HONOLULU - A daughter of reality TV star Duane "Dog" Chapman was killed in a car accident late Friday, a day before her father's wedding, a spokesman said.
Barbara Katy Chapman, 23, died near her home of Fairbanks, Alaska, said Michael Feeney, senior vice president of A&E television network.
Duane Chapman's Saturday wedding on the Big Island went forward as planned after the family consulted with a preacher and agreed to celebrate her life at the ceremony, Feeney told The Associated Press.
The star of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" married his longtime sidekick, Beth Smith, after being together for 16 years. The wedding is scheduled to be featured in an Aug. 14 episode of the show about Chapman and his tattooed crew of fugitive finders.
Barbara Chapman had not been expected to attend the wedding, and the circumstances of the accident were unclear, Feeney said.
She was one of 12 of the bounty hunter's children. She is survived by her mother, Lyssa Greene, and her 4-year-old son, Travis Drake-Lee Chapman.
I get that this is sad and all....but am I the only one that was like "WTF!" at the TWELVE CHILDREN part?!!! Someone's not shooting blanks...
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Bone-ability
From Oh No They Didn't!
Which would YOU do?
LUKE VS. OWEN WILSON
One is a dark-haired stunner while the other is a quirky blond. Which Wilson brother would you bring home to Mom?
Luke is better looking but Owen is wayyyy sexier...i'd do Owen. Then afterwords he can play me a song and cartoon birds would fly around us. It'd be great.
RYAN SEACREST VS. SIMON COWELL
The American Idol host can charm, while the cranky judge keeps it real. Who gets your vote?
Egads, Ryan all the way. Ryan's got a fit body AND he's not gonna cross his arms and critique you after. Plus Simon looks lazy...i mean, all he does is sit in that chair. Ryan's gotta run around and get all interactive.
RICHIE SAMBORA VS. CHARLIE SHEEN
They're no strangers to complicated relationships: Which would you take a chance with – the Bon Jovi guitarist or the TV star?
Oh geezus Charlie all the way. Although I'm sure he's a complete loon...but he'd still be more fun.
KANYE WEST VS. PHARRELL WILLIAMS
Gold diggers need not apply: Which hip-hopper makes your heart beat faster?
This is a tough call. Neither is fabulously good looking...Pharrell's got a decent body i guess...but he looksl ike an alien...and he looks like he got an STD from one of Snoop's leftover women. Kanye it is. But it would still suck, 'cause he looks like the type where you have to keep telling him how fabulous his performance was. Eff that crap.
MICHAEL VARTAN VS. BRADLEY COOPER
The handsome Alias stars make pulses race. With whom would you share a secret mission?
Oh hands down, Michael Vartan. Never Been Kissed made all of us chicks fall for him. Plus Bradley always plays a jackass in movies. Michael's super good looking in that "I could marry that man and i'd have millions of his babies" kind of way.
MICK JAGGER VS. STEVEN TYLER
They may be grandfathers, but they still have that sexy swagger. Which rocker gives you more "Sweet Emotion"?
Gag me please. But between the two, i'm guessing Steven's got more STDs, so I'll stick with Mick. Oh but wait, Steven could sing the Wayne's World song after the boning. No forget it, his lips are too ginormous. Mick it is.
PARIS LATSIS VS. STAVROS NIARCHOS
Paris Hilton has said goodbye to both of them. Which Greek shipping heir would you sail away with?
Stavros baby! Paris is the male version of...well...the other Paris. And we all know how nasty she is.
ADRIAN GRENIER VS. JEREMY PIVEN
Which Entourage power player would you rather hug it out with in real life?
Adrian Grenier is so beautiful, it kills me. My confession: i've seen that STUPID Melissa Joan Hart movie "Drive me Crazy" a billion times 'cause he was in it. Damn that guy would make me melt. Forget who I would "do"...i could just stare at him for hours.
DAVID BLAINE VS. DAVID COPPERFIELD
Making magic is their mission. Which illusionist is your daredevil of choice?
Uh i'll take whichever one can magically turn themselves into...anyone but themself.
ANDY SAMBERG VS. CHRIS PARNELL
Which SNL comedian would you want to spend a "Lazy Sunday" with?
Andy 'cause he's younger, but REALLY...i'd much rather have Seth Meyer. And if we're taking SNL alumni, then Jimmy Fallon ALL the way. I LOVE JIMMY!
CLYDE PICKLER VS. MICHAEL LOHAN
Which jailbird dad piques your inner rebel: Kelly's (of American Idol) or teen queen Lindsay's?
Nastiness. Pure nastiness. I guess Clyde...'cause Michael Lohan would probably steal my stuff after he bones me and then write a tell-all book about me.
WENTWORTH MILLER VS. DOMINIC PURCELL
The Prison Break brothers share piercing eyes and chiseled features. Which actor would you want to escape with?
Wentworth...mmm mmm good. Although he looks a little TOO intense, you know? But he's definitely beautiful.
Ha ha I'm surprised there was no Brokeback Boys to compare...
In other news, props to Nicole B for finding the Strip-Aerobics class at 24HF. I'm sure I'd look like an elephant in a china store doing that stuff, but at least it'll give my thighs a badly-needed workout. Booyah.
Which would YOU do?
LUKE VS. OWEN WILSON
One is a dark-haired stunner while the other is a quirky blond. Which Wilson brother would you bring home to Mom?
Luke is better looking but Owen is wayyyy sexier...i'd do Owen. Then afterwords he can play me a song and cartoon birds would fly around us. It'd be great.
RYAN SEACREST VS. SIMON COWELL
The American Idol host can charm, while the cranky judge keeps it real. Who gets your vote?
Egads, Ryan all the way. Ryan's got a fit body AND he's not gonna cross his arms and critique you after. Plus Simon looks lazy...i mean, all he does is sit in that chair. Ryan's gotta run around and get all interactive.
RICHIE SAMBORA VS. CHARLIE SHEEN
They're no strangers to complicated relationships: Which would you take a chance with – the Bon Jovi guitarist or the TV star?
Oh geezus Charlie all the way. Although I'm sure he's a complete loon...but he'd still be more fun.
KANYE WEST VS. PHARRELL WILLIAMS
Gold diggers need not apply: Which hip-hopper makes your heart beat faster?
This is a tough call. Neither is fabulously good looking...Pharrell's got a decent body i guess...but he looksl ike an alien...and he looks like he got an STD from one of Snoop's leftover women. Kanye it is. But it would still suck, 'cause he looks like the type where you have to keep telling him how fabulous his performance was. Eff that crap.
MICHAEL VARTAN VS. BRADLEY COOPER
The handsome Alias stars make pulses race. With whom would you share a secret mission?
Oh hands down, Michael Vartan. Never Been Kissed made all of us chicks fall for him. Plus Bradley always plays a jackass in movies. Michael's super good looking in that "I could marry that man and i'd have millions of his babies" kind of way.
MICK JAGGER VS. STEVEN TYLER
They may be grandfathers, but they still have that sexy swagger. Which rocker gives you more "Sweet Emotion"?
Gag me please. But between the two, i'm guessing Steven's got more STDs, so I'll stick with Mick. Oh but wait, Steven could sing the Wayne's World song after the boning. No forget it, his lips are too ginormous. Mick it is.
PARIS LATSIS VS. STAVROS NIARCHOS
Paris Hilton has said goodbye to both of them. Which Greek shipping heir would you sail away with?
Stavros baby! Paris is the male version of...well...the other Paris. And we all know how nasty she is.
ADRIAN GRENIER VS. JEREMY PIVEN
Which Entourage power player would you rather hug it out with in real life?
Adrian Grenier is so beautiful, it kills me. My confession: i've seen that STUPID Melissa Joan Hart movie "Drive me Crazy" a billion times 'cause he was in it. Damn that guy would make me melt. Forget who I would "do"...i could just stare at him for hours.
DAVID BLAINE VS. DAVID COPPERFIELD
Making magic is their mission. Which illusionist is your daredevil of choice?
Uh i'll take whichever one can magically turn themselves into...anyone but themself.
ANDY SAMBERG VS. CHRIS PARNELL
Which SNL comedian would you want to spend a "Lazy Sunday" with?
Andy 'cause he's younger, but REALLY...i'd much rather have Seth Meyer. And if we're taking SNL alumni, then Jimmy Fallon ALL the way. I LOVE JIMMY!
CLYDE PICKLER VS. MICHAEL LOHAN
Which jailbird dad piques your inner rebel: Kelly's (of American Idol) or teen queen Lindsay's?
Nastiness. Pure nastiness. I guess Clyde...'cause Michael Lohan would probably steal my stuff after he bones me and then write a tell-all book about me.
WENTWORTH MILLER VS. DOMINIC PURCELL
The Prison Break brothers share piercing eyes and chiseled features. Which actor would you want to escape with?
Wentworth...mmm mmm good. Although he looks a little TOO intense, you know? But he's definitely beautiful.
Ha ha I'm surprised there was no Brokeback Boys to compare...
In other news, props to Nicole B for finding the Strip-Aerobics class at 24HF. I'm sure I'd look like an elephant in a china store doing that stuff, but at least it'll give my thighs a badly-needed workout. Booyah.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Letter to the editor
Man, you should have given my brother a call. You were right down the road from him.
Oh look dude, I'm FINALLY out of that meeting! Yeah 2.5 weeks...and those bastards didn't even cater lunch. Or provide catheters.
Probably would have helped if i had your brother's number. That being said, if I DID have his number, I would have used it as an excuse to skip out on the hike, tie him to a chair, and stare at that fine young man like the creepy perverted stalker old lady that I am.
Oh look dude, I'm FINALLY out of that meeting! Yeah 2.5 weeks...and those bastards didn't even cater lunch. Or provide catheters.
Probably would have helped if i had your brother's number. That being said, if I DID have his number, I would have used it as an excuse to skip out on the hike, tie him to a chair, and stare at that fine young man like the creepy perverted stalker old lady that I am.
Beef jerky sold here!
Drive it like you stole it and bone it like you own it
Yeahhhhh!
Happy anniversary to me and Kraig. Booyah. 3 years of marriage. Our waitress tonight was like "3 years, that's great, blah blah..." and then says "The first year was rough wasn't it"...
YES, YES IT WAS. And everyone I talk to says the first year is brutal. Except you can't TELL anyone it's brutal, because they think you're in newlywed bliss so you keep smiling through gritted teeth. Finally after one year people are like "yeah that year sucked didn't it?" and you suddenly realize that your life is different, get used to it. And it all gets SO much better.
Which is why I truly do think that living together is NOT the same as being married...the changes are all mental...and the realization that you've legally bound yourself to someone for LIFE makes people act (react!) in surprising ways.
Anyway, I got a beautiful card and seasons 5, 6, and 7 of the Simpsons on DVD. EXACTLY what I wanted. I can't wait to have a Simpsons marathon weekend...
In other news, in case anyone cares, my brother is coming to the OC this weekend. I haven't seen him in a year, which is pretty pathetic since he only lives a few hours away.
Family. Good times.
Yeahhhhh!
Happy anniversary to me and Kraig. Booyah. 3 years of marriage. Our waitress tonight was like "3 years, that's great, blah blah..." and then says "The first year was rough wasn't it"...
YES, YES IT WAS. And everyone I talk to says the first year is brutal. Except you can't TELL anyone it's brutal, because they think you're in newlywed bliss so you keep smiling through gritted teeth. Finally after one year people are like "yeah that year sucked didn't it?" and you suddenly realize that your life is different, get used to it. And it all gets SO much better.
Which is why I truly do think that living together is NOT the same as being married...the changes are all mental...and the realization that you've legally bound yourself to someone for LIFE makes people act (react!) in surprising ways.
Anyway, I got a beautiful card and seasons 5, 6, and 7 of the Simpsons on DVD. EXACTLY what I wanted. I can't wait to have a Simpsons marathon weekend...
In other news, in case anyone cares, my brother is coming to the OC this weekend. I haven't seen him in a year, which is pretty pathetic since he only lives a few hours away.
Family. Good times.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Oh ....crap....
Just fabulous, this is the stuff I've been using for the past few months:
ReNu with Moisture Lock for my contact lenses...
Bausch & Lomb Inc. said Monday it has permanently removed from markets worldwide a contact-lens solution linked by health authorities to an outbreak of rare fungal infections that can cause blindness.
Just effing fabulous....
ReNu with Moisture Lock for my contact lenses...
Bausch & Lomb Inc. said Monday it has permanently removed from markets worldwide a contact-lens solution linked by health authorities to an outbreak of rare fungal infections that can cause blindness.
Just effing fabulous....
I know Katelyn will appreciate this...
MANNNNNN I swear Fergie is FUG to the nth degree:
Beat with an ugly stick
Beat with an ugly stick
Friday, May 12, 2006
Worst blockbusters of all time
THE TEN WORST BLOCKBUSTERS OF ALL TIME
from Pajiba:
10: The Rock
Oh HELL NO. I love this movie. I should remember to buy it. Sean Connery is STILL studly, and Nick Cage is so cheesy, it's fabulous. Plus I've been to Alcatraz twice, so it's kinda cool that they filmed it there and knowing the history behind Alcatraz.
09: Van Helsing
I refused to even see this movie.
08: Pearl Harbor
TOTALLY AGREE. Holy crap this movie is one of the worst movies ever. In fact, it should be #1 on this list. To top it off, I thought it was full of such american propaganda, Kraig and I got into an argument after the movie ended 'cause he disagreed with me. Yeah. Right. The movie SHOULD have ended where America f*cked up and everyone died. But they dragged it out an extra half hour with Alec Baldwin and everyone in Japan, and ended saying "It was america's finest hour". Uhhh if that's the case, then what happened to the other 3 hours of my life that showed how badly you effed up?!?!?
07: Meet The Fockers
Listen, I'll be honest...the whole series bugs me. I didn't like the first one, I didn't even want to see this one. Ben Stiller is only funny when he's got a Wilson brother by his side.
06: Armageddon
So this was another movie I boycotted...but...since I had a blackbox in university and got a ton of PPV movies for free, I was forced to watch it a billion times...I love it. I really should buy it. I mean, come ON...the last part where Bruce Willis switches with Ben so that Ben can "take care of my little girl"...classic! Plus all that Aerosmith stuff, as well as Mr. Pink going psycho in space...great movie fun.
05: Patch Adams
Never saw, but this was a blockbuster?
04: Titanic
Don't make me punch you in the face. I LOVE this movie. Once again...totally cheesy...but I loved the storyline (girl forced to marry someone to save the family...classic!)...actually I just really am fascinated with the true-life Titanic and how everyone insisted it was unsinkable...
03: Star Wars I - The Phantom Menace
Ugh, Jar Jar anyone?
02: Big Momma's House
Uhhh...i never saw it...but i would totally rent it. Once again...a blockbuster? Hardly.
01: Batman & Robin
Yeah i'll give you that one.
from Pajiba:
10: The Rock
Oh HELL NO. I love this movie. I should remember to buy it. Sean Connery is STILL studly, and Nick Cage is so cheesy, it's fabulous. Plus I've been to Alcatraz twice, so it's kinda cool that they filmed it there and knowing the history behind Alcatraz.
09: Van Helsing
I refused to even see this movie.
08: Pearl Harbor
TOTALLY AGREE. Holy crap this movie is one of the worst movies ever. In fact, it should be #1 on this list. To top it off, I thought it was full of such american propaganda, Kraig and I got into an argument after the movie ended 'cause he disagreed with me. Yeah. Right. The movie SHOULD have ended where America f*cked up and everyone died. But they dragged it out an extra half hour with Alec Baldwin and everyone in Japan, and ended saying "It was america's finest hour". Uhhh if that's the case, then what happened to the other 3 hours of my life that showed how badly you effed up?!?!?
07: Meet The Fockers
Listen, I'll be honest...the whole series bugs me. I didn't like the first one, I didn't even want to see this one. Ben Stiller is only funny when he's got a Wilson brother by his side.
06: Armageddon
So this was another movie I boycotted...but...since I had a blackbox in university and got a ton of PPV movies for free, I was forced to watch it a billion times...I love it. I really should buy it. I mean, come ON...the last part where Bruce Willis switches with Ben so that Ben can "take care of my little girl"...classic! Plus all that Aerosmith stuff, as well as Mr. Pink going psycho in space...great movie fun.
05: Patch Adams
Never saw, but this was a blockbuster?
04: Titanic
Don't make me punch you in the face. I LOVE this movie. Once again...totally cheesy...but I loved the storyline (girl forced to marry someone to save the family...classic!)...actually I just really am fascinated with the true-life Titanic and how everyone insisted it was unsinkable...
03: Star Wars I - The Phantom Menace
Ugh, Jar Jar anyone?
02: Big Momma's House
Uhhh...i never saw it...but i would totally rent it. Once again...a blockbuster? Hardly.
01: Batman & Robin
Yeah i'll give you that one.
Glamour's Sex Issue
From Glamour's sex issue....
3.4" = average length of a penis...at rest.
5.9" = average length of an erect penis...which is fine, because 82% of women say they're satisfied with most 6".
8.7" = the size most men THINK they are when erect. Only 9% of women would even want them that big.
...i'm gonna chase after Kraig with a ruler one of these days.
One of the most popular sex gadgets women buy when they shop alone: the Hitachi Magic Wand, a no-frills vibrator. When they're browsing with men, many pick up the petal ring (in the pic it's like a baby teething ring with these petals sticking out). Bottom line: sex toys are subjective.
The % of poeple who's had sex...
