Yes yes yes must post more, I've got some movie reviews and general life commentary to provide. In the meantime:
I love this! Made me even more homesick. Courtesy of Christine.
You know you're from Ottawa when....
During grade school, you were warned about "The man in the white van."
Yesss! And it seems that's not a typical school urban legend. Basically rumor/news has it that some kids were kidnapped from the man in the white van, so we had to avoid those vans like the plague.
You have at least one "Woohoo!" towel
Is that from a Sens game? 'Cause if so, yes, I still have my towel.
You know that the women on Dalhousie Street, aren't just "friendly."
Ha haaaaa haaaa. That's from all the hookers there. Anytime you want to throw an insult about a chick you just say "Yeah she looked like she should walk on Dalhousie"
The word Vanier strikes fear into your heart, in fact you duck and cover any time you hear it
So Vanier is the ghetto of Ottawa. Kinda like the Riverside of the OC. I dated a guy who lived there for awhile (Kevin, for those in the know) and seriously, SERIOUSLY, that's pretty effing ghetto there. It even SOUNDS ghetto.
You've been to a parade that only consisted of a few emergency vehicles with banners, some people marching, and Kool FM/Hot 89.9 van
Ha ha pretty much...aren't all Ottawa parades like this?
The dreaded Ice Storm combined with the teachers' strike made 1998 the best school year ever
Well sorta. Previous to that was the teacher's strike of '91, and then the "work to rule" in '96...the Ice Storm was when I was in University, and stupid me actually WENT to school on that day...it was brutal. I almost died trying to lug around my schoolbag full of CSI books (CSI = computer, not Crime Scene Investigation!) in a land completely covered in pure ice.
You're bilingual... or at least you can parler Franglais
Mais oui je parle Francais...et Franglais.
You eat, sleep and breathe the Super Ex while it's open
I used to for awhile, but it's...dirty.I guess they all are, but that yearly fair really is...dirty.
You've swam in Mooney's Bay and had to shower for 2 hours afterwards to get that filthy, filthy water off of you
I refused to ever swim there. That's effing disgusting. When you need a sign telling you what the water quality is for that day, there's a problem.
You don't flinch when asked if you want to eat a beavertail
Beavertails:Canadians = Churros:Californians. It's the same stuff, different shape.
You've been at the top of the peace tower and thought you were amazingly high just because nothing else is allowed to be taller then it
WTF is the peace tower?
You've seriously considered swimming in the Rideau Canal on one of those 30+ degree summer days
GOD no. I've seen how much algae grows in that thing. And it actually looks like warm murky water.
You remember a time when Patrick Lalime was kinda good
Who the eff is that?
Everyone you know has some sort of story about how Alanis Morissette babysat their cousin's best friend's dog's original owner's son-in-law
Of course! I still have my photos of her from when I got her first album autographed at Place D'Orleans. And she taught Sex-Ed to my friend's 9th grade gym class (Alanis was in OAC/Grade 13 when me and my friend were in 9th grade).
You listened to 101.1 XFm, 93.9 KOOL FM and remember when the New Hot 89.9 was still new
Ha ha haaaa. I remember the DJ on 93.9....The Milkman...
You're pretty sure that the corner of Preston and Somerset is the only place in the world where China and Italy touch each other.
Of course!
You think that 613 is the only area code that exists and HATE having to dial it to call people now
you have to do that now? I hated having to dial the area codes when I moved to California...it's so bizarre to me to have to give out my phone number in 10 digits, not 7.
You think Stittsville is the end of the universe
Well I USED to...now I think Canada overall is at the end of the universe.
You've waited 30 minutes for the OC transpo only to realize it came fucking early? Like, what the fuck is that?
I never realized when it came early...it's more like 40 minutes later at the next rotation, i assumed it was 40 minutes LATE. Mannn I hated taking the OC...but I gotta admit, living somewhere where it's unsafe to take the bus...the OC is a relatively good system in a pinch. Or when you're drunk.
You remember when the Scotiabank Place was still the Corel Centre, or better, Palladium
It's called the Scotiabank Place? Of course I remember it as the Palladium and I was annoyed when they changed it to the Corel Centre...but it changed again!? WTF!
You've partied on Parliament Hill on Canada Day
Duh. Obviously. And to anyone who thinks it's not the biggest party in the universe...yer wrong! If you don't hold hands with your friend, you'll lose them in a snap...it's pure pandamonium. LOVE IT. MISS IT BADLY.
You remember going on field trips to the museum of science and tech. every year of elementary school
Ha ha haaa...of course. Plus that art gallery, I remember we had to stare at that Ring of Fire painting that was a few million dollars in order to understand what it was about (ummm just a big canvas painted red. That's it)..finally I was like "okay I get it. You used $18Mil worth of paint. "
You've travelled and waited for over half an hour just to get into Zak's Diner in the Byward Market
Heck yeah! I love their poutine. When I went with Kraig I took him there to try poutine.
A winter without going skating on the Rideau Canal just doesn't seem right
Sorta. I'm a crappy skater, and skating on the Canal scares me 'cause they cut these huge holes out in order to scope out the thickness of the ice, and I've always been afraid of not paying attention and falling in. It's the world's largest skating rink for anyone who cares :P
You have an irrational hatred for those Toronto Maple Leafs and everything they do, have done and will do
Yep.
You've been to, and therefore fallen asleep at, a lynx game
Never. I hate baseball, especially Ottawa baseball.
You've thought that free 67's tickets were the best thing you could ever possible win, ever.
Uhhh not really. There's a reason they're free.
You can spot Spartacat out of a crowd of 19,000 people
You'd have to be blind to not see that thing!
Friday, January 19, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
So sad...
This is so sad! She's one of the best and funniest characters on the show.
Actress Darlene Conley, better known as Sally Spectra from 'The Bold & the Beautiful' has died. Conley suffered from gastric cancer. She came public with her disease last november and announced her retirement from the show at the same time. The 72-year old actress played her character for more than twenty years on the show. She earned two Outstanding Supporting Actress Daytime Emmy nominations for her part.
Actress Darlene Conley, better known as Sally Spectra from 'The Bold & the Beautiful' has died. Conley suffered from gastric cancer. She came public with her disease last november and announced her retirement from the show at the same time. The 72-year old actress played her character for more than twenty years on the show. She earned two Outstanding Supporting Actress Daytime Emmy nominations for her part.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Time killer....
I gotta get ready for my company holiday party, but then I started watching this thing on White Supremacy Skinheads on A&E and it got me SOOOOO pissed off (like seriously, SERIOUSLY...pissed off...i'm gonna start my own hate group against people with blond eyebrows...or moles on their hands...or have red hair...because we are a better race without them!wtf)
So...to take my mind off my pissed-off-ness...for your reading pleasure since this blog is all about ME mooo ha ha haaa...
Off-The-Wall Questions:
When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
the ONLY time was when i was like 5, and i'm never doing that again.
Family member you most resemble?
My niece. Well I guess she resembles me. My mom says that I look just like my dad's real mom.
Do you own your own Bible?
The only time I've ever TOUCHED a bible was when I was rummaging through a hotel drawer.
Do you wear deodorant?
Anti-antiperspirant actually. Dove.
Do you clean up nice?
Compared to how i look non-cleaned up...hell yeah.
When was the last time you tripped and fell?
OMG yesterday...and when I got up I smashed my head into the metal thingies that hold up my banister.
Where was the last place you slept besides your home?
Hotel in Santa Clara (bay area).
What are you listening to right now?
The sound of my computer humming away.
Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
Nope.
Ever run out of gas on the road?
Geezus who hasnt'?
What would you rather do, rake the leaves, or mow the lawn?
Rake leaves. 'Cause then you can jump in the pile when it's done.
What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Ad-Aware update. And The Office (avi file) from Matt since my DVR didnt record it and I was freaking out.
Last time you swam in a pool?
Last summer in Arizona.
Have you ever been in a school play?
Ughghghgh yes.
Nursery school: we did this thing where we recited how we kept getting mittens for birthdays, xmas, whatever, and then the very last line was "AND THEY GAVE ME MITTENS AGAIN!" and we all showed our hands with mittens on them...
ANd then in grade 1 or 2 I played the drums for some other school play thingy.
How many kids do you want?
4. The four child plan. Clearly I'm starting too late, but that's the ideal.
Type of music you DISlike most?
Polka.
Are you registered to vote?
Nope. I'm canadian.
Do you have cable?
I have satellite.
Ever prank call anybody?
Ha ha used to all the time. Oh wait I prank called Kraig's friend Chris when he was on his radio show a few months ago.
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Hmmm...let's assess:
Bungee jumping at least has an effing cord, BUT...people's necks get jacked up doing that.
THEN...i would say sky diving but I just saw a thing on Oprah about some chick who's parachute got tangled and her faced basically got mauled when she landed.
So...my vote: skydiving but where someone else is strapped with you.
Do you have a garden?
An itty bitty one that is half dying, half going wild.
What's your favorite comic strip?
Far side, FoxTrot, Dilbert, there was one that isn't made anymore about this animals in highschool, that was funny...and...of course...ALIEN LOVES PREDATOR
Bath or Shower?
Shower. The last time I took a full on bath was...a long time ago.
Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
The Holiday
Best pizza topping?
hmmm...veggie with mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, green peppers...but sometimes a good four cheese works....any Mediterranean pizza with artichokes and sundried tomatoes...
Popcorn or Peanuts?
Popcorn
Orange Juice or apple juice?
OJ.
Chocolate Bar?
Mr. Big all the way!
When was the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Geezus...who knows
Ever order anything from an infomercial?
Nope, but my mom does all the time.
Sprite or 7-Up?
Sprite. Well, diet sprite.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/school?
Yep: McDonalds, Select Roses (it was just their tshirt), ummm...i guess that's it.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Millionaire. Duh.
Believe in love at first sight?
Sorta.
Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Gina when she was in a coma.
What do you think about most?
Lately? Effing home improvement. And what I would do if i won the lottery. You know...the lottery that I never play.
Favorite form of travel?
Teleportation.
If you could have one magical power what would it be?
HA once again...teleportation...or...the ability to stop time.
SOME STRANGE QUESTIONS:
Something purple within 5 feet of you:
A USB hub.
The sexiest item of clothing you own:
I've got strong collection of lingerie...that poor kraig never sees lol...
Is your hair long enough to chew on:
Yep. Mmm mmm. I like mine deep fried topped with salsa.
Least favorite color?
Green
Ever have Dippin' Dots?
Ugh no.
So...to take my mind off my pissed-off-ness...for your reading pleasure since this blog is all about ME mooo ha ha haaa...
Off-The-Wall Questions:
When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
the ONLY time was when i was like 5, and i'm never doing that again.
Family member you most resemble?
My niece. Well I guess she resembles me. My mom says that I look just like my dad's real mom.
Do you own your own Bible?
The only time I've ever TOUCHED a bible was when I was rummaging through a hotel drawer.
Do you wear deodorant?
Anti-antiperspirant actually. Dove.
Do you clean up nice?
Compared to how i look non-cleaned up...hell yeah.
When was the last time you tripped and fell?
OMG yesterday...and when I got up I smashed my head into the metal thingies that hold up my banister.
Where was the last place you slept besides your home?
Hotel in Santa Clara (bay area).
What are you listening to right now?
The sound of my computer humming away.
Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
Nope.
Ever run out of gas on the road?
Geezus who hasnt'?
What would you rather do, rake the leaves, or mow the lawn?
Rake leaves. 'Cause then you can jump in the pile when it's done.
What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Ad-Aware update. And The Office (avi file) from Matt since my DVR didnt record it and I was freaking out.
Last time you swam in a pool?
Last summer in Arizona.
Have you ever been in a school play?
Ughghghgh yes.
Nursery school: we did this thing where we recited how we kept getting mittens for birthdays, xmas, whatever, and then the very last line was "AND THEY GAVE ME MITTENS AGAIN!" and we all showed our hands with mittens on them...
ANd then in grade 1 or 2 I played the drums for some other school play thingy.
How many kids do you want?
4. The four child plan. Clearly I'm starting too late, but that's the ideal.
Type of music you DISlike most?
Polka.
Are you registered to vote?
Nope. I'm canadian.
Do you have cable?
I have satellite.
Ever prank call anybody?
Ha ha used to all the time. Oh wait I prank called Kraig's friend Chris when he was on his radio show a few months ago.
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Hmmm...let's assess:
Bungee jumping at least has an effing cord, BUT...people's necks get jacked up doing that.
THEN...i would say sky diving but I just saw a thing on Oprah about some chick who's parachute got tangled and her faced basically got mauled when she landed.
So...my vote: skydiving but where someone else is strapped with you.
Do you have a garden?
An itty bitty one that is half dying, half going wild.
What's your favorite comic strip?
Far side, FoxTrot, Dilbert, there was one that isn't made anymore about this animals in highschool, that was funny...and...of course...ALIEN LOVES PREDATOR
Bath or Shower?
Shower. The last time I took a full on bath was...a long time ago.
Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
The Holiday
Best pizza topping?
hmmm...veggie with mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, green peppers...but sometimes a good four cheese works....any Mediterranean pizza with artichokes and sundried tomatoes...
Popcorn or Peanuts?
Popcorn
Orange Juice or apple juice?
OJ.
Chocolate Bar?
Mr. Big all the way!
When was the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Geezus...who knows
Ever order anything from an infomercial?
Nope, but my mom does all the time.
Sprite or 7-Up?
Sprite. Well, diet sprite.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/school?
Yep: McDonalds, Select Roses (it was just their tshirt), ummm...i guess that's it.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Millionaire. Duh.
Believe in love at first sight?
Sorta.
Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Gina when she was in a coma.
What do you think about most?
Lately? Effing home improvement. And what I would do if i won the lottery. You know...the lottery that I never play.
Favorite form of travel?
Teleportation.
If you could have one magical power what would it be?
HA once again...teleportation...or...the ability to stop time.
SOME STRANGE QUESTIONS:
Something purple within 5 feet of you:
A USB hub.
The sexiest item of clothing you own:
I've got strong collection of lingerie...that poor kraig never sees lol...
Is your hair long enough to chew on:
Yep. Mmm mmm. I like mine deep fried topped with salsa.
Least favorite color?
Green
Ever have Dippin' Dots?
Ugh no.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Letter to the editor...
Yes, Kraig helped with the fan but I did so much research online, I knew what needed to be yanked where and what numbers where needed...basically i was like "MOVE!" whenver he tried to help.
Wow, I'm impressed with your determination to fix the fan! So do you shut the door to the toilet/shower room every time you shower? Why don't you just leave the door open so it doesn't get so humid in there? That's the lazy man's way out of the situation,and what I'd do; I'm surprised you just don't do that.
Well I close the door 'cause it wakes Kraig up when I shower to go to work, but after I shower i keep the door open for a bit but then the entire bedroom gets all muggy and nasty (not so bad in summer when you can open windows, not so good in winter when it's freezing). If we showered with the door open all the time, the entire bedroom would be nasty.
Wow, I'm impressed with your determination to fix the fan! So do you shut the door to the toilet/shower room every time you shower? Why don't you just leave the door open so it doesn't get so humid in there? That's the lazy man's way out of the situation,and what I'd do; I'm surprised you just don't do that.
Well I close the door 'cause it wakes Kraig up when I shower to go to work, but after I shower i keep the door open for a bit but then the entire bedroom gets all muggy and nasty (not so bad in summer when you can open windows, not so good in winter when it's freezing). If we showered with the door open all the time, the entire bedroom would be nasty.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?
Seriously, home improvement blows.
To be precise: it blows goats.
When you buy a home that's not already in mint condition, you get all gung-ho on doing crazy home improvement stuff. Then, after a few months, your Care-Factor goes pretty much down to zero. What used to drive you NUTS now becomes "ehhh...well...so there's a big hole in the wall. I could fix it...or...not..."
Well we've had the house for 3 years now and I'm back on the home improvement bandwagon.
Goal for this month: paint the mutha effing upstairs bathrooms.
The cats' bathroom (i.e. the guest bathroom that really is for the cats and a spot for me to do my makeup before work) is this horrible nasty shade of blue. As in, children's crayon blue. Nasty nasty stuff. New color: a rose blush color.
As for the master bath, it's such a tiny area but it's adjacent to the Heather Blue in the bedroom, so I'm gonna stick with a creamy kinda color. (My inspiration: the bottle of Vanilla lotion from Bath and Body Works sitting on the bathroom counter)
ANYWAY, what's the point of this? The point is...now I remember why my Care-Factor went down to zero.
Yesterday I got fed up with the fan in the bathroom. And by "bathroom" I mean the closet-size room that holds the toilet and the tub. The fan barely does anything and I"m pretty sure we're 1 week away from having a crazy mold breakout as a result. The moisture level is crazy.
(On a different note, I bought This Stuff to combat the excessive moisture...that's a whole other blog for another time)
So I decided...time to be a man, grow some balls, and fix the fan.
First step: Look at fan.
Yep I looked at it. It said "Broan" on it.
Step 2: Go to Broan.com
Logged on. And this is where the problems start. Couldn't find anything that looked like the fan cover that i had.
