I have all the social poise of a cow in heat

You know those girls who seem so put together, flawless, like they know what they're doing?

Sadly, I'm not one of them.

I became acutely aware of this in highschool..our homeroom was on the 2nd floor, and one of my best friends/locker neighbor was Erin...crazy tall, but she used to be a ballerina...running up the stairs to get to homeroom on time, I always tripped. Not once did she ever trip. We're talking slippery, slushy, full-on-winter-liquid-slathered-on-the-floor going on here and she never tripped.

You know Ugly Betty? That's pretty much me on a daily basis. Clumsy and awkward.

I rarely ever talk about work in this blog (because so many people get busted for that stuff), but I'm pretty sure that what I"m going to write won't get me in trouble.

About a year ago my company repainted and spruced up the bathrooms...the cleaning people crammed a ton of paper towels in the paper towel holder, and in the process of trying to grab some out the whole thing smashed onto my FACE. I came out all bewildered, Caroline looked at me and was like "WTF happened to you?", and I was so flustered I half laughed half cried and my forehead became the size of a golfball...soon she started laughing, i'm laughing/crying still, and everyone in the department is like "how retarded do you have to be to injure yourself from a paper towel dispenser?!"...

Even take last night. Some women are smart and get their hair fabulously dyed by their stylist. Um yeah not me. 2 weeks before my wedding in a freak moment of insomnia i attempted to give myself highlights with disastrous results (thank God i wore my hair up). You' dthink i would have learned. Last night was spent running between the bathroom and the TV (South Park) in Highlight My Own Hair, v2.0...it says in the instructions not to do it too close to the scalp because the heat intensifies the color there...did Sabina listen? Nope, i was like "wtf they dont' know what they're talking about"...

I woke up this morning and now i've got GOBS of random brassy red all over my head. Yeah, I'm bringing sexyback.Back to loserville maybe.

Then today...since the downstairs hot water thingy doesn't work and i'm too lazy to go upstairs to get hot water for my Tazo Tea, my Diet Pepsi consumption has grown exponentially. I keep a case at my desk 'cause most of the time I end up wiping the vending machine dry. So today I went to my car and brought back another 12 pack, and i smacked a pen into the cardboard case to help rip open the box....

Uhhh Einstein over here punctured a can of diet pepsi...I scream, pepsi flies everywhere...i open the fridgepack, find the can that i punctured, and start sucking soda straight from the hole. (Yes, Caroline was like "you are officially addicted now, you realize that:)...there was soda ALL around myd esk. Plus the soda was warm from being in the car.

To quote something my childhood friend Christine once said (not about me, but it works in this example): I have all the grace and poise of a cow in heat.

I realize this was the year I was going to be refined and elegant. I have failed, failed, failed miserably at this.

Yesterday I went to the chiropractor for teh first time ever (note: i'm slouching wayyy down as I type...suck it). My workstation is all screwed up and in turn, it's impacted my posture and my spine, which is duly noted to have very narrow shoulders and basically being built like a midget. So dude says that if we go crazy adjusting me for a short time, it'll be okay, as opposed to years and years and years of visits like most people seem to need.

Have you ever been adjusted? It was crazy. I mean, i had my neck done once by an ex bf's sister, but that was NOTHING. First they zapped electricity through my muscles which freaked the hell out of me, then he put me in random poses and he'd lean all close and smush me to make me crack. At one point when he was leaning over me to crack (uhhh adjust) my back, my brain was all "hey, buddy, maybe you should buy me dinner first"...I am NOT a touchy feely person with anyone, I have a hard enough time holding Kraig's hand (yes, lord help any man who's with me...you know the scene in Clueless where Cher walks up to the school and talks about how high school guys are like dogs and this dude jumps up to hug her and she SHOVES him off and screams "ewww, get OFF of me!"...that's me), so for a dude to lean over and get all close while making my bones crack is a little uncomfortable in terms of my personal space bubble being invaded.

Anyway, the moral of the story is...some girls have grace, poise, and walk into a women being perfectly ladylike and respectable...sadly, I have zero of these traits.

"Gay Dad" always trumps "Slutty Mom"

OH

SNAP!

Some of the best one-liners are gonna come from the OC this year (and probably final year).
4 Minutes Preview

It starts of slow but ohhhhhhh it gets GOOD....Julie Cooper Nichol is the best tv "villain" you absolutely love right now.

Best quote of the week...err...weekend?

From a friend, this is SO true:

"the people you attract to your life when you're in one state don't stay with you after you've moved out of that state unless they are changing as well or making a CONCERTED effort to accept your growth and your new terms"

When i get the pics, I'll post a bit about this weekend's camping (my first "real" camping ever) and how things went down with Bruno...it wasn't pretty.

Make love, not Warcraft

Disclaimer: yes I've heard of Blizzard because my husband makes video games,but I've never even seen World of Warcraft and I learned yesterday that the graphics look so crappy because it's intended for everyone to play, no matter how crummy the computer. Anyway, the point is that I thought this was EXTREMELY creative and well done, even if you don't know the game and how it works.

This was, by far, the FUNNIEST effing South Park episode ever. This clip is around 10mins long, but forward to 6:00mins in...

The BEST part is at 7:01, where Timmy gets to speak...

Arizona Pics

Too lazy to summarize the trip, but here's the link to the pics if yer bored.

TV Wrap Up

Oh mannnnn I'm just addicted to too many shows.

Lost - Season Premiere
For a fantastic episode summary and commentary, Entertainment WEekly's Review.

So part of me wasn't in the mood for Lost, but I knew that I would kick myself if I didn't watch it last night so I shmushed in on the couch between the cats and got it on.

The episode is spent flashing back to Jack's post-marriage-fallout-but-pre-divorce mode, and the 3 kidnapees now that they're trapped by The Others.

Henry Gale is really Ben, the ringleader, and he's got a blondie wife named Juliet...

Sawyer (my boy! I missed him) is spent in a cage learning monkey tricks while the soundtrack to Planet of the Apes was playing.

Kate had a fancy shmancy breakfast with Ben, and he made her wear a dress so that she could feel like "a lady" and have something fond to look onto. Uhhh, buddy, wearing a dress is NOT something fond to remember. The average chick will take jeans over a dress when it comes to comfort ANY day. I know when I'm trapped by a bunch of jackasses, i'd rather have jeans, a bra, and shoes instead of a dress, no bra, and no shoes...

As for Jack, he dealt with Juliet and did a good job of tackling her when she lowered her trust. There is ONE touching scene i have to note...the entire series of flashbacks are spent with Jack begging to answer: "what is his name?"...and his ex wife wouldn't tell him. All the guy wanted was a NAME.

So when Juliet shows the folder of Jack's Life, and shows that she knows all about Sarah (that's her name right? Whatever. The chick who's on Boston Legal now), he finally gets to ask his question. But instead of asking "What is his name?"....he asks, "Is she happy?"...as Juliet says "yes, she is very happy", Jack completely breaks down.

Because when you truly, honestly love someone...it's not whether YOU get to be with them. It's whether THEY are happy. And if that's not with you...it's heartbreaking, it's gut-wrenching, but if you love them then you'll accept that that's what it takes for them to be happy.

And best of all...the previews show Sawyer getting his kissing groove on with Kate. I can't stand Kate, but YEAH go Team Sawyer!


Laguna Beack

Seriously, why do I bother with this show? Because i liked Seasons 1 and 2? It's a new cast, and they suck.

All i have to say is that Kyndra's boyfriend is a WHINEY LITTLE BITCH...she's definitely the dude in that relationship. When a chick asks you why you're being a douche, don't be all prissy and say "nothing" and then later pull a hissy fit.

House of Carters

Now it's only a fluke that i caught this, but I'm so glad that I did. It was absolutely brilliant.

Premise: Nick Carter (the baby Backstreet Boy) gets his dysfunctional siblings all in one house to finally learn to get along and grieve over their f*cked up childhood.

Let's see...Nick is the Dad of the bunch, since he's the one footing the bill and the rich one. BJ is the alcoholic annoying brat who's going to be flipping burgers for the rest of her life. Aaron, amazingly, is extremely goal oriented for someone so immature.

Remember, Aaron is the guy who created the feud between Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff years ago

Then there's Aaron's twin sister who's a wannabe model, and probably the most level-headed one (because she knows stress makes you break out), and then there's the big sister of the bunch who's got that whole "i'm responsible for everyone" thing going on.

Still, you think, wtf sounds boring...ohhh no. First episode their mom goes off the deep end, again, and they all argue over whether it's their responsibility, that you've only got one mom, but how many times do cave when someone cries wolf, and when a family member is mentally ill what do you do...

As immature and retarded as these 5 are, it's also crazy to think that they're being forced to play grownups to parents who are immature gold diggers, and they are clearly not equipped to deal with the real world as a result.

Plus, they are emotionally F*CKED UP from having to grow up so fast.

Then there's a scene where Nick flips on Aaron...of which, i would have flipped too...Nick pulls Aaron ina room, beats the pulp out of him (off camera), back on camera we see them crying and screaming and bloodied up and people screaming to call the cops...

ANd you know how it ended?

With Aaron and Nick hugging each other saying "you're my brother! MY BROTHER MAN!".

The Bachelor
Okay i don't normally watch this except for 1 season and I haven't watched it yet so far, but I got into an office pool at work over who would win and I got Kim from Long Beach. Yee haw. So i guess I'm going to have to start watching.

