A cordless iron....
I'm in heaven!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Blog me a river
Interesting something or other today...
Kraig commented that I'm more attractive/better-looking now than when we first started dating.
Which of course I had to pry and get more info on...because if I'm told I'm doing something right, I need to know specifics!!
Gasp could the extra cellulite be a turn-on?
Are the extra wrinkles more endearing?
So he said I was just more sexy (let it be known, apparently I wasn't sexy when I was 23 because I was clearly the "kid sister" type)...and when I REALLY beat him down for a response, he said:
I dunno, I think it's the hair
IT'S ALWAYS THE HAIR!!!
I swear, Henry (Henri?) is way gifted...whatever he did to my hair, it's wonderful. Not that *I* think it's all that great...personally I'm desperate to grow out the bangs and I haven't gotten used to the half hour of sleep that I no longer get in order to style it...
...but a few weeks ago a complete stranger even stopped to tell me that my hair was great.
Henry, Mr. "Drama! So who's your victim?", is fantabulous.
It appears to be that we're having a blow-drying party at my place...where he's going to finally show us how the ((bleep)) to style our hair...because we're always griping that we don't know what we're doing. Yee haw.
On another note...doesn't it surprise you when you find out the impression people first had of you?
Way back during my "homeless" stage, and I was living with my brother's friends (and they were trying to find me a boatload of Muslim guys to marry), I told the wife that the way I figure it, my brother is responsible for my mom and I'm responsible for my husband's mother. I'll look after my mom of course if necessary, but I do view it as my job to look after my (future) mother-in-law...
She was floored that I was so "traditional" like that...I guess she thought I was some modern chick who MIGHT look after her own parents, but that's it.
Recently a coworker told me that they thought I was pretty conservative when I started at my company and go figure, I'm actually not some prude uptight conservative chick. Apparently living in the OC is a qualification for being conservative...
...I live in the OC 'cause that's where my husband works...I had no idea what the OC even was when I moved here, it could have been Compton for all I knew...
It's just funny the impression people can get of someone, and sometimes they seem so shocked when they learn otherwise.
The song of the day is Heard Em Say by Kanye West
Featuring Adam Levine...
Cuz every words we swore we got more far away, and nothing's ever promised tommorow today,
And nothing lasts forever but be honest babe, it helps but it may be the only way
Kraig commented that I'm more attractive/better-looking now than when we first started dating.
Which of course I had to pry and get more info on...because if I'm told I'm doing something right, I need to know specifics!!
Gasp could the extra cellulite be a turn-on?
Are the extra wrinkles more endearing?
So he said I was just more sexy (let it be known, apparently I wasn't sexy when I was 23 because I was clearly the "kid sister" type)...and when I REALLY beat him down for a response, he said:
I dunno, I think it's the hair
IT'S ALWAYS THE HAIR!!!
I swear, Henry (Henri?) is way gifted...whatever he did to my hair, it's wonderful. Not that *I* think it's all that great...personally I'm desperate to grow out the bangs and I haven't gotten used to the half hour of sleep that I no longer get in order to style it...
...but a few weeks ago a complete stranger even stopped to tell me that my hair was great.
Henry, Mr. "Drama! So who's your victim?", is fantabulous.
It appears to be that we're having a blow-drying party at my place...where he's going to finally show us how the ((bleep)) to style our hair...because we're always griping that we don't know what we're doing. Yee haw.
On another note...doesn't it surprise you when you find out the impression people first had of you?
Way back during my "homeless" stage, and I was living with my brother's friends (and they were trying to find me a boatload of Muslim guys to marry), I told the wife that the way I figure it, my brother is responsible for my mom and I'm responsible for my husband's mother. I'll look after my mom of course if necessary, but I do view it as my job to look after my (future) mother-in-law...
She was floored that I was so "traditional" like that...I guess she thought I was some modern chick who MIGHT look after her own parents, but that's it.
Recently a coworker told me that they thought I was pretty conservative when I started at my company and go figure, I'm actually not some prude uptight conservative chick. Apparently living in the OC is a qualification for being conservative...
...I live in the OC 'cause that's where my husband works...I had no idea what the OC even was when I moved here, it could have been Compton for all I knew...
It's just funny the impression people can get of someone, and sometimes they seem so shocked when they learn otherwise.
The song of the day is Heard Em Say by Kanye West
Featuring Adam Levine...
Cuz every words we swore we got more far away, and nothing's ever promised tommorow today,
And nothing lasts forever but be honest babe, it helps but it may be the only way
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Being a Grown Up Sucks, Part N
Why being a grownup sucks...Part n....
So FINALLY I got quotes for life insurance. Going with the investment-type so that we can borrow against it as opposed to just plain term (which maybe i'll get down the road to supplement,that's cheap)...
For me to be insured for $400K: it's $244 a month.
For Kraig to be insured for $400K: it's $345 a month.
$589 extra a month. And i'll pull that out of my ass I guess.
(Okay well since it's an investment-type i'm okay reducing the amount I put in my 401K...but still!!)
What's scary is that...what if that's nto enough? I mean, yeah for NOW it would be great, but with kids, cost of living, college, crap like that...i might look back and totally think it's not enough.
Being a grownup blows goats.
In fact, it blows ALL livestock.
I remember being a kid and wanting to be grownup SOOOO badly. Really no matter what age you are, you aspire to be...around 23. You're out of school...but you can still party, waste your money, and not worry about things like retirement, homebuying, credit scores.
Once this is done, and the legal stuff is squared away (ugh gotta call the lawyer to sit down and officially sign everything...but when i do, I'll be billed the other $750, and I'm not ready for THAT charge yet)...I'll be DONE.
DONE with insurance, legal, random CRAP. Take that Smart Couples Finish Rich.
Until of course, we have kids...which will then require me to do a whole boatload of reading and learning...It's like buying a new device. You gotta figure out how exactly it works. Childcare isn't my worry...it's pregnancy that terrifies me. Whyyyy is it 9 (well, really 10) months long?! That's long ass time to have to be an incubator. That's a long time to eat healthy, avoid caffeine, not drink, not stand in front of the microwave (okay well that last one is old skool).
Speaking of devices...it used to take like 6 hours to burn a CD. Now it can get done in a minute. It used to take forever to heat up a frozen dinner...now it takes minutes. Why hasn't anyone figured out how to streamline the pregnancy process?
My fear is that 9 months will be 9 months of FREAKING OUT. I'd rather have 1 month of serious freaking out. My kid's gonna come out with 2 heads from all the anxiety hormones it's gonna get.
So today's plan for elegance and refinement: to start saying my Please and Thank Yous...not "you're awesome!" when somene does something nice for me, but rather, "thank you, I appreciate it!"....
The song of the day is Check on It by Beyonce
If I let you get up on it, you gotta make a promise
That you gone put it on me, like no ones put it on me
Don't bore me, just show me, all men talk but don't please
I can be a tease, but I really wanna please you
DAMN that's a great song...I even sat through MTV's "Making The Video" 'cause i like it so much.
So FINALLY I got quotes for life insurance. Going with the investment-type so that we can borrow against it as opposed to just plain term (which maybe i'll get down the road to supplement,that's cheap)...
For me to be insured for $400K: it's $244 a month.
For Kraig to be insured for $400K: it's $345 a month.
$589 extra a month. And i'll pull that out of my ass I guess.
(Okay well since it's an investment-type i'm okay reducing the amount I put in my 401K...but still!!)
What's scary is that...what if that's nto enough? I mean, yeah for NOW it would be great, but with kids, cost of living, college, crap like that...i might look back and totally think it's not enough.
Being a grownup blows goats.
In fact, it blows ALL livestock.
I remember being a kid and wanting to be grownup SOOOO badly. Really no matter what age you are, you aspire to be...around 23. You're out of school...but you can still party, waste your money, and not worry about things like retirement, homebuying, credit scores.
Once this is done, and the legal stuff is squared away (ugh gotta call the lawyer to sit down and officially sign everything...but when i do, I'll be billed the other $750, and I'm not ready for THAT charge yet)...I'll be DONE.
DONE with insurance, legal, random CRAP. Take that Smart Couples Finish Rich.
Until of course, we have kids...which will then require me to do a whole boatload of reading and learning...It's like buying a new device. You gotta figure out how exactly it works. Childcare isn't my worry...it's pregnancy that terrifies me. Whyyyy is it 9 (well, really 10) months long?! That's long ass time to have to be an incubator. That's a long time to eat healthy, avoid caffeine, not drink, not stand in front of the microwave (okay well that last one is old skool).
Speaking of devices...it used to take like 6 hours to burn a CD. Now it can get done in a minute. It used to take forever to heat up a frozen dinner...now it takes minutes. Why hasn't anyone figured out how to streamline the pregnancy process?
My fear is that 9 months will be 9 months of FREAKING OUT. I'd rather have 1 month of serious freaking out. My kid's gonna come out with 2 heads from all the anxiety hormones it's gonna get.