Step 3: Remove grill cover
Ummm yeahhhhh this is disgustingly nasty. I had to balance on the toilet tank and the shower enclosure in order to remove the cover, and needless to say I got a nice sprinkling of dust and crazy micro-organisms all over me. Tasty.
Step 4: "I can give you more!" Okay that's New Kids on the Block...
Observe
Once I wiped off the thick layer of sludgy dust from the fan I was so delighted to find that all the text was covered in rust. But the motor had a number on it, so I wrote it down, put it all up and vowed to call Broan's customer service the next day.
Step 5: Call customer support and embarrass yourself
Broan's customer support chick was super nice. Sadly she had no idea what i was talking about.
Step 6: Repeat with extra fervor.
That's where tonight comes in.
This time it was time to get crazy.
Turned the power off, unplugged the motor, and attempted to take the plate out so I could inspect it. Riiiggghtt. Not only is the frickin' thing rusted, but it's pretty much fused into one big hunk of metal. And there's all this info on the metal plate that houses the motor....like instructions on how to REMOVE the aforementioned plate...but it's all covered in rust!
Anyway through my swearing and balancing act while holding a flashlight (since the power was off) I realized the motor was made by UPPCO inc...
So I went to UPPCO's website, scoped out the model number (to make sure it was a legit number since I could barely read anything), went back to the Broan website and did a general search on the UPPCO number, got some PDF document that showed all the OEM motors linked to...what exactly, i'm not sure.
This is what I figured out...
My UPPCO model says 99080245
Broan's website says "Replaced by 97012041 688G-J"
I figured out that 688G through 688J is a model type
And they have an upgrade kit (model 690) to "easily" replace the 688 stuff.
Simple, right?
Wrong.
The dimensions on the upgrade kit don't match the dimensions for mine.
SO...what's the moral of the story?
I'm going to go to Home Depot tomorrow, gonna buy BOTH upgrade kits, and pray that I have the strength to yank out the metal housing so I can fix this mutha effing fan once and for all.
Coming soon: Step 7 Take a super duper long hot shower and enjoy the new ventilation provided.
Ohhh, need more fun home improvement stuff? Wait until I talk about the joys of moisture-resistant primer and discussing paint samples with your husband that make him say "that's PINK! Why don't I just grow boobs while we're at it?!"....
To be precise: it blows goats.
When you buy a home that's not already in mint condition, you get all gung-ho on doing crazy home improvement stuff. Then, after a few months, your Care-Factor goes pretty much down to zero. What used to drive you NUTS now becomes "ehhh...well...so there's a big hole in the wall. I could fix it...or...not..."
Well we've had the house for 3 years now and I'm back on the home improvement bandwagon.
Goal for this month: paint the mutha effing upstairs bathrooms.
The cats' bathroom (i.e. the guest bathroom that really is for the cats and a spot for me to do my makeup before work) is this horrible nasty shade of blue. As in, children's crayon blue. Nasty nasty stuff. New color: a rose blush color.
As for the master bath, it's such a tiny area but it's adjacent to the Heather Blue in the bedroom, so I'm gonna stick with a creamy kinda color. (My inspiration: the bottle of Vanilla lotion from Bath and Body Works sitting on the bathroom counter)
ANYWAY, what's the point of this? The point is...now I remember why my Care-Factor went down to zero.
Yesterday I got fed up with the fan in the bathroom. And by "bathroom" I mean the closet-size room that holds the toilet and the tub. The fan barely does anything and I"m pretty sure we're 1 week away from having a crazy mold breakout as a result. The moisture level is crazy.
(On a different note, I bought This Stuff to combat the excessive moisture...that's a whole other blog for another time)
So I decided...time to be a man, grow some balls, and fix the fan.
First step: Look at fan.
Yep I looked at it. It said "Broan" on it.
Step 2: Go to Broan.com
Logged on. And this is where the problems start. Couldn't find anything that looked like the fan cover that i had.
Step 3: Remove grill cover
Ummm yeahhhhh this is disgustingly nasty. I had to balance on the toilet tank and the shower enclosure in order to remove the cover, and needless to say I got a nice sprinkling of dust and crazy micro-organisms all over me. Tasty.
Step 4: "I can give you more!" Okay that's New Kids on the Block...
Observe
Once I wiped off the thick layer of sludgy dust from the fan I was so delighted to find that all the text was covered in rust. But the motor had a number on it, so I wrote it down, put it all up and vowed to call Broan's customer service the next day.
Step 5: Call customer support and embarrass yourself
Broan's customer support chick was super nice. Sadly she had no idea what i was talking about.
Step 6: Repeat with extra fervor.
That's where tonight comes in.
This time it was time to get crazy.
Turned the power off, unplugged the motor, and attempted to take the plate out so I could inspect it. Riiiggghtt. Not only is the frickin' thing rusted, but it's pretty much fused into one big hunk of metal. And there's all this info on the metal plate that houses the motor....like instructions on how to REMOVE the aforementioned plate...but it's all covered in rust!
Anyway through my swearing and balancing act while holding a flashlight (since the power was off) I realized the motor was made by UPPCO inc...
So I went to UPPCO's website, scoped out the model number (to make sure it was a legit number since I could barely read anything), went back to the Broan website and did a general search on the UPPCO number, got some PDF document that showed all the OEM motors linked to...what exactly, i'm not sure.
This is what I figured out...
My UPPCO model says 99080245
Broan's website says "Replaced by 97012041 688G-J"
I figured out that 688G through 688J is a model type
And they have an upgrade kit (model 690) to "easily" replace the 688 stuff.
Simple, right?
Wrong.
The dimensions on the upgrade kit don't match the dimensions for mine.
SO...what's the moral of the story?
I'm going to go to Home Depot tomorrow, gonna buy BOTH upgrade kits, and pray that I have the strength to yank out the metal housing so I can fix this mutha effing fan once and for all.
Coming soon: Step 7 Take a super duper long hot shower and enjoy the new ventilation provided.
Ohhh, need more fun home improvement stuff? Wait until I talk about the joys of moisture-resistant primer and discussing paint samples with your husband that make him say "that's PINK! Why don't I just grow boobs while we're at it?!"....
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Absolutely brilliant...
This is an absolutely brilliant article:
Baby makes 3: How kids rattle friendships
Not that it's written well, but that it raises a HUGE point: when chicks get pregnant, they typically become part of this Mom Club and all the other women are not included.
“It's as if they became incapable of doing anything that didn't fit their ideal of what a mommy should be and do. It just became too much effort and I began to ask what am I getting from these friendships? What am I giving? Then I realized we just grew apart. So it was time to find new friends.”
As lives evolve, so do priorities. Some childless women complain their friends with children turn into mommy machines — always wanting to talk about their babies and resembling very little of their former fun selves.
I know we all say that we'll never be like that, but I wonder...why do most women get like that?! I have to give mad props to my friend Christine in Ottawa and my coworker Kelly...they've both managed to not be typical moms...don't get me wrong, I hear the baby stuff but they never go into excessive detail and they still are big on maintaining their individual identities. My other friend Betsy constantly reminds me of how wonderful NOT having a baby is...which I owe big time, because other moms make you feel like your life is meaningless without a child.
The last time I visit home, Christine said something amazing (when I was shocked that she wanted to go to a bar with me): "Kids aren't your life...they ENHANCE your life"...and even better, when her husband said "are you driving?" I thought he was going to ask me to come home early because of the twins...instead he said "make sure she gets sh*tfaced drunk"...fabulous!
It's not that i have any problems hearing about baby stuff. It's that there's a select few things that I want to hear about. I love that I can bug Kelly about all the bizarre changes that happens to a chick's body. Or that Christine showed me how crazy powerful the breast pump was and let me stick that thing to my stomach to fool around with it. THAT stuff is funny, entertaining, and childless people don't mind hearing it.
What i DO hate hearing, and please shoot me if I get like this:
a) how Baby did something crazy basic. I get it. Y our baby climbed up stairs. Since I've been doing that for a looong time now, i have no thrill in it. I don't even care when they say their first words. You knew it was gonna happen eventually. In fact, tell me when they CAN'T talk...'cause then there's problems.
b) Don't tell me about how Baby had a cold, had a fever, had whatever. My cat's got a runny eye right now and needs eyedrops, i'm not boring you with those details.
c) PLEASE dont' tell me how the doctor or daycare teacher said your kid is overly bright for their age, how your kid is more advanced than others at reading or whatever...because EVERYONE says that. Your kid is average. And just 'cause your kid can read the Wall Street Journal at 5 doesn't mean he's gonna be a doctor (it's not like your kid is fully UNDERSTANDING the wall street journal). When he becomes a doctor, THEN we'll talk.
d) Please spare me the pregnancy details of how much something is dialated. I'll be honest with you: I have no idea what that means. One day, hopefully, I will. But when I do, i'm not going to tell people what I was 'cause i know guys have no idea what being dialated means, and a good chunk of chicks don't either. Nor do they care.
e) Please don't tell me your kid's age in exact months when they're past 6 months. 4 months, yes. 16 months, no. WTF is that? Just say 2. Or one and a half. Whatever. I'm not doing math, i'm just trying to be polite by asking, I don't want to know the exact frickin' details.
f) Please spare me the endless emails with a trillion photos. I like getting them, and I love keeping up to date, but I don't need 20 jpegs showing yer baby with her new shoes. One or two is sufficient. I like your baby, so please don't make me get annoyed with the excessive talk.
g) Please don't give me emails/phone calls saying "And then daddy took Baby to the park"..."daddy" has a frickin' name. He's not MY daddy, so calling him Mike or John i fine, I know he's the father of your child.
Okay that's my ranting. I'll give everyone a bit of leeway, but seriously after awhile...the mom's club thing gets old. If your day was spent with teh baby, i'll TOTALLY be there to listen to the griping and all that (complaining I can handle if it's truly a nightmare), but I don't want to spend all day yakking about how cute your baby's bow is. Let's pretend you have some resemblance of a personality that shows you still like tv, movies, clothes, makeup (even if you never get to wear it), politics, ANYTHING....
And...this also means that people can call me on this crap if I get like this down the road. A single punch in the face will be sufficient.
Baby makes 3: How kids rattle friendships
Not that it's written well, but that it raises a HUGE point: when chicks get pregnant, they typically become part of this Mom Club and all the other women are not included.
“It's as if they became incapable of doing anything that didn't fit their ideal of what a mommy should be and do. It just became too much effort and I began to ask what am I getting from these friendships? What am I giving? Then I realized we just grew apart. So it was time to find new friends.”
As lives evolve, so do priorities. Some childless women complain their friends with children turn into mommy machines — always wanting to talk about their babies and resembling very little of their former fun selves.
I know we all say that we'll never be like that, but I wonder...why do most women get like that?! I have to give mad props to my friend Christine in Ottawa and my coworker Kelly...they've both managed to not be typical moms...don't get me wrong, I hear the baby stuff but they never go into excessive detail and they still are big on maintaining their individual identities. My other friend Betsy constantly reminds me of how wonderful NOT having a baby is...which I owe big time, because other moms make you feel like your life is meaningless without a child.
The last time I visit home, Christine said something amazing (when I was shocked that she wanted to go to a bar with me): "Kids aren't your life...they ENHANCE your life"...and even better, when her husband said "are you driving?" I thought he was going to ask me to come home early because of the twins...instead he said "make sure she gets sh*tfaced drunk"...fabulous!
It's not that i have any problems hearing about baby stuff. It's that there's a select few things that I want to hear about. I love that I can bug Kelly about all the bizarre changes that happens to a chick's body. Or that Christine showed me how crazy powerful the breast pump was and let me stick that thing to my stomach to fool around with it. THAT stuff is funny, entertaining, and childless people don't mind hearing it.
What i DO hate hearing, and please shoot me if I get like this:
a) how Baby did something crazy basic. I get it. Y our baby climbed up stairs. Since I've been doing that for a looong time now, i have no thrill in it. I don't even care when they say their first words. You knew it was gonna happen eventually. In fact, tell me when they CAN'T talk...'cause then there's problems.
b) Don't tell me about how Baby had a cold, had a fever, had whatever. My cat's got a runny eye right now and needs eyedrops, i'm not boring you with those details.
c) PLEASE dont' tell me how the doctor or daycare teacher said your kid is overly bright for their age, how your kid is more advanced than others at reading or whatever...because EVERYONE says that. Your kid is average. And just 'cause your kid can read the Wall Street Journal at 5 doesn't mean he's gonna be a doctor (it's not like your kid is fully UNDERSTANDING the wall street journal). When he becomes a doctor, THEN we'll talk.
d) Please spare me the pregnancy details of how much something is dialated. I'll be honest with you: I have no idea what that means. One day, hopefully, I will. But when I do, i'm not going to tell people what I was 'cause i know guys have no idea what being dialated means, and a good chunk of chicks don't either. Nor do they care.
e) Please don't tell me your kid's age in exact months when they're past 6 months. 4 months, yes. 16 months, no. WTF is that? Just say 2. Or one and a half. Whatever. I'm not doing math, i'm just trying to be polite by asking, I don't want to know the exact frickin' details.
f) Please spare me the endless emails with a trillion photos. I like getting them, and I love keeping up to date, but I don't need 20 jpegs showing yer baby with her new shoes. One or two is sufficient. I like your baby, so please don't make me get annoyed with the excessive talk.
g) Please don't give me emails/phone calls saying "And then daddy took Baby to the park"..."daddy" has a frickin' name. He's not MY daddy, so calling him Mike or John i fine, I know he's the father of your child.
Okay that's my ranting. I'll give everyone a bit of leeway, but seriously after awhile...the mom's club thing gets old. If your day was spent with teh baby, i'll TOTALLY be there to listen to the griping and all that (complaining I can handle if it's truly a nightmare), but I don't want to spend all day yakking about how cute your baby's bow is. Let's pretend you have some resemblance of a personality that shows you still like tv, movies, clothes, makeup (even if you never get to wear it), politics, ANYTHING....
And...this also means that people can call me on this crap if I get like this down the road. A single punch in the face will be sufficient.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Quickie Time Killer Survey Crap
Feel free to answer in the Comments section...or not...suck it. From Marlene.
1. Can you cook?
I'm a better baker, and I prefer to cook vegetarian meals...when I cook meat I tend to get a bit digusted trying to consume the food that i saw in raw format. As far as I'm concerned, my chicken comes from a tree.
2. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Get on my cell and call for help.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
Sigh. So many.
- is grace a talent?
- figure skating
- piano
- singing
- is invisibility a talent?
4. Favorite place?
My bed. With the blankets on. And my cats.
5. Favorite vegetable?
Hmmm. I dig butternut squash. And broccoli. Do mushrooms count as a vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
Emotional Intelligence. Okay well i didn't finish reading it, i got through the first chapter about the brain and got super bored.
7. Are you Dirty or Clean?
Pretty clean, but my husband keeps me dirty. Take as you will. People who know me well enough know EXACTLY what i mean.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
No and yes.
9. Worst Habit?
According to my friends, it's my diet pepsi addiction. Otherwise...grabbing at my skin (drives Kraig nuts)...interrupting...talking loudly....napping (which i make no apologies for)...excessive tv watching.
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of myspace?
Of course we do Marlene!
2. What's your philosophy on life?
I dunno....expect the worst and the worst won't happen; if it does, at least you'll be prepared.
3. Negative or Optimistic?
GEE see #2 to figure that out.
4. What was your dream growing up?
To be an artist.
5. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Hmmm, well happen "to" me would imply that I didn't bring it upon myself (I've had alot of crappy things happen but they were my fault)...so something that I didn't bring upon myself: hmmm...going through 1 year of hell with my diabetic/sick cat...6 months of a psycho bad ear infection...hmmm I guess that's it. Everything else was my own doing!
6. Would you give me money or a slap in the face?
Oh Marlene...I'd give you money so i COULD slap you in the face :P
7. Tell me one weird fact about you:
I can flip my eyelids inside out and keep them that way....
8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down?
I got yo back woman! Hos before Bros!
9. Do you Trust me?
Absolutely.
10. Have you ever kept anything from me?
Geezus that's retarded, the only one who knows 100% everything is Marmalade.
11. What do you think of me as a Person?
Marlene, you rock.
12. Do you think I'm sane or insane?
LOL sane except when it comes to cheese.
13. Would you cry for me if I died?
Of course.
14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Crime partner.
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
I'd change your zip code to mine :)
16. How do you fall asleep?
With my eyes closed.
17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call?
I'd text.
18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up?
Sure. Just don't tell my husband :P
19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie?
I'd fudge the truth.
20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it?
Okay I loooove these questions...
$100,000,000 broken down to:
$500,000 put aside for taxes
$495,000 to pay off my home loan
$5000 divided up between friends and a new pair of boots
And then from there, all my income coming in would go towards paying off the cars and credit card bills and THEN all income after that (should take half a year if not less) it would be PARTAYYYYYYY TIME.....
Sadly, a million bucks basically doesn't do JACK when you live in California.
21. What is your worst fear?
To be paralyzed or severly maimed or horribly disfigured in some way....
22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
sleep or watch tv. If i could do both, i'd be in heaven.
23. How many times did you curse at me while filling out this thing?
Once. Just now. Since you reminded me.
24. Can you sing or dance?
Define "sing". If you mean make high pitched noises that have a hint of melody, then yes.
