The Morris situation: grim.
The old-skool traps didn't work, and now the PB on them has gotten all hard, so i don't know if it's still delectable. I'm tired of not parking in the garage! So last night I told Kraig to just put a plate of PB in the garage and see if he eats any of it so we know he's still alive.
This morning, the PB was untouched...so my guess is that he's left Team H's domain.
the killer part is every day when I get home, I park outside the garage and scope out the trap situation...but they're along the wall tucked away so i have to get REALLY close (and for one f them, i have to get on the ground because Kraig's mustang is blocking my path)...and every single time I get freaked out at the one by the trash because ther'es twigs there and they look like tails and then i think i'm seeing Morris and I pretty much start yelling and shrieking without actually SEEING anything.
In other news, The Office was so mind boggingly fantastic, I don't know where to begin. I swear, I really feel like I work there. I wish I did, kinda.
Maybe last night rocked so much because RIcky Gervais (from teh british Office) helped write the episode.
A few bright moments, in no particular order:
1. "Benihanas is the asian Hooters"
2. When Michael marked the arm of the Benihanas chick because he couldn't tell the two asian girls apart.
3. Every time Jim saw Karen and Pam in cahoots with each other...his face was of pure panic.
4. When Jim discussed rebound relationships with Michael...knowing all along he was talking about Karen.
5. The explanation of the two different holiday party signs.
6.Angela: "Why did you take that?"
Benihanas chick: "oh I thought we could take them"
Angela: "I don't go into your house and take your hello kitty backpack!"...oh snap!
7. Michael photoshopping his face onto Carol's ex-husband's face for his holiday card.
8. Jim telling Dwight the waitress caught a goose and doesn't know how to properly kill it, so Dwight explains to the confused waitress how to slit the throat....
9. Tobey's infatuation with the bathrobes sent from corporate.
10. The ultimate moment: when Dwight is on the rooftop waiting for teh CIA helicopter, only to be texted that he has been compromised and must destroy the phone.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Of Mice and Men
This is the tale...of US vs. MORRIS.
Sunday, December 10th
So I'm ready to get a bunch of stuff accomplished...I wanted to clean my car (thanks to our advertisers, Maguiars) and then haul ass on something for work. I gave Kraig the project of installing the free keypad garage door opener I scored off Freecycle.
Kraig hollers at me that he wants me to write down the code from the garage door opener while he reads it out (it's written on the mechanism, which is on the ceiling)...so we're standing outside, and as Kraig goes to walk to the back of the garage I see this HUGE thing scurry from the top of the doorframe (the door that leads into the house) along the wall.
I start screaming that it's a rat, and really...if you recall the Bruno incident...I do NOT do well with creepy crawly things. Rats included. So i'm out on the street shrieking and yelling and smacking myself with my hands in order to get imaginary rats off of me, and Kraig starts the hunt to find the rat.
The rat named Morris.
So Morris sneaks into this pile of cardboard crap along one side of the garage. Cardboard crap includes folded up boxes and this HUGE Mulan movie display that an ex boyfriend stole out of the movie theater for me 10 years ago and Kraig woudln't let me throw it out. So Kraig's tossing hte cardboard out on the street in order to clear out the garage and find MOrris, I'm texting Carrie and Nicole D flipping out, this kid on his bike comes over and watches all of this laughing...
I got on the phone with Carrie and suddenly I had to let her go 'cause i saw this BIG BLACK THING moving along one of the boxes tossed from the garage...it was a mutha f*cking HUGE black widow spider. I knew that sometimes we had little baby ones, but this thing was flippin' MASSIVE.
Imagine this looking at you:
Now i'm REALLY freaking out. Kraig comes over, and even he's freaked out a bit (the dude loves bugs and crap, and growing up in California he's pretty unphased by black widow spiders...growing up in OTtawa, I've never seen a black widow in my LIFE, let alone one the size of a cat)...he tried to kick it away but it kept crawling back to the garage, so finally i shoved a piece of cardboard on it and stomped on it (which, apparently, is the most effective method of killing black widows and their egg sacks according to my online research).
I can't even BEGIN to tell you the amount of goo that comes out of a huge black widow spider. It was like someone poured syrup all over my driveway.
And by driveway, i mean the 2 foot space between my garage door and the street.
So back to MOrris.
Kraig has him cornered behind a chunk of cardboard, and asks what he should do, i'm yelling things that probably weren't even English, so he KICKS the cardboard, Morris gets away...
Finally he tells me I need to get some traps.
Side note: rats are nasty and carry a billion diseases. The last time I saw a rat ready to attack me was when i was in a 3rd world country and a rat popped it's head out of the DRAIN...and i was SHOWERING...not cool. Not cool at all.Seriously traumatized me.
I drive to Home Depot (where I called Nicole D in order to continue flipping out) to get my trap action on. I rush in, tell them I need to find their lead rat expert, and the dude tells me how I need to use the big sticky traps.
For those not in the know, basically it's a piece of plastic coated with this uber sticky stuff. You place some peanut butter in the middle and the rat goes for it, and then gets stuck, and basically dies a slow painful death.
Good times.
So i buy 2 packs (2 traps each = 4 traps) and some rat poison for good measure.
Get home, and Kraig tells me how those traps are mean, blah blah. So i tell him to put the poison in the center, PLUS the pb, then that way Morris can at least die faster once he's on teh trap.
So he puts on trap in this cupboard that apparently Morris had been hiding in, and one over by some shelving.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 1
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Monday, December 11
I get up and I'm pretty cranky because I had to park my car outside so that Kraig could park his car in the garage. No WAYYY am I parking in the garage where Morris is ready to either eat me or at the very least, chew on the wires in my car.
Before you laugh at that last comment, apparently where I work there's a problem with rats doing that to people's cars that are parked in front. So suck it.
I get home, call Kraig, and because I can't figure out how to turn off Bluetooth in my car he ends up on speakerphone...I told him to stay on the line while I scoped out the Morris situation...I go to check the rat traps...nope, no Morris. However opening the cupboard door freaked me out so much I ran out of the garage shrieking and yelling, which could be heard from the car (since my car has a speaker and receiver for bluetooth calls), and Kraig was near his friend Chris who was LAUGHING his head off 'cause he could hear me yelling, and now everyoneo n the street could hear me yelling and kraig and chris laughing from my car's speakers.
So when Kraig got home, he pointed out that the poison cube raised the peanut butter so high, that MOrris had figured out how to lick it off without actually getting on the trap. He removed the poison and just put a blob of pb on the traps, and put them back in the garage.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 2
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Tuesday, December 12th
Now at this point I"m really annoyed and tired of parking outside, so once again I drive up to the garage after work and scope out the trap situation.
Mutha effa.
MOrris had somehow eaten ALL the peanut butter off the traps.
I went to park outside again.
Kraig comes home, and he's stressed over work stuff and he's also getting nervous about MOrris eating his comic book collection (stored in the garage) 'cause that's what happened to his comics at his mom's house. He goes to get the traps...
WTF...there were rat pawprints all OVER the traps! Those things aren't sticky at all! Although the trap managed to shred a huge chunk of skin/fur off of Morris, he still got away. So now i'm tired, hungry (I had just gotten home), and ready to flip on Morris and his furry ass. Kraig was busy with work, so I took the 2 traps covered in pawprints and the package of unopened traps back to Home Depot.
I get to Home Depot,a nd i'm like "WTF there's PAW PRINTS...this stuff sucks!" and the guy was all "Hey, weren't you the one who was here on Sunday? We were talking about you today".
Me: "Uhh...why?"
Home Depot Dude: "'cause we saw 3 rats hanging out on the shelves in Aisle 3"
Me: "Wait, you have rats?"
Home Depot Dude: "Oh yeah, no big deal we have them everywhere here, but never just hanging out all three on a shelf like that"
Me: "I'm going to VOMIT now. I want to return these traps"...
The dude felt so bad fo rme that he also refunded me the rat poison, even though I didn't take it back for a refund.
Team H's new strategy: old skool snap traps. At $1.97 each, I could afford 3.
I get home and get Kraig to show me how these suckers work. The only time I've ever seen a trap work was in cartoons. Those things are CRAZY dangerous. And super sensitive. We slather peanut butter on the bait trigger thingy and Kraig goes to set them up in the garage.
I didn't hear any loud snapping noises at night, but then again I also didn't hear Kraig wash up and go to bed 'cause I passed out after watching The Colbert Report.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 3
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Home Depot: stuffed with irony...they sell rat traps and yet, have a rat problem.
Wednesday, December 13th
Waiting to hear back from Kraig if maybe over the night MOrris got snapped. Otherwise, stay tuned.
The Morris saga continues!
Sunday, December 10th
So I'm ready to get a bunch of stuff accomplished...I wanted to clean my car (thanks to our advertisers, Maguiars) and then haul ass on something for work. I gave Kraig the project of installing the free keypad garage door opener I scored off Freecycle.
Kraig hollers at me that he wants me to write down the code from the garage door opener while he reads it out (it's written on the mechanism, which is on the ceiling)...so we're standing outside, and as Kraig goes to walk to the back of the garage I see this HUGE thing scurry from the top of the doorframe (the door that leads into the house) along the wall.
I start screaming that it's a rat, and really...if you recall the Bruno incident...I do NOT do well with creepy crawly things. Rats included. So i'm out on the street shrieking and yelling and smacking myself with my hands in order to get imaginary rats off of me, and Kraig starts the hunt to find the rat.
The rat named Morris.
So Morris sneaks into this pile of cardboard crap along one side of the garage. Cardboard crap includes folded up boxes and this HUGE Mulan movie display that an ex boyfriend stole out of the movie theater for me 10 years ago and Kraig woudln't let me throw it out. So Kraig's tossing hte cardboard out on the street in order to clear out the garage and find MOrris, I'm texting Carrie and Nicole D flipping out, this kid on his bike comes over and watches all of this laughing...
I got on the phone with Carrie and suddenly I had to let her go 'cause i saw this BIG BLACK THING moving along one of the boxes tossed from the garage...it was a mutha f*cking HUGE black widow spider. I knew that sometimes we had little baby ones, but this thing was flippin' MASSIVE.
Imagine this looking at you:
Now i'm REALLY freaking out. Kraig comes over, and even he's freaked out a bit (the dude loves bugs and crap, and growing up in California he's pretty unphased by black widow spiders...growing up in OTtawa, I've never seen a black widow in my LIFE, let alone one the size of a cat)...he tried to kick it away but it kept crawling back to the garage, so finally i shoved a piece of cardboard on it and stomped on it (which, apparently, is the most effective method of killing black widows and their egg sacks according to my online research).
I can't even BEGIN to tell you the amount of goo that comes out of a huge black widow spider. It was like someone poured syrup all over my driveway.
And by driveway, i mean the 2 foot space between my garage door and the street.
So back to MOrris.
Kraig has him cornered behind a chunk of cardboard, and asks what he should do, i'm yelling things that probably weren't even English, so he KICKS the cardboard, Morris gets away...
Finally he tells me I need to get some traps.
Side note: rats are nasty and carry a billion diseases. The last time I saw a rat ready to attack me was when i was in a 3rd world country and a rat popped it's head out of the DRAIN...and i was SHOWERING...not cool. Not cool at all.Seriously traumatized me.
I drive to Home Depot (where I called Nicole D in order to continue flipping out) to get my trap action on. I rush in, tell them I need to find their lead rat expert, and the dude tells me how I need to use the big sticky traps.
For those not in the know, basically it's a piece of plastic coated with this uber sticky stuff. You place some peanut butter in the middle and the rat goes for it, and then gets stuck, and basically dies a slow painful death.
Good times.
So i buy 2 packs (2 traps each = 4 traps) and some rat poison for good measure.
Get home, and Kraig tells me how those traps are mean, blah blah. So i tell him to put the poison in the center, PLUS the pb, then that way Morris can at least die faster once he's on teh trap.
So he puts on trap in this cupboard that apparently Morris had been hiding in, and one over by some shelving.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 1
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Monday, December 11
I get up and I'm pretty cranky because I had to park my car outside so that Kraig could park his car in the garage. No WAYYY am I parking in the garage where Morris is ready to either eat me or at the very least, chew on the wires in my car.
Before you laugh at that last comment, apparently where I work there's a problem with rats doing that to people's cars that are parked in front. So suck it.
I get home, call Kraig, and because I can't figure out how to turn off Bluetooth in my car he ends up on speakerphone...I told him to stay on the line while I scoped out the Morris situation...I go to check the rat traps...nope, no Morris. However opening the cupboard door freaked me out so much I ran out of the garage shrieking and yelling, which could be heard from the car (since my car has a speaker and receiver for bluetooth calls), and Kraig was near his friend Chris who was LAUGHING his head off 'cause he could hear me yelling, and now everyoneo n the street could hear me yelling and kraig and chris laughing from my car's speakers.
So when Kraig got home, he pointed out that the poison cube raised the peanut butter so high, that MOrris had figured out how to lick it off without actually getting on the trap. He removed the poison and just put a blob of pb on the traps, and put them back in the garage.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 2
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Tuesday, December 12th
Now at this point I"m really annoyed and tired of parking outside, so once again I drive up to the garage after work and scope out the trap situation.
Mutha effa.
MOrris had somehow eaten ALL the peanut butter off the traps.
I went to park outside again.
Kraig comes home, and he's stressed over work stuff and he's also getting nervous about MOrris eating his comic book collection (stored in the garage) 'cause that's what happened to his comics at his mom's house. He goes to get the traps...
WTF...there were rat pawprints all OVER the traps! Those things aren't sticky at all! Although the trap managed to shred a huge chunk of skin/fur off of Morris, he still got away. So now i'm tired, hungry (I had just gotten home), and ready to flip on Morris and his furry ass. Kraig was busy with work, so I took the 2 traps covered in pawprints and the package of unopened traps back to Home Depot.
I get to Home Depot,a nd i'm like "WTF there's PAW PRINTS...this stuff sucks!" and the guy was all "Hey, weren't you the one who was here on Sunday? We were talking about you today".
Me: "Uhh...why?"
Home Depot Dude: "'cause we saw 3 rats hanging out on the shelves in Aisle 3"
Me: "Wait, you have rats?"
Home Depot Dude: "Oh yeah, no big deal we have them everywhere here, but never just hanging out all three on a shelf like that"
Me: "I'm going to VOMIT now. I want to return these traps"...
The dude felt so bad fo rme that he also refunded me the rat poison, even though I didn't take it back for a refund.
Team H's new strategy: old skool snap traps. At $1.97 each, I could afford 3.
I get home and get Kraig to show me how these suckers work. The only time I've ever seen a trap work was in cartoons. Those things are CRAZY dangerous. And super sensitive. We slather peanut butter on the bait trigger thingy and Kraig goes to set them up in the garage.
I didn't hear any loud snapping noises at night, but then again I also didn't hear Kraig wash up and go to bed 'cause I passed out after watching The Colbert Report.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 3
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Home Depot: stuffed with irony...they sell rat traps and yet, have a rat problem.
Wednesday, December 13th
Waiting to hear back from Kraig if maybe over the night MOrris got snapped. Otherwise, stay tuned.
The Morris saga continues!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
TBS: My Boys
So as usual, last night I was zonked and crashed in front of the tv when I got home (I worked late, so I'm allowed to!).
Started flipping through the channels, which is pretty dumb considering I'm heavily backlogged on my DVR viewing. Plus i've got 2 DVDs of last season's Nip/Tuck I gotta watch. Anyway I caught the tail end of TBS' version of Sex and The City (does it ever get old? Answer: OH HELL NO. SATC is so timeless), and then I got the little promo saying that the new show My Boys would be coming up next...
I saw a ton of commercials for it (becuase I watch a ton of tv, naturally) and decided to give it a whirl...
OMG.
I absolutelyLOVED My Boys. It's basically about a single chick who's got 1 female best friend and like 6 best guy friends who get together regularly for poker. She's a guy's girl, but it's funny because she has no qualms telling these guys what we chicks would LOVE to tell dudes.
Why this show kicks ass:
1. It's original. I really can't think of any other show that compares to it. The premise is good, and the characters are likeable.
2. It's got Kyle Howard...he was in Grosse Pointe on the WB way back in the day, which was another brilliant show that sadly got axed before it's time (that was back when WB was still new and pretty much only had Seventh Heaven as it's claim to fame). You can't go wrong when Kyle Howard stars in your show.
3. The main chick (AJ? DJ? TJ? whatever)...not overly pretty but still cute, she's the type who can play every girl's best friend. Good casting choice.
4. It's NOT set in LA or New York. Gasp, there's other places in the US? Really? Wow.
5. You can watch the episodes online if you missed any.
6. It's got new age wit, which alot of tv shows lack...even Gilmore Girls is outdated in it's use of wit, even though it was probably one of the wittiest shows back in it's hayday.
On other news, I still have to put up the photos on Shutterfly from my visit with my brother. GET OFF MY BACK! I'm busy!
Started flipping through the channels, which is pretty dumb considering I'm heavily backlogged on my DVR viewing. Plus i've got 2 DVDs of last season's Nip/Tuck I gotta watch. Anyway I caught the tail end of TBS' version of Sex and The City (does it ever get old? Answer: OH HELL NO. SATC is so timeless), and then I got the little promo saying that the new show My Boys would be coming up next...
I saw a ton of commercials for it (becuase I watch a ton of tv, naturally) and decided to give it a whirl...
OMG.
I absolutely
Why this show kicks ass:
1. It's original. I really can't think of any other show that compares to it. The premise is good, and the characters are likeable.
2. It's got Kyle Howard...he was in Grosse Pointe on the WB way back in the day, which was another brilliant show that sadly got axed before it's time (that was back when WB was still new and pretty much only had Seventh Heaven as it's claim to fame). You can't go wrong when Kyle Howard stars in your show.
