Case of the Ex

Maybe he was drunk. ..he had the phonezs

Nope. He called me originally 8am his time, and then again at 8am our time...and he was working...that's why i kept asking if he was high, but he definitely wasn't drunk....

Gettin' old....

How I know I'm getting frickin' old...

- I get hangovers when I drink (like the one I'm experiencing right now). I never used to get hangovers.

- there's wrinkle formations on my forehead

- the #1 spot where age shows: hands. And my hands are NOT looking too good anymore. (I was very vain about my hands back in the day, and even did a cheesy hand modeling thing for Suzanne's company, but now my hands look like those of the crypt keeper)

- I found myself at the magazine rack yesterday and Cosmo, Marie Claire, and Glamour didn't interest me. The "Better Homes and Gardens" special issue of Budget Decorating did. WTF. Maybe it was because when I flipped through the Cosmo article on "99 Things You Didn't Know About Sex", I discovered that I did indeed know 99 things about sex and didn't need an article to remind me.

- I'm worrying about the effects my soda drinking is having on my bones.

- I'm worried about the effects of my bad posture to my overall frame (for when i'm REAL old)

- I actually find myself appalled with the stuff that teen girls wear today. Don't get me wrong...I used to sneak out of the house with itty bitty short skirts and little crop tops (ahhh the cellulite-free days), but I was also legal drinking age when I did that....The stuff I see 14 year olds wear, i'm like, wtf! Don't go out of your way to make your daughter attractive to perverts.

- I'm valuing comfort over looking good. That applies to shoes, clothes, makeup, you name it. What I used to wear when grunging it up at home now seems very appropriate to go to social events wearing.

I had to draw the line last week when some people were trying to convince me that I could wear a purse with a big floral pattern...ummm no. The day I have a leather purse with big floral patterns all over it is the day I get my pass to Leisure World.

And I really don't want to hear the schpiel about how I'm not that old or how i look young blah blah...unless you're 18, you have no credibility as to what looks young or not.

Mannnnn...the day I get a grey hair is going to be BAD. Like, REAL bad. It's not that I'm that vain about my appearance...but deep down, I associate age with all sorts of responsibilities that I'm either ill-equipped to face or just don't want to even deal with. I was trying to think of the ideal age, 'cause I remember perfectly well at 10 wanting to be a grownup and my mom saying "yeah well trust me, you're going to wish you a kid when you grow up" ...so as a kid, i hated being a kid and as an adult, i hate being one...So the ideal age is Conception to 4 years old. Now THAT'S when life is grand.

Canadian $$$

Hey what is Canadian Money called?
Because I called the bank and I was like yea do you have any Canadian Money in stock I need like whatever the equivalent is to $40. The lady on the phone is yeah Euros we have them in stock. And I was like NO Canada...Canadian Money. She gave the phone to someone else. So yea whats the money called there?

It's a Canadian dollar :)

I've got top of the line baby fetuses!

Mannnn total chaos the past few days. I feel like I've had my head up my ass.

First off: US Citizenship paperwork. I was all happy because I FINALLY filled out the paperwork (no easy feat...do you know the EXACT date you started a job 5 years ago? Or the date you flew somewhere 5 years ago?!?!)...then I was searching for the addy to send the paperwork to as well as the costs...

It's $330 for the filing, plus $70 for the biometric fingerprinting. Thing is, i already DID that for my green card. They scanned it in electronically. Every frickin' finger. MY FINGERPRINTS HAVE NOT CHANGED. Why the EFF do i have to pay $70 for that again?

And then I came across a part where it said "refer to The Guide. I'm like "what guide?!"...there's no part number or form number referenced and on the website it doesn't link to this alleged Guide...so after serious hunting on the USCIS website I found THE GUIDE...

Uh yeah the Guide tells me I need proof of marriage, tax returns, new photos with enough border to sign my name on it, blah blah...wtf! I DID ALL THAT ALREADY...other than the photos, there's no point for that!

Argh.

Then my phone co mpletely crapped out today, I called Verizon, they figured it was the phone itself and that i need to get a replacement (its under warranty)...but then it suddenly started working sorta...really bizarre. A manager at work had the same problem, verizon made him get a new phone too and that didn't make a diff...apparently it's 'cause of the time change situation, it's effing up some people's phones...

AND...finally...the boyfriend I had in university called me today...that was super bizarre...so we chatted for a bit 'cause I thought he had a point (like he was going to tell me he's dying or that he ran into a friend of mine or something), and i kept asking "are you high? seriously, did you high-dial me?"...

