Damn I just can't get enough.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sarah Silverman was right....
Oh Britney! Britney why...whyyyyyyyyy...when you KNOW the paparazzi will be there....when you know they've invented skivvies...do you go out right after the VMAs flashing this?
Damn I just can't get enough.
Damn I just can't get enough.
If yer gonna lip sync...
Now THIS is how you lip sync mutha effas! Chris Brown was amazing, even though he didn't sing a lick of it.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
News alert: Britney lip syncs!
Oh mannnn...I swear, I have all the entertainment tastes of a 14 year old kid.
Now i'm ashamed to admit, I really do like Britney's new song. Not because it's britney...anyone could do that song. So basically I like whoever wrote it and whoever did the background stuff. It could be some high school kid singing it for all i care.
I've been curious all week to know how Britney would blow people out of the water...although it didn't help that all week she was seen eating and partying, two big no-nos for any female artist before a major event.
And then the event itself...oh Britbrit, what did you do to yourself:
(If you haven't watched it, you MUST see the link while it's still up...it's crazy).
Where to begin. Was it the lack of lip syncing? Geezus, just PRETEND you're singing. (Note to MTV: it's pretty obvious that if you don't have a mic and you've got a headpiece, you're gonna lip sync. Copy that to Chris Brown. But more on that later).
Next up...i know during rehearsals you don't want to exert all that energy. THIS WASN'T A REHEARSAL. She looked as bad as I would look if I tried out for the Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. You're not a frickin' amateur.
Then there was the issue of the outfit. Hey, i get it. You had 2 babies. You had a divorce. Life's been a bit rough and your body shows it. Yet somehow Denise Richards managed to get her ass back in shape. Why must you show your body like you're smokin' hot?! Why dont' your people tell you that you shouldn't do that? Look at Alicia Keys. Look at Nelly Furtado. They performed without having to show any gut they may or may not have. You aren't Rihana. You can't wear that stuff. And...it's unecessary. Rihana performed Shut Up And Drive wearing a short poofy dress. Why could't you have done that?
And then there's the issue that you were clearly on SOMETHING. I don't know if it was drugs, liquor, or both...but you were on SOMETHING. There was zero connection with the audience.
The best part was that the celebs in the audience were just appalled. I love that they flashed to Kid Rock, who smacktalked when her performed on SNL the week after she did. I love that PDiddy had his hands in his face. I love that 50 Cent look bewildered. BEWILDERED...buddy has been shot and been in jail and all that, and he was BEWILDERED. I guess she achieved something.
I love that somewhere in the evening Kid Rock got in a fight with Tommy Lee (get the scoop here: the fight details)
I can't stand Jamie Foxx, but he was a riot (especially when he was mocking the fight, plus lecturing P Diddy to be quiet at the end)...crap, the video isn't online yet.
If Britney's gonna lip sync, she should learn to do it the way Chris Brown did...his performance was fantastic, even though he didn't sing a lick of it...but that's okay, he compensated in other ways. Oh Britney, you're not cute enough anymore to do this kind of crap.
Did she not shave?
What is wrong with CLOTHES?!
Dayam. I love celebrity crap.
Now i'm ashamed to admit, I really do like Britney's new song. Not because it's britney...anyone could do that song. So basically I like whoever wrote it and whoever did the background stuff. It could be some high school kid singing it for all i care.
I've been curious all week to know how Britney would blow people out of the water...although it didn't help that all week she was seen eating and partying, two big no-nos for any female artist before a major event.
And then the event itself...oh Britbrit, what did you do to yourself:
(If you haven't watched it, you MUST see the link while it's still up...it's crazy).
Where to begin. Was it the lack of lip syncing? Geezus, just PRETEND you're singing. (Note to MTV: it's pretty obvious that if you don't have a mic and you've got a headpiece, you're gonna lip sync. Copy that to Chris Brown. But more on that later).
Next up...i know during rehearsals you don't want to exert all that energy. THIS WASN'T A REHEARSAL. She looked as bad as I would look if I tried out for the Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. You're not a frickin' amateur.
Then there was the issue of the outfit. Hey, i get it. You had 2 babies. You had a divorce. Life's been a bit rough and your body shows it. Yet somehow Denise Richards managed to get her ass back in shape. Why must you show your body like you're smokin' hot?! Why dont' your people tell you that you shouldn't do that? Look at Alicia Keys. Look at Nelly Furtado. They performed without having to show any gut they may or may not have. You aren't Rihana. You can't wear that stuff. And...it's unecessary. Rihana performed Shut Up And Drive wearing a short poofy dress. Why could't you have done that?
And then there's the issue that you were clearly on SOMETHING. I don't know if it was drugs, liquor, or both...but you were on SOMETHING. There was zero connection with the audience.
The best part was that the celebs in the audience were just appalled. I love that they flashed to Kid Rock, who smacktalked when her performed on SNL the week after she did. I love that PDiddy had his hands in his face. I love that 50 Cent look bewildered. BEWILDERED...buddy has been shot and been in jail and all that, and he was BEWILDERED. I guess she achieved something.
I love that somewhere in the evening Kid Rock got in a fight with Tommy Lee (get the scoop here: the fight details)
I can't stand Jamie Foxx, but he was a riot (especially when he was mocking the fight, plus lecturing P Diddy to be quiet at the end)...crap, the video isn't online yet.
If Britney's gonna lip sync, she should learn to do it the way Chris Brown did...his performance was fantastic, even though he didn't sing a lick of it...but that's okay, he compensated in other ways. Oh Britney, you're not cute enough anymore to do this kind of crap.
Did she not shave?
What is wrong with CLOTHES?!
Dayam. I love celebrity crap.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Well isn't that attractive...
I think some actresses do a better job at hiding their smoking habits than others...like Charlize Theron hides it wayyyyy better than the Olsen twins...but it's still always shocking when you see it:
(in her trailer on the set of her latest movie)...
(in her trailer on the set of her latest movie)...
Best movie sex scenes...allegedly.
So Moviephone created a list of the top 25 sex scenes in movies of all time. Movies I've seen are in red...
25. A history of violence
Early in the film, when Edie (Maria Bello) dons a cheerleader outfit and engages her husband Tom (Viggo Mortensen) in a 69ing session (the first in a non-porn American film), the act is sweet and tender. The same can't be said for a second, much more violent session on the stairs -- complete with slapping and screaming -- that occurs after Edie has learned Tom was once a mobster and eloquently depicts just how much their relationship has changed.
24. Desperado
Few Americans knew Mexican soap star Salma Hayek before Robert Rodriguez cast her as a bookstore owner who helps a mariachi (Antonio Banderas) avenge the death of his wife. But no one could deny Hayek's ample talents (or bosoms) after the sexy, candlelit romp she shares with Banderas. Incidentally, we don't blame Antonio for forgoing blood-soaked vengeance in favor of some between-the-sheets time with salsa-hot Salma.
Okay seriously...wtf. This should be number one. In fact, there's not even a need for porn thanks to this movie, it's THAT good. WTF is wrong with people...number one all the way. Heck, the only reason I originally saw this movie was 'cause in the commercial, there's the scene where Antonio Banderas is hiding and trying to reload his gun and as he pushes the cartridge in and it clicks, he does this smooth "oooh" thing...i was salivating the entire movie waiting just for that scene.
The big easy
New Orleans detective Remy McSwain (Dennis Quaid) and prudish DA Anne Osborne (Ellen Barkin) are polar opposites, making them, of course, perfect for each other. But it's not their super-charged chemistry that makes this scene so hot; it's the uncertain awkwardness of their coupling that makes this one of the most realistic -- and steamiest -- sex scenes ever filmed. "I never did have much luck with sex anyway," admits Anne. We'll bet she does now.
Young Frankenstein
Madeline Kahn, as Dr. Frankenstein's frosty fiancée Elizabeth, comes undone upon seeing the monster's (Peter Boyle) "enormous schwanstucker." She melts with his advances, breaking into operatic song at the climactic moment (or final-final moment of the seven or eight that the pair enjoy). Those white streaks in the bride of Frankenstein's hair? According to this comedy, they're caused by the ferocity of Frank's sexytime. It's alive, indeed.
Brokeback Mountain
While Ang Lee's groundbreaking drama would prove to be the most high-profile gay love story of our time, it was the buzzed-about sex scene between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger that really piqued the curiosity of more open-minded moviegoers. Sure, the Wyoming mountains are frigid, but their rugged embrace inside that tent isn't the least bit about body heat. Of course, the unforgettable scene also gives a whole new meaning to the term "Ride 'em, cowboy."
Okay has anyone SEEN this movie? Let's put it this way...and i'll have to quote Carrie..."They better get to the gay sex soon..." ...that movie was primarily about SHEEP for the first one hour. And there's only ONE sex scene between Jake and Heath. It's an interesting story, but best sex scenes in a movie? Hardly.
Blow Up
The most iconic scene from Michaelangelo Antonioni's film about a hot-shot photographer (David Hemmings) has the actor, in an orgiastic photo shoot, straddling supermodel Veruschka and ravaging her with his ... camera. Frankly, it's even wilder than his threesome with two teen groupies (yes, really). Antonioni's film was so scandalous, it was released without a rating -- but the arthouse flick was nominated for two Oscars anyway. Take that, MPAA.
Boys Don't Cry
Hilary Swank won a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Brandon Teena, a she living as a he; Chloe Sevigny garnered a Best Supporting Actress nom as Brandon's girlfriend Lana. In one of the best scenes, their lovemaking is both tender and passionate, and Lana's "big O" is not so much big as it is pivotal. She knows at this point that everything is not as it seems with Brandon, but she also knows that no man has ever satisfied her in quite this way.
Okay i didn't watch this from beginning to end and i only catch it when it's on TV...i've never seen the sex scenes 'cause the whole movie sort of creeped me out...not because of the concept of a chick living a dude...but because Hilary Swank is a little too believable and because the violent scenes freaked me out.
BOogie Nights
Wait, this one's too easy, right? It's a film about porn, for crying out loud. But when Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) and Amber Waves (Julianne Moore) film what is, in fact, this movie's only porn scene, we see not smut (bam chicka bam) but tenderness, from Amber's mother-hen protectiveness to Dirk's eager desire to make it "sexy." Who cares that the camera guy doesn't get his "money shot"? When the scene's over, Dirk's become a big, bright, shining star. That's right!