Define "dance". If you mean gyrate in such a way that one might take it for an epileptic seizure, then yes.
25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest....
ENERGETIC
26. Will you repost this so I can fill it out?
Sure. Why not.
If you've read this far...you are very very bored.
1. Can you cook?
I'm a better baker, and I prefer to cook vegetarian meals...when I cook meat I tend to get a bit digusted trying to consume the food that i saw in raw format. As far as I'm concerned, my chicken comes from a tree.
2. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Get on my cell and call for help.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
Sigh. So many.
- is grace a talent?
- figure skating
- piano
- singing
- is invisibility a talent?
4. Favorite place?
My bed. With the blankets on. And my cats.
5. Favorite vegetable?
Hmmm. I dig butternut squash. And broccoli. Do mushrooms count as a vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
Emotional Intelligence. Okay well i didn't finish reading it, i got through the first chapter about the brain and got super bored.
7. Are you Dirty or Clean?
Pretty clean, but my husband keeps me dirty. Take as you will. People who know me well enough know EXACTLY what i mean.
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
No and yes.
9. Worst Habit?
According to my friends, it's my diet pepsi addiction. Otherwise...grabbing at my skin (drives Kraig nuts)...interrupting...talking loudly....napping (which i make no apologies for)...excessive tv watching.
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of myspace?
Of course we do Marlene!
2. What's your philosophy on life?
I dunno....expect the worst and the worst won't happen; if it does, at least you'll be prepared.
3. Negative or Optimistic?
GEE see #2 to figure that out.
4. What was your dream growing up?
To be an artist.
5. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Hmmm, well happen "to" me would imply that I didn't bring it upon myself (I've had alot of crappy things happen but they were my fault)...so something that I didn't bring upon myself: hmmm...going through 1 year of hell with my diabetic/sick cat...6 months of a psycho bad ear infection...hmmm I guess that's it. Everything else was my own doing!
6. Would you give me money or a slap in the face?
Oh Marlene...I'd give you money so i COULD slap you in the face :P
7. Tell me one weird fact about you:
I can flip my eyelids inside out and keep them that way....
8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down?
I got yo back woman! Hos before Bros!
9. Do you Trust me?
Absolutely.
10. Have you ever kept anything from me?
Geezus that's retarded, the only one who knows 100% everything is Marmalade.
11. What do you think of me as a Person?
Marlene, you rock.
12. Do you think I'm sane or insane?
LOL sane except when it comes to cheese.
13. Would you cry for me if I died?
Of course.
14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Crime partner.
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
I'd change your zip code to mine :)
16. How do you fall asleep?
With my eyes closed.
17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call?
I'd text.
18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up?
Sure. Just don't tell my husband :P
19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie?
I'd fudge the truth.
20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it?
Okay I loooove these questions...
$100,000,000 broken down to:
$500,000 put aside for taxes
$495,000 to pay off my home loan
$5000 divided up between friends and a new pair of boots
And then from there, all my income coming in would go towards paying off the cars and credit card bills and THEN all income after that (should take half a year if not less) it would be PARTAYYYYYYY TIME.....
Sadly, a million bucks basically doesn't do JACK when you live in California.
21. What is your worst fear?
To be paralyzed or severly maimed or horribly disfigured in some way....
22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
sleep or watch tv. If i could do both, i'd be in heaven.
23. How many times did you curse at me while filling out this thing?
Once. Just now. Since you reminded me.
24. Can you sing or dance?
Define "sing". If you mean make high pitched noises that have a hint of melody, then yes.
Define "dance". If you mean gyrate in such a way that one might take it for an epileptic seizure, then yes.
25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest....
ENERGETIC
26. Will you repost this so I can fill it out?
Sure. Why not.
If you've read this far...you are very very bored.
When i grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.
Wow, I suck lately at updating this blog...
Quickie Movie Review: The Holiday
LOVED it. Total predictable chick flick but still somewhat intelligent, well-written, and all-around a feelgood time. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday faire.
On New Year's the subject of Lady In The Water came up and as per the previous post, that movie effing BLOWS...one dude at the party said "So you like Dirty Dancing. Because anyone who doesn't like Lady In The Water must then love Dirty Dancing".
Ummm, no. I actually dislike Dirty Dancing because I think "Baby" was ugly and Patrick Swayze's character was nasty and a pedophile. Nothing more unattractive than a dude who wears black dance dress pants. Well...i guess a dude who dresses like a chick is probably more unattractive.
I'm simply saying...I stand by my movie review, it was basically a movie that for the simpletons got your blood pumping but for anyone who can see through the cheeziness and predictability of it, you'll be disgusted by the whole thing. And the excessive whispering and pointless stuttering will drive you insane.
Okay, nuff of that.
Now that it's a new year I find myself pretty overwhelmed with the list of things that I've set out to accomplish this year. It's looking grim to say the least. BUT...tomorrow morning I've got a dude coming by to give a quote on hardwood flooring installation...baby steps...
It absolutely kills me that I've reached that age where I can discuss the merits of different home improvement projects for lengthy periods of time. As well as the weather. Fortunately I'm interested very little in political topics (except immigration for obvious reasons...as well as health care and abortions...i'm a messed up person...i'm willing to pay a ton of taxes if it means i get stuff and my neighbors are taken care of, but I don't give a crap about people who sneak in and break the law OR if 14 year old whores want to vacuum their fetus out...yay pro choice) AND I'm still the oldest person who watches Real World so thankfully I've got some things to cling on to that resemble youth.
Yesterday I was scoping out Consumer Reports (best effing publication ever! Get an online subscription, it's only $4.95/month...get it for a month, then save EVERYTHING and cancel the subscription for awhile) and they tested wrinkle lotions/serums/creams...Olay Regenerist was #1 on their list, followed by some $100+ cream (and no, not La Mer...in fact, I dont' remember if La Mer made the list even)...so once i'm done with my Marcelle and RoC serums (i'm all about the French!), bring on the Regenerist...although I usually shun away from companies that test on animals (if i'm aware of it).
TV Show Review: http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/starveillance
Through a fluke I decided to watch the new E! show Starveillance...it was actually pretty good. Basically they create mock "hidden camera" moments with celebrities with claymation...claymation irritates the crap outof me after awhile but the way they poke fun at celebrities is pretty awesome, especially the premiere episode's skit with Tom Cruise.
Final verdict: watch it if you're home bored and channel surfing, but don't go out of your way to watch it. It'll be re-ran a billion times anyway.
TV Show Review: The Office
Okay okay no need for a formal review, I just want to say how KICKASS this how is...and how 1 week without it was like a week of torture. Poor Pam finally crumbles from the pain of dealing with Jim and Karen. Dwight shows a humanitarian but still creepy side. Jan gives into her lack of good judgement. The employee who whipped out her boob and breast-fed at the office quit. Good times at Dunder-Mifflin.
Time to go change into my pajamas and get some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Quickie Movie Review: The Holiday
LOVED it. Total predictable chick flick but still somewhat intelligent, well-written, and all-around a feelgood time. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Fine holiday faire.
On New Year's the subject of Lady In The Water came up and as per the previous post, that movie effing BLOWS...one dude at the party said "So you like Dirty Dancing. Because anyone who doesn't like Lady In The Water must then love Dirty Dancing".
Ummm, no. I actually dislike Dirty Dancing because I think "Baby" was ugly and Patrick Swayze's character was nasty and a pedophile. Nothing more unattractive than a dude who wears black dance dress pants. Well...i guess a dude who dresses like a chick is probably more unattractive.
I'm simply saying...I stand by my movie review, it was basically a movie that for the simpletons got your blood pumping but for anyone who can see through the cheeziness and predictability of it, you'll be disgusted by the whole thing. And the excessive whispering and pointless stuttering will drive you insane.
Okay, nuff of that.
Now that it's a new year I find myself pretty overwhelmed with the list of things that I've set out to accomplish this year. It's looking grim to say the least. BUT...tomorrow morning I've got a dude coming by to give a quote on hardwood flooring installation...baby steps...
It absolutely kills me that I've reached that age where I can discuss the merits of different home improvement projects for lengthy periods of time. As well as the weather. Fortunately I'm interested very little in political topics (except immigration for obvious reasons...as well as health care and abortions...i'm a messed up person...i'm willing to pay a ton of taxes if it means i get stuff and my neighbors are taken care of, but I don't give a crap about people who sneak in and break the law OR if 14 year old whores want to vacuum their fetus out...yay pro choice) AND I'm still the oldest person who watches Real World so thankfully I've got some things to cling on to that resemble youth.
Yesterday I was scoping out Consumer Reports (best effing publication ever! Get an online subscription, it's only $4.95/month...get it for a month, then save EVERYTHING and cancel the subscription for awhile) and they tested wrinkle lotions/serums/creams...Olay Regenerist was #1 on their list, followed by some $100+ cream (and no, not La Mer...in fact, I dont' remember if La Mer made the list even)...so once i'm done with my Marcelle and RoC serums (i'm all about the French!), bring on the Regenerist...although I usually shun away from companies that test on animals (if i'm aware of it).
TV Show Review: http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/starveillance
Through a fluke I decided to watch the new E! show Starveillance...it was actually pretty good. Basically they create mock "hidden camera" moments with celebrities with claymation...claymation irritates the crap outof me after awhile but the way they poke fun at celebrities is pretty awesome, especially the premiere episode's skit with Tom Cruise.
Final verdict: watch it if you're home bored and channel surfing, but don't go out of your way to watch it. It'll be re-ran a billion times anyway.
TV Show Review: The Office
Okay okay no need for a formal review, I just want to say how KICKASS this how is...and how 1 week without it was like a week of torture. Poor Pam finally crumbles from the pain of dealing with Jim and Karen. Dwight shows a humanitarian but still creepy side. Jan gives into her lack of good judgement. The employee who whipped out her boob and breast-fed at the office quit. Good times at Dunder-Mifflin.
Time to go change into my pajamas and get some sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies...
Here it is folks... the last day in 2006. I'm gonna be honest witcha. This is pretty anti-climatic. So I've made a new vow: this is my last year being out and about for New Year's. As in...wherever I'm sleeping is where I plan on being when the clock strikes midnight. So whether it's a hotel, my house, someone else's house, whatever...by midnight, after this year, I plan on being in my jammies and ready for bed.
I know that makes me sound ridiculously boring but geezus, why bother counting down to January 1st anymore...it's not like we make a big deal when August 1st or April 1st arrives...I'm so over the hoopla of being able to throw out a calendar and making the mistake for a few weeks of writing the previous year out of force of habit.
Movie Review: Lady In The Water
Uh it wasn't my choice to have this in the netflix queue. I knew it would suck. And it did. That's 2 hours of my life I can't get back.
The gist of the movie is that there's water chick who needs to get to some far away land with the help of these people in an apartment complex, and there's this beast that's chasing her. The lady in the water is played by Ron Howard's daughter, who was in The Village (as the blind chick). So the whole movie everyone wants to help this poor girl/spirit-thing 'cause she's slowly dying and the entire time i was like "who gives a crap?! She's annoying. Let her die". She kept WHISPERING...if I had paid money for a theater ticket I would have been peeved 'cause you can't hear half the allegedly inspirational crap she says.
In Eleanor News....
So I finally washed Eleanor (my Rav4) for the first time since buying it. HOLY CRAP. There's a significant difference between washing an SUV and washing a compact car. It took me frickin' forever. Granted I was being wayyy more meticulous and I had to scrub like mad to get the stupid berry stains that get on my car because the morons at the Irvine Company planted berry trees at work. And then I waxed my car. BY HAND.
The only thing I have to do is vacuum the inside and hose off the rubber floor mats.
I am one dedicated mofo. I used all Maguiar's products thanks to Ryan and Nicole...I gotta admit, that stuff is kickass in comparison to the cheapie stuff I used to use.
Anyway I'm gonna go take a nap...gotta rest up for my last new year's of partying (and by partying i mean...not being at home with my cats).
I know that makes me sound ridiculously boring but geezus, why bother counting down to January 1st anymore...it's not like we make a big deal when August 1st or April 1st arrives...I'm so over the hoopla of being able to throw out a calendar and making the mistake for a few weeks of writing the previous year out of force of habit.
Movie Review: Lady In The Water
Uh it wasn't my choice to have this in the netflix queue. I knew it would suck. And it did. That's 2 hours of my life I can't get back.
The gist of the movie is that there's water chick who needs to get to some far away land with the help of these people in an apartment complex, and there's this beast that's chasing her. The lady in the water is played by Ron Howard's daughter, who was in The Village (as the blind chick). So the whole movie everyone wants to help this poor girl/spirit-thing 'cause she's slowly dying and the entire time i was like "who gives a crap?! She's annoying. Let her die". She kept WHISPERING...if I had paid money for a theater ticket I would have been peeved 'cause you can't hear half the allegedly inspirational crap she says.
In Eleanor News....
So I finally washed Eleanor (my Rav4) for the first time since buying it. HOLY CRAP. There's a significant difference between washing an SUV and washing a compact car. It took me frickin' forever. Granted I was being wayyy more meticulous and I had to scrub like mad to get the stupid berry stains that get on my car because the morons at the Irvine Company planted berry trees at work. And then I waxed my car. BY HAND.
The only thing I have to do is vacuum the inside and hose off the rubber floor mats.
I am one dedicated mofo. I used all Maguiar's products thanks to Ryan and Nicole...I gotta admit, that stuff is kickass in comparison to the cheapie stuff I used to use.
Anyway I'm gonna go take a nap...gotta rest up for my last new year's of partying (and by partying i mean...not being at home with my cats).
Friday, December 29, 2006
Let there be light
Yayyyy finally got Kraig's old (but newer) computer hooked up, gasp and here I thought our internet connection was slow...turns out, that other computer is just unacceptably old. That being said, Kraig bought this one under the guise of microsoft "works" so it doesn't have half the stuff that a normal computer should have, but that's the least of the problems if i get off my ass and just install stuff.
Xmas: it came. It saw. It left.
On the phone with my mom right now. How do people have interesting conversations with their moms? I have to limit what i say regarding opinions because then she flips out...right now she's asking me if people freak out when they see the jewelry they got me because it's so "different", and i had to point out that I work with a ton of different cultures, including Indian, so it's not a big deal...and now she's telling me how to make my grandmother's meatballs and whether i still have my weird neighbor...
Yeah, i'll write more of a year's wrap up when I actually get my brain out of my ass and think of something witty to say....
Xmas: it came. It saw. It left.
On the phone with my mom right now. How do people have interesting conversations with their moms? I have to limit what i say regarding opinions because then she flips out...right now she's asking me if people freak out when they see the jewelry they got me because it's so "different", and i had to point out that I work with a ton of different cultures, including Indian, so it's not a big deal...and now she's telling me how to make my grandmother's meatballs and whether i still have my weird neighbor...
Yeah, i'll write more of a year's wrap up when I actually get my brain out of my ass and think of something witty to say....
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Movie Reviews
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I wasn't really in the mood to see this because I've been super disappointed with movies where Will Ferrell is the star. He should just go back to SNL (MORE COWBEL!!).
ANyway, I was pleasantly surprised. Basically the gist of the story is this kid Ricky Bobby who's dad is never around because he's a race car driver, so Ricky Bobby aspires to be the same, makes it to the top, then has an "accident", flops to the bottom, and has to make it to the big leagues again using his own inner strength.
There's a ton of celebrity cameos in this movie, probably the best one where Ricky Bobby and the french guy walk along the french guy's property and Ricky Bobby says : "Was that Mos Def and Elvis Costello?"
Girard "No"
(insert confused look on Ricky BObby's face)....ahhh you'd have to see it to get it.
Anyway, I would have been peeved if I paid $11 to see it in the theater but as a Netflix rental, it was great.
Thank You For Smoking
Now my standards were VERY high for this movie. So...all I can say is...they met my standards. THey didn't exceed them, didn't go below them...they were just right.
The movie is about a dude who's a lobbyist for the cigarette companies, how he's hated, but still provides some very valid points in favor of the cigarette companies.
The opening scene shows the dude on a tv show with anti-cigarette agency people, and the Lobbyist Guy (forgot his name) says that cigarette companies don't WANT their customers to die of cancer because then they're losing customers and money...it's the anti-smoking groups that want Cancer Boy to die so they have another statistic to help their cause. Brilliant.
It's extremely dark, and you'll be forced to see Katie Holmes play a sexy reporter (I'm sorry, but she still looks like a 15 year old kid from Dawson's Creek to me), but overall HIGHLY recommended.
I wasn't really in the mood to see this because I've been super disappointed with movies where Will Ferrell is the star. He should just go back to SNL (MORE COWBEL!!).
ANyway, I was pleasantly surprised. Basically the gist of the story is this kid Ricky Bobby who's dad is never around because he's a race car driver, so Ricky Bobby aspires to be the same, makes it to the top, then has an "accident", flops to the bottom, and has to make it to the big leagues again using his own inner strength.
There's a ton of celebrity cameos in this movie, probably the best one where Ricky Bobby and the french guy walk along the french guy's property and Ricky Bobby says : "Was that Mos Def and Elvis Costello?"
Girard "No"
(insert confused look on Ricky BObby's face)....ahhh you'd have to see it to get it.
