What I've Learned In 28 Years

geezus just re-read this hours later, holy typos batman

So the whole deal with life is that you make mistakes, you learn from them, you move on. Or hopefully the people around you will make the mistake and you can watch and learn from afar.

Here's my List of Things I've Learned In My 28 Years of Wisdom:

1. If you find yourself looking for work...and you get an offer (with more dough)...and then your current company begs you to stay by matching or offering a bit more cash than the other job...DON'T STAY. It's taken me a few times of this mistake, but if you were looking for another job (not for financial reasons) then throwing some more cash at the situation won't make you happier.

You're better off with the fear of the unknown potential unhappiness than the existing one, and don't let your ego get swayed by this ("ooohhh they like me enough to beg me to stay with more money!").

2. If you get some sort of sign-on or relocation bonus when you start a job, do NOT lock yourself into a long payback time. When i moved to California i got a good chunk of cash (which then got taxed 50%...d'oh!) but i had to stay for 1 year or pay it back.
Ohhh...that hurt.
Bad.
Because turns out, i hated that job, but I couldn't quit. At the 6-month mark, I bawled the entire way to work...I couldn't believe I was only at the halfway mark. Never, ever again. 3 months...sure....12 months...it better pay off a home mortgage to make it worth me suffering for another year.

3. When you're SO drunk that you're borderline ready to puke...DON'T drink water. Drink it WHILE you're getting drunk...drink it the morning after....but at the puking stage, water is bad bad bad.

4. Contrary to what we teenage girls think...a boy will adore you like mad UNTIL you give in and have sex with him. Having sex with him will NOT make him like you more. So while you think "oooohhh if i sleep with him, he'll like me!" it's more like "heck yeah I got this dog panting and I'm gonna keep him that way". Sure boyfriends stick around and all that...but the devotion and attention is SO much higher when you're NOT having sex with them.
(Does not apply once you hit your 20s).

5. A great pair of shoes IS worth the pain of breaking them in. Bonus points if they make your legs look fabulous.

6. Anyone who says money can't buy happiness is already rich and doesn't know wtf they're talking about.
Put it this way...
If i had money, then my basic needs are per Maslow are met (food, clothing, security)...so maybe i'm not HAPPY...but I'm not physically hurting from the elements or hunger.
If i didn't have money and i didn't have food, clothng, shelter...guaranteed i'm gonna be unhappy. Unless i'm sniffing empty chip bags that i found in the dumpster...that I call home.

7. You can be the hardest worker on the planet, but if no one knows it then you're useless in their eyes. Even more useless than the actual useless person who at least fakes it. Basically...regardless if you're a lazy slacker or keener-top-notch employee, all that matters is that you make sure people THINK you're valuable and hard working.

8. Don't trust a guy who says his car is in the shop (or whatever reason) and can't pick you up for your first date. Amazingly I've dated TONS of guys who didn't have cars and i had to pick them up. Most of them were in California. I think one of the reasons I fell for Kraig was because hea ctually showed up with his own effing car. It's fishy when a guy talks about his wheels but can't produce.

9. If you're dating/seeing a guy...and even though he hasn't done anything to break your trust and he's perfect in every other way...if you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach...where you get bad butterflies or nausea when you can't get a hold of him or he goes out for a night...ditch him. It's illogical, it's unfounded...but in my experience, 100% of the times I had those butterflies it turns out in the end I was right to be nervous.

10. The following things ARE worth paying extra for (most of the time):
- razors (mach3 baby!)
- a brand new hairstyle
- manicure/pedicure
- foundation
- sunblock
- jeans
- the perfect cocktail dress
- the perfect interview outfit
- hair straightener
- conditioner
- nylons
- laundry detergent (Woolite for Darks is a miracle)
- popcorn (my mom taught me that one, don't ask)
- home or renter's insurance (replacement policy, not cash value!)
- sunglasses (yeah argue with me. i don't care. my polarized ray bans are the only things i'm terrified about losing when i think of my car getting stolen)
- soda....Diet Pepsi is NOT the same as Shasta!!

and most importantly

- TAMPONS!!! Only ONCE in my life have I gone with the store-brand and I swear, it's amazing my gonads still function. How do you screw up a cardboard tube with fluffy white stuff? Heck, since that experience I've been pro-Tampax Pearl...i know it sounds like a sham but that one is SO much more comfy than the regular tampax, but either is better than generic. Your nooks and crannies deserve the best!

11. The following things you can totally get away by going cheap on:
- uber trendy shoes
- uber trendy anything
- quick hair trim
- lipgloss
- bottled water. I know, Aquafina isn't spring water...but eff it. Water is water. If you're thirsty and you've got a buck, don't feel bad 'cause you can't buy Evian...get the Deja Bleu. In 48 hours it won't make a diff anyway.
- anything for the beach. It's gonna get covered in sunblock, sand, dirt, weird green stuff.
- styling products. You can argue with me, but this is MY list...pomade is all the same in my books.
- liquid soap (okay but the stuff from Bath and Body works is pretyt nifty)
- gas....if your car is a regular joe shmoe car and the book SAYS you don't need the premium stuff...don't be an ass by filling your car with the expensive stuff.
- costume jewelry...the stuff i get complimented on the most comes from cheapie teenie stores like Forever21
- toothpaste. Avoid Aim if you can...but the uber expensive toothpastes always taste like ass. Go midgrade...anywhere from AquaFresh to Colgate Total.

12. Humans are capable of falling in love...numerous times. There's not a cap. Emotions don't have a limit to the number of times they can do something. This whole falling in love once for a lifetime thing was written by storybook authors...if you think you've lost the great love of your life...well...you'll be surprised when the next one comes along. Each love is different, that's all.

13. The great irony of obsessive compulsiveness is that it keeps those of us with bizarre routines somewhat sane. (okay i'm like a smidgen obsessive compulsive, but it's there!)

14. This one falls under the "geezus were you an idiot" category: don't keep sleeping with a guy who keeps talking about his ex-girlfriend the supermodel after sex. It's one thing to joke "yeah my last gf was a supermodel...but she was SO lazy...you were fantastic! no more models for me!"...it's another to ALWAYS talk about your super hot model ex gf for no apparent reason....

I don't care how horny you are...some creeps just aren't worth it.

15. Never ever EVER feel bad for buying yourself something that stereotypically a guy would buy. You probably have better taste than he would anyway.

A'ight, end babbling....

Why being a grownup sucks, part n+1

Tonight is my stupid pee test for the life insurance...and i'm not worried about me, i'm worried about Kraig...insuring him costs more anyway, so it's bad enough...

I want an In N Out burger so effing bad.

And how did Nicole lose all this weight for her disability medical test...i've gained 4lbs from all the oatmeal i've been consuming....

On a few CelebReality notes....

Flavor Of Love
I swear, I love Flava Flav! He gave some great advice to "Pumkin"...if someone doesn't pay your bills, isn't giving you a job, if they're opinion doesn't impact your welfare...THEIR OPINION DOESN'T MATTER. So very true, and so much better than most advice which is to not care what anyone thinks. 'Cause i don't care if my neighbor thinks i'm a crack whore, but I do care if my boss thinks that.

I love that they picked the absolute bottom-feeders of society to be on that show. Secretly, I'm rooting for Goldie.

Celebrity Fit Club
I love watching celebrities fall off their high horses. Especially when it's drug-related. And they claim it's Benadryl.
And I also love when they climb back up....go Young MC!

Dash dash dash....

Can i please please please have a weekend where I'm no longer a grownup?!?!?!?!

It's dare...

How effing awesome is this?
FREE OF THE FCC: Howard Stern making his uncensored debut on Sirius Satellite Radio Monday and denying rumors that he is married to girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. Stern also introduced George Takei as his new on-air announcer.


Anyone who listens to Howard knows about George Takei....dang now i REALLY gotta get me some Sirius...Adam Corolla is way too annoying in the morning. About time Georgey-boy got paid for the contributions he makes to Howard's show.

Ugh will add more later.

Effing amazing

How amazing is this:


A cordless iron....

I'm in heaven!

Blog me a river

Interesting something or other today...

Kraig commented that I'm more attractive/better-looking now than when we first started dating.

Which of course I had to pry and get more info on...because if I'm told I'm doing something right, I need to know specifics!!

Gasp could the extra cellulite be a turn-on?

Are the extra wrinkles more endearing?

So he said I was just more sexy (let it be known, apparently I wasn't sexy when I was 23 because I was clearly the "kid sister" type)...and when I REALLY beat him down for a response, he said:

I dunno, I think it's the hair

IT'S ALWAYS THE HAIR!!!

I swear, Henry (Henri?) is way gifted...whatever he did to my hair, it's wonderful. Not that *I* think it's all that great...personally I'm desperate to grow out the bangs and I haven't gotten used to the half hour of sleep that I no longer get in order to style it...

...but a few weeks ago a complete stranger even stopped to tell me that my hair was great.

Henry, Mr. "Drama! So who's your victim?", is fantabulous.

It appears to be that we're having a blow-drying party at my place...where he's going to finally show us how the ((bleep)) to style our hair...because we're always griping that we don't know what we're doing. Yee haw.

On another note...doesn't it surprise you when you find out the impression people first had of you?

Way back during my "homeless" stage, and I was living with my brother's friends (and they were trying to find me a boatload of Muslim guys to marry), I told the wife that the way I figure it, my brother is responsible for my mom and I'm responsible for my husband's mother. I'll look after my mom of course if necessary, but I do view it as my job to look after my (future) mother-in-law...

She was floored that I was so "traditional" like that...I guess she thought I was some modern chick who MIGHT look after her own parents, but that's it.

Recently a coworker told me that they thought I was pretty conservative when I started at my company and go figure, I'm actually not some prude uptight conservative chick. Apparently living in the OC is a qualification for being conservative...

...I live in the OC 'cause that's where my husband works...I had no idea what the OC even was when I moved here, it could have been Compton for all I knew...

It's just funny the impression people can get of someone, and sometimes they seem so shocked when they learn otherwise.