I dunno...it seems wrong that a movie about the porn industry can count in this type of list. And truly, Julianne Moore just looked WAY too old for Marky Mark so there was nothing sexy about that. At best, the parts with Roller Girl kind of compensate. I guess.
Sex and Lucia
Paz Vega is a waitress who recalls the best moments of her ill-fated love affair with a writer, Lorenzo (Tristan Ulloa), in this Spanish flick. She was obsessed with him, and it shows -- she does a strip-tease for him, they fervently make love and she holds his, um, manhood ardently. Oh, this is why
American Pie
Apple pie, once the purview of moms and church picnics, gets a horrifying and hilarious makeover once Jim (Jason Biggs) decides to test the theory that getting to third base feels "like warm apple pie." (By the look on his face, we're guessing he likes it on third.) The unrated DVD version is even more explicit: He climbs up on top of the kitchen island to finish the deed. But we have to admit, the missionary position seems a little, well, tame for baked goods, doesn't it?
(shrug) more humorous than sexy really. But...yes, best sex scenes in a movie doesn't have to mean that it actually could turn anyone on. Unless you're a baked good.
Don't Look Now
Yes, it's a creepy psychological horror movie, but nested within is a frank three-minute sex scene that is at once moving and totally hot. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie are husband and wife vacationing in Venice; their daughter has recently drowned, so the two are not in a good place emotionally -- with themselves or each other. They reconnect in their hotel room and show that married sex can be sexy, too.
Wild Things
What's the only thing better than hot, nubile young things Denise Richards and Neve Campbell stripping naked and getting it on with Matt Dillon? That's simple: Richards and Campbell stripping naked and getting it on WITHOUT Matt Dillon ... in a swimming pool ... dripping wet ... after trying to drown each other ... in a film that also stars Kevin Bacon and Bill Murray. One word: genius.
So my big confession is that i've only seen this on tv, which means a good chunk of the nudity got cut out. But i've seen enough of it online to reaffirm why i've never actually rented this: Neve Campbell is crazy ugly, she's super irrating, she's a horrible actress, and nothing about Denise Richards compensates for any of that. Unless Neve is wearing a paper bag and no one told me.
Betty Blue
The titular (heh, we said "titular") Betty Blue (Beatrice Dalle) was crazy in love ... make that crazy and in love. The opening sex scene between her and boyfriend Zorg (Jean-Hugues Anglade) sets the tone for the movie, which features an enormous amount of nudity and explicit sex, even for a French film. Sadly, Betty's amour burns too bright; she descends into madness before movie's end.
Coming HOme
Uptight Army wife Sally Hyde (Jane Fonda) falls for paraplegic Vietnam vet Luke Martin (Jon Voight) in this anti-war drama that earned Oscars for both actors. He may not be able to walk, but in their classic sex scene he proves he can still please a woman, and how -- she has her first orgasm (ever!) with his, er, vocal encouragement. This is how most war veterans would like to be treated upon their return, we'd wager.
Monster's Ball
Leticia Musgrove (Halle Berry) and Hank Grotowski (Billy Bob Thornton) find a physical way to numb the pain in their lives (her husband was killed on death row, her son in a car accident; he's a death-row guard whose son kills himself). Their initial coupling is animalistic and raw, and it's clear that Leticia's idea of feeling "good" is a little different from most folks'. For her searing performance, Berry won a much-deserved Best Actress Oscar.
Best sex scene my ass. It was very realistic, and props for the Oscars and all that...but seriously, it was not a GOOD sex scene. It was a little too realistic, like iw as looking through someone's window. And if that's the window i peeked into, i'd vomit. This is Halle Barry looking like garbage, not Super Hot Halle Barry.
Team AMerica
Leave it to 'South Park' creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone to envision a marionette-on-marionette sex romp so vulgar that it had to be cut to avoid an NC-17 rating. Even so, these two dolls get it on in ways even the Kama Sutra never imagined, as well as the standard missionary, reverse cowgirl and 69 positions. But the best part by far: Neither puppet has genitalia.
I need to see this frickin' movie...
The unbearable lightness of being
Tomas (Daniel Day Lewis) is a Czechoslovakian man of many hats: He's a doctor, a philosopher, a playa. But nothing turns him on like a woman IN a hat, and Lena Olin may be the finest creature ever to don one on screen (a bowler hat, for sure) in the most memorable of many kinky scenes in this 1988 drama. No wonder Prague's become such a hot destination for travelers.
Bound
How sexy is Gina Gershon's ex-con in this blood-soaked debut from 'The Matrix' masterminds Andy and Larry Wachowski? Her character's name is "Corky," and we don't mind in the slightest. Couple her with curvy sexpot Jennifer Tilly, who eventually screws over her sleazy mobster boyfriend (sleaze master Joe Pantoliano) after falling for Corky, and you have Exhibit A in the case of "Why So Many Men (and Plenty of Women) Love Lesbian Sex Scenes."
Unfaithful
It was a tossup with this one -- but after great debate, we chose the illicit bathroom tryst over the we-know-it's-over hallway encounter. Diane Lane as Connie Sumner and Olivier Martinez as Paul Martel steam up most of the flick; knowing that her ladies-who-lunch friends are waiting in the cafe while they're going at it in the bathroom stall is just too hot for words. Wait, there's one we can think of: Aahhh.
Ahhhh yes, I agree on that bathroom one. Good call.
Secretary
Self-mutilating wallflower Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and her controlling boss E. Edward Grey (James Spader) spend their office hours bonding, so to speak, in a sadomasochistic relationship that's as twisted as it is thrilling. But when Edward finally admits his love for Lee, bathing her in his tub and making love to her on a grass-covered bed, you see that their connection transcends spankings and dog collars. It's by far the sweetest moment in the history of S&M.
Mullholland Drive
Rita (Laura Elena Harring) and Betty (Naomi Watts) -- or is it Diane and Camilla? -- are enmeshed in David Lynch's dreamlike story of love, betrayal, death and grief. That's about all we can suss out on the plot of the movie, but we can recognize a hot sapphic love scene when we see one. And we do, with Betty topless in jean cutoffs and Rita topless on the couch. (Was it the "topless" that tipped us off?)
9 1/2 weeks
Sure, adventurous New Yorkers John (Mickey Rourke) and Elizabeth (Kim Basinger) have sex -- a whole LOT of sex -- but it's the foreplay that gets us all riled up. Strawberries, olives, pasta, Jell-O ... they're all just props in service to the couple's creative eroticism; the scene in which he blindfolds her and melts ice cubes on her naked body does the opposite of cooling us down. Ah, food: It's not just for dinner anymore.
I saw like 20 minutes of this movie, and i really should just watch it...but it's not like seeing anything with Michey Rourke (well, other than Sin City) is worth watching now that his face and body are all jacked up.
Out of Sight
From the moment convict Jack Foley (George Clooney) and U.S. Marshal Karen Sisco (Jennifer Lopez) first share a car trunk together, the sexual tension between them is sweltering. When the star-crossed lovers finally do seal the deal -- in a posh hotel suite overlooking a lit-up Detroit as snowflakes dot the nighttime sky -- it's like the world's sexiest snow globe's just come to life before our eyes. (Note to snow globe makers: we want a commission).
Had it playing once inthe background on tv...there was a sex scene?
Body Heat
'Double Indemnity' and 'The Postman Always Rings Twice' are undisputed classics, but let's face it, they're sorely lacking in strong sexual content. Enter Lawrence Kasdan's 1981 retooling of 'Indemnity,' fittingly dubbed an "erotic film noir" (greatest subgenre ever?), a film that's steamiest scene found William Hurt breaking and entering into a seductively red-skirted Kathleen Turner's quarters before romancing her stone as a humid Florida night gets even hotter.
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Good friends Zapata (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are young boys, just 17, when they take the road trip of their lives with alluring older woman Luisa (Maribel Verdu) -- she's 28! Along the way she has sex with each of them, but in a scene pivotal to the movie and all of their lives, she teases them into a frenzy in a cantina, leads them back to the hotel room and and proceeds to put the "aw" in sexual awakening.
WTF...they should at least count the Tom Cruise/Rebecca Demornay subway scene from Risky Business...it's on a loop but it's still pretty darn good (for a low budget 80s movie)...
Completely unrelated, but someone at work sent me this: >Look and feel Canadian breathspray
25. A history of violence
Early in the film, when Edie (Maria Bello) dons a cheerleader outfit and engages her husband Tom (Viggo Mortensen) in a 69ing session (the first in a non-porn American film), the act is sweet and tender. The same can't be said for a second, much more violent session on the stairs -- complete with slapping and screaming -- that occurs after Edie has learned Tom was once a mobster and eloquently depicts just how much their relationship has changed.
24. Desperado
Few Americans knew Mexican soap star Salma Hayek before Robert Rodriguez cast her as a bookstore owner who helps a mariachi (Antonio Banderas) avenge the death of his wife. But no one could deny Hayek's ample talents (or bosoms) after the sexy, candlelit romp she shares with Banderas. Incidentally, we don't blame Antonio for forgoing blood-soaked vengeance in favor of some between-the-sheets time with salsa-hot Salma.
Okay seriously...wtf. This should be number one. In fact, there's not even a need for porn thanks to this movie, it's THAT good. WTF is wrong with people...number one all the way. Heck, the only reason I originally saw this movie was 'cause in the commercial, there's the scene where Antonio Banderas is hiding and trying to reload his gun and as he pushes the cartridge in and it clicks, he does this smooth "oooh" thing...i was salivating the entire movie waiting just for that scene.
The big easy
New Orleans detective Remy McSwain (Dennis Quaid) and prudish DA Anne Osborne (Ellen Barkin) are polar opposites, making them, of course, perfect for each other. But it's not their super-charged chemistry that makes this scene so hot; it's the uncertain awkwardness of their coupling that makes this one of the most realistic -- and steamiest -- sex scenes ever filmed. "I never did have much luck with sex anyway," admits Anne. We'll bet she does now.
Young Frankenstein
Madeline Kahn, as Dr. Frankenstein's frosty fiancée Elizabeth, comes undone upon seeing the monster's (Peter Boyle) "enormous schwanstucker." She melts with his advances, breaking into operatic song at the climactic moment (or final-final moment of the seven or eight that the pair enjoy). Those white streaks in the bride of Frankenstein's hair? According to this comedy, they're caused by the ferocity of Frank's sexytime. It's alive, indeed.