Anyway, I would have been peeved if I paid $11 to see it in the theater but as a Netflix rental, it was great.
Thank You For Smoking
Now my standards were VERY high for this movie. So...all I can say is...they met my standards. THey didn't exceed them, didn't go below them...they were just right.
The movie is about a dude who's a lobbyist for the cigarette companies, how he's hated, but still provides some very valid points in favor of the cigarette companies.
The opening scene shows the dude on a tv show with anti-cigarette agency people, and the Lobbyist Guy (forgot his name) says that cigarette companies don't WANT their customers to die of cancer because then they're losing customers and money...it's the anti-smoking groups that want Cancer Boy to die so they have another statistic to help their cause. Brilliant.
It's extremely dark, and you'll be forced to see Katie Holmes play a sexy reporter (I'm sorry, but she still looks like a 15 year old kid from Dawson's Creek to me), but overall HIGHLY recommended.
Letter to the Editor
BTW, Sabina I am blaming you for hooking me on The OC. :P
Oh and unless some wierd storm front blows in within the next 72 hours Ottawa will be having it's first brown Christmas. No snow at all, zero, zilch... It's almost too warm to wear a winter coat. :)
Hey, it's the last season for the OC so you shouldn't complain :P And Taylor is wayyyyy more entertaining than effing Marissa.
There was one time when we were super young that we didn't have a white Xmas...at least, from my memories....Kind of crazy though to imagine Ottawa without snow this time of year, usually you have to wear a winter coat on Hallowe'en because it would snow at the end of October...
Oh and unless some wierd storm front blows in within the next 72 hours Ottawa will be having it's first brown Christmas. No snow at all, zero, zilch... It's almost too warm to wear a winter coat. :)
Hey, it's the last season for the OC so you shouldn't complain :P And Taylor is wayyyyy more entertaining than effing Marissa.
There was one time when we were super young that we didn't have a white Xmas...at least, from my memories....Kind of crazy though to imagine Ottawa without snow this time of year, usually you have to wear a winter coat on Hallowe'en because it would snow at the end of October...
Holiday Randomness
Arrraghghgh...
Last minute gift wrapping...blah. I swear I hate Xmas so effing bad.
The latest on the MOrris situation: nothing in the traps, Kraig insists that he licked a bit of the poison and that he's dead in the garage. Personally, I can't smell anything (I mean, it's a GARAGE...it's not going to smell like a frickin' spa) but he's positive there's something there.
so he saw a fly in the garage and now thinks that the fly is going to find Morris' body, lay eggs, then we'll get maggots. My mentality is that if that IS true, at least we'll eventually find the corpse.
Side note: I really don't think he's in the garage anymore. And i'm more freaked out by black widow spiders like Ursula in my garage at this point.
So i told him that when we get back from visiting the in-laws, we'll clear out the garage and search for Morris.
Crap, I think the pumpkin bread in the oven is burning.
Last minute gift wrapping...blah. I swear I hate Xmas so effing bad.
The latest on the MOrris situation: nothing in the traps, Kraig insists that he licked a bit of the poison and that he's dead in the garage. Personally, I can't smell anything (I mean, it's a GARAGE...it's not going to smell like a frickin' spa) but he's positive there's something there.
so he saw a fly in the garage and now thinks that the fly is going to find Morris' body, lay eggs, then we'll get maggots. My mentality is that if that IS true, at least we'll eventually find the corpse.
Side note: I really don't think he's in the garage anymore. And i'm more freaked out by black widow spiders like Ursula in my garage at this point.
So i told him that when we get back from visiting the in-laws, we'll clear out the garage and search for Morris.
Crap, I think the pumpkin bread in the oven is burning.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Best Movie of 2007
They shouldn't even bother releasing any other movie in 2007. This is gonna be the best...just make the entire academy awards in 2008 devoted to this film.
I love that the little girl at the end has a My Little Pony plush....
Yeah, I'm really slack on writing these days. The holidays will be better. If anyone cares. Or maybe not, since you guys are all smarter for NOT having had anything to read on this blog lately...
Also, I really think it should be C*ck in a Box...not D*ck in a Box (for anyone who saw SNL this past weekend...effing hilarious):
A'ight, that's it for now...
I love that the little girl at the end has a My Little Pony plush....
Yeah, I'm really slack on writing these days. The holidays will be better. If anyone cares. Or maybe not, since you guys are all smarter for NOT having had anything to read on this blog lately...
Also, I really think it should be C*ck in a Box...not D*ck in a Box (for anyone who saw SNL this past weekend...effing hilarious):
A'ight, that's it for now...
Friday, December 15, 2006
A Benihanas Christmas
The Morris situation: grim.
The old-skool traps didn't work, and now the PB on them has gotten all hard, so i don't know if it's still delectable. I'm tired of not parking in the garage! So last night I told Kraig to just put a plate of PB in the garage and see if he eats any of it so we know he's still alive.
This morning, the PB was untouched...so my guess is that he's left Team H's domain.
the killer part is every day when I get home, I park outside the garage and scope out the trap situation...but they're along the wall tucked away so i have to get REALLY close (and for one f them, i have to get on the ground because Kraig's mustang is blocking my path)...and every single time I get freaked out at the one by the trash because ther'es twigs there and they look like tails and then i think i'm seeing Morris and I pretty much start yelling and shrieking without actually SEEING anything.
In other news, The Office was so mind boggingly fantastic, I don't know where to begin. I swear, I really feel like I work there. I wish I did, kinda.
Maybe last night rocked so much because RIcky Gervais (from teh british Office) helped write the episode.
A few bright moments, in no particular order:
1. "Benihanas is the asian Hooters"
2. When Michael marked the arm of the Benihanas chick because he couldn't tell the two asian girls apart.
3. Every time Jim saw Karen and Pam in cahoots with each other...his face was of pure panic.
4. When Jim discussed rebound relationships with Michael...knowing all along he was talking about Karen.
5. The explanation of the two different holiday party signs.
6.Angela: "Why did you take that?"
Benihanas chick: "oh I thought we could take them"
Angela: "I don't go into your house and take your hello kitty backpack!"...oh snap!
7. Michael photoshopping his face onto Carol's ex-husband's face for his holiday card.
8. Jim telling Dwight the waitress caught a goose and doesn't know how to properly kill it, so Dwight explains to the confused waitress how to slit the throat....
9. Tobey's infatuation with the bathrobes sent from corporate.
10. The ultimate moment: when Dwight is on the rooftop waiting for teh CIA helicopter, only to be texted that he has been compromised and must destroy the phone.
The old-skool traps didn't work, and now the PB on them has gotten all hard, so i don't know if it's still delectable. I'm tired of not parking in the garage! So last night I told Kraig to just put a plate of PB in the garage and see if he eats any of it so we know he's still alive.
This morning, the PB was untouched...so my guess is that he's left Team H's domain.
the killer part is every day when I get home, I park outside the garage and scope out the trap situation...but they're along the wall tucked away so i have to get REALLY close (and for one f them, i have to get on the ground because Kraig's mustang is blocking my path)...and every single time I get freaked out at the one by the trash because ther'es twigs there and they look like tails and then i think i'm seeing Morris and I pretty much start yelling and shrieking without actually SEEING anything.
In other news, The Office was so mind boggingly fantastic, I don't know where to begin. I swear, I really feel like I work there. I wish I did, kinda.
Maybe last night rocked so much because RIcky Gervais (from teh british Office) helped write the episode.
A few bright moments, in no particular order:
1. "Benihanas is the asian Hooters"
2. When Michael marked the arm of the Benihanas chick because he couldn't tell the two asian girls apart.
3. Every time Jim saw Karen and Pam in cahoots with each other...his face was of pure panic.
4. When Jim discussed rebound relationships with Michael...knowing all along he was talking about Karen.
5. The explanation of the two different holiday party signs.
6.Angela: "Why did you take that?"
Benihanas chick: "oh I thought we could take them"
Angela: "I don't go into your house and take your hello kitty backpack!"...oh snap!
7. Michael photoshopping his face onto Carol's ex-husband's face for his holiday card.
8. Jim telling Dwight the waitress caught a goose and doesn't know how to properly kill it, so Dwight explains to the confused waitress how to slit the throat....
9. Tobey's infatuation with the bathrobes sent from corporate.
10. The ultimate moment: when Dwight is on the rooftop waiting for teh CIA helicopter, only to be texted that he has been compromised and must destroy the phone.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Of Mice and Men
This is the tale...of US vs. MORRIS.
Sunday, December 10th
So I'm ready to get a bunch of stuff accomplished...I wanted to clean my car (thanks to our advertisers, Maguiars) and then haul ass on something for work. I gave Kraig the project of installing the free keypad garage door opener I scored off Freecycle.
Kraig hollers at me that he wants me to write down the code from the garage door opener while he reads it out (it's written on the mechanism, which is on the ceiling)...so we're standing outside, and as Kraig goes to walk to the back of the garage I see this HUGE thing scurry from the top of the doorframe (the door that leads into the house) along the wall.
I start screaming that it's a rat, and really...if you recall the Bruno incident...I do NOT do well with creepy crawly things. Rats included. So i'm out on the street shrieking and yelling and smacking myself with my hands in order to get imaginary rats off of me, and Kraig starts the hunt to find the rat.
The rat named Morris.
So Morris sneaks into this pile of cardboard crap along one side of the garage. Cardboard crap includes folded up boxes and this HUGE Mulan movie display that an ex boyfriend stole out of the movie theater for me 10 years ago and Kraig woudln't let me throw it out. So Kraig's tossing hte cardboard out on the street in order to clear out the garage and find MOrris, I'm texting Carrie and Nicole D flipping out, this kid on his bike comes over and watches all of this laughing...
I got on the phone with Carrie and suddenly I had to let her go 'cause i saw this BIG BLACK THING moving along one of the boxes tossed from the garage...it was a mutha f*cking HUGE black widow spider. I knew that sometimes we had little baby ones, but this thing was flippin' MASSIVE.
Imagine this looking at you:
Now i'm REALLY freaking out. Kraig comes over, and even he's freaked out a bit (the dude loves bugs and crap, and growing up in California he's pretty unphased by black widow spiders...growing up in OTtawa, I've never seen a black widow in my LIFE, let alone one the size of a cat)...he tried to kick it away but it kept crawling back to the garage, so finally i shoved a piece of cardboard on it and stomped on it (which, apparently, is the most effective method of killing black widows and their egg sacks according to my online research).
I can't even BEGIN to tell you the amount of goo that comes out of a huge black widow spider. It was like someone poured syrup all over my driveway.
And by driveway, i mean the 2 foot space between my garage door and the street.
So back to MOrris.
Kraig has him cornered behind a chunk of cardboard, and asks what he should do, i'm yelling things that probably weren't even English, so he KICKS the cardboard, Morris gets away...
Finally he tells me I need to get some traps.
Side note: rats are nasty and carry a billion diseases. The last time I saw a rat ready to attack me was when i was in a 3rd world country and a rat popped it's head out of the DRAIN...and i was SHOWERING...not cool. Not cool at all.Seriously traumatized me.
I drive to Home Depot (where I called Nicole D in order to continue flipping out) to get my trap action on. I rush in, tell them I need to find their lead rat expert, and the dude tells me how I need to use the big sticky traps.
For those not in the know, basically it's a piece of plastic coated with this uber sticky stuff. You place some peanut butter in the middle and the rat goes for it, and then gets stuck, and basically dies a slow painful death.
Good times.
So i buy 2 packs (2 traps each = 4 traps) and some rat poison for good measure.
Get home, and Kraig tells me how those traps are mean, blah blah. So i tell him to put the poison in the center, PLUS the pb, then that way Morris can at least die faster once he's on teh trap.
So he puts on trap in this cupboard that apparently Morris had been hiding in, and one over by some shelving.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 1
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Monday, December 11
I get up and I'm pretty cranky because I had to park my car outside so that Kraig could park his car in the garage. No WAYYY am I parking in the garage where Morris is ready to either eat me or at the very least, chew on the wires in my car.
Before you laugh at that last comment, apparently where I work there's a problem with rats doing that to people's cars that are parked in front. So suck it.
I get home, call Kraig, and because I can't figure out how to turn off Bluetooth in my car he ends up on speakerphone...I told him to stay on the line while I scoped out the Morris situation...I go to check the rat traps...nope, no Morris. However opening the cupboard door freaked me out so much I ran out of the garage shrieking and yelling, which could be heard from the car (since my car has a speaker and receiver for bluetooth calls), and Kraig was near his friend Chris who was LAUGHING his head off 'cause he could hear me yelling, and now everyoneo n the street could hear me yelling and kraig and chris laughing from my car's speakers.
So when Kraig got home, he pointed out that the poison cube raised the peanut butter so high, that MOrris had figured out how to lick it off without actually getting on the trap. He removed the poison and just put a blob of pb on the traps, and put them back in the garage.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 2
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Tuesday, December 12th
Now at this point I"m really annoyed and tired of parking outside, so once again I drive up to the garage after work and scope out the trap situation.
Mutha effa.
MOrris had somehow eaten ALL the peanut butter off the traps.
I went to park outside again.
Kraig comes home, and he's stressed over work stuff and he's also getting nervous about MOrris eating his comic book collection (stored in the garage) 'cause that's what happened to his comics at his mom's house. He goes to get the traps...
WTF...there were rat pawprints all OVER the traps! Those things aren't sticky at all! Although the trap managed to shred a huge chunk of skin/fur off of Morris, he still got away. So now i'm tired, hungry (I had just gotten home), and ready to flip on Morris and his furry ass. Kraig was busy with work, so I took the 2 traps covered in pawprints and the package of unopened traps back to Home Depot.
I get to Home Depot,a nd i'm like "WTF there's PAW PRINTS...this stuff sucks!" and the guy was all "Hey, weren't you the one who was here on Sunday? We were talking about you today".
Me: "Uhh...why?"
Home Depot Dude: "'cause we saw 3 rats hanging out on the shelves in Aisle 3"
Me: "Wait, you have rats?"
Home Depot Dude: "Oh yeah, no big deal we have them everywhere here, but never just hanging out all three on a shelf like that"
Me: "I'm going to VOMIT now. I want to return these traps"...
The dude felt so bad fo rme that he also refunded me the rat poison, even though I didn't take it back for a refund.
Team H's new strategy: old skool snap traps. At $1.97 each, I could afford 3.
I get home and get Kraig to show me how these suckers work. The only time I've ever seen a trap work was in cartoons. Those things are CRAZY dangerous. And super sensitive. We slather peanut butter on the bait trigger thingy and Kraig goes to set them up in the garage.
I didn't hear any loud snapping noises at night, but then again I also didn't hear Kraig wash up and go to bed 'cause I passed out after watching The Colbert Report.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 3
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Home Depot: stuffed with irony...they sell rat traps and yet, have a rat problem.
Wednesday, December 13th
Waiting to hear back from Kraig if maybe over the night MOrris got snapped. Otherwise, stay tuned.
The Morris saga continues!
Sunday, December 10th
So I'm ready to get a bunch of stuff accomplished...I wanted to clean my car (thanks to our advertisers, Maguiars) and then haul ass on something for work. I gave Kraig the project of installing the free keypad garage door opener I scored off Freecycle.
Kraig hollers at me that he wants me to write down the code from the garage door opener while he reads it out (it's written on the mechanism, which is on the ceiling)...so we're standing outside, and as Kraig goes to walk to the back of the garage I see this HUGE thing scurry from the top of the doorframe (the door that leads into the house) along the wall.
I start screaming that it's a rat, and really...if you recall the Bruno incident...I do NOT do well with creepy crawly things. Rats included. So i'm out on the street shrieking and yelling and smacking myself with my hands in order to get imaginary rats off of me, and Kraig starts the hunt to find the rat.
The rat named Morris.
So Morris sneaks into this pile of cardboard crap along one side of the garage. Cardboard crap includes folded up boxes and this HUGE Mulan movie display that an ex boyfriend stole out of the movie theater for me 10 years ago and Kraig woudln't let me throw it out. So Kraig's tossing hte cardboard out on the street in order to clear out the garage and find MOrris, I'm texting Carrie and Nicole D flipping out, this kid on his bike comes over and watches all of this laughing...
I got on the phone with Carrie and suddenly I had to let her go 'cause i saw this BIG BLACK THING moving along one of the boxes tossed from the garage...it was a mutha f*cking HUGE black widow spider. I knew that sometimes we had little baby ones, but this thing was flippin' MASSIVE.
Imagine this looking at you:
Now i'm REALLY freaking out. Kraig comes over, and even he's freaked out a bit (the dude loves bugs and crap, and growing up in California he's pretty unphased by black widow spiders...growing up in OTtawa, I've never seen a black widow in my LIFE, let alone one the size of a cat)...he tried to kick it away but it kept crawling back to the garage, so finally i shoved a piece of cardboard on it and stomped on it (which, apparently, is the most effective method of killing black widows and their egg sacks according to my online research).
I can't even BEGIN to tell you the amount of goo that comes out of a huge black widow spider. It was like someone poured syrup all over my driveway.
And by driveway, i mean the 2 foot space between my garage door and the street.
So back to MOrris.