So today's plan for elegance and refinement: to start saying my Please and Thank Yous...not "you're awesome!" when somene does something nice for me, but rather, "thank you, I appreciate it!"....
The song of the day is Check on It by Beyonce
If I let you get up on it, you gotta make a promise
That you gone put it on me, like no ones put it on me
Don't bore me, just show me, all men talk but don't please
I can be a tease, but I really wanna please you
DAMN that's a great song...I even sat through MTV's "Making The Video" 'cause i like it so much.
Bitching bitching bitching blog
The working man...woman...same diff.
So one of my major beefs is how a good chunk of the workforce has to work 8-5ish type hours.
But...if you're in the service sector...WHY would you not make sure your hours cater to the other office whores who work 8-5?
Like...dentists, doctors, etc? Okay i get that those people own their own practices, but they could sleep in and work like 11-7?!
Or even just...dry cleaners, whatever.
Really what I'm beefed over is...the gym.
Their classes. There's always ONE really early class...and then maybe one or two after normal work hours (and of course, those classes are packed). ALL of the others are during the day.
WTF.
Okay let's say a huge demographic for 24HF is say...stay at home moms. How many effing classes can they possibly offer to that group of people?! For ALL the stay at home moms, do you REALLY need boatloads of classes during the week? Can't they just use normal cardio machines?!
And then after work...there's like 1 or 2 classes. To cater to...the GAZILLION super fat office whores like the rest of us who sit around eating all day. Why can't they reduce the amount of classes during the day and offer more all the way to say 10pm at night? Dont' tell me there's not as many people working out at 9pm as at say 2pm...trust me, at 9pm there's a TON of people at the gym.
it makes NO sense to me. I mean, HELLO the whole point is that some 24HF are actually open 24 hours because SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO WORK OUT LATE. And i'm not saying offer a 2am class...just not that there needs to be like a thousand during regular business hours...
If you own a frickin' business...and you're in the service industry (dry cleaning, chiropractor, oil changes, whatever)...mother effer do yourself a favor and change your hours to cater to the rest of us! At least one day a week worst case.
Geezus.
So one of my major beefs is how a good chunk of the workforce has to work 8-5ish type hours.
But...if you're in the service sector...WHY would you not make sure your hours cater to the other office whores who work 8-5?
Like...dentists, doctors, etc? Okay i get that those people own their own practices, but they could sleep in and work like 11-7?!
Or even just...dry cleaners, whatever.
Really what I'm beefed over is...the gym.
Their classes. There's always ONE really early class...and then maybe one or two after normal work hours (and of course, those classes are packed). ALL of the others are during the day.
WTF.
Okay let's say a huge demographic for 24HF is say...stay at home moms. How many effing classes can they possibly offer to that group of people?! For ALL the stay at home moms, do you REALLY need boatloads of classes during the week? Can't they just use normal cardio machines?!
And then after work...there's like 1 or 2 classes. To cater to...the GAZILLION super fat office whores like the rest of us who sit around eating all day. Why can't they reduce the amount of classes during the day and offer more all the way to say 10pm at night? Dont' tell me there's not as many people working out at 9pm as at say 2pm...trust me, at 9pm there's a TON of people at the gym.
it makes NO sense to me. I mean, HELLO the whole point is that some 24HF are actually open 24 hours because SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO WORK OUT LATE. And i'm not saying offer a 2am class...just not that there needs to be like a thousand during regular business hours...
If you own a frickin' business...and you're in the service industry (dry cleaning, chiropractor, oil changes, whatever)...mother effer do yourself a favor and change your hours to cater to the rest of us! At least one day a week worst case.
Geezus.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Out came the rain and washed the blog out
Mother
Effer.
Holy torrential downpour batman!
It's my last day off work and I was like "okay gotta go to Target to pick up some stuff"...I was gonna let a little rain stop me...
Riigghtt....
Driving back the roads were flooded....I've driven through crazy rainstorms before, that's not a problem...i've driven through INSANE snowstorms where, in hindsight, I'm amazed i'm still alive let alone didn't drive my car over the side....
But i've NEVER driven my car through floods like this, where the flooding was up to the roof of my car. I was FREAKING out, plus at one point an SUV drove by me and it's one thing when you get a downpour of water on your windshield...it was BUCKETS after BUCKETS...and I was afraid that if I slowed down TOO much, my car would never pick up momentum again...
Anyway I know, I know, I sound like a whiney little Californian bitch at this point...but I'd like to thinkthat coming from somewhere with brutal snow, I know bad mother effing driving conditions...
Moral of the story?
Kraig needs to sell his mustang so I can get an SUV...that's the lesson learned!
Effer.
Holy torrential downpour batman!
It's my last day off work and I was like "okay gotta go to Target to pick up some stuff"...I was gonna let a little rain stop me...
Riigghtt....
Driving back the roads were flooded....I've driven through crazy rainstorms before, that's not a problem...i've driven through INSANE snowstorms where, in hindsight, I'm amazed i'm still alive let alone didn't drive my car over the side....
But i've NEVER driven my car through floods like this, where the flooding was up to the roof of my car. I was FREAKING out, plus at one point an SUV drove by me and it's one thing when you get a downpour of water on your windshield...it was BUCKETS after BUCKETS...and I was afraid that if I slowed down TOO much, my car would never pick up momentum again...
Anyway I know, I know, I sound like a whiney little Californian bitch at this point...but I'd like to thinkthat coming from somewhere with brutal snow, I know bad mother effing driving conditions...
Moral of the story?
Kraig needs to sell his mustang so I can get an SUV...that's the lesson learned!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Feelin' Squishy!
A pic from NYE....Heidi and I were "squishy"...those drinks were strong!
And go me....I won a drinking game...you try running, chugging a HUGE shot of Jose Cuervo, running back....had to swallow that sh*t after I ran back, I almost died...it was nasty!
Good times.
And go me....I won a drinking game...you try running, chugging a HUGE shot of Jose Cuervo, running back....had to swallow that sh*t after I ran back, I almost died...it was nasty!
Good times.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
End of 2005
Okay so nothing meaningful to say.
Was gonna do a big summary of all the pop culture stuff from the past year....
...but I'm tired, I'm gonna nap, i'm gonna go to the gym, gonna pluck my eyebrows, gonna shower, gonna doll myself up for tonight...
And honestly, this was SUCH an uneventful year. At least 2 years ago, I got married.
Last year I bought a house, had to put one cat to sleep, got a kitten...
This year...other than my mom's WAY overstayed visit...it was a pretty vanilla year. Which I guess, if I look back on past years (no job, no place to live, etc)....that's probably a good thing.
So anyway...
Have a happy new year everyone! And remember...resolutions for 2006:
1. To be elegant and refined (i.e. to be a grownup finally!)
2. To be a better wife!
Was gonna do a big summary of all the pop culture stuff from the past year....
...but I'm tired, I'm gonna nap, i'm gonna go to the gym, gonna pluck my eyebrows, gonna shower, gonna doll myself up for tonight...
And honestly, this was SUCH an uneventful year. At least 2 years ago, I got married.
Last year I bought a house, had to put one cat to sleep, got a kitten...
This year...other than my mom's WAY overstayed visit...it was a pretty vanilla year. Which I guess, if I look back on past years (no job, no place to live, etc)....that's probably a good thing.
So anyway...
Have a happy new year everyone! And remember...resolutions for 2006:
1. To be elegant and refined (i.e. to be a grownup finally!)
2. To be a better wife!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Odd survey....
Okay this is gonna be my 2nd last post for 2005...'cause I think tomorrow there needs to be some formal wrap-up of the year or something.
BUT....just in the event that anyone is bored (i'm killing time before I go to the gym...i hate going before 10pm!)....
Odd Survey
Current mood: geeky
1: Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 18, what does line 4 say:
Okay well it's a Cosmo and line 4 says: It was comforting to read "Feel Sexy in Your Skin", an article based on hang-ups I've battled for years.
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? The monitor
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? While Kraig and I were playing a new board game (a poker version of Scrabble), he had some cheesy movie on the SciFi channel.
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it? 9:41pm (oooh close...9:43!)
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? see above
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? uhh...my typing? The sound of the tv?
7& 8: asked only in an alternate universe!!! no idea what that means, but I thought I invented "alternate universe". I need to search this quiz online to find out wtf.
9: What are you wearing? Track pants...and this fuzzy yellow top i wear to sleep. Yeah i'm a sexy bitch.
10: Did you dream last night? Yeah but it wasn't important. What WAS important was a dream I had a few nights ago.
Check it...
I dreamt that I had to have Tracy (yeah you all know her) and my boss, Trish, as my ROOMMATES. And we're talking SHARING a room. It was some fancy apartment near the Spectrum, except it looked like that place across from Valley Fair in San Jose.
And all I know is that I was already annoyed that Tracy was my roommate, let alone that I had to share closet space with 2 other girls, let alone a washing machine (the one joy of not having roommates anymore...NO SHARING OF THE LAUNDRY FACILITIES! I take my laundry way serious)....
