As much as I hate to admit this, gasp, I'm still learning. I'm not all-knowing. I'm not the wise genius that you all probably think that I am. I know, I know...I probably should have warned you to sit down first. I know. So a few things that have seeped into my grey matter:
1. "Fade" is another word for "drunk".
2. Experion no longer allows consumers to buy their credit score. So businesses can use it to determine if you're elligible for crap, but you can't find out in advance. At best, you can get a copy of it when businesses run your credit check. This blows my mind, I seriously think the whole thing is shady (like if they f*ck up, and i get stuck with a crappier loan and later would have to pay to refinance again once the mistake is made, THEY should be accountable for that).
3. Patience is just not my thing. I can say i'm patient...I am not. I should just own it, rock it, and be done with it.
4. Hungarian Paprika is NOT the same as regular paprika. It should be called "Paprika on Steroids".
5. If you don't have a wine fridge, you can store white wine in your regular fridge, but red wine you should just pop in the fridge before you serve it.
6. Lasers do NOT fix everything. They don't fix really bad scars that will turn white. Which is fine for 99% of the population that i'm around, but being half brown that poses a big, big problem.
7. Kickball is surprisingly harder than it looks.
8. Strawberry-rhubarb pie is not easy to find in orange county.
9. Synthetic oil is better for your car than...well whatever hell else you normally get with an oil change. it's worth the extra $20.
10. For all my impatience and bitchiness, I don't really give a crap about Octomom. I think she's got alot of nerve to want help paying for her Masters degree since I can't afford to go out and get my own, but I really don't give a crap about her, her whacked out doctor, or her bizarro lips. There's alot more issues I have with where my tax dollars go than to her...i can handle the 10 cents a paycheck if it pays for a lifetime of seeing her 8-fetus-belly forever on the internet.
11. It's very, very easy to let time fly and become a bad friend without realizing it. I owe so many people emails, cards, you name it. My apologies to the peanut gallery...my mind has been elsewhere the past few months. No excuse, but rather, an explanation.
12. How we view ourselves in highschool seems to carry over into the adult world...if you felt like a nerd in highschool, you still feel that way now. Its kind of crazy because i get compliments now that i never, ever got in highschool/college but they're very hard to accept because conventional thinking is that things were better/looked better when we were young. But then again...I look at J Lo in her Fly Girl era vs. her...well her "hey my name is J Lo" era. Even Angelina looked better in Mr & Mrs Smith than she did in Hackers (granted, she also had a nose job. but either way, girl is looking ROUGH now).
13. What matters in your potential life partner at 20 is different than at 30. I wonder if it'll be different at 40. Hopefully at 20 you're mature enough to have foresight to what you MIGHT want at 30. Hotness matters at 20. Good job and stability matters at 30.
14. The wedding industry has changed ALOT in the 6 years since I got married. The bar has been raised big time.
15. There comes a point in your life where you have to accept that you aren't as low-maintenance as you think you are. Unless you've been slumming it the same way you did in your early 20s, there's no way in your 30s you're actually okay living a lower quality of life. We all like to think that it's an option, that we could totally suck it up if we had to...um yeah time to wake up sistah. Once you've been in the working world for a good number of years (REAL working world, i.e. post-university, not post-McDonald's), you can't function without things that have become regular-yet-luxury staples, like department store foundation (Cover Girl? F*ck that orange crap!) or Woolite.
16. I am much more addicted to tv than even I'm willing to admit, and I admit that i watch ridiculous amounts. I straight up just need a DVR hooked up to an IV.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
My favorite love story for modern times
This is quite possibly the best love story ever:
Boy Photoshops Girl: A Flickr Love Story
In a nutshell: a chick in England and a dude from the states meet on Flickr when they notice their pics are similar...then they start a collaboration project where she photographs herself, emails it to him, and he tweeks it to make it look like they're in the pic together. Like crazy stuff where he's holding her, etc.
And then they finally met. True love yo!
They actually have their own company even though they don't live in the same country (she has to finish up school), Aaraon and Rosie Fotography ARF. This would make me question the tax ramifications, but i guess in a global economy you figure it out. And that's not the point, but leave it to me to read a love story and think "how does that work for taxes and claiming your income?"
I guess there's alot of cynics out there, but here's why I think this is quite possibly one of the most brilliant love stories I've ever head of:
1. It was a fluke they ever met.
Do you know how many people are on Flickr? What are the odds of two people connecting on that level? I could write say 100 guys on Flickr, and I guarantee NONE of them would ever be my type, be interested in what i'm interested in, or want to do any project with me (where I wouldn't end up being murdered, robbed, or pimped out).
2. They live an ocean apart
Nothing speaks love like distance. Okay well maybe not, but if you can still grow some sort of bond while having little or no physical contact, that speaks incredible volumes. Now realistically, I'm sure they were off dating other people and what not...but clearly something was growing between them. She probably got all giggly when posing for pictures, he got all giddy in anticipation of her reaction once he posted the final result, hoping for her approval.
3. They're goodlooking
You wanna argue with me that that's not part of this love story? Suck my balls. That's part of the fantasy part of it...they are photo-friendly, which is a necessary part of their appeal since their love is THROUGH photos. If they were ugly mofos, people wouldn't have been interested, they wouldn't have continued their collaboration, they wouldn't have gotten the funds to continue their business, so on and so forth.
4. They're real...and they're nerdy
This is a love story for modern times. This isn't chivalry, some dude fighting for the love of his woman, a story of strife...it's real. Just two people who pursued their hobby, their inner geeks, and as a result built a bond. It makes anyone think "Wow...that could be me!"
(Granted...this is the exception, not the rule. For more info, see My blog entry on HJNTIY
5. They're not trying to make a buck
At least, according to the article. They're hocking their business of photo-editing, but you can't buy their prints straight off the site (from my search anyway). It just seems like they truly are passionate for what they do, which is what brought them together. Nothing shady.
6. It makes you believe
Okay, maybe I'm a sucker. yeah, I admit it. i'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for all things Disney. i'm a sucker when I watch Love Actually and the music roars at the end as Collin Firth goes to propose to Aurelia with the town following him, or Mark telling on paper to Keira Knightley that she's perfect and he's wasted heart will love her till she gets all wrinkly/nasty...i'm a SUCKER. I want to BELIEVE. I really do. This story...makes you believe.
And that's as sappy as you're going to get from me.
Boy Photoshops Girl: A Flickr Love Story
In a nutshell: a chick in England and a dude from the states meet on Flickr when they notice their pics are similar...then they start a collaboration project where she photographs herself, emails it to him, and he tweeks it to make it look like they're in the pic together. Like crazy stuff where he's holding her, etc.
And then they finally met. True love yo!
They actually have their own company even though they don't live in the same country (she has to finish up school), Aaraon and Rosie Fotography ARF. This would make me question the tax ramifications, but i guess in a global economy you figure it out. And that's not the point, but leave it to me to read a love story and think "how does that work for taxes and claiming your income?"
I guess there's alot of cynics out there, but here's why I think this is quite possibly one of the most brilliant love stories I've ever head of:
1. It was a fluke they ever met.
Do you know how many people are on Flickr? What are the odds of two people connecting on that level? I could write say 100 guys on Flickr, and I guarantee NONE of them would ever be my type, be interested in what i'm interested in, or want to do any project with me (where I wouldn't end up being murdered, robbed, or pimped out).
2. They live an ocean apart
Nothing speaks love like distance. Okay well maybe not, but if you can still grow some sort of bond while having little or no physical contact, that speaks incredible volumes. Now realistically, I'm sure they were off dating other people and what not...but clearly something was growing between them. She probably got all giggly when posing for pictures, he got all giddy in anticipation of her reaction once he posted the final result, hoping for her approval.
3. They're goodlooking
You wanna argue with me that that's not part of this love story? Suck my balls. That's part of the fantasy part of it...they are photo-friendly, which is a necessary part of their appeal since their love is THROUGH photos. If they were ugly mofos, people wouldn't have been interested, they wouldn't have continued their collaboration, they wouldn't have gotten the funds to continue their business, so on and so forth.
4. They're real...and they're nerdy
This is a love story for modern times. This isn't chivalry, some dude fighting for the love of his woman, a story of strife...it's real. Just two people who pursued their hobby, their inner geeks, and as a result built a bond. It makes anyone think "Wow...that could be me!"