3. The main chick (AJ? DJ? TJ? whatever)...not overly pretty but still cute, she's the type who can play every girl's best friend. Good casting choice.
4. It's NOT set in LA or New York. Gasp, there's other places in the US? Really? Wow.
5. You can watch the episodes online if you missed any.
6. It's got new age wit, which alot of tv shows lack...even Gilmore Girls is outdated in it's use of wit, even though it was probably one of the wittiest shows back in it's hayday.
On other news, I still have to put up the photos on Shutterfly from my visit with my brother. GET OFF MY BACK! I'm busy!
Monday, December 04, 2006
Movie Reviews
Will
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Cars
Everyone kept telling me how fantastic this movie was, yadda yadda. So my standards were somewhat high, although not overly high because I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing it even when it was in the theaters.
It's a pretty decent movie if you can tolerate that it stars a snide cocky red car...played by snide cocky Owen Wilson. After awhile, his "sneering" voice grated my nerves.
The major redeeming quality was the little movie reel at the end of the credits with John Ratzenberger pointing out how they keep re-using the same (i.e. HIS) voice in every Disney movie.
XMen 3: The Last Stand
Background history:
1. Yes, I've read the comics.
2. I've loved XMen (mostly the cartoons) since I was 15, when I babysat for kids that watched it nonstop.
3. Jean Grey annoyed me then, and still annoys me now. "Oh, i have a headache, now i'm going to faint".
4. Even more than my hatred for Jean Grey is the stupid Phoenix plotline from the comics/cartoons.
I thought XMen 1 was okay...It didn't blow me away, mostly because Rogue is supposed to be a sassy sexy chick and Anna Paquin is too young and too ugly to play her. And because Halle Barry is SOOO not Storm...Storm would be better played by Ima'an or someone more regal. And Jean Grey...i can't stand Famke Janssen, she should be played by Angie Everheart or something. Other than Professor X, Magneto, and Wolverine, i really wasnt' impressed with their casting selection.
XMen 2 annoyed me, because they can't get Storm's hair to look half decent, because Rogue STILL bugged me, becuase I didn't like that asian chick with the same adamantium that wolverine has...I don't like when movies get overly cliche, like "oh gee we need a hot asian chick who can kick ass. See if Lucy Liu is available".
Xmen 3...well...any movie that features Jean Grey prominantly is enough to make me gouge my eyes out.
In this movie, the Phoenix takes over Jean Grey and everyone's gotta stop it. First off, they go from one scene in complete daylight to the next one being nighttime...uhhh did the time change within a split second?
Secondly, Magneto moves the Golden Gate bridge over to Alcatraz. HELLO...it's a suspension bridge...if you rip it it from the sides it's not going to stay up on it's own anymore!
Thirdly, I fail to believe the government would use Alcatraz...not just because it's a historical landmark, but because the building is decrepit and falling apart and you can't exactly modernize it asap.
Fourthly...and big fourthly...when the Phoenix gets pissed she starts floating (why? Why float?) and everything starts to break and there's chaos and lots of wind and Wolverine has to get to her in time before the whole world is torn to shreds. Why do evil characters automatically destroy stuff? Who cares? Let her destroy earth, now where is she gonna live and get her hair done and find her food? Why does she have to BREAK STUFF just 'cause she's powerful? It just seems pointless.
Anyway, if you can get over your hatred for Jean Grey (as clearly I can't), the movie is entertaining but riddled with flaws.
The Benchwarmers
Every now and then you need a no-brainer movie featuring tons of ex-SNL cast members.
Out of all the movies I saw this past weekend, this one was probably the best. Maybe becuase I just wanted some cheesy, low grade humor. The scene stealer was Nick Swardson as David Spade's brother Howie...they could make a movie just on him (he was terrified of the sun).
The only odd things were to see Jon Heder in an SNL movie (he sort of sticks out a bit), and that Rob Schneider plays a "cool" guy (when is he cool?! NEVER!). But overall, it was a pretty funny and entertaining movie.
Yeah, not the greatest reviews, but that's my summary so suck it.
write
more
late
Cars
Everyone kept telling me how fantastic this movie was, yadda yadda. So my standards were somewhat high, although not overly high because I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing it even when it was in the theaters.
It's a pretty decent movie if you can tolerate that it stars a snide cocky red car...played by snide cocky Owen Wilson. After awhile, his "sneering" voice grated my nerves.
The major redeeming quality was the little movie reel at the end of the credits with John Ratzenberger pointing out how they keep re-using the same (i.e. HIS) voice in every Disney movie.
XMen 3: The Last Stand
Background history:
1. Yes, I've read the comics.
2. I've loved XMen (mostly the cartoons) since I was 15, when I babysat for kids that watched it nonstop.
3. Jean Grey annoyed me then, and still annoys me now. "Oh, i have a headache, now i'm going to faint".
4. Even more than my hatred for Jean Grey is the stupid Phoenix plotline from the comics/cartoons.
I thought XMen 1 was okay...It didn't blow me away, mostly because Rogue is supposed to be a sassy sexy chick and Anna Paquin is too young and too ugly to play her. And because Halle Barry is SOOO not Storm...Storm would be better played by Ima'an or someone more regal. And Jean Grey...i can't stand Famke Janssen, she should be played by Angie Everheart or something. Other than Professor X, Magneto, and Wolverine, i really wasnt' impressed with their casting selection.
XMen 2 annoyed me, because they can't get Storm's hair to look half decent, because Rogue STILL bugged me, becuase I didn't like that asian chick with the same adamantium that wolverine has...I don't like when movies get overly cliche, like "oh gee we need a hot asian chick who can kick ass. See if Lucy Liu is available".
Xmen 3...well...any movie that features Jean Grey prominantly is enough to make me gouge my eyes out.
In this movie, the Phoenix takes over Jean Grey and everyone's gotta stop it. First off, they go from one scene in complete daylight to the next one being nighttime...uhhh did the time change within a split second?
Secondly, Magneto moves the Golden Gate bridge over to Alcatraz. HELLO...it's a suspension bridge...if you rip it it from the sides it's not going to stay up on it's own anymore!
Thirdly, I fail to believe the government would use Alcatraz...not just because it's a historical landmark, but because the building is decrepit and falling apart and you can't exactly modernize it asap.
Fourthly...and big fourthly...when the Phoenix gets pissed she starts floating (why? Why float?) and everything starts to break and there's chaos and lots of wind and Wolverine has to get to her in time before the whole world is torn to shreds. Why do evil characters automatically destroy stuff? Who cares? Let her destroy earth, now where is she gonna live and get her hair done and find her food? Why does she have to BREAK STUFF just 'cause she's powerful? It just seems pointless.
Anyway, if you can get over your hatred for Jean Grey (as clearly I can't), the movie is entertaining but riddled with flaws.
The Benchwarmers
Every now and then you need a no-brainer movie featuring tons of ex-SNL cast members.
Out of all the movies I saw this past weekend, this one was probably the best. Maybe becuase I just wanted some cheesy, low grade humor. The scene stealer was Nick Swardson as David Spade's brother Howie...they could make a movie just on him (he was terrified of the sun).
The only odd things were to see Jon Heder in an SNL movie (he sort of sticks out a bit), and that Rob Schneider plays a "cool" guy (when is he cool?! NEVER!). But overall, it was a pretty funny and entertaining movie.
Yeah, not the greatest reviews, but that's my summary so suck it.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Movie Review: CASINO ROYALE
Movie review: Casino Royale
Let's do some background history here. I haven't seen that many James Bond movies but I do belive that Sean Connery is DA MAN...
And I was all for Clive Owen to be the new one...when I heard it was gonna be some blond dude, I wasn't impressed.
Ohhh, how I was too quick to judge!
So Casino Royale is basically the "first" Bond...when he first became a "double oh", rough around the edge, and "M" isn't too happy with him as an employee. It's a little odd because he's an older dude, so if this is him when he first got the job...well he must be 80 in the other movies.
That aside, Blond Dude is HOT. Not in terms of his looks...but his rawness and edginess has incredible appeal. Plus, when he has fight scenes the guy (gasp) actually BLEEDS...I saw You Only Live Twice the other day and James Bond got punched a trillion times in the face without a single scar.
The premise of this Bond is generally the same as the others...the difference is that there's not really any Good Bond Girl, Bad Bond Girl....and the blatant use of nudity is pretty much limited to Bond himself (how many times can the dude come out of the ocean soaking wet? I don't know and I don't care, just keep it up filmmakers!)
Anyway, I highly recommend this movie. Keep in mind though that I can't stand going to the movie theater, and the other day was no exception...the dudes to my left kept repeating whatever the guys in the movie were saying, and the dumbass teenie bopper girls in front of me kept texting each other and then running in and out of the theater.
I'm pretty sure that I've reached the end of my rope when it comes to kids in the theater. Texting was the last straw...the glow from their phones was constantly in my peripheral vision. Give it till I'm 30...as soon as I hit that age, I officially reserve the right to be a cranky old lady who screams at kids to SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I'M GONNA BEAT YOU IN THE HEAD.
Let's do some background history here. I haven't seen that many James Bond movies but I do belive that Sean Connery is DA MAN...
And I was all for Clive Owen to be the new one...when I heard it was gonna be some blond dude, I wasn't impressed.
Ohhh, how I was too quick to judge!
So Casino Royale is basically the "first" Bond...when he first became a "double oh", rough around the edge, and "M" isn't too happy with him as an employee. It's a little odd because he's an older dude, so if this is him when he first got the job...well he must be 80 in the other movies.
That aside, Blond Dude is HOT. Not in terms of his looks...but his rawness and edginess has incredible appeal. Plus, when he has fight scenes the guy (gasp) actually BLEEDS...I saw You Only Live Twice the other day and James Bond got punched a trillion times in the face without a single scar.
The premise of this Bond is generally the same as the others...the difference is that there's not really any Good Bond Girl, Bad Bond Girl....and the blatant use of nudity is pretty much limited to Bond himself (how many times can the dude come out of the ocean soaking wet? I don't know and I don't care, just keep it up filmmakers!)
Anyway, I highly recommend this movie. Keep in mind though that I can't stand going to the movie theater, and the other day was no exception...the dudes to my left kept repeating whatever the guys in the movie were saying, and the dumbass teenie bopper girls in front of me kept texting each other and then running in and out of the theater.
I'm pretty sure that I've reached the end of my rope when it comes to kids in the theater. Texting was the last straw...the glow from their phones was constantly in my peripheral vision. Give it till I'm 30...as soon as I hit that age, I officially reserve the right to be a cranky old lady who screams at kids to SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I'M GONNA BEAT YOU IN THE HEAD.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Fast Times at Sir Wil
Too much time on my hands, clearly...
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.
By "senior" year, i'm assuming that means grade 12...and since I was in Ontario, we also had grade 13...so...i'll answer relative to both....
1. Who was your best friend?
Ahhh, it was all about the "immediate family"...but my girls were Christine, Erin, Katie, and Stacey...
2.What sports did you play?
That year, nothing. But in grade 9 I was on the Girl's Football Team...
3. What kind of car did you drive?
Either my brother's cruddy 1988 Mazda 323 which I pretty much totalled 2 months after he bought it, or my parents' 1992 Toyota Camry.
4. It's Friday night, where were you?
At the movies (well probably East Side's first, then the movie theater right next door to it)...
5. Were you a party animal?
Not yet...
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Oh GOD no. I was the grade-obsessed chick with the good looking friends.
7. Ever skip school?
Well...I never, everrrr skipped before...but then in grade 12 Tom died and...this is so bad of me to say...but I would tell the teachers that I had all these emotional issues and I had to leave class...(and when you've been a teacher's nightmare because you argued your 99% grade to a 100% grade, they pretty much figure that you must be telling the truth why else would you ditch class)...
And then in OAC (grade 13) my dad had a heart attack and needed 5-bypass surgery...so I used to tell the chicks at the front office that I was late because I had to walk with my dad, or take him to the doctor's, etc...and they actually bought it...
Yeah karma's gonna get me back for those big time one day, if it hasn't already.
8. Were you a nerd?
Uhhh see previous answers...my only purposei n life was to be on the honor roll, get a scholarship, get the highest mark in a given class, and...mainly...beat Patrick Beaupre's grade at all costs...
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
I would be 6 feet under if that ever happened.
10. Can you sing the fight song?
We didn't have a fight song, but every time our teams won something and we had a thing in the gym for it, they always played Queen's We Are THe Champions...
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Macartney! My bio teacher. He inspired me sooooo much, he's the reason I wanted to study biology and genetics and all that. Um yeah sadly, I didn't take that path and that's probably my biggest regret in life.
12. Favorite class?
Biology and chemistry.
13. What was your school's full name?
Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School.
Motto translates to: we strive for the highest of things.
14. School mascot?
A lancer.
Oh my GOD my high school is on Wikipedia!
15. Did you go to Prom?
I went to a total of like 5-7 proms between 12th and 13th grade. I was a prom whore! And now...I'm the chick who goes to everyone's work parties...so i guess somethings never change.
Just call me Rent-A-Date!
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
YES
YES
YES
It was the best time of my life...the only time where I was in the top X % of anything, where I accomplished so much, where I was involved in things, where I felt super smart, where I had respect from my elders, where I thought I would one day be hugely successful...
Sigh how much has changed.
17. What do you remember most about graduation?
I had two ceremonies (one in grade 12 for high school, one in grade 13 for the OAC classes)...I just remember being behind Chris Adamson (letter A's and all) and he didn't know the path to get us back to our seats after we got up on stage so we ended up following him all around the stupid gym till we got back in our seats!
18. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
Daigle-fests...slacking off (after years of busting my ass, i actually had Spares)...all of us piling in Stacey's teenie LeBaron to go to McDonald's...
19. Where were you on senior skip day?
We never had that. Or if we did, no one told me.
20. Did you have a job your senior year?
When have i NOT had a job since I was 13?! I worked at Le Chateau (like Forever 21) and that kid's clothing store and I did sales for this tutoring company in Gloucester Center.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
McDonald's...the caf...shoot where DID we go? I dont' remember.
22. Have you gained weight since then?
I weigh the same, except the fat has redistributed itself in horrible, horrible ways...
23. What did you do after graduation?
I forgot if it was the Grade 12 or Grade 13 one, but I remember hanging out at Stacey's house (remember that Bryan?)
24. When did you graduate?
Grade 12: 1995
OAC: 1996
25. Who was your Senior prom date?
For my prom, in grade 12 I took my effing bastard jackass first boyfriend (who lost his virginity to his sister, yes white trash to the Nth degree)...in grade 13 I took Anthony Wilson...ahhh. sigh.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
Well this would have been my 10th year, but if they have one, yeah I'd fly back for it.
27. Who was your home room teacher?
It got switched...it was one guy who's name totally escapes me (he reminds me of one of my coworkers actually, they look identical), and then my beloved Mr. Macartney.
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.
By "senior" year, i'm assuming that means grade 12...and since I was in Ontario, we also had grade 13...so...i'll answer relative to both....
1. Who was your best friend?
Ahhh, it was all about the "immediate family"...but my girls were Christine, Erin, Katie, and Stacey...
2.What sports did you play?
That year, nothing. But in grade 9 I was on the Girl's Football Team...
3. What kind of car did you drive?
Either my brother's cruddy 1988 Mazda 323 which I pretty much totalled 2 months after he bought it, or my parents' 1992 Toyota Camry.
4. It's Friday night, where were you?
At the movies (well probably East Side's first, then the movie theater right next door to it)...
5. Were you a party animal?
Not yet...
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Oh GOD no. I was the grade-obsessed chick with the good looking friends.
7. Ever skip school?
Well...I never, everrrr skipped before...but then in grade 12 Tom died and...this is so bad of me to say...but I would tell the teachers that I had all these emotional issues and I had to leave class...(and when you've been a teacher's nightmare because you argued your 99% grade to a 100% grade, they pretty much figure that you must be telling the truth why else would you ditch class)...
And then in OAC (grade 13) my dad had a heart attack and needed 5-bypass surgery...so I used to tell the chicks at the front office that I was late because I had to walk with my dad, or take him to the doctor's, etc...and they actually bought it...
Yeah karma's gonna get me back for those big time one day, if it hasn't already.
8. Were you a nerd?
Uhhh see previous answers...my only purposei n life was to be on the honor roll, get a scholarship, get the highest mark in a given class, and...mainly...beat Patrick Beaupre's grade at all costs...
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
I would be 6 feet under if that ever happened.
10. Can you sing the fight song?
We didn't have a fight song, but every time our teams won something and we had a thing in the gym for it, they always played Queen's We Are THe Champions...
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Macartney! My bio teacher. He inspired me sooooo much, he's the reason I wanted to study biology and genetics and all that. Um yeah sadly, I didn't take that path and that's probably my biggest regret in life.
12. Favorite class?
Biology and chemistry.
13. What was your school's full name?
Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School.
Motto translates to: we strive for the highest of things.
14. School mascot?
A lancer.
Oh my GOD my high school is on Wikipedia!
15. Did you go to Prom?
I went to a total of like 5-7 proms between 12th and 13th grade. I was a prom whore! And now...I'm the chick who goes to everyone's work parties...so i guess somethings never change.
Just call me Rent-A-Date!
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
YES
YES
YES
It was the best time of my life...the only time where I was in the top X % of anything, where I accomplished so much, where I was involved in things, where I felt super smart, where I had respect from my elders, where I thought I would one day be hugely successful...
Sigh how much has changed.
17. What do you remember most about graduation?
I had two ceremonies (one in grade 12 for high school, one in grade 13 for the OAC classes)...I just remember being behind Chris Adamson (letter A's and all) and he didn't know the path to get us back to our seats after we got up on stage so we ended up following him all around the stupid gym till we got back in our seats!
18. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
Daigle-fests...slacking off (after years of busting my ass, i actually had Spares)...all of us piling in Stacey's teenie LeBaron to go to McDonald's...
19. Where were you on senior skip day?
We never had that. Or if we did, no one told me.
20. Did you have a job your senior year?
When have i NOT had a job since I was 13?! I worked at Le Chateau (like Forever 21) and that kid's clothing store and I did sales for this tutoring company in Gloucester Center.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
McDonald's...the caf...shoot where DID we go? I dont' remember.
22. Have you gained weight since then?
I weigh the same, except the fat has redistributed itself in horrible, horrible ways...
23. What did you do after graduation?
I forgot if it was the Grade 12 or Grade 13 one, but I remember hanging out at Stacey's house (remember that Bryan?)
24. When did you graduate?
Grade 12: 1995
OAC: 1996
25. Who was your Senior prom date?
For my prom, in grade 12 I took my effing bastard jackass first boyfriend (who lost his virginity to his sister, yes white trash to the Nth degree)...in grade 13 I took Anthony Wilson...ahhh. sigh.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
Well this would have been my 10th year, but if they have one, yeah I'd fly back for it.
27. Who was your home room teacher?
It got switched...it was one guy who's name totally escapes me (he reminds me of one of my coworkers actually, they look identical), and then my beloved Mr. Macartney.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Argh...blogger beta
I hate the new blogger beta! And now that I switched over I can't switch back!
Ahhh the humanity!!
In other news, I signed up for a possible scam...but if it's not, then i'll get $250...if it actually works I'll definitely post the info so y'all can sign up...
Ahhh the humanity!!
In other news, I signed up for a possible scam...but if it's not, then i'll get $250...if it actually works I'll definitely post the info so y'all can sign up...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Office
Go Team Exotic Girl!
You snooze, you lose Pam....
If you want to die laughing, check out:
The Office - Tonight's Episode
They spoof an SNL skit...this one is a million times better...I think I had tears down my face when I watched it...is it just me, or would Dunder-Mifflin (Scranton branch) be an awesome place to work?!
You snooze, you lose Pam....
If you want to die laughing, check out:
The Office - Tonight's Episode
They spoof an SNL skit...this one is a million times better...I think I had tears down my face when I watched it...is it just me, or would Dunder-Mifflin (Scranton branch) be an awesome place to work?!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
10 Time Wasters
Random, random thoughts on a whole new level.
1. Remember Bruno the creepy bug?
I had a psycho dream last night that I ate him at some sort of party. Someone served up Jerusalem Crickets as an appetizer or something. I don't know the significance of it, all I know is that Bruno was mighty, mighty juicy.
2. On Adam Corolla this morning people were calling in discussing the strangest places they've had sex. Hands down, the dude who had nookie in a casket wins...
3. I'm SUCH a lazy mofo. The past week I've gotten into gym clothes and then the minute I sit down, i pass out...this exhuastion situation is unacceptable!
4. I've been baking a ton lately...if I have to fatten up my coworkers as a result, so be it.
5. The other day at work someone said that I "lit up" a room by how I looked that day, which was the nicest compliment I've heard in a looooong time.
6. I'm craving stuffing so bad, I'm half inclined to go buy a box of Stove Top to get it out of my system.
7. I read an interesting article (I'll get off my ass and post the link one of these days) about happiness...that once you make over $50K a year, an increase in dough doens't bring happiness, that having kids actually gives you a dip in happiness, that it's the little things that bring you happiness, that people should draw on other people's opinions of happiness (like if you want to be a lawyer, go talk to a lawyer and see if they're happy) instead of thinking that it'll be different once THEY do it, and that if you have to choose between a car or a trip, take the trip.
I'm all for the notion that extra money doesn't bring extra happiness, however there's alot of things that the article didn't factor in. Like extra money may not bring me happiness, but the security in knowing my house is paid off will reduce my UNhappiness. Or it may provide me an opportunity to pursue something I truly enjoy without worrying about the drop in salary. No one thinks that just having money itself is what creates happiness...it's the lifestyle that it affords, whether it means more trips for people who love trips or the knowledge that you can afford to send your kid to a good college.
And if i have to choose between a car or a trip, i'll take the car. I get that the trip leaves memories, but some people just prefer tangible items. If i have to pick between a $10 movie or a $10 cheap pair of earrings, i'll get more longevity and "happiness" out of the earrings...it's the same between a car or a trip. Not everyone feels that way, but this whole notion that people are making billions off self help books, etc, because people can't figure out what makes them happy is a little mind boggling. I'm not saying i know the secret to happiness, i'm simply saying, there's no way I can tell someone ELSE what will make them happy.
8. Soooo sleepy today!
9. I want a cute pair of 4" brown knee high boots, but I can't find a nice pair anywhere other than Aldo (which i refuse to buy in the US since it's soooo much cheaper in Canada). Which i guess is pointless anyway 'cause until I get my car paid down, Sabina's sticking to her existing shoe supply.
10. You are now dumber for having read this post, and I'm not apologizing for the time you wasted reading it.
1. Remember Bruno the creepy bug?
I had a psycho dream last night that I ate him at some sort of party. Someone served up Jerusalem Crickets as an appetizer or something. I don't know the significance of it, all I know is that Bruno was mighty, mighty juicy.
2. On Adam Corolla this morning people were calling in discussing the strangest places they've had sex. Hands down, the dude who had nookie in a casket wins...
3. I'm SUCH a lazy mofo. The past week I've gotten into gym clothes and then the minute I sit down, i pass out...this exhuastion situation is unacceptable!
4. I've been baking a ton lately...if I have to fatten up my coworkers as a result, so be it.
5. The other day at work someone said that I "lit up" a room by how I looked that day, which was the nicest compliment I've heard in a looooong time.
6. I'm craving stuffing so bad, I'm half inclined to go buy a box of Stove Top to get it out of my system.
7. I read an interesting article (I'll get off my ass and post the link one of these days) about happiness...that once you make over $50K a year, an increase in dough doens't bring happiness, that having kids actually gives you a dip in happiness, that it's the little things that bring you happiness, that people should draw on other people's opinions of happiness (like if you want to be a lawyer, go talk to a lawyer and see if they're happy) instead of thinking that it'll be different once THEY do it, and that if you have to choose between a car or a trip, take the trip.
I'm all for the notion that extra money doesn't bring extra happiness, however there's alot of things that the article didn't factor in. Like extra money may not bring me happiness, but the security in knowing my house is paid off will reduce my UNhappiness. Or it may provide me an opportunity to pursue something I truly enjoy without worrying about the drop in salary. No one thinks that just having money itself is what creates happiness...it's the lifestyle that it affords, whether it means more trips for people who love trips or the knowledge that you can afford to send your kid to a good college.
And if i have to choose between a car or a trip, i'll take the car. I get that the trip leaves memories, but some people just prefer tangible items. If i have to pick between a $10 movie or a $10 cheap pair of earrings, i'll get more longevity and "happiness" out of the earrings...it's the same between a car or a trip. Not everyone feels that way, but this whole notion that people are making billions off self help books, etc, because people can't figure out what makes them happy is a little mind boggling. I'm not saying i know the secret to happiness, i'm simply saying, there's no way I can tell someone ELSE what will make them happy.
8. Soooo sleepy today!
9. I want a cute pair of 4" brown knee high boots, but I can't find a nice pair anywhere other than Aldo (which i refuse to buy in the US since it's soooo much cheaper in Canada). Which i guess is pointless anyway 'cause until I get my car paid down, Sabina's sticking to her existing shoe supply.
10. You are now dumber for having read this post, and I'm not apologizing for the time you wasted reading it.
KFed's next career move
From College Humor
KFed's Next Career Move by Elaine Carroll
He's lost his sugar mama and his album tanked but he still has to get those limited edition kicks somehow. Who knows, maybe he'll get a job...
Receptionist at Quest Diagnostic Center
"Yo, this message is for Mr. Fenfang Chow or whatever, this is Kevin at Quest Diagnostics returning your call, it's about 9:30 on Tuesday in the morning and yo listen Chenchang, Ima be real wit you, cuz I remember you when you came in last Thursday, you was real nice or whatever. Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later."
Rite Aid Night Manager
"Look it, Ima be real wit you okay, and I need you to be real wit me so we can get this straightened up, aight? So like I told you you need to fix up the tampons in aisle 6 and then when you didn't do what I axt you to do, then, you know, Ima be like listen, boo, I gotta do my thang, you know? I'm just doin' my thang, you know what I'm saying, and I'm just axing you to do your thang, boo, so we can do this right, and make the pampers look fiiine, you feeling me, Edna?
Tour Guide at Monticello in Charlottsville, Virginia
"Aight kids, follow me through here. Dis room right here is Thomas Jefferson's library, yo. Dis is where he like read and wrote stuff like the Declaration of Independance or whatever, and you know, Ima be real wit you kids, TJ's bookroom had like 6,000 books you know what I'm saying, and then he like sold it to Congress in 1815 or whatever after its building and collection were damaged by the British in 1814, forming the nucleus of the Library of Congress yo. Aiight so the next room is the gift shop where ya'll can by my new single "Privilege".
Erotic Novelist
"So the real fine bitch wit big titties comes over to him and she was like hey boo Ima be real wit you right now, Ima take off my shirt so we can get it on, and then she, you know, took her shirt off and he could see her titties or whatever and he was like oh shoo girl I can see your titties or whatever and she was like yeah I know whatchu gonna do about it fool and he was like I dunno I guess Ima go over there and you know get down wit you and she was like yeah aight boo you do dat, so then they did it, you know what I'm saying?"
Holy crap, you just can't get any funnier than: Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later.
KFed's Next Career Move by Elaine Carroll
He's lost his sugar mama and his album tanked but he still has to get those limited edition kicks somehow. Who knows, maybe he'll get a job...
Receptionist at Quest Diagnostic Center
"Yo, this message is for Mr. Fenfang Chow or whatever, this is Kevin at Quest Diagnostics returning your call, it's about 9:30 on Tuesday in the morning and yo listen Chenchang, Ima be real wit you, cuz I remember you when you came in last Thursday, you was real nice or whatever. Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later."
Rite Aid Night Manager
"Look it, Ima be real wit you okay, and I need you to be real wit me so we can get this straightened up, aight? So like I told you you need to fix up the tampons in aisle 6 and then when you didn't do what I axt you to do, then, you know, Ima be like listen, boo, I gotta do my thang, you know? I'm just doin' my thang, you know what I'm saying, and I'm just axing you to do your thang, boo, so we can do this right, and make the pampers look fiiine, you feeling me, Edna?
Tour Guide at Monticello in Charlottsville, Virginia
"Aight kids, follow me through here. Dis room right here is Thomas Jefferson's library, yo. Dis is where he like read and wrote stuff like the Declaration of Independance or whatever, and you know, Ima be real wit you kids, TJ's bookroom had like 6,000 books you know what I'm saying, and then he like sold it to Congress in 1815 or whatever after its building and collection were damaged by the British in 1814, forming the nucleus of the Library of Congress yo. Aiight so the next room is the gift shop where ya'll can by my new single "Privilege".
Erotic Novelist
"So the real fine bitch wit big titties comes over to him and she was like hey boo Ima be real wit you right now, Ima take off my shirt so we can get it on, and then she, you know, took her shirt off and he could see her titties or whatever and he was like oh shoo girl I can see your titties or whatever and she was like yeah I know whatchu gonna do about it fool and he was like I dunno I guess Ima go over there and you know get down wit you and she was like yeah aight boo you do dat, so then they did it, you know what I'm saying?"
Holy crap, you just can't get any funnier than: Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
When you eat your smarties do you eat the red ones last?
I never listen to that stupid Jamie, Jack, and Stench show (or whatever it's called) on the way to work, but for some reason this morning I did and it was absolutely hilarious (no thanks to that effing annoying biotch Jamie).
It came down to this: wake up ladies. Men are bored.
And what women define as entertainment is different than what guys call entertainment. Women are always like "youw ant something to do? Fix so-and-so"...but that's still "boring" technically. Driving racecars and drinking beer, that's not boring. But doing household projects, that's boring to them. Women however aren't "bored" by household stuff, which is why we're always doing one thing after another after another because to us, we WANT to be bored but we can't 'cause we're too busy doing all the household crap.
Their solution was that you can get a guy to fix the roof if the roof is basically two big boobs...
Letters to the Editor:
1) You asked me this question and I did not say that if I could have kids when I was old, I'd wait to get married. I want to get married now regardless of how loudly my biological clock is ticking.
Ahh, but that's because you found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let's say you weren't dating anyone...would be like "ahh, it's all good" like if you were 21? Or would be like "eep, times a tickin'"? (although, you're still young :P) You want to get married now because you want to live with that person and spend every night with them, but let's say you didn't have someone...and let's say you were 29...would you feel some "pressure" to find someone, more than you did when you were 17?
When you're 23 you're concern over marriage isn't anywhere near as great as say when you're 30. It's one thing to say that it's because it's a different "life stage" (i.e. new grad), but think of all the women that DON'T pursue law degrees, medical degrees, etc, because they want a family instead. If women could have babies when they're 60, I guarantee there's plenty of women who would pursue higher educations and career goals (unless they'er slackers like me who dream of working at Target one day).
As for guys (re: Abdul's timeline), yeah of course they wouldnt' want to give sperm when they're 80, but point is their concern isn't their ability to conceive, rather the logistics of whether they'll be hobbling with a cane to their kid's high school graduation. That's not an actual biological "clock" like we've got, it's just a preference. Some guys don't care to change diapers or be an active parent, so they could be a new dad at 50 and it wouldn't make a diff (as opposed to the need to be physically capable of changing diapers, running after a toddler, etc)...case in point? Donald Trump. The dude's not changing any diapers, he's got a nanny, he's got a wife...what does he care? Other than financial concerns, it's no skin off his back to spread his seed to create offspring. Same with Michael Douglas. He's not changing diapers...
How many times do you see women with a 20 year age difference between their children? Heck, a chick could marry...have a kid or not...divorce, and then she's past her childbearing years which then impacts her future choice of partners (if they want kids) as opposed to guys, who can re-marry some young hot thang and crank out some more kids...
It just irritates me that chicks got the short end of the stick. And it also ties back with my beef over how the women's rights movement and their desire to work has created a dual-income society, and now i can barely afford or have time to conceive a kid, let alone actually raise one.
The solution? We should all go back to the barter system. You build my house, and in return i'll bake you bread. That way i can pop out plenty of kids AND there's no glass ceiling for me to worry about. It's a win-win situation for everyone.
It came down to this: wake up ladies. Men are bored.
And what women define as entertainment is different than what guys call entertainment. Women are always like "youw ant something to do? Fix so-and-so"...but that's still "boring" technically. Driving racecars and drinking beer, that's not boring. But doing household projects, that's boring to them. Women however aren't "bored" by household stuff, which is why we're always doing one thing after another after another because to us, we WANT to be bored but we can't 'cause we're too busy doing all the household crap.
Their solution was that you can get a guy to fix the roof if the roof is basically two big boobs...
Letters to the Editor:
1) You asked me this question and I did not say that if I could have kids when I was old, I'd wait to get married. I want to get married now regardless of how loudly my biological clock is ticking.
Ahh, but that's because you found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let's say you weren't dating anyone...would be like "ahh, it's all good" like if you were 21? Or would be like "eep, times a tickin'"? (although, you're still young :P) You want to get married now because you want to live with that person and spend every night with them, but let's say you didn't have someone...and let's say you were 29...would you feel some "pressure" to find someone, more than you did when you were 17?
When you're 23 you're concern over marriage isn't anywhere near as great as say when you're 30. It's one thing to say that it's because it's a different "life stage" (i.e. new grad), but think of all the women that DON'T pursue law degrees, medical degrees, etc, because they want a family instead. If women could have babies when they're 60, I guarantee there's plenty of women who would pursue higher educations and career goals (unless they'er slackers like me who dream of working at Target one day).
As for guys (re: Abdul's timeline), yeah of course they wouldnt' want to give sperm when they're 80, but point is their concern isn't their ability to conceive, rather the logistics of whether they'll be hobbling with a cane to their kid's high school graduation. That's not an actual biological "clock" like we've got, it's just a preference. Some guys don't care to change diapers or be an active parent, so they could be a new dad at 50 and it wouldn't make a diff (as opposed to the need to be physically capable of changing diapers, running after a toddler, etc)...case in point? Donald Trump. The dude's not changing any diapers, he's got a nanny, he's got a wife...what does he care? Other than financial concerns, it's no skin off his back to spread his seed to create offspring. Same with Michael Douglas. He's not changing diapers...
How many times do you see women with a 20 year age difference between their children? Heck, a chick could marry...have a kid or not...divorce, and then she's past her childbearing years which then impacts her future choice of partners (if they want kids) as opposed to guys, who can re-marry some young hot thang and crank out some more kids...
It just irritates me that chicks got the short end of the stick. And it also ties back with my beef over how the women's rights movement and their desire to work has created a dual-income society, and now i can barely afford or have time to conceive a kid, let alone actually raise one.
The solution? We should all go back to the barter system. You build my house, and in return i'll bake you bread. That way i can pop out plenty of kids AND there's no glass ceiling for me to worry about. It's a win-win situation for everyone.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Rolling the dice on that game called LIFE
So I've been snooping around and informally asking female friends the following: do you think we would make the same decisions about guys and marriage if we had the same biological clock as they do (i.e. we can procreate no problem till we're 80)...
And unanimously, every female agreed...that biological clock that ticks is a HUGE gating factor in our choice of life mates and the decisions we make. It's not like guys think "crap, i'm 29, if i dump her now and try to find another girlfriend who i can marry that might end up when i'm like 34 and that's pushing it when ti comes to having our first kid"...
