Damn you president, paris, and aol

I am absolutely livid that they didn't show The OC last night.

LIVID.

Heck, I can understand that you need to take the president more seriously than TV. But clearly the networks didn't feel that way...they cut into the president in order to show Simple Life.

THE SIMPLE LIFE people.

I'm so livid.

The other thing I'm heavily annoyed over are the retarded AOL commercials. First there was the one where the mom walks into the boardroom meeting with her kid, gets on the table, rants about all the things she wants, and the dude (who I guess is supposed to be the head of AOL) says "okay!". That one annoyed me because they made stay-at-home moms look like bumbling airheads.

Okay, that one I could live with. But the next one...where this lady goes into AOL with some baked goods, and says "I hear you're making sure I've got virus protection blah blah", and the guy is like "oh it's not me, it's all of us" and they show how huge the people are at AOL who help out their customers and all that, and the lady looks so surprised because she just has her tiny little baked good...

WTF. I think that alienates a good percentage of the public who KNOWS something about computers, KNOWS that AOL isn't just one guy sitting in a cube...it's just insulting quite honestly. Personally I don't like aol in general, i think it's for tech morons, but even tech morons have to know that AOL isn't just 4 guys in a cube creating the net. It's just a retarded stupid commercial that alienates their customers, and non-customers. Hey, AOL: most people know you're a bit internet company and that you HAVE to create virus protection for users. We get it.

IMDB...I love you....

Is there any site as great as IMDb?

Like for tonight...when I had to prove to my husband that Kate Hudson has been in a movie he's heard of...well...okay he saw the preview for Skeleton Key but that's it. what can I say, the girl seems to like doing chick flicks

Years ago I sneaked my way into proving the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thanks to IMDb...Hey, i don't count that as cheating, because I still had to figure out who was in the movies that I was thinking of (The trick is to think of Kevin's A FEW GOOD MEN movie...that movie has a ton of celebs who've made a ton of movies. You can link anything to Tom Cruise in that movie).

Or when you're watching a movie and you think you know the guy and then you have to rush upstairs to the computer because you're POSITIVE you've seen that dude in that movie...the one with that thing...the one with the chick...you know. AHHHH yes...IMDb will tell you.

Cheers to you, IMDb. Cheers to you.

(Side note: The Rock to say...Janeane Garafalo....using Kevin Bacon. In six steps. Hmmm that's tricky becuase the Rock did that Get SHorty sequel with Uma who was in that Dogs movie with Janeane, but using Kevin Bacon....

The Rock was in (1)Be COol with John Travolta who was in She's so Lovely with Sean Penn (2) who was in Mystic River with (3)Kevin Bacon who was in (4)Picture Perfect with Jennifer Aniston who was on (5)Friends with what's her face Lisa Kudrow, who was in Romy and MIchelle's High school reunion with(6) Janeane Garafolo.)

America's Next Top Model

Hopefully you watched last night's episode of America's Next Top Model.

You didn't? Why the hell not?! It's the best show on tv...next to Desperate Housewives...Lost...The OC....okay well it's up there.

I have watched all 4 seasons of the show and honestly, the current cast sucks.
They suck badly.

None of them are really photogenic, except for Naima. The problem with Naima is that she has all ther personality of a piece of bread. Plain bread. I'd say white bread, but that might be offensive since Naima isn't actually white. You get the drift.

At least with Season 1, it was down to Adrienne and Elyse, who was amazing except she was too smart for her own good. And granted, Adrienne's done maybe ONE modelling job since winning, but good for her for elevating her celebrity-quotient by going on Surreal Life. And who can forget Robin and her uber religious vibe?

Season 2 we were all rooting for that Yoanna who had lost a chunk of weight and adored fashion.

Season 3, how could you NOT want Eva the Diva to win? She was amazing. She had 'tude. She photographed beautifully. However now...wtf is up with this smiley personality? I know you've got a Cover Girl contract, but geezus bring back the "girl next door who can kick my ass and then some" attitude. Stop smiling so damn much.

Season 4....I adored Rebecca. She was cute, she had the potential to be sexy, she had a body that I would absolutely die for.

Then I went back to rooting for Naima, but dang her personality is so blah. After last night's episode...it's all about Kaitlyn. She's a dirt person, she's a hillbilly, she need dental work, and she has all the social graces of a cow. But she totally sucked up the death of her friend last night and actually made a pretty decent photo...granted, wrath is probably the easiest "sin" to portray.

