Sexiest men alive

I swear, sometimes People Magazine has their head up their ass. Hugh Jackman is this year's sexiest man alive? Really? Ugh. Hot as Wolverine, not so hot elsewhere. So here's MY list of sexiest men alive...I started to put them in order but by the time I got to Nick Lachey it all became a blur, and I kept changing my mind...so just focus on #1 at the very least.

Ryan Reynolds

Ahhh, my love for him has spanned over a decade. Damn you Two Guys a Girl and a PIzza Place, damn you. I'll be his #1 fan Misery-style any day.

Dr. Drew

He's definitely the oldest guy on the list. But deeeeeep voice, combined with his crazy smart-ness (who doesn't love a doctor?!) and his biceps...dude is HOT. I bet he's hotter now than when he was in college.

Tom Welling

Tom Welling is a tough call. I've loved the guy since he started on Smallville, but then he went through a phase where he looked pudgy. Now that he's a full-on man past his teen years, he's bulked up quite nicely but his face still looks pudgy. Beefcase, beefcaaaaake!

Henry Cavill

Dude makes me wish for the days of candles, chamberpots, and scurvy.

Matt Damon

Matt Damon is such a great standby. He's got boy next door looks combined with an incredible physiqe (go Bourne!). He was fantastic on Will & Grace as a guy pretending to be gay. My dentist does his teeth, and she said he's the only dude who doesn't come without a posse.

Paul Rudd

Those eyes! That adorable nose! The fact he was in Clueless, my all-time favorite movie!

Nick Lachey

Team Lachey all the way. Jessica lost a good, good thing. You have to love a guy who is loaded but still rented his own damn U-Haul to move his crap. Frugal AND hot. My kind of guy.

Josh Holloway

Note that Josh is only hot as Sawyer. I don't want to see him clean cut in a suit. I want to see him unshaven, dirty, calling me "sugarlips" in a southern drawl.

Milo Ventimiglia

Thank you Heroes, for making Season 2 so awesome. Why? Because every episode ended up with Peter Petrelli taking his shirt off.

Paul Walker

Another great standby. Horrible actor. Once of those guys who just needs to stand there and flex. Shhhh...don't talk. Just look pretty.

Chase Crawford

Yay to Gossip Girl for giving Nate the most challenging storyline of all the characters, minus Chuck Bass of course. Chase looked a little less of a pretty boy and more of a tough guy, and when he DID cry...tears in those baby blues look so, so good.

Brandon Stoughton

Don't know who he is? He's the hot dude from Britney's "Womanizer" video. He might be illiterate, British, or club baby seals for all i know. What i DO know is that he's HOT. And he's got crazy veins in his Calvin Klein print ads...some people find that nasty, but i'm SUCH a sucker for that veins that guys get when they're working out alot.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Dude exudes sex like it's coming out of his pores. Every time I watch The Tudors, I just think "yadda yadda, get to the part where you're boning someone". He's got an intensity about him that makes you think he'll bone you good...or punch you. I dig it!

Jesse McCartney

Listen, he's legal! Get off my back! I love his hair, his skin, his HAIR, and he's just so damn adorable how can you NOT want to violate him?!

Dwayne Johnson

Another fantastic oldie-but-a-goodie standby. He's hilarious, he's buff, fantastic smile, and when he was in peak workout mode he dedicated one day a week to doughnuts.
DOUGHNUTS.
Next to poutine, doughnuts are my favorite food. It's a win-win for everyone.

Jason Lewis

What is up with him dating Vanessa from Gossip Girl now? Jessica-whats-her-face. Well props to her.

Seth Meyers

This is sort of my secret crush. I can't even EXPLAIN why he's sexy. He just is. Own it and rock it Seth!

Matthew McConaughey

I don't care that he plays bongos naked, named his kid Levi, or that he's got a bromance with Lance Armstrong. He plays the same character in every movie but it WORKS. And even if you go back to A Time To Kill, he was absolutely incredible. What can I say, I like them southern boys.

Clive Owen

Clive is such a tough call because his features alone aren't very attractive. He's got bad skin. He's got a jacked up nose. But together, he plays someone intimidatingly handsome. I could watch him paint a wall for hours and be enamored with his face.

Ryan Phillippe

Okay clearly in addition to southern boys, I like teen hearththrobs and pretty boys. But he looks even HOTTER when he's out being a good dad to his kids.

Jimmy Fallon

For my reasoning, refer to Seth Meyers.

James Todd Smith

Those LIPS. Plus he did that Sears (JC Penny? Whatever) commercial for his clothing line and he gave a LOOK to the camera for a split second...dude is just all around awesome. Plus those LIPS. PLUS the best best best sex song ever.

NOT on the list:
Orlando Bloom (ugh, he's too girly for me)
George Clooney (he's attractive, but not my type)
Johnny Depp (he looks fun, but i don't find him that good looking)
Hayden Christensen (he's gorgeous when he's turning evil/Darth Vader-ish...not good looking normally)
Hugh Jackman (he just looks hairy. ew)
Gerard Butler (he's mutha effing sexy as all hell in 300...but outside of CG and spartan clothing, he's just blegh)
Daniel Craig: HOT HOT HOT as James Bond...not hot elsewhere.

EDITED TO ADD:
How could I forget this sexy, sexy man?!!


Edited some more to add:
Good call from Jen! How could I forget this guy?
Joey McIntyre

Yep. He's got the right stuff. (hahah okay i couldn't resist. Even though that wasn't his song. But i did use to swoon at Please Don't Go Girl).

Edited to add from Jina's comment
I wouldn't put him top of the list, but yes VERY sexy...Jason Statham...he's the only balding celeb who's STILL hot regardless.


Edited to add after I watched Entourage last night:
What was I thinking?! I can't believe I forgot my boy Adrian Grenier! He's got such a cool nonchalance about him...i've adored him since he was in that stupid Drive Me Crazy movie.


And a note:
If Gregory Peck were still young...and alive...he'd be all over this list. He'd probably be tied with Ryan Reynolds. Atticus yeah!


FINAL EDITS:
Ohhhh Twinger, the only reason you're not on this list is 'cause you're not a celeb. Otherwise, you and your faux-hawk would be all over this :)

Bristol Park Medical office drones unite!

In this economy, how are there still office drones? I don't understand. I just don't. I get why DMV employees are retarded...they're government employees who's comparable-McDonald's-level job is protected. But in the private sector? Come on now. Really. Come on.

My conversation with the Office Drone at Bristol Park Medical in Mission Viejo went something like this:

Me: Hi, I'd like to make an apt with Dr. X.
Office Drone: ((gets my info))

Me: I need it anytime after Dec 1, the first appointment of the day please. Any day works.
Office Drone: I can do Dec 4th at 8:15.
Me: perfect. Don't you need to know what this is for?
Office Drone: What's this for?
Me: I need one of those "Well WOman" exam thingies.
Office Drone: You want what?
Me: uhh i can't really yell it. I'm at work. A yearly woman's exam.
Office Drone: OHHH. The "Well Woman" exam.
Me: yes (isn't that what i said?!)
Office Drone:When was your last one?
Me: December or January. It doesn't matter. I have new insurance.
Office Drone: Well i can look it up. Let me see....

Me: But i have NEW INSURANCE. It doesn't MATTER.
Office Drone: Oh that's right, new insurance, it doesn't matter. (laughs at herself). So you don't need a physical.

Me: I dont' know...i mean, i just want to get checked out. Annual exam.
Office Drone: Well that doesn't include a pap.
Me: okay well I want that too.