To quote a friend...marriage is a crap shoot, Because you truly don't know when you're marrying someone what you're getting into. You make the best decision you can with the info you've been provided. No one tells you what marriage is like, what buying a house with someone is like, what to expect growing old with someone, what creating offspring is like...
In the end, you take your best guess at the odds and then roll that dice and pray that it'll work out in your favor. Read this link!
And...why doesn't anyone just tell you this growing up? I feel like we con children...we give them the impression that the world is their oyster when they graduate and become adults...no one says "listen, you're going to spend 99% of your waking days working so that you can afford the other 1% of your life which is going to include bills, car payments, house/rent payments, and maybe if you have a few bucks leftover you can buy a cute pair of boots. So get used to being a drone, because that's what we're grooming you to be".
Okay , granted, some people ENJOY their jobs to the point where they would do it for free if they could, but most people I know do their jobs because it's a paycheck because what they TRULY enjoy would never pay enough money to survive.
So life overall....it seems like this is stuff that's common knowledge to everyone I know NOW...so why didn't our elders tell us this stuff?
But everywhere I go, I meet smug married couples who love to relate the moment they “just knew” they’d found their life partners. As far as I’m concerned, it’s revisionist history; if the marriage in question has worked out so far, they say they acted on their rocksolid gut. But if it ended in divorce, they confess to earlier doubts.
Maybe it's one of those things where people just want to suck people into their misery. You know like when people say "oh you should have a baby, you'll be amazed how your life changes for the better, how wonderful it is blah blah" and then when people have them they realize "crap, this isn't THAT great, this sucks, i got conned!" and then THEY continue the endless circle by bringing other people down in their misery by perpetuating the myth that it's wonderful to have children and life is so grand that way.
Or...maybe people just live with the deception and don't spread the truth onto others because they can't spread what they don't acknowledge. After my 1 year wedding anniversary I started reading/hearing everywhere how your first year of marriage is the WORST...but you cant' say anything because everyone keeps coo'ing at you with their "awww, congratulations newlyweds" schpiel...so you don't want to tell them how rough it is.
So what's my point?
My point is...I think it is anyway...to bitch and vent that life is one big crap shoot...that we've been "programmed" as women to want to marry and have babies and all that crap whereas men don't have to worry about it 'cause they don't have that biological ticking time bomb like we do...and that generations have done the next generation a huge disservice by not telling the truth about life, bills, 401K, retirement, marriage, babies, and general life after college.
And if you don't agree with me...well suck it and go write your own damn blog where you can say wonderfully dandy it is to be a working girl in this day and age.
And unanimously, every female agreed...that biological clock that ticks is a HUGE gating factor in our choice of life mates and the decisions we make. It's not like guys think "crap, i'm 29, if i dump her now and try to find another girlfriend who i can marry that might end up when i'm like 34 and that's pushing it when ti comes to having our first kid"...
To quote a friend...marriage is a crap shoot, Because you truly don't know when you're marrying someone what you're getting into. You make the best decision you can with the info you've been provided. No one tells you what marriage is like, what buying a house with someone is like, what to expect growing old with someone, what creating offspring is like...
In the end, you take your best guess at the odds and then roll that dice and pray that it'll work out in your favor. Read this link!
And...why doesn't anyone just tell you this growing up? I feel like we con children...we give them the impression that the world is their oyster when they graduate and become adults...no one says "listen, you're going to spend 99% of your waking days working so that you can afford the other 1% of your life which is going to include bills, car payments, house/rent payments, and maybe if you have a few bucks leftover you can buy a cute pair of boots. So get used to being a drone, because that's what we're grooming you to be".
Okay , granted, some people ENJOY their jobs to the point where they would do it for free if they could, but most people I know do their jobs because it's a paycheck because what they TRULY enjoy would never pay enough money to survive.
So life overall....it seems like this is stuff that's common knowledge to everyone I know NOW...so why didn't our elders tell us this stuff?
But everywhere I go, I meet smug married couples who love to relate the moment they “just knew” they’d found their life partners. As far as I’m concerned, it’s revisionist history; if the marriage in question has worked out so far, they say they acted on their rocksolid gut. But if it ended in divorce, they confess to earlier doubts.
Maybe it's one of those things where people just want to suck people into their misery. You know like when people say "oh you should have a baby, you'll be amazed how your life changes for the better, how wonderful it is blah blah" and then when people have them they realize "crap, this isn't THAT great, this sucks, i got conned!" and then THEY continue the endless circle by bringing other people down in their misery by perpetuating the myth that it's wonderful to have children and life is so grand that way.
Or...maybe people just live with the deception and don't spread the truth onto others because they can't spread what they don't acknowledge. After my 1 year wedding anniversary I started reading/hearing everywhere how your first year of marriage is the WORST...but you cant' say anything because everyone keeps coo'ing at you with their "awww, congratulations newlyweds" schpiel...so you don't want to tell them how rough it is.
So what's my point?
My point is...I think it is anyway...to bitch and vent that life is one big crap shoot...that we've been "programmed" as women to want to marry and have babies and all that crap whereas men don't have to worry about it 'cause they don't have that biological ticking time bomb like we do...and that generations have done the next generation a huge disservice by not telling the truth about life, bills, 401K, retirement, marriage, babies, and general life after college.
And if you don't agree with me...well suck it and go write your own damn blog where you can say wonderfully dandy it is to be a working girl in this day and age.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Ebay purchase
In case you have a bunch of dough you want to waste...
Ebay auction for those who really aren't sure what to do with their money
Ebay auction for those who really aren't sure what to do with their money
Tap my blog with enthusiasm
A few things to note:
1. Ryan and Nicole B make the best pizza EVER. They should enter their pizza-making skillz in a contest or something. Or...just make me pizza on a daily basis. Either are acceptable options.
2. The other day on the Adam Corolla show they had one of the doctors from Dr. 90210 (the one who does the crazy vagina and penis surgeries), and he was saying how the aesthetic ideal for guys' ballsi s to have them hang right in line with the tip of the penis.
Which made me laugh really hard, and then I realized....FINALLY! FINALLY! After all this time of chicks having to have a certain waist size, boob size, etc that we're stuck paying for...guys now have a physical ideal that may only be reached through plastic surgery!
(And yes, when a dude's balls hang way too low...it's just bizarre looking)
3. It's pretty clear that the OC this season is just going to revolve around Ryan finding Volcheck, killing him, and then that's it forever. Which is fine by me, 'cause there really isn't much else they can do with these people...but...sigh, what will I use as a replacement?
4. So back to dude's who get their balls surgically altered...how long is too long? What's the longest that is unappealing? And do most guys have problems with the balls hitting the toilet water?
I did a bit of research:
Cached version of a dude's balls question
5. Seriously, I would die to go back in time and be a plastic surgeon.
6. Now that I have a new car, I'm realizing how truly dusty California is...my last car was so filthy, i would go years without cleaning it...it's been a few weeks and my new car is already grimy. WTF. Plus i'm noticing why people get mudguards...alot of crap gets kicked up from the tires and makes the bottom sides of the car all nasty. Mother effer, new cars are alotta maintenance.
7. In case anyone cares, my mother is in Northern California right now...i'll probably go up in a few weeks to do the obligatory daughter visit.
8. The Office is the most wonderful non-guilty pleasure EVER. It doesn't feel dumb because it's not a sitcom and yet, it's crazy hilarious. Tonight's episode: the Scranton branch closes down. I LOVE IT!
And...go team brunette! You snooze you lose Pam.
9. Blah, i'm trying to come up with a list of 10 things and I'm not doing a very good job. This is the most boring post ever.
10. Some dude on the radio this week had a list of Ten Excuses When You Ain't Got The Rent, which in and of itself is already pretty hysterical...I only heard number 5: My momma's real sick, which caused the other DJ to say "...and?", to which the first DJ said "That's it. My momma's sick. That's your excuse".
As previously stated...you are now dumber for having read this.
1. Ryan and Nicole B make the best pizza EVER. They should enter their pizza-making skillz in a contest or something. Or...just make me pizza on a daily basis. Either are acceptable options.
2. The other day on the Adam Corolla show they had one of the doctors from Dr. 90210 (the one who does the crazy vagina and penis surgeries), and he was saying how the aesthetic ideal for guys' ballsi s to have them hang right in line with the tip of the penis.
Which made me laugh really hard, and then I realized....FINALLY! FINALLY! After all this time of chicks having to have a certain waist size, boob size, etc that we're stuck paying for...guys now have a physical ideal that may only be reached through plastic surgery!
(And yes, when a dude's balls hang way too low...it's just bizarre looking)
3. It's pretty clear that the OC this season is just going to revolve around Ryan finding Volcheck, killing him, and then that's it forever. Which is fine by me, 'cause there really isn't much else they can do with these people...but...sigh, what will I use as a replacement?
4. So back to dude's who get their balls surgically altered...how long is too long? What's the longest that is unappealing? And do most guys have problems with the balls hitting the toilet water?
I did a bit of research:
Cached version of a dude's balls question
5. Seriously, I would die to go back in time and be a plastic surgeon.
6. Now that I have a new car, I'm realizing how truly dusty California is...my last car was so filthy, i would go years without cleaning it...it's been a few weeks and my new car is already grimy. WTF. Plus i'm noticing why people get mudguards...alot of crap gets kicked up from the tires and makes the bottom sides of the car all nasty. Mother effer, new cars are alotta maintenance.
7. In case anyone cares, my mother is in Northern California right now...i'll probably go up in a few weeks to do the obligatory daughter visit.
8. The Office is the most wonderful non-guilty pleasure EVER. It doesn't feel dumb because it's not a sitcom and yet, it's crazy hilarious. Tonight's episode: the Scranton branch closes down. I LOVE IT!
And...go team brunette! You snooze you lose Pam.
9. Blah, i'm trying to come up with a list of 10 things and I'm not doing a very good job. This is the most boring post ever.
10. Some dude on the radio this week had a list of Ten Excuses When You Ain't Got The Rent, which in and of itself is already pretty hysterical...I only heard number 5: My momma's real sick, which caused the other DJ to say "...and?", to which the first DJ said "That's it. My momma's sick. That's your excuse".
As previously stated...you are now dumber for having read this.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Le Divorce
Awww, i kinda was rooting for them...I know this sounds horrible, but I think i'm on Team K-Fed (although dude, you've got FOUR kids to support...don't bite the hand that feeds you!)...I mean, anytime I've seen him in interviews he's actually much more eloquent and less hillbilly than she is...although now that she's all cleaned up (per her Letterman appearance), I forgot how much we all missed the cute semi-classy Britney...
PRE-NUP DETAILS:
K-Fed won't touch a penny of Britney's money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way
The mansion will be divided 50/50.
Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he'll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
Spears won't pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
PRE-NUP DETAILS:
K-Fed won't touch a penny of Britney's money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way
The mansion will be divided 50/50.
Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he'll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
Spears won't pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
Phloem and Xylum
So i want to take a class but i'm not sure what exactly...I really awnted to take an intro to biology class at Saddleback but their Saturday class is full, and that was a key time for me.
My options:
1. Intro math class
Not that I need an intro class, but i absolutely LOVED math in high school (hated it in college, but that's 'cause it was an 8am class and doing Cal II at 8am is just suicide), so i figure i'll just start at the easy bottom and work my way to the Calculus/Algebra classes.
2. Automotive Intro class
I'm sick of taking my car in and not knowing what's going on. BUT...now that i have a brand new car, what's the point of doing that right now?
3. Intro bio class
(Not on Saturday mornings)...i loooove cells, biology, all that crap...like the math classes i'd love to start at the moron level and work my way up.
4. French
I really need to get off my ass and keep up with my french. On Saturday I had a discussion in French with this dude from Living Spaces and it was AWESOME. Problem is, i don't know if i'm Intermediate, beginner, advanced...i mean, i'm technically certified bilingual but it's been 6 years since i ever really had to use it and i don't know "real" conversational french...like at Living Spaces I didn't know how to say "warehouse" or "tv stand"....so this is an iffy situation. I think i should join a Yahoo Group or something where i can find some people who just want to go have coffee and speak French.
5. Japanese
Why Japanese? 'Cause i think it's pretty effing cool. My fear though is that going after work to learn something as complex as that might make make me shoot myself.
Actually, doing ANYTHING after work sounds suicidal, but for the amount of TV watching that I do...i should be able to get off my ass and take a flippin' course to stimulate my brain...I think there's a layer of mold growing on mine right now.
My options:
1. Intro math class
Not that I need an intro class, but i absolutely LOVED math in high school (hated it in college, but that's 'cause it was an 8am class and doing Cal II at 8am is just suicide), so i figure i'll just start at the easy bottom and work my way to the Calculus/Algebra classes.
2. Automotive Intro class
I'm sick of taking my car in and not knowing what's going on. BUT...now that i have a brand new car, what's the point of doing that right now?
3. Intro bio class
(Not on Saturday mornings)...i loooove cells, biology, all that crap...like the math classes i'd love to start at the moron level and work my way up.
4. French
I really need to get off my ass and keep up with my french. On Saturday I had a discussion in French with this dude from Living Spaces and it was AWESOME. Problem is, i don't know if i'm Intermediate, beginner, advanced...i mean, i'm technically certified bilingual but it's been 6 years since i ever really had to use it and i don't know "real" conversational french...like at Living Spaces I didn't know how to say "warehouse" or "tv stand"....so this is an iffy situation. I think i should join a Yahoo Group or something where i can find some people who just want to go have coffee and speak French.
5. Japanese
Why Japanese? 'Cause i think it's pretty effing cool. My fear though is that going after work to learn something as complex as that might make make me shoot myself.
Actually, doing ANYTHING after work sounds suicidal, but for the amount of TV watching that I do...i should be able to get off my ass and take a flippin' course to stimulate my brain...I think there's a layer of mold growing on mine right now.
Picture Box Post
TV wrap up...
House of Carters
I seriously love this show. It is F*CKED UP. If you like Breaking Bonaduce, this is probably the most similar show in terms of how f*cked in the head these people are.
Plus this is awesome, Aaron (who has the worst skin EVER...wtf...get some tetracycline moron you've got cash) starts bitching how he wants sex:
I want to go back and have sex. Because it's been a year since I've fucking had any sex. And you guys are all having lots of sex. I am very sexually frusterated
Watch at around the 7:00 mark:
First off, don't say that stuff to your SISTER...wtf!
Secondly...maybe i'm ignorant, but doesn't jacking off do the same trick? I mean, if you jack off as often as you want sex, won't you no longer be sexually frustrated? (But i'm not a guy, so what do I know).
Thirdly...seriously...you don't SAY stuff like that to your sisters!!!
Girls Next Door
Hands down, Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet. I should just shoot myself for being too ugly to even be in the same time zone as her.
I'm starting to realize after watching this show that Hef really doesn't bang these girls. Or if he does, he bangs Holly like once a year (and i'm only guessing that because she wants his baby, which means,he does indeed uhhh spread his seed). But wtf, is he going to bang Bridget in her room? Full of animals and pink hello kitty stuff? But how does he kick out holly then of their bedroom? And Kendra talks about her vibrator, so you KNOW these girls are getting kisses and that's it.
Heroes
I didn't watch last night's episode yet, but I already know it was FANTASTIC.
Desperate Housewives
Maybe it's just me, but Sunday's episode was the best EVER. It had everything you need...mild humor, violence, and Gabby wearing a cute outfit (I want that skirt!) while smashing vases. It was great.
The whole point of the show was to see who would get killed off. Fortunately, they killed off Nora, the only other character just as annoying as Susan. Good thing susan wasn't in that grocery store, because Crazy Lady would have shot her too within a split second.
And, per ew.com: what was up with the British guy going away to work in Paris? Didn't he spend each and every day watching over his coma-induced wife for a few years?
Anyway, back to the show...i'm starting to really like Orson. So what if he beat up his wife. When Bree needed garlic peeled...he stepped up and did what it took to make her feel better.
I'm willing to admit, Austin is growing on me...i didn't think he was good looking at first but now he's starting to develop a look that's very worthy of a teenage heart throb...
One question still remains unanswered though: in the first season we heard Tom say "Lynette will never forgive me if she finds out what i've done"...and we still dont' know what that is.
ahhhh....so much tv, so little time.
House of Carters
I seriously love this show. It is F*CKED UP. If you like Breaking Bonaduce, this is probably the most similar show in terms of how f*cked in the head these people are.
Plus this is awesome, Aaron (who has the worst skin EVER...wtf...get some tetracycline moron you've got cash) starts bitching how he wants sex:
I want to go back and have sex. Because it's been a year since I've fucking had any sex. And you guys are all having lots of sex. I am very sexually frusterated
Watch at around the 7:00 mark:
First off, don't say that stuff to your SISTER...wtf!
Secondly...maybe i'm ignorant, but doesn't jacking off do the same trick? I mean, if you jack off as often as you want sex, won't you no longer be sexually frustrated? (But i'm not a guy, so what do I know).
Thirdly...seriously...you don't SAY stuff like that to your sisters!!!
Girls Next Door
Hands down, Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet. I should just shoot myself for being too ugly to even be in the same time zone as her.
I'm starting to realize after watching this show that Hef really doesn't bang these girls. Or if he does, he bangs Holly like once a year (and i'm only guessing that because she wants his baby, which means,he does indeed uhhh spread his seed). But wtf, is he going to bang Bridget in her room? Full of animals and pink hello kitty stuff? But how does he kick out holly then of their bedroom? And Kendra talks about her vibrator, so you KNOW these girls are getting kisses and that's it.
Heroes
I didn't watch last night's episode yet, but I already know it was FANTASTIC.
Desperate Housewives
Maybe it's just me, but Sunday's episode was the best EVER. It had everything you need...mild humor, violence, and Gabby wearing a cute outfit (I want that skirt!) while smashing vases. It was great.