And speaking of the Sins concept...did they HAVE to be 6 feet deep in the ground? Geezus. And I felt bad for Brittany...HOW do you convery sloth?

sloth n.
Aversion to work or exertion; laziness; indolence.


Well I guess she could have faked yawning or something.

Back up a few episodes, where they had to read off a teleprompter...WHO THE HELL DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE MAGENTA, CHRISTIAN LACROIX, OR HERMES?!!!

The company vending machine

I'm sure, once upon a time, the vending machine at work was some sort of perk and everyone thought they were so lucky to have a little machine that gives them fat-laden treats in return for some change.

Pfft. Whatever. Now it's a necessary evil.

The following is a review of all the vending machines from where I've worked ever since I graduated:

1. INSI: You know, I don't think they had a vending machine. Bastards! I do remember getting free hot chocolate, however the receptionist who bought the supplies hated me. So when it was time to replace the yummy Carnation hot chocolate,she bought the crappy stuff that the restaurant downstairs sold. Eventually someone replaced the Carnation, but I kept drinking the crappy stuff. Someone once asked me why I would drink that slop...and I told them I didn't want the receptionist getting mad at me.

She used to hell at me, from the front desk over to my cube, about how my slurping was too loud.

2. Caspian:Hmmm maybe this isn't so much a review of vending machines than maybe say a review of what's in the kitchen.
I don't remember if there was a vending machine...we got free soda and we got free dinner at night. Needless to say I gained like 40 pounds in the first few months.

I did a taste test with my buddy Dan (oh Dan, why did you have to stop talking to me?!) because we had this conspiracy theory: the free soda you get at work NEVER tastes as good as the stuff you pay for. Our blind taste test proved tru.

3. OnMobile: I don't think they even HAD vending machines. In fact, we didn't get jack except ONCE they got us a cake to celebrate the company's anniversary but the CEO yelled at the receptionist for spending so much on a cake (fifty bucks?!)...that was the tip off since the company pretty much folded shortly after that.

Symbol: Ahhh my beloved Symbol. Best place to work ever. I loved that job. Only left it because my husband lived in Orange County. Anyway, they had INSANE vending machines. First off, their vending machines accepted everything up to $20. Yep, I've put in $20 in order to buy a $0.55 wafer...that's alotta change you get back but damn it's worth it! Plus they had everything....ice cream, microwave meals, every flavor of Quik milk and SoBe drinks..sigh.

pause here to visit Vendo and get myself a diet Pepsi.

Current job: WHAT THE BLEEP. The vending machines here are horrible. The little spinny things catch onto the packages so they don't drop. But the worst part is that not only do you have to pay in exact change...you have to pay in the exact denomination.

For example, a diet Pepsi isn't just $0.40. It's a quarter, a nickel, and a dime. A bag of corn nuts is two quarters and a dime. NOT two quarters and two nickels...but two dimes. And the change machine only accepts (when it's not chewing up your money) dollar bills...and spits out exactly three quarters, two dimes, anda nickel.

That means that everyone goes aruond saying "I'll buy your nickel for a dime". Nickels at my work are worth double the value!

I don't know who invented this archaic system, nor do I understand why I work for a high tech company making cutting edge stuff but i have to have EXACT coinage.

Just another reason to hate my job.

On another note, this blog is super funny...too bad it came to an end.

The money sink that is my car

I'm always amazed by how the average person trusts one of their most expensive possessions, their car, to the mechanic.

It's the most expensive PORTABLE device they'll ever have.

Call me crazy, but when I buy something, I generally like to know the ins and outs of it. Say my computer for example. I'm not a pro (even though I have a Computer Science degree), but I'm capable of talking to Tech Support about an internet problem without being like "whaaaa? Who...? The Ewe Ess Bee port?".

But cars....that's a grey area for 99% of us.

Every time I take my car in, I get loads of automotive jargon thrown at me and then the only thing I do understand: the price.

This weekend I took my car in and turns out, the "IAC" needed to be replaced. Problem is that no part shop carried the part (since when is a Nissan Sentra such a specialized car? Oh I'm sorry, I'm in Orange County...BMWs and Mercedes are more common), so they had to get the part from Nissan itself which carried the huge cost.

At least I finangled a free oil change.

When I asked if this whole thing could have been avoided, I got even more automotive jargon thrown at me. I asked, "And HOW was I supposed to know to do THAT?!?" and the car guy just shrugged his shoulder.

Yes I'm aware there's a car manual. I've read it. One thing it said was to use the cheapie gas (87). Well the dude in the car shop said I could have avoided this if I had used the premium gas (I'm NOT putting premium gas in at practically $3.00 per gallon!). So reading the manual wouldn't have helped.