...in a car: 50% (are you kidding me? Where else do people have sex when they're still living with their parents?!!)
..in a bathroom: 39% (I guess that means only 39% have ever done it in the shower?)
...in a parent's bedroom: 36% (this i findi nteresting. I could never, EVER, EVERRRR have sex in my parents' bedroom...let alone their HOUSE...but guys never seem to care and in fact, i think they rather want it!)
...in a park: 31%
...on an airplane: 2% (now this i give serious props to people for. I can't even figure out the logistics of this. I figure, you need an overnight flight with barely anyone on the plane...bathrooms are out because the flight attendants are right there! You go mile high people! I support you. I'd never DO it..but I support you.)
The two most common sex fantasy stars:
Most women are dreaming of either
1. a current lover
2. an ex
Why so tame? The most pleasurable fantasies tend to involve someone we've connected with emotionally. Which explains why celebs don't top the list. Unless you ARE a celebrity. With a celebrity ex.
The main reasons condoms break: incorrect usage (yeah no kidding). People either put them on wrong, they don't pinch the tip to get all the air out, or they use them with an oil-based lubricant.
The average number of friends a woman calls to talk about sleeping with someone for the first time: 3.
Average num for guys: 3.
So much for the notion that women are blabbers and men are mute.
3.4" = average length of a penis...at rest.
5.9" = average length of an erect penis...which is fine, because 82% of women say they're satisfied with most 6".
8.7" = the size most men THINK they are when erect. Only 9% of women would even want them that big.
...i'm gonna chase after Kraig with a ruler one of these days.
One of the most popular sex gadgets women buy when they shop alone: the Hitachi Magic Wand, a no-frills vibrator. When they're browsing with men, many pick up the petal ring (in the pic it's like a baby teething ring with these petals sticking out). Bottom line: sex toys are subjective.
The % of poeple who's had sex...
...in a car: 50% (are you kidding me? Where else do people have sex when they're still living with their parents?!!)
..in a bathroom: 39% (I guess that means only 39% have ever done it in the shower?)
...in a parent's bedroom: 36% (this i findi nteresting. I could never, EVER, EVERRRR have sex in my parents' bedroom...let alone their HOUSE...but guys never seem to care and in fact, i think they rather want it!)
...in a park: 31%
...on an airplane: 2% (now this i give serious props to people for. I can't even figure out the logistics of this. I figure, you need an overnight flight with barely anyone on the plane...bathrooms are out because the flight attendants are right there! You go mile high people! I support you. I'd never DO it..but I support you.)
The two most common sex fantasy stars:
Most women are dreaming of either
1. a current lover
2. an ex
Why so tame? The most pleasurable fantasies tend to involve someone we've connected with emotionally. Which explains why celebs don't top the list. Unless you ARE a celebrity. With a celebrity ex.
The main reasons condoms break: incorrect usage (yeah no kidding). People either put them on wrong, they don't pinch the tip to get all the air out, or they use them with an oil-based lubricant.
The average number of friends a woman calls to talk about sleeping with someone for the first time: 3.
Average num for guys: 3.
So much for the notion that women are blabbers and men are mute.
THE OFFICE
FUCK ME HARD HOLY CRAP HOW AMAZING WAS THE OFFICE LAST NIGHT?!!! BLOW YOUR MIND THAT SHOW IS FRICKIN' AMAZING
Update post
Yeah so I haven't written in awhile. Suck it.
Next week I finally get my permanent green card interview thingy. Yee haw. Don't get me started on the photo situation. After 2 hours of hell i somehow ended up with EIGHT greencard photos thanks to Kinkos and DigiPhoto and not a singleo ne is acceptable for the greencard. I'm so peeved, i gotta go raise hell at DigiPhoto sometime before Tuesday and get another one.
On another note, I'm so obsessed with Nick Lachey right now it's crazy. Although maybe it'll switch over to ex-American Idol contestant Chris...he's my boy! WTF:
Is this not heartbreaking? Poor nick:
"It breaks my heart that I couldn't make Jessica happy," he mumbles, his chin pressed into his chest. "I wanted to be everything to my wife. I wanted her to look at me with love in her eyes, the way she did at the beginning, and have her feel like I was the most wonderful, awe-inspiring man on the planet. And when that stopped, it was the worst feeling in the world."
And here's the thing...maybe she DIDNT cheat on him...but take a look at like Reese Witherspoon. You never hear about her with other dudes. Why? Because she acts like a f*cking WIFE that's why. I mean, don't get me wrong...I didn't do a 180 just because I signed a marriage vow...but if I"m going to have cameras in my face, I'm not going to do ANTYHING that's going to even hint that I'm not committed to my marriage.
There is no keener shame than being publicly dumped. Add allegations that your wife cheated on you with several other men -- prankster-actor Johnny Knoxville, Knoxville's wingman Bam Margera, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine -- and you have a recipe for postal levels of retaliation.
So I admit it...i bought his album. I felt the need to support Team Lachey...to show Jessica was a frickin' moron she is. Seriously, my thoughts were that when they were married he should have written a husbandry book, called "How to despoil your wife in 5 years" (if you watched Newlyweds, you know what that means)...
"I read somewhere somebody was saying, 'Oh, he's capitalizing on his failed marriage to sell records,' " Lachey says. "That really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't rather be singing about how great love is? About my newborn son and shit like that? Give me a fucking break. I don't get to choose where my life goes. What do you want me to sing about?"
I SUPPORT YOU NICK! My plan is also to get him to marry one of my friends (and she knows who she is)...they have so much in common! And she actually wants to be a good wife! C'mon Nick, send me an email...i'll pimp her out.
A few random thoughts...
1. I hate HATE hate effing iTunes.
2. The couch cleaning guy is coming Sat morning so that my couches are officially socially acceptable again.
3. My blowdryer went on the fritz but then I got it working today, thank GOD. I've had it for 11 years and i LOVE it. Especially now that i have Henry hair.
4. Evan booked his trip to Cali! WOO HOO! NOw i gotta come up with inexpensive stuff for us to do while he's here (it'll be crazy, 4th of July and all)
5. I'm effing tired.
6. Go Team Lachey!
7. Whoever invents a cure for split ends will be a zillionaire.
In other news, Kraig saw Paris Hilton yesterday at E3
Paris Hilton at E3 news
Next week I finally get my permanent green card interview thingy. Yee haw. Don't get me started on the photo situation. After 2 hours of hell i somehow ended up with EIGHT greencard photos thanks to Kinkos and DigiPhoto and not a singleo ne is acceptable for the greencard. I'm so peeved, i gotta go raise hell at DigiPhoto sometime before Tuesday and get another one.
On another note, I'm so obsessed with Nick Lachey right now it's crazy. Although maybe it'll switch over to ex-American Idol contestant Chris...he's my boy! WTF:
Is this not heartbreaking? Poor nick:
"It breaks my heart that I couldn't make Jessica happy," he mumbles, his chin pressed into his chest. "I wanted to be everything to my wife. I wanted her to look at me with love in her eyes, the way she did at the beginning, and have her feel like I was the most wonderful, awe-inspiring man on the planet. And when that stopped, it was the worst feeling in the world."
And here's the thing...maybe she DIDNT cheat on him...but take a look at like Reese Witherspoon. You never hear about her with other dudes. Why? Because she acts like a f*cking WIFE that's why. I mean, don't get me wrong...I didn't do a 180 just because I signed a marriage vow...but if I"m going to have cameras in my face, I'm not going to do ANTYHING that's going to even hint that I'm not committed to my marriage.
There is no keener shame than being publicly dumped. Add allegations that your wife cheated on you with several other men -- prankster-actor Johnny Knoxville, Knoxville's wingman Bam Margera, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine -- and you have a recipe for postal levels of retaliation.
So I admit it...i bought his album. I felt the need to support Team Lachey...to show Jessica was a frickin' moron she is. Seriously, my thoughts were that when they were married he should have written a husbandry book, called "How to despoil your wife in 5 years" (if you watched Newlyweds, you know what that means)...
"I read somewhere somebody was saying, 'Oh, he's capitalizing on his failed marriage to sell records,' " Lachey says. "That really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't rather be singing about how great love is? About my newborn son and shit like that? Give me a fucking break. I don't get to choose where my life goes. What do you want me to sing about?"
I SUPPORT YOU NICK! My plan is also to get him to marry one of my friends (and she knows who she is)...they have so much in common! And she actually wants to be a good wife! C'mon Nick, send me an email...i'll pimp her out.
A few random thoughts...
1. I hate HATE hate effing iTunes.
2. The couch cleaning guy is coming Sat morning so that my couches are officially socially acceptable again.
3. My blowdryer went on the fritz but then I got it working today, thank GOD. I've had it for 11 years and i LOVE it. Especially now that i have Henry hair.
4. Evan booked his trip to Cali! WOO HOO! NOw i gotta come up with inexpensive stuff for us to do while he's here (it'll be crazy, 4th of July and all)
5. I'm effing tired.
6. Go Team Lachey!
7. Whoever invents a cure for split ends will be a zillionaire.
In other news, Kraig saw Paris Hilton yesterday at E3
Paris Hilton at E3 news
Friday, May 05, 2006
Narcissm....
So in case anyone cares, here's the stuff i got done from my TO DO list awhile back:
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport (well...going after work today)
- send mom mother's day card
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that) doing that after work today
- deposit that $340 check
And only 'cause I want to waste time...from Norm's myspace thingy (damn i hate myspace...i can't believe they actually have a myspace PHONE for eff's sakes):
1. Worst damage you ever took in a fight?
Black eye, massive bruising in various spots, and almost an effing coronary...
2. Most money you ever owed a utility company?
Probably not much...like $100+?
3. Last time you got kicked out of a bar?
I'm a girl. They don't kick us out of bars.
4. Longest time you slept in a car?
Oh geezus I've slept HOURS in a car...all the time. The average is like 3 hours. Probably the max...i dunno, 4-5 hours?
5. Most messed up nickname you've ever been given?
Libby. Don't ask.
6. Worst job you ever had?
Let's see, i've had like 27 jobs in 19 years...and the worst was for the first company I worked for in the Bay area. Yeah you heard me. Working for a tech company made me cry EVERY day and i've worked at McDonald's...I've done housekeeping and yardwork...but that one company was so awful and I couldn't quit for one whole year.
Second worst: Travelodge. Yeah the hotel. To top it off I was dating a coworker (I went through a phase where no matter what the job, i dated or slept with my coworker..wtf. Recommendation: don't sleep with a coworker if you require a uniform as part of yuor job...total libido killer) but since we had alternate shifts the only time we could see each other was after 11pm. You know what you do after 11pm when you both live with your parents? Not much. The kicker was when he took a vacation day on Canada Day and then *I* had to work his stupid shift as a result!
7. Shortest job you've ever had?
I've had a few jobs that were around 2-3 months.
8. Longest romantic relationship?
I've beeen with Kraig since March 2, 2001...but i guess pre-marriage it would be almost 4 years with someone else (I was only with kraig like 1.5 years before he proposed)....
9. Shortest romantic relationship?
Well geezus let's see...3 minutes making out with someone in a bar during a song? I mean, define "romantic"...okay where you actually know the person's name?...sorry Bryan...1 week in Grade 8...lol.
10. Food that you would eat til you puked?
POUTINE!!! But since I can't get that in the US...hmmm...pizza I guess...or Indian (because it's not authentic if you don't eat 10 servings of indian like the Aunties would make you do...)..
11. Food that even looking at makes you puke?
Anything with pesto and/or goat cheese. I got food poisoning off (ironically) some California Pizza somewhere in Ottawa and that's what came up...gughgh.
12. What music saved your life?
Alot of Madonna...i know, retarded, but she's been around my entire life and has had enough phases to cover EVERYTHING.
You know what else is good? Effing Britney Spears' STRONGER song. That came up around the time Adam and I broke up...to this day it can inspire me through ANY workout.
13. Person you miss the most in the world?
ALL my friends in Canada. Lately I've really really been missing Christine, but seriously pretty much all of them. It's like getting your roots cut off. Ha...ROOTS...get it...okay probably not.
14. Worst movie you've ever seen?
That effing train movie with Wesley Snipes. I walked out, went to watch Indecent Proposal for like half an hour, came back to tell my friends about it, and had almost the entire theater listening to my plot synopsis of the OTHER movie instead of watching the one we actually paid to see.
Otherwise...i think i either fell asleep or walked out of Fear and Loathing in Las VEgas...blegh. Got X-rated with aforementioned Travelodge Boyfriend during that crappy Alicia Silverstone one (Excess Baggage) (tips to guys: want to get play from your woman? Take her to see a horrible movie. A blowjob is STILL better than watching a bad, bad BAD movie in the theater). YELLED at another boyfriend for hours for taking me to see Eyes Wide Shut.
15. Best movie you've ever seen?
"Best" is different than one that I totally love. I adore Clueless but that's not the "best" movie...so ones that I think are very well done...Joy Luck Club...Desperado...Pride & Prejudice...actually V for Vendetta was very well done...
16. Craziest shit you've ever done sober?
Define crazy...i mean, crazy is based on where you are in life at the time. Sober...my friend and I had a system for stealing other people's assignments out of the bins int he computer science hall...now, not a big deal. Back then, EASILY expulsion from the university. Sober...having s*x in public places...which actually the only reason i wouldn't do that now is 'cause i don't want to lose my green card. Sober...speeding like a mofo because i'd rather risk DYING than get my ass kicked by my parents for being late.
17. Ever almost die?
Not that I can recall.
18. Ever fistfight a member of the opposite sex?
fistfight, no, punch, yes.
19. Best place you have ever lived?
Selkirk, Manitoba.
20. Worst place you have ever lived?
Define" worst"...i mean, the OC is wayyy overpriced and that effing sucks. But...hmmm i'd say...Tracy, California....
21. Bad habit you have had for the longest time?
Does being unrefined count as a bad habit? I dunno...staying up late, going to the gym late, and then having serious issues getting up in the morning.
22. Noise that makes you want to punch people?
Norm, i gotta agree with yo...i can't STAND hearing other people eating. AND...when you're in a theater and you hear that slurping of their drinks or the opening of bags...ARHHHGHG open your frickin' bag before the movie starts!!
23. Your favorite tattoo?
I don't have any, and I don't want any anymore. I'm not down with getting them at this point in life (I have no issues if other people do...but i feel like I'm trying to capture my youth or something...let's be real people, I wasn't cool then and getting a tattoo certainly won't make me any cooler now.
24. Least favorite tattoo?
duh.
25. At your poorest, were you a ramen noodle or mac and cheez?
At my poorest I subsisted on Circus Animal Cookies. And i'm not kidding. But if i had to choose...mac and cheese.
26. Most money you have ever spent on a single meal?
A little over $100 at this joint in San Diego awhile ago. There was also this amazingp lace in Ottawa that was a little steep (also over $100) but it closed down. Both times without alcohol.
27. Best gift you ever got?
That's an awful question!
28. Best pet you ever had?
Listen, i love all my pets. I miss Smokey badly. But we all know Marmalade rules my life.
29. Ever run from the cops?
Actually, I did...and this makes me sound SO white trash but I was smoking on a weekend outside of my old high school. I DONT SMOKE...my friend convinced me,and we found an open door to get inside the locked school....and then the cops showed up and we ran like mofos. We didn't get very far...they still took our names down.
30. Money or health?
If it's Cancer + Billionaire vs. Peak Health + Homeless, i'll take money. But if it's like Crappy Health + BIllionaire or Peak Health + Current Money...oh eff that, who are we kidding...money.
Have a great Cinco de Mayo everyone!
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport (well...going after work today)
- send mom mother's day card
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that) doing that after work today
- deposit that $340 check
And only 'cause I want to waste time...from Norm's myspace thingy (damn i hate myspace...i can't believe they actually have a myspace PHONE for eff's sakes):
1. Worst damage you ever took in a fight?
Black eye, massive bruising in various spots, and almost an effing coronary...
2. Most money you ever owed a utility company?
Probably not much...like $100+?
3. Last time you got kicked out of a bar?
I'm a girl. They don't kick us out of bars.
4. Longest time you slept in a car?
Oh geezus I've slept HOURS in a car...all the time. The average is like 3 hours. Probably the max...i dunno, 4-5 hours?
5. Most messed up nickname you've ever been given?
Libby. Don't ask.
6. Worst job you ever had?
Let's see, i've had like 27 jobs in 19 years...and the worst was for the first company I worked for in the Bay area. Yeah you heard me. Working for a tech company made me cry EVERY day and i've worked at McDonald's...I've done housekeeping and yardwork...but that one company was so awful and I couldn't quit for one whole year.
Second worst: Travelodge. Yeah the hotel. To top it off I was dating a coworker (I went through a phase where no matter what the job, i dated or slept with my coworker..wtf. Recommendation: don't sleep with a coworker if you require a uniform as part of yuor job...total libido killer) but since we had alternate shifts the only time we could see each other was after 11pm. You know what you do after 11pm when you both live with your parents? Not much. The kicker was when he took a vacation day on Canada Day and then *I* had to work his stupid shift as a result!
7. Shortest job you've ever had?
I've had a few jobs that were around 2-3 months.
8. Longest romantic relationship?
I've beeen with Kraig since March 2, 2001...but i guess pre-marriage it would be almost 4 years with someone else (I was only with kraig like 1.5 years before he proposed)....
9. Shortest romantic relationship?
Well geezus let's see...3 minutes making out with someone in a bar during a song? I mean, define "romantic"...okay where you actually know the person's name?...sorry Bryan...1 week in Grade 8...lol.