The whole point of the show was to see who would get killed off. Fortunately, they killed off Nora, the only other character just as annoying as Susan. Good thing susan wasn't in that grocery store, because Crazy Lady would have shot her too within a split second.
And, per ew.com: what was up with the British guy going away to work in Paris? Didn't he spend each and every day watching over his coma-induced wife for a few years?
Anyway, back to the show...i'm starting to really like Orson. So what if he beat up his wife. When Bree needed garlic peeled...he stepped up and did what it took to make her feel better.
I'm willing to admit, Austin is growing on me...i didn't think he was good looking at first but now he's starting to develop a look that's very worthy of a teenage heart throb...
One question still remains unanswered though: in the first season we heard Tom say "Lynette will never forgive me if she finds out what i've done"...and we still dont' know what that is.
ahhhh....so much tv, so little time.
Extra Extra! Read all about it!
Alright well since I lead a boring life, today is the day where we comment on the news....
New Head Lice Treatment
For some reason I found this article really funny...sucks to be the school nurse, that's all I gotta say.
target="_blank">Circumcision cuts STD risk
Not that that's rocket science, but this leads me to a topic that Kraig and I once argued about...he says that by default in the US, baby boys get circumcised unless otherwise told, and i'm like "uh no the parents gotta ASK for that stuff", which lead me to point out that I've seen more penises than him so don't argue with me as to what the odds are of a dude having foreskin or not (and he tried to argue that in Canada maybe more guys just don't get circumcised. Give me a break).
So i asked people who's given birth to boys, and yep i was right...you have to ask for your boy's skin to be sliced and you gotta sign a waiver...it's not the default option.
Toyota's quarterly profit surges 34%
Yeah effing right it did, what with them taking almost $30K of my dough...(okay well that's still the current quarter but that's minor details)...
Two Dollar Bill Gains Popularity
This article says that strippers love it 'cause it doubles their tip money...i'm all for the $2 bill, we used to have it in Canada but then it got changed to the $2 coin (toonie)...the $2 bill rocks! Vote YES on $2!
Verizon near content deal with YouTube
All i gotta say is...sucks that Google bought YouTube...now they're all into making sure legally-acceptable crap is on there...wtf.
Why are these toys being sold?
Mannnn...first off, anything with a string should be a no-no for parents (i won't leave my cat toys with long strings/cords lying around the cats unless i'm supervising their play...and they're cats!)...secondly, wtf, how hillbilly is this country when a bunch of other countries ban this toy but the US won't?
I want to be the dude in a position of power who gets to make retarded decisions like that.
In other news....
Nope, no photos of the car...although I'm discovering how much i finally enjoy driving, it's alot more FUN to drive when you've got a kick ass vehicle.
Parking is a bitch though...my last car was so teenie, it could fit anywhere.
New Head Lice Treatment
For some reason I found this article really funny...sucks to be the school nurse, that's all I gotta say.
target="_blank">Circumcision cuts STD risk
Not that that's rocket science, but this leads me to a topic that Kraig and I once argued about...he says that by default in the US, baby boys get circumcised unless otherwise told, and i'm like "uh no the parents gotta ASK for that stuff", which lead me to point out that I've seen more penises than him so don't argue with me as to what the odds are of a dude having foreskin or not (and he tried to argue that in Canada maybe more guys just don't get circumcised. Give me a break).
So i asked people who's given birth to boys, and yep i was right...you have to ask for your boy's skin to be sliced and you gotta sign a waiver...it's not the default option.
Toyota's quarterly profit surges 34%
Yeah effing right it did, what with them taking almost $30K of my dough...(okay well that's still the current quarter but that's minor details)...
Two Dollar Bill Gains Popularity
This article says that strippers love it 'cause it doubles their tip money...i'm all for the $2 bill, we used to have it in Canada but then it got changed to the $2 coin (toonie)...the $2 bill rocks! Vote YES on $2!
Verizon near content deal with YouTube
All i gotta say is...sucks that Google bought YouTube...now they're all into making sure legally-acceptable crap is on there...wtf.
Why are these toys being sold?
Mannnn...first off, anything with a string should be a no-no for parents (i won't leave my cat toys with long strings/cords lying around the cats unless i'm supervising their play...and they're cats!)...secondly, wtf, how hillbilly is this country when a bunch of other countries ban this toy but the US won't?
I want to be the dude in a position of power who gets to make retarded decisions like that.
In other news....
Nope, no photos of the car...although I'm discovering how much i finally enjoy driving, it's alot more FUN to drive when you've got a kick ass vehicle.
Parking is a bitch though...my last car was so teenie, it could fit anywhere.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Best quote for life
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.”
--Frieda Norris
--Frieda Norris
And if I only could, make a deal with God, And get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill
I don't smoke
I've never been a smoker
But i imagine that the feeling I got after watching the season premiere of The OC was much like the feeling a smoker gets after they've gone 24 hours without a smoke.
You know this is the final season...it has "final" written all over it..but it was dark, gritty, mixed with the typical witty humor (You gotta love that little girl who cried after being lectured regarding whether there's a comic based on the XMen movie).
My only beef is...I get that Ryan feels all mopey and crap over Marissa's death. But...I never felt they had a connection because Mischa Barton, bless her lanky soul, is NOT a good actress. They never seemed in love, passionate, anything. They seemed to have better awkward moments than anything else.
So I fail to believe that he loved her.
I fail to believe that he loved her enough to seek vengence on that surfer dude (forgot his name...Valcheck?)
Maybe it's just that I'm a cynic...the day of men taking a stray bullet for their women is loooong over.
And it's not guys' faults. Much like how the women's movement ruined women's life for us women (what? dual income society? wtf?!), we also ruined men by turning them into SNAGs...
Sensitive
New
Age
Guys
Which leads into my next topic...the other day on the radio (KFI AM 640) they were saying how men have become "wussies" and how they discovered that in the past 20 years, mens' testosterone levels have dropped "significantly".
I want someone to measure how much testosterone levels in women have GONE UP during that time as well.
Think about it. We used to have Sylvestor Stallone, Arnold, Van Damme...who do we have now? The Rock? I love the man, but he played a football coach and a gay guy in his last few movies...we don't even have an uber tough, gritty, no holds barred kind of male hero out there anymore.
I'm not knocking this whole trend...it's got it's plusses...I'm just saying that I don't know about you ladies, but I like my hollywood men to be the kind that grab a chick and bang her up against the wall instead of the Orlando Bloom pretty boy types who look like they might break a nail in the process.
I've never been a smoker
But i imagine that the feeling I got after watching the season premiere of The OC was much like the feeling a smoker gets after they've gone 24 hours without a smoke.
You know this is the final season...it has "final" written all over it..but it was dark, gritty, mixed with the typical witty humor (You gotta love that little girl who cried after being lectured regarding whether there's a comic based on the XMen movie).
My only beef is...I get that Ryan feels all mopey and crap over Marissa's death. But...I never felt they had a connection because Mischa Barton, bless her lanky soul, is NOT a good actress. They never seemed in love, passionate, anything. They seemed to have better awkward moments than anything else.
So I fail to believe that he loved her.
I fail to believe that he loved her enough to seek vengence on that surfer dude (forgot his name...Valcheck?)
Maybe it's just that I'm a cynic...the day of men taking a stray bullet for their women is loooong over.
And it's not guys' faults. Much like how the women's movement ruined women's life for us women (what? dual income society? wtf?!), we also ruined men by turning them into SNAGs...
Sensitive
New
Age
Guys
Which leads into my next topic...the other day on the radio (KFI AM 640) they were saying how men have become "wussies" and how they discovered that in the past 20 years, mens' testosterone levels have dropped "significantly".
I want someone to measure how much testosterone levels in women have GONE UP during that time as well.
Think about it. We used to have Sylvestor Stallone, Arnold, Van Damme...who do we have now? The Rock? I love the man, but he played a football coach and a gay guy in his last few movies...we don't even have an uber tough, gritty, no holds barred kind of male hero out there anymore.
I'm not knocking this whole trend...it's got it's plusses...I'm just saying that I don't know about you ladies, but I like my hollywood men to be the kind that grab a chick and bang her up against the wall instead of the Orlando Bloom pretty boy types who look like they might break a nail in the process.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Eleanor
Hallowe'en is, hands down, the best holiday EVER. Granted, it's a pagan holiday (like my dad would say...which includes Thanksgiving, CHristmas, and Valentine's Day)...but I can handle being an infidel for one night in order to give out candy.
After we bought the house I vowed that I would give out lots of candy, and I'm talkin' about the good stuff (noneo f this "filler" crap). Hallowe'en was always very good to me, and it's time I give back to the people. The circle of life must complete!
In other news, I bought a new car. Toyota Rav4. And before you say it's ugly, it was redesigned in 2006 so suck it. I would have bought an '06 if it they hadn't made so few, so I had to get an '07, and it's like the Tickle Me Elmo of cars...there's so few made and tons of demand. WTF. Anyway, the V4 and V6 both topped Consumers Reports SUV ratings, and after test driving the CRV and the Murano, that was the way to go.
I'm kicking myself for not having Gap Insurance, but, whatever...
And now my anxiety is through the roof with another car payment so my sole purpose in life is to pay that sucker off, or at least, down to $10K.
Some of the key features that *I* think are kinda cool:
1. You know when you do the long drive to no man's land and you get the cow smell in your car when you pass by a field of cows? There's a button that filters out the odor in your car to remove that. That's effing AWESOME for trips to San Jose.
2. Bluetooth...you can press a button on the steering wheel and talk through that, so you don't have to pick up your phone while driving.
3. And additional "glove compartment" on the console to store more crap.
4. 6 CD changer (all in-dash, none of this "put yer CDs in the trunk" nonsense) that plays MP3s, and all the tuning/changing can be done from the steering wheel
5. All sorts of digital stuff that I don't fully understand...like it "senses" the driver's driving and changes the acceleration/drive style accordingly.
It had 85 whole miles on it when I got it.
The best part: my big negotiation tactic was that I made them give me 15 months worth of air freshners. I know. I drive a hard bargain. (Ha ha get the pun?)
You know what though? I felt super sad leaving my old car...it just looked so....lonely when I drove off....it served me well, and held up through ALOT of crap...I was tempted to keep it for nostalgia's sake, but well I needed the trade-in cash so that wasn't an option. I still kinda miss it...that was my first real purchase when I moved to the US 6 years ago.
This new car better last me effing 15 years at LEAST.
Oh, and I named it Eleanor.....
After we bought the house I vowed that I would give out lots of candy, and I'm talkin' about the good stuff (noneo f this "filler" crap). Hallowe'en was always very good to me, and it's time I give back to the people. The circle of life must complete!
In other news, I bought a new car. Toyota Rav4. And before you say it's ugly, it was redesigned in 2006 so suck it. I would have bought an '06 if it they hadn't made so few, so I had to get an '07, and it's like the Tickle Me Elmo of cars...there's so few made and tons of demand. WTF. Anyway, the V4 and V6 both topped Consumers Reports SUV ratings, and after test driving the CRV and the Murano, that was the way to go.
I'm kicking myself for not having Gap Insurance, but, whatever...
And now my anxiety is through the roof with another car payment so my sole purpose in life is to pay that sucker off, or at least, down to $10K.
Some of the key features that *I* think are kinda cool:
1. You know when you do the long drive to no man's land and you get the cow smell in your car when you pass by a field of cows? There's a button that filters out the odor in your car to remove that. That's effing AWESOME for trips to San Jose.
2. Bluetooth...you can press a button on the steering wheel and talk through that, so you don't have to pick up your phone while driving.
3. And additional "glove compartment" on the console to store more crap.
4. 6 CD changer (all in-dash, none of this "put yer CDs in the trunk" nonsense) that plays MP3s, and all the tuning/changing can be done from the steering wheel
5. All sorts of digital stuff that I don't fully understand...like it "senses" the driver's driving and changes the acceleration/drive style accordingly.
It had 85 whole miles on it when I got it.
The best part: my big negotiation tactic was that I made them give me 15 months worth of air freshners. I know. I drive a hard bargain. (Ha ha get the pun?)
You know what though? I felt super sad leaving my old car...it just looked so....lonely when I drove off....it served me well, and held up through ALOT of crap...I was tempted to keep it for nostalgia's sake, but well I needed the trade-in cash so that wasn't an option. I still kinda miss it...that was my first real purchase when I moved to the US 6 years ago.
This new car better last me effing 15 years at LEAST.
Oh, and I named it Eleanor.....
Friday, October 27, 2006
Camping, Bruno, and other tales of woe
So here is the saga that is Bruno...
A few weekends ago Carrie pursuaded me and Nicole D to go camping. ONE night. One measely night. Well Miss Thang here doesn't "do" nature. I can't stand nature. I dig rocks and stuff like that (like in Arizona), but trees...clean air...bugs...not my thing.
I figure, I have a job so that i can NOT sleep outdoors on the ground.
Well anyway, we managed to get the tent up and the 3 of us are sitting around in some chairs talking and Carrie hears this noise that sounds like squirrel...suddenly she JUMPS up and starts squealing "What is that?!!"...
From a distance, it looked like a tarantula. So i start freaking out, because i'm deathly arachnophobic. But then I got close and saw what it was:
This thing was HUGE. HUGE. And it's arms were different colors from the rest of it's body. It was the size of a small dog. It rustled the frickin' leaves when it walked on it! LOOK AT THIS THING!
So i'm seriously freaking out because it's looking like it's heading to our tent, and infiltration in our tent was unacceptable. Nicole, bless her soul, took a paper plate and tried to fling it super far. Unfortunately, she managed to only chuck it a few feet ahead of us.
So they're all calm and cool but knowing that it didn't go very far didn't rest easy with me.
I couldn't calm down knowing that IT was out there. And what was IT called? We named him Bruno. The memory of it's massively huge disgusting body was giving me an ulcer.
Seriously, SERIOUSLY, this thing was effing nasty. And it had HUGE eyes. This thing could easily consume us in the middle of the night. What if it had babies? And friends? I could feel the chunks risingi n my throat as I panicked.
For me, the unknown is much scarier than the known, and if I had to find that effing Bruno well...dammit...i would. Which wasn't too hard...I stood silent and heard more CRUNCHING noises and easily spotted him hanging around the base of our nearby tree. I had to investigate the enemy.
I give Nicole serious props for having my back..or maybe she figured that if she stood behind me, Bruno would eat me first and that would give her time to run. Bitch!. Why didn't I think of that...
So she handed me her cell phone and told me to photograph it so we could identify it through her bug-expert coworkers (Nicole deals with nature and crap for a living. It's actually pretty interesting, but since I don't like nature I would probably stab myself with a fork if I had to deal with nature on a daily basis).
Since cell phone cameras have no zoom and really cruddy focus, i had to get within a centimeter of Bruno to take the picture:
After the cell phone plan failed, I took Carrie's camera and took a bunch more pictures of Bruno. I couldn't STEP on him becuase he was so big, it would be like stepping on a dog...in fact, his strength would probably push my foot in the air, i'd fall backwards, and then he'd chew me to a bloody pulp. He was an evil, evil thing...this Bruno.
Laying on his back:
Back to crawling and ready to kill the enemy....meaning...us humans...(insert Bruno's evil laugh MOO HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA):
By now Carrie and Nicole were pretty fed up of my loud screaming, yelling, and general shrieks of terror, so I came up with a plan...I drew a line onthe ground and decided it was Our side vs. Their Side...(much like The Others on LOST)...I wouldn't fight Bruno as long as he stayed on his side of nature, and I vowed to stay on mine.
In case anyone cares, we later discovered it's a Jerusalem Cricket
So, the moral of the story is...i still don't "do" nature.
A few weekends ago Carrie pursuaded me and Nicole D to go camping. ONE night. One measely night. Well Miss Thang here doesn't "do" nature. I can't stand nature. I dig rocks and stuff like that (like in Arizona), but trees...clean air...bugs...not my thing.
I figure, I have a job so that i can NOT sleep outdoors on the ground.
Well anyway, we managed to get the tent up and the 3 of us are sitting around in some chairs talking and Carrie hears this noise that sounds like squirrel...suddenly she JUMPS up and starts squealing "What is that?!!"...
From a distance, it looked like a tarantula. So i start freaking out, because i'm deathly arachnophobic. But then I got close and saw what it was:
This thing was HUGE. HUGE. And it's arms were different colors from the rest of it's body. It was the size of a small dog. It rustled the frickin' leaves when it walked on it! LOOK AT THIS THING!
So i'm seriously freaking out because it's looking like it's heading to our tent, and infiltration in our tent was unacceptable. Nicole, bless her soul, took a paper plate and tried to fling it super far. Unfortunately, she managed to only chuck it a few feet ahead of us.
So they're all calm and cool but knowing that it didn't go very far didn't rest easy with me.
I couldn't calm down knowing that IT was out there. And what was IT called? We named him Bruno. The memory of it's massively huge disgusting body was giving me an ulcer.
Seriously, SERIOUSLY, this thing was effing nasty. And it had HUGE eyes. This thing could easily consume us in the middle of the night. What if it had babies? And friends? I could feel the chunks risingi n my throat as I panicked.
For me, the unknown is much scarier than the known, and if I had to find that effing Bruno well...dammit...i would. Which wasn't too hard...I stood silent and heard more CRUNCHING noises and easily spotted him hanging around the base of our nearby tree. I had to investigate the enemy.
I give Nicole serious props for having my back..or maybe she figured that if she stood behind me, Bruno would eat me first and that would give her time to run. Bitch!. Why didn't I think of that...
So she handed me her cell phone and told me to photograph it so we could identify it through her bug-expert coworkers (Nicole deals with nature and crap for a living. It's actually pretty interesting, but since I don't like nature I would probably stab myself with a fork if I had to deal with nature on a daily basis).