Brokeback Mountain
While Ang Lee's groundbreaking drama would prove to be the most high-profile gay love story of our time, it was the buzzed-about sex scene between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger that really piqued the curiosity of more open-minded moviegoers. Sure, the Wyoming mountains are frigid, but their rugged embrace inside that tent isn't the least bit about body heat. Of course, the unforgettable scene also gives a whole new meaning to the term "Ride 'em, cowboy."
Okay has anyone SEEN this movie? Let's put it this way...and i'll have to quote Carrie..."They better get to the gay sex soon..." ...that movie was primarily about SHEEP for the first one hour. And there's only ONE sex scene between Jake and Heath. It's an interesting story, but best sex scenes in a movie? Hardly.
Blow Up
The most iconic scene from Michaelangelo Antonioni's film about a hot-shot photographer (David Hemmings) has the actor, in an orgiastic photo shoot, straddling supermodel Veruschka and ravaging her with his ... camera. Frankly, it's even wilder than his threesome with two teen groupies (yes, really). Antonioni's film was so scandalous, it was released without a rating -- but the arthouse flick was nominated for two Oscars anyway. Take that, MPAA.
Boys Don't Cry
Hilary Swank won a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Brandon Teena, a she living as a he; Chloe Sevigny garnered a Best Supporting Actress nom as Brandon's girlfriend Lana. In one of the best scenes, their lovemaking is both tender and passionate, and Lana's "big O" is not so much big as it is pivotal. She knows at this point that everything is not as it seems with Brandon, but she also knows that no man has ever satisfied her in quite this way.
Okay i didn't watch this from beginning to end and i only catch it when it's on TV...i've never seen the sex scenes 'cause the whole movie sort of creeped me out...not because of the concept of a chick living a dude...but because Hilary Swank is a little too believable and because the violent scenes freaked me out.
BOogie Nights
Wait, this one's too easy, right? It's a film about porn, for crying out loud. But when Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) and Amber Waves (Julianne Moore) film what is, in fact, this movie's only porn scene, we see not smut (bam chicka bam) but tenderness, from Amber's mother-hen protectiveness to Dirk's eager desire to make it "sexy." Who cares that the camera guy doesn't get his "money shot"? When the scene's over, Dirk's become a big, bright, shining star. That's right!
I dunno...it seems wrong that a movie about the porn industry can count in this type of list. And truly, Julianne Moore just looked WAY too old for Marky Mark so there was nothing sexy about that. At best, the parts with Roller Girl kind of compensate. I guess.
Sex and Lucia
Paz Vega is a waitress who recalls the best moments of her ill-fated love affair with a writer, Lorenzo (Tristan Ulloa), in this Spanish flick. She was obsessed with him, and it shows -- she does a strip-tease for him, they fervently make love and she holds his, um, manhood ardently. Oh, this is why
American Pie
Apple pie, once the purview of moms and church picnics, gets a horrifying and hilarious makeover once Jim (Jason Biggs) decides to test the theory that getting to third base feels "like warm apple pie." (By the look on his face, we're guessing he likes it on third.) The unrated DVD version is even more explicit: He climbs up on top of the kitchen island to finish the deed. But we have to admit, the missionary position seems a little, well, tame for baked goods, doesn't it?
(shrug) more humorous than sexy really. But...yes, best sex scenes in a movie doesn't have to mean that it actually could turn anyone on. Unless you're a baked good.
Don't Look Now
Yes, it's a creepy psychological horror movie, but nested within is a frank three-minute sex scene that is at once moving and totally hot. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie are husband and wife vacationing in Venice; their daughter has recently drowned, so the two are not in a good place emotionally -- with themselves or each other. They reconnect in their hotel room and show that married sex can be sexy, too.
Wild Things
What's the only thing better than hot, nubile young things Denise Richards and Neve Campbell stripping naked and getting it on with Matt Dillon? That's simple: Richards and Campbell stripping naked and getting it on WITHOUT Matt Dillon ... in a swimming pool ... dripping wet ... after trying to drown each other ... in a film that also stars Kevin Bacon and Bill Murray. One word: genius.
So my big confession is that i've only seen this on tv, which means a good chunk of the nudity got cut out. But i've seen enough of it online to reaffirm why i've never actually rented this: Neve Campbell is crazy ugly, she's super irrating, she's a horrible actress, and nothing about Denise Richards compensates for any of that. Unless Neve is wearing a paper bag and no one told me.
Betty Blue
The titular (heh, we said "titular") Betty Blue (Beatrice Dalle) was crazy in love ... make that crazy and in love. The opening sex scene between her and boyfriend Zorg (Jean-Hugues Anglade) sets the tone for the movie, which features an enormous amount of nudity and explicit sex, even for a French film. Sadly, Betty's amour burns too bright; she descends into madness before movie's end.
Coming HOme
Uptight Army wife Sally Hyde (Jane Fonda) falls for paraplegic Vietnam vet Luke Martin (Jon Voight) in this anti-war drama that earned Oscars for both actors. He may not be able to walk, but in their classic sex scene he proves he can still please a woman, and how -- she has her first orgasm (ever!) with his, er, vocal encouragement. This is how most war veterans would like to be treated upon their return, we'd wager.
Monster's Ball
Leticia Musgrove (Halle Berry) and Hank Grotowski (Billy Bob Thornton) find a physical way to numb the pain in their lives (her husband was killed on death row, her son in a car accident; he's a death-row guard whose son kills himself). Their initial coupling is animalistic and raw, and it's clear that Leticia's idea of feeling "good" is a little different from most folks'. For her searing performance, Berry won a much-deserved Best Actress Oscar.
Best sex scene my ass. It was very realistic, and props for the Oscars and all that...but seriously, it was not a GOOD sex scene. It was a little too realistic, like iw as looking through someone's window. And if that's the window i peeked into, i'd vomit. This is Halle Barry looking like garbage, not Super Hot Halle Barry.
Team AMerica
Leave it to 'South Park' creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone to envision a marionette-on-marionette sex romp so vulgar that it had to be cut to avoid an NC-17 rating. Even so, these two dolls get it on in ways even the Kama Sutra never imagined, as well as the standard missionary, reverse cowgirl and 69 positions. But the best part by far: Neither puppet has genitalia.
I need to see this frickin' movie...
The unbearable lightness of being
Tomas (Daniel Day Lewis) is a Czechoslovakian man of many hats: He's a doctor, a philosopher, a playa. But nothing turns him on like a woman IN a hat, and Lena Olin may be the finest creature ever to don one on screen (a bowler hat, for sure) in the most memorable of many kinky scenes in this 1988 drama. No wonder Prague's become such a hot destination for travelers.
Bound
How sexy is Gina Gershon's ex-con in this blood-soaked debut from 'The Matrix' masterminds Andy and Larry Wachowski? Her character's name is "Corky," and we don't mind in the slightest. Couple her with curvy sexpot Jennifer Tilly, who eventually screws over her sleazy mobster boyfriend (sleaze master Joe Pantoliano) after falling for Corky, and you have Exhibit A in the case of "Why So Many Men (and Plenty of Women) Love Lesbian Sex Scenes."
Unfaithful
It was a tossup with this one -- but after great debate, we chose the illicit bathroom tryst over the we-know-it's-over hallway encounter. Diane Lane as Connie Sumner and Olivier Martinez as Paul Martel steam up most of the flick; knowing that her ladies-who-lunch friends are waiting in the cafe while they're going at it in the bathroom stall is just too hot for words. Wait, there's one we can think of: Aahhh.
Ahhhh yes, I agree on that bathroom one. Good call.
Secretary
Self-mutilating wallflower Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and her controlling boss E. Edward Grey (James Spader) spend their office hours bonding, so to speak, in a sadomasochistic relationship that's as twisted as it is thrilling. But when Edward finally admits his love for Lee, bathing her in his tub and making love to her on a grass-covered bed, you see that their connection transcends spankings and dog collars. It's by far the sweetest moment in the history of S&M.
Mullholland Drive
Rita (Laura Elena Harring) and Betty (Naomi Watts) -- or is it Diane and Camilla? -- are enmeshed in David Lynch's dreamlike story of love, betrayal, death and grief. That's about all we can suss out on the plot of the movie, but we can recognize a hot sapphic love scene when we see one. And we do, with Betty topless in jean cutoffs and Rita topless on the couch. (Was it the "topless" that tipped us off?)
9 1/2 weeks
Sure, adventurous New Yorkers John (Mickey Rourke) and Elizabeth (Kim Basinger) have sex -- a whole LOT of sex -- but it's the foreplay that gets us all riled up. Strawberries, olives, pasta, Jell-O ... they're all just props in service to the couple's creative eroticism; the scene in which he blindfolds her and melts ice cubes on her naked body does the opposite of cooling us down. Ah, food: It's not just for dinner anymore.
I saw like 20 minutes of this movie, and i really should just watch it...but it's not like seeing anything with Michey Rourke (well, other than Sin City) is worth watching now that his face and body are all jacked up.
Out of Sight
From the moment convict Jack Foley (George Clooney) and U.S. Marshal Karen Sisco (Jennifer Lopez) first share a car trunk together, the sexual tension between them is sweltering. When the star-crossed lovers finally do seal the deal -- in a posh hotel suite overlooking a lit-up Detroit as snowflakes dot the nighttime sky -- it's like the world's sexiest snow globe's just come to life before our eyes. (Note to snow globe makers: we want a commission).
Had it playing once inthe background on tv...there was a sex scene?
Body Heat
'Double Indemnity' and 'The Postman Always Rings Twice' are undisputed classics, but let's face it, they're sorely lacking in strong sexual content. Enter Lawrence Kasdan's 1981 retooling of 'Indemnity,' fittingly dubbed an "erotic film noir" (greatest subgenre ever?), a film that's steamiest scene found William Hurt breaking and entering into a seductively red-skirted Kathleen Turner's quarters before romancing her stone as a humid Florida night gets even hotter.
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Good friends Zapata (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are young boys, just 17, when they take the road trip of their lives with alluring older woman Luisa (Maribel Verdu) -- she's 28! Along the way she has sex with each of them, but in a scene pivotal to the movie and all of their lives, she teases them into a frenzy in a cantina, leads them back to the hotel room and and proceeds to put the "aw" in sexual awakening.
