Shook me all night long

yeah i've got AC/DC in my head right now...

Well since Nic said she'd be bored at work today...I might as well get the excessive griping out of my system.

First off, I woke up barely being able to breathe, and NOT because my cat was lying on my chest (he honestly will kill me one of these days)...and my head is pounding...

But where I'm from (yes, this makes me sound super old and foreign), more often than not you've got a cold. By spring, my nose is just nasty red blob. Since i've moved to Cali, i RARELY get colds, and I refuse to get them because I figure, i've already had just about every cold virus on the planet...there's no Cali virus that's gonna wipe me out.

That being said, i feel like i'm DYING right now.

In other news, I had this huge shopping epiphany this weekend.

I went shopping for something somewhat hootchie to wear Friday night...nothing I had looked cute enough, or they were super dated...and really it was the search for the Disposable Top that i know i'm only going to wear once anyway.

So i went to the usual mallrat type places. Let me tell you a little something...i've been clubbing since I was 18, and I'm pretty much the same size...maybe a bit smaller by a few pounds, but yeah i've got clothes from 18 that i still have (like the jeans i'm wearing today).

I must have tried on a trillion tops. Right now the trend is all this beaded crap, which really destroyed my skin...i looked like someone whipped me across my chest and my back (from the constant pulling on/off of tight fitting hootchie tops).

A small number of tops actually fit. And i couldn't figure out why, I mean I wasn't trying on crazy complicated tops...i really just wanted to find the perfect halter top. It just seemed like i needed a massive pushup bra, but none of these tops were meant to be worn with a bra.

And then it hit me.

Much like vanity sizing (where sizes now are much, much bigger than 15 years ago because people as a whole have gotten fatter)...

Hootchie clothes are now designed for chicks with fake boobs. EVERY tope i tried on needed my chest to be a few inches higher, and there's no way that's happening to ANYONE naturally without a bra.

Maybe it's just a california thing, since it's pretty predominant here...but DAMN. I was okay with vanity sizing...i mean, it annoys me because not everyone does it so I quite honestly never know what to tell people my size is, becuase i'm anywhere from an XXS to M. BUT THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL.

I shouldn't have to invest a few grand$$ just to fit into a stupid $20 halter top.

But sadly...I spent the rest of Sat night thinking maybe I should...i mean, i've already got my other surgeries planned out, but most of that is for after I'm done having kids...and I figured after having kids I would just get a lift and ideally no implants (i'm willing to get nipped and tucked and have stuff sucked out of me, but ADDING things makes me nervous)...

Every night before going to bed, I start to poke and prod at myself, so much that based on the horrendous moaning I do my husband yells at me from another room "STOP PULLING AT YOUR GUT YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE! STOP IT! YOU LOOK FINE!!!"....ughghgh.

/rant about boobs (or lack of it).

I'm back to bleaching my teeth because at the dentist on Saturday the chicky told me that that's optimal time to bleach your teeth because they've removed all the stains. Normally I can't hack more than 2 days because:
a) you can't consume stuff that stains your teeth (my diet pepsi! My tazo Passion tea!) up to 48 hours after you're done bleaching because the "pores" are open. I can never go a full 5 days without either beverages.
b) your teeth are UBER pained during that time. Imagine putting an ice cube on your teeth 24/7...that's what teeth bleaching feels like.

Well the hygienist chicky told me as long as I'm good about rinsing about my mouth with water after tea/pepsi, I should be alright. So i'm white knuckling it on Day 2 right now...by tomorrow i'll be in pure agony.

Which brings up something else I read last night (Shape magazine, which yes i DID pay for, part of my subscription)...about how we women don't feel like things are working unless we're in serious pain. Like when i get a massage, i fully expect to be bruised by the next day (HA yes make whatever comments you want about how I like it rough!). Or when i do my at home glycolic peel kit, i leave it on for twice as long...burn my face off mothereffer!

I really, really wish I had been born a guy (and not just for the general life reasons about why things are easier for men, blah blah). I remember my first prom, being at the hairdresser, and another girl was bitching about how all the guys at that moment were off playing football. It takes us WEEKS of advance preparation just to look half decent in our dress, let alone the effort required that day to look amazing.

Which THEN leads me to think, the reason why it doesn't matter what a groom looks like on his wedding day as long as he's wearing a tux or whatever "groom attire" (whether it's a beach shirt, etc)...the groom only has to shower, shave, slap on some gel and he's good to go. That's all of what, 45 minutes and only because he's going to make a bit more effort to shave better that day?

I woke up at SIX AM on my frickin' wedding day (okay granted i coudln't sleep, and I still had to write my little speech which i didn't end up using because i couldn't read my own handwriting on the hotel notepad) and had my bridesmaids pile into my suite at the hotel by 8am...my scalp is STILL raw from my hairstyle (which i have to give props to my beauty chick, we didn't do a trial run...i told her i wanted my hair like Britney Murphy's in Almost Newlyweds but britney had hair extensions but my beauty chick pulled it off without them and i loved my hair that day)....

So for all the effort it takes for chicks to get ready, i think any big day SHOULD be about us and not about the guy because he's merely an accessory to whatever event we're attending, even if it's our own wedding day.

my head is still pounding, this headache pill situation isn't good

Sigh. Going to rummage through the building in hopes of finding some pills.

Wonderful Email

So i got this email from a wonderful friend of mine (in Canada), who's name I won't post 'cause I don't want to embarass her, but it was such a sweet, sweet email:

I have been trying to spend more time emailing because I can't believe how much I miss people. This "mother" job is just about the most alienating job out there. I meant to email you last week because I got your thank you card. You know I'm the one that owes you a thank you. You visiting us really perked people up. It really made me feel better and I realized just how increadibly much I miss you. It was weird. It was like I missed you more while you were here, probably because it's like spending time with your ex right after you break-up. It hurts more to be with them than without. I've kind of feel like that...it hurts more to be with you than without. That being said, I had the best time while you were here. It really sucks that your not here. It really does.

Dang I miss her...I wish I could kidnap her and bring her to california.

Pour some sugar on me...

It's 2:20 on Sunday afternoon, my brain is full of random crap so I'm going to do a brain dump

doing all this while enjoying my music from my good ol' Napster days...how many hours were wasted watching those blue bars do their thing? Dance With Me - 112

So this morning got up insanely early, went to Cinnamon Products with Nicole and Chris...that's what I'm talkin' about...that's some good stuff.

Dropped Kraig off at home, ran some errands...

Went to Best Buy to use up a gift card...WHY do people shop there for DVDs? Their prices are insane. It's one
(It's Over Now - 112)
thing to go there and buy a tv...it's another to buy something that you can get at like Target for wayyyyy cheaper.

Anyway, picked up Toy Story (anniversary edition), and watched in amazement at the store clerk who actually let me grab a PILE of those scratch/win things and just scratch, toss, grab another...i'm like "uhhh am I allowed to do this?" and he's all "I'm so over that contest"...

Went to Walmart (yes i'm a glutton for punishment...ever now and then I feel that household crap should be purchased at Walmart in order to keep it real...), picked up my Clueless Whatever Edition (did I mention that I watched it yesterday, and already I want to see it AGAIN?!), random makeup, the new Fitness RX BEST fitness mag ever, and some underwear that had a sign that said "best underwear ever" so i'm like "okay bitch, I'll see to your undergarment challenge"...(where Bitch=Blue and Yellow Walmart sign)

Only You - 112...which was one of about five songs that fall under "my" clubbing songs in university

After that quickly went and picked up another pair of shoes...that makes 5 boots/shoes in 2 weeks, my guess is that I should probably stop because soon I'll feel like I need to start adding to my purse collection, and this whole monster is already something I'm trying to get under my control...

Only you....why can't we just make it happen...every time I'm with you...never want it to come to an end...always make me soooo happy....you'll always have a place in my heart (sorry had to pause there to dance around the room...)

Went to Target, bought more random household stuff

(Everybody Doesn't - Amanda)

then returned uber late library stuff...went to Pavillions to get my grocery groove on...bought a ton more Chex Mix...oh yes, don't think I've forgotten about my anti-pretzel tyrade...

So at Target this dude at the photo center actually picked up a chick. I actually stopped and stared in awe. He wasn't cute by any means (well, okay maybe a bit cute but nowhere near my type by a long shot so i have to give him some benefit of the doubt) but he was very assertive, introduced himself, and flashed a beautiful smile.

Which goes to show you that personality and charm will get you very, VERY far when approaching a chick. I wanted to shake his hand and give him my approval on behalf of womankind.

Okay well that's pretty much my day...I could babble on about yesterday but there's not much to say. Cleaned like a madman, watched Clueless and then Footloose (yeah, you wanna knock that movie? You and I can take it outside...'cause it's soooo cheesy but fabulous at the same time), had game night at my place (didn't realize so many people would come over...and why did it seem like my kitchen was overrun with liquor bottles the next day? I think i'm going to have to keep an ongoing stash of tequila and rum just for Justin)

(Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang)

Okay well that's enough random babble, didn't really do much griping and my brain is still full of anxiety over everything and anything...whatever.

OH and my neighbor moved in...they bought their home for $520K or something like that. His name is Wilson...wow...what are the odds of having a neighbor with the name Wilson? (Although i don't share a fence like on the tv show).