Office Drone: Well the Well Woman's exam doesn't include bloodwork.
Me: Well okay can't I have both then? I want everything checked out!
Office Drone: i can't schedule all of that on the 4th, there's not enough time.
Me: FINE then let's get a NEW date. ANY DAY WORKS.

Office Drone: Now when was your last exam...
Me: IT DOESN"T MATTER I HAVE NEW INSURANCE
Office Drone:You have new insurance?
Me: YES. It doesn't matter.
Office Drone: Okay so how about we schedule a physical exam, with a pap.
Me: GREAT!
Office Drone: How's December 16th at 8:15?
Me: Perfect. Done.

Office Drone: Are you on any medications?
Me: nope.
Office Drone: Okay.....(starts looking up something)
Me: (anticipating her "fast for 12 hours beforehand schpiel")
Office Drone: Fast for 12 hours beforehand, water is okay.
Me: (thinking)you can't tell me you had to LOOK THAT UP when you work in a doctor's office.
Office Drone:See you then!

Damn that woman better be glad she's employed in this tough economy.

The website is down! For you techies

I'm by no means the most tech-savvy person on the planet, but I'm more technical than the average person so I feel comfortable saying that this is simply brilliant for a little homemade video.

The website is down!

Although it looks as if it's Windows NT or 95 that the sales guy has...which is a bit odd, and the tech guy goes from being on a Linux platform to a Mac, BUT i'm overthinking things...it's just highly entertaining for those of us who deal with anything tech at our desks all day. I bet Bryan can jump in and explain more :P

Thanks as always to my fellow cubicle drone Carrie :)

Best. SNL. Ever.

Okay maybe this weekend wasn't the best EVER (I'm still a sucker for the old skool Ben Affleck ones, combined with him laughing during skits along with Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz)...but leave it to Paul Rudd to easily have the best episode of SNL this season (not so easy to do when you don't have Tina Fey to help out).

But the highlight was Justin TImberlake summarizing what WOULD have been next week's episode. I actually think he's a great actor, and all his SNL appearances have been fantabulous. Dude needs his own show.



Sorry for the crappiness, every other one I found had a 30 second commercial. I'm sure NBC is going to have this video removed, but theirs makes you watch a stupid toothpaste commercial before the skit.

Love that he did a small shout out to Jessica Biel.

More things a guy should know.

So Carrie and I are all about the skillz a dude should know. Along with what kind of car he should drive (give me an old truck vs. a new Mazda Miata any day). She passed along this link, and now I share with you...with my comments in red of course.

Links to other posts where I discussed skillz every man should know:
July 5 2008: When You Cockblock Yourself
December 5 2007: Stelllaaaaa


100 Skills Every Man Should Know: 2008's Ultimate DIY ListSource
Brains and charm are fine, but a real guy needs to know how to do real stuff. After months of debate among PM’s expert editors, here’s our lineup of essential skills for the competent man.

Automotive
1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow
PLEASE...anyone with a pulse who lives in the land of the cold knows this. Anyone with a DRIVER'S LICENSE should know this.
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car
This isn't a "man should know" thing...not knowing how to wax a car is like not knowing how to read...the instructions are on the bottle.
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
Use a what now?
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump-start a car
YES YES YES. I don't know how, but I have Geico. And i usually jump start my car from another dude's car, in which case, he's the one who's gotta know. True dat.

Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car
I'm not saying the above aren't good to know...i just don't know if they're "requirements" for a guy to know.

Home
14. Carve a turkey
Men and meat. Of course! Every guy should be a meat expert...whether his own or another animal.
15. Use a sewing machine
Uhhh...no. I think I might count this as a "ding" against a guy. A guy should be able to sew a button or a hole...but a sewing machine?
16. Put out a fire
17. Home-brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric
Oxy Clean guys. Oxy Clean will do wonders.
19. Move heavy stuff
That's not a "skill"...hence why manual labor isn't SKILLED labor. Guys should just DO IT.
20. Grow food
Oh hell no. If a guy has a decent job, he can BUY his food. WTF retarded list writer was this?! Were they desperate for 100 things?!
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way
Bend at the knees.
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Okay maybe not a requirement...I just have a not-so-secret obsession with guys who chop wood.
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
Blue tape with that clear liquid stuff so the paint doesn't seep through the lines?
29. Use a French knife
A WHAT?
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
Oh, so true. Seriously, SERIOUSLY...this is not like using the sewing machine. A guy who can iron a shirt shows refinement and that he's able to interview for a job. Extra props if he knows how to iron a WOMAN'S shirt (different issues...less fabric, but usually fitted and contains stretch.)
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
Yes. Simply: yes.
34. Fell a tree
Does this mean cut a tree and make it fall properly? I dunno...seems like something I'd rather just have an expert do...
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
I don't expect a guy without a baby to know how to do this. Girls typically only know how because they had to babysit at some point in their lives. (I'm diaper changing machine yo!)
40. Grill with charcoal
YES! We've had this discussion before. Fire. Nothing is more man than fire. It is man at his most man!
41. Sew a button on a shirt
See my sewing machine comment.
42. Fold a flag
Yeah, because i'll have many opportunities to test a guy's knowledge on this one.

Medical
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick
You know, I think Kraig actually could ace every single one of these. Yay for Discovery Channel!

Military Know-How
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
I'm actually anti-making the bed. It's ridiculous. I'm going to be back in it in another 16 hours, what's the point? My life is about efficiency. Making the bed is NOT an efficient use of one's time. Cleaning? Yes. Making the bed? That's purely aesthetic. I don't have time for aesthetics anymore in my life.
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup
What guy CAN'T do that?

Outdoors
51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current
I think it's safe to say that all of the above has zero influence in my life. However,it's worth noting for women like Carrie who care about nature, outdoors, and clean air.

Survival
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water
Yeah...not so important for me. If there's a situation where I need potable water, I expect my guy to go next door and jack my neighbor's Arrowhead water stash.

Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning
How the eff can you test a guy for his TORNADO skillz? Although, I saw 20/20 on how to survive disasters...i'm good. During a tornado, you shoudn't go into a tunnel and cling to something...you need to be low in a ditch somewhere. Realistically, I'll be scooped up like a farm cow.

Teach Your Kids
65. Cast a line
YES. I don't know why this is important. Maybe because my dad is in the Coast Guard and gasp, he taught me how to fish. Granted, I also haven't caught anything since I was 8...but you know...I've gotz the fishing skillz. So a guy should too. ANything involving killing an animal (again: meat. yours or other animals) is very, very important.
66. Lend a hand
That's just etiquette wtf.
67. Change a tire
On so many levels, this is so important. If you're a guy reading this, and you can't do it...well feel free to mail me your balls. I'll see if I can find a spare vagina for you. If you know how to change that at least. Do *I* know how? I could, in theory. As in, I can direct someone. Do i have the strength? Not really. Do I have Geico with roadside assistance? Hell yeah.
68. Throw a spiral
Is this football?
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
This is up there in the top 5 most important things a guy should know. Along with starting a fire. I wish I knew how, but Kraig destroyed his last car that was stick so I never got a chance. I've only ever been with ONE guy who didn't know how to drive stick and it's safe to say my respect level for him was low low lowwwww.
71. Parallel park
Once again, desperate to add to the list maybe? If you passed your road test, you can parallel park. Amazingly I can PP really well on my own...but when someone is in the car attempting to navigate me, I get all freaked out and run over curbs.
72. Tie a bowline
WTF is that?
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike
If you can't ride a bike, or teach someone else how to, then you should just do society a favor and kill yourself. Item #101: know how to kill self.