(Granted...this is the exception, not the rule. For more info, see My blog entry on HJNTIY
5. They're not trying to make a buck
At least, according to the article. They're hocking their business of photo-editing, but you can't buy their prints straight off the site (from my search anyway). It just seems like they truly are passionate for what they do, which is what brought them together. Nothing shady.
6. It makes you believe
Okay, maybe I'm a sucker. yeah, I admit it. i'm a sucker for love. I'm a sucker for all things Disney. i'm a sucker when I watch Love Actually and the music roars at the end as Collin Firth goes to propose to Aurelia with the town following him, or Mark telling on paper to Keira Knightley that she's perfect and he's wasted heart will love her till she gets all wrinkly/nasty...i'm a SUCKER. I want to BELIEVE. I really do. This story...makes you believe.
And that's as sappy as you're going to get from me.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
In defense of Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day...my opinion (and really...the only opinion that matters!)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
It seems like Valentine's Day is massive hot topic button.
No, not this type of Hot Topic
Naturally the tendency is to like Valentine's Day only when you're in a relationship. Which makes sense...it's all about love, sex, and the other warm fuzzy stuff. A whole day to celebrate your LOVE, oh golly gee, what could be better...
And if you're single, then either you just treat it like a neutral day or you vehemently oppose anything related to all things reminding you that you're NOT in a relationship.
I'm here to argue in defense of Valentine's Day. Yes...me...the girl who'd rather stab her eyes out than deal with Christmas and every other pagan holiday.
I get the rationale of "why do you need a day to tell you to get flowers, you should be doing that anyway blah blah". Yes, which is true when it comes to the materialistic side of it...the same with Christmas as well. Some things are just common sense: don't buy roses on valentine's day. Yes, they are overpriced. It's not the stores' fault. I worked in a flower shop (Bryan: Select Roses on 10th line if you remember!), it's the suppliers in south america who jack it up, and thus the retail stores have to do the same.
But as great as it is to think of the utopic situation where out of the blue you get roses, jewelry, whatever, some dudes/couples need a little help. Let me put this in perspective:
Kraig bought a timeshare before i met him. Trust me, it's the worst purchase a person can make. It's the only property that goes DOWN in value right off the bat. Anyway you can "deposit" it and exchange your week for weeks elsewhere but there's a deadline (hence the word "time" in "timeshare"). I can truly say that without those deadlines, we never ever would have vacationed anywhere. It's easy to say "someday we'll go to X place" but with vacation time, schedules, money, time just flies by and you realize it's been years since you've gone anywhere for more than just a 3 day weekend. It was fantastic to be FORCED to take a vacation and be guilt-free about it (for those of us that have guilt over taking time off of errands and other To-Dos).
Valentine's Day is nice because you don't NEED an excuse to have to take the time off. To tell people you are busy. To revel in your love. To have a day where you specifically think "damn...i LOVE this guy/girl." To have a set scheduled day where damn right, you're getting laid. To find a card that expresses everything you feel if you're not a fantastic writer yourself (you don't get the same concentration of cards focused on love any other day of the year...and those are people PAID to write about love. For $4, if it gets the point across that youc an't the rest of the year, that's a good investment).
I'll admit, I'm a little biased. Valentine's Day is a chick holiday with a focus on jewelry and chocolate (i'll subtract the flowers...as much as I like them, I've been quite scarred by the flower shop job. I like the IDEA of flowers and i'm a little picky based on the cleanup factor later..stargazer lillies are AWFUL, MESSY, and a PAIN IN THE ASS to dispose of.)
Okay, so for single people, there's a whole other slew of arguments in favor of it. Nothing bonds women better than bitching about men and consuming chocolate. Much like Valentine's Day is a great excuse for couples to get together, the same applies to chicks and their girlfriends on Vday.
I've told this story a billion times but I'll say it again: my best Valentine's Day was not with a guy...it was when I was single for the first time in a few years and my friend Christine brought a carnation to work for me, saying she knew it would be a bit rough on me since it was my first Vday experience singlehood. It was the sweetest gift ever: it's one thing when your boyfriend gives you a flower on Vday, it's another when your friend who has no obligation to get you something still remembers you.
I guess my point is: it's about Love, in all shapes and forms. Whether its friends or your significant other. Christmas is about traditions and buying crap, St Patrick's Day is about drinking, July 4th is about USA...a day filled with Love, in any form, sounds pretty damn good to me.
(no matter how bitter or upset I may be on that day)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Inspirational. No really.
I wish I could buy this and hang it in my entryway. If i had an entryway. it's more like a small little area to take your shoes off. Anyway:
Sunday, February 08, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
If you're a female and you have a pulse, then you read He's Just Not That Into You when it first came out.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
It seemed a little odd to have a self-help book be turned into a movie, but whatever...Greg Bernhardt is a sellout douchebag so it seems it would be fitting. And it seemed fitting that all the best scenes were probably shown in previews.
I am happy to say, I was proved wrong. This movie kicks ass. Minus the stupid cameo with Greg as a wedding minister. What the eff. Damn he's such a tool. Can someone PLEASE tell him to shave that dead thing off his chin?
Seriously hate facial hair, especially ones that look like a small rodent is growing
The premise is pretty easy...take the lessons in the book, then show scenes from people's lives that illustrate the point.
It's been years since I read it, but DAMN if you aren't reminded of previous dates/boyfriends/flings/manfriends/relationships/whatever when you watch this movie. One brilliant point: you are the RULE, not the EXCEPTION.
Everyone has a story about a couple who met in some bizarro way. Or a chick who married a guy after he brushed her off for a year. Or how the guy really DID go out of town, lose her number, but found her and married her. Those are the EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE NOT EXCEPTIONS.
WE ARE THE RULE. And the rule says that in general, those jackass things don't turn into great moments of romance.
On another note, Jennifer Aniston still proves that she will forever be Rachel. This is just Rachel older and dating Ben Affleck.
Ginnifer Goodwin gives a fantastic performance as Gigi, the girl who f*cks up everything.
And damn, I hated Scarlett Johansson before...I hate her even more now. The lesson of her story is: don't be a frickin' whore or you'll end up alone.
When I read the book, I remember thinking back to two guys I dated...and yes, even *I* the all-knowing girl wonder that I am even made excuses for them.
One was a dude who I met when I was in university. Damn, I don't remember his name but I know he had shingles the summer before and he thought Carmen Electra (who had just been discovered) was super hot. His dad was a cop and he used to get mad when tv shows depicted blood as red since it dries to brown in real life. We had a fantastic date, he was enamored with me, blah blah. Then we had a few more dates, and it was all that magical pot-of-gold-unicorns-rainbow crap. Then suddenly...he went MIA. And i got the excuse that he was traveling for volleyball. Then stuff about hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. But stupid me kept calling him...i didn't understand how we could have these awesome dates and suddenly he would pull away. Well moron, he hinted in not so many words that he was pining for his ex-girlfriend. And i'm sure when she got wind of him dating someone new, she "suddenly remembered" that he was the one for her. And then he was....no longer into me.
The other dude I don't think I even knew his last name. He drove a mustang, so my friends and I called him Adam Mustang. On our date, he ran into someone he knew. Guess who wasn't even introduced on the date? Guess who just sat there like an IDIOT while he chatted with this other dude for like half an hour (i am NOT exaggerating. It was horrible). What a f*cking moron...i looked cute. I WAS CUTE. Anyway after the horrible date, of course I didnt' hear from him. But being the idiot that I was...I called him a few times. Left some VMs. It was blazingly obvious: a guy who likes a girl will NOT be distracted for 30 mins on a date...especially a first date, and especially not distracted by some MALE buddy (i think it was a coworker....he wasn't gay :P).
Finally when I wrote him off...a few months later, he called ME. I think I was dating somoene else by then so I gave him the brush off, but in hindsight it was sooooo very clear he wanted a bootycall. (For the record: we had never slept together, or even got past a kiss...which I think is part of the "problem"...i think he thought he would score that night. Only to discover that a) not my style, and b) i lived with my parents). No one was any less into me than Adam Mustang, but I was too much of a stupid girl to realize that.
This should be required reading for girls in highschool. I'd say elementary school, but there's alot of sex talk in the book.
Oh and on another note: this whole schpiel of telling little girls that if a boy is mean to you it's because he likes you is BULL CRAP. If a boy is mean to you he's an abusive d1ck and if he pulls your hair, you should whack him in the nuts. No boy should ever be allowed to be controlling, verbally/emotionally/whatever abusive, and should certainly not make a girl be led to believe that he's treating her right when he so clearly is not.