OKAY nuff random useless talk.

When I see you smile

So much griping, so little time.

First off, I"m SO glad my THursday nights have The OC again... it just didn't feel right without it.

That being said, last night's episode was slow and boring and in the previews...please, do I care that they might get kicked outo f their private school? Uh yeah no not really.

This morning when I drove into work (after having paid effing $3.03 for gas...wtf), When I See You Smile came on the radio...

Every time I hear that song, I can't help but feel kind of sad....
See my first bf was an ass who screwed me over in more ways than anyone should ever, ever have to experience. ANd i was waiting for my Look Of Regret from him (more on that later...but the Look of Regret is what i require after every breakup)...
Fast forward, I dated Don but he was SO not for me and I in turn effed him over really badly (and the poor guy didn't deserve that... to this day he was the best boyfriend i ever had), and i was canoodling with Adam around the time Don and I were breaking...so i was going through serious emotions...

And then one day, out of the blue, I got a voicemail from my first bf...apologizing for what he did to me, and how he knows what it was like because someone ended up doing the same to him...
It was my look of regret.... I couldn't breathe I was so emotional. And at that time, my other ex bf Don left a voicemail right after, and he said "this is how i feel about you" and then played When I See You Smile...I was a basket case at that point, between both emails (two Looks of Regret in a 5 minute span?!)....

So every time i hear that song, which is pretty rare since it's an old song... I get kind of sad, and think about how what I did was so wrong and I sure hope he doesn't think of me the way I think about K~.

So the Look Of Regret...

After every breakup, there's always The Look of Regret. The "Damn...why did we break up again" or "wow,she looks fantastic...sigh..."...

With K~, it was that phone call, almost 3 years later...
With Don, it was that voicemail with the song...
I wasn't with Brian long enough to even make it worth anything (I dumped him over the phone and never saw him since...not even worth mentioning but we were together long enough for him to consider me his GF)
With Adam, the first time...it was back when we were in class (Data Structures i believe)...he was on one side, Nat was on the other...and halfway through class he whispers "mmm you're still wearing Japanese Musk?"...and Nat on the other side whispered "OMG he remembers your perfume! That's the look of regret!!!"....

Onto other subjects
...um...everything I'm thinking about I can't put for public viewing lol, so I'll keep those thoughts in my head!

Today I'm annoyed with all men, don't ask me why because i"m not sure. Maybe it's a PMS thing. I don't know. But I want to take a baseball bat to the head of every guy that I see.

Because men are effing retarded and have all the maturity of a cow in heat.

In other words, if one guy pisses me off (most likely my husband), than the rest of the world's men have to suffer.

So i found this flyer (I think it was stuck to Kraig's windshield, one side has a promo for a club), and I died laughing:
Laguna Institute for Aesthetic Vaginal Surgery
Feel 21 again...
Dr. yadda yadda is highly trained in this specialized cosmetic surgery designed to restore and enhance the appearance of the vaginal area. In ordinary terms, the procedure is essenticaly a "face lift" for the vulva and vagina, restoring their youthful appearance and function. Due to childbirth and even aging, the vagina and surrounding muscles can become stretched and lose their strength and tone. These surgical procedures result in thighter skin and muslces, offering a more pleasing appearance. These procedures are also known as labiaplasty, vaginoplasty and rejuvenation of the vagina. Dr. yadda yadda has developed and pioneered many innovative techniques in this newly evolving field of cosmetic vaginal surgery

Okay first off, I can't believe I even WROTE half those words (since i'm here at work and all). Secondly..."youthful appearance"...okay as far as I know, mine hasn't changed one bit EVER. Does it really get "old" looking? That frightens the crap out of me, since i'm already paranoid abuot the wrinkles on my face...i don't want to know what aging does "down there"!!! "Rejuvenation"...the sheer thought of this frightens the hell out of me.

In fact, this whole PROCESS scares me. And what scares me even more is that it's for a male plastic surgeon...oh hell no...I've never, EVER had a male doctor for those areas...and I have no desire to let a GUY decide what that area should look like.

Since I've got horrible self esteem, and today it's especially bad, today i'll bitch about Why I'm An Idiot (see...i'm an equal opportunity griper)...

1. I went to the gym at 10:30 last night, and somehow in the process I lost one of my magazines...i'm so retarded.

2. Came home, realized I still had candles lit, so I blew them out a little too forcefully and got wax EVERYWHERE...on the mirror, the counter, ME....do you know how stupid you have to be to do that?

3. I put gas in my car, at $3.01, and instead of just putting in like $10 worth i stopped paying attention to what i was doing and filled my entire tank.

4. I keep forgetting that I need to apply to remove the conditional sentence of my green card.

5. I keep forgetting that I need to re-do the inventory of the stuff for my house for my home insurance...and take new photos (I haven't done that since I was in my last apartmnet, and since I have a replacement-value policy...i'm inventorying EVERYTHING. Right down to my clothes. Geico's gonna be a new wardrobe dammit).

6. I keep forgetting to mail my friend Stacey her birthday gift...and her birthday is tomorrow...and it'll take 2 weeks for her to get.

7. I keep forgetting to email my brother to ask for my cousins' email addys because I promised i would stop being incognito. I LIKE being incognito...but that's not gonna fly anymore.

8. I agreed to hosting a game night, even though i thought it was shady that i got suckered into hosting it (and since the Hubby has been fabulous with my friends, i gotta suck it up for one night even though i REALLY don't like doing anything withp eople who constantly go in and out to smoke...who the f*ck does that under the age of 40?! And they keep leaving the door open...my cats will run out, and there's coyotes in my area)

9. I can't find the really awesome pencil that i ordered...i'm picky about my writing utensils at work.

10. I'm an idiot because i can't get this missy elliott song out of my head.

11. I"m an idiot because I keep forgetting to take a boatload of stuff to the dry cleaners.

Okay i'll stop bitching for now, because I'm having a serious "should have stayed in bed all day" moment...maybe on monday i'll call in sick...Have you ever had a day where you just want to hide from the world? Yep, today is that day...

So my head is all cloudy and i've got 4 major things that need to be done at work today so I need to clear my head before i can actually THINK about work.

I burned my hand when I put my hot water down for my Tazo tea...mother effer hurts like a bitch. Add to that that somehow a dial on the bbq was left on ("somehow"...) and stupid me, when i saw the knob smoking (well the knob actually melted off and the metal stub was left), i touched the metal with my finger...so THAT hurt like a bitch...

I'm falling apart I tell you.

Yesterday was semi-surreal.

Had to run a bunch of errands, barely got back in time to prep for the BBQ... somehow i got suckered into playing board games next week (only agreed to NON D&D games...and they said they'd buy trivial pursuit, the movie edition, which kind of sucks 'cause i would kick ass at the pop culture edition) and then possibly letting my ass get dragged to a GOTH CLUB in LA...

In case you can't tell...
I'm SO not goth.
At all.

I wash my dark tshirts in Woolite for Darks and hang dry them just to preserve the color...like they're delicates or something.

I'm past my "angst years"...not that all goth music is full of angst, maybe that's a stereotype, but at the very least i need music that i can either move my hips to with a guy next to me...you can't make love on the dance floor if the music is obnoxious!

This chex mix situation is out of control....we'll call it PNP (Project No Pretzels)....although i've consumed so much chex mix to prove my point, i'm going to be sick. But i do plan on graphing this crap out.

Have you ever spent time wondering about people in your life that you no longer talk to? I've been doing alot of that lately...maybe it was my trip to Ottawa that got me thinking, because I saw so manyp eople that I had lost contact with.

Like D~ (who shall remain nameless, in the off chance he should find this), who was my BUDDY...I could talk with him for hours and hours, and his infatuation with Jessica, the girl who kept a shovel in her SUV because she would steal plants from stores and stuff....I miss him, his friendship, and I'm pissed that he fell of the face of the earth after I got engaged. And then Shelly tells me "oh yeah he totally liked you, didn't you know?!"...uh no mother effer, he was in love with Jessica, and then why didn't he ever DO anything?! I miss him, i do miss our friendship, I miss his deep thoughts on everything and anything.

Or my childhood friend Andrea...i have a ton of photos of her, but i'm sure she would never remember me. She was my first friend ever, but after moving of course when you're like 6 you can't exactly stay in touch...she hated Barbies and loved her Glo-Worm (i was anti glo worm, and i STILL love Barbies)....

I even miss Jeff ("Jeffy"), as bizarre as that sounds because he was soooo classless and he even dissed me at a school dance when he was my date by getting back together with his ex GF (which is fine, because then I hooked up with our friend's younger brother)...but he was my movie guy, and I love spending time with him, and he was the only one who would indulge in my obsession with McD's hotcakes even though i brought my own sugar-free syrup to McDonald's
(yes, i realize that i've said before how anti McD's i am, however in Canada it's not half as gross as here and I really do like their hotcakes..they're not even PANcakes....they're synthetic circular discs that taste fabulous in SF syrup).

Sigh. I think i'm just annoyed with how many times I've moved in my life. Christine finds it hilarious, and she tells people that I"m the "girl who ran away from home at 23 and went all the way to California...that's how much she hated her family"....and it's somewhat true (sad, but true), i DID run away....