WTF...they should at least count the Tom Cruise/Rebecca Demornay subway scene from Risky Business...it's on a loop but it's still pretty darn good (for a low budget 80s movie)...
Completely unrelated, but someone at work sent me this: >Look and feel Canadian breathspray
Afterthoughts...
Just had a horrible dream involving friends/coworkers and betrayal...so...I take back my last post about The Hills. Brody was wrong!
And yes, it's pathetic that my life has been lowered to his level...where a nightmare about something causes me to wake up and think "damn Brody Jenner should stick by Spencer no matter what..."...
That's my Morning Random Thought and Gripe.
Since we're on the topic, for people who can't tell the diff before/after the plastic surgery:
And yes, it's pathetic that my life has been lowered to his level...where a nightmare about something causes me to wake up and think "damn Brody Jenner should stick by Spencer no matter what..."...
That's my Morning Random Thought and Gripe.
Since we're on the topic, for people who can't tell the diff before/after the plastic surgery:
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
This effing heat is insane
DAYAM...i came into work and it was 87 degrees. EIGHTY SEVEN...crazy. I had to snake one of my coworker's fans in order to survive. Everyone moved a little slower...maybe from the holiday, maybe because we felt like chicken pot pie baking in the oven.
mmmm...chicken pot pie...mmgughghghnnn
After much debate with a friend in Toronto over The Hills, I must say...I'm on team Brody. Mostly because Spencer should be shot for his bad attitude, arrogance, and stupid facial hair. And also because....
Brody slept with LC....
Brody and Spencer are friends
Spencer hypnotizes Heidi
LC hates Spencer
LC and Heidi are no longer friends
....somehow Brody and LC being friends is an attack on Spencer? I disagree...Spencer doesn't have a monopoly on who can and can't be friends. If he dumped Heidi, he couldn't care a LESS about LC...it's only because he wants to control Heidi, control the people in her life, and in turn he has to make sure that if person X who can't be around Heidi also can't be around his friends.
Dude needs to chill out...(or as LC would say "homeboy" needs to chill out)...Brody isn't Spencer boyfriend. Brody isn't choosing LC over Spencer. It's a non-issue. These guys are all hanging out with the chicks because of their Bone-ability factor. If LC were ugly, Brody wouldn't even be talking to her.
Basically, it has nothing to do with Heidi and LC. Brady doesn't have to be loyal to Heidi. And Spencer saying that LC is his "enemy" is just being overly dramatic and selfish, becuase by that rationale i'm going to call EVERYONE i don't get along with my "enemy", and suddenly now no one in my life can associate with them?
And yes...this is a discussion best left to high school kids in between Calculus and English Lit.
mmmm...chicken pot pie...mmgughghghnnn
After much debate with a friend in Toronto over The Hills, I must say...I'm on team Brody. Mostly because Spencer should be shot for his bad attitude, arrogance, and stupid facial hair. And also because....
Brody slept with LC....
Brody and Spencer are friends
Spencer hypnotizes Heidi
LC hates Spencer
LC and Heidi are no longer friends
....somehow Brody and LC being friends is an attack on Spencer? I disagree...Spencer doesn't have a monopoly on who can and can't be friends. If he dumped Heidi, he couldn't care a LESS about LC...it's only because he wants to control Heidi, control the people in her life, and in turn he has to make sure that if person X who can't be around Heidi also can't be around his friends.
Dude needs to chill out...(or as LC would say "homeboy" needs to chill out)...Brody isn't Spencer boyfriend. Brody isn't choosing LC over Spencer. It's a non-issue. These guys are all hanging out with the chicks because of their Bone-ability factor. If LC were ugly, Brody wouldn't even be talking to her.
Basically, it has nothing to do with Heidi and LC. Brady doesn't have to be loyal to Heidi. And Spencer saying that LC is his "enemy" is just being overly dramatic and selfish, becuase by that rationale i'm going to call EVERYONE i don't get along with my "enemy", and suddenly now no one in my life can associate with them?
And yes...this is a discussion best left to high school kids in between Calculus and English Lit.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Something Wall-mart this way comes
People have bizarro interests, and some of mine include:
1. The psychology between men and women
2. The business that is Walmart
3. Cultural aspects of beauty (reminds me: Alanna, you still have my book!)
Today...let's talk walmart.
You don't need 3 copies of the same movie Cartman!
Walmart's under ALOT of pressure lately because as much at they try to move forward and stop being a ghetto hillbilly store, sadly...that's pretty much their main consumer.
They discovered that along with rednecks, regular working people (i.e. middle income people like you and me) tend to shop there for basic staples (toilet paper, crap you can buy anywhere but always cheapest at Walmart). So they tried to figure out ways to get us middle income people to STAY at Walmart and spend more. They tried to bring in higher-end stuff, like more expensive furnishings and their "George" line of clothing.
Now this pissed off the hillbillies and rednecks big time. Like the older rural women aren't happy with the clothing options now, becuase they don't want trendy hiphuggers and stuff. And the managers are pissed off 'cause they dont' want expensive lamps to replace their cheapie lamps, because college kids are a huge part of their demographic too.
The latest thing to piss off the hillbillies this week has been the removal of Walmart's layaway program. I had no idea walmart even HAD a layaway program. Layaway is for stuff that you want NOW, might not be there TOMORROW, so you promise to pay tomorrow if NOW the manager will keep it in back for you. WTF is there at Walmart now that you can't just wait till you save the money?
Well people are pissed. Because Walmart is assuming in this day and age of credit cards that people can still buy now, pay later. Uhhh, yes that is a correct assumption. However, the hillbillies are steamin' mad over this. I guess alot of people right around this time buy their Xmas gifts. One lady was quoted as saying that she hopes she'll have the money at Xmastime for her kids' gifts since she cant do layway.
Now maybe i'm an idiot...but either you pay it off later when it's on layaway...or you just buy it later...isn't it all the same thing? And WTF is at Walmart that you can't just save up for? If you have to put your son's XBox 360 on layaway, then maybe you aren't in a financial position to buy one. Or put it on your credit card. Or...just a thought...how about you just SAVE UP and buy it a week before xmas?
And...to Walmart's defense...why should they put stuff aside, interest-free, for consumers when credit companies are making good coin charging interest with relatively the same concept?
The other issue that hillbillies are griping about is the reduction of the fabric department. Yes, walmart has a fabric department. One article I read quoted an old lady having to drive out 2 hours to get her fabric because Walmart is getting rid of that department. GASP...for shame, a company actually noticing what sells and what doesn't, and removing the items or departments that aren't financially sound. Walmart isn't a government agency people...it's a BUSINESS. They aren't there to provide you with affordable crap. They're there to take your dough, even if it seems like a good buy.
Apparently part of Walmart's big problem is that they don't pay attention to what the managers on the floor are saying that people want (probably because then they'd be stuck with fabric on layaway). They also don't allow managers to order stuff that's out of stock, regardless if the shelves are empty...it's all about the quantities listed in the system. Have you ever attempted to get mascara from Walmart? Cosmetics are impossible 'cause they never HAVE anything there...turns out that that's their #1 most shoplifted department, and if the system still says it's in stock...well tough luck, they're never going to replace the item.
As high tech of a system, it seems a little archaic.
Anyway...that's the kind of crap that fascinates me. I'm not sure WHY...i think just 'cause they're so hated and yet, you can't help but shop there if you need cheap toilet paper.
1. The psychology between men and women
2. The business that is Walmart
3. Cultural aspects of beauty (reminds me: Alanna, you still have my book!)
Today...let's talk walmart.
You don't need 3 copies of the same movie Cartman!
Walmart's under ALOT of pressure lately because as much at they try to move forward and stop being a ghetto hillbilly store, sadly...that's pretty much their main consumer.
They discovered that along with rednecks, regular working people (i.e. middle income people like you and me) tend to shop there for basic staples (toilet paper, crap you can buy anywhere but always cheapest at Walmart). So they tried to figure out ways to get us middle income people to STAY at Walmart and spend more. They tried to bring in higher-end stuff, like more expensive furnishings and their "George" line of clothing.
Now this pissed off the hillbillies and rednecks big time. Like the older rural women aren't happy with the clothing options now, becuase they don't want trendy hiphuggers and stuff. And the managers are pissed off 'cause they dont' want expensive lamps to replace their cheapie lamps, because college kids are a huge part of their demographic too.
The latest thing to piss off the hillbillies this week has been the removal of Walmart's layaway program. I had no idea walmart even HAD a layaway program. Layaway is for stuff that you want NOW, might not be there TOMORROW, so you promise to pay tomorrow if NOW the manager will keep it in back for you. WTF is there at Walmart now that you can't just wait till you save the money?
Well people are pissed. Because Walmart is assuming in this day and age of credit cards that people can still buy now, pay later. Uhhh, yes that is a correct assumption. However, the hillbillies are steamin' mad over this. I guess alot of people right around this time buy their Xmas gifts. One lady was quoted as saying that she hopes she'll have the money at Xmastime for her kids' gifts since she cant do layway.
Now maybe i'm an idiot...but either you pay it off later when it's on layaway...or you just buy it later...isn't it all the same thing? And WTF is at Walmart that you can't just save up for? If you have to put your son's XBox 360 on layaway, then maybe you aren't in a financial position to buy one. Or put it on your credit card. Or...just a thought...how about you just SAVE UP and buy it a week before xmas?
And...to Walmart's defense...why should they put stuff aside, interest-free, for consumers when credit companies are making good coin charging interest with relatively the same concept?
The other issue that hillbillies are griping about is the reduction of the fabric department. Yes, walmart has a fabric department. One article I read quoted an old lady having to drive out 2 hours to get her fabric because Walmart is getting rid of that department. GASP...for shame, a company actually noticing what sells and what doesn't, and removing the items or departments that aren't financially sound. Walmart isn't a government agency people...it's a BUSINESS. They aren't there to provide you with affordable crap. They're there to take your dough, even if it seems like a good buy.
Apparently part of Walmart's big problem is that they don't pay attention to what the managers on the floor are saying that people want (probably because then they'd be stuck with fabric on layaway). They also don't allow managers to order stuff that's out of stock, regardless if the shelves are empty...it's all about the quantities listed in the system. Have you ever attempted to get mascara from Walmart? Cosmetics are impossible 'cause they never HAVE anything there...turns out that that's their #1 most shoplifted department, and if the system still says it's in stock...well tough luck, they're never going to replace the item.