10. Food that you would eat til you puked?
POUTINE!!! But since I can't get that in the US...hmmm...pizza I guess...or Indian (because it's not authentic if you don't eat 10 servings of indian like the Aunties would make you do...)..
11. Food that even looking at makes you puke?
Anything with pesto and/or goat cheese. I got food poisoning off (ironically) some California Pizza somewhere in Ottawa and that's what came up...gughgh.
12. What music saved your life?
Alot of Madonna...i know, retarded, but she's been around my entire life and has had enough phases to cover EVERYTHING.
You know what else is good? Effing Britney Spears' STRONGER song. That came up around the time Adam and I broke up...to this day it can inspire me through ANY workout.
13. Person you miss the most in the world?
ALL my friends in Canada. Lately I've really really been missing Christine, but seriously pretty much all of them. It's like getting your roots cut off. Ha...ROOTS...get it...okay probably not.
14. Worst movie you've ever seen?
That effing train movie with Wesley Snipes. I walked out, went to watch Indecent Proposal for like half an hour, came back to tell my friends about it, and had almost the entire theater listening to my plot synopsis of the OTHER movie instead of watching the one we actually paid to see.
Otherwise...i think i either fell asleep or walked out of Fear and Loathing in Las VEgas...blegh. Got X-rated with aforementioned Travelodge Boyfriend during that crappy Alicia Silverstone one (Excess Baggage) (tips to guys: want to get play from your woman? Take her to see a horrible movie. A blowjob is STILL better than watching a bad, bad BAD movie in the theater). YELLED at another boyfriend for hours for taking me to see Eyes Wide Shut.
15. Best movie you've ever seen?
"Best" is different than one that I totally love. I adore Clueless but that's not the "best" movie...so ones that I think are very well done...Joy Luck Club...Desperado...Pride & Prejudice...actually V for Vendetta was very well done...
16. Craziest shit you've ever done sober?
Define crazy...i mean, crazy is based on where you are in life at the time. Sober...my friend and I had a system for stealing other people's assignments out of the bins int he computer science hall...now, not a big deal. Back then, EASILY expulsion from the university. Sober...having s*x in public places...which actually the only reason i wouldn't do that now is 'cause i don't want to lose my green card. Sober...speeding like a mofo because i'd rather risk DYING than get my ass kicked by my parents for being late.
17. Ever almost die?
Not that I can recall.
18. Ever fistfight a member of the opposite sex?
fistfight, no, punch, yes.
19. Best place you have ever lived?
Selkirk, Manitoba.
20. Worst place you have ever lived?
Define" worst"...i mean, the OC is wayyy overpriced and that effing sucks. But...hmmm i'd say...Tracy, California....
21. Bad habit you have had for the longest time?
Does being unrefined count as a bad habit? I dunno...staying up late, going to the gym late, and then having serious issues getting up in the morning.
22. Noise that makes you want to punch people?
Norm, i gotta agree with yo...i can't STAND hearing other people eating. AND...when you're in a theater and you hear that slurping of their drinks or the opening of bags...ARHHHGHG open your frickin' bag before the movie starts!!
23. Your favorite tattoo?
I don't have any, and I don't want any anymore. I'm not down with getting them at this point in life (I have no issues if other people do...but i feel like I'm trying to capture my youth or something...let's be real people, I wasn't cool then and getting a tattoo certainly won't make me any cooler now.
24. Least favorite tattoo?
duh.
25. At your poorest, were you a ramen noodle or mac and cheez?
At my poorest I subsisted on Circus Animal Cookies. And i'm not kidding. But if i had to choose...mac and cheese.
26. Most money you have ever spent on a single meal?
A little over $100 at this joint in San Diego awhile ago. There was also this amazingp lace in Ottawa that was a little steep (also over $100) but it closed down. Both times without alcohol.
27. Best gift you ever got?
That's an awful question!
28. Best pet you ever had?
Listen, i love all my pets. I miss Smokey badly. But we all know Marmalade rules my life.
29. Ever run from the cops?
Actually, I did...and this makes me sound SO white trash but I was smoking on a weekend outside of my old high school. I DONT SMOKE...my friend convinced me,and we found an open door to get inside the locked school....and then the cops showed up and we ran like mofos. We didn't get very far...they still took our names down.
30. Money or health?
If it's Cancer + Billionaire vs. Peak Health + Homeless, i'll take money. But if it's like Crappy Health + BIllionaire or Peak Health + Current Money...oh eff that, who are we kidding...money.
Have a great Cinco de Mayo everyone!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Mmm. Phloem. Phood.
To support the cause: Take Back Your Time
So today I made a list of places that I usually go to eat lunch at work and it's almost disturbing that this list is only like 25% of the places we normally go:
Thai: this thai place on Muirlands over by the Albertsons...(Thai Taste or something like that)
Exotic and different: there's this afghani/persian buffet on Lake Forest/Muirlands (Ariana Grill)...
Upscale Italian: Dolce Vita on Lake Forest
Ghetto Italian: Peppino's off lake forest and that street by the 5
Overprice exotic: Inka's peruvian by Peppino's
Sandwich/salad stuff: Jackson Barne over by the 24 Fitness by the spectrum
Mexican: Baja Fish Taco http://bajafishtacos.net/ (over by Best Buy in lake forest)
American + slightly longer lunch: BJs on El Toro
American and slightly quicker: Red Robin at the spectrum
When no one can decide and we're cheap: Food Court at the Spectrum
When most want Mexican but the rest of us don't and we're being cheap:
the food area on Irvine Center Drive towards San Canyon
Indian buffet: India Cook House on Culver and the 5 And lastly...
When in doubt: Daphne's over by Jeffrey and Alton (there's also a pizza place there)....
I realize that I set myself up for massive stalking but..well...like i said this is only 25% of the list and heck, i would invite said stalker to lunch if he/she actually finds me.
So today I made a list of places that I usually go to eat lunch at work and it's almost disturbing that this list is only like 25% of the places we normally go:
Thai: this thai place on Muirlands over by the Albertsons...(Thai Taste or something like that)
Exotic and different: there's this afghani/persian buffet on Lake Forest/Muirlands (Ariana Grill)...
Upscale Italian: Dolce Vita on Lake Forest
Ghetto Italian: Peppino's off lake forest and that street by the 5
Overprice exotic: Inka's peruvian by Peppino's
Sandwich/salad stuff: Jackson Barne over by the 24 Fitness by the spectrum
Mexican: Baja Fish Taco http://bajafishtacos.net/ (over by Best Buy in lake forest)
American + slightly longer lunch: BJs on El Toro
American and slightly quicker: Red Robin at the spectrum
When no one can decide and we're cheap: Food Court at the Spectrum
When most want Mexican but the rest of us don't and we're being cheap:
the food area on Irvine Center Drive towards San Canyon
Indian buffet: India Cook House on Culver and the 5 And lastly...
When in doubt: Daphne's over by Jeffrey and Alton (there's also a pizza place there)....
I realize that I set myself up for massive stalking but..well...like i said this is only 25% of the list and heck, i would invite said stalker to lunch if he/she actually finds me.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Brokeba--err...Camelback Mountain
This past weekend I went to Arizona with Carrie to visit her friend Julie (a little road trip if you will).
Mother Nature is a perverted old lady in AZ:
Carrie asked if I would be cool if we did this Camelback Mountain hike before we headed back to Orange County. I'm like "yeah, sure, no prob".
Then that weekend I start to get nervous...anyone who knows Carrie knows she's like...Dances with Wolves when it comes to nature. She hikes like a mofo. I used to hike quite often, but hey, I also used to be a Calculus pro and you don't see me number crunching integrals anymore either. so I kept asking "are you sure I'll be able to keep up, I don't want to hold you back, yadda yadda".
And she keeps saying "oh, you do cardio, you'll be fine".
Yeah. Fine my ass. Clearly 3x a week of light cardio while reading Cosmo is contributing NOTHING to my muscle growth.
Then the night before I read all sorts of Yahoo Travel Reviews on this hike:
Due to the loose gravel this hike can be dangerous especially on your way down.
Use caution. The climb to the top is not for the weak of heart.
..the hiking trail is quite tough and at places it is challanging
Much of it after the first half-mile gets very steep and rocky. Don't try this if you're a beginner--getting down is much harder than going up.
...but Carrie still insisted that it was doable, that I didn't have to go if i didn't want to but seriously I could probably do it.
Clearly the part of me that thought this was a good idea was also the part of me that used to get a kick out of the things my guy friends built while drunk (like the soda can connected to a wire that we plugged in the wall and then electrocuted ourselves with for FUN...uh while drunk...) when I was in high school.
Anyway.
So at 6:45am on Sunday, we got up and headed out the door. Julie gets a big bottle of water, Carrie has two smaller ones she foolishly thinks she'll be able to carry in her hands the entire time, and i've got this cross-shoulder little backpack thingy.
Note that I spent a good chunk of time convincing Carrie to give me her health card in case something happened up Camelback
So...the hike itself.
How little did we know what we were up against:
It's supposed to be 1.2 miles. That's like nothing, right? I mean, that's a walk to the parking lot. OH HELL NO. Clearly on Camelback they use some bizarre unit of measurement because after like 1 hour we saw the 5/8 mile marker...those Arizonians are f*cked up people.
It starts off steep but there's stairs so we don't think much of it. And then it starts to get REALLY steep. And the gravel is psycho crazy...it was like walking on ice uphill.
THEN...we face this:
Which is a 90degree incline on a perfectly smooth rock. And don't let the bars fool you...you couldn't climb over by the area where the bars were. At this point I'm realizing that people around us have GLOVES on....
Midway up this bastard of a rock section I realize I'm f*cked up the ass. I can't go back down because there's nowhere my feet can go and i can't go up 'cause there's nothing for me to hold on to. Carrie's a bit ahead of me to the side with the same problem. I'm slipping, my heart is pounding, adrenaline is going to make my organs burst out of my body, I'm cursing Carrie (and not under my breath either)...I look down at Julie who's still at the bars with a look of Deer In Headlights which was even WORSE because looking down almost made me pee in my pants (well...in the funky red shorts I borrowed)....
I guess the Rock Climbing Gods must have heard our prayers 'cause this old dude with Spiderman webbing skills popped out of nowhere and pulled me, Carrie, and Julie up that part...if the adrenaline hadn't made me feel like a flimsy noodle I would have thanked him properly...I have no idea how we would have survived that if it wasnt' for him.
So...at that point most normal people would have just said "eff this Camelback crap, Carrie and Julie can shove it up their ass" right? Oh, not me. The abuse wasn't enough for us. For the next few eons we CLIMB (did i mention this was supposedt o be a hike? So why were my knees and hands bruised and bloodied?!) up this effing mountain, i'm swearing, we're covered in dirt, we're realizing that a visor is the best investment we didn't make, and that water bottles are best carried in between your boobs.
FINALLY...we're in the last home stretch. I'm talking 7 minutes.
This was the part:
And I was like "I'm crapping out." I know, you're thinking, 2 hours of hiking up and you crapped out in the last 7 minutes? Trust me, I didn't care. I didn't want to go up and have to go back down. I didn't CARE what the view looked like. All i cared about was that my thighs were pure mush and I wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for the helicopters to get me.
So i empty my backpack except for the digital camera, give it to julie and carrie, and chill out in the beautiful, glorious shade. SHADE mother effers is your best friend in Arizona.
Like the non-nature person I am, I immediately get on my cell phone and start calling/texting people...one guy offered to carry my up the mountain just so I could see the view (uh...no. At this point everyone looked as nasty and sweaty and filthy as I was). Finally this group of 20-something guys and girls come over and totally convince me to do the climb. I'm like "but i've got my stuff, my friend has my backpack" and one guy's all "you can put it in my bag"...
And i gave him a distrusting look to which he said "uh where am I going to run to?" which was a valid point so I gave him my stuff and we trekked up...thank GOD i rested 'cause it was still brutal...midway I see Carrie and Julie, so Carrie being a crazy lady goes and climbs BACK up with me...and finally, we get to teh top.
And the first thing I did was text everyone that I finally made it:
THEN i take in the view. Which was NOt worth it. Seriously. Who's the retarded jackass who climbed this the first time and thought this would be fun? Speaking of, at one point during my many breathing breaks we chatted with this old (and i mean...old...like decrepit old) guy who had been doing this climb/hike for 35 years...and i was like "WHY?!" and he's all "you find yourself addicted after awhile".
Me: "Oh, like crack or heroin? That seems alot easier than this hike"
Him: "well, by the weekend you really start to crave doing this climb"
Me: "Yeah, I would crave heroin by the weekend too. Still seems like ALOT less hassle than this hike".
He also proceeds to show us all his bruises from when he fell during a hike...and i'm all "crack and heroin seem ALOT safer"...
So now you think my story is over, right?
At the top:
OH HELL NO.
Now we had to get DOWN this torture they call fun....and by then it was seriously boiling hot, my muscles were like jello, and we were practically sliding down (I mean, my ass and my arms were totally gettinga workout ont he way down). I truly wanted to DIE. Plus we had long since ran out of water. This super nice guy saw us and offered water...he actually carries extra water to give to other hikers! That dude deserves massive karma points. Anyway by the time we got back to the last stretch with just stairs, i almost fell down....even stairs were too much work for my jello thighs. Someone needs to create a massive slide at the top of that mountain like an airplane emergency system 'cause going down I wanted to shoot myself just as much as going up.
The view back DOWN the mountain
When we got back, I realized that I had left Carrie's health card in the car. Good thing we didn't need a helicopter after all.
I can't remember the last time I feared for my life. i can't remember the last time I had such a serious case of Swamp Ass. I can't remember the last time I was completely miserable for 3 hours straight. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to let a friend down.
It's 2 days later, I can barely walk without looking like someone shoved a rod up my ass...but dang, part of me wonders if maybe...just maybe...i'm stupid enough to do that hike again.
If i ever suggest that out loud, feel free to bitch slap me.
The Summit Trail at Camelback Mountain is considered to be one of the most difficult, extreme trails located within an urban environment in the US. The trailhead elevation starts at 1400 feet and rises to 2750 over 1-1/6 miles. Trails vary from 1/8 mile of railroad tie steps rising several hundred feet, to rough rock faces with rails to assist the hiker at 60 degree inclines. Transition trails are typically loose gravel with small rocks imbedded with many places to stop along the way. There are two canyons along the trail with boulders ranging from 1' to 4', most firmly imbedded, but the loose rocks along the way can present challenges if you aren't careful.
Mother Nature is a perverted old lady in AZ:
Carrie asked if I would be cool if we did this Camelback Mountain hike before we headed back to Orange County. I'm like "yeah, sure, no prob".
Then that weekend I start to get nervous...anyone who knows Carrie knows she's like...Dances with Wolves when it comes to nature. She hikes like a mofo. I used to hike quite often, but hey, I also used to be a Calculus pro and you don't see me number crunching integrals anymore either. so I kept asking "are you sure I'll be able to keep up, I don't want to hold you back, yadda yadda".
And she keeps saying "oh, you do cardio, you'll be fine".
Yeah. Fine my ass. Clearly 3x a week of light cardio while reading Cosmo is contributing NOTHING to my muscle growth.
Then the night before I read all sorts of Yahoo Travel Reviews on this hike:
Due to the loose gravel this hike can be dangerous especially on your way down.
Use caution. The climb to the top is not for the weak of heart.
..the hiking trail is quite tough and at places it is challanging
Much of it after the first half-mile gets very steep and rocky. Don't try this if you're a beginner--getting down is much harder than going up.
...but Carrie still insisted that it was doable, that I didn't have to go if i didn't want to but seriously I could probably do it.
Clearly the part of me that thought this was a good idea was also the part of me that used to get a kick out of the things my guy friends built while drunk (like the soda can connected to a wire that we plugged in the wall and then electrocuted ourselves with for FUN...uh while drunk...) when I was in high school.
Anyway.
So at 6:45am on Sunday, we got up and headed out the door. Julie gets a big bottle of water, Carrie has two smaller ones she foolishly thinks she'll be able to carry in her hands the entire time, and i've got this cross-shoulder little backpack thingy.
Note that I spent a good chunk of time convincing Carrie to give me her health card in case something happened up Camelback
So...the hike itself.
How little did we know what we were up against:
It's supposed to be 1.2 miles. That's like nothing, right? I mean, that's a walk to the parking lot. OH HELL NO. Clearly on Camelback they use some bizarre unit of measurement because after like 1 hour we saw the 5/8 mile marker...those Arizonians are f*cked up people.
It starts off steep but there's stairs so we don't think much of it. And then it starts to get REALLY steep. And the gravel is psycho crazy...it was like walking on ice uphill.
THEN...we face this:
Which is a 90degree incline on a perfectly smooth rock. And don't let the bars fool you...you couldn't climb over by the area where the bars were. At this point I'm realizing that people around us have GLOVES on....
Midway up this bastard of a rock section I realize I'm f*cked up the ass. I can't go back down because there's nowhere my feet can go and i can't go up 'cause there's nothing for me to hold on to. Carrie's a bit ahead of me to the side with the same problem. I'm slipping, my heart is pounding, adrenaline is going to make my organs burst out of my body, I'm cursing Carrie (and not under my breath either)...I look down at Julie who's still at the bars with a look of Deer In Headlights which was even WORSE because looking down almost made me pee in my pants (well...in the funky red shorts I borrowed)....