Kraig has him cornered behind a chunk of cardboard, and asks what he should do, i'm yelling things that probably weren't even English, so he KICKS the cardboard, Morris gets away...
Finally he tells me I need to get some traps.
Side note: rats are nasty and carry a billion diseases. The last time I saw a rat ready to attack me was when i was in a 3rd world country and a rat popped it's head out of the DRAIN...and i was SHOWERING...not cool. Not cool at all.Seriously traumatized me.
I drive to Home Depot (where I called Nicole D in order to continue flipping out) to get my trap action on. I rush in, tell them I need to find their lead rat expert, and the dude tells me how I need to use the big sticky traps.
For those not in the know, basically it's a piece of plastic coated with this uber sticky stuff. You place some peanut butter in the middle and the rat goes for it, and then gets stuck, and basically dies a slow painful death.
Good times.
So i buy 2 packs (2 traps each = 4 traps) and some rat poison for good measure.
Get home, and Kraig tells me how those traps are mean, blah blah. So i tell him to put the poison in the center, PLUS the pb, then that way Morris can at least die faster once he's on teh trap.
So he puts on trap in this cupboard that apparently Morris had been hiding in, and one over by some shelving.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 1
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Monday, December 11
I get up and I'm pretty cranky because I had to park my car outside so that Kraig could park his car in the garage. No WAYYY am I parking in the garage where Morris is ready to either eat me or at the very least, chew on the wires in my car.
Before you laugh at that last comment, apparently where I work there's a problem with rats doing that to people's cars that are parked in front. So suck it.
I get home, call Kraig, and because I can't figure out how to turn off Bluetooth in my car he ends up on speakerphone...I told him to stay on the line while I scoped out the Morris situation...I go to check the rat traps...nope, no Morris. However opening the cupboard door freaked me out so much I ran out of the garage shrieking and yelling, which could be heard from the car (since my car has a speaker and receiver for bluetooth calls), and Kraig was near his friend Chris who was LAUGHING his head off 'cause he could hear me yelling, and now everyoneo n the street could hear me yelling and kraig and chris laughing from my car's speakers.
So when Kraig got home, he pointed out that the poison cube raised the peanut butter so high, that MOrris had figured out how to lick it off without actually getting on the trap. He removed the poison and just put a blob of pb on the traps, and put them back in the garage.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 2
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Tuesday, December 12th
Now at this point I"m really annoyed and tired of parking outside, so once again I drive up to the garage after work and scope out the trap situation.
Mutha effa.
MOrris had somehow eaten ALL the peanut butter off the traps.
I went to park outside again.
Kraig comes home, and he's stressed over work stuff and he's also getting nervous about MOrris eating his comic book collection (stored in the garage) 'cause that's what happened to his comics at his mom's house. He goes to get the traps...
WTF...there were rat pawprints all OVER the traps! Those things aren't sticky at all! Although the trap managed to shred a huge chunk of skin/fur off of Morris, he still got away. So now i'm tired, hungry (I had just gotten home), and ready to flip on Morris and his furry ass. Kraig was busy with work, so I took the 2 traps covered in pawprints and the package of unopened traps back to Home Depot.
I get to Home Depot,a nd i'm like "WTF there's PAW PRINTS...this stuff sucks!" and the guy was all "Hey, weren't you the one who was here on Sunday? We were talking about you today".
Me: "Uhh...why?"
Home Depot Dude: "'cause we saw 3 rats hanging out on the shelves in Aisle 3"
Me: "Wait, you have rats?"
Home Depot Dude: "Oh yeah, no big deal we have them everywhere here, but never just hanging out all three on a shelf like that"
Me: "I'm going to VOMIT now. I want to return these traps"...
The dude felt so bad fo rme that he also refunded me the rat poison, even though I didn't take it back for a refund.
Team H's new strategy: old skool snap traps. At $1.97 each, I could afford 3.
I get home and get Kraig to show me how these suckers work. The only time I've ever seen a trap work was in cartoons. Those things are CRAZY dangerous. And super sensitive. We slather peanut butter on the bait trigger thingy and Kraig goes to set them up in the garage.
I didn't hear any loud snapping noises at night, but then again I also didn't hear Kraig wash up and go to bed 'cause I passed out after watching The Colbert Report.
Cumulative Results
Morris: 3
Team H: 0
Ursula the Spider: disqualified.
Home Depot: stuffed with irony...they sell rat traps and yet, have a rat problem.
Wednesday, December 13th
Waiting to hear back from Kraig if maybe over the night MOrris got snapped. Otherwise, stay tuned.
The Morris saga continues!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
TBS: My Boys
So as usual, last night I was zonked and crashed in front of the tv when I got home (I worked late, so I'm allowed to!).
Started flipping through the channels, which is pretty dumb considering I'm heavily backlogged on my DVR viewing. Plus i've got 2 DVDs of last season's Nip/Tuck I gotta watch. Anyway I caught the tail end of TBS' version of Sex and The City (does it ever get old? Answer: OH HELL NO. SATC is so timeless), and then I got the little promo saying that the new show My Boys would be coming up next...
I saw a ton of commercials for it (becuase I watch a ton of tv, naturally) and decided to give it a whirl...
OMG.
I absolutelyLOVED My Boys. It's basically about a single chick who's got 1 female best friend and like 6 best guy friends who get together regularly for poker. She's a guy's girl, but it's funny because she has no qualms telling these guys what we chicks would LOVE to tell dudes.
Why this show kicks ass:
1. It's original. I really can't think of any other show that compares to it. The premise is good, and the characters are likeable.
2. It's got Kyle Howard...he was in Grosse Pointe on the WB way back in the day, which was another brilliant show that sadly got axed before it's time (that was back when WB was still new and pretty much only had Seventh Heaven as it's claim to fame). You can't go wrong when Kyle Howard stars in your show.
3. The main chick (AJ? DJ? TJ? whatever)...not overly pretty but still cute, she's the type who can play every girl's best friend. Good casting choice.
4. It's NOT set in LA or New York. Gasp, there's other places in the US? Really? Wow.
5. You can watch the episodes online if you missed any.
6. It's got new age wit, which alot of tv shows lack...even Gilmore Girls is outdated in it's use of wit, even though it was probably one of the wittiest shows back in it's hayday.
On other news, I still have to put up the photos on Shutterfly from my visit with my brother. GET OFF MY BACK! I'm busy!
Started flipping through the channels, which is pretty dumb considering I'm heavily backlogged on my DVR viewing. Plus i've got 2 DVDs of last season's Nip/Tuck I gotta watch. Anyway I caught the tail end of TBS' version of Sex and The City (does it ever get old? Answer: OH HELL NO. SATC is so timeless), and then I got the little promo saying that the new show My Boys would be coming up next...
I saw a ton of commercials for it (becuase I watch a ton of tv, naturally) and decided to give it a whirl...
OMG.
I absolutely
Why this show kicks ass:
1. It's original. I really can't think of any other show that compares to it. The premise is good, and the characters are likeable.
2. It's got Kyle Howard...he was in Grosse Pointe on the WB way back in the day, which was another brilliant show that sadly got axed before it's time (that was back when WB was still new and pretty much only had Seventh Heaven as it's claim to fame). You can't go wrong when Kyle Howard stars in your show.
3. The main chick (AJ? DJ? TJ? whatever)...not overly pretty but still cute, she's the type who can play every girl's best friend. Good casting choice.
4. It's NOT set in LA or New York. Gasp, there's other places in the US? Really? Wow.
5. You can watch the episodes online if you missed any.
6. It's got new age wit, which alot of tv shows lack...even Gilmore Girls is outdated in it's use of wit, even though it was probably one of the wittiest shows back in it's hayday.
On other news, I still have to put up the photos on Shutterfly from my visit with my brother. GET OFF MY BACK! I'm busy!
Monday, December 04, 2006
Movie Reviews
Will
write
more
late
Cars
Everyone kept telling me how fantastic this movie was, yadda yadda. So my standards were somewhat high, although not overly high because I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing it even when it was in the theaters.
It's a pretty decent movie if you can tolerate that it stars a snide cocky red car...played by snide cocky Owen Wilson. After awhile, his "sneering" voice grated my nerves.
The major redeeming quality was the little movie reel at the end of the credits with John Ratzenberger pointing out how they keep re-using the same (i.e. HIS) voice in every Disney movie.
XMen 3: The Last Stand
Background history:
1. Yes, I've read the comics.
2. I've loved XMen (mostly the cartoons) since I was 15, when I babysat for kids that watched it nonstop.
3. Jean Grey annoyed me then, and still annoys me now. "Oh, i have a headache, now i'm going to faint".
4. Even more than my hatred for Jean Grey is the stupid Phoenix plotline from the comics/cartoons.
I thought XMen 1 was okay...It didn't blow me away, mostly because Rogue is supposed to be a sassy sexy chick and Anna Paquin is too young and too ugly to play her. And because Halle Barry is SOOO not Storm...Storm would be better played by Ima'an or someone more regal. And Jean Grey...i can't stand Famke Janssen, she should be played by Angie Everheart or something. Other than Professor X, Magneto, and Wolverine, i really wasnt' impressed with their casting selection.
XMen 2 annoyed me, because they can't get Storm's hair to look half decent, because Rogue STILL bugged me, becuase I didn't like that asian chick with the same adamantium that wolverine has...I don't like when movies get overly cliche, like "oh gee we need a hot asian chick who can kick ass. See if Lucy Liu is available".
Xmen 3...well...any movie that features Jean Grey prominantly is enough to make me gouge my eyes out.
In this movie, the Phoenix takes over Jean Grey and everyone's gotta stop it. First off, they go from one scene in complete daylight to the next one being nighttime...uhhh did the time change within a split second?
Secondly, Magneto moves the Golden Gate bridge over to Alcatraz. HELLO...it's a suspension bridge...if you rip it it from the sides it's not going to stay up on it's own anymore!
Thirdly, I fail to believe the government would use Alcatraz...not just because it's a historical landmark, but because the building is decrepit and falling apart and you can't exactly modernize it asap.
Fourthly...and big fourthly...when the Phoenix gets pissed she starts floating (why? Why float?) and everything starts to break and there's chaos and lots of wind and Wolverine has to get to her in time before the whole world is torn to shreds. Why do evil characters automatically destroy stuff? Who cares? Let her destroy earth, now where is she gonna live and get her hair done and find her food? Why does she have to BREAK STUFF just 'cause she's powerful? It just seems pointless.
Anyway, if you can get over your hatred for Jean Grey (as clearly I can't), the movie is entertaining but riddled with flaws.
The Benchwarmers
Every now and then you need a no-brainer movie featuring tons of ex-SNL cast members.
Out of all the movies I saw this past weekend, this one was probably the best. Maybe becuase I just wanted some cheesy, low grade humor. The scene stealer was Nick Swardson as David Spade's brother Howie...they could make a movie just on him (he was terrified of the sun).
The only odd things were to see Jon Heder in an SNL movie (he sort of sticks out a bit), and that Rob Schneider plays a "cool" guy (when is he cool?! NEVER!). But overall, it was a pretty funny and entertaining movie.
Yeah, not the greatest reviews, but that's my summary so suck it.
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Everyone kept telling me how fantastic this movie was, yadda yadda. So my standards were somewhat high, although not overly high because I wasn't enthusiastic about seeing it even when it was in the theaters.
It's a pretty decent movie if you can tolerate that it stars a snide cocky red car...played by snide cocky Owen Wilson. After awhile, his "sneering" voice grated my nerves.
The major redeeming quality was the little movie reel at the end of the credits with John Ratzenberger pointing out how they keep re-using the same (i.e. HIS) voice in every Disney movie.
XMen 3: The Last Stand
Background history:
1. Yes, I've read the comics.
2. I've loved XMen (mostly the cartoons) since I was 15, when I babysat for kids that watched it nonstop.
3. Jean Grey annoyed me then, and still annoys me now. "Oh, i have a headache, now i'm going to faint".
4. Even more than my hatred for Jean Grey is the stupid Phoenix plotline from the comics/cartoons.
I thought XMen 1 was okay...It didn't blow me away, mostly because Rogue is supposed to be a sassy sexy chick and Anna Paquin is too young and too ugly to play her. And because Halle Barry is SOOO not Storm...Storm would be better played by Ima'an or someone more regal. And Jean Grey...i can't stand Famke Janssen, she should be played by Angie Everheart or something. Other than Professor X, Magneto, and Wolverine, i really wasnt' impressed with their casting selection.
XMen 2 annoyed me, because they can't get Storm's hair to look half decent, because Rogue STILL bugged me, becuase I didn't like that asian chick with the same adamantium that wolverine has...I don't like when movies get overly cliche, like "oh gee we need a hot asian chick who can kick ass. See if Lucy Liu is available".
Xmen 3...well...any movie that features Jean Grey prominantly is enough to make me gouge my eyes out.
In this movie, the Phoenix takes over Jean Grey and everyone's gotta stop it. First off, they go from one scene in complete daylight to the next one being nighttime...uhhh did the time change within a split second?
Secondly, Magneto moves the Golden Gate bridge over to Alcatraz. HELLO...it's a suspension bridge...if you rip it it from the sides it's not going to stay up on it's own anymore!
Thirdly, I fail to believe the government would use Alcatraz...not just because it's a historical landmark, but because the building is decrepit and falling apart and you can't exactly modernize it asap.
Fourthly...and big fourthly...when the Phoenix gets pissed she starts floating (why? Why float?) and everything starts to break and there's chaos and lots of wind and Wolverine has to get to her in time before the whole world is torn to shreds. Why do evil characters automatically destroy stuff? Who cares? Let her destroy earth, now where is she gonna live and get her hair done and find her food? Why does she have to BREAK STUFF just 'cause she's powerful? It just seems pointless.
Anyway, if you can get over your hatred for Jean Grey (as clearly I can't), the movie is entertaining but riddled with flaws.
The Benchwarmers
Every now and then you need a no-brainer movie featuring tons of ex-SNL cast members.
Out of all the movies I saw this past weekend, this one was probably the best. Maybe becuase I just wanted some cheesy, low grade humor. The scene stealer was Nick Swardson as David Spade's brother Howie...they could make a movie just on him (he was terrified of the sun).
The only odd things were to see Jon Heder in an SNL movie (he sort of sticks out a bit), and that Rob Schneider plays a "cool" guy (when is he cool?! NEVER!). But overall, it was a pretty funny and entertaining movie.
Yeah, not the greatest reviews, but that's my summary so suck it.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Movie Review: CASINO ROYALE
Movie review: Casino Royale
Let's do some background history here. I haven't seen that many James Bond movies but I do belive that Sean Connery is DA MAN...
And I was all for Clive Owen to be the new one...when I heard it was gonna be some blond dude, I wasn't impressed.
Ohhh, how I was too quick to judge!
So Casino Royale is basically the "first" Bond...when he first became a "double oh", rough around the edge, and "M" isn't too happy with him as an employee. It's a little odd because he's an older dude, so if this is him when he first got the job...well he must be 80 in the other movies.
That aside, Blond Dude is HOT. Not in terms of his looks...but his rawness and edginess has incredible appeal. Plus, when he has fight scenes the guy (gasp) actually BLEEDS...I saw You Only Live Twice the other day and James Bond got punched a trillion times in the face without a single scar.
The premise of this Bond is generally the same as the others...the difference is that there's not really any Good Bond Girl, Bad Bond Girl....and the blatant use of nudity is pretty much limited to Bond himself (how many times can the dude come out of the ocean soaking wet? I don't know and I don't care, just keep it up filmmakers!)
Anyway, I highly recommend this movie. Keep in mind though that I can't stand going to the movie theater, and the other day was no exception...the dudes to my left kept repeating whatever the guys in the movie were saying, and the dumbass teenie bopper girls in front of me kept texting each other and then running in and out of the theater.
I'm pretty sure that I've reached the end of my rope when it comes to kids in the theater. Texting was the last straw...the glow from their phones was constantly in my peripheral vision. Give it till I'm 30...as soon as I hit that age, I officially reserve the right to be a cranky old lady who screams at kids to SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I'M GONNA BEAT YOU IN THE HEAD.
Let's do some background history here. I haven't seen that many James Bond movies but I do belive that Sean Connery is DA MAN...
And I was all for Clive Owen to be the new one...when I heard it was gonna be some blond dude, I wasn't impressed.
Ohhh, how I was too quick to judge!
So Casino Royale is basically the "first" Bond...when he first became a "double oh", rough around the edge, and "M" isn't too happy with him as an employee. It's a little odd because he's an older dude, so if this is him when he first got the job...well he must be 80 in the other movies.
That aside, Blond Dude is HOT. Not in terms of his looks...but his rawness and edginess has incredible appeal. Plus, when he has fight scenes the guy (gasp) actually BLEEDS...I saw You Only Live Twice the other day and James Bond got punched a trillion times in the face without a single scar.
The premise of this Bond is generally the same as the others...the difference is that there's not really any Good Bond Girl, Bad Bond Girl....and the blatant use of nudity is pretty much limited to Bond himself (how many times can the dude come out of the ocean soaking wet? I don't know and I don't care, just keep it up filmmakers!)
