Another year older. Definitely not wiser.

Some pics from one of my birthday shindigs this past week...got to see most of my girls, whom I adore, they're fabulous and as always make getting older a little less painful! Just a few pics View quickly before someone complains about their face plastered on the web :P

My eyes are hurting

Okay i'm pretty pissed because I wrote up this blog entry already, but then the computer froze up and I lost my stuff. Grrr.

Here's my rant for today, or really, the past while...

I have incredibly high standards I think for people I see on tv. Everyone's dying to be on tv, so the very least TV producers can do is pick from the most aesthetically-pleasing of the bunch. I had to stop watching Living Lohan because neither Lindsay Lohan's mom or sister's personalities (oh you new jersey people you!) make up for their ugliness. Lindsay is attractive. Ali? Not so much.

I'm obsessed with this eHarmony commercial: link to youtube because eharmony made them disable the embedded link. I just don't think Lee is good-looking enough to be in a commercial. Now if it were a commercial for weight loss, then yes, he's attractive enough. However this is for something that's based on love and chemistry, which requires some level of aesthetic qualities. Which he lacks.

Then I wonder, would I find him hot in real life? Would I want to date him? But that's not what matters...even in an online dating commercial. No, his face is on MY tv, during MY airtime, during MY free time...I say what should be on, and what I want is an e-harmony commercial featuring Ryan Reynolds. Note that Ann Marie is super cute, so I won't knock her. In fact, she must be incredibly psycho to still have been single 'cause she can do better than that Lee guy. He would have been better looking if he had stayed OFF the tv, without my judging eyes viewing him through a glass panel.

Consider that in the 70s and 80s, producers didn't seem to understand how attractiveness matters. Sure, they had Charlie's Angels...but what about the original American Gladiators? Did they not think that chicks could be tough, strong, AND hot? Compare the original cast vs the cast now...don't tell me they didn't have buff hot chicks in the 80s!


Like really? that's the hottest you could find?! Forget the hair, getting past the trendiness of their appearance, these chicks were fug!

Now that being said, I have the reverse attitude about newscasters. I don't want people that happen to be pretty who learned world news. I want people who were passionate about journalism, didn't have time to date around in highschool and didn't care about their looks to tell me the news. Heck, i don't even trust pretty weather girls. News seems more credible when the person reading the teleprompter is unattractive.

Does this rule apply to sportscasters? That's a tough call. Probably because I don't watch sports. I would watch hockey, but living in SoCal, I'm stuck watching the f*cking Ducks and they can suck it for all I care. GO SENS!! It came to my attention a few weeks ago that Dana Jacobsen from ESPN has super big arms.

Which you'd think, what's the big deal? Well apparently to men watching her on ESPN, this is a big deal. Like really big. I don't think guys have the same feeling as I have for the level of credibility of my news/information versus the attractiveness of the person delivering the info. It seems that she is so crazy big, they are incapable of focusing on whatever sports-related information she has to deliver. But would a thin, big-boobed chick be any less distracting than her alleged upper arm area?

So to see if maybe the guys I received this information were just a little harsh, I did some web searches. And this is what came up on the web (all typos are theirs, not mine)...

The Good:
- On top of all that she is an incredibly gorgeous and sexy woman
- Besides all that,she's beautiful......I think i'm in love
- Dana Jacobson is gorgeous woman. She has an amazing body that she hides well.Beneath all that clothing i know there is a very hott body! Besides that shes into sports as well.
- Even though Dana might be a tad bit on the thick side, I think it kind of makes the attraction to her a little stronger. She's absolutely gorgeous and has an amazing body with great curves. I know I'm not the only one that would rather see her wearing something other than suits most of the time.

The Bad:
- i love her big hands and i'm sure that she has beautiful big feet as well.
- I tolerated her because she had the "big sister" thing going and because I thought she was brave to go on TV looking like she does (bad hair, wardrobe and figure).
- It must be her knowledge of sports cause shes no Kim Kardashian. Shes bigger than most of the male co-host.
- I find it hard to believe so many people would give her a review for being pretty? I mean come on, seriously. She must have family and friends on here giving her those because she is one big hefer.
- If you're going to hire somebody who doesn't have a clue, at least make sure she is attractive
- Dana is a joke...She will be fired soon enough. And she isn't sexy.....Scarlett Johanson is sexy......Dana Jacobson...not so much

The Ugly:
- Some reviews called her Sexy? Sexy? By the looks of that bod, she needs to put down the chocalate bar and actually participate in a sport rather than masquerading as someone credible.
- She needs to be FIRED!! Not to mention she is HUGE!!
- She is fat and unattractive, only knows michigan football.
- moooooooooooooooo....what a cow

I feel like I gotta defend this poor girl...I mean, seriously, she's not THAT bad on the eyes. And I'm very, very protective of not only my eyes, but the images that come through my tv screen. It needs to be decided...do Sportscasters need to be attractive like entertainment show hosts (Maria Menounos level), or do we want them to be unattractive in order to gain credibility?

Weekend randomness and Oprah's Sensual Years

Scenes from a mall...

Seen on Sunday: Sean Hayes (Jack from Will & Grace and Victor Garber (the dude from Titanic who was also in Legally Blond). Sort of an odd couple:



Shopping together at American Eagle. Or J Crew. Crap I don't remember which one. I know for sure I wasn't in Abercrombie. I think they were debating on a top for Sean Hayes to buy. Or they were having a passionate discussion while leaning over folded polo shirts. Either way, I've never seen any dude(s) so passionate while trying on a shirt. Maybe they were discussing politics. Or they were discussing whether Sean should get the yellow one. It was just bizarre. Plus Victor Garber is surprisingly much smaller than I would have thought, i think neither of them could have had more than 20lbs on me.

Other random thoughts:

- I'm very pro-plastic surgery (if you can afford it), but the thought of a dude getting triceps implants freaks me out. Gives me the same skin crawling feeling that i get when I think of spiders.
a girl can never make too many wardrobe changes. Men however should just stick with one thing a day. Especially if i'm the one who's doing the laundry.

- I am a horrible driver when i'm nervous. Some people can focus. I however, can not. You know who makes me nervous? The Garmin GPS lady. She reminds me of a mean schoolteacher. Repeating over and over that in “point two miles, exit ramp”. Yes ma'am!

- it's amazing how one weekend of not sleeping in your own bed can make your body feel like someone took a baseball bat to it....I woke up today seriously feeling like I'd been mauled all weekend. Maybe I need to pull a Carrie and bring my pillow around with me, that Guess pillow was $16, I bought it at Sears when i was in college, and it's the best pillow EVER.

- what is the appropriate ratio for a chick's arms? In particular, a sportscaster on ESPN? More importantly, if the camera adds X pounds, can it add it onto just one area?

Yesterday I caught a bit of Oprah, and it was all about sex. Or specifically, Sex In Your Sensual Years. Which I think is just Oprah's way of saying, sex when you're old. They yammered onto about how sex when you're older is better than sex in your 20s.

This would have be a hard sell for me, because when I was 20 I was fully AWARE that not only was I twenty, I also fully remember thinking that my metabolism was going to start going downhill so enjoy poutine and calzones as much as possible. Now i should hope that I'm not in my “sensual years” (otherwise i'll be forced to stab myself), but i'm definitely more self conscious about my body than I was in my early 20s, even though I'm the same weight as I was back then. If I continue on this path, I'll be wearing mumus by the time i'm 40. (Oh geezus, are my 40s my “sensual years”? Note to self: shoot self upon 40th birthday. Alternatively, bitch-slap self on 40th birthday). Gone are the years of the uber short skirts and tummy-bearing tops. Oh granted tummy-bearing tops haven't been in style for ages (Are you listening Mariah Carey?!), but you get the point, I would never even CONSIDER wearing that now even if it was in style.

Did everyone get the “oh you'll have better self esteem and self image as you get older” gene except me? Before my goal was to just get a tummy tuck after having kids...now my laundry list of things that I want done in the next 15 years will require taking out a 3rd mortgage. Hmmm, I guess I justify it that the available procedures back when I had my original 1-item wish list was much smaller than all the crazy things you can do now. Watch out Cat-Lady, i'll be giving you a run for your money. Meow.


Ewwwww, I suddenly thought of Oprah thinking about her “sensual years” and getting it on with Stedman. AND Gayle. At the same time. With lots of lube.

Oh the humanity.

Update to the bus guy

Props to Tim for finding this:
Greyhound Guy's Facebook Page

He looks like a total skid...people like that always get their heads lopped off on buses! He had it coming!

And why can't I stop laughing at this whole story?! Makes me miss Canada even more.

That's some f*cked up ishh right there

Wow. Wow wow. And this happened in the same city/province where i was born.
Sleeping man beheaded on Greyhound bus

WINNIPEG, Manitoba - A passenger sleeping on a Greyhound bus was killed and decapitated by his seatmate on Wednesday night as the vehicle rolled across the Canadian prairies, witnesses said.

What's more effed up: that some dude lost his head on a bus, or that I laughed my ass off reading this?

Can't wait movie omg omg

Seth Green. Amish. What more do you need in life. Very rarely does a preview make me giggle as much as this one did:

Absolutely stunning

My life is incomplete without this skirt in my closet:


It's a promo pic for Macy's anniversary. If i get hit by a bus tomorrow, please sell my entire closet, shoes, purses, accessories, car and buy that skirt to bury me in it.

Comic Con recap coming soon

Until then, this cracked me up (found on the Oh No They Didn't celeb gossip site):

Simpsons Rock

After a billion years, The Simpsons still got it...
I can't stop laughing:

So, so stoked!

For 10 years, I've been wanting this hat from a guy I went to University with. I knew it was from surf shop, and I always thought he got it from San Diego.

Every time I go to Comic Con or wherever, I always try to go into surf shops to see if I can find the hat. I didn't know the name or anything, I just knew I'd recognize the logo when I saw it.