I just don't get how we all send our car to this dirty slimey location, we have no clue what they're doing or if we're being scammed, and then we just graciously accept the bill. Makes NO sense to me.

I'm okay paying the bill, and I understood some of the problems the dude faced (such as not being able to find a cheaper car part and what not). I just don't get why I, or anyone else, just drops it off and then pays a huge bill.

So basically I need to LEARN more about cars.

Um yeah i'll get right on that.

The cost of gas is ginormous

I swear, when it rains, it pours.

In the past two weeks, I’ve gotten $6600 worth of bills.

I was talking to my friend Gina about how cheap I am when it comes to my car, so she told me I had to put it in a blog so hey, why not.

Apparently I’m the only one who forgoes air conditioning, no matter how hot, when gas is this expensive.


Did I mention I live in southern California? It’s hot as hell here sometimes, and very very dry.

But right now gas is SO expensive, so pfftt whatever…I roll down the windows. Problem is, my driver’s side window doesn’t always roll up (stupid power windows) so I don’t bother rolling it down.

I pretty much drive in a puddle of my own sweat, because I can’t roll down my window and I’m not willing to pay the cost of gas to have air conditioning.

When I get up in the morning, in spring/summer/fall, I have to figure out what clothes will show sweat the LEAST. No grey tops. No satin tops. Nothing form fitting in the arms.

Hmmm maybe it was funnier when I was explaining it to my friend.

Speaking of my car, it’s in the shop right now…some IAC thing is blowing carbon all over the place inside the car. I try to avoid the car shop as much as possible, because every time I take it in somehow I owe almost $1000. Somewhere in there is alotta irony, but I’m not sure what exactly.

The plight of the working class

Here it is, Saturday morning, I got to sleep in until 9:15am.

It's absolutely gorgeous outside, my cats are running around tormenting each other...life is good.

However this is all an illusion.

This is the Countdown To Monday Morning And Going Back To Work.

The minute 5pm hits on Friday afternoon, everyone rushes out (regardless if they're supposed to leave at 5 or not). See, we're all in a race. It's a race to see who'll max out their weekend, who will use their time best, who will ENJOY it more, who won't have wasted it.

The worst is when you get to Sunday late afternoon: that's when you know it's all coming to an end.

I absolutely hate working. I really do. I just can't grasp this notion that for 50 years, i'm supposed to spend the majority of my waking days doing something for someone else to benefit. So by Sunday night, the pit in my stomach is so huge, I can't even enjoy the rest of my night.

I feel like screaming "Does no one see how bizarre all this is?!". First off, what happened to "9 to 5"? 'Cause really it's 8 to 5 with a one hour unpaid mandatory lunch hour somewhere in there. And if you live in California, then you've got one hell of a commute...so even if you get off work at 5, then odds are you're not home until 6 or 6:30. Factor in half an hour of just doing things like taking the mail in, feeding your pets, maybe filling up the car with gas, you really aren't settled in until 7pm.

Now let's say hypothetically you actually get the 8 hours of sleep that is advised...then you need to be in bed by 10pm.

That means that between 6am to 7pm, you're working for the man....and then you get 3 hours all to yourself which pretty much consists of what...doing laundry, eating, watching tv...not like you can go off and enjoy anything on only 3 hours.

What's my point? My point is:
- working sucks
- commuting sucks
- "The Man" sucks
- I wish I were fabulously loaded and it's not fair my parents didn't grace me with a singing voice or uber good looks so I can be an actress

Almost Friday....

Almost Friday.

Almost.

Let me tell you about almost being 30.

It's all about holding onto the wee bits of 20-something-hood while you can.

Let's break the 20's down into two segments...the first half and the second half.

The first half is pretty exciting. You're probably still in school for a good chunk of it, but it's a crazy rollercoaster of grades, recruiters, job hunting, and who's got the biggest post-university (or college, whatever) salary (I myself, with a starting salary of $34K, most certainly didn't have the highest one out of my graduating class). Even before you graduate, people start getting engaged. And in the next 2 years after graduation, everyone you know gets engaged.

It's also one of the first times where you're making semi-decent money and able to spend it on stuff for your new life...this is where you start thinking IKEA is the next best thing to sliced bread.

Then...when you start getting to the second half...things start to go downhill.

