed-peace-logo hippie shirt at the beginning? And why is on a guy who's in his 20s? I'm so confused. I don't understand. Did his grandma buy that shirt? Can he only afford Goodwill and Joe's Crab Shack? And is he the waiter? Or do you carry your own steam pot if you have bad attire?
4. Is Joe's Crab Shack like a ride at Universal? Do they take your picture when you get the big food reveal? Is it $8, or 2 for $15?
Why does getting old suck balls?
Just as I've come to terms with the glaring grey hair that I see on the left side of my head when I hunt it down in the mirror, I've been experiencing another human body wonder: Blepharospasm.
Aka, uncontrollable eye twitching. Which leads me to wonder, why anyone would want to control eye twitching. The past 3 days my left eye (linked to the grey hair perhaps? That f*cker is causing me all sorts of problems) keeps twitching, and it's freaking me the eff out.
Apparently it's tied to stress, fatigue, and caffeine.
Well I've reduced my caffeine, so it can't be that. However the catch-22 is that that's of course going to lead to fatigue.
So i'm going to blame it on stress. I'm definitely much more stressed than usual, but not to the extent where my body should start experiencing UNCONTROLLABLE EYE TWITCHING WHAT THE EFF!
Should go away in a week. Allegedly. According to the internet. Why doesn't the internet come with a guarantee of credibility?! Gahhhhh!
Aka, uncontrollable eye twitching. Which leads me to wonder, why anyone would want to control eye twitching. The past 3 days my left eye (linked to the grey hair perhaps? That f*cker is causing me all sorts of problems) keeps twitching, and it's freaking me the eff out.
Apparently it's tied to stress, fatigue, and caffeine.
Well I've reduced my caffeine, so it can't be that. However the catch-22 is that that's of course going to lead to fatigue.
So i'm going to blame it on stress. I'm definitely much more stressed than usual, but not to the extent where my body should start experiencing UNCONTROLLABLE EYE TWITCHING WHAT THE EFF!
Should go away in a week. Allegedly. According to the internet. Why doesn't the internet come with a guarantee of credibility?! Gahhhhh!
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