Seriously, it was an awesome effing hat.

Anyway, I finally thought to just ASK Eric where he got it from, and he's like "the Ron Jon hat?"...YES YES! And best of all, there's a Ron Jon Surf Shop right in Orange! Swwwwwwwwwwwweeeeet!

This is the hat I want (in cream, not navy):


Hmm maybe I'll just get Kraig to get it for me for my birthday and be done with it.

Let me backtrack a bit here...baseball hats are REALLY hard for me to find. The best one I have is my highschool one, which I adore but you know, it's been years since highschool and I rarely wear it because I don't want to wear it out. It's got a snap button strap on the back, which is perfect: I can put a ponytail through it, but it's already perfectly adjusted for my head.

I can't find anything like it anymore. Either you get hats that are fully covered in the back (not ideal for chicks with ponytails), or they velcro straps or something retarded like that...i don't want to keep adjusting. And they never fit right. Or they're those plastic snap doodads, which also are kinda weird.

The Ron Jon one i think is the plastic snap doodad kind, but considering how effing awesome that had is...I'll make an exception. Maybe I should just order it online, considering the $7 shipping is probably the same cost of gas for me anyway.

Today is a good day.

No, i am NOT a nerd

Unlike some people (who aren't nameless, just ask me and i'll tell you her name), I don't "brag" about being a nerd. I have the right to be called a nerd (did you program your Vic20 when you were 6 years old? Do you know the 3 Laws of Robotics? Did you spend your Saturday nights watching the old skool Dr. Who? Do you think the TI-85 is the best calculator ever? Exactly.), I just don't think that's a noble thing to call yourself. I'm almost 31, but I'd still like to avoid being beat up.

That being said...sigh...I'm willing to admit that on Saturday morning I will be up EARLY to get in line for this:
12:45-1:45 Exclusive Q&A with the writers of The Office— Meet the writers of the EmmyAward–winning comedy The Office and hear them talk about their favorite episodes, characters, and fun behind-the-scenes stories. Moderated by cast member Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute), panelists include executive producer/showrunner Greg Daniels (The Simpsons) and writers Jennifer Celotta (Andy Richter Controls the Universe), Michael Schur (Saturday Night Live), B.J. Novak, Lester Lewis (The Larry Sanders Show), Gene Stupnitsky (Year One), Lee Eisenberg (Year One), Mindy Kaling (Matt and Ben), Justin Spitzer (Scrubs), Ryan Koh (various commercials), and Anthony Ferrell (The Audacity)

That's not overly nerdy...it's just at the ultimate uber nerd-fest ever. Don't blame me for the location.

Rumor has it that it's actually very easy, with Professional badges, to just go in through the back. Kraig doesn't think so, but maybe this is the year I actually hootch myself up and give it a whirl. Who am I kidding...you either gotta be a Playboy bunny (which there are plenty of at comic con) OR a relatively thin chick with a super expensive costume to pull off the hootch factor. Maybe I can get Kraig to just stand in line while I attempt to use my shmooze skillz to get in the back.

Rainn Wilson and BJ Novak are no Steve Carrell, but I'll lick their feet anyway. I LOVE THE OFFICE!!!

Letter to the editor

Re: that Gigi sex toy
Well the reason it is marketed to women is because it helps with the fact you can use it together if you want.

It takes care of the um BJ situation. If after you get married you don't want to do them as much....maybe
hehehhe.
You don't have to um swallow or have too much in your mouth....
ok now that I've said too much on Sabina's Blog.

I don't know what i laughed more at, this comment or the picture I posted from Creepshow 2 (seriously, seriously, that pic kicks ass).

All I can say regarding whether you enjoy giving BJs after marriage is...

Way back in highschool a friend who shall remain nameless told me that she just decided that she's no longer giving them. Oh wait, maybe that was hand jobs. It was some "job". Anyway, I remember her telling me and I was like, "wait, what? That's an option? We don't HAVE to do __ jobs? Why did no one tell me?! Was I taken off the memo?!".

Hmmm well somehow she stopped doing whatever that "job" was, but my attitude is well...how can I word this...finding a substitute isn't going to get me out of my job lol. Whether it's my employment or my bedroom!

TEE
EMMM
EYE

Movie review: Batman The Dark Knight (no spoilers)

Since this is a big ticket movie, I won't put any spoilers here.

Last night I went to the ghetto Kaleidoscope to see the latest Batman flick, which amazingly wasn't packed at all. I actually was first in line in that little lineup thing they make you stand in before entering the theater so I was stoked. Until I realized that there was only like 30 people in there, which deprived me of my power trip.

I was spoiled by Sex And The City, the previews were max 1 minute. They jumped straight to the movie. This damn movie had at least 9 minutes of previews, which really just irritated the crap out of me.

The movie was also incredibly long, and being of the MTV generation after awhile my enjoyment factor goes downhill. I can't stand anything for 3 hours. I have a jacked up knee and I was attempting to stretch my leg out without much luck. After 3 hours, I start to feel like the directors and moviemakers are just plain arrogant to think that their movie is so damn good they don't need to edit it down because I'm going to be so in love with their work, i WANT to suffer for another half hour.

Those editors have an easy job. They don't have to cut anything out.

Heath Ledger kicked ass, he really did a brilliant job. I had to remind myself this is the likable anti-hero of Ten Things I Hate About You. Kraig made a comment about what they should have done to his character at the end of the movie, but I pointed out that given that he's DEAD and all, they probably had to factor in what would be appropriate at the end (sad, but true).

I was trying to think of why they would cast Maggie Gyllenhaal to replace Katie Holmes. She's quirky but NOT attractive, and at one point The Joker calls her "beautiful". Umm no, no she's not. But then again, The Joker is crazy so maybe that's a diss. Then I remembered that Heath did Brokeback with Jake Gyllenhaal, and maybe that's how Maggie got her "in" to this movie. I suppose when you have to simulate gay sex with a dude, you either have to buy him dinner or cast his sister in your next movie.

(shrug) Without giving away any plotlines, I'll say it's a pretty good movie. I preferred the first one, but this one is entertaining in its own right. I'd give the special effects/CG guys props, as well as the makeup artists (seriously, the last 1/3rd of the movie...you'll understand what i mean re: makeup artists). Hell, let's give the gaffer some mad love too for his efforts in making things seem...um like nighttime.

This was a very cryptic movie review. Suck it.

Friday, pics, and how to not be classy

I was going to make a post about a girl I know who has zero class, which thus would have prompted the list of How to be UnClassy.

Thanks to you mofos there on Friday night, I was able to live the tale myself.

Class is very, very important. You can't buy class. You can be super poor and be much more classy than someone with ten times your wealth.

How NOT to be classy, as seen by cough cough me cough on Friday night:

1. Don't eat anything all day except 1/2 a doughnut and a leftover salad before going drinking.
2. Accept every shot of patron offered your way.
3. Make your poor friend drive your drunk ass home.
4. Hug everyone around you. Even if you don't know them. Hugs for all!
5. Start telling people about dreams you had about them that you vowed to NEVER reveal.
6. Argue over who's got a bigger gut by showing your gut to them.
7. When your husband tries to take care of you, yell at him to stop touching you but thatyou want your jeans taken off. (I woke up at 4am, got up to get something to eat 'cause i was starving, and iw as like, "where the f*ck are my pants?!")
8. When your husband gives you a bowl "just in case", and then later tries to take it away, yell at him "It's my bucket! MY BUCKET!" and don't let him have it.

Ugh, my apologies if I offended anyone, I haven't gotten that much of a horrible drunk since Stacey's wedding 5 years ago. I'm much too old to pull drunken antics!

Pics here. At least I hand washed and waxed my SUV myself the next day while hungover to suffer for my sins! But damn i had a fun time!

Product Review: Kiwi Smiling Feet

I swear, the last picture in my last posting makes me laugh. It's great when you can crack yourself up.

Tim, to add to my point from t he last posting: i'm not saying we'll have complete human-free sexual experiences, I'm simply saying that it's amazing that we've gotten to the point where you can have a virtual sexual experience, it's not like in 1920 anyone thought that would be possible.

SERIOUSLY that blob picture has me rolling on the floor...heh heh, Google images kicks ass.

Product Review: Kiwi Smiling Feet anti-slip shoe insert doodads
Kiwi Product list

Being a mutant with small mutant feet (i barely fit into a size 5 shoe), I experience some serious crazy shoe issues over the course of a day. Typically my shoes are slightly too big, because it's next to impossible to find anything in my shoe size. Plus, even when I do, they're usually cheap shoes (think Payless) which are cute and all, but they're not exactly known for quality or comfort.

I have a gorgeous pair of Nina shoes (which, shout out to their company, they actually make size 5s that fit) which were the last pair, and I had to get a size 6. These effing shoes make my legs look AWESOME, which offsets the pain that I feel with my feet sloshing around in heels that are too big.

To avoid killing myself in a tripping accident, I went and bought some Anti-Slip inserts. The package said Smiling Feet, and although my feet don't have mouths, I think they deserve to experience some happiness finally.

I was so stoked to try these suckers. I peeled off the little sticky adhesive thing and placed them in my uber cute heels. And then...the Smiling Feet inserts fell right off. I was like, 'wtf!'. I peeled off the backing of the other insert, and discovered it has all the adhesion of a Post-It note. Instead of just writing off this $4 situation, I actually got mad. REAL MAD. Who was the engineer that decided the adhesion level to these things? Was it a guy? Because clearly usability had no been factored in.

So I went to their website and wrote their customer support form thing a little nasty message saying how disappointed I was that they didn't even consider the adhesion to the shoe because otherwise the little inserts were crazy comfortable.

Damn you Kiwi employees. Damn you all to hell.