Since cell phone cameras have no zoom and really cruddy focus, i had to get within a centimeter of Bruno to take the picture:
After the cell phone plan failed, I took Carrie's camera and took a bunch more pictures of Bruno. I couldn't STEP on him becuase he was so big, it would be like stepping on a dog...in fact, his strength would probably push my foot in the air, i'd fall backwards, and then he'd chew me to a bloody pulp. He was an evil, evil thing...this Bruno.
Laying on his back:
Back to crawling and ready to kill the enemy....meaning...us humans...(insert Bruno's evil laugh MOO HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA):
By now Carrie and Nicole were pretty fed up of my loud screaming, yelling, and general shrieks of terror, so I came up with a plan...I drew a line onthe ground and decided it was Our side vs. Their Side...(much like The Others on LOST)...I wouldn't fight Bruno as long as he stayed on his side of nature, and I vowed to stay on mine.
In case anyone cares, we later discovered it's a Jerusalem Cricket
So, the moral of the story is...i still don't "do" nature.
Still dumb...
I've searched EVERYWHERE...my car, my cube, other people's cubes, offices, the bathroom, the front desk, i'm going INSANE....
Dumbest person alive
I'm officially the dumbest person alive.
I printed out the Citizenship stuff...asked Heather a legal question about whether getting a traffic ticket counted as being "cited by a law enforcement officer", went to the chiropractor and specifically thought "geez i hope no one breaks into my car and takes my paperwork", went home...
And i havent' seen the paperwork since. It was in a red folder. I've searched my car, I asked the chiropractor, i checked myd esk at work, i searched my house...how do you lose a red folder when you didnt DO anything with it?!
I wouldn't be so freaked out if stupid me hadn't put my SSN and Green Card number on the paperwork, along with my married name AND maiden name...why don't i just plaster a sign on me that says "Hi, i'd like to be robbed of my identity thanks!"....
I printed out the Citizenship stuff...asked Heather a legal question about whether getting a traffic ticket counted as being "cited by a law enforcement officer", went to the chiropractor and specifically thought "geez i hope no one breaks into my car and takes my paperwork", went home...
And i havent' seen the paperwork since. It was in a red folder. I've searched my car, I asked the chiropractor, i checked myd esk at work, i searched my house...how do you lose a red folder when you didnt DO anything with it?!
I wouldn't be so freaked out if stupid me hadn't put my SSN and Green Card number on the paperwork, along with my married name AND maiden name...why don't i just plaster a sign on me that says "Hi, i'd like to be robbed of my identity thanks!"....
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
With glowing hearts we see thee rise
So I'm finally getting off my ass to apply to be a US citizen.
Just finding the right frickin' form on the UCIS Web Site is a pain in the ass. But, in case anyone cares, it's N-400.
I forgot just how painful filling out immigration paperwork is. It's "beat me with yo mama's rolling pin" painful.
First off, here's my race options:
White
Asian
Black or African American
American Indian or Alaskan Native
Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander
Ummm, where's my "other" box?! WTF.
Now check this out...the Hair Color options:
Black
Brown
Blonde yes with the E at the end which isn't WRONG but not very common
Gray
White
Red
Sandy
Bald (No Hair)
WTF is "sandy" if it's not blond? Do they mean Salt/Pepper? And if you're bald, don't you KNOW that means no hair?!
Your eye options...this is seriously awesome:
Brown
Blue
Green
Hazel
Gray
Black
Pink
Maroon
Other
Oh wait...i can't be "other" for race but there's another COLOR OPTION for your effing eyes available?! Have you ever seen someone with MAROON or PINK eyes?! Other...uhhh...is orange an option?! WTF!
And then there's Section 7...Time Outside The United States:
a) How many total days did you spend outside of the United States during the past 5 years?
WTF! If you're not a naturalized citizen, odds are, that number's pretty high! I've gone to Canada a few times and the Bahamas, wtf like i know the exact number.
b)List below all the trips of 24 hours or more you have taken outside of the United States since becoming a Lawful Permanent Resident
Fortunately, since I got my green card, I've only traveled once (last summer), but i couldn't tell you to save my soul the EXACT dates I was gone for...i guess if I scope out my American Airlines account i could find it...but if i had to list out all the trips from the past 5 years, i'd be screwed.
There's a TON of questions about my previous spouse...just as many as my current spouse. You get to list out how the "previous marriage" ended, either by Divorce, Spouse Died, or Other (how many other ways are there? Annulling it? And...?)...
In Section 10, it asks Do you have any title of nobility in any foreign country?
as well as
Have you ever been declared legally incompetent or been confined to a mental institution within the last five years?
and
Have you EVER been a member of or in any way association (either directly or indirectly) with
c. A Terrorist Organization?
And at least that last question narrows out the idiots too dumb to get citizenship....
12. Between March 23, 1933 and May 8, 1945, did you work for or associate in any way (either directly or indirectly) with
a. The Nazi government of Germany
.
.
c. Any German, Nazi, or S.S. military unit, paramilitary unit, self-defense unit, vigilante unit, citizen unit, police unit, government agency or office, extermination camp, concentration camp, prisoner of war camp, prison, labor camp or transit camp?
Mannnn...if you gotta say yes to any of that stuff, just rip up your application. WTF is a "vigilante unit"? Makes me think of dirty guys in western movies.
Then we get to the Good Moral Character section of the form (I kid you not), which is mostly about criminal history crap. But it also says:
22. Have you EVER:
a) been a habitual drunkard
(i'm sorry, i can't stop laughing...you had to define "bald" but "habitual drunkard" is THAT self explanatory?!)
b)Been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution?
....
d) Been married to more than one person at the same time?
Good times, good times...
And it gets better...Oath Requirements:
Answer questions 34 through 39. If you answer NO to any of these questions, attach 1) your written explanation why the answer was NO and 2) any additional information or documentation that helps explain your answer.
34. Do you support the Constitution and form of government in the United States?
35. Do you understand the Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
36. Are you willing to take the full Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
37. If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the UNited States?
38. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform noncombatant services in the US Armed FOrces?
39. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform work of national importance under civilian direction?
Now I'm all for being a US Citizen...but geezus, i really would like to have a chat with the people who create these forms....
Just finding the right frickin' form on the UCIS Web Site is a pain in the ass. But, in case anyone cares, it's N-400.
I forgot just how painful filling out immigration paperwork is. It's "beat me with yo mama's rolling pin" painful.
First off, here's my race options:
White
Asian
Black or African American
American Indian or Alaskan Native
Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander
Ummm, where's my "other" box?! WTF.
Now check this out...the Hair Color options:
Black
Brown
Blonde yes with the E at the end which isn't WRONG but not very common
Gray
White
Red
Sandy
Bald (No Hair)
WTF is "sandy" if it's not blond? Do they mean Salt/Pepper? And if you're bald, don't you KNOW that means no hair?!
Your eye options...this is seriously awesome:
Brown
Blue
Green
Hazel
Gray
Black
Pink
Maroon
Other
Oh wait...i can't be "other" for race but there's another COLOR OPTION for your effing eyes available?! Have you ever seen someone with MAROON or PINK eyes?! Other...uhhh...is orange an option?! WTF!
And then there's Section 7...Time Outside The United States:
a) How many total days did you spend outside of the United States during the past 5 years?
WTF! If you're not a naturalized citizen, odds are, that number's pretty high! I've gone to Canada a few times and the Bahamas, wtf like i know the exact number.
b)List below all the trips of 24 hours or more you have taken outside of the United States since becoming a Lawful Permanent Resident
Fortunately, since I got my green card, I've only traveled once (last summer), but i couldn't tell you to save my soul the EXACT dates I was gone for...i guess if I scope out my American Airlines account i could find it...but if i had to list out all the trips from the past 5 years, i'd be screwed.
There's a TON of questions about my previous spouse...just as many as my current spouse. You get to list out how the "previous marriage" ended, either by Divorce, Spouse Died, or Other (how many other ways are there? Annulling it? And...?)...
In Section 10, it asks Do you have any title of nobility in any foreign country?
as well as
Have you ever been declared legally incompetent or been confined to a mental institution within the last five years?
and
Have you EVER been a member of or in any way association (either directly or indirectly) with
c. A Terrorist Organization?
And at least that last question narrows out the idiots too dumb to get citizenship....
12. Between March 23, 1933 and May 8, 1945, did you work for or associate in any way (either directly or indirectly) with
a. The Nazi government of Germany
.
.
c. Any German, Nazi, or S.S. military unit, paramilitary unit, self-defense unit, vigilante unit, citizen unit, police unit, government agency or office, extermination camp, concentration camp, prisoner of war camp, prison, labor camp or transit camp?
Mannnn...if you gotta say yes to any of that stuff, just rip up your application. WTF is a "vigilante unit"? Makes me think of dirty guys in western movies.
Then we get to the Good Moral Character section of the form (I kid you not), which is mostly about criminal history crap. But it also says:
22. Have you EVER:
a) been a habitual drunkard
(i'm sorry, i can't stop laughing...you had to define "bald" but "habitual drunkard" is THAT self explanatory?!)
b)Been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution?
....
d) Been married to more than one person at the same time?
Good times, good times...
And it gets better...Oath Requirements:
Answer questions 34 through 39. If you answer NO to any of these questions, attach 1) your written explanation why the answer was NO and 2) any additional information or documentation that helps explain your answer.
34. Do you support the Constitution and form of government in the United States?
35. Do you understand the Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
36. Are you willing to take the full Oath of Allegiance to the United States?
37. If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the UNited States?
38. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform noncombatant services in the US Armed FOrces?
39. If the law requires it, are you willing to perform work of national importance under civilian direction?
Now I'm all for being a US Citizen...but geezus, i really would like to have a chat with the people who create these forms....
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Marlene and Steve's Anniversary
Okay finally catching up to the pics I've had to upload and crap.
So a few weekends ago I did the shortest trip to san jose ever (well, second shortest...the shortest was on Xmas of last year, where we drove up on the 25th and i left at 6am on the 26th) to show up to Marlene and Steve's 10th Wedding Anniversary party...it was an absolute blast.
First off, i got to see my girls Jen and Marcella which are two people where time flies by when I'm hanging out with them:
They were such dolls for letting me stay with them...
Spent Friday shopping with Wendy (who is officially my HERO...the girl got some great knockoff designer stuff in NY...i was like "holy sh*t Wendy, how much do you make where you're buying two Balenciaga purses?!")...Friday night was the anniversary party, which we made a little more ghetto when Jen snuck in tequila in a water bottle...
No, we weren't lushes...we just wanted to make sure we were prepared in case the beverage situation wasn't ideal at the hall...Ahhh Wendy was my date for the evening but she got too drunk to put out, sad for me :P LOL.
Anyway, it was a fantastic time, it was great seeing everyone, and most of all congrats to Steve and Marlene for surviving 10 years of marriage!
Will post the link to the pics when my computer stops being so ghetto.
So a few weekends ago I did the shortest trip to san jose ever (well, second shortest...the shortest was on Xmas of last year, where we drove up on the 25th and i left at 6am on the 26th) to show up to Marlene and Steve's 10th Wedding Anniversary party...it was an absolute blast.
First off, i got to see my girls Jen and Marcella which are two people where time flies by when I'm hanging out with them:
They were such dolls for letting me stay with them...
Spent Friday shopping with Wendy (who is officially my HERO...the girl got some great knockoff designer stuff in NY...i was like "holy sh*t Wendy, how much do you make where you're buying two Balenciaga purses?!")...Friday night was the anniversary party, which we made a little more ghetto when Jen snuck in tequila in a water bottle...
No, we weren't lushes...we just wanted to make sure we were prepared in case the beverage situation wasn't ideal at the hall...Ahhh Wendy was my date for the evening but she got too drunk to put out, sad for me :P LOL.
Anyway, it was a fantastic time, it was great seeing everyone, and most of all congrats to Steve and Marlene for surviving 10 years of marriage!
Will post the link to the pics when my computer stops being so ghetto.
Hallowe'en wrap up
You are correct it is not sexy... it's slutty.
I say go with the slutty nurse costume.
Dang, it was a close tie between the nurse vs. the maid outfit...most chicks said nurse though...go figure.
Anyway, so yesterday was a bit chaotic...
I was at Nicole D's house by 5:30ish am, for our garage sale...needless to say, I was pretty exhausted by the time I left in the early afternoon. I grabbed Kraig and we went costume shopping...
Oh let me back up a bit...on Friday I had to swing to Target to get some masking tape for the garage sale, and I saw this super cute Wonder WOman costume so I bought it...riighhtt...was wayyy too big.
So by Saturday, after the garage sale, I just wanted ANYTHING that would fit and be done with it. In a quickie shopping spree Kraig and I bought somewhat matching prisoner costumes, although mine barely fit and I'm pretty sure I bruised some ribs trying to squeeze into it...let alone the size 5 ghetto boots I wore with it and now i'm sure i'm going to need bunion surgery or something..
J.L. Byrd
(you can't see in this pic, but I also had black wings on my back)
Poor Kraig had to watch the crappy progession of me getting more and more drunk (normally martinis keep me pretty sane, but Justin pretty much makes it a ratio of 99% liquor/1% mix so I ended up getting so plastered, I couldn't even wash my face or brush my teeth, i attempted to take the dress off but it was too much work so i just passed out on my bed and slept till 3pm the next day)...
Cute to be a lush when you're 19, not so attractive when you're 29. I'm too old for that crap.
Anyway Justin bought this effing HILARIOUS alien puppets, and hands down Tim/Christy's rendition of Lord Of The Rings meets Napolean Dynomite was the funniest thing I think i've seen in ages:
Gonna add the link to the full set of pictures when my slow-as-molasses-ghetto-computer finishes uploading them to shutterfly.
I say go with the slutty nurse costume.
Dang, it was a close tie between the nurse vs. the maid outfit...most chicks said nurse though...go figure.
Anyway, so yesterday was a bit chaotic...
I was at Nicole D's house by 5:30ish am, for our garage sale...needless to say, I was pretty exhausted by the time I left in the early afternoon. I grabbed Kraig and we went costume shopping...
Oh let me back up a bit...on Friday I had to swing to Target to get some masking tape for the garage sale, and I saw this super cute Wonder WOman costume so I bought it...riighhtt...was wayyy too big.
So by Saturday, after the garage sale, I just wanted ANYTHING that would fit and be done with it. In a quickie shopping spree Kraig and I bought somewhat matching prisoner costumes, although mine barely fit and I'm pretty sure I bruised some ribs trying to squeeze into it...let alone the size 5 ghetto boots I wore with it and now i'm sure i'm going to need bunion surgery or something..
J.L. Byrd
(you can't see in this pic, but I also had black wings on my back)
Poor Kraig had to watch the crappy progession of me getting more and more drunk (normally martinis keep me pretty sane, but Justin pretty much makes it a ratio of 99% liquor/1% mix so I ended up getting so plastered, I couldn't even wash my face or brush my teeth, i attempted to take the dress off but it was too much work so i just passed out on my bed and slept till 3pm the next day)...
Cute to be a lush when you're 19, not so attractive when you're 29. I'm too old for that crap.
Anyway Justin bought this effing HILARIOUS alien puppets, and hands down Tim/Christy's rendition of Lord Of The Rings meets Napolean Dynomite was the funniest thing I think i've seen in ages:
Gonna add the link to the full set of pictures when my slow-as-molasses-ghetto-computer finishes uploading them to shutterfly.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Real World - Denver
the cast
Now, I realize I'm the oldest person who still watches this show but to my defense, growing up in Canada, I used to read about Real World ALL the time in magazines and wonder wtf was up with this show...so when I moved to California I got hooked, season after season.
But...even in just 6 years I've seen them go from somewhat "normal" people to typical Made-For-TV-Faces...i fully expect my hollywood actors to be gorgeous, but REAL WORLD...hello I'm not looking for models. I'm looking for the crack addict who sleeps with the uber conservative roommate's boyfriend.
Will I watch it? Of course. Last season did surprise me with Paula Walnuts turning out to be a complete looney toon. I'm just saying, I miss the days of crazy Ruthie risking life and limb by drinking away her sorrows and how people seemed to have something beyond good looks.
Now, I realize I'm the oldest person who still watches this show but to my defense, growing up in Canada, I used to read about Real World ALL the time in magazines and wonder wtf was up with this show...so when I moved to California I got hooked, season after season.
But...even in just 6 years I've seen them go from somewhat "normal" people to typical Made-For-TV-Faces...i fully expect my hollywood actors to be gorgeous, but REAL WORLD...hello I'm not looking for models. I'm looking for the crack addict who sleeps with the uber conservative roommate's boyfriend.
Will I watch it? Of course. Last season did surprise me with Paula Walnuts turning out to be a complete looney toon. I'm just saying, I miss the days of crazy Ruthie risking life and limb by drinking away her sorrows and how people seemed to have something beyond good looks.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Hallowe'en costume issues
I know, i still need to write about Marlene's anniversary as well as camping...i've been swamped lately. At least I finished that user guide for Kraig's company finally. I want my money bitch!
So as my friend Liz once said...Hallowe'en is the only time of year where normal girls can dress slutty and get away with it.
Saturday we're going to Justin's place and i have zero costume options, so I'm debating...Slutty Nurse or Slutty Maid...(ha ha Kraig keeps correcting me by saying "sexy nurse"...whatever you want to call it dear)...
Slutty Nurse would work 'cause then Kraig could wear a doctor's jacket, BUT that really only works well with blond hair...
Slutty Maid is alright 'cause the props are easy, but i really don't see what makes it so slutty...it's just an off-the-shoulder black dress...as Kraig pointed out, slutty/sexy nurse shows cleavage, but since i HAVE no cleavage that's kinda pointless.