Andyou know what? They say running away doesn't help. You know what doesn't help? Email and instant messenger...if my family can give me grief by IM, they might as well do it in person. Same diff. I don't know why I get into arguments via IM with my mom when i'm at work...i'm always one step away from throwing my keyboard at the monitor.

And why does 23 sound so young?! Why did I feel like such a big loser at 23 not knowing what I was doing with my life? Geezus i'm 28 and i still don't know what I want to be when i grow up!

(breathing into paper bag)

AND to add to the anxiety of today is that I didn't see the Whatever Clueless Edition at Target, which pissed me off 'cause i had to fight the Labor Day herd of cows in the parking lot on Monday, and they didn't even HAVE IT...i think i'll have to steal Kraig's best buy gift card and buy it there....if i don't watch that movie at least once a month, i get VERY cranky. And i don't want to have to watch my regular DVD.

Maybe all this anxiety is 'cause this is my "once in a blue moon PMS moment"...i NEVER get hormonal before mother nature's visit, i just gain a ton of water weight, but DANG i'm like hyper emotional today.

Must stay cool for the masses.

to add...

another thing to add about why blade trinity was horrible:

#n: because with all their high tech equipment, it's pretty safe to say that the blind chick didn't record her video using a VHS camcorder, but rather a digital recorder. But at the end of it, it had that "snow" stuff, like when you turn off a VCR...please. Digital camcorders don't do that. That was a wasted useless special effect (not that that WAS a special effect or anything).

Just spent forever cleaning post-Labor day bbq (had more people than anticipated...but not as big as the July 3rd bash), my hands look like an old lady's hands. Any nails I had left have long since broken.

Sigh. I did a hand modeling job once...you wouldn't know it anymore.

Play my little violin for my mini sad song...

30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know By The Time She's 30

Well since i'm almost 30, I might as well scope out what Glamour says:

By 30, you should have:
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come.
Yep...and yep.

2. A decent piece of furniture not prev. owned by anyone in your family.
Yep...my dining room set.

3. Something to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
First one, yep (although i never have it ironed, and I should)...as for the second one...yup! (in the laundry...so Tom Welling, give me enough time to take it to the dry cleaners if you should happen to call....)

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying.
Yes to all (I love my luggage), however I do have an umbrella that's yellow and has cats/dogs all over it...but it's from the Humane Society, so damn right i'm not ashamed to be seen carrying it.

5. A youth you're content to move beyond.
Hmmm...that one...still working on. Some old habits are hard to let go.

6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
Lol i don't think it's juicy, but then when we have girltalks somehow it always seems more scandalous retelling it...so yeah, it's juicy enough.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age - and some money put aside to fund it.
Yes to the funding, no to any realization of getting old though.

8. An email address, a voicemailbox, and a bank account...all of which nobody has access to but you.
Well that's good in theory, but eventually you have to give someone access to that stuff in case you're medically too effed up to get to this stuff yourself. But emergencies aside, why would anyone else have access to my email? That's like letting someone else have my toothbrush...sure they can borrow it once if they have to, but it's NOT available for anytime use. (nor does anyone know my PWs).

9. A resume that is not in the slightest bit padded.
PLEASE! Of course it's padded.

10. One friend who makes you laugh, and one who lets you cry.
I have plenty who make me laugh, and a good number who would let me cry (I don't cry in front of people, but if I had to, I know which girlfriends I would cry to).

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and black lace bra.
Screwdrivers: a set from Home Hardware (canadian) from the 70's, my new drill, and of course good ol' Victoria's Secret.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just becuase you deserve it.
This is tricky...because I never feel like i deserve anything. And define "ridiculously expensive". That being said, i do have a skirt i bought ages ago and have worn ONCE...it's a gorgeous long black velvet skirt with red chinoiserie print trim along the side slits...it wasn't super expensive, but i was a student and it was almost $100US (that was like $130cdn at the time). I probably should wear it this winter....

13. The belief that you deserve it.
Umm yeah I've got 2 years till i'm 30...this one will most certainly not be accomplished by then. (Deserve it for what, simply existing? Please.)

14. A skin care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.
Yep, got the skincare routine, i work out, and i have no idea what other things don't get better after 30 other than cellulite (working on that too).

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Well, the career part is something left to be desired!

By 30 you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
I couldn't imagine that...it wouldn't be fun to fall in love if you didn't become a complete basket case. Oh wait did they mean lose sight of who you are? Yep, already know how to do that.

2. How you feel about having kids.
Yeah i want them. Not this second, but yes, i want them.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
I think I've got those nailed down.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
Still have yet to learn that.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to have happen next.
Not that I'm an expert, but yes, I'd like to think that I know how to do that. HA i should have a kissing booth that has a survey at the end asking "did you think you would have to drive away or did you think you'd get to go inside and get laid?"

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great grandmother, and the best tailor in town.
Good LORD i should write my parents with that. And I DO need a tailor. This one's doable.

7. How to live alone, even if you don't like to.
Are you kidding me? The whole 3 months I was actually without parents or a boyfriend was the most fabulous time of my life...not that it was fun, I cried a ton of it, but because I could actually start letting go of some of my paranoias.

8. How to take control of your own birthday.
Nicole and Carrie: Damn right we did this one! We succeeded in our plan.

9. That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
I refuse to "know" any of the above.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
Yeah mother effer? Ask my parents that...

11. What you would or wouldn't do for money or love.
Mull this one over for a bit. Yep, I'm pretty confident in knowing this stuff (I would take a pay cut for a job with an office in a heartbeat!).

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
I've smoked maybe 7 times in my life (drunk), I rarely drink (okay I did have my alcoholic years), I've smoked pot twice in my life and hated it (well maybe it's more like i hated the boy that made me do it when I didn't want to), and I floss every single day.

13. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally.
Forever a work in process...

14. Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault.
Well i've got 2 years to learn this one...

15. Why they say life begins at 30.
Reincarnated life? Because I think i'll shoot myself on my 30th birthday. Or get botox...whichever one i'm in the mood for.

Labor Day indeed

Thank GOD tomorrow is a holiday.

I want to read this book:


I'm totally fascinated with marketing and PR tactics...I dig that stuff. And every now and then I see a commercial and i'm like "dang...that was genius. If i needed ((insert product type: men's deodorant, baby diapers, medication)) then i sure would have fallen for that ad".

I remember a Philips commercial years ago that was so amazing, every time it came on tv I was mesmerized...it had a fantastic theme song and the images were like...whoa.

Heck, the full-length commerical for Britney's Curious perfume is very, very well done...you just have to forget that it's Mrs. K-Fed in the commercial. And I have to forget that the dude in it is Rex from Days Of Our Lives. But that aside, I think it's a very well done commercial (and must have worked....it's a top selling perfume for 2005).

I need new clothes BAD. Having serious issues adjusting to live in SoCal. First moving to northern cali was hard, because the weather is so different from in Ottawa...like it gets wayyyyy cold at night, but definitely not winter coat/winter boots level...and honestly, there's so many more guys who work in tech there, they inherently feel the need to crank up the A/C no matter what job (the entire time i livedin the bay area, and with all 3 different companies i worked for, i was STILL wearing big turtlenecks in summer to work).

Now that I live in frickin' OC, this weather is bloody hot. And i'm SO not used to needing to wear tshirts and crap inside (even in Ottawa, in summer, it's so humid outside that the A/C is big time cranked up inside)...so i've got NOTHING cute to wear to work and part of me just can't justify buying cute summery stuff becuase i'm still a Canadian girl at heart (i.e. why buy cute summer stuff when summer is only 2 months long anyway). I'm fighting it tooth and nail. Heck, i've got a snowman thing hanging up on my front door still.

In other complaining news...I officially need a pedicure, which i hate admitting to because it's WAY too California for me to do that...but um yeah i've also never owned so many open-toed shoes. (Well minus one pair that broke today, but those are a pair that i wore to one of my proms so i guess eventually they were bound to disintegrate eventually).

And YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS: THE OC STARTS THIS WEEK! IT'S GOING TO BE FABULOUS!

Came home today from work to find that my cat Stash puked on the carpet. Well at least it's better than when Marmalade peed on the bed a few days ago. I swear, my house is becoming a frickin' BARN...i can't keep up with the cleaning. And it's not that i can't keep up really...i just don't care to anymore. Before, it used to be just me and Marmalade...that was manageable. The household has doubled in size and there's no way I can keep up. I'm defeated.

Thank God for Bissell's Little Green Machine...a pet owner's best friend. Well, 2nd best friend :)

Can't sleep

It's 1:03am, can't sleep...my cat Marmalade is desperately trying to jump on the keyboard (she's gotten as far as my lap and is rubbing her nose alllll over me...um yeah my cat drools).

I know this is the most chick-ish thing I can say, but...I really want to see the new Reese Witherspoon movie.

I can't imagine anyone else actually wanting to see that movie so I guess i'll have to Netflix it later.

I don't have a romantic bone in my body not anymore anyway ...but every now and then, a girl's gotta see a movie that makes her heart skip a beat, makes her hold her breathe, makes her sigh in relief when the boy gets the girl.

Speaking of gender politics...

My friends and I are constantly debating the whole He's Just Not That Into You stuff. And other guy-related issues. And here's what it generally comes down to...

Guys have NO IDEA how much power they have over us. And don't even think for a second that chicks have the same power back...maybe initially, but then once you get past that 3-month phase and you start to see your woman without makeup (or shaved legs) on a regular basis...um yeah there's no hold.