Letter to the editor

Carrie (re: Running Man book): heck yeah I read the book, it was awesome! Very different from the movie however, but the best part is when book-version-Arnold is crawling on the floor, his guts spilling out, then his intestines loop around some dead guy's head so he has to crawl back to unhook it and shove it back inside him....In addition to my Piers Anthony/Isaac Asimov reading phases, i was all into Stephen King (Richard Bachman), but I remember seeing Creepshow 2 and IT and those scared the crap out of me so I stopped reading his books.

I don't think you're right at all about society moving towards the absence of sexual content.
Tim: You're putting words in my mouth. I don't think we're "moving" towards it, we already have. You can't possibly think we're where we were in the days of woodstock and houses where you could go specifically to bone someone else. Those things still go on, but nowhere NEAR the same levels what with the advent of AIDS and STDs...I'm not saying it'll be complete absence, at least not in our lifetimes (I mean, if in the next generation there's an STD you get just by LOOKING at gonads, then f*ck it...i'd have no problems wearing a chastity belt forever).

MARLENE YOU ROCK...yes the Gigi is what I was thinking of. Why are these things marketed towards chicks, I'll bet that Gigi thing feels way better than a frickin' blow up doll for a dude if he's a germaphobe of the future. Although what do I know, maybe these are marketed towards dudes too. Damn i can't find a pic online, there's alotta things called "gigi" on the net.

EDITED: Marcella you KICK ASS! Here's a pic:


Back to Creepshow 2...the only reason I was scared of that movie was the vignette (The Raft) of the black oil slick that would eat people on this little lake. For real, this concept scared the pulp out of me. In hindsight, not really so scary, but damn for years I just got freaked out that some big black oil slick blob was going to engulf me.

Sex, Robots, and Isaac Asimov

When i was still in elementary school I went through a massive nerd phase where I read books like crazy. Not that that's something new, but my parents actually threw out our TV (which I didn't tell anyone at the time, who's parents actually physically THROW OUT a tv? The only family tv? And then go years without one? My formative Saved by the Bell years were spent reading books instead of watching tv. Gee, wonder why I'm so addicted to television now? But i digress). So i went pretty fast from reading Babysitter's Club/Sweet Valley High to Piers Anthony and Isaac Asimov, I probably read more books during that non-tv time than I ever will for the rest of my life (and I'm in a book club even!).

Thanks mom and dad, for making me the socially retarded woman I am today.

I remember reading Robots of Dawn (in addition to many other books by Isaac Asimov, who's a mutha effin' sci fi badass...ummm as badass as you can be given the subject) and although i didn't get very much of the sexual references at the time, I do remember a key element in the book is that on whatever planet (Aurora?), humans don't actually interface with each other. They're total germophobes. You can see each other through holographic-type phone systems so it seems like you're there when you're not. And some chicks just bone their robots (Daneel i believe was one of them), since they're man-like anyway (nice! I approve). Funny that Isaac Asimov didn't think to reference Purell hand sanitizer anywhere in his books, i'm sure he thought of it before the stuff was actually invented.



I also recall the hero of the book actually getting to physically bone one of the chicks in the book, and the whole sex scene was written out like he was taking her on some sort of trip. Flying or something. I don't know, I didn't get it then, and I'm certainly not creative enough to figure it out now. If someone can make sex seem like I'm sitting on a beach in Hawaii drinking out of a coconut (without my husband losing his wedding ring in the ocean in Waikiki lol), let me know.

What I do remember is thinking how odd that any sexual contact was electronic, through holographic images or with robots. And now...that's what society is turning towards. Maybe because I still have that Vh1 “Sex the Revolution” series in my brain, but we are a society that has to fear herpes, AIDs, baby mama drama...and we also have immediate access to all things sex thanks to the web and Passion Parties (Marlene, wtf is the name of that jelly-ish thing with a hole in it that you guys got me for my bridal shower? For the life of me, i can't remember what it's called but it seems like now would be time for a good shout out to that doodad!).

Very much like in Isaac Asimov's worlds, you can have aseptic sex virtually with anyone in the world as long as you have a method of communication, some sort of camera device, and your own little robot (that runs on two AA batteries lol).

Much like how Stephen King was ahead of this time with The Running Man (link to that blog entry here, effing best movie ever! Second to Clueless), Isaac Asimov was also well ahead of his time and totally foresaw the future of sex.

Yay to nerds.

Vasectomies, scissors, and snip snip

An interesting question was raised to me today: when you get a vasectomy, what exactly happens with the sperm? I mean, we know no sperm comes OUT, but where does it go?

So I immediately scoped out HowStuffWorks.com to get the inside info...

I guess since you're snipping the vas deferens, the little doodads that connect your nuts to your tool, you're now removing the "roads" that get the sperm to where they need to go.

But what happens to the sperm? I mean, the body still produces it, right? Aren't you just asking for permanent blue balls?

One effect of a vasectomy is that the body can actually cease to recognize its own sperm and can develop antibodies to it.

That's seriously effed up. Why are guys so messed up? Even their surgeries are gross.

And speaking of the male member, if a guy gets his man meat tattooed, does he have to do it when it's erect? Wouldn't the pain alone make it shrink back up? And if you did it when it's NOT erect, wouldn't there be gaps whenever it IS erect?




Edited to add:
Spitz wrote this on my Facebook page re: this post, it's too funny to not post here:

Far as the tattooing goes, I bet they stretch the skin of a flaccid wiener while they work. I'd guess maintaining a boner for 3 hours can challengiing -- especially with the needles buzzing away and the pain exploding in your brain and balls like a pinball machine.

And far as the antisperm antibodies go, the real issue isn't so much building immunological resistance to your own little guys, or even shooting blanks, but the actual procedure itself: The anesthesia is local, so you can actually HEAR when they snip the tubes, and SMELL when they cauterize them shut.

(Wincing? Well YOU brought this up...)

Purging whatever's in my brain

Some seriously random bitching and thoughts...leave your brain cells at the door as you read:

- has plastic surgery evolved so far that Dr. 90210 can fix my cankles?

- I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't stimulated. My bank account will barely feel a heartbeat. It will get sucked into the vortex of all things going OUT of my account.

- speaking of $$, bask in my glory of having paid down my home equity loan $15k in 7 months (see the bottom of this blog page). Do you know how effing hard that was?! That's $15k EXTRA that went towards that effing loan. In addition to the regular loan, bills, and my right arm.

- I went to a baby shower on Saturday and there was a dude there who EXACTLY on the same pulse as me re: all the things that every single guy should be able to do. I was like, "hey so let's talk cars" and he replied "don't get me started, i have a friend who drives a purple jetta". That came after he said "well if me, my girlfriend and two of her friends went somewhere...then yeah of course i'm driving. Even if it means I have to drive my GF's car 'cause it's bigger". DUDE you're a shining star of what a single guy should be.

- According to 20/20, you can go an extra 40 miles on your reserve tank when the gas light goes on. For me, as soon as that light goes on, I freak out. Sweat starts to pour down my face and I act as if I've 30 seconds or else I'll start to sputter right in the middle of the road. I don't want to be the a-hole who's actually stalled in a middle lane on the HIGHWAY with her hazards on.

- When someone displays very bad etiquette to you, what's the proper reply? To call them out on their rudeness, or to still maintain your own level of etiquette, smile, and suck it up?

- It's 10:30pm at night and I'm craving strawberry shortcake. From Bigg's Deli and Bar in Ottawa. I want strawberry shortcake so effing bad right now. The last time I had it, I was at Cheesecake Factory. They served me two hockey pucks with artificial foam and a ghetto strawberry. Effing bastards.

I have more to write, but Kraig's doing the "how much longer are you going to be" schpiel so I gotta split. Stay tuned for part two of random rants on a Monday.

Purging whatever's in my brain – part 2 added the next day

Unless you're rocking the super long hair look (and really, I only one guy who can pull that off, Sebastian Bach from Skid Row), short hair on a guy is a MUST. That also includes when it grows all nasty on the back of the neck because you decided to wait a few more weeks before cutting. Ugh. Can't stand that. Short and preppy is the way to go (not to be confused with super SUPER almost shaved hair...unless you're playing sports all summer and need it that short for logistical reasons or you're in the military, please don't do that...chicks dig hair too)

after the age of 17, it is never ever cool to just make out at someone's house in front of people. Not the same as getting drunk in college, but no one's got a “house” in college (5 people renting one doesn't count as one person havint a house).

I'm wearing these super cute black shiny patent heels that are almost identical to ANOTHER pair of black shiny patent heels, except these ones have double straps. Which is how I justified getting them. They're crazy high and hurt like a biotch but DAMN they're adorable.

After a discussion with someone (who will remain anonymous to protect the innocent), I have to agree: really, REALLY, there's only one type of female that can pull of jean/denim skirts: super duper thin ones. Thus unless you're 12 years old...or you're 25 but weigh 90lbs, don't wear them. I've never owned one because I think they're actually ugly, but I also know that unless you're a twig, denim skirts ride up when you sit down and really, REALLY, i don't want to see anyone's underwear.

I think when people build buildings, they purposely eff up the A/C and heating systems so the employees have to suffer forever. I've never, ever worked anywhere where the heating/cooling situation was optimal. It's almost always set up so that one side of the building is forced to freeze while the other size drips in sweat.

Daphne's is so effing awesome. I want to bathe in their tzatziki sauce.

Diet Pepsi addiction is BACK. Bring on the jitters and the withdrawal headaches. And the teeth staining. Sigh. I'll go back to Fresca eventually.

I hate it when i see a guy who's calves are smaller than mine (I don't have small calves, but I expect every guy alive to have bigger ones than mine unless he's got cancer or something).

I love Trina Decker's hairstyle on Swing town:


I'm thinking if i cut my hair in the next short while, that's how I would do it.