Anyway, I highly recommend this movie. Keep in mind though that I can't stand going to the movie theater, and the other day was no exception...the dudes to my left kept repeating whatever the guys in the movie were saying, and the dumbass teenie bopper girls in front of me kept texting each other and then running in and out of the theater.
I'm pretty sure that I've reached the end of my rope when it comes to kids in the theater. Texting was the last straw...the glow from their phones was constantly in my peripheral vision. Give it till I'm 30...as soon as I hit that age, I officially reserve the right to be a cranky old lady who screams at kids to SHUT THE F*CK UP OR I'M GONNA BEAT YOU IN THE HEAD.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Fast Times at Sir Wil
Too much time on my hands, clearly...
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.
By "senior" year, i'm assuming that means grade 12...and since I was in Ontario, we also had grade 13...so...i'll answer relative to both....
1. Who was your best friend?
Ahhh, it was all about the "immediate family"...but my girls were Christine, Erin, Katie, and Stacey...
2.What sports did you play?
That year, nothing. But in grade 9 I was on the Girl's Football Team...
3. What kind of car did you drive?
Either my brother's cruddy 1988 Mazda 323 which I pretty much totalled 2 months after he bought it, or my parents' 1992 Toyota Camry.
4. It's Friday night, where were you?
At the movies (well probably East Side's first, then the movie theater right next door to it)...
5. Were you a party animal?
Not yet...
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Oh GOD no. I was the grade-obsessed chick with the good looking friends.
7. Ever skip school?
Well...I never, everrrr skipped before...but then in grade 12 Tom died and...this is so bad of me to say...but I would tell the teachers that I had all these emotional issues and I had to leave class...(and when you've been a teacher's nightmare because you argued your 99% grade to a 100% grade, they pretty much figure that you must be telling the truth why else would you ditch class)...
And then in OAC (grade 13) my dad had a heart attack and needed 5-bypass surgery...so I used to tell the chicks at the front office that I was late because I had to walk with my dad, or take him to the doctor's, etc...and they actually bought it...
Yeah karma's gonna get me back for those big time one day, if it hasn't already.
8. Were you a nerd?
Uhhh see previous answers...my only purposei n life was to be on the honor roll, get a scholarship, get the highest mark in a given class, and...mainly...beat Patrick Beaupre's grade at all costs...
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
I would be 6 feet under if that ever happened.
10. Can you sing the fight song?
We didn't have a fight song, but every time our teams won something and we had a thing in the gym for it, they always played Queen's We Are THe Champions...
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Macartney! My bio teacher. He inspired me sooooo much, he's the reason I wanted to study biology and genetics and all that. Um yeah sadly, I didn't take that path and that's probably my biggest regret in life.
12. Favorite class?
Biology and chemistry.
13. What was your school's full name?
Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School.
Motto translates to: we strive for the highest of things.
14. School mascot?
A lancer.
Oh my GOD my high school is on Wikipedia!
15. Did you go to Prom?
I went to a total of like 5-7 proms between 12th and 13th grade. I was a prom whore! And now...I'm the chick who goes to everyone's work parties...so i guess somethings never change.
Just call me Rent-A-Date!
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
YES
YES
YES
It was the best time of my life...the only time where I was in the top X % of anything, where I accomplished so much, where I was involved in things, where I felt super smart, where I had respect from my elders, where I thought I would one day be hugely successful...
Sigh how much has changed.
17. What do you remember most about graduation?
I had two ceremonies (one in grade 12 for high school, one in grade 13 for the OAC classes)...I just remember being behind Chris Adamson (letter A's and all) and he didn't know the path to get us back to our seats after we got up on stage so we ended up following him all around the stupid gym till we got back in our seats!
18. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
Daigle-fests...slacking off (after years of busting my ass, i actually had Spares)...all of us piling in Stacey's teenie LeBaron to go to McDonald's...
19. Where were you on senior skip day?
We never had that. Or if we did, no one told me.
20. Did you have a job your senior year?
When have i NOT had a job since I was 13?! I worked at Le Chateau (like Forever 21) and that kid's clothing store and I did sales for this tutoring company in Gloucester Center.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
McDonald's...the caf...shoot where DID we go? I dont' remember.
22. Have you gained weight since then?
I weigh the same, except the fat has redistributed itself in horrible, horrible ways...
23. What did you do after graduation?
I forgot if it was the Grade 12 or Grade 13 one, but I remember hanging out at Stacey's house (remember that Bryan?)
24. When did you graduate?
Grade 12: 1995
OAC: 1996
25. Who was your Senior prom date?
For my prom, in grade 12 I took my effing bastard jackass first boyfriend (who lost his virginity to his sister, yes white trash to the Nth degree)...in grade 13 I took Anthony Wilson...ahhh. sigh.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
Well this would have been my 10th year, but if they have one, yeah I'd fly back for it.
27. Who was your home room teacher?
It got switched...it was one guy who's name totally escapes me (he reminds me of one of my coworkers actually, they look identical), and then my beloved Mr. Macartney.
Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.
By "senior" year, i'm assuming that means grade 12...and since I was in Ontario, we also had grade 13...so...i'll answer relative to both....
1. Who was your best friend?
Ahhh, it was all about the "immediate family"...but my girls were Christine, Erin, Katie, and Stacey...
2.What sports did you play?
That year, nothing. But in grade 9 I was on the Girl's Football Team...
3. What kind of car did you drive?
Either my brother's cruddy 1988 Mazda 323 which I pretty much totalled 2 months after he bought it, or my parents' 1992 Toyota Camry.
4. It's Friday night, where were you?
At the movies (well probably East Side's first, then the movie theater right next door to it)...
5. Were you a party animal?
Not yet...
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Oh GOD no. I was the grade-obsessed chick with the good looking friends.
7. Ever skip school?
Well...I never, everrrr skipped before...but then in grade 12 Tom died and...this is so bad of me to say...but I would tell the teachers that I had all these emotional issues and I had to leave class...(and when you've been a teacher's nightmare because you argued your 99% grade to a 100% grade, they pretty much figure that you must be telling the truth why else would you ditch class)...
And then in OAC (grade 13) my dad had a heart attack and needed 5-bypass surgery...so I used to tell the chicks at the front office that I was late because I had to walk with my dad, or take him to the doctor's, etc...and they actually bought it...
Yeah karma's gonna get me back for those big time one day, if it hasn't already.
8. Were you a nerd?
Uhhh see previous answers...my only purposei n life was to be on the honor roll, get a scholarship, get the highest mark in a given class, and...mainly...beat Patrick Beaupre's grade at all costs...
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
I would be 6 feet under if that ever happened.
10. Can you sing the fight song?
We didn't have a fight song, but every time our teams won something and we had a thing in the gym for it, they always played Queen's We Are THe Champions...
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Mr. Macartney! My bio teacher. He inspired me sooooo much, he's the reason I wanted to study biology and genetics and all that. Um yeah sadly, I didn't take that path and that's probably my biggest regret in life.
12. Favorite class?
Biology and chemistry.
13. What was your school's full name?
Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School.
Motto translates to: we strive for the highest of things.
14. School mascot?
A lancer.
Oh my GOD my high school is on Wikipedia!
15. Did you go to Prom?
I went to a total of like 5-7 proms between 12th and 13th grade. I was a prom whore! And now...I'm the chick who goes to everyone's work parties...so i guess somethings never change.
Just call me Rent-A-Date!
16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
YES
YES
YES
It was the best time of my life...the only time where I was in the top X % of anything, where I accomplished so much, where I was involved in things, where I felt super smart, where I had respect from my elders, where I thought I would one day be hugely successful...
Sigh how much has changed.
17. What do you remember most about graduation?
I had two ceremonies (one in grade 12 for high school, one in grade 13 for the OAC classes)...I just remember being behind Chris Adamson (letter A's and all) and he didn't know the path to get us back to our seats after we got up on stage so we ended up following him all around the stupid gym till we got back in our seats!
18. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
Daigle-fests...slacking off (after years of busting my ass, i actually had Spares)...all of us piling in Stacey's teenie LeBaron to go to McDonald's...
19. Where were you on senior skip day?
We never had that. Or if we did, no one told me.
20. Did you have a job your senior year?
When have i NOT had a job since I was 13?! I worked at Le Chateau (like Forever 21) and that kid's clothing store and I did sales for this tutoring company in Gloucester Center.
21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
McDonald's...the caf...shoot where DID we go? I dont' remember.
22. Have you gained weight since then?
I weigh the same, except the fat has redistributed itself in horrible, horrible ways...
23. What did you do after graduation?
I forgot if it was the Grade 12 or Grade 13 one, but I remember hanging out at Stacey's house (remember that Bryan?)
24. When did you graduate?
Grade 12: 1995
OAC: 1996
25. Who was your Senior prom date?
For my prom, in grade 12 I took my effing bastard jackass first boyfriend (who lost his virginity to his sister, yes white trash to the Nth degree)...in grade 13 I took Anthony Wilson...ahhh. sigh.
26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
Well this would have been my 10th year, but if they have one, yeah I'd fly back for it.
27. Who was your home room teacher?
It got switched...it was one guy who's name totally escapes me (he reminds me of one of my coworkers actually, they look identical), and then my beloved Mr. Macartney.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Argh...blogger beta
I hate the new blogger beta! And now that I switched over I can't switch back!
Ahhh the humanity!!
In other news, I signed up for a possible scam...but if it's not, then i'll get $250...if it actually works I'll definitely post the info so y'all can sign up...
Ahhh the humanity!!
In other news, I signed up for a possible scam...but if it's not, then i'll get $250...if it actually works I'll definitely post the info so y'all can sign up...
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Office
Go Team Exotic Girl!
You snooze, you lose Pam....
If you want to die laughing, check out:
The Office - Tonight's Episode
They spoof an SNL skit...this one is a million times better...I think I had tears down my face when I watched it...is it just me, or would Dunder-Mifflin (Scranton branch) be an awesome place to work?!
You snooze, you lose Pam....
If you want to die laughing, check out:
The Office - Tonight's Episode
They spoof an SNL skit...this one is a million times better...I think I had tears down my face when I watched it...is it just me, or would Dunder-Mifflin (Scranton branch) be an awesome place to work?!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
10 Time Wasters
Random, random thoughts on a whole new level.
1. Remember Bruno the creepy bug?
I had a psycho dream last night that I ate him at some sort of party. Someone served up Jerusalem Crickets as an appetizer or something. I don't know the significance of it, all I know is that Bruno was mighty, mighty juicy.
2. On Adam Corolla this morning people were calling in discussing the strangest places they've had sex. Hands down, the dude who had nookie in a casket wins...
3. I'm SUCH a lazy mofo. The past week I've gotten into gym clothes and then the minute I sit down, i pass out...this exhuastion situation is unacceptable!
4. I've been baking a ton lately...if I have to fatten up my coworkers as a result, so be it.
5. The other day at work someone said that I "lit up" a room by how I looked that day, which was the nicest compliment I've heard in a looooong time.
6. I'm craving stuffing so bad, I'm half inclined to go buy a box of Stove Top to get it out of my system.
7. I read an interesting article (I'll get off my ass and post the link one of these days) about happiness...that once you make over $50K a year, an increase in dough doens't bring happiness, that having kids actually gives you a dip in happiness, that it's the little things that bring you happiness, that people should draw on other people's opinions of happiness (like if you want to be a lawyer, go talk to a lawyer and see if they're happy) instead of thinking that it'll be different once THEY do it, and that if you have to choose between a car or a trip, take the trip.
I'm all for the notion that extra money doesn't bring extra happiness, however there's alot of things that the article didn't factor in. Like extra money may not bring me happiness, but the security in knowing my house is paid off will reduce my UNhappiness. Or it may provide me an opportunity to pursue something I truly enjoy without worrying about the drop in salary. No one thinks that just having money itself is what creates happiness...it's the lifestyle that it affords, whether it means more trips for people who love trips or the knowledge that you can afford to send your kid to a good college.
And if i have to choose between a car or a trip, i'll take the car. I get that the trip leaves memories, but some people just prefer tangible items. If i have to pick between a $10 movie or a $10 cheap pair of earrings, i'll get more longevity and "happiness" out of the earrings...it's the same between a car or a trip. Not everyone feels that way, but this whole notion that people are making billions off self help books, etc, because people can't figure out what makes them happy is a little mind boggling. I'm not saying i know the secret to happiness, i'm simply saying, there's no way I can tell someone ELSE what will make them happy.
8. Soooo sleepy today!
9. I want a cute pair of 4" brown knee high boots, but I can't find a nice pair anywhere other than Aldo (which i refuse to buy in the US since it's soooo much cheaper in Canada). Which i guess is pointless anyway 'cause until I get my car paid down, Sabina's sticking to her existing shoe supply.
10. You are now dumber for having read this post, and I'm not apologizing for the time you wasted reading it.
1. Remember Bruno the creepy bug?
I had a psycho dream last night that I ate him at some sort of party. Someone served up Jerusalem Crickets as an appetizer or something. I don't know the significance of it, all I know is that Bruno was mighty, mighty juicy.
2. On Adam Corolla this morning people were calling in discussing the strangest places they've had sex. Hands down, the dude who had nookie in a casket wins...
3. I'm SUCH a lazy mofo. The past week I've gotten into gym clothes and then the minute I sit down, i pass out...this exhuastion situation is unacceptable!
4. I've been baking a ton lately...if I have to fatten up my coworkers as a result, so be it.
5. The other day at work someone said that I "lit up" a room by how I looked that day, which was the nicest compliment I've heard in a looooong time.
6. I'm craving stuffing so bad, I'm half inclined to go buy a box of Stove Top to get it out of my system.
7. I read an interesting article (I'll get off my ass and post the link one of these days) about happiness...that once you make over $50K a year, an increase in dough doens't bring happiness, that having kids actually gives you a dip in happiness, that it's the little things that bring you happiness, that people should draw on other people's opinions of happiness (like if you want to be a lawyer, go talk to a lawyer and see if they're happy) instead of thinking that it'll be different once THEY do it, and that if you have to choose between a car or a trip, take the trip.
I'm all for the notion that extra money doesn't bring extra happiness, however there's alot of things that the article didn't factor in. Like extra money may not bring me happiness, but the security in knowing my house is paid off will reduce my UNhappiness. Or it may provide me an opportunity to pursue something I truly enjoy without worrying about the drop in salary. No one thinks that just having money itself is what creates happiness...it's the lifestyle that it affords, whether it means more trips for people who love trips or the knowledge that you can afford to send your kid to a good college.
And if i have to choose between a car or a trip, i'll take the car. I get that the trip leaves memories, but some people just prefer tangible items. If i have to pick between a $10 movie or a $10 cheap pair of earrings, i'll get more longevity and "happiness" out of the earrings...it's the same between a car or a trip. Not everyone feels that way, but this whole notion that people are making billions off self help books, etc, because people can't figure out what makes them happy is a little mind boggling. I'm not saying i know the secret to happiness, i'm simply saying, there's no way I can tell someone ELSE what will make them happy.
8. Soooo sleepy today!
9. I want a cute pair of 4" brown knee high boots, but I can't find a nice pair anywhere other than Aldo (which i refuse to buy in the US since it's soooo much cheaper in Canada). Which i guess is pointless anyway 'cause until I get my car paid down, Sabina's sticking to her existing shoe supply.
10. You are now dumber for having read this post, and I'm not apologizing for the time you wasted reading it.
KFed's next career move
From College Humor
KFed's Next Career Move by Elaine Carroll
He's lost his sugar mama and his album tanked but he still has to get those limited edition kicks somehow. Who knows, maybe he'll get a job...
Receptionist at Quest Diagnostic Center
"Yo, this message is for Mr. Fenfang Chow or whatever, this is Kevin at Quest Diagnostics returning your call, it's about 9:30 on Tuesday in the morning and yo listen Chenchang, Ima be real wit you, cuz I remember you when you came in last Thursday, you was real nice or whatever. Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later."
Rite Aid Night Manager
"Look it, Ima be real wit you okay, and I need you to be real wit me so we can get this straightened up, aight? So like I told you you need to fix up the tampons in aisle 6 and then when you didn't do what I axt you to do, then, you know, Ima be like listen, boo, I gotta do my thang, you know? I'm just doin' my thang, you know what I'm saying, and I'm just axing you to do your thang, boo, so we can do this right, and make the pampers look fiiine, you feeling me, Edna?
Tour Guide at Monticello in Charlottsville, Virginia
"Aight kids, follow me through here. Dis room right here is Thomas Jefferson's library, yo. Dis is where he like read and wrote stuff like the Declaration of Independance or whatever, and you know, Ima be real wit you kids, TJ's bookroom had like 6,000 books you know what I'm saying, and then he like sold it to Congress in 1815 or whatever after its building and collection were damaged by the British in 1814, forming the nucleus of the Library of Congress yo. Aiight so the next room is the gift shop where ya'll can by my new single "Privilege".
Erotic Novelist
"So the real fine bitch wit big titties comes over to him and she was like hey boo Ima be real wit you right now, Ima take off my shirt so we can get it on, and then she, you know, took her shirt off and he could see her titties or whatever and he was like oh shoo girl I can see your titties or whatever and she was like yeah I know whatchu gonna do about it fool and he was like I dunno I guess Ima go over there and you know get down wit you and she was like yeah aight boo you do dat, so then they did it, you know what I'm saying?"