We analyze the hell out of men. When we like a guy, we wonder his every move...or lack of moves... we wonder what phone calls mean, what emails mean...what LACK of emails mean...what does it mean when a guy gets his gf a pair of sunglasses for her birthday (that she didn't want, but he thought she needed?)...what does it mean when a guy gives a motion detector?! What does it mean when a guy says he wants more "open communication" but refuses to do anything other than texting?!

I'd like to think that at my age (yes, my old age), I know guys pretty well. I know that you should NOT ever let him know 99% of your fears, your paranoias...that doing "the talk" is the kiss of death...that have to bite that bullet and try to be the "cool girl" with things that freak the hell out of you ("oh honey, you want to go away to vegas for a bachelor party? And you plan on going to every strip joint? Have loads of fun and I'll see you when you get back!" really means "oh dear GOD i'm going to be sick, i'm going to throw up, he's going to sleep with a whore and get some sick STD and then I'm going to get that sick STD but i don't want to look like i'm clingy or needy so i'll act like i'm cool with it even though i'll eat ice cream the entire time he's gone")...

Do chicks know better than to get all psycho? Of course we do. But when we're actually thrown into the pit...estrogen, adrenaline, fear, lust, and the potential for new love make us act like a bunch of loons as the "logic chip" somehow gets deactivated.

Onto other topics...

I went to the library today (yes, i love the library...my parents actually THREW OUT our tv, like physically took it and threw it on concrete...we had no TV for the longest time which is another post for another time so books were my only salvation for the longest time which is a damn good thing because my brain would have turned to mush, much like it has now) and picked up the following magazines:
- Cosmo
- Glamour
- InStyle
- Self
- Forbes
- Smart Money
- Psychology Today

Which really would make you think i'm a beauty and fashion-obsessed chick who works out, worries about money, and wants to know the reason for all of the above traits. Yeah i'm pretty 2D.

I bought a pair of knee-high boots today, not sure if i'm keeping them. I can talk myself out of ANY purchase.

Also bought a pair of relatively low jeans, but they made my butt look half decent, although now i'll have to figure out what shirt i can wear that's long enough so that i don't look like some 15 year old teenie bopper showing her gut to work (which wouldn't be so bad if my gut wasn't so effing brutal!)

Is it safe to say that i've got excessive anxiety at 1:23am? Absolutely. My brain is always running at a mile a minute, but when I can't sleep (probably from that 2 hour nap today) it's on hyperdrive...if I don't give myself an ulcer I'll certainly have a heart attack from the panic attack.

Blade Trinity

Yeah yeah, I know, the movie's been out for like...ever. But I had this bad feeling about it, and I love LOVED loved the first one, kinda liked the second one...I just didn't want the memory to be bastardized.

Then a coworker told me to watch it, so finally, I Netflixed it.

OH
MY
GOD

That's 2 hours of my life i'll never get back. What a horrible, horrible movie.

Let's go through the list:

1. Yeah mother effer, I know it's supposed to take place in the US. But I hate when moviemakers get sloppy (like Dawn of the Dead...supposed to be in like Wisconsin or something and then they show them eating out of a PFK bucket...That's Poulet Frit Kentucky...aka KFC...only in Canada would you see that...when Blade is chasing that Drake guy PLEASE don't tell me that that was the cool name to give Dracula, he's jumping buildings and one is an abandoned type building...it has the faded logo of another company...that was a HUGE ASS "The Bay" sign (for anyone not in the know: The Bay = Hudson's Bay Company, kind of like the Canadian version of JCPenney).

2. They needed to get that Drake guy's blood, but initially Blade is all fighting and shooting at him...and silver stuff makes them turn to ashes...so why would you risk that when you need the blood so bad?

3. I have serious issues with the excessive use of Apple equipment. I get it. Jessica Biel likes her iPod. I get it. You can make playlists so easy, even when you're about to go slay some vampires. I get it. And i highly doubt that EVERYONE doing underground covert vampire missions would have a ton of Macs...granted maybe ONE for designing stuff, but like that one dude who was supposed to be an uber nerd...i'd like to think he'd have something other than a friggin' Mac...like some modded Dell or something!

4. And on that same note, this applies to 99% of all movies out there: your computer doesn't make a high pitched "digital" noise when it's bringing up info or searching or Closing-Down-Because-I-Typed-In-A-Simple-7-Character-Emergency-String...that drives me SO crazy. I really keep meaning to make a list of all the movies that don't do stupid stuff like that...maybe it was okay in 1985, but geezus enough people get the idea of how computers work...Heck i remember seeing a movie where they used Yahoo as a search engine (and i was so happy they weren't using a Mac), but it STILL did that stupid digital-search-ding noise when it searched! WTF people!

5. Umm the virus is a true vampire virus...i'm pretty sure it needed to be spread a wee bit better than it did in the movie. I have no faith that vampires were wiped out, because i'm pretty sure the virus was just contained within the building since the vampires didn't exactly go running outside, where other vampires could then get the virus and pass it on. Retarded.

6. If you were a vampire, would you REALLY be wearing white shirts all the time? I mean, blood stains people...basically they wore crisp white shirts that had to be thrown out each day. And specifically, that Drake guy...c'mon dude. You and I both know that you're a sloppy eater...it's not like you can walk into Macy's and get yourself a new shirt.

7. And speaking of...he goes into that goth store, and makes a bloody mess (ha ha bad pun) when attacking hte chick, but when he's chowing on Parker Posey's neck, not even a hint of blood around his mouth.

I really hate when moviemakers eff up their credibility.

8. On that same note...Ryan Reynolds and Triple H are fighting for like, hours, in a room filled with broken glass...and not a single scratch. NOT ONE. Didn't anyone see Die Hard? Remember how jacked up Bruce Willis' feet were?! Exactly. Heck, considering they just use sugar to make those "windows"...even hardened sugar would at least SCRATCH you.

9. We all know the blind chick is the alcoholic actress from American Pie. That's like when they try casting Tara Reid in smart girl roles. It's just not happening.

10. This is more out of pity really...when Blade came out, techno music was still super huge...but now it just seems kind of dated to hear techno music during fight sequences.

Sigh. 2 hours of my life wasted. 2 hours of my wrinkles getting deeper and worse.

Speaking of, i really REALLY need to get back to selling my crap on ebay, so at least i can start a Botox fund...after Stefanie said her sister got it done, i'm way inspired.

Speaking of excessive use of the word "way"....must by Clueless Whatever Edition asap.

My plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any sports where balls fly by my nose

Good LORD i feel like trash today.

And i can't get Mariah Carey out of my head:
Heartbreaker, you got the best of me
But I just keep on coming back incessantly
Oh why, did you have to run your game on me
I should have known right from the start
You'd go and break my heart

I think after awhile, your body starts to biodegrade while you're alive. Or at least, maybe I am. My back is jacked up (I think my 16lbs cat slept on me last night, for the whole 4 hours he actually let me sleep), my skin is messed up and I think i'm breaking out (well, at least it's on a holiday weekend), AND i broke half my nails wtf.

OMG I'm biodegrading at my desk right now as I type. Oh the humanity.

So I don't have too much to randomly gripe about, mostly because i'm so bloody tired and also because i'm just an airhead today.

Ignore anything i say or write today...it won't make much sense.

Miss Hoover, my cat's name is mittens

Normally I'd be ecstatic that it's Thursday, but that means tomorrow is Friday and I've got a boatload of work due tomorrow. I'll probably be the big loser working on a holiday weekend. WTF.

Anyway, I found this online and I almost died laughing.

Why is it that when you NEED to find jeans, nothing fits right?! I swear I have the most jacked up body. I tried on over a dozen, found an okay pair except the stitching is this insanely bright color and i'm debating if i should just take a permanent market to cover each stitch.

Yeah it's a boring day. I'm tired. Bite me.

No soup for you

Yes, i am indeed fabulous:
We LOVE your wife! She is VERY cute!!
You should get her on her own TV show! I think she could pull it off...


I never watch Rock Star: INXS, but since I was at the gym forever last night I was forced to watch it (I've seen maybe like 3 episodes)...

All I know is that everyone needs an Australian boy. Mmm mmm:



He's not super hot, but dang when he talks, and sings, and moves...that boy is hot as HELL. And i dig his hair. Mmm mmm good.

This morning so far I have:
- driven to work, only to realize that I left my wallet at home, which sucks because i wanted to go to the bank asap after work
- learned that I lost the raffle that I spent $20 on knowing that I probably would only win the stupid Souplantation GC
- spent 20 minutes trying to find my Old Navy gift card, only to find it when i was bitching to a coworker about how i can't find it
- had 3 mugs of passion tea
- added about 8 books to my Amazon wishlist, which really just means that i keep adding the stupid books that Amazon recommends "others who have purchased that book also bought..." ...

And Nicole, i don't know who's idea it was to start eating eggs. I'll give you that it must have been bizarre to be the first person chowing down on liquified chicken (and they probably tried eating the shell too) but i'm sure some poor dude in medieval times saw something coming out of the ass of a chicken and was so desperate, they ate the white blob after consuming the chicken.

