FYI: Chino = Ryan = America.
Let's get the usual out of the way...
The OC
WTF no more episodes until March 9?! WTF! That's unacceptable! And THANK GOD they killed Johnny. I just wish they hadn't had Kaitlyn leave...i was digging that cute kid who was chasing after her. I'm a sucker for nice teeth and a great smile. And guys who look like they're 16 apparently.
Lunch...Yesterday...
So yesterday I go to lunch with the usual engineers (yes Norm, that includes yer boy) and in typical fashion, the Scope Out The Hot Chicks game goes on...
This chick and her friend walk over to the outdoor eating area from the parking lot, and I'm all "here we go, typical cute girly thang with her low jeans and flat stomach to make the guys drool".
Umm yeah there was some checking out going on by everyone involved (everyone meaning: anyone with a penis who sat in the food eating area thingy). Well the chick (Girl1) and her friend (Girl2) end up sitting one table away from ours in the outdoor eating area.
So I'm arguing with my friends/coworkers over who's better looking.
To ANY girl, Girl2 was better looking. A bit too much makeup, but a cute outfit, FANTASTIC skin...she was a dead ringer for Lauren Bush. However my coworkers insisted Girl1 was WAYYYY better looking. Great body (I don't think i twas that great...more like...she was thin and had no fat)...but omg what is WRONG with them?! Her face was horrible...her hair was just shoved in a crappy low ponytail...and her skin was just awful. I mean, seriously, a Proactiv commercial.
Upon serious argument, I go over to a table of around 6 guys having lunch in order to ask THEM the same question: "...who's hotter? Girl1 or Girl2? Wait! Don't turn around! Don't make it obvious! Okay now look..."...
And ALL of them said Girl1. Although one guy did say "...except she's got bad skin" (well at least ONE guy notices when a girl's got a great complexion).
I have no problems representing womankind in saying that the majority of us chicks would have said Chick2 was hotter. The other chick was borderline skanky looking, and not in an "easy lay" kind of way (which fine, is hot to a guy) but more like "skanky i don't take care of myself and i dress like a hootch on weekends and i'm nasty"...She was a butterface really. I mean, COME ON...the other chick looked like Lauren Bush! A model!
So what's my point?
My point is, I think I'll be fascinated till the day I die with the inner minds of guys. You think you know them...and then you're blown away by the sh*t you find out.
In other news...
Guys, just some tips for ya (if you don't feel like reading The Game):
1. Don't offer a chick a dark towel if she says she's on her rag and doesn't want s*x. WTF. Sometimes, being on the rag is the best excuse to take a breather from the leg shaving and body maintaining. You guys look like garbage 99% of the time. So let us have a few days.
2. A few well-selected compliments will go much further than a bunch of excessive generic compliments. Take a cue from Skipper on SATC when he saw Miranda at the convenience store..."You're luminous". That's all it took. Be the guy who tells us things we've never heard before and/or yearn to hear.
3. We love being complimented when we've clearly put in effort to get dolled up. (By dolled up I mean...we shaved our legs and/or our shoes look REALLY painful). But complimenting us when we're wearing regular clothes...now THAT's a way to our hearts, because we generally think we look like a$$ when we haven't slathered on tons of makeup or worn a pushup bra.
4. Please, please, PLEASE don't discuss your bathroom habits with us. I thought maybe it was just my husband but after futher analysis, it seems ALOT of guys do that with chicks. Are you guys retarded? That's the #2 way (ha bad pun) to not get laid, second only to confessing that you raped a goat.
5. DON'T immediately throw your clothes on after sex (well unless it was a quickie and you guys gotta be somewhere). Okay put your boxers on, i get it, your buddy isn't as great looking after the fact. BUT...give us a break. We know you don't like cuddling after...and we know not to ask you "whatcha thinking"...but throwing on all your clothes after pretty much is one step away from saying "so...how much do I owe you?" (yes, this applies even if it's your girlfriend). It's not too much to ask to just wait during some of that afterglow before killing the whole thing with clothes as if it never happened.
6. In honor of Valentine's Day...mother effer, get the girl a frickin' CARD. I know this is rough if you just started seeing a girl before Vday, but I don't care...if you wanna get laid again, get a f*cking card. I don't care if your situation is "complicated", GET A F*CKING CARD (yeah, bitter from one guy in my past...that f*cker...i dont' care if you're out of town...mail it to me!)...and there's cards for every complicated situation, Stefanie and I found a "To my daughter and her boyfriend" card at Target for God's sakes!!!!
7. Candles. Music. Yes, We love it. It's cheesy. It doesn't matter. It WORKS. I noticed (HA in my old age) a correlation between age and the candle/music factor...guys in high school will do that even if all you're going to do is make out...maybe they get the idea from movies, I don't know...I don't have any high school guys I can ask. But I guess the novelty wears off, or maybe guys feel gay buying candles later in life, I don't know. I'm just saying...I don't care if you're married or not, young or not...candles and music jackasses. On occasion.
Side note: Incense is NOT the same as candles. Incense is for when you're in college and people are smoking pot. When i smell incense now, even if it's passing by a stand in the mall, all I can think of is powdery nasty cheap coffee tables and figuring out how to copy somoene else's assignment
8. When in doubt...don't give chocolate. You all know why. I won't even bother explaining.
9. Seven ate nine. Ha ha.
10. Girls: offer to take your guy's car in for an oil change. Especially if you've asked him to pick up a box of tampons for you. (Okay I've never done that, but that's only because i'm VERY picky about my "tamponage" and if there's any chance of a screw up...i don't want to be the person who returns the wrong box of tampons. Even if you gave them an empty box, guys are still gonna pick up the wrong one IMO).
Heeeeeeeeeeiiidiii Hooooooooo!!!
3 comments:
I can tell you this... Girl1 is way hotter!!
Ok, I had to google Lauren Bush to find out what she looked like and I have to say I'd have to side with you Sabina on Girl2. Girl1 might have had a better body but a nasty face, I'm very surprized that the guys went with Girl. I'm losin' respect for the California men. :)
You say you're fascinated with the mind of a man but the true challenge is the mind of a woman.
I love the top 10 (ok 9) and a lot of this stuff seems like common sense, mind you I've made my share of mistakes and have tried damn hard to make them again. :)
One comment on the whole putting your clothes on after sex (number 5)... I'll throw on my boxers to get a my loved one a glass of water because if a guy isn't as attractive lyin' down he certainly isn't that attractive walkin' around nekkid. :)
I went through the whole card things yesterday and whole crap, it's hard to find the perfect card so I think guys don't bother because it's so hard to find the perfect card but seriously guys look at it this way, buy a good card and you might get some. ;) Because flowers and chocolate certainly don't cut it in this day and age, especially on Valentine's day. Go over the top do something out of character.
Uh... I asked Grey, and he said that it was a no brainer. The girls were miles apart. Girl2 was the Plain Jane of Plain Janes. Personally I think that Jenna Bush is hotter than Lauren... plus she likes to party n' get drunk. I thought that you Canucks lost respect for us So. Cal. men a long time ago.
On a side note... how come in this day and age with camera phones everywhere... did nobody get a picture of these two girls?
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