Holy crap, you just can't get any funnier than: Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later.
KFed's Next Career Move by Elaine Carroll
He's lost his sugar mama and his album tanked but he still has to get those limited edition kicks somehow. Who knows, maybe he'll get a job...
Receptionist at Quest Diagnostic Center
"Yo, this message is for Mr. Fenfang Chow or whatever, this is Kevin at Quest Diagnostics returning your call, it's about 9:30 on Tuesday in the morning and yo listen Chenchang, Ima be real wit you, cuz I remember you when you came in last Thursday, you was real nice or whatever. Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later."
Rite Aid Night Manager
"Look it, Ima be real wit you okay, and I need you to be real wit me so we can get this straightened up, aight? So like I told you you need to fix up the tampons in aisle 6 and then when you didn't do what I axt you to do, then, you know, Ima be like listen, boo, I gotta do my thang, you know? I'm just doin' my thang, you know what I'm saying, and I'm just axing you to do your thang, boo, so we can do this right, and make the pampers look fiiine, you feeling me, Edna?
Tour Guide at Monticello in Charlottsville, Virginia
"Aight kids, follow me through here. Dis room right here is Thomas Jefferson's library, yo. Dis is where he like read and wrote stuff like the Declaration of Independance or whatever, and you know, Ima be real wit you kids, TJ's bookroom had like 6,000 books you know what I'm saying, and then he like sold it to Congress in 1815 or whatever after its building and collection were damaged by the British in 1814, forming the nucleus of the Library of Congress yo. Aiight so the next room is the gift shop where ya'll can by my new single "Privilege".
Erotic Novelist
"So the real fine bitch wit big titties comes over to him and she was like hey boo Ima be real wit you right now, Ima take off my shirt so we can get it on, and then she, you know, took her shirt off and he could see her titties or whatever and he was like oh shoo girl I can see your titties or whatever and she was like yeah I know whatchu gonna do about it fool and he was like I dunno I guess Ima go over there and you know get down wit you and she was like yeah aight boo you do dat, so then they did it, you know what I'm saying?"
Holy crap, you just can't get any funnier than: Well listen, boo, we got your AIDS test back and you got it bad, dawg, so call a nigga back, catch you later.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
When you eat your smarties do you eat the red ones last?
I never listen to that stupid Jamie, Jack, and Stench show (or whatever it's called) on the way to work, but for some reason this morning I did and it was absolutely hilarious (no thanks to that effing annoying biotch Jamie).
It came down to this: wake up ladies. Men are bored.
And what women define as entertainment is different than what guys call entertainment. Women are always like "youw ant something to do? Fix so-and-so"...but that's still "boring" technically. Driving racecars and drinking beer, that's not boring. But doing household projects, that's boring to them. Women however aren't "bored" by household stuff, which is why we're always doing one thing after another after another because to us, we WANT to be bored but we can't 'cause we're too busy doing all the household crap.
Their solution was that you can get a guy to fix the roof if the roof is basically two big boobs...
Letters to the Editor:
1) You asked me this question and I did not say that if I could have kids when I was old, I'd wait to get married. I want to get married now regardless of how loudly my biological clock is ticking.
Ahh, but that's because you found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let's say you weren't dating anyone...would be like "ahh, it's all good" like if you were 21? Or would be like "eep, times a tickin'"? (although, you're still young :P) You want to get married now because you want to live with that person and spend every night with them, but let's say you didn't have someone...and let's say you were 29...would you feel some "pressure" to find someone, more than you did when you were 17?
When you're 23 you're concern over marriage isn't anywhere near as great as say when you're 30. It's one thing to say that it's because it's a different "life stage" (i.e. new grad), but think of all the women that DON'T pursue law degrees, medical degrees, etc, because they want a family instead. If women could have babies when they're 60, I guarantee there's plenty of women who would pursue higher educations and career goals (unless they'er slackers like me who dream of working at Target one day).
As for guys (re: Abdul's timeline), yeah of course they wouldnt' want to give sperm when they're 80, but point is their concern isn't their ability to conceive, rather the logistics of whether they'll be hobbling with a cane to their kid's high school graduation. That's not an actual biological "clock" like we've got, it's just a preference. Some guys don't care to change diapers or be an active parent, so they could be a new dad at 50 and it wouldn't make a diff (as opposed to the need to be physically capable of changing diapers, running after a toddler, etc)...case in point? Donald Trump. The dude's not changing any diapers, he's got a nanny, he's got a wife...what does he care? Other than financial concerns, it's no skin off his back to spread his seed to create offspring. Same with Michael Douglas. He's not changing diapers...
How many times do you see women with a 20 year age difference between their children? Heck, a chick could marry...have a kid or not...divorce, and then she's past her childbearing years which then impacts her future choice of partners (if they want kids) as opposed to guys, who can re-marry some young hot thang and crank out some more kids...
It just irritates me that chicks got the short end of the stick. And it also ties back with my beef over how the women's rights movement and their desire to work has created a dual-income society, and now i can barely afford or have time to conceive a kid, let alone actually raise one.
The solution? We should all go back to the barter system. You build my house, and in return i'll bake you bread. That way i can pop out plenty of kids AND there's no glass ceiling for me to worry about. It's a win-win situation for everyone.
It came down to this: wake up ladies. Men are bored.
And what women define as entertainment is different than what guys call entertainment. Women are always like "youw ant something to do? Fix so-and-so"...but that's still "boring" technically. Driving racecars and drinking beer, that's not boring. But doing household projects, that's boring to them. Women however aren't "bored" by household stuff, which is why we're always doing one thing after another after another because to us, we WANT to be bored but we can't 'cause we're too busy doing all the household crap.
Their solution was that you can get a guy to fix the roof if the roof is basically two big boobs...
Letters to the Editor:
1) You asked me this question and I did not say that if I could have kids when I was old, I'd wait to get married. I want to get married now regardless of how loudly my biological clock is ticking.
Ahh, but that's because you found someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Let's say you weren't dating anyone...would be like "ahh, it's all good" like if you were 21? Or would be like "eep, times a tickin'"? (although, you're still young :P) You want to get married now because you want to live with that person and spend every night with them, but let's say you didn't have someone...and let's say you were 29...would you feel some "pressure" to find someone, more than you did when you were 17?
When you're 23 you're concern over marriage isn't anywhere near as great as say when you're 30. It's one thing to say that it's because it's a different "life stage" (i.e. new grad), but think of all the women that DON'T pursue law degrees, medical degrees, etc, because they want a family instead. If women could have babies when they're 60, I guarantee there's plenty of women who would pursue higher educations and career goals (unless they'er slackers like me who dream of working at Target one day).
As for guys (re: Abdul's timeline), yeah of course they wouldnt' want to give sperm when they're 80, but point is their concern isn't their ability to conceive, rather the logistics of whether they'll be hobbling with a cane to their kid's high school graduation. That's not an actual biological "clock" like we've got, it's just a preference. Some guys don't care to change diapers or be an active parent, so they could be a new dad at 50 and it wouldn't make a diff (as opposed to the need to be physically capable of changing diapers, running after a toddler, etc)...case in point? Donald Trump. The dude's not changing any diapers, he's got a nanny, he's got a wife...what does he care? Other than financial concerns, it's no skin off his back to spread his seed to create offspring. Same with Michael Douglas. He's not changing diapers...
How many times do you see women with a 20 year age difference between their children? Heck, a chick could marry...have a kid or not...divorce, and then she's past her childbearing years which then impacts her future choice of partners (if they want kids) as opposed to guys, who can re-marry some young hot thang and crank out some more kids...
It just irritates me that chicks got the short end of the stick. And it also ties back with my beef over how the women's rights movement and their desire to work has created a dual-income society, and now i can barely afford or have time to conceive a kid, let alone actually raise one.
The solution? We should all go back to the barter system. You build my house, and in return i'll bake you bread. That way i can pop out plenty of kids AND there's no glass ceiling for me to worry about. It's a win-win situation for everyone.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Rolling the dice on that game called LIFE
So I've been snooping around and informally asking female friends the following: do you think we would make the same decisions about guys and marriage if we had the same biological clock as they do (i.e. we can procreate no problem till we're 80)...
And unanimously, every female agreed...that biological clock that ticks is a HUGE gating factor in our choice of life mates and the decisions we make. It's not like guys think "crap, i'm 29, if i dump her now and try to find another girlfriend who i can marry that might end up when i'm like 34 and that's pushing it when ti comes to having our first kid"...
To quote a friend...marriage is a crap shoot, Because you truly don't know when you're marrying someone what you're getting into. You make the best decision you can with the info you've been provided. No one tells you what marriage is like, what buying a house with someone is like, what to expect growing old with someone, what creating offspring is like...
In the end, you take your best guess at the odds and then roll that dice and pray that it'll work out in your favor. Read this link!
And...why doesn't anyone just tell you this growing up? I feel like we con children...we give them the impression that the world is their oyster when they graduate and become adults...no one says "listen, you're going to spend 99% of your waking days working so that you can afford the other 1% of your life which is going to include bills, car payments, house/rent payments, and maybe if you have a few bucks leftover you can buy a cute pair of boots. So get used to being a drone, because that's what we're grooming you to be".
Okay , granted, some people ENJOY their jobs to the point where they would do it for free if they could, but most people I know do their jobs because it's a paycheck because what they TRULY enjoy would never pay enough money to survive.
So life overall....it seems like this is stuff that's common knowledge to everyone I know NOW...so why didn't our elders tell us this stuff?
But everywhere I go, I meet smug married couples who love to relate the moment they “just knew” they’d found their life partners. As far as I’m concerned, it’s revisionist history; if the marriage in question has worked out so far, they say they acted on their rocksolid gut. But if it ended in divorce, they confess to earlier doubts.
Maybe it's one of those things where people just want to suck people into their misery. You know like when people say "oh you should have a baby, you'll be amazed how your life changes for the better, how wonderful it is blah blah" and then when people have them they realize "crap, this isn't THAT great, this sucks, i got conned!" and then THEY continue the endless circle by bringing other people down in their misery by perpetuating the myth that it's wonderful to have children and life is so grand that way.
Or...maybe people just live with the deception and don't spread the truth onto others because they can't spread what they don't acknowledge. After my 1 year wedding anniversary I started reading/hearing everywhere how your first year of marriage is the WORST...but you cant' say anything because everyone keeps coo'ing at you with their "awww, congratulations newlyweds" schpiel...so you don't want to tell them how rough it is.
So what's my point?
My point is...I think it is anyway...to bitch and vent that life is one big crap shoot...that we've been "programmed" as women to want to marry and have babies and all that crap whereas men don't have to worry about it 'cause they don't have that biological ticking time bomb like we do...and that generations have done the next generation a huge disservice by not telling the truth about life, bills, 401K, retirement, marriage, babies, and general life after college.
And if you don't agree with me...well suck it and go write your own damn blog where you can say wonderfully dandy it is to be a working girl in this day and age.
And unanimously, every female agreed...that biological clock that ticks is a HUGE gating factor in our choice of life mates and the decisions we make. It's not like guys think "crap, i'm 29, if i dump her now and try to find another girlfriend who i can marry that might end up when i'm like 34 and that's pushing it when ti comes to having our first kid"...
To quote a friend...marriage is a crap shoot, Because you truly don't know when you're marrying someone what you're getting into. You make the best decision you can with the info you've been provided. No one tells you what marriage is like, what buying a house with someone is like, what to expect growing old with someone, what creating offspring is like...
In the end, you take your best guess at the odds and then roll that dice and pray that it'll work out in your favor. Read this link!
And...why doesn't anyone just tell you this growing up? I feel like we con children...we give them the impression that the world is their oyster when they graduate and become adults...no one says "listen, you're going to spend 99% of your waking days working so that you can afford the other 1% of your life which is going to include bills, car payments, house/rent payments, and maybe if you have a few bucks leftover you can buy a cute pair of boots. So get used to being a drone, because that's what we're grooming you to be".
Okay , granted, some people ENJOY their jobs to the point where they would do it for free if they could, but most people I know do their jobs because it's a paycheck because what they TRULY enjoy would never pay enough money to survive.
So life overall....it seems like this is stuff that's common knowledge to everyone I know NOW...so why didn't our elders tell us this stuff?
But everywhere I go, I meet smug married couples who love to relate the moment they “just knew” they’d found their life partners. As far as I’m concerned, it’s revisionist history; if the marriage in question has worked out so far, they say they acted on their rocksolid gut. But if it ended in divorce, they confess to earlier doubts.
Maybe it's one of those things where people just want to suck people into their misery. You know like when people say "oh you should have a baby, you'll be amazed how your life changes for the better, how wonderful it is blah blah" and then when people have them they realize "crap, this isn't THAT great, this sucks, i got conned!" and then THEY continue the endless circle by bringing other people down in their misery by perpetuating the myth that it's wonderful to have children and life is so grand that way.
Or...maybe people just live with the deception and don't spread the truth onto others because they can't spread what they don't acknowledge. After my 1 year wedding anniversary I started reading/hearing everywhere how your first year of marriage is the WORST...but you cant' say anything because everyone keeps coo'ing at you with their "awww, congratulations newlyweds" schpiel...so you don't want to tell them how rough it is.
So what's my point?
My point is...I think it is anyway...to bitch and vent that life is one big crap shoot...that we've been "programmed" as women to want to marry and have babies and all that crap whereas men don't have to worry about it 'cause they don't have that biological ticking time bomb like we do...and that generations have done the next generation a huge disservice by not telling the truth about life, bills, 401K, retirement, marriage, babies, and general life after college.
And if you don't agree with me...well suck it and go write your own damn blog where you can say wonderfully dandy it is to be a working girl in this day and age.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Ebay purchase
In case you have a bunch of dough you want to waste...
Ebay auction for those who really aren't sure what to do with their money
Ebay auction for those who really aren't sure what to do with their money
Tap my blog with enthusiasm
A few things to note:
1. Ryan and Nicole B make the best pizza EVER. They should enter their pizza-making skillz in a contest or something. Or...just make me pizza on a daily basis. Either are acceptable options.
2. The other day on the Adam Corolla show they had one of the doctors from Dr. 90210 (the one who does the crazy vagina and penis surgeries), and he was saying how the aesthetic ideal for guys' ballsi s to have them hang right in line with the tip of the penis.
Which made me laugh really hard, and then I realized....FINALLY! FINALLY! After all this time of chicks having to have a certain waist size, boob size, etc that we're stuck paying for...guys now have a physical ideal that may only be reached through plastic surgery!
(And yes, when a dude's balls hang way too low...it's just bizarre looking)
3. It's pretty clear that the OC this season is just going to revolve around Ryan finding Volcheck, killing him, and then that's it forever. Which is fine by me, 'cause there really isn't much else they can do with these people...but...sigh, what will I use as a replacement?
4. So back to dude's who get their balls surgically altered...how long is too long? What's the longest that is unappealing? And do most guys have problems with the balls hitting the toilet water?
I did a bit of research:
Cached version of a dude's balls question
5. Seriously, I would die to go back in time and be a plastic surgeon.
6. Now that I have a new car, I'm realizing how truly dusty California is...my last car was so filthy, i would go years without cleaning it...it's been a few weeks and my new car is already grimy. WTF. Plus i'm noticing why people get mudguards...alot of crap gets kicked up from the tires and makes the bottom sides of the car all nasty. Mother effer, new cars are alotta maintenance.
7. In case anyone cares, my mother is in Northern California right now...i'll probably go up in a few weeks to do the obligatory daughter visit.
8. The Office is the most wonderful non-guilty pleasure EVER. It doesn't feel dumb because it's not a sitcom and yet, it's crazy hilarious. Tonight's episode: the Scranton branch closes down. I LOVE IT!
And...go team brunette! You snooze you lose Pam.
9. Blah, i'm trying to come up with a list of 10 things and I'm not doing a very good job. This is the most boring post ever.
10. Some dude on the radio this week had a list of Ten Excuses When You Ain't Got The Rent, which in and of itself is already pretty hysterical...I only heard number 5: My momma's real sick, which caused the other DJ to say "...and?", to which the first DJ said "That's it. My momma's sick. That's your excuse".
As previously stated...you are now dumber for having read this.
1. Ryan and Nicole B make the best pizza EVER. They should enter their pizza-making skillz in a contest or something. Or...just make me pizza on a daily basis. Either are acceptable options.
2. The other day on the Adam Corolla show they had one of the doctors from Dr. 90210 (the one who does the crazy vagina and penis surgeries), and he was saying how the aesthetic ideal for guys' ballsi s to have them hang right in line with the tip of the penis.
Which made me laugh really hard, and then I realized....FINALLY! FINALLY! After all this time of chicks having to have a certain waist size, boob size, etc that we're stuck paying for...guys now have a physical ideal that may only be reached through plastic surgery!
(And yes, when a dude's balls hang way too low...it's just bizarre looking)
3. It's pretty clear that the OC this season is just going to revolve around Ryan finding Volcheck, killing him, and then that's it forever. Which is fine by me, 'cause there really isn't much else they can do with these people...but...sigh, what will I use as a replacement?
4. So back to dude's who get their balls surgically altered...how long is too long? What's the longest that is unappealing? And do most guys have problems with the balls hitting the toilet water?