I guess the Rock Climbing Gods must have heard our prayers 'cause this old dude with Spiderman webbing skills popped out of nowhere and pulled me, Carrie, and Julie up that part...if the adrenaline hadn't made me feel like a flimsy noodle I would have thanked him properly...I have no idea how we would have survived that if it wasnt' for him.
So...at that point most normal people would have just said "eff this Camelback crap, Carrie and Julie can shove it up their ass" right? Oh, not me. The abuse wasn't enough for us. For the next few eons we CLIMB (did i mention this was supposedt o be a hike? So why were my knees and hands bruised and bloodied?!) up this effing mountain, i'm swearing, we're covered in dirt, we're realizing that a visor is the best investment we didn't make, and that water bottles are best carried in between your boobs.
FINALLY...we're in the last home stretch. I'm talking 7 minutes.
This was the part:
And I was like "I'm crapping out." I know, you're thinking, 2 hours of hiking up and you crapped out in the last 7 minutes? Trust me, I didn't care. I didn't want to go up and have to go back down. I didn't CARE what the view looked like. All i cared about was that my thighs were pure mush and I wanted to curl up in a ball and wait for the helicopters to get me.
So i empty my backpack except for the digital camera, give it to julie and carrie, and chill out in the beautiful, glorious shade. SHADE mother effers is your best friend in Arizona.
Like the non-nature person I am, I immediately get on my cell phone and start calling/texting people...one guy offered to carry my up the mountain just so I could see the view (uh...no. At this point everyone looked as nasty and sweaty and filthy as I was). Finally this group of 20-something guys and girls come over and totally convince me to do the climb. I'm like "but i've got my stuff, my friend has my backpack" and one guy's all "you can put it in my bag"...
And i gave him a distrusting look to which he said "uh where am I going to run to?" which was a valid point so I gave him my stuff and we trekked up...thank GOD i rested 'cause it was still brutal...midway I see Carrie and Julie, so Carrie being a crazy lady goes and climbs BACK up with me...and finally, we get to teh top.
And the first thing I did was text everyone that I finally made it:
THEN i take in the view. Which was NOt worth it. Seriously. Who's the retarded jackass who climbed this the first time and thought this would be fun? Speaking of, at one point during my many breathing breaks we chatted with this old (and i mean...old...like decrepit old) guy who had been doing this climb/hike for 35 years...and i was like "WHY?!" and he's all "you find yourself addicted after awhile".
Me: "Oh, like crack or heroin? That seems alot easier than this hike"
Him: "well, by the weekend you really start to crave doing this climb"
Me: "Yeah, I would crave heroin by the weekend too. Still seems like ALOT less hassle than this hike".
He also proceeds to show us all his bruises from when he fell during a hike...and i'm all "crack and heroin seem ALOT safer"...
So now you think my story is over, right?
At the top:
OH HELL NO.
Now we had to get DOWN this torture they call fun....and by then it was seriously boiling hot, my muscles were like jello, and we were practically sliding down (I mean, my ass and my arms were totally gettinga workout ont he way down). I truly wanted to DIE. Plus we had long since ran out of water. This super nice guy saw us and offered water...he actually carries extra water to give to other hikers! That dude deserves massive karma points. Anyway by the time we got back to the last stretch with just stairs, i almost fell down....even stairs were too much work for my jello thighs. Someone needs to create a massive slide at the top of that mountain like an airplane emergency system 'cause going down I wanted to shoot myself just as much as going up.
The view back DOWN the mountain
When we got back, I realized that I had left Carrie's health card in the car. Good thing we didn't need a helicopter after all.
I can't remember the last time I feared for my life. i can't remember the last time I had such a serious case of Swamp Ass. I can't remember the last time I was completely miserable for 3 hours straight. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to let a friend down.
It's 2 days later, I can barely walk without looking like someone shoved a rod up my ass...but dang, part of me wonders if maybe...just maybe...i'm stupid enough to do that hike again.
If i ever suggest that out loud, feel free to bitch slap me.
The Summit Trail at Camelback Mountain is considered to be one of the most difficult, extreme trails located within an urban environment in the US. The trailhead elevation starts at 1400 feet and rises to 2750 over 1-1/6 miles. Trails vary from 1/8 mile of railroad tie steps rising several hundred feet, to rough rock faces with rails to assist the hiker at 60 degree inclines. Transition trails are typically loose gravel with small rocks imbedded with many places to stop along the way. There are two canyons along the trail with boulders ranging from 1' to 4', most firmly imbedded, but the loose rocks along the way can present challenges if you aren't careful.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
So I have to post about the crazy ass hike up Camelback mountain but I just have to get this out of the way...
My big To-Do list for this week (in no particular order):
So speaking of my green card...I'm officially permanent! Okay I guess pseudo-permanent...it's not officially done until I get that green card in the mail (which they said takes 6 months and I shouldn't leave the country during that time, yadda yadda the usual)...but they approved my permanent status and all I need is to go in and get a new card!
WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
I'm so sick of immigration it's crazy (and FYI: I get super annoyed when they say "the day without immigrants"...it's "the day without illegal immigrants", there's a difference!! I didn't break the effing law and i've dedicated a boatload of cash and time and heartache into all of this!)...but fortunately this is the last step before US citizenship.
LOL this also means that I can divorce Kraig now :P
In order to avoid the usual questions:
1. No, simply marrying a US citizen does not automatically entitle you to a green card. You still have to get "permission" and if they don't think you've dotted your "i's" well enough, they can reject your application and deport you back.
2. No, I'm not a US citizen. I can't vote, I can't get a US passport, I can't become president. BUT..unlike when I was on a visa...I can apply for medicaire, unemployment, stuff that my tax money was funding but I was never eligible for.
3. When you get your green card through marriage, it's a "conditional" green card...meaning you have to stay married and prove you're legit for 2 years after the initial application (this is key...i'm coming up on my 3rd year of marriage but that means nothing, it's all based on when they decided to file your paperwork).
After 2 years, you apply to remove the "conditional" sentencing by providing every document under the planet from utility bills to home purchase paperwork to tax filings....
4. I'll feel a whole lot better when I get my green card in the mail in 6 months.
5. No, the green card is not green.
Effing right I'm going to wear my Canadian Girls Kick Ass tank top when I go to the bureau in 2 weeks :)
My big To-Do list for this week (in no particular order):
- go to post office, mail Syl's package and the CD for Julie, Jen's stuff
- burn Nat's wedding onto CD for Nat and Nik, mail to both of them
- Shop Target: kitty litter, gel blush, airwick
- Contact that Jeff guy about refinancing the Home Equity line of credit
- Get a hold of broker to mail out Life Insurance paperwork
- Go to safe deposit box and get green card paperwork and passport
- Get new green card photos taken
- send mom and mother in law Mother's Day cards
- wrap Ryan and Nicole's wedding gift (it's huge, i'm not wrapping it...i'm getting Williams Sonoma to do that 'cause heck, that's what you're paying 'em for...although Ryan said he didnt' care if I wrapped it in free Babies R Us wrapping paper which i think would be super funny if i did that)
- Speaking of Ryan and Nicole...get a hold of their friend Candace for our surprise joke gift to them
- deposit that $340 check
So speaking of my green card...I'm officially permanent! Okay I guess pseudo-permanent...it's not officially done until I get that green card in the mail (which they said takes 6 months and I shouldn't leave the country during that time, yadda yadda the usual)...but they approved my permanent status and all I need is to go in and get a new card!
WOO HOOOOOOO!!!!
I'm so sick of immigration it's crazy (and FYI: I get super annoyed when they say "the day without immigrants"...it's "the day without illegal immigrants", there's a difference!! I didn't break the effing law and i've dedicated a boatload of cash and time and heartache into all of this!)...but fortunately this is the last step before US citizenship.
LOL this also means that I can divorce Kraig now :P
In order to avoid the usual questions:
1. No, simply marrying a US citizen does not automatically entitle you to a green card. You still have to get "permission" and if they don't think you've dotted your "i's" well enough, they can reject your application and deport you back.
2. No, I'm not a US citizen. I can't vote, I can't get a US passport, I can't become president. BUT..unlike when I was on a visa...I can apply for medicaire, unemployment, stuff that my tax money was funding but I was never eligible for.
3. When you get your green card through marriage, it's a "conditional" green card...meaning you have to stay married and prove you're legit for 2 years after the initial application (this is key...i'm coming up on my 3rd year of marriage but that means nothing, it's all based on when they decided to file your paperwork).
After 2 years, you apply to remove the "conditional" sentencing by providing every document under the planet from utility bills to home purchase paperwork to tax filings....
4. I'll feel a whole lot better when I get my green card in the mail in 6 months.
5. No, the green card is not green.
Effing right I'm going to wear my Canadian Girls Kick Ass tank top when I go to the bureau in 2 weeks :)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Another reason to maybe not get married: When i t pays to stay single
It pays to stay single when you're at a bar and a hot guy/girl comes up to you, that's when it pays...
A few laughs for you...
Not Quite Perfect McDonald's
This is awesome:
"We had a warehouse full of meat patties made in the shape of our golden arch logo. A quickly fired executive thought it would be a good idea to make an 'M'-shaped burger but it was expensive to produce, and depending where you took a bite, you had a very good chance of getting no beef."
My Anti Drug is Alcohol
Guy in Philosophy Class needs to shut the fuck up
(OMG so true...there is NOTHING that I hate more than people who go around spouting off their philosophical crappy ideas to people. You know what? Shut your mouth because your philosophical view on life isn't going to pay my bills, isn't going to get me through traffic, isn't going to make sure i keep my job. You know what will? Just getting my stuff done. It makes no difference what my ATTITUDE is...as long as the mortgage is paid, my lender doesnt' give a crap about that stuff. And neither do I. Okay well sometimes i prefer to have a better attitude, but that's from personal experience...not because someone gave me some dude's opinion on how to deal with life. No one knows better how to deal with MY life than ME...suck it)
New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
Last Week's ALien Loves Predator comic strip
heh heh..."One renegade robot cop"....
Oh yeah, About thse Personal Ads? WTF?
Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
I swear, rules #1, 2, and 3 are all brilliant.
Craigslist Haiku
Nuff said.
I love Craigslist so much I thanked it in my wedding speech. Team Craigslist!
On to more randomness...
I've decided on May 9th I need to support my boy Nick Lachey by buying his album. Someone needs to help him pay his legal bills against Jessica. ANd his Gold's Gym membership. And his gas to all those interviews where he rants and cries about how he didn't know his marriage was over until he was told told it was over...gas in LA is probably even higher than it is in the OC...my poor poor Nick.
And FINALLY...
Nicole D came up with a fabulous new product idea that I don't think she even realized would be a big seller...I won't give it away but let's just say: vibrating, warmth, feet. Exactly.
It pays to stay single when you're at a bar and a hot guy/girl comes up to you, that's when it pays...
A few laughs for you...
Not Quite Perfect McDonald's
This is awesome:
"We had a warehouse full of meat patties made in the shape of our golden arch logo. A quickly fired executive thought it would be a good idea to make an 'M'-shaped burger but it was expensive to produce, and depending where you took a bite, you had a very good chance of getting no beef."
My Anti Drug is Alcohol
Guy in Philosophy Class needs to shut the fuck up
(OMG so true...there is NOTHING that I hate more than people who go around spouting off their philosophical crappy ideas to people. You know what? Shut your mouth because your philosophical view on life isn't going to pay my bills, isn't going to get me through traffic, isn't going to make sure i keep my job. You know what will? Just getting my stuff done. It makes no difference what my ATTITUDE is...as long as the mortgage is paid, my lender doesnt' give a crap about that stuff. And neither do I. Okay well sometimes i prefer to have a better attitude, but that's from personal experience...not because someone gave me some dude's opinion on how to deal with life. No one knows better how to deal with MY life than ME...suck it)
New Prescription-Only Sandwich Extra Delicious
Last Week's ALien Loves Predator comic strip
heh heh..."One renegade robot cop"....
Oh yeah, About thse Personal Ads? WTF?
Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
I swear, rules #1, 2, and 3 are all brilliant.
Craigslist Haiku
Nuff said.
I love Craigslist so much I thanked it in my wedding speech. Team Craigslist!
On to more randomness...
I've decided on May 9th I need to support my boy Nick Lachey by buying his album. Someone needs to help him pay his legal bills against Jessica. ANd his Gold's Gym membership. And his gas to all those interviews where he rants and cries about how he didn't know his marriage was over until he was told told it was over...gas in LA is probably even higher than it is in the OC...my poor poor Nick.
And FINALLY...
Nicole D came up with a fabulous new product idea that I don't think she even realized would be a big seller...I won't give it away but let's just say: vibrating, warmth, feet. Exactly.
Okay Yahoo, you're in my good books again...
Free PC-to-phone calls
for Yahoo! Mail Plus users
It’s our way of saying “thanks”
for using Yahoo!
It also gives you a chance to see (and hear) how great our new Yahoo! Phone Out service is. Now you can use your PC to call regular and mobile phones around the world for super-low rates. How low? Call anywhere in the U.S. (and in more than 30 other countries) for 2¢ or less per minute.
To get you started, we're giving you your first dollar free. With these ridiculously low rates, that can mean 100 free minutes. If you're calling somewhere in the U.S. and many other places, it's 50 free minutes.
It's only 1 cent per minute to call Canada...that's pretty effing amazing.
for Yahoo! Mail Plus users
It’s our way of saying “thanks”
for using Yahoo!
It also gives you a chance to see (and hear) how great our new Yahoo! Phone Out service is. Now you can use your PC to call regular and mobile phones around the world for super-low rates. How low? Call anywhere in the U.S. (and in more than 30 other countries) for 2¢ or less per minute.
To get you started, we're giving you your first dollar free. With these ridiculously low rates, that can mean 100 free minutes. If you're calling somewhere in the U.S. and many other places, it's 50 free minutes.
It's only 1 cent per minute to call Canada...that's pretty effing amazing.
For shame yahoo!
So I came up with a website idea, and since I'm clearly too lazy to actually make Kraig's website (even though I pay for the domain name each month) I figured I'd maybe look into my other idea...
So i go to Yahoo just to see what domain names are available...and when I typed in my idea, THIS is the alternative it suggested:
LazyWifeFucking
WHAT?! You'd think Yahoo Business would steer clear of actually OFFERING up names like that!
(FYI: i was just looking for something with the word "wife" in the title, but certainly NOT sex related!)
So i go to Yahoo just to see what domain names are available...and when I typed in my idea, THIS is the alternative it suggested:
LazyWifeFucking
WHAT?! You'd think Yahoo Business would steer clear of actually OFFERING up names like that!
(FYI: i was just looking for something with the word "wife" in the title, but certainly NOT sex related!)
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
The usual TV wrap up...
Real World: Key West
DAMN DAMN DAMN I love this show. I love that Paula is a LOON. I love that they have to deal with hurricanes. I love that the gay guy got into a fight with the meathead by spilling a drink on him...that is SUCH a chick way of fighting.
8th & Ocean
Now just a side note...I was in San Diego this past weekend and at one point I was chatting it up with this 13 year old girl from Nevada...and she said how she thought Teddy was good looking.
Teddy's good looking...but...he's so insanely arrogant it's disgusting. There's a certain amount of arrogance that's okay on a guy, but an excessive amount is just the biggest turnoff. Personally, I love LOVE love Adrian...he's got "devilish" features...like he's up to something. I love it!
What About Brian
Seriously, this really is a good show. People need to watch it. I don't want it to get off the air. It's somewhat realistic...one chick injecting herself with stuff to up her fertility...the stay at home mom getting it on in her SUV (note to self: get an SUV) with the hot stay-at-home-dad....I wanted to ask Kraig abuot whether the video game pitch was realistic (I mean, at least they mentioned E3)...
On a side note: DEAR TV MAKERS...when you have your actors playing video games, if they're supposed to be expert gamers (like the video game chick on W.A.B who was also on the OC), please tell them to not hold the controller way in front of them...it's not a remote control, most people hold the controls close to their body....it bugs me when people hold them out way in front of their heads practically.
in other news...
So I booked a flight to go to Las Vegas with some girlfriends from up north, and I found a cheaper price on Orbitz than on Expedia. Thing is, i wanted to add the shuttle service through Expedia (I didn't realize i could do that with Orbitz too, which i found out later anyway)...
So I called up Expedia and was like "hey, Orbitz has a cheaper price for the same flight numbers"...and after some research the guy was like "Ummm...i can't do anything. Just book it through Orbitz". I'm like "are you kidding me? You're lucky I even called, most people wouldn't have bothered". I can't believe they couldn't match Orbitz's price...it's all the same crap.
Anyway, point is...woo hoo, it's booked...along with our uber cheap hotel (Imperial Palace lol...hey, i'm cheap when i'm in vegas, if i'm not going to stay in teh room anyway what do i care)...and our Cirque tix. Yee haw. The only catch is that my flight back is pretty early (9am...whcih means be at the airport for 8ish...which means leave around 7:15ish...which means, wake up 6:45am-ish) so ideally if we can do an all-nighter, I won't have to torture myself by actually waking UP. My goal is to actually use the hotel pool...i never do that when i'm in vegas. But if i'm going to spend most of my days sleeping, might as well do it outside. Booyah.
I can't believe in less than a month I'll be on my 3rd wedding anniversary. I should write a book...how the first year of marriage is the year where things are brutal but you have to smile through it because everyone thinks you're a happy newlywed...the 2nd year is awesome because you finally "click" and get it...the 3rd year you're so over being in a married state and go back to how you were before you were married except, well, you're married :P (that's not a bad thing...it's almost like dating again which is always a good thing!)