We'll see...what I'm kicking myself over is having gotten rid of my sailor moon costume from like 10 years ago...Me (Sailor Mercury), Stacey (Sailor Jupitor), Erin (Sailor Moon), and Christine (Sailor Mars) dressed up like the Sailor Scouts and went clubbing (clubbing age in canada = 19)...it was a kick ass costume...i should find the pics, scan them (gasp no digital) and post them online...
I take Hallowe'en VERY seriously. I'm a cheap bastard 99% of the time, but Hallowe'en has ALWAYS been very good to me as a kid and I always vowed as an adult that I would return the favor...after I bought my house I decided it was time to give back to the people...I spent a boatload on candy, I give out handfuls, i give the GOOD STUFF not the cheap stuff, and sometimes kids come twice to our place (very few homes in our complex have a front door since it's a townhouse situation and so kids will go around back not realizing it's the same house) and i STILL give them extra candy...
If we didnt' have a stupid 10pm parking situation, i would initiate a yearly hallowe'en party that would be absolutely off the hook...
Anyway...the debate rages on.....sexy nurse...or sexy maid...
So as my friend Liz once said...Hallowe'en is the only time of year where normal girls can dress slutty and get away with it.
Saturday we're going to Justin's place and i have zero costume options, so I'm debating...Slutty Nurse or Slutty Maid...(ha ha Kraig keeps correcting me by saying "sexy nurse"...whatever you want to call it dear)...
Slutty Nurse would work 'cause then Kraig could wear a doctor's jacket, BUT that really only works well with blond hair...
Slutty Maid is alright 'cause the props are easy, but i really don't see what makes it so slutty...it's just an off-the-shoulder black dress...as Kraig pointed out, slutty/sexy nurse shows cleavage, but since i HAVE no cleavage that's kinda pointless.
We'll see...what I'm kicking myself over is having gotten rid of my sailor moon costume from like 10 years ago...Me (Sailor Mercury), Stacey (Sailor Jupitor), Erin (Sailor Moon), and Christine (Sailor Mars) dressed up like the Sailor Scouts and went clubbing (clubbing age in canada = 19)...it was a kick ass costume...i should find the pics, scan them (gasp no digital) and post them online...
I take Hallowe'en VERY seriously. I'm a cheap bastard 99% of the time, but Hallowe'en has ALWAYS been very good to me as a kid and I always vowed as an adult that I would return the favor...after I bought my house I decided it was time to give back to the people...I spent a boatload on candy, I give out handfuls, i give the GOOD STUFF not the cheap stuff, and sometimes kids come twice to our place (very few homes in our complex have a front door since it's a townhouse situation and so kids will go around back not realizing it's the same house) and i STILL give them extra candy...
If we didnt' have a stupid 10pm parking situation, i would initiate a yearly hallowe'en party that would be absolutely off the hook...
Anyway...the debate rages on.....sexy nurse...or sexy maid...
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Floamy
So the discussion rages on...if you had to choose between NO balls or 3 balls, what would you rather have?
If i were a guy, i'd take 3 balls and then cut one off. Which i guess horrifies guys...but uhhh...sorry people, but you might as well cut them ALL off if you're going to keep 3 'cause no chick wants to be around that. That's like a 6th toe. It's just....WEIRD...and we don't want anything to do with it.
So last night after some discussion, FLOAMY was used to recreate how 3 balls would look....
Listen guys...if you ever get more than 2, cut oneo ff. If you ever end up with LESS than 2, get an implant. Some things are just NOT negotiable.
If i were a guy, i'd take 3 balls and then cut one off. Which i guess horrifies guys...but uhhh...sorry people, but you might as well cut them ALL off if you're going to keep 3 'cause no chick wants to be around that. That's like a 6th toe. It's just....WEIRD...and we don't want anything to do with it.
So last night after some discussion, FLOAMY was used to recreate how 3 balls would look....
Listen guys...if you ever get more than 2, cut oneo ff. If you ever end up with LESS than 2, get an implant. Some things are just NOT negotiable.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I have all the social poise of a cow in heat
You know those girls who seem so put together, flawless, like they know what they're doing?
Sadly, I'm not one of them.
I became acutely aware of this in highschool..our homeroom was on the 2nd floor, and one of my best friends/locker neighbor was Erin...crazy tall, but she used to be a ballerina...running up the stairs to get to homeroom on time, I always tripped. Not once did she ever trip. We're talking slippery, slushy, full-on-winter-liquid-slathered-on-the-floor going on here and she never tripped.
You know Ugly Betty? That's pretty much me on a daily basis. Clumsy and awkward.
I rarely ever talk about work in this blog (because so many people get busted for that stuff), but I'm pretty sure that what I"m going to write won't get me in trouble.
About a year ago my company repainted and spruced up the bathrooms...the cleaning people crammed a ton of paper towels in the paper towel holder, and in the process of trying to grab some out the whole thing smashed onto my FACE. I came out all bewildered, Caroline looked at me and was like "WTF happened to you?", and I was so flustered I half laughed half cried and my forehead became the size of a golfball...soon she started laughing, i'm laughing/crying still, and everyone in the department is like "how retarded do you have to be to injure yourself from a paper towel dispenser?!"...
Even take last night. Some women are smart and get their hair fabulously dyed by their stylist. Um yeah not me. 2 weeks before my wedding in a freak moment of insomnia i attempted to give myself highlights with disastrous results (thank God i wore my hair up). You' dthink i would have learned. Last night was spent running between the bathroom and the TV (South Park) in Highlight My Own Hair, v2.0...it says in the instructions not to do it too close to the scalp because the heat intensifies the color there...did Sabina listen? Nope, i was like "wtf they dont' know what they're talking about"...
I woke up this morning and now i've got GOBS of random brassy red all over my head. Yeah, I'm bringing sexyback.Back to loserville maybe.
Then today...since the downstairs hot water thingy doesn't work and i'm too lazy to go upstairs to get hot water for my Tazo Tea, my Diet Pepsi consumption has grown exponentially. I keep a case at my desk 'cause most of the time I end up wiping the vending machine dry. So today I went to my car and brought back another 12 pack, and i smacked a pen into the cardboard case to help rip open the box....
Uhhh Einstein over here punctured a can of diet pepsi...I scream, pepsi flies everywhere...i open the fridgepack, find the can that i punctured, and start sucking soda straight from the hole. (Yes, Caroline was like "you are officially addicted now, you realize that:)...there was soda ALL around myd esk. Plus the soda was warm from being in the car.
To quote something my childhood friend Christine once said (not about me, but it works in this example): I have all the grace and poise of a cow in heat.
I realize this was the year I was going to be refined and elegant. I have failed, failed, failed miserably at this.
Yesterday I went to the chiropractor for teh first time ever (note: i'm slouching wayyy down as I type...suck it). My workstation is all screwed up and in turn, it's impacted my posture and my spine, which is duly noted to have very narrow shoulders and basically being built like a midget. So dude says that if we go crazy adjusting me for a short time, it'll be okay, as opposed to years and years and years of visits like most people seem to need.
Have you ever been adjusted? It was crazy. I mean, i had my neck done once by an ex bf's sister, but that was NOTHING. First they zapped electricity through my muscles which freaked the hell out of me, then he put me in random poses and he'd lean all close and smush me to make me crack. At one point when he was leaning over me to crack (uhhh adjust) my back, my brain was all "hey, buddy, maybe you should buy me dinner first"...I am NOT a touchy feely person with anyone, I have a hard enough time holding Kraig's hand (yes, lord help any man who's with me...you know the scene in Clueless where Cher walks up to the school and talks about how high school guys are like dogs and this dude jumps up to hug her and she SHOVES him off and screams "ewww, get OFF of me!"...that's me), so for a dude to lean over and get all close while making my bones crack is a little uncomfortable in terms of my personal space bubble being invaded.
Anyway, the moral of the story is...some girls have grace, poise, and walk into a women being perfectly ladylike and respectable...sadly, I have zero of these traits.
Sadly, I'm not one of them.
I became acutely aware of this in highschool..our homeroom was on the 2nd floor, and one of my best friends/locker neighbor was Erin...crazy tall, but she used to be a ballerina...running up the stairs to get to homeroom on time, I always tripped. Not once did she ever trip. We're talking slippery, slushy, full-on-winter-liquid-slathered-on-the-floor going on here and she never tripped.
You know Ugly Betty? That's pretty much me on a daily basis. Clumsy and awkward.
I rarely ever talk about work in this blog (because so many people get busted for that stuff), but I'm pretty sure that what I"m going to write won't get me in trouble.
About a year ago my company repainted and spruced up the bathrooms...the cleaning people crammed a ton of paper towels in the paper towel holder, and in the process of trying to grab some out the whole thing smashed onto my FACE. I came out all bewildered, Caroline looked at me and was like "WTF happened to you?", and I was so flustered I half laughed half cried and my forehead became the size of a golfball...soon she started laughing, i'm laughing/crying still, and everyone in the department is like "how retarded do you have to be to injure yourself from a paper towel dispenser?!"...
Even take last night. Some women are smart and get their hair fabulously dyed by their stylist. Um yeah not me. 2 weeks before my wedding in a freak moment of insomnia i attempted to give myself highlights with disastrous results (thank God i wore my hair up). You' dthink i would have learned. Last night was spent running between the bathroom and the TV (South Park) in Highlight My Own Hair, v2.0...it says in the instructions not to do it too close to the scalp because the heat intensifies the color there...did Sabina listen? Nope, i was like "wtf they dont' know what they're talking about"...
I woke up this morning and now i've got GOBS of random brassy red all over my head. Yeah, I'm bringing sexyback.Back to loserville maybe.
Then today...since the downstairs hot water thingy doesn't work and i'm too lazy to go upstairs to get hot water for my Tazo Tea, my Diet Pepsi consumption has grown exponentially. I keep a case at my desk 'cause most of the time I end up wiping the vending machine dry. So today I went to my car and brought back another 12 pack, and i smacked a pen into the cardboard case to help rip open the box....
Uhhh Einstein over here punctured a can of diet pepsi...I scream, pepsi flies everywhere...i open the fridgepack, find the can that i punctured, and start sucking soda straight from the hole. (Yes, Caroline was like "you are officially addicted now, you realize that:)...there was soda ALL around myd esk. Plus the soda was warm from being in the car.
To quote something my childhood friend Christine once said (not about me, but it works in this example): I have all the grace and poise of a cow in heat.
I realize this was the year I was going to be refined and elegant. I have failed, failed, failed miserably at this.
Yesterday I went to the chiropractor for teh first time ever (note: i'm slouching wayyy down as I type...suck it). My workstation is all screwed up and in turn, it's impacted my posture and my spine, which is duly noted to have very narrow shoulders and basically being built like a midget. So dude says that if we go crazy adjusting me for a short time, it'll be okay, as opposed to years and years and years of visits like most people seem to need.
Have you ever been adjusted? It was crazy. I mean, i had my neck done once by an ex bf's sister, but that was NOTHING. First they zapped electricity through my muscles which freaked the hell out of me, then he put me in random poses and he'd lean all close and smush me to make me crack. At one point when he was leaning over me to crack (uhhh adjust) my back, my brain was all "hey, buddy, maybe you should buy me dinner first"...I am NOT a touchy feely person with anyone, I have a hard enough time holding Kraig's hand (yes, lord help any man who's with me...you know the scene in Clueless where Cher walks up to the school and talks about how high school guys are like dogs and this dude jumps up to hug her and she SHOVES him off and screams "ewww, get OFF of me!"...that's me), so for a dude to lean over and get all close while making my bones crack is a little uncomfortable in terms of my personal space bubble being invaded.
Anyway, the moral of the story is...some girls have grace, poise, and walk into a women being perfectly ladylike and respectable...sadly, I have zero of these traits.
"Gay Dad" always trumps "Slutty Mom"
OH
SNAP!
Some of the best one-liners are gonna come from the OC this year (and probably final year).
4 Minutes Preview
It starts of slow but ohhhhhhh it gets GOOD....Julie Cooper Nichol is the best tv "villain" you absolutely love right now.
SNAP!
Some of the best one-liners are gonna come from the OC this year (and probably final year).
4 Minutes Preview
It starts of slow but ohhhhhhh it gets GOOD....Julie Cooper Nichol is the best tv "villain" you absolutely love right now.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Best quote of the week...err...weekend?
From a friend, this is SO true:
"the people you attract to your life when you're in one state don't stay with you after you've moved out of that state unless they are changing as well or making a CONCERTED effort to accept your growth and your new terms"
When i get the pics, I'll post a bit about this weekend's camping (my first "real" camping ever) and how things went down with Bruno...it wasn't pretty.
"the people you attract to your life when you're in one state don't stay with you after you've moved out of that state unless they are changing as well or making a CONCERTED effort to accept your growth and your new terms"
When i get the pics, I'll post a bit about this weekend's camping (my first "real" camping ever) and how things went down with Bruno...it wasn't pretty.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Make love, not Warcraft
Disclaimer: yes I've heard of Blizzard because my husband makes video games,but I've never even seen World of Warcraft and I learned yesterday that the graphics look so crappy because it's intended for everyone to play, no matter how crummy the computer. Anyway, the point is that I thought this was EXTREMELY creative and well done, even if you don't know the game and how it works.
This was, by far, the FUNNIEST effing South Park episode ever. This clip is around 10mins long, but forward to 6:00mins in...
The BEST part is at 7:01, where Timmy gets to speak...
This was, by far, the FUNNIEST effing South Park episode ever. This clip is around 10mins long, but forward to 6:00mins in...
The BEST part is at 7:01, where Timmy gets to speak...
Thursday, October 05, 2006
TV Wrap Up
Oh mannnnn I'm just addicted to too many shows.
Lost - Season Premiere
For a fantastic episode summary and commentary, Entertainment WEekly's Review.
So part of me wasn't in the mood for Lost, but I knew that I would kick myself if I didn't watch it last night so I shmushed in on the couch between the cats and got it on.
The episode is spent flashing back to Jack's post-marriage-fallout-but-pre-divorce mode, and the 3 kidnapees now that they're trapped by The Others.
Henry Gale is really Ben, the ringleader, and he's got a blondie wife named Juliet...
Sawyer (my boy! I missed him) is spent in a cage learning monkey tricks while the soundtrack to Planet of the Apes was playing.
Kate had a fancy shmancy breakfast with Ben, and he made her wear a dress so that she could feel like "a lady" and have something fond to look onto. Uhhh, buddy, wearing a dress is NOT something fond to remember. The average chick will take jeans over a dress when it comes to comfort ANY day. I know when I'm trapped by a bunch of jackasses, i'd rather have jeans, a bra, and shoes instead of a dress, no bra, and no shoes...
As for Jack, he dealt with Juliet and did a good job of tackling her when she lowered her trust. There is ONE touching scene i have to note...the entire series of flashbacks are spent with Jack begging to answer: "what is his name?"...and his ex wife wouldn't tell him. All the guy wanted was a NAME.
So when Juliet shows the folder of Jack's Life, and shows that she knows all about Sarah (that's her name right? Whatever. The chick who's on Boston Legal now), he finally gets to ask his question. But instead of asking "What is his name?"....he asks, "Is she happy?"...as Juliet says "yes, she is very happy", Jack completely breaks down.
Because when you truly, honestly love someone...it's not whether YOU get to be with them. It's whether THEY are happy. And if that's not with you...it's heartbreaking, it's gut-wrenching, but if you love them then you'll accept that that's what it takes for them to be happy.
And best of all...the previews show Sawyer getting his kissing groove on with Kate. I can't stand Kate, but YEAH go Team Sawyer!
Laguna Beack
Seriously, why do I bother with this show? Because i liked Seasons 1 and 2? It's a new cast, and they suck.
All i have to say is that Kyndra's boyfriend is a WHINEY LITTLE BITCH...she's definitely the dude in that relationship. When a chick asks you why you're being a douche, don't be all prissy and say "nothing" and then later pull a hissy fit.
House of Carters
Now it's only a fluke that i caught this, but I'm so glad that I did. It was absolutely brilliant.
Premise: Nick Carter (the baby Backstreet Boy) gets his dysfunctional siblings all in one house to finally learn to get along and grieve over their f*cked up childhood.
Let's see...Nick is the Dad of the bunch, since he's the one footing the bill and the rich one. BJ is the alcoholic annoying brat who's going to be flipping burgers for the rest of her life. Aaron, amazingly, is extremely goal oriented for someone so immature.
Remember, Aaron is the guy who created the feud between Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff years ago
Then there's Aaron's twin sister who's a wannabe model, and probably the most level-headed one (because she knows stress makes you break out), and then there's the big sister of the bunch who's got that whole "i'm responsible for everyone" thing going on.
Still, you think, wtf sounds boring...ohhh no. First episode their mom goes off the deep end, again, and they all argue over whether it's their responsibility, that you've only got one mom, but how many times do cave when someone cries wolf, and when a family member is mentally ill what do you do...
As immature and retarded as these 5 are, it's also crazy to think that they're being forced to play grownups to parents who are immature gold diggers, and they are clearly not equipped to deal with the real world as a result.
Plus, they are emotionally F*CKED UP from having to grow up so fast.
Then there's a scene where Nick flips on Aaron...of which, i would have flipped too...Nick pulls Aaron ina room, beats the pulp out of him (off camera), back on camera we see them crying and screaming and bloodied up and people screaming to call the cops...
ANd you know how it ended?
With Aaron and Nick hugging each other saying "you're my brother! MY BROTHER MAN!".
The Bachelor
Okay i don't normally watch this except for 1 season and I haven't watched it yet so far, but I got into an office pool at work over who would win and I got Kim from Long Beach. Yee haw. So i guess I'm going to have to start watching.
Which is fine by me, because What About Brian is on afterwords.