You start to realize around 25 that you can't hold your liquor like you once could (note: being Canadian, my drunken lush days started at 18, not 21). You start getting inundated with things like water bills, car tuneups, and possibly even a layoff or two at your once-fabulous job.

If you're married, then you're dealing with the hell of merging two lifestyles. If you're not married, you're wallowing in self-pity over why all your friends are married except you (please don't even try denying that that's true for the majority of chicks. All my single friends my age or older wallow about how lucky I am that I'm married, whereas I wallow to them about how fabulous it is that they can decorate their bathroom in French Provence without a guy complaining it's too girly).

There's added job stresses...approaching 30, you need to start focusing on your career. None of this entry-level BS.

Some of the previously-mentioned married friends are now popping out babies, and you're wondering if you should too.

Some of your friends drive BMWs and you're wondering whether you can afford to get an oil change in the same car you bought post-graduating.

Did I mention that you can't hold onto your alcohol anymore? The novelty of getting hooched up and going out long wears away. You long for the Saturday night sitting in front of the tv relaxing.

The wrinkles. The itty bitty ones. Your older friends and coworkers think you're nuts, but your friends your age know what you're talking about. You find yourself in serious conversations over skin treatments. Not just skin care....skin treatments.

I'm going to be 28 soon, and I realized today I'm wearing a top I bought when I was 18. TEN YEARS.

I remember thinking that my high school reunion would be so far away. (note: I don't think my high school is having a reunion, but if we did, dammit it would still feel too early.)

I feel like being 28 is all about keeping up with the Joneses. I have one coworker who I think her husband is fabulously loaded, even though her job I'm pretty sure doesn't pay as much as mine does (not that I make anything fantastic, but I'm average I guess). She drives a cute Volkswagon, she always has ADORABLE outfits, and they're constantly traveling.

Then there's my other coworker. She bought her home at the same time as I did, but I think she got a little bit of help from her parents. Overall I feel that we're pretty "equal" to where we are in life and financially, but then she also got pregnant...because both her family and her in-laws live here in Orange County AND her husband works weekends which gives him an extra 2 days a week that he can look after the pending baby while she's at work.

I, however, have no family here...and the cost of childcare in Orange County runs around $800 a month, if not more for a child under 2 years...dayam! First off, healthcare and laws on that stuff is better in Canada...so they get 1 year of paid maternity leave. A YEAR. What do we get here? 12 weeks unpaid. Basically the right to keep your stupid job. Yeah thanks. But most of them also have pretty much quit the workforce. Sigh must be nice. I know financially they're probably hard hit as a result, but if I could quit my job and look after kids I would do it in a heartbeat...we just can't afford it.

(Sidebar: so why am I living here? Well because this is the only place short of living in ghetto LA for my husband's industry. And as crappy as the costs are, it IS gorgeous and it's in the top 10 safest places to live in the US).

Basically I feel like in the timeline of life, late 20s just blows. That crazy start you got to post-college life comes to a very slow crawl as you gasp for breath trying to keep up with all the other 20-something Joneses.

Shoulda.
Woulda.
Coulda.
But didn't.

The Bachelor and other tales

Well, so here's my first blog.

Let's make this very clear: the majority of my life, when not stuck at work like a drone, is spent watching endless TV.

So on that note...

I'm very sad to admit that I've been watching this season's Bachelor. I never watch The Bachelor. Yet for some reason this year I decided to watch it because hey, I like Jerry O'Connell...maybe his brother Charlie won't be so bad.

Ohhh, but yes he is...

He's narrowed it down to a small handful, but he already knocked out most of the women with a brain. Which yes, i know, he's a relatively young guy who probably gets loads of poon. So brains isn't part of his requirement. But come ON...when you go on that show you're supposedly supposed to be looking for your soul mate.

Now I'm positive the makers of the show are egging him on to keep the Canadian with the big boobs who keeps flaunting them. She makes great tv.

However it's pretty clear that these women are in it for the competition. Not because they actually like the guy.

I used to like the blond, Sarah W, but she's slowly turning herself into a psycho. Now most people might not catch onto it yet. The first tip off was that on their second little get together, she cried. Big BIG big no-no. Secondly, she's always hanging off of him, which is fine it's kinda cute...but now she's starting to act more like Glenn Close than anything else. Keep them bunnies away from her!

Now as for him, my beef is the deep set wrinkles. Hey, I've got wrinkles of my own (which i'm sure will be another blog for another day), but this dude's got massive deep set wrinkles. And when he talks, he almost has a clown mouth. Basically what I'm saying is...ladies, he's not Jerry. Not worth the cattiness.