Weird weird day.

Weekend wrap up

So I've been crazy lazy on posting anything, mostly because I'm tired of my own random griping and bitching and actually THINKING.

So...some upcoming topics that i WILL get around to griping about, once my brain actually wakes up...

1. Why Tom Lykas' "Lykas 101" is correct.
2. Usual tv and movie reviews
3. The joys of a colposcope (not to be confused with colonoscopy)
4. Why the Anna Nicole Smith news made bigger headlines than the war in Iraq
5. Why "smug married" couples annoy us non-smug as well


In other news, I learned last night that guys will not drink a beverage called Blue Balls, unless it's a shot...if it's a drink they won't go near it. If it's renamed to Blue Thunder then its manly enough for them to drink.

I also tried Mead for the first time ever last night...I hadn't even heard of it but the bartender tried to push beer on me (I was at a brewmaking place), I tried to explain that i don't like beer, i'm not a beer drinker, blah blah...and he said i had to try their homemade Mead...but then everyone told me it wasn't beer, it's more like a type of wine...so I don't know what hte point was. Well other than that I got a free sample so I guess I can't complain.

And...finally...MUST FILL OUT THE US CITIZENSHIP paperwork...it has to get done 'cause I can't plan any trips back to Canada until I get my head out of my ass and get all that stuff scheduled.

Letter to the editor

I guess that Canadian humor... like there choices in many things differs greatly from us American.

I watched it with someone who is a huge Office fans, and neither of us even laughed in the slightest.

Sorry, but this skit sucked... Lazy Sunday and D.I.T.B will live on forever.

First off, i said it was the best INTRO ever...and it's DIAB, not DITB....

Secondly, it's not Canadian humor...a bunch of people I know who watch the show thought it was a kickass intro...

Note the use of the word INTRO. Not the best SKIT ever...just the best INTRO ever.

And your "someone" who is a huge office fan better not be your roommate, because he isn't a "huge" fan...he waits days to download the episode and watch it...a huge fan won't go more than 24 hours without watching it after it's aired!

Egads...

Okay so I might have to retract or modify something I once said...

I believe the 2nd most beautiful woman WHO HAS HAD PLASTIC SURGERY is Holly Madison...EEK!...it's been all over the web this weekend, i've seen so many "before" shots I'm pretty horrified.

What i CAN say is that her plastic surgeon is an effing genius.

BEST snl intro ever!

I don't think I've laughed so hard at an SNL intro in my life...this was brilliant.

Movie Review: Saw 3

Let's recap the first Saw movies...
Saw: FABULOUS. Effing brilliant. NO ONE saw that ending coming. Absolutely wonderful.
Saw 2: So-so....it was entertaining, but my beef was that no one "won" the game...so that irked me. But hands-down, the "needle room" is the creepiest effing thing ever. I still get all curled up and grossed out when I think of it.

And now...onto the 3rd one.

I purposely held out until it was on DVD before watching it...I don't like watching horror movies in the theater (takes away from the creepiness).

((watching the Red Carpet stuff as I type this...OMG I can't stand Gwyneth, but she looks absolutely gorgeous, that dress is the perfect shade of blush))

This 3rd movie does the usual stuff...Jigsaw wanting to play a game, people being all confused but having to figure stuff out within a few minutes...

The good stuff:
The people who makes these movies really have a f*cked up mind. I give them alot of credit for trying to come up with super bizarre ways for people to torture themselves. The last "torture" was a dude in a vice...his bone breaks out of his skin, effing nasty stuff.

((Beyonce's dress is the usual stuff she always wears...Hands down, my favorite dress is Rachel Weisz's gown...i'm trying to remember where I saw it elsewhere, I know another celeb wore it))

The bad stuff:
Well...there's only so often I can take those bizarre choppy film editing methods. And Jigsaw's constant relentless "here's your problem, you spend so much time doing blah blah blah you fail to see that blah blah blah so just like you like being around the dead you are dead inside blah blah this is your game blah blah blah". Enough! Shut up! Someone kill the guy already!

((Helen Mirren looks crazy fabulous...if I look like her when I'm old, all the botox will have paid off. Cate Blanchett missed the mark with her dress and hair))

So final conclusion...if you feel the "need" to watch these movies because you've already invested yourself in the first 2, then yeah it's worth watching. But if you're looking to be freaked out...forget it. Not worth the 2 hours. What's interesting is that they're making Saw 4, I guess covering more of Jigsaw's background or something like that.

Time to watch more of the Red Carpet...Nicole Kidman is so boring, even her ugly bow on her dress is boring....