It was a horrible dream. Plus i think I was paying $1000 in rent...who the f*ck pays that much when you have to share a ROOM with 2 other women!?
11: When did you last laugh? This afternoon when I saw Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker on tv....
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?2 shelves above me with storage boxes and mini My Little Pony, PowerPuff Girls, Yoda Pez dispenser, and my Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes tomato
13: Seen anything weird lately? amazingly....no.
14: What do you think of this quiz? Just don't ask me the ol' "eat the stems of broccoli? Had your heart broken" crap.
15: What is the last film you saw? Narnia
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'd pay off the house, the cars, the timeshare, the credit card bills...then i'd pay off my family and friends' debts...and then see what's leftover.
17: Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
Since I don't know who you are, that's alot. Ummmm...
- I can turn my eyelids inside out...and keep them that way....
- I used to be able to read Arabic perfectly
- I have never been able to do a cartwheel
- In grade 5 we had to memerize this French song because the teacher had a crush on the singer (and she used it as an excuse to make us learn it, memerize it, and then give it to us as a spelling test)...every now and then, that song STILL pops into my head....along with the stupid video
- During my formative Saved By The Bell Years, we didn't have a tv....my parents literally threw it out...but I didn't tell any of my friends, which is a pretty hard secret to keep for like 5-6 years....
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Ha this made me think of Ben Affleck on SNL "irregahhhd-less"....anyway...i'd make it so that no animal ever gets abused/tortured/hunted-for-stupid-chinese-sex-potions ever again. Humans don't have to count as animals.
19: Do you like to dance? The best kind is just you and a guy, with the music on, in the bedroom, and YES with clothes on....
20: George Bush? No i'm good thanks.
21: Would you ever consider living abroad? Am I not technically doing that now already?!!
22. Ever been given a ring? Been given....10 (1 sapphire ring from my parents, one promise ring from Kevin, 2 silver bands from Adam, one sapphire ring from Adam, one silver one from Birks from Adam, 2 engagement and 2 wedding rings from Kraig)...not including rings I've "borrowed" from my mom that she doesn't wear anyway.
23. Longest relationship? I think right now I'm tied....4 years for both.
24. Last gift you received: It was xmas...so...um yeah that fabulous sweater...a cat footstool thing...a bizarre cat food dish for the cats....boardgames...(one of them being a used Baby Boomer edition of Trivial Pursuit...wtf!!)...
25. How many times have you dropped your cell phone? My current one? just like once or twice. My old one....argh like a million.
26. Last sport you played? does going to the gym count as a sport? Otherwise...geezus....does naked wrestling count?
27. Things you spend a lot of money on? argh argh. Utilities. Bills. The house. The good folks at TARGET.
28. Three things you ate last? ...chicken salad...butternut squash soup...diet pepsi...
29. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? let's do the list...
- the hands...
- the shoulders....
- ideally, back of the neck...(sometimes not always possible)..
30. Your favorite photo album? WTF kind of retarded question is that?
31. Where do you live? somewhere way too overpriced
32. High school you attended? Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School. Sir Wil was a prime minister mother effers! Home of the Lancers. Don't know what a Lancer is? Neither does anyone else (it's another word for "knight"...a dude with a big long sword thingy)....
33. Cell phone service provider? Verizon with not enough text messaging in my package
34. Favorite mall store? Sigh can't afford the mall! Okay i bought some stuff from Forever21...but overall I'd say Express. It's got stuff for both work and fun.
35. Longest Job held? 4 years.
36. Do you own a pair of dice? Who doesn't? ALthough with a husband who plays D&D...I can open a museum of dice stuff...
37. Do you prank call people? it's called Call Display mother effers. Although *69 works differently here in the US than it does in Canada.
38. Last wedding attended? Natalie and Heikki's this summer in Ottawa.
39. First friend you'd call if you won the lottery? Honestly?....tough call...but I'd say Carrie, only because she'd calm me down and remind me that before I go buy millions of crap at Target...that I have a mortgage to pay off first.
40. Last time you attended church? Let's count all the times i've ever been in a church:
- one time in some historic thing in Montreal
- Christine's wedding
- the historical stuff in the San Juan (Juaquin? whatever) mission
- Trish's sister's memorial service
Being in a church WEIRDS ME OUT....
41. Favorite fast food restaurant? In Canada....KFC all the way (poutine!)...in the US...toss up between Quizno's or In n Out...
42. Biggest lie you have heard? "My roommate molested me while I was sleeping"....
44. Where's your favorite place to eat with friends? Depends which friends! Sometimes I miss all the times I dragged my friends to East Side...but then again, now I get to drag friends to new places here in Cali...
45. Can you cook? Yeah but if the recipe sucks, it's not my fault.
46. What car do you drive? A deathmobile...99 Nissan Sentra.
47. Best kisser? It's been so long, I can't remember! I only remember the bad ones.
48. Last time you cried? Don't ask
49. Most hated food? pork! Okay for non-religious reasons...butter...fish....
50. Thing you like most about yourself? Nothing. I guess if I had to....lol my nails, i never ever need to get acrylics or a french manicure...
51. Thing you hate most about yourself? My gut, my lack of boobs, my lack of proportion, my THIGHS omg....my skin, my asymetrical eyelids, my small feet (try finding shoes on sale with these suckers! it sucks!), my hair, my eyes...the list goes on and on....
53. Longest work shift worked? Every year during the xmas holidays..."Midnight madness"...omg...like 8am till....1am? Wearing INSANE high heels....i used to panic and research Varicose Veins...if I ever, ever get them...i'm blaming working at the mall.
54. Favorite Movie? I hate these questions.
55. Can you sing? Oh HELL no. Although that doesn't stop me when i'm driving to work in the morning. Or driving home. Or making Kraig suffer when we're doin glong car rides.
56. Favorite place? to....?
I found 7 and 8 online:
7: : When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Earlier today. WEnt to the bank and the mall. Oh and then took out some trash. Good times.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Uh alternating between that website and this Blogger page.
That was retarded, why would that be in an "alternate universe"?
Okay it's 10:20pm, I can now get ready for the gym. Booyah.
I should post ALL the comments about that sweater...
OMG! That's too funny! I showed it to Lindsay and we were killing ourselves!
BUT....just in the event that anyone is bored (i'm killing time before I go to the gym...i hate going before 10pm!)....
Odd Survey
Current mood: geeky
1: Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 18, what does line 4 say:
Okay well it's a Cosmo and line 4 says: It was comforting to read "Feel Sexy in Your Skin", an article based on hang-ups I've battled for years.
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? The monitor
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? While Kraig and I were playing a new board game (a poker version of Scrabble), he had some cheesy movie on the SciFi channel.
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it? 9:41pm (oooh close...9:43!)
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? see above
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? uhh...my typing? The sound of the tv?
7& 8: asked only in an alternate universe!!! no idea what that means, but I thought I invented "alternate universe". I need to search this quiz online to find out wtf.
9: What are you wearing? Track pants...and this fuzzy yellow top i wear to sleep. Yeah i'm a sexy bitch.
10: Did you dream last night? Yeah but it wasn't important. What WAS important was a dream I had a few nights ago.
Check it...
I dreamt that I had to have Tracy (yeah you all know her) and my boss, Trish, as my ROOMMATES. And we're talking SHARING a room. It was some fancy apartment near the Spectrum, except it looked like that place across from Valley Fair in San Jose.
And all I know is that I was already annoyed that Tracy was my roommate, let alone that I had to share closet space with 2 other girls, let alone a washing machine (the one joy of not having roommates anymore...NO SHARING OF THE LAUNDRY FACILITIES! I take my laundry way serious)....
It was a horrible dream. Plus i think I was paying $1000 in rent...who the f*ck pays that much when you have to share a ROOM with 2 other women!?
11: When did you last laugh? This afternoon when I saw Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker on tv....
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?2 shelves above me with storage boxes and mini My Little Pony, PowerPuff Girls, Yoda Pez dispenser, and my Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes tomato
13: Seen anything weird lately? amazingly....no.
14: What do you think of this quiz? Just don't ask me the ol' "eat the stems of broccoli? Had your heart broken" crap.
15: What is the last film you saw? Narnia
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'd pay off the house, the cars, the timeshare, the credit card bills...then i'd pay off my family and friends' debts...and then see what's leftover.
17: Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
Since I don't know who you are, that's alot. Ummmm...
- I can turn my eyelids inside out...and keep them that way....
- I used to be able to read Arabic perfectly
- I have never been able to do a cartwheel
- In grade 5 we had to memerize this French song because the teacher had a crush on the singer (and she used it as an excuse to make us learn it, memerize it, and then give it to us as a spelling test)...every now and then, that song STILL pops into my head....along with the stupid video
- During my formative Saved By The Bell Years, we didn't have a tv....my parents literally threw it out...but I didn't tell any of my friends, which is a pretty hard secret to keep for like 5-6 years....