More BBQ goodness

That all said if you guys ever visit me, I will gladly cook on the BBQ for you, all I ask is that you join me on the roof with a beer or glass of wine and keep me company. :)

Wait, you can BBQ on the roof at your place Bryan? I'm THERE! Well...once I accrue vacation time and flying to the east coast doesn't cost me an arm and a leg.

Tim, I read your comment to Kraig while he was falling asleep, he was appreciative of your support :P

Of meat, liquor, and random babies

Picture time...much thanks to Carrie who played photographer so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Too lazy to write captions for these pics. Figure it out yourself.

Good times, it was bizarre because there was alot of BBQ newbies who'd never been to one our bbqs, whereas alot of the usuals couldn't make it.

Letter to the Editor...sorta

Ha ha...I hate Facebook, but I had to import in these comments from my blog to here (you can view this blog in Facebook, and sometimes people post their comments there instead of here):


Shane wrote
at 6:09pm yesterday
Thanks. This was an enjoyable read. I'll drive my Jetta less and shave more.

Lol sorry dude! But you're married. So straight married dudes can drive anything. Take a look at Kraig...he removed all his balls ages ago in order to drive my Rav4.

Spitz wrote
at 11:59pm yesterday
What are you TALKING about? Tacky posters are manly as hell.

Leigh Anne wrote
at 12:38pm
Sabina, I think I love you. WORDS TO LIVE BY for all you guys out there! Loved it!

HA HAAAAAAAAAAA...you gotta love that 2 guys go whining, and Leigh Anne's like "damn right!"...

You all may think that it's just me, but it's NOT...all of us women think the same! And if they don't, then that chick is secretly what we call a "man".

Hohhhh-leeeee fffuuuudddgge

OH
OH
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vh1, I love you.

I LOVE YOU.

Vh1, I will do you ever which way you want.

Vee, I basque in your glory.

Damn. Damn damn.

I Love Money was fabulous. I mean, really, SO SO GOOD. Like, I want a cigarette now. And I don't smoke. I'm actually out of breath. I might need a shower.

You took the lowest common denominators of society and made them compete for the only thing that motivates them: money. Not integrity. Not love. Good old fashioned money.

In fact, I think a tear just came to my eye. THAT is how you do reality television folks. I can die a happy woman.

When you cockblock yourself

An open blog to all guys out there not getting laid...

Sometimes you just gotta accept the reason you're alone at home on a Friday or Sat night is yourself.

A short while ago I ran into a guy I know who I used to think was a "great catch" but for some reason or other was still single. I hadn't seen him in quite a long time, which clearly gave him time to make himself as ineligible as possible to the opposite sex. We're talking scratching his ear, picking at his teeth, you name it, it was disgusting. SO...I must remind the male species some basic rules if they want to avoid cockblocking themselves.

Note: this also serves as a great time to re-iterate on an old post, Dec 5 2007 25 Things Every Guys Should Know.

1. Men should be MANLY. Think of all the things chicks do (whine, bitch, complain) and realize that you can't do those things. Whining is NOT manly. Ordering a salad for dinner? NOT manly.

2. That being said, being gross is NOT manly. It's just simply gross. Clean nails are a MUST. Listen, maybe you don't want to be busted going into a Happy Nails. Suck it up, many a guy gets a manicure. If you can take care of them yourself, great, but seriously make life easier and get that crap cleaned up by a professional (and by professional, I mean an asian chick who doesn't speak English but will yell out at you whether you want additional services. NO you do not want clear polish!).

That also means you do not pick at your teeth or clean your ears when a chick is around!

3. I seriously cannot stress enough the importance of knowing how to operate a BBQ. Nothing is more man than FIRE. It is man at his most man.

4. You cannot assume a penis of any size will compensate for your body. That's like us thinking that our vaginas will compensate for being out of shape and gaining 100lbs. If you want to attract a chick with a body of a 10, then you gotta make some changes too. NOW that being said you gotta think smart. Why do short guys always bulk up their upper body?! It makes them look SHORTER. Nothing is crappier for a chick than to see a guy who's calves are smaller than ours. And biceps don't mean jack if you didn't work out your shoulders.

So what's my point? Your penis won't compensate for a bad body, and you have the ability to work out individual muscles to think strategically.

Note: A penis wont' compensate for a bad body, but lots of money definitely will.

5. Don't be vegetarian. In fact, avoid being a picky eater. Picky eater = a chick thing. Guys are supposed to be willing to eat rotting fish that's turned green because they got drunk and their buddies dared them to eat it. Okay, I'll give every guy ONE "I won't eat X food". Now this isn't to be confused with foods that can't be consumed due to allergies or religion. This is your ONE "I just don't wanna eat it" food. Make it a good one, and stick with it. Otherwise we'll think you're one step away from ordering a pile of lettuce with no cheese and dressing on the side.

6. Pay for dinner on the first date. I know, I know, it goes against everything both genders stand for. There's really no rhyme or reason behind it, it is what it is. If you can't afford a $100 meal, then take her somewhere cheaper 'cause dude, you're paying for it. NOW...it's perfectly reasonable for the chick to pay for drinks later, or to pitch in for subsequent meals, I'm simply saying: be a man, suck it up, pay for dinner. (If she's a biotch and orders wine after wine after lobster, then you know never to ask her out to anything ever again which is a very good investment).

7. Don't be the douchebag who tucks in his turtleneck into his jeans. Just...don't.

8. Don't wear sleeveless shirts unless you're at the gym or playing some bball with buddies. If we want to see your biceps, will make efforts to say "oooh big muscles" and grab them ourselves. Don't throw your biceps in our face with your sleeveless shirts 'cause you know what? Odds are good that we'll compare yours to someone else's. Plus, it's just plain WT.

9. We certainly don't expect your place to look like it's straight out of Architectural Digest. But please, please: this isn't college. Stuff needs to match sorta. Tacky posters have gotta go. If you want to bring chicks over and get laid, repeatedly, then for real your place can't look like you won't change your sheets until you can take your laundry back home to your mom.

10. Remember, never drive these cars if you're a single straight guy: VW Jetta, VW Bug, Toyota Tercel, Honda Del Sol, Mazda Miata. You don't need to be rich, but if you've got 10k to spend on a car, a used mustang trumps a used tercel.

11. Chicks dig little pet names. Just test it out first...some chicks might freak out if you call her "babe" (author's opinion? as long as the pet name isn't "hey UglyKins", i'm okay with anything).

12. You need to balance out the beauty of a 5 o'clock shadow vs. knowing you're going to make out with a chick. We have girly sensitive skin. That's why you like us, we're soft and we smell good. Don't ruin our soft skin with your brillo pad of a face.

That's all i can think of for now, going to take a nap after this South Park episode (the Quest for Ratings episode...sexy action news!)

Sex! Sex! Sex!

Got your attention?

So a few weeks ago VH1 aired Sex: The Revolution, a 4 part series. Now in case it's not clear, i'm crazy fascinated the differences between men and women, how guys operate, what's innate in our minds...I'm also super fascinated with how sex has changed our society, what's considered scandalous when...

It's pretty mind boggling if you think about how things changed in a few generations. Everything was kosher for centuries...everyone's supposed to wait till marriage, guys secretely boned on the side, gay life was totally hidden...Like having anal sex was actually ILLEGAL, which lord knows my ass is a one-way-street but I couldn't care a less what my neighbor wants to with their sphincter...

Then the series takes viewers through the war, drugs, and free love...Which THANK THE LORD I wasn't around for that era. People were nasty. MEN WERE DISGUSTING. WTF is up with the long hair, the sideburns, the mustaches?! Too much hair! And all that drug use made people clearly forget to bathe. You can't tell me that there weren't crabs in those mustaches. Seriously, the videos VH1 showed of guys getting their freak on in the 60s and 70s is enough to make any girl wear a chastity belt. In fact, I would have become a NUN in the 60s (and I'm Muslim!), I'm just so not down with being boned by a guy who's dirty, vile, hasn't brushed his teeth in years ("dentists are like, so corporate man!"), and is so high he believes he's boning a 3 headed unicorn.



The 70s also had sex clubs, you know, you just show up and get your Swinger on. Would love to grow in a petri dish whatever was on those nasty ass mattresses.

Which then leads to the best part...when Herpes came out, it was like, mass hysteria. Just a theory: if people inthe free love era whored themelves after they BATHED, i bet Herpes wouldn't have existed. Brush your teeth after you give head (and subsequently giving someone else head) maybe just maybe would have prevented it. I know, i know, it's a virus yadda yadda...i'm simply saying when you've got some EFFED UP sex going on, like dirty people boning constantly, wtf did you think was going to happen?!

Then HIV came out, and Herpes was the least of anyone's issues...and it's fascinating how it came full circle a bit, that people are so much more cautious but for different reasons (not afraid of being labeled a "slut" as much being labeled "herpes-laden AIDS victim).

Seriously, this sh*t fascinates me.

Handwriting analysis

So I got a handwriting analysis done by a an ex coworker who is trying his hand at it (ha ha...that was a great pun)...here's what he came up with from the mess of a handwriting job i provided. His notes are regular font, Kraig's opinion is in italics, mine are in red.

· You are direct and energetic.
- true
Hmmm, this is a mix...I'm actually not THAT direct, however my approach to things is direct because I"m very impatient. So if i want something, I'm not going to hesitate to go up to someone and get it...but when I go up to that person, I play the little dance to figure out the best way to get it. It's the ex-salesgirl in me I guess.
As for energetic, I dunno...I'm pretty lazy. But that may be because I use up my energy when i'm out with people, 'cause when I get home all I wanna do is nap nap nap. In fact, if I seem like i'm bubbly around you, just know that deep down, I'm fantasizing about my next nap.