Yes, indeed, it's just Rachel all over again.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Things worth hating
Things I hate...loathe...heavily dislike...annoy me (in no particular order):
1. Rihanna. I'll tolerate "Umbrella" 'cause it's semi-fun to sing when driving, and the video for "Disturbia" is interesting, but her voice sounds like a dying goat. I love T.I., but I'd rather shove a pen in my ear than listen to their "Live Your Life" song. Adult contemporary drives me berserk.
2. To add, I also hate Jason Mraz, Eagle Eye Cherry, Coldplay, Incubus, John Mayer, Akon, L'il Wayne, Lady GaGa, and that stupid STUPID "paper planes" song.
3. So disappointed, Target was out of my favorite mascara (Unstoppable in Very Black) so I just grabbed Define-A-Lash Volume Waterproof Mascara (in...Very Black)...it effing SUCKS. And i didn't feel like raising a fuss to Target about returning bad $4 mascara, especially since I still really needed it. I'm just saying, the bristles are weird plasticky things and they just make my eyelashes clump Tammy Faye-style.
4. I loathe people showing me hundreds of pictures of the same damn thing. I don't care if it's nature, you standing in the same city, a baby, whatever. Pretend you have 24 exposures and that's ALL you get to show me.
5. Grey's Anatomy. I can't stand listening to people TALK about Grey's Anatomy. I even tried to watch Private Practice just to stick it to the Grey's Anatomy people. Really, I just can't stand the Grey chick. Since the show is named after her, she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She's so frickin' ANNOYING.
6. To all cashiers of the world: scan my credit card, THEN bag my stuff. If i'm at Old Navy buying a billion pairs of jeans it's heavily inefficient to fold and bag everything only to have us stand and wait for the card to be approved. LEARN TO DO THINGS IN PARALLEL PEOPLE.
7. I hate when people flick their cigarettes out the window...when I'm the car behind them. In fact, I'm going to channel what Erin and I used to say in highschool: driving and smoking is tacky. Throwing them out the window is tacky. It was true 15 years ago, and its still true now.
8. Speaking of smokers, I've had my arms burned a billion times from smokers not paying attention. Okay, I get it, you're drinking and got sloppy. But when someone yelps and a welt is forming, don't do a "oh...sorry"...dumbass you BURNED MY F*CKING ARM. I once had a scar for almost 2 years because of a biotch and her nasty cigarette and all I got was a one second apology (to those in the know: it was at Au Zone). Makes me want to rip their nastiness out of their hands and cram it in their eyes...yeahhh hurts now doesn't it you mofo...
9. I hate when guys act like they thing they're being cute when they're not. There was a dude this weekend who was all over one of my friends (who shall remain nameless), but he thought was so charming by doing all of the following:
- repeatedly lying about what he did for a living...ummm women don't "do" guessing games. Just tell us if you have a job and arent' living in a cardboard box
- kept dicking around with the camera when all of us girls got together for a pic...it's hard enough to get a group shot. Don't try to tilt the camera, do weird angles, whatever.
All of that is attention-seeking behavior in a bad way. It's childish. Women do NOT like men who exhibit any childlike "look at me, pay attention to me" behaviors.
10. Speaking of dude from #9, men need to stop assuming women don't know sh*t about computers. "Do you know what a server is?"...yeah mofo, and I bet I can set one up in a network faster than you can. Shut yer pie hole.
(yeah, i'm in a bad mood today)
11. I loathe buying tampons. If women ruled the world, you KNOW that crap would be a tax-write off. It's a medical condition! it's not my fault I'm bleeding without death once a month. If insurance covers Viagra, then it should cover tampons.
12. Organic anything. Laws are super lax about what constitutes "organic", so it's not like you're really going to notice a difference. Something about seeing a box of ORGANIC CHOCOLATE makes my blood boil. Chocolate is cocoa and sugar boiled together with some nuts tossed in. Organic won't make it any healthier or taste better. It's retarded.
13. Margaritas. Yeah. I said it. I can't stand margaritas. Tequila straight up = GOOD. Tequila mixed with stuff = nastiness. Maybe it also helps that that stupid Margaritaville place was just annoying (granted, the company was good...Kraig, Christine, and Noel). Oh woo hoo, we made a Slurpee machine full of tequila and green sugary crap and it overflows once every 20 minutes...SHOCKING!
virgin lime daiquiris however kick ass
14. A Slurpee trumps everything else. A Slurpee is NOT a Slushee. A Slurpee is NOT a Hush Puppy. In fact, those stupid Hush Puppy drinks are nothing more than what Shave Ice is: crushed ice with syrup poured over it. How is that not vile to people? A Slurpee starts off as a flavored beverage, THEN frozen.
I miss Diet Coke slurpees, sigh.
The best combo is Orange Crush mixed with Cream Soda (you know, the pink stuff)...sooo sooo good. Last time I saw it was at the Quickie next to my parents' house (Bryan, do a drive by of the one in Orleans and lemme know if they still have it)
15. Fake nails. Yeah, you know who you are with your faux nails and the french manicure. I understand if you have a special occasion and can't grow your nails out to look good in pics (i.e. a wedding day...that's the ONLY reason). The sound of fake nails against a keyboard is like a fork on a chalkboard. And they're OVERTLY fake...they're not like fake boobs, where even if they're overtly fake you can rock them and look good. No, big white-tipped fake nails serve no purpose other than to draw attention to the fact that you can't maintain a regular beauty regime.
I have the weakest nails on the planet from years of nail biting, but if I can grow them out and make them look good, then there's no excuse.
16. Flip flops. Something about a shoe that only stays on because of a single piece that goes between my toes is just weird. People in Pakistan wear them all the time (even as a kid, I refused to wear them there). Do you see what i'm saying? They're 3rd world country. Do you want malaria as well?!
17. Ghetto-ass people who raise their trucks. Your stupid tires don't fit in the tire nook thingy so you have a big half meter gap between the top of the tire to your car. It's RETARDED. Where are you offroading to when you live in Orange County? Oh wait, let me guess...Glamis?! It's tacky, tacky, tacky. It's the car equivalent of wear low-wise jeans with the sides of your thongs sticking out.
'Kay...nuff ranting.
1. Rihanna. I'll tolerate "Umbrella" 'cause it's semi-fun to sing when driving, and the video for "Disturbia" is interesting, but her voice sounds like a dying goat. I love T.I., but I'd rather shove a pen in my ear than listen to their "Live Your Life" song. Adult contemporary drives me berserk.
2. To add, I also hate Jason Mraz, Eagle Eye Cherry, Coldplay, Incubus, John Mayer, Akon, L'il Wayne, Lady GaGa, and that stupid STUPID "paper planes" song.
3. So disappointed, Target was out of my favorite mascara (Unstoppable in Very Black) so I just grabbed Define-A-Lash Volume Waterproof Mascara (in...Very Black)...it effing SUCKS. And i didn't feel like raising a fuss to Target about returning bad $4 mascara, especially since I still really needed it. I'm just saying, the bristles are weird plasticky things and they just make my eyelashes clump Tammy Faye-style.
4. I loathe people showing me hundreds of pictures of the same damn thing. I don't care if it's nature, you standing in the same city, a baby, whatever. Pretend you have 24 exposures and that's ALL you get to show me.
5. Grey's Anatomy. I can't stand listening to people TALK about Grey's Anatomy. I even tried to watch Private Practice just to stick it to the Grey's Anatomy people. Really, I just can't stand the Grey chick. Since the show is named after her, she's not going anywhere anytime soon. She's so frickin' ANNOYING.
6. To all cashiers of the world: scan my credit card, THEN bag my stuff. If i'm at Old Navy buying a billion pairs of jeans it's heavily inefficient to fold and bag everything only to have us stand and wait for the card to be approved. LEARN TO DO THINGS IN PARALLEL PEOPLE.
7. I hate when people flick their cigarettes out the window...when I'm the car behind them. In fact, I'm going to channel what Erin and I used to say in highschool: driving and smoking is tacky. Throwing them out the window is tacky. It was true 15 years ago, and its still true now.
8. Speaking of smokers, I've had my arms burned a billion times from smokers not paying attention. Okay, I get it, you're drinking and got sloppy. But when someone yelps and a welt is forming, don't do a "oh...sorry"...dumbass you BURNED MY F*CKING ARM. I once had a scar for almost 2 years because of a biotch and her nasty cigarette and all I got was a one second apology (to those in the know: it was at Au Zone). Makes me want to rip their nastiness out of their hands and cram it in their eyes...yeahhh hurts now doesn't it you mofo...