As high tech of a system, it seems a little archaic.
Anyway...that's the kind of crap that fascinates me. I'm not sure WHY...i think just 'cause they're so hated and yet, you can't help but shop there if you need cheap toilet paper.
Interest breeds expectation
I started a new blog just for running: 3.1 before 31, just to keep myself accountable for this running stuff.
After spending Saturday in Santa Monica, I realized the difference between San Francisco, LA, and Orange County people....
San Francisco is full of snobby hippies. They wear nasty smelling clothing, but because it's hemp then it's okay.
Los Angeles people act like they know soooooooo much about the world around them, and that they're doing their part by driving a Prius but then they go around acting like they're the most worldly people on the planet. Pretentious much?
As for Orange County...yeah, people drive Priuses (plural: Prii?)...but they also drive their Hummers on weekends. They don't act like they care about the environment or like they're worldly...they're snobs, yes, but they're snobs in the true sense of it: they can buy name brand stuff.
Out of all 3, I prefer Orange County...at least their snobbiness is related to material goods, not a state of mind. They don't think they're better because their ideals are so wonderful...they think they're better because their purses are better.
And that, to me, is how it should be.
After spending Saturday in Santa Monica, I realized the difference between San Francisco, LA, and Orange County people....
San Francisco is full of snobby hippies. They wear nasty smelling clothing, but because it's hemp then it's okay.
Los Angeles people act like they know soooooooo much about the world around them, and that they're doing their part by driving a Prius but then they go around acting like they're the most worldly people on the planet. Pretentious much?
As for Orange County...yeah, people drive Priuses (plural: Prii?)...but they also drive their Hummers on weekends. They don't act like they care about the environment or like they're worldly...they're snobs, yes, but they're snobs in the true sense of it: they can buy name brand stuff.
Out of all 3, I prefer Orange County...at least their snobbiness is related to material goods, not a state of mind. They don't think they're better because their ideals are so wonderful...they think they're better because their purses are better.
And that, to me, is how it should be.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Weekend wrap up....
Did a quickie trip to the bay area...
Will post pics soon...
Also updated my sidebar with new links (Sara and Marlene's blogs)...
Gotta jet to pick out the baseboard for the home improvement crap. It never frickin' ends.
Bitchy and cranky as hell.
Will post pics soon...
Also updated my sidebar with new links (Sara and Marlene's blogs)...
Gotta jet to pick out the baseboard for the home improvement crap. It never frickin' ends.
Bitchy and cranky as hell.
Friday, August 24, 2007
puh puh puh push it...
Ahhh, good times on a Friday planning the horrible commute to the bay area. Getting out of LA is 50% of the trip.
Lately Carrie, Nicole V-now-B, and I have been attending these yoga and pilates classes at 24 hour fitness in mission viejo. The pilates one is absolutely insane..you have to be made of steel to be able to do this class without feeling like jello at the end. It's amazing I was able to pack last night, my whole body felt like it was about to fall apart.
Anyway, in these classes there's this blond chick who allegedly goes by Princess. Yes, seriously. That's according to the 24HF counter dudes who've smacktalked her with me.
This girl is super crazy. Like she does every single class the gym offers AND hangs around after to do her own little workouts. She also sort of does her own routine, which throws you off when you have to look to others to figure out wtf you're doing ('cause you can't always see the instructor doing the poses). She also talks alot to the instructor DURING the class...like i don't care about talking to your friend next to you in a hushed voice, but this isn't a Princess and the Instructor Class. I don't want to hear you babble with the effing instructor while i'm trying to nail down the frog leg thing. And it's not like she's crazy fit or toned or anything...otherwise i'd suggest to her to just get a job there teaching a class.
(Ha ha, the dude behind the counter yesterday was all "I sure hope she doesn't see the signs", refering to the signs throughout the gym saying they're hiring for instructors.)
Every single class she has the same "uniform" with her:
1. Black see-through mesh top.
2. Navy blue cotton stretch pants.
3. A bottle of Perrier (that i'm assuming is refilled often with old skool water)
4. A nasty brown animal-print towel that looks more like a rug.
The problem with the above? She doesnt' WASH any of this between classes. If you're that obsessed with working out, effing buy some more gym clothes! Or use the free tshirts you get wherever! And it's not for a lack of money...the 24HF staff say her dad is a "high roller" and she doesn't have to work.
Which really leads to the true problem with her: her body odor is probably the worst i've smelled on anyone. And really, truly, it's a gym...i get it. We sweat. Lord knows I'm not a bucket of roses when i'm at the gym. But this girl is attending classes daily and doesn't wash her clothes or her towel...put your head in a bucket of sewage for 1 hour and that's pretty much what this chick is like.
So here's my New Gym Rules:
1. If you're going to be Little Miss I'm More Advanced Than You Suckas, then take a spot at the BACK of the class.
2. Do not engage in a full-on discussion with the teacher, unless you have a question about the pose.
3. Wash your stuff when you get home, or bring fresh new clothes to the next class.
4. That also includes bathing.
5. Feel free to do the more advanced poses, but try to stick with the general activity of the class. If people are on their backs lifting their legs, dont' stand up with weights in your hands doing something else. Did you not learn Simon Says in school?!
In other news, attempting to train for a stupid 5K is alot more...exercise than I anticipated. You can hire someone to do almost anything, but apparently you can't hire them to exercise for you.
Lately Carrie, Nicole V-now-B, and I have been attending these yoga and pilates classes at 24 hour fitness in mission viejo. The pilates one is absolutely insane..you have to be made of steel to be able to do this class without feeling like jello at the end. It's amazing I was able to pack last night, my whole body felt like it was about to fall apart.
Anyway, in these classes there's this blond chick who allegedly goes by Princess. Yes, seriously. That's according to the 24HF counter dudes who've smacktalked her with me.
This girl is super crazy. Like she does every single class the gym offers AND hangs around after to do her own little workouts. She also sort of does her own routine, which throws you off when you have to look to others to figure out wtf you're doing ('cause you can't always see the instructor doing the poses). She also talks alot to the instructor DURING the class...like i don't care about talking to your friend next to you in a hushed voice, but this isn't a Princess and the Instructor Class. I don't want to hear you babble with the effing instructor while i'm trying to nail down the frog leg thing. And it's not like she's crazy fit or toned or anything...otherwise i'd suggest to her to just get a job there teaching a class.
(Ha ha, the dude behind the counter yesterday was all "I sure hope she doesn't see the signs", refering to the signs throughout the gym saying they're hiring for instructors.)
Every single class she has the same "uniform" with her:
1. Black see-through mesh top.
2. Navy blue cotton stretch pants.
3. A bottle of Perrier (that i'm assuming is refilled often with old skool water)
4. A nasty brown animal-print towel that looks more like a rug.
The problem with the above? She doesnt' WASH any of this between classes. If you're that obsessed with working out, effing buy some more gym clothes! Or use the free tshirts you get wherever! And it's not for a lack of money...the 24HF staff say her dad is a "high roller" and she doesn't have to work.
Which really leads to the true problem with her: her body odor is probably the worst i've smelled on anyone. And really, truly, it's a gym...i get it. We sweat. Lord knows I'm not a bucket of roses when i'm at the gym. But this girl is attending classes daily and doesn't wash her clothes or her towel...put your head in a bucket of sewage for 1 hour and that's pretty much what this chick is like.
So here's my New Gym Rules:
1. If you're going to be Little Miss I'm More Advanced Than You Suckas, then take a spot at the BACK of the class.
2. Do not engage in a full-on discussion with the teacher, unless you have a question about the pose.
3. Wash your stuff when you get home, or bring fresh new clothes to the next class.
4. That also includes bathing.
5. Feel free to do the more advanced poses, but try to stick with the general activity of the class. If people are on their backs lifting their legs, dont' stand up with weights in your hands doing something else. Did you not learn Simon Says in school?!
In other news, attempting to train for a stupid 5K is alot more...exercise than I anticipated. You can hire someone to do almost anything, but apparently you can't hire them to exercise for you.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Oh say can you seeeeeee
Friday I had my US Citizenship test. You know what's sad? I've dealt with INS/BCIS/UCSIS/Dept. of Homeland Security more often than the DMV, and i'd say the quality of both departments are equal....
Someone who had already taken the test told me I needed to cram for 2 weeks...wtf. To anyone who's taking the test: geezus, just study the night before and you'll be fine.
My appointment was at 1:50 and you couldn't show up sooner than 30 mins before the appointment. Being the paranoid freak that I am, I arrived 2 hours early and parked my car in the lot. Which meant I sat there sweating like a mofo for 1.5 hours in my car.
Got in, was PISSED 'cause i sweat like a mofo in dress clothes per the paperwork advisement...mutha effahs waiting were wearing jeans!
Had to drop my papers off under the glass window thing (oh yes, it's the Immigration way....you never get to just to just hand someoone a paper, you have to deal with people behind windows...)...
Once I got called I had to do the whole "raise your right hand do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth yadda yadda"...then had to do a 3rd grade reading/writing test (I DRIVE A BLUE CAR TO WORK). What pissed me off was the history/politics test...yeah, the one I was advised to study for 2 weeks straight...you only need 60% to pass (got 100%...yay for my brain)...
After that, chicky went through my application, had to say that I would be willing to fight on behalf of the US in case of war...
Alright, so to answer everyone's question: no, i'm not a US citizen. After passing the test/interview, they "recommend" me to get my citizenship. In 3 months i'll get a letter telling me that in 2 weeks i'll get to be sworn in.
Once again, i'm stuck on hold with my vacation planning (sorry NY) until I get that letter telling me when I have to go in.
And that is my boring tale of my visit to the department of homeland security....
Someone who had already taken the test told me I needed to cram for 2 weeks...wtf. To anyone who's taking the test: geezus, just study the night before and you'll be fine.
My appointment was at 1:50 and you couldn't show up sooner than 30 mins before the appointment. Being the paranoid freak that I am, I arrived 2 hours early and parked my car in the lot. Which meant I sat there sweating like a mofo for 1.5 hours in my car.