Which is fine by me, because What About Brian is on afterwords.

Fashion House
I"m not going to summarize, all i'm going to say is YES i'm still watching this stupid nightly soap opera. It's so horrible on so many levels, but now i've gotten so sucked in I absolutely can't NOT watch. ARgh.


Tv is my best friend.

Oh no you DI-INT!

If you want to come on out here and watch the UFC with me... I'd be more than happy to explain what is going on for you. I hate it when the uneducated people that watch the sport jump to conclusions, or just hate because they don't understand what is going on.

HA i would only to prove to you how gay it is!

First off, "sweaty mantouching":
Are they sweaty? Check.
Are they men? Check.
Do they touch? Check.
Seems like I havea good understanding of that...

Are they practically naked? Check.
Is there man on man action? Check.

Sure, it's rough, sure they get bruised and bloodied, sure their faces end up in some strange parts of the other dude's body, sure they probably have a hard time walking the next day, but that to me is a damn good roll in the gay if that happens on MY saturday night....

AND....

I'm not knocking that it's not massively physical and taxing on the human body or any of that stuff, but once again...so is a GREAT saturday night....

But then again, you also probably agree that teabagging isn't a gay activity so...If you want to come on out here and watch gay porn with me... I'd be more than happy to explain what is going on for you. I hate it when the uneducated people put their nuts on another's guys face jump to conclusions, or just hate because they don't understand what is going on.


disclaimer: i'm not knocking gay people, or gay lifestyles, i don't give a crap who people love, i'm just saying, straightmen of the world...wrestling-type activities or activities where your gonads are near another dude's orifices is GAY!

From Marlene's myspace quiz thingy....

Got time to kill...I need to get off my ass and Shutterfly those AZ pics. Hey i just realized Norm doesn't read/comment anymore...i kinda miss that!

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Last FORMAL relationship: I moved to California, I wanted an escape and I thought that moving to another country might do the job.
Last INFORMAL relationship: it was fabulous and fun but zero long term potential...a little sad actually.

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?:
This morning in the shower.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?:
Driving to werk.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?:
Perusing myspace.

5. Are you any good at math?:
In my head, no, but on paper yep...as in, basic math I suck at but I looooved Calculus and all that...

6. Your prom night?:
I went to like 5 proms...but they were ALL great.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?:
My dad once said we were related to Genghis Khan.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?:
Nope. Canadian subsidized education baby!

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?:
There's no song on there.

10. Last thing received in the mail?:
A TONNNN of mail...being gone for a week and all.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?:
two...tazo tea and diet pepsi

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering?
I try to avoid it, i'd rather just text

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?:
As in, who's the first concert i ever saw OR where did i first have sex at a concert?
First concert...crap...wasn't our lady peace...i don't remember...as for sex at a concert, not something i recall ever trying...

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?:
No, and for some reason I think that's kind of retarded.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?:
Gum grafting

16. What is out your back door?:
That's an odd way to word it. A wooden patio, a patio set, Myrtle The Lemon Tree, some palm trees, a bbq, random crap.

17. Any plans for tonight?:
Mostly just cleaning and catching up on more DVR stuff (we had 77 items recorded while we were gone).

18. Do you like the ocean?:
It's okay.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?:
nope.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?:
nope

22. Something you are excited about?:
camping...marlene's anniversary thing...GETTING A NEW CAR...

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?:
orange

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?:
nope

25. Describe your keychain:
Home key, car key, Carrie's house key, key for my drawer at work, key fob for work, remote car thingy, a green comb, a beer opener that says Dungeons & dragons (I don't drink beer nor do I play D&D), my libary key card, albertsons/ralphs/petsmart/petco/DSW saver cards...

26. Where do you keep your change?:
In my wallet.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?:
I asked a question at the wine tasting I went to in Arizona, that had alot of people.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
I still have my Columbia ski jacket, but i never wear it.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation?:
Which graduation? University...hmmm it was April-ish...so probably cold and slushy.

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?:
Open, the cats need to get in and out.

BRYAN: I got your text! I have some of those notes too in my parents' place! We should find a place where we can feed them all into a scanner and make them electronic!

UFC is more gay than DH

So thanks to having NO access to DVR for 7 days, that meant Kraig and I were stuck watching shows...LIVE....all last week (although we did have a combined total of 4 TVs, it kind of felt weird to be in different rooms during our vacation so we tried to avoid separate TV watching)...which meant I was stuck watching his UFC crap...

I mean, it's not that I don't find it entertaining (this in particular, some Matt Hughes guy vs. some blond Joe Riggs punk)...I seriously dig violoence like you wouldn't believe...but let's be real, these guys are sweaty, beefy, and they were CONSTANTLY laying on top of each other on the ground, with their heads going in places that even the whore-est of women would go. And i'm not knocking the gay lifestyle, i'm just saying, people...let's take this for what it is....an opportunity for men to get OUT of the bathhouses and onto mainstream tv with their sweaty mantouching.

As for Desperate Housewives....

So i finally caught up on 2 weeks' worth of the new season, and just like Best Week Ever proclaimed: it's just like season 1 with a new guy with a murder history, but hey it worked the first time around right? So far, it's great. BUT....

The writers are seriously swiping their material. Let's see...in 2 weeks:

1. Orson and Bree are waiting before marriage before having sex, which of course sends Gabby laughing through the roof and the 4 women have a little chat about "testing" before buying. Last time Kyle MacLachlan (aka Orson) played this role, he was Trey MacDougal on Sex and the City, and Charlotte was the one who was waiting until marriage before sleeping with him and Samantha was the one laughing through the roof. Been there, done that.

2. Gabby and Carlos eagerly waiting for their baby and when it's born, everyone is shocked to see a black child. As seen with Christian's child on Nip/Tuck

3. The hospital screwed up the fertility treatment and gave the wrong specimen to the surrogate. As seen on Days of OUr Lives (Belle got Shawn's goods, not Phillipe's)

What does all of this tell us?

That I watch wayyyy too much damn tv!

Crazy magician...

Hey i'm in AZ...will have plenty of commentary to provide....

Last night we did a Cowboy Cookout (me, Kraig, this other 20-something couple, and a dozen senior citizens. Good times) in some...uh cowboy-looking thing...complete with a shootout (yes, i fired a real gun for the first time ever) and buffalo chilli...

Anyway this magician came to our table and hands down, the best magician i've ever seen. He whips his cards out of a box and then shows how the box is smaller than the cards (how did he do it? ooh ahh) and did a whole bunch of the usual "look at a card, oh is this the card?" things, but at one point I picked out a card and signed my name on it...

He then proceeded to do a TON of crazy tricks whereby my card would come up....at one point he went into his wallet and pulled out from that sticky plasticky area where you put your driver's license...MY CARD...that blew everyone away...

And then finally he shoves my card in the pile, shuffles it, puts a rubber band around the deck, throws the deck at the ceiling...and somehow STICKING to the ceiling is my card...it was crazy.

Hands down, best card magician work stuff i've seen in my life. That was worth eating buffalo chilli for.

Soooo sad....

This is crazy sad (okay, also 'cause i watch that tv show religiously so i SAW all the pregnancy footage):

IP: Run's House rapper Rev Run and wife Justine mourning the loss of their newborn daughter, who was pronounced dead shortly after her birth Tuesday, according to TMZ.com. Doctors reportedly delivered the baby via C-section, at which time they discovered she was born with organs outside her body.

Gonna spray my Baby Batter

Argh so last Monday...i got violated...baaad..

Now if you use Ebay then you probably get a ton of phishing-scheme emails. I've been using ebay since 1998, so I've seen them from way back when they were ghetto plain text emails to now where they try to tell you that they "won your auction" for something that you didnt' post. Or all the Paypal scams where they say "a new email address has been added to your paypal account", all in the effort that you'll click the link in the email and stupidly give out your PW.

I've never, ever clicked that crap.

Anyway, so on MOnday I got THIRTY of such emails saying that I posted up new auctions. I didn't think anything of it, but I was annoyed that my inbox was flooded. So I started deleting stuff and then decided that since that was pretty odd to get spammed that much, I should double check my account (had they not put so many, I probably wouldn't even have logged into my ebay account).

Well...true to form, there WERE 30 new auctions. All for some Chanel purse. My account bill was over $100. I FREAKED OUT.

I loooove ebay (well, i used to, not so much anymore because I feel like it's deviated from it's original intention, but that's another blog for another time). So this was true rape-age.

Ebay doesn't have any 1-800 numbers...you have to use their online form thingy...and then I had a live operator pop up and say she was going to call me...I was in HYSTERICS...okay sortof exaggerating but it works better for the sake of the story...anyway, she immediately was like "okay obviously you didn't post all those purses" so I got credited asap...but I was like "wtf, I've NEVER clicked a phishing scheme email, how did they get in?"...

Ohhh, those bastards have gotten GOOD. So lots of times when you're on ebay it'll ask you for your PW...i never think anything of it, becuase the way i GOT to the site was by manually typing it in...so i know the address is legit...well basically jackasses run scripts on their auctions so that it automatically makes a fake login page, and yeah stupid me probably fell for it one night or something. The way Ebay is getting around that is by creating an application that runs all the time, so when you're on the web whenever you enter a pw it'll say "btw, this isn't a true ebay site"...it's annoying, but it's better than nothing...