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Ha this made me think of Ben Affleck on SNL "irregahhhd-less"....anyway...i'd make it so that no animal ever gets abused/tortured/hunted-for-stupid-chinese-sex-potions ever again. Humans don't have to count as animals.
19: Do you like to dance? The best kind is just you and a guy, with the music on, in the bedroom, and YES with clothes on....
20: George Bush? No i'm good thanks.
21: Would you ever consider living abroad? Am I not technically doing that now already?!!
22. Ever been given a ring? Been given....10 (1 sapphire ring from my parents, one promise ring from Kevin, 2 silver bands from Adam, one sapphire ring from Adam, one silver one from Birks from Adam, 2 engagement and 2 wedding rings from Kraig)...not including rings I've "borrowed" from my mom that she doesn't wear anyway.
23. Longest relationship? I think right now I'm tied....4 years for both.
24. Last gift you received: It was xmas...so...um yeah that fabulous sweater...a cat footstool thing...a bizarre cat food dish for the cats....boardgames...(one of them being a used Baby Boomer edition of Trivial Pursuit...wtf!!)...
25. How many times have you dropped your cell phone? My current one? just like once or twice. My old one....argh like a million.
26. Last sport you played? does going to the gym count as a sport? Otherwise...geezus....does naked wrestling count?
27. Things you spend a lot of money on? argh argh. Utilities. Bills. The house. The good folks at TARGET.
28. Three things you ate last? ...chicken salad...butternut squash soup...diet pepsi...
29. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? let's do the list...
- the hands...
- the shoulders....
- ideally, back of the neck...(sometimes not always possible)..
30. Your favorite photo album? WTF kind of retarded question is that?
31. Where do you live? somewhere way too overpriced
32. High school you attended? Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School. Sir Wil was a prime minister mother effers! Home of the Lancers. Don't know what a Lancer is? Neither does anyone else (it's another word for "knight"...a dude with a big long sword thingy)....
33. Cell phone service provider? Verizon with not enough text messaging in my package
34. Favorite mall store? Sigh can't afford the mall! Okay i bought some stuff from Forever21...but overall I'd say Express. It's got stuff for both work and fun.
35. Longest Job held? 4 years.
36. Do you own a pair of dice? Who doesn't? ALthough with a husband who plays D&D...I can open a museum of dice stuff...
37. Do you prank call people? it's called Call Display mother effers. Although *69 works differently here in the US than it does in Canada.
38. Last wedding attended? Natalie and Heikki's this summer in Ottawa.
39. First friend you'd call if you won the lottery? Honestly?....tough call...but I'd say Carrie, only because she'd calm me down and remind me that before I go buy millions of crap at Target...that I have a mortgage to pay off first.
40. Last time you attended church? Let's count all the times i've ever been in a church:
- one time in some historic thing in Montreal
- Christine's wedding
- the historical stuff in the San Juan (Juaquin? whatever) mission
- Trish's sister's memorial service
Being in a church WEIRDS ME OUT....
41. Favorite fast food restaurant? In Canada....KFC all the way (poutine!)...in the US...toss up between Quizno's or In n Out...
42. Biggest lie you have heard? "My roommate molested me while I was sleeping"....
44. Where's your favorite place to eat with friends? Depends which friends! Sometimes I miss all the times I dragged my friends to East Side...but then again, now I get to drag friends to new places here in Cali...
45. Can you cook? Yeah but if the recipe sucks, it's not my fault.
46. What car do you drive? A deathmobile...99 Nissan Sentra.
47. Best kisser? It's been so long, I can't remember! I only remember the bad ones.
48. Last time you cried? Don't ask
49. Most hated food? pork! Okay for non-religious reasons...butter...fish....
50. Thing you like most about yourself? Nothing. I guess if I had to....lol my nails, i never ever need to get acrylics or a french manicure...
51. Thing you hate most about yourself? My gut, my lack of boobs, my lack of proportion, my THIGHS omg....my skin, my asymetrical eyelids, my small feet (try finding shoes on sale with these suckers! it sucks!), my hair, my eyes...the list goes on and on....
53. Longest work shift worked? Every year during the xmas holidays..."Midnight madness"...omg...like 8am till....1am? Wearing INSANE high heels....i used to panic and research Varicose Veins...if I ever, ever get them...i'm blaming working at the mall.
54. Favorite Movie? I hate these questions.
55. Can you sing? Oh HELL no. Although that doesn't stop me when i'm driving to work in the morning. Or driving home. Or making Kraig suffer when we're doin glong car rides.
56. Favorite place? to....?
A HA!!!
I found 7 and 8 online:
7: : When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Earlier today. WEnt to the bank and the mall. Oh and then took out some trash. Good times.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Uh alternating between that website and this Blogger page.
That was retarded, why would that be in an "alternate universe"?
Okay it's 10:20pm, I can now get ready for the gym. Booyah.
I should post ALL the comments about that sweater...
OMG! That's too funny! I showed it to Lindsay and we were killing ourselves!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Why I'm a moron today....
Side note: ha ha it seems EVERYONE just loves that sweater I got from my mother in law...
Why I'm a moron today....
I was scoping out my new food processor (I had to bite the bullet and realize that a cuisineart to match the toaster and blender wasn't gonna happen in my lifetime...so I bought a black and decker. Suck it).
Stupid me holds the cup thingy upside down to scope something out...
...with the blade in it...
...yeah guess who's arm got sliced by her new food processor.
I'm SUCH a frickin' moron.
On another note, who's the best wife in the world? Yeah me...'cause I made dinner from scratch for my husband (which i NEVER do...not anymore...too much of a pain when it's just the two of us...and it's pricier)....
...AND...i also made butternut squash soup with sage....
Do you know how effing hard it is to peel and seed frickin' butternut squash?! Pain in my ass! I'll probably make another batch because it tastes ridiculously good and I've got leftover sage (wtf am I gonna use sage for? I've never used it in my life)...
It's all part of Part Two of my new year's resolution...part 1 is to be more REFINED and ELEGANT...part 2 is to be a better wife.
And wives good dinner from scratch for their husbands...okay maybe not every night, but at least once a week!
Dr. Phil yesterday (hey I was sick, and i had to watch alot of tv....) was about what makes a good wife....and this one dude wanted his wife (with 3 small kids) to have everything perfect AND for her to wear little itty bitty outfits WHEN SHE WASHED HIS CAR...
...which really woudln't be THAT bad if she didn't have frickin' kids to look after, if I didn't have kids and I didn't have to work, effing right I'll wear lingerie and wash Kraig's car like that too, what do I care (however with kids, you're lucky if I don't take that sponge that shove it up your ass for asking)...
Anyway I figured at the very least, we don't even have kids...I can go back to making him dinner and lunch and stuff. I used to make him lunch EVERY single day. And then he complained that my lunches were making him fat. But...that was another era and it seems like my husband now would be appreciative of homemade lunches again.
.....
keep in mind, I don't even wash my car NOW....ha let alone in lingerie...but never underestimate the power of my unwillingness to have a 9-5 job and what I'll do to support that dream lifestyle!
Why I'm a moron today....
I was scoping out my new food processor (I had to bite the bullet and realize that a cuisineart to match the toaster and blender wasn't gonna happen in my lifetime...so I bought a black and decker. Suck it).
Stupid me holds the cup thingy upside down to scope something out...
...with the blade in it...
...yeah guess who's arm got sliced by her new food processor.
I'm SUCH a frickin' moron.
On another note, who's the best wife in the world? Yeah me...'cause I made dinner from scratch for my husband (which i NEVER do...not anymore...too much of a pain when it's just the two of us...and it's pricier)....
...AND...i also made butternut squash soup with sage....
Do you know how effing hard it is to peel and seed frickin' butternut squash?! Pain in my ass! I'll probably make another batch because it tastes ridiculously good and I've got leftover sage (wtf am I gonna use sage for? I've never used it in my life)...
It's all part of Part Two of my new year's resolution...part 1 is to be more REFINED and ELEGANT...part 2 is to be a better wife.
And wives good dinner from scratch for their husbands...okay maybe not every night, but at least once a week!
Dr. Phil yesterday (hey I was sick, and i had to watch alot of tv....) was about what makes a good wife....and this one dude wanted his wife (with 3 small kids) to have everything perfect AND for her to wear little itty bitty outfits WHEN SHE WASHED HIS CAR...
...which really woudln't be THAT bad if she didn't have frickin' kids to look after, if I didn't have kids and I didn't have to work, effing right I'll wear lingerie and wash Kraig's car like that too, what do I care (however with kids, you're lucky if I don't take that sponge that shove it up your ass for asking)...
Anyway I figured at the very least, we don't even have kids...I can go back to making him dinner and lunch and stuff. I used to make him lunch EVERY single day. And then he complained that my lunches were making him fat. But...that was another era and it seems like my husband now would be appreciative of homemade lunches again.
.....
keep in mind, I don't even wash my car NOW....ha let alone in lingerie...but never underestimate the power of my unwillingness to have a 9-5 job and what I'll do to support that dream lifestyle!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
169 posts....