Technology
76. Install a graphics card
It's like installing any other card. But in this day and age of laptops taking over PCs, this isn't so pertinent anymore. It's like, know how to hand crank your car.
77. Take the perfect portrait
Like a guy cares. Wtf. This is a CHICK thing.
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
Or any tv settings. yes, absolutely important.
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive

Master These Key Workshop Tools
81. Drill driver
82. Grease gun
83. Coolant hydrometer
84. Socket wrench
85. Test light
86. Brick trowel
87. Framing hammer
88. Wood chisel
89. Spade bit
90. Circular saw
91. Sledge hammer
92. Hacksaw
93. Torque wrench
94. Air wrench
95. Infrared thermometer
96. Sand blaster
97. Crosscut saw
98. Hand plane
99. Multimeter
100. Feeler gauges
I don't know what even half of those are, but it seems like good things to know. Better than sewing that's for damn sure.

No...really...i adore Paul Rudd

The only sad thing about living on the west coast is that SNL isn't live...I hate seeing that "previously recorded" crap.

Going to visit Rony (aka Tony and Rena) this weekend in LA, but I don't care WHAT time i get home...must...see...Paul...Rudd...

I love you, Paul Rudd

Of poppies and 2 minute silence

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

For non-Canadian folks: this is what Canadian kids recite in school on Rememberence Day.

Brilliant. If you have to read anything, read this.

Hands-down, one of the best things I've ever read. Or just looked at. If you have only ONE thing to read today, you HAVE to see this...i don't know if it makes me feel better about my photoshopping skillz or that I'm human and not airbrushed...

Bad photoshopping mistakes in Hollywood

I'm going to be sick. Seriously.

I've decided to chart my aging through the years (in case later i might want a record of it...or my kids, if they want to know the exact years their body will fall apart)...my latest beefs are the spider veins in my calves. I RARELY, if ever (I mean, maybe 2x a year) cross my legs because I read as a teenager never to do that.

Well, my calves have them. And it's pissing me off. Yay for Age 31 Woes.

It takes ALOT to gross me out. Alot. I watch Dr. 90210, surgery shows, whatever. I love watching my blood being taken. I would love to SEE a surgery take place.

But when it comes to spider/varicose vein options, i get the heebie jeebies.
If i have to do this, I'm going to seriously vomit my intestinal track.


I just looked up the solution to spider veins and now i'm seriously squirming in my seat, tensing my muscles, and i'm ready to cry I'm so effing freaked out.

Sclerotherapy
This is the most common treatment for both spider veins and varicose veins. The doctor injects a solution into the vein that causes the vein walls to swell, stick together, and seal shut. This stops the flow of blood and the vein turns into scar tissue. In a few weeks, the vein should fade. The same vein may need to be treated more than once.

This treatment is very effective if done the right way. Most patients can expect a 50% to 90% improvement. Microsclerotherapy uses special solutions and injection techniques that increase the success rate for removal of spider veins. Sclerotherapy does not require anesthesia, and can be done in the doctor's office.

Possible side effects include:

Temporary stinging or painful cramps where the injection was made
Temporary red raised patches of skin where the injection was made
Temporary small skin sores where the injection was made
Temporary bruises where the injection was made
Spots around the treated vein that usually disappear
Brown lines around the treated vein that usually disappear
Groups of fine red blood vessels around the treated vein that usually disappear
The treated vein can also become inflamed or develop lumps of clotted blood. This is not dangerous. Applying heat and taking aspirin or antibiotics can relieve inflammation. Lumps of coagulated blood can be drained.


why does the human body f*cking suck?! Or more importantly, MINE?!

So far this is my list of ailments per age:
early 20s: cellulite (i mean, BAD cellulite)
28: forehead wrinkes, signs of age on hands
29: crow's feet, thinning eyelashes
30: thinning hair, undereye wrinkles that DONT shrink back after squinting (and i wear sunglasses diligently! WTF!)
31: spider veins

In order to pre-emptively avoid freaking out over more things, i've taken the following actions:
1. I will just keep dying my hair. I will go postal if i see a grey hair. Might as well just do it now.
2. I've started waxing my chin. Now i don't have anything there, thank GOD, but i once had a bunch of older women telling me that that's a massive thing that happens when you get old. Granted, they were in their late 50s, but who knows when that facial chin hair situation started. I'd rather not deal with one day finding it OR even worse, not even REALIZING i have it. So i'm just going to slather my face with wax regularly and if nothing comes off, great. If so, well, at least i nipped it in the bud before i'm 60.

Attempting to preserve your youth is ALOT of effing work, costs alot of effing money (yay for free samples from plastic surgeons' offices), and TIME which is the hardest of all things to comes by.

Oh, i've also started using the bottle of Phyto-Axil that I bought kraig like 7 years ago from when we started dating. Figured it's in a pressurized can so it can't go bad...

San Jose trip + pics + adventures in hooking up

i'm so behind on posting pics, it's unreal. Here's the link to my trek to San Jose a few weekends ago:
yee haw pic link


A few key notes:

I bought a Sony Bravia XBR 32" 1080p tv. With an employee discount. That with taxes and additional warranty (if i could get insurance for my soul, i would. I insure EVERYTHING), came to around $1100. SADLY...our house is pre-wired for satellite, but it's a coaxial cable, not an HDMI cable...kraig's frickin' 1080i tv is downstairs connected to the box, so we get HD there fine...but in order to get HD on my tv in the bedroom, we need to run an HDMI cable from downstairs to upstairs. GRRRR! If i had known taht, i woudln't have made my "impulse" buy.


Also, these pics have include some of a dude in a bar (shutterfly wont allow me to link their pics anymore to post elsewhere...damn you shutterfly! time to check out Kodak's site)...I believe Jen spotted him first, this adorable guy wearing a USC shirt. I did some reconnaissance work and learned he was single, a journalist, and very willing to buy a chick a beer. So we shoved Wendy his way and then bailed to head back to Jen's place. What seems like a lifetime later Wendy finally shows up...and tells us that the poor sap was young and boring!

Dude was HOT...boring is a non-issue.

I'm so glad i got to see my san jose peeps! Thanks you guys for coming out :)

Letter to the editor

You can do it Sabina..U can train to be a marathon runner...
try a half marathon 1st. Come on goal by your 35th birthday :)

I will defer to Carrie to answer why I will not even be able to do a half marathon. (her experience coming from someone who did a marathon AND as someone who did a piddly 5k with me)

and to whatever she says, let me add: marathons do jack up your body...I have a jacked up knee (it burns after 10 minutes of running), you lose your toes, you get chafing and bloody, and it's super hard on the joints. Ummm...I'm too vain to do any activity that can cause any of those results.

If there was a 100% guarantee Ryan Reynolds will be there, then I'll reconsider :P

Picture of Dorian Gray

Maybe because the end is nigh on my 31st year, i'm starting to really, REALLY freak out about getting old.

It all started when i was 18...but that was a bit easier 'cause that's legal drinking age in Canada.

Then turning 20 was hard because I remember when I was 5 I told myself "when i get old, when i turn 20, i'm going to use creams like mom does". I seriously went a bit postal. But...there's only so much postal you can go when you're in university.

25 was hard because...well now you're in your mid-20s.
26 was hard because i was no longer "just turned mid 20s".
27 was hard because I could no longer ride on the coattails of 25 like i did when i was 26.
28 was hard because I was now "late 20s"
29 was hard because it was my last year in my 20s.
30 was hard because...well hello, I was 30. And not at all where i wanted to be in my life. PLUS...let's be real. When you're in your teens and 20s, your 30s are considered old. All things young and stupid must officially be over.