The song of the day is Heard Em Say by Kanye West
Featuring Adam Levine...
Cuz every words we swore we got more far away, and nothing's ever promised tommorow today,
And nothing lasts forever but be honest babe, it helps but it may be the only way

Being a Grown Up Sucks, Part N

Why being a grownup sucks...Part n....

So FINALLY I got quotes for life insurance. Going with the investment-type so that we can borrow against it as opposed to just plain term (which maybe i'll get down the road to supplement,that's cheap)...

For me to be insured for $400K: it's $244 a month.
For Kraig to be insured for $400K: it's $345 a month.

$589 extra a month. And i'll pull that out of my ass I guess.

(Okay well since it's an investment-type i'm okay reducing the amount I put in my 401K...but still!!)

What's scary is that...what if that's nto enough? I mean, yeah for NOW it would be great, but with kids, cost of living, college, crap like that...i might look back and totally think it's not enough.

Being a grownup blows goats.

In fact, it blows ALL livestock.

I remember being a kid and wanting to be grownup SOOOO badly. Really no matter what age you are, you aspire to be...around 23. You're out of school...but you can still party, waste your money, and not worry about things like retirement, homebuying, credit scores.

Once this is done, and the legal stuff is squared away (ugh gotta call the lawyer to sit down and officially sign everything...but when i do, I'll be billed the other $750, and I'm not ready for THAT charge yet)...I'll be DONE.

DONE with insurance, legal, random CRAP. Take that Smart Couples Finish Rich.

Until of course, we have kids...which will then require me to do a whole boatload of reading and learning...It's like buying a new device. You gotta figure out how exactly it works. Childcare isn't my worry...it's pregnancy that terrifies me. Whyyyy is it 9 (well, really 10) months long?! That's long ass time to have to be an incubator. That's a long time to eat healthy, avoid caffeine, not drink, not stand in front of the microwave (okay well that last one is old skool).

Speaking of devices...it used to take like 6 hours to burn a CD. Now it can get done in a minute. It used to take forever to heat up a frozen dinner...now it takes minutes. Why hasn't anyone figured out how to streamline the pregnancy process?

My fear is that 9 months will be 9 months of FREAKING OUT. I'd rather have 1 month of serious freaking out. My kid's gonna come out with 2 heads from all the anxiety hormones it's gonna get.

So today's plan for elegance and refinement: to start saying my Please and Thank Yous...not "you're awesome!" when somene does something nice for me, but rather, "thank you, I appreciate it!"....

The song of the day is Check on It by Beyonce
If I let you get up on it, you gotta make a promise
That you gone put it on me, like no ones put it on me
Don't bore me, just show me, all men talk but don't please
I can be a tease, but I really wanna please you


DAMN that's a great song...I even sat through MTV's "Making The Video" 'cause i like it so much.

Bitching bitching bitching blog

The working man...woman...same diff.

So one of my major beefs is how a good chunk of the workforce has to work 8-5ish type hours.

But...if you're in the service sector...WHY would you not make sure your hours cater to the other office whores who work 8-5?

Like...dentists, doctors, etc? Okay i get that those people own their own practices, but they could sleep in and work like 11-7?!

Or even just...dry cleaners, whatever.

Really what I'm beefed over is...the gym.

Their classes. There's always ONE really early class...and then maybe one or two after normal work hours (and of course, those classes are packed). ALL of the others are during the day.

WTF.

Okay let's say a huge demographic for 24HF is say...stay at home moms. How many effing classes can they possibly offer to that group of people?! For ALL the stay at home moms, do you REALLY need boatloads of classes during the week? Can't they just use normal cardio machines?!

And then after work...there's like 1 or 2 classes. To cater to...the GAZILLION super fat office whores like the rest of us who sit around eating all day. Why can't they reduce the amount of classes during the day and offer more all the way to say 10pm at night? Dont' tell me there's not as many people working out at 9pm as at say 2pm...trust me, at 9pm there's a TON of people at the gym.

it makes NO sense to me. I mean, HELLO the whole point is that some 24HF are actually open 24 hours because SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO WORK OUT LATE. And i'm not saying offer a 2am class...just not that there needs to be like a thousand during regular business hours...

If you own a frickin' business...and you're in the service industry (dry cleaning, chiropractor, oil changes, whatever)...mother effer do yourself a favor and change your hours to cater to the rest of us! At least one day a week worst case.

Geezus.

Out came the rain and washed the blog out

Mother
Effer.

Holy torrential downpour batman!

It's my last day off work and I was like "okay gotta go to Target to pick up some stuff"...I was gonna let a little rain stop me...

Riigghtt....

Driving back the roads were flooded....I've driven through crazy rainstorms before, that's not a problem...i've driven through INSANE snowstorms where, in hindsight, I'm amazed i'm still alive let alone didn't drive my car over the side....

But i've NEVER driven my car through floods like this, where the flooding was up to the roof of my car. I was FREAKING out, plus at one point an SUV drove by me and it's one thing when you get a downpour of water on your windshield...it was BUCKETS after BUCKETS...and I was afraid that if I slowed down TOO much, my car would never pick up momentum again...

Anyway I know, I know, I sound like a whiney little Californian bitch at this point...but I'd like to thinkthat coming from somewhere with brutal snow, I know bad mother effing driving conditions...

Moral of the story?

Kraig needs to sell his mustang so I can get an SUV...that's the lesson learned!

Feelin' Squishy!

A pic from NYE....Heidi and I were "squishy"...those drinks were strong!


And go me....I won a drinking game...you try running, chugging a HUGE shot of Jose Cuervo, running back....had to swallow that sh*t after I ran back, I almost died...it was nasty!

Good times.

End of 2005

Okay so nothing meaningful to say.

Was gonna do a big summary of all the pop culture stuff from the past year....

...but I'm tired, I'm gonna nap, i'm gonna go to the gym, gonna pluck my eyebrows, gonna shower, gonna doll myself up for tonight...

And honestly, this was SUCH an uneventful year. At least 2 years ago, I got married.
Last year I bought a house, had to put one cat to sleep, got a kitten...
This year...other than my mom's WAY overstayed visit...it was a pretty vanilla year. Which I guess, if I look back on past years (no job, no place to live, etc)....that's probably a good thing.

So anyway...

Have a happy new year everyone! And remember...resolutions for 2006:
1. To be elegant and refined (i.e. to be a grownup finally!)
2. To be a better wife!

Odd survey....

Okay this is gonna be my 2nd last post for 2005...'cause I think tomorrow there needs to be some formal wrap-up of the year or something.

BUT....just in the event that anyone is bored (i'm killing time before I go to the gym...i hate going before 10pm!)....

Odd Survey
Current mood: geeky


1: Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 18, what does line 4 say:
Okay well it's a Cosmo and line 4 says: It was comforting to read "Feel Sexy in Your Skin", an article based on hang-ups I've battled for years.

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? The monitor

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? While Kraig and I were playing a new board game (a poker version of Scrabble), he had some cheesy movie on the SciFi channel.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it? 9:41pm (oooh close...9:43!)


5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? see above


6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? uhh...my typing? The sound of the tv?

7& 8: asked only in an alternate universe!!! no idea what that means, but I thought I invented "alternate universe". I need to search this quiz online to find out wtf.

9: What are you wearing? Track pants...and this fuzzy yellow top i wear to sleep. Yeah i'm a sexy bitch.


10: Did you dream last night? Yeah but it wasn't important. What WAS important was a dream I had a few nights ago.
Check it...
I dreamt that I had to have Tracy (yeah you all know her) and my boss, Trish, as my ROOMMATES. And we're talking SHARING a room. It was some fancy apartment near the Spectrum, except it looked like that place across from Valley Fair in San Jose.

And all I know is that I was already annoyed that Tracy was my roommate, let alone that I had to share closet space with 2 other girls, let alone a washing machine (the one joy of not having roommates anymore...NO SHARING OF THE LAUNDRY FACILITIES! I take my laundry way serious)....

It was a horrible dream. Plus i think I was paying $1000 in rent...who the f*ck pays that much when you have to share a ROOM with 2 other women!?


11: When did you last laugh? This afternoon when I saw Chris Rock: Bigger and Blacker on tv....


12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?2 shelves above me with storage boxes and mini My Little Pony, PowerPuff Girls, Yoda Pez dispenser, and my Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes tomato

13: Seen anything weird lately? amazingly....no.

14: What do you think of this quiz? Just don't ask me the ol' "eat the stems of broccoli? Had your heart broken" crap.


15: What is the last film you saw? Narnia


16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'd pay off the house, the cars, the timeshare, the credit card bills...then i'd pay off my family and friends' debts...and then see what's leftover.


17: Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
Since I don't know who you are, that's alot. Ummmm...
- I can turn my eyelids inside out...and keep them that way....
- I used to be able to read Arabic perfectly
- I have never been able to do a cartwheel
- In grade 5 we had to memerize this French song because the teacher had a crush on the singer (and she used it as an excuse to make us learn it, memerize it, and then give it to us as a spelling test)...every now and then, that song STILL pops into my head....along with the stupid video
- During my formative Saved By The Bell Years, we didn't have a tv....my parents literally threw it out...but I didn't tell any of my friends, which is a pretty hard secret to keep for like 5-6 years....

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Ha this made me think of Ben Affleck on SNL "irregahhhd-less"....anyway...i'd make it so that no animal ever gets abused/tortured/hunted-for-stupid-chinese-sex-potions ever again. Humans don't have to count as animals.

19: Do you like to dance? The best kind is just you and a guy, with the music on, in the bedroom, and YES with clothes on....

20: George Bush? No i'm good thanks.


21: Would you ever consider living abroad? Am I not technically doing that now already?!!

22. Ever been given a ring? Been given....10 (1 sapphire ring from my parents, one promise ring from Kevin, 2 silver bands from Adam, one sapphire ring from Adam, one silver one from Birks from Adam, 2 engagement and 2 wedding rings from Kraig)...not including rings I've "borrowed" from my mom that she doesn't wear anyway.