Dang 169 posts in this blog.
So real quick....
1. I have to give props to my husband. The poor guy. He tried to come home today 'cause he's sick (as usual...), they closed down the highway because someone DIED....it was right outside of Gilroy, so I asked him to go to the Pfalzgraff outlet to pick up some stuff for our dinnerware set....
Any nuts he had left are completely gone and he knows it...he must have been in that store for over an HOUR (they're closing that location and all our crap was on sale) while I went through our cupboards and the Online Store:Mystic Pattern to see what we needed....
I can't believe he did that. I mean, you think a guy going to the store to buy you tampons is love? He actually was trying to convince me to get the TEA KETTLE....I had to put the smackdown on his purchases....
2. In the Kevin Federline: I Scored Me A Sugar Mama category set....the 2005 award goes to the dude who proposed to Tori Spelling this weekend. FOUR months of dating. AND they're both going through a divorce. The dude has balls...and I give him massive credit for jumping the gun and asking so early. Her father must be like "yeah, great, you're paying for this one you moron...."even with a prenup, this guy's gonna score BIG.
It's easy for a guy to score a rich hollywood babe....(or non-babe)...most of them have horrible self esteem so they'll take anyone they think will love them forever. I can't score me a rich guy without getting boatloads of plastic surgery. It's not fair. Even scamming people isn't equal-opportunity.
3. I saw an interview from earlier this year with Angelina. The girl is looking ROUGH. I mean, she's a total Monet...great at a distance but up close she's a big ol' mess. That girl is a walking sign for "airbrush me...please!"....she's just not aging well. She's starting to look...witch-like...like i'm sure she'd be hot when you're drunk but if you had to wake up to that the next morning, you'd scream like a little girl.
Alright time to tackle cleaning the spare bedroom. Yes (to my friends who've seen the house), the room that was SUPPOSED to stay empty so that we never got used to using it because one day it'll be the nursery. Well at best the cats can sneak in there...it's become the Horigan Storage Facility. Not cool.
The song of the day is Around The Way Girl by LL Cool J
Perm in your hair or even a curly weave
With that New Edition Bobby Brown button on your sleeve
So real quick....
1. I have to give props to my husband. The poor guy. He tried to come home today 'cause he's sick (as usual...), they closed down the highway because someone DIED....it was right outside of Gilroy, so I asked him to go to the Pfalzgraff outlet to pick up some stuff for our dinnerware set....
Any nuts he had left are completely gone and he knows it...he must have been in that store for over an HOUR (they're closing that location and all our crap was on sale) while I went through our cupboards and the Online Store:Mystic Pattern to see what we needed....
I can't believe he did that. I mean, you think a guy going to the store to buy you tampons is love? He actually was trying to convince me to get the TEA KETTLE....I had to put the smackdown on his purchases....
2. In the Kevin Federline: I Scored Me A Sugar Mama category set....the 2005 award goes to the dude who proposed to Tori Spelling this weekend. FOUR months of dating. AND they're both going through a divorce. The dude has balls...and I give him massive credit for jumping the gun and asking so early. Her father must be like "yeah, great, you're paying for this one you moron...."even with a prenup, this guy's gonna score BIG.
It's easy for a guy to score a rich hollywood babe....(or non-babe)...most of them have horrible self esteem so they'll take anyone they think will love them forever. I can't score me a rich guy without getting boatloads of plastic surgery. It's not fair. Even scamming people isn't equal-opportunity.
3. I saw an interview from earlier this year with Angelina. The girl is looking ROUGH. I mean, she's a total Monet...great at a distance but up close she's a big ol' mess. That girl is a walking sign for "airbrush me...please!"....she's just not aging well. She's starting to look...witch-like...like i'm sure she'd be hot when you're drunk but if you had to wake up to that the next morning, you'd scream like a little girl.
Alright time to tackle cleaning the spare bedroom. Yes (to my friends who've seen the house), the room that was SUPPOSED to stay empty so that we never got used to using it because one day it'll be the nursery. Well at best the cats can sneak in there...it's become the Horigan Storage Facility. Not cool.
The song of the day is Around The Way Girl by LL Cool J
Perm in your hair or even a curly weave
With that New Edition Bobby Brown button on your sleeve
Monday, December 26, 2005
Two reasons....
Two reasons why I'm an effing moron:
1) So I did MASSIVE Boxing Day shopping.
I hate Christmas....but I love Boxing Day. I take that sh*t seriously mother effer, don't mess with me on the 26th.
I had to make TWO trips to Walmart, and the only reason I didn't do a third was 'cause I didn't have room in my car.
I had people in LINE telling me I was genius for the stuff I was buying, because clearly I was doing my holiday shopping for the next 50 years.
Anyway...
So i was putting all my stuff away (like the wonderful yet creepy and of course, tacky, little baby in a sled that my mother in law gave me for xmas last year) and i was running in an out of the garage putting stuff away...
I hadn't showered since the day before because I didn't have time this morning (my flight was at 7am) and i figured i'd shower when i got home, but then I dashed off to Walmart and then figured i'd shower AFTER i was done dealing with the nasty garage....
So i put my hair in a "blob" and bobby pinned my bangs back...
I saw one of my neighbors outside, did the "hi" social thing...wondered why he looked at me funny....
Ummm yeah I pinned my bangs so they stood WAY out...like basically I was the "crazy old lady next door"...a good 3 inches out in the air. I looked like a f*cking LUNATIC.
Nice.
2) So the plan was for me to see a dear friend (won't say her name for reasons that will become evident) in San Jose that I haven't seen since before I got married...got all excited, put her cell in my cell...she was gonna drive up from Gilroy....she texted me that day to let me know she was free whenever....
...Kraig and I go to dinner (didn't eat much at Xmas and i think now it's a tradition to go to this one Malai/Singaporean place) and I call and leave a message telling her that not much was open but there's a Denny's in Fremont, but that it was raining so I understood if she coudln't do the drive from Gilroy, blah blah.
I get a call back with the VM saying she didn't fully understand my message but that she had major news....
So I call HER back...and she talks about how she lives in RC, how she just got engaged....and then she mentioned her bday being that day.
me: "but your bday is in June..."
Her: "no, it's Xmas day...you remember that...."...
And suddenly I realize...
I called the FIRST person in my cell with this name....Instead of the one I had actually planned on seeing....Kraig was DYING laughing because he saw my expression when I realized I was having a conversation with the wrong person
((to my defense, I was in the Malai restaurant and it was loud so it took me longer to clue in than it would have normally))
I should have clued in when she said she had no idea where Fremont was....when she said she wasn't going to San Jose State....when she mentioned a fiance....
So i FINALLY call my friend at 10:30pm, and it's pouring rain anyway so she couldn't do the drive but I felt like SUCH a frickin' idiot because she probably thought I didn't want to see her, which is SO not true 'cause I missed her a ton and now I have to make sure I see her when I got up to San Jose next time.
SUCH A FRICKIN' MORON.
I swear it's amazing I haven't accidentally cut my own head off.
1) So I did MASSIVE Boxing Day shopping.
I hate Christmas....but I love Boxing Day. I take that sh*t seriously mother effer, don't mess with me on the 26th.
I had to make TWO trips to Walmart, and the only reason I didn't do a third was 'cause I didn't have room in my car.
I had people in LINE telling me I was genius for the stuff I was buying, because clearly I was doing my holiday shopping for the next 50 years.
Anyway...
So i was putting all my stuff away (like the wonderful yet creepy and of course, tacky, little baby in a sled that my mother in law gave me for xmas last year) and i was running in an out of the garage putting stuff away...
I hadn't showered since the day before because I didn't have time this morning (my flight was at 7am) and i figured i'd shower when i got home, but then I dashed off to Walmart and then figured i'd shower AFTER i was done dealing with the nasty garage....
So i put my hair in a "blob" and bobby pinned my bangs back...
I saw one of my neighbors outside, did the "hi" social thing...wondered why he looked at me funny....
Ummm yeah I pinned my bangs so they stood WAY out...like basically I was the "crazy old lady next door"...a good 3 inches out in the air. I looked like a f*cking LUNATIC.
Nice.
2) So the plan was for me to see a dear friend (won't say her name for reasons that will become evident) in San Jose that I haven't seen since before I got married...got all excited, put her cell in my cell...she was gonna drive up from Gilroy....she texted me that day to let me know she was free whenever....
...Kraig and I go to dinner (didn't eat much at Xmas and i think now it's a tradition to go to this one Malai/Singaporean place) and I call and leave a message telling her that not much was open but there's a Denny's in Fremont, but that it was raining so I understood if she coudln't do the drive from Gilroy, blah blah.
I get a call back with the VM saying she didn't fully understand my message but that she had major news....
So I call HER back...and she talks about how she lives in RC, how she just got engaged....and then she mentioned her bday being that day.
me: "but your bday is in June..."
Her: "no, it's Xmas day...you remember that...."...
And suddenly I realize...