Got in, was PISSED 'cause i sweat like a mofo in dress clothes per the paperwork advisement...mutha effahs waiting were wearing jeans!
Had to drop my papers off under the glass window thing (oh yes, it's the Immigration way....you never get to just to just hand someoone a paper, you have to deal with people behind windows...)...
Once I got called I had to do the whole "raise your right hand do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth yadda yadda"...then had to do a 3rd grade reading/writing test (I DRIVE A BLUE CAR TO WORK). What pissed me off was the history/politics test...yeah, the one I was advised to study for 2 weeks straight...you only need 60% to pass (got 100%...yay for my brain)...
After that, chicky went through my application, had to say that I would be willing to fight on behalf of the US in case of war...
Alright, so to answer everyone's question: no, i'm not a US citizen. After passing the test/interview, they "recommend" me to get my citizenship. In 3 months i'll get a letter telling me that in 2 weeks i'll get to be sworn in.
Once again, i'm stuck on hold with my vacation planning (sorry NY) until I get that letter telling me when I have to go in.
And that is my boring tale of my visit to the department of homeland security....
Thursday, August 09, 2007
2 hours and mom's wisdom
I was born on my mom's 30th birthday...so obviously that means tomorrow my mom is turning 60...
She summarized tonight exactly why 30 bugs me:
i'm still trying to come to terms about the big 60. somehow the 5 in front of my age felt pretty good. as i said, from now on it's downhill all the way. lucky i'm still in good health.
yep. indeed.
She summarized tonight exactly why 30 bugs me:
i'm still trying to come to terms about the big 60. somehow the 5 in front of my age felt pretty good. as i said, from now on it's downhill all the way. lucky i'm still in good health.
yep. indeed.
To Norm:
Soooo... what do I have to do to get the number of your neurologist, or even better yet her daughter?
lol it's Dr. Spokoyny (I think she's russian, hence the daughter's massive boobs) Time for Norm to need his head checked
lol it's Dr. Spokoyny (I think she's russian, hence the daughter's massive boobs) Time for Norm to need his head checked
Hours away
Just a few more hours till:
I'm no longer in my "late twenties" like my side profile says
I become in my "early 30s"...
I reach the third time of reach the "new decade" mark. When you're 10 you're happy 'cause it's cool to be in the double digits.
When i reached it the second time I started using fancy moisturizer and got depressed because that's the age that, when i was 5, i specifically noted that that was an old age and should need moisturizing.
Now it's my 3rd time, and i'm just one more decade iteration till i'm no longer remotely cool or hip.
You know what being 30 means? It means people tellyou that you look good "for your age". Like in Glamour and crap. No one says to a 21 year old that they look good for their age. But to look good for your age after 30 means that the odds are stacked against you and that all that life has to bring typically wears away on your face and body.
Want to curl up in a ball.
Fortunately, this is always FABULOUS for a great laugh:
I'm no longer in my "late twenties" like my side profile says
I become in my "early 30s"...
I reach the third time of reach the "new decade" mark. When you're 10 you're happy 'cause it's cool to be in the double digits.
When i reached it the second time I started using fancy moisturizer and got depressed because that's the age that, when i was 5, i specifically noted that that was an old age and should need moisturizing.
Now it's my 3rd time, and i'm just one more decade iteration till i'm no longer remotely cool or hip.
You know what being 30 means? It means people tellyou that you look good "for your age". Like in Glamour and crap. No one says to a 21 year old that they look good for their age. But to look good for your age after 30 means that the odds are stacked against you and that all that life has to bring typically wears away on your face and body.
Want to curl up in a ball.
Fortunately, this is always FABULOUS for a great laugh:
Monday, August 06, 2007
Monthly visitor...the Blog Lady.
Well, this might be a record for the longest time since I've written. Basically, my "care" factor is pretty low, and I'm so exhausted over real life to have the energy to write about...real life.
Why the exhaustion? Well first they thought it was my B12. Started ODing on that stuff, got it up, and then they thought it was my thyroid levels. They're borderline "hypothyroid", but still ok. THEN i went to see a neurologist (who's daughter was working there for the day and I was so confused...her boobs were CRAZY massive but she didn't have the hootchie look, like fake nails and all that, of an OC plastic-surgeried chick...turns out the boobs were real and the neurologist gets yelled at all the time by strangers asking why she would allow her 19 year old to get such massive boobs...), the neurologist made me get MORE bloodwork done to see if I had Epstein's Bar or something...
(When I hear "Epstein" i think of Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter...and then I picture John Travolta going "up your nose with a rubber hose"...)
Anyway, all of that came back fine. So now i'm sitting here still trying not to pass out trying to figure out the exahustion. To top it off, the last blood panel i took was the day before I donated blood, and they said that i might bruise...i was like "ahh it's all good, go for it"...um riigghtt...I look like someone took a hammer to my arm. It's effing SICK.
In other news, I've been commissioned to do an informal poll to see if guys stalk their girlfriends' ex-boyfriends as much as we stalk our boyfriends' exes...My stance is that us chicks have a strong opinion about our boyfriend's (boyfriends' if you're really in stalker mode) ex girlfriends, that they're whores. We dont' like them, they're evil whores, and they're dying ot get back together with our guy.
Guys on the other hand dont' give a crap about our exes. They figure, "pfft he's the idiot who doesn't have her...i got her now" and that's it.
Have I scopedo ut ex boyfriends online? Heck yeah. Thank you Google. Google and Facebook and Yahoo and Myspace and....
I've check out ex boyfriends' ex girlfriends online...(thank you Google, Facebook, Yahoo....)...
And once Kraig remembers his ex girlfriends' names, they'll be stalked as well.
Is there any guy out there who has researched their girlfriend/ex-girlfriend's ex boyfriends?Or...as I suspect...do you really not care one way or another?
My most recent life development has been my war with a dry cleaner on El Toro on Lake Forest..i'd list their name but something tells me i'm going to take them to small claims court, and i don't feel like jinxing anythng just yet. I've already filed a report with the Better Business Bureau, and for the amount I want back ($208, which is 75% the value of the dress as per the International Fabric Institute's guideline, which most dry cleaners are members of) it'll only be $30 to file...at this rate it'llb e worth it to annoy the crap out of them.
You know how much they want to give me? 10 times the value of the service. I got 4 items on my bill, which means the value of that actual service for the dress is $2.18....um yeah $21.80 for a White House|Black Market dress is a slap in the face. I spent that much on gas already going there a thousand times.
Quick Movie Reviews:
The Simpsons Movie: It was as good as the regular tv show. The regular show is great...so...the movie was great...but it wasn't above-and-beyond great. After watching it, the next day I got it on my phone. i figure, i paid to see it in theaters so it's not so bad that i scored a downloaded version, right? (and HA HA Entertainment Lawyers...i'm not the one who downloaded it...and if you come after me i'll defy you to PROVE other than this blog entry that i have it...moo ha ha ahaaaa)...
Bourne Ultimatum: I dig Matt Damon, and I can't think of any bad movies with him in it. Even that Stuck On You movie was pretty funny (dumb, but funny).
Much like the other Bourne movies, it's the typical Bourne-vs-the-world concept, but it was highly entertaining. Has a fantastic fight scene that's not flashy or gimicky...it's "i'll grab a candlestick...you grab a book...i'll grab a random piece of fabric...i'll smash you into a bookcase...i'll smother you in the bathtub..."...Very well done, even if you haven't seen the other 2 movies (and what cave have you been living in if that's the case?!) you'll totally understand the gist of it.
And...finally...4 days away from the big three-oh. I know to some people it's not a big deal, but i grew up with 30 representing ALOT of different things, and now that i'm actually reaching it it's making a pretty big impact psychologically. I swear if i wake up with a grey hair on Friday, i'll go off the deep end.
Argh i'll have to update that little schpiel under my profile on the right...
Why the exhaustion? Well first they thought it was my B12. Started ODing on that stuff, got it up, and then they thought it was my thyroid levels. They're borderline "hypothyroid", but still ok. THEN i went to see a neurologist (who's daughter was working there for the day and I was so confused...her boobs were CRAZY massive but she didn't have the hootchie look, like fake nails and all that, of an OC plastic-surgeried chick...turns out the boobs were real and the neurologist gets yelled at all the time by strangers asking why she would allow her 19 year old to get such massive boobs...), the neurologist made me get MORE bloodwork done to see if I had Epstein's Bar or something...
(When I hear "Epstein" i think of Juan Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter...and then I picture John Travolta going "up your nose with a rubber hose"...)
Anyway, all of that came back fine. So now i'm sitting here still trying not to pass out trying to figure out the exahustion. To top it off, the last blood panel i took was the day before I donated blood, and they said that i might bruise...i was like "ahh it's all good, go for it"...um riigghtt...I look like someone took a hammer to my arm. It's effing SICK.
In other news, I've been commissioned to do an informal poll to see if guys stalk their girlfriends' ex-boyfriends as much as we stalk our boyfriends' exes...My stance is that us chicks have a strong opinion about our boyfriend's (boyfriends' if you're really in stalker mode) ex girlfriends, that they're whores. We dont' like them, they're evil whores, and they're dying ot get back together with our guy.
Guys on the other hand dont' give a crap about our exes. They figure, "pfft he's the idiot who doesn't have her...i got her now" and that's it.
Have I scopedo ut ex boyfriends online? Heck yeah. Thank you Google. Google and Facebook and Yahoo and Myspace and....
I've check out ex boyfriends' ex girlfriends online...(thank you Google, Facebook, Yahoo....)...
And once Kraig remembers his ex girlfriends' names, they'll be stalked as well.
Is there any guy out there who has researched their girlfriend/ex-girlfriend's ex boyfriends?Or...as I suspect...do you really not care one way or another?
My most recent life development has been my war with a dry cleaner on El Toro on Lake Forest..i'd list their name but something tells me i'm going to take them to small claims court, and i don't feel like jinxing anythng just yet. I've already filed a report with the Better Business Bureau, and for the amount I want back ($208, which is 75% the value of the dress as per the International Fabric Institute's guideline, which most dry cleaners are members of) it'll only be $30 to file...at this rate it'llb e worth it to annoy the crap out of them.
You know how much they want to give me? 10 times the value of the service. I got 4 items on my bill, which means the value of that actual service for the dress is $2.18....um yeah $21.80 for a White House|Black Market dress is a slap in the face. I spent that much on gas already going there a thousand times.