Of bunnies and viagra

I dig "The Girls Next Door". Not just becuase it's another cheesy CelebReality show, but because I actually find Hef and the history of Playboy to be quite fascinating. I like learning about how "firsts" of any industry are created. I mean, you gotta have ALOT of balls to say "Listen, let's be real. Dudes like naked women. Dudes like photos of naked women. So...how can I make money off of this?"

I also think his main GF Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet, second only to Aishwarya Rai.

So when I came across this summary of a book written by an ex-Playmate, I had to paste it here...and I'm definitely gonna read the book. This bellearama Liverjournal chick can't spell worth crap, but it's a fabulous summary:

Inside the PlayBoy Mansion
Whelp, I read a book about “behind the scenes at the Playboy mansion”, which was written by one of his ex girlfriends, Izabella St. James, who was one of the seven girlfriends. She was there when Holly & Bridget came, and describes how it downsized to three, includes the incentives Hef gives the girls, the duties of the girls and sex with Hef. I wrote a pretty detailed summary behind the cut & separated it into categories, ENJOY!


Incentives of being a Girlfriend
When an event such as the Grammy’s is coming up, Hef will give them $2000 for an outfit, hair and whatever else. Later, the amount went down to $1000 and for some girls, none.
Every Friday morning the girls get $1000 for the week. You have about an hour to get this money, and if you’re out of town or sleep in too late, you won’t get your money for the week & no, you can’t ask for an advance if you know you won’t be at the mansion that day, no excuse – including family emergency. You need to go to Hef’s room between about 8-9 in the morning, and ask for your money. This is usually the time that Hef will tell you what you can do better or change.
For your birthday, girls usually ask for plastic surgery because Hef never hesitates to say yes. Girls usually ask for the thing they want the most first, incase they’re not around for a second birthday. Breasts & nose jobs are the most common thing, then theirs things like liposuction and veneers.
Hef use to buy the girls brand new cars, however that got dramatic. One girlfriend got an Escalade and then drove it down to her other BF’s house in the middle of the night, trying not to get caught, but she did, so Hef stopped buying the girls cars flat out and brand new. Now, he’ll buy them used cars with the agreement that when they leave the mansion, they take over payments for the car & insurance.
Hef is also very generous with animals; he will let the girls buy whatever pets they want and he’ll pay them back for it.
If you want to go out of town, you have to ask for permission and he doesn't always grant it. Family emergencies don't really matter to him either, but if you cry you will most likely get your way.

Duties of a Girlfriend
Sex is not one of them; Hef tells the girls that if they don’t want to have sex or “join in” on the fun, they don’t have too. But he encourages them to be in the bedroom when the sexing is going on.
The girls must attend events with Hef, Movie night, Fun in the Sun Sundays, Parties at the mansion (they can each invite 5 people), Club nights (2-3 a week) & misc. other things. This gives the girls the day to them selves, but their nights are filled by Hef, pretty much.

Behind Being a Girlfriend
The girlfriends have a curfew of 9pm, no exceptions. The girls have to be in, every night, by 9pm. Many of the girlfriends also have boyfriends on the side (Bridget is said to have a husband) that Hef knows about, but doesn’t allow them to see or talk to, it’s not talked about much. Most of the GF's also have apartments somewhere else that they go to during the day. One ex-GF had a daughter that Hef would allow to spend one night at her apt with her daughter a week, but she also had a husband at her apartment.

Sexxx with Hef
Sex is usually on Club nights; the girls and Hef go out to clubs, they scout other girls or invite other girls to go with them. When they leave the club, they’re all pretty drunk. In the limo, the main girlfriend would give Hef head while other girls kiss on him or each other. By the time they get to the house, everyone is rearing and ready to go. All the girls plus the girls they scouted at the club, would return to Hef's room where he would pop some Viagra’s and rubs himself down in baby oil. There’s usually toys laid out that the main GF laid out before they left, or they can go to the bookshelf that all the toy are kept on, which is in the room. The main GF usually gives him head until he gets hard, and other girls will ride him – no condoms, nada. A lot of girls get yeast infections from having sex with Hef because of the baby oil he rubs himself with. He never tells girls to fuck him nor do they have too; some of his GF’s never fucked him. He lets the girls fool around with each other instead, or they can just watch. He encourages girls to be naked but a lot of the girls will instead claim they’re on their period and keep their panties on. So anyhow, after the main GF girls Hef head to get him rock hard, and chicks fuck him, the main GF sucks him some more (after random girls sexed him up without condoms) to get him hard and then Hef gets up and fucks her, and she fucks him. This is the only girl he moves for or puts effort in for.