I really want to know: how did they figure out to COOK it? I mean, an egg cooked looks nothing like an egg...you kind of know when you cook meat what it should look like...but an egg...kinda gets jacked up. Like who thought to boil it? Maybe an egg felli n when someone was boiling chicken or something. Or EWW maybe they were boiling chicken that had an egg in it...

Nasty nasty stuff.

I gotta shake it off

Is there anything more fabulous than the news of a Special "Whatever" Edition of Clueless on DVD?!!

I didn't think so.

So yesterday I got in the mail a DVD my brother had put together, we've been putting some of our reel-style home movies to disc. Initially we just transferred ones from before i was born (so that if they got screwed up, at least none of the precious memories of ME got damaged).

This one had stuff from when I lived in Ottawa even.

It's just crazy to see yourself as a kid...moving...smiling...there's one shot of me, around 3, doing some hopscotch thing...I was wearing a very JLo denim jumpsuit...then another one, my birthday in grade 3 or 4....made me want to scream at the screen of all the regrets i would soon have, all the things i should have done differently... "if you think you need to study computers, DON'T...go for the genetics thing...do the biotech thing...DON'T listen to our parents!!! And buy stock in ebay as soon as it's on the market...."...

Yeah. Depressing. I know.

I'm still super excited over this Clueless thing. That movie is like, my BIBLE....um in DVD format....

Valentine's Day in LB

WTF...why am I starving? So far today i've had a huge slice of banana bread, 2 huge slices of pizza, around 1/3 box of Apple Jacks, a packet of Reese's Pieces, a lean cuisine, 2 gardenburger patties, a boatload of these crustini things, and this vanilla breakfast bar thing.

Soooo hungry. Which is so sad since for sure i gotta go to the gym now tonight. Ugh.

ANYWAY

Have I mentioned yet how much i LOVE LOVE LOVE Laguna Beach?! Even though I'm old enough to be everyone's mother? You just can't write that sh*t, you really can't. (Excuse my language...i don't swear in real life, but i swear when i write...makes me feel badass or something).

Maybe it's because I relate to Jessica, or shall I say, she should relate to me since i'm 10 years older...EVERYTHING that girl does is exactly what I did...except that she called up her best friend to cry after a breakup, which I have never EVER done...it's just not my style. I don't know why...i mean, i'll gripe about my men to my girlfriends till the cows come home, but when it comes to the SERIOUS sh*t, I keep my mouth shut...probably because I don't want my drama to become someone else's drama, and probably because I don't want another female's opinion about Guy X who's crushing my heart.

This week's LB was the Vday episode...I've only ever had TWO Valentine's Days, since I was 15, where I was single. This is not to brag, but more to show how much of a serial monogamy kind of girl I am.

The 2nd Vday was horrible...I was seeing a guy who decided to not call me to tell me he was in Washington or something like that for a week, I mean we were only past Date 1 but I probably shouldn't have let him get to Date 2 considering he never even sent me flowers, or called, or even sent an e-card on Vday.
Unrelated note: when i questioned how his cat survived without him for so long, he said he had an electronic kitty litterbox...and YES that thing was so amazing, I've not only bought one for myself but i've convinced almost everyone to buy one as well. So for as much of a tool as I was for seeing this dude, at least I gained the valuable knowledge of how wonderful the Littermaid is

The first Vday when I was single was my best Valentine's Day ever.

It was my first one after me and my first boyfriend broke up (the one that i'll take a crowbar to if he EVER comes in my line of vision), which was a like 3 or 4 year relationship...I got to school...and one of my best friends Christine (who i still adore to this day, she's my bitch!) showed up with a carnation for me, becuase she knew that I would probably feel crappy on that Valentine's Day.

It was hands-down the most sweetest gesture ever, and no Valentine's Day of roses, candy, or jewelry will ever ever beat that single carnation she gave me.

Back to Laguna Beach, I absolutely adore Stephen but what the f*ck, that guy clearly gained the Freshman FIFTY THOUSAND his first year...his face is so puffy. I liked him lanky and lean...I guess really I should stop scoping out guys who are 19 when i'm 28....

I better win something more than Souplantation

Today's hair drama: dang, I'm an idiot...i left the flat iron on for too long and it got too hot and i burned my scalp. Good times, good times...

Instead of bitching, i just want to say that La Roche Posay's SPF 45 sunblock/moisturizer is fabulous...you can't find it in the US, but dammit they should sell it...i should have bought more and then sold them on Ebay.

A few thoughts on the VMAs:

Oh Gwen...i'm so sorry. I do think Kelly Clarkson has some good songs, and I do love "Since You've Been Gone", but nothing beats your album...you should have won.

Diddy...forget what everyone else says. I love you man.

Mariah: you do have a beautiful voice, and I'm glad you didn't lip sync this round, but dang girl...you're ginormous.

Shakira...girl...you've got mesmerizing belly-dancing skills...but you were boring as hell last night becuase you didn't USE THEM!

And wtf was Ricky Martin there for? I know he lives in MIami and all, but still...my grandmother lives there and you didn't see her at the VMAs.

Disclaimer: okay my Grandmother doesn't live in miami, but i was trying to make a point.

WTF was Jessica Simpson wearing? I'm totally down with when people try to experiment...Ashlee went off the beaten path and it was cute, but Jessica looked like a hooker with bad hair. And neither of them should say they're from the "dirty south"...no girls, you're white, not from anywhere that has soul.

RKelly...no...oh good LORD no. No no no. bad all the way. If you mouth the words with a microphone, at least it's lip synching. When you do it without one...now you're just trying to be a mime.

I LOVE YOU DIDDY! YOU DA MAN!

Going to try and sneak out of work now....

Cleaning Day

SEE...this myspace loser user is exactly the reason why i hate that stupid site. And i also hate that the idiot who sent me his "friend request" is shirtless in the picture...HEY JACKASSES OF THE WORLD...women don't give a ((bleep)) to see a half/full naked pic of a guy...

I see guys with fantastic bodies at the gym every single time i go...trust me, i don't need to see your stupid itty bitty picture of you shirtless, and you've got alot of balls to think you shirtless is going to make anyone want to add you to their stupid friend list.

In other words, i think most men are RETARDED.

On another note, I was thinking about some random songs yesterday while stuck on the 5....

You know there's songs that will ALWAYS bring you back to a certain spot in life...here's a random few:

Glory of Love and You're the Inspiration: yes one's just Peter Cetera while the other is Chicago, but that dude's voice is pretty powerful, even though one song practically sounds identical to the other. That dude knows EXACTLY how to make you wish "mother effer, i'd die for a white knight to come save me right now" (whether "save" means saving you from a bad relationship or saving you from the horrible musak at the mall).

Groovy Kind of Love: I don't even think it's THAT great of a song. But every single time i hear it, I think "that's my song with ((insert bf of the moment))"...heck, i don't even have loyalty to whatever guy i associate with that song but damn, that song makes me all giddy in love every time i hear it.

I don't want to cry (Mariah Carey): after I dumped my friend Bryan in elementary school, he made me a mixed tape (awww, everyone's gotta either make or receive a mixed tape at some point when you're a kid) and this song was on it...I hate the song, and i thought he was an emotional sap for making it ((sorry Bryan! I still love you anyway!)), and yet every time i hear that song I think of him and school dances.

Making Love Out of Nothing at All (the original, not the stupid dance remix): everyone in high school knows why this song is stuck in my frickin' head forever. Which is too bad, because it's a fabulous cheesy song to sing to at the top of your lungs in your car. Every time it gets to:
I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
And I can make all the stadiums rock
I'm pretty much hoarse 'cause i'm trying to match Air Supply's passion at that moment.

And onto the last two (as i'm already proving what a big loser I am)...

Wicked Games: Not associated with any event, person, moment...but that song can single-handedly make me drunk just from listening to it. I've never heard it at a bar/lounge, but if i did i'm sure i'd melt right into the floor, it's the sexiest song ever made...it turns me to pure putty every time i hear it.

And the number one most "impactful" song (if that's a word, which it's not)....

Hands to Heaven: every time i hear that song, no matter where i am, the grocery store, a bar, the car, whatever...I stop dead in my tracks and my brain just freezes and I hold my breath until I can't hold it any longer. It reminds me of my first boyfriend, that first love, and our long distance relationship and how much it ripped me apart every time we had to say goodbye...

And if i saw him on the street today, 10 years after breaking up, i would STILL beat him with a crowbar and gouge his eyes out and kick his nuts till they burst. Yes, i still hate him THAT much.

But that song still brings me back to that first love, that moment where you realize your heart aches a thousand percent for someone else.

WEll...at least until you discover he's a whore, and he got it on with both women AND men....

Sigh. good times!

I hate myspace

note to self: replace picture 'cause the one that's on this site right now blows goats

you know, i'm NOT a fan of MySpace, mostly because it's just one big stupid meat market and an opportunity for skanks to show naked photos of themselves and for guys who are too much of a loser to meet regular girls to be flirtatious online.
And an excuse for BAD BAD UI....c'mon people, dark font on a dark background is NOT something people want to see. Nor do i want to read white text when you've got photos as your backdrop. And i really do hate cursors that are all sparkly and have crazy stuff that follow my mouse movements.

AND i think it's an excuse for people to be selfish...like, do you really think i give a f*ck about you to read all your interests and sh*t?! If you're my real friend, i know your interests and crap anyway. And if you're not, please...i know you're not reading my list of favorite movies and i'm definitely not reading yours.