Later, when I logged into Ebay with a new reset pw, it started asking all these security questions...geezus i answered that stuff in 1998! I clearly didn't know the answers (even to what i put for my first school, 'cause it wouldn't accept my answers)...but fortunately it wasn't a big deal...

My big issue was my paypal account...'cuase that crap is linked to my bank account...but it wouldn't let me delete my accounts so I had to call them, and they temporarily suspended my account...but now I gotta haul ass, go home, and enter my account info 'cause they'll totally disable my account in 48 hours if i don't do that.

I'm soooo annoyed. I mean, i almost got robbed of my account if they had changed the pw (dumbasses, if they logged in they should have changed the pw sot hat i couldn't get in and change it again), nor should they have posted so much stuff (well they did BUy It Now so i guess they hoped that people would click that before I had a chance to correct the error)...

Ha ha a great song is Come On And Get It (Up In 'Dem Guts) by Zach Galifianakis with Fiona Apple
It’s Friday night
And it’s time to party
Keep with the beat
Don’t be retarded

Put on the pants
My momma gave me
Hopin’ tonight
That the dancefloor will save me

Forgot my watch
But it doesn’t matter
Cuz I’m stayin’ out all night
Gonna spray my ‘Baby Batter’

Spot me a hottie
Sittin’ in the corner
I walk across the room and said
“Girl I gotta warn you…”


A'ight, i'm out for a week...booyah!

London Bridge is about a foursome...

Okay so I really do NOT like Fergie Ferg...

but DANG Here I Come by Fergie is THE ultimate song right now! Damn me for liking it.

Sabina's Words of Wisdom

From Ryan:
"So it's pretty clear that a trip to AZ (that better involve alotta nudity) is badly, badly needed. I can't wait to just veg out and do NOTHING."

What the crap? you invited my wife and I to go... this seems very odd to me.
what, you didn't think there would be CLOTHES on when you visited did you?!
LOL obviously we don't do stuff when other people are lodging with us, but it seems like it's just us so nudity it is then...although i say this NOW, and i'm sure kraig's going to be like "WTF your words mean nothing when it comes to action!"
On to words of wisdom

I was thinking of stuff (earlier thread), and I decided to start posting Sabina's Words of Wisdom, not to say these are MY words just damn good advice, in my opinion.

Time Heals All Wounds

This is a classic. Oldie but a goodie. When i broke up (pseudo sorta got dumped...kinda..) by my first boyfriend, the pain was SO unbearable. I honestly felt like I was being ripped to shreds inside. And then I realized that in 1 year, the pain wouldn't feel that bad. That meant that in 6 months the pain wouldn't be that bad. That meant in 1 month the pain wouldn't be as bad, as that second. And...i remember 2 months later I went 1 day where i didn't even think about him, and the next day I was like "wow...time DOES heal wounds"...
Anyway, whenever I'm feeling absolutely lousy about something, that's what I think.
This also falls under the This too, shall pass category.

Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

I know, sounds like something your mom would say right? But it's SO true. The way I figure it...you wouldn't imagine going into the Buckingham Palace and seeing crap lying around, or dirt, or random cans of coke lying around. Now imagine a trailor park. You WOULD be expectedt o see ashes everywhere from cigarettes, empty bottles, a nasty toilet. I would rather be OVERLY clean and anal retentive about that then have the perception of being trailor park.

NO ONE would ever say "pfft, Sabina's always so CLEAN" in a bad way, but people DO think negatively on people whose homes are filthy.

Note: i'm nowhere as neat as I'd like to be, but I believe this expression also gives something to aspire to.

Where's My Money Bitch?

Listen, sometimes people owe you money. Jobs, people, the tax man, whatever. And sometimes you don't want to speak up. But you know what? Sometimes, you gotta pull the "WHERE'S MY MONEY BITCH" act and get what's yours. Do you have to word it that way? Of course not. But saying "Dear so and so, I sent you my invoice on xxxx 2006 and have not receive payment. Attached is the invoice again for your records, please advise as to when your accounting department will send the balance due". Which is a professional way of saying "Dear so and so...i told you how much you owe me...WHERE'S MY MONEY BITCH?!"...

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

I know, I know, that seems like common sense right? But I think this applies to sooo much more. First off, when you think you want to change something...factor in the cost if you DO ruin it. Like take my guest bathroom (aka The Cat's Bathroom). It's hideously tacky in this crazy blue shade, and has Pottery Barn Kids fixtures in it...i can't stand it. BUT...let's say i attempt to overhaul it and i screw it up and have to hire someone...do i have the funds to do that? No? Then if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
That also applies to relationships...

Women are ALWAYS trying to come up with things to "fix" in a guy or a relationship. STOP women. STOP! Sometimes you just have to focus on right now, this second, are things good? Did he do something sweet today? I dont' care if you don't know if it's progressing fast enough. I don't care if you wanted him to take next Saturday off because you dont' see him all the time. I'm saying...today...are thngs good? Did you have a nice time with him? Then stop trying to change something...if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Your butter? YOUR BUTTER?!

Now...let me tell you a story from Marie Claire or Glamour or wherever I read this a few months ago....
There was this chick who at like 12 ran away from home, a pimp took her under his wing, and she averaged 1 john every hour or every half hour for days and days and then years and years...he would give her barely enough money (from HER earnings) to cover the cost of condoms...

So fast forward she's like early 20s, still a hooker, still seeing like $5 a day even though she banged dozens a day...she was making toast when the Pimp came home...and he was all "yo bitch, that's my butter!"...
At which point the prostitute SNAPPED...
THREW the plate of butter at him...
and screamed "Your butter? YOUR BUTTER?!"...and then left yadda yadda and somehow in there is some tale of triumph over tragedy.
Point is...
Sometimes, you do have to snap. you DO have to flip out and defend your right to YOUR butter. You are not a placemat. You are not a dog. You are not sub-par with anyone else. If you have been wronged, don't let that person spin it around back on you. It's your butter. OWN IT!

Don't Put That In Your Mouth, You Don't Know Where It's Been.

Now it's one thing when you're a kid and you find something on the ground and you put it in your mouth...which come to think of it, should be plenty reason enough that you DO know where it's been, the ground, wtf don't eat it. But once you're in your teens and your adults years...that's DEFINITELY true...for obvious reasons. I'm not saying not to EVER put anythingi n your mouth...it just seems...like people should definitely find out uhhh where's been first.

Adult survey

Saw this as a MySpace bulletin and well...you know the drill...it's all about me :P
Meant to be completed by those ADULTS out of high school)

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?

'Have you ever kissed someone?'
'Missed someone?'
'Told someone you loved them?'
'Drank alcohol?'

Hate all those questions!

Here are some questions for the people who are a little more mature... Okay, okay... OLD FOLKS like us.....

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Mortgage bill(s).

2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
There was this restaurant in Ottawa, argh it was fabulous and expensive and tiny and perfect, right in the Market, but it closed down.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Hmmm...i think at Nicole D's bar hopping night.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
I've danced on stages and cage thingies but never on a BAR itself...I have this thing to not piss off the bartenders!

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
I remember kingergarten...but 1st and 2nd grade, for the life of me, no idea their names.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sleeping, watching the rest of Nip/Tuck on DVD, driving a new car

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
An artist, and then later either a lawyer OR go into biochemistry/genetics and mutate crap.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
0. In Canada college is different than in the US. I went to The University of Ottawa...ghetttoooo.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
'Cause it was long enough to reach my waist and i'm wearing lowwwww black pants and i can't be flashing nobody at work.

10. GAS PRICES! First thought?
that I was on empty yesterday.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would you go and who would you take?
Okay i know this sounds awful...but I"d move back to Canada (but somewhere warm, like BC) and take my cat Marmalade. Is that bad that I didn't say Kraig? I jsut couldn't survive without my cat.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Hit snooze asap.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Cartman, RadioHead, and buying pubes.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Oh PLEASE...it's ALL about that Hanes "best underwear ever" stuff. Thin, stretchy, doesn't ride up but still looks attractive.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Boxer briefs. Mmm mmm good.

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
I can't STAND vacuuming. And scrubbing the bathtub. EVERYTHING else is fine. Seriously though. Scrubbing the tub is horrible. That's why I got that Automatic Shower Cleaner.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
Uhhh...no? Is that my only volunteer option? Eff that. If i didnt' have to work, i'd volunteer for an animal cause OR/AND i'd sit on my ass all day watching tv.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
I'd prefer to sleep in, but i end up getting up early.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Tough call...Mr. Burns and Homer (Simpsons)...Butters and Cartman (South Park)...that chick who looks like Betty Boop (Drawn Together)...and of course, all the disney princesses minus Snow White.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
anything that results in tons and tons of laughing.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
When i went to Target today, they didn't charge me for 2 cases of soda 'cause it was on that bottom part of the shopping cart. And i didn't say anything.

22. Your favorite lunch meat?
Uhhh...like deli meat? It all tastes like the same processed stuff to me.

23. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
I'm anti-costco. But when i DO go...i guess my answer is....ALOTTA CRAP.

24. Beach or lake?
Well lake mission viejo has a manmade beach...i'll take both please.

25. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
It's not a ritual, there's alot of legal stuff behind it. Like how you can't be forced to testify for a spouse accused of a crime. Or if your mate is in an accident, you get to make the medical decisions if there's no paperwork saying otherwise. It legally binds you saying you've got a responsibility to someone else now, suck it.

26. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
The Orleans, Ontario page. It's crazy fabulous.

27. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Celebrity stuff. Ohh...and i admit it...i'm STILL watching Fashion House. It's on 6 days a week. I know. It's the WORST SHOW EVER MADE and i'm effing watching it each night.

28. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Listen, don't knock Footloose. It's effing FABULOUS. Kevin Bacon plays a straight guy who is soooo gay, it's crazy (i'm not anti gay. But if you're gay, just be gay dammit). I don't know any guy who vents his anger through GYMNASTICS and DANCING.

29. What's your drink?
Soda: Diet pepsi, no ice. Hot beverage: Tazo Passion Tea + 2 Splendas. Alcohol: some girly martini.

30. Cowboys or Indians?
Uhhh...no preference.

31. Cops or Robbers?
Depends who's on MY side.

32. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
As long as he's not ugly.

33. What Hollywood star do you think resemble?
Sigh. APPARENTLY THE CHICK FROM WAITING...just in an uglier format. And Sophia Coppolla. And BLossom.

34. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?
Kate. So i could hookup with Sawyer. I would choose sawyer, but there's no mirrors on that island and I would want to stare at myself all day.

35. What do you want when you are sick?
Sleep.

36. Who from high school would you like to run into?
That i don't already still talk to? Hmmm...i wonder what Rashna is up to. Oh, and Christine Masterson to tell her FINALLY that she's a f*cking bitch, she's pure trash,...which also means i'd want to see that Renata chick who was only in school for 1 year but told Christine Masterson if she lays a hand on me, she'll kick her ass. Ahh, everyone needs a strong friend to protect them!

37. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No idea. I pretty much just listen to KFI 640 (am) and whatever station has The Triplets.

38. Norm or Cliff?
Norm. Cliff was a PAIN. ANd his mom was always around.

39. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Oh that is such a tough call. I dig both. But the SImpsons are close to my heart, so they win.

40. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I don't think I want to take any of them back, even if things went south they were always good when they were GOOD, you know? And it's always a good learning experience. Although i wish I could knock off "brian-toucan", the dude with the big nose i dated briefly during a "break" with Adam...he was a tool. And a highschool dropout.

41. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
No one is across from me, but next to me is someone I ADORE, she's fabulous.

42. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
Without causing ANY pain to those who might care for this person? I can't say, because even if you knew the relationship with that person you'd think i was horrible!

43. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Someone hot. It's not like i'm having dinner witht hem because i care for the conversation.

44. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
matthew mcconaughey, nick lachey, tom welling, the rock, ryan reynolds, ryan phillipe

45. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Nope.

46. Last book you read for real?
Right now i'm reading What's Not to Love?: The Adventures of a Mildly Perverted Young Writer

47. Do you have a teddy bear?
No, i grew up with my Curious George stuffed toy

48. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
My cube.

49. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I've pretty much been everywhere in Cali.

50. Number of texts in a day?
Depends.

51. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Ha ha i'm married, what do you think?

52. Do you go to church?
And by "church", do you mean "Target"? Of course.

53. Pencil or pen?
Purple, medium point ballpoint pens. None of this rollerball crap.

54. bueller??? bueller??? bueller?
You know, i'm not a big fan of that movie for some reason.

55. How many jobs have you had?
Oh geezus I did the math once last year when i wa sstuck in traffic, it was like 27 jobs in 19 years.

56. What do you want to achieve in life?
Wow. Finally a good question. This sounds sooo stupid...but inner peace...

57. RANDOM THOUGHT
"Time heals all wounds", "Cleanliness is next to Godliness", and "if it ain't broke, dont' fix it" are some pretty good words of wisdom.

Best movie name EVER

"Dirty Sanchez"...best movie name ever, i love it!
(hope the image link works)

Pirate booty

So it's pretty clear that a trip to AZ (that better involve alotta nudity) is badly, badly needed. I can't wait to just veg out and do NOTHING. Although i'm sure i'm going to still find a way to check my email (there's no internet in the room but the lobby has wireless so you KNOW i'll be in there for awhile each day) and make sure nothing dramatic happened at werk either.

In other news, a quote from BEP Fergie: “I just think, ‘Wow, I’ve worked so hard for this, but what are you doing other than sitting there behind your computers and talking s**t about people?’ If people don’t like me, fine, but don’t dis people if you’re not getting off your ass and doing something about your own life.”

Latest Fergie Pic
As someone on that page said it best: stop being ugly and I'll stop being lame and "dissing" you

First off Miss Thang, i downloaded your solo album and even though it was free, it wasted ALOT of my time to watch that "% Complete" thing for 10 minutes..shrink your files sizes even more biotch for easier illegal downloading. Secondly, I screamed in horror when I got my mail this week because your FUG face was in there on the cover of Shape.
And since i AM doing something about my own life (yes, gasp, people outside of the entertainment industry DO work too and have lives), that thus means I can now diss you.

Which I am doing. First off, Black Eyed Peas blow goats...My Humps is okay, but everything else is like serious koom-bay-a music and pretty much like a grownup version of Sharon Lois and Bram. Secondly, I'm sick of ugly people making it on the cover of magazines and dating hot people (in her case, Josh D). Am I good looking? No. Do you see me on the cover of a magazine? No. EXACTLY.

It's an attack on my senses to see her hideous face in MY mailbox, on the cover of a magazine *I* pay for...
In Weekend News
So on Sunday night I took kraig to see Pirates Dinner Show, which is WAYYYY better than ghetto Medieval Times.
For $50 you get a boatload of food, unlimited sodas, and 2 glasses of beer or wine. Kraig wasn't feeling well so I got all of his wine, and I needed it 'cause after the pre-show (which was pretty cool), our section's Pirate (Antonio...even though it's more like White College Guy Making Extra Cash) pulled me aside to say that me and 2 other girls were Treasure Hunters (hmmm that sounds perverted now that I think about it)...
Basically when they called out Treasure Hunters, I was to run down to this chest on the stage, grab the yellow flag, run over to this rope, and then use the pulley to get the flag to the top.

So i'm all paranoid 'cause i have a HUGE fear of doing stuff in public. And that pulley situation was a bitch 'cause it's a pirate boat, there's ropes everywhere, i wasn't sure if i'd figure out which one to use. AND they serve food during all of this, and i was worried my path would get blocked.
Antonio was trying to explain all of this to me and 2 other girls, and what I'm the type to repeat instructions when given and he was all "yeah...try to keep up..i know it's hard..." which, I guess, I deserve that sarcasm and general dick-y-ness behavior 'cause it wasn't THAT complicated.

Anyway so midway through the show it got to the Treasure Hunter part, but since I saw it coming the waitress chick rushed to move her cart away 'cause I gave her the Look of "don't MAKE me push your cart I'm a treasure hunter dammit!"...
Blah. Other than one girl accidentally using MY rope (I told you it was tricky to see), our guy won the challenge...yay Antonio. I got back up to my seat and Kraig was dying laughing, because he said it was SO obvious that I was having a freak out about doing something on stage in public.

Sigh. There goes my career as a stripper.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

Okay seriously, seriously SERIOUSLY I'm so excited for the upcoming tv season. I don't have a life, so I live in the magical land of the television.

Kraig's birthday was yesterday and the poor guy had to work till...midnight? I don't know, i tried staying awake, but watching old Office reruns made me tiiiiired.

So Tony officially left the BEST myspace comment ever...if you click on the video, it's from when i first moved to california...sigh, i was 23...we were going out clubbing that night and his brother kept asking if I was like part native indian or part "dot indian" lol.

Click the link in the comments page to the video

And to think all of us bastards are now married and living the domestic life!

Leggo my FICO

MANNNN...i'm seriously still in shock over Ashlee Simpson's transformation. I mean, she looks great (as seen in her new CHicago musical promo shots), but I still miss the old Ashlee who had more personality to her face than her sister.

So I got a copy of the Victoria Beckham CD (Posh Spice)...uhh yeah let's just say I'll take any free download...I thought maybe she'd have ONE catchy dance song...I mean, she's very Kylie-Minogue-esque with her music...ohhhh it was bad. I mean, 14 year old recording on her tape recorder BAD.

Since I came to the US I've protected my credit score like gold 'cause have NO credit history is a billion times worse than BAD credit history...when I moved to the US it was the equivalent of just being born (and before any of you US citizens try to tell me that you didn't have any until you did X Y or Z, you get a score the minute you have a social security number which you pretty much get from birth....)...anyway there was a snafu when I moved from san Jose to here, a stupid $20 water bill which got on my credit report but I couldn't argue it because my old apartment complex got bought out, and there's NO record of me anywhere, so I was stuck with it.

It dropped my score 150 points and it resulted in me not being ablet o be on my home loan after we refinanced. So i've been pretty pissed about that, 'cuase i had a GREAT score before that.

Anyway so now with the car purchase looming I wanted to know what my score was....ahhhhh it's gone up! Finally! For some reason Experion is always the highest of the 3 credit reporting bureaus and that one had me at 828...ahhhh much better than what it used to be.