23. Longest relationship? I think right now I'm tied....4 years for both.

24. Last gift you received: It was xmas...so...um yeah that fabulous sweater...a cat footstool thing...a bizarre cat food dish for the cats....boardgames...(one of them being a used Baby Boomer edition of Trivial Pursuit...wtf!!)...

25. How many times have you dropped your cell phone? My current one? just like once or twice. My old one....argh like a million.


26. Last sport you played? does going to the gym count as a sport? Otherwise...geezus....does naked wrestling count?


27. Things you spend a lot of money on? argh argh. Utilities. Bills. The house. The good folks at TARGET.

28. Three things you ate last? ...chicken salad...butternut squash soup...diet pepsi...

29. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? let's do the list...
- the hands...
- the shoulders....
- ideally, back of the neck...(sometimes not always possible)..

30. Your favorite photo album? WTF kind of retarded question is that?

31. Where do you live? somewhere way too overpriced

32. High school you attended? Sir Wilfrid Laurier Secondary School. Sir Wil was a prime minister mother effers! Home of the Lancers. Don't know what a Lancer is? Neither does anyone else (it's another word for "knight"...a dude with a big long sword thingy)....

33. Cell phone service provider? Verizon with not enough text messaging in my package

34. Favorite mall store? Sigh can't afford the mall! Okay i bought some stuff from Forever21...but overall I'd say Express. It's got stuff for both work and fun.


35. Longest Job held? 4 years.

36. Do you own a pair of dice? Who doesn't? ALthough with a husband who plays D&D...I can open a museum of dice stuff...

37. Do you prank call people? it's called Call Display mother effers. Although *69 works differently here in the US than it does in Canada.

38. Last wedding attended? Natalie and Heikki's this summer in Ottawa.

39. First friend you'd call if you won the lottery? Honestly?....tough call...but I'd say Carrie, only because she'd calm me down and remind me that before I go buy millions of crap at Target...that I have a mortgage to pay off first.

40. Last time you attended church? Let's count all the times i've ever been in a church:
- one time in some historic thing in Montreal
- Christine's wedding
- the historical stuff in the San Juan (Juaquin? whatever) mission
- Trish's sister's memorial service
Being in a church WEIRDS ME OUT....

41. Favorite fast food restaurant? In Canada....KFC all the way (poutine!)...in the US...toss up between Quizno's or In n Out...

42. Biggest lie you have heard? "My roommate molested me while I was sleeping"....


44. Where's your favorite place to eat with friends? Depends which friends! Sometimes I miss all the times I dragged my friends to East Side...but then again, now I get to drag friends to new places here in Cali...

45. Can you cook? Yeah but if the recipe sucks, it's not my fault.

46. What car do you drive? A deathmobile...99 Nissan Sentra.

47. Best kisser? It's been so long, I can't remember! I only remember the bad ones.

48. Last time you cried? Don't ask

49. Most hated food? pork! Okay for non-religious reasons...butter...fish....


50. Thing you like most about yourself? Nothing. I guess if I had to....lol my nails, i never ever need to get acrylics or a french manicure...


51. Thing you hate most about yourself? My gut, my lack of boobs, my lack of proportion, my THIGHS omg....my skin, my asymetrical eyelids, my small feet (try finding shoes on sale with these suckers! it sucks!), my hair, my eyes...the list goes on and on....


53. Longest work shift worked? Every year during the xmas holidays..."Midnight madness"...omg...like 8am till....1am? Wearing INSANE high heels....i used to panic and research Varicose Veins...if I ever, ever get them...i'm blaming working at the mall.

54. Favorite Movie? I hate these questions.


55. Can you sing? Oh HELL no. Although that doesn't stop me when i'm driving to work in the morning. Or driving home. Or making Kraig suffer when we're doin glong car rides.


56. Favorite place? to....?

A HA!!!

I found 7 and 8 online:

7: : When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Earlier today. WEnt to the bank and the mall. Oh and then took out some trash. Good times.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Uh alternating between that website and this Blogger page.

That was retarded, why would that be in an "alternate universe"?

Okay it's 10:20pm, I can now get ready for the gym. Booyah.

I should post ALL the comments about that sweater...
OMG! That's too funny! I showed it to Lindsay and we were killing ourselves!

Why I'm a moron today....

Side note: ha ha it seems EVERYONE just loves that sweater I got from my mother in law...

Why I'm a moron today....

I was scoping out my new food processor (I had to bite the bullet and realize that a cuisineart to match the toaster and blender wasn't gonna happen in my lifetime...so I bought a black and decker. Suck it).

Stupid me holds the cup thingy upside down to scope something out...

...with the blade in it...

...yeah guess who's arm got sliced by her new food processor.

I'm SUCH a frickin' moron.

On another note, who's the best wife in the world? Yeah me...'cause I made dinner from scratch for my husband (which i NEVER do...not anymore...too much of a pain when it's just the two of us...and it's pricier)....

...AND...i also made butternut squash soup with sage....

Do you know how effing hard it is to peel and seed frickin' butternut squash?! Pain in my ass! I'll probably make another batch because it tastes ridiculously good and I've got leftover sage (wtf am I gonna use sage for? I've never used it in my life)...

It's all part of Part Two of my new year's resolution...part 1 is to be more REFINED and ELEGANT...part 2 is to be a better wife.

And wives good dinner from scratch for their husbands...okay maybe not every night, but at least once a week!

Dr. Phil yesterday (hey I was sick, and i had to watch alot of tv....) was about what makes a good wife....and this one dude wanted his wife (with 3 small kids) to have everything perfect AND for her to wear little itty bitty outfits WHEN SHE WASHED HIS CAR...

...which really woudln't be THAT bad if she didn't have frickin' kids to look after, if I didn't have kids and I didn't have to work, effing right I'll wear lingerie and wash Kraig's car like that too, what do I care (however with kids, you're lucky if I don't take that sponge that shove it up your ass for asking)...

Anyway I figured at the very least, we don't even have kids...I can go back to making him dinner and lunch and stuff. I used to make him lunch EVERY single day. And then he complained that my lunches were making him fat. But...that was another era and it seems like my husband now would be appreciative of homemade lunches again.

.....

keep in mind, I don't even wash my car NOW....ha let alone in lingerie...but never underestimate the power of my unwillingness to have a 9-5 job and what I'll do to support that dream lifestyle!

169 posts....

Dang 169 posts in this blog.

So real quick....

1. I have to give props to my husband. The poor guy. He tried to come home today 'cause he's sick (as usual...), they closed down the highway because someone DIED....it was right outside of Gilroy, so I asked him to go to the Pfalzgraff outlet to pick up some stuff for our dinnerware set....

Any nuts he had left are completely gone and he knows it...he must have been in that store for over an HOUR (they're closing that location and all our crap was on sale) while I went through our cupboards and the Online Store:Mystic Pattern to see what we needed....

I can't believe he did that. I mean, you think a guy going to the store to buy you tampons is love? He actually was trying to convince me to get the TEA KETTLE....I had to put the smackdown on his purchases....

2. In the Kevin Federline: I Scored Me A Sugar Mama category set....the 2005 award goes to the dude who proposed to Tori Spelling this weekend. FOUR months of dating. AND they're both going through a divorce. The dude has balls...and I give him massive credit for jumping the gun and asking so early. Her father must be like "yeah, great, you're paying for this one you moron...."even with a prenup, this guy's gonna score BIG.

It's easy for a guy to score a rich hollywood babe....(or non-babe)...most of them have horrible self esteem so they'll take anyone they think will love them forever. I can't score me a rich guy without getting boatloads of plastic surgery. It's not fair. Even scamming people isn't equal-opportunity.

3. I saw an interview from earlier this year with Angelina. The girl is looking ROUGH. I mean, she's a total Monet...great at a distance but up close she's a big ol' mess. That girl is a walking sign for "airbrush me...please!"....she's just not aging well. She's starting to look...witch-like...like i'm sure she'd be hot when you're drunk but if you had to wake up to that the next morning, you'd scream like a little girl.

Alright time to tackle cleaning the spare bedroom. Yes (to my friends who've seen the house), the room that was SUPPOSED to stay empty so that we never got used to using it because one day it'll be the nursery. Well at best the cats can sneak in there...it's become the Horigan Storage Facility. Not cool.

The song of the day is Around The Way Girl by LL Cool J
Perm in your hair or even a curly weave
With that New Edition Bobby Brown button on your sleeve

Two reasons....

Two reasons why I'm an effing moron:

1) So I did MASSIVE Boxing Day shopping.

I hate Christmas....but I love Boxing Day. I take that sh*t seriously mother effer, don't mess with me on the 26th.

I had to make TWO trips to Walmart, and the only reason I didn't do a third was 'cause I didn't have room in my car.

I had people in LINE telling me I was genius for the stuff I was buying, because clearly I was doing my holiday shopping for the next 50 years.

Anyway...

So i was putting all my stuff away (like the wonderful yet creepy and of course, tacky, little baby in a sled that my mother in law gave me for xmas last year) and i was running in an out of the garage putting stuff away...

I hadn't showered since the day before because I didn't have time this morning (my flight was at 7am) and i figured i'd shower when i got home, but then I dashed off to Walmart and then figured i'd shower AFTER i was done dealing with the nasty garage....

So i put my hair in a "blob" and bobby pinned my bangs back...

I saw one of my neighbors outside, did the "hi" social thing...wondered why he looked at me funny....

Ummm yeah I pinned my bangs so they stood WAY out...like basically I was the "crazy old lady next door"...a good 3 inches out in the air. I looked like a f*cking LUNATIC.

Nice.


2) So the plan was for me to see a dear friend (won't say her name for reasons that will become evident) in San Jose that I haven't seen since before I got married...got all excited, put her cell in my cell...she was gonna drive up from Gilroy....she texted me that day to let me know she was free whenever....