I called the FIRST person in my cell with this name....Instead of the one I had actually planned on seeing....Kraig was DYING laughing because he saw my expression when I realized I was having a conversation with the wrong person
((to my defense, I was in the Malai restaurant and it was loud so it took me longer to clue in than it would have normally))
I should have clued in when she said she had no idea where Fremont was....when she said she wasn't going to San Jose State....when she mentioned a fiance....
So i FINALLY call my friend at 10:30pm, and it's pouring rain anyway so she couldn't do the drive but I felt like SUCH a frickin' idiot because she probably thought I didn't want to see her, which is SO not true 'cause I missed her a ton and now I have to make sure I see her when I got up to San Jose next time.
SUCH A FRICKIN' MORON.
I swear it's amazing I haven't accidentally cut my own head off.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
New blog....
I'm working on another blog.
Called...
My Husbands So Called Ailments...
since there has yet, EVER, and I'm not exaggerating, to have a day go by where Kraig doesn't gripe about some physical ailment or another.
Called...
My Husbands So Called Ailments...
since there has yet, EVER, and I'm not exaggerating, to have a day go by where Kraig doesn't gripe about some physical ailment or another.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Other people's diaries
I find other people's lives fascinating.
http://nudemuse.diary-x.com/" wrote
I also do not need people staring at me. It's fucking annoying.
Yes, there is a pierced black girl on the ferry reading a book.
Thank you move along please fucko.
You don't get piercings, weird hair, dress in bad clothes, whatever, and not expect to be stared at. Piercings were DESIGNED to be stared at. WTF.
http://songs-of-submission.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Nipple piercing in front of a crowd of people was not on my holiday, or even regular, fantasy list. But it was the perfect gift and it came at the perfect time. Being able to reach down and move the horseshoe shaped steel that is in my flesh has been invaluable in fighting off the old ideas and programming that makes my holiday so miserable. Despair rarely fails to take me at Christmas, Valentine's day and my birthday. But this year Mistress has provided. This time last year I was collared, but it had a taint to it, I had pushed to be collared. I was trying to save a sinking relationship overweighed by neglect and out of balance service. I was a fool, like the couple with marriage problems having a baby to bring them together, it was a disaster.
Uhhh...first off.....OW OW OW OW OWWWW that sounds painful...secondly....yeah getting "collared" is alot like an unhappy married couple having a baby...yeah 'cause one is the natural progression of life....wtf...
http://d1tzymx.diary-x.com/...no text, just wanted to say this is the WORST layout ever and geezus who the eff can read that crap?
http://quotidian.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Sometimes, I so badly wish for an eraser with which I could rub off all the terrible mistakes that I made in the past.
They were so not worth the lesson, just did not need to happen, could have so easily been avoided..
So, so true. Why is it that EVERY mistake has to be some sort of lesson, other than "today I learned...I'm a frickin' moron".
http://brunissen.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?action=currlink wrote:
18 days...That's how long I made it before I stopped at McDonald's for breakfast. Although I must say that even though they forgot to put the hash browns in the bag, I did enjoy it!
Let me tell you a little something about McD's...they pump FAT in the AIR. Their WATER is full of fat. I know. I used to work there. And I worked a brand new location which was scrutinized like crazy for health code stuff, etc, and I'm tellin' ya...that stuff is f*cking NASTY.
They had all their burgers and stuff on little timers, for when you were supposed to throw them out. Hash browns: 18 mins. But hash browns are a bitch to make (i.e. they're not quick, and if you've got a massive line then you're hosed)....so I would just swap the timers. And i did that with the food too. The chefs guys LOVED me becuase I would be like "uhh...all your Big Macs are waste"...and they'd look at me so upset and then I'd say "just gimme a new timer, no one has to know..."...
When in doubt...
Laziness trumps sanitization and safety when it comes to the food industry.
http://nudemuse.diary-x.com/" wrote
I also do not need people staring at me. It's fucking annoying.
Yes, there is a pierced black girl on the ferry reading a book.
Thank you move along please fucko.
You don't get piercings, weird hair, dress in bad clothes, whatever, and not expect to be stared at. Piercings were DESIGNED to be stared at. WTF.
http://songs-of-submission.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Nipple piercing in front of a crowd of people was not on my holiday, or even regular, fantasy list. But it was the perfect gift and it came at the perfect time. Being able to reach down and move the horseshoe shaped steel that is in my flesh has been invaluable in fighting off the old ideas and programming that makes my holiday so miserable. Despair rarely fails to take me at Christmas, Valentine's day and my birthday. But this year Mistress has provided. This time last year I was collared, but it had a taint to it, I had pushed to be collared. I was trying to save a sinking relationship overweighed by neglect and out of balance service. I was a fool, like the couple with marriage problems having a baby to bring them together, it was a disaster.
Uhhh...first off.....OW OW OW OW OWWWW that sounds painful...secondly....yeah getting "collared" is alot like an unhappy married couple having a baby...yeah 'cause one is the natural progression of life....wtf...
http://d1tzymx.diary-x.com/...no text, just wanted to say this is the WORST layout ever and geezus who the eff can read that crap?
http://quotidian.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Sometimes, I so badly wish for an eraser with which I could rub off all the terrible mistakes that I made in the past.
They were so not worth the lesson, just did not need to happen, could have so easily been avoided..
So, so true. Why is it that EVERY mistake has to be some sort of lesson, other than "today I learned...I'm a frickin' moron".
http://brunissen.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?action=currlink wrote:
18 days...That's how long I made it before I stopped at McDonald's for breakfast. Although I must say that even though they forgot to put the hash browns in the bag, I did enjoy it!
Let me tell you a little something about McD's...they pump FAT in the AIR. Their WATER is full of fat. I know. I used to work there. And I worked a brand new location which was scrutinized like crazy for health code stuff, etc, and I'm tellin' ya...that stuff is f*cking NASTY.
They had all their burgers and stuff on little timers, for when you were supposed to throw them out. Hash browns: 18 mins. But hash browns are a bitch to make (i.e. they're not quick, and if you've got a massive line then you're hosed)....so I would just swap the timers. And i did that with the food too. The chefs guys LOVED me becuase I would be like "uhh...all your Big Macs are waste"...and they'd look at me so upset and then I'd say "just gimme a new timer, no one has to know..."...
When in doubt...
Laziness trumps sanitization and safety when it comes to the food industry.
Celebrity blog
I'm sure after half a day the pics won't show up from excessive bandwidth usage...but...they'll do for now
Adriana Lima has a BIZARRE nose...i think she's FUG...
And wtf is up with Mariah....she goes almost naked in all her videos and then looks like she's bloated like a baby beluga:
And Jess....puh-lease...I LOVED you when you were on Newlyweds, I thought you were adorable when you first came out with your first single back in the day. But....it's so clear that you're trying to preserve your image and we all see through it. You should have kept your clothes on in your Boots Were Made For Walking video...
When I grow up I want to be Amanda Bynes...I love this chick....
Adriana Lima has a BIZARRE nose...i think she's FUG...
And wtf is up with Mariah....she goes almost naked in all her videos and then looks like she's bloated like a baby beluga:
And Jess....puh-lease...I LOVED you when you were on Newlyweds, I thought you were adorable when you first came out with your first single back in the day. But....it's so clear that you're trying to preserve your image and we all see through it. You should have kept your clothes on in your Boots Were Made For Walking video...
When I grow up I want to be Amanda Bynes...I love this chick....
Thursday, December 22, 2005
My blog needs a wife
Posting this quick
I always hate it when I leave sex toys at teh psychic's.
I hear ya. It happens more often than you think. Maybe that's why there's always sex shops right next to psychics.
The song of the WEEK is Anytime by Brian McKnight
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you
It was on the radio this week...and an ex bf of mine once said that if we ever broke up, that was "our" song...stupid thing, to have a breakup song planned....but it worked, because even to this day YEARS later, it still makes me so terribly sad when I hear it.
And after chatting with some folks, and coming home today...
let's just say....
men
are
utterly
USELESS
All you need is a PPP (aka Triple P) and really, men aren't needed for JACK.
At best, they're cute to look at...but so are my cats.
I always hate it when I leave sex toys at teh psychic's.
I hear ya. It happens more often than you think. Maybe that's why there's always sex shops right next to psychics.
The song of the WEEK is Anytime by Brian McKnight
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you
It was on the radio this week...and an ex bf of mine once said that if we ever broke up, that was "our" song...stupid thing, to have a breakup song planned....but it worked, because even to this day YEARS later, it still makes me so terribly sad when I hear it.
And after chatting with some folks, and coming home today...
let's just say....
men
are
utterly
USELESS
All you need is a PPP (aka Triple P) and really, men aren't needed for JACK.
At best, they're cute to look at...but so are my cats.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
In n out Blog
It never ceases to amaze me the adventures Sabina has, anal beads?! If someone had asked me back in high school whether or not you would buy anal beads, (ya I know you're not gonna use them) I would've said no. But I also know that when Sabina has her mind set on something or needs to make a point then there's no changing her mind. :)
Hell no i wouldn't have used them!