However on that note, i do get the odd "hey baby get naked with me" messages, not that often since i've only got like 11 friends (and yes, i do know them all) so you'd have to be a perverted friend of someone i know or you'd have to actually search for me...

And i get those messages from both men and women, which i find hilarious since um yeah it's not like in "real" life a chick has ever hit on me. Whatever.

But...i did get this message today:
my name is John..and i saw you pics..and u are amazingly beautiful. And i would love to become or try to become a myspace friend. Well, i am a crazy, fun...never bored, spontaneous...very creative and athletic individual. I love rugby..as you will tell by my profile. Sorry..i am addicted, for some weird reason. I love music and love to dance and make people laugh. If you think you would like to give me a try (at friendship), al you have to do is just reply. And dont worry..i dont bite on the first email. But, watch out on your 2nd or 3rd one. I cant promise nothing.

J

Which of course is probably some cut/paste thing that this dude does to anyone who's in their 20s with boobs...but that being said, if i were a chick who didn't realize that guys do that kind of thing (if you're on match.com ladies, ALL your messages are copied/pasted unless they really do comment on everything in your posting...I would actually "accept" this guy as a friend. Very, very well written, not skanky, not "hey i'm looking for an easy lay"...

Which most guys don't realize...that IS the secret to getting laid. Pretend to be the charming nice guy who doesn't want sex and just wants your friendship, and watch how fast she undresses.

I practically feel like writing this guy and giving him kudos for a well-written introduction, and i sure hope he DOES get some play....

And on a final note: the other reason this guy is good is because he doesnt' have "118 friends in _'s network"....he has like 27, which is decent (becuase it means he's not hitting up every naked girl picture and asking to be added as their friend).

Conclusion: Out of a thousand guys on myspace...this guy GETS it.

eschew obfuscation

I'm in a bitchy, bitchy mood again today. Probably because the flat iron left kinks in my hair because i was in such a rush this morning.

Had to give a "dental dam" explanation this morning...at least that made me laugh!

I'm going to lunch today with VPs/CEO/bigwigs because the exec assistant to the CEO is quitting...now i'm not like some people that think, "oh crap why did I just say that"...I actualy rarely regret the things i DO say, as retarded as they sound.

I regret the things I don't say. And there's this stupid pressure (okay, it's just me, i admit) that if you've got the CEO/VP/whatever in your presence, you should "wow" them.

I don't do "wowing" very well....because i tend to stutter...

Watched Sweet Home Alabama last night, saw it in the theater and I have NO IDEA why I chose to watch it again last night ((probably because i needed to kill time before going to the gym...i hate going to the gym before 10pm))...Oh Reese, what were you thinking? Legally Blond was fabulous....SHA is just awful.
And i would have TOTALLY stayed with rich hot Patrick Dempsey over Josh Lucas (maybe because i'm a stickler for a guy who SHAVES....)....wtf.

Holy CRAP it's effing cold in this office....

Maybe i'm bitchy because i opened the bottle of Diet Pepsi that was sitting in my car for a week (one of the big 2L bottles) and it was like i set off a Pepsi Sprinkler in my kitchen...I just sat there drenched, me and my Bounty paper towels, because it was such a big psycho disaster. HALF the bottle sprayed in my kitchen...and on me...and you know what? Bounty is not so much the quicker picker upper as they claim to be.

Okay that's it for my random bitching for today...

Back from Canadaland

UGh the griping that's been building up.

Although I don't have much to say, because anyone that needs to know anything already knows it.

If that makes sense.

The Hydroderm test is done...i'm finished with the bottle...End result? Save your cash...in fact, I've acquired two MORE wrinkles since.

They should pay ME for each new wrinkle I get while using their mother effing product.

So now I'm back to using concentrated crap from L'Oreal and Oil of Olay, and will soon splurge on the good stuff from Caudalie...if red wine is good for your health, the stuff from red grapes slathered on your skin MUST be good, right?

On the subject of beauty...

So my fantabulous friends Syl, Anj, and Stacey got me a ceramic flat iron for my bdy (probably because they know i'm a cheap bastard who would never splurge like that on something for myself)...and dang everyone loves my hair now. Carrie even said she wanted hers to look like mine. Sniff...i love you guys...you know how traumatized i was over the hair cutting thing.

See, it's all about the blob...or the bun...i.e. the ugliest way you can put your long hair in order to unattract members of the opposite sex.

Completely off topic: had the funniest frickin' convo with a friend from San Jose about dental dams...yes, there ARE multiple ways you can ummm use one of those things down there. Go figure. And I promised to get all MacGyver and figure one method out after I visit my dentist on September 10th.

Note: I don't NEED to use a dental dam...but...I'm willing to try stuff out for the sake of womankind and of course, in the name of science.

Ungripe moment: Woolite for Darks is fabulous.

Once, sub-zero...now, plain zero!

If i haven't said it before, i'll say it now.

Running Man is like, the best movie EVER.

Second only to Clueless.

Let's recap the best movies ever (in no particular order):
Clueless
Running Man
Desperado
Footloose (I hate admitting this, but it is SO entertaining when it's on TV)
Bad Boys ("Mike Lahhhhhryyyyyy")
Anything Disney except Hunchback and Hercules

And honorable mentions go to Legally Blond, Bring It On, and Terminator and T2.

Golden Arches

So there's this article on Yahoo! News about some person who lost weight on McD's food.

First off, the TITLE says "Some try to lose weight at McDonald's" even though it's just an example of ONE person who lost weight.

And to compare against that Spurlock guy isn't fair, because he was already in fabulous shape, and then gained weight...so yeah sure if you're already overweight and out of shape, then you're basically going to still lose enough weight to match Spurlock's overweightness post-eating.

Anyway, that's actually not my rant.

MY rant is that I used to work there briefly as a teen, and mother effer...I gained a boatload of weight. The uniforms were horrible (although thankfully we did get brand new polos, but the pants were "used", and they were made of this highly-flamable fabric that did NOT stretch when your thighs expanded) and they SHOULD have had elasticized waistbands.

or maybe they did, but i gained so much that the waistband became irrelevant

And it's not like I worked dinner shift...which would make sense because that's like, mega unhealthy stuff (back in the day, they didn't have all the pseudo-nutritious options they have now...)...I always switched with everyone for the breakfast shift. Even though yuo had to be at work for 4:30am, at least you came home smelling like hotcakes...as opposed to your car reeking of big macs after driving home. PLUS i would always offer to do "Lobby", which is the crummy job of mopping the dining area and taking the trash out. So you think, who would be the idiot to do the janitor job? Well it's WAY less stressful...i mean, McD's aren't huge and passing a mop through main areas for two seconds is a no brainer (although yes, doing it in winter when muddy slushy stuff camei n was pretty bad), and then you think "well taking the trash out must suck, right?"...nope, not when you empty it after every 2nd person...then it didn't get all gross or heavy or drip stuff. And Lobby people NEVER touched the bathroom...or at least, I didn't...so getting paid to mop randomly and take out 1lbs trash for a few hours was awesome.

HOwever...how i still gained weight is beyond me. Probably because at 50% meals, you found ways to eat ALOT of hotcakes. Their pancakes were awesome.

ANyway then I took a leave of absence for a new job i got, (a "forever 21" type hoochie place), and after months of being gone I put my uniform back on for one last shift before writing my resignation on a McD's napkin (you know...the papery ones with an arch on them), and the pants were SO loose.

So really, I do truly believe that McD's pumps fat through the air. And i'm only half kidding. I think even a glass of water there has elements of fat in it.

At best, when you drive by...keep your eyes down and don't make "eye contact"...then you might be saved from the weight those golden arches will push on you. Damn Ronald.

28 + 1

Freak out moment here.

Flashback 2 days ago...when I was 27...i had TWO wrinkles on my forehead. TWO. And yes, they were there.

Last night i looked...now there's 3 on my forehead and one in my brow furrow...

That practically put me in a straightjacket last night.

It's not that I'm vain...I mean, maybe if I looked like Jessica Alba I would be...but I'm very particular about perceptions about me, and when you have wrinkles there's an automatic perception about you. I mean, when you see TONS of wrinkles, don't you think "old, frail, and possibly mentally-gone"?! I've never seen someone with loads of wrinkles who was still witty. Oh the humanity. Not cool.

Not that botox will make me SHARP still, but as long as I can be PERCEIVED as sharp, that's all i care about.

Dang dang.

side note: i'm frickin' starving.

Pre Birthday Panic

Just a few random thoughts for today.

So my birthday is tomorrow, and I"m having a FREAK OUT about my age. Yadda yadda, 28 isn't that old..oh yeah mother effer? Ask a 16 year old if that's old.

Exactly.

And this whole thing about Peter Jennings dying...I mean, i never once saw him on the news but he was 67 years old.

I'm not scheduled to retire until 67.5

Yeah yeah he smoked, whatever, I eat fries and heart disease runs in my family. Point is, WHY am I giving so much into my retirement when there's a chance i might never GET to retirement?

Who's the einstein that thought 67.5 would be a good retirement age!?! Mother effer, i'll tell you a good age....THIRTY! In face, didn't most women not last till that age 'cause they died during childbirth?! SEE I should retire BEFORE having kids!