...Kraig and I go to dinner (didn't eat much at Xmas and i think now it's a tradition to go to this one Malai/Singaporean place) and I call and leave a message telling her that not much was open but there's a Denny's in Fremont, but that it was raining so I understood if she coudln't do the drive from Gilroy, blah blah.

I get a call back with the VM saying she didn't fully understand my message but that she had major news....

So I call HER back...and she talks about how she lives in RC, how she just got engaged....and then she mentioned her bday being that day.

me: "but your bday is in June..."
Her: "no, it's Xmas day...you remember that...."...

And suddenly I realize...

I called the FIRST person in my cell with this name....Instead of the one I had actually planned on seeing....Kraig was DYING laughing because he saw my expression when I realized I was having a conversation with the wrong person

((to my defense, I was in the Malai restaurant and it was loud so it took me longer to clue in than it would have normally))

I should have clued in when she said she had no idea where Fremont was....when she said she wasn't going to San Jose State....when she mentioned a fiance....

So i FINALLY call my friend at 10:30pm, and it's pouring rain anyway so she couldn't do the drive but I felt like SUCH a frickin' idiot because she probably thought I didn't want to see her, which is SO not true 'cause I missed her a ton and now I have to make sure I see her when I got up to San Jose next time.



SUCH A FRICKIN' MORON.

I swear it's amazing I haven't accidentally cut my own head off.

New blog....

I'm working on another blog.

Called...

My Husbands So Called Ailments...

since there has yet, EVER, and I'm not exaggerating, to have a day go by where Kraig doesn't gripe about some physical ailment or another.

Other people's diaries

I find other people's lives fascinating.

http://nudemuse.diary-x.com/" wrote
I also do not need people staring at me. It's fucking annoying.

Yes, there is a pierced black girl on the ferry reading a book.

Thank you move along please fucko.

You don't get piercings, weird hair, dress in bad clothes, whatever, and not expect to be stared at. Piercings were DESIGNED to be stared at. WTF.

http://songs-of-submission.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Nipple piercing in front of a crowd of people was not on my holiday, or even regular, fantasy list. But it was the perfect gift and it came at the perfect time. Being able to reach down and move the horseshoe shaped steel that is in my flesh has been invaluable in fighting off the old ideas and programming that makes my holiday so miserable. Despair rarely fails to take me at Christmas, Valentine's day and my birthday. But this year Mistress has provided. This time last year I was collared, but it had a taint to it, I had pushed to be collared. I was trying to save a sinking relationship overweighed by neglect and out of balance service. I was a fool, like the couple with marriage problems having a baby to bring them together, it was a disaster.

Uhhh...first off.....OW OW OW OW OWWWW that sounds painful...secondly....yeah getting "collared" is alot like an unhappy married couple having a baby...yeah 'cause one is the natural progression of life....wtf...

http://d1tzymx.diary-x.com/...no text, just wanted to say this is the WORST layout ever and geezus who the eff can read that crap?

http://quotidian.diary-x.com/ wrote:
Sometimes, I so badly wish for an eraser with which I could rub off all the terrible mistakes that I made in the past.

They were so not worth the lesson, just did not need to happen, could have so easily been avoided..

So, so true. Why is it that EVERY mistake has to be some sort of lesson, other than "today I learned...I'm a frickin' moron".

http://brunissen.diary-x.com/journal.cgi?action=currlink wrote:
18 days...That's how long I made it before I stopped at McDonald's for breakfast. Although I must say that even though they forgot to put the hash browns in the bag, I did enjoy it!

Let me tell you a little something about McD's...they pump FAT in the AIR. Their WATER is full of fat. I know. I used to work there. And I worked a brand new location which was scrutinized like crazy for health code stuff, etc, and I'm tellin' ya...that stuff is f*cking NASTY.

They had all their burgers and stuff on little timers, for when you were supposed to throw them out. Hash browns: 18 mins. But hash browns are a bitch to make (i.e. they're not quick, and if you've got a massive line then you're hosed)....so I would just swap the timers. And i did that with the food too. The chefs guys LOVED me becuase I would be like "uhh...all your Big Macs are waste"...and they'd look at me so upset and then I'd say "just gimme a new timer, no one has to know..."...

When in doubt...
Laziness trumps sanitization and safety when it comes to the food industry.

Celebrity blog

I'm sure after half a day the pics won't show up from excessive bandwidth usage...but...they'll do for now

Adriana Lima has a BIZARRE nose...i think she's FUG...


And wtf is up with Mariah....she goes almost naked in all her videos and then looks like she's bloated like a baby beluga:



And Jess....puh-lease...I LOVED you when you were on Newlyweds, I thought you were adorable when you first came out with your first single back in the day. But....it's so clear that you're trying to preserve your image and we all see through it. You should have kept your clothes on in your Boots Were Made For Walking video...


When I grow up I want to be Amanda Bynes...I love this chick....

My blog needs a wife

Posting this quick

I always hate it when I leave sex toys at teh psychic's.

I hear ya. It happens more often than you think. Maybe that's why there's always sex shops right next to psychics.

The song of the WEEK is Anytime by Brian McKnight
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

It was on the radio this week...and an ex bf of mine once said that if we ever broke up, that was "our" song...stupid thing, to have a breakup song planned....but it worked, because even to this day YEARS later, it still makes me so terribly sad when I hear it.

And after chatting with some folks, and coming home today...

let's just say....

men
are
utterly
USELESS

All you need is a PPP (aka Triple P) and really, men aren't needed for JACK.

At best, they're cute to look at...but so are my cats.

In n out Blog

It never ceases to amaze me the adventures Sabina has, anal beads?! If someone had asked me back in high school whether or not you would buy anal beads, (ya I know you're not gonna use them) I would've said no. But I also know that when Sabina has her mind set on something or needs to make a point then there's no changing her mind. :)


Hell no i wouldn't have used them!

But yep...when I need to prove a point...true dat. You know me well indeed Bry!

This blog's beefs

I really wanted to write a "You Too Can Be A Better Husband" blog, but since I've only ever had/have one husband, that would be more like "How Not To Be Kraig" and that would be so, so wrong! (And he really is a fantastic husband...well, the best one I've ever had anyway).

End of that note, onto another....

So on Sunday I flipped to the Simpsons, and mother effer it was your stupid ass hillbilly president speaking.
LIVE.
How do I know? Because it said "LIVE" on the corner of the screen.
HE WAS READING OFF A TELEPROMPTER
I started SCREAMING at the tv screen. And I became incensed when Kraig started LAUGHING.
You know what's worth being "live"? When exciting LIVE stuff happens!
OJ and his bronco
Random shootings in LA
Hurricanes and other natural disasters

A PRE-PLANNED SPEECH does NOT have to be live! You know what that's called? A TV SHOW! You know what we do with TV shows? We give them time slots!

WHO THE F*CK INTERUPTS A TV SHOW WITH A PRE-WRITTEN SPEECH?!! AND THEN READS IT LIVE?!! Does it make a diff that it was live?!! NO!!!

And yeah, it was broadcast tv...BUT....have you ever shoved an antenna on top of your tv?! So maybe i'm not paying for that channel, but i'm paying for it to come in CLEAR...and I wanted to see HOMER clear, not the EFFING STUPID HILLBILLY PRESIDENT!!!

Now if someone had SHOT him...that would be worth interrupting my show. Until then....mothereffer, book a time slot like every other effing tv show.

/rant

Last night I was stuck in traffic and i HAD to get to the vet in order to get Marmalade and Stash their prescription cat foods...so i call them begging them to hang out an extra 5 mins if i don't make it on time...some dude that I didn't recognize was all "we close and LEAVE at 6...AND we shut off the phones at 6..."...i wanted to say "you effing little snot, I can buy that sh*t anywhere but i choose to get it from this vet because I like him..."...

So when I got there (amazingly on time), the guy was like "see? You hauled ass and you made it"...like i wasn't already planning on hauling ass ANYWAY. I got the impression he was the vet's son in town for the holidays, and I probably would have flipped on him if I didn't suddenly have a "two wrongs don't make a right" attitude, which keep in mind...

I firmly believe two wrongs make a right. So...you punched me. Does punching you back make me feel better? Yes. Does it even the score? Yes.
You killed my kid? Yeah hunting you down like a dog and torturing you most CERTAINLY makes a right....
Stealing from "the man" because the man is stealing my youth certainly makes things right.

/second_rant

Well if i can't do husband bashing, i can certainly play the We All Know You've Got A Problem, Why Attempt To Hide It Game:

1. To the limp noodle guy: I thought it was me. But you kept putting the condom on WAY too early. So that meant you thought it was supposed to be that way. You know what?! It's NOT. And you know what? Stop saying "ohhh yeahhh you like it hard..." because one day a girl might say "um yes, can you make it?!"...

2. To the white out guy: I only put up with you because you were my friend's brother. And you were protective of me, and I dig that. Okay so we didn't go all the way, but there's a reason: fully strong, you were the size of a white out bottle. And that's OKAY...really, it's not your fault mother nature gave you the shaft (ha ha...okay bad pun)...but just don't keep saying "yeah you like it big!"....because one day a girl might say "um yes, and you're not it"...

3. To the hotel guy: Listen, there's a REASON my girlfriends nicknamed you "Bry-ann Toucan"...your nose was horrific. And okay so maybe yu're not as vain as me and you didn't want plastic surgery even though you REALLY needed it. But when I ASKED you whether there's any part ofyou that you would change, saying "well my skin is too pale" is NOT the correct answer....the right answer was staring at you in the face (ha ha bad pun)...there is nothing worse than sleeping with a guy with a big nose and then watching him SNEEZE right after. That was the deal breaker.

4. To the 4% body fat guy: it wasn't so much that you were ridiculously thin. It was that your ankles/calves were smaller than mine. And that's not cool. So eat a flippin' burger. With butter. And a pile of lard. Girls don't like boys with teenie calves and teenie ankles. Okay the real problem was that you WHINED and that in combo with the ankles was bad. PLUS...you drove you mom's Tercel. Any self respecting guy would steal his dad's Camaro to go on a date.