But yep...when I need to prove a point...true dat. You know me well indeed Bry!
Hell no i wouldn't have used them!
But yep...when I need to prove a point...true dat. You know me well indeed Bry!
This blog's beefs
I really wanted to write a "You Too Can Be A Better Husband" blog, but since I've only ever had/have one husband, that would be more like "How Not To Be Kraig" and that would be so, so wrong! (And he really is a fantastic husband...well, the best one I've ever had anyway).
End of that note, onto another....
So on Sunday I flipped to the Simpsons, and mother effer it was your stupid ass hillbilly president speaking.
LIVE.
How do I know? Because it said "LIVE" on the corner of the screen.
HE WAS READING OFF A TELEPROMPTER
I started SCREAMING at the tv screen. And I became incensed when Kraig started LAUGHING.
You know what's worth being "live"? When exciting LIVE stuff happens!
OJ and his bronco
Random shootings in LA
Hurricanes and other natural disasters
A PRE-PLANNED SPEECH does NOT have to be live! You know what that's called? A TV SHOW! You know what we do with TV shows? We give them time slots!
WHO THE F*CK INTERUPTS A TV SHOW WITH A PRE-WRITTEN SPEECH?!! AND THEN READS IT LIVE?!! Does it make a diff that it was live?!! NO!!!
And yeah, it was broadcast tv...BUT....have you ever shoved an antenna on top of your tv?! So maybe i'm not paying for that channel, but i'm paying for it to come in CLEAR...and I wanted to see HOMER clear, not the EFFING STUPID HILLBILLY PRESIDENT!!!
Now if someone had SHOT him...that would be worth interrupting my show. Until then....mothereffer, book a time slot like every other effing tv show.
/rant
Last night I was stuck in traffic and i HAD to get to the vet in order to get Marmalade and Stash their prescription cat foods...so i call them begging them to hang out an extra 5 mins if i don't make it on time...some dude that I didn't recognize was all "we close and LEAVE at 6...AND we shut off the phones at 6..."...i wanted to say "you effing little snot, I can buy that sh*t anywhere but i choose to get it from this vet because I like him..."...
So when I got there (amazingly on time), the guy was like "see? You hauled ass and you made it"...like i wasn't already planning on hauling ass ANYWAY. I got the impression he was the vet's son in town for the holidays, and I probably would have flipped on him if I didn't suddenly have a "two wrongs don't make a right" attitude, which keep in mind...
I firmly believe two wrongs make a right. So...you punched me. Does punching you back make me feel better? Yes. Does it even the score? Yes.
You killed my kid? Yeah hunting you down like a dog and torturing you most CERTAINLY makes a right....
Stealing from "the man" because the man is stealing my youth certainly makes things right.
/second_rant
Well if i can't do husband bashing, i can certainly play the We All Know You've Got A Problem, Why Attempt To Hide It Game:
1. To the limp noodle guy: I thought it was me. But you kept putting the condom on WAY too early. So that meant you thought it was supposed to be that way. You know what?! It's NOT. And you know what? Stop saying "ohhh yeahhh you like it hard..." because one day a girl might say "um yes, can you make it?!"...
2. To the white out guy: I only put up with you because you were my friend's brother. And you were protective of me, and I dig that. Okay so we didn't go all the way, but there's a reason: fully strong, you were the size of a white out bottle. And that's OKAY...really, it's not your fault mother nature gave you the shaft (ha ha...okay bad pun)...but just don't keep saying "yeah you like it big!"....because one day a girl might say "um yes, and you're not it"...
3. To the hotel guy: Listen, there's a REASON my girlfriends nicknamed you "Bry-ann Toucan"...your nose was horrific. And okay so maybe yu're not as vain as me and you didn't want plastic surgery even though you REALLY needed it. But when I ASKED you whether there's any part ofyou that you would change, saying "well my skin is too pale" is NOT the correct answer....the right answer was staring at you in the face (ha ha bad pun)...there is nothing worse than sleeping with a guy with a big nose and then watching him SNEEZE right after. That was the deal breaker.
4. To the 4% body fat guy: it wasn't so much that you were ridiculously thin. It was that your ankles/calves were smaller than mine. And that's not cool. So eat a flippin' burger. With butter. And a pile of lard. Girls don't like boys with teenie calves and teenie ankles. Okay the real problem was that you WHINED and that in combo with the ankles was bad. PLUS...you drove you mom's Tercel. Any self respecting guy would steal his dad's Camaro to go on a date.
5. To the Intern: we had fun, don't get me wrong...but this whole "one pump chump" thing had to stop. Okay I'll give you credit, you acknowledged it. But....take care of that crap before I come over in order to at least make it last more than 1 milisecond. I'm not picky on time, I swear. I just want a full "thrust and out"...not just..."thrust"...
6. To the pierced dude: ohhhhhh you have your thing. I'll give you that. And what you have was FABULOUS. But no matter how hot it was, what you have....it doesn't make you any more manly when the last image I have of you is on all fours, in the bushes, yelling at your naughty kitty to go back inside. I tried to overlook a single guy having a cat (I mean, you mentioned you were married before...maybe it was her cat)...but you kill the afterglow when you're screaming "bad kitty! bad kitty! get back inside! get out of there!"....I hollered "see ya", walked down that driveway, and never looked back.
7. To the mustang guy: okay no real beef other than yes, I'm on to you...I know you thought we were going to sleep together and that's why i didn't hear from you for awhile after our date (which was a horrible date and NOT because of me...i'm sparkling and cute and witty on first dates...bitch!)...you totally thought I was a whore, but I proved you wrong...I wasn't gonna be YOUR whore.
8. To the dude who ended up on The Bachelor: yeah you were SUPER hot. SUPER SMOKIN' hot (by Ottawa standards anyway). But...you were SUCH an effing bad kisser. Like really bad. And i specifically thought "please don't ask me for my phone number, becuase you're so hot i'll be forced to give it to you, but please don't"...and you asked...and you REMEMBERED it (I didn't even write it down)...but you were an effing TOOL. And you were a bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD BAD BAD kisser. Kissing is so important jackass. You wouldn't have had to go on the Bachelor if at least you could kiss a girl decently.
C'mon guys...just admit your flaws. We know they're there. Just own up to them. Otherwise we'll think you're a clueless p*ssy.
End of that note, onto another....
So on Sunday I flipped to the Simpsons, and mother effer it was your stupid ass hillbilly president speaking.
LIVE.
How do I know? Because it said "LIVE" on the corner of the screen.
HE WAS READING OFF A TELEPROMPTER
I started SCREAMING at the tv screen. And I became incensed when Kraig started LAUGHING.
You know what's worth being "live"? When exciting LIVE stuff happens!
OJ and his bronco
Random shootings in LA
Hurricanes and other natural disasters
A PRE-PLANNED SPEECH does NOT have to be live! You know what that's called? A TV SHOW! You know what we do with TV shows? We give them time slots!
WHO THE F*CK INTERUPTS A TV SHOW WITH A PRE-WRITTEN SPEECH?!! AND THEN READS IT LIVE?!! Does it make a diff that it was live?!! NO!!!
And yeah, it was broadcast tv...BUT....have you ever shoved an antenna on top of your tv?! So maybe i'm not paying for that channel, but i'm paying for it to come in CLEAR...and I wanted to see HOMER clear, not the EFFING STUPID HILLBILLY PRESIDENT!!!
Now if someone had SHOT him...that would be worth interrupting my show. Until then....mothereffer, book a time slot like every other effing tv show.
/rant
Last night I was stuck in traffic and i HAD to get to the vet in order to get Marmalade and Stash their prescription cat foods...so i call them begging them to hang out an extra 5 mins if i don't make it on time...some dude that I didn't recognize was all "we close and LEAVE at 6...AND we shut off the phones at 6..."...i wanted to say "you effing little snot, I can buy that sh*t anywhere but i choose to get it from this vet because I like him..."...
So when I got there (amazingly on time), the guy was like "see? You hauled ass and you made it"...like i wasn't already planning on hauling ass ANYWAY. I got the impression he was the vet's son in town for the holidays, and I probably would have flipped on him if I didn't suddenly have a "two wrongs don't make a right" attitude, which keep in mind...
I firmly believe two wrongs make a right. So...you punched me. Does punching you back make me feel better? Yes. Does it even the score? Yes.
You killed my kid? Yeah hunting you down like a dog and torturing you most CERTAINLY makes a right....
Stealing from "the man" because the man is stealing my youth certainly makes things right.
/second_rant
Well if i can't do husband bashing, i can certainly play the We All Know You've Got A Problem, Why Attempt To Hide It Game:
1. To the limp noodle guy: I thought it was me. But you kept putting the condom on WAY too early. So that meant you thought it was supposed to be that way. You know what?! It's NOT. And you know what? Stop saying "ohhh yeahhh you like it hard..." because one day a girl might say "um yes, can you make it?!"...