DVD Review: WAITING

DVD Review: Waiting

Now in case it's not clear...I'm wildly crazy for Ryan Reynolds. Ever since he was on 2 Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (tv show). So I'm a little biased when it comes to his movies, because he could do a movie where he's just sitting there and I probably would STILL love it.

That being said...this movie was SUCH a disappointment. I watched it 'cause a coworker said it was super funny and I "had" to see it (plus...did I mention I'm crazy for my boy Ryan R?).

Uhhh. Yeah. My standards were pretty high...i mean, Van Wilder is FANTASTIC and Just Friends was pretty good...but this was just plain boring. It had it's comedic moments, but it wasn't something that had me laughing out loud, just a few giggles.

Why this movie sucked:

1. Anna Faris. I LOVE this girl. But what she does best is play the cute ditzy blond (Scary Movies, Lost in Translation, Just Friends...okay she was a brunette in Scary Movie 2 but she was still ditzy) who's adorable.

In this movie she has bad hair, bad makeup, but mostly she's not ditzy...she plays someone intelligent...which isn't funny at ALL. So they could have picked ANY blond, and someone better looking, to take that role.

2. That screaming chick who was in American Pie 2 and Legally Blond. Okay. I get it. You're disgruntled. It was funny at first, but the entire movie she's screaming bloody murder and it just got to be annoying.

3. Justin Long was a whiny little bitch the entire movie.

4. Ryan Reynolds is his usual quirkly type character, which works when there's a PLOT...but in this movie it's just a day at a restaurant. So he sucked.

5. Maybe the scene where the screaming chick flashes everyone was supposed to be funny and horrifying, but I didn't even bat an eye. She could have flashed me her elbow for all I cared. It was boring.

6. The penis flashing game was nowhere NEAR as funny as it could have been, and they didnt' use it often enough.

The few redeeming parts of this movie:

1. The kid who starts his first day there flips out at the very end. Not only was that funny (finally!), but at least he voiced what i was thinking the entire movie.

2. I can't stand Dane Cook, but he was FANTASTIC in this movie. He deserves WAY more credit than Ryan Reynolds for carrying this movie.

3. When the cook was using chicken to illustrate the various ways you can flash your penis. Granted, I wasnt' laughing out loud...mostly 'cause I was like "whaa? The bat? How does that work?" and then my husband proceeded to unzip his pants in order to show me (yes, I stopped him in time...if anyone ever shows me the Bat or the Goat, i would never be able to sleep with him again). BUT...i guess if you're a dude you'd find that effing hilarious.

4. The scene where Anna Faris tells Ryan Reynolds how horrible he was in bed. Which actually wasn't funny, but the way she described his style as a 45 second seizure was enlightening, and pretty entertaining, but not FUNNY.

So in the end, I was BIG TIME disappointed. I'm going to have to re-watch Van Wilder this weekend just to redeem Ryan Reynolds in my books.

On a final note, that Natasha chick BUGGED ME...she looked like a wayyy prettier version of ME (and no one needs to say "no you're pretty" blah blah...really, she's basically what a few enhancements to my face would look like). Still not convinced? Check out her side profile vs mine:
Vanessa Lengies aka Natasha in Waiting




Me:



You decide!

I've been gone for too long, but I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm!

Beyonce is fantabulous.

Saw this online:

kiss on the stomach - "lets have sex"
kiss onthe forehead - "forever you will be mine"
kiss on the ear - "Im horny"
kiss on the cheek - "We're friends"
kiss on the hand - "I adore you"
kiss on the neck - "we belong together"
kiss on the shoulder- "I want you"
kiss on the lips - "I love you OR I want you"
holding hands - "we can learn to love eachother"
slap on the butt - "that's mine"
playing with the ear- "I can't live without you"
holding on tight - "don't let go"
looking into eachothers eyes - "don't leave me"
playing with hair on head - "tell me you love me"
arms around the waist - "I love you too much to let go"
laughing while kissing - "Im completely comfortable with you"

*Advice*
don't ask for a kiss,take one
If you were thinking about someone while reading this
you're definitly in Love or strong like

At first I thought it was cheesy, but then I thought about the spots I kiss when I'm in "i'm horny/I want you" mode, and yep, it's true....

In DVD news...
I've really been missing Nip/Tuck. When I bought the house and got satellite, I had to get rid of F/X (it's part of the uber premium channels, whereas with Cox Cable it was part of the ghetto Pour Man package). I miss my Nip/Tuck like you wouldn't believe. Anyway I finally saw Disc 1 of Season 2 last night and ohhhhhh I forgot how deliciously sinful that show is.

Plus, I've got nerves of steel when it comes to surgery but I forgot how much that show makes me squirm, like when Christian gave himself a nose job, shoved the chisel up his nose, and took the hammer to it...I LOVE IT!
It's so wrong, it's just soooo right. I can't wait for Netflix to bring in the next disc.

In Other DVD News...
Yay we got The Office season 2 on DVD! Time to host a weekend The Office Marathon. (Note to self: email Nicole for her schedule).

In driving news...
I hate my effing car. Yesterday when I got out of my car, I hit my head on my broken visor and one of the two binder clips that hold it up went FLYING into the parking lot. The clips aren't doing such a good job...if I sit up too straight I knock my head on the visor and then it all goes straight to hell while i'm dealing with hwy traffic.

In nutcase news...
I can't believe Whitney and Bobby lasted longer than sooooo many other celebrity couples.

In soda news...
Chugging 4 regular diet pepsi/cokes in 2 hours CAN'T be healthy. Sure doesn't feel healthy. Ughghghhg.

In Amazon.com news...
So that purse (see thread...somewhere below...too lazy to find it myself...the one with a purse picture) that I ordered off amazon came in and I posted a review of it on their website. It's absolutely adorable, but it's a bit too big for my liking (ahh well, the size of your purse shows your age and i'm practically ancient at this rate) and it's not as dark chocolate brown as i would have liked. BUT...it's cute, and whenever I feel like doing the "big purse" thing, it's perfect.

In cellular news...
My phone is SERIOUSLY seriously ("I'm serial!") seriously on it's last leg. I can get maybe 10 minutes of talk time. October 4th I'm due for a new one...i'm dyyying right now. If i only have 2 bars, I dont' even pick up the phone...I saw Sylvia called and I was like "ugh!" 'cause i didn't want to pick up only to say "can't talk no bars gotta go ((click))"...

In money news...
California is raising minimum wage to $8. Uhhh about flippin' time...the minimum wage here is the same as in Ottawa, and the cost of living is nowhere NEAR as high!

KAH TOE MAHHH TAYYYY!

Auto shopping baby!

So as I'm sure everyone on the planet knows...i'm officially FED UP of my car.

I've been eyeing the Nissan Murano, but it's out of my price range so I had to scope out other cheaper small/midsize SUVs. I did some research, and the redesigned Rav4 (Toyota) and CRV (Honda) had the best reviews (and got Best Buys from Consumers Reports).

Let me tell you...I can't STAND driving. Really. Seriously. So test driving is not something on my list of priorities. Heck, thanks to the internet, I'm blown away by how I ever used to spend my youth at the mall for hours and hours...i get annoyed when the online checkout process takes too long. Can't i just buy a car online and have it delivered?!

Well i guess i could, but i still needed to test drive it.

The Rav4 comes in a V4 and a V6, plus a base, Sport, and Limited version of each...that's alotta combos. Which already makes my head hurt. I absolutely love it...my only major gripe is that visibility is kinda hard and my fear is that I'm going to back into someone at the grocery store.

Yes, the grocery store...any other time backing out is no big deal but people walking in the parking lot at the grocery store seem to be especially retarded

What I'm not used to is looking in the rearview mirror and seeing WAYYYY back...my car is a compact car and so the view back isn't far at all.

Anyway, otherwise, i love it.It's got this double glove compartment situation, MP3 player, the base dials for temperature are a bit gay compared to the Limited version but i can manage, and shoving the seats down in the back is a snap.

Thing is, it's a LITTLE bit pricier than what i wanted to spend (and when i say a "little", i mean, $2K-$3K). Well, for the Sport and Limited versions anyway...i haven't scoped out the Base one yet.

The 2007s aren't in yet, so until those come in I'm not getting the Rav4.

Last night I test drove a CRV. I was really hoping that I would fall in love with it, because it's cheaper than the Rav4. Well, you can easily tell the diff between the V4 CRV and the V6 Rav4 (obviously)...i wish they had a V6 version. The automatic shift thingy was SO bizarre...it was on the console by the radio (as was the parking brake)...that's just weird to me. Although that leaves room on the right for your purse, which is always good, but I was much more aware of how much bigger of a vehicle it was compared to my car.

The only thing i DID like about it was that the windows are strategically placed...no blind spots, easy viewing, I felt MUCH better about that than the Rav4. Which, for all it's downfalls (which also includes a stereo/temp console that I couldn't reach), it's a pretty important thing.

I'll end up test driving both again i'm sure. Next up: the Murano. I know, I know, it's out of my price range, but I gotta just TRYYYY it. Maybe i'll hate it and then I won't look back with regret. And if i like it, well, i'll donate a kidney or something.

Weekend wrap up

Props to Ryan and NIcole for a fantastic shindig Friday night....

On Saturday our new stove was scheduled to arrive. At like 10am they show up, but tell us that our gas hookup is a 1/2" valve and by law it has to be 3/4", and that there's no way for him to switch it 'cause we're in a townhouse and if they turn off the gas, the entire row will have no gas. I paid for hookup from Sears, so they said they could be back whenever, just give them a ring.