· In many ways a person’s handwriting is like a seismograph, a readout of unseen activity below the surface. Your writing reveals that there is a lot of activity below the surface. You are characteristically sympathetic, cheerful, emotional and optimistic.
Emotional yes… sometimes cheerful. You are Cynical and you have no sympathy unless its for animals :p
Kraig nailed it. I really do have little sympathy for the most part for people, but if its for animals than I'm ready to be their little animal therapist. Cheerful...hmmm...depends around who. I'm cranky most of the time I think. Optimistic, definitely NOT. My mantra is: expect the worst, and the worst won't happen, if it does then at least you're prepared

· Everybody enjoys solitude at some point and companionship at other times.Your writing says that you tend to enjoy your quiet moments more, and that it may take some time to open yourself up to others. People may see you as a ‘chatterbox’ sometimes but there is a very private dimension to you that few people get the chance to enjoy.
Very true

Yes to the bone. That chatterbox line is crazy true, and sums me up on so many levels. I wish i could kiss the guy who wrote this, becasue seriously it really is EXACTLY how I am. And most people think I'm some social butterfly, but really I love just curling up with a blanket, my cats, and a magazine on a Friday night.



· The letters in your words indicate that you are outgoing and sometimes outspoken. But you are mature enough to exercise reserve and caution when it’s called for.
true
LOL well some people say that I don't exercise reserve, but yeah I'm pretty outspoken. I'm a loudmouth for the most part. I've gots no shame in my game, if I've come up with something fabulously witty yer gonna hear it.

· You are tolerant, sensitive and impressionable.
Sensitive and impressionable… yah I guess this is all true.
Impressionable, BIG TIME...on so many levels. I start to mimic the mannerisms and expressions of those around me. I STILL use expressions from my buddy slash ex cubemate Tony ("He should be shot") and we worked together 8 years ago. I swear, put me in a room with people from Compton and you'll be thinking i'm from the ghetto in no time. As for tolerant, that I don't know. I guess I am, people wonder why I put up with some crap for so long, and I think that's because I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt above and beyond everyone else's typical patience level.

·You have undiscovered or underdeveloped gifts of creativity.
Very true
Well if I have undiscovered talents then I don't know about them, so how could I dispute this? But creativity overall....I'm relatively creative, however I feel like creativity and logic are opposites, and I'm much more logical than creative. I want concrete numbers to work with over abstract thoughts like "make it blue"...what shade of blue? Give me a Pantone number. How opaque?



·Not everyone knows how to treat themselves as good as you treat yourself. You might lack inhibition and you tend to indulge your various cravings. You are quite ‘at home’ enjoying yourself with things that make you happy.
You don’t treat yourself well – so this is partially true
HA hardly....this is the only thing int his last that's truly wrong, i'm not comfortable at ALL treating myself with crap! My big splurge is to buy some more Lip Smackers chapstick at Target.


· You can be compulsive and indecisive
– true
YES YES YES so true. I can't believe my handwriting showed this. I'm so indecisive, it's mind boggling. I treat reading a menu like it's effing Sophie's Choice. "Ohhh, the chicken or the pasta? No...wait...the panini...oh...OHHH the humanity!"...

· You don’t operate according to ‘convention’. You think and act independently with a directness that might be mistaken for disrespect sometimes. But you are actually quite modest and accommodating.
– very true
This is so unbelievably true it's unreal. Even down to the disrespect part. For example...I went to a movie (sorry Carrie, I know you hate this example) with some friend's and a friend's friend, some chick I'd never met.

After the movie we were chatting about how she managed to save us seats on opening night of the movie, she was saying how she finangled the door guy yadda yadda. Being the ultimate scammer that I am, i was so floored, I just kept bombarding her with questions so I could learn to do that in the future. She however had a little freak-out and started yelling "oh, i though i did a GOOD thing by getting us seats! i'm SOOOO sorry!" and got all pissed off.

Thankfully Carrie was like "no, you don't get it, Sabina thinks this is great, she wants to learn more"...i was so stunned that this psycho chick flipped on me when I was (what i thought) giving her praise for her wise tactics.

On a side note, Carrie later was like "I knew she opened a pandora's box!"...i've spent WEEKS dwelling on that psycho chick's response, freaking out that i've offended her friend (not the psycho girl, but carrie's friend), yadda yadda....it's just funny that she kept trying to convince me that the problem really was this girl, not with me, but that she knew she wouldn't be able to get me to think otherwise lol.

By the dawn's early light (...is that how it goes?)

Quickie post, had a fantastic day chillin' with Felicia...got our pool on.

The last 2 pics are of her bf John getting IN the dumpster to throw out the trash. He's a trooper.

I also have to give him props for making me cry laughing by innocently asking "Did he have retard strength?"....I'm usually the one making the absolutely inappropriate and un-PC jokes, it's refreshing when someone else does it.

Chillin' like a villain...

Our home and native land

I can't believe I forgot about Canada Day. I didn't even wear red or white or both yesterday.

I sort of feel like it's the equivalent of forgetting the date of your best friend's death. I should know it, acknowledge it, and do something in tribute that day each year.

So in honor of my special place, here's all the things I miss about Canada:

1.The fact I have to spell the above “honor” instead of “honour”, as well as “colour” and “labeling” only has one “L” here.
2.Poutine.
3.The national anthem. Not that i think it's a good national anthem, but at least I know the words. I'm willing to admit though, the US national anthem is damn catchy, it's like they got Timbaland to produce theirs whereas we got some old guy with a casio keyboard.
4.Poutine.
5.Tim Hortons.
6.More specifically, Timbits. Hell, I'll settle for a Dunkin' Doughnuts but they only have effing Krispy Kreme around here, which is the biggest bastardization of a doughnut alive.
7.Poutine.
8.Getting plum sauce to dip my fries in anywhere i go.
9.The cost of gas per liter, not per gallon.
10.Quaker muffin mix. Here the muffin mixes give you at best 6 ghetto muffins. But the paper bag situation in those Quaker brand muffin mixes, omg, you get 24 out of them and they're SO EFFING GOOD....damn i miss those.
11.I miss Shoppers Drug Mart.
12.I miss malls having a Shoppers, Pharma Plus, or whatever. They don't put those in malls here.
13.Poutine.
14.I miss being able to pick up a package and understand either side of the box (French or English). Now i'm like “no espanol por favor senior!”.
15.MuchMusic. I'm not dissing MTV...but they're not the same at ALL (even though I believe MuchMusic and Musique Plus are owned by MTV).
16.A good solid thunderstorm. Which isn't Canadian per se, but I just haven't seen one since I moved here 8 years ago. EIGHT YEARS since I've seen the crazy kind of thunderstorm that's fun to watch from a window, where it's loud, where you feel like everything inside of you is being washed away.
17.Poutine. With ketchup. From KFC.
18.Poutine. With ketchup. From Nickels.
19.Poutine. With ketchup. From Zak's.
20.Poutine. With or without ketchup. (I only acquired the ketchup taste because it was an effective method of ensuring other people would mooch and steal my poutine).
21.Speaking of KFC, i miss KFC fries. Not this stupid potato wedge nonsense they have here. FRIES. The kind meant to be slathered with cheese curds and gravy.
22.I miss going to Club Monaco and paying Canadian prices for their stuff.
23.President's Choice skim chocolate milk. It's the only place where you can get less than 2% milkfat in chocolate milk format. I remember I used to buy that stuff by the carton and chug it straight up in the parking lot. Soooo good.
24.McCain Deep N Delicious cakes.

(25 got jacked up)
26.DAMMIT i'm going to cry i want some poutine so effing bad.
27.Going to a Roots store and seeing Canadian stuff written on the apparel, not US stuff.
28.I miss Molson being truly Canadian, after I became and expat so did Molson. I miss their marketing. Do they even DO the “I AM CANADIAN” ads anymore?! They were so effective!

Which thus leads me to say, I miss the Cabin as well, naturally.

29.I miss Poutine from Minglewoods, which is right next to the Cabin.
30.I miss East Side Mario's. Just for their croutons and chicken tetrazzini.
31.I miss taking $20 cab rides. Not like the $120 cab rides to go down the street like here.
32.I do NOT miss New York Fries poutine. Their stuff sucked balls. But i miss debating with people over the merits of leaving the skin on potatoes when making fries (nasty, IMO).
33.I miss The Market.
34.I miss Le Caveau de Schezuan.
35.I miss spiders that crawl on webs and up high, unlike the spiders here that don't even make frickin' webs and crawl on ME instead....
36.Having a $2 bill/coin (yes, they have them here, but not like you're going to find 'em).
37.Poutine poutine poutine.

Damn I'm homesick for the great white north.

Don't hate the camera, hate the cameraman

I've officially decided that my camera has a Goob filter. If I didn't know me, and I saw pics of me, I'd want to punch me for being such an insubordinate Goob.

Pics from this weekend, too lazy to divide them up but at least I wrote captions. The first set are from Sat night, went to dinner in Laguna for Nicole V-now-B's birthday, the next set is for this charity fashion show thing I went to...

Shutt Yo Fly link

So i had the morning from hell, I had to take Stash to an eye specialist because he's got, for lack of a better word, a serioudly goopy eye. Which he's had for years and I didn't think much of it until the vet was all "oh, his eye could rupture". I freaked out, and drove him all the way to frickin' Tustin to see this specialist. Tustin is mutha effing FAR when you've got a cat hyperventilating and howling in your car.

Typically I can survive cats hollering at me, I'm very much of the "suck it up I'm paying serious coin so you can get better", but he was breathing so hard I was afraid he was going to pass out, so I'm hyperventilating...bad bad.

Anyway, the good news is that it's nothing crazy. He damaged a tear duct (some stuff from when he was a kitten at the shelter) and its scarred over, so his tears don't drain through his nasal passages, they just pour over his eye. They told me eventually it could lead to an ulcer, but in the grand scheme he's okay as long as I keep an eye on him. My poor baby. They kept sticking these little paper things right in his eyeball to see how fast tears would produce...it was nuts, his bad eye just soaked through the papers in a split second. ANd then he was left with blue and green ink all over his eyes for the rest of the day.

