1. Stay together at least the length of the pregnancy.
Yeah Tom Brady, I'm looking at you. K-Fed, you're guilty too don't try to creep away in that Ferrari that you bastardized with new rims. Guys, I get it...one minute you're with the hottest piece of ass in LA, next minute you've got a bloated beluga with bad acne yelling at you for not knowing what a diaper genie is...But you gotta tough it out or else you'll become your own gamekiller.
Okay you probably won't be. But you might be.
2. Don't play mum.
It seems that hollywood starlets want to keep some things private. Are you effing kidding me? You get paid NOT for your wonderful acting ability (ever hear how Hillary Swank won an Oscar but couldn't afford her prescriptions?!), you get paid because of what we think of you. WE OWN YOU. And as your boss, I'm required to know if you've had sperm penetration sans birth control. Maybe that violates labor laws, but you should have thought of that before getting violated by Mr. A-Lister.
3. Stylists work for pregnant chicks too.
This is mainly for Britney...I don't think anyone else has broken this rule. Even Nicole Richie looks adorable with whatever her stylist put together for her. And how can anyone forget how Gwen Stefani looked? You may be young, but a fetus means you can't wear fishnets, stripper heels, and anything that looks like you should be a two cent whore.
Hell, even Old Navy's pregnancy clothing is more stylish than the crap that Britney used to wear.
4. Enough with the lavish baby showers!
You're having a baby, not curing f*cking cancer. WTF kind of lesson are you teaching your bastard baby by lavishing them with overpriced blankies and pacifiers covered in bling?! It's just GAUDY. Your baby is not your excuse to be all "oh you got the deluxe edition stroller? I got the uber platinum edition, they only made ten..."...
Christina, that means you. What the hell is this, the opening of a Macy's?!
5. Most important of all...DON'T YOU PEOPLE USE BIRTH CONTROL?!
There's many a college girl who's on the pill. There's many a college dude who carries a crapload of condoms. Why? Because they have too much to lose by having spawn. In an industry that isn't forgiving of sabbaticals, stretch marks, weight gain, and all around flaws, you'd think every chick would get her tubes tied.
Jessica Alba...you're gorgeous. You're flawless. Sadly, you also can't act your way out of a paper bag ("Honey" anyone?! And don't think you got Fantastic Four 'cause of your acting chops). Sure hope you banked your previous paychecks 'cause your career is OH VEE EE ARE...
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I was shocked because I was really holding out hope that Jamie-Lynn Spears would save the family name and she may, I heard that she'll be moving back to Louisiana to raise the baby. Smart move, get away from all of the glam that is L.A. Maybe the 19yr old boyfriend (whatever his name is) will do the right thing too.
Everytime I hear something about Britney, I get the urge to write her and tell her to stop for a moment and think. Ok, it would be a little more wordy than that. I miss the old Britney and I'm convinced I could probably set her on the straight and narrow. :P
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