So I call The Gas Company and tell them I need our gas valve thingy changed. They tell me that they require that the appliance be installed by them, which will cost $50. I'm like "wtf, you're GOUGING us, I already paid for Sears to install it AND it's not my fault the gas hookup isn't up to code".

So the lady was all "fine, you can do it yourself" and i was like "great, so when can you shut off the gas" and she said she could schedule it for the 18th and couldn't even tell me when they could turn it back on! Obviously not an option.

SOOOO...I sucked it up, and said we'd go with the $50 option...and they're like "great, we can come out today, will someone be home between now and 8pm?"...

I'm like "you're kidding me, you don't have a smaller window of when they'll be by?!"..

SOOOOOOOOO Kraig and I were homebound for pretty much all of Saturday, which worked out 'cause I cleaned like a mofo. Eventually our stove got all installed and all that, and it's so pretty I could lick it.

On another note, there is NOTHING more disgusting than the crap that's behind a stove for 20 years. And whatever was back there was covered with a thick layer of grease. Nastiness.

Later at like 8 I finally got off my ass and test drove my Rav4.

I think Kraig is disappointed, because on Sunday I couldn't get the energy to test drive some CRVs. Here's the thing: I hate driving. So test driving is like suicide for me. And I can't make decisions to save my soul...lord help me when I go to a new restaurant. I'm better off when there's only a small set of selections...but I want a 2006 Rav4 so pretty much everything is available (in Base, Sport, or Limited editions)....

Later on Saturday night Chris swung by and I grungingly agreed to play one of his uhhhh non-conventional games (note to self: email Nick and get HIM to play these bizarre boardgames with my husband and Chris). It actually was pretty interesting (Betrayal On Haunted Hill or something like that), sort of similar to Clue.

Chris is a DJ for some UCI radio station, and somehow we got into a discussion of whether I could hang out with him while he does a DJ session (uh yeah 3am - 6am)...Chris' radio show is all about crazy death metal thrasher type music so they think it would be funny for me to be on and be like "why is this CD all black? Don't they know pink is the new black?"...So i might set something up with Chris on a weekend where i can easily sleep in.

On Sunday Kraig worked all day so after sleeping in till 11am (ahhhh...sweet sweet sleep) i cleaned the kitchen, baked some muffins in my new oven, and finally organized 1 year's worth of paperwork in my filing cabinet (and shredded 5 garbage bags of paper).

All in all...I lead a pretty boring life. The more you know!

In other news, Flavor of Love is the most fantastic thing EVER. New York is BACK! I actually kinda liked her from last season, so I think i'm rooting for her to win this time.

Nigga'z got his OWN rickshaw...it's on!

Pure and utter randomness for today:

1. I've decided that Eva Mendes is the perfect speciman of a woman. I'd give Kraig's left nut to look like her.

2. My new stove comes in tomorrow. Which means I'll see what's been growing BEHIND the current stove for 20 years. I'm a little nervous. I'm not going to lie...i just might vomit. I get the feeling there's alotta nastiness back there.

3. Is it bad to laugh when your friend tell syou something that she thinks is horrible but it's just super funny? "I'm pissed off I know so much about COWS!"...Carrie needs her own sitcom.

4. I think a Nissan Murano (2006) is a pipe dream...so i'm scoping out Honda CRVs or the V6 version of the Rav 4...i prefer the Rav 4 but it's pricier and the back hatch opens sideways (like a door) instead of up (like most SUVs/Vans). Plus i believe all the V6 versions have MP3 players in them.

5. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

6. Yes, there's a chance Kraig mightn ot be able to go to Arizona. And it's already all paid for. So it might be me, by myself, in a 3 bedroom 1800sq foot suite. If Kraig can't go anyone is MORE than welcome to come hang out for a few days! PLEASE!

7. I'm hungry.

8. I'm having a fashion clothing crisis for tonight. I really, really wanted to wear this one dress that i've only worn 2x, but i was out and about last night and i was pretty frickin' cold, but i refuse to go to a shindig wearing a sweater just yet, even though it's supposed to be 14degrees C...yes, I don't do Farenheit yet (unless it's super hot...like i know 90F is like 32C)...

9. I lead a boring life. Good times.

10. Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.

Letter to the editor

Hey Sabina,
Wheres you comments on Tom & Katies debut of their daughter?

Listen...here's the thing. The kid in the photos is adorable. Great looking kid. BUT...my belief all along has been that Katie was never pregnant, and if she was, it sure as hell wasn't Tom's kid.

So...mystery baby is very cute. No way is that the child created by Tom and Katie though. I think the whole thing was one huge scientology scam.

Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.

So last night I actually watched Fashion House . Not because it even looked interesting. No, I actually watched it because stupid Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and the Insider wouldn't shut up about it for over a week.

The key is that it stars Bo Derek and Morgan Fairchild and they do some Dynasty-esque hair pulling and catfighting.

Ohhhh, that's an hour of my life I can never, never get back.

I'm more than fine with cheesy crappy chick shows. I dig 90210 and The OC, and heck I used to watch shows like Savannah (anyone remember that? Probably not). But this...this was just AWFUL.

First off, I'd like to think that shows like Desperate Housewives, while geared towards women, still have male writers. The dudes sound like...dudes. On last night's show, omg, CLEARLY chicks wrote the script. One hot straight guy says to the other straight guy "Are we still on for drinks tonight?"...

Uhhh...no. Guys don't talk like that. Guys don't go for "drinks" because "drinks" means cocktails and no self respecting straight guy is going to get cocktails with another straight guy. Plus, they went to this "hip" place...please! Guys drink BEER. And no young 20something somewhat-broke guy is going to go to some swank snotty lounge where beer is gonna be like $13 a pop. Unless they want to pick up hot chicks. But they work with MODELS...so why bother going to some snotty chick-ish lounge to pick up (and to pick up clearly older women...Bo Derek is 50) when you're surrounded by self absorbed women all day anyway?

Secondly, clearly it was written by women big time out of touch with reality. This bimbo model rolls out of bed and tells the somewhat broke guy how his art is "brilliant".

"Brilliant".

You find me a young 20-something airhead who says that about ART. You know what they say? NOT BRILLIANT. That's an uppity high class word used by arisocratic women when describing art, not some whore who rolled out of bed.

Thirdly, these chick writers were out of touch because in their attempt to portray said whore as a snob, she made a snotty remark to a rich housewife that she thought she was a makeup artist or hair person. Uhhh can you say Kevyn Aucoin, Charlie Green, or Ken Pave? 3 people who in their lifetime have/had made WAYYY more dough than a joe shmoe model ever could by doing hair and makeup.

PLUS, I would have been like "uh actually I'm so rich I don't have to work at ALL...sorry working girl"...no loaded rich wife is gonna take crap from a lowly model (unless you're a supermodel, which these girls clearly weren't, you're not getting paid tons of dough day in and day out...you get paid alot in chunks, but there are huge periods of time where there's no jobs coming in)....

Fourthly, have any of those women actually SEEN a fashion show? Geezus it looked straight out of a high school fashion show and i'm supposed to believe this is the world's top designer?

Fifthly, I get it, you got sponsorship from Maybelline. Could you have been SOMEWHAT more subtle so I didn't feel like I was watching a commercial for an hour?

Sixthly, yeah yeah so you need the dick husband to play a villain in the show. The guy who's cheating with his secretary. Unless you're some 1950's housewife, you're not gonna run to make breakfast when your dick husband who's been a dick for months says "where's my breakfast"...i'd say "shove it up your ass" 'cause what's he gonna do about it...he's the one who didn't get home every night for dinner.

Seventhly, speaking of said dick husband...he needs to grab his cell phone and to set the premise of what a volatile dick he is, we see a gun in his car.
Um let me get this straight...
I believe this show is supposed to take place in LA (which isn't a fashion capital at all but whatever)...
Dude needs to use his phone...and we keep our cell phones in the glove compartment?
And our glove compartment contains NOTHING but a gun and a cell phone? No paperwork, no nothing?
If you live in LA, well, California, you KNOW the CHP are like Nazis...for God's sakes I had 5 of them pull me over for an illegal u-turn. You're not storing a frickin' GUN in your glove compartment (at least, not in plain site, and NOT have any regular papers in there)...i get that it's a show, but credibility people...I shouldn't be watching a show thinking "wow that's retarded when the CHP wants your papers they'll see your gun. And why is your cell phone in the glove compartment?"...

Eightly, the alleged models weren't even remotely good looking. They were wannabe actresses. Wannabe actresses are uglier than models. Didn't they watch 8th & Ocean?

Ninethly, the cuthroat fashion house chick, played by Bo Derek (who is looking SMOKING HOT for a chick turning 50...she's my hero), had to choose between her financial guy ratting out that she's stealing from her son's trust fund, or sleep with him. Hmmm...hot guy...I owe him a few million...pay him back that night with money i don't have...or just take a boning from the hot guy. Yeah tough call. WTF. Okay well he wasn't hot for a tv actor but if it were real life he'd be hot. And sleeping with people you sorta hate makes for fantastic sex. So wtf. Like i believe that she's traumatized over that.

Tenthly...sigh, i'll probably watch the next episode.