Letter of Troof: Bridget
The writer of this book really didn’t like Bridget & she admitted that. Bridget is rumored to be married to some guy in Lodi, California. She grew up in a trailer and has always wanted to become a centerfold. Bridget cries all the time because this is the way to get to Hef – crying. He can’t take crying. Bridget would start crying and say someone was being mean to her, and that GF would get in trouble while Bridget would then do a 180 and be happy and all smiles again.

Letter of Troof: Holly
When Holly arrived at the mansion, she moved into the room closest to Hef and made no friends with the girls, she only cared for Hef. At the time, Hef had another main GF. When that main GF peaced out, Holly moved into Hef’s room – not because he asked her, but because no one else cared to be his main bitch. A lot of girls didn’t feel Hef was ready to have a new main GF so soon, and they felt Hef felt the same way but Hef didn’t want to be mean to Holly. The day Holly became main GF, it was war. Holly would bad mouth all the girls to Hef or say how the girls didn’t need the $2000 for outfits for events, therefore reducing the amount to $1000 without telling them first, some girls also would get no money if Holly could convince Hef that they were ungrateful. Holly also hated club nights; the nights use to be 2-3 times a week, now it’s 2-3 times a month. Holly also started turning into Hef in a way; she studied him very thoroughly even before she entered the mansion, one of her ex-BF’s said. She chose psychology major like Hef, she took cartooning classes to learn to draw and learned about old movies that Hef enjoyed – she seemed to want to become Hef. She also tries to have them match; if she wears a red dress, he wears a red tie. She also refuses to sit next to any of the girls; she must be alone on one side of Hef while the other two are on the other side – Bridget then Kendra (Holly and Bridget are close). Holly was an outcast in the house until Bridget came in, then she took Bridget under her wing. Holly also learned what it was that Hef adored about ex girlfriends and applied them to herself – she got her nose done like one of his ex-GF’s (Barbi Benton), dyed and cut her hair in a Marilyn Monroe way & wore 40’s era clothes everywhere until Hef asked her what is she doing? Holly is the ring leader, and wants to marry and have kids with Hef however Hef has said he wants neither of those. She also made up the names, puffin and muffin for them, to show everyone how “perfect” they are or whatever. She also hates it when ex-GF's visit the mansion & hates the decoration of Barbi Benton he has at the mansion -- she was the girl who found the Mansion he purchased that became the Playboy Mansion & the nose hers is modeled after.

Hef’s family
His wife & son live next door to the Playboy mansion, so he can see them as often as possible. However, he on average sees his son about once a week.

Tidbits
It seemed to the author that the girls who were his GF’s had something to make him look good. The author was an excellent student and a lawyer, so she was “the smart” one and now Kendra is the sporty one. When Hef goes out, ANYWHERE, he has his kitchen send lamb chops ahead and a detailed explanation on how to prepare them. He never orders off a menu or anything; he always sends food from the mansion over.

From Seven, to Three
When Holly and Bridget joined the group, it became 7. & their usually was a division of 3 vs. 4. the 3 consisted of Holly, Bridget and someone else (forgot) who were the “innocent good girls” while the other four where cast as “misbehaving bad girls” who were more outspoken and didn’t care to be on Hef’s dick all day long unlike the other three. Eventually, the drama between the two groups defending themselves to Hef was too much for Hef. One night, Bridget claimed one of the girls were mean to her at the club and began crying. Hef was so upset he yelled at the other girl who then yelled back, in the middle of a club, and he then broke up with her. Holly always had to be on one side of Hef, and Bridget on the other. If another girl took Bridget’s spot next to Hef, she would cry & if it happened to Holly, the event or whatever they are at would end. Example; if it happened at the Grammy’s they’d turn around and go home. Anyways, Holly eventually doesn’t want any other girl besides her, for Hef. So the drama in the group of seven got winded down to 2, and then Kendra was added to make 3. Another incident was when the author was getting a new car; she wanted a used escalade, but Holly said no because that’s the car she wants, so she had to settle on a Tahoe. When Holly got her car, it turned out to be a Porche Cheyanne – she only claimed to want the escalade to upset the other girl.