5. To the Intern: we had fun, don't get me wrong...but this whole "one pump chump" thing had to stop. Okay I'll give you credit, you acknowledged it. But....take care of that crap before I come over in order to at least make it last more than 1 milisecond. I'm not picky on time, I swear. I just want a full "thrust and out"...not just..."thrust"...

6. To the pierced dude: ohhhhhh you have your thing. I'll give you that. And what you have was FABULOUS. But no matter how hot it was, what you have....it doesn't make you any more manly when the last image I have of you is on all fours, in the bushes, yelling at your naughty kitty to go back inside. I tried to overlook a single guy having a cat (I mean, you mentioned you were married before...maybe it was her cat)...but you kill the afterglow when you're screaming "bad kitty! bad kitty! get back inside! get out of there!"....I hollered "see ya", walked down that driveway, and never looked back.

7. To the mustang guy: okay no real beef other than yes, I'm on to you...I know you thought we were going to sleep together and that's why i didn't hear from you for awhile after our date (which was a horrible date and NOT because of me...i'm sparkling and cute and witty on first dates...bitch!)...you totally thought I was a whore, but I proved you wrong...I wasn't gonna be YOUR whore.

8. To the dude who ended up on The Bachelor: yeah you were SUPER hot. SUPER SMOKIN' hot (by Ottawa standards anyway). But...you were SUCH an effing bad kisser. Like really bad. And i specifically thought "please don't ask me for my phone number, becuase you're so hot i'll be forced to give it to you, but please don't"...and you asked...and you REMEMBERED it (I didn't even write it down)...but you were an effing TOOL. And you were a bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD BAD BAD kisser. Kissing is so important jackass. You wouldn't have had to go on the Bachelor if at least you could kiss a girl decently.

C'mon guys...just admit your flaws. We know they're there. Just own up to them. Otherwise we'll think you're a clueless p*ssy.

Random thoughts and gripes...oh wait that's the blog name

Just some randomness...

This site: Chronicles of George is effing awesome. Thanks to Evan for that one.

I can't believe the past 2 weeks I've been sleeping nonstop and haven't gone to the gym. I actually fell asleep wearing my gym clothes last night. WTF.

The song of the day is Every Little Thing I Do by Soul for Real
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
The way I feel lately, it's driving me crazy
Every little thing I do, you're on my mind
I can't get over you, I think about you all the time

Yeah old skool!

And yes, we all knew Gwen was pregnant, she was showing big time lately. Good for her for keeping it quiet for the 3 months at least.

Apparently the spells from the Psychic and her Witch Sister worked for both Nicoles. Hmmm...I need to cast a "gimme some money bad!" spell, but for the cost of everything ($20) I would need to come across an extra $20 just to break even. And last time we did that we got a money tree which is barely surviving and I'm still out like $6.

(Okay i guess technically that could have been worse...the $6 was for the vase it was in, the IKEA people didn't think to take the plant out of it to scan that too).

So here's the list of purchases I'd like to make in 2006, in no particular order:

1. New toilets
2. New tiles in the upstairs bathroom (and rip up the carpet that I stained)
3. New vacuum
4. Botox
5. Garage shelves
6. yay maybe laminate flooring (which means i'll have to rip up the WEE bit of legit hardwood that I have)
7. Nissan Murano

Sigh!

My blog needs a vacation. Bad.

Only 7 more shopping days until....Holiday

From Thanksgiving...note to self: (using I'm Rick James Bitch! voice): Use Powder Bitch!


So in the spirit of the top 5 guys on my laminated card, I'm bored enough to create a Top 5 Chicks I'd Do If I Could On My Laminated Card A La Friend:
(and yes, in order counting down):

5. Charlize Theron although i think she'd be too amazon for me

4. Mila Kunis

3. Natalie Portman As long as she doesn't bring her head shaved

3.1 Maria Menounos She's like your pretty best friend. You want to hate her...but you can't because she's so effing nice and fun.

2. Jessica ALba okay so she's had a boob job...whatever. She's AWESOME in Never Been Kissed.

1. Aishwarya Rai Quite possibly the most stunning person the planet. Not that I want to get naked with her...i just want to know what it's like to be in the presence of someone THAT stunning.

I'll get off my ass and blog about those things that guys find romantic whenever I find the napkin that I wrote it down on.....

Holy crap

Geezus....

Series of events....

You realize there's a very, very, VERY fine line between life and death....

Happiness is so fleeting, it takes almost nothing to change everything....

Your life as you know it can turn at any moment....

I wonder....the whole point isn't the life itself...but how you handle each bend and curve of that road...? Is it life when it's standing still that matters, or what happened up to that part, or what will happen after? Is it the snapshot or the plot?

Maybe my new year's resolution won't be about refinement and elegance and grace (but the botox IS still important!!)...maybe it'll be what do I want people to remember about me when I go, and then work towards that in case I get hit by a bus on New Year's 2006...

A blog, a girl, and a pizza place

So went to lunch today with 3 coworkers and Stefanie....

And something that was brought up....how chicks will laugh at your jokes initially than after awhile no matter HOW funny the joke is, the chick won't laugh.

That, I will agree 100%. Poor Kraig. He used to be SO funny in my mind. Now...he could write for the Simpsons and I still wouldn't laugh. He's hosed on that one.

That being said, there's a TON of things that one gender used to do and in return the other doesn't either. You know why? It's like Crazy Fun Girl. Initially, you do that stuff with a purpose. Then....

Guys: she used to laugh at my jokes. Now, I can't say anything that won't make her roll her eyes.
Girls: He used to always pay for dinner or we'd split. Now i'm the one paying for everything.

Guys: She used to dress all sexy for me. Now it's just track pants or her Lion King boxers.
Girls: He used to write me super romantic letters/texts/emails. I don't get any of that anymore!

Guys: She used to have sexy long hair. Now...it's cut all short! (alternative: she wears in a bun/blob all the time!)
Girls: He used to have a HOT body. Now he sits around, drinks beer, and does nothing.

Guys: she used to want to go out! Now we never go out and have fun.
Girls: he used to want to go out! Now we never go out and have fun.

So you see....men can bitch all they want about how chicks, over time, things start to suck....yeah well it goes both ways.

What's the moral of the story?

Find someone that you can still love and adore and want to snuggle with even after all of the above stuff (whether it's guys or girls) goes downhill. And when I snuggle, damn right it's with my Lion King shorts!!!

Happy Blog-vakah!

I swear, the Internet is the most amazing invention EVER. Makes me wish I were a student again: Assessing Risk - When and When Not to Beat It

Now onto more important things....the OC....

Now if you watch the OC, you know the Chrismukkah episode is the motherload of all episodes. Last night's was okay...and I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it lacked edge AND thinks Johnny is a pain in the ass whiney little bitch:

Tonight hinted that the show might pay some more attention to Summer's parent-related drama, and if that's correct then I really hope last year's short-lived rumors were true and that Demi Moore will play Summer's infamous pill-popping stepmonster. She'll be a good replacement for Johnny once the O.C. staff figures out a suitable way to kill him and/or have him move to the Midwest, à la Anna and Lindsay. Wait, he still has the gun, right? The writers should make him watch that surfing footage of his old, non-gimp body on a constant loop until he gets the right idea and offs himself. (from EW.com).

That Johnny guy started out awesome....he was cute in a "skinny guy" kind of way (even skinnier than Seth, gasp...maybe even skinnier than Marissa). But the dude gets hit by a car and suddenly he's the biggest gimp on the planet. Give me a break. You managed to drive a car didn't you?! Shut your piehole and go back to school and stop relying on surfing potentials...that's why your parents always told you that you "need something to fall back on" when you begged them to be an artist/guitarist/model/Professional-TV-Watcher.

That being said, Ryan is REALLY starting to grow on me. Most likely because he looks so much more manly next to Johnny. Or maybe because he hasn't been pulling his "I'm from Chino and we punch people every other episode" bs. Or maybe it's because he actually SPEAKS as opposed to giving those Unsure-Are-You-Checking-Out-My-Girlfriend-I'm-From-Chino-I'll-Punch-You-Every-Other-Episode looks. Either way, I'm diggin' the short hair and the excessive dialogue from him.

But of course...in the end...it's all about Seth. My boy.
I'm not sure if I'm down with the Julie Cooper + Summer's Dad plotline...I mean, it's hilarious, but I hate when they only purpose of showing a character who's been around forever is just so they can play the convenient love interest. You know who they need to show more often? The trailor park guy who lives by Julie. Now i dig that guy. AND he's got a cockfight tradition. You can't beat that. Well maybe you can beat it....with a chicken...

On another note, it looks like I'll actually manage to pull enough money out of my ass to pay my credit card bill in full. MOO HA HA HA HAAAAA....when it's me vs. Credit Card Companies...don't mess with me. I refuse to let you have my money for interest. Booyah.

The song of the day is That's What Friends Are For by Dionne Warwick....because that's the BarMitzvakah way.
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

How to woo a blog

So after writing an email about something I realized I actually feel somewhat passionate on the subject...and thus, blog-worthy.

What is romantic when you're in high school is NOT always what's romantic to a chick when she's 30

The following is a list of things that's romantic when you're in high school:

1. Prom. Mostly because it's the only time you have an excuse to look REALLY nice. And get a hotel room...or at least, lose your virginity....or at least, get laid while you look REALLY nice.

As an adult...the closest thing to that would be a company party, which everyone can agree is NOT a romantic night. You can't make out with anyone (that whole "professionalism" thing), you can't dress super sexy (that whole "professionalism" thing), and these are people that you probably hate most of the time anyway. PLUS...your date is most likely your spouse or long term boyfriend, in which case, it's not like you have to wonder if you're gonna get laid that night.

2. Rose petals on the bed....oooh ahhhh just like in the movies....ooohhh so romantic.
Um yeah as an adult, odds are that's MY bed...and rose petals effing stain. And who does the laundry? Exactly. As an adult, only do bed-staining-activities when you're in a hotel. Or if it's your own bed and you don't care if you do the laundry or just toss them altogether.