Quick Movie Reviews:
The Simpsons Movie: It was as good as the regular tv show. The regular show is great...so...the movie was great...but it wasn't above-and-beyond great. After watching it, the next day I got it on my phone. i figure, i paid to see it in theaters so it's not so bad that i scored a downloaded version, right? (and HA HA Entertainment Lawyers...i'm not the one who downloaded it...and if you come after me i'll defy you to PROVE other than this blog entry that i have it...moo ha ha ahaaaa)...
Bourne Ultimatum: I dig Matt Damon, and I can't think of any bad movies with him in it. Even that Stuck On You movie was pretty funny (dumb, but funny).
Much like the other Bourne movies, it's the typical Bourne-vs-the-world concept, but it was highly entertaining. Has a fantastic fight scene that's not flashy or gimicky...it's "i'll grab a candlestick...you grab a book...i'll grab a random piece of fabric...i'll smash you into a bookcase...i'll smother you in the bathtub..."...Very well done, even if you haven't seen the other 2 movies (and what cave have you been living in if that's the case?!) you'll totally understand the gist of it.
And...finally...4 days away from the big three-oh. I know to some people it's not a big deal, but i grew up with 30 representing ALOT of different things, and now that i'm actually reaching it it's making a pretty big impact psychologically. I swear if i wake up with a grey hair on Friday, i'll go off the deep end.
Argh i'll have to update that little schpiel under my profile on the right...
Friday, July 13, 2007
Burn baby burn
Well after years of emails from friends in Canada asking me if any of the california brush fires have affected me...well a brush fire is currently burning just outside of my house...
I was driving home from work, Kraig calls me to say he heard there was a fire in our complex...so I'm not thinking much of it, like some ghetto neighbor dropped a cigarette on their couch or something.
I go into my complex...I turn down the streets...and RIGHT where i turn onto my little street in the complex there were around 6 or 7 fire trucks and 2 helicopters circling overhead. It was crazy. They blocked off that section of my street, and apparently they were on call to evacuate the homes that face the canyon that's right next to my complex.
So I was PISSED because a bunch of us had to park in the fire zones, and the dumbass president of the association comes over and says how the tow trucks are coming because they can get huge fines when people park in the fire zones...uh HELLO I think the firefighters are dealing with a bigger issue than our cars parked in front of garages. Even the police sheriff admitted that he told someone it was okay to park in the handicapped spot, because it was such mayhem.
Even more reason to be pissed: so many people didn't have their cars in their garages (come ON people), and the dumbass president of the HOA had his MOTORCYCLE parked in a parking spot right by his house...wtf, he has a ton of room in his garage for that thing! He saw people circling the complex trying to find parking spots...what a frickin' dick. Needless to say, this disgruntled homeowner is attending HOA meetings....
Those poor bunnies and coyotes got their home burned down :( I scoped out the canyon...it's just a big chunk of grey and black, like someone poured concrete and tar on the canyon. I wonder how it started...pfft maybe the ghetto hillbilly flicked it out of his window instead of dropping it on his couch.
MSNBC article about the brush fire.
Fortunately, I got a spot on the street and didn't have to walk crazy far.
This poor deer! Damn fires.
I was driving home from work, Kraig calls me to say he heard there was a fire in our complex...so I'm not thinking much of it, like some ghetto neighbor dropped a cigarette on their couch or something.
I go into my complex...I turn down the streets...and RIGHT where i turn onto my little street in the complex there were around 6 or 7 fire trucks and 2 helicopters circling overhead. It was crazy. They blocked off that section of my street, and apparently they were on call to evacuate the homes that face the canyon that's right next to my complex.
So I was PISSED because a bunch of us had to park in the fire zones, and the dumbass president of the association comes over and says how the tow trucks are coming because they can get huge fines when people park in the fire zones...uh HELLO I think the firefighters are dealing with a bigger issue than our cars parked in front of garages. Even the police sheriff admitted that he told someone it was okay to park in the handicapped spot, because it was such mayhem.
Even more reason to be pissed: so many people didn't have their cars in their garages (come ON people), and the dumbass president of the HOA had his MOTORCYCLE parked in a parking spot right by his house...wtf, he has a ton of room in his garage for that thing! He saw people circling the complex trying to find parking spots...what a frickin' dick. Needless to say, this disgruntled homeowner is attending HOA meetings....
Those poor bunnies and coyotes got their home burned down :( I scoped out the canyon...it's just a big chunk of grey and black, like someone poured concrete and tar on the canyon. I wonder how it started...pfft maybe the ghetto hillbilly flicked it out of his window instead of dropping it on his couch.
MSNBC article about the brush fire.
Fortunately, I got a spot on the street and didn't have to walk crazy far.
This poor deer! Damn fires.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Scenes from a post office
In case you need to be bored...
So on Tuesday I left work early 'cause I had to haul ass to the dentist to pick up my new retainer (in case anyone cares, they removed the bottom wire that's been attached to my teeth since I was 15 so that i could get a retainer that i can take in/out). When that was done, i managed to get out in time to swing by the post office...
See my ghetto mailbox doesn't accept my key anymore, which is a pain in the ass because anything that involves government workers is bound to be a hassle. Fortunately my actual mailman is awesome, but that doesn't make going to the post office any less painful. On Saturday I went and bitched about the key not working anymore, and i shelled out $30 to get it replaced. And they said they'd call me when it was ready. Which i took to assume, they'll never call me.
After the dentist i took it upon myself to find out the status of the key situation, and the lady couldn't find ANY record of anything. And she kept insisting that i had put something in the "special instructions" box, which I didn't, all I did was fill out my address and that's IT. I didn't even know there WAS a "special instructions" box.
So while she's looking in the back for the status, the counter guy calls the next number and this wannabe rapper guy comes up to the counter saying he's picking up a package, but he wants to know who it's from because if it's from his ex girlfriend, he wants nothing to do with it.
After awhile of standing around, I asked him why he didn't want the package. He said that it was BAD and that there's nothing good that could be in there. I asked "what if there's money?" and eh said "nooo...it's paperwork that she wants me to sign".
Me: "Paperwork?"
Him: "yeah. She's a singer and wants me to sign something saying i'm not goign to talk sh*t about her now that we've broken up"
Me: "shouldn't she have asked for that when you started going out, not when it ended?"
Him: "you'd think. We only went out a month and a half and she keeps threatening to get her lawyers after me."
Me: "Is she famous? Have i heard of her?"
Him: "She's one of the top singers on MySpace...she's the #2 most famous chick on there..."
Me: "Second to Tila Tequila?"
Him: "Yeah. ((Insert name))"
Me: ((shrugs)) Note: I tried to do a search for the top females on myspace and other than Tila, i couldn't find any name resembling the one he said. So Miss Thang is full of crap.
Him: ((shrugs back at me))
Then there was a long pause...while we're still waiting for our stuff...
Me: "You didn't have any idea that she was psycho? Was she hot?"
Him: "yeah, but hot doesn't matter. Personality matters" yeah right "It doesn't matter how hot you are if you've got a bad personality. She was 30 and crazy"
Me: "well if she's hot and 30 and a singer, then you had to figure something was wrong...right?"
Him: "yeah. Plus she says I owe her money for a gift. When we were dating she took some photos 'cause she's a photographer for my album cover, and now that we're broken up she says I owe her"
Me: "how much?"
Him: "Probably over a grand"
me: "Is she really going to pursue it? The cost of a lawyer would be more expensive than that..."
Him: "Well she's got a contract so the recording company can send lawyers after me, she wouldn't pay"
Me: "oh, trust me, she'll end up paying. You didn't sign anything?"
Him: "Nope, no contract. But she says it was an oral agreement"
Me: "Oral agreeements are highly overrated."
Then he asked me about my phone (EnV) and started saying how he wanted an iPhone, I told him that unless you're willing to pay for all the services it's kind of a ripoff, then he got his package (not from teh exgirlfriend), and he went on his merry way.
And that folks, is a Scene From a Post Office.
So on Tuesday I left work early 'cause I had to haul ass to the dentist to pick up my new retainer (in case anyone cares, they removed the bottom wire that's been attached to my teeth since I was 15 so that i could get a retainer that i can take in/out). When that was done, i managed to get out in time to swing by the post office...
See my ghetto mailbox doesn't accept my key anymore, which is a pain in the ass because anything that involves government workers is bound to be a hassle. Fortunately my actual mailman is awesome, but that doesn't make going to the post office any less painful. On Saturday I went and bitched about the key not working anymore, and i shelled out $30 to get it replaced. And they said they'd call me when it was ready. Which i took to assume, they'll never call me.
After the dentist i took it upon myself to find out the status of the key situation, and the lady couldn't find ANY record of anything. And she kept insisting that i had put something in the "special instructions" box, which I didn't, all I did was fill out my address and that's IT. I didn't even know there WAS a "special instructions" box.
So while she's looking in the back for the status, the counter guy calls the next number and this wannabe rapper guy comes up to the counter saying he's picking up a package, but he wants to know who it's from because if it's from his ex girlfriend, he wants nothing to do with it.
After awhile of standing around, I asked him why he didn't want the package. He said that it was BAD and that there's nothing good that could be in there. I asked "what if there's money?" and eh said "nooo...it's paperwork that she wants me to sign".
Me: "Paperwork?"
Him: "yeah. She's a singer and wants me to sign something saying i'm not goign to talk sh*t about her now that we've broken up"
Me: "shouldn't she have asked for that when you started going out, not when it ended?"
Him: "you'd think. We only went out a month and a half and she keeps threatening to get her lawyers after me."
Me: "Is she famous? Have i heard of her?"
Him: "She's one of the top singers on MySpace...she's the #2 most famous chick on there..."
Me: "Second to Tila Tequila?"
Him: "Yeah. ((Insert name))"
Me: ((shrugs)) Note: I tried to do a search for the top females on myspace and other than Tila, i couldn't find any name resembling the one he said. So Miss Thang is full of crap.
Him: ((shrugs back at me))
Then there was a long pause...while we're still waiting for our stuff...
Me: "You didn't have any idea that she was psycho? Was she hot?"
Him: "yeah, but hot doesn't matter. Personality matters" yeah right "It doesn't matter how hot you are if you've got a bad personality. She was 30 and crazy"
Me: "well if she's hot and 30 and a singer, then you had to figure something was wrong...right?"