The Mansion
A lot of the girlfriends in the past became intimate with the help, such as the butlers and shit and would get caught and eventually the butler would get fired and the girl would get thrown out. Thus, a new rule was installed that the girlfriends are not allowed to go into the butler’s quarters. The dogs enjoy relieving themselves on the curtains or the carpet. Usually Holly’s dogs go during the night so Hef usually cleans it up from throughout the bedroom when he wakes up. When the author moved in, the carpets and curtains were filthy because the dogs poop and pee everywhere, but before the taping of The Girls Net door, Hef got the hallway floors replaced & curtains. Some of the bedrooms for the girls were originally made for two girls so when there were seven girls, some girls shared rooms. The closest your room was to Hef, the more serious you were about Hef.

Why Girlfriends Can't be Playmates
In the past, when a girlfriend becomes a Playmate, she breaks up with Hef and peaces out. Which means that most the girls never cared for Hef and just wanted to become Playmates. So now, if you're a GF, you ain't a Playmate

I Just Remembered This Crap
For Christmas, Hef would give the girl $500 to spend on each girl and him. Some girls would make agreements to only spend $100 on eachother and save the other $400. Holly found out and snitched, so the girls had to start providing reciepts to get reimbursed. Also, Hef doesn't pick out gifts, Holly or the main GF does. Usually stuff on clearance at the PlayBoy store or random things like soap, ceramic ducks and frogs, a custom tissue box cover or something. Hef gets them a necklace the first Christmas, after that he has no participation in the gift department.
Bridget has had her eyes done, several times, to help her look younger.


Source: me & the book BunnyTales

Just effing brilliant. Great tabloid fodder!

Conspiracy theories...

I LOVE IT...as was discussed tonight, the true culprit behind Anna Nicole Smith's death was NASA....the whole bad press with the astronaut caused them to take drastic measures.

And as a friend in Toronto suggested: Daniel is Dannielynn's baby daddy.

Somewhere in there I think NASA paid Brit Brit to shave her head...there's no other logical reason for it.

In other high profile news, Marmalade's latest medical results are showing that her bladder infection is gone for now but instead of having the usual crystals that most animals get, she's got some calcium oxylate (which results when you acidify the urine TOO much), so she's on a different diet now...poor Stash, he gets all the leftover food that Marmalade can no longer have...right now he's eating her old low-carb food, and soon he's going to be eating her Urinary S/O food....poor guy!

I'm so whipped by my cats, it's insane.

Yeah, I want Cheesey Poofs!

No, I have not watched Desperate Housewives so don't ask me anything about it...I'm 3 episodes behind. I'm 1 episode behind in Real World, The Hills, and The OC...and I"m 2 episodes behind in I Love New York. I also haven't watched a single episode of the Sarah Silverman Program but I've recorded all of them.

It was great seeing Marlene, Steve, and Laura this weekend...geezus I keep forgetting how flippin' gorgeous Laura's engagement ring is. The band alternates diamonds and sapphires...absolutely stunning.

In other news, poor Eleanor is already scratched. Grumble. It's just the tire cover but that sucker isn't cheap to replace or re-paint...from the looks of it, i'ts like some big truck scraped by me. I get really annoyed with the parking lots in Orange County...it's like the government expects people to drive environmentally-friendly Prius cars when they know full well everyone drives SUVs or big trucks on massive wheels...Seriously annoyed with my car, now it looks "not new"...my baby!

That being said, our neighbor is paying us $600 for the damage done to Kraig's car (the deductible plus costs for the rental). He claims he doesnt' remember hitting the car but our other neighbor saw him do it and they told him to say something, so he was pretty much like "FINE but i still don't think i did it"...whatever. I'm just happy to get our cash back.

Last night I went to my first hockey game in years. I went to one when I was in San Jose, but previous to that they were all Sens games in Ottawa. I forgot how much fun they are! Frickin' beats watching football any day. What's funny is that now they hire teenage girls in skimpy outfits to clear the ice (unless Anaheim was always like that but i'm guessing that's new from the past 10 years)...i guess you have to get fans' attentions in any way you can.

It also made me really miss skating. Which is bizarre, because even though I took lessons as a kid, I can't skate to save my soul. Well, i can skate...i just can't STOP. But i kinda miss getting all bundled up and heading over to the rink that's behind my parents' house. Yeah i say that now but i'm sure if i actually had to do it I'd be like "wtf...it's COLD...can't they make ice when it's warm outside?"....

(Well they do at the Spectrum but the ice is half melted and it's like $20 an hour so eff that).

I gotta do a movie review on LIttle Miss Sunshine I believe. I'll get around to it when I stop being lazy.

No time to blog....

Real quick thoughts:

1. Holy CRAPPPPP Brit Brit shaved her head. Girl is NUTS. I'm guessing she was sick of all the ANS new out there that was taking away her publicity. She's insane. Seriously. Insane.