When you're 30, you can't wear sparkly blue eyeshadow clubbing unless it's hallowe'en.

31 wasn't so bad, mostly because I freaked out so much the previous few years, i sort of got it out of my system.

Now the number doesn't bug me anymore...I'm over it.

What REALLY bugs me are the physical changes.

Cellulite seems to grow exponentially each year. And I'm in the same weight range as I was in highschool.

Botox is too expensive, but it was the best preventative thing I had ever done. If there's ONE thing i could do every 6 months, that would be it.

I use Oil of Olay Regenerist because it got the highest reviews on Consumer Reports. If i use CR to buy my washer, dryer, and car...damn right i'm going to trust it for my skin.

I started dying my hair when I moved to California because the sun here lightens my natural color a few shades...so I just dye it back to the roots color. NOW...i've realized this is the perfect way to never have to face when i get grey hair. Seriously the odd time I've thought i've seen a grey hair, I went beserk. Best to treat hair dye as botox: preventative. (except in this case, it's preventing mental insanity).

Probably the best solution long term has been getting a prescription for Tetracycline...i'm horrible at taking it, but damn if my skin isn't flawless when i use it. All parents should take their teen for a prescription. I gave some of mine to Kraig's nephew and within a week his face was all cleared up. AND you don't build resistance to it like cipro. AND it's covered under insurance. Golden.

There's a few more "projects" related to aging that i need to tackle:
1. Wrinkles. Can't afford botox...and there's only so much Oil of Olay that can be slathered on.

2. The undereye situation. I used to be VERY self-conscious over teh dark circles under my eyes (thanks Dad...inherited those from the Indian side of me). But i noticed from the NY pics that I've got "furrows" now under the dark circles...I can use concealer for the circles, but i can't cover up deep grooves.

3. My thinning hair. Argh even Syl noticed it when she came here...compared to highschool, it's soooo much less. The culprit is definitely the daily blowdrying...plus the horrible diet i've had this year (damn job hopping and stress). So i'm working on that by eating better now finally, taking vitamins, and avoiding the blow dryer.

4. My thinning eyelashes. This I blame on mascara. I only started wearing it when i moved to SoCal...i was quite anti-mascara because when you see somene go WITHOUT, they look like ass. I just didn't want to give people the view of how i WOULD look...but then I got vain and started using it daily. i'm trying to now just use it on the very tips of my eyelashes.

To tackle item 4, i did a massive MASSIVE splurge: i got Age Intervention. That sh*t better work (it got recalled but they brought it back...naturally without the working ingredient that also jacked up people's eyes).

Why is it that women work their asses off to preserve their beauty but guys do JACK?! They don't fix their newfound nose hair, their newfound earhair, their additional back hair, their lack of head hair, their skin, everything. Unless their married and their wives make them. So bloody annoying. Plus they get overweight, they just have to go to the gym for a week and suddenly their all buff.

So anyway, this was my news flash. My age doesn't but me as much anymore. AGING now really, really bugs me. Spread the news.

Does running a marthon count if you're stalking someone?

Yes, so many blogs to post, pictures to post...haven't been around...I still need to post my San Jose trip stuff...and tomorrow i gotta get around to posting a Canadian's Guide to Voting in America.

But for now, I give you his royal hotness, Ryan Reynolds,who ran the NY city marathon this past weekend. First off, I was just IN new york...they couldn't have had that damn marathon a few weeks earlier? Secondly, why am I not training for marathons if he's going to be in them? And Thirdly, why didn't that mofo run the San Diego one, which I was there for?!



Okay so I wouldn't train either way, but Carrie or Janet could and then I'd have an excuse to watch. Although, really, if I'm following behind him...does that count as stalking...for 4 hours?

Boy is fiiiiine. so damn fine. They really need to bring back 2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place so that I can see him weekly. F*cking ScarJo.

Best. Site. Ever. Period.

If i ever had to live on a deserted island and I was only allowed one website, I would have to pick this blog, hands down:
Blonde cube dweller: I can't get this damn profile to load. Now my screen froze! Fuck this, I'll be a stripper!
I get it straight as an RSS feed to my inbox, and I can honestly say it is the only thing that consistently makes me HAPPY.
THIS SITE MAKES ME HAPPY. Happier than Poutine, dare I say it.

People just post snippets of the retarded crap they've overheard at work. they're mostly just one-liners. Some great ones:
Supervisor: Can you send this letter to The Netherlands?
Receptionist: Where's Neverland?


Male coworker to female coworker: I like your shirt.
Female coworker: Thanks. It's new.
Male coworker: The ruching makes your boobs look really perky.
(awkward pause)
Male coworker: I guess now would be a good time to tell you I'm gay.
Female worker: Yeah, you had me at "ruching"

(omg i'm crying laughing as I post these)
Sales manager: Do me a favor and go help that customer.
Employee: Can't I just touch you inappropriately and get sent home because I make you feel really uncomfortable?
Sales manager: Maybe if I thought there was some feeling behind it.


(in the restroom)
Man #1: You wanna shake it for me when I'm done?
Man #2: What would your wife think?
Man #1: As long as it's not a woman, she doesn't care.


Coworker: Stephanie [the manager] isn't here, so we can say "taint" and "dirty sanchez" all we want!


Guy: Have you seen To Catch a Predator?
Girl: I've read To Kill a Mockingbird.

Manager of maintenance staff, yelling to distant peons: Have you seen a bag with two turkey basters and a jar of vaseline?


I swear this is something that *I* would say:
Coworker #1: You know, Diana* is leaving to move to Austin.
Coworker #2 (bitter and disappointed): I hate it when people leave.
Coworker #3: Really? I like it because we get snacks.


This is real stuff people! Too funny.

Sales peon: You'll have to excuse my intelligence, sir.


Nosey cube dweller: What are you doing after work?
Neighbor of nosey cube drone: Minding my own business. Why, what are you doing?


Slutty waitress: My baby daughter is driving me insane!
Waiter: That'll teach you to pass out at parties.
(slutty waitress glares, storms off)
Waiter, shrugging: Well, it should.


ONE OF THE BEST ONES:
Drone #1: Christ! I need to play the lottery.
Drone #2: Why, how much is it?
Drone #1: 250 million. If I win I'm flipping the bird to this place and you and I are gonna go hit Vegas. I'm gonna die balls deep in some hot stripper.
Drone #2: A female one right?
Drone #1: At 250 million, it won't matter.



Customer: It smells like incest in here... Wait, no, incense.

Manager: How dare my BlackBerry not know how to spell "transvestite?" That's just rude

Teacher: I just love children!
(silence in the room)
Teacher: Medically speaking, of course...



Cube dweller #1: So then "groom," like the horse kind.
Cube dweller #2: Uh, okay, or like the husband.
Cube dweller #3: Or the thing you clean your kitchen with.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, that's a "broom."


Consultant #1 (reading online purity test): Have you ever slept with a relative?
Consultant #2: Define "relative."

It's official. I'm a cougar. Argh.

So the easy way to define a cougar is to take your age, divide it by 2, add 7. That's PUSHING IT big time. And yes, that math only works over the age of 14.

At my age, that makes anyone under 22.5 to be WAY too young for me. Now I'm married, so fortunately it's not like I need to go looking online for cougar bars in the OC.

However I have become OBSESSED with Jesse McCartney's song "Leavin'", which only ingrains the notion that I have all the musical tastes of a 15 year old girl. Well suck it, the words are fun and the beat's upbeat and good too.

Note: i have a thing for songs that are well..."lyrically" well written. Not even that they rhyme, but that they just flow in perfect sync.