Prick's gonna pay for lookin' at my sister!

This is effing AWESOME:

Rickshaw drive by

You're not using any of Fluffy's blood, or else I'll kick you in the nuts!

Weekend movie review wrap up

In theaters: The Illusionist
So I didn't know anything about this movie, and I can't stand Ed Norton, so I figured I'd probably not like it.

I was pleasantly surprised.

It's a different kind of movie...not going to win any Academy Awards but the style of photography is interesting and it's highly entertaining. I give it two thumbs up, but I would either rent it or see it as part of a matinee.

On DVD: Be Cool
Okay I'll be honest.
I didn't like the original (Get Shorty) and I never got through all of it.

The same can be said for this. I didn't see the whole thing, Uma Thurman bugs me, and every time I saw John Travolta I kept thinking that his scientology buddy Tom Cruise would pop out with his alien baby Suri.

On DVD: 40 Year Old Virgin
Okay I saw this in the theater a year ago, but Kraig hadn't seen it so we watched it this weekend...

DAMN that's such a great movie. You can't go wrong knowing that Steve C. really DID get his chest waxed in real life in that infamous scene.

In other news....

I finally got a new stove. My criteria was pretty basic: over $399 ('cause then you don't have to pay for a year and you get free delivery), black, and fit the dimensions. So we went on Saturday but I looked like ASS...no makeup, hair in a blog, black headband, grungy tshirt, cargo pants.

The dude was a total DICK. Do you hear me Sears people at Laguna Hills Mall?! The only guy you had in the stove section was a DICK!

So we left 'cause I was so pissed off...came back on Monday. I did my hair, makeup, wore heels, wore a strapless black dress. Mr. Dick was working, and I was like "eff that sh*t, i'm not letting him have the commission from MY effing money" so I pretty much interrupted the sale another guy was doing just to make sure I got ANYONE but Mr. Dick.

And this other dude was FANTASTIC. I'm not going to be so vain to say it was the dress, 'cause i think i look just as ugly either way, but all I know is that this OTHER dude was super nice and the way a frickin' sales guy should be.

In case anyone really cares, the new stove comes in on Sat. I'm a little nervous to see what's underneath my current stove. It's going to be effing DISGUSTING.

And finally...
So out of my To Do list for the holiday weekend...hmmm...well...this is what i accomplished
1. A TON of sleeping. A ton. Seriously. The house was hot as hell and it made me groggy.
2. A TON of laundry.
3. Okay no car shopping but I did go to Carsdirect.com and scoped otu prices and stuff.
4. Got the stove.
5. Checked on Cammy (Carrie's cat).
6. Cleaned the bathroom.

Yeah. I suck.

KAH TOE MAHHH TAYY!

For your viewing pleasure

Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.

David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan".
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says "I love it when *balls* are in my face".
Cal: That's *gay*?

Ahhhh that's probably the best part of that movie....

Email from my mom

I swear, my mom kills me sometime...

hi bean,

u are always in need of extra cash, then again who isnt...

www.clicksmc.com

this company has a warehouse, helps u set up your own website and sell their stuff at warehouse prize. people order from your website, you send in your order to the warehouse and they take care of the shipping and handling.

the people ordering that stuff, think that u sending it to them. have a look, maybe there's something about.

I saw their television ads on tv, sounds interesting.

hugs MOM

But I'll be damned if I see another chick on your arm!!

DANG I love the new Beyonce song!

So the VMAs last night blew goats. when will people learn that Jack Black is okay with a script, but just running wild he's awful? The only part I laughed at was where he went backstage and Justin Timberlake was doing construction.

Plus, wtf was J Lo wearing? And why did she not know that that big black guy wasnt' with the band (kudos to him for finding a way onstage to plug his own crap, way to go MTV security).

Performances:

Beyonce...fantastic!

Shakira...i hate her voice but the performance was great

Justin...the first half is lip-synced but the dancing is pretty interesting.

Pharrell, Luda, and the PCD...it actually kinda sucks

Crap, now I've got that awful Hips Don't Lie song in my head. WTF.

So I've decided that sleep isn't the way to go this weekend...dear LORD please give me the strength to do the following things:
1. return that effing stupid space saver bag to BBB (uhhh it's been months...do i have the receipt)
2. Clean out the spare bedroom. Seriously. Once and for all. And get rid of one bookcase on freecycle.
3. Buy a new stove.
4. Test drive some new cars (gotta drag Stefanie with me, she's the auto negotiation pro)
5. Get the paperwork together to FINALLY refinance the home loan...again....
6. Watch the Queer As Folk DVD i got from netflix (I never got through all the seasons after I moved! I need Marcella's cable plan!)
7. Get off my a$$ and mail Marlene's bday gift

HA we'll see on Tuesday how much I get accomplished.

Sorry for this boring blog post (not like any of the others are interesting), but I lead a boring life, what can I tell ya. Maybe I need some blog topics or something.

Seriously I loooooove that Beyonce song.

Give me the jew gold Kyle!

South Park link ....ahhhh if i were stuck on an island and all I had to watch was South Park, I'd be in heaven.


Blow your mind.

I've been soooo bummed over not getting that purse on Amazon...but today I logged in and low and behold...the purse in brown is available again! But then I had some pre-buyer's remorse, 'cause I think it's going to be WAYYY too big, but f*ck it...it's absolutely adorable and I"m getting old and a sign of age is the size of your purse so suck it. It's adorable.

This is the purse, I wish they had it in cream but I'll take what i can get:


(watch the link not work anymore)

In other news, I signed me and Stefanie up for the Flavor of Love reunion episode...I doubt we'll get in, but that might be the highlight of my life if we did.

I can't waaaiiiittt for the long weekend. Nothing major planned, unless crazy amounts of sleeping counts as something planned. Even better, I can't wait till we go to Arizona...I can't remember the last time Kraig and I actually were together for a whole week. Maybe xmas a few years ago? Our honeymoon? Who knows.

Get yer surf on

Well, since i got a few blog shout outs from other people, today is officially Link To Other People's Crap Day.

Kraig's friend's blog: Miss Hoover, what's a Galway?

Grey, Norm, and B.O.B's blog: I want to be Seth Cohen when I grow up

Ryan's blog: How to torment your wife, 101

Animal Rescue Site: If you don't click the purple button once a day, God will kill a kitten

Alien Loves Predator: Each Monday morning when you need a laugh...bad.

Porn Starr's blog: Your double sided dildo will be shipped via Fed Ex

My brother's site: Probably won't keep this up for long 'cause i don't want people knowing who i'm related to!

That's all i can think of, if you've got a link you want posted lemme know...

Of pink jelly beans and other random sports events

So celebrity scoop....

First off, the Emmys were boring of course (minus anything with jon stewart) but the intro (LINK HERE was effing AWESOME (the South Park part was the best!)....

In other news, here's the nekkid pics of Toastee from Flavor of Love:
Toastee...don't call this modeling

This is sad:
Kim Yun-jin has become the first actress from Asia to ever grace the front of the U.S.'s TV Guide weekly. In the issue that hits stands next Monday, the actress appears with her small-screen husband Daniel Dae Kim.

(She's the chick from Lost, in case you didn't know). What kind of hillbilly country is this? How has it been THIS LONG before an asian chick has been on the cover of TV Guide?!?! Wow maybe the black people can keep their seats on the bus now too.
In Emmy fashion news

Everyone looked fantastic, amazingly. Evangeline Lilly's dress was GORGEOUS, probably my favorite of them all. I was annoyed that the cameras kept panning to Jaime Pressly and Debra Messing. Heather Locklear looked FANTABULOUS during the Aaron Spelling thing.

The tribute to Dick Clark was sooo sad...i mean, it was like he was saying goodbye to the world. At one point he said how he had accomplished his dream, and everyone should be so blessed. I was almost in hysterics, it was so touching. It's like he aged overnight.

Seriously, the South Park part of the intro for the Emmys was some effing funny stuff...

I can't wait for Sept 21st...all the good tv shows are back on...all social activities are going to go down to ZERO.

And what's sad...i actually posed on Saturday looking like a GOOB here completely sober:

Dang....

Ahhh the aftermath...involves crazy Swiffering of the kitchen floor, doing a count of leftover alcohol, and wondering if vacuuming is even worth it or if I should just start looking at laminate flooring NOW...

Much props to Kraig, who as always is a trooper with BBQing in the blazing heat, and for being totally cool whenever there's drama...indeed, i'm a lucky lucky girl!

On another note, Flavor of Love...COME ON...those producers HAD to have known she did porn...AND...we all know Flav does NOT have the web surfing skills to find Toastee's nekkid ass (or uhh...front from the sounds of it) on the net...

Season finale of 4400...the only highlight of it ending is knowing this means the debut of The OC, Lost (ohhhh I miss my Sawyer! hot damn that guy is the epitomy of manhood), Desperate Housewives, and The Office...I need to know the Jim and Pam saga!

In dental news
I went to the dentist before my bbq yesterday and the hygienist chick is soooo nice....she mentioned the day before how she was up in Brentwood at another office doing work...and when I asked if celebrities go there, well, my office visit must have tripled in time...

Ben Affleck and Casey were there the day before, apparently Ben is truly hot in real life. Nicholas Cage is also apparently good looking, and he used to go in with Patricia...now with celebs they have to make sure they don't schedule appointments at the same time, but once when he was dating some chick they accidentally scheduled the girlfriend at the same time as Patricia, so they had to keep them super far apart...