2. I've decided to publish my own Ghoul Pool for 2007, even though i'm already 1.5 months down. So far the list is gonna include Britney, Elizabeth Taylor, Queen Elizabeth, and a few others...

3. My "goal" for this month was all that ebaying, but since there's only so much I can do (and i can't photograph stuff after work when it's dark), that might become a 2-3 month project.

4. I still can't get over how Britney just shaved her head like that. ANS' death didn't shock me. THIS frickin' shocks me.

5. Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) was at Disneyland this week. I wonder if she was there when Marlene was there.

6. Kraig got me tix to see Wicked at Pantages theater on May 22 as a Vday/anniversary gift.

7. Okay gotta go shower and stuff. Maybe next month's goal will be to blog more, geezus I used to do it daily. I think my brain has just shut down for awhile or something.

You can thank me later....

In case you need a reason to salivate, look no further.
Hold a towel under your chin to catch the drool

Movie Review: "Because I said so"

Because I said so YAHOO MOVIE PAGE

Let me preface this by saying: I'm okay with contrived movies as long as it's not hiding behind being contrived and still has great moments in it. Like The Wedding Singer. Boy meets girl. Girl is engaged to prick. Girl falls for Boy. When Girl goes to get Boy, she thinks he's not available. When Boy goes to find Girl, he finds out she's off to get married. Hilarity ensues and good times were had by all.

Sadly, this movie is not like that. AT ALL.

Diane Keaton is a meddlesome mother who wants to find a nice guy for her quirky-yet-adorably-cute-yet-sooo-annoying-and-clumsy daughter Mandy Moore. Now right there this movie would be believable if the daughter couldn't stand being around her mother. But Mandy Moore and her 2 sisters are so close with their mom they actually pick up the phone when they're having sex with dudes and what not. WTF.

Are you having sex right now missy? Oh okay. Just don't do that dorky laugh. You know the one.


There's a scene where Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore share a touching moment where Mom tells Daughter that she's never had an orgasm because their prick of a father didn't have time to uhhh look out for her needs. And Mandy feels sooo sad for her mom and suddenly has a moment of realization that she understands where her mom is coming from.

Time for some bonding. Daughter, tell your MOmmy what an orgasm feels like.


Uhh...no. I don't know about any of you, but i really don't CARE if my mom ever had an orgasm. In fact, I think we'd all like to believe that our moms followed through with Immaculate Conception. The #1 way to survive in life is to develop the attitude that parents NEVER have sex. EVERRRRR.

And then there's the guys in the movie. The struggling single father guitar guy vs. the successful but boring architect. We're supposed to all love the single father, right? Ummm...no. I'd be like "WTF you have a kid?! Why didn't you tell me? And where's the baby mama? And I can't sleep with you when your kid and your DAD all live under the same roof, that's just creepy"...whereas we're supposed to think the Architect is a jerk because he flipped on Mandy Moore for breaking his grandmother's antique candleholder...effing right, i'd be pissed too. And he apologized later and gave her another family antique. HELL YEAH.


Somewhere in the middle of the movie for no apparent reason there's a music montage of Mandy Moore and Diane Keaton rearranging furniture. That's the biggest waste of 6 minutes that I'll never get back (along with the rest of the movie). What was the point of that? To show how scatterbrained they are? Trust me, you drilled that into the audience every SECOND.

There's another scene where Diane Keaton is stalking her daughter on a date in her car and she uses her car's navigation system...now this actress was great when she freaked out in First Wives Club. Not so great in this movie. She just yells and rants at the GPS and starts kicking the GPS while driving. WHO DOES THAT?! It was just irritating, if you're too stupid by now to figure out how your GPS works, don't use it.

Oh, plus her computer froze up when she accidentally landed on a porn site. Let's go through the flaws with this...odds are, if you're computer's freezing up, you're not going to still get streaming video coming in perfectly. Secondly, she runs to the phone to call Gateway's tech support (nice plug for them) instead of...just turning off the computer? Unplugging it? Thirdly, she got on the phone with the help IMMEDIATELY. (once again, nice plug). What, no automated machine system? No waiting on hold for half an hour? She called and within seconds got someone?! I can't even get that when I call for pizza.

I know it seems like i'm nitpicking at little details, but it's these inconsistencies and randomness and unbelievable moments that made this movie brutal. Who discusses with their mom and sisters, in a shoe store, who holds the record for the most orgasms during a given night of sex?!