Then i saw the video, and realized dude totally grew up and became HOT. Like, really, really hot. And this video is what I would call "innocently sexy and hot". Makes me want to roll around on a mattress...without a bedsheet. And more importantly, Jesse M is adorable. Like, I-want-to-violate-him-adorable. Even though he's only 21. Argh. He has the most incredible hair (why do older guys think that us women don't notice hair? MEN get your hair cut, wtf don't let it get scruffy. And yes, we notice when you're balding. Get some rogaine or Propecia on that ish. Hell, I used rogaine when i thought MY hair was thinning,which really turned out to be stress, but point is that if us women can suck it up and take care of our aging flaws, so can you. And the point is that his hair is AWESOME and every guy should aspire to have his hair. Note to my husband: yes, you still have PLENTY of hair despite the other hair conversation we had today when i told you that i wanted you to rip all of my arm hair off and we discussed something that went along with that....).

My only beef is that although his wardrobe is probably very pricey, his grey trousers annoy the bleep out of me.

But he's just so damn hot in this video, and I like his sweater, I'll make an exception. The part where he says "let it rain" and does that thing with his fingers...well let me just say that the 15 year old girl in me is screaming and crying like it's NKOTB all over again (I never saw NKOTB in concert, and I wouldn't cry, but you get the drift.)



Is it just me or does she have weird jaw bones?
And why the eff do I think this is the sexiest line ever? Cause you're the baddest little thing that I've ever seen
I need help!

Shut up and hydrate bitch! (Picture post)

Ahhh, some one liners never get old.
Pics from tonight in Laguna Beach...good times with the girls. It's incredible how much time flies by and you realize that you don't see your friends as often as you wish you could.
Mmmm...peri peri sauce is good...except when Sabina goes and spills Nicole's wine...

Check it, it's the closest look i'll have have to having boobs:


I swear I'm the perfect candidate for a Judy Blume book.

Carrie and Sabina (and Nicole's) Excellent NY Adventure

Last week I went to NY for the first time with Carrie for our friend Liz's wedding, met up with Nicole there...I can honestly say it's been a long, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time since I laughed as much as I did on this trip. Maybe because I was both sleep and shower deprived, and Carrie is one of the funniest people you'll ever meet.

Just like San Diego...only dirtier, louder, and more expensive...and yet, still pretty dope.

Here was the plan (bear with me):
1. Red-eye on Wednesday. Arrive Thursday morning.
2. Thursday get a rental car, spend the day in Manhattan. Everyone told us that it would take HOURS with traffic. Turns out we had zerrrrrooo traffic...to quote Alanna "It's Yom Kippur. 75% of the city is in temple".
3. Saw WEEKS' worth of tourism in a single day. Everything south of Central Park. I'm not kidding. Did MOMA in 45 minutes. Saw ground zero, took some pics, ran to Century 21 only to discover it was closed for the holiday, got some S'Mac on with Carrie's Ohio friend Tara (soooo sweet, and her kids are adorable too), got to see my beloved Chelsea Market (Food Network bitches!)...you name it....

4. Drove up Thursday night to Fishkill. Which is the boondocks north of the city.

5. Friday morning I slept in like a MOFO. Got ready. Went to the wedding in Cold Spring (ummm is it bad that we entered on the heels of the bride?)

6. Killed time by changing in the car, shopped around Cold Springs, then changed again in some forest with a dude in a red truck driving back and forth...fortunately I was changing in the back, where the windows were tinted...maybe he caught a nip slip from Carrie.

7. Went to Garrison, had an UNBELIEVABLE time at the reception. Went to the after party in the hotel next to ours in Fishkill.

8. Slept in some more, then Nicole Carrie and I drove to Ossining to see Jeff and Liz's SUPER AMAZING HOUSE WHY DO HOMES IN ORANGE COUNTY SUCK SO BAD...their home (and backyard) is enough to make me want to move to NY!

9. Did some nature walk in Rockefeller park...

10. Went back to the city, vegged out with Nicole's college buddy Kit...walked EVERYWHERE (over 30 blocks)...

11. Drove to the ghettoooo (some area called Jamaica...much like the real Jamaica, i was ready to be robbed) where our hotel was near the airport...

12. Got up ridiculously early Sun morning and flew back.

And that was NY in a nutshell.

For the pics...

I'm in AWE of the Olive Garden in Times Square. You don't understand...my mission in life is to eat there. This might trump my desire to go to Italy. I want a window seat in this Olive Garden sometime between now and the day I die:


Let me tell you about Canal street. I wanted to go because last year I saw the knockoffs that my friend Wendy got when she went. It was nuts. Cops were everywhere, and there's people whispering "whaddiya want?"...they would have laminated pictures of Coach or LV merchandise, you say what you want, then they run off to some van to get your requested item. The trick when you go into a shop is to say "hey, where do you keep the Coach stuff"...then they take you through some secret hidden door where there's a teenie room with the REAL knockoffs. Well Carrie and I get locked in a room (with this huge black guy who was also buying stuff for his "bih-niz")...after we both got horrible Gucci knockoffs, I realized we couldn't get out. There's this crazy locking system...the chick inside with us had to get on her walkie-talkie to get someone on the OUTSIDE to buzz us out. Crazy! If there had been a fire, we would have been fried along with dozens of horrible Gucci and Coach knockoffs. The price you pay for fashion!


Nicole perfected my infamous "side shoulder" pose:


Us girls with the gorgeous bride...it's been too long since we've all been together! And can someone PLEASE explain to me why natural light makes us all look older?! Thank God I don't have a job that requires me to be in natural light all day, ughhghghgh this is why I think botox is the shiz (note to self: inject some fat under my eyes...and into my boobs...).


I didn't have the extra camera battery so I'll have to wait till Carrie gets hers up online to post the rest of them (minus any drunken debauchery pics of course!)

Pics from Canada!

At last...finally uploaded all the pics on Shutterfly from the Ottawa trip. Oh the glitz and the glamour! And how I miss it :(
Oh Canada...our home and native land...

Note that this was the bank that USED to be National Trust, the bank I worked at (eep...over ten years ago!)


And yes, I've got pics of the infamous BCBG red dress (worn last week on Dancing With The Stars...without Samantha Harris' stupid belt) that I tried on in Ottawa, later bought in OC, and destroyed in New York (can't show all of it because Syl's wedding dress is in the background):


I also got stuck going to the Mer Bleue Bog...i f*cking HATE the bog. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. Plus it was freezing, so I was stuck wearing my dad's sweatshirt. Want to know how much I hated it? Check it:


I found this makeshift button that was taken when Erin, Stace and I volunteered for some Ronald McDonald House fashion show...in 8th grade?


I love that Nat drove all the way from Montreal just to have breakfast with me for ONE hour (yeah, she looks high here)...and that through a fluke I ran into Jay and then saw him a ton during my stay :)


Sigh...can I go back now?

And this is why I seriously need therapy

So I'm finally getting around to posting pics and blogging about Ottawa and NY...

Now I had mentioned previously that my mother is obsessed with stocking up on paper goods. Didn't believe me? Here's what I found when I was home...and this doesn't include her stashes that i DIDN'T find!

This is from my old closet in the basement:


Here's the kleenex stash she's got in the basement cupboard:


This is the TP stash in one of the upstairs bedrooms:


This one cracks me up the most. This is the stash under the basement stairs. Not only is there TP, but those boxes to the right of the safe are all kleenex boxes, and seriously this stash goes up to my waist!