9. I hate when guys act like they thing they're being cute when they're not. There was a dude this weekend who was all over one of my friends (who shall remain nameless), but he thought was so charming by doing all of the following:
- repeatedly lying about what he did for a living...ummm women don't "do" guessing games. Just tell us if you have a job and arent' living in a cardboard box
- kept dicking around with the camera when all of us girls got together for a pic...it's hard enough to get a group shot. Don't try to tilt the camera, do weird angles, whatever.
All of that is attention-seeking behavior in a bad way. It's childish. Women do NOT like men who exhibit any childlike "look at me, pay attention to me" behaviors.
10. Speaking of dude from #9, men need to stop assuming women don't know sh*t about computers. "Do you know what a server is?"...yeah mofo, and I bet I can set one up in a network faster than you can. Shut yer pie hole.
(yeah, i'm in a bad mood today)
11. I loathe buying tampons. If women ruled the world, you KNOW that crap would be a tax-write off. It's a medical condition! it's not my fault I'm bleeding without death once a month. If insurance covers Viagra, then it should cover tampons.
12. Organic anything. Laws are super lax about what constitutes "organic", so it's not like you're really going to notice a difference. Something about seeing a box of ORGANIC CHOCOLATE makes my blood boil. Chocolate is cocoa and sugar boiled together with some nuts tossed in. Organic won't make it any healthier or taste better. It's retarded.
13. Margaritas. Yeah. I said it. I can't stand margaritas. Tequila straight up = GOOD. Tequila mixed with stuff = nastiness. Maybe it also helps that that stupid Margaritaville place was just annoying (granted, the company was good...Kraig, Christine, and Noel). Oh woo hoo, we made a Slurpee machine full of tequila and green sugary crap and it overflows once every 20 minutes...SHOCKING!
virgin lime daiquiris however kick ass
14. A Slurpee trumps everything else. A Slurpee is NOT a Slushee. A Slurpee is NOT a Hush Puppy. In fact, those stupid Hush Puppy drinks are nothing more than what Shave Ice is: crushed ice with syrup poured over it. How is that not vile to people? A Slurpee starts off as a flavored beverage, THEN frozen.
I miss Diet Coke slurpees, sigh.
The best combo is Orange Crush mixed with Cream Soda (you know, the pink stuff)...sooo sooo good. Last time I saw it was at the Quickie next to my parents' house (Bryan, do a drive by of the one in Orleans and lemme know if they still have it)
15. Fake nails. Yeah, you know who you are with your faux nails and the french manicure. I understand if you have a special occasion and can't grow your nails out to look good in pics (i.e. a wedding day...that's the ONLY reason). The sound of fake nails against a keyboard is like a fork on a chalkboard. And they're OVERTLY fake...they're not like fake boobs, where even if they're overtly fake you can rock them and look good. No, big white-tipped fake nails serve no purpose other than to draw attention to the fact that you can't maintain a regular beauty regime.
I have the weakest nails on the planet from years of nail biting, but if I can grow them out and make them look good, then there's no excuse.
16. Flip flops. Something about a shoe that only stays on because of a single piece that goes between my toes is just weird. People in Pakistan wear them all the time (even as a kid, I refused to wear them there). Do you see what i'm saying? They're 3rd world country. Do you want malaria as well?!
17. Ghetto-ass people who raise their trucks. Your stupid tires don't fit in the tire nook thingy so you have a big half meter gap between the top of the tire to your car. It's RETARDED. Where are you offroading to when you live in Orange County? Oh wait, let me guess...Glamis?! It's tacky, tacky, tacky. It's the car equivalent of wear low-wise jeans with the sides of your thongs sticking out.
'Kay...nuff ranting.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Gonna be good in a depressing sad kinda way
I love Sarah Michelle Gellar. She picks some great projects (I can't even fault her for Scooby Doo...who wouldn't want to play in that movie?!). This is going to be effing amazing.
Veronika Decides to Die
Release Date: March 2009
Genre: Drama
Director: Emily Young
Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jonathan Tucker, David Thewlis, Melissa Leo, Erika Christensen
The story centers on Veronika, a woman in her mid twenties who appears to have everything: good looks, good job and a great life ahead of her. Yet she decides to end her own life. She is unsuccessful and awakens in a mental hospital where she learns that she has five days to live. We learn that the reason that she attempted suicide was that she felt so constrained by the rules and expectations of 'normal' society that she had concluded that she had experienced all that life had to offer. However in the hospital she meets people who are only 'insane' because they don't always follow society's rules. With little left to lose, Veronika embarks on a journey on which she frees herself to experience relationships and emotions and ultimately discovers what it means to live.
Veronika Decides to Die
Release Date: March 2009
Genre: Drama
Director: Emily Young
Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jonathan Tucker, David Thewlis, Melissa Leo, Erika Christensen
The story centers on Veronika, a woman in her mid twenties who appears to have everything: good looks, good job and a great life ahead of her. Yet she decides to end her own life. She is unsuccessful and awakens in a mental hospital where she learns that she has five days to live. We learn that the reason that she attempted suicide was that she felt so constrained by the rules and expectations of 'normal' society that she had concluded that she had experienced all that life had to offer. However in the hospital she meets people who are only 'insane' because they don't always follow society's rules. With little left to lose, Veronika embarks on a journey on which she frees herself to experience relationships and emotions and ultimately discovers what it means to live.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Of spandex and mosh pits
So way back a month ago, I decided it was time for me to branch out of my "comfort zone".
Which meant it was time I went to my very first goth club. Off Crenshaw.
We parked in some store parking lot and this random dude insists it's like $5 to park. Naturally I start off the night by arguing with him, saying he could be ANY random guy just asking for $5, like don't we get a ticket or something? And it doesn't say it's a paid lot! Well he threatened to tow in whatever broken English so we decided to just pay up rather than risk being stranded in the ghetto ("..innn the ghhetttooo!")
I had a complete blast, loved it, and would go back in a heartbeat (much props to Justin and Sarah for putting up with my prepster-ass). I texted a billion people during the night, fortunately Carrie saved my texts. Here's what i wrote:
This will be a blog entry…egads.
[I’m wearing red and black.]
Goth people are white. They have only white blond hair or jet black.
Goth people can’t dance worth sh1t. I’m like, a frickin’ ballet dancer next to them.
Seriously. Serrriously. Two drinks and two shot later and I’m not dr*nk and a guy with an eye patch just hit on me. What the…
There’s two hotter guys here…Sarah and I scoped them out. I think one is g@y.
Goth people like being anti-establishment by wearing lots of embellishments.
I’m dancing all hip hop in a goth club.
I dropped my lip balm.
Oh sh1t…Justin’s in a mosh pit. I haven’t seen a mosh pit in ten years. I’m so old!
Please remind me for the blog that goth bands think they know German.
This one actually really bugged me, like that night I felt I needed to represent for Austrians or something...1/2 austrian represent!
And remind me they all have Macs.
Some guy is wearing spandex, goggles, and fish fins on his back.
Remind me that goth kids put bandanas around their face like it’s the apocalypse.
Effing guy with an eye patch is all over this ish. I don’t “do” guys with one eye!
Damn, Sarah deserves an award for putting up with my ass all night!
When we got back to the car, the pseudo-attendant was still there. I guess he was legit.
Which meant it was time I went to my very first goth club. Off Crenshaw.
We parked in some store parking lot and this random dude insists it's like $5 to park. Naturally I start off the night by arguing with him, saying he could be ANY random guy just asking for $5, like don't we get a ticket or something? And it doesn't say it's a paid lot! Well he threatened to tow in whatever broken English so we decided to just pay up rather than risk being stranded in the ghetto ("..innn the ghhetttooo!")
I had a complete blast, loved it, and would go back in a heartbeat (much props to Justin and Sarah for putting up with my prepster-ass). I texted a billion people during the night, fortunately Carrie saved my texts. Here's what i wrote:
This will be a blog entry…egads.
[I’m wearing red and black.]
Goth people are white. They have only white blond hair or jet black.
Goth people can’t dance worth sh1t. I’m like, a frickin’ ballet dancer next to them.
Seriously. Serrriously. Two drinks and two shot later and I’m not dr*nk and a guy with an eye patch just hit on me. What the…
There’s two hotter guys here…Sarah and I scoped them out. I think one is g@y.