For our 1st year anniversary, I didn't even see Kraig...i went to a baby workshop thingy with my coworker...
For our 2nd year anniversary I stood in line from 4pm till midnight to see Star Wars ep. 3 (and save a spot in line for my husband)...
This year, we'll still figuring out the plan....
A'ight, nuff babbling. I lead a boring, boring life.
Real World: Key West
DAMN DAMN DAMN I love this show. I love that Paula is a LOON. I love that they have to deal with hurricanes. I love that the gay guy got into a fight with the meathead by spilling a drink on him...that is SUCH a chick way of fighting.
8th & Ocean
Now just a side note...I was in San Diego this past weekend and at one point I was chatting it up with this 13 year old girl from Nevada...and she said how she thought Teddy was good looking.
Teddy's good looking...but...he's so insanely arrogant it's disgusting. There's a certain amount of arrogance that's okay on a guy, but an excessive amount is just the biggest turnoff. Personally, I love LOVE love Adrian...he's got "devilish" features...like he's up to something. I love it!
What About Brian
Seriously, this really is a good show. People need to watch it. I don't want it to get off the air. It's somewhat realistic...one chick injecting herself with stuff to up her fertility...the stay at home mom getting it on in her SUV (note to self: get an SUV) with the hot stay-at-home-dad....I wanted to ask Kraig abuot whether the video game pitch was realistic (I mean, at least they mentioned E3)...
On a side note: DEAR TV MAKERS...when you have your actors playing video games, if they're supposed to be expert gamers (like the video game chick on W.A.B who was also on the OC), please tell them to not hold the controller way in front of them...it's not a remote control, most people hold the controls close to their body....it bugs me when people hold them out way in front of their heads practically.
in other news...
So I booked a flight to go to Las Vegas with some girlfriends from up north, and I found a cheaper price on Orbitz than on Expedia. Thing is, i wanted to add the shuttle service through Expedia (I didn't realize i could do that with Orbitz too, which i found out later anyway)...
So I called up Expedia and was like "hey, Orbitz has a cheaper price for the same flight numbers"...and after some research the guy was like "Ummm...i can't do anything. Just book it through Orbitz". I'm like "are you kidding me? You're lucky I even called, most people wouldn't have bothered". I can't believe they couldn't match Orbitz's price...it's all the same crap.
Anyway, point is...woo hoo, it's booked...along with our uber cheap hotel (Imperial Palace lol...hey, i'm cheap when i'm in vegas, if i'm not going to stay in teh room anyway what do i care)...and our Cirque tix. Yee haw. The only catch is that my flight back is pretty early (9am...whcih means be at the airport for 8ish...which means leave around 7:15ish...which means, wake up 6:45am-ish) so ideally if we can do an all-nighter, I won't have to torture myself by actually waking UP. My goal is to actually use the hotel pool...i never do that when i'm in vegas. But if i'm going to spend most of my days sleeping, might as well do it outside. Booyah.
I can't believe in less than a month I'll be on my 3rd wedding anniversary. I should write a book...how the first year of marriage is the year where things are brutal but you have to smile through it because everyone thinks you're a happy newlywed...the 2nd year is awesome because you finally "click" and get it...the 3rd year you're so over being in a married state and go back to how you were before you were married except, well, you're married :P (that's not a bad thing...it's almost like dating again which is always a good thing!)
For our 1st year anniversary, I didn't even see Kraig...i went to a baby workshop thingy with my coworker...
For our 2nd year anniversary I stood in line from 4pm till midnight to see Star Wars ep. 3 (and save a spot in line for my husband)...
This year, we'll still figuring out the plan....
A'ight, nuff babbling. I lead a boring, boring life.
Yumminess indeed
Yummy and delicioso
It just doesn't get any better than that...well, okay maybe it can but I can't think of anything right now...I'll be the oldest person ever to buy Elle Girl since he's on the cover.
Mmm
mmm
good.
It just doesn't get any better than that...well, okay maybe it can but I can't think of anything right now...I'll be the oldest person ever to buy Elle Girl since he's on the cover.
Mmm
mmm
good.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Your mouth can't get pregnant
will check for broken links later...
Here in So. Cal. there are a lot of contests and places that give away boob jobs. Man I love this place, and I will probably never move away from So. Cal. How exactly do you up the boob intensity?
Secondly... Capt. Crunch is kick ass especially with the crunch berries.
Up the boob intensity by wearing more padded bras...forget the foam crap, we're talking gel inserts...and researching where I can win a boob job! I'm desperate!
I've said it before and I'll say it again...when I'm pregnant, i'm going to look like SUCH a whore 'cause I'm going to wear massively low cut tops and stuff.
As for Captain Crunch....I realized yesterday that Cap'n Crunch is different in the US than in Canada. Not a huge difference...tehyr'e slightly longer and "puffier" (like more holes and airy and stuff) in Canada...so overall the taste is the same but the consistency is a little different (and they don't get soggy half as fast as tehy do in Canada).
So far, these are the differences in products (made by the same company):
1. Kraft Macaroni and cheese....same stuff, but in the US the box looks like this
In Canada, we call it Kraft Dinner...or just "KD"...it looks like this:
KD Baby!
2. Vegetable Thins. I mean, in Canada this cracker is THE UBER CRACKER...i used to eat this cracker like it was a drug. In the US, it's just nasty and no one eats it...
In canada, it's the good stuff...
3. NesQuik (aka Nestle Quik)...it's actually not THAT different except there's way more sugar in the Canadian version.
4. Smarties. THAT took awhile to figure out. People couldn't figure out what i was talking about when I would say it...well Smarties in the US is what we call Rockets in Canada (Smarties pic
Whereas these are Smarties in Canada which are nothing more than the poor man's M&Ms (the chocolate kind)
5. Pepsi. Well okay the beverage is the same but it's more like if you're English-speaking and you live in Canada, you're not gonna ask for Pepsi. I don't care you think Coke tastes like ass. You just don't ask for Pepsi. I have to admit, it was bizarre being able to even SAY Pepsi in the US when I moved here without getting the "what are you, French?" wisecracks...and that being said, dang, turns out i LOVE Diet Pepsi.
A bit of history for y'all: the reason for this is 'cause usually in Quebec/French TV stations all they do is put French voiceovers on regular English/American commercials. Whereas Pepsi was pretty smart...they put French celebrities in Pepsi commercials and actually gasp filmed them in French, which of course French people love...so Pepsi is associated with French people. At best, all i can compare it to would be if a person here asked for Fanta or something at a restaurant
6. Okay so I know there's a TON of chocolates that are in Canada that they don't have here (and vice versa), but I have to admit...I can't begin to explain how much I miss my Mr. Big...I didn't even really eat it that much when I lived in ottawa but DAMN now I have to get my friends to go to Costco and mail me huge bulk boxes of the stuff. I FLIPPED on my mother when she came to visit and she ate my last 12 bars (you don't understand...i make one bar last like 6 months)...she thought you could buy them here.
Here in So. Cal. there are a lot of contests and places that give away boob jobs. Man I love this place, and I will probably never move away from So. Cal. How exactly do you up the boob intensity?
Secondly... Capt. Crunch is kick ass especially with the crunch berries.
Up the boob intensity by wearing more padded bras...forget the foam crap, we're talking gel inserts...and researching where I can win a boob job! I'm desperate!
I've said it before and I'll say it again...when I'm pregnant, i'm going to look like SUCH a whore 'cause I'm going to wear massively low cut tops and stuff.
As for Captain Crunch....I realized yesterday that Cap'n Crunch is different in the US than in Canada. Not a huge difference...tehyr'e slightly longer and "puffier" (like more holes and airy and stuff) in Canada...so overall the taste is the same but the consistency is a little different (and they don't get soggy half as fast as tehy do in Canada).
So far, these are the differences in products (made by the same company):
1. Kraft Macaroni and cheese....same stuff, but in the US the box looks like this
In Canada, we call it Kraft Dinner...or just "KD"...it looks like this:
KD Baby!
2. Vegetable Thins. I mean, in Canada this cracker is THE UBER CRACKER...i used to eat this cracker like it was a drug. In the US, it's just nasty and no one eats it...
In canada, it's the good stuff...
3. NesQuik (aka Nestle Quik)...it's actually not THAT different except there's way more sugar in the Canadian version.
4. Smarties. THAT took awhile to figure out. People couldn't figure out what i was talking about when I would say it...well Smarties in the US is what we call Rockets in Canada (Smarties pic
Whereas these are Smarties in Canada which are nothing more than the poor man's M&Ms (the chocolate kind)
5. Pepsi. Well okay the beverage is the same but it's more like if you're English-speaking and you live in Canada, you're not gonna ask for Pepsi. I don't care you think Coke tastes like ass. You just don't ask for Pepsi. I have to admit, it was bizarre being able to even SAY Pepsi in the US when I moved here without getting the "what are you, French?" wisecracks...and that being said, dang, turns out i LOVE Diet Pepsi.
A bit of history for y'all: the reason for this is 'cause usually in Quebec/French TV stations all they do is put French voiceovers on regular English/American commercials. Whereas Pepsi was pretty smart...they put French celebrities in Pepsi commercials and actually gasp filmed them in French, which of course French people love...so Pepsi is associated with French people. At best, all i can compare it to would be if a person here asked for Fanta or something at a restaurant
6. Okay so I know there's a TON of chocolates that are in Canada that they don't have here (and vice versa), but I have to admit...I can't begin to explain how much I miss my Mr. Big...I didn't even really eat it that much when I lived in ottawa but DAMN now I have to get my friends to go to Costco and mail me huge bulk boxes of the stuff. I FLIPPED on my mother when she came to visit and she ate my last 12 bars (you don't understand...i make one bar last like 6 months)...she thought you could buy them here.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
It's Animal Cruelty/Human Violence Awareness Week
Wow, I've seen it all now...Kiss is launching their own perfume line for men AND women.
Talk about missing your marketing opportunity by around 20 years....
So just some random thoughts for today.
Cruises
Lol Marlene...Kraig and I have done a cruise, I'm not a big fan of them...I actually had a massive freak out last time we went on one (to the Bahamas) because I realized that I wanted to get off the ship but I couldn't...all that nothingness around me...I just kept saying "I want to get off. I want off. I can't get off. But i wan't off."...i mean, it wasn't that big of a deal but it suddenly hit me that I couldn't just walk off and that really bugged me (kindo f pathetic considering my dad works for the Coast Guard and I should be used to large boats)...I find them to be great for old people who like nothing better to do than to sit around and eat all day (i think we were the youngest ones there!)...
Jeans
So I was at the post office the other day for what seemed like forever...and this dude at the counter was kind of cute, and i'm scoping him out ('cause what else do you have to do when you're stuck in an effing post office) until I looked at his jeans...
The back pockets were WAY too big and went way too low...they practically went to the back fo his knees. it looked bizarre. Plus they weren't all hip-hop style..these were normal Gap-looking-type jeans.
So after doing an extremely informal poll, I realized (what we obviously already knew but I still wanted to confirm): girls take HUGE importance on what back pockets look like on their jeans...and guys say "there's pockets back there?"...
Guys, FYI...girls take their back pockets VERY seriously. Too small and your ass looks huge. Too big and your butt looks weird. Place too low and your ass looks droopy. Too high up and your butt cheeks look funny. Pocket placement is just as important as fit when it comes to jeans. And all chicks know this.
Bra shopping
So I had to go to Williams Sonoma yesterday to finish up some wedding shopping for a certian coworker, and i had time to kill while they wrapped it so I went to Victoria's Secret to finally use the gift card that's been burning a hole in my wallet.
I officially have the worst boobs EVER. My body is SO deformed. WTF. Personally i'm not a big fan of VS bras anyway, but I needed a new strapless one and I didn't want that gift card to keep weighing down my wallet (if you've seen my wallet, you'd know what I mean).
Heck, I even had to get the girl to measure me. MEASURE ME. WTF. Well okay I didn't get her to measure the cup (because their effing cup sizes are inconsistent per bra)...but apparently i'm smaller than I thought I was which, for any guys reading this, is like finding out your man meat is really smaller than you thought it was. I wanted to DIE.
Okay maybe not die...but I certainly wanted to suck the fat out of my thighs and shove them in my boobs....grumble. I need to up the boob intensity!
Real World: KEy West
This year's token "meathead frat boy" is my BOY! I dig this guy. My heart melted when he picked up Paula from the floor and tucked her in bed...chicks are suckers for that kind of thing. Anything where you do the "carrying her in the arms" move is always brownie points...it helps if the house is on fire and you're carrying her out...
(I have this thing about being able to be carried out of a burning building. Don't ask. It's up there with dudes looking good when they chop wood. With their shirts off).
Confession
Yes I'll probably be oneo f the stupid chicks that goes to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie. Suck it.
Things you learn about your spouse....
I was craving Captain Crunch the other day so i had it in the pantry and Kraig was like "so what's with the captain crunch?"
Me: "I was craving it"
Him: "Since when do you eat Captain Crunch"?
OH
MY
GOD
I went through at least 2 years of my life where you could have stabbed me and Captain Crunch would have oozed out of my gut. I LOVE CAPTAIN CRUNCH! It's always amazing when you learn (or edumacate) your spouse on something that is such common knowledge...
I need a manicure and pedicure
Okay no real thought on that. That's just a note to self that i gotta do that tonight.
The Adam Corolla Show
So this morning on the Adam Corolla show they were talking about how the hottest chicks are in commercials right now...forget girls like Eva Longoria or Sarah Michelle Gellar that always seem to be on Top 100 lists.
One dude and called in saying the Milky Way girl was hot (the one where the guy is in his car and his chocolate bar is talking to him)...but Adam said the hottest was the Overstock.com chick, which cracks me up because to me she seems so...blah.
ANYWAY the pointo f this story is that her name is Sabina and she's from Germany...I almost didn't get out of my car this morning because I was so blown away by hearing my name repeated over and over on the radio. Geezus, my mother in law sometimes still calls me "Sabrina" so to hear a RADIO SHOW say "Sabina is so hot"...i was in heaven! I'm amazed even Adam got the name right.
And that folks...
Is the end of today's random babble. I'm off to see Henry!
Talk about missing your marketing opportunity by around 20 years....
So just some random thoughts for today.
Cruises
Lol Marlene...Kraig and I have done a cruise, I'm not a big fan of them...I actually had a massive freak out last time we went on one (to the Bahamas) because I realized that I wanted to get off the ship but I couldn't...all that nothingness around me...I just kept saying "I want to get off. I want off. I can't get off. But i wan't off."...i mean, it wasn't that big of a deal but it suddenly hit me that I couldn't just walk off and that really bugged me (kindo f pathetic considering my dad works for the Coast Guard and I should be used to large boats)...I find them to be great for old people who like nothing better to do than to sit around and eat all day (i think we were the youngest ones there!)...
Jeans
So I was at the post office the other day for what seemed like forever...and this dude at the counter was kind of cute, and i'm scoping him out ('cause what else do you have to do when you're stuck in an effing post office) until I looked at his jeans...
The back pockets were WAY too big and went way too low...they practically went to the back fo his knees. it looked bizarre. Plus they weren't all hip-hop style..these were normal Gap-looking-type jeans.
So after doing an extremely informal poll, I realized (what we obviously already knew but I still wanted to confirm): girls take HUGE importance on what back pockets look like on their jeans...and guys say "there's pockets back there?"...
Guys, FYI...girls take their back pockets VERY seriously. Too small and your ass looks huge. Too big and your butt looks weird. Place too low and your ass looks droopy. Too high up and your butt cheeks look funny. Pocket placement is just as important as fit when it comes to jeans. And all chicks know this.
Bra shopping
So I had to go to Williams Sonoma yesterday to finish up some wedding shopping for a certian coworker, and i had time to kill while they wrapped it so I went to Victoria's Secret to finally use the gift card that's been burning a hole in my wallet.
I officially have the worst boobs EVER. My body is SO deformed. WTF. Personally i'm not a big fan of VS bras anyway, but I needed a new strapless one and I didn't want that gift card to keep weighing down my wallet (if you've seen my wallet, you'd know what I mean).
Heck, I even had to get the girl to measure me. MEASURE ME. WTF. Well okay I didn't get her to measure the cup (because their effing cup sizes are inconsistent per bra)...but apparently i'm smaller than I thought I was which, for any guys reading this, is like finding out your man meat is really smaller than you thought it was. I wanted to DIE.
Okay maybe not die...but I certainly wanted to suck the fat out of my thighs and shove them in my boobs....grumble. I need to up the boob intensity!
Real World: KEy West
This year's token "meathead frat boy" is my BOY! I dig this guy. My heart melted when he picked up Paula from the floor and tucked her in bed...chicks are suckers for that kind of thing. Anything where you do the "carrying her in the arms" move is always brownie points...it helps if the house is on fire and you're carrying her out...
(I have this thing about being able to be carried out of a burning building. Don't ask. It's up there with dudes looking good when they chop wood. With their shirts off).
Confession
Yes I'll probably be oneo f the stupid chicks that goes to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie. Suck it.
Things you learn about your spouse....
I was craving Captain Crunch the other day so i had it in the pantry and Kraig was like "so what's with the captain crunch?"
Me: "I was craving it"
Him: "Since when do you eat Captain Crunch"?
OH
MY
GOD
I went through at least 2 years of my life where you could have stabbed me and Captain Crunch would have oozed out of my gut. I LOVE CAPTAIN CRUNCH! It's always amazing when you learn (or edumacate) your spouse on something that is such common knowledge...