I did a bit of research:
Cached version of a dude's balls question
5. Seriously, I would die to go back in time and be a plastic surgeon.
6. Now that I have a new car, I'm realizing how truly dusty California is...my last car was so filthy, i would go years without cleaning it...it's been a few weeks and my new car is already grimy. WTF. Plus i'm noticing why people get mudguards...alot of crap gets kicked up from the tires and makes the bottom sides of the car all nasty. Mother effer, new cars are alotta maintenance.
7. In case anyone cares, my mother is in Northern California right now...i'll probably go up in a few weeks to do the obligatory daughter visit.
8. The Office is the most wonderful non-guilty pleasure EVER. It doesn't feel dumb because it's not a sitcom and yet, it's crazy hilarious. Tonight's episode: the Scranton branch closes down. I LOVE IT!
And...go team brunette! You snooze you lose Pam.
9. Blah, i'm trying to come up with a list of 10 things and I'm not doing a very good job. This is the most boring post ever.
10. Some dude on the radio this week had a list of Ten Excuses When You Ain't Got The Rent, which in and of itself is already pretty hysterical...I only heard number 5: My momma's real sick, which caused the other DJ to say "...and?", to which the first DJ said "That's it. My momma's sick. That's your excuse".
As previously stated...you are now dumber for having read this.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Le Divorce
Awww, i kinda was rooting for them...I know this sounds horrible, but I think i'm on Team K-Fed (although dude, you've got FOUR kids to support...don't bite the hand that feeds you!)...I mean, anytime I've seen him in interviews he's actually much more eloquent and less hillbilly than she is...although now that she's all cleaned up (per her Letterman appearance), I forgot how much we all missed the cute semi-classy Britney...
PRE-NUP DETAILS:
K-Fed won't touch a penny of Britney's money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way
The mansion will be divided 50/50.
Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he'll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
Spears won't pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
PRE-NUP DETAILS:
K-Fed won't touch a penny of Britney's money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way
The mansion will be divided 50/50.
Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he'll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
Spears won't pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
Phloem and Xylum
So i want to take a class but i'm not sure what exactly...I really awnted to take an intro to biology class at Saddleback but their Saturday class is full, and that was a key time for me.
My options:
1. Intro math class
Not that I need an intro class, but i absolutely LOVED math in high school (hated it in college, but that's 'cause it was an 8am class and doing Cal II at 8am is just suicide), so i figure i'll just start at the easy bottom and work my way to the Calculus/Algebra classes.
2. Automotive Intro class
I'm sick of taking my car in and not knowing what's going on. BUT...now that i have a brand new car, what's the point of doing that right now?
3. Intro bio class
(Not on Saturday mornings)...i loooove cells, biology, all that crap...like the math classes i'd love to start at the moron level and work my way up.
4. French
I really need to get off my ass and keep up with my french. On Saturday I had a discussion in French with this dude from Living Spaces and it was AWESOME. Problem is, i don't know if i'm Intermediate, beginner, advanced...i mean, i'm technically certified bilingual but it's been 6 years since i ever really had to use it and i don't know "real" conversational french...like at Living Spaces I didn't know how to say "warehouse" or "tv stand"....so this is an iffy situation. I think i should join a Yahoo Group or something where i can find some people who just want to go have coffee and speak French.
5. Japanese
Why Japanese? 'Cause i think it's pretty effing cool. My fear though is that going after work to learn something as complex as that might make make me shoot myself.
Actually, doing ANYTHING after work sounds suicidal, but for the amount of TV watching that I do...i should be able to get off my ass and take a flippin' course to stimulate my brain...I think there's a layer of mold growing on mine right now.
My options:
1. Intro math class
Not that I need an intro class, but i absolutely LOVED math in high school (hated it in college, but that's 'cause it was an 8am class and doing Cal II at 8am is just suicide), so i figure i'll just start at the easy bottom and work my way to the Calculus/Algebra classes.
2. Automotive Intro class
I'm sick of taking my car in and not knowing what's going on. BUT...now that i have a brand new car, what's the point of doing that right now?
3. Intro bio class
(Not on Saturday mornings)...i loooove cells, biology, all that crap...like the math classes i'd love to start at the moron level and work my way up.
4. French
I really need to get off my ass and keep up with my french. On Saturday I had a discussion in French with this dude from Living Spaces and it was AWESOME. Problem is, i don't know if i'm Intermediate, beginner, advanced...i mean, i'm technically certified bilingual but it's been 6 years since i ever really had to use it and i don't know "real" conversational french...like at Living Spaces I didn't know how to say "warehouse" or "tv stand"....so this is an iffy situation. I think i should join a Yahoo Group or something where i can find some people who just want to go have coffee and speak French.
5. Japanese
Why Japanese? 'Cause i think it's pretty effing cool. My fear though is that going after work to learn something as complex as that might make make me shoot myself.
Actually, doing ANYTHING after work sounds suicidal, but for the amount of TV watching that I do...i should be able to get off my ass and take a flippin' course to stimulate my brain...I think there's a layer of mold growing on mine right now.
Picture Box Post
TV wrap up...
House of Carters
I seriously love this show. It is F*CKED UP. If you like Breaking Bonaduce, this is probably the most similar show in terms of how f*cked in the head these people are.
Plus this is awesome, Aaron (who has the worst skin EVER...wtf...get some tetracycline moron you've got cash) starts bitching how he wants sex:
I want to go back and have sex. Because it's been a year since I've fucking had any sex. And you guys are all having lots of sex. I am very sexually frusterated
Watch at around the 7:00 mark:
First off, don't say that stuff to your SISTER...wtf!
Secondly...maybe i'm ignorant, but doesn't jacking off do the same trick? I mean, if you jack off as often as you want sex, won't you no longer be sexually frustrated? (But i'm not a guy, so what do I know).
Thirdly...seriously...you don't SAY stuff like that to your sisters!!!
Girls Next Door
Hands down, Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet. I should just shoot myself for being too ugly to even be in the same time zone as her.
I'm starting to realize after watching this show that Hef really doesn't bang these girls. Or if he does, he bangs Holly like once a year (and i'm only guessing that because she wants his baby, which means,he does indeed uhhh spread his seed). But wtf, is he going to bang Bridget in her room? Full of animals and pink hello kitty stuff? But how does he kick out holly then of their bedroom? And Kendra talks about her vibrator, so you KNOW these girls are getting kisses and that's it.
Heroes
I didn't watch last night's episode yet, but I already know it was FANTASTIC.
Desperate Housewives
Maybe it's just me, but Sunday's episode was the best EVER. It had everything you need...mild humor, violence, and Gabby wearing a cute outfit (I want that skirt!) while smashing vases. It was great.
The whole point of the show was to see who would get killed off. Fortunately, they killed off Nora, the only other character just as annoying as Susan. Good thing susan wasn't in that grocery store, because Crazy Lady would have shot her too within a split second.
And, per ew.com: what was up with the British guy going away to work in Paris? Didn't he spend each and every day watching over his coma-induced wife for a few years?
Anyway, back to the show...i'm starting to really like Orson. So what if he beat up his wife. When Bree needed garlic peeled...he stepped up and did what it took to make her feel better.
I'm willing to admit, Austin is growing on me...i didn't think he was good looking at first but now he's starting to develop a look that's very worthy of a teenage heart throb...
One question still remains unanswered though: in the first season we heard Tom say "Lynette will never forgive me if she finds out what i've done"...and we still dont' know what that is.
ahhhh....so much tv, so little time.
House of Carters
I seriously love this show. It is F*CKED UP. If you like Breaking Bonaduce, this is probably the most similar show in terms of how f*cked in the head these people are.
Plus this is awesome, Aaron (who has the worst skin EVER...wtf...get some tetracycline moron you've got cash) starts bitching how he wants sex:
I want to go back and have sex. Because it's been a year since I've fucking had any sex. And you guys are all having lots of sex. I am very sexually frusterated
Watch at around the 7:00 mark:
First off, don't say that stuff to your SISTER...wtf!
Secondly...maybe i'm ignorant, but doesn't jacking off do the same trick? I mean, if you jack off as often as you want sex, won't you no longer be sexually frustrated? (But i'm not a guy, so what do I know).
Thirdly...seriously...you don't SAY stuff like that to your sisters!!!
Girls Next Door
Hands down, Holly Madison is the most gorgeous female on the planet. I should just shoot myself for being too ugly to even be in the same time zone as her.
I'm starting to realize after watching this show that Hef really doesn't bang these girls. Or if he does, he bangs Holly like once a year (and i'm only guessing that because she wants his baby, which means,he does indeed uhhh spread his seed). But wtf, is he going to bang Bridget in her room? Full of animals and pink hello kitty stuff? But how does he kick out holly then of their bedroom? And Kendra talks about her vibrator, so you KNOW these girls are getting kisses and that's it.
Heroes
I didn't watch last night's episode yet, but I already know it was FANTASTIC.
Desperate Housewives
Maybe it's just me, but Sunday's episode was the best EVER. It had everything you need...mild humor, violence, and Gabby wearing a cute outfit (I want that skirt!) while smashing vases. It was great.
The whole point of the show was to see who would get killed off. Fortunately, they killed off Nora, the only other character just as annoying as Susan. Good thing susan wasn't in that grocery store, because Crazy Lady would have shot her too within a split second.
And, per ew.com: what was up with the British guy going away to work in Paris? Didn't he spend each and every day watching over his coma-induced wife for a few years?
Anyway, back to the show...i'm starting to really like Orson. So what if he beat up his wife. When Bree needed garlic peeled...he stepped up and did what it took to make her feel better.
I'm willing to admit, Austin is growing on me...i didn't think he was good looking at first but now he's starting to develop a look that's very worthy of a teenage heart throb...
One question still remains unanswered though: in the first season we heard Tom say "Lynette will never forgive me if she finds out what i've done"...and we still dont' know what that is.
ahhhh....so much tv, so little time.
Extra Extra! Read all about it!
Alright well since I lead a boring life, today is the day where we comment on the news....
New Head Lice Treatment
For some reason I found this article really funny...sucks to be the school nurse, that's all I gotta say.
target="_blank">Circumcision cuts STD risk
Not that that's rocket science, but this leads me to a topic that Kraig and I once argued about...he says that by default in the US, baby boys get circumcised unless otherwise told, and i'm like "uh no the parents gotta ASK for that stuff", which lead me to point out that I've seen more penises than him so don't argue with me as to what the odds are of a dude having foreskin or not (and he tried to argue that in Canada maybe more guys just don't get circumcised. Give me a break).
So i asked people who's given birth to boys, and yep i was right...you have to ask for your boy's skin to be sliced and you gotta sign a waiver...it's not the default option.
Toyota's quarterly profit surges 34%
Yeah effing right it did, what with them taking almost $30K of my dough...(okay well that's still the current quarter but that's minor details)...
Two Dollar Bill Gains Popularity
This article says that strippers love it 'cause it doubles their tip money...i'm all for the $2 bill, we used to have it in Canada but then it got changed to the $2 coin (toonie)...the $2 bill rocks! Vote YES on $2!
Verizon near content deal with YouTube
All i gotta say is...sucks that Google bought YouTube...now they're all into making sure legally-acceptable crap is on there...wtf.
Why are these toys being sold?
Mannnn...first off, anything with a string should be a no-no for parents (i won't leave my cat toys with long strings/cords lying around the cats unless i'm supervising their play...and they're cats!)...secondly, wtf, how hillbilly is this country when a bunch of other countries ban this toy but the US won't?
I want to be the dude in a position of power who gets to make retarded decisions like that.
In other news....
Nope, no photos of the car...although I'm discovering how much i finally enjoy driving, it's alot more FUN to drive when you've got a kick ass vehicle.
Parking is a bitch though...my last car was so teenie, it could fit anywhere.
New Head Lice Treatment
For some reason I found this article really funny...sucks to be the school nurse, that's all I gotta say.
target="_blank">Circumcision cuts STD risk
Not that that's rocket science, but this leads me to a topic that Kraig and I once argued about...he says that by default in the US, baby boys get circumcised unless otherwise told, and i'm like "uh no the parents gotta ASK for that stuff", which lead me to point out that I've seen more penises than him so don't argue with me as to what the odds are of a dude having foreskin or not (and he tried to argue that in Canada maybe more guys just don't get circumcised. Give me a break).
So i asked people who's given birth to boys, and yep i was right...you have to ask for your boy's skin to be sliced and you gotta sign a waiver...it's not the default option.
Toyota's quarterly profit surges 34%
Yeah effing right it did, what with them taking almost $30K of my dough...(okay well that's still the current quarter but that's minor details)...
Two Dollar Bill Gains Popularity
This article says that strippers love it 'cause it doubles their tip money...i'm all for the $2 bill, we used to have it in Canada but then it got changed to the $2 coin (toonie)...the $2 bill rocks! Vote YES on $2!
Verizon near content deal with YouTube
All i gotta say is...sucks that Google bought YouTube...now they're all into making sure legally-acceptable crap is on there...wtf.
Why are these toys being sold?
Mannnn...first off, anything with a string should be a no-no for parents (i won't leave my cat toys with long strings/cords lying around the cats unless i'm supervising their play...and they're cats!)...secondly, wtf, how hillbilly is this country when a bunch of other countries ban this toy but the US won't?
I want to be the dude in a position of power who gets to make retarded decisions like that.
In other news....
Nope, no photos of the car...although I'm discovering how much i finally enjoy driving, it's alot more FUN to drive when you've got a kick ass vehicle.
Parking is a bitch though...my last car was so teenie, it could fit anywhere.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Best quote for life
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.”
--Frieda Norris
--Frieda Norris
And if I only could, make a deal with God, And get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill
I don't smoke
I've never been a smoker
But i imagine that the feeling I got after watching the season premiere of The OC was much like the feeling a smoker gets after they've gone 24 hours without a smoke.
You know this is the final season...it has "final" written all over it..but it was dark, gritty, mixed with the typical witty humor (You gotta love that little girl who cried after being lectured regarding whether there's a comic based on the XMen movie).
My only beef is...I get that Ryan feels all mopey and crap over Marissa's death. But...I never felt they had a connection because Mischa Barton, bless her lanky soul, is NOT a good actress. They never seemed in love, passionate, anything. They seemed to have better awkward moments than anything else.
So I fail to believe that he loved her.
I fail to believe that he loved her enough to seek vengence on that surfer dude (forgot his name...Valcheck?)
Maybe it's just that I'm a cynic...the day of men taking a stray bullet for their women is loooong over.
And it's not guys' faults. Much like how the women's movement ruined women's life for us women (what? dual income society? wtf?!), we also ruined men by turning them into SNAGs...
Sensitive
New
Age
Guys
Which leads into my next topic...the other day on the radio (KFI AM 640) they were saying how men have become "wussies" and how they discovered that in the past 20 years, mens' testosterone levels have dropped "significantly".
I want someone to measure how much testosterone levels in women have GONE UP during that time as well.
Think about it. We used to have Sylvestor Stallone, Arnold, Van Damme...who do we have now? The Rock? I love the man, but he played a football coach and a gay guy in his last few movies...we don't even have an uber tough, gritty, no holds barred kind of male hero out there anymore.
I'm not knocking this whole trend...it's got it's plusses...I'm just saying that I don't know about you ladies, but I like my hollywood men to be the kind that grab a chick and bang her up against the wall instead of the Orlando Bloom pretty boy types who look like they might break a nail in the process.
I've never been a smoker
But i imagine that the feeling I got after watching the season premiere of The OC was much like the feeling a smoker gets after they've gone 24 hours without a smoke.
You know this is the final season...it has "final" written all over it..but it was dark, gritty, mixed with the typical witty humor (You gotta love that little girl who cried after being lectured regarding whether there's a comic based on the XMen movie).
My only beef is...I get that Ryan feels all mopey and crap over Marissa's death. But...I never felt they had a connection because Mischa Barton, bless her lanky soul, is NOT a good actress. They never seemed in love, passionate, anything. They seemed to have better awkward moments than anything else.
So I fail to believe that he loved her.
I fail to believe that he loved her enough to seek vengence on that surfer dude (forgot his name...Valcheck?)
Maybe it's just that I'm a cynic...the day of men taking a stray bullet for their women is loooong over.
And it's not guys' faults. Much like how the women's movement ruined women's life for us women (what? dual income society? wtf?!), we also ruined men by turning them into SNAGs...
Sensitive
New
Age
Guys
Which leads into my next topic...the other day on the radio (KFI AM 640) they were saying how men have become "wussies" and how they discovered that in the past 20 years, mens' testosterone levels have dropped "significantly".
I want someone to measure how much testosterone levels in women have GONE UP during that time as well.
Think about it. We used to have Sylvestor Stallone, Arnold, Van Damme...who do we have now? The Rock? I love the man, but he played a football coach and a gay guy in his last few movies...we don't even have an uber tough, gritty, no holds barred kind of male hero out there anymore.
I'm not knocking this whole trend...it's got it's plusses...I'm just saying that I don't know about you ladies, but I like my hollywood men to be the kind that grab a chick and bang her up against the wall instead of the Orlando Bloom pretty boy types who look like they might break a nail in the process.
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