There goes $250. I swear, no one spends as much on their cats as I do. And when I got home, Stash just gave me the evil eye (HA bad pun).

Thoughts for the last day in June

A few random, random thoughts for this last day of June:

1. I just realized I missed my brother's birthday. Dammit.

2. I'm seriously the clumsiest person alive. I wish i had a nickel for every time I smacked my car door on my forehead. Today, leaving PetSmart, i did it yet again. My skull probably has bizarro grooves in it as a result being whacked so many times. I once did it close to my eye, mymother insisted I had a boyfriend who was beating me. No, no, I really am just THAT clumsy.

3. Okay, NOW i think the cost of gas is starting to bug me. I held up a good fight, and tried to think that it was worse in the 1970s. But now i'm much more aware of how many times I"m gassing up, and this Excessive California Driving situation is killing my wallet's mojo.

4. Pizza Dude's pizza tastes nowhere near as good at the Z Pizza in Ladera Ranch.

5. A ton of people I know got laid off today, and layoffs = anxiety for me. Bad bad memories of going through it myself. I seriously think we've been gypped that there's been two recessions this decade. Ugh, i think I'm going to have a hard time getting to sleep tonight as a result of the layoff news.

6. Carrie's going to kill me, but I haven't really been watering the flowers she's got in my backyard.

7. Why hasn't anyone invented any of the following:
a) teleportation
b) cure for cellulite (or really, MY cellulite)
c) kitty litter that requires me to never clean...EVER. The Littermaid doesn't count.
d) a better frickin' TSA system at the airport?
What are we, Amish?!

8. Humans have evolved a ton over the past few years, centuries, whatever...why does it still take 9 months to createa baby? Haven't we refined the process so its more efficient and the whole thing can be whittled down to say, 3 weeks?

9. I went to a charity even on Sunday, and I've noticed that charity dinner/brunches/meals always involve some sort of prayer. The intonation or whatever the f*ck its called. This makes my blood boil so much, it makes me NOT want to give to whatever charity i'm there for. If you think its not a big deal, imagine if you were at some charity event and Osama Bin Laden gave the little prayer. You'd be kind of freaked out and worried a lightening bolt would come down on you if you even acknowledged what he said. Sorta how i feel. Can't we separate Church and Charity?!

It's 11pm. Time to get my sleep on.

Oh hell no! Not you Cookie Monster!

It has come to my attention (thank you Mr. Colbert) that Cookie Monster has been stuck promoting fruits instead of carbs.

WHAT
THE
FUUUUUUUUUUUHhhhhhh....

I get that we have an obesity epidemic. I get that kids weigh more now than ever before. But you do NOT eff around with my homeboy CM and his cookie agenda.

There's just some traditions that should not be broken. I dig how he never actually "ate" the cookie, but rather it just crumbled in front of Cookie Monster. I don't know about you, but cookies make me pretty nutty too. I had 2 chocolate chip cookies this afternoon and I was so giddy, it prompted other people nearby to get cookies. Damn right that kind of propaganda wouldn't have worked if I were hopping around with a frickin' apple.

Letter to the Editor

Hey where you at a place called Islands?

No, the picture post was when we were at Yard House for dinner, then Chronic Cantina to get our partayyy on. Which everyone did...Janet went home to vomit up a lung, and at 3am I was still cleaning the vomit from behind the toilet because Kraig missed.

He said that someone handed him a drink, he has no idea who, and that put him over the edge. This week I ran into an ex-coworker of mine who happened to have been at Chronic that night, and SHE was the temptress with the shot! Thanks Jill :P

In other news, yeah i know the video below is effed up on the page, i'm too lazy to resize it. Suck it.

Im also vowing to blog at LEAST once or twice a week. Speaking of vows, I suck at my NY Monthly Resolution List. I don't think I completed a single thing. And we're JUne. I think this month's goal was to read all my French books while vegging out at Lake MV. So much for that.

In case anyone needs an entertainment fix, here's the abridged version:

Get Smart: I would lick Steve Carrell's balls, so I'm a little biased towards anything he does. That being said, this movie was pretty bad. Once you week out the pratfalls and wisecracks, you're stuck wondering wtf is going on with the plot. They're going to Russia to check what now? And why are they in that dude's house? Oh it's an excuse to do that laser alarm scene. Gotcha.

Swingtown This show is easily becoming my Gossip Girls for the summer. I adore the retro clothing and stuff, I love that Grant Show (from Melrose Place) has a porn star mustache....it's a delightfully tacky show. And yeah, it's about a couple that moves into a neighborhood and gets sucked into swinging courtesy of Mr. Porn 'Stache.

America's Best Dance Crew 2 Randy Jackson, I hate you...but I love you. You make me even like Mario Lopez (who, I have to admit, is at least a genius with his career...he's even more successful than Tiffany Amber Thiesson, whatever spelling). I miss my Gr8 Sk8 crew, and Jabawockees, but these teams are shaping up to "bring on yo A-game, this is Season Two y'all, but i respect what y'all ahh doin'"...

Kah-Toe-Mahh-Tayyyyy!

My niece kicks ass

Check out my niece...she's frickin' gorgeous. And it helps that she looks IDENTICAL to how i looked (and sounded) at that age.


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Picture post...

Here's a link to pics from last night, for anyone who might be bored enough to go through them...my friend Janet just ran a marathon, is moving to Santa Barbara, and had a birthday all within the same 2 week period...
Shutterfly bitches!


Also fyi to anyone reading this from Facebook: just go straight to the source, Blogger link.

That's right bitches!

Yeahhhh...take a look at the bottom of the page to the HELOC paydown...three digits! The goal was to pay down $15k in 2007, and it's almost done.

Not that it makes a diff...this was the recommendation of Countrywide last year (to pay down $30k of my home equity loan before the rest of the loan is set to switch over at the end of 2009, i.e: pay down 15k per year for two years). Realistically, I think I'd need to pay down another $70k if I had to refinance tomorrow.

So seriously, please...just everyone foreclose already! Get it over with! Let's get the worst of it over with.

In other news, I switched jobs again. As usual, not going to post details here but if you want to know the scoop, email me. If you don't know my email, then GOOD...I don't want no stalkers anyway!

A few seriously random thoughts:

- hummus from Daphne's is like magic in my mouth. It's mouth porn.

- I can't WAIT for the next iteration of America's Best Dance Crew. The last round was absolutely incredible.

- Diet Pepsi trumps Diet Coke all the way

- I'm so annoyed that Barrack Obama hand bumping his wife is actually considered a news-worthy story

- I fantasize on so many levels how much things would be better if I just won a $100k lottery. That's it. That's all I need. I'd LIKE more, but beggers can't be choosers, and $100k after taxes would be wonderful.

- I think I found a grey hair today. I was FREAKING out. I'm going to play ignorant until this weekend, then I'm going to go on a rampage. Getting grey hair is a million times worse than a wrinkle...it's like finding out you're in menopause. But at least menopause isn't displayed all over your scalp for the whole world to see how old you are.

Going to take a nap now. I actually get home at a decent time now where I can nap! Justin can bring sexy back, but I'm bringing napping back!

Letter to Us Weekly

Dear writers, editors, and other staff at US Weekly:

Let me begin to say that I highly enjoy your literary piece of fluff. I prefer it over People, which to me has too many stories about "real" people (if I wanted to read about a cancer kid who raised money and helped others, I'd read Newsweek. I read gossip mags to read about all that is evil and vapid about the world). For awhile it was the highlight of my week, getting your issue in the mail and waiting to read it at the gym, going page-by-ad-laden-page.

I'm okay when you guys go directly to the source instead of running off the gossip mill. I was okay when you had numerous articles about Jessica and Nick (how the tales of marriages woes were untrue. Hey, we all knew they were denying like mad).

What I do take issue with (ha ha bad pun) is when you cover stories about reality shows like The Hills. Unless you're discussing LC's fashion line, her alleged sex tape, or when the new season will start, I don't want to read it.

Let's make something very clear: the audience, whether 12 or 112, knows its scripted. So your cover stories about "The Plot To Destroy Lauren" are as much of an insult to your readers as a cover saying "Lynette battles cancer while Bree makes muffins" or "Kate's love triange: Sawyer speaks out". There is no plot to destroy Lauren. Heidi does not have heartache. Heidi speaks out "Why I called off my wedding" is very clear: the show told me to.

Let's go over last week's issue: Heidi Asks For a Ring: I'm Ready to Say I Do! Are you effing kidding me?! In case you didn't notice, throughout this season outside of the realm of MTV we have seen Spencer and Heidi pose shamelessly for the paparazzi, canoodling like mad. Were we really supposed to believe they broke up? And funny how nowhere in the show while there's all this alleged drama, MTV never showed them film via handycam Heidi's ghetto video. Nay, it's pretty safe to say that nothing on The Hills is a reflection of their true life, unless you want to factor in bathing and drinking.

So in case I haven't made it clear to you US Weekly, let me spell it out: IT'S NOT REAL. It's not even ALLEGEDLY real (hey, that's why we buy your mags. For the possibility of it being real). If I want a make-believe plotline, I'll read Soap Opera Digest.

Do you need more help? Let's go through this:
Heidi and LC were friends (allegedly true)
LC and Speidi get in a fight (sure, good enough for me, it's still season 1)
Speidi is no longer a part of LC's life, so Speidi must come up with a reason to be entertaining to be a part of The Hills (now we start entering "make believe" land)
Spencer proposes to Heidi (scripted)
Heidi says yes (scripted to match the fake ring)
Spencer and Heidi have drama (scripted)
repeat above line a few times
oh no, they have no interaction with LC, how to still be a part of the hills?
Spencer's sister (aka She-Pratt) attends LC's fashion class (scripted)
Spencer is SOOOO angry against She-Pratt. (scripted)
Heidi is soooo angry against She-Pratt (scripted)
Spencer gets back together with Heidi. (scripted)
Heidi is ready to get married (scripted)

Do you notice all the SCRIPTEDs above?! THe best part was when Spencer moved in with She-Pratt...it was like an episode of Three's Company, I was ready for the landlord with the flowery neckties to show up and think Spencer was gay. ("Come and knock on our door...")