Goth people like being anti-establishment by wearing lots of embellishments.
I’m dancing all hip hop in a goth club.
I dropped my lip balm.
Oh sh1t…Justin’s in a mosh pit. I haven’t seen a mosh pit in ten years. I’m so old!
Please remind me for the blog that goth bands think they know German.
This one actually really bugged me, like that night I felt I needed to represent for Austrians or something...1/2 austrian represent!
And remind me they all have Macs.
Some guy is wearing spandex, goggles, and fish fins on his back.
Remind me that goth kids put bandanas around their face like it’s the apocalypse.
Effing guy with an eye patch is all over this ish. I don’t “do” guys with one eye!
Damn, Sarah deserves an award for putting up with my ass all night!
When we got back to the car, the pseudo-attendant was still there. I guess he was legit.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Serious random thoughts
Must purge brain or else it'll explode. In no particular order, thoughts running through my teenie grey matter:
Kah-toe-mahh-tayyy
- Must buy Nars Orgasm blush. Sarah turned me onto it...it's gorgeous gorgeous. Worth every penny. Looks good on any skin color. Even men should buy it, it's THAT good.
- Getting over a caffeine addiction is HARD. I've done it before, but damn if caffeine isn't like crack. I've never had crack, but I can only assume that the crankiness and shakes associated with withdrawals are somewhat comparable. When I don't get me some diet pepsi (yes, go ahead, say it..."what are you, French?" Suck it...Diet P is way better than Diet C), I become an uncontrollable bitch. I've allowed myself 2 sodas if I go out for lunch (one drink, one refill...that's it), and mannnnn the waitress must think I'm psychotic because I literally bounce up and down in my seat in anticipation of my drug of choice. Thankfully, Tazo Tea is my rehab drug.
- Entourage better f*cking win at the SAG awards tonight.
- Do you ever find yourself getting emotional over really retarded things? Almost losing this blog to jackass hackers completely took my breath away. I almost lost my Jackball antenna topper when my car was washed yesterday...it's old, it's filthy, and I ended up throwing it out when they found it, but I was in hysterics freaking out at Toyota to find that damn Jackball.
- I'm too lazy to use HTML to make bullets, so the indentation is all off 'cause i'm using Blogger's template. What-eva.
- Thank the Lord for Burn Notice starting up again. I have no idea if real spies do the things in this show, but I like to feel like I'm getting some insider info on how they work. Like turning a can of spray air upside down creates dry ice. I could test that theory. But I trust what Michael Weston tells me. He does no wrong.
- In the category of all things aging, I thought my freakout over turning 30 was enough to last a decade. Oh, how naive I was. That freakout lasted all of 1.5 years. The thought of turning 32 is gripping me to no end. And don't give me this "age ain't nuthin' but a numba" garbage. 32 seals the deal that you really are in your 30s, and you can't even attempt to piggyback on your 20s anymore.
- I love that at 11:30pm, Janet texted me that she saw Gretchen from Real Housewives of OC. I love that I cared. I've got no shame in my game. I'm not celebrity obsessed because I think they're great...I just love picking them apart. I may give up diet pepsi, but I will never give up my Pop Culture vice. NEVER! I want my gravestone to read: Would have won World Series of Pop Culture. (Marcella: you would have had to be on my team of course!)
- Why is it that the more children Angelina Jolie pops out, the more matronly she looks? I mean, I understand things change when you have a child but dang woman, you are still gorgeous. Your fashion choices lately are nothing more than a designer gown version of a grey sweatsuit.
- Obsession has a new name, and its called: Turkey Sandwiches.
- I don't understand why we all love Bath & Body Works. I mean, it's just SOAP people. And yet, I could shop there every minute of every day. Their stuff is cheap and it's the BEST.
Kah-toe-mahh-tayyy
Letter to the editor
Changing your gmail password should be find along with whatever security questions are associated with your account. Oh and could you send me that link to the other blog, I'll keep it safe I promise. :)
Bry, I'll send you the link to the other one once I actually get off my ass and actually fully build it...I need 2 jpegs made, plus actually ADDING content...it's retarded, because I pay serious $$ for all that server space and yet, do nothing.
As for the gmail password...the thing is, if they had it already open on their end, they could still dick around with the account and re-change it as well. I didn't want to risk losing this blog...been working on this for YEARS.
I guess now that i bought the domain name, I might as well pay $$ to actually move everything there. Going legit yo!
Bry, I'll send you the link to the other one once I actually get off my ass and actually fully build it...I need 2 jpegs made, plus actually ADDING content...it's retarded, because I pay serious $$ for all that server space and yet, do nothing.
As for the gmail password...the thing is, if they had it already open on their end, they could still dick around with the account and re-change it as well. I didn't want to risk losing this blog...been working on this for YEARS.
I guess now that i bought the domain name, I might as well pay $$ to actually move everything there. Going legit yo!
Friday, January 23, 2009
THANK THE LORD
No need to panic people...okay you probably weren't panicking...my frickin' gmail account was swiped...which is linked to blogger. I'm shaking. The last time I felt this violated was when my ebay account was hacked, but that's one of those things where it's paid, so there's a phone number associated with it...this is free, gmail is free, so you're SOL if it goes awry.
I didn't realize how much I love this blog. It reminds me of Gina...for those not in the know, she's a friend of mine who died of cancer awhile back. It was her suggestion that I create a blog...for some reason, even though we didn't talk much towards the end of her life, it still matters to me to keep this going.
Anyway, I figured out a workaround but I'm terrified of it ever happening again (who knew that 4 years of bitching would be sentimental to me), so I bought RandomThoughtsAndGripes.com ...and eventually I'll move it over.
Like that other website i have but won't list here for incriminating purposes :P
Stay tuned for the more legit version of my bitching...speaking of, yes I know I need to do something with TeamBitches.com ....my laziness is at an all time high.
DAMN...what happened to the days when all you had to be afraid of was your neighbor going through your trash?!
I didn't realize how much I love this blog. It reminds me of Gina...for those not in the know, she's a friend of mine who died of cancer awhile back. It was her suggestion that I create a blog...for some reason, even though we didn't talk much towards the end of her life, it still matters to me to keep this going.
Anyway, I figured out a workaround but I'm terrified of it ever happening again (who knew that 4 years of bitching would be sentimental to me), so I bought RandomThoughtsAndGripes.com ...and eventually I'll move it over.
Like that other website i have but won't list here for incriminating purposes :P
Stay tuned for the more legit version of my bitching...speaking of, yes I know I need to do something with TeamBitches.com ....my laziness is at an all time high.
DAMN...what happened to the days when all you had to be afraid of was your neighbor going through your trash?!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Again...incomplete...must...have...
I saw this dress in a frickin' PROM magazine. How this is kosher for a prom is beyond me.
I adore it. I also adore the idea of having Giselle's body to go in it (grumble) but it reminds me of the poor man's version of this knockout:
A note to any designers out there: I'm pimping out my body for the sole purpose to wear free clothes. Hook me up. I'll tell everyone and anyone who sponsored me. "Yeahhh this sweet dress? Courtesy of BCBG"..."You like my boots? Thanks Steve Madden!"....
This dress just blows my mind. Maybe also 'cause it's 3:15am and I'm loopy. LOVE it.
For real. I could live in a cardboard box...as long as I have the above grecian dress.
In unrelated but yet somewhat related news, it's become my obsession to find the dress Gretchen wore in Part 1 & 2 "Naked Wars" of Real Housewives of Orange County. I can't even do a search for it by color..not quite magenta, not quite peach...odds of me ever BUYING it are remote, but if I can find out who makes it I can work to find a good knockoff. And then wallow over not being able to afford it (or that if i could afford it, where the EFF would I wear it? Time for my friends to start having parties where they hire celebrity caterers and demonstrate their mad table manner skillz).
I adore it. I also adore the idea of having Giselle's body to go in it (grumble) but it reminds me of the poor man's version of this knockout:
A note to any designers out there: I'm pimping out my body for the sole purpose to wear free clothes. Hook me up. I'll tell everyone and anyone who sponsored me. "Yeahhh this sweet dress? Courtesy of BCBG"..."You like my boots? Thanks Steve Madden!"....
This dress just blows my mind. Maybe also 'cause it's 3:15am and I'm loopy. LOVE it.
For real. I could live in a cardboard box...as long as I have the above grecian dress.