Needless to say, this movie could have been really cute and funny. It turned out to be boring, unfunny, and a complete waste of time. Dont even bother renting it. And if someone gives it to you on DVD as a gift, assume they're just regifting it.

Another fabulous movie moment: the girls all singing together at the end when they're all so very, very happy. Happy enough to sing. Which is clearly them lip syncing. I'm guessing Mandy Moore is the only one who's lip syncing to the sound of her own voice.

Letter to the editor

Sabina, there's this great beverage called coffee, it's hot but usually the maker of coffee puts on the cup, "Caution Content Hot." but it's ok, put a little milk some sweetener or sugar, stir and consume. :)

Ugh, coffee is NASTYYYY. I can't stand it. Unless it's in tiramisu. Otherwise, I really don't like the stuff.

As for hockey...i don't even know when ottawa is playing, it's actual WORK for me to find out anything about hockey. grumble.

"Like my booodddyyyyy???"

I guess I should comment on the Anna Nicole Smith thing, even though there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said SOMEWHERE in the press.

In fact, people were shocked that I didn't email them like crazy when the news came out. Well firstly, I received like 20 emails so I assumed everyone else did as well. Secondly...I'm sort of letting the initial shock wear off before coming to some sort of opinion.

Well, that's sorta not true. I wasn't really shocked per se. She was a train wreck. It's amazing it didn't happen earlier. I guess I'm more amazed how in the past year so much has happened so fast, and it went big time downhill.

Now let's get to the nitty gritty: why what who how huh?!

I really don't know if anyone who didn't see her reality show is allowed to cast an opinion on Howard and their relationship, 'cause that dude seriously put up with ALOT of crap. I mean, ALOT. In fact, I"m not even 100% sure why he stuck around. His personality was so dry, and imagine if you graduated from Berkeley with a law degree and your claim to fame was telling Bobby Trendy his decor is cheap and having pasta eating championships with Anna Nicole.

So...do I think he poisoned her? No. Why would he do it so soon? Because of the baby daddy situation? Let's say it turned out the other dude was the dad...Howard was allegedly set to marry Anna Nicole legitimately later this month, so he would have been living in the lap of luxury anyway (well, assuming she got to keep the old dude's dough). Plus, seriously, it wouldn't take rocket science to have people think that he did it, especially since the prescriptions were under his name.

If anything, I think her lesbian assistant did it, but we haven't heard anything about her since the reality show ended so who knows. That chick was jonesin' baaaad for Anna Nicole, and maybe she was pissed that she couldn't have her? "If i can't have her, no one can!"...but that's a stretch and that assistant was dumb as a doornail (she got anna nicole tattooed on her...hey, i like my boss, but there's no WAY i'm tattooing her on my body!)...

As much as people want to make it out to be, I basically think that Anna's been self-medicating for years, and the combination just took it's toll...especially if she upped her meds as a result of post partum depression along with the pain of losing Daniel. It's pretty sad and lacking in scandal, but I think that's just all there is to it. Her body and brain just completely shut down as a result of her lifestyle.

Kickass site

I can't stop surfing through this site for art...i want something to put in the newly-done bathroom above the towel bar...blah. Haven't had a single interesting thought otherwise worth noting in the blog. Unless you want me to gripe about caffeine withdrawals (not pretty. In 3 work days I consumed one of those fridge packs only during work hours ...that doesn't even round out the stuff I drank at home).

In other news, I finally heard from my friend Natalie (she and I were pretty much the only two chicks in our university's Computer Science program), she was MIA for awhile...I haven't seen her since her wedding and before that was YEARS ago...she and her Finnish husband bought a duplex in Montreal...anyway she mentioned that she went to Berlin for World Cup Soccer last year...it just cracks me up. She lives in Europe for a few years and gets hooked onsoccer, I move to the US and I'm stuck dealing with football...I'm actually going to my first hockey game (LA vs. Anaheim) in 2 weeks which is so odd...I went to a Sharks game once in San Jose...but other than that, I've been hockey-deprived for 7 years. And to be honest, I don't think I even remember all the rules and terms. Okay maybe "icing". That's it. I'm a disgrace to my country of origin.

Time to take a power nap and then get my ass to the gym...if Carrie can train for a frickin' marathon, I can start going to the gym again. WTF.

Oh real quick: Kinda disappointed that the flying Patrelli brother is Claire's father on Heroes...I assumed it was him but figured that was too obvious (the man's a whore, of course he's got offspring all across the globe)...and I don't think Claire's adopted dad ("Mr. Bennet") is Linderman because Linderman lives in Las Vegas where Bennet lives in Texas.