I need a manicure and pedicure
Okay no real thought on that. That's just a note to self that i gotta do that tonight.
The Adam Corolla Show
So this morning on the Adam Corolla show they were talking about how the hottest chicks are in commercials right now...forget girls like Eva Longoria or Sarah Michelle Gellar that always seem to be on Top 100 lists.
One dude and called in saying the Milky Way girl was hot (the one where the guy is in his car and his chocolate bar is talking to him)...but Adam said the hottest was the Overstock.com chick, which cracks me up because to me she seems so...blah.
ANYWAY the pointo f this story is that her name is Sabina and she's from Germany...I almost didn't get out of my car this morning because I was so blown away by hearing my name repeated over and over on the radio. Geezus, my mother in law sometimes still calls me "Sabrina" so to hear a RADIO SHOW say "Sabina is so hot"...i was in heaven! I'm amazed even Adam got the name right.
And that folks...
Is the end of today's random babble. I'm off to see Henry!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
Listen, maybe I didn't make my point clear enough.
Brazillian waxes are NOT cool. They are NOT hot. They are painful, evil, and just about as much fun as a colonoscopy. (Oh yes, a colonoscopy, great fodder for a blog i'm sure).
And no, i doesn't get easier with time. Regular bikini waxes don't. Would getting kicked in your balls get easier with time? no? exactly.
So I have a confession to make...
I watched the series premiere and the regular episode of What about Brian.
I absolutely dig stories where Person 1 falls for Person 2, but Person 2 is already spoken for...with Person 1st best friend. Plus, this is alot like "ThirtySomething" for the 20's generation. I love it.
AND it's got the dude from Legally Blond (the boyfriend who dumps Elle)...and I'm always supportive of actors who are in great movies but cant' seem to get a decent gig.
ANyway...that's my big confessin. Yes, I deserve a caning (who watches a TV show that has the 7th Heaven guy in it?!). it's going to be my guilty pleasure until it's taken off the air.
You know what show I miss? Popular on the WB. And that tv show that was a spoof of 90210 (also on the WB). MANNNN...the WB axed alot fo shows wtf.
So in other news...my friend Anj who lives in TO got engaged...wooo hoooo!
And...in more news...i won't name names but someone very dear to me is going through a relationship crisis of sorts...there are very few people I would kill for but he's one of them, and it breaks my heart to know that he's in pain right now...and that there's nothing i can do about it (especially living in another country!)
In more important news, I got my dress for Ryan's wedding...White House/Black Market...strapless...exactly what iw anted (uhhh for $100 more than i wanted to spend...time to put my old crap on ebay to pay it off)...it's perfect for future uses. Like...when I have to go to a funeral, i can add a big red wide-brimmed hat with big black sunglasses and I'll be appropriately scandalous. Everyone needs a multi-functional dress like that!
Going to see my boy Henry tomorrow...(insert gay snap of fingers) mmm--hmmm!
End of babbling for today, not much to say...as usual, I lead a boring, boring life. OH the big highlight: Carrie's putting her boot up my ass to pick out kitchen paint colors. Exxccceelllannntt......
Brazillian waxes are NOT cool. They are NOT hot. They are painful, evil, and just about as much fun as a colonoscopy. (Oh yes, a colonoscopy, great fodder for a blog i'm sure).
And no, i doesn't get easier with time. Regular bikini waxes don't. Would getting kicked in your balls get easier with time? no? exactly.
So I have a confession to make...
I watched the series premiere and the regular episode of What about Brian.
I absolutely dig stories where Person 1 falls for Person 2, but Person 2 is already spoken for...with Person 1st best friend. Plus, this is alot like "ThirtySomething" for the 20's generation. I love it.
AND it's got the dude from Legally Blond (the boyfriend who dumps Elle)...and I'm always supportive of actors who are in great movies but cant' seem to get a decent gig.
ANyway...that's my big confessin. Yes, I deserve a caning (who watches a TV show that has the 7th Heaven guy in it?!). it's going to be my guilty pleasure until it's taken off the air.
You know what show I miss? Popular on the WB. And that tv show that was a spoof of 90210 (also on the WB). MANNNN...the WB axed alot fo shows wtf.
So in other news...my friend Anj who lives in TO got engaged...wooo hoooo!
And...in more news...i won't name names but someone very dear to me is going through a relationship crisis of sorts...there are very few people I would kill for but he's one of them, and it breaks my heart to know that he's in pain right now...and that there's nothing i can do about it (especially living in another country!)
In more important news, I got my dress for Ryan's wedding...White House/Black Market...strapless...exactly what iw anted (uhhh for $100 more than i wanted to spend...time to put my old crap on ebay to pay it off)...it's perfect for future uses. Like...when I have to go to a funeral, i can add a big red wide-brimmed hat with big black sunglasses and I'll be appropriately scandalous. Everyone needs a multi-functional dress like that!
Going to see my boy Henry tomorrow...(insert gay snap of fingers) mmm--hmmm!
End of babbling for today, not much to say...as usual, I lead a boring, boring life. OH the big highlight: Carrie's putting her boot up my ass to pick out kitchen paint colors. Exxccceelllannntt......
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Going to Brazil
I know, I know, a lifetime since I've written. What can I say.
So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.
I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...
And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.
Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!
Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...
Umm...riiigghtt...
First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.
So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.
Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...
MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER
And she waxed most of that mofo section off.
Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.
Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...
Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.
In the end was it worth it?
OH
HELL
NO
Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.
it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!
So last Wednesday I was at a conference in Palm Springs, and I had over an hour to kill around lunch...So i'm driving around, and I pass the most GHETTO shopping area.
I mean, GHETTT----OHHHHH...
And there was a sign that said "SPA" (which i think it said...there may have been a typo)...So just for kicks, I decided I needed to get a bikini wax.
Let me tell you something...There's two occasions I don't like going American.
One is with cars...
The other is with bikini waxing. 'Cause in posh salons where it's a white chick doing her thing, she doesn't get right in there. There's no PRIDE in her work. I want an immigrant with a set of tweezers to do crazy quality control and make sure that my gonad area is completely well done!
Anyway so I go into the room which I'm sure i got some crazy STD from walking into and she's like "bikini or brazillian?"...
Me: "you do brazillians?"
Her: "yes"
Me: "Sure...why not"...
Umm...riiigghtt...
First off, I won't even start telling all the sanitation laws that i KNOW they broke with the wax.
So she does the sides...and I"m thinking "that's it?"...oh hell no.
Excuse the detail...but if you divide your gonad region into 3 (your sides and then the top area being the pubic bone area)...
MOTHER EFFER...that top area is the most sensitive area EVER.
EVER
EVER
And she waxed most of that mofo section off.
Take teh pain of a regular bikini wax....add the pain of lighting yourself on fire...add the pain of stabbing your eyes with a fork...and that's a cakewalk compared to a brazillian.
Oh and I missed the best part....I had to lie on my back with my knees almost pressed into my chest (think fetal)...where she finished the REST of the waxing down there...that's as close as I ever want wax to be near my uhhh anal regions...
Yeah.
Nasty.
And painful.
In the end was it worth it?
OH
HELL
NO
Bikini waxes are worth the pain. Never, EVER, EVERRR get a brazillian. Get your best girlfriend to bitch-slap you silly next time you consider it.
it's been a week since I had it done and I still want to die as a result of it. Some areas were just meant to have the wonderful protective coating of HAIR!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Insomniac Theater
Can't sleep. It's 5:03am.
I found this online and in my sleepy daze I found myself holding my breath while reading it...i don't know if it's a diary entry or lyrics to a song and I'm too lazy to verify...
It's that feeling, that golden feeling. It's the wind at my back, the sun over my head, and the smell of spring. It's the touch of that girl you just know you can't be without. It's the feel of her skin grazing yours hours after curfew. It's the lifting of every care from your chest, the knowledge that no matter what happens she'll be there with you. It's a stolen kiss and the moment you realize that you miss her already and you've only just said goodbye. It's the careful choosing of what to wear when you know it's likely you'll see her later that same day, the meticulous selection of the right aftershave, the warm surge of anticipation that you get every time you remember that she's yours. It's her hand in yours, your arms wrapped securely around her waist, your body entangled with hers. It's love, and when it's in the air it's presence is so strong that if you screw your eyes up just right you can actually see it working in our hearts and changing the world. It's love, and it's all that matters.
I found this online and in my sleepy daze I found myself holding my breath while reading it...i don't know if it's a diary entry or lyrics to a song and I'm too lazy to verify...
It's that feeling, that golden feeling. It's the wind at my back, the sun over my head, and the smell of spring. It's the touch of that girl you just know you can't be without. It's the feel of her skin grazing yours hours after curfew. It's the lifting of every care from your chest, the knowledge that no matter what happens she'll be there with you. It's a stolen kiss and the moment you realize that you miss her already and you've only just said goodbye. It's the careful choosing of what to wear when you know it's likely you'll see her later that same day, the meticulous selection of the right aftershave, the warm surge of anticipation that you get every time you remember that she's yours. It's her hand in yours, your arms wrapped securely around her waist, your body entangled with hers. It's love, and when it's in the air it's presence is so strong that if you screw your eyes up just right you can actually see it working in our hearts and changing the world. It's love, and it's all that matters.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Patience Iago, patience
From The Phoenix
My comments are in bold, the rest are from the article.
100.
Brad Pitt:
He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true,then he's probably not worth it.
I miss Brad circa his Se7en years
99.
Kevin Federline:
Mooching hicks aren't so hot these days.
98.
Emeril Lagasse
Awww, poor Emeril!
97.
Dom DeLuise
96.
Horatio Sanz:
Laughing at your own jokes is not sexy
I disagree! Right now he's one of the funniest guys on SNL now that Jimmy Fallon is gone.
95.
Dennis Kucinich:
Something about those progressives.
94.
Ralph Nader
93.
Ric Flair:
To be the man – WOO! – you got to . . . do something about those man boobs!
92.
Bill Parcells:
Especially when you see the photos of him in shorts at training camp
91.
Jose Canseco:
"Every time I have tried to help a woman, I've been incarcerated," he famouslysaid on The Surreal Life. You old charmer, you.
Yeah he's got a great body..but...kind of a male butterface.
91.
Hideki Matsui
90.
Lemmy Kilmister:
Sadly, the ravages of time have not been kind to him.
89.
Don Vito:
I suppose we were never really supposed to know what Bam Margera's uncle looks like, but since we do, he has to be included.
88.
John Clayton:
How is this ESPN's top football guy?
87.
Jimmy Johnson:
It's the hair
I swear I don't know who half these guys are on this list
86.
Jeff Van Gundy
85.
Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg
84.
Dick Vitale
– Call it a hunch, but we have a feeling that sex with Dickie V. would be anything but "awesome, baby."
83.
Barry Bonds
– If what his mistress told the authors of Game of Shadows is true, then no, you don't want any part of that
82.
Howie Mandel
Awww...well it's kinda true. I miss him doing his standup days in the early 90's.
81.
Brian Posehn
80.
Art Garfunkel
79.
Tom from Myspace:
What, you gotta be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all.
I have no opinion on his looks, but it's annoying that he's your friend.
78.
Joe Walsh
77.
Meat Loaf Aday
76.
Garry Shandling
75.
Joey Buttafuoco
74.
DJ Qualls:
What's he weigh, like, 70 pounds? How much of that is grease?
73.
Harvey Pekar
72.
Grady Little:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
71.
George Steinbrenner:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
70.
Kevin James:
His TV marriage to Leah Remini on King of Queens is less believable than anything on Lost.
Kevin James is NOT that bad. Not a great body, but he's got that "my friend's boyfriend is kinda cute in a weird way" kind of thing going on. I mean, he's not hot...but i think he's better looking than the other 99 dudes on this list. Well minus Brad.
69.
Joe Gannascolli
68.
John Ashcroft
67.
Robert Patrick:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about the T-1000
66.
Robert Englund:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about Freddy Krueger
65.
John Madden:
Those massive hands seem more frightening than anything. Boom!
64.
Dennis Miller
63.
John Popper
62.
Bill Maher:
. . . Especially ones with poodle hair.
61.
Jim Gaffigan:
Pasty, goofy-looking comedians abound on this list.
60.
Joe Lieberman
59.
Clay Aiken:
This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone's bratty little brother.
Awww sorry Katelyn :P
58.
Bill O'Reilly
57.
Ed O'Neil:
We love ya, Ed, but sorry.
There was a reason you never waited on any really hot girls at that shoe store
56.
Rob Schneider
55.
Newt Gingrich
54.
Drew Carey
UGH i can't STAND this guy!
53.
Peter Jackson
52.
Danny DeVito
Why is Danny not #1?!!??!?
51.
Bill Wyman
50.
Ric Ocasek:
Yes, we know who his wife is. And no, we don't care.
49.
Lyle Lovett
48.
Scott Stapp
47.
Andy Dick:
It's a trap!
46.
Leif Garrett
45.
Nick Nolte:
Busey's oddball partner in crime, but at least he had a career once.
44.
Garey Busey:
Those teeth would give anyone nightmares.
43.
David Gest
42.
Rush Limbaugh:
No doubt he will claim his placement on this list as a result of a media bias and not the fact that he's just butt-ugly
41.
Paris Latsis:
Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.
40.
Al Franken:
Too arrogant
39.
Michael Moore
38.
Larry David
37.
Scottie Pippen
36.
Pat Cummings
35.
Willie McGee
34.
Christopher Lloyd
33.
Julian Tavarez
32.
Otis Nixon
31.
Chris Kattan
Awwww Chris doesn't deserve to be #31...maybe 99...but not 31. Mango turns everyone on!
30.
Tony Kornheiser:
Yes, calling sportswriters unattractive is like shooting fish in a barrel. But
come on, he looks like your uncle.
29.
Don Zimmer:
The gerbil's got a massive, ivory-white noggin' that never did much thinking to
begin with. Ask any Red Sox fan over 35.
28.
Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance):
Luckiest dude since Ringo. Or at the very least, since D12.
27.
Edward James Olmos:
Remember season one of South Park? When Kenny was a zombie, everyone assumed it
was an Edward James Olmos costume. Wonder why.
26.
Tim Burton:
He's got the Robert Smith hair coupled with a mighty hunch. Yet he's dating
Helena Bonham Carter.
25.
Axl Rose:
I mean . . . did you see the 2003 VMAs?
24.
Paul Shaffer:
The bic'd look does not work for everyone, plus he makes all those crazy faces
while he plays.
23.
Bill Gates:
To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil – 'You can
have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'"
22.
Clint Howard:
Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than
Ron Howard.
21.
Ron Howard:
He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain
weird-looking. Especially with a beard.
20.
Raffi:
Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of
any situation in which they would bed down with him.
19.
Chevy Chase:
He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.
18.
Malcolm Gladwell:
The Tipping Point.
17.
Jerry Seinfeld:
This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home
another model on Seinfeld.
16.
Carrot Top:
Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.
15.
Jon Lovitz:
Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know,
he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.
14.
Richard Simmons:
Words don't do it justice.
Shudder....
13.
Mike D. of the Beastie Boys:
We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it
like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get
within three feet of him naked.
12.
Wallace Shawn:
Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that
nasally lisp?
11.
Michael Jackson:
What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown
identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
This list just gets more and more horrifying...
10.
Don Imus:
"It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way,"
was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.
9.
Jay Leno:
"It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one
of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.
8.
Osama Bin Laden:
Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5",
no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.
7.
Mike Mills:
You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless
you're trying to get to Pete Buck.
6.
Chad Kroeger:
It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact
that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.
5.
Alan Colmes:
Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each
night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for
radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!
4.
Dr. Phil:
Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.
3.
Roger Ebert:
Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him.
2.
Randy Johnson:
If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife
beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights
when he pitched to Otis Nixon?
Are you ready?.....
1.
Gilbert Gottfried:
Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to
what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced,
pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.
Gilbert may be nasty, but that Aflac duck is one mighty mighty fine piece of poultry.
My comments are in bold, the rest are from the article.
100.
Brad Pitt:
He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true,then he's probably not worth it.
I miss Brad circa his Se7en years
99.
Kevin Federline:
Mooching hicks aren't so hot these days.
98.
Emeril Lagasse
Awww, poor Emeril!
97.
Dom DeLuise
96.
Horatio Sanz:
Laughing at your own jokes is not sexy
I disagree! Right now he's one of the funniest guys on SNL now that Jimmy Fallon is gone.
95.
Dennis Kucinich:
Something about those progressives.
94.
Ralph Nader
93.
Ric Flair:
To be the man – WOO! – you got to . . . do something about those man boobs!
92.
Bill Parcells:
Especially when you see the photos of him in shorts at training camp
91.
Jose Canseco:
"Every time I have tried to help a woman, I've been incarcerated," he famouslysaid on The Surreal Life. You old charmer, you.
Yeah he's got a great body..but...kind of a male butterface.
91.
Hideki Matsui
90.
Lemmy Kilmister:
Sadly, the ravages of time have not been kind to him.
89.
Don Vito:
I suppose we were never really supposed to know what Bam Margera's uncle looks like, but since we do, he has to be included.
88.
John Clayton:
How is this ESPN's top football guy?
87.
Jimmy Johnson:
It's the hair
I swear I don't know who half these guys are on this list
86.
Jeff Van Gundy
85.
Richie "La Bamba" Rosenberg
84.
Dick Vitale
– Call it a hunch, but we have a feeling that sex with Dickie V. would be anything but "awesome, baby."