In unrelated but yet somewhat related news, it's become my obsession to find the dress Gretchen wore in Part 1 & 2 "Naked Wars" of Real Housewives of Orange County. I can't even do a search for it by color..not quite magenta, not quite peach...odds of me ever BUYING it are remote, but if I can find out who makes it I can work to find a good knockoff. And then wallow over not being able to afford it (or that if i could afford it, where the EFF would I wear it? Time for my friends to start having parties where they hire celebrity caterers and demonstrate their mad table manner skillz).
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
When I grow up
I typically say that when I grow up, I want to be Blair Waldorf.
yeah. you heard me. I want to be a rich teen new york socialite with old money. Suck it.
But really, I just want to be Kate Winslet. People in hollywood eventually f*ck up and do something classless...this girl oozes so much class it leaves a diamond slime trail behind her.
yeah. you heard me. I want to be a rich teen new york socialite with old money. Suck it.
But really, I just want to be Kate Winslet. People in hollywood eventually f*ck up and do something classless...this girl oozes so much class it leaves a diamond slime trail behind her.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Movie/TV Reviews
Massive Movie Reviews
It's been awhile since I've made any tv or movie reviews, so here's the condensed version:
Atonement
What the EFF. I want my time back. It was beyond horrible. The story in theory was kind of interesting, but Keira Knightly's hair drove me NUTS the whole time. It was like some curly mullet. It was an attack to my senses. And James MacAvoy looks anemic...men need to eat MEAT people. It wasn't some crazy tragic love story. And that infamous green dress? How it's gotten so much publicity is beyond me, it's not flattering at all.
This movie made me ANGRY.
Drillbit Taylor
I only rented it because I adore Leslie Mann (don't know who she is? The chick who vomits in the car on Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin), however midway through this movie I think I fell asleep or something. So if you need a nap, enjoy.
Role Models
I LOVE Paul Rudd. He can do no wrong in my eyes. And I was pleasantly surprised that Seann William Scott has finally grown out of his Stifler years. It seemed like every line was just one funny punchline away from something hilarious, but it was still pretty enjoyable and worth renting.
And...did I mention it has Paul Rudd? Even when he's playing a douchebag he's still boneable.
Twilight
Sigh.
Where do I begin.
I didn't want to read the book...it fell under the "Harry Potter" mania category. But my bookclub was reading it, and Carrie lent me a copy, so I figured I'd read it.
So i need to distinguish between my gripes about the book (hello, teen sex! Your boyfriend is a vampire who sparkles like diamonds! And he can't knock you up! Totally worth the risk of death to me) vs. the movie itself.
Well RPattz is best when he just sits. Not even silent...I mean, the guy shouldn't even MOVE. I'd say he's the worst actor in the movie, but compared to the others he's Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Kristen Stewart can't act her way past her "I'm the It-Girl who's a total pothead" title.
The only enjoyable parts in the movie were:
1. Chief Swan...they wrote some good zingers in there for him. Eff New Moon...I want to see the Bella's Dad's Excellent Adventures movie.
2. The end.
Crap I know I saw something else over the xmas holidays that i had DVRed for the longest time...ahhh well it couldn't have been that good!
Some tv thoughts:
Entourage
Been catching up...GOD i love Adrien Grenier. And as much as I can't stand Jeremy Piven, dude should win a lifetime Emmy for playing Ari. This show is so damn brilliant it blows my mind. Literally. I have to pick up my brain off the floor after I watch it.
Lipstick Jungle
I enjoyed this much more than Cashmere Mafia but yes, it was a total fluff piece. That being said, after they announced its cancellation it got really good. The storylines got more complex, and it wasn't so lovey-dovey. I do still have a major beef with all these shows featuring "strong independent working women"...WE DO NOT MEET BEFORE WORK FOR COFFEE OR BREAKFAST. Especially women with kids. I adore my friends, but if I have to choose between waking up at 5am to meet them for breakfast vs. SLEEPING...sleeping will always win.
The Hills
Okay, come ON. They don't WORK for Diane Von Furstenberg! This show has become 99% scripted. And if that's the case, then I want better actors.
Bromance
I'm totally behind on this show, but I was pleasantly surprised at how entertaining it is. And Brody Jenner is actually charming and endearing, something Spencer Pratt lacks (who I still say is still fun to watch in his own right...you have to give the guy props for taking his 10 seconds of fame and stretching it 10 minutes too long).
It's been awhile since I've made any tv or movie reviews, so here's the condensed version:
Atonement
What the EFF. I want my time back. It was beyond horrible. The story in theory was kind of interesting, but Keira Knightly's hair drove me NUTS the whole time. It was like some curly mullet. It was an attack to my senses. And James MacAvoy looks anemic...men need to eat MEAT people. It wasn't some crazy tragic love story. And that infamous green dress? How it's gotten so much publicity is beyond me, it's not flattering at all.
This movie made me ANGRY.
Drillbit Taylor
I only rented it because I adore Leslie Mann (don't know who she is? The chick who vomits in the car on Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin), however midway through this movie I think I fell asleep or something. So if you need a nap, enjoy.
Role Models
I LOVE Paul Rudd. He can do no wrong in my eyes. And I was pleasantly surprised that Seann William Scott has finally grown out of his Stifler years. It seemed like every line was just one funny punchline away from something hilarious, but it was still pretty enjoyable and worth renting.
And...did I mention it has Paul Rudd? Even when he's playing a douchebag he's still boneable.
Twilight
Sigh.
Where do I begin.
I didn't want to read the book...it fell under the "Harry Potter" mania category. But my bookclub was reading it, and Carrie lent me a copy, so I figured I'd read it.
So i need to distinguish between my gripes about the book (hello, teen sex! Your boyfriend is a vampire who sparkles like diamonds! And he can't knock you up! Totally worth the risk of death to me) vs. the movie itself.
Well RPattz is best when he just sits. Not even silent...I mean, the guy shouldn't even MOVE. I'd say he's the worst actor in the movie, but compared to the others he's Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Kristen Stewart can't act her way past her "I'm the It-Girl who's a total pothead" title.
The only enjoyable parts in the movie were:
1. Chief Swan...they wrote some good zingers in there for him. Eff New Moon...I want to see the Bella's Dad's Excellent Adventures movie.
2. The end.
Crap I know I saw something else over the xmas holidays that i had DVRed for the longest time...ahhh well it couldn't have been that good!
Some tv thoughts:
Entourage
Been catching up...GOD i love Adrien Grenier. And as much as I can't stand Jeremy Piven, dude should win a lifetime Emmy for playing Ari. This show is so damn brilliant it blows my mind. Literally. I have to pick up my brain off the floor after I watch it.
Lipstick Jungle
I enjoyed this much more than Cashmere Mafia but yes, it was a total fluff piece. That being said, after they announced its cancellation it got really good. The storylines got more complex, and it wasn't so lovey-dovey. I do still have a major beef with all these shows featuring "strong independent working women"...WE DO NOT MEET BEFORE WORK FOR COFFEE OR BREAKFAST. Especially women with kids. I adore my friends, but if I have to choose between waking up at 5am to meet them for breakfast vs. SLEEPING...sleeping will always win.
The Hills
Okay, come ON. They don't WORK for Diane Von Furstenberg! This show has become 99% scripted. And if that's the case, then I want better actors.
Bromance
I'm totally behind on this show, but I was pleasantly surprised at how entertaining it is. And Brody Jenner is actually charming and endearing, something Spencer Pratt lacks (who I still say is still fun to watch in his own right...you have to give the guy props for taking his 10 seconds of fame and stretching it 10 minutes too long).
Yet ANOTHER reason why 24 Hour Fitness sucks balls
Yes, I have a stupid 24HF membership, mostly because they're just convenient...no matter wher eyou are, there's probably a 24HF nearby.
They're TOTALLY the McDonald's of gyms...they suck, they're not even healthy, but they work in a pinch when you don't have much of an alternative. GOD i hate them. And yet, I give them my money (I prepaid so going forward, it's just $50/year for the rest of my life. How on $50 they can maintain their always-broken equipment is beyond me).
Anyway, I went to their website to check out a class time and saw this spelling error:
request copy of aggrement
Are you f*cking kidding me?! THEY MAKE ENOUGH MONEY OFF DOUCHEBAGS FALLING FOR THEIR STUPID PROMOS...you can't afford a copywriter who has better writing skills than a highschool dropout?!
GOD this crap annoys me. Stop paying celebrities to do your ads and maybe hire someone qualified to do your marketing materials. And to add to that, f*cking stop being a bunch of cheap bastards and turn down the temperature in your gyms, it's so hot in almost all locations you're lucky people don't pass out.