Him: "yeah. Plus she says I owe her money for a gift. When we were dating she took some photos 'cause she's a photographer for my album cover, and now that we're broken up she says I owe her"
Me: "how much?"
Him: "Probably over a grand"
me: "Is she really going to pursue it? The cost of a lawyer would be more expensive than that..."
Him: "Well she's got a contract so the recording company can send lawyers after me, she wouldn't pay"
Me: "oh, trust me, she'll end up paying. You didn't sign anything?"
Him: "Nope, no contract. But she says it was an oral agreement"
Me: "Oral agreeements are highly overrated."
Then he asked me about my phone (EnV) and started saying how he wanted an iPhone, I told him that unless you're willing to pay for all the services it's kind of a ripoff, then he got his package (not from teh exgirlfriend), and he went on his merry way.
And that folks, is a Scene From a Post Office.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
More stupid random thoughts
So for a serious lack of having any opinion or anything to write about, i'm forcing myself to blog even though I have no topic in mind.
First off....Transformers. I've been waiting for what seems to be a lifetime for it to come out. It was highly entertaining, however there's a few flaws that bugged me (regular people probably won't care, but if you grew up with Transformers, this stuff will bug you):
1. Megatron is a GUN people. Don't make him a jet. That's puts him on the same playing field as Starscream.
2. The level of detail was TOO much...i couldn't tell who was an Autobot, who was a Decepticon, and when they were fighting i couldn't tell what was an arm vs. a leg...
3. Okay I get that Volkswagon wouldn't let Bumblebee be a Bug, but did they ALL need to be american cars?!
4. Somehow a small car turned into a MASSIVE robot...it wasn't exactly to scale. Whenever the cars transformed I was like 'WTF...i really doubt the pieces to a car would end up making it the size of a high rise"...
5. The computer people. Come ON. NO COMPUTER MAKES LITTLE HIGH PITCH NOISES WHEN IT'S PROCESSING. If it did, you'd keep it on mute. It would drive you NUTS to hear those sounds all day. Plus, i really doubt that out of all the people the CIA/FBI could find ont ehp lanet, it's this dude who lives close to the pentagon (and lives with his mom while he plays Dance Dance Revolution all day) is the one who can break the "code" within a split second.
6. AND...there's no gorgeous hot computer programmers that are like 25 and considered the top in the world.
7. Back to Megatron...at least OPtimus Prime looked like the cartoon...but Megatron looked NOTHING like the cartoon, which is kinda crappy when the only reason you're watching the movie is because you grew up with the toys.
Compare:
vs.
So all of that griping aside, it was a pretty entertaining movie. Shia LeBeouf (which translates to "the beef" in case anyone cares) steals the show with his deadpan one-liners. He'll be great in Indiana Jones. As for Megan Fox...well she plays the typical hot badass chick. Which i don't expect her to get overly jacked up, and her clothes stayed on the whole movie, but geezus the last pan of her face at the end of the massive fight showed she was wearing fake eyelashes...COME ON PEOPLE...for you guys otu there, that's the equivalent of seeign Nicholas Cage's fake hair weave up close.
I give it 7.5 out of 10, but if just want entertainment then i give it 8 out of 10 (it loses .5 for wandering off the original characters).
I also saw Children of Men...pretty entertaining, not a fantastic movie but definitely one of those movies that gets you to think. They did alot of crazy camera moves too, which was interesting to see (almost documentary style).
But the true hero of the movie wasn't Clive Owen...ohhh no, it's this psycho homeless chick:
I tried to find a YouTube video of her going beserk but i couldn't find anything. When Theo (Clive Owen) is being attacked and you think he's done for, crazy HomelessChick comes out of NOWHERE and whacks him with a big flintstones' size bone...chicky needs her own movie.
Alot of tv shows wrapped up and some are starting anew. 4400 finally kicked off, and I'm eagerly anticipating Scott Baio is 45...and single and Brett Michael's Rock of Love. Plus I just saw a commercial for a show called I Hate My 30s. Fabulous summer indeed.
In other random news, still trying to nail down a flooring guy (ha ha...get the pun...haaa...)...our carpets are jacked up to the nth degree.
And that's pretty much it. Home improvement mode. TV watching mode. Oh and I've got my Citizenship test on August 17th or somethingl ike that. I just love using my vacation days to sit in a government building (without a cell phone) to be grilled on history questions and personal questions like i'm on trial.
First off....Transformers. I've been waiting for what seems to be a lifetime for it to come out. It was highly entertaining, however there's a few flaws that bugged me (regular people probably won't care, but if you grew up with Transformers, this stuff will bug you):
1. Megatron is a GUN people. Don't make him a jet. That's puts him on the same playing field as Starscream.
2. The level of detail was TOO much...i couldn't tell who was an Autobot, who was a Decepticon, and when they were fighting i couldn't tell what was an arm vs. a leg...
3. Okay I get that Volkswagon wouldn't let Bumblebee be a Bug, but did they ALL need to be american cars?!
4. Somehow a small car turned into a MASSIVE robot...it wasn't exactly to scale. Whenever the cars transformed I was like 'WTF...i really doubt the pieces to a car would end up making it the size of a high rise"...
5. The computer people. Come ON. NO COMPUTER MAKES LITTLE HIGH PITCH NOISES WHEN IT'S PROCESSING. If it did, you'd keep it on mute. It would drive you NUTS to hear those sounds all day. Plus, i really doubt that out of all the people the CIA/FBI could find ont ehp lanet, it's this dude who lives close to the pentagon (and lives with his mom while he plays Dance Dance Revolution all day) is the one who can break the "code" within a split second.
6. AND...there's no gorgeous hot computer programmers that are like 25 and considered the top in the world.
7. Back to Megatron...at least OPtimus Prime looked like the cartoon...but Megatron looked NOTHING like the cartoon, which is kinda crappy when the only reason you're watching the movie is because you grew up with the toys.
Compare:
vs.
So all of that griping aside, it was a pretty entertaining movie. Shia LeBeouf (which translates to "the beef" in case anyone cares) steals the show with his deadpan one-liners. He'll be great in Indiana Jones. As for Megan Fox...well she plays the typical hot badass chick. Which i don't expect her to get overly jacked up, and her clothes stayed on the whole movie, but geezus the last pan of her face at the end of the massive fight showed she was wearing fake eyelashes...COME ON PEOPLE...for you guys otu there, that's the equivalent of seeign Nicholas Cage's fake hair weave up close.
I give it 7.5 out of 10, but if just want entertainment then i give it 8 out of 10 (it loses .5 for wandering off the original characters).
I also saw Children of Men...pretty entertaining, not a fantastic movie but definitely one of those movies that gets you to think. They did alot of crazy camera moves too, which was interesting to see (almost documentary style).
But the true hero of the movie wasn't Clive Owen...ohhh no, it's this psycho homeless chick:
I tried to find a YouTube video of her going beserk but i couldn't find anything. When Theo (Clive Owen) is being attacked and you think he's done for, crazy HomelessChick comes out of NOWHERE and whacks him with a big flintstones' size bone...chicky needs her own movie.
Alot of tv shows wrapped up and some are starting anew. 4400 finally kicked off, and I'm eagerly anticipating Scott Baio is 45...and single and Brett Michael's Rock of Love. Plus I just saw a commercial for a show called I Hate My 30s. Fabulous summer indeed.
In other random news, still trying to nail down a flooring guy (ha ha...get the pun...haaa...)...our carpets are jacked up to the nth degree.
And that's pretty much it. Home improvement mode. TV watching mode. Oh and I've got my Citizenship test on August 17th or somethingl ike that. I just love using my vacation days to sit in a government building (without a cell phone) to be grilled on history questions and personal questions like i'm on trial.
Monday, July 02, 2007
That's what she said...
Yes, it's been a lifetime since i've written. Mostly 'cause i haven't had much to say. ("They come mostly at night. Mostly.")
Last night I got my tv watching on with Carrie and Nicole...Carrie stuck around to watch the 1st episode of the UK version of The Office. The US one is almost play-by-play off the British one, but dang it was hard to understand their language. Instead of saying "layoffs" they say "redundancies".
Anyway so I scoped it out online, and turns out there's a trillion other Offices out there.
First we have the "true" first episode, the British one:
Now compare against the US version:
Jim kicks ass, no matter what country he's in.
Now the French (France French, not Canadian French) version, which somehow replaces the jello with cheese...I guess jello isn't a common dessert in France?
Le Bureau (which translates verbatum to "the desk" but I guess that's another word for office as well...):
Now I have no idea if the Quebecois version ever did the jello/cheese shtick, 'cause I guess it was only on some random subscription station and only in January got aired on other channels, so searching for it is brutal on You Tube ('cause it's called "La Job" (which yes, means, The Job) ends up with mostly Steve Jobs Apple crap):
And finally, the German version, which started off not being The Office (it's an insurance company, not a paper company) but the British Office people sued the Stromberg people 'cause it's pretty obvious even without understanding the language who is Michael, Jim, and Dwight (or David, british Jim, and Gareth):
And there you have it. The more you know.
Last night I got my tv watching on with Carrie and Nicole...Carrie stuck around to watch the 1st episode of the UK version of The Office. The US one is almost play-by-play off the British one, but dang it was hard to understand their language. Instead of saying "layoffs" they say "redundancies".
Anyway so I scoped it out online, and turns out there's a trillion other Offices out there.
First we have the "true" first episode, the British one:
Now compare against the US version:
Jim kicks ass, no matter what country he's in.
Now the French (France French, not Canadian French) version, which somehow replaces the jello with cheese...I guess jello isn't a common dessert in France?
Le Bureau (which translates verbatum to "the desk" but I guess that's another word for office as well...):
Now I have no idea if the Quebecois version ever did the jello/cheese shtick, 'cause I guess it was only on some random subscription station and only in January got aired on other channels, so searching for it is brutal on You Tube ('cause it's called "La Job" (which yes, means, The Job) ends up with mostly Steve Jobs Apple crap):
And finally, the German version, which started off not being The Office (it's an insurance company, not a paper company) but the British Office people sued the Stromberg people 'cause it's pretty obvious even without understanding the language who is Michael, Jim, and Dwight (or David, british Jim, and Gareth):
And there you have it. The more you know.
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