Peanut Butter is your friend!

This cracked me up, from Muppets 3D: A salute to all nations, but primarily America

So I came up with a few random things that I think are a testament to a guy's manliness:

• driving manual


• using jumper cables when the batteries die


• being able to carry a chick out of a burning building


• knowing how to start a fire and cook raw meat...i.e. BBQing


• EATING meat...this vegetarian thing for guys isn't cool


• instinctively move so that at no times the chick is walking closest to the road


• removing a tshirt should never start by pulling your arms out of the tshirt before taking it off (unless the guys plans on wearing it again for whatever reason without washing it)....only because it's hot when a dude takes his shirt off by starting with the back and ripping it off...

That's not all-inclusive...just some stuff that came to mind.

Here's the general list of things that a chick should be able to do:
1. Give good head, or at least, be willing to learn how

2. How to decline sex without making the guy feel rejected when really, it's because she's got a yeast infection, bladder infection, is on the rag, or hasn't shaved her legs and she's not at that point with the dude where he can be exposed to any of that
3. How to wash cashmere, even if you don't ever own a cashmere item
4. How to cry without getting your face all red (i mean, you can bawl your heart out if you're in pail...but if you gotta stifle it, there's an art to stifling so that you get some tears out without your face looking like you've got roseacea)
5. How to fix a broken nail in a pinch (hint: matchbook)
6. How to sew a button (tip: to avoid it altogether, put some clear nailpolish on the threads of a new shirt)

7. How to bake at least one mean dessert (muffins and bread count as dessert)
8. How to walk in heels at least 3" high (they don't have to be pumps...that's my rule...'cause I overpronate and I can't walk in pumps of any height, i need straps!)...work your way up to 4". And then rest your back for the rest of the rest of the night 'cause that sh*t ain't chiropractically-sound...

9. How to style your hair when it hasn't been washed so that it doesn't scream "I haven't washed my hair! It's Sunday! Suck it!"
10. HOw to do Kegels (not that any of us actually DO them...but you should know how...for...whatever reason)


So speaking of heels, I'm having serious shoe issues. I had the craziest amount of shoes but then I got rid of ALOT of them (back from my Le Chateau years), and the amount in my closet is killing me. Plus, the weather in Orange County is freakin' awesome....I sometimes forget that there was a time when, if you wanted to wear heels in February, you went through hell and a half to not damage your shoes while freezing your ass of and almost slipping and breaking your back. So I've been trying to replenish my shoe supply but it's insanely hard to find shoes my size (5...or 5 1/2), especially if they're on sale or aren't brand new arrivals (and no, i'm not blowing hundreds on a pair of shoes...boots, yes, but shoes...unless they were to DIE for, which i have yet to find..boots, however, i'll pay whatever necessary....)


Oh, someone needs to remind me to post what Jackass Who Told Me I Need To Learn THe Splits once did involving a porn about BJs....