OH and to finally add: get on the consistency planet and add the little TV listening doodad to your cardio equipment. MP3 players, especially iPods, don't have FM tuners...I'll take your "tune into 97.3" sign and shove it up your ass next time I want to watch something on TV but can't hear it.
Hmmm I guess for all my ranting I should go back to the gym...I've dawdled for numerous reasons, some of it being that I hate the people who only go in Jan/Feb...they just make it more crowded for the rest of us.
They're TOTALLY the McDonald's of gyms...they suck, they're not even healthy, but they work in a pinch when you don't have much of an alternative. GOD i hate them. And yet, I give them my money (I prepaid so going forward, it's just $50/year for the rest of my life. How on $50 they can maintain their always-broken equipment is beyond me).
Anyway, I went to their website to check out a class time and saw this spelling error:
request copy of aggrement
Are you f*cking kidding me?! THEY MAKE ENOUGH MONEY OFF DOUCHEBAGS FALLING FOR THEIR STUPID PROMOS...you can't afford a copywriter who has better writing skills than a highschool dropout?!
GOD this crap annoys me. Stop paying celebrities to do your ads and maybe hire someone qualified to do your marketing materials. And to add to that, f*cking stop being a bunch of cheap bastards and turn down the temperature in your gyms, it's so hot in almost all locations you're lucky people don't pass out.
OH and to finally add: get on the consistency planet and add the little TV listening doodad to your cardio equipment. MP3 players, especially iPods, don't have FM tuners...I'll take your "tune into 97.3" sign and shove it up your ass next time I want to watch something on TV but can't hear it.
Hmmm I guess for all my ranting I should go back to the gym...I've dawdled for numerous reasons, some of it being that I hate the people who only go in Jan/Feb...they just make it more crowded for the rest of us.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The glitz! The glamour! The....
...total snub by Angelina to Ryan Seacrest...
So I missed the Golden Globes. Only caught the beginning where Ricky Gervais went around taking pics of celebs with this iPhone.
I must say...my life will be incomplete without the following dresses:
So I missed the Golden Globes. Only caught the beginning where Ricky Gervais went around taking pics of celebs with this iPhone.
I must say...my life will be incomplete without the following dresses:
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Why i should be a teenage boy
(note: if you're reading this through facebook, i don't think the gif will animate)
I swear, this cracks me the eff up...in the movie this scene was horribly acted (the way it played in my brain was SO much better)...but this gif rocks my world:
My humor has reduced to a teenage boy's...
I swear, this cracks me the eff up...in the movie this scene was horribly acted (the way it played in my brain was SO much better)...but this gif rocks my world:
My humor has reduced to a teenage boy's...
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sexiest women alive
This list is still a work in process...gimme your feedback and I'LL decide where they fall on the list!
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
So as requested, here's my list of sexiest women. The list is divided in three:
1. The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY.
2. Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances.
3. Women who are SO not sexy but everyone thinks they are.
The women who are just flat out HOT and SEXY
Aishwarya Rai
Don't know who she is? She's the single most gorgeous woman walking this earth. In face, she shouldn't be walking...she should be on some throne carried by Adonises (what's the plural for that?) while fed grapes. She's the reason it sucks to be HALF-Indian: she can pull off the dark skin, light eyes thing...if I had darker skin I'd totally rock the hazel contact lenses.
Still not convinced? Put the following video on mute and watch her work her mojo:
Megan Fox
She's the 2nd most sexy woman alive. She's very similar in appearance to Angelina Jolie, minus the age, stretch marks, and do-gooding crap. Even her admission that she was obsessed with a (female) stripper is sexy. I'll take her stalking me any day! (Bring along Brian Austin Green too...)
Jennifer Connelly
Does this woman ever age? Clearly no, which is why she's #3 on my list. I would kill for her nose. This nose is perfection. Obviously what I find attractive in men is what I find attractive in women too: dark hair, light eyes.
Women who were hot at some point or under abnormal circumstances
In no particular order:
Tina Fey
Only recently, since the birth of her kid would I say she's sexy. It's like she channeled her inner nerd and finally figured out how to balance it into hotness.
Miranda Kerr
I don't know why she's dating Orlando Bloom. He's such a douche. She is exactly what a Victoria's Secret model should be: young, bubbly, flirty, giggly...and again, dark hair with blue eyes.
Adriana Lima:
I actually don't LIKE her, she annoys me, but she's got the sexy thing down.
Leighton Meester
GOD what I wouldn't kill to be her. She's so flawless. She should forever keep her hair brown, as a blond she looks too washed out and forgettable.
Mila Kunis
She's got this crazy exotic thing going on, I feel like she could walk in a bar, demand every guy to buy her a drink, and they'd drool at her feet begging for more.
Jessica Biel when she's exercising
You wouldn't think thos normally, but on the Red Carpet I find her to be kind of fug. But when she's just vegging out on the beach or exercising, she is the most flawless female ever. Either way, I'd kill for her ass. She just has this cool confidence that looks sexy.
Jessica Alba pre baby
This is a no-brainer. But since she gave birth, it remains to be seen if she'll be able to bounce back to her sexiness. What i like about her is that she WORKS at that body, she doesn't claim to be naturally thin or anything retarded like that.
Kendra Wilkinson only in photos
We all know girl is annoying as f*ck (although I bet she'd be super fun to party with). And her hair is naturally frizzy. But give her a team of stylists and makeup artists and she smolders. She's got the sickest body...at least she's athletic.
Carmen Electra circa 2000
She's lookin' rough these days. But a small lifetime ago, this girl was IT. Dark hair, blue eyes, flirty look that screamed for more. Plus Prince saw something in her, so she MUST be sexy.
Pam Anderson circa 2000
I adore Pam. I really do. I can't say she's sexy anymore since her skin is pretty jacked up from partying, age, babies, Tommy, the sun...but how can you not find sexy a woman who makes fun of herself, enjoys being naked, AND loves animals?
Bridget Bardot circa...her youth
Today, this woman should crawl under a rock and die. Or be smashed by a rock. She's racist and is pro-animal cruelty. But you can't deny she exhuded sex.
Angelina Jolie anytime from Mr & Mrs Smith and earlier...but after Hackers (i.e. post nose job, pre babies)
There's a window where this woman was at the peak of her a-game. Those lips, those eyes, the eyebrows...perfection. She looked like she wanted sex AND would eat the man after, arachnid-style. The reason she's not in the "regular" list is because this whole baby thing jacked up her body, then her mom died and she got too thin, and now I feel like she's look "witchy" with her aging skin combined with the high eyebrow arch.
Kathleen turner circa Jessica Rabbit
C'mon. Jessica Rabbit. Need i say more?
NOT:
Keira Knightly: girl has the most amazing cheekbones on the planet, but she has a weird overbite/lisp thing that bugs me. I'll add her to the "sexy" list when she eats a few burgers and fixes her speech impediment.
And how is this dress in hollywood history!? It was NOT flattering.
Scarlett Johansson: damn this girl BUGS me. She's a complete butterface. Her body is bangin', but her lips lack a true definition (there's no "cupid's bow"), which is just gross.And no, it's not jealousy over having my man Ryan. She's seriously FUG.
Elle Macpherson: how was this woman ever attractive? She is so mannish it kills me.
Heidi Klum: she's gorgeous, but not SEXY. I feel like she'd start yodelling in the middle of sex. No one wants to hear that. No one.
Alessandra Ambrosia: ugh she's just gross.
Marilyn Monroe: okay, hear me out on this one. She's gorgeous. She's a legend. No one, EVER, will be like her. BUT...I went through a phase where I was reading biographies on her and I feel like her vulnerability and nuttiness interally remove my ability to see her as "sexy" in photos and videos. Every time I see her I feel like she needs a teddy bear, a hug, and a straightjacket. The last thing that girl should have been was a sex symbol. Gorgeous? Yes. Sexy? That's like calling a child "sexy".
Friday, January 02, 2009
2009 New Year's Goals
For anyone not in the know of this blog, I do NOT do just random new year's resolutions.
I do New Year's "goals"...things that are broken down to monthly goals so that they're easier to check off.
Needless to say, I really REALLY screwed up on 2008's goals. Ask me how many I accomplished. No really, ask. I dare you. And then I dare you to listen to hours of my excuses to why I was too much of a lazy ass to get any of them done.