Here's the stash in my mom's closet:


I couldn't even TELL you which closet this is from:


Here's the ghetto TP holder my dad got at some garage sale (a new habit my parents have adopted since my brother and I moved out):


This is one side of the entryway hallway:


And here's the other side:


FINALLY....i went to stash some stuff in my old bathroom drawer, but instead I had no room because I found this:


I swear I'm not crazy...my parents made me this way!

Back to the land of the living!

Done!
I'm back!
All the travels!
All the pictures!
So much to write!

And most importantly...I'm writing this on my BRAND NEW LAPTOP...my baby! It's pretty! It's also alot heavier than I thought (that's what you get for performance)...

Stay tuned for more writing finally...yee haw! I have a pulse!

Canada Trip: Days 3-7

Oh where oh where is Sabinas latest blog about the Emmys and the red carpet crazy outfits???
Nothin here for me to read about your opinions and thoughts!

She's in Canada...with no DVR and no time to watch tv (gasp)...I didn't even know the Emmys were on...

So I've totallys lacked on writing, mostly because Kraig was here and he spent more time on the laptop my dad's got in the basement than I did.

Friday was a day of shopping, picking up Kraig, more shopping (saw Syl's wedding dress, gorgeous, and tried on the most AMAZING red dress from BCBG. It's sad when Kraig is like "who cares that it's $340cdn. You HAVE to buy it. HAVE TO."), then did this all you can eat sushi thing. Then Kraig met my dad, which went exactly as I figured it would: my dad was friendly, cheery, all that good stuff. He even gave Kraig a HUG...my dad hasn't hugged me since I took the plane ride to move to California 8 years ago.

Day 4, Saturday, we got our Caveau de Schezwan on...it's a sit-down buffet. To die for. For real. Then we wandered around the market till 5:30, where my partayyyy night got on...hung out at Lonestar, drank like mad, and saw dozens of friends I haven't seen in ages. I was jonesin' for Poutine, and I had promised Bryan that my first time having poutine would be with him. Well Lonestar doesn't have poutine, so I went next door to Dunn's ordered gravy and cheese curds (also got a side of fries, only because they charged me for the whole damn poutine so I figured i might as well take the fries as well even though I had a plate of fries waiting for me back at Lonestar)...went back to Lonestar, and proceeded with my "do it yourself poutine"...so, so good...

After that, headed out to a lounge...went home, all good times...i had SO MUCH FUN (Thank you thank you thank you Bryan for organizing it!)

Sunday was The Bog day, which pretty uneventful....

Monday at 3:30am woke up to take Kraig to the airport, only to have the plane break and he then missed his connecting flight, sohe got back to LA pretty late. I spent the day with Christine and her boys (I am beyond impressed with her ability to maintain total calm in the face of chaos), got my poutine on with Bryan later :)

And finally, today, Day 7...got to see Erin at work, got to see Stacey's house and meet her adorable little girl Faith, got to chill for a bit with Sylvia and her mom, and got to enjoy my mother bitching me out for something so incredibly retarded. My dad agreed to drop me off at Syl's mom's house because he needed the car, and Syl offered to drive me home...this concept rocked my mother's foundations and she went into serious hysterics. I have no idea why. My dad and I were like "WHAT is your problem woman!?!"...

Tonight she wanted me to go through some of the crap I still have at home so I can pack stuff up to take home. Her logic is that my brother and i still have too much crap in our house (well, her house, whatever) and that she wants to clear stuff out. BUT...thing is, she's a PACK RAT. I've found over the course of the past few days things that i know 100% for sure that I threw out last time I was here (uhhh my Dangerous Minds soundtrack cassette? This ghetto VHS on makeup application?!)...so WHY am I throwing things out only to have her go back and insist that she may need it?!

She's also mad because she figures all I had to do was see my friends ONCE and that would be sufficient...ummm, no, i'm going to max out every second that i can with my friends since the next time I see them will be...who knows! (Okay it might be sooner than we think if Syl has a post-elopement reception in ottawa)

Going to Toronto for the next 2 days, and then Friday will be my last day...sniff...this has honestly been one of the most awesome trips EVER. I wish I could stop time...it's amazing how homesick I am. I went to the grocery store today and was like a moron touching all the products I had forgotten about...and i bought a big container of Kraft Peanut Butter...oh and these like baby cookie things that have chocolate on one side...how you can actually catch a Sens game on tv...seeing YTV...

My flight tomorrow is at 8am and my mom wants to leave at 6:15am. Her theory is that if something happens, that gives us enough time to call a cab. (Oh gee, I guess with my cell phone and the $20/min roaming fee since they're too neanderthal to get their own cell phones). It'll take us max 20 mins to get to the airport....

Canada Trip: Day 2 (part 2)

This is gonna be the placeholder for the blog about my mom's toilet paper stash. I would post it now, except I found two more spots: the front entry closet, plus her stash in the car, that need to be photographed. So...stay tuned. My mom is seriously obsessed.

Turns out though that a good pack of TP is $17 here in Canada...it's $11 in the US at Target for a good pack of Cottonelle...so maybe my mom has reasons!

Canada Trip: Day 2 (part 1)

Nothing, and i mean, NOTHING is more fabulous than sleeping in till noon on a work day. Especially when it's not because you're unemployed. I only woke up out of a sense of guilt that I was wasting my day, even though really...I don't feel guilty at all. I did however have a nightmare about some dude coming to kill me and my friends, and some random couple had Ryan's new baby Olivia...but the chick wasn't bonding with Olivia, so they handed her to me and was like "here, you take her", and I had a hard time sneaking her out because i was trying to avoid the killer.

Then in my dream i dreamt that i woke up from the nightmare, and told Nicole (Olivia's mom) about the nightmare, and she was laughing it off. So weird to pseudo-wake up from your dream only to have another dream where you're telling your dream to the next dream people.

Anyway.

After I got ready (blowdrying my hair with my mom's old blowdryer that all the power of a small child blowing on my head...whcih also reminds me, their vacuum is so old, the front popped off and now you can see the lightbulb on the front), I went upstairs because my mom was griping about something to my dad. All i heard was "Why do all these people get new things while I'm stuck with rubbish" my mom says rubbish as often as I say "douchebag", so I came up and was like "wassup yo with all this griping"...I guess my mom was complaining about how my dad goes to garage sales and buys alot of crap. Which is like calling the kettle black, but whatever.

Then the next convo went like this:
Me: You guys seriously need to get rid of your Powerpoint VHS tapes. They're outdated.
Dad: No, i don't know powerpoint that well, I might need to reference it.
Me: You're retiring, if you don't know it now you'll be okay. Trust me. Plus those tapes will be of NO use to you. It's changed so much now.
Mom: Yeah, i have those books you can use instead.

Me: No, those books are even WORSE. There's no such thing as "Microsoft Mail" anymore.

Dad: Well the idea is still the same.

Me: NO it's not. You can't even just go to "File, Print" anymore in Office 2007. You have to click the little logo int he corner. AND if you dont' know what you're doing, just do a search for "Powerpoint for beginners".

Dad: Oh good point. Can you install MS Office on that laptop in the basement? It's for the mosque.

Me: Sure, but you know Office isn't free right?

Dad: It's not?
Me: NO it's not, Microsoft doesn't give their moneymaker away for free!
Dad: well how did your brother get it on the upstairs computers?

Me: He had the CD...did he leave it?
Dad: no, he left nothing.

Me: Well i have one at home I can send you and tell you how to install it...
Mom: I don't understand, why don't you just copy it from the upstairs computers?
Me: It doesn't work that way. It's not like one file that i can drag to a CD.

Dad: So it's not free?

Me: I'll hook you up. Don't worry about it.

To quote cher: Old people can be so cute sometimes.