83.
Barry Bonds
– If what his mistress told the authors of Game of Shadows is true, then no, you don't want any part of that
82.
Howie Mandel
Awww...well it's kinda true. I miss him doing his standup days in the early 90's.
81.
Brian Posehn
80.
Art Garfunkel
79.
Tom from Myspace:
What, you gotta be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all.
I have no opinion on his looks, but it's annoying that he's your friend.
78.
Joe Walsh
77.
Meat Loaf Aday
76.
Garry Shandling
75.
Joey Buttafuoco
74.
DJ Qualls:
What's he weigh, like, 70 pounds? How much of that is grease?
73.
Harvey Pekar
72.
Grady Little:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
71.
George Steinbrenner:
Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
70.
Kevin James:
His TV marriage to Leah Remini on King of Queens is less believable than anything on Lost.
Kevin James is NOT that bad. Not a great body, but he's got that "my friend's boyfriend is kinda cute in a weird way" kind of thing going on. I mean, he's not hot...but i think he's better looking than the other 99 dudes on this list. Well minus Brad.
69.
Joe Gannascolli
68.
John Ashcroft
67.
Robert Patrick:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about the T-1000
66.
Robert Englund:
Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about Freddy Krueger
65.
John Madden:
Those massive hands seem more frightening than anything. Boom!
64.
Dennis Miller
63.
John Popper
62.
Bill Maher:
. . . Especially ones with poodle hair.
61.
Jim Gaffigan:
Pasty, goofy-looking comedians abound on this list.
60.
Joe Lieberman
59.
Clay Aiken:
This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone's bratty little brother.
Awww sorry Katelyn :P
58.
Bill O'Reilly
57.
Ed O'Neil:
We love ya, Ed, but sorry.
There was a reason you never waited on any really hot girls at that shoe store
56.
Rob Schneider
55.
Newt Gingrich
54.
Drew Carey
UGH i can't STAND this guy!
53.
Peter Jackson
52.
Danny DeVito
Why is Danny not #1?!!??!?
51.
Bill Wyman
50.
Ric Ocasek:
Yes, we know who his wife is. And no, we don't care.
49.
Lyle Lovett
48.
Scott Stapp
47.
Andy Dick:
It's a trap!
46.
Leif Garrett
45.
Nick Nolte:
Busey's oddball partner in crime, but at least he had a career once.
44.
Garey Busey:
Those teeth would give anyone nightmares.
43.
David Gest
42.
Rush Limbaugh:
No doubt he will claim his placement on this list as a result of a media bias and not the fact that he's just butt-ugly
41.
Paris Latsis:
Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.
40.
Al Franken:
Too arrogant
39.
Michael Moore
38.
Larry David
37.
Scottie Pippen
36.
Pat Cummings
35.
Willie McGee
34.
Christopher Lloyd
33.
Julian Tavarez
32.
Otis Nixon
31.
Chris Kattan
Awwww Chris doesn't deserve to be #31...maybe 99...but not 31. Mango turns everyone on!
30.
Tony Kornheiser:
Yes, calling sportswriters unattractive is like shooting fish in a barrel. But
come on, he looks like your uncle.
29.
Don Zimmer:
The gerbil's got a massive, ivory-white noggin' that never did much thinking to
begin with. Ask any Red Sox fan over 35.
28.
Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance):
Luckiest dude since Ringo. Or at the very least, since D12.
27.
Edward James Olmos:
Remember season one of South Park? When Kenny was a zombie, everyone assumed it
was an Edward James Olmos costume. Wonder why.
26.
Tim Burton:
He's got the Robert Smith hair coupled with a mighty hunch. Yet he's dating
Helena Bonham Carter.
25.
Axl Rose:
I mean . . . did you see the 2003 VMAs?
24.
Paul Shaffer:
The bic'd look does not work for everyone, plus he makes all those crazy faces
while he plays.
23.
Bill Gates:
To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil – 'You can
have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'"
22.
Clint Howard:
Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than
Ron Howard.
21.
Ron Howard:
He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain
weird-looking. Especially with a beard.
20.
Raffi:
Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of
any situation in which they would bed down with him.
19.
Chevy Chase:
He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.
18.
Malcolm Gladwell:
The Tipping Point.
17.
Jerry Seinfeld:
This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home
another model on Seinfeld.
16.
Carrot Top:
Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.
15.
Jon Lovitz:
Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know,
he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.
14.
Richard Simmons:
Words don't do it justice.
Shudder....
13.
Mike D. of the Beastie Boys:
We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it
like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get
within three feet of him naked.
12.
Wallace Shawn:
Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that
nasally lisp?
11.
Michael Jackson:
What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown
identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
This list just gets more and more horrifying...
10.
Don Imus:
"It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way,"
was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.
9.
Jay Leno:
"It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one
of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.
8.
Osama Bin Laden:
Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5",
no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.
7.
Mike Mills:
You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless
you're trying to get to Pete Buck.
6.
Chad Kroeger:
It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact
that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.
5.
Alan Colmes:
Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each
night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for
radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!
4.
Dr. Phil:
Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.
3.
Roger Ebert:
Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fuck him.
2.
Randy Johnson:
If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife
beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights
when he pitched to Otis Nixon?
Are you ready?.....
1.
Gilbert Gottfried:
Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to
what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced,
pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.
Gilbert may be nasty, but that Aflac duck is one mighty mighty fine piece of poultry.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Because i'm lazy...
Because I'm a lazy mofo, I bought this:
Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner
Heh heh I'll let you know how it works! Stay tuned...
Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner
Heh heh I'll let you know how it works! Stay tuned...
Letter to the Editor
My company did some sort of study to find out if there was a salary discrepency between men and women in the same job and there wasn't one. Oddly enough, a few women left the company shortly after the results were released. Makes you wonder. Luckily, women get a good percentage of their salary while away on maternity leave.
Uh maybe in Canada....I know chicks get a year off of vacay. Not here in the US...the Family Medical Leave act says you get *gasp* all of 12 weeks off UNPAID...but you get to keep your job. Basically you have to have foresight that you're going to get pregnant and save up a ton of your vacation time.
Uh maybe in Canada....I know chicks get a year off of vacay. Not here in the US...the Family Medical Leave act says you get *gasp* all of 12 weeks off UNPAID...but you get to keep your job. Basically you have to have foresight that you're going to get pregnant and save up a ton of your vacation time.
Friday, April 07, 2006
HEIDI HO!!!!
37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
-Um not always, The ones in gas stations are pretty nasty on the guys side
Marlene, I'm horribly disturbed that you know what that looks like in there :)
Weekend.
Sunny.
Time change.
Sometimes, life ist goot.
-Um not always, The ones in gas stations are pretty nasty on the guys side
Marlene, I'm horribly disturbed that you know what that looks like in there :)
Weekend.
Sunny.
Time change.
Sometimes, life ist goot.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Maxim 100: Things you need to know about chicks
From Maxim's 100 Everything You Need To Know About Women
Listen up guys! Here are the ones that I've gotta note...
99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.
HA! Exactly! And people make fun of me 'cause on my first date with kraig i didn't shave my legs and I wore granny underwear! EXACTLY!!!!
96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
There's no "set gift" to give your boyfriend if you need a last minute idea, but chicks are SO easy when it comse to that.
95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
I mean, it doesn't make us not LIKE you...it just makse it harder for us to want to molest you.
94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
Heh heh i can think of one chick in particular who is DEFINITELY nutty. I agree.
90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
Hell yeah! I woudln't want a random dude driving my car but when I moved to California for some reason I ended up driving all those shmucks...wtf. Why don't you leave your testicles at home too?
89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
Yep! True dat.
87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.
I'm going to punch someone. "Get pregnant"?! First off, time off for pregnancies is unpaid, so that's worth nothing. And why is it fair that becuase your stupid gender can't get pregnant that I have to get paid less? SOMEONE'S gotta obviously have babies to keep up the species...but oh, because we're in charge of keeping mankind alive, we should get paid less?
AND...to top it off...not everyone has kids. So because I've got a uterus and POTENTIALLY might get pregnant, I should suck it up?
(actually...i'm not complaining...in my line of work i've never gotten paid less than a dude with comparable skills...i'm just speaking for other chicks out there)
81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
Ha ha ha ha....
79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
I've never heard of that at all. Why is that? Is this common knowledge to guys?
77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
Hmmmm...that's a tough one to figure out. There's the Monogamy Years (i.e. 3-4 years kissing the dude), then you've got the Single Phase (kissing a few guys a night)...it seems like 50 might be a better number. No wait....35. Yeah. 35-50. That includes kissing your guy friend or that kid in 3rd grade (uh when YOU were in 3rd grade too sicko!)
74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31
I don't know about that...I mean, only once has my husband had a lap dance and I wans't around to see it (i was getting my own lol)...but i don't think i would have cared...however if that happened all the time, yeah i would definitely start to harbor resentment that i was doing that for him.
73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
Hmmm, I can say I've been in love 3.5 times (the 0.5 is a grey area, not 100% sure how i felt at the time if it was legit or not)...so 35 dudes been used...I don't know if the two are related. I mean, the other day Ryan helped me with my car. That's just a friend helping a friend. I wasn't "using" him, it was done out of friendship (obviously!), why does one have to do with the other?
72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
Yeah, like training drills. I agree.
70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
YES
YES
YES!!!
64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
YES
YES
YES!
61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
THIS IS SUCH CRAP! If i my problem is that my car needs to be fixed, trust me, I want a solution. If my problem is that I can't get to work the next day 'cause my car is in the shop, I want a solution. If I dropped a bottle of hair dye on the carpet, I want a solution. Point is, we don't usually tell guys all our problems 'cause we take care of our sh*t ourselves! (Or at least, i do. Minus having Ryan fix the light on my car, which really i had no problems with leaving as-is).
58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
Good. I'll tell Kraig that when i'm 50 and sleeping with the poolboy.
51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
EXACTLY. Didn't I blog about this already?
50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.
Who wrote this crap? I'm a size 5 or 5.5....Idon't know any chick with a shoe size smaller than a 9.5 who would do this (and if you're bigger than 9, you do it out of necessity).
49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
OMG you have no idea! I'm obsessed with the urinal concept. In fact, note to self: write blog about all the thigns that guys do that youw ish you could.
48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.
HA no fears there...I've been TOLD that I'm not the "coolest girl"...yeah thanks f*cker.
44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
Egads, interesting perspective. Thank God i'm not a psycho jealous girl...if that was my way to keep a man, i'd be like "uhhh...I think we should start seeing other people. It's not you, it's me."
37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
Obviously. We have ONE more reason to go to the bathroom. There is nothing more sick than the sight of pee, poop, AND a bloody tampon in the toilet. That's why my general rule when i go to clubs: I empty my bladder at the start of the night (i.e. when women only use the bathroom to fix their makeup) and tough it out for the rest of the night till i get home!
33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!
That is SUCH BS! First off, that's sick. Secondly, you should always wash your bras after 1 use 'cause the oils in your skin break down the bras (and you need that stuff to keep you uhhh uplifted!)
30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
True dat.
27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.
Hell yeah. Whatever you gotta do i guess.
25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
That means that every guy with a girlfriend/woman-friend has a friend that wants to sleep with you. Ummm...yeah i wouldn't hold this as gospel. that being said, does that mean that oneo f my friends wants to sleep with my husband? I don't know if that's flattering or if that makes me want to kill that bitch!
19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
DANG this is so unscientific, and yet, so true.
16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
And by "nerve to ask", they don't mean "accidentally put your penis in her ass".
11. She likes one of your friends.
Ha ha ha...d'oh.
Norm:7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
Actually Kraig dated a stripper and I was just more obsessed with finding out what fake boobs feel like (obviously you don't need to be a stripper to have fake boobs, but that was the only part of the history that i found interesting).
6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
YES
YES
YES
Mother effer I kiss himo nce without shaving and i'm broken out for months. I'm on effing medication even. It hurts like a BITCH when you guys don't shave.
5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.
Obviously. If you use the latter, you'll have to clean up the mess. And that's the last thing you want to worry about after you've just off'ed someone. "Swiffer - For Blood Stains!"
2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
I disagree. It depends on the chick. If he took one of MY girlfriend's who's opinion is similar to mine, then I have no problems with that.
1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
Do chicks really lie about this stuff? Is 12 really that bad of a number? (Mine's not 12, FYI, but i'm curious to know if it is).
Listen up guys! Here are the ones that I've gotta note...
99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.
HA! Exactly! And people make fun of me 'cause on my first date with kraig i didn't shave my legs and I wore granny underwear! EXACTLY!!!!
96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
There's no "set gift" to give your boyfriend if you need a last minute idea, but chicks are SO easy when it comse to that.
95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
I mean, it doesn't make us not LIKE you...it just makse it harder for us to want to molest you.
94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
Heh heh i can think of one chick in particular who is DEFINITELY nutty. I agree.
90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.
Hell yeah! I woudln't want a random dude driving my car but when I moved to California for some reason I ended up driving all those shmucks...wtf. Why don't you leave your testicles at home too?
89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
Yep! True dat.
87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.
I'm going to punch someone. "Get pregnant"?! First off, time off for pregnancies is unpaid, so that's worth nothing. And why is it fair that becuase your stupid gender can't get pregnant that I have to get paid less? SOMEONE'S gotta obviously have babies to keep up the species...but oh, because we're in charge of keeping mankind alive, we should get paid less?
AND...to top it off...not everyone has kids. So because I've got a uterus and POTENTIALLY might get pregnant, I should suck it up?
(actually...i'm not complaining...in my line of work i've never gotten paid less than a dude with comparable skills...i'm just speaking for other chicks out there)
81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
Ha ha ha ha....
79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
I've never heard of that at all. Why is that? Is this common knowledge to guys?
77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.
Hmmmm
74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Suzy, 31
I don't know about that...I mean, only once has my husband had a lap dance and I wans't around to see it (i was getting my own lol)...but i don't think i would have cared...however if that happened all the time, yeah i would definitely start to harbor resentment that i was doing that for him.
73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
Hmmm, I can say I've been in love 3.5 times (the 0.5 is a grey area, not 100% sure how i felt at the time if it was legit or not)...so 35 dudes been used...I don't know if the two are related. I mean, the other day Ryan helped me with my car. That's just a friend helping a friend. I wasn't "using" him, it was done out of friendship (obviously!), why does one have to do with the other?
72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
Yeah, like training drills. I agree.
70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
YES
YES
YES!!!
64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.
YES
YES
YES!
61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
THIS IS SUCH CRAP! If i my problem is that my car needs to be fixed, trust me, I want a solution. If my problem is that I can't get to work the next day 'cause my car is in the shop, I want a solution. If I dropped a bottle of hair dye on the carpet, I want a solution. Point is, we don't usually tell guys all our problems 'cause we take care of our sh*t ourselves! (Or at least, i do. Minus having Ryan fix the light on my car, which really i had no problems with leaving as-is).
58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
Good. I'll tell Kraig that when i'm 50 and sleeping with the poolboy.
51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
EXACTLY. Didn't I blog about this already?
50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.
Who wrote this crap? I'm a size 5 or 5.5....Idon't know any chick with a shoe size smaller than a 9.5 who would do this (and if you're bigger than 9, you do it out of necessity).
49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.
OMG you have no idea! I'm obsessed with the urinal concept. In fact, note to self: write blog about all the thigns that guys do that youw ish you could.
48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.
HA no fears there...I've been TOLD that I'm not the "coolest girl"...yeah thanks f*cker.
44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
Egads, interesting perspective. Thank God i'm not a psycho jealous girl...if that was my way to keep a man, i'd be like "uhhh...I think we should start seeing other people. It's not you, it's me."
37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.
Obviously. We have ONE more reason to go to the bathroom. There is nothing more sick than the sight of pee, poop, AND a bloody tampon in the toilet. That's why my general rule when i go to clubs: I empty my bladder at the start of the night (i.e. when women only use the bathroom to fix their makeup) and tough it out for the rest of the night till i get home!
33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!
That is SUCH BS! First off, that's sick. Secondly, you should always wash your bras after 1 use 'cause the oils in your skin break down the bras (and you need that stuff to keep you uhhh uplifted!)
30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
True dat.
27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.
Hell yeah. Whatever you gotta do i guess.
25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
That means that every guy with a girlfriend/woman-friend has a friend that wants to sleep with you. Ummm...yeah i wouldn't hold this as gospel. that being said, does that mean that oneo f my friends wants to sleep with my husband? I don't know if that's flattering or if that makes me want to kill that bitch!
19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
DANG this is so unscientific, and yet, so true.
16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
And by "nerve to ask", they don't mean "accidentally put your penis in her ass".
11. She likes one of your friends.
Ha ha ha...d'oh.
Norm:7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
Actually Kraig dated a stripper and I was just more obsessed with finding out what fake boobs feel like (obviously you don't need to be a stripper to have fake boobs, but that was the only part of the history that i found interesting).
6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)
YES
YES
YES
Mother effer I kiss himo nce without shaving and i'm broken out for months. I'm on effing medication even. It hurts like a BITCH when you guys don't shave.
5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.
Obviously. If you use the latter, you'll have to clean up the mess. And that's the last thing you want to worry about after you've just off'ed someone. "Swiffer - For Blood Stains!"
2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
I disagree. It depends on the chick. If he took one of MY girlfriend's who's opinion is similar to mine, then I have no problems with that.
1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.
Do chicks really lie about this stuff? Is 12 really that bad of a number? (Mine's not 12, FYI, but i'm curious to know if it is).
Things i hate...