So now it's time for a new goals...and dammit, i WILL stick to them. Please don't shoot me for recycling some stuff for last year's goals.
EVERY Month:
1. Okay, time to frickin' do monthly breast exams. I don't feel like i'm grown up enough to do them, and I don't think my 32As (Bs if i'm lucky) have enough tissue to actually GET cancer, but fine...I'll do it.
2. Vitamins. For real. I became an avid flosser after I got braces because I didn't want to get plaque marks, and I've been anal about it ever since. Now it's time to be equally obsessive about vitamins, supplements, whatever it takes to make my hair thick again and to compensate for my crappy-assed diet.
January
- complete my other website about cube life(it's already up if you're bored but it's nowhere near complete, email me for the link 'cause i'm not posting it here)
February
- Create the Team Bitches website
March
- got a few books that I need to hanker down and read...it'll be me, wine, and my books
April
- time to seriously just sell the last chunk of crap off ebay
May
At this point...honestly...to revisit my goals...'cause I can't even think that far in advance.
Ugh. 2009. Another year older.
I had to edit to add...
You know what? SUCK IT. When i grow up I want to be fabulous. I want to be Andrea Belladonna (Jennifer Esposito's character on Samantha Who?)...brilliance:
"Oh, I will be SO happy when you've finally experienced everything and that spark of wonder in your eyes finally goes dark again!"
"I hoped you were dead! I mean I heard you were dead. And then I hoped it was true."
"Honey, I'm an attorney. Web of deceit is where I get my mail."
So...2009 is going to be the year of fabulousness. It means not being apologetic for my shallow and age-fearing ways. Oh I'll give back to the world, don't you worry. But dammit...that's the overall plan.
Along with making sure I don't get breast cancer.
I do New Year's "goals"...things that are broken down to monthly goals so that they're easier to check off.
Needless to say, I really REALLY screwed up on 2008's goals. Ask me how many I accomplished. No really, ask. I dare you. And then I dare you to listen to hours of my excuses to why I was too much of a lazy ass to get any of them done.
So now it's time for a new goals...and dammit, i WILL stick to them. Please don't shoot me for recycling some stuff for last year's goals.
EVERY Month:
1. Okay, time to frickin' do monthly breast exams. I don't feel like i'm grown up enough to do them, and I don't think my 32As (Bs if i'm lucky) have enough tissue to actually GET cancer, but fine...I'll do it.
2. Vitamins. For real. I became an avid flosser after I got braces because I didn't want to get plaque marks, and I've been anal about it ever since. Now it's time to be equally obsessive about vitamins, supplements, whatever it takes to make my hair thick again and to compensate for my crappy-assed diet.
January
- complete my other website about cube life(it's already up if you're bored but it's nowhere near complete, email me for the link 'cause i'm not posting it here)
February
- Create the Team Bitches website
March
- got a few books that I need to hanker down and read...it'll be me, wine, and my books
April
- time to seriously just sell the last chunk of crap off ebay
May
At this point...honestly...to revisit my goals...'cause I can't even think that far in advance.
Ugh. 2009. Another year older.
I had to edit to add...
You know what? SUCK IT. When i grow up I want to be fabulous. I want to be Andrea Belladonna (Jennifer Esposito's character on Samantha Who?)...brilliance:
"Oh, I will be SO happy when you've finally experienced everything and that spark of wonder in your eyes finally goes dark again!"
"I hoped you were dead! I mean I heard you were dead. And then I hoped it was true."
"Honey, I'm an attorney. Web of deceit is where I get my mail."
So...2009 is going to be the year of fabulousness. It means not being apologetic for my shallow and age-fearing ways. Oh I'll give back to the world, don't you worry. But dammit...that's the overall plan.
Along with making sure I don't get breast cancer.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Trader Joe's RANT
I hate Trader Joe's.
I really do.
I hate that basic food staples there are like $5 (for milk? Come ON! WTF organic cows must be eating caviar). I hate that their stupid organic bread has no preservatives, and thus expire and get moldy after half a day. I hate that alot of their food doesn't taste as good as it should (their hummus is pretty bland).
What I mostly hate are the people who shop there. It's not really Trader Joe's fault. Their flyers are very well written and fun to read. But shoppers there are crazy hippies. Do you need to be a snob about your stupid tomato? And why do you need to take forever scoping out everything? They have 1/2 the selection and since everything is organic it lacks the aesthetic beauty of steroid-induced vegetables.
I've tasted some good 'ish from there, don't get me wrong. But nothing I've consumed there is worth the trek there, especially since Ralph's and Pavillion's have awesome selections of specialty foods, organic crap, and rare items.
My hatred came to a peak during the 2003 grocery store strike. That meant we all had to shop at Stater Brothers and Trader Joe's. Well apparently no one told the hippies this, because the lines wrapped outside the door didn't stop them from writing with checks.
Aside: if you ARE going to write a check, you can fill out EVERYTHING when you're in line. Get your ID out. Then when they give you the total, just write it out. And please don't use fancy cursive slow writing. Just scratch out some text, the cashier isn't your school marm. It's unacceptable that you start filling that stuff (in your one-letter-per-five-seconds writing) when you find out the balance. Then dont' act SHOCKED when you're asked for ID. I've never written a check in a store in my life but even I know that. This is a whole other rant, because no one visibly under the age of 50 should be writing checks. They take the cash out instantly, you might as well use a debit card. And for security reasons, you REALLY shouldn't be writing checks. Geezus.
Trader Joe's should have implemented no-check lanes during that time...it was horrific. I actually just gave up and crossed the picket lines, getting yelled at by irate cashiers and fearing for my car was SO much better than suffering through another line of hippies.
Today I had to go to Henry's as part of my hunt for Tazo Tea's Organic Apple Red flavor. That stuff is like crack, and obviously I'll go to even my most hated of places to find it. Yes, i'm willing to whore myself to the Hippie Man in order to get my tea. suck it.
Fortunately, oh happy day, THEY HAD IT! And on sale. So...maybe the Hippie isn't so bad after all.
And then as soon as I got to one of only two lanes open...my cashier had to stop to help out the other cashier who had a problem with her customer's check. Ugh.
I really do.
I hate that basic food staples there are like $5 (for milk? Come ON! WTF organic cows must be eating caviar). I hate that their stupid organic bread has no preservatives, and thus expire and get moldy after half a day. I hate that alot of their food doesn't taste as good as it should (their hummus is pretty bland).
What I mostly hate are the people who shop there. It's not really Trader Joe's fault. Their flyers are very well written and fun to read. But shoppers there are crazy hippies. Do you need to be a snob about your stupid tomato? And why do you need to take forever scoping out everything? They have 1/2 the selection and since everything is organic it lacks the aesthetic beauty of steroid-induced vegetables.
I've tasted some good 'ish from there, don't get me wrong. But nothing I've consumed there is worth the trek there, especially since Ralph's and Pavillion's have awesome selections of specialty foods, organic crap, and rare items.
My hatred came to a peak during the 2003 grocery store strike. That meant we all had to shop at Stater Brothers and Trader Joe's. Well apparently no one told the hippies this, because the lines wrapped outside the door didn't stop them from writing with checks.
Aside: if you ARE going to write a check, you can fill out EVERYTHING when you're in line. Get your ID out. Then when they give you the total, just write it out. And please don't use fancy cursive slow writing. Just scratch out some text, the cashier isn't your school marm. It's unacceptable that you start filling that stuff (in your one-letter-per-five-seconds writing) when you find out the balance. Then dont' act SHOCKED when you're asked for ID. I've never written a check in a store in my life but even I know that. This is a whole other rant, because no one visibly under the age of 50 should be writing checks. They take the cash out instantly, you might as well use a debit card. And for security reasons, you REALLY shouldn't be writing checks. Geezus.
Trader Joe's should have implemented no-check lanes during that time...it was horrific. I actually just gave up and crossed the picket lines, getting yelled at by irate cashiers and fearing for my car was SO much better than suffering through another line of hippies.
Today I had to go to Henry's as part of my hunt for Tazo Tea's Organic Apple Red flavor. That stuff is like crack, and obviously I'll go to even my most hated of places to find it. Yes, i'm willing to whore myself to the Hippie Man in order to get my tea. suck it.
Fortunately, oh happy day, THEY HAD IT! And on sale. So...maybe the Hippie isn't so bad after all.
And then as soon as I got to one of only two lanes open...my cashier had to stop to help out the other cashier who had a problem with her customer's check. Ugh.
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