I also discovered why I couldn't call anyone...I was trying to call Christine, i KNEW i had her number right...it kept saying "your call cannot be completed as dialed". Then I was like "okay, I guess this is like one of those things where i need to dial 1-613 first, even though it's not like distance". Well then I got a "the number you have dialed is not long distance". So i'm like "well wtf!"...

Turns out I had to dial just the area code, no "1" before it. I swear I feel like i'm trying to call a third world country.

Canada: Day 1

I actually have an entry I wrote at the airport but...i disabled the radio on my laptop and argh, stupid me, i forgot what a f*cking pain in the ass it is to turn it back on (hitting Fn+F2 doesn't help).

Right now at this second, my mom is yelling at me from the other room about a necklace she gave me years ago. The conversation/yelling is going something like this:

Mom: Do you still have that necklace I gave you last time?
me: Which one? You've given me alot.l

MOm: The one i won from Zellers. (Note: zellers is like...Kmart...ghetttoooo)
Me: That one got all nasty and gross, it wasn't real gold. I threw it out.

Mom: (freaking out) Well of course it wasn't gold, why would you throw it out?

Me: Because it made my skin all green! This was like 20 years ago!

Mom: no, the one i gave you last time i was there.
Me: Oh, i don't know which one that is, but yes i still have it.
Mom: why are you throwing things out?
Me: it was 20 years old! It was just an old cheap necklace!
Mom: no, i just gave it to you! That wasn't cheap!
Me: i'm not TALKING about that one, I'm talking about the one from 20 years ago!
Mom: Well i'm talking about the one i just gave you!
Me: I don't know which one that is, you have to tell me more than just its origins.
Mom: it's the one from Zellers!
Me: I KNOW THAT...but you have to tell me WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

Mom: it's the one with those two things! Do you still wear it? Don't throw things out!

Me: WHAT TWO THINGS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?:!

Mom: you know, those things. It came from Zellers.


THis is pretty much the same conversation but with a different topic since i've arrived. Some things I've forgotten or re-learned about my parents:

1. No wonder I have a hoarder's mind. My mom has no less than ELEVEN frying pans. I keep bagging onher for it (until she yelled at me to stop, insisting she needed them, and i'm like "there's only 4 burners!"), she has a PILE of brand new cutting boards but still uses the same pink one from when we were kids, she has an entire boxed collection of crystal glasses (that she let me know were SO expensive when i went to scope them out, precariously balancing on the counter, as i also pointed out that she still has the little cup holders for soft boiled eggs that i guarantee have not been used since i was 4), and the ultimate:
There is not ONE SINGLE CUPBOARD in this house (and there's more cupboards than you can imagine, we have a finished basement) that doesn't contain some paper goods. THere's enough toilet paper and kleenex to last through World War III. Heck, even IV.

I told them I'm "shopping"...I've already claimed dibs on around 20 metal skewars for bbqing.

2. My parents have lost all touch in their sense of decorating. My house use to look decent, now...sigh, my parents are old. And they like going to garage sales. I can't begin to tell you the crap that has found it's way into this house. You'll have to see when I take pictures. It's just...wow. Right down to the wooden cat who's tail can hold a remarkable 7 rolls of toilet paper.

3. My parents will never listen to me. I tried to point out that there's some mold growing on the bathroom wall (I know, because when I rented in Santa Clara my lease required me to keep a spray bottle of bleach and spray down my bathroom whenever i saw the mold since there were no fans)...my mom just told me "it's behind the wall, stop worrying about it"...uhhh you can SEE IT all over the house. I'm sure I'm going to get cancer in a week.

4. How do parents' have more food than I'll ever buy? I opened the fridge and there was more food there than I've ever had in my fridge, even on days when we had bbqs. I mean, for real, it's incredible that i didn't gain a trillion pounds living at home.
Wait for the pics of the bagged milk. I know at least Tim and Shane have my back on the bagged milk! ALthough my mom likes to buy milk on sale in World War 3 War Time Saving mode...and puts them in the freezer. Who freezes milk? My parents, that's who.

5. You forget east coast architecture when you've been in california for so long.l The carpet is short (none of this berber stuff), the walls don't have that bizarro orange peel texture, and today it was raining...even weather "smells" different on the east coast. That could be all the worms on the ground (we don't get worms in california like here in Ottawa. We get effing snails. It's effing sick when you step on one by accident.)

6. It's weird when your parents dick around with the house, because then you think you know where stuff is...and then, it's not there. Or you look at something and you're like "did we always have that?". It's almost sad really, like someone erasing your memory so you're stuck with the bastardized version of it...that's how i feel about my house right now.

7. Back to the hoarding...my mom seriously buys so much stuff and then justifies it by saying it was on sale. They have THREE COIN SORTERS brand new, in box. Which i would consider taking one with me, except they're super big to accomodate loonies and toonies. Oh what else do my parents have? Like eighty random computer books from like 1970 that they got at a garage sale, two VHS tapes on how to use PowerPoint, promotional VHS tapes that are still sealed, and the best...this wooden coaster set that they've had since i was a kid and we would use when we played with our toys...i don't know if they keep it for memory's sake or if they really think one day, that wooden coaster holder with the black metal handle will come back in style.

Stay tuned for day 2. I told my mom I was going to take her to see a movie...she wanted to see Batman: The Dark Knight but i'd rather stab myself than see it again (i loved it but no desire to see it AGAIN) so I convinced her to see Be Kind: Rewind instead. But we have to go early because she doesn't "want to be running around all day"...no one gave her the memo that going to a movie is the laziest thing you can do.

Letter to the editor

What we don't even get a youtube vidoe of the skit sabina...your losing your bloging touch. Now i have to go look it up hehehhe :)

Ahh i added it, but only because it was on SNL's site and they allowed embedding...YouTube doesn't allow 99% of all tv shows that are out there, and if you do find them they get taken down within a day anyway (see my VMAs post for example). I haven't lost it, I just know what's permitted on youtube :P

As for my OCD...yep, just OCD about locking doors and turning off things that can cause a fire...however I am incredibly paranoid about other things in life, i just don't double check them as often as I check doors and stoves!

Campfires make me hot

So I recently ran into a charming young gentleman firefighter guy....and of course, I had to bombard him with random questions about...well, fire.

I wonder if firefighters actually say this ishh...


Now it's pretty safe to say that I'm obsessive compulsive about two things: locking doors and turning off things that can cause a fire. I seriously get beyond paranoid thinking about my stove not turning off (although I think it has a timer...but that's after it's been on for NINE HOURS), my house burning down, and my poor cats. Really, I just worry about my cats. I think i'm good with insurance and stuff (i've got pics that i keep in a safe deposit box).

Some random ishhhh that I learned:

- apparently they use wooden ladders. I don't know why this blows my mind. It's like, "oh we also find that pouring kerosene on our ladders is better than an aluminum or metal ladder". WOODEN LADDERS. My brain wants to explode just thinking about it.

- we had an earthquake a month or two ago here in SoCal which leads me to the big debate: doorways or the Triangle Theory. This whole Triangle thing just seems like uhh...kind of a big risk (just crouch NEXT to a big object...ummm...when they hunk of plywood whacks me in the head I'd feel like a douche explaining to the paramedics about how i got an email forward in my spam folder telling me not to duck)...but the doorway thing just bugs me becuase i'm thicker than a doorway, so how the eff is that supposed to protect me?! Well apparently the doorway wins...the dude who invented the triangle of life theory is what they call "Ricky Rescue"...I wonder why no fireguy hasn't just punched the inventor in the face.