Fashion House
I"m not going to summarize, all i'm going to say is YES i'm still watching this stupid nightly soap opera. It's so horrible on so many levels, but now i've gotten so sucked in I absolutely can't NOT watch. ARgh.
Tv is my best friend.
Lost - Season Premiere
For a fantastic episode summary and commentary, Entertainment WEekly's Review.
So part of me wasn't in the mood for Lost, but I knew that I would kick myself if I didn't watch it last night so I shmushed in on the couch between the cats and got it on.
The episode is spent flashing back to Jack's post-marriage-fallout-but-pre-divorce mode, and the 3 kidnapees now that they're trapped by The Others.
Henry Gale is really Ben, the ringleader, and he's got a blondie wife named Juliet...
Sawyer (my boy! I missed him) is spent in a cage learning monkey tricks while the soundtrack to Planet of the Apes was playing.
Kate had a fancy shmancy breakfast with Ben, and he made her wear a dress so that she could feel like "a lady" and have something fond to look onto. Uhhh, buddy, wearing a dress is NOT something fond to remember. The average chick will take jeans over a dress when it comes to comfort ANY day. I know when I'm trapped by a bunch of jackasses, i'd rather have jeans, a bra, and shoes instead of a dress, no bra, and no shoes...
As for Jack, he dealt with Juliet and did a good job of tackling her when she lowered her trust. There is ONE touching scene i have to note...the entire series of flashbacks are spent with Jack begging to answer: "what is his name?"...and his ex wife wouldn't tell him. All the guy wanted was a NAME.
So when Juliet shows the folder of Jack's Life, and shows that she knows all about Sarah (that's her name right? Whatever. The chick who's on Boston Legal now), he finally gets to ask his question. But instead of asking "What is his name?"....he asks, "Is she happy?"...as Juliet says "yes, she is very happy", Jack completely breaks down.
Because when you truly, honestly love someone...it's not whether YOU get to be with them. It's whether THEY are happy. And if that's not with you...it's heartbreaking, it's gut-wrenching, but if you love them then you'll accept that that's what it takes for them to be happy.
And best of all...the previews show Sawyer getting his kissing groove on with Kate. I can't stand Kate, but YEAH go Team Sawyer!
Laguna Beack
Seriously, why do I bother with this show? Because i liked Seasons 1 and 2? It's a new cast, and they suck.
All i have to say is that Kyndra's boyfriend is a WHINEY LITTLE BITCH...she's definitely the dude in that relationship. When a chick asks you why you're being a douche, don't be all prissy and say "nothing" and then later pull a hissy fit.
House of Carters
Now it's only a fluke that i caught this, but I'm so glad that I did. It was absolutely brilliant.
Premise: Nick Carter (the baby Backstreet Boy) gets his dysfunctional siblings all in one house to finally learn to get along and grieve over their f*cked up childhood.
Let's see...Nick is the Dad of the bunch, since he's the one footing the bill and the rich one. BJ is the alcoholic annoying brat who's going to be flipping burgers for the rest of her life. Aaron, amazingly, is extremely goal oriented for someone so immature.
Remember, Aaron is the guy who created the feud between Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff years ago
Then there's Aaron's twin sister who's a wannabe model, and probably the most level-headed one (because she knows stress makes you break out), and then there's the big sister of the bunch who's got that whole "i'm responsible for everyone" thing going on.
Still, you think, wtf sounds boring...ohhh no. First episode their mom goes off the deep end, again, and they all argue over whether it's their responsibility, that you've only got one mom, but how many times do cave when someone cries wolf, and when a family member is mentally ill what do you do...
As immature and retarded as these 5 are, it's also crazy to think that they're being forced to play grownups to parents who are immature gold diggers, and they are clearly not equipped to deal with the real world as a result.
Plus, they are emotionally F*CKED UP from having to grow up so fast.
Then there's a scene where Nick flips on Aaron...of which, i would have flipped too...Nick pulls Aaron ina room, beats the pulp out of him (off camera), back on camera we see them crying and screaming and bloodied up and people screaming to call the cops...
ANd you know how it ended?
With Aaron and Nick hugging each other saying "you're my brother! MY BROTHER MAN!".
The Bachelor
Okay i don't normally watch this except for 1 season and I haven't watched it yet so far, but I got into an office pool at work over who would win and I got Kim from Long Beach. Yee haw. So i guess I'm going to have to start watching.
Which is fine by me, because What About Brian is on afterwords.
Fashion House
I"m not going to summarize, all i'm going to say is YES i'm still watching this stupid nightly soap opera. It's so horrible on so many levels, but now i've gotten so sucked in I absolutely can't NOT watch. ARgh.
Tv is my best friend.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Oh no you DI-INT!
If you want to come on out here and watch the UFC with me... I'd be more than happy to explain what is going on for you. I hate it when the uneducated people that watch the sport jump to conclusions, or just hate because they don't understand what is going on.
HA i would only to prove to you how gay it is!
First off, "sweaty mantouching":
Are they sweaty? Check.
Are they men? Check.
Do they touch? Check.
Seems like I havea good understanding of that...
Are they practically naked? Check.
Is there man on man action? Check.
Sure, it's rough, sure they get bruised and bloodied, sure their faces end up in some strange parts of the other dude's body, sure they probably have a hard time walking the next day, but that to me is a damn good roll in the gay if that happens on MY saturday night....
AND....
I'm not knocking that it's not massively physical and taxing on the human body or any of that stuff, but once again...so is a GREAT saturday night....
But then again, you also probably agree that teabagging isn't a gay activity so...If you want to come on out here and watch gay porn with me... I'd be more than happy to explain what is going on for you. I hate it when the uneducated people put their nuts on another's guys face jump to conclusions, or just hate because they don't understand what is going on.
disclaimer: i'm not knocking gay people, or gay lifestyles, i don't give a crap who people love, i'm just saying, straightmen of the world...wrestling-type activities or activities where your gonads are near another dude's orifices is GAY!
HA i would only to prove to you how gay it is!
First off, "sweaty mantouching":
Are they sweaty? Check.
Are they men? Check.
Do they touch? Check.
Seems like I havea good understanding of that...
Are they practically naked? Check.
Is there man on man action? Check.
Sure, it's rough, sure they get bruised and bloodied, sure their faces end up in some strange parts of the other dude's body, sure they probably have a hard time walking the next day, but that to me is a damn good roll in the gay if that happens on MY saturday night....
AND....
I'm not knocking that it's not massively physical and taxing on the human body or any of that stuff, but once again...so is a GREAT saturday night....
But then again, you also probably agree that teabagging isn't a gay activity so...If you want to come on out here and watch gay porn with me... I'd be more than happy to explain what is going on for you. I hate it when the uneducated people put their nuts on another's guys face jump to conclusions, or just hate because they don't understand what is going on.
disclaimer: i'm not knocking gay people, or gay lifestyles, i don't give a crap who people love, i'm just saying, straightmen of the world...wrestling-type activities or activities where your gonads are near another dude's orifices is GAY!
Monday, October 02, 2006
From Marlene's myspace quiz thingy....
Got time to kill...I need to get off my ass and Shutterfly those AZ pics. Hey i just realized Norm doesn't read/comment anymore...i kinda miss that!
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Last FORMAL relationship: I moved to California, I wanted an escape and I thought that moving to another country might do the job.
Last INFORMAL relationship: it was fabulous and fun but zero long term potential...a little sad actually.
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?:
This morning in the shower.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?:
Driving to werk.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?:
Perusing myspace.
5. Are you any good at math?:
In my head, no, but on paper yep...as in, basic math I suck at but I looooved Calculus and all that...
6. Your prom night?:
I went to like 5 proms...but they were ALL great.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?:
My dad once said we were related to Genghis Khan.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?:
Nope. Canadian subsidized education baby!
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?:
There's no song on there.
10. Last thing received in the mail?:
A TONNNN of mail...being gone for a week and all.
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?:
two...tazo tea and diet pepsi
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering?
I try to avoid it, i'd rather just text
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?:
As in, who's the first concert i ever saw OR where did i first have sex at a concert?
First concert...crap...wasn't our lady peace...i don't remember...as for sex at a concert, not something i recall ever trying...
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?:
No, and for some reason I think that's kind of retarded.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?:
Gum grafting
16. What is out your back door?:
That's an odd way to word it. A wooden patio, a patio set, Myrtle The Lemon Tree, some palm trees, a bbq, random crap.
17. Any plans for tonight?:
Mostly just cleaning and catching up on more DVR stuff (we had 77 items recorded while we were gone).
18. Do you like the ocean?:
It's okay.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?:
nope.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?:
nope
22. Something you are excited about?:
camping...marlene's anniversary thing...GETTING A NEW CAR...
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?:
orange
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?:
nope
25. Describe your keychain:
Home key, car key, Carrie's house key, key for my drawer at work, key fob for work, remote car thingy, a green comb, a beer opener that says Dungeons & dragons (I don't drink beer nor do I play D&D), my libary key card, albertsons/ralphs/petsmart/petco/DSW saver cards...
26. Where do you keep your change?:
In my wallet.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?:
I asked a question at the wine tasting I went to in Arizona, that had alot of people.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
I still have my Columbia ski jacket, but i never wear it.
29. What was the weather like on your graduation?:
Which graduation? University...hmmm it was April-ish...so probably cold and slushy.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?:
Open, the cats need to get in and out.
BRYAN: I got your text! I have some of those notes too in my parents' place! We should find a place where we can feed them all into a scanner and make them electronic!
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Last FORMAL relationship: I moved to California, I wanted an escape and I thought that moving to another country might do the job.
Last INFORMAL relationship: it was fabulous and fun but zero long term potential...a little sad actually.
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?:
This morning in the shower.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?:
Driving to werk.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?:
Perusing myspace.
5. Are you any good at math?:
In my head, no, but on paper yep...as in, basic math I suck at but I looooved Calculus and all that...
6. Your prom night?:
I went to like 5 proms...but they were ALL great.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?:
My dad once said we were related to Genghis Khan.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?:
Nope. Canadian subsidized education baby!
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?:
There's no song on there.
10. Last thing received in the mail?:
A TONNNN of mail...being gone for a week and all.
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?:
two...tazo tea and diet pepsi
12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering?
I try to avoid it, i'd rather just text
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?:
As in, who's the first concert i ever saw OR where did i first have sex at a concert?
First concert...crap...wasn't our lady peace...i don't remember...as for sex at a concert, not something i recall ever trying...
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?:
No, and for some reason I think that's kind of retarded.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?:
Gum grafting
16. What is out your back door?:
That's an odd way to word it. A wooden patio, a patio set, Myrtle The Lemon Tree, some palm trees, a bbq, random crap.
17. Any plans for tonight?:
Mostly just cleaning and catching up on more DVR stuff (we had 77 items recorded while we were gone).
18. Do you like the ocean?:
It's okay.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?:
nope.
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?:
nope
22. Something you are excited about?:
camping...marlene's anniversary thing...GETTING A NEW CAR...
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?:
orange
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?:
nope
25. Describe your keychain:
Home key, car key, Carrie's house key, key for my drawer at work, key fob for work, remote car thingy, a green comb, a beer opener that says Dungeons & dragons (I don't drink beer nor do I play D&D), my libary key card, albertsons/ralphs/petsmart/petco/DSW saver cards...
26. Where do you keep your change?:
In my wallet.
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?:
I asked a question at the wine tasting I went to in Arizona, that had alot of people.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
I still have my Columbia ski jacket, but i never wear it.
29. What was the weather like on your graduation?:
Which graduation? University...hmmm it was April-ish...so probably cold and slushy.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?:
Open, the cats need to get in and out.
BRYAN: I got your text! I have some of those notes too in my parents' place! We should find a place where we can feed them all into a scanner and make them electronic!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
UFC is more gay than DH
So thanks to having NO access to DVR for 7 days, that meant Kraig and I were stuck watching shows...LIVE....all last week (although we did have a combined total of 4 TVs, it kind of felt weird to be in different rooms during our vacation so we tried to avoid separate TV watching)...which meant I was stuck watching his UFC crap...
I mean, it's not that I don't find it entertaining (this in particular, some Matt Hughes guy vs. some blond Joe Riggs punk)...I seriously dig violoence like you wouldn't believe...but let's be real, these guys are sweaty, beefy, and they were CONSTANTLY laying on top of each other on the ground, with their heads going in places that even the whore-est of women would go. And i'm not knocking the gay lifestyle, i'm just saying, people...let's take this for what it is....an opportunity for men to get OUT of the bathhouses and onto mainstream tv with their sweaty mantouching.
As for Desperate Housewives....
So i finally caught up on 2 weeks' worth of the new season, and just like Best Week Ever proclaimed: it's just like season 1 with a new guy with a murder history, but hey it worked the first time around right? So far, it's great. BUT....
The writers are seriously swiping their material. Let's see...in 2 weeks:
1. Orson and Bree are waiting before marriage before having sex, which of course sends Gabby laughing through the roof and the 4 women have a little chat about "testing" before buying. Last time Kyle MacLachlan (aka Orson) played this role, he was Trey MacDougal on Sex and the City, and Charlotte was the one who was waiting until marriage before sleeping with him and Samantha was the one laughing through the roof. Been there, done that.
2. Gabby and Carlos eagerly waiting for their baby and when it's born, everyone is shocked to see a black child. As seen with Christian's child on Nip/Tuck
3. The hospital screwed up the fertility treatment and gave the wrong specimen to the surrogate. As seen on Days of OUr Lives (Belle got Shawn's goods, not Phillipe's)
What does all of this tell us?
That I watch wayyyy too much damn tv!
I mean, it's not that I don't find it entertaining (this in particular, some Matt Hughes guy vs. some blond Joe Riggs punk)...I seriously dig violoence like you wouldn't believe...but let's be real, these guys are sweaty, beefy, and they were CONSTANTLY laying on top of each other on the ground, with their heads going in places that even the whore-est of women would go. And i'm not knocking the gay lifestyle, i'm just saying, people...let's take this for what it is....an opportunity for men to get OUT of the bathhouses and onto mainstream tv with their sweaty mantouching.
As for Desperate Housewives....
So i finally caught up on 2 weeks' worth of the new season, and just like Best Week Ever proclaimed: it's just like season 1 with a new guy with a murder history, but hey it worked the first time around right? So far, it's great. BUT....
The writers are seriously swiping their material. Let's see...in 2 weeks:
1. Orson and Bree are waiting before marriage before having sex, which of course sends Gabby laughing through the roof and the 4 women have a little chat about "testing" before buying. Last time Kyle MacLachlan (aka Orson) played this role, he was Trey MacDougal on Sex and the City, and Charlotte was the one who was waiting until marriage before sleeping with him and Samantha was the one laughing through the roof. Been there, done that.
2. Gabby and Carlos eagerly waiting for their baby and when it's born, everyone is shocked to see a black child. As seen with Christian's child on Nip/Tuck
3. The hospital screwed up the fertility treatment and gave the wrong specimen to the surrogate. As seen on Days of OUr Lives (Belle got Shawn's goods, not Phillipe's)
What does all of this tell us?
That I watch wayyyy too much damn tv!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Crazy magician...
Hey i'm in AZ...will have plenty of commentary to provide....
Last night we did a Cowboy Cookout (me, Kraig, this other 20-something couple, and a dozen senior citizens. Good times) in some...uh cowboy-looking thing...complete with a shootout (yes, i fired a real gun for the first time ever) and buffalo chilli...
Anyway this magician came to our table and hands down, the best magician i've ever seen. He whips his cards out of a box and then shows how the box is smaller than the cards (how did he do it? ooh ahh) and did a whole bunch of the usual "look at a card, oh is this the card?" things, but at one point I picked out a card and signed my name on it...
He then proceeded to do a TON of crazy tricks whereby my card would come up....at one point he went into his wallet and pulled out from that sticky plasticky area where you put your driver's license...MY CARD...that blew everyone away...
And then finally he shoves my card in the pile, shuffles it, puts a rubber band around the deck, throws the deck at the ceiling...and somehow STICKING to the ceiling is my card...it was crazy.
Hands down, best card magician work stuff i've seen in my life. That was worth eating buffalo chilli for.
Last night we did a Cowboy Cookout (me, Kraig, this other 20-something couple, and a dozen senior citizens. Good times) in some...uh cowboy-looking thing...complete with a shootout (yes, i fired a real gun for the first time ever) and buffalo chilli...
Anyway this magician came to our table and hands down, the best magician i've ever seen. He whips his cards out of a box and then shows how the box is smaller than the cards (how did he do it? ooh ahh) and did a whole bunch of the usual "look at a card, oh is this the card?" things, but at one point I picked out a card and signed my name on it...
He then proceeded to do a TON of crazy tricks whereby my card would come up....at one point he went into his wallet and pulled out from that sticky plasticky area where you put your driver's license...MY CARD...that blew everyone away...
And then finally he shoves my card in the pile, shuffles it, puts a rubber band around the deck, throws the deck at the ceiling...and somehow STICKING to the ceiling is my card...it was crazy.
Hands down, best card magician work stuff i've seen in my life. That was worth eating buffalo chilli for.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Soooo sad....
This is crazy sad (okay, also 'cause i watch that tv show religiously so i SAW all the pregnancy footage):
IP: Run's House rapper Rev Run and wife Justine mourning the loss of their newborn daughter, who was pronounced dead shortly after her birth Tuesday, according to TMZ.com. Doctors reportedly delivered the baby via C-section, at which time they discovered she was born with organs outside her body.
IP: Run's House rapper Rev Run and wife Justine mourning the loss of their newborn daughter, who was pronounced dead shortly after her birth Tuesday, according to TMZ.com. Doctors reportedly delivered the baby via C-section, at which time they discovered she was born with organs outside her body.
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