So last night I actually watched Fashion House . Not because it even looked interesting. No, I actually watched it because stupid Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and the Insider wouldn't shut up about it for over a week.
The key is that it stars Bo Derek and Morgan Fairchild and they do some Dynasty-esque hair pulling and catfighting.
Ohhhh, that's an hour of my life I can never, never get back.
I'm more than fine with cheesy crappy chick shows. I dig 90210 and The OC, and heck I used to watch shows like Savannah (anyone remember that? Probably not). But this...this was just AWFUL.
First off, I'd like to think that shows like Desperate Housewives, while geared towards women, still have male writers. The dudes sound like...dudes. On last night's show, omg, CLEARLY chicks wrote the script. One hot straight guy says to the other straight guy "Are we still on for drinks tonight?"...
Uhhh...no. Guys don't talk like that. Guys don't go for "drinks" because "drinks" means cocktails and no self respecting straight guy is going to get cocktails with another straight guy. Plus, they went to this "hip" place...please! Guys drink BEER. And no young 20something somewhat-broke guy is going to go to some swank snotty lounge where beer is gonna be like $13 a pop. Unless they want to pick up hot chicks. But they work with MODELS...so why bother going to some snotty chick-ish lounge to pick up (and to pick up clearly older women...Bo Derek is 50) when you're surrounded by self absorbed women all day anyway?
Secondly, clearly it was written by women big time out of touch with reality. This bimbo model rolls out of bed and tells the somewhat broke guy how his art is "brilliant".
"Brilliant".
You find me a young 20-something airhead who says that about ART. You know what they say? NOT BRILLIANT. That's an uppity high class word used by arisocratic women when describing art, not some whore who rolled out of bed.
Thirdly, these chick writers were out of touch because in their attempt to portray said whore as a snob, she made a snotty remark to a rich housewife that she thought she was a makeup artist or hair person. Uhhh can you say Kevyn Aucoin, Charlie Green, or Ken Pave? 3 people who in their lifetime have/had made WAYYY more dough than a joe shmoe model ever could by doing hair and makeup.
PLUS, I would have been like "uh actually I'm so rich I don't have to work at ALL...sorry working girl"...no loaded rich wife is gonna take crap from a lowly model (unless you're a supermodel, which these girls clearly weren't, you're not getting paid tons of dough day in and day out...you get paid alot in chunks, but there are huge periods of time where there's no jobs coming in)....
Fourthly, have any of those women actually SEEN a fashion show? Geezus it looked straight out of a high school fashion show and i'm supposed to believe this is the world's top designer?
Fifthly, I get it, you got sponsorship from Maybelline. Could you have been SOMEWHAT more subtle so I didn't feel like I was watching a commercial for an hour?
Sixthly, yeah yeah so you need the dick husband to play a villain in the show. The guy who's cheating with his secretary. Unless you're some 1950's housewife, you're not gonna run to make breakfast when your dick husband who's been a dick for months says "where's my breakfast"...i'd say "shove it up your ass" 'cause what's he gonna do about it...he's the one who didn't get home every night for dinner.
Seventhly, speaking of said dick husband...he needs to grab his cell phone and to set the premise of what a volatile dick he is, we see a gun in his car.
Um let me get this straight...
I believe this show is supposed to take place in LA (which isn't a fashion capital at all but whatever)...
Dude needs to use his phone...and we keep our cell phones in the glove compartment?
And our glove compartment contains NOTHING but a gun and a cell phone? No paperwork, no nothing?
If you live in LA, well, California, you KNOW the CHP are like Nazis...for God's sakes I had 5 of them pull me over for an illegal u-turn. You're not storing a frickin' GUN in your glove compartment (at least, not in plain site, and NOT have any regular papers in there)...i get that it's a show, but credibility people...I shouldn't be watching a show thinking "wow that's retarded when the CHP wants your papers they'll see your gun. And why is your cell phone in the glove compartment?"...
Eightly, the alleged models weren't even remotely good looking. They were wannabe actresses. Wannabe actresses are uglier than models. Didn't they watch 8th & Ocean?
Ninethly, the cuthroat fashion house chick, played by Bo Derek (who is looking SMOKING HOT for a chick turning 50...she's my hero), had to choose between her financial guy ratting out that she's stealing from her son's trust fund, or sleep with him. Hmmm...hot guy...I owe him a few million...pay him back that night with money i don't have...or just take a boning from the hot guy. Yeah tough call. WTF. Okay well he wasn't hot for a tv actor but if it were real life he'd be hot. And sleeping with people you sorta hate makes for fantastic sex. So wtf. Like i believe that she's traumatized over that.
Tenthly...sigh, i'll probably watch the next episode.
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