3. Unhooking the bra. Bear with me on this one. I had a conversation with my friend back in highschool about how it pissed us off when guys just PUSHED your bra up to get to the goods...wtf...get off your lazy ass and unhook that sucker. It HURTS when you push it up, it really does. Especially when it's underwire. In high school, we were SO happy when we found a guy who knew how to unhook and didn't just shove stuff around.

As an adult....the art of unhooking isn't "romantic". It's just....a mechanism. If you're in your 20s/30s and you're still pushing the bra UP...that's more than just unromantic, that's "you're a moron and not worthy of seeing my boobs anyway"....

4. When he's out of gum but lets you have half of his (when he's already chewing it). AND NO I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO TOOK GUM OUT OF OTHER GUY'S MOUTHS. If i'm kissing the dude anyway, what's the diff.
As an adult...umm yeah no. Obviously. I can get my own gum. Fresh gum is a requirement.

5. Taking showers together. Yeah that's hot 'cause that means you actually get to get naked somewhere other than the bedroom for the whole 2 seconds you're parents aren't at home.

As an adult...listen, argue with me if you want, i don't care. But unless there's two showerheads, showering together is NOT romantic. SOmeone always freezes! Or as someone else pointed out...it's NOT romantic when a guy washes your hair...you end up feeling like you have to re-do it anyway. PLUS...if i'm in the shower, odds are i need to shave my legs, so i end up pre-showering just to look good for the "real" shower...eff that. You take a shower, I'll take a shower...unless it's a fancy showerhead, it's just one of thsoe things that looks great in the movies.

And...speaking of things that look great in the movies...

6. Sex in a pool. Yeah soooo sexy when you're in high school. Just like the movies.
As an adult: do i even NEED to tell you how bad that is for your gonads?! And there's friction issues. No, not romantic at ALL.

7. Food in the bedroom. Whipped cream. Stuff like that. Yeah it's sexy 'cause it gives you an excuse to LICK body parts. I get it.
As an adult....well it all depends if it's her bedsheets or not. Extra laundry is NOT worth the extra calories from whipped cream. Plus the stuff from a can tastes like sh*t anyway, and i doubt anyone's going to run to the kitchen to grab a mixer and make fresh whip cream.


Things that were romantic in high school and are STILL romantic now:

1. Handwritten love letters. Sigh. I sure hope highschool kids now don't resort to email love letters. There's nothing better than laying on your bed with a note that's all creased and folded/unfolded a million times....that never gets old. Dang my heart is racing right now just remembering times that I've done that....staring at a letter for hours, memerizing every curl and twist of the ink...Note: this also includes poems. They may be cheesy, but dang it's romantic.

2. Flowers. Now keep in mind, I'm biased because I worked in a flower shop and part of me runs in fear when i see a bouquet of roses (I got so desensitized, i could grab a bunch of roses, thorns and all, without feeling a thing...my hands had SO many holes in them)...but a single rose can still make my heart pound....and I still dry them upside down like i used to back in high school.

3. Candles....you know, somehow guys in highschool know to do this and yet, wtf, the novelty wears off when you're an adult? C'mon guys! Ambiance is always good. Not always needed, but it can't hurt. Just make sure they're not like Glade air freshner candles or anything. That would be retarded.

4. Jewelry. In highschool a plain itty bitty ring made us shiver....it still works as an adult. In fact, other than an engagement ring, most often less is more. A teenie chain bracelet with a teenie charm on it is SO much more appreciated than some big chunky ass bracelet. It's not the cost...it's just whatever is least-tacky.


What is romantic now that you may not have even thought of when you were in high school:

1. Cleaning the house. Or apartment. Or your car. Anything that means MY time is free to either spend it with you or spend it doing something fun for myself is so insanely romantic.

2. General thoughtfulness. Such as bringing an extra jacket when you know she's probably gonna be cold. Thoughtfulness is not something the average teenager even notices, but it's SOOO appreciated as an adult. It's getting out of the car and filling up the car with gas because you know our shoes will get wreaked if it's raining. It's picking up another coffee when you're already getting one for yourself. It's ordering your side dish a certain way because you know she'll probably mooch of off it anyway.

3. Specific compliments. In high school usually it's "you're so pretty" blah blah. Eff that crap. By the time you're 30 you want to hear "you have fantastic legs" or "you skin is unbelievably soft"....yeah jackasses, get specific. So we know you mean US...not Random Girl X.

4. General sillyness. Maybe that's just general behavior anyway in high school. But sometimes just being playful and silly and random is the most romantic thing in the world, because for that brief moment you're forgetting all the crap that makes up Being A Grown Up and allows you to be super close to someone else in a way that can't even be described or qualified.


The song of the day is Freak Me by Silk....since everyone my age had sex to that song at some point in high school 'cause well hey, we thought it was sexy....now it just makes me laugh when i hear it.
Let me lick you up and down till you say stop
Let me play with your body baby make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

I caught your blog

removing what i wrote, because i need to be stealth...long story

I'm in hysterics laughing. I guess i'm just effed in the head. Carrie ALWAYS knows how to make me bust a gut.

Your blog is way bored if you read this

THE LAST TIME YOU:

Really smiled: Can't remember. Probably sometime this morning at some of my emails.
Cried: You don't wanna know.
Danced: Lol Sat night at Nicole's work party
Watched your favorite movie: about a month ago...gasp i'm due to watch it again.
Had a nightmare: The past week...I think it was the one where Ryan had a party and there was green slime.
Last thing you had to drink: Water...I just came back from teh gym.
Last time you showered: This morning, but i'm going agian in 2 mins.
Last thing you ate: toast with margerine

NORMAL STUFF:

Name: Duhhh...
Do you like it?: Nope
Nicknames: UGH...Bean...beanbag...beaner...bina...
Sign: Leo but no, i'm not a strong willed individual.
Location: OC
Status: uh...alive?
Natural hair color: dark brown
Current hair color: even darker brown
Eye color: brown, but a guy once told me that my eyes weren't "dark enough"...as in, i didn't have pretty eyes. Thanks jackass.
Height: short. 5'2.5
Birthplace: Winnipeg
shoe size: 5.5

FAVORITES:

Number: 44
Color: ugh it varies...blood red...violet...baby pink...baby blue...lately I'm on a black kick.
Day: Friday around 11am.
Month: wtf I don't know...May i guess.
Song: too many to list. Lady Hear Me Tonight probably.
Movie: Clueless...Desperado...Joy Luck Club...T2...yadda yadda the list goes on
Season: Summer
Class: anything biology or chemistry...i like knowing how crap works.
Teacher: Mr. Macartney, my hot biology teacher in highschool.
Drink: Diet pepsi, no ice. Diggin' the Scooby Snacks now though.
Veggie: wtf kind of retarded question is that. Does a mushroom count?
Radio Station: I'm thinking of going to Sirius. I need Howard.
Store: Target...Express...when i'm jonesin' for a top to wear for just one night, Forever21...
Animal: cats all the way! Although i'm beginning to finally grow fond of dogs.
Flower: Calla Lillies and blue irises
State: I don't like ANY of them. So cali if i had to choose.

LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS:

Do you have a gf/bf? I'm married mother effer.
Do you have a crush? That kind of goes with the territory.
How long have you liked him/her? A long long time.
Who was your first love? That jackass that i want to beat with a crowbar if i ever saw him again. That's what you get when you give 3 years of your life to a dude who lost his virginity to his sister...who beat up a kid in a wheelchair...who sold drugs to pay the bills (the tip off was when his MOM kept saying "you put your weed in it!")....who had a half-circumsized penis...who tried to convince me that his gay roommate molested him (the dude worked at Club Monaco and gave me his discount. I'll take the roommate's word over his)...the one who thanks to his OTHER girlfriend, i got a black eye on my 18th birthday...the one who I had to resort to getting my bodybuilder friends to get my money back....um yeah that one.

PAST:

What is the one thing you would change about your past?: Without knowing waht I know now (otherwise i would have invested my cash in stuff that obviously went big!)....I wouldn't have moved to the US.
Last thing you heard: The sound of my computer's fan.
Last thing you saw: Kraig coming hom at midnight from work
Last thing you said: "Yes" (in response to "did the cats get fed?")
Who is the last person you hugged? Henry, yesterday.
Who is the last person you fought with? Who do you think....
Who is the last person you were on the phone with: a DJ for our holiday party
What is the last TV show you saw?: Sex and the City...it was on the TV at the gym
What is the last song you heard? Groovy Kind Of Love on the radio

FUTURE:

What day is it tomorrow? Tuesday
What are you going to do after this? Shower. Then do some work.
Who are you going to talk to? Kraig and the cats
What is one of your dreams? lol NOT something I'm going to put in a blog
Where will you be in 25 years? Hopefully at the plastic surgeon getting tweaked

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON:

You instant messaged: probably my mom
You laughed with? probably my coworkers
Who broke your heart? Can your heart be broken by someone you're still with? It can be broken and fixed right?

OTHER:

Do you write in cursive or print?: a mix of both.
Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
What piercings do you have?: my ears (done 3 times), my belly button (the piercing is out but i want to put soemthing else in it)
Any tattoos? oh hell no.
Do you have glasses or contacts?: both
Did you like this survey? not really

PHYSICAL APPEARANCES:

Do you look like any celebrities? NO NOT EVA LONGORIA...think Sophia Coppolla
Do you wear a watch?: sometimes. "A watch doesn't really go with this outfit daddy"
How many coats and jackets do you own? a ton
Favorite pants/skirt? Dress pants: my black ones from CM....jeans: just a casual pair from Old Navy....skirt: my black one from Jacob
Most expensive item of clothing: my wedding gown. After that...my ski jacket. After that...some dresses. After that....other random coats. After that...I think my XOXO skirt that I've worn maybe ONCE in my life.
What kind of shoes do you wear?: anything and everthing. I'm a shoe whore.