Jack Nicholson took awhile to get used to becuase he's weird...

Tom Cruise is apparently VERY nice, and she thinks that his manager is the one who's making act like a looney toon...I asked about his braces, she said he lasted all of 2 days before begging to have them take them off, and that the center of his teeth are WAY off line, so even his veneers are a bit off...

Most celebrities have veneers, so they don't have to floss as much...But Tracy Chapman and Nicole Kidman have their real teeth, and what's his face who plays Kramer has his real teeth except for 4, becuase he damaged them at some point....apparently he's super funny....

Penelope Cruz didn't even seem to be dating Tom when they came in back in the day, so the hygienist thinks that whole thing was just to boost her image, and that Penelope was the rudest of them all and made the pregnant receptionist cry...

AND...she said Matt Damon is the most down to earth and NICEST of them all, and thathe's the only one who doesn't go in with a publicist or manager.

Needless to say, I was in HEAVEN in that dentist chair...

And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and the rain forgot how to bring salvation

So I'm crazy in love with the acoustic version of Nelly Furtado's "All Good Things Come To An End" (with Chris Martin, who I can't stand, but hey...it works for this song)...

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

So it kind of depressed me yesterday, and then I realized, wtf...who's the idiot who came up with that theory? That all good things come to an end?

Why isn't there an expression that says "all crappy things seem to last frickin' forever"?

"All bad times must last long enough to make you want to put a bullet in your head"
So who's the jackass killjoy who made up the expression that all good things MUST come to an end, and thus created the cassandra-syndrome for all of us that made it come true?!

If you think about it, it's absolutely true. But WHY is that? If i think of all the wonderful moments in my life, time eventually kicked in, and it was over...I think of things going on with my friends, and the same applies to them....

And yet, look at crappy stuff...like effing paying bills. That's a REAL BAD TIME and that doesn't ever seem to end. Death is a crappy time, and that doesn't end! Cancer isn't fun, and that doesn't seem to end for people. Aging is horrible, horrible, and that definitely doesn't end (well, until you get to death, which is even worse...i think).

Anyway, that's my griping about how all good things come to an end...it's just flippin' depressing.

new topic

I got a leaked version of Justin Timberlake's album...the songs that are good are FANTASTIC, but the ones that aren't....blow. Plus he's got interludes, and i had interludes on CDs. Basically you can tell he wanted a CD you can pop in when you're trying to get a chick naked or something.

new topic

Season 3 of Laguna Beach is just AWFUL...why do I keep watching?

new topic

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow's bbq...people tend to flake, right?

new topic

Did I bitch yet about Amazon? I got a $50 GC for my birthday, and I found a cute purse I wanted. So i added it to my wishlist so that the next morning I could buy it (I was too tired that night to go through the checkout process), and the next morning it was soldo ut in the color i wanted! BITCH! It was SOOO cute.

new topic

Marmalade is on new medicine. Stay tuned.

new topic

Why hasn't anyone invented lettuce that tastes like doughnuts yet?! WTF!

last topic

I can't believe it's almost labor day...this year has FLOWN by like a mofo....I feel like I just celebrated New Year's....I miss buying back to school supplies...I miss having summer vacations....gasp, i think I might actually miss non-California fall, with the change of leaves and Indian Summer and wearing cute new coats...

Yep. All good things come to an end.

Ha ha haaa...

Tony, you deserve an award...

"I got my jimmy on your tonsils..."

Marmalade update

Marmalade update...

So this raging infection of hers seems to be resistant to alot of stuff, according to the lab folks, so last night the vet gave me a new medication to try.

I got home, and i was EXHAUSTED (i've been exhausted lately) and I was gonna take a quick nap, but i figured I should give her the medication before i passed out. So I did, and then fast forward to 11pm when I awoke to Kraig getting ready for bed (I told you i was tired!), and Marmalade was just so AGITATED...she kept pacing, jump up and down off teh bed, making these low growling noises...finally Kraig gets up and then says "sweetie, i don't like freaking you out about the cat, but I think something's wrong"...

I get up, and she's PANTING....low to the ground...growling...so we threw on some clothes and took her to the animal ER (fortunately, right by my house)....

Stayed there ALL frickin' night. They figured she was allergic to the medication, so they gave her a shot for it and we had to sit with her all night until it kicked in, which fortunately it did.

By the time i got home, i put my head on the pillow, and a split second later my alarm went off for work.

When i signed her in I also had to sign a thing saying that emergency medical expenses can start from $450 to $850...when I signed it, Kraig was like "so much for our kitchen cabinets"...turns out it was only (ONLY) $142....

ANyway, long story short, she seems to be better now and I've been trying to get a hold of the vet to see what the next course of action against this urinary infection is. My poor baby :(

Let's get it ON...

Egads from Pop Culture Madness, The Top 40 Sexiest Songs:
I put in red the ones that I agree should make the list

Top 40 Hot and Sexy Songs

1. Lets Get It On - Marvin Gaye
2. Moments in Love - Art of Noise
3. Sex Me - R. Kelly
4. Love to Love You Baby - Donna Summer
5. Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye
6. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
7. Anywhere - 112
8. I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd (okay maybe not NOW but at the time, it did the trick)
9. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer
10. Nice and Slow - Usher
11. Too Close - Next
12. Mr. Boombastic - Shaggy
13. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy - Rod Stewart
14. I'll Make Love To You - Boys II Men (once again...at the time, it SURE did the trick boyeee!)
15. You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate
16. Let's Talk About Sex - Salt 'n' Pepa
17. Fever - Peggy Lee (or Elvis, for the ladies!)
18. Your Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer
19. Bolero - (classical)
20. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
21. I'm Gonna Love You Just A Little More - Barry White
22. Smooth Operator - Sade
23. Naughty Girl - Beyonce
24. All the Way - Frank Sinatra
25. Super Freak - Rick James
26. Let's Go To Bed - The Cure
27. Fallin - Alicia Keys
28. Sexual - Amber
29. Kiss You All Over - Exile
30. Love Touch - Rod Stewart
31.Take Your Time - Max-A-Million
32. I Wanna Be Your Lover - Prince
33. Slow - Kylie Minogue (funny, I was thinking about this video this morning)
34. Slow Hand - Pointer Sisters
35. 2 Become 1 - Spice Girls
36. Kiss From A Rose - Seal
37. Sweetest Sin - Jessica Simpson
38. Barbie Girl - Aqua
39. The Way You Move - Outkast
40. Peaches 'N Cream - 112

Okay there's WAYYY better songs out there...like (in no particular order):
1. Kiss - Prince
2. Freak Me - Silk
3. Wicked Games - Chris Isaak
4. Dance with me - 112
5. Closer (aka F*ck you like an animal) - Nine Inch Nails
6. Red Light Special - TLC
7. Lonely No More - Rob Thomas (okay maybe not so much "sexy" but I can't stand Rob Thomas so i'm giving him props for one of two songs of his that i actually like)
8. Tied: Erotica and Justify My Love - Madonna
9. If - Janet Jackson
10. You Remind Me Of Something - R Kelly (in high school I used to go NUTS when I heard this song...how hearing about how a guy wants to ride you like his jeep is hot is beyond me, but i"m a girl and I don't have to explain it!)

...the more you know!

Deep Thoughts...by jack handy

Some of these are classic no matter how long ago they aired this...

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"


When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.

Seriously...SERIOUSLY...SNL used to be so good:

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.

ha ha haaaa:

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

Is it bad that i'm in hysterics as I post these? Geezus they're not THAT funny, but I'm in a bizarre mood right now.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

ha haaaaaah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

Feline Health Watch

So in cat news...

Anyone who's anyone knows how much Marmalade means to me. That cat means the world to me, and honestly I probably value her life more than my family's life....

The past while she's been dealing with an infection, and right now it's become a "raging" bladder infection. They thought since she's borderline diabetes that the glucose was feeding the infection. Took some tests...nope, that's not it. They're still working on figuring out why the infection is resistant to all the different meds, but they also found that she's starting to show signs of kidney failure...

So all this time she was on low carb, high protein food (basically Kitty Atkins) 'cause of the diabetes...now she's on low protein food 'cause that jacks up your kidneys otherwise...then eventually she'll go on medication + soft food...and then i'll have to feed her liquids....

The vet estimated 2-3 years left.

Marmalade is roughly 10-11 years old...I kinda figured she'd survive to be 21 like Kraig's cat Gruffy...I mean, Marmalade is pretty spry for an older cat. She plays and runs around like a mofo...one minute she'll be hiding under the dining room table, next minute she's charging upstairs, to teh bedroom, and jumps on the bed to attack something.

Now if you've never met this cat, you're probably thinking that I"m making a big deal out of this. But anyone who's met her says she's unlike any other cat, how she's got such a personality to her (she's a ham!), and most importantly she's my little buddy...she follows me everywhere and when I come home from work, she yaks on and on about her day and how dare I leave her...Heck, even when I pet Stash she gives me SUCH a look of fierce jealousy (very much of a "oh no you DI - INT" snap of the fingers look).

Sigh, and best of all, I've trained her to give me little kisses.

My relationship with her is so abnormal, Kraig keeps saying that he's terrified the day she dies, 'cause I'm going to lose my mind.