You wanna know how frickin' old i feel? I'm actually justifying wearing padded push up bras. I've always been kind of against them...not sure why, i guess because i feel like it's overtly obvious that my boobs didn't inflate overnight.

Anyway but now i feel like i gotta step up my "game"...what game, i don't know so don't ask, but in general i need to start primping more...because i have to work harder to look semi-decent.

And then i think...you know, when you're like over 55ish...no amount of makeup is gonnah elp you. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't. It's like when your grandmother fussed about her lipstick. WEll that's great granny, but your rouge won't hide the BILLIONS OF WRINKLES AND SPEED OF LARD WALK....oh the humanity.

I have great respect for old people...in fact, i think the older you are the younger you should look, because youv'e earned it. But really now, when you're an old lady...heck, it's practically not even worth it to dye your hair, because it's all short and frizzy and pouffy and thin anyway.

OMG just shoot me now. Really.

Hyperventilating.

You call me by my new last name

Stayed up and watched some Insomniac Theater last night, and caught Gwen Stefani's video for COOL.

Now let it be known, i'm not a fan of the video for Hollaback Girl...it's a cute song but the video is just...i don't know...kinda ghetto. With a big budget.

But the video for "Cool" is fantabulous. It was like watching a movie that i didn't want to have end.

The video basically details the song, about being buddies with a guy you used to love. The guy shows up for coffee with his new gf, and they sit down and get all chatty and stuff...i can totally believe this would be Gwen's house, even though it's clearly set in some Italian-Villa-type place. The flashbacks have her with brown hair, and the hot guy looks all scummy...and then you see Gwen singing on the bed with a totally amazing 50's pinup kind of look (yeah must be nice to look amazing as either a blond or a brunette...bitch!)...

Anyway, i'm sure everyone at some point has had to be super charming to someone they once loved, and that ex-flame's new love...brilliant, brilliant video.

Unrelated note: Hydroderm is so far becoming quite a disappointment.

Better than Botox you say?

I've been in such a sleep-deprived daze lately, I haven't been able to think let alone write.

The good news is that I'm FINALLY back to a regular gym routine...I haven't had that in months since my mom came and visited...Amazing how it takes a year to look somewhat decent, and only a few months of slacking to turn into a sack of lard.

Right now I'm undertaking my own science experiment...I ordered a sample of Hydroderm, aka Better Than Botox...dang they send you a bunch of shee-at with that stuff! I got like a thousand pamphlets, the box itself was large enough to hold a small child, and even the little sample is pretty big (I'm pretty sure it'll last me more than 2 weeks).

My original strategy was to slather it all over my face and neck 2x a day, but I realized that I would run out before I could fully observe the results, so i'm sticking to just putting it around my eyes and all over my forehead...i've got 1 semi-deep wrinkle and 2 sorta wrinkles that i'm keeping my eye on. This stuff better effing work. Otherwise I really will get the real Botox...this wrinkle situtation will get out of control before I know it.

On the same note, I had also bought some L'Oreal collagen line filler thing and then an Olay line filler thingy...so if Hydroderm doesn't work, it's back to that stuff, until I can splurge on the good stuff from Caudalie.

So that's pretty much my boring blurb for today...other than my internal dialog that's telling me to return one if not both of the jackets I bought from Old Navy last night...one is their "sateen blazer", the other is their brown cord jacket...the problem is that their both puff-sleeved, which I'm pretty sure will look pretty dated by next year...and the brown cord one makes me look like a frickin' linebacker, but then again what do I know because my shoulders are ill-proportioned (they're so small that most purses barely stay on...i'm a mutant...my upper body is tiny, my lower body is abnormally larger), so maybe it's a good thing. And the sateen blazer, realistically, if i do wash it by hand, with Woolite for Darks, hang to dry, i'm sure it'll still fade and i hate the look of faded black.

The engineers here have a Furby and when they turn it on, it sings randomly...and then for the rest of the day I can't get it's "la la LAAAA...la la LAAAA" out of my head. Stupid Furby.

Comic Con

Once again, it's been awhile since I've written.

I've been pretty much in a sleep-denied haze during the day, thanks to my two cats.

And then this past weekend I went to Comic Con, aka The Biggest Nerd Slash Dork Fest In The World Located In San Diego.

So just a few random thoughts from the weekend:

Charlize Theron was there promoting Aeon Flux...that woman is GORGEOUS in real life. She looks older than me though, even though she's my age...but either way, she's like a real life Goddess.

At the Simpsons panel they talked a bit about the movie...basically in between the Futurama "straight to DVD" movie and all the season DVD releases (I guess it takes 6 months to make all the commentary for each DVD), they've barely been working on the Simpsons movie, they made a wisecrack that they had like 14 minutes of it done.

I attended some Ray Bradbury panel (only because I wanted to get a good seat for the Simpsons panel), I haven't read Farenheit 451 (or whatever it's all) but all i gotta say is that the people on that panel were OLD! They did some major dissing of Michael Moore, because he ripped off the title for Farenheit 911 and didn't give any credit to Ray Bradbury. Did I mention these guys were OLD?! Like ancient old.

I saw that Kenny Baker guy (the dude who plays R2-D2), and then this kid was all "Hey what's your name? Do you know who this guy is? That's Kenny Baker! He's R2-D2" and I didn't know who this kid was and I was like "crap crap don't get me sucked into your booth because I"m not paying $20 for R2D2's signature" and then my husband looks at the kid and goes "OMG...you're Boba Fett!"...

And then I look down at the pics (purchasable with an autograph for $20 of course) and was like, "wow...what's it like to be part of movie history" and the kid was like "I dunno...kinda cool" and i'm like "pfft you're so young you don't know what it's like WITHOUT star wars" (not that i would know...i was born in aug 1977 which is right when Star Wars came out)...and the dude kissed my hand after he made the introduction and told my husband he was very lucky, which basically means this kid was a total skeezebag charmer in the making (he's like, 15) and that he wanted someone to pay for his stupid autograph.

Saw the cast of Buffy sans Sarah Michelle...I didn't know the one guy had a twin.

Saw a bunch of people from 60's and 70's TV shows and I honestly have no idea who any of them were.

Stood in line to see the chick who plays Elvira (Cassandra Peterson or whatever) NOT for her autograph...but because I wanted to know what moisturizer she uses.

Attended the panel for Threshold (only because i wanted to get good seats for the 4400 panel), and um...not much i can say about that. It'll be on TV this fall.

Attended the panel for the 4400...the main investigator chick is actually Australian and has a thick accent...the Kyle guy is WAY thinner and shorter in real life...the main investigator guy looks much older in real life.

Okay that's pretty much all that's on my brain right now, too tired to think.

Moolah indeed

Amazingly, for someone who can gripe at the drop of a hat, I haven't had much to say lately.

I did get busted going to Costco using my friend's Nicole's card...but that's another rant for another time (and i'm still not over the humiliation of that one).

Nay, today's gripe is about money.

Or my lack of it.

I've always been a master saver. My parents are hands-down the biggest tightwads on the planet, and I learned from the best. They used to do the "do you see a money tree in the backyard" schpiel, which I never fully understood because in Canada our money isn't green so I didn't get money = green = leaves.

My mother used to WASH AND SAVE the straws from McDonald's. What's even worse, she'd try to deny it...uh Mom, you can't buy yellow and white striped straws.

My mother also used to wrap up extra slices of pizza from the Pizza Hut buffet with a napkin to take home, and made sure that each of us kids ate way beyond the point of stuff-ness. Little did I know when I was a kid that the Pizza Hut buffet is only $4.95!!!

I understand where my parents were coming from...my parents paid off their 30 year loan in 10 years, and those 10 years were brutal. I remember the day the loan was paid off...for that ONE day, my mother looked 20 years younger. All the wrinkles were gone. And then right after that they started dropping cash on redoing the floors, the cabinets, the bathrooms, and the wrinkles came back.

My mother always worked odd jobs to help support the family, but really we were a 1-income household. Well...unless you count my mother's odd jobs, and me and my brother's jobs, so I guess that makes it 4-income (but it's not like I contributed to the groceries or anything).

Now let's start with the first-time owners of California. Um yeah there's no way I'll be able to pay off this home loan in 30 years, let alone 10. Unless I start praying to the Lords of the Lottery.

So I've been reading a ton of financial books and I'm going through all the stuff that you're supposed to do...talking to a lawyer about wills/trusts/living-wills/whatever, getting quotes for additional life insurance, got a bigger safe deposit box at the bank, all that crap. Transfered my 6-month savings to a money market account that gives a higher rate. Researching more where my 401K funds are going. Even bought some stocks (yeah $200 in stocks doesn't get you too far, esp. after the stupid service charges).

And then last night I picked up yet another financial book, The Millionaire Next Door.

Riiggghhhttt....

Granted I'm reading an older edition, from like 1996 or something ancient like that. But I want to hurl myself in traffic. The statistics are unreal. LIke apparently a good number of people in America who are millionaires (well, in 1996 anyway), are AUCTIONEERS. WTF. And alot of them are men who have stay-at-home-wives. WTF.

Anyway the key to that book is that most millionaires are quite frugal. That most of them have boatloads in equity but they bought their homes for around $325K and have lived there for upwards to 20 years.

TWENTY YEARS.