The working man's blog

Grumble.

I'm SO over this whole "have a job, earn money, pay bills, do this till you die" thing.

I get it. You need to get a job. You have to make money to survive. You have to climb that corporate ladder. Yadda yadda. I GET IT. I learned the moral of the story.

The novelty has long since worn off. I'm almost 30. I've been working since I was 13. The longest break of unemployment I've ever had was one semester in university becuase I was taking SEVEN mother effing courses (so not exactly a "break", more like "no time to eat sleep breathe work think").

I get the point. I GET IT. Work = money = no homeless Sabina. I get it. Can I stop now?! Can I finally just sleep in? Can I finally stop spending the majority of my waking life at work?

I mean, don't get me wrong. I dig my job...I have the best coworkers...blah blah. But...hmmm getting up in the morning to go to work vs. sleeping in....watching soaps....playing with my cats...giving myself a pedicure....reading all the books I keep saying I'll read but never get a chance to....heck, even go back to school....

Yeah I'll take the latter option. I got the lesson of life. Is there a test? Did I pass? Am I done yet?

Being a grownup effing blows goats.

On another note, it seems that Nic D was correct....whole life insurance (as opposed to term) is the way to go, so that when you're old if you don't give a crap about your life insurance anymore you can withdraw from it...sounds good to me. I need something to look forward to when i'm old and decrepit. Now I just gotta squeeze some more juice out of my bank account to PAY for life insurance. Um yeah I guess that's where "see above comments on having a JOB" comes into play.

You need to get over LIFE

Yeah that sounds pretty good right about now. Teen angst rears it's ugly head and yet, sometimes it just makes sense.

My blog does the splits

YES
YES
YES

Just bought advanced tix to see Cirque du Soleil in march...yessss....so far i've seen almost all the shows (well ever since i saw my first once, Varekai, i've seen every single one since), my goal is to see all the ones in Vegas too and then i'll be good to go.

Sweet.

It's Quidam in case anyone cares.

I LOVE ACROBATS WHO DO CRAZY SH*T WITH THEIR BODIES.

Unfortunately since I'm poor as dirt, i had to get the crappies cheap seats, but they're still way low down (I took the Sunday afternoon one...better than say a Fri or Sat night show) and more in the center so I think we'll be okay.

The blog family tree

Shameless gushing about how adorable my niece is:

To tell your future, let me look in my crystal blog

So this was a "request blog"....

On Sunday me, the NIcoles, our gay hairdressor Henri and his friend Gina went to Long Beach to see the psychic.

Mother.

Effer.

Don't even get me started on waht should have been an AM thing ended up getting us all home after 5pm....

Or how I accidentally left my Anal Beads (which I bought to prove a point to some coworkers) at the psychic....that effing sucks.

But the REAL blog is how Henry insists that every guy loves a golden shower. Guys REALLY like it. And he insists it's not just gay guys.

Now first off, this is Henry/Henri...you gotta take 99% of what he says with a grain of salt. That being said, he REALLY went into detail of waht it was like, and how you have this feeling of power, and how men love it because they feel all this warmth and...eww well you get the point.

I have never, EVER, ever had a guy request that of me. I probably would have projectile vomitted.

So i'm like "but....it's a bit MESSY don't you think?" and he said that you just put alot of garbage bags everywhere. Well first off, I used to have my cat's litterbox on a plastic garbage bag 'cause when she had diabetes, she would sometimes pee outside the box...um yeah liquid on a plastic bag is NOT easy to clean up, it spills and slips everywhere. And humans pee a boatload more than cats! So wtf!

Henry then said the bathroom...and I"m like "okay the only place that would make sense would be the bathtub. And then someone's gotta SCRUB the bathtub after. That's just not worth it!"....

I guess logistically i'm not sure how that works out. I asked my husband about this (I mean, who am I to deny my man pleasure if that's what he wants?) and he was like "uhh...no" and was clearly disapproving of me spending too much time with my flamboyantly gay hairdressor. He also pointed out taht some men like poop smeared all over them, but don't expect ALL guys to like that. I don't know why I'm even writing that last line, but I thought it was funny and he was also super annoyed with the ideas that were put in my head.

On another note, yes I'll do the Listerine test....although I really think Wintergreen mints are the tried-and-true standby. But....if Henry insists Listerine is better, then I'll do the test and find out.

DANG i'm peeved about those anal beads! Plus i had a coupon for Quizno's in the bag. Double dammit. And lol, NO i was not going to use those beads (as far as i'm concerned, that's an exit zone), it was to prove a point to some people.

One last note on the psychic....geezus....we were DYING of allergies. I barely HAVE allergies and my eyes were going to pop out of my head. We had to wait outside while each girl got her reading, because the incense, candles, and nonstop cigarette smoke was killing us. There were like 5 cats in the place and i'm sure they're going to be effed up from all that smoke. On cat had a dislocated jaw and just kept walking around drooling with it's tongue hung out. Two other cats slept in the window, and the male cat kept trying to mount the female...and she was gonna have none of that...but the poor guy just kept trying and trying to hump her...

I was so wiped after the whole day that I didn't go to the gym, instead I sat downa nd wrote 99% of all the holiday cards I had to write. I can't believe DH wasn't on, wtf.

The song of the day is Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc (it was playing on the radio)
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

First, Sub-zero...now, BLOG-zero!

It's 1:00am and I want credit for going to the gym after Nicole's work party! (Of which, thanks to the wonderful world of roulette...we got enough tix to win Nicole $100!! We kicked ass tonight).

Boatloads of stuff I have to remember to blog about later when I don't have to effing shower and then wrap Kraig's gifts while he's playing D&D downstairs....

At the gym I read Cosmo, Stuff, and Budget Living...they had a mention of the video game version of Fear Factor (it was in their "oh hell no" category)...ummm yeah Kraig's company was/is making that game, and even the people MAKING it think it's retarded and will never get out the door. I find it surprising that it even got enough buzz to be mentioned in Stuff.

The song of the day is Brown Eyed Girl, 'cause I was dancing with Nicole and her coworker Erin at the tables tonight.

Props to Anna...the uber-bitchy-but-super-cool table dealer person...he was a nazi with the table but dang, she liked her style. She told a joke and when I wisecracked that it was maybe a true story, she screamed in her thick accent "OF COURSE NOT! I'M GREAT IN BED!"....Happy Birthday Anna. Hope you enjoy your champagne and men tomorrow night.

American roulette wheels have two "0's", zero and double-zero, which increases the house advantage to 5.4%. In European roulette there is only one zero, giving the house an advantage of 2.7%.
(Wikipedia)

IM with my mom

MY_MOM: hi there
MY_MOM: here is ((Childhood friend, but she was the daughter of my dad's friend)) phone nr.: xxx-xxx-xxx
MY_MOM: guess u are busy again, see u

ME: why would i call her
ME: I dont' call people.
MY_MOM: hi there

MY_MOM: well in case u are in san fran and might want to meet her
ME: okay
MY_MOM: like it doesnt do any harm to keep the number in your phonebook
ME: ok

MY_MOM: 76 us$ per person for quarbani, dad wanted to know whether u are going to send a cheque?
ME: sure. who do i make it out to?

MY_MOM: either to me, or dad.... we put the money in our account and then forward it to a person in cornwall who telegraphs it to some madrassa in india. they give the entire amount to the poor, no administration fees, everyone does it for free

ME: ok i'll send it
MY_MOM: ((my mom's full name)).... or.... ((my dad's full name))
ME: um yeah i know your name
MY_MOM: we got a joint account

MY_MOM: ((smiley face))
MY_MOM: cute smiley
MY_MOM: like here all those big so called charities deduct 20 % at least for administration
ME: ok

MY_MOM: over here its more like a business
ME: ok

MY_MOM: the president of united ways earned in the 70s already $ 100 000
ME: ok
MY_MOM: then they have to pay employees, advertising costs a fortune, then they have some big celebrity as a spokesperson, they dont do that for free either
ME: ok

MY_MOM: that way people are inspired and say.... look at that she'he does it for free.... not so, there was a thing the other day about it on tv... making people think that way
ME: ok

MY_MOM: thats how princess diana made millions, she was the spokesperson of countless charity organizations, yet everyone thought she was such an angel
ME: ok

MY_MOM: people adored her and were willing to give freely
MY_MOM: i thought so too, that they all lending their name for free until then
MY_MOM: they have so much money, i think they should do it for free
ME: ok

MY_MOM: not just expect the ordinary working people to give what ever little they can
ME: ok
MY_MOM: lol
MY_MOM: u are busy?
ME: no

MY_MOM: ok
MY_MOM: good, was a bit worried i might bother u, since u just write ok all the time
MY_MOM: but then what is there to say to that
MY_MOM: ((devil face on yahoo IM))
MY_MOM: love that devil

MY_MOM: snowing a lot today, what are u doing this weekend?
ME: going to a friend's work party
MY_MOM: nice, have fun

ME: i plan on it
MY_MOM: sure hope u dont let others talk u into drinking booz
MY_MOM: is kraig coming too?

ME: no you can only bring one person to a company party. it's not a free for all.
MY_MOM: k
MY_MOM: just thought a partner can come along maybe
MY_MOM: is it a christmas party?