Note to self: do a bitchfest and get out of your system the list of things you hate.
I absolutely hate it when people ask me if I'm in a bad mood. If I'm not, simply asking that will put me in a bad mood. Someone today told me I was in a bad mood yesterady. I wasn't in a bad mood at all in fact. So now that's put me in a cranky mother effing mood today...
I absolutely hate it when people ask me if I'm in a bad mood. If I'm not, simply asking that will put me in a bad mood. Someone today told me I was in a bad mood yesterady. I wasn't in a bad mood at all in fact. So now that's put me in a cranky mother effing mood today...
Dang...
What I would KILL to be in bed right now. Mother effer. I'm exhausted...all week....I worked out Sunday night and haven't gone to the gym since which is
a) stressing me out....working out is my outlet for aggression
b) bugging me 'cause i wanna keep using my new shoes!
I passed out at 8:30 last night, wtf. So if i talk to anyone...don't tell me what happened on Lost, ANTM...I did manage to watch Bold and the Beautiful, and they have this annoying kid with blond curly hair...a Shirley Temple-type. She irritates the bacon out of me. They're on an island right now...I hope a monsoon comes and wipes out that kid, she drives me nuts.
In other news, Kraig is OBSESSED with this domestic bunny that's been spotted in our complex...he wants to take it home. Yesterday he called me and asked me to come out and grab something from his car...I was terrified that it was the bunny ("Cocoa" as he's named it).
that's pretty much all I had to say today...my brain is eagerly anticipating Saturday morning...I plan on sleeping ALL morning and ALL day...mmm mmm good.
a) stressing me out....working out is my outlet for aggression
b) bugging me 'cause i wanna keep using my new shoes!
I passed out at 8:30 last night, wtf. So if i talk to anyone...don't tell me what happened on Lost, ANTM...I did manage to watch Bold and the Beautiful, and they have this annoying kid with blond curly hair...a Shirley Temple-type. She irritates the bacon out of me. They're on an island right now...I hope a monsoon comes and wipes out that kid, she drives me nuts.
In other news, Kraig is OBSESSED with this domestic bunny that's been spotted in our complex...he wants to take it home. Yesterday he called me and asked me to come out and grab something from his car...I was terrified that it was the bunny ("Cocoa" as he's named it).
that's pretty much all I had to say today...my brain is eagerly anticipating Saturday morning...I plan on sleeping ALL morning and ALL day...mmm mmm good.
Letter to the Editor
Re: letters to the editor...
You gotta live a little... stop actin' sooooo grown up, and enjoy life while it happens. Cause yer gonna wake up at 40 and wonder where life went, and when yer gonna have some fun.
Who says that I don't have fun? I go out with friends all the time, I'm not sitting at home crunching numbers away...my thing is though, I'm not going to be stupid about it...I have a $500K house and if something happened to my husband, i'd be f*cked...especially because I want to have kids. So why is it considered like i'm not "living" because I want to make sure I've got things in place in case something happens to me or Kraig and we want to protect things we've spent our whole lives working towards? How crappy would that be, first my husband dies and now i gotta sell the house?
take some more trips. Spend some money frivously because the Norm is right. Your going to wake and not have been sponteous enough or traveled enough.
Uhhh first off, I've travelled plenty...i only have ONE more trip that I want to take and the only reason I can't take it is because I have no vacation time, not because I don't have the money (all my vacation time gets used up going to Ottawa or when my friends from Ottawa come to visit, and 1 week this year is going to be spent in Tahoe). Heck, i'm planning a trip to vegas today. And quite honestly, just because you guys like travelling alot doesn't mean everyone does. I find it exhausting and when I end up getting a good chunk of money the first thing I think of spending it on ISN'T a trip somewhere. As for spending money more frivolously...I do go on shoe shopping sprees, etc, but no offense I think that's pretty retarded advice to give to people ("spend money more frivolously") :P ...that works if you're debt-free but we're not BECAUSE of frivolous things.
Put it this way: I don't ENJOY blowing loads of cash. I enjoy OTHER people blowing cash, but just because somep eople like spending money, like going on trips, doesn't mean other people do. I'm not going around telling other people to SAVE their money...but I know for me, I get MUCH more satisfaction having money in the bank than I would from ANY shopping purchase. That's just me, so suck it. That's like if I went around telling people they should eat more chocolate and they'd be happier...uhhh not everyone likes chocolate, or not everyone likes it to excess, so wtf kind of advice is that to give as a blanket statement that because some people like to blow their money EVERYONE should?
IN ADDITION...regardless of whether I spend my money frivolously, we still have bills to pay...wtf, do you suggest I suddenly don't pay them? Forget the car payment...the timeshare payment...the credit card bills...you know what? Why don't I skip paying my property taxes too? There are still obligations to be met....I'm not going to skip out on the house insurance bill I got yesterday because i should "spend money frivolously"....(which ironically the reason I HAVE house insurance is because Kraig and I have alot of things we've splurged on that I would like to keep protected).
I have a coworker who's husband died when her son was 4. I don't want to have to struggle financially with a child because my husband was killed. I have a friend who got cancer and has been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 years, i don't want Kraig to be burdened and have to sell the house because I can't work. I don't want to be in the hosptial for 15 years like that Shiavo chick because Kraig and I differ on how to handle pulling the plug...i'd rather take care of that crap in advance. I don't want the courts to decide who gets my kid(s) if we both die, because I know that I would rather have one of my girlfriend's look after our kids, as stated in our Trust. I think most people out there live TOO frivolously because they don't have that crap taken care of...i have all of it under control AND i spend money if i really want something. Why is that bad?
Plus then you have to be sooooo careful with your retirement money can't spend to much or you'll have to go back out and work because you spent it all.
Uh yeah I wouldn't bank on it being problem with me SPENDING too much of my retirement (neither of us have pensions, and much like people I know who are over 65, I'll end up having to work anyway).
Sorry, it just really irks me...trust me, i have NO problems spending money if i want something. However I'm not going to be retarded about it...things like 401Ks, life insurance, disability insurance, home insurance, car insurance, bills...that sh*t needs to be paid and I'm not going to go into DEBT over that crap (maybe some of you can sleep easy with debt. I can't. I dont' like owing friends money, let alone a stranger). I have no problems buying fun things on occasion, going on trips...i certainly wish I had more money to do those things but security is much, MUCH more important to me and I'm not going to sacrifice security. I'd rather just find a way to make more money.
Norm: HA considering the first time you met me i got plastered drunk and partied all night I should hope you realize that i have no problems letting loose!
Let's put it in another perspective...telling people to let loose, spendm ore money...is basically assuming that spending money is the key to happiness. Don't get me wrong, my thoughts are money doesn't buy happiness, but NOT having money does bring unhappiness...I could go on a huge trip, spend tons of dough...and end up just as happy as say spending tons of time with my friends, going to the beach, hanging in, watching movies. I do NOT rely on money for happiness...I use it as a means of security, and a necessary tool if there are things I want to accomplish (and sometimes that accomplishment may mean adding a pinstripe blackskirt to my closet, which i have no problems with). I don't think the sheer act of spending money is a solution to anything, and i don't think spending money is the definition or a necessity for "living life".
Dammit I need Carrie and Nic D to start writing comments in my blog backing me up on this crap.....
Okay, end of THursday morning rant. You know what i'm going to tell people...
SUCK IT!
heh heh.
This random rant about money brought to you buy the letters I, H, M, J, and the number 0
Edited to add (tweaked to protect the innocent lol):
And it's NOT bad to want to protect the things you value. You and Kraig just went on a road trip to visit friends, for goodness sake. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to fork over the dough for a home insurance bill! It's painful to drop that kinda of cash on something you know you need but that it's not necessarily "fun" to have!
Exactly.
You gotta live a little... stop actin' sooooo grown up, and enjoy life while it happens. Cause yer gonna wake up at 40 and wonder where life went, and when yer gonna have some fun.
Who says that I don't have fun? I go out with friends all the time, I'm not sitting at home crunching numbers away...my thing is though, I'm not going to be stupid about it...I have a $500K house and if something happened to my husband, i'd be f*cked...especially because I want to have kids. So why is it considered like i'm not "living" because I want to make sure I've got things in place in case something happens to me or Kraig and we want to protect things we've spent our whole lives working towards? How crappy would that be, first my husband dies and now i gotta sell the house?
take some more trips. Spend some money frivously because the Norm is right. Your going to wake and not have been sponteous enough or traveled enough.
Uhhh first off, I've travelled plenty...i only have ONE more trip that I want to take and the only reason I can't take it is because I have no vacation time, not because I don't have the money (all my vacation time gets used up going to Ottawa or when my friends from Ottawa come to visit, and 1 week this year is going to be spent in Tahoe). Heck, i'm planning a trip to vegas today. And quite honestly, just because you guys like travelling alot doesn't mean everyone does. I find it exhausting and when I end up getting a good chunk of money the first thing I think of spending it on ISN'T a trip somewhere. As for spending money more frivolously...I do go on shoe shopping sprees, etc, but no offense I think that's pretty retarded advice to give to people ("spend money more frivolously") :P ...that works if you're debt-free but we're not BECAUSE of frivolous things.
Put it this way: I don't ENJOY blowing loads of cash. I enjoy OTHER people blowing cash, but just because somep eople like spending money, like going on trips, doesn't mean other people do. I'm not going around telling other people to SAVE their money...but I know for me, I get MUCH more satisfaction having money in the bank than I would from ANY shopping purchase. That's just me, so suck it. That's like if I went around telling people they should eat more chocolate and they'd be happier...uhhh not everyone likes chocolate, or not everyone likes it to excess, so wtf kind of advice is that to give as a blanket statement that because some people like to blow their money EVERYONE should?
IN ADDITION...regardless of whether I spend my money frivolously, we still have bills to pay...wtf, do you suggest I suddenly don't pay them? Forget the car payment...the timeshare payment...the credit card bills...you know what? Why don't I skip paying my property taxes too? There are still obligations to be met....I'm not going to skip out on the house insurance bill I got yesterday because i should "spend money frivolously"....(which ironically the reason I HAVE house insurance is because Kraig and I have alot of things we've splurged on that I would like to keep protected).
I have a coworker who's husband died when her son was 4. I don't want to have to struggle financially with a child because my husband was killed. I have a friend who got cancer and has been in and out of the hospital for the past 2 years, i don't want Kraig to be burdened and have to sell the house because I can't work. I don't want to be in the hosptial for 15 years like that Shiavo chick because Kraig and I differ on how to handle pulling the plug...i'd rather take care of that crap in advance. I don't want the courts to decide who gets my kid(s) if we both die, because I know that I would rather have one of my girlfriend's look after our kids, as stated in our Trust. I think most people out there live TOO frivolously because they don't have that crap taken care of...i have all of it under control AND i spend money if i really want something. Why is that bad?
Plus then you have to be sooooo careful with your retirement money can't spend to much or you'll have to go back out and work because you spent it all.
Uh yeah I wouldn't bank on it being problem with me SPENDING too much of my retirement (neither of us have pensions, and much like people I know who are over 65, I'll end up having to work anyway).
Sorry, it just really irks me...trust me, i have NO problems spending money if i want something. However I'm not going to be retarded about it...things like 401Ks, life insurance, disability insurance, home insurance, car insurance, bills...that sh*t needs to be paid and I'm not going to go into DEBT over that crap (maybe some of you can sleep easy with debt. I can't. I dont' like owing friends money, let alone a stranger). I have no problems buying fun things on occasion, going on trips...i certainly wish I had more money to do those things but security is much, MUCH more important to me and I'm not going to sacrifice security. I'd rather just find a way to make more money.
Norm: HA considering the first time you met me i got plastered drunk and partied all night I should hope you realize that i have no problems letting loose!
Let's put it in another perspective...telling people to let loose, spendm ore money...is basically assuming that spending money is the key to happiness. Don't get me wrong, my thoughts are money doesn't buy happiness, but NOT having money does bring unhappiness...I could go on a huge trip, spend tons of dough...and end up just as happy as say spending tons of time with my friends, going to the beach, hanging in, watching movies. I do NOT rely on money for happiness...I use it as a means of security, and a necessary tool if there are things I want to accomplish (and sometimes that accomplishment may mean adding a pinstripe blackskirt to my closet, which i have no problems with). I don't think the sheer act of spending money is a solution to anything, and i don't think spending money is the definition or a necessity for "living life".
Dammit I need Carrie and Nic D to start writing comments in my blog backing me up on this crap.....
Okay, end of THursday morning rant. You know what i'm going to tell people...
SUCK IT!
heh heh.
This random rant about money brought to you buy the letters I, H, M, J, and the number 0
Edited to add (tweaked to protect the innocent lol):
And it's NOT bad to want to protect the things you value. You and Kraig just went on a road trip to visit friends, for goodness sake. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to fork over the dough for a home insurance bill! It's painful to drop that kinda of cash on something you know you need but that it's not necessarily "fun" to have!
Exactly.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
You are ear delicious
Okay, there IS nothing wrong with a home renovation blog...when you've gutted the place...but when you blog about how you're thinking of maybe considering looking over the thought of painting your kitchen maybe a sage or a mushroomy kinda color...uh yeah no that's stab-yourself-with-a-fork boring.
So I got my home insurance renewal, along with my home warranty renewal, along with having to sign the life insurance paperwork.
Home insurance: $563....That gives me $70K in dwelling insurance (it's all the inside stuff, the structure is part of the hOA)...0 for other structures (since i don't have a poolhouse!)...$79,000 for personaly property (I should revisit that...)....$300K for liability (not fully sure what that is) and $2K for medical payments (oh great, a bandaid!)....
Good times...
I'm not renewing the home warranty...'cause...i already suckered a new water heater outo f them...and i'mtoo poor for the $300+ payment.
As for life insurance...going with term 'cause once again, i'm too poor for anything else. At least with life insurance, after we sign on....we'll now be able to drive as crazy and reckless on the streets as we want.
You know what? I wish when I was a kid and said how badly I wanted to be a grownup that my parents had sat me down for 6 hours and forced me to look at paperwork after paperwork after paperwork…sure would have made me relish my childhood a bit more...
I wish when i was a kid and i said how when i grew up, i was gonna do whatever I wanted and stay out as late as I wanted...someone had said "HA good luck finding the money to do whatever you want and even when you save up for it, you're too old to stay out past 11 without passing out anyway! Sucker!"....
Basically, I want a refund on my Adult Life. Let me shop around a bit more, get a better deal...this one wasn't quite what i was looking for, it seems to be a bit too much work and upkeep. I want to buy an Adult Life that's a little less maintenance, a little more automatic, possibly with a warranty on all parts, and a much longer shelf life.
So I got my home insurance renewal, along with my home warranty renewal, along with having to sign the life insurance paperwork.
Home insurance: $563....That gives me $70K in dwelling insurance (it's all the inside stuff, the structure is part of the hOA)...0 for other structures (since i don't have a poolhouse!)...$79,000 for personaly property (I should revisit that...)....$300K for liability (not fully sure what that is) and $2K for medical payments (oh great, a bandaid!)....
Good times...
I'm not renewing the home warranty...'cause...i already suckered a new water heater outo f them...and i'mtoo poor for the $300+ payment.
As for life insurance...going with term 'cause once again, i'm too poor for anything else. At least with life insurance, after we sign on....we'll now be able to drive as crazy and reckless on the streets as we want.
You know what? I wish when I was a kid and said how badly I wanted to be a grownup that my parents had sat me down for 6 hours and forced me to look at paperwork after paperwork after paperwork…sure would have made me relish my childhood a bit more...
I wish when i was a kid and i said how when i grew up, i was gonna do whatever I wanted and stay out as late as I wanted...someone had said "HA good luck finding the money to do whatever you want and even when you save up for it, you're too old to stay out past 11 without passing out anyway! Sucker!"....
Basically, I want a refund on my Adult Life. Let me shop around a bit more, get a better deal...this one wasn't quite what i was looking for, it seems to be a bit too much work and upkeep. I want to buy an Adult Life that's a little less maintenance, a little more automatic, possibly with a warranty on all parts, and a much longer shelf life.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
quickie
Woo hoo, went to lunch with Katelyn today....first I got to see Meghan who i hadn't seen in 3 years, now Katelyn who I haven't seen in over a year...Heidi Ho! (She looked fantastic, mother effer I wish i could curl my hair like that)...
In other news: I hate blockbuster...go Netflix!
In other news: I hate blockbuster...go Netflix!
Freaky....
On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:
01:02:03 04/05/06
That won't ever happen again.
Someone's got WAY too much time on their hands to notice that stuff!
01:02:03 04/05/06
That won't ever happen again.
Someone's got WAY too much time on their hands to notice that stuff!
Monday, April 03, 2006
Weekend wrap up
This is the funniest link I've gotten in awhile...go Kraig for sending it to me:
Ebay Sale of a guy's "box"
And now, picture links:
Disney's California Adventure
Stash pictures and a few from when it hailed
San Jose this past weekend
Unfortunately I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to see, i was pretty much only there for a day (Sorry Marlene!), but I DID manage to see Meghan who I hadn't seen in years...speaking of, geezus Gilroy is like a mini-Orange County...
Ebay Sale of a guy's "box"
And now, picture links:
Disney's California Adventure
Stash pictures and a few from when it hailed
San Jose this past weekend
Unfortunately I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to see, i was pretty much only there for a day (Sorry Marlene!), but I DID manage to see Meghan who I hadn't seen in years...speaking of, geezus Gilroy is like a mini-Orange County...
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