So i plead with you...stop airing articles from a scripted show if it's about the plotline (marriage? no. new fashion line? yes.) and please, PLEASE stop showing pictures from their "romantic" vacation...they're so staged they might as well have a set designer and list of all poses required for each photoshoot.

Sincerely,

A devoted US Weekly reader that doesn't want to be insulted anymore with your unreal stories. I like my tales to have "alleged" in front of the headlines.

Scariest corporate mascots

I'm copping out by just linking to another article, but if you don't have time to read the whole thing at the very least read the very first item (#7) and watch the Jolly Green Giant commercial circa 19-something-before-color-tv...scary crap man!
top 7 most terrifying corporate mascots of all time

Long time no post...

I've got ALOT of crap in my head, with no time or energy to write. Sorry. Suck it.

Just wanted to post one of the funniest convos I've had in awhile, courtesy of Carrie (while discussing the drones who work for the TSA):

me: "Don't hate the playa, hate the game"
Carrie: "I hate the player AND the game!"

Yo...help a sistah out...

My friend Janet needs to get another $400 for her marathon...donate some money and get some good karma (and a nice email from her) in return...


http://www.active.com/donate/tntors/JPudelko

Movie Review: Alpha Dog

Yeah, I watched two movies this weekend. Well actually 3, I finally saw "Airplane!" which yes, i've never seen. Suck it.

Alpha Dog, in a nutshell, is a f*cked up movie.

That's it. That's all I gotta say really. Oh it also features Ben Foster, who I noted in my previous post plays nutty/psycho guy REALLY well.

Another movie I'd recommend, if you're in the mood for gratuitous drug use, smoking, swearing, nudity, and sweaty guys freaking out with guns in their hands wiping goo off their faces. And seriously I do recommend it. I liked it.

Movie Review: 3:10 to Yuma

As usual, I need to start this movie review with a disclaimer:

I can't stand westerns. I really, really can't stand them. And it's for the most retarded of reasons: I can't tell anyone apart. Somehow the yellow cast of the filming with the brown/yellow dirty clothes and cowboy hats makes it so that I can't tell who's who unless it happens to be someone pretty famous. So if I'm watching an older Western, forget it: other than Clint Eastwood I won't know who's the bad guy vs. the good guy.

And all that "I reckon" talk just pops a big ol' question mark over my head.

That being said, "3:10 to Yuma" has enough famous people in it for me to tell the difference. One of the true stars of the movie is Ben Foster. That dude plays crazy REALLY well. He recently was on My Name is Earl as the nutty guy who Earl's afraid of in jail. He played another nutty druggie guy in Alpha Dog. Ben Foster plays nutty so well, I fail to believe he's actually a normal dude in real life; if I saw him in the grocery store I'd run out of that Albertsons clutching my purse.

The concept is pretty good: good guy must get bad guy to a train heading to prison at 3:10...while a billion badasses are trying to kill you to get their bad guy leader back. Christian Bale is a big favorite of mine (he did American Psycho soooo well, and I had intended on hating him before I even saw the movie because I fell in love with the character from the book), but he really does do a fantastic job in the movie.

I actually would recommend this flick if you want to mix it up a little, get your violence on, and root for the good AND bad guys.

Smo fo buttah layin' to the bone, jackin' me up...tightly!

Once again I'm in one of those modes where I don't feel like anything I'm thinking about is worth typing, let alone worth it for anyone reading.

We're back to ANOTHER round of home improvement woes, today's problem: the garbage disposal is leaking. Now the problem with leaks is that they go relatively unnoticed until weeks later, you run the water for a long time, and you finally see a pile of water at your feet. By then the stuff in your cupboard, and the cupboards themselves, are slimy wet. In the case of the garbage disposal...well you can imagine the beauty that comes out of that sucker.

Typically I call Saddleback Plumbing. Why? Because they're the only ones I can think of because they spam me with so many $12 coupons (excellent marketing on their part). But today I thought of the Mike Diamond commercials ("we guarantee our plumbers will be on time and smell good"). Their customer service is fantastic, the only problem is that they couldn't get anyone in today. That means I now have to argue like crazy to have them come after 6pm during the week, or tough it out till next week (the most likely solution). Blegh. Home ownership blows for the most part.

Then again, so does renting. I just need to find a cardboard box and pimp it out.

To change topics...
Some people have a life slogan, other people have something they'd want written on their headstone...I may have found my little "quote of the day", as written to Kelly and Erica the other day (the topic: Spencer Pratt actually being correct in an argument against Heidi Montag).

I dig it. 'Cause as much as we all love to hate him...he's right. And I love it when people we hate are right. Like, if Hitler was preaching about spaying/neutering your pets, I'd be in heaven.

Maybe i'll put that on a tshirt.

Why I want to stab my eyes...

I went to a software project estimation thing today (yeah, on a Saturday...at 8am...up in Long Beach...), and driving back I was forced to see a sight that i'd like to forget, if only someone can figure out how to suck the memory out through my ear canal.

Picture it:
I'm driving along my merry way, pretty tired 'cause I woke up at 6am, driving in the right lane 'cause I'm getting on my exit...
All the cars are slowed to a crawl, which doesn't phase me much 'cause my exit somehow manages to be some bizarro traffic zone (it's the same spot where those 3 kids from Ladera Rach died in a single accident last year).
Low and behold, the reason why all the cars are driving at the speed of lard: an SUV is parked on the side of the road, and a woman is outside of it...bare assed...URINATING.

Urinating ALOT. Like a dog (except she was peeing more like my cats do). Thing is, I was so tired i wasn't really thinking and I was wondering what this woman was doing (like did she lose something on the ground...was she puking...wtf was she going) until I realize I'm staring at her bare ugly ass and the liquid coming out of her.

Bare asses when not on set (i.e. covered with makeup or airbrushed) are NASTY looking.

And since we were driving so slow, I was forced to see this scene for a second longer than I would have LIKED to (it's not like you can close your eyes while driving).

I'm terrified that my brain won't forget that image, and that this awful sight will take the spot where a wonderful memory once was.

Best of craigslist...

I rarely go through the Best of Craigslist, mostly 'cause it's a time suck and because after awhile I become mentally unphased by anything i read.

However I came across this Best Of entry and can't stop laughing.

Item #5 may very well be the most hilarious thing ever written...ever:
5. It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja.

I don't know why I can't stop laughing.

Movie Review: August Rush

Review of August Rush, starring Felicity and the dude from Bend it Like Beckham.

I only added this to my Netflix queue 'cause Season 2 of The Tudors isn't out on DVD yet and I needed another Jonathan Rhys-Myers fix.

The music is very good, Robin Williams is creepy, Jonathan RM is crazy hot even though he really should just keep his mouth shut...and Keri Russell does the EXACT same stupid mouth thing that makes me dislike Scarlett Johanson.



That half-open pout that denotes wonder and awe. Can't stand it. Anyway, I liked Felicity so I'll cut her some slack.

What rating out of ten would I give this movie? Whatever review you'd give a movie that you would watch on tv if it's 3am and you can't get to sleep. Or if you've got a hard-on for Jonathan Rhys-Myers playing a rocker-turned-San-Francisco-Executive.

Prelim review: Carbonite

So I'm sure in my random bitching I've demonstrated the bad luck with computers Kraig and I have had the past few months. (NOt to be confused with the plumbing problems, which surprise surprise, the knob shower situation is jacked up again and we're showering in the cats bathroom once more..but that's another blog for another time)...

I had researched external CD/DVD burners (because part of the computer problems I've had is having internal burners not working...better off having an external one that won't be impacted by internal issues)...I definitely wasn't going to go with an external hard drive after the WD MyBook fiasco as well. Anyway, yadda yadda, I decided maybe Carbonite would be the ultimate way to go, just effing pay someone else to deal with my problem.

So here's my review so far...

You can a free one month trial, so thumbs-up for the cost factor so far (sort of hard to complain when worst case, you get what you pay for**). Initially you select the file or folder you want to back up, right click, then select Carbonite-->Back Up This File.

**side note: now logic would tell you that you don't pay anything for spyware or viruses, so that's not the worst case. However I would argue that someone else using your computer for malicious purposes is more like, THEY should be paying YOU...and since they're not, then that's NEGATIVE money which is even worse. So worst case with something like Carbonite is that it doesn't work...they didn't benefit from you, you didn't benefit from them.

After that Carbonite just runs in the background backing up the files, and alerts you with a little green icon when it's all done. They warn you that initially it'll take a boatload of time, and then after that as you modify files it just automatically backs up, no action needed.

Now I didn't truly take the time to assess their fine print. Online reviews warned me that you have to manually push video files (since I have zero video files on the computer in question, I didn't care). Same for executables (once again, not something I was worried about). The problem? I didn't note how you also had to manually push files over 4k in size.

I have a gazillion mp3s from my Napster days, and almost all are over 4k in size each. So here I was all happy thinking my files had finally been updated, a little ghetto green dot was placed on the mp3 folder indicating my files had been uploaded...and then I realized that it had only uploaded small playlist files.

So there was my dilemma...was I going to right-click and manually push each and every one of those mp3s? Well the moron that I am actually attempted to this, and realized that the RIAA was going to find me long before I actually finished up.


In my infinite wisdom, I decided the way to go would be to zip a given music folder, and the push the single zip file.