2. To the white out guy: I only put up with you because you were my friend's brother. And you were protective of me, and I dig that. Okay so we didn't go all the way, but there's a reason: fully strong, you were the size of a white out bottle. And that's OKAY...really, it's not your fault mother nature gave you the shaft (ha ha...okay bad pun)...but just don't keep saying "yeah you like it big!"....because one day a girl might say "um yes, and you're not it"...
3. To the hotel guy: Listen, there's a REASON my girlfriends nicknamed you "Bry-ann Toucan"...your nose was horrific. And okay so maybe yu're not as vain as me and you didn't want plastic surgery even though you REALLY needed it. But when I ASKED you whether there's any part ofyou that you would change, saying "well my skin is too pale" is NOT the correct answer....the right answer was staring at you in the face (ha ha bad pun)...there is nothing worse than sleeping with a guy with a big nose and then watching him SNEEZE right after. That was the deal breaker.
4. To the 4% body fat guy: it wasn't so much that you were ridiculously thin. It was that your ankles/calves were smaller than mine. And that's not cool. So eat a flippin' burger. With butter. And a pile of lard. Girls don't like boys with teenie calves and teenie ankles. Okay the real problem was that you WHINED and that in combo with the ankles was bad. PLUS...you drove you mom's Tercel. Any self respecting guy would steal his dad's Camaro to go on a date.
5. To the Intern: we had fun, don't get me wrong...but this whole "one pump chump" thing had to stop. Okay I'll give you credit, you acknowledged it. But....take care of that crap before I come over in order to at least make it last more than 1 milisecond. I'm not picky on time, I swear. I just want a full "thrust and out"...not just..."thrust"...
6. To the pierced dude: ohhhhhh you have your thing. I'll give you that. And what you have was FABULOUS. But no matter how hot it was, what you have....it doesn't make you any more manly when the last image I have of you is on all fours, in the bushes, yelling at your naughty kitty to go back inside. I tried to overlook a single guy having a cat (I mean, you mentioned you were married before...maybe it was her cat)...but you kill the afterglow when you're screaming "bad kitty! bad kitty! get back inside! get out of there!"....I hollered "see ya", walked down that driveway, and never looked back.
7. To the mustang guy: okay no real beef other than yes, I'm on to you...I know you thought we were going to sleep together and that's why i didn't hear from you for awhile after our date (which was a horrible date and NOT because of me...i'm sparkling and cute and witty on first dates...bitch!)...you totally thought I was a whore, but I proved you wrong...I wasn't gonna be YOUR whore.
8. To the dude who ended up on The Bachelor: yeah you were SUPER hot. SUPER SMOKIN' hot (by Ottawa standards anyway). But...you were SUCH an effing bad kisser. Like really bad. And i specifically thought "please don't ask me for my phone number, becuase you're so hot i'll be forced to give it to you, but please don't"...and you asked...and you REMEMBERED it (I didn't even write it down)...but you were an effing TOOL. And you were a bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD BAD BAD kisser. Kissing is so important jackass. You wouldn't have had to go on the Bachelor if at least you could kiss a girl decently.
C'mon guys...just admit your flaws. We know they're there. Just own up to them. Otherwise we'll think you're a clueless p*ssy.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Random thoughts and gripes...oh wait that's the blog name
Just some randomness...
This site: Chronicles of George is effing awesome. Thanks to Evan for that one.
I can't believe the past 2 weeks I've been sleeping nonstop and haven't gone to the gym. I actually fell asleep wearing my gym clothes last night. WTF.
The song of the day is Every Little Thing I Do by Soul for Real
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
The way I feel lately, it's driving me crazy
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
I can't get over you, I think about you all the time
Yeah old skool!
And yes, we all knew Gwen was pregnant, she was showing big time lately. Good for her for keeping it quiet for the 3 months at least.
Apparently the spells from the Psychic and her Witch Sister worked for both Nicoles. Hmmm...I need to cast a "gimme some money bad!" spell, but for the cost of everything ($20) I would need to come across an extra $20 just to break even. And last time we did that we got a money tree which is barely surviving and I'm still out like $6.
(Okay i guess technically that could have been worse...the $6 was for the vase it was in, the IKEA people didn't think to take the plant out of it to scan that too).
So here's the list of purchases I'd like to make in 2006, in no particular order:
1. New toilets
2. New tiles in the upstairs bathroom (and rip up the carpet that I stained)
3. New vacuum
4. Botox
5. Garage shelves
6. yay maybe laminate flooring (which means i'll have to rip up the WEE bit of legit hardwood that I have)
7. Nissan Murano
Sigh!
This site: Chronicles of George is effing awesome. Thanks to Evan for that one.
I can't believe the past 2 weeks I've been sleeping nonstop and haven't gone to the gym. I actually fell asleep wearing my gym clothes last night. WTF.
The song of the day is Every Little Thing I Do by Soul for Real
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
The way I feel lately, it's driving me crazy
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
I can't get over you, I think about you all the time
Yeah old skool!
And yes, we all knew Gwen was pregnant, she was showing big time lately. Good for her for keeping it quiet for the 3 months at least.
Apparently the spells from the Psychic and her Witch Sister worked for both Nicoles. Hmmm...I need to cast a "gimme some money bad!" spell, but for the cost of everything ($20) I would need to come across an extra $20 just to break even. And last time we did that we got a money tree which is barely surviving and I'm still out like $6.
(Okay i guess technically that could have been worse...the $6 was for the vase it was in, the IKEA people didn't think to take the plant out of it to scan that too).
So here's the list of purchases I'd like to make in 2006, in no particular order:
1. New toilets
2. New tiles in the upstairs bathroom (and rip up the carpet that I stained)
3. New vacuum
4. Botox
5. Garage shelves
6. yay maybe laminate flooring (which means i'll have to rip up the WEE bit of legit hardwood that I have)
7. Nissan Murano
Sigh!
Monday, December 19, 2005
My blog needs a vacation. Bad.
Only 7 more shopping days until....Holiday
From Thanksgiving...note to self: (using I'm Rick James Bitch! voice): Use Powder Bitch!
So in the spirit of the top 5 guys on my laminated card, I'm bored enough to create a Top 5 Chicks I'd Do If I Could On My Laminated Card A La Friend:
(and yes, in order counting down):
5. Charlize Theron although i think she'd be too amazon for me
4. Mila Kunis
3. Natalie Portman As long as she doesn't bring her head shaved
3.1 Maria Menounos She's like your pretty best friend. You want to hate her...but you can't because she's so effing nice and fun.
2. Jessica ALba okay so she's had a boob job...whatever. She's AWESOME in Never Been Kissed.
1. Aishwarya Rai Quite possibly the most stunning person the planet. Not that I want to get naked with her...i just want to know what it's like to be in the presence of someone THAT stunning.
I'll get off my ass and blog about those things that guys find romantic whenever I find the napkin that I wrote it down on.....
From Thanksgiving...note to self: (using I'm Rick James Bitch! voice): Use Powder Bitch!
So in the spirit of the top 5 guys on my laminated card, I'm bored enough to create a Top 5 Chicks I'd Do If I Could On My Laminated Card A La Friend:
(and yes, in order counting down):
5. Charlize Theron although i think she'd be too amazon for me
4. Mila Kunis
3. Natalie Portman As long as she doesn't bring her head shaved
3.1 Maria Menounos She's like your pretty best friend. You want to hate her...but you can't because she's so effing nice and fun.
2. Jessica ALba okay so she's had a boob job...whatever. She's AWESOME in Never Been Kissed.
1. Aishwarya Rai Quite possibly the most stunning person the planet. Not that I want to get naked with her...i just want to know what it's like to be in the presence of someone THAT stunning.
I'll get off my ass and blog about those things that guys find romantic whenever I find the napkin that I wrote it down on.....
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Holy crap
Geezus....
Series of events....
You realize there's a very, very, VERY fine line between life and death....
Happiness is so fleeting, it takes almost nothing to change everything....
Your life as you know it can turn at any moment....
I wonder....the whole point isn't the life itself...but how you handle each bend and curve of that road...? Is it life when it's standing still that matters, or what happened up to that part, or what will happen after? Is it the snapshot or the plot?
Maybe my new year's resolution won't be about refinement and elegance and grace (but the botox IS still important!!)...maybe it'll be what do I want people to remember about me when I go, and then work towards that in case I get hit by a bus on New Year's 2006...
Series of events....
You realize there's a very, very, VERY fine line between life and death....
Happiness is so fleeting, it takes almost nothing to change everything....
Your life as you know it can turn at any moment....
I wonder....the whole point isn't the life itself...but how you handle each bend and curve of that road...? Is it life when it's standing still that matters, or what happened up to that part, or what will happen after? Is it the snapshot or the plot?
Maybe my new year's resolution won't be about refinement and elegance and grace (but the botox IS still important!!)...maybe it'll be what do I want people to remember about me when I go, and then work towards that in case I get hit by a bus on New Year's 2006...
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