- This one cracks me up...apparently when you're freaking out and hyperventilating, it's called Hispanic Panic...I did a search on it later, and wtf, it's apparently a common term! And also the username of a boatload of dudes on MySpace. It seems that umm...some ethnicities freak out more than others when there's an incident requiring firefighters or paramedics. And when you start hyperventilating to that extent, your extremities go numb. Like breathing crazy fast makes your toes and hands go numb. If your hands are numb, how are you supposed to breathe into a paperbag? And then I wonder...when i'm at the gym using the elliptical for an hour super fast, and my hands go numb and i'm barely breathing, is that the gym version of hispanic panic?!

And on the subject of fire...

My mom used to hide the matches in a mug in the way back of our cupboards. Which clearly defeated the purpose, since us kids knew where the hiding spot was. My brother would light a candle when he was stuck babysitting me and poor the crazy hot wax on my hand, telling me that I need to toughen up (he would do it too so uhh, i guess that's not sibling abuse!). I think it really was just us doing the ONE thing you're not supposed to do when your parents aren't home: start a fire. (Note: hot wax on your hands actually isn't hot at all, and my brother cried harder at Titanic than I did so who's the tougher one now bitch?!)

Props!

Props to Tina Fey for doing an INCREDIBLE job playing Sarah Palin...

Best best best fashion advice

Scroll down to the very bottom...maddox's page still kicks ass. I hate these dresses/tops for the very reason he listed.
Scroll to the very bottom rant.

His image cracks me up every time:

My pearl of wisdom for today

As overheard by me today:
The key to a successful at-home brazillian is the willingness to sit spread-eagle on your kitchen floor.

The best revenge

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

If the best revenge is living well, Pink is over the moon right now...her VMA performance right now is not only blowing my mind, but she looks better (and in the best shape of her life) than she ever had.

Dayam girl. You make divorce look good.

This is the only video so far online i could find, the resolution blows:


Edited to add:
ARGHGHGHGH Christina Aguilera, one of the reasons I adore you is because you are talented, you don't need to lip sync...clearly I'm not the only one who immediately noticed the lip synching at the VMAs. Sigh. True though, the song is pretty rad.

Edited again:
PLEASE! I get the ONE token VMA to give to Britney, but THREE?! Three?! For Piece of Me?! She's got much better songs, for real!? At least LL Cool J is still an ageless incredible specimen.

edited a third time:
Xtina's video in case anyone cares...great song, great choreography, horrible lip syncing...

Christina - Keeps [jonnyalisblog.com]
by Alisvideo

Apple: interesting article from newsweek

This article from Newsweek: "One Bad Apple,Apple is looking like what Microsoft was 10 years ago—a Bigfoot that squeezes smaller competitors." is pretty interesting. You can't blame Apple for its tactics, its finally gotten the popularity that its been jonesin' for years...

The "Made for iPod" markup fee is interesting, but once again...I can't fault Apple for it, iPods are crazy successful such that they gotta take advantage of other people trying to piggyback off their fame.

That being said, the one Macbook that i've had to use has phenomenal hardware (seriously, the h/w designers are brilliant), and the OS appearance is pretty nifty, however I've had nothing but problems with the s/w...everything from OpenOffice to MS Office freezes up, seriously every application freezes up on it. Not that it's all Apple's fault, i'm simply saying...I've had more problems in 3 months with a Macbook than i've ever, ever had with a Windows PC or laptop.

Marlene and Bryan, i KNOW you're going to give me your two cents, so go for it :P

For your viewing pleasure:


Love this:

My music video...yes, i'm a big star!

Okay so I'm not a star and it's not my music video, i'm in it for all of like, 3 seconds...but it cracks me up.

The story: its Saturday night, out celebrating Janet's birthday + her goodbye shindig at Chronic Cantina...Kraig got crazy drunk...Tim called and ask me if I could be the fill-in for their "ethnic" model chick who bailed on them...

So the next morning it was me and Tim and my retardedness filming around Costa Mesa...here's the thing...Somehow in order to capture a "mood", i kept TALKING. Ummm people don't TALK TO THEMSELVES when they're in music videos but oh no, if i was supposed to think I was the shiz, I would walk along talking out loud "oh look at me, I'm the shiz, i'm the bomb dot com**".

The bit at the end, where i'm driving...I believe (Tim correct me if i'm wrong) I didn't realize he was filming and I was just yakking away like I always do, pretty oblivious...

For your viewing pleasure:


**i didn't say "bomb dot com", i only just heard that expression recently and i LOVE IT, but that's the gist of what i was saying to myself.

Edited to add Tony's comment here because it's just too funny to not be on the main page:
I can't decide if I want to ask you to autograph my ass, or if I want to tell you I really thought you would be writhing around on the hood of a TransAm at some point during the video....

Email from my mom

Got an infuriating email from my mom, but this snippet is so way out there that I HAD to post it:

i would suggest for u to stay with them. many times they mentioned on tv that toronto hotels, even the very best, suffer from bedbug problems. bring back one pregnant female and there will be a disaster. i don't want that problem in my house and u could take one with u back to cali.

How i'm not more crazy than I really am is beyond me.

An open letter to all women...

Watching the last episode of SATC...

Carrie and Big just met up again...
Charlotte just got the pic of her new baby...
Samantha just told Smith that he's meant more to her than any man she's ever known...

Damn if the part of Charlotte looking at the picture of her adopted child doesn't make you weepy, you're cold as ice. Wow. Damn this was such a great series.

Pictures (not all, some by request)

So a few weeks ago I had a bbq, there's quite a few where I'm doing shots with people (disclaimer: i'm a grownup, it was in my own house, and there was nothing scandalous about it), since most people wouldn't want pics like that all over the internet just shoot me an email and I'll send you the shutterfly link.

In other news, last night was Greg and Liz's wedding...Greg and I knew each other from our McD's days, total fluke that we both ended up moving to Southern California. Anyway, here's the Shutterfly link to their wedding pics.
Congrats to them!

I've decided

I've decided 2 things:

1. I need to find whoever does Pam Anderson's makeup. I love the girl, I always have (yeah Canadian Chicks!) but she looks ROUGH. But when she's dolled up, dang she still looks great. So her makeup artist needs to be shackled to my bathroom to do my face every frickin' day.

2. You know how there's groups of people that as a chick, you just feel like crap next to?
Growing up, being around thin white girls always made me feel insecure. I wanted to be white WHITE (i tan really easily, and i was much darker as a kid), i wanted to be "all american" err "all canadian" looking.
It grew into really really wanting to be tall, blond, blue eyed. Blond blond. Tried dying my hair blond. Turned orange. Not a good look.

Now, as i'm 31...it's the sexy asian chicks that make me want to crawl back into my hole. There's a chick i see almost every day...tall, not stick skinny but thin/curvy, gorgeous face, long hair, perfect smile...i feel like i'm the "before" picture in a plastic surgery ad next to her. And it's not just her...asian chicks age really well until they're like 70, great skin, argh...

Its incredible how the presence of a gorgeous chick can make me feel like I should hang out with my buddy Quasimoto in his bell tower.

Why Gossip Girl is absolutely brilliant

In response to someone (who is sooo not the target demographic...not only by gender, but by a SIGNIFICANT number of years) smacktalking Gossip Girl, I was going to work with Sara on coming up with a list of all the reasons it's absolutely brilliant considering the setting is the fickle world of "New York's Elite". But this clip instead sums it up, if I could make it my ringtone (oh, if only I were younger and not a working professional, I would:

when I grow up

When I grow up, I want to be Leighton Meister


(The one on the right in the fuchsia dress)

Sigh!