Riiggght. Did I mention that this was at like 2am on Saturday night? Did I mention that this is for the older computer that we used because the "good" PC's hard drive went dead, and now it's fixed but contains no personal files?

Zipping A music folder containing a zillion files over 4k each, let alone MANY folders, on a computer that moves at the speed of molasses combined with the stress of Carbonite running in the background made for a painful, PAINFUL process.

Well that's pretty much all I can review so far. The trial runs out in 2 weeks, so eventually I'll get off my fat ass to nag at my husband to carry the "good" PC upstairs so we can try the next phase: Operation Copy My Music Back To Me.

Imaginationland....

So i have to give serious props to Matt and Trey...of South Park, naturally. Tonight's Major Boobage episode was effing awesome...and I've never even seen Heavy Metal, the movie this episodes parodies.

Let's do a recap of times South Park has mimicked other animation styles:
(in no particular order):

1. Make Love, not Warcraft
This was more genius than funny, although Kenny wanting to play Hello Kitty Island Adventure still busts me up every time.

2. Simpsons Did It
I love love LOVE the Simpsons, so combining my two favorite adult cartoons is like pure heaven.


3. Family Guy...
I don't remember the name of the episode, but it was the one where Cartman tries to stop Family Guy from airing an image of Prophet Muhammed (pbuh). Since I'm not a huge Family Guy fan, I respect Cartman's auth-o-ri-teyyy .

A side note: for some reason as much as I don't like Family Guy, I actually really like American Dad.

4. Fun With Weapons
I don't care so much for the animation of this episode, however it's one of my favorites just because Butters takes a chinese star right in the eye. It's awesome.


5. Major Boobage
I couldn't find any pics online yet (since it just aired this evening), so here's a small clip from SouthPark.com


Only one more week to wait for another episode...tonight's compensated for the depressing Britney episode from last week...don't be makin' me feel guilty 'cause I'm Britney-obsessed like everyone else....

Foiled again by this thing called life

Have you ever just wanted to catch a frickin' break!?!

So I got Kraig an in-car GPS thing, as an early anniversary gift as well as a "thank you for getting nose surgery for me so I can finally sleep"...i did a crapload of research, and it seemed like Garmin with MSN Direct for traffic was the way to go.

Ummm, yeah. NEVER have I had a problem relating to finding anything...i'm right in the middle of San Diego and Los Angeles, two of the most major cities in the US. As far as I'm concerned, the whole world revolves around California (in case anyone cares, OC to LA is like..San Jose to San Francisco...)...

Well go figure. MSN Direct works perfectly in LA. In San Diego. Apparenly in NORTHERN orange county.

Going south, it stops in Tustin.

WTF.

This is of zero help for Kraig, who needs to know like 10 exits before that if he should get on the 5 or the 405.

Returning that sucker will be a bitch (online purchase), but I tried to find another GPS device that had good reviews AND had definite coverage in South OC and I couldn't find anything online. Oh and apparently this OC thing is a big mishap on MSN's part.

So...now do I return it, or do I have him keep in hopes that eventually they'll expand their coverage? In the meantime, it DOES provide real-time gas prices and movie listings...

Seriously MSN...you provide traffic updates for f*cking Riverside but you don't for OC?!

When will companies realize that they need to cater to me and my needs before those of others? Geezus.

Dear USPS....

Dear United States Postal Service,

I get that in the grand scheme of things, you're still just a governmental agency. I get that you have to raise the price of stamps, and I get that you have to be closed on Sundays and hours outside of business hours (which always surprises me, organizations that are purely service-based should work the OPPOSITE hours of people who work in the product industry. But whatever).

I know you've got some stiff competition with UPS and FedEx and that other one that starts with a "D".

I figure you guys took a hit when people stopped writing by hand and started emailing people. Seriously, if you think about it, that's probably ALOT of dough lost. But in return, you guys are making BANK off online sales. You guys get a decent chunk of my cash as a result of online sales I make.

I was so excited when you guys allowed people to print postage at home. And for times where I couldn't do that, your Automated Postal Machine Doodads that work 24/7 were also life saviors.

Then...this week...I discovered the stupid sticker you have on your mail slots for packages: anything over 13 ounces now has to be physically handed to a USPS counter person due to "security" concerns (really? Sounds like a fantastic challenge for some dude to create a 12oz bomb). Plus, just because you put a little sign on there saying "13oz only" doesn't mean someone with a 5lbs package of anthrax will stop and say "damn! So much for popping this baby in the mail chute".

I can't begin to explain what a pain in the ass this has been for me. If I have to actually be at a post office during your retarded hours, then I might as well not bother printing postage at home or through your so-called automated device.

One step forward, eight steps back...way to go USPS.

Another Letter to the Editor

You and your husband don't have any computer nerd friends that can help you out?? Between Ray and I we fix our share of computers for friends. Sounds like a weekend fix'er upper. :)

Dude, this IS all we know thanks to people who are total techies (and i'd like to think that have a B.Sc. in Computer Science gives me some street cred myself)...this is the end result of taking PCs and hard drives and everything to every tech person I know, including my last company's IT department.

EVERY single one of the hard drives from all of our sources has completely gone to crap, i.e. stopped spinning...once that happens, you're outta luck.

I started researching external DVD burners so I can back this stuff up to a format that won't get jacked up (i.e. something without internal components that can get screwy), but then I think we're going to go with an external company that does data backup as a service. I was thinking Carbonite, and it turns out that at the memorial service I went to today I spoke with someone who said that they've been using Carbonite for over a year and they love it...so I think that's the way to go. Plus for $50 a YEAR...that's a pretty sweet deal for unlimited stuff.

Of Life and Death

Today I went to a memorial-slash-life-celebration for a friend's grandmother up in LA. I guess I'm pretty lucky that in my life so far I haven't had to go to that many services (the only true funeral-type that I went to was for a friend's boyfriend in highschool, Bryan i know you know who i'm talking about, and that was just bizarre 'cause I just went to the wake which no one warned me i'd see a BODY...anyway...), so the times I do go I tend to get emotional pretty easily.

I can truly say this will go down in history as the best memorial service ever. Not so much because of the surroundings or the food or any of that (although I'm pretty sure they snuck some crack into their sandwiches, I seriously inhaled at least a dozen, and it was all absolutely gorgeous), but because everyone had so much to say and their comments showed what an absolutely incredible woman my friend's grandmother was.

The best part I think was the video interview my friend's sister put together shortly before her grandmother died, which is absolutely brilliant...this is now the perfect excuse for me to get a camcorder (side note: were they super expensive in the past? My parents made it sound like a camcorder was thousands of dollars. I went on Amazon and you can get a decent Canon or Sony handycam for under $400. Then again, my mom made the Pizza Hut buffer sound like a month's salary).

During the services I started to wonder...if I died tomorrow, what would people say about me? Or 60 years from now, what would I have done with my life that could possibly make people speak so fondly of me like they did for my friend's grandmother? If i died tomorrow, people would say "Oh, she knew her TV trivia. She had an obsession with pop culture. She could win Vh1's Celebrity Pop Culture challenge. She donated $20 to the Donkey Rescue charity in 2007. She had high anxiety about paying off debt."

Sad, very sad people. So I think I'd like to make it a lifelong goal to live in such a way that my actions will be meaningful to others, that I'll be remembered for more than the girl who freaked out when her interest-only-no-cash-down-house plummeted in value.

Hmmm, let's see how long THAT lasts....

Letter to the editor

I am a guy. I pick my toe nails, drink milk out of the jug and twist the bread and wrap it under to keep it fresh.

GOD i hate when people do that! The only way it stays fresh is if you're already 1/2way through the loaf. If you've only had a few slices, then the "tuck under" concept doesn't keep it fresh! That being said, the end piece can be used as a tab of sorts to maintain some level of freshness.

Bryan, I tottalllly remember our book idea...sadly I think it would have ended up what He's Just Not That Into You later became...

Oh, how times have changed...

This weekend I saw Die Hard, which I haven't seen in awhile. I love me some John McClane, but only in the early series...I wasn't impressed with Die Hard 4.

What cracked me up is how different today's work environment is from the 80s.
Here's how I figure work life went:
Neanderthals to pre-WW1: it was all dudes, and they ran the show
WW1 and WW2: women were stuck working out of necessity, not 'cause they had to prove anything
1950s: men took their pants back and women (in their infinite wisdom, which I wish stayed this way) were like "eff the workforce, if I gotta cook for you mofos then I'm going to do it on my terms...wearing a polka-dot dress and using my new Maytag oven"

1960s and 1970s: birth control pills REALLY take off, women are so high on drugs they think entering the work force is a GOOD idea (and so is the birth of the 2-income society. Just effing fabulous).

1980s: with the exception of coke, women are pretty much sober but realizing that if they're gonna be in the workforce, they want to be at the TOP of the workforce...if that means dressing like a dude, so be it.

1990s: dropped the coke, less shoulder pads, bright colors a la In Living Color Fly Girls, while the birth of the Sensitive New Age Guy emerges

2000: we all just blend into the same working drones

So back to Die Hard, which obviously took place in the 80s. The scene is some 1980-something holiday party. The Hot Chicks of the office were blond. The Smart Chicks of the office were brunettes with big massive glasses and bad perms. Both Hot Chicks and Smart Chicks wore scrunchies even if they wore suits. Men snorted coke on the job. This was pre-sexual harassment era, so people were free to express themselves through groping and desktop "activities". Everyone looked 'roided out thanks to massive shoulder pads. You could actually SMOKE in the office.

Did no one back then think ANY of this was just a LITTLE BIT EFFED UP?!


Even though I've seen the movie a trillion times, I completely missed this wonderful gem of a scene:
Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors : In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec... In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...
Karl: [mouthing silently] Asian Dawn?
Hans: [covers the radio] I read about them in Time magazine.

Alright, enough man...err, woman-love for John McClane...