ME: well if i'm going with my friend, and i'm the partner, why would the partner get to bring a partner?!
ME: yes it's a holiday party
MY_MOM: k
MY_MOM: oh i didnt read it right, i thought it had something to do with your work
ME: no it's a friend's work

MY_MOM: i got it hehe
MY_MOM: how is my marmalade?
ME: she's fine

MY_MOM: stashi pooh still so cute?
ME: yup
MY_MOM: marmalade is so cute, wish she wouldnt have that problem, she still would be here, even dad liked her
ME: ok

MY_MOM: but if i go down to visit u people and i'm away for a while, if she would have pee'd on the sofa or anywhere else, dad wouldnt have had the patience to clean it up, he would have been mad
ME: ok

MY_MOM: he likes smokey now too, alway's worry's about him when he is outside
MY_MOM: i'm surprised how good he actually is with smokey
MY_MOM: like he wasnt that patient before

ME: ok
MY_MOM: kids are having lunch break and playing outside
MY_MOM: seems eons have passed since u went there
ME: it's been almost 20 years

MY_MOM: man oh man
MY_MOM: 20 years younger, what i wouldnt give for that
MY_MOM: i hate getting old

ME: yup
MY_MOM: yup?
ME: yup getting old is bad

MY_MOM: u dont have anything to worry yet, wish i was your age only
MY_MOM: i would kill for that
MY_MOM: ((devil face on yahoo IM))
ME: ok
MY_MOM: man i feel evil today

MY_MOM: snow stopped, sun just came out, -3, perfect ski weather today
ME: you don't ski
MY_MOM: for those that do

ME: those that do probably have to work today
MY_MOM: ((devil face on yahoo IM))
MY_MOM: hehe good
MY_MOM: anyway, i let u go, say hi to kraig, hug those babies of yours for me, especially a big one for marmalade

MY_MOM: have a nice weekend
ME: ok

my blog hates myspace

I swear I rarely check my myspace page because honestly, other than reconnecting with people who I haven't from in ages there's really no point to it (It's not like i'm hooking up or anything). That being said, i do get a fair amount of people emailing me for whatever reasons and i really do reply.

That being said, i thought this was interesting, because i can't figure out if this was a typical "copy and paste and send to every chick on Myspace" or if this is actually somewhat personalized. I swear i hate myspace:

Sabina,

I just read your profile and wanted to thank you. Even if you can't get back to me (you love your husband, think he is hot and my name is not Brad) I wanted you to know:

A) you have an engaging smile
B) you filled out a great profile
C) I think I can help

Help how? By coming up with a headline for you. You deserve one. If I do so and you use it I am going to need you to get back to me and be charming. That's our deal. More on that later.

I am sitting here at work a little bored and slightly hung over, contemplating either hitting the steam room or actually working out, browsing through my new favorite toy - myspace profiles and lo and behold I see a familiar, smiling face. I open the profile and am reminded that you seem to be an interesting woman! This, of course, guarantees I will not get a response from you because that is the karma we call myspace. So if you choose not to respond and leave me with coal at Christmas, then understand I enjoyed your profile the most today.

If you do decide to respond I have a few questions:

1) How did a saeemingly down-to-earth girl like you end up in the social whirlwind of South OC?

2) No plastic surgery? Are they going to kick you out of your "community"?

3) Tanning booth, Spray on or actual sun?

4) Are thongs and g strings the same thing?

5) What do you think will go out of style first, long wife beaters or lowrise jeans?

6) Annoying cat person and annoying canadian? Good thing you are attractive.

Ok. After reading your profile and looking at the headlines of your blog have some up with......

"Great White North Meets South Orange County"

or....

"My guilty pleasures are (somewhat) innocent"

Just trying to keep it interesting, superstar. Hit me back and I might solve the mystery of me.


I gotta give the person credit...it's pretty well written (compared to the average myspace user who clearly knows JACK on how to write an email). Snaps to you "Cash".

My blog's five chicks he'd do....

Well I know my husband well. When i asked him to tell me his five for his laminated card a la Friends, he wrote:
Jessica Alba
Eva Longoria

Are the only two people that really jump out at me as I don’t really think about this sort of thing so I don’t try to keep mental notes on a list that is silly and would never actually use.

I take great offense to that. And he'll regret it when Jessica ALba turns him down and then say Charlize Theron attempts to seduce him.

Tyra, Heidi, and my Blog

I'm going to be a traitor to my gender and say that I love this commercial, and I think it's effective:

Thrill me
Surprise me
Dazzle me
Delight me
Please me
Tease me
Give me days I'll always remember
and nights I'll never forget
Give me everything I want
and nothing that I need
Give me you
you
you

It almost makes me want to roll around in bed with perfectly coiffed hair wearing Victoria's Secret. ALMOST.

Oh my God! They killed my blog!

So apparently the masses are quite upset that I think Ryan Reynolds is hot. I don't see where the confusion lies....why does everyone keep saying "Ryan Reynolds?! What?!" to me?!!! The dude is super hot, he's got great hair, and he's always playing a witty-yet-sarcastic type...i dig that. Did I mention his hair?


What-eva! I do what i want!

Something to point out from Entertainment Weekly online's recap of the OC:

Dream on, dude. Matt still really bugs me. There's something about his face I don't like. It could just be his face.

YES YES YES. I knew it. He is NOT good looking. He's bizarre. He's like a messed up version of Christian Bale. He's making Ryan look hot. Actually, I'm starting to think Ryan's not that bad looking. He's no Seth....but...he's growing on me. Maybe it's because he's either around that ugly Matt guy or that skinny Johnny guy.

Maybe there should be another rule for men (speaking of Johnny)....I don't care if you got hit by a car. Stop acting like a flippin' p*ssy when you're pouring yourself water. In fact, poor people don't use glass pitchers. I know. I'm poor. I use Rubbermaid. Or my pitcher i got from the Dollar Store. So that whole "oh whoa is me i slipped and broke glass Marissa can you help me" thing is BS. Ryan's got nothing to worry about...Johnny crashed his way into the Friend Bucket on his own.

Six days and counting until Chrismukkah. I'm declaring Thursday Wear Your Yarmaclaus to Work Day. Dress appropriately.

I need me a yarmaclaus.

Don't think I forgot about that gorgeous, GORGEOUS bracelet...I think about it almost every day...I got a coupon from the jewelry store that sells it, but it's only $60 off...um yeah that won't help me when that bracelet is a few grand. OH MY GOD it was gorgeous. SIgh.

Jingle blog, jingle blog, jingle blog rock

Two more things that need to be added my list from yesterday's blog:

Bath Poofs..I don't care if a guy uses soap, body wash, whatever (as long as he uses something of course!)...but bath poofs are for GIRLS. And yes, I knew a guy who used a bath poof. And it was disgusting because he never replaced it, he figured the anti-bacterial body wash negated the bacteria in the poof. Um yeah....no. And bath poofs are for GIRLS.

"Cute"...the only time a guy can call something cute is when he's talking about a girl. Or something on a girl (like her top). That's IT. Case in point: last night i finally caught up on Dr. 90210 and that stupid dude married to Dr. Lee said his OWN shorts were "cute". WHAT THE F*CK. I know the point was that he got a matching pair for the baby, but he said his OWN were cute. AND nothing on a baby boy should be described as cute by a man. Ever. Unless you're gay. Then you can also say "snap!" and "trash!" all you want.

That aside, onto the tv watching for the night....

Dr. 90210: yeah i finally saw the premiere. STefanie, you're right: Dr Rey's hair looks SOOOOOO much better with the highlights. And mother effer, his wife lost a BOATLOAD of weight after losing that kid...she used to be healthy-thin, now she's "send World Vision to her door"-thin...no wonder she doens't want a kid. And no wonder she's TIRED all the time...it's not from your birth control, it's 'cause you need a burger!

The other thing I realized is that people in general have BAD SKIN. Okay i give you props for going on Dr. 90210 and getting naked. But...i mean people have bad, bad skin. That one chick who was 32....geezus I'll shoot myself if my skin gets like that. I already use Nivea Renewal NIght Cream for my upper body at night and Nivea Reshaping treatment on my legs (of which, so far it's the best cellulite cream i've found so far)....so hopefully that'll keep things looking decent.

My plan is to finally clear out the spare bedroom over the xmas holidays, sell all my crap on ebay, and with that cash put it towards the Sabina's Botox Fund. Booyah.

America's Next Top Model: mannnnn I love that show. That being said, i can't BELIEVE Nik didn't win. I mean, you tell me who'd sell a product better:


or



I looooove Nik....I can't believe Nicole won...i'm so pissed. So i texted my coworker Caroline all night during the show, and when Nicole won I wrote:
"WTF! She steals granola bars!" and Caroline wrote: "they had to pick a white girl to be politically correct"

That made me laugh so effing hard, it almost compensated for how pissed I was that Nik didn't win.

Lost: Okay I still haven't seen last week's episode. I admit it. I'm really backlogged! It's not my fault.
My name is earl: Um yeah still backlogged on that too.

Tonight is OC NIGHT BABY! Maybe one day I'll convince Henry to let me have Mischa Barton's hair....this whole "Eva Longoria's ugly kid sister" hair isn't cutting it anymore.

And to reiterate, my top 5 guys on my laminated card:
1. Ryan Reynolds
2. The Rock
3. Nick Lachey
ugh this is where it gets sketchy....
4. Jimmy Fallon (he'd be fun.....)
4.1 Adam Brody (Okay really I just want Seth...but same diff. )
5. Matt Damon (he's hot, bite me)
5.1 Clive Owen (damn I'm a sucker for deep voice and a brit accent)
5.2 LL Cool J (those lips! That should be outlawed)
5.3 Paul Walker....this is one of those guys that you don't want to hear him speak, just shut up and look pretty
5.4 Sean William Scott ...yeah i know. Stifler. I think the boy is hot. Suck it.

And I knwo Ben Affleck has gone downhill, but i thought he was hot around Armeggedon. And Tom Cruise was WAY hot in his Cocktail years. And Antonio Banderas was UBER hot during his Desperado years. Mel Gibson way super hot during his Lethal Weapon years. Bruce Willis was hot in his Die Hard years. But...those times are gone, so they don't make the list.

I've bugged Kraig before for his list, the first time years ago he had Jennifer Conolly (sp), Halle Barry, Janet Jackson, and some playboy models. I asked him again this year and he had like Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba, and some other random chicks. In fact, i'm gonna email him now and give me his top 5 and i'll seriously put it on a laminated card for him.

Okay, nuff babbling for now. I've had alot on my mind. Suck it.
Song of the day: Stickwitu by PussyCat Dolls
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u
Tazo count for Wednesday: 4
I'm not drinking enough this week...usually i'm average around 6.