Officer, is it illegal for Jewish people to eat Christmas snow?

Yes, yes, I've been horribly backlogged on the reviews and griping. I hear ya.

What About Brian
Mondays are a hard day for me with TV 'cause it's all about Heroes, and after that I have no desire to watch anything else...so I've finally caught up on like 4 weeks' worth of this show.

I swear, it's so effing brilliant it blows my mind. I never thought that Marjorie would be jonesin' for Adam. And i actually didn't think he would break up with Heather the Stripper Wife. The issue of Baby Carrie being deaf? Sooooo sad and pulls at your heartstrings...i was almost bawling along with teh characters.

Bold and the Beautiful
I'm not going to recap anything but wtf, Lorenzo Lamas (sp) as Hector for a potential Daytime Emmy nomination?! The dude can't act his way out of a paper bag! How hard is it to play a blind person? For Lorenzo, very.

Heroes

So here's my big question that no one seems to be able to answer. When we last left off, Hiro realized that Linderman had the real sword. He goes to Heroin Artsy Guy's place per the comic book. He sees that Politican Guy Who Can Fly, they talk about Linderman.

Then this episode suddenly we see Hiro int he parking lot with his buddy and people chasing after him. WTF?!

I like how Claire's biological mother is played by the Sex Addict With AIDS from Nip/Tuck.

The Office

How brilliant was this past week's episode? "I want your man meat Michael!" or
Stripper: "I would get so fat if I worked here" (eating candy)
Pam: "really? I lose my appetite"

It's very clear that Dwight has grown on all of us. If he ended up staying at Staples, I would have rather seen THAT show.

Desperate Housewives
Okay i gotta be honest, I haven't watched Sunday's episode. Susan is really getting on my nerves and Bree is starting to act a little too nutty. And i can't figure out how Gabby can survive without employement.

Viactive Multi-Vitamin Flavor Glides
I absolutely detest taking vitamins. I used to take the Flintstones ones when i was a kid and I take the chocolate calcium chews and that's pretty much my 30 year vitamin history. Okay no wait, I was also on prescription strength iron pills back in University.

So i tried these Flavor Glides...this stuff ain't cheap (almost $8 for 50 from Target), but it's got the works (including iron and calcium)...it's effing FABULOUS. They're huge but they're coated and they taste like berries so you don't get that bizarre nasty aftertaste. Product of the Year!

Goal of the Month: February

So as I said before, I'm not doing NY resolutions...i'm doing attainable "goals". Last month was to overhaul the Master Bath. Which I did. I'm a not-so-lean-mean-home-improvement-machine. I have a few other things to do but I'm constrained by cash, not laziness.

This month's goal: sell ALL the crap i keep sayingi 'm going to sell on Ebay. this is BOATLOAD of work, because it's hard ot keep track of auctions AND it requires some capital up front. But i have soooo much crap that needs to be cleared out and since I need cash to finish up the bathroom, this is the most logical monthly goal.

Speaking of money...
Carrie brought to my attention that the fees for citizenship applications is gonna jump big time, so that means this weekend i HAVE to complete my paperwork and file. I kind of wanted to hold out...partially because it impacts my ability to travel and partially 'cause I don't feel like spending the money to be a US citizen.

Well add to that that this past weekend someone smashed into Kraig's car and drove off. Kiss $500 deductible goodbye. If i ever found out who did it, I'm gonna beat them with a rusty crowbar.


Okay, that's all I had to babble about for the time being!

BEST commercial

I think this is the most brilliant commercial:


Very, very well done. If i were a dude, I'd douse myself in Axe too.

In other news, the diet Pepsi situation has reached critical levels. I need a ton of energy last week so at one point I drank EIGHT cans of the stuff by the end of the work day.

And now it's Saturday...and it's noon...and I'm EXHAUSTED...so I'm debating: do I spend the weekend sleeping it off and finally getting over this addiction...OR...do I drink the stuff this weekend, accomplish everything I want to, and then ummm NEXT weekend i'll sleep it off?

Yep, I'm an addict. And the bottle in my fridge is calling my name.

On the topic of the stranger, I did a random informal poll to see how many people heard of this, and so far it seems guys are 50/50 on whether they've heard of...THE STRANGER. Although I give credit to one person who suggested that to fight the effect of the hand "waking up" when a guy uhhh does his thing, just sit on your OTHER hand and alternate as necessary. Nasty, but logical.

Kah Toe Mahhh Tayyy!