Yes, my parents were able to do that. But...they have a DRIVEWAY. And a BACKYARD. And a BASEMENT for 20 years' of CRAP.

Nothing that new homes in california have.

And $325K will buy you a condo, so you're lucky if you even get a single garage, no backyard and no basement.

I'm a frugal person. Really, I am. Right now this second my top was given to me by my boss ($0), my bra is from Walmart ($5), my underwear is Hanes Her Way from Target (like $1.50 per underwear), jeans are from Old Navy ($30), socks i've had since high school ($0 based on depreciation), and boots from Payless that desperately need to be replaced ($16).

I'm a cheap bastard.

And I'm STILL scrounging to get ahead. Maybe I'm just too impatient. Or maybe I just live in a way overpriced part of the US (however one can argue that if i move to No Man's Land for cheap, I won't be able to find a job).

I just want MONEY. Badly.

That's my rant for today.

24 Hour Fitness

I had a crazy incident at 24 Hour Fitness yesterday.

Here's the background story. I'm scamming my gym membership because a) I'm uber poor and b) I refuse to pay for a 24HF membership because I think they SUCK (but that's kind of all that's around here sadly). I use one of my friend's cards. She lives in Dallas.

So as usual I go there, and the dude behind the counter has seen me before but maybe because I was still wearing non-gym clothes maybe I looked different. So he scans my card, and then goes "Wait a minute"...and stares at the screen.

I stare at the screen, in panic. I know they don't take pictures with the card...so what could he be looking at? Does it say that Nicole also just signed into the gym? Is he going to ask about my supposed Dallas address?

Then he hands it back to me and says "Next time don't come in with your mother's card".

Me: "WHAT?!!"

Him: "It says you're 31" (I'm going to be 28 in a few weeks).

Me: (shocked)..."It's called really great lotion!"

Him: "Yeah. Lotion. Sure".

So i go in the back and change, and i'm thinking "crap crap this guy works ALL the time"...

After I changed I went back over and I'm like "If you think my mother is 31, how old do you think I am?!" and he says "I don't know....15?"...

So i started mock laughing (because i'm trying to play so offended over all of this) and flash him my wedding ring and I say "I'm MARRIED"...

and then for good measure I add "And i had a baby!" (okay I don't have a kid...but lots of people my age have one or two kids so that's believable)...so he was all "Oh...whatever"...

NOw i don't know if I should be offended because he was an ASS to me...or if i should be grateful that I look 15...but see being called 20 would be more flattering than looking 15 becuase at 15, i was a gangly looking tool...or the fact I lied about having a kid, which I didn't have to do but I really felt I needed to emphasize the point, now I feel stupid for that...

Anyway. So after I worked out and I left, I said to the guy on the way out "thanks for making my day!" and he's all "Have yourself a good night, see you later!" so that means it's all good NEXT time I work out, but eep...I can't wait till the location in Ladera Ranch opens up and I can just go to another location then.

Moral of the story? I miss my Gold's Gym.

This is the story of 7 people....

I'm willing to admit that I'm an absolute teenager in my mind.

Total immaturity, I know. When I was 16 I was the most mature person ever. Sadly my maturity stopped at 16 as well.

Growing up I was all into YM, 'TEEN, Seventeen...and they always highlighted MTV and MTV shows...well in Canada we have MTV's MuchMusic and Musique Plus (the French version), which really is just nonstop music.

When I first moved to the US I was so annoyed with MTV...my knowledge of music video totally slashed big time (I have since learned that if you stay up late, you can catch that insomniac theater or whatever). And I was so annoyed that at least I got my VH1 Behind The Music fix. But then...

everything changed...

...when I got to watch Real World.

I had read about Real World (Eric Nies was ALWAYS in those teen magazines...which yes highlights my age, I know...but to my defense, the dude is still doing RealWorld/RoadRules challenges) in all those magazines, but they don't show it in Canada, so I didn't think much of it. But when I finally started watching it...OMG...I thought it was brilliant.

Now keep in mind, that maybe by the time I started watching it, the whole "wow let's get some young hot people drunk and film them" novelty had worn off, but to me it was AWESOME. And I've been addicted ever since.

Granted the last season, Philadelphia, was horrible and I missed quite a few episodes...after awhile, there's only so much "we're good looking we love our roommates let's drink yadda yadda let's talk about the meaning of life like at 21 I know anything about life" I can handle, and that season in particular there was alot of Here's The Meaning Of Life, Like, You Know What I Mean? discussions....but overall, I absolutely adore Real World.

On Tuesday we saw the first episode of Real World: Austin. I was ready to write the show off if it was going to be thin, gorgeous people...thankfully, this one isn't. I mean, part of the idea of the show is to have people from different backgrounds interact...pfft in Philly, they were ALL from the same stupid background, even having 2 gay people didn't make a diff in the intellectual stimulation of the show. But this one...I have to give it credit.

You've got the Military Chick who's definitely not stick thin and kinda butchy and has 'tude.
You've got the Virgin Hairdresser who just seems appalled by everyone's actions.
You've got the Token Hot Blonde who's excessively slutty.
You've got Exotic Girl With a Twist...she's an insane violent drunk.
You've got Token Hot Guy...which wouldn't be a big deal but DANG the dude got his face punched in the first episode and his bone completely moved in (they showed the X-Rays, eww) and now he's all jacked up. I dig that.
You've got Token Black Guy...ahh whatever he's just the token Guy Of Color.
You've got Hillbilly Frat Boy...he's kind of useless but his excessive hand slapping with Token Hot Guy is kind of funny. And he's not good looking.

So my friends....I think Real World has redeemed itself from the past season by finding people that actually have personalities and serious psychological issues. Yee haw!

Star Wars...again

Okay, so I haven't written in awhile and now i'm going to write, again, about Star Wars.

See after seeing the last movie, and finally "getting" it, my husabnd and I had a marathon on Sunday watching Ep4 to Ep6...it got too late to watch Ep 1 & 2, plus I wanted to watch 4400.

So just a few random thoughts on it.

First off, WOW...talk about seeing all the things I didn't get before. Okay now to my defense, everything I know about Star Wars was really from when I saw it as a kid, I didn't know anything about politics or human behavior, and it just stayed with me everytime thereafter that I saw it. Like when I heard "the Empire", I thought Empire = Emperor = Royalty = Princess Diana (hey I'm Canadian...and my parents married in London so I grew up loving the monarchy).

And when I heard "Rebellion", to me, I just assumed Rebels = bad. I mean, you hear all the time about the way in Iraq and all the rebels, blah blah.

What I have noticed is that George Lucas has an obsession with arms and hands. Throughout the entire series, Anakin/Vader gets his hand cut off twice, Luke gets his cut off once, Luke's hand is then cut once (that's when he puts on that black glove), C3PO has his arms ripped off several times, and Han says the Wookies will rip your arms out of their sockets when they lose at chess (or whatever that game was).

So I guess this weekend I'll watch the first two episodes (not really lookign forward to it, Episode one was HORRIBLE), and then maybe watch the Sith movie again. I don't think Hayden Christensen is good looking when he plays normal guys...so I'll take him as the hot guy going nutty in Sith.

Ice ice baby

I know, I know, it's been ages since I've written.

Not that I'm sure anyone even reads this, but whatever...sometimes, you gotta get crap off your chest.

I meant to write more, but the past few weeks my Random Thoughts and Gripes were about work, which of course I couldn't write about without writing myself my own termination notice.

Anyway, thankfully that's all done and now I can focus on normality again.

Since I've been working late or doing stuff after work, along with all the TV reruns, I find the only way I can get my daily TV fix is by watching Nick At Night...

You have no idea how much I love the Cosby Show. And Fresh Prince. And what's said is how I still remember that intro rap to Fresh Prince.

But Cosby Show is SO timeless in its cheesy family humor. Like when Theo lied about why he didn't get to eat dinner with his team so Claire actually takes him to "court"...or when Rudy has her first day of school and made her tunafish sandwiches two weeks previous....

Genious. Pure genius.

Although it's pretty funny how times have changed. Like both Cliff and Claire come home around the times their kids come home (which to me would mean 4ish)...pfft SO not happening. Everyone I know who has kids, if they ahve dinner together, have to eat at 8pm because that's factoring in getting off work at 5 or 6 and then dealing with traffic.

And come to think of it, what if Rudy got home from school first? Hmmm...

I have serious issues with the way we work. Today a coworker was talking about how in Europe they get so much time off, blah blah....well yeah that's all great in theory but if the US is supposed to get the leader in everything economically, you're not gonna be that way if you're taking 2 months off for vacation or daily siestas. Don't get me wrong...i couldn't care a less if i'm in a country that's the #1 powerhorse of the world. BUT...if you're gonna live here, don't think that this country could survive working slacker hours like other countries. Because Lord help us all if we should actually learn to ENJOY life here.

Disgruntled much? Oh yes very much. I did the math of whenever (if ever) I should have kids, the cost of childcare...well even if i count EXACTLY 8 hours of work (which is do-able, because my husband leaves work an hour and a half after i do) which is rare because people have to factor in commuting...omg the cost of childcare is astronomical. Grumble grumble.

This is all random babbling, becuase it's almost 5pm on a Friday afternoon and I would leave work NOW if my boss didn't decide to suddenly come in on her